Isolation is the dream-killer, not your attitude | Barbara Sher | TEDxPrague
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- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 5 ม.ค. 2016
- According to Barbara Sher we have to change our common understanding of why we so often fail to bring our dreams into reality - blaming bad attitude, negative thinking or lack of effort. Heartfelt, funny and surprising stories told by a lady who's been helping other people's dreams for many decades.
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Podle Barbary Sher musíme přehodnotit běžný názor, že za neuskutečněné sny může špatný přístup, negativní myšlení nebo nedostatek píle. Překvapující, vtipné a srdečné vyprávění dámy, která již několik desetiletí pomáhá lidem na cestě k realizaci jejich snů.
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Barbaře přezdívají „kmotra životního koučování“. Je autorkou šesti bestsellerů, vede semináře po celém světě, školí v největších firmách a přednáší na univerzitách. Ve svých knihách a lekcích propojuje velké množství praktických zkušeností s osobitým humorem. Pokud jste někdy bojovali s neschopností vybrat si jen jeden cíl a na něj se zaměřit nebo máte pocit, že pro uskutečnění svých snů nemáte dost pevnou vůli, pak Vás Barbara snadno utěší. Stejně jako ty, kteří se bojí, že některé věci už v životě prošvihli.
Barbara má veliký rozhled po světě (žila mimo jiné v Turecku, Francii i Německu) a asi nejhezčí na jejích lekcích je, že se co chvíli neubráníte smíchu nad tím, jak jsou některé věci prosté.
This talk was given at a TEDx event using the TED conference format but independently organized by a local community. Learn more at ted.com/tedx
R.I.P Barbara Sher - 14 August 1935 - 10 May 2020. You will be missed ✨
Times when I wish we had figured out immortality
So sorry to learn of her passing.
May Allah bless her soul
Sorry to hear this. Sad.
⚘
Since quitting my music degree almost two years ago, I have been in I guess voluntary isolation. I see people moving on, building their lives, getting married... and here I am in this same room. People need people. And I think it's high time that I go and get my people.
Good luck! I hope everything turns out well :)
Wish you the best of luck, you can do this! ✨🙏🏻❤️
Please know you're not alone. At 27 years old (male), I recently went on a date for the first time in over two years with someone exceptional and am almost certain I sabotaged everything through lack of recent experience and poorly masked longing; everything was picture book pretty and natural ease until the formality of the occasion sunk in. People = experience and no matter who you are and how much you resent it at times, you need it. I wish you well.
Do you still make music? Creative blocks often bring about isolation. I assume you are a creative considering your music degree. Surrounding yourself with creatives can re-light that spark. I've experienced this myself!
You got this! You're not alone! Your people are out there.
Having met her, I think she is one of the most exquisite humans around. After a talk, she stayed on stage until the last person had a chance to speak with her. She is brilliant. Her books are seminal.
Yes, I really liked her presentation, too!!
Whats her name? I would like to find her books.
@@Alanis.morresete Barbra sher
Died in 2020...
@@farzadsharif9297ohh no....😢
“Even if people don’t like you, they’ll solve yiur problem” Love it!!
Also not true. Unless you have something they want.
@@auggieniopetch3045 - it is actually true. Something magical happens when you are in a fellowship of people who are vulnerable and hurt. You become more humble and more generous. God created us for FELLOWSHIP ✝ He said: "IT IS NOT GOOD FOR MAN TO BE ALONE❗" 🙏 IMAGINE what we could do in fellowship with each other 🙏
@@Vikingshop she didnt even mention a god though?
@@Artist_Dakota But Auggie Niopetch did and it shouldn`t disturbe you! 👍
I wish there was a talk show host that had this mindset, imagine that - getting a big crowd together and just solving audience members obstacles on the spot. That'd be so entertaining and inspirational to watch.
That is probably the only way it would work for me. I have my wish, but I have an obstacle. I only need to get published. I have a cutting-edge work completed. It took a looong time to do. A first rate product.
Or a leader of a big church. Just imagine if @JoelOsteen did this in his church service attended by thousands each week.
@@MAGA-rd7si Or any Christian group for that matter, home groups. Remember she started with a small group and everyone in that group met their goals. The body should be doing this anyway. What a witness it would be.
@General G. Washington What's your obstacle?
I subscribe to this thread.
This should be adapted into a movie. It would be so heartwarming.
bpy dgy yesssssssssss
bpy dgy Yes, Barbara is a wonderful character. Another Mr Rodgers? Likeable, warm-hearted, unassuming, encouraging.
Call Amy and Tina! Who has their numbers?
YES!
I would do a podcast, on and off for over a year. Whenever I couldn't think of a topic or I felt inadequate to the task, I'd pick up one of the 2 Barbara Sher books I owned, and then everything fell in place.
Incredibly important message. It's hard because the more isolated you become, the harder it is to reach out. I've been isolated for 15 years and it has taken this long to appreciate that I am dying of neglect. No one can understand what it's like when no one knows whether you are alive or dead or cares.
Some of the greatest artists preferred to be and work alone. Time to create, think, enjoy. Stop depending on others for your happiness, and DO your own thing. Read up on artists like Agnes Martin. One way is not better or worse than the other, only choose what is better for oneself.
I can empathize with that
Yeah, that is so horrible. I'm sorry.
@@fromthepeanutgallery1084 You are wrong, but those who have not experienced solitary confinement can not know what it's like. You are exactly who this video was made for, those who think you can throw a plant in a closet with no light and water and expect it to thrive. Good luck with that, and I hope it never happens to you.
@@fromthepeanutgallery1084 I prefer to be alone most of the time as well. I'm almost always in a better mood in isolation, and I'm definitely more productive and creative.
I've been in extreme isolation for years. And the longer it goes on the worse it gets. I'm so disconnected from humanity.
What do you need?
@@constellationlanebula7172 I guess i need to learn to trust humanity again. Just been burned so many times my defense mode fully activated so now I don't let people get close to me
@@williamkreth remember good people, healthy love and healthy relationships exist. Good people do come our way. You haven't met everyone You are supposed to meet just yet. Therapy can help us in the process of opening up. I hope You have a blessed day
@@williamkreth maybe it will help if you realize that we are here to be used (not abused, belittled or bullied). But just be of service to others.
