Thank you, I really needed to hear this reinforcement as sometimes I question my relationship. In had a series of extremely toxic relationships and in my past relationships when I felt butterflies or "chemistry" it was for the most unhealthy, unavailable and toxic partners. The more toxic and unavailable they were, the more I seemed to feel that way! I worked with a counselor for years and did a lot of self help reading, etc and was really conscious of choosing my next partner after yet another destructive relationship ended that tore me up. After working on myself for a number of years and relocating to a new city I met my current partner of 3+ years now. From the start I found him attractive (but not jaw droopingly), intriguing and I just felt comfortable and at ease - like I could be myself without putting on a front or trying to be someone I wasn't. I wasn't constantly worried about rejection or the other shoe to drop because we wanted the same things from the start and share a lot of the same core values. He is intelligent, responsible, kind and reliable. It may be funny and a bit gross but one of the things that made me realize how different he was, was when I came home from work to a sick dog that made a mess all over the carpets. We had just started dating and I was telling him I had the joyous task of cleaning up the dog mess after just coming home from a long day of work. To my surprise, he offered to bring his carpet cleaner over and help me clean up the foul mess. It may be silly, but no other boyfriend had ever shown me that level of simple self-sacrifice and concern. Now, I don't have that crazy butterfly feeling and "passion", I can't say that I ever really felt that intensely like I had in other relationships. Sometimes I do honestly wonder if I'm missing something, or settling, but I think that I am just maturing and realizing that real love is not some crazy roller coaster affair or constant high like a movie. I hope that I'm beginning to accept that maybe love in a more mature relationship is gentle, peaceful, comfortable, kind, reliable and affirming. And it still takes a lot of work. So for others feeling and wondering the same, you aren't alone, I think its all part of the process.
This is exactly what I'm feeling. Wondering if my current relationship is true love and I constantly compare it to my past relationship bc I don't have that crazy butterfly effect.
I recently broke up with someone i was briefly seeing.. I know a have a way of feeling an extreme spark with chaotic woman and for the first time I met someone who wasn't chaotic, who wasn't playing games.. She told me she was interested in me and I loved it. I loved the peace it brought. But.. I missed somekind of chemistry. And I wanted to feel it so bad because she checked all the boxes.. But I just didn't feel the attrection. I loved the way we were together, having fun, making jokes, being interested in eachother.. but everytime she left I felt this doubt coming back :-( So I decided to let her go yesterday. I cried a lot and feel really bad now but I have to trust that there are people out there with the same qualities ánd a spark. Thanks you for this video!
I always feel butterflies until I know for sure that the love or crush or whatever is mutual... I hate that it stops that fast. I kissed my bf for the first time and felt nothing.
I still have sort of butterflies when I get close to my partner for example hugging. I did have nervous butterflies on the first 3 dates after that I felt really comfortable about my partner which is lovely.
I have always been good at both, choosing my relationships and emotionally reading another people. So yeah, I never got butterflies. When I first entered a relationship, I knew it was love, even though I didn't feel a lot, physically speaking. And nowdays I still think that was love. But some days I feel a little bit sad because I think I'll probably never get to experience that same entusiasm or anxiety about love that most people have. And even tho it is technically a good thing, it makes me feel... different. Like I'm missing something and I don't know why. But it's fine. I'll keep looking nice people to be around. Having healthy relationships is a priority, I think
I've gotten butterflies for every guy from my past and I've been very obsessive in the past. I didn't want to be that way anymore and unexpectedly met my boyfriend I don't have butterflies but I feel as though I love him. I guess i want everything to go right so because I dont feel butterflies im like "omg do I not love him?". I've always had to chase guys but not him.
Thanks Terri ❤ I'm gonna see it from a healthy love side and see where it takes me... I still believe butterflies is a good starting point but the period it transition to healthy love may concern me. Watch this space..
Thanks I am not getting butterflies but I feel very comfortable with him he makes me feel special all the time so maybe I just got health ig his helped a lot
My new relationship just broke up because he doesnt feel any butterflies but at the same time he never been in a healthy relationship.... So for him he thinks he cant love me because they are not There.... Nice to see a point of view on those butterflies
I was with my boyfriend for a long time and even after the beginning of the relationship he could make me feel butterflies! A while ago we got in a bad situation and he ended telling me he doesnt love me anymore... I've been dating around and found this guy I like but he doesnt give me butterflies...No one does anymore. What does this mean?
