If you have read this book, let us know something you learned! Also drop your own book recommendations for us below 👇 If you'd like to purchase the book: amzn.to/3v3Axyr
Currently reading Unmasking Autism. Definitely picking this one up next. I'm 50, manage a group home for disabled adults, and am finally realizing why this job feels so much like home.
This is not a book about autism, but for me it became the last drop I needed to understand many things; this book woke up wisdom in me. And amongst all this it made me realize the reason for my CPTSD and why I was finally able to override my upbringing and get out of the abuse circle: it was my autism. I think others may relate to the life examples in this book. The book is from Karyl McBride and it is called "Will I Ever Be Good Enough?" This book marks a before and after in my healing journey of 10+ years. Please give it a chance! ❤
I've gotten vastly more insight / perspective shifting from social media vs therapists There are only so many variations of "you're resilient", "you seem to have a lot of insight on this" and "you seem to be coping ok" that you can hear before they all end up being duplicates I want more than "you're still going" and "you're not new to this"
1. Autism isn't something that needs to be fixed or cured. It needs to be understood. 2. Being autistic in today's world, and especially being a late-diagnosed autistic adult, is unique and challenging, especially with common co-occuring conditions 3. Autistic people need to understand their own unique needs and put themselves in the right environment with the right people 4. Autistic people need to learn how to self-advocate, especially with therapists and doctors. Otherwise it can be problematic or even cause trauma. 5. It takes a special kind of person to be an effective therapist for autistic individuals (This summary brought to you by the letters a, d, h, and d again, and the number 42) Each is expanded in more useful detail with examples and experiences, and it's worth a full listen, but this is what I looked for and couldn't find before I started playing the video, so here it is in case that's also your brain's need.
Have you tried going to the doctor as a woman? Everything gets dismissed as related to weight, anxiety, or hormones. That is, if you're not making it up entirely.
Can I please give you an AMEN and a Nobel in Medicine? If you are a woman and leave a doctor’s office unharmed it is a major miracle. I can say that. I used to be in health care. Keep shouting from the roof tops. Thank you!!!!!!!!!
Yep- why my husband is my official medical advocate abd comes to my appointments w me. He models letting me have my full say and taking me seriously and backing up my observations of my system w corroboration and respect. I recommend having someone you trust ride shotgun on appts until the dr is in the habit of taking you seriously if you can. Or keep looking for a doc who will listen. It’s hard… I’ve been thru insane situations being misunderstood and infantalised w serious health conditions. I feel your frustration and my heart goes out to you.
"Strong Female Character" by Fern Brady. Scottish comedian Fern Brady was told she couldn't be autistic because she'd had loads of boyfriends and is good at eye contact. In this frank and surreal memoir, she delivers a sharp and often hilarious portrait of neurodivergence and living unmasked.
Some people are saying they don't like the slapstick backhands but I thought it was funny. You are the best autistic TH-camr because you show a lot of personality. I am also an animated autistic person and I enjoy your antics.
He is my favourite auDHD TH-camr and I agree that the effect was cool. But at the same time it also made me slightly uncomfortable, especially the sound 😅
😂 I appreciate that!! I loved the smacks too. My wife and I kept giggling as we were watching the edits. I do what comes naturally when I record my videos and the backhands just happened because of how horrible my past doctors and therapists have been.
yes the slappy sound effects to describe the frustration remind me of my frustration stim which is he "ha HAAAH" of Roberto the "feeling stabby" robot on Futurama tv show. the expression / my vocalizing of the "ha HAAH" feels good and helps me dissapate the tension in my body
I LOVE your humor Chris- it’s such a welcome addition to these videos. I am also a comic genius when I’m not struggling to figure all of this out about myself or lying face down too! Your content is invaluable and helps me so much ❤
so, as it’s said in this video, nobody is better equipped to help autistic people, than autistic people so glad you found such an amazing therapist. may i ask you how did she find out she’s autistic? did you already have a diagnosis/knew, or she identified you as autistic and then discovered she related to you? sorry to be nosy, i’m just really intrigued
You’re very lucky! Thanks for sharing this too - helps the rest of us have hope in finding someone great too 😊 And it’s interesting - our work in education helped Debby see parallels and pieced things together for my autism before I got diagnosed officially as well. Not sure I would have noticed on my own 😅
That’s awesome! I’m sure your therapist is so glad your paths crossed. The same thing happened to Steph. If you haven’t checked out the book yet, I highly recommend it! As for me, I wouldn’t have realized I’m autistic if it weren’t for my autistic kids.
Chris and Debby, So glad to come across your channel. My 14 year old son was recently diagnosed Autistic, but has been diagnosed ADHD for years. He has been able to make a connection to many things you have mentioned. I can not tell you how special and important the work is you are doing. I appreciate you. Thank you for all of your hard work, and thank you for being your amazing you!
At the neurologist, after 2 months waiting for this appointment: Me: I have a hard time trying to comunicate what I want to say... Doctor: I can understand you just fine. NEXT!
The amount of rehearsal for me to say that the words that come out only sound fine if you don't know what I was trying to say. Or if you don't know what I forgot to say.
I have reached this point with my primary, who probably is in some way ND. She got out her mental label-maker and made me a label, which, I think is "patient thinks she knows more than me."
I hasten to say, my attitude with new doctors is, "you are interviewing for a job working for me." I don't hire someone who doesn't prove they suit my needs.
@@MelissaThompson432I just had my “therapist” (who I am inching towards firing) tell me my prescriber (who I’m also inching towards firing) “knows what she’s doing” in response to my annoyance that she thought taking an extended release medication taken once every 24 hours in the morning would be the same as taking it in the evening! 🤦♀️ I started talking about serum concentration graphs, and he suggested I try to explain that to her. I said, “I did, and she basically just kept repeating herself.”. I had wanted to take half of the dose of something I’d been taking in the evening in the morning; I ended up following her logic and saying “Okay, well, then, can I just take it in the mornings, instead of the evenings, if it makes no difference?”, which she was fine with; and that is working out. But yeah, trying to get my prescriptions moved to my PCP so I can disconnect from that whole dog-and-pony show! 😑
@@misspat7555 yes, I have a very low tolerance level for people who graduated with a 6- or 8-year degree who know less than I do.... Which I suppose makes my primary's attitude not-unwarranted.... 😂😂😂
"Have you tried not doing that" really hit me in the feels. Scene: Me, an undiagnosed AuDHDer in 5th grade (a looooonnnnnngggggg time ago), experiencing sensory overload, using the excuse of cleaning my desk (the kind where the top lifts up to reveal storage for books under it) to try to hide the fact that I'm about to melt down (again), another girl insisting on "helping" me who won't take "no" and "it's ok, I've got it" for an answer. After several times of trying to politely ask her to leave me alone, I finally snapped at her, she got upset, I felt guilty about hurting her feelings and (still overloaded) burst into tears (yet again). Teacher takes me out to the hall. Teacher says "You know, the other kids would like you better if you just didn't cry so much." Oh gee, why didn't I think of that?!?! Anyway, thanks for the book recommendation. I might have to check it out - now that I'm on meds for my ADHD, I might actually be able to read it! :)
As a recently late diagnosed AuDHDer in his 50s, therapy gaslighting was top of mind. I was able to find a late diagnosed autistic therapist. It’s not that he can do anything any other therapist couldn’t, but his experience means I know I can discuss my experiences, and I know he will believe me, especially around the challenges of masking. He hasn’t necessarily had the same experiences, but he has been close enough to simply believe me.
You know, I just realized I had 2 "Veronicas" in my past. 1 was my first psychiatrist who diagnosed me as bipolar with a worksheet I would have had in highshool psychology. He took one look and said " Oh, yep, you're bipolar. I'm putting you on lithium" which is one of the strongest medicines you can be on for that to my knowledge. And then my second one a few years later, when I realized it wasn't exactly bipolar. I asked for a new diagnosis and his response was "All things that are similar are treated pretty much the same way." So I was kept on medication without even being acknowledged that I didn't think it was correct and getting NO HELP. I stayed on meds I didn't need for over a decade due to this kind of thing. I only figured out it was austism a grand total of 2 weeks ago, around my 41ist birthday. I will definitely have to look into this book, so thank you Chris.
My experience has been similar... only I have been accused of doing drugs. When I feel trapped and defeated, I stare. It is me coping in an extremely difficult situation when dialogue isn't working. It is horrible. If I were to say everything that is on my mind in the moment it would be extremely inappropriate and I would hurt the feelings of the person in front of me. My masking is an art form. I know you and can become you quickly... I also know your weaknesses and can hurt your feelings like no other. Me staring at you is me choosing my discomfort over yours while you insult me. This is my hell. Thank you for sharing what seems to be a valuable resource with me. I will definitely look into this! Chris, you are such an asset to this community! Thank you! Take care, my friend!😀
What you're describing is also something I feel like I have done at times too. I haven't been accused of the drugs, but the dissociation (not sure if I'm spelling that correctly) and also being able to say things that are sharp right in that moment - I have done that too. I also have heard many other autistic people share some of these experiences as well. For me, I've come to realize that saying things like that is often because I want my space and if I can't get that, I'll do and say whatever I can to get that, including saying things like you describe. Over time, I've been trying to be more clear before that time comes (for me, that's what a shutdown or early stage meltdown often looks like) so that I don't get pushed and am also clear and self-advocating for what I need right then. Thanks for sharing this - and thanks for being here too! Appreciate your support - and also hope this is a good read (or listen, with audiobook!) for you 😊
This book was so incredibly validating as both a late diagnosed woman (level 2 at 39) and a former therapist. Everything that Steph went through I did as well. The abuse I experienced from therapists due to their ignorance and weaponization of a personality disorder misdiagnosis from THE AGE OF 15 onward was among the most hurtful of my all my traumatic experiences
Just ordered 3 copies. One for the therapist I saw for 15 years who never validated my challenges, spoke down to me, and told me, when I finally figured out on my own that I am Autistic, that I just wanted to be special.
Well, this just motivated me to continue pursing my counseling degree. Sounds like we need more Autistic therapists. As for books, I recommend I Am Autistic by Chanelle Moriah. It's a workbook I purchased when I first got diagnosed, and it was sooooooo helpful. Moriah breaks down all the different components of Autism, from the different type of sensory needs to alexithymia. Every page, I was like "Oh, that's why I do that. That's why I feel this way." It's a workbook, so you get a chance to reflect and write out your own notes. I highly recommend it.
Thanks for the recommendation - and absolutely about continuing because the world really really needs more autistic and neurodivergent therapists! So happy to hear that this could be a positive outcome of making these videos 😊
I had a frustrating experience just this week with a non autistic person. They used the “We all experience that sometimes “ BS and the most frustrating thing is I never feel like I communicate as effectively as needed why that statement is such ableist “you should try harder to make it easier on us non autistic people “ bs. I am convinced many of them are actually incapable of understanding or acknowledging that anything exists beyond their experience. I am just burnout from trying to help people understand Autism honestly. It has been this constant and rarely rewarding struggle. People also don’t seem to get that while me being autistic and having autistic children can be helpful in understanding them and seeing our experiences in a unique way it can also be extra challenging because our struggles can clash and the guilt of not being able to have been the perfect person they needed because I was so overwhelmed myself is soul crushing and one of those destructive mental loops that we get stuck in and people don’t get how easy it is to step into a loop but how difficult it can be to find a way out.
Psychedelics definitely have potential to deal with mental health symptoms like anxiety and depression, I would like to try them again but it's just so hard to source out here
I’ve been researching on psychedelics and it’s benefits to individuals dealing with Anxiety, Depression, ADHD and from my findings, they really work and I’ve been eager to get some for a while but its been difficult to get my hands on them.
The Trips I've been having really helped me a lot. I’m now able to meditate and I finally feel in control of my emotions and my future and things that used to be mundane to me now seem incredible and full of nuance on top of that I'm way less driven by my ego and I have alot more empathy as well
@@JamesFJohnson I feel the same way too. I put too much on my plate and it definitely affects my stress and anxiety levels. I am also glad to be a part of this community.
Thank you, thank you, thank you for recommending this book. Reading it now. already near tears after chapter one. This is me. Not diagnosed but in the diagnostic process. My eyes are being peeled open during the interview sessions with a friend and reading up on autism and looking back at my struggles over the 54 years of my life. Your channel is very, very helpful and informative.
