I used to beat myself up over "uneven productivity ". I didn't understand why something that was usually so easy, at other times was so difficult. I would try harder, but the harder I tried, the harder it got. Now that I understand what is causing this problem, I am able to give myself grace and take a step back to figure out what is going on. Inevitably, I am dysregulated. I can then try to figure out why and take steps to get to a better place.
Thanks, that means a lot. Born in 82 and late diagnosed. The damages are deep . You get kicked out of everything. the verbal abuse and rumors are uncontrollable. People fear what they don't understand. Failing school while being smart and watching friends graduate..... a word doesn't exist that can portray that feeling . Work is even worse. You can go from employee of the month 2 looking for work . I'm getting better and am thankful to have found out . I'm still happy to be alive but a good part of my life I'll never get back
I spent more than a month figuring out where to put my toothbrush so that I would remember to brush my teeth in the morning. After having had it in several different places in my apartment it ended up in our medicine cabinet in the kitchen 😅🫣 .. This place works sooo well for me! In the evening when I brush my teeth before bed, I place my toothbrush on the kitchen counter beside the sink. This means when I wake up the next morning and want to tidy up (which I like to do) the toothbrush is in my way and I have to move it back into the medicine cabinet, and I’m only allowed to do so if I brush my teeth first 😉 .. My friends think I’m very silly, but I think it’s genius 😂
I do similar things, like when I need to take something with me when I leave the house, something I don't normally take, I put it under or on top of my car keys and/or wallet. I never forget those things. ...definitely genius.
I know I NEEEED to make routines, especially when I have time off, and with retirement not that far down the road. Ever since childhood, my "routines" were imposed from the outside. I didn't effectively learn to create my own routines when I essentially wasn't allowed to have them. At the same time, the ADHD part of my brain goes, "Routine? What's that?" and the demand avoidant part of my brain hisses, "Routines! We hates them!" But without a plan of SOME kind for the day, even if it's just a to-do list, I fritter it away with distractions.
Oh dammit, I might need to steal that brain hissing part 😂 It definitely fits. Now I did have routines growing up, but I've noticed it's damn easy to have them shattered into pieces, and damn hard to build them up again. I only have some that persist, many I should build up again.
One thing I've found very helpful lately is "day templates." Essentially, they're plans for your day when you know you're going to have predictable changes to your routine. So, for example, you might have a "rainy weather" day template, or a "work from the office" day template, or an "night class" day template, or a "Sunday brunch with family" day template. That way, when the change happens, you've already got your template planned and can just pull it up and execute, instead of getting stuck in the loop of "wait, what do I do now?!" (One that I found very helpful when I was married was to have day templates for when my husband would or wouldn't be home on a given evening.)
That feeling of hopelessness mixed with always feeling uncomfortable is how I've lived for most of my life. Think I may have some appointments to schedule now.
@ChrisandDebby I shouldn't really be surprised I keep telling people about your YT channel and how I identify alot with your traits, there are so many 'me too moments' which is interesting considering I am still waiting for assessment.
Oh my god yes! But I have noticed that it was less common when I was a kid. Then I got up two hours before everyone else. The reason was the same - to have alone time.
try to build this into your routine if possible? if you're able to start work later or change to getting up super early when the world is still quiet, or you can sometimes work later and then get to come in later the day after? i get it depends on work/school hours but might be worth trying ot schedue it at least weekly so it doesnt always disrupt the routine or decrease your sleep :)
I really enjoy tea time. The warmth of the cup and steam on my face helps me relax and calm down. The aromatic smell of my favorite tea is how I recover from hard days and how I care for myself. Having tea in a small space where I’ve already cleaned and made cozy for myself is nice
There is always too much to do and too little time. I struggle to find time for buffers, or tasks that are only needed periodically.. My to lists feel endless. Interruptions drive me crazy. I want to invest in relationships, but it feels like time with others is time taken away from my list of stuff to do, and time for my to-dos is time taken away from my special interests. Wow! I didn’t realize until just now how uptight I am about all this!
I identify with your comment so much it's painful. My therapist recently suggested framing "non-productive" time the same as other appointments. Like, I've struggled finding special interest time. So right there, during my appointment, we scheduled an appointment for it. It has the exact same priority as any other medical/work/school appointment. For to-do lists, I *TRY* to add these tasks the same way- like all the typical tasks. Like "color part of page" is a task alongside "dishes" etc... THEN you can visualize it all, and find a balance. WARNING: This is mostly theory and not based on my reality...yet 😂
The part I struggle with is saying "no" to extra responsibilities or even social events with friends. I can't think of a way to say "I have to preserve my down time" in a way that doesn't make me feel like a complete jerk.
Think of it this way instead: you're MORE of a jerk if you over commit. Others are relying on you to say no responsibly. No one else knows where those boundaries are. So don't be a jerk by overcommitting and letting someone down.
I struggle with creating my own routines because I always relied on external forces like work and school to create them for me. Severe burnout in 2016 caused me to quit my full time job, after which I barely worked for several years. I now work freelance which gives me large swathes of down time between jobs but is also somewhat unstable and when I’m on contract, the work can be quite intense and difficult to structure routines around. Add into this, my PDA brain HATES alarms and rebels HARD against clock time. Things like transport that rely heavily on clock time are enormously stressful for me and require large preparation and time buffers. I’ve managed to figure this out in the past by having “windows” of time to do certain things rather than needing to do them at a specific time, but the routines never seem to stick for more than a couple months 😢 I can’t fathom going back into a normal 9-5 though, because that kills me in a whole different way, so I’m not quite sure how to figure this out. I have a month alone now so will be working on it and let’s see. Maybe this’ll be the one ❤
I have ASD and ADHD, and I have never been able to get far enough in anything to call it a routine. I can't even get habits to stick, good or bad. In your example, in order to know your preferences and needs, you need to be consistent with monitoring yourself for a week, when even doing it for a single day is almost impossible. Not to mention taking notes at the end of the day etc. To try and make a morning routine for example, I've tried both scheduling a lot or scheduling just a little, using a bunch of apps, etc. My calendar even speaks out loud to let me know when the event is, but I find it extremely hard to context switch. What can someone with basically no consistency with anything do?