So, do you have pets and a garden and go out and see nature? Or are you disconnected from nature also?
Practice this without a group, in everyday life. Imagine, when meeting new people you ask, what is your dream and whats stopping you from attaining it? Basically asking, what can I help you with? But instead almost everyone asks, What do you do for a living? Which I feel is just another way of saying, how can you help me?
Dude, your comment deserve to be pinned on top !
This! I'm so sick of the "what do you do for a living?" question. All so the person asking can try to determine your worth based on your job/career.
You are so right
Woah, spot on!
True.
So: name your dream, then name the obstacle and let people know about both. I like this woman. She's really on to something.
@Adrian R hope leaves out the second step which is critical
My dream is to immigrate from Lebanon, to have a better, safe life...
My obstacle is money unfortunately...
Where do you want to immigrate to?
@@salwad.2699 Any place in the world i can live in hope and pursue my dream
@@nightmoose Belief
“Every time you make someone else’s dream come true, it echoes… “
I wasn’t sure whether I should “waste” my time on a 21 minute video which will probably say the same thing as all the other success oriented videos, but my God! this is an absolutely wonderful video filled with such precious stories and emotions. It really inspired me and one comment also said that this would make for a great movie, and I agree so much! Thank you Barbara Sher! Thank you❤️✨
I totally agree with you! I would love to see a movie of a group like that. If I get the chance in a few years, I will make a serie with a similar plot.
I agree! There probably is a movie like this out there . Still, how unique. Years ago I bought her book “refuse to choose” and I’m going to buy it again
Agree!!
@@chavamartinez3102The show is called Stienfield,
@@solosailorsv8065 I didn't find any show called like that.
My favorite quote from her is: Don´t let it stop you if going after your dream may take a long time to get there - the time will pass anyway :-)
MsUrsula777 oof
MsUrsula777 you saved me 😅😅
already figured that out on my own. about to reach a six-year goal in december
So simple and yet so profound.
As far as dreams taking a long time...
I had a dream, once. Wanted to be an animator. The coolest studio ever was a whole state away. Well, I wanted this-really wanted it, having visited during a family vacation and checked the place out. And by about 7 years later, it seemed like daily life was a rut with a job I was too complacent in to ever quit.
So I got myself fired, and and a friend where the studio was emailed to say she and her boyfriend were looking for a roommate. Made the move in 3 hours, got into town, and discovered the studio was completely different and less inviting- in fact, it was under new ownership. People sometimes make a hasty move to where they want to be, and don't consider that it's not static and might not be what they expected when they get there.
Well, that wasn't enough to kill the enthusiasm! I made a bunch of short animations after living with several different people, and a few years later a former roommate asked if I would be interested in working at his studio as an editor. Had the interview, got the job, and boom: by some stroke of fate or luck, the former owner of the animation studio I had wanted to work at was teaching a class that was very expensive, and the editing job made just enough to pay for it.
The class was great- so thrilling in fact, that I completely exhausted all the childhood excitement for animation in those 14 weeks. But during the class, the teacher noticed I was making my own clay for the assignments and a fellow student offered to buy the first pack I ever made anyone else. Our efforts ended up being shown at the Portland Art Museum and the school, with the logo "Make Film", was the very same building I used to walk by, thinking "I wish I could afford to study there".
Fast forward a few more years, and even though I never animated again, I now make clay for other animators so that they can feel the same wonder and bright-eyed curiosity that I felt in the animation class and childhood. It took a long time but I had a dream, chased it, caught it, and now I help other animators follow theirs.
Your calling in life doesn't have to be just for you, it can be for other people. And in some ways, that has been more rewarding than if I had just been an animator at that studio. The teacher is gone now, but in the last months of his life he requested some clay samples, which he was excited about when he got them, and now they are being used in a documentary about his life.
Once you have fulfilled your wildest dreams, don't forget to come up with more- there's no limit to what we can accomplish if we don't give up on it and work hard until it's ours! As for the next dream... Well, I always wanted to be a singer. Started on that 20 years ago, and sing in front of strangers several times a week. Not going to stop until that dream is seen through :-)
Personally, it's been a very solitary existence. Lots of shame, guilt and fear of asking for help. Time to turn that battleship around.
Yes!
me too... me too
We can make it. The world is full with kind people, and many are closer than we think. Let's remind that to ourselves.
Yes!
Not as long as 5yearsvof it, I hope. The world changed ...Shawshank kind
The ending story made me cry. The woman's scared daughter being stalked by ex-husband was me. I was attending college not really knowing what I'd do with the Marketing degree. Fast forward 20 later, I return to school realizing I was born to be a teacher after substitute teaching for a year. That last story of yours really woke me up to what I want and need to do. Finish my second degree in Elementary Education/Integrated Science. I really needed to hear this!! Now, who to turn to with my deepest wish when I'm now 63 years old. But, have the dreams and heart of a much younger woman.
Yes Rachel - God created us for FELLOWSHIP ✝ He said: "IT IS NOT GOOD FOR MAN TO BE ALONE❗" 🙏 IMAGINE what we could do in fellowship with each other ❗ IMAGINE all of us lonely people living together on big farms, working together, eating together and helping and comforting each other through joys and sorrows 🙏 We could work MIRACLES in Jesus name 🙏
I don't know, we gotta find these groups she's talking about.
@@farzadsharif9297 question is where to find them ?
@@mlamulimakhula3189 shall we instead be the people who starts something like that?
Agreed 100 percent
The common attitude in her stories are being genuine.
Everything interesting in life comes from our connections to others... we are not meant to be alone, and we thrive in groups... great talk!
So true!
@@JohnMiller-hg7ty hey hope all is well She is so good
It’s all dependent upon which types and characters in the group , some just push you down the drains
@@georgeikinya2779 great observation so true
Then suffer your whole life
this is literally the best ted talk ive ever seen. it is so true that we as human beings are social creatures and isolation is extremely unhealthy and makes us wither away. this woman is so intelligent i love her
Really depends. For some people, isolation does wonders.
Please also see all by Johann Hari !!!!