I resonate with this so much. When I started looking at getting a diagnosis, I started to look at therapists on Psychology Today and cross-referenced them with my insurance. I found a therapist who takes my insurance, who is a late diagnosed autistic individual. I understand the problem with finding good resources for adults with adhd and autism. I am not sure if the same resource would work outside of the States, but I hope that anyone who is looking at a diagnosis or a therapist might find this useful.
We need more people to see this and these types of videos. Thanks for making the content that helps the "actually autistic" people to finally feel like someone else has the same experience as them. The validation is powerful.
I struggle with cleaning my house. I spend hours every day cleaning but it's somehow always messier then when I started. My therapist said "i know what's wrong" with a tone of certainty "you don't want it enough"... the air left my body. R u fn kidding me. I spend HOURS EVERY DAY!!!! she was so proud of herself too. 😤
I struggle with taking showers even though I know it's a requirement. My brain understands but my body struggles with paralysis or vice versa. I can't imagine a therapist telling me to "just do it" and smiling back at me as if there's nothing to it.
There’s a strong link between trauma and clutter. Many autistic people have experienced trauma just simply because people did not understand us. When we D clutter, it’s easier to keep things clean. There’s lots of good TH-camrs in information online! Hope this helps.
@@TranscendingTraumalol - likely true - however = declutterring often becomes : relocating the clutter as there is always a reason to having the items or believing there is a reason I’m keeping that but just can’t recall. The stress that making the right or wrong decision regarding where to put/what to donate/will the gift giver be mad/ I might loose weight ! / makes it really exhausting. Perhaps having someone that is safe- body double during the process might help/and yes videos.
YES!!! I'm listening to the audiobook, and it's THE absolute best. I've been abused and gaslighted by many therapists, doctors, and other medical "practitioners" over the years, and listening to this book is so incredibly validating. I also bought a paperback copy so I could highlight parts that stood out (of which there are many). 6:17 ohhhhhh how I identify with this! When I lived in L.A. in a terrible apartment building (that later I found a lawyer and sued the place for being a slum), when I would mention how horrible it was, people would say, "So why don't you just move?" DUHH! WOW WHY DIDN'T I THINK OF THAT?! Yeah, maybe because L.A. is super expensive and I don't have the MONEY to move?! What an idiotic effing question. As if I'd never thought of it. And I've had many other instances of people saying inane things like that as if they're soooo brilliant and I'm soooo stupid for not having thought of the utterly obvious. I identify with SO many things you talk about here, and Steph talks about in the book. The abusive therapists, the dismissive therapists, the apathetic therapists, the list goes on. The same is true for doctors. WHY do so many doctors not listen, mis-hear, misunderstand, and or dismiss what we have to say? I feel like I'm arguing a court case every time I try to explain to doctors, having been burned so many times by doctors who, like you say, act like you're LYING and/or cherry-pick certain things and ignore the rest. Or they're just downright incompetent. A few years ago I had a concussion, went to Kaiser, and sat there with my body going into shock while the doctor said, "If you can't answer my questions we need to go to emergency surgery NOW." So I did my best to answer his questions, fighting the growing chills (body temp was in the 70's), and a minute or two later when I asked about going back to work -- this was a Sunday -- he says," Oh, you'll be fine to go in tomorrow or maybe the day after." Like it was nothing. Then he handed me an after-care sheet that TOTALLY CONTRADICTED everything he'd just told me to do/not do. I literally had dizziness and a severe headache for nearly a week -- I knew there was no way I could drive a car. I had to hold onto furniture just to get across the room. And that's not the first time the doctor has told me one thing and the after-care sheet says something completely opposite or totally different. Who are we to listen to? Which instructions do we follow? For an autistic person, such contradictions are an absolute nightmare. After all the gaslighting and flip-flopping during the last few years about you-know-what, I'm terrified to go to ANY doctor anymore. Who do you trust? (And that doesn't scratch the surface of online contradictions: I recently had the first nosebleed I've ever had in my life, and LITERALLY found one article saying "Pack your nose with gauze or a tampon" and the one underneath it said "DO NOT pack your nose with anything." Excuse me, WHAT?!) The entire medical industry, both mental health and physical health (that includes dentists, which is another whole nightmare), is so messed up, and knowing who to trust is an impossible dilemma. Let's all hope it gets better soon.
This was my first autistic self-help book, and it still remains the top books I'd recommend 20+ books later 💖. I started reading it while I was going through the diagnosis process, and had started therapy for the first time in my life. The book made me a great self-advocate and more resistant to possible gaslighting. Thanks to this, I was able to identify when my therapist was being (unconsciously) ablelist. Steph writes clearly and gives the right level of 'technical' for me. Extra bonus: Steph also recommends so many good books as further reading.
Of course @A.H._ and @ChrisandDebby - caveat: these have been criticised sometimes for being ableist and privileged by some. But they probably would have the same criticism for this channel... 2. Niamh Garvey: Looking After Your Autistic Self- A Personalised Self-Care Approach to Managing Your Sensory and Emotional Well-Being - great if you are in the school of 'if I stay home to protect myself, I will not go out or have new experiences, so I will learn how to listen to my body and make accommodations'. Super practical and structured in a way that is pleasing to my brain. 3. Sarah Hendrickx: Women and Girls on the Autism Spectrum - very comprehensive and practical - refreshing in that it highlights particular challenges from childhood to post-menopause including co-morbid conditions. I identify as male, but this was super informative in that it looks at subtle (aka female) autistic traits (which I identify with more). Hendrickx also covers queerness. Lots of cited literature and great index. 4. Pierre Novellie: Why can't I just enjoy things?: a comedian's guide to autism - if you want a good laugh, or know someone who's interested in knowing more about ASD but isn't into serious texts, this is the one, as the man's a late-diagnosed stand-up. He is also in the 'know thyself and try to deal with the world' school. 5. Fern Brady: Strong Female Character - a fellow stand-up friend of Pierre Novellie, this book covers ASD, but it is not in the main seat like in Pierre's book. Great example of how differently ASD presents in folks. Fern rips apart her kitchen etc to cope, and writes how stripping was perfect for her because the intentions are clear. Great even for people who are not interested in ASD. Runner-ups: Cholé Hayden: Different Not Less (found it very energising); Unmasking Autism: Devon Price (practical, and great for looking at ASD from a queer perspective)
A funny (to me) thing happened just yesterday ("Yesterday" as I write this comment in August 2024.) I gathered up the courage to call my sister who is 11 years older than me and ask if she thought I might be autistic, based on memories of me as a child. She told me she didn't think about autism, but then she mentioned me: Reading the encyclopedia starting at A and going through the whole thing. Waking her up at 5:30 AM one day to tell her about Halley's Comet, the history of Edmund Halley, and the next time it would visit. I used to get along better with older kids and adults than with kids my own age. And I always wanted to stay home from school and read books, because I would learn more that way. (That last one is probably true for me.) I saved her the snarky response, but I'm fairly sure that all of these are common neurodivergent traits. :D
OMG I read the encyclopedia as well! It were 12 books and a 13th book with the index, all leather bound. It had some pages with colours for some amazing pictures and photos. Later at school, I used to cut out these photos and use them for my projects 😂 Teachers were always impressed. I particularly remember the topics "the moon" and "Egypt" with very exciting photos. Mind you, that was in the 80s 😂. Many years later my Mum found out, that pics were cut out from the books. I bluntly told her it was me (I hate lies). We are laughing about that sometimes. At least I good amazing grades for these projects 🤣
I remember that looking at the pictures of different mushrooms, plants and animals and learning their names and distinct features was one of my favorite pass time activities :) Be it encyclopedia or various atlases...
I relate heavily. Although I never woke people up at night to tell them things. In the day, sure, I'll wake you up. But not at night. And, yeah, the encyclopedias and the big dictionary lived in the dining room and were allowed on the table during meals because of all our lively, competitive, special interest invested conversations.
@@86PKG I remember talking to an older man on the bus when I was a teenager, and he said he had long ago gotten into the habit of reading a page of the dictionary every day. I found that interesting and I think I may have done it for a while. I do remember reading our encyclopedia set at home as a preteen, too! I mostly read through mythology entries and then looked up the related articles at the end of each entry. I would have multiple books open at one time and keep reading the related articles until I hit a dead end.
I realized I was actually autistic when I made a random comment about how I relate to something and got a viral response from the neurodivergent community just from commenting my experience.
Steph's book is amazing. I bought an e-copy yesterday after watching your video and will order hardcopy so I can mark up the margins with notes. I found me in several of her examples. One thing I hadn't understood about myself until I read her example was about losing skills. Yesterday before seeing your video, I tried to look over my budget. I could not add and check a simple column of numbers without getting a different answer at least six times. I finally just burst into tears. I know many people find this a difficult task, but I'm a former math teacher. This should have been easy peasy. When I read Steph's example, it all made sense. Another book I've found incredibly helpful is "Unmasking Autism" by Devon Price. Thanks, Chris, for this video.
I know exactly what you mean about the loss of skills. It’s so darn frustrating!! Take it easy on yourself 😊😊 And yes, Unmasking Autism is a good one! My wife and I read it together.
Weirdly, Stranger In a Strange Land by Robert Heinlein. Baby born on mars as his parents died was raised by Martians and then found on the next space mission as an adult and brought to earth Also, The Chrysalids by John Windam. "To be a mutant is to be hurt, always."
Thanks Chris for sharing your "ah-ha" book on autism. Here are mine: A different kind of normal by Abigail Balfe and I will die on this hill by Meghan and Jules. You guessed it, written by autistic author! The key take away for me was to find resources established by neurodivergent individuals. It made me feel supported, and I got answers to my questions (many questions). Feeling heard was very validating. Hearing about others success and challenges during different periods of their lives also helped aaaaaaa lot. I hope more members of the ASD community will find what they need through these book 📚
I have all these flashes of things I've said and behaviors exhibited over the years... I'll be surprised if I don't have autism at this point. Bruce Banner said it best "I'm stuck on a planet that's designed to stress me out!" or something like that. Another one I've said is "I need a vacation from my vacation" the time off work was more overstimulating than just staying home. Hooray for Debbie! 👋
I'm 35 and still not able to get a diagnosis, I don't even know if I want it anymore, I've suspected about being AuDHD for over 10 years, but my country is so backwards on mental health and they only consider any of this for children. Last time I went to the psych (with 6 doctors in the room!) they literally said "you need more motivation" and that I needed to be more social, "you should try it" they said, the Dx came out as "social phobia"… SIX DOCTORS IN THE ROOM, that's when I knew I'll never get the help I need and I just have to keep going and accept this is life. At least I have a partner who understands and believes me, idk what I'd be doing / would've done if I was on my own
12:30 Oh, I just remembered when I started seeking medical advice 10 years ago, the doctor literal said "you need more frustration in life, you've had it too easy, that's why you're having these tantrums" 🙄
Woooooo! I wish I would have gotten this a few years back (after my diagnosis)! I recently explained to my 6 year old (also autistic) that when people at school tell her she’s “overreacting” it means that they aren’t considering how SHE feels (even if they don’t realize it). It’s been hard finding a school that understands her needs and she’s currently being transferred to an accessible education school. Hopefully we’re able to find a good fit for her. It’s a lot of work but worth the consistent efforts.
The path to finding a good therapist causes me so much anxiety that I havent even attempted it yet. I'm 99.9% sure I am autistic but the thought of going through numerous therapists to find one that actually wants to help stops me from getting an official diagnosis. Not to mention the cost and time of it all. It's so frustrating that there arent more therapists out there that actually get it. I really hope the landscape of this changes at some point. Until then I'm glad there are other resources to consume to make sense of all the things.
2:20 this is a good take. It isnt fixed or cured, its understood so you can properly cope with it. You cant not have autism, so learn how to live with it in the most healthy way you can.
With a really bad history (six or seven during my time at uni), I was hesitant to reach out for one after my diagnosis... but I needed something to try to help with the rampant meltdowns nearly twice a week. Luckily, the woman that did the consultation was able to book for experts in ND, checking their boxes for ADHD and ASD, so I ended up with a therapist that has ADHD. It does seem to be working out so far, but maybe it also helped that we went into it with that really bad history in mind and he is wanting to avoid repeating that with me. No idea on what all I need yet, or what things to avoid, but I am slowly learning and trying to distance myself from the bad and get overwhelm less often (recognising when the battery is getting low is a trick in itself)... but hard to help it when I still have things I have to get done (deadlines suck). Also, this becomes even more of a trick when trying to appease two parts of the brain, as I like to see it. Giving each one what they want, when they want it, because otherwise they will get their revenge... and it can be really bad.