I understand what you’re saying. The push pull of both ADHD and ASD can be extremely challenging. Although creating and sticking to a routine can be extremely challenging for us, it is NOT impossible and well worth the effort. Your question is complex and I could make an entire video series on the topic, but a good place to start with your routine is manageability. Start with just one simple task and focus on only that for a day… then a week… then a month if necessary. Once you’re comfortable with that one simple task, you’re ready for a second simple task. I’d start by focusing these simple tasks to a specific period in the day… like the first hour when you wake up. You can do it! Start by telling yourself this several times a day!!
I’ve been going to occupational therapy for a few months and it’s helping me tremendously with routines and problem solving. The routine I’m most proud of is developing a routine for caring for one of my two cats who has developed health problems. I figured out that she is very cooperative with getting her daily medication because I give her treats right afterwards. I now give her prescription food, kibble and then dry food. Her brother still gets the regular food so I have to keep them from eating each other’s food. It took a while to work this system out but she is doing much better now.
Since I came back to the US from EU, I have not been able to establish a morning routine. I am currently at my parents place, while I look for work. The television is always on and it distracts me to no end. I hate the noise of it in the morning. In the EU, I developed a way to build a routine by tow trucking tasks, term from Atomic Habits. Days, that I stuck to these routines I did better, but other days when I woke up late, or walked into the kitchen and it was an OCD nightmare, was just a day that I had to try to muddle through it. So, I have decided tomorrow to just sit at the table in the kitchen where I cannot see the TV and get back to my planning routine, blocking out time for my hobbies, and job search.
I can imagine the frustration. When I traveled, I disliked how the hotels always played the local news in the breakfast area. Have you tried earplugs or noise canceling headphones? They've saved the lives of those around me many times. 😆😆😆
Routines are definitely helpful, but for some reason, I give up on them eventually. For example, just putting stuff in the same place after usage, makes me be able to remember where it is at. This is useful for someone with a poor short term memory.
I’ve always beat myself up for not being able to handle certain everyday tasks. Lack of consistency in going to work and university has always made me feel childish, guilty, stupid, etc. I’m turning 35 in a couple of weeks and I’m unemployed and still don’t know what I’m doing/what I want to do and I’ve started and stopped doing so many degrees on such vastly different topics that my skills are completely uneven/useless. I often feel like a failure of a human being because of these things. I only found out I was neurodivergent a couple of years ago and I’m trying to improve my outlook and my life, but it’s been extremely difficult and painful.
What are things you loved or enjoyed as a child? Maybe this can help you figure out what you might enjoy doing now. Instead of beating yourself up, give yourself the needed time and space to think about what you like doing. If you are uncertain, start experimenting. If college isn’t working, don’t do it. University is not the prerequisite to happiness and success.
I don't value my failed studies and jobs as useless, it just teached me something and brought me a step further in knowing what I don't want to do. Although my psychology studies doesn't lead to a job, it was very helpful understanding other people better. My technical studies showed me that I'm able to do very difficult tasks, but it's better not to push me so hard (managed to finish the studies but got a burnout). After many different jobs, I figured out that I'm most happy with an easy work where I work alone. Feeding a big machine with plastic parts in a factory was the best job I ever had, it was like meditation and got me very relaxed. Unfortunately, this was no full time job and I had to leave for something that was better paid. But now I know what kind of job I'm looking for, and I'm sure you will find a job you fit in too, sooner or later. I'm 48 now and actually looking for a job again, and who knows what life will bring next? I just move forward and see what I can get. If I don't like what I get, I will change the job again.
The words "routine" and, especially, "consistency" were words that always struck my nerves as punishment-words, external impositions coming from presuppositions by The Big Out There (you know, the world you're an alien in) designed to cram me into a mold that would ultimately reduce me to nothing but a projection of The Big Out There with no actual "me" left. My autism discovery has revolutionized this. In a couple of important ways. First of all, I finally get that The Big Out There isn't God. Whew. Now, I do believe in God, by the way. But my autism discovery has helped me perceive the difference between God and The Big Out There better than ever. There is this wonderful new freedom to tell (in your mind, where it really counts) The Big Out There to drop dead when you just have to. And then proceed accordingly. Which leads me right to "second of all." Second of all, even before I watched this video and heard you verbalize it this way (which was excellent, and also by the way, I just said much the same on another "autism" channel a few minutes ago, i.e. "I was discovering this in my own way before I heard you verbalize it as you just did"--remarkable "kismet" or something like that!)--as I was saying, even before I watched this video, "routine" and "consistency" were, as if of their own semi-mystical force, emerging in my life as friends, not impositions, as prerogative, not punishment, as freedom, not suffocating strictures. I think it's because my autism discovery finally authenticated needs that I never had a "justification" for before (isn't that tragic--as if I should EVER have needed to justify them!), and the entirely natural transformation emerging from my honoring those needs and fleshing them out has gradually been morphing into something I'd long believed I was constitutionally incapable of: routine! And consistency! Because it's MY routine, MY consistency, MY needs and I know WHY. It's just...sorry, I've run out of words....
It only dawned on me recently that I was masking and saying I don’t like routines. I didn’t want people to know I was different and I also didn’t want to deal with the stress of having a routine I couldn’t keep (as a kid we are often not in control of our schedules). If I take the time to check in with myself as I have been doing I am realising that routines are going to be playing a much bigger role in my life.
Amazon has mini glitter wands that you can take with you. I found 4.5 inch ones in 4 different color schemes. I have kicked mine across parking lots with no breakage too!