It sounds like this might have more to do with you and your past relationship trauma than with your current partner! I would do a bit more digging into your own self-journey and discovery ❤️
i always believed if i had butterflies that means its not right, something is going wrong. My body is telling i am anxious and confused, there is uncertainty.
I've only really dated 2 women in my past, but I've been around women I general. At 31, this is the first time that I felt the butterfly effect when I was around a specific woman. I do think she's beautiful. But I didn't really feel it at first. When I got into an elevator with her, it suddenly hit me. And I have no idea if she felt that ad well. Typically she's outgoing towards the other women in class, but since I'm the only guy, she doesn't really treat me the same. The other day when I was writing, she looked at my paper and I could feel my writing hand having trouble remaining still. So this is all new for me
Thank you so much for this explanation! What if our mind goes one step further from this state and uses it as an excuse to stay in a relationship without butterflies for the first time, and it is a healthy one, but there are some other imperfections, so now I'm like - no, I'll keep it bc it's non-toxic and a healthy one? 🤔 Thank you in advance 💐❤
Forget butterflies- are you attracted to them? Are you compelled to spend time with them or get to know them? Those are better indicators of how you feel- your severe anxiety might be connected to a fear of being vulnerable. ❤️
I'm getting married soon, currently engaged. Yes, I did got butterflies in the very beginning for just few days and since then it's been 1.5 years and haven't gotten single butterfly. I keep looking for answers why I don't get them and as if I don't love him and I always cry to this thought, even now when I'm typing this. But I know that I love him and my relationship with him. This concept of love and butterflies has messed with my mind so bad and I don't know how to fix this. I don't want to cry all the time assuming I don't love him, when I truly do.
It's actually a good thing that you don't feel them anymore! that mean you're comfortable with them, not scared of being yourself and feel good with them, like you could tell them anything, that's most likely a sign of trust in yourself, in your partner and in your relationship together
I can feel butterflies with a partner after 2, 5, 7, 10, and even over 20 years of being with them and four kids later. That's not because there's anxiety. It comes from remembering times from the beginning when we were star struck lovers and are still in love with each other.
I needed this answer. I know what being anxious is, and everytime I felt butterflies in my stomach it was not anxiety. I always feel it when someone I like says something cute or does something cute for me. It's like a feeling of cherish, and I'm very happy whenever I have it
I’m someone who doesn’t get butterflies or at least not recognize them but I have such strong feelings for a guy. Also how do you know difference between big crush, love, and obsession over a crush
Hi Lily- It’s all about how well you know the person. Big crush and obsession usually describe a newer situation- those things may still move into love and only time and consistency will tell.
this is my first relationship ever and i didnt know how to treat it uk so i messed up alot and now my gf has lost trust and alotta feeling for me and idk what to do rn , i really love her and dont wanna break up wit her
My ex treated me right in the relationship but even throughout a year of dating I always got butterflies around him I never had bad dating history he was my first I believe it is anxiety and that my gut was saying he wasn’t a good person
My girlfriend literally broke up with me a couple of days to me she said she didn't want to be in a relationship and to my friend she said she didn't get the butterflies which is just sad because everything was good and then a week later she broke up with me, I risked everything for her my job, my friends. my studies just so I can be there for her because she said she needed me and yet a day after we broke up she went to a party I still keep blaming myself
I am witnessing you with compassion ❤️ I have a video here on how to gently stop blaming yourself after a break up: th-cam.com/video/gig4uJ-O0M8/w-d-xo.html
honestly i feel like my best friend loves me, but idk about me i mean i do like him but idk if it's really what I'm feeling or it's just me overthinking...
Mam i am married but dont know what us the main meaning , ""You still give me butterflies ""What is the meaning of rhis sentence?? Mam please explain me!
I can't tell you how many toxic relationships I've entered or stayed in because I thought anxiety was synonymous with attachment.
Aw, thank you so much ♡ It all makes sense now. And basically, with the right people, I have never felt anxiety.