Hey, thank you for this video ! I found your TH-cam channel this summer and you can't imagine how much each resource you share helps me since my recent diagnosis. You help me put words into my experience which helps me understand myself and being able to explain my reality to others so that I can start to advocate better for my needs (I have severe alexithymia, so this has been a huge struggle my whole life). I wanted to tell you that I'm thankful for your editing style, I too have ADHD as well and I found myself being able to follow along from start to finish which is a breeze. Thank you for existing and doing what you do 🤗❤️🩹
#4!! Recently diagnosed at age 60 and feel like no one is listening to me. Doctors and psychiatrist both. It's like they just nod their heads and don't really answer my questions.
Steph's book IS a lifesaver❣❣❣ I have read it, and it is hard to say powerfully enough, how important reading it was. Thank you, Chris, for this brilliant and entertaining summary! Now, my problem only is that I don't know anymore whether you or Steph make the best jokes...🤔😂 Namely, who had expected that a book with a topic like that could be a fun read, too. But Steph has been able to include good laughs in the text too. 😅👌 Another hallmark book for me is the book Complex PTSD by Pete Walker. Like Steph's book about autism, Pete's book about PTSD validated my invisible childhood trauma experience and gave me keys to seeking appropriate support and tools to heal. From where I come from, CPTSD isn't officially considered a thing. And just like in autism, one's covert trauma experiences are misinterpreted and misdiagnosed. Pete Walker opened my eyes to understand what's the cause and what's the effect regarding childhood trauma. These two books together are a great combo to understand what's autism's part and what's coming from trauma. Recommendation to read both! 👍
I think one reason providers are more comfortable diagnosing ADHD is that they are comfortable with the next steps, specifically medication. Providers aren't looking for autism because there is basically nothing they can do. Like, if you aren't a child, they have no idea.
Oh this is so true! My psychiatrist as well will do an assesment for ADHD next. She said she will "observe" for autism, but quote "it isn't forseen here (the country I live) to be diagnosed in adults and there is nothing we can really do for you."
And in the US the primary purpose for the DSM is to match conditions up with medications. It's to the point that the way Comedian taylor tomlinson got diagnosed with Bipolar disorder is she looked up all the meds that helped with her depression and asked her therapist. The weird part is Gabapentin should work for a lot of people with autism because GABA is a neurochemical that people with autism are often low on. (If you can't get gabapentin, NAC might also help raise levels of GABA in the brain, and as always, look up what doses have been tested because too much of something can cause side effects even if it's otherwise safe)
Oh this is so on point! Good doctors want to help people so badly. that they often refuse to even talk about things that are untreatable. Last year I thought I had a brain tumor (I didn't) because of tinnitus and headaches. My doctor refused to even acknowledge my concern. Endometriosis falls under that category. The only treatments are intense hormone therapies or a hysterectomy and with doctors wanting women to stay useful for baby making, they'd rather not give women the option. It's usually not even form a point of malice, but it hurts people nonetheless. Often a little bit of understanding, a fancy word diagnosis and some simple work accommodations (in my county you need a diagnosis for that) can make a world of a difference.
Chris nailed so many things in this video. I will only reference the part about being misunderstood and being accused of lying. I can only remember a couple of times that people actually told me that they thought I was lying, but so many times people have given me that snide look that says they think I'm lying! So hurtful and discouraging. Just finished this video. Off to get the book.
This book fills a huge, huge need! Wish I'd had it 30 years ago...wait, 35 years ago...when I first started therapy. I kept trying and trying to find the right therapist, but now it all makes sense. One therapist told me, "You just need to learn how to be uncomfortable." Really--are you living my life?? I keep hoping I'll wake up with the thousands of dollars I spent redeposited into my bank account.
Ok, I'm 24% of the way through the book. It is incredibly painful to read, honestly. I am glad it is not too late to start reducing the trauma I inflect on other autistic people.
5:53 that's really interesting. For me when I have autistic breakdowns its not that the parts that keep me sane are gone, they are still there, but on top of that, there's just things happening I cant control. Mostly sobbing, and a lot of pain. But in terms of awareness, im still fully aware.
Sounds like an interesting read. Especially since I'm looking for a new therapist after my last one, a brilliant guy, retired. He got so burned out from fighting a very hostile system he was spending more time assisting in administration, legal explanation and the other deliberate pitfalls the government is pushing on us, than actually doing therapy. Anyway, finding a new one is proving challenging, as older, late diagnosed autistics are considered 'lost causes' by most, and there's a huge waiting list for any form of therapy to begin with, not just for autistic people. A nice book I found is "But you don't look autistic at all" (translated from Dutch, not sure there's an official English release) by Bianca Toeps. She wrote a very poignant description on why the DSM entry for autism is wrong, and why the scientists behind it (David Baron Cohen et all) delivered a very shoddy work that harmed so many of us.
Bianca Toep's book is available in English. She has an interesting website, with a story of being a Dutch person who moved to Japan, and another about participating in a workshop run by Japanese autism researchers. I found her writing appealing. Thanks for the suggestion.
I've read the book and yes, it was a "aha!" moment! The book, your videos, helped me A LOT! And now, as Autistic that found it out at 51, I am way calmer and less anxious. Thanks a million
Thank you. My life's so full of Veronicas it's horrible. I'm learning more about myself and how to work with myself from your videos than I have from 95% of the doctors and therapists I've been around.
I watched quite a lot TH-cam videos with different presenters being autistic but I really love your content and your personality. It’s interesting to watch and I really like your style of presentation. I’m also late diagnosed with autism and with persistent depression disorder (dysthymia) on top and can related to many of your examples in your videos. The one example you told in a video that you try to avoid meeting people while going to the bathroom was so spot on that my headphones almost fell off from nodding so hard because I do the exact same thing. Thanks for making these videos the way you do.
I've always lamented that I need to be able to invite someone into my head so SOMEONE will understand what life is like for me. You, sir, seem to be in my head, and I SO APPRECIATE your videos. I have some really great people who love me and try to understand, but they just can't understand. I've noticed that when things get dark for me, I feel so much better if I seek out "my people," and your videos have been immensely comforting to me. Thank you for sharing!!!
I had one that kept shifting in his seat like he had inflamed hemorrhoids in order to not zonk out, in a group therapy setting no less! I didn't go back
This is a great book. A couple of months after my dx I was thinking about the therapy and what I wanted to prioritize. Then I heard this book mentioned, in a stream or podcast, so I decided to wait. Now that I've read it I feel in a much better position to be able to go forward with my priorities. As for good books that depends on what your looking for. This year of been getting several autism/neurodiversity related books month. The most reading I've done since I was a student. Many have been the regular ones which are mentioned in the community, though a couple of recent ones with a read are 'Avoiding Anxiety in Autistic Adults' by Dr Luke Beardon and 'A Mismatch of Salience' by Dr Damian Milton. The latter being a more academic book with one of the papers discussing the double empathy problem.
Thanks for sharing these recommendations! Just ordered these 👍 and also glad to hear this book helped you a lot too. I also felt a lot more comfortable and for me, this book also helped Debby a lot to better understand why these changes in the way we both do things in our lives together was important to improve how things were going. It’s made such a difference already. Glad to hear it’s helping you feel confident with your priorities too 👍
Chris (and Debby), Thank you so much for this video! I was actually partway through the audiobook of Steph’s book but forgot to go back and finish until I started your video. Lol I binged the audiobook all day and came back to watch your video now. 😊❤ I greatly appreciate all your videos I have been watching lately, as I only recently figured out I’m not just ADHD/ CPTSD but autistic. It’s wild, the amount of relatable and helpful information that has finally been unlocked to me, now that I know to search things like “AUDHD”.
Chris (and Debby), Thank you so much for this video! I was actually partway through the audiobook of Steph’s book but forgot to go back and finish until I started your video. Lol I binged the audiobook all day and came back to watch your video now. 😊❤ I greatly appreciate all your videos I have been watching lately, as I only recently figured out I’m not just ADHD/ CPTSD but autistic. It’s wild, the amount of relatable and helpful information that has finally been unlocked to me, now that I know to search things like “AUDHD”. P.S. I just finished your video! Your *Whoopshhh!!!* sound effects at Veronica were so satisfying. 😁 Got me feeling shyyyyyy! 😊
I finally get when my husband giggles at my sound effects 😊. Believe it or not the sound effects I make was one of the first things that attracted him to me. He loves me for me ❤. That is so important since I was not well liked in school by most students and some teachers. I also have a small amount of friends that love me too. Most of the other people in my life really don’t know who I am. I want to read this book. Thank you!!!!!!
I just finished this book after seeing your video yesterday. It was so so so good. I can't thank you enough for the amazing recommendation. I just started therapy, again, and I feel like this book has given me some real perspective on what to look for while I'm there. It's so nice that Steph gives the readers permission to recognize that the therapist doesn't know everything, that yes, indeed, you might have to teach your therapist a thing or two about autism. I hope this foray into therapy isn't a fruitless journey as the rest have been , but I feel like now I have a better jumping off point. Thank you, thank you thank you. Shy
Thanks! I've downloaded the book to read soon! My therapist has been generally great, but my old GP (who has since retired) was terrible. He was from the old-school "doctor knows best" mentality and TERRIBLE at listening to his patients. The worst one for me was when I told him, "Hey, I get mood swings at certain points of my menstrual cycle - is there anything we can do about that?" He gave me a book recommendation about anxiety, which was fine, I guess. I don't mind reading new books. But every single visit after that, he asked about "my anxiety" and how it was going. I don't have anxiety. I have never had anxiety. What I had were hormone fluctuations. (Incidentally, vitamin D worked very well at reducing the number of mood-swing-y days per month - something my dear friend recommended and my GP seemed totally surprised about.)
First of, thank you for talking about these topics. I'm lucky I have an amazing therapist now, but I remember one who would be checking his email and text messages while I was talking. He was nice and I do believe he tried to help me, but I didn't feel comfortable telling him the truth because of his lack of interest (and the fact I only had therapy once every 6 weeks, which meant I felt I had to get to know him and the building itself again every time I went there, which made me more anxious and stressed). Since I couldn't tell the truth he couldn't help me causing a kind of impasse until life inevitably got so stressful I had to do something. He was shocked to hear things were this bad. More than a year of therapy and he didn't know... and the worst part? I would partly blame myself for not telling what was bothering me and causing my life to get this stressful and generally bad. Thanks to my new therapist and people like you I now know that I shouldn't blame myself.
Thanks for this recommendation. My old therapist was a total Veronica. I had sessions over zoom because she was 2 hours away, and not only was she a jerk, but she would flush the toilet, brush her teeth, or do the dishes during the session! Oh, and she complained about her boss and the other therapist too. It was like, girl, whose session is this?
Downloading meow. I've had such a frustrating time trying to get therapy that actually helps over the last few years. The process of starting over with a new therapist and retelling history is so expensive and draining. I would love some tactics to make it more effective. Great recommendation ✨
Hi Chris. I really like your content a lot (I also share it with people I think might beneift from watching/listening to how you describe what 'we' live). I did see this book in one or two of your other videos before (I think in one it was part of a stack/pile of interesting ones - I also picked the Pete Wharmby ref from it ;-) ; and in the other one you did clearly mention it..) anyway I got it right away and found it really a very good book, helpful. Steph Jones explains so clearly a lot; I recognized some comments I received (which hurt me like an arrow at the time... especially the "magical thinking" one when I suggested I might (actually I said I'm close to 100% certain to) be autistic...and that was after a year deep diving in tons of information testimonies, conferences I've listened to and watches...)) - I couldn't sleep at all that night after this comment ..It's hard. But this book, 1 year after that comment, with many other examples she shared helped me 'get closure' somehow . (Eventually, very soon after the 'incident' I understood that AuDHD is the exact mix which explains 99 if not 100% of my life - I'm over 40 now and a woman). Thank you very much for your work. and Thank alll of 'you' who share your experience so we can help ourselves better /more (or start doing it for many) as we no longer feel alone, broken etc... Nothing is to be fixed, and we need to self advocate, this is key indeed.
Thank you so much for the recommendation! I’ve just ordered it. Your videos have been super helpful to me. I only recently found out that I had been diagnosed as a kid. I’m in my mid-fifties. I can relate to so much of what you have talked about. Thanks again.