How have I not watched this, before? It's excellent. So comprehensive. I have to emphasise: when your routine is nearly right for you - tweak it very gently if you must. The temptation is to rip it up and start again more mathematically or logically - but you can't know how subtly all the different elements are interacting. Recognise that some things are providing a bit of tail wind for other things - you get a bit of assistance from what you've just done. Or maybe you really need a regular dose of daylight - so think about what other things need you to have been in daylight for a while in order to make them go more smoothly. Or music - compile different playlists for different activities in the routine and (I can't over sell this) compile the playlist while you're doing the task the music is to help. Have the occasional day, particularly at the start, where you can discover which tracks aid which activities. The right music is one hell of a tail wind - but you can't guess at it. Also, geography is kind of major. You split different things you want or need to do into their respective types - but types can exceed the boundaries of location and location will totally change their complexion requiring completely different patterns to make them run smoothly. The worst thing is when one type of activity has you having to cross back and forth between zones. Factor in zones early on. Figure out if your a building to a crescendo type or one who starts with an attack and then fades. Arrange your needed activities by order of how much you hate them. The least enjoyable ones, I think, go at the beginning or end of a routine depending on whether you're a building person or an attack and fade person. So, I'm the attack and fade so I put anything that might incur social interaction (that includes emails and the like) right at the start to get it out of the way. I also eat my brussels sprouts, first, for the same reason. Warpaint, then housework, then exercise, then sitting in the garden getting some daylight, then the thing I really like but may well be the thing that makes everything else easier, then eating.
I incorporate flexibility into my routine by recording my progress by time instead of quantity. Example: study for 30 minutes vs. memorized 10 flashcards. I also have a cube timer! You flip it face up to whatever time interval you want it to be. Every surface of the cube has a different time countdown start point.
I was actually thinking this morning: I bet other people don’t wake up in the morning and think “hair, teeth, meds, clothes, food, coffee, deodorant” like I do every day…a while back I realized I don’t have habits (things you do every day without thinking about it), I have a morning routine and a day routine where I leave the house for 8ish hours per day. But I still have to think about them, even after doing hygiene stuff for 20+ years. Please tell me I’m not the only one…
I also have those lists in my head all the time and going through them step by step (still lots of improvements required). Everything else is in my schedule. Isn't that absolutely usual for people with ADHD and/or ASD? ^^
Not the only one… Oh my goodness my heart goes out to those that know what you are describing because they live it like me. Although my entire family seems to think I am the only one. They constantly mock me and criticize and question me and are SO bothered by my “constant” list making. They are so ignorant- They literally think it’s a neurotic, ignorant or self-indulgent practice that I am too messed up or self-involved to realize is for naught and just “really not normal” but for literally 26 years, if they ever care to listen to my explanation and believe me, or care to educate themselves by reading my “lists” (which I have invited them to do) as soon as they laid their eyes on my “Lists” they would see there are no “lists” on the pages, but detailed, minute by minute step by step instructions and time management schedules that I literally have to pre-write and follow to the T minute to minute as I make my way through almost every single minute of my day and I have to be constantly be editing on a rolling basis all the way throughout my day to literally walk myself through each item I will need for every task I need to do throughout the day, every detail of each action I will need to take, what to do if there may be a few possible changes to the laid out plan + exactly how long to spend on each step. It. Is. Just so Exhausting. ❤ Lots of Love to All who live & navigate their days by creating and following their trusty step by step (by step by step by step 😄😄😁) plans. ❤❤❤
Another great video! I especially love the part where you say you wish you could line all of us up and pour a bucket of cold water on us to wake us up and remind us that we are doing okay. I have had similar feelings. I've talked to various autistics in different stages of their lives berating themselves and feeling like crap... and I wish they could see through my eyes how wonderful they are and how much they've accomplished. Then I realize I do the exact same thing to myself and others probably wish they could pour a cold bucket of water on me 🤦🏼♀️ We do have extra challenges that we work hard to overcome and we should pat ourselves on the back for how hard we work
Yes, there are so many things that non-autistic people might not realize are worth celebrating that definitely are because so many things are challenging on a daily basis! So I have read that a lot of this stems from the less-than-positive self concept of many autistic people have, especially when late diagnosed. So that’s awesome that you’re encouraging other people with this too 👏👏👏
Thank you, this is a timely video for me as I did not find out I was autistic until I was 61. I made working harder my coping skill and because I did not have built in “free time” I was in burnout. I was compensating for not fitting in and judged the reason for this was I must be lazy and stupid. Then I developed an energy limiting illness ME/CFS and working harder no longer worked. Working harder is damaging. Reframing my life as autistic is making my life make sense as well as practicing energy conservation I no longer feel stupid or lazy. Stupid for not being able to figure out why others seemed to go through the day so seamlessly. And not lazy as in I need to stay in my energy envelope. The push crash cycle can lead to being bed ridden. My routines - I use a smart watch and an app to track my recovery and exertion and am building guidelines for activities. In the morning I check my recovery score and if in the green zone I can shower or shop or change the sheets on my bed. Yellow I have to mellow and Red Zone I just added in I have to isolate. Because of 60 years of pushing when fatigued I overshare and that leads to feeling shame when I recognize after I monopolizes the conversation. Flexibility and now I know I can say no and it is not irresponsible to change plans for self care. My app is my cue to what is going on internally having discovered that I have weak self physical awareness this tool helps me adjust and plan. Add in Alexithymia and building comfort into my days has been such a relief. For example and I will reschedule appointments if in the of RED zone for too many days I will reschedule to practice radical rest. This reframing that it is ok to “break” my word of course with maximum notice. I love the detective work involved in reframing my life to what I need separate from what I thought I was supposed to be to who I am. This video is so thoughtful and well presented.
I have an aura ring and this has given me some ideas too. Problem is I'm rarely green and can afford ( literally and figuratively) to take that much time for myself.
Which app do you use and does it work with Apple Watch? I don’t want to get any more wearables but I feel like I need to be monitoring this stuff. I’m not ME/CFS but I am in burnout and have been for years and am afraid of developing it if I don’t take control NOW.
I set the things out the night before as part of my wind down routine. I take my meds and creatine and breakfast together, so i set them out ready to access in the morning so i dont forget. Helps with time saving, too, when I'm in a rush or i have to get a different train and it sets me for a wobble.