I'm so glad this resonated for you, Deita ❤️
Thank you, I really needed to hear this reinforcement as sometimes I question my relationship. In had a series of extremely toxic relationships and in my past relationships when I felt butterflies or "chemistry" it was for the most unhealthy, unavailable and toxic partners. The more toxic and unavailable they were, the more I seemed to feel that way! I worked with a counselor for years and did a lot of self help reading, etc and was really conscious of choosing my next partner after yet another destructive relationship ended that tore me up. After working on myself for a number of years and relocating to a new city I met my current partner of 3+ years now. From the start I found him attractive (but not jaw droopingly), intriguing and I just felt comfortable and at ease - like I could be myself without putting on a front or trying to be someone I wasn't. I wasn't constantly worried about rejection or the other shoe to drop because we wanted the same things from the start and share a lot of the same core values. He is intelligent, responsible, kind and reliable. It may be funny and a bit gross but one of the things that made me realize how different he was, was when I came home from work to a sick dog that made a mess all over the carpets. We had just started dating and I was telling him I had the joyous task of cleaning up the dog mess after just coming home from a long day of work. To my surprise, he offered to bring his carpet cleaner over and help me clean up the foul mess. It may be silly, but no other boyfriend had ever shown me that level of simple self-sacrifice and concern. Now, I don't have that crazy butterfly feeling and "passion", I can't say that I ever really felt that intensely like I had in other relationships. Sometimes I do honestly wonder if I'm missing something, or settling, but I think that I am just maturing and realizing that real love is not some crazy roller coaster affair or constant high like a movie. I hope that I'm beginning to accept that maybe love in a more mature relationship is gentle, peaceful, comfortable, kind, reliable and affirming. And it still takes a lot of work. So for others feeling and wondering the same, you aren't alone, I think its all part of the process.
This is exactly what I'm feeling. Wondering if my current relationship is true love and I constantly compare it to my past relationship bc I don't have that crazy butterfly effect.
Thanks for this. I relate
I recently broke up with someone i was briefly seeing.. I know a have a way of feeling an extreme spark with chaotic woman and for the first time I met someone who wasn't chaotic, who wasn't playing games.. She told me she was interested in me and I loved it. I loved the peace it brought. But.. I missed somekind of chemistry. And I wanted to feel it so bad because she checked all the boxes.. But I just didn't feel the attrection. I loved the way we were together, having fun, making jokes, being interested in eachother.. but everytime she left I felt this doubt coming back :-( So I decided to let her go yesterday. I cried a lot and feel really bad now but I have to trust that there are people out there with the same qualities ánd a spark. Thanks you for this video!
I always feel butterflies until I know for sure that the love or crush or whatever is mutual... I hate that it stops that fast. I kissed my bf for the first time and felt nothing.
I still have sort of butterflies when I get close to my partner for example hugging. I did have nervous butterflies on the first 3 dates after that I felt really comfortable about my partner which is lovely.
I have always been good at both, choosing my relationships and emotionally reading another people. So yeah, I never got butterflies.
When I first entered a relationship, I knew it was love, even though I didn't feel a lot, physically speaking. And nowdays I still think that was love. But some days I feel a little bit sad because I think I'll probably never get to experience that same entusiasm or anxiety about love that most people have. And even tho it is technically a good thing, it makes me feel... different. Like I'm missing something and I don't know why. But it's fine. I'll keep looking nice people to be around. Having healthy relationships is a priority, I think
Obsession is ... not good, to say the least. And it is not love.
I've gotten butterflies for every guy from my past and I've been very obsessive in the past. I didn't want to be that way anymore and unexpectedly met my boyfriend I don't have butterflies but I feel as though I love him. I guess i want everything to go right so because I dont feel butterflies im like "omg do I not love him?". I've always had to chase guys but not him.
Me in the same situation but I feel like I love him and I’m extremely happy just don’t get butterflies
Thanks Terri ❤ I'm gonna see it from a healthy love side and see where it takes me...
I still believe butterflies is a good starting point but the period it transition to healthy love may concern me. Watch this space..
Thanks I am not getting butterflies but I feel very comfortable with him he makes me feel special all the time so maybe I just got health ig his helped a lot
My new relationship just broke up because he doesnt feel any butterflies but at the same time he never been in a healthy relationship.... So for him he thinks he cant love me because they are not There.... Nice to see a point of view on those butterflies
Thank you for sharing, and I am sorry to hear about the break up 💕
I was with my boyfriend for a long time and even after the beginning of the relationship he could make me feel butterflies! A while ago we got in a bad situation and he ended telling me he doesnt love me anymore... I've been dating around and found this guy I like but he doesnt give me butterflies...No one does anymore. What does this mean?