Thank you for being you. I know you weren't trying to be funny, but I was dying laughing from your reactions in this video 🤣. I can't wait to read this book!!
I get that! And same for me with adhd too. This isn’t a book I’d recommend reading straight through - I read it in chunks and it is very readable like that. It’s broken into chapters but also smaller sections within the chapters and I needed that a lot. The two of us listened to the audiobook together as well in the car - also highly recommend. Plus the narrator really nails it, esp her impression of Veronica. Don’t feel bad that it’s hard to read a book straight through. I’d guess it is very common for many autistic ADHDers and definitely for me, especially when I’ve been in burnout.
I've found that for non-fiction, audiobooks work waaay better for me. I usually work on a puzzle or listen while driving. Maybe that will be the trick for you.
I just went through this yesterday. I’ve been ruminating over that ridiculous questionnaire that the guy gave me. It’s as if he wasn’t hearing me at all just listening for ways to respond saying that it’s all adhd . When people with adhd have called you weird or been confused by you your entire life, then I think maybe it more than adhd. And how can a person who has masked their entire life answer those archaic questions in one session. Grrrr!!
Yes, we are working on more content about this too. Preparing for the assessments is SO important. It's hard to think on the spot and answer in the time they give you...while feeling the other person's push to get you to finish faster 😫 Will you have a chance to follow up with more information? I feel like that should really be an option always - especially if you are like me and have delayed processing time! Sometimes I remember things several days later and realize - "Oh, is that what they were actually trying to say?"
@@ChrisandDebbyso true! Most of the questions in the different tests are so dumb and phrased only with the stereotypical autistic person in mind. It is especially difficult if you suspect / know you have both ADHD and autism. "Do you prefer to go to the museum or a party?" Well it depends! I'm sure they want to hear "the museum" for you to be autistic. But is this museum quiet? Or is it packed with screaming children? And I LOVE to go to hard techno parties. I wear sunglasses and ear plugs (I'm noise sensitive!), but I can be myself. There is no other noise, just music. Nobody talks to me and I can barely see anything. This is my therapy! Best part is the after party at a friends place: 8 to 10 people that I know very well, everybody is only dancing and the music is only at room volume to not disturb the neighbours. Does this make me less autisitc? I hardly think so! Or even questions like "I like to categorize things". First I thought "no, absolutely not". Then I remembered the colour swatch charts I make for all my pastel pens. And how all pens need to be in the same order. I opened the storage room and everything is sorted im categories and in each category by size. Abd then I looked behind at the book shelf, where all books are sorted by colour and size.. Ups..
@@anna-marianunezvega1520 yes , I made a color map for my alcohol markers because the colors on the lid did not match the actual color. Had to redo it 3 times because I kept forgetting a color.
@@ChrisandDebbyI have another appointment in two months however, I have cptsd and part of it was being constantly gaslit and not believed. I am out of the situation; however, when I am around anyone that does the same thing (most doctors offices) it sends me into a spiral for days.
~3.10 We are not always being diagnosed because we are not coping. For example (now confirmed Autism with high masking) it only came about because I was helping a very close friend with raising a young grandchild. We were doing the research because the child was still too young to test, but the traits were there. Your channel happened to come up in my feed. It is where I found out about high masking. Dot-to-dots and bingo. A lot of eye openers, and a lot of things making sense that did not before. If it had not been for helping that young child, I would never have known or got tested. So, another way this is going to happen is someone close to you or in the family is struggling. For whatever reason, the penny drops that other relatives (or yourself) might have traits and you get tested. Not sure what the correct word is, but it is like osmosis.
I just started a new job and have a long commute now (40 miles one direction) and am going to get his book on audio so that I can listen during my commute. Thanks!!
After years of wondering/believing I have autism I finally gathered the courage to see someone last Friday. This is what she said These days everybody's somewhere on the spectrum." I was tempted to ask for a refund. What's the point i wonder. I'm 62 yrs old.
I’m so sorry. If everyone was somewhere on the autism spectrum, everyone would be autistic. Autism didn’t even exist as a diagnostic category when you were a child, the arrogance from that provider is astounding
Wow, they obviously know nothing about autism. Everyone’s heart races sometimes but we’re not all on the heart failure spectrum. We all get short of breath sometimes but we’re not all on the asthma spectrum. You either have those things or you don’t, and if you do, some people have them more intensely than others. Autism is the exact same. It’s a spectrum *only for people who have it.* Whoever you saw can put that in their pipe and smoke it.
The slapping effects are EXACTLY what I feel doing to sooooooo many “professionals” that I have to deal with, thank you sooooooooooo much guys for give us guidance and voice. ❤
And to not just professionals. I feel like doing this to anyone--colleagues, family, friends--who gallop through conversations and don't listen because they assume they know what you are going to say and then presume to tell you "the answer". Its awful.
So much wasted 💰 on therapists, psychiatrists who were not educated enough, trained or rather interested in me as a person (esp if not remembered chikdhood - hint duh). No turds in my life right now. Also now get it how I really had hard time adjusting to changes in my routine multiple times by bosses/DONs who were really not patient or willing to understand. Was before my late ASD dx. Now I get it. Frustrating that felt so much like a “pain” to others. Remember that it took me longer to do things than others- esp writing and communicating. 💙💞🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻💞💙👊
Yes! Understanding more about why this is happening for you is so key. I also didn't understand my "irrational" frustration at changes in routines until after diagnosis... wish some of the doctors and therapists had just listened better and known more too. Hopefully you're figuring out adjustments in your life - and keep those turds away!
This book is amazing. After reading bits of it, i had to start talking about it to others. I tell everyone who is neurodivgent and / or a therapist needs to read this. I saw her do an interview with another autistic youtuber. I instantly ordered her book. I am so glad I did. The part in the book that shocked me first is the part where you finish a sentence. I thought the same thing as her fork. When thinking it, I was like, what the he'll is that answer. Then read she said fork too. I was like, what? I tested other people. Honestly, I had just started with a new therapist, and this book helped me to voice what about the way she asked a question caused me distress. Talked about how I already disect stuff, and what we are doing is putting the object back together. The cleche puzzle. I already have all the pieces and don't need to turn a 300-piece puzzle into a 1,000 piece puzzle. I need to make it feel like a 100-piece puzzle or 50 piece.
Hello sir, thank you for sharing this. Without sharing to many details, what you said made a lot of sense. To say the last few years have been a struggle would be quite the understatement. The feeling of relief to finally find some way of describing, in words I don't have, a problem I never knew I had. I always wondered what vaccine I missed growing up, so finding out it's not "me" but my brain was a bit of a shock. I look forward to learning more. Thanks again
So I'm writing this after sobbing for the last 20 minutes, while trying to reset my password so I can buy the book. If you don't mind, could you reach out with resources for Autism related "Grown Up" problems?
raise your hand if you were air blackslapping imaginary psyciatrists along with Chris by point 3 (hand up). I've never seen anything this relatable, I can't wait to read the book this weekend. Thanks so much as always!
Ty. Hi-mask+iq+cptsd+add+mor, Sx-99, global generalist, preparing for "organizational" circus roles. Sorry bout costume dept stuff. But the improvements are impressive.
ahhh, steve...the purple and cream fart poofs are so much better than the eye flames. Chris in the rain was lovely. you are getting closer to making beautiful video masterpieces that meet the sensory needs of your audience. congratulations. feel free to cut out ALL the mundane stock clip footage with human beings. Chris and Debbie and their friends are doing a great job providing visual interest. I know you love stock clips, so keep the animals and scenery. with gratitude. ❤
“Ya turd!” My husband and I were just talking about me finding a therapist, but I have a lot of worries you addressed here (validation for those worries…)- great timing for this video- I ordered the book!
Did you find an autism-aware therapist? The insurance industry has driven so many therapists from accepting insurance that it’s already difficult to find any therapist. It is so expensive to pay out of pocket. Congratulations on figuring this out! Will order the book. Thank you
I think we as patients, don't have a good chance to find help from doctors. It is more realistic to learn and study about (our unique form of) autism on our own, if we can. Psychologists, psychiatrists and therapists are taught how to make people go back to the work force. As cold (and crazy) as it sounds. But there is a logic in it... So, the focus is not on your personal development, but mainly into getting you to go back to being productive. Work. Period. I know some fortunate people get good help, but it's like a lottery. Knowledge is power.
Thank you for your videos. (Even if I have major difficulties handling your slapping-sound… I had to watch the video without sound and just subtitles 🙈.) Even if there might be good therapists, it is (almost obviously) impossible to get one. You have to wait months to get a first appointment (what means you afterwards can apply for a spot on the waiting list to get a full therapy place in some more months). If you choose to not stick with that therapist (what you are allowed to of course) you can restart the journey of calling therapists to hear they do not accept new patients. I have been driving almost two hours single-way to see a therapist. And I cannot do that on a regular basis.
@@KathrineJKozachokyeah, no. Family might be supportive, often aren't. Friends are hard to make an easy to lose for autistic people. And Jesus? I read the book about him. I don't think he was autistic, or real. In short, your advice is borderline offensive, or flat out offensive, depending on the motivation behind it, especially in this forum.
Thank you for this video. I’ve ordered the book. A book I’m almost finished reading is “Autism Feels…” by Orion Kelly. I have an appointment for my autism eval. next month. So much box what you describe in your video describes my experience. Hope I don’t encounter a Veronica.
That sounds like a great plan! The two of us read this book together, and we also listened to the audiobook in the car together later too. Excited to hear how it helps your family too!
I'm writing it down in the Very Important Sketchbook, where everything Very Important goes! Then when I'm next at the library/bookstore I'm jumping all over this book!
I had those problems with drs, therapists, physiatrist, phycologist, and it just added to my Cptsd. Late diagnosed adhd in 2022 @ 48 and asd in 2023 @ 49.
If you have read this book, let us know something you learned! Also drop your own book recommendations for us below 👇
If you'd like to purchase the book: amzn.to/3v3Axyr
Currently reading Unmasking Autism. Definitely picking this one up next. I'm 50, manage a group home for disabled adults, and am finally realizing why this job feels so much like home.
I felt so validated by this book
This is not a book about autism, but for me it became the last drop I needed to understand many things; this book woke up wisdom in me. And amongst all this it made me realize the reason for my CPTSD and why I was finally able to override my upbringing and get out of the abuse circle: it was my autism.
I think others may relate to the life examples in this book.
The book is from Karyl McBride and it is called "Will I Ever Be Good Enough?"
This book marks a before and after in my healing journey of 10+ years. Please give it a chance! ❤
"Maar je ziet er helemaal niet autisch uit* by Bianca Toeps. Has been translated into English:
"But you don't look autistic at all".
Thanks for sharing this! Will add it to our list 😊
That feeling when the therapist's advice isn't any better than what a stranger might say to you over social media.
I've gotten vastly more insight / perspective shifting from social media vs therapists
There are only so many variations of "you're resilient", "you seem to have a lot of insight on this" and "you seem to be coping ok" that you can hear before they all end up being duplicates
I want more than "you're still going" and "you're not new to this"
@@BliffleSplick you might want to look into EMDR
their egos too big their knowledge to low.
@@2Bstrifeless you mean purposely stimming while being purposely triggered?
“Have you tried scheduling?” 😵💫
1. Autism isn't something that needs to be fixed or cured. It needs to be understood.
2. Being autistic in today's world, and especially being a late-diagnosed autistic adult, is unique and challenging, especially with common co-occuring conditions
3. Autistic people need to understand their own unique needs and put themselves in the right environment with the right people
4. Autistic people need to learn how to self-advocate, especially with therapists and doctors. Otherwise it can be problematic or even cause trauma.
5. It takes a special kind of person to be an effective therapist for autistic individuals
(This summary brought to you by the letters a, d, h, and d again, and the number 42)
Each is expanded in more useful detail with examples and experiences, and it's worth a full listen, but this is what I looked for and couldn't find before I started playing the video, so here it is in case that's also your brain's need.
1 2:15
2 4:29
3 8:15
4 10:27
5 15:28
Awesome! Thank you!
Thank you!
You are the MVP. Thank you!
Have you tried going to the doctor as a woman? Everything gets dismissed as related to weight, anxiety, or hormones. That is, if you're not making it up entirely.