This is so good. This is such a great tool. I showed it to my occupational therapist (not sure if the translation is right…) and we will use it to find new routines that work better for me. She was inpressed by it, since it is already embedded in experiencing autism. A view from the inside. Especially the focus on sensory needs and the focus on both social AND solitairy needs. Brilliant!❤
This video came at the perfect time for me. I'm autistic and have ADHD, and making and keeping routines has been the biggest struggle in my life. I really appreciate all the advice. I tend to have extremely emotional reactions when things don't go as planned, and it's very hard for me to get back on track. This is something I'm working on. I also don't just have a Plan B, I have a Plan C through W, which I obsess over until I forget what it is I was doing in the first place and wind up paralyzed!
I want to start a morning routine, because I tend to stay up late and then roll out of bed at the last possible second in the morning to get to where I need to go. Then I spend the start of my day too tired to function, and since I'm in school, that is very unhelpful. A new school year in college is about to start next week, and I definitely need to make a routine in general, but especially a morning routine. Great video, with good tips!
I always thought I didn't have routines. My laughed and started pointing out all my routines. They just didn't' feel like routines. A lot my routines are micro routines. Like my wife told me have bedtime routine. A shower routine. A cooking routine. A morning routine. A late night special interest routine. I just never looked it like that. What more it causes all kind of stress if one of those get disrupted. Breaking them into smaller routines allows me accept and adjust between them with changes in life.
I know I need routines but I have real troubles with them. When I have manged to get that routine to stick, I feel so much better, calm, like the world isnt chaos. But when the routine falls apart, I feel so bad. It makes me feel so bad on the inside and the world just seems like chaos. More chaos than before the routine. It feels so bad that im now at a point of avoiding routines because of how bad it is when they fail. Im not diagnosed with adhd or asd btw. I am waiting on an adhd assesment as im pretty sure I am/have adhd. I have noticed i have traits of asd but im not sure if i am fully asd. Im 37 and only now realising why I feel like an alien. I plan to start really looking at asd after the adhd assesment and, if i should get a diagnosis, treatment. Thank you for this video. It will really help me when I start to work out what actions I need to take to feel ok in my life. X
Thanks to both of you, I grew up surrounded by undiagnosed people, and in my late 50's as result of overwhelm with a job and covid, my symptoms for ADHD got worse...however, I also had a feeling I had ASD too, but one thing at a time. It's proving very difficult for me now, as I unmask, I feel like I can't put the lid back on Pandora's box...Naming both my ADHD/ASD is something I have also done, at first I felt like the ADHD was the fun, irresponsible, childlike part and the ASD the practical, mature and grumpy part. But as I get to know how to assimilate and figure a way forward, I realise it's not that simple. Thank muchly for sharing tips and info to both of you.
Something that has helped me a lot with having to add things to my routine for one day (such as a letter needs delivered or an appointment I have later that day) is to add what I like to call "roadsigns" to my morning routine. Being ADHD as well makes these things not only stressful to go to but near impossible to remember without some kind of trick. So I know I have certain stops in the morning such as my coffeemaker. So I will put some kind of object my brain relates to the activity I know doesn't belong there so it will catch my attention and I will remember. Now keeping that fresh until that activity is completed is a whole other challenge and sometimes my tunnel vision means I miss it, but at least it's a start and an improvement. I tried sticky notes but they add up quick and I just get overwhelmed. I find using an object kind of gamifies it a bit. I have to solve the puzzle of why in the world is there a band-aid next to my coffeemaker rather than oh yeah that sticky note that stresses me out every time I see it.
Dealing with this pretty hard right now due to a role change at work. My new role doesn’t have a built-in way to protect my energy levels or routines. I’m going to have to work hard to get that taken care of- thank you for this video, Chris. Very timely.
Wow. I just came across two of your videos. I LOVE how clearly and concisely you just outline everything. I am 44 and was literally diagnosed ASD-1 *last week*. No joke. I’ve come to the realization that most of my issues surround environmental sensitivity (noise, crowds, specific sounds, etc). I’m also pretty sure I’m still in a burnout since January January ‘24. I’m going to talk to my therapist this week about building a routine - and a routine with lots of rest and downtime. I’ve come to realize I need significant alone and *quiet* time. Thank you for creating this content. It is tremendously helpful and now you have a new subscriber! 💙
I’m really happy to hear my videos are helping! I’m also really glad you finally have the foundation of an ASD diagnosis to start building your ‘new’ life on. It’s going to be a roller coaster of a ride this first year my friend, but there are many of us who are sharing the same experiences as you. There’s great support out there!
Chris, could you show us your workplace? I mean the way you have organized it. It seems you have both an office and a standing desk for work. I am sure people like me who are close to "aphantaisa" will be grateful for an example from our brethren.
yes we are sensitive to sensory stimuli. thank Steve for the sensory friendly soundtrack (no music until the end, fewer sound effects) now - please stop the visual overwhelm. if Steve needs to use stock clips - make the clips of you and Debby and Frog and Beaves. that no socialization laugh is fantastic. and the freezing water effect was good. I might have missed other good effects when I was resting my eyes.
I know this will be really helpful to me. I got an ADD diagnosis about 14 years ago and have been seriously considering the possibility that I'm autistic. You've listed some really good strategies, even though they seem a little overwhelming to me. I'll watch this video a couple more times throughout the week. Thank you for sharing and helping!
It finally feels like im working WITH myself intead of against myself after some epiphanies and realizations over the past year that led to me doing nearly all of the things listed! Thank you for putting into words WHY they were important as its something i never felt i could accurately articulate well enough to those important to me (who would also definitely benefit from doing them as well) 💛
This is such a great video - SO helpful in so many ways. Thank you! But then you pointed me towards the comments and I found it so healing to hear how so many others are dealing with routines. Also empowering. Thank you to everyone!!