@@jordanferguson2254 yeah everyone needs alone time but unless you have schizoid personality disorder it's extremely debilitating.
@@jordanferguson2254 idk sounds like an excuse to not even try to socialize
@@goblinman3010 Some peoole just have introverted personalities. Not many can help that. Most writers and artists meet this criteria. Socializing is a nessesary trait, but the world mostly panders towards extroversion by default and it's not the only way to live. Too much socalisng and talking can be annoying to a lot as well. All about balance.
In Zulu we say, engakhali ifela embelekweni. This means a child that does not cry dies in the cradle. You need to speak up so that you can be helped. One of the best Ted Talks I've seen, thank you Ms Barbara ❤
Re a leboga 🙏🔥🔥
In México we have a similar expression that is 'Al que no habla Dios no lo oye' it means, Who doesn't speak God doesn't hear.
Sorry if there is any mistake, I'm still learning English jaja
We too have one in Kerala which is similar. "karayunna kuttike palu kittullu" which translates to only a child who cries will get milk
Not sure if Chinese has any saying like that. I think if I wanted to speak up or cry as a child, my parents would just tell me to stop.
@aliviawu5618 Asian culture be like. I'm Asian too so I relate. Everyone here just wants you to swallow your problems.
She's right. In case you're alone,
a good church, a positive work environment or an active charity organization are potential communities that might offer these type of relationships.
church lol. no way
Isolation is helpful for discovering your dream. People are helpful for making it happen
Striking a balance
Good point
now there is Govt imposed isolation because of covid
.......You got to have a dream....to make a dream come true.
Thanks, government!
Depends on personality. People high on "agreeableness" on the Big 5 agree with other people so much, to make other people happy, that they don't know what they want themselves. So it could be true for them. Maybe not so much for other people.
I looked up this woman. Only to find she died on May 10th 2020 at 84 years old. What a legacy ❤️
Oh no! The world is poorer without her.
I had her book and read the print off of it!
@@vanessac2395 what is her book called? I would really love to read it too ❤️
Glad she left us this memory of her.
❤
Straight up and precise. Thank you God bless..🙏💖🕊️
This is THE best TED talk ever! I'm excited by this, thank you.
It is genuinely refreshing to finally see someone (especially an American) suggest the exact opposite of “self help”. Awesome!
I found that quite refreshing too!
Yes, self help is a bit dated bc it's to damn self absorbed
Omg, B O M B observation!!
I wholly agree with you
I absolutely love this video it motivates me so much to keep going whilst staying real at the same time. ☺💖 Dreams AND Obstacles! 🌟🌼🌟💎👏
My depression and isolation is so bad right now. I need this
I’m right there with you...
I 'm also there...
wow darling i saw your hand reaching out and I just wanted to say bless u babylove
Well well. More quarantine periods to come if we cannot overcome this pandemic.
Everyone in the world is with you. She is absolutely correct and this is exactly why these elites have demanded we all isolate ourselves so they can be in charge. These months of isolation has in turn has caused massive depression. If you pay attention they aren't following their own rules while this is going on. My only advise is work on yourself. Continue to learn, continue to watch these, get some sunshine and anything else you can to improve this will be over soon. Come out better than ever before! Much Love
Everyone should be working on themselves while this is going on. Everything is on the internet (except what they don't want..parler anyone?) educate yourself, learn. Be Brave. SMILE
I'm a stay at home mom and my husband is sending me back to school for my Masters. I feel so unworthy and my Masters will be in Philosophy, completely for personal enrichment. It's been my dream to go to this school for over 15 years. I don't deserve it, its expensive. I'm really battling the guilt because it feels so superfluous and irrelevant. But I'm determined to use it to help someone else someday. Maybe I'll actually write a book, which has been my dream since 1st grade. I've never felt like I had anything worthwhile to say. At the least, I'll be a happier, more fulfilled mom to my boys. Maybe the world needs more philosophical moms? 😅 I love your message. Thanks ♡
There are 8 billion people on the planet and they need to help themselves. Helping others is a cop out for you to distract yourself from your own problems, of which it sounds like you have absolutely none. Sounds like you never really had a problem or a care in the world and now you want to pretend to help others some day because you yourself are a waste. The very fact you think a housewife could help another person by simply speaking to them shows how out of touch you are. Deal with your own imaginary problems. You’re not a stay at home mom that’s not a real thing you’re just a chick who makes copies of herself and doesn’t work. I bet you tell people being a mom is a full time job (LOL).
I promise you every person that has read this thinks you should go and say thank you to your husband.😉
You can always use your degree to teach others or work in the NGO field (just two examples).
Writing a book sounds like a great plan as well. If you want to start with something that doesn't put as much pressure, you can create a blog/vlog and combine philosophical theories with practical experiences from your own life. That way you would bring a fresh perspective on concepts that we probably take for granted.
I used to think philosophy wasn't incredibly useful in the real world, but when I started to deal with ethical dilemmas, social justice issues, and developing skills like resilience and leadership, I turned to philosophy for help. So, studying philosophy is not in vain; you can do a lot of good in the world with it.
Best of luck to you! You deserve to pursue your dreams -- don't let anyone tell you otherwise (including yourself).
At least you have support and the opportunity many of us don’t.
@@richiejohnson her husband should also say thank you to her... you sound like an amazing mom!
I lived in isolation for nearly a decade and now I’ve moved back home trying to re connect with friends its been hard because im anti social but im tired of being lonely and life is passing me by. I’m going back to trade school this fall to become a technician. I just wish I never wasted years living with regret and not picking up the phone.
Update: I’ve found my dream job. A career with longevity I can call a home. My insecurities and self doubt aren’t damaging my progression anymore. Focusing on what I can control and letting everything else go. I was hiding in plain sight and eventually took control back. One day at a time. One step at a time. You got this.
Antisocial or asocial? Big difference.
You are taking the opportunities now. That's what matters. You can make new friends when you go back to school while you're still working on those old ones.
@@xnsxxnsx you understood the implication.
@@xnsxxnsx Really. Do you feel smarter now?
If you still have friends and a home, a decade is better than 30 yrs! Please. At 53. I get regret. Do whatever now!