Or periods
Can I please give you an AMEN and a Nobel in Medicine? If you are a woman and leave a doctor’s office unharmed it is a major miracle. I can say that. I used to be in health care. Keep shouting from the roof tops. Thank you!!!!!!!!!
😑😑😑
Absolutely!
Yep- why my husband is my official medical advocate abd comes to my appointments w me. He models letting me have my full say and taking me seriously and backing up my observations of my system w corroboration and respect. I recommend having someone you trust ride shotgun on appts until the dr is in the habit of taking you seriously if you can. Or keep looking for a doc who will listen. It’s hard… I’ve been thru insane situations being misunderstood and infantalised w serious health conditions. I feel your frustration and my heart goes out to you.
"Strong Female Character" by Fern Brady. Scottish comedian Fern Brady was told she couldn't be autistic because she'd had loads of boyfriends and is good at eye contact. In this frank and surreal memoir, she delivers a sharp and often hilarious portrait of neurodivergence and living unmasked.
Have this on our list! Thanks for sharing - and that reasoning from doctors for why she couldn’t be autistic 😩
I adore her comedy.
She'd also had *loads of girlfriends, as well. :)
Some people are saying they don't like the slapstick backhands but I thought it was funny. You are the best autistic TH-camr because you show a lot of personality. I am also an animated autistic person and I enjoy your antics.
He is my favourite auDHD TH-camr and I agree that the effect was cool. But at the same time it also made me slightly uncomfortable, especially the sound 😅
😂 I appreciate that!! I loved the smacks too. My wife and I kept giggling as we were watching the edits. I do what comes naturally when I record my videos and the backhands just happened because of how horrible my past doctors and therapists have been.
i love the personality and content, but the backhands’ sound didn’t sit right with me, unfortunately
yes the slappy sound effects to describe the frustration remind me of my frustration stim which is he "ha HAAAH" of Roberto the "feeling stabby" robot on Futurama tv show. the expression / my vocalizing of the "ha HAAH" feels good and helps me dissapate the tension in my body
I LOVE your humor Chris- it’s such a welcome addition to these videos. I am also a comic genius when I’m not struggling to figure all of this out about myself or lying face down too! Your content is invaluable and helps me so much ❤
I am SO lucky to have an amazing therapist. And, through working with me, she even discovered that she's autistic.
so, as it’s said in this video, nobody is better equipped to help autistic people, than autistic people
so glad you found such an amazing therapist. may i ask you how did she find out she’s autistic? did you already have a diagnosis/knew, or she identified you as autistic and then discovered she related to you? sorry to be nosy, i’m just really intrigued
@@A.H._ I was already diagnosed, and she identified with so many of my strengths and struggles.
You’re very lucky! Thanks for sharing this too - helps the rest of us have hope in finding someone great too 😊
And it’s interesting - our work in education helped Debby see parallels and pieced things together for my autism before I got diagnosed officially as well. Not sure I would have noticed on my own 😅
That’s awesome! I’m sure your therapist is so glad your paths crossed. The same thing happened to Steph. If you haven’t checked out the book yet, I highly recommend it!
As for me, I wouldn’t have realized I’m autistic if it weren’t for my autistic kids.
Chris and Debby,
So glad to come across your channel. My 14 year old son was recently diagnosed Autistic, but has been diagnosed ADHD for years. He has been able to make a connection to many things you have mentioned. I can not tell you how special and important the work is you are doing. I appreciate you. Thank you for all of your hard work, and thank you for being your amazing you!
At the neurologist, after 2 months waiting for this appointment:
Me: I have a hard time trying to comunicate what I want to say...
Doctor: I can understand you just fine. NEXT!
The amount of rehearsal for me to say that the words that come out only sound fine if you don't know what I was trying to say. Or if you don't know what I forgot to say.
I have reached this point with my primary, who probably is in some way ND. She got out her mental label-maker and made me a label, which, I think is "patient thinks she knows more than me."
I hasten to say, my attitude with new doctors is, "you are interviewing for a job working for me." I don't hire someone who doesn't prove they suit my needs.
@@MelissaThompson432I just had my “therapist” (who I am inching towards firing) tell me my prescriber (who I’m also inching towards firing) “knows what she’s doing” in response to my annoyance that she thought taking an extended release medication taken once every 24 hours in the morning would be the same as taking it in the evening! 🤦♀️ I started talking about serum concentration graphs, and he suggested I try to explain that to her. I said, “I did, and she basically just kept repeating herself.”. I had wanted to take half of the dose of something I’d been taking in the evening in the morning; I ended up following her logic and saying “Okay, well, then, can I just take it in the mornings, instead of the evenings, if it makes no difference?”, which she was fine with; and that is working out. But yeah, trying to get my prescriptions moved to my PCP so I can disconnect from that whole dog-and-pony show! 😑
@@misspat7555 yes, I have a very low tolerance level for people who graduated with a 6- or 8-year degree who know less than I do....
Which I suppose makes my primary's attitude not-unwarranted.... 😂😂😂
"Have you tried not doing that" really hit me in the feels.
Scene: Me, an undiagnosed AuDHDer in 5th grade (a looooonnnnnngggggg time ago), experiencing sensory overload, using the excuse of cleaning my desk (the kind where the top lifts up to reveal storage for books under it) to try to hide the fact that I'm about to melt down (again), another girl insisting on "helping" me who won't take "no" and "it's ok, I've got it" for an answer. After several times of trying to politely ask her to leave me alone, I finally snapped at her, she got upset, I felt guilty about hurting her feelings and (still overloaded) burst into tears (yet again). Teacher takes me out to the hall. Teacher says "You know, the other kids would like you better if you just didn't cry so much." Oh gee, why didn't I think of that?!?!
Anyway, thanks for the book recommendation. I might have to check it out - now that I'm on meds for my ADHD, I might actually be able to read it! :)
OMG people "helping" me when I want to them go away! Oy.
As a recently late diagnosed AuDHDer in his 50s, therapy gaslighting was top of mind. I was able to find a late diagnosed autistic therapist. It’s not that he can do anything any other therapist couldn’t, but his experience means I know I can discuss my experiences, and I know he will believe me, especially around the challenges of masking. He hasn’t necessarily had the same experiences, but he has been close enough to simply believe me.
You know, I just realized I had 2 "Veronicas" in my past. 1 was my first psychiatrist who diagnosed me as bipolar with a worksheet I would have had in highshool psychology. He took one look and said " Oh, yep, you're bipolar. I'm putting you on lithium" which is one of the strongest medicines you can be on for that to my knowledge. And then my second one a few years later, when I realized it wasn't exactly bipolar. I asked for a new diagnosis and his response was "All things that are similar are treated pretty much the same way." So I was kept on medication without even being acknowledged that I didn't think it was correct and getting NO HELP. I stayed on meds I didn't need for over a decade due to this kind of thing. I only figured out it was austism a grand total of 2 weeks ago, around my 41ist birthday. I will definitely have to look into this book, so thank you Chris.
My experience has been similar... only I have been accused of doing drugs. When I feel trapped and defeated, I stare. It is me coping in an extremely difficult situation when dialogue isn't working. It is horrible. If I were to say everything that is on my mind in the moment it would be extremely inappropriate and I would hurt the feelings of the person in front of me. My masking is an art form. I know you and can become you quickly... I also know your weaknesses and can hurt your feelings like no other. Me staring at you is me choosing my discomfort over yours while you insult me. This is my hell.
Thank you for sharing what seems to be a valuable resource with me. I will definitely look into this!
Chris, you are such an asset to this community! Thank you! Take care, my friend!😀
What you're describing is also something I feel like I have done at times too. I haven't been accused of the drugs, but the dissociation (not sure if I'm spelling that correctly) and also being able to say things that are sharp right in that moment - I have done that too. I also have heard many other autistic people share some of these experiences as well. For me, I've come to realize that saying things like that is often because I want my space and if I can't get that, I'll do and say whatever I can to get that, including saying things like you describe. Over time, I've been trying to be more clear before that time comes (for me, that's what a shutdown or early stage meltdown often looks like) so that I don't get pushed and am also clear and self-advocating for what I need right then.
Thanks for sharing this - and thanks for being here too! Appreciate your support - and also hope this is a good read (or listen, with audiobook!) for you 😊
This book was so incredibly validating as both a late diagnosed woman (level 2 at 39) and a former therapist. Everything that Steph went through I did as well. The abuse I experienced from therapists due to their ignorance and weaponization of a personality disorder misdiagnosis from THE AGE OF 15 onward was among the most hurtful of my all my traumatic experiences
I just finished reading it! What an incredible tool. I’m glad you found it so relatable and validating. ❤
I’m sharing this video with everyone I know lol. Not trying to gaslight myself out of being autistic has completely transformed my mental health.
Just ordered 3 copies. One for the therapist I saw for 15 years who never validated my challenges, spoke down to me, and told me, when I finally figured out on my own that I am Autistic, that I just wanted to be special.
Well, this just motivated me to continue pursing my counseling degree. Sounds like we need more Autistic therapists. As for books, I recommend I Am Autistic by Chanelle Moriah. It's a workbook I purchased when I first got diagnosed, and it was sooooooo helpful. Moriah breaks down all the different components of Autism, from the different type of sensory needs to alexithymia. Every page, I was like "Oh, that's why I do that. That's why I feel this way." It's a workbook, so you get a chance to reflect and write out your own notes. I highly recommend it.
Thanks for the recommendation - and absolutely about continuing because the world really really needs more autistic and neurodivergent therapists! So happy to hear that this could be a positive outcome of making these videos 😊
Adding this to my TBR list. Thank you!
I had a frustrating experience just this week with a non autistic person. They used the “We all experience that sometimes “ BS and the most frustrating thing is I never feel like I communicate as effectively as needed why that statement is such ableist “you should try harder to make it easier on us non autistic people “ bs. I am convinced many of them are actually incapable of understanding or acknowledging that anything exists beyond their experience. I am just burnout from trying to help people understand Autism honestly. It has been this constant and rarely rewarding struggle. People also don’t seem to get that while me being autistic and having autistic children can be helpful in understanding them and seeing our experiences in a unique way it can also be extra challenging because our struggles can clash and the guilt of not being able to have been the perfect person they needed because I was so overwhelmed myself is soul crushing and one of those destructive mental loops that we get stuck in and people don’t get how easy it is to step into a loop but how difficult it can be to find a way out.
Psychedelics definitely have potential to deal with mental health symptoms like anxiety and depression, I would like to try them again but it's just so hard to source out here
I’ve been researching on psychedelics and it’s benefits to individuals dealing with Anxiety, Depression, ADHD and from my findings, they really work and I’ve been eager to get some for a while but its been difficult to get my hands on them.
The Trips I've been having really helped me a lot. I’m now able to meditate and I finally feel in control of my emotions and my future and things that used to be mundane to me now seem incredible and full of nuance on top of that I'm way less driven by my ego and I have alot more empathy as well
I was having this constant, unbearable anxiety due to work stress. Not until I came across a very intelligent mycologist. He saved my life honestly
@@JamesFJohnson
I feel the same way too. I put too much on my plate and it definitely affects my stress and anxiety levels. I am also glad to be a part of this community.
@@Rogerseegren271Does he deliver to various locations?
Thank you, thank you, thank you for recommending this book. Reading it now. already near tears after chapter one. This is me. Not diagnosed but in the diagnostic process. My eyes are being peeled open during the interview sessions with a friend and reading up on autism and looking back at my struggles over the 54 years of my life. Your channel is very, very helpful and informative.
This book is my absolute favorite book on autism. I’m really glad you’re reading it and enjoying it. It gets better and better with each chapter!
I resonate with this so much. When I started looking at getting a diagnosis, I started to look at therapists on Psychology Today and cross-referenced them with my insurance. I found a therapist who takes my insurance, who is a late diagnosed autistic individual. I understand the problem with finding good resources for adults with adhd and autism. I am not sure if the same resource would work outside of the States, but I hope that anyone who is looking at a diagnosis or a therapist might find this useful.
I'm in Canada, and that's how I found my trauma therapist!
We need more people to see this and these types of videos. Thanks for making the content that helps the "actually autistic" people to finally feel like someone else has the same experience as them. The validation is powerful.
I struggle with cleaning my house. I spend hours every day cleaning but it's somehow always messier then when I started. My therapist said "i know what's wrong" with a tone of certainty "you don't want it enough"... the air left my body. R u fn kidding me. I spend HOURS EVERY DAY!!!! she was so proud of herself too. 😤
How disheartening
I struggle with taking showers even though I know it's a requirement. My brain understands but my body struggles with paralysis or vice versa. I can't imagine a therapist telling me to "just do it" and smiling back at me as if there's nothing to it.