I have a baby right now... Flexible "routine" and ever changing. Really causes a lot of frustration because of the pressure to get work done. And yes, trying to stay positive. I appreciate your videos. You have such a bright personality. Very valuable information shared also. Thank you.
I bet the baby throws a ton of curveballs into the mix. You gotta try your best to sleep (that was hard to type while keeping a straight face) and your little one is going to bring you so much joy and happiness!!
When I had a baby, the unpredictability was driving me nuts. UNTIL I spent three days writing down what we did and what time it was. Everything was within 15 minutes of the time it was on the other days. We had a routine! I just hadn't been aware of it. After that, I scheduled other activities around the established feedings, diaper changes, and naps.
@@vickigsolomon1241 I'm glad that worked out for you. ❤️My babas flexible schedule changes all the time as she grows and our environments change. As soon as I see a pattern, there's a new one again. I guess change is our slogan by now 😂
Hello Chris. I am new to your channel & enjoying your videos very much. I am a young 60 year old woman. My dilemma is I have suspected that I have many autistic traits/characteristics which I’ve struggled with all my life, but I couldn’t figure out what was wrong with me. I’m married to my 2nd husband for 19 years. He is not aware of what I suspect, & will probably deem me “nutty” if I were to broach the topic. Do you have any tips on how I can discuss it with him & try & get him to understand? He is a wonderful person,but has very high & demanding aspirations which I find mentally exhausting- it makes me cringe with chronic anxiety when he wants to plan anything from entertaining to travelling. I just want to run away, which doesn’t sound normal, but my brain doesn’t like what I hear. I struggle to agree with doing certain things & will try to think of any excuse not to do it, but my husband always comes up with an answer, to the point where I give in, but it is a mission for me to follow through, & I find myself putting on many masks to cope with all the different people we have to interact with. It makes me exhausted, upset & resentful. After watching “Spectrum” videos & listening to other people’s experiences, I understand myself better. Any advise on how to broach the subject with my husband would be much appreciated. Thank you for your effort into making these videos.
He isn't a toddler, as harsh as it sounds. You don't have to tiptoe around him. If he actually genuinely cares, he will listen. One thing that comes to mind is taking an online test together, the raads-r is one. Sit down together and look at the questions and talk about them, what you have noticed or if he notices it, and fill it in. You getting a diagnosis will not turn you into this mythical creature all of a sudden, you're still gonna be you. And you can explain to him that it validates you, that it opens up to a world of support and advice from others going through the same. It's great that he wants to do these things but he needs to respect you and your energy levels. It is okay to say no, you are allowed to say no, your body knows when it is too much and will give you the signs. Don't ignore them. One thing i also kinda go through is how others can influence me to do something. When that happens, try to analyse what you're thinking. So if you feel this unease in your body, because he wants you to join and go to unknown places and meet people you don't know, then it isn't the energy levels but the fact that it's a new environment that is making you resist. Or is it that you already had an exhaustive day and you need to relax? It's up to you on what to do, on what feels right. One thing that my family does is the same, they'll nag and nag and eventually I'll go, and sometimes even end up really enjoying it, but sometimes I will end up hating it. What helps for me is to find a middle ground, of saying okay, i will go, but only for x amount of hours. Or come up with a backup plan together, let's say it is the middle of the day and you feel yourself shutting down, what is something you could do to ease the overwhelm, maybe going back to hotel/car/ putting on headphones/ going to a less crowded are for example. He has to put in the work as well, if he is so adamant on you being there. How will he be of help?
17:04 am I weird for finding the sound of a low frequency ceiling fan relaxing? It can be winter, and I’d have it on. When I was a kid I’d lock myself in the bathroom, cover myself with laundry that still needed to be washed, kept my moms twin tub washing machine running for longer than it had to. Was great when I was in pain…that slow low frequency sloshing and motor sound.
I am learning the hard way that cleaning up 80 painting in a row in photoshop was not a good idea. Besides the numb bottom , it leaves my mind to wander into negative thoughts as I can do all this on autopilot. Next time, I shall do five painting and photoshop, and repeat. That way I might not lose the will to live after week two of this nightmare.
Diagnosed ADHD in '19 and autistic '21.. with respect to routines, I do have routines... For a lengthy period, my routines coming across as quite bland repetitive, but after some point, I experience dread and need to change routine to experience euphoria from the novelty.. as it's called... So I experience euphoria from discontinuous routine production... The synthetic of autistic and ADHD..
Ive been trying to build one so I started this. When I want to transition to bed I will need to brush my teeth so I do it in this order. Go to the bathroom use it and wash my hands. Brush my teeth Floss Wash out my retainer and put it on. Use my electric shaver that feels best on my skin. Then use the bathroom and wash my hands again for good measure. Then I will listen to music until im bored and go to bed. Additionally when im in bed I turn on this massive fan that makes a lot of white noise to drain the rest of my famy out and sleep with this yoshi plush that’s almost a quarter of my size. I also stim while brushing my teeth by sawing side to side because doing that is naturally a lot to deal with and painful. (Probably not normal)
Thanks for sharing! 👋🏼 That's a cool sequence. Maybe I'll try a specific sequence to help take another decision out of the equation. I also either rock side to side on my feet, pace, or I have to squat while I'm brushing my teeth. It's just such a hard task, even though my mouth feels far better after most of the time. 🤷🏼♀️ We got this!
For me, by far the biggest problem is that no matter how nice a routine is at first, if I stick to it long enough I start to feel trapped by it and resent my lack of "freedom". Maybe a PDA thing, or just ADHD novelty-seeking, but whatever it is I have no idea how to address it. Any tips for that?
Perhaps i need to review routines every so often because i can do one for awhile and then my demand avoidance and little boredom sets in and i stop doing something i should keep doing.
I do understand and agree. However, for me personally I do best with some choice and variety from having several choices of cereals that I go through each one until it’s gone and move on to the next one and having several different routes for my walk or bike ride. I suspect my mum is on spectrum and her routines were overwhelming for me, which has shaped my view that a routine of your choice is important and stimulates your brain to your liking is best. Routines are good and sometimes doing them too much isn’t always a good thing either.