"We depend on each other's dreams coming true." Damn that hits home
Great vision for a great world. For the most part. What about those who have dreams of world domination? : O
@@suzannenorton3807 good point.
Aparently not
On the other hand, I find purposefully isolating myself FROM people who actively try to kill my dreams a very productive activity for maintaining my dreams.
Yeah- I might try this too. Been doing art and music in small bits with others and could do so much more on my own without their “ help”
I was thinking the same thing. A few years ago I found myself forced to be completely alone. I do have lots of friends all over the world. But many of my best friends moved away from my city to care for parents or for new jobs, leaving me basically friendless except for a large group of friends online and on the phone. (My husband and soul mate of 25 years had died a few years earlier, which had left me deeply in grief for quite a while). At first, I felt bitterly lonely. Then I started to write and make art and do business (I work from home) like never before. I began meditating every day, work out regularly, and stopped going out to eat a lot like I used to with friends. Consequently, I've lost a lot of unwanted weight, turned out thousands of works of art, am having a blast writing two novels and reams of poetry, and like myself more than I ever have in my life. Being alone - even, you might say, isolated - has been a true blessing. I am a very social person. I never thought this would happen to me, but I like it! I feel like finally - I am getting to know myself.
ABSOLUTELY
@@cutzymccall7675 Thank you for sharing your story. I have a feeling I am embarking on a similar journey, but it's a tough start. Your story feels like a message to trust and move forward. I wish you lots of happiness and light
How so ?
Every time you make someone's dreams come true, it echoes.
That is Profound.
I'm in Australia and that's the most fantastic story I've ever heard on TED, And I've listened to some rippers. You're beautiful, you brought me to tears. I haven't stepped outside my front door in three months.
I do not know the reason for your isolation but Covid lockdowns in OZ have isolated so many people and I wonder if those in power realize the damage caused by such mandates?
@@noiamspartacus8965 Oh, it's done no harm here and it's also been over ages. If you check the "Coronovirus on the worldometer" The Australia list went up from 126 to 16. So we're doing really rotten.
In fact I think, on the world list, it looks about the worlds worst and I can't understand why.
I'm isolated by COVID myself! I'm disabled physically from cancer treatments & therefore live with my elderly folks. My Dad's 85yo now and has heart failure - COVID-19 could easily kill him. So, I'm in total isolation except for dentist & doctors appointments.
Heartfelt commiserations. 💔
@@noiamspartacus8965 they do, it’s all planned
Isolation is the dream killer. I think that is the truest thing I've ever heard from my 67 years of living.
I wish I knew what to do about it...isolating. I feel like I've fell down a hole
@@heaven7360 awwe I know how you feel at least with social media we can see and hear and feel each other's pain and that is one way I fill my time up so I don't feel so isolated .But ill admit its my own doing .Hope you feel better soon ,as they say ..time to pull up your socks Right ? 🤣💖God Bless ya
this is very relevant to me as well, ever since my core friend group had a falling out, i noticed slowly all grand dreams fizzling out into nothing
@@MrJypsye hon I don't know how old you are but it's unfortunately a normal thing for friends to spread out as we get older but I know I'm still on thier minds as I am theirs but it still sucks . BIG HUGS
Absolutely. When I stopped studying I was isolating myself alot, and all my dreams seemed fizzy and unattainable. I'm glad I kept fighting no matter how much negativity I feel from being so disconnected.
Short version: Strangers can be very useful in helping you achieve your dreams. If you don't ask you don't get.
Well said. Closed mouths don't get fed.
U are right u don't ask u don't connect u do t find help idea or confort, I'm bipolar a very difficult things for me to do but I'm full of energy and will
ok thanks. saved me the time
I remember New Year's Eve 1986 into 1987. It was a difficult time for me as I was about to tell my boyfriend that this was the last time I would break up with him. We didn't have that discussion until the next day. For the time being, we went to a party in Kalamazoo. I made up my mind, enterprising 23 year old that I was, that I would do that networking thing everyone was talking about. So I told several people that I was looking for a job in publishing on the East Coast. I could use some, you know, connections. Everyone that very politely, but in the end there were no connections to, you know, job offers. Oh well. I broke up with the boyfriend, encouraged him to go out with someone else, and left that whole scene at the train station as I headed home. A few days later, I got a call from one of the people at the party, a college professor who had been a good friend of my boyfriend. He asked me if I had met the hippie looking guy who had been sitting in the corner all night. Was that the one with the long beard, with the wife with the hair parted straight down the middle, kind of scraggly? I almost literally ask it that way, but probably not. These were the only two people I chose not to meet that evening, because obviously they had nothing to offer. It turned out that, according to this friend, the man was the son of the publisher of a major magazine out of Washington DC. He gave me his phone number, I called him, and he offered to talk to his father. His father had no jobs or further connections to offer, but he did relay some good advice. It taught me a lesson I will never forget. Never underestimate people and the value they can have for you if you simply ask. And don't be a snob, even if it's 1987 and you think everyone should dress for success.
why would you want this summarized, it was beautiful and inspiring watching the whole way through.
Agh wow - was listening to this casually while prepping food and literally had to stop and go back a couple times because I was really struck by things she said. Her stories of people's dreams being realized so casually through the connections of others gave me chills.
"You never know who you're talking to. We are all the center of enormous amounts of information and connections that we don't need and we don't think of -- unless somebody asks us."
Thank you & bless your spirit, Barbara.
I love this. Community is the way. American individualism is terrible. This talk shows just how important connection is. We all need each other.
Wrong. Individualism isn't the same as isolation.
I just realized that Barbara was still able to help people because of this talk. Thank you Barbara.
Beautiful thought, and true🤍
She ignited something very powerful.
Your Soooooooo Beautiful!!!!!!!!!!
😭😭😭 I know right?!! And she's such a beautiful soul ❤️
Yes Barbara Sher’s legacy lives on! 🥰🙏🏽✨
Has she passed away?