There’s a strong link between trauma and clutter. Many autistic people have experienced trauma just simply because people did not understand us. When we D clutter, it’s easier to keep things clean. There’s lots of good TH-camrs in information online! Hope this helps.
@@TranscendingTraumalol - likely true - however = declutterring often becomes : relocating the clutter as there is always a reason to having the items or believing there is a reason I’m keeping that but just can’t recall. The stress that making the right or wrong decision regarding where to put/what to donate/will the gift giver be mad/ I might loose weight ! / makes it really exhausting. Perhaps having someone that is safe- body double during the process might help/and yes videos.
🤦♀️ dude 😑 ….. 🫠
YES!!! I'm listening to the audiobook, and it's THE absolute best. I've been abused and gaslighted by many therapists, doctors, and other medical "practitioners" over the years, and listening to this book is so incredibly validating. I also bought a paperback copy so I could highlight parts that stood out (of which there are many).
6:17 ohhhhhh how I identify with this! When I lived in L.A. in a terrible apartment building (that later I found a lawyer and sued the place for being a slum), when I would mention how horrible it was, people would say, "So why don't you just move?" DUHH! WOW WHY DIDN'T I THINK OF THAT?! Yeah, maybe because L.A. is super expensive and I don't have the MONEY to move?! What an idiotic effing question. As if I'd never thought of it. And I've had many other instances of people saying inane things like that as if they're soooo brilliant and I'm soooo stupid for not having thought of the utterly obvious.
I identify with SO many things you talk about here, and Steph talks about in the book. The abusive therapists, the dismissive therapists, the apathetic therapists, the list goes on. The same is true for doctors. WHY do so many doctors not listen, mis-hear, misunderstand, and or dismiss what we have to say? I feel like I'm arguing a court case every time I try to explain to doctors, having been burned so many times by doctors who, like you say, act like you're LYING and/or cherry-pick certain things and ignore the rest. Or they're just downright incompetent. A few years ago I had a concussion, went to Kaiser, and sat there with my body going into shock while the doctor said, "If you can't answer my questions we need to go to emergency surgery NOW." So I did my best to answer his questions, fighting the growing chills (body temp was in the 70's), and a minute or two later when I asked about going back to work -- this was a Sunday -- he says," Oh, you'll be fine to go in tomorrow or maybe the day after." Like it was nothing. Then he handed me an after-care sheet that TOTALLY CONTRADICTED everything he'd just told me to do/not do. I literally had dizziness and a severe headache for nearly a week -- I knew there was no way I could drive a car. I had to hold onto furniture just to get across the room. And that's not the first time the doctor has told me one thing and the after-care sheet says something completely opposite or totally different. Who are we to listen to? Which instructions do we follow?
For an autistic person, such contradictions are an absolute nightmare. After all the gaslighting and flip-flopping during the last few years about you-know-what, I'm terrified to go to ANY doctor anymore. Who do you trust? (And that doesn't scratch the surface of online contradictions: I recently had the first nosebleed I've ever had in my life, and LITERALLY found one article saying "Pack your nose with gauze or a tampon" and the one underneath it said "DO NOT pack your nose with anything." Excuse me, WHAT?!)
The entire medical industry, both mental health and physical health (that includes dentists, which is another whole nightmare), is so messed up, and knowing who to trust is an impossible dilemma. Let's all hope it gets better soon.
This was my first autistic self-help book, and it still remains the top books I'd recommend 20+ books later 💖. I started reading it while I was going through the diagnosis process, and had started therapy for the first time in my life. The book made me a great self-advocate and more resistant to possible gaslighting. Thanks to this, I was able to identify when my therapist was being (unconsciously) ablelist. Steph writes clearly and gives the right level of 'technical' for me. Extra bonus: Steph also recommends so many good books as further reading.
awesome! could you recommend me your top 5? it can be a rough estimate, unless you have a hard top 5. either way would be brilliant. thanks!
Thanks for sharing this and it’s awesome to hear how the book helped you! We would also enjoy hearing more of your recommendations too 😊
Of course @A.H._ and @ChrisandDebby - caveat: these have been criticised sometimes for being ableist and privileged by some. But they probably would have the same criticism for this channel...
2. Niamh Garvey: Looking After Your Autistic Self- A Personalised Self-Care Approach to Managing Your Sensory and Emotional Well-Being - great if you are in the school of 'if I stay home to protect myself, I will not go out or have new experiences, so I will learn how to listen to my body and make accommodations'. Super practical and structured in a way that is pleasing to my brain.
3. Sarah Hendrickx: Women and Girls on the Autism Spectrum - very comprehensive and practical - refreshing in that it highlights particular challenges from childhood to post-menopause including co-morbid conditions. I identify as male, but this was super informative in that it looks at subtle (aka female) autistic traits (which I identify with more). Hendrickx also covers queerness. Lots of cited literature and great index.
4. Pierre Novellie: Why can't I just enjoy things?: a comedian's guide to autism - if you want a good laugh, or know someone who's interested in knowing more about ASD but isn't into serious texts, this is the one, as the man's a late-diagnosed stand-up. He is also in the 'know thyself and try to deal with the world' school.
5. Fern Brady: Strong Female Character - a fellow stand-up friend of Pierre Novellie, this book covers ASD, but it is not in the main seat like in Pierre's book. Great example of how differently ASD presents in folks. Fern rips apart her kitchen etc to cope, and writes how stripping was perfect for her because the intentions are clear. Great even for people who are not interested in ASD.
Runner-ups: Cholé Hayden: Different Not Less (found it very energising); Unmasking Autism: Devon Price (practical, and great for looking at ASD from a queer perspective)
@@A.H._ Thank you! I replied to my original comment (-:
@@SuperTakkino these sound awesome, thank you for taking the time to recommend them!
A funny (to me) thing happened just yesterday ("Yesterday" as I write this comment in August 2024.)
I gathered up the courage to call my sister who is 11 years older than me and ask if she thought I might be autistic, based on memories of me as a child. She told me she didn't think about autism, but then she mentioned me: Reading the encyclopedia starting at A and going through the whole thing. Waking her up at 5:30 AM one day to tell her about Halley's Comet, the history of Edmund Halley, and the next time it would visit. I used to get along better with older kids and adults than with kids my own age. And I always wanted to stay home from school and read books, because I would learn more that way. (That last one is probably true for me.)
I saved her the snarky response, but I'm fairly sure that all of these are common neurodivergent traits. :D
OMG I read the encyclopedia as well! It were 12 books and a 13th book with the index, all leather bound. It had some pages with colours for some amazing pictures and photos. Later at school, I used to cut out these photos and use them for my projects 😂 Teachers were always impressed. I particularly remember the topics "the moon" and "Egypt" with very exciting photos. Mind you, that was in the 80s 😂. Many years later my Mum found out, that pics were cut out from the books. I bluntly told her it was me (I hate lies). We are laughing about that sometimes. At least I good amazing grades for these projects 🤣
Oooooh you read the encyclopedia, too?! Same! And the Dictionary and Thesaurus!
I remember that looking at the pictures of different mushrooms, plants and animals and learning their names and distinct features was one of my favorite pass time activities :) Be it encyclopedia or various atlases...
I relate heavily. Although I never woke people up at night to tell them things. In the day, sure, I'll wake you up. But not at night.
And, yeah, the encyclopedias and the big dictionary lived in the dining room and were allowed on the table during meals because of all our lively, competitive, special interest invested conversations.
@@86PKG I remember talking to an older man on the bus when I was a teenager, and he said he had long ago gotten into the habit of reading a page of the dictionary every day. I found that interesting and I think I may have done it for a while. I do remember reading our encyclopedia set at home as a preteen, too! I mostly read through mythology entries and then looked up the related articles at the end of each entry. I would have multiple books open at one time and keep reading the related articles until I hit a dead end.
I realized I was actually autistic when I made a random comment about how I relate to something and got a viral response from the neurodivergent community just from commenting my experience.
Steph's book is amazing. I bought an e-copy yesterday after watching your video and will order hardcopy so I can mark up the margins with notes. I found me in several of her examples. One thing I hadn't understood about myself until I read her example was about losing skills. Yesterday before seeing your video, I tried to look over my budget. I could not add and check a simple column of numbers without getting a different answer at least six times. I finally just burst into tears. I know many people find this a difficult task, but I'm a former math teacher. This should have been easy peasy. When I read Steph's example, it all made sense.
Another book I've found incredibly helpful is "Unmasking Autism" by Devon Price.
Thanks, Chris, for this video.
I know exactly what you mean about the loss of skills. It’s so darn frustrating!! Take it easy on yourself 😊😊
And yes, Unmasking Autism is a good one! My wife and I read it together.
Weirdly, Stranger In a Strange Land by Robert Heinlein. Baby born on mars as his parents died was raised by Martians and then found on the next space mission as an adult and brought to earth
Also, The Chrysalids by John Windam. "To be a mutant is to be hurt, always."
Thanks Chris for sharing your "ah-ha" book on autism.
Here are mine: A different kind of normal by Abigail Balfe and I will die on this hill by Meghan and Jules.
You guessed it, written by autistic author!
The key take away for me was to find resources established by neurodivergent individuals. It made me feel supported, and I got answers to my questions (many questions). Feeling heard was very validating.
Hearing about others success and challenges during different periods of their lives also helped aaaaaaa lot.
I hope more members of the ASD community will find what they need through these book 📚
I have all these flashes of things I've said and behaviors exhibited over the years... I'll be surprised if I don't have autism at this point.
Bruce Banner said it best "I'm stuck on a planet that's designed to stress me out!" or something like that.
Another one I've said is "I need a vacation from my vacation" the time off work was more overstimulating than just staying home.
Hooray for Debbie! 👋
I'm 35 and still not able to get a diagnosis, I don't even know if I want it anymore, I've suspected about being AuDHD for over 10 years, but my country is so backwards on mental health and they only consider any of this for children. Last time I went to the psych (with 6 doctors in the room!) they literally said "you need more motivation" and that I needed to be more social, "you should try it" they said, the Dx came out as "social phobia"… SIX DOCTORS IN THE ROOM, that's when I knew I'll never get the help I need and I just have to keep going and accept this is life. At least I have a partner who understands and believes me, idk what I'd be doing / would've done if I was on my own
12:30 Oh, I just remembered when I started seeking medical advice 10 years ago, the doctor literal said "you need more frustration in life, you've had it too easy, that's why you're having these tantrums" 🙄
Woooooo! I wish I would have gotten this a few years back (after my diagnosis)!
I recently explained to my 6 year old (also autistic) that when people at school tell her she’s “overreacting” it means that they aren’t considering how SHE feels (even if they don’t realize it). It’s been hard finding a school that understands her needs and she’s currently being transferred to an accessible education school.
Hopefully we’re able to find a good fit for her. It’s a lot of work but worth the consistent efforts.
I love what you told your daughter! That's a really helpful perspective that I'm going to adopt for myself!
The path to finding a good therapist causes me so much anxiety that I havent even attempted it yet. I'm 99.9% sure I am autistic but the thought of going through numerous therapists to find one that actually wants to help stops me from getting an official diagnosis. Not to mention the cost and time of it all. It's so frustrating that there arent more therapists out there that actually get it. I really hope the landscape of this changes at some point. Until then I'm glad there are other resources to consume to make sense of all the things.
2:20 this is a good take. It isnt fixed or cured, its understood so you can properly cope with it. You cant not have autism, so learn how to live with it in the most healthy way you can.
With a really bad history (six or seven during my time at uni), I was hesitant to reach out for one after my diagnosis... but I needed something to try to help with the rampant meltdowns nearly twice a week. Luckily, the woman that did the consultation was able to book for experts in ND, checking their boxes for ADHD and ASD, so I ended up with a therapist that has ADHD. It does seem to be working out so far, but maybe it also helped that we went into it with that really bad history in mind and he is wanting to avoid repeating that with me.
No idea on what all I need yet, or what things to avoid, but I am slowly learning and trying to distance myself from the bad and get overwhelm less often (recognising when the battery is getting low is a trick in itself)... but hard to help it when I still have things I have to get done (deadlines suck). Also, this becomes even more of a trick when trying to appease two parts of the brain, as I like to see it. Giving each one what they want, when they want it, because otherwise they will get their revenge... and it can be really bad.