It sounds like this might have more to do with you and your past relationship trauma than with your current partner! I would do a bit more digging into your own self-journey and discovery ❤️
i always believed if i had butterflies that means its not right, something is going wrong. My body is telling i am anxious and confused, there is uncertainty.
I've only really dated 2 women in my past, but I've been around women I general. At 31, this is the first time that I felt the butterfly effect when I was around a specific woman. I do think she's beautiful. But I didn't really feel it at first. When I got into an elevator with her, it suddenly hit me. And I have no idea if she felt that ad well. Typically she's outgoing towards the other women in class, but since I'm the only guy, she doesn't really treat me the same. The other day when I was writing, she looked at my paper and I could feel my writing hand having trouble remaining still. So this is all new for me
Thank you so much for this explanation!
What if our mind goes one step further from this state and uses it as an excuse to stay in a relationship without butterflies for the first time, and it is a healthy one, but there are some other imperfections, so now I'm like - no, I'll keep it bc it's non-toxic and a healthy one? 🤔
Thank you in advance 💐❤
I have severe anxiety and It's different from butterflies. I get butterflies due to excitement
What if you like the person and want to be with it but the lack of butterflies gives you severe anxiety about the situation?
Forget butterflies- are you attracted to them? Are you compelled to spend time with them or get to know them? Those are better indicators of how you feel- your severe anxiety might be connected to a fear of being vulnerable. ❤️
In a long distance relationship in the beginning it was ok but these days I mostly feel butterflies in my stomach I feel I'm losing her what do I do
I'm getting married soon, currently engaged. Yes, I did got butterflies in the very beginning for just few days and since then it's been 1.5 years and haven't gotten single butterfly. I keep looking for answers why I don't get them and as if I don't love him and I always cry to this thought, even now when I'm typing this. But I know that I love him and my relationship with him. This concept of love and butterflies has messed with my mind so bad and I don't know how to fix this. I don't want to cry all the time assuming I don't love him, when I truly do.
It's actually a good thing that you don't feel them anymore!
that mean you're comfortable with them, not scared of being yourself and feel good with them, like you could tell them anything, that's most likely a sign of trust in yourself, in your partner and in your relationship together
I can feel butterflies with a partner after 2, 5, 7, 10, and even over 20 years of being with them and four kids later. That's not because there's anxiety. It comes from remembering times from the beginning when we were star struck lovers and are still in love with each other.
I needed this answer. I know what being anxious is, and everytime I felt butterflies in my stomach it was not anxiety. I always feel it when someone I like says something cute or does something cute for me. It's like a feeling of cherish, and I'm very happy whenever I have it
I’m someone who doesn’t get butterflies or at least not recognize them but I have such strong feelings for a guy. Also how do you know difference between big crush, love, and obsession over a crush
Hi Lily- It’s all about how well you know the person. Big crush and obsession usually describe a newer situation- those things may still move into love and only time and consistency will tell.
this is my first relationship ever and i didnt know how to treat it uk so i messed up alot and now my gf has lost trust and alotta feeling for me and idk what to do rn , i really love her and dont wanna break up wit her
My ex treated me right in the relationship but even throughout a year of dating I always got butterflies around him I never had bad dating history he was my first I believe it is anxiety and that my gut was saying he wasn’t a good person
My girlfriend literally broke up with me a couple of days to me she said she didn't want to be in a relationship and to my friend she said she didn't get the butterflies which is just sad because everything was good and then a week later she broke up with me, I risked everything for her my job, my friends. my studies just so I can be there for her because she said she needed me and yet a day after we broke up she went to a party I still keep blaming myself
I am witnessing you with compassion ❤️ I have a video here on how to gently stop blaming yourself after a break up: th-cam.com/video/gig4uJ-O0M8/w-d-xo.html
Thank you very much doc
My problem was same ❤️
You are most welcome ❤️
Helpful
honestly i feel like my best friend loves me, but idk about me
i mean i do like him but idk if it's really what I'm feeling or it's just me overthinking...
Mam i am married but dont know what us the main meaning , ""You still give me butterflies ""What is the meaning of rhis sentence??
Mam please explain me!
Thank you! I was kinda worried lol
What if I never get butterflies in any relationship? Does this mean I'm healthy?
Hi Carly, I'm not sure it's an indication of healthy or unhealthy. It could just be the way you're wired.
Wow, you really just made me understand my situation a whole lot better - thank you 🤍 What Halsey said was right after all ✨