Many years ago I bought one of Barbara Sher's books. Back in those days with no internet and with no easy way to link up with a successful author in New York, I picked up the phone and called her (expecting to get a secretary). Well, she answered the phone and spend a nice amount of time with me and then sent of a very nice letter (which I still have). Her books helped to frame how I approached my life. I continue to learn from her and hope to continue learning from her for many years to come. This is a great and insightful 21 minute talk. 'Take a moment - you'll be glad you did.
+Brayden zArteest - Oops. I thought I was posting as myself... I am actually Brayden's mom, Marty. Those many years ago that I first contacted Barbara, he was just a baby. And now - his art has blossomed and he's living a life that so many would like to. Me as well. Being help-seekers and help-givers has been life-altering for each of us.
Marty Wilson love you both... :)
that's awesome! with the advice of a friend, I also bought her book (this was in 2004), and I believe it was called "Wishcraft"? I never did have an "idea party", because I was too embarrassed. However, with the help of her advice, and getting out of my comfort zone, I ended up owning my own company. She's amazing! I recently was thinking about her, but couldn't remember her name, and I just clicked on this TED talk, and here she is! There is something special about her :)
Great comment. Thank you.
I've heard of that book. Hmmm, I see a connection here. Hello Amazon, or maybe Audible. Thank you for mentioning that. : )
Even years later, this is still one of the best TED Talks I've ever watched. Thank you for creating it, madam, and thank you for presenting it in Prague, near my own homeland in the heart of Europe. You're a national treasure, and your fellow Americans should value you more.
I am from Prague and I live in Los Angeles. It’s so refreshing to hear an American say not to fake your feelings and not to keep up the pretence of success and happiness! They’re all so fake here! I guess that’s why everyone has a shrink! This lady is wonderful and so genuine!
I was using an online platform where you connect with strangers to have a work or study friend over the Internet for an hour. The idea is good but I noticed I felt uncomfortable with the Americans as I could tell they were always faking happiness when they felt bad underneath. I'm English and we are more honest with our feelings here and don't go around pretending to be upbeat all the time, although still not as honest about our feelings as some other cultures.
@@katec9893 I thought Brits repress their feelings.
@@cheetobandido546 Well it's true that people here don't like to be overly dramatic. But if things are a bit rubbish we're comfortable admitting it. But I found a lot of Americans only felt comfortable around positive feelings.
We gotta find these groups that she's talking about.
I cried so much after this. Ask and you shall be given. I always have difficulty asking for help and I always fear that I won’t get help. Even when I do get help, I still feel difficult receiving it. It’s time to shift out of that limiting belief
Me too 💞 I have the hardest time asking for anything. Sending you strength!
I relate a lot with you! I have to believe too, because some of the people around me reassure me that they really do want to help me, and that there really is nothing wrong with asking for help. Asking for anything should be a normal thing to do, with no guilt whatsoever :)
May all your dream come true
December 2021 ❤️
Best wishes to every one
When you ask for something, and always received a no, that's what made me isolate myself, I always help, my classmates, the people around me, everyone, but I ask something once, nope, they always forget it. And they will try to talk with me when they have no one else to be with.... But surely all people can't be like this can they? That's what also makes me think, it's me, something is wrong with me.
I learnt many years ago never to ask anyone for help...too many horrid people either want to see you suffer or they exploit your need for help
Trying to pinpoint what makes me love Barbara and I think it's her combination of mild crankiness and lack of fear of being judged, combined with a humble and honest reverence for the good in people and the beauty of the world.
What a wonderful way to say it! Yes!
Tim Haig yes! I agree ☝️
Hey I have one. Who's gonna help me with my dream of not being isolated?
Kevin Mathewson me too.
Hey, Kevin! Start a meetup group, or just a random group where you ask people you think might be 'interesting,' or whatever your criteria is, and get together and do something. A guy started a "Let's do something fun!" meetup group, which has over 3000 members, plus a core gang that he can always count on! I had to pay close attention, because his events filled up, usually, within an hour and a half after he posted. He had movies at his house, went to dinner at new places, and his swan song was a thing at the art museum, with lunch before. That filled up 3 months ahead of the event!! He did it for 4 or 5 years, and now he is taking a hiatus because he needed a break from all that group fun!! If you build it, they will come!! Elsa Grace, you try it too!!
I LOVE this woman and her energy!
Just hearing this talk helped my anxiety, and that's no small thing.
She has so many videos online. She was on PBS for years. Lots of books too. She was the greatest. Good luck to you and the rest of us too.
"We depend on each other's dreams coming true." I love that.
Generally I find the most unsuspecting people, are the ones who inspire you the most, this woman is awesome.
I agree that strangers are best at helping. Sadly in my experience, family members will kill a dream faster then anything if it inconveniences them. My family is small, (mother, uncle, aunt) yet through extreme isolation, emotional abuse, manipulation, and other things I will not get into, they have destroyed me. Find your community!
YOUR FORGOT TO TELL YOU THAT YOU HAVE WING'S.....LOVE & HUG'S TO YOU SWEETIE...I THINK YOU ARE MARVELOUS.....
DISCOVER YOUR WORTH...
🙏💞🤗😇
*YOUR FAMILY
I realized our families don't know How, one must widen the circle...I'm learning! ;)
Sounds familiar. They cut me out of will because I wasn't Catholic or a doctor
@@fredfischer4418 DON'T FRET MY DARLING....🙏😇💖🤗
For what it's worth, I have just learned that while communicating your obstacles to your dreams is, indeed, incredibly vital to achieving them, so is communicating your setbacks, or obstacles you've successfully overcome.
It can be confusing to people to see you at an age later in life (like me, now 32), and not having any of your major dreams already accomplished. Letting people know what has caused you to fall behind can potentially build the trust you need for them to be willing to help you get what you want & need.
Meanwhile, I'll be working on overcoming my own setbacks, so if you're reading this, wish me luck. 🤞
Best of luck @Stephen Bassette 💫
@@wangumunene-christelle2023 Thank you!
31 is not that old . Try to start at 60 and get back to me
@@Treize132 Dang, you're 60? I imagine that's tough. Hope you get people to help you out! 🙏
31! Its so young
This is such a revolutionary idea. Of having a circle of people and helping each other with their dreams. It's unconditional and loving.
We gotta find these groups.