I'm to dig myself self out but right now the deck is stacked against me. My wife divorced me 3 years ago but not because of my symptoms but let's just say she likes women. Then I met a gal that was a narcissist and it was nightmare. Then I moved in an old farmhouse Because I wanted to have chickens and a garden. But the places infested with rodents and mites and they cycle and now I'm starting to understand why these mites are bothering me so badly. Then on top of that the basement flooded and I didn't know about it and there's mold everywhere and I found out that I don't break down mold in the body, lol.. And I can't tell you all the symptoms that gives me. On top of that I have a bad back but it's been a little better lately. But I haven't been out of this house let alone my bedroom but 10 times all summer..Last year I had the place organized but I went to the shelter and got a bunch of my stuff thinking I was going to get to it and then I think that's when the mold started affecting me and my back flared up and then irritable bowel flared up. This house looks like a cyclone hit it and I lost all my motivation on top of that I saw a psychiatrist and he decided to take me off of the Vyvanse so I did that in June and I think my body is finally regulating from that and I'm still on Strattera But he lowered the dose by over half.. But I'm glad he got me off the Vyvanse Because it really wasn't working anymore. But I am determined to dig myself out and my ex-wife has helped me a little bit and she's going to get a cleaning service she says Because what I need is this place to be organized and it's just overwhelms me where I do everything but what I'm supposed to do. I start cleaning up things and then my back flares up and I have a back belt that helps because of the nature of my issue.. But I'm really happy that I ran into your web page and now I have watched well over 50 videos from various people that have had ADHD and autism and now It's so obvious.. But because of your video on stimmming I realized that I had to get my rocking chair because that's how I unwind. So my wife went and got a $35 rocker from a lady and it is working out beautifully first and second day were a little rough but the third day boy it felt like a breath of fresh air. So finally my ex wife found a place that was relatively affordable to get diagnosed which was 1,400 The only problem is that the next available appointment is October of 2025😂. So I was going to call today but I'll probably call tomorrow and set that up so I have at least something. . Anyways thanks a lot for the information and I've been just watching one video after another. It's hard to believe that I was an RN and I was very good at what I did and in school I had the highest grade point In my nursing program but I never liked it and talk about being distracted and having issues. I would get so tired and fried after some days being 15 or 16 hours long And I would work somewhere anywhere from 1 to 3 years And then I would be wiped out. And all these years I thought it was chronic fatigue because that's what they told me it was back in my 20s but now after I've watched these videos I can actually tell that it's most likely the autism. Because I started going back in my head to when I was a kid and the same type of thing happened. I go to church in the first thing I did when I got out of church is go to bed. And then my parents weren't very understanding because my mother was a narcissist My dad was abusive and I think they were very embarrassed of me and I just could never figure out what I was doing wrong. They would leave me behind at home when they would go visit and they would take the other three siblings to visit people but would leave me at home when I was only 10 years old. But now it's starting to make a lot of sense because my parents were simply embarrassed of me but I didn't know that I just thought they hated me
Great stuff! I'm an occupational therapist working with autistic adults - you've included so many helpful suggestions here. It's detective work for sure, figuring out the root cause of a difficulty and making environmental adjustments that help. Everyone is different - that's what is so challenging and fascinating. What works well for me (I'm autistic too) might be anathema for my client.
I couldn't get past the bit with the book at the start - what did that mean? I watched the video, but couldn't focus as I had no idea what the bit with the book meant.
Hey there! What I got from the book bit was him either 1) just being in a silly mood before starting the video or 2) him trying to give a funny little example of something unexpected happening and using this as a bridge over to the topic of the video: routines that help with plan changes and unexpected things happening. I might be wrong of course, that is how I read the situation. I was caught of guard, too! I hope this helps. Have a great weekend!
If it’s too overwhelming, you might not be ready for any additions to your existing routine yet. I know exactly what that feels like. Right now I’m in burnout, so I drastically simplified my routine. I’m not going to be adding or changing until I get in a better spot mentally and physically. The other thing is it’s important to do the backend work where you analyze your needs and preferences. Once you do this, an addition or slight change to your routine should feel more manageable. Before burnout and once I climb out of it, I’ll be slowly building my routine again. When I feel too overwhelmed, I pause and let allow myself more time.
Also how do you build a routine when you have lost interest in doing anything at all. I have never been like this in my life until the last few months.
You might be experiencing autistic burnout. I’m at the end of a long 2 year burnout cycle. I’ve figured a lot of things out through and am going to make videos that I think will be helpful. You’ve got to go easy on yourself and start with the basics: make sure you are drinking lots of water and eating as healthy as possible. If you’re tired, allow your body to rest. There were days when I would sleep 18-20 hours. Once you’ve covered these basics, avoid triggers. Stay away from loud and crowded places. Avoid things that really stimulate you. Then spend time each day doing something you enjoy. Read, nature walk, comedy show… whatever you like. Burnout cycles are no fun, but they are just temporary, especially if you are nice to yourself.
@@ChrisandDebby Does autistic burnout feel like a lack of mental energy, like you want to do something but everything just feels like it takes to much mental capacity?
@@ChrisandDebby omg hi u guys replied Thank u for yr content! Helps so much! I gotta mask (? Idk, can't get diagnosed) almost 247 so ur vids help me feel seen!
Masking 24/7 is going to catch up to you!! I really hope you can readjust things. I masked heavily for over 3 decades and I’m paying the price now in my early 40s. I’ve really focused on adjusting my life so that it works for me. The great thing is when you do this, you can still be productive and accomplish a lot… but it might be in a different style than others.
A low dose (10 mg) of Lexapro has been extremely helpful for my anxiety and ability to deal with over-stimulation. Noises and smells have always been the worst things for me. With the Lexapro I am much more able to deal with the world.