Hey, thank you for this video ! I found your TH-cam channel this summer and you can't imagine how much each resource you share helps me since my recent diagnosis. You help me put words into my experience which helps me understand myself and being able to explain my reality to others so that I can start to advocate better for my needs (I have severe alexithymia, so this has been a huge struggle my whole life).
I wanted to tell you that I'm thankful for your editing style, I too have ADHD as well and I found myself being able to follow along from start to finish which is a breeze.
Thank you for existing and doing what you do 🤗❤️🩹
Awesome!! I’m really glad you enjoy my videos and they’re helping. I really appreciate your kind words 😍😍
#4!! Recently diagnosed at age 60 and feel like no one is listening to me. Doctors and psychiatrist both. It's like they just nod their heads and don't really answer my questions.
Steph's book IS a lifesaver❣❣❣ I have read it, and it is hard to say powerfully enough, how important reading it was.
Thank you, Chris, for this brilliant and entertaining summary! Now, my problem only is that I don't know anymore whether you or Steph make the best jokes...🤔😂 Namely, who had expected that a book with a topic like that could be a fun read, too. But Steph has been able to include good laughs in the text too. 😅👌
Another hallmark book for me is the book Complex PTSD by Pete Walker. Like Steph's book about autism, Pete's book about PTSD validated my invisible childhood trauma experience and gave me keys to seeking appropriate support and tools to heal. From where I come from, CPTSD isn't officially considered a thing. And just like in autism, one's covert trauma experiences are misinterpreted and misdiagnosed. Pete Walker opened my eyes to understand what's the cause and what's the effect regarding childhood trauma.
These two books together are a great combo to understand what's autism's part and what's coming from trauma. Recommendation to read both! 👍
I think one reason providers are more comfortable diagnosing ADHD is that they are comfortable with the next steps, specifically medication. Providers aren't looking for autism because there is basically nothing they can do. Like, if you aren't a child, they have no idea.
Oh this is so true! My psychiatrist as well will do an assesment for ADHD next. She said she will "observe" for autism, but quote "it isn't forseen here (the country I live) to be diagnosed in adults and there is nothing we can really do for you."
sadly, i agree. either that or they can only conceive autism as the most stereotypical presentation possible. both suck ass
And in the US the primary purpose for the DSM is to match conditions up with medications. It's to the point that the way Comedian taylor tomlinson got diagnosed with Bipolar disorder is she looked up all the meds that helped with her depression and asked her therapist.
The weird part is Gabapentin should work for a lot of people with autism because GABA is a neurochemical that people with autism are often low on.
(If you can't get gabapentin, NAC might also help raise levels of GABA in the brain, and as always, look up what doses have been tested because too much of something can cause side effects even if it's otherwise safe)
Oh this is so on point! Good doctors want to help people so badly. that they often refuse to even talk about things that are untreatable. Last year I thought I had a brain tumor (I didn't) because of tinnitus and headaches. My doctor refused to even acknowledge my concern.
Endometriosis falls under that category. The only treatments are intense hormone therapies or a hysterectomy and with doctors wanting women to stay useful for baby making, they'd rather not give women the option.
It's usually not even form a point of malice, but it hurts people nonetheless. Often a little bit of understanding, a fancy word diagnosis and some simple work accommodations (in my county you need a diagnosis for that) can make a world of a difference.
Chris nailed so many things in this video. I will only reference the part about being misunderstood and being accused of lying. I can only remember a couple of times that people actually told me that they thought I was lying, but so many times people have given me that snide look that says they think I'm lying! So hurtful and discouraging. Just finished this video. Off to get the book.
Thanks for all your support, Debby ☺
This book fills a huge, huge need! Wish I'd had it 30 years ago...wait, 35 years ago...when I first started therapy. I kept trying and trying to find the right therapist, but now it all makes sense. One therapist told me, "You just need to learn how to be uncomfortable." Really--are you living my life?? I keep hoping I'll wake up with the thousands of dollars I spent redeposited into my bank account.
Ok, I'm 24% of the way through the book. It is incredibly painful to read, honestly. I am glad it is not too late to start reducing the trauma I inflect on other autistic people.
5:53 that's really interesting. For me when I have autistic breakdowns its not that the parts that keep me sane are gone, they are still there, but on top of that, there's just things happening I cant control.
Mostly sobbing, and a lot of pain. But in terms of awareness, im still fully aware.
Sounds like an interesting read. Especially since I'm looking for a new therapist after my last one, a brilliant guy, retired. He got so burned out from fighting a very hostile system he was spending more time assisting in administration, legal explanation and the other deliberate pitfalls the government is pushing on us, than actually doing therapy. Anyway, finding a new one is proving challenging, as older, late diagnosed autistics are considered 'lost causes' by most, and there's a huge waiting list for any form of therapy to begin with, not just for autistic people.
A nice book I found is "But you don't look autistic at all" (translated from Dutch, not sure there's an official English release) by Bianca Toeps. She wrote a very poignant description on why the DSM entry for autism is wrong, and why the scientists behind it (David Baron Cohen et all) delivered a very shoddy work that harmed so many of us.
Bianca Toep's book is available in English. She has an interesting website, with a story of being a Dutch person who moved to Japan, and another about participating in a workshop run by Japanese autism researchers. I found her writing appealing. Thanks for the suggestion.
I've read the book and yes, it was a "aha!" moment! The book, your videos, helped me A LOT! And now, as Autistic that found it out at 51, I am way calmer and less anxious. Thanks a million
Thank you. My life's so full of Veronicas it's horrible. I'm learning more about myself and how to work with myself from your videos than I have from 95% of the doctors and therapists I've been around.
I watched quite a lot TH-cam videos with different presenters being autistic but I really love your content and your personality. It’s interesting to watch and I really like your style of presentation. I’m also late diagnosed with autism and with persistent depression disorder (dysthymia) on top and can related to many of your examples in your videos. The one example you told in a video that you try to avoid meeting people while going to the bathroom was so spot on that my headphones almost fell off from nodding so hard because I do the exact same thing. Thanks for making these videos the way you do.
I've always lamented that I need to be able to invite someone into my head so SOMEONE will understand what life is like for me. You, sir, seem to be in my head, and I SO APPRECIATE your videos. I have some really great people who love me and try to understand, but they just can't understand. I've noticed that when things get dark for me, I feel so much better if I seek out "my people," and your videos have been immensely comforting to me. Thank you for sharing!!!
The worst thing a therapist did to me was fall asleep while I was talking to him
I had one that kept shifting in his seat like he had inflamed hemorrhoids in order to not zonk out, in a group therapy setting no less!
I didn't go back
This has happened to me too.
This is a great book. A couple of months after my dx I was thinking about the therapy and what I wanted to prioritize. Then I heard this book mentioned, in a stream or podcast, so I decided to wait. Now that I've read it I feel in a much better position to be able to go forward with my priorities.
As for good books that depends on what your looking for. This year of been getting several autism/neurodiversity related books month. The most reading I've done since I was a student. Many have been the regular ones which are mentioned in the community, though a couple of recent ones with a read are 'Avoiding Anxiety in Autistic Adults' by Dr Luke Beardon and 'A Mismatch of Salience' by Dr Damian Milton. The latter being a more academic book with one of the papers discussing the double empathy problem.
Thanks for sharing these recommendations! Just ordered these 👍 and also glad to hear this book helped you a lot too. I also felt a lot more comfortable and for me, this book also helped Debby a lot to better understand why these changes in the way we both do things in our lives together was important to improve how things were going. It’s made such a difference already. Glad to hear it’s helping you feel confident with your priorities too 👍
Bought on audible before the video was even done. Thanks for the recommendation!
The audio book is amazing too - we read it both ways! Hope you enjoy it - and enjoy the narrator too. She's fantastic!
Chris (and Debby), Thank you so much for this video! I was actually partway through the audiobook of Steph’s book but forgot to go back and finish until I started your video. Lol I binged the audiobook all day and came back to watch your video now. 😊❤
I greatly appreciate all your videos I have been watching lately, as I only recently figured out I’m not just ADHD/ CPTSD but autistic. It’s wild, the amount of relatable and helpful information that has finally been unlocked to me, now that I know to search things like “AUDHD”.
Chris (and Debby), Thank you so much for this video! I was actually partway through the audiobook of Steph’s book but forgot to go back and finish until I started your video. Lol I binged the audiobook all day and came back to watch your video now. 😊❤
I greatly appreciate all your videos I have been watching lately, as I only recently figured out I’m not just ADHD/ CPTSD but autistic. It’s wild, the amount of relatable and helpful information that has finally been unlocked to me, now that I know to search things like “AUDHD”.
P.S. I just finished your video! Your *Whoopshhh!!!* sound effects at Veronica were so satisfying. 😁 Got me feeling shyyyyyy! 😊
I’m excited to read Steph’s book along with “Autism Feels” by Orion Kelly.
Just bought it. Can’t wait! ❤. Thank you for talking about this book!
I finally get when my husband giggles at my sound effects 😊. Believe it or not the sound effects I make was one of the first things that attracted him to me. He loves me for me ❤. That is so important since I was not well liked in school by most students and some teachers.
I also have a small amount of friends that love me too.
Most of the other people in my life really don’t know who I am.
I want to read this book. Thank you!!!!!!
This was super informative 🥭🐛 thank you
Thank you for recommending this book!!😊
I just finished this book after seeing your video yesterday. It was so so so good. I can't thank you enough for the amazing recommendation. I just started therapy, again, and I feel like this book has given me some real perspective on what to look for while I'm there. It's so nice that Steph gives the readers permission to recognize that the therapist doesn't know everything, that yes, indeed, you might have to teach your therapist a thing or two about autism. I hope this foray into therapy isn't a fruitless journey as the rest have been , but I feel like now I have a better jumping off point. Thank you, thank you thank you. Shy
Thanks! I've downloaded the book to read soon! My therapist has been generally great, but my old GP (who has since retired) was terrible. He was from the old-school "doctor knows best" mentality and TERRIBLE at listening to his patients. The worst one for me was when I told him, "Hey, I get mood swings at certain points of my menstrual cycle - is there anything we can do about that?" He gave me a book recommendation about anxiety, which was fine, I guess. I don't mind reading new books. But every single visit after that, he asked about "my anxiety" and how it was going. I don't have anxiety. I have never had anxiety. What I had were hormone fluctuations. (Incidentally, vitamin D worked very well at reducing the number of mood-swing-y days per month - something my dear friend recommended and my GP seemed totally surprised about.)
First of, thank you for talking about these topics. I'm lucky I have an amazing therapist now, but I remember one who would be checking his email and text messages while I was talking. He was nice and I do believe he tried to help me, but I didn't feel comfortable telling him the truth because of his lack of interest (and the fact I only had therapy once every 6 weeks, which meant I felt I had to get to know him and the building itself again every time I went there, which made me more anxious and stressed). Since I couldn't tell the truth he couldn't help me causing a kind of impasse until life inevitably got so stressful I had to do something. He was shocked to hear things were this bad. More than a year of therapy and he didn't know... and the worst part? I would partly blame myself for not telling what was bothering me and causing my life to get this stressful and generally bad. Thanks to my new therapist and people like you I now know that I shouldn't blame myself.
Thanks for this recommendation. My old therapist was a total Veronica. I had sessions over zoom because she was 2 hours away, and not only was she a jerk, but she would flush the toilet, brush her teeth, or do the dishes during the session! Oh, and she complained about her boss and the other therapist too. It was like, girl, whose session is this?
Downloading meow. I've had such a frustrating time trying to get therapy that actually helps over the last few years. The process of starting over with a new therapist and retelling history is so expensive and draining. I would love some tactics to make it more effective. Great recommendation ✨
Hi Chris. I really like your content a lot (I also share it with people I think might beneift from watching/listening to how you describe what 'we' live).
I did see this book in one or two of your other videos before (I think in one it was part of a stack/pile of interesting ones - I also picked the Pete Wharmby ref from it ;-) ; and in the other one you did clearly mention it..) anyway I got it right away and found it really a very good book, helpful. Steph Jones explains so clearly a lot; I recognized some comments I received (which hurt me like an arrow at the time... especially the "magical thinking" one when I suggested I might (actually I said I'm close to 100% certain to) be autistic...and that was after a year deep diving in tons of information testimonies, conferences I've listened to and watches...)) - I couldn't sleep at all that night after this comment ..It's hard. But this book, 1 year after that comment, with many other examples she shared helped me 'get closure' somehow .