Just one thing she missed out: the ability to believe your luck or the ability to receive the gift. I've been in a position to offer someone a shortcut to their dream, set up appointments and so on and the would-be recipient has rejected my offer, maybe because they couldn't believe it could be so easy to achieve their wish. And I realise I've done exactly the same! The truth is some people love to give others a leg up in life. It's happened to them and they want to pay it forward. Let them!
Yes, that´s a big thing. That´s why these "new age" guys Abraham Hicks, that Barbara doesn´t like ;) call it "the art of allowing".
I refer to that as "don't block my blessing".
People find it hard to receive... especially if they sre natural givers... and some people think they are not worthy ... 💫
its a psychological thing - people cannot take what they didn't earn. so the way to have them accept your help is to make them feel like they earned the help. that could take many forms - like "please can you help me" and trade off.
They must get rid of the belief that their life must be hard to succeed. Because society often pushes a narrative that you have to work so hard to succeed when that's not the case for everything
Main take away for me: "We are all the center of enormous amounts of information and connections that we don't need and we don't think of unless somebody asks us".
"Loneliness is a barrier that prevents one from uniting with the inner self." - Carl Rogers
This is by far the best tedtalk I have ever seen.thank you so much....love from Ethiopia❤❤❤
This is what I try telling people, when some people say I’m too nice. This is the reason we need to be kind to one another. You literally have no idea what another person has to bring to the table.
And you literally have no idea what you could bring to another person. :)
Sometimes ignorance is bliss.
@@creativemindplay I think this oftentimes
the power of just talking to strangers when they mention something you know you could help them with. literally makes you feel so alive and it’s one of the best things you can do, connection is so important
you're too nice because you're weak and this clip give you reasons for it. people like you get crushed by life.
“Every time you make someone else’s dreams come true it echoes in practical, wonderful ways” 🧙♀️❤️
BLESSINGS IN DISGUISE ❗🙏🏼 🎈🕊
It's true, I've seen it many times. It just takes time.
She is passed… but I just met her…and I am grateful. she gave us this video ❤️ and it is wonderful
My favorite TED Talk ever.
"Well, look, I guess I'm gonna be average. Somebody's gotta do it." One of the most ironic quotes I've ever heard. Very impressive.
This statement might help those people who get stuck in some form of way whether it be career development choice or relationship choice. Sometimes people get stuck. They forget to either press YES or NO. Thats the issue she was talking about.
Just do it.
I still remember saying that same thing to myself, many years ago.
Imagine a world where every week there was a meeting like this where you could say what is happening in your life and someone helps you!! omg. I grew up on a street like this! There ARE people like this! So now that I am not a kid anymore and I don’t live in that street anymore where do I find these people! Life IS better in a great community!
A.A.
@@LisaMaryification why would you suggest that!.,
Become the torch carrier for the one next Generation
YAS!✨👐🏼✨🦋
You have the experience! Come up with it!
But also we can do it as well.
Her sense of humor is fantastic. This is also a talk demonstrating what grace looks like!
“Every time you makes someone’s dreams come true…it echoes in practical, wonderful ways.” Rest in power, Barbara Sher. 🔥She was a national treasure.
She was a global treasure even
Did she pass away?
I was about to ask the same question
@@lindamon5101 yeah unfortunately :(
I'm glad I watched this. A different perspective than many TED talks I've seen.
If I keep hearing about how I should "choose courage over comfort" or "be brave" or "carpe diem" I'm going to go crazy. I don't want to be told my problems are in my head, and I just need to try harder and be more motivated. That's depressing. I want to be told my problems are real and difficult, and I want people to listen and offer help.
It's depressing, sick and psychopathic. I don't know if people who say those things to others actually live in those self-destructive and self-negating ways themselves. Always chasing/pursuing things while neglecting yourself is like chasing drugs and excitement so you can numb yourself and ignore your needs and problems. It's not depressing to people who have those values but it is depressing to those who don't share those values.
Btw, I destroyed myself by living in those unhealthy ways. I didn't know how to stop and tend to my needs. I just kept pushing myself. I have no life worth living because of it.
@@SirenVosa I've been at the bottom too, it sounds like you are a survivor and have learned a lot of coping skills and tools for living, good for you! You've also learned what NOT to do, so use all that strength and be proud of still being here, understand you still have many choices. Every day just make one better choice and stay open to people. Life can be tough but just keep going. If you didn't care about yourself you wouldn't still be here. A wise therapist told me the same thing. 😉❤️
Feeling a need for being part of a society, part of a group, does not go well with the fundamentalistic religion of worldwide neoliberal capitalism, which does best as long as everybody stays put in a state of "individual predatory cannibal", calling what they took from their fellow humans to swagger and brag with it themselves "succcess".
Depression is an individual reaction towards a wider societal problem.
Awesome I get so sick of this manifesting BS no it's what cards your delt and which lottery ya win ( talking about where your born etc not money ) ,a woman or man or child dosnt manifest being murdered or robbed etc .Yes there is a grain of truth to everything , but it's not the be all and end all .This humanity is still very young ,we have alot to learn but we'll get there we have too !! For our children and our children's children 💙
This is the best Ted talk I have heard. The real life stories are so much better
First time I've watched this video and it's so true. If you don't ask you'll never know. Great message!
I wish to make more friends and be apart of a stable social circle, my biggest obstacle is that I am afraid to put myself out there
I’m dealing with the same thing. Best thing I can say is find what you are passionate about and do that. You’ll attract like minded people who share the same interests
You wouldn't happen to be living in south east Jamaica would you? I want to make friends too.
Same situation. We can at least make a chat group or video chatting
Fear is the biggest prison..and most of what we fear is bigger in our mind than in reality. We let fear have the reigns of our life...instead of taking the reigns from fear and owning our choices.
Me included...
You know what in the moment of solitude, invest in yourself take yourself on self care dates, get some new clothes, go to spas. Post it up more on social media and you’ll see how people start being attracted to you. The thing is sometime we want a social circle but we don’t just want any social circle we want a social circle that will naturally attract themselves to you. Start posting up quotes about how you feel and who you are people will take to you. And don’t fear I’m saying this because I was going through the same thing as you but I realised connection with yourself first will bring the right crowd around you. And don’t fear to put yourself out there!!!