One thing, the system may say you have ADHD and ASD, but you have AuDHD, having ADHD and ASD in one person is not the same as being ADHD (Chaos) or ASD (Order), us with AuDHD "cherry" pick from ADHD and ASD creating a chaotic order system that kinda works with real life, since life is chaotic order and we actually have ADHD and ASD fighting inside our head, future reducing the "pure" ADHD or ASD experience for us. I don't think us with AuDHD can fully understand ADHD or ASD, as it is for people that just carry one or the other and I fear it might be belittling their experience to "steal" ADHD/ASD instead of using AuDHD. Bottom line is you are not explaining ADHD to someone with only ADHD or ASD to someone with only ASD, they don't get our weird cheat sheet. All 3 groups has their own problems and deserve equal consideration on their own, not to be overshadowed by the loud and proud AuDHD community.
This is a very interesting comment and although I think I see where you’re coming from, I disagree with much of what you say and the actions you are requesting to achieve a noble outcome. I will try to explain briefly: First, the system says I have both adhd and ASD because I do. That means I have a number of symptoms falling under each. Although my lived experiences might not be the same as someone who has just adhd or just asd, it would also be true to say that my lived experiences are not the same for every AuDHD individual. In fact, there’s so many variables at play, both neurological and environmental, that no two individuals will ever have the exact same lived experiences. My ASD symptoms might play out a certain way for me at a certain time, and some of those reasons might have to do with me also having ADHD. But to what extent and how often is difficult if not impossible to always accurately assess. Second, I do not think discussing my ASD experiences or my ADHD experiences separately in any way overshadows or takes away from the ADHD community or ASD community. I understand some of the evolutionary reasons to want to break humans into tribes, but I don’t think it’s always helpful or beneficial. With your argument, I think it would actually be harmful. Individuals with ASD are so often misunderstood and feel isolated. I think it’s important for anyone who has ASD (even in combination with ADHD) to share experiences and connect. Me (and other AuDHDers) sharing our experiences and talking about solutions to the problems we face is a good thing in my opinion! Third, AuDHDers do not in any way cherry pick symptoms that we feel will help us in life. This just isn’t true. In fact, in many cases for me, having the combination of the 2 is harder. The experiences with burnout and the fact that we are much less likely to get officially diagnosed with asd because we mask so well are just two examples of many. I might be misinterpreting your meaning here with cherry picking, and if that’s the case, I apologize and I hope you take the time to clarify what you mean. In my videos, I try to be clear that I’m sharing my experiences to hopefully help people improve their lives by better understanding themselves and/or the people around them- whether they have ASD, ADHD or both. I’m not even sure there is a third category of AuDHD that’s medically recognized yet. Before 2013, you couldn’t even ‘medically’ have both. Really really appreciate your comment because you’ve given me a lot to think about! We need more of this stuff!!
I would like to apologise in advance. I really like the content of your videos and your personality but all these unrelated people to portray varies emotions or activities are very annoying. If it is only me then I will try just to listen your message. Thank you for sharing your experience.
Thank you for this! Im feeling pretty down, so pausing to celebrate small wins is a big help. ✨ For a few months now, I have been using little notecards with tasks on them like brush teeth, shower, makeup, wash face. Some are daily, some every other day, some a couple times a week. The notecard goes in a plastic sleeve like for baseball cards, and I check items off with a dry erase marker. 📑 It really helps because i won't remember without a list. Its also good to see my patterns throughout the week. And its a great "week at a glance" so i can pause to give myself credit. Both for the hard weeks where i still took good care by doing some of these things, and the good weeks where im on a roll and go above and beyond with bonus tasks - like exfoliating, mouthwash, etc. These are small but big moments of "Look at me go! Heck yeah." Im going to expand on the practices ive already got to use some of the suggestions you made like scheduling, sensory routines, backup plans. Thanks again! 🎉
The idea of 'setting a time to review notes' is so weird to me. Like, the chances of me actually wanting to do that when the alert goes off? Like not being in the middle of a hyperfixation or struggling with executive dysfunction at that moment - slim to none. Routines are a nice idea, but they don't work for me at all. I just try and get as much done when I have the energy and mindset to do it (chores, exercise, etc.), and try not to beat myself up the rest of the time.
I have to have a work routine. It helps me remember to do the important tasks and helps me with time management for most of my shift, my ADHD keeps me bouncing from task to task, I'm nonstop 🏃♀️😆 . Best of both worlds 😁😉
I used to beat myself up over "uneven productivity ". I didn't understand why something that was usually so easy, at other times was so difficult. I would try harder, but the harder I tried, the harder it got. Now that I understand what is causing this problem, I am able to give myself grace and take a step back to figure out what is going on. Inevitably, I am dysregulated. I can then try to figure out why and take steps to get to a better place.
I”ll hug everyone who survived a late undiagnosed autism…❤
They’re truly survivors❤
I'm... not sure a hug would be a good option...
Thanks, that means a lot. Born in 82 and late diagnosed. The damages are deep . You get kicked out of everything. the verbal abuse and rumors are uncontrollable. People fear what they don't understand. Failing school while being smart and watching friends graduate..... a word doesn't exist that can portray that feeling . Work is even worse. You can go from employee of the month 2 looking for work . I'm getting better and am thankful to have found out . I'm still happy to be alive but a good part of my life I'll never get back
@@BeautyMarkRush😂
It would be nice to hear this more often. Thank you 🙏 however hugs can make me uncomfortable at times too 😅
I'm 39 and got the ADHD+ASD dx a few months ago. Hugs are fine.
I spent more than a month figuring out where to put my toothbrush so that I would remember to brush my teeth in the morning. After having had it in several different places in my apartment it ended up in our medicine cabinet in the kitchen 😅🫣 .. This place works sooo well for me! In the evening when I brush my teeth before bed, I place my toothbrush on the kitchen counter beside the sink. This means when I wake up the next morning and want to tidy up (which I like to do) the toothbrush is in my way and I have to move it back into the medicine cabinet, and I’m only allowed to do so if I brush my teeth first 😉 .. My friends think I’m very silly, but I think it’s genius 😂
I do similar things, like when I need to take something with me when I leave the house, something I don't normally take, I put it under or on top of my car keys and/or wallet. I never forget those things. ...definitely genius.