(Eventually, very soon after the 'incident' I understood that AuDHD is the exact mix which explains 99 if not 100% of my life - I'm over 40 now and a woman).
Thank you very much for your work. and Thank alll of 'you' who share your experience so we can help ourselves better /more (or start doing it for many) as we no longer feel alone, broken etc...
Nothing is to be fixed, and we need to self advocate, this is key indeed.
Thank you so much for the recommendation! I’ve just ordered it. Your videos have been super helpful to me. I only recently found out that I had been diagnosed as a kid. I’m in my mid-fifties. I can relate to so much of what you have talked about. Thanks again.
This is something we should all save and go back to watch whenever we encounter a Veronica!! Thank you so much for share your story 🩶.
Thank you for being you. I know you weren't trying to be funny, but I was dying laughing from your reactions in this video 🤣. I can't wait to read this book!!
This might be some of the best advice I have ever heard. thank you :)
I'm so glad I found you guys. All of you...people like me. I can finally be understood and belong somewhere 😊
❤️❤️❤️
I am autistic and have ADHD and I wish I could read a book straight through.
I get that! And same for me with adhd too. This isn’t a book I’d recommend reading straight through - I read it in chunks and it is very readable like that. It’s broken into chapters but also smaller sections within the chapters and I needed that a lot.
The two of us listened to the audiobook together as well in the car - also highly recommend. Plus the narrator really nails it, esp her impression of Veronica.
Don’t feel bad that it’s hard to read a book straight through. I’d guess it is very common for many autistic ADHDers and definitely for me, especially when I’ve been in burnout.
I've found that for non-fiction, audiobooks work waaay better for me. I usually work on a puzzle or listen while driving. Maybe that will be the trick for you.
I just went through this yesterday. I’ve been ruminating over that ridiculous questionnaire that the guy gave me. It’s as if he wasn’t hearing me at all just listening for ways to respond saying that it’s all adhd . When people with adhd have called you weird or been confused by you your entire life, then I think maybe it more than adhd. And how can a person who has masked their entire life answer those archaic questions in one session. Grrrr!!
Yes, we are working on more content about this too. Preparing for the assessments is SO important. It's hard to think on the spot and answer in the time they give you...while feeling the other person's push to get you to finish faster 😫
Will you have a chance to follow up with more information? I feel like that should really be an option always - especially if you are like me and have delayed processing time! Sometimes I remember things several days later and realize - "Oh, is that what they were actually trying to say?"
@@ChrisandDebbyso true! Most of the questions in the different tests are so dumb and phrased only with the stereotypical autistic person in mind. It is especially difficult if you suspect / know you have both ADHD and autism.
"Do you prefer to go to the museum or a party?" Well it depends! I'm sure they want to hear "the museum" for you to be autistic. But is this museum quiet? Or is it packed with screaming children? And I LOVE to go to hard techno parties. I wear sunglasses and ear plugs (I'm noise sensitive!), but I can be myself. There is no other noise, just music. Nobody talks to me and I can barely see anything. This is my therapy! Best part is the after party at a friends place: 8 to 10 people that I know very well, everybody is only dancing and the music is only at room volume to not disturb the neighbours. Does this make me less autisitc? I hardly think so!
Or even questions like "I like to categorize things". First I thought "no, absolutely not". Then I remembered the colour swatch charts I make for all my pastel pens. And how all pens need to be in the same order. I opened the storage room and everything is sorted im categories and in each category by size. Abd then I looked behind at the book shelf, where all books are sorted by colour and size..
Ups..
@@anna-marianunezvega1520 yes , I made a color map for my alcohol markers because the colors on the lid did not match the actual color. Had to redo it 3 times because I kept forgetting a color.
@@ChrisandDebbyI have another appointment in two months however, I have cptsd and part of it was being constantly gaslit and not believed. I am out of the situation; however, when I am around anyone that does the same thing (most doctors offices) it sends me into a spiral for days.
And I’m trying decide between writing a letter to let him know or just looking for another doctor and just leave it be.
I really enjoyed this video. Thank you for sharing. 💗
~3.10 We are not always being diagnosed because we are not coping. For example (now confirmed Autism with high masking) it only came about because I was helping a very close friend with raising a young grandchild. We were doing the research because the child was still too young to test, but the traits were there. Your channel happened to come up in my feed. It is where I found out about high masking. Dot-to-dots and bingo. A lot of eye openers, and a lot of things making sense that did not before. If it had not been for helping that young child, I would never have known or got tested. So, another way this is going to happen is someone close to you or in the family is struggling. For whatever reason, the penny drops that other relatives (or yourself) might have traits and you get tested. Not sure what the correct word is, but it is like osmosis.
I just started a new job and have a long commute now (40 miles one direction) and am going to get his book on audio so that I can listen during my commute. Thanks!!
After years of wondering/believing I have autism I finally gathered the courage to see someone last Friday. This is what she said These days everybody's somewhere on the spectrum." I was tempted to ask for a refund. What's the point i wonder. I'm 62 yrs old.
I’m so sorry. If everyone was somewhere on the autism spectrum, everyone would be autistic. Autism didn’t even exist as a diagnostic category when you were a child, the arrogance from that provider is astounding
Wow, they obviously know nothing about autism. Everyone’s heart races sometimes but we’re not all on the heart failure spectrum. We all get short of breath sometimes but we’re not all on the asthma spectrum. You either have those things or you don’t, and if you do, some people have them more intensely than others. Autism is the exact same. It’s a spectrum *only for people who have it.* Whoever you saw can put that in their pipe and smoke it.
Definitely ask for a refund - that is unacceptable.
Thank you so much for your content. Every school system should be following you!
My brother from another mother; thanks again. You rock at making my life better. Stud muffin.
The slapping effects are EXACTLY what I feel doing to sooooooo many “professionals” that I have to deal with, thank you sooooooooooo much guys for give us guidance and voice. ❤
And to not just professionals. I feel like doing this to anyone--colleagues, family, friends--who gallop through conversations and don't listen because they assume they know what you are going to say and then presume to tell you "the answer". Its awful.
the slapping is the only thing I didn't like in the video. I'm against violence, and even in this "ironic" context it bothered me.
So much wasted 💰 on therapists, psychiatrists who were not educated enough, trained or rather interested in me as a person (esp if not remembered chikdhood - hint duh). No turds in my life right now.
Also now get it how I really had hard time adjusting to changes in my routine multiple times by bosses/DONs who were really not patient or willing to understand. Was before my late ASD dx. Now I get it. Frustrating that felt so much like a “pain” to others. Remember that it took me longer to do things than others- esp writing and communicating. 💙💞🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻💞💙👊
Yes! Understanding more about why this is happening for you is so key. I also didn't understand my "irrational" frustration at changes in routines until after diagnosis... wish some of the doctors and therapists had just listened better and known more too. Hopefully you're figuring out adjustments in your life - and keep those turds away!
What does "DON" mean?
@@chasethe808 Director of Nursing aka head boss q
Thanks Chris, super helpful. Can’t wait to get that book
This book is amazing. After reading bits of it, i had to start talking about it to others. I tell everyone who is neurodivgent and / or a therapist needs to read this. I saw her do an interview with another autistic youtuber. I instantly ordered her book. I am so glad I did. The part in the book that shocked me first is the part where you finish a sentence. I thought the same thing as her fork. When thinking it, I was like, what the he'll is that answer. Then read she said fork too. I was like, what? I tested other people. Honestly, I had just started with a new therapist, and this book helped me to voice what about the way she asked a question caused me distress. Talked about how I already disect stuff, and what we are doing is putting the object back together. The cleche puzzle. I already have all the pieces and don't need to turn a 300-piece puzzle into a 1,000 piece puzzle. I need to make it feel like a 100-piece puzzle or 50 piece.
Hello sir, thank you for sharing this. Without sharing to many details, what you said made a lot of sense. To say the last few years have been a struggle would be quite the understatement. The feeling of relief to finally find some way of describing, in words I don't have, a problem I never knew I had. I always wondered what vaccine I missed growing up, so finding out it's not "me" but my brain was a bit of a shock. I look forward to learning more. Thanks again
So I'm writing this after sobbing for the last 20 minutes, while trying to reset my password so I can buy the book. If you don't mind, could you reach out with resources for Autism related "Grown Up" problems?
Wow! Thank you! I'm gonna check this out.
Pho-pisH! 😂😭😆 I appreciated that so much!
raise your hand if you were air blackslapping imaginary psyciatrists along with Chris by point 3 (hand up). I've never seen anything this relatable, I can't wait to read the book this weekend. Thanks so much as always!
Ty. Hi-mask+iq+cptsd+add+mor, Sx-99, global generalist, preparing for "organizational" circus roles. Sorry bout costume dept stuff. But the improvements are impressive.
Thanks so much for the support! ❤️
Buying this book now. Thank you!
Hope you enjoy it!
ahhh, steve...the purple and cream fart poofs are so much better than the eye flames. Chris in the rain was lovely. you are getting closer to making beautiful video masterpieces that meet the sensory needs of your audience. congratulations. feel free to cut out ALL the mundane stock clip footage with human beings. Chris and Debbie and their friends are doing a great job providing visual interest. I know you love stock clips, so keep the animals and scenery. with gratitude. ❤
“Ya turd!”
My husband and I were just talking about me finding a therapist, but I have a lot of worries you addressed here (validation for those worries…)- great timing for this video- I ordered the book!
Did you find an autism-aware therapist? The insurance industry has driven so many therapists from accepting insurance that it’s already difficult to find any therapist. It is so expensive to pay out of pocket. Congratulations on figuring this out! Will order the book. Thank you
I think we as patients, don't have a good chance to find help from doctors. It is more realistic to learn and study about (our unique form of) autism on our own, if we can. Psychologists, psychiatrists and therapists are taught how to make people go back to the work force. As cold (and crazy) as it sounds. But there is a logic in it...
So, the focus is not on your personal development, but mainly into getting you to go back to being productive. Work. Period.
I know some fortunate people get good help, but it's like a lottery. Knowledge is power.
Oh yes. I fact, mine is the one who first suggested I'm autistic
Really really good. thank you :)
Thank you for your videos. (Even if I have major difficulties handling your slapping-sound… I had to watch the video without sound and just subtitles 🙈.)
Even if there might be good therapists, it is (almost obviously) impossible to get one. You have to wait months to get a first appointment (what means you afterwards can apply for a spot on the waiting list to get a full therapy place in some more months). If you choose to not stick with that therapist (what you are allowed to of course) you can restart the journey of calling therapists to hear they do not accept new patients.
I have been driving almost two hours single-way to see a therapist. And I cannot do that on a regular basis.
I’m starting to be grateful that I’ve never had enough money for “therapy”. 😂
Friends, family and Jesus will get you through anything.
@@KathrineJKozachok Yes, if you have no friends or family, a parasocial relationship can help.
@@KathrineJKozachokyeah, no. Family might be supportive, often aren't. Friends are hard to make an easy to lose for autistic people. And Jesus? I read the book about him. I don't think he was autistic, or real.
In short, your advice is borderline offensive, or flat out offensive, depending on the motivation behind it, especially in this forum.
Thank you for this video. I’ve ordered the book. A book I’m almost finished reading is “Autism Feels…” by Orion Kelly. I have an appointment for my autism eval. next month. So much box what you describe in your video describes my experience. Hope I don’t encounter a Veronica.
Thanks for the book recommendation - and good luck with your appointment! Don’t forget - if you find a Veronica, you can always try another therapist
I will post my ✨pink✨ sticky notes. Having a book in hand to study will help my whole family.
That sounds like a great plan! The two of us read this book together, and we also listened to the audiobook in the car together later too. Excited to hear how it helps your family too!
I'm writing it down in the Very Important Sketchbook, where everything Very Important goes! Then when I'm next at the library/bookstore I'm jumping all over this book!
I had those problems with drs, therapists, physiatrist, phycologist, and it just added to my Cptsd.
Late diagnosed adhd in 2022 @ 48 and asd in 2023 @ 49.
Just added this book to my audible library
I laughed so hard at every slap. I needed those laughs. Thank you.
I have rejection sensitive dysphoria which seems to be a kind of PTSD reaction to my early years being autistic.