"I have always depended on the kindness of strangers"- A streetcar named desire
I wanted to write a comment Barbara Sher in the hopes that you would see it and I see that you have transcended. May you forever rest in power! Your talk was so powerful and the work that you have done helping people achieve their impossible dreams on this planet lives on! 💗🙏🏽✨☮️🌍
Great lessons learnt.."Never laugh at anybody's dream..."
this is the ted talk that made me cry. i live in isolation AND am a neurotic self starter. my mind is a hellscape and i bully myself for it. but i know im a powerhouse, ive proven my strength to myself. i just am sobbing bc i never really consider how alone i am. a volcano on an island, what's even the point of erupting? this hurts
I'd be more than happy to have a talk with you. I have an odd friend who I helped (pushed, dragged, inspired) out of his slump. He's been my friend since 5th grade and is doing much better now!
thank you for the kind offers... im not sure how dming works on youtube but i will try to.
You are me. I hope we both get stoked and finally crush it soon like we knew we would. We will. You will. Go do it and then omgawd tell me so I can be stoked for you and believe it's all true n possible for us 😬😁 good vibes forever. Erupt anyway do what you feel like you were always just DESTined to dude.
@@ritika2563 I'm here for you kid
@@beckatase9266 does it function in a similar way as these groups? If so, I’d really like to join.
I love seeing new comments! Hope you'll leave one.
What a wonderful woman you are! I thoroughly enjoyed your talk here Barbara. Best wishes...
I appreciate you so, so, so very much Barbara!!! What a blessing you are to this Earth. Thank you for being you. This talk and your message really touched me and made me cry. Thank you for the hope.
Barbara Sher Beautiful! Thank you so much for giving us hope and inspiring us🙏🏻❤️
My wish is to make a living writing song lyrics for international singers (luckylyrics.com). My obstacle is that despite the fact that people in the music industry tell me my songs are very creative and catchy, I just can't seem to find the right people and land that perfect collaboration contract I've been looking for. And also....I'm 34. Decided I wanted to be a songwriter 11 years ago already. Feels like an impossible dream now, but I still have a tiny ounce of hope. :) Regardless, I really enjoyed this Tedx Talk. It's amazing how many people you've helped. :)
Hi, Barbara. This is awesome, thank you for sharing your light! Big hugs!
When I said last year I wanted to be a programmer but I didn't have money nor a direction, my brother listened and sent me this program promoted by a cosmetic company to teach people how to become developers through 9 months of training. I applied and months later I got an email saying I was selected and they gave me access to paid online courses that I wouldn't have been able to afford by myself. This Ted talk is so true..
This woman is wonderful! What a breath of fresh air.
"keep throwing parties, they're good for everybody..." I love this.
- "We depend on each other's dreams coming true." Thank you, Barbara! ♡
These ppl, like the wonderful, beloved Barbara, are the reason, why I like to be like the people from the United states ! I take my hat off for such people ! All the love of the world to all of you !!!!
She inspired so many people. Rest in power to this amazing woman 🙏🏽✨
You need isolation to get a dream, and then society to share it with in order to make it come true. Great talk!
I think you're confusing isolation with solitude. Solitude is neutral, and isolation is negative (at least when it's about social isolation) and often implied that it's forced on someone rather than chosen.
Your right I never got anything done with a crew I always get things done bymyself and I have the best dreams when I'm alone
@@kaworunagisa4009 You are right. 'Solitude' would be the 'more' correct term to use, as opposed to 'isolation'.
@@philuntaysterling3094 How do you do that? Would you be able to share? I tend to believe we need each other to fully thrive in life. That's my opinion based on my experience. I"m open to learning.
@@magdamadsen2135 Dreams are internal, rarely are they obvious and most of the time they have to be found. To find what is personally fulfilling I had to study different things, read different books and work on developing myself: the journey of self-discovery requires learning. Deep learning takes undivided attention and focus, something available only when you are alone. I agree with you that humans are social beings, we do need other people, but not for everything and not at all times. Like many things, we need a balance :)
"Im just gonna be average...-i mean sombody gotta do it!"😂😂🤣
is that what u really, REALLY want tho?
Simply based on your profile picture it's pretty clear that your naturally above average. :-)
Then she ends up being just the opposite.
Secon
Z
This has completely changed my perspective. Great to hear dreams coming true!
This was wonderful! She had the perfect name for what she loved… Sher = Share. God Bless you, Barbara, and thank you for this. R.I.P.
This Lady R E A L L Y understands what she is talking about!
Karin Meira t
Karin Meira
Except for recommending ritalin for children who have concentration problems.
That's great😄you said "people want to help even if they don't like you".
It's so odd, but it's true. People just love to solve problems. They can't help themselves. (Of course, there are always people who think your dreams are impossible. Don't waste any time talking to them. They hate good ideas. :-))
Not always. Even people that "like you" can be lazy and selfish. Many times the ones who will help you the most are the ones you least expect it from. The true heros of this world are the ones who dont owe you anything and yet they still help you. Almost always: let down by the ones who are supposed to be there for me. Once: my life was saved by a group of homeless people (collapsed on the street and they actually got me home). Twice: random strangers pulled over and fixed my car. Once, i was pulled back to life from the other side (medical accident) by a stranger who only had months to live herself. Countless times: uplifted, fed, warmed, and taken in and helped by poor, helpless people. So much so that I cannot repay them! This is why we should be loyal the ones "below" us and stop kissing the asses of superiors/wealthy people.
Sheila Grant theres bad homeless people theres good homeless people. Theres bad rich people theres good rich people.
Omg this is so me! I am a sucker for helping and solving problems.
@@sheilagrant6050 The helpful kind of people are emphats, They had themselves challenging life experiences which made them responsive to other people's hardships. They care about others.
One of the best TED talks. Very under rated.
Best Ted talk ever. Best thing I've ever seen online
I dont think this lady got the laughs she deserved, she was really funny
Just extraordinary. I love her to bits.
Dg has p I i
@@andreaandrea6716 cf duh
@@lindacarraway9954 what language is that?
COMMUNITY
The best Ted talk I've heard in a while! I got a quarter of the way through the talk, when I realized that I've been missing having a grandmother in my life (never even had one before) to share stories like this. But also makes me realize that there are very few seniors imparting their wisdom publicly. I would encourage more of them to do so, because it's so valuable. Too many young people doing all the talking.
Monika M. They are all like this. They all want to tell everyone as much as they can just like she is. They always re tell the same things to mass amounts so if your dragged around with them, you soon learn they story tell the same things a million times and they Gossip about everyone they know with everyone they know, about whats new lol
Monika M. .
Adopt a grandmother, there is probably a lonely elder in your community who would love some company.
M. M. So true abt that last line.
M. M. Bingo!
This was one of my favorite Ted talks of all time, and I've listened to quite a lot of them. In fact, I've listened to this one twice. It's very motivating, touching, and human. I love it.
Really? I didn't think it was that good. I found it lacking and not that believable
@@palestar828 yet I’ve watched it over a half dozen times
That was actually really wholesome, entertaining and informative! And to think at one point in this woman’s life she thought to herself “I guess I’m gonna be average, somebody’s gotta do it.” Amazing Ted talk & shout out my guy Ronnie! 🤣
If there is anyone who understands dreams, it's Barbara Sher.
She first shook the world up with "WishCraft", back in the 1970s, then came back with
"I Could Do Anything If I Only Knew What It Was" in the 1990s, a NYT best-seller (which put her on the Oprah show). Then she made people with "too many interests" cry with relief with her book "Refuse to Choose" in 2006.
Still going strong at 80, she continues to inspire people and change lives around the world.
This TED talk shows you why. She tells you how to have your dreams without changing who you already are or even quitting your day job!
Today. Here. Now.
What a wonderful, warm and giving woman!
Also Sher wrote another award-winning book: "Live the Life You Love" with some cool exercises in it. On her membership site called "Hanging Out with Barbara Sher" I learned about her book club that goes through the exercises with others and one of Sher's mentored coaches.
TheJaybezo I just watched this talk and scrolled down to the comments and was really pleasantly surprised to see that she's the author of refuse to choose! I've seen that book at my local library and I loved the bits I'd seen, and I was thinking about picking it up because it seems really appropriate for me.
I saw your comment and immediately was like "Wait, that's also Barbara Sher? I knew I liked her." Lol
Thank you for this info. She is one of the few inspirational speaker that penetrate through me, now I would surely buy her books.
OHH! I have to read Refuse to Choose, then, if that is one of her books. Thanks!
Thank you so much for the informative comments on Barbara's works .I'll have to get these books and find out more about her inspirational thoughts. Start living my dreams.
"I'm a cop, what's his name?" haha good shit
:-) I know. I'll never forget his voice. An amazing moment.
This was SO good! I was listening while at work and still almost crying with joy at the stories.) Also, I have a story! When Russia invaded Ukraine, I felt so strongly that I wanted to go and help in person. In pondering it and looking at flights and everything, I concluded that it was the perfect time window for me to go, while I was still in training for work and didn’t yet have projects relying on me, but I didn’t know what I could contribute there and also knew that I couldn’t afford it financially. 2 weeks into it, my brother told me a friend of ours was in Poland running an operation and needed volunteers. That was the answer I’d needed. I immediately made preparations to go, discovered an affordable flight, and when I told my boss, he provided finances for me to use as needed to help with the refugee effort. And others acted too-my roommate came with me, and her boss found ways to contribute, and others asked how they could help and sent donations over, too. It was a huge testament to me of taking action. What this woman has just taught about it being a a social thing has broadened my perspective of my own experience and increased my love and hope for people and my interactions with them.
Thank you for this really good talk!
Wow! That’s so great. Bless you. 💕
Have you gone yet? I too want to help the Ukrainian crisis some way. I am a primary care provider…I have a passport but no connections..,,help!,
@@susiemartin6497 yes! I don’t know why it won’t save any of my replies to you. Look up Type of Wood, they’re a group i worked with there that can get you connected.
Thank you so much for your kind heart! With live from Ukraine! 🤍
Immediately I'm obsessed with this speaker! Powerful
I accidentally clicked this video. By the time it was over, the speaker fixed my obstacles.
Me too!
explains why so many students (including myself) have such a hard time with online classes, we're all so isolated, and a single problem that you can't seem to solve becomes a huge obstacle in your way
Blame the great reset and the globalist elite. "I want to vaccinate the world," Billy Gates.
Yes! My 20yr old daughter on her own moved outta state to Montana to get away from the state of isolation she was in.
The support, throwing parties, amazing. The judgement and criticism, cruel. The final idea of working as a group toward the dream of each person, awesome! We all need success teams. We are aught that our happiness, our success is our own responsibility. We should not ask for help, or expect anything from anyone. Isolation. Success is impossible in isolation. This is beyond genius. This is how miracles occur.
Beautiful teacher, May you rest in Gods arms
World's most awesome grandma!
Barbara Sher can you adopt me pls :))
She's hilarious. I love her dry humour. The audience should have laughed alot more 😆.
Hi Kerry how are you doing
should have could have
This will age well
She subtly belches after drinking the water, too.
Yeah. They missed the one about the steak. 😀
I read something from Forbes Magazine that said basically it's not your fault if you haven't achieved your Goals in Life you just need a Supportive Team and then you will accomplish all your Goals. So officially ready for a more Supportive Team and a Better Life , one where I achieve all my Goals and don't have to be isolated anymore.
Best piece of media I’ve seen in a long time.
Wow.
Well this woman is HONEST. Positive thinking is full of holes, for sure. Bringing up the "bad attitude" "lack of ambition" and "negative thinking" only makes a person angry and miserable. This is truly one of the very few and decent talks I've ever heard. Bravo to Barbara Sher.
Thank you, blendedbananas. :-)
Barbara Sher Jo
If something makes you feel bad then why would you think that doing that to someone else would have good results?
Yes.... positive thinking is a powerful tool and important, but many people abuse the idea of it and completely discount or even deny and shame those desiring community, relationships, solutions.
@Dela Flowers why is shaming worse when a person is young?