I know I NEEEED to make routines, especially when I have time off, and with retirement not that far down the road. Ever since childhood, my "routines" were imposed from the outside. I didn't effectively learn to create my own routines when I essentially wasn't allowed to have them. At the same time, the ADHD part of my brain goes, "Routine? What's that?" and the demand avoidant part of my brain hisses, "Routines! We hates them!" But without a plan of SOME kind for the day, even if it's just a to-do list, I fritter it away with distractions.
Oh dammit, I might need to steal that brain hissing part 😂 It definitely fits.
Now I did have routines growing up, but I've noticed it's damn easy to have them shattered into pieces, and damn hard to build them up again. I only have some that persist, many I should build up again.
One thing I've found very helpful lately is "day templates." Essentially, they're plans for your day when you know you're going to have predictable changes to your routine. So, for example, you might have a "rainy weather" day template, or a "work from the office" day template, or an "night class" day template, or a "Sunday brunch with family" day template. That way, when the change happens, you've already got your template planned and can just pull it up and execute, instead of getting stuck in the loop of "wait, what do I do now?!" (One that I found very helpful when I was married was to have day templates for when my husband would or wouldn't be home on a given evening.)
That feeling of hopelessness mixed with always feeling uncomfortable is how I've lived for most of my life. Think I may have some appointments to schedule now.
I like staying up late, especially when everyone's gone to bed. It's the only time i can relax. totally screws any routine though.
I’m very similar. I enjoy the night much more than the day. It’s quiet and far more relaxing.
@ChrisandDebby I shouldn't really be surprised I keep telling people about your YT channel and how I identify alot with your traits, there are so many 'me too moments' which is interesting considering I am still waiting for assessment.
I relate to this a lot! It is so much quieter late at night and in the early morning.
Oh my god yes! But I have noticed that it was less common when I was a kid. Then I got up two hours before everyone else. The reason was the same - to have alone time.
try to build this into your routine if possible? if you're able to start work later or change to getting up super early when the world is still quiet, or you can sometimes work later and then get to come in later the day after? i get it depends on work/school hours but might be worth trying ot schedue it at least weekly so it doesnt always disrupt the routine or decrease your sleep :)
I really enjoy tea time. The warmth of the cup and steam on my face helps me relax and calm down. The aromatic smell of my favorite tea is how I recover from hard days and how I care for myself. Having tea in a small space where I’ve already cleaned and made cozy for myself is nice
love that
There is always too much to do and too little time. I struggle to find time for buffers, or tasks that are only needed periodically.. My to lists feel endless. Interruptions drive me crazy. I want to invest in relationships, but it feels like time with others is time taken away from my list of stuff to do, and time for my to-dos is time taken away from my special interests. Wow! I didn’t realize until just now how uptight I am about all this!
I identify with your comment so much it's painful. My therapist recently suggested framing "non-productive" time the same as other appointments. Like, I've struggled finding special interest time. So right there, during my appointment, we scheduled an appointment for it. It has the exact same priority as any other medical/work/school appointment.
For to-do lists, I *TRY* to add these tasks the same way- like all the typical tasks. Like "color part of page" is a task alongside "dishes" etc...
THEN you can visualize it all, and find a balance.
WARNING: This is mostly theory and not based on my reality...yet 😂
The part I struggle with is saying "no" to extra responsibilities or even social events with friends. I can't think of a way to say "I have to preserve my down time" in a way that doesn't make me feel like a complete jerk.
i completely relate to this
I like to say “I already have plans” I just don’t disclose the plans are taking care of myself. Though I don’t always remember to do this
Think of it this way instead: you're MORE of a jerk if you over commit. Others are relying on you to say no responsibly. No one else knows where those boundaries are. So don't be a jerk by overcommitting and letting someone down.
Good point!@@LegendoftheGalacticHero
@@jenavasexton1645 Also a good point;
I struggle with creating my own routines because I always relied on external forces like work and school to create them for me. Severe burnout in 2016 caused me to quit my full time job, after which I barely worked for several years. I now work freelance which gives me large swathes of down time between jobs but is also somewhat unstable and when I’m on contract, the work can be quite intense and difficult to structure routines around. Add into this, my PDA brain HATES alarms and rebels HARD against clock time. Things like transport that rely heavily on clock time are enormously stressful for me and require large preparation and time buffers. I’ve managed to figure this out in the past by having “windows” of time to do certain things rather than needing to do them at a specific time, but the routines never seem to stick for more than a couple months 😢 I can’t fathom going back into a normal 9-5 though, because that kills me in a whole different way, so I’m not quite sure how to figure this out. I have a month alone now so will be working on it and let’s see. Maybe this’ll be the one ❤
I have ASD and ADHD, and I have never been able to get far enough in anything to call it a routine. I can't even get habits to stick, good or bad.
In your example, in order to know your preferences and needs, you need to be consistent with monitoring yourself for a week, when even doing it for a single day is almost impossible. Not to mention taking notes at the end of the day etc. To try and make a morning routine for example, I've tried both scheduling a lot or scheduling just a little, using a bunch of apps, etc. My calendar even speaks out loud to let me know when the event is, but I find it extremely hard to context switch.
What can someone with basically no consistency with anything do?
I understand what you’re saying. The push pull of both ADHD and ASD can be extremely challenging. Although creating and sticking to a routine can be extremely challenging for us, it is NOT impossible and well worth the effort.
Your question is complex and I could make an entire video series on the topic, but a good place to start with your routine is manageability. Start with just one simple task and focus on only that for a day… then a week… then a month if necessary. Once you’re comfortable with that one simple task, you’re ready for a second simple task. I’d start by focusing these simple tasks to a specific period in the day… like the first hour when you wake up.
You can do it! Start by telling yourself this several times a day!!
I’ve been going to occupational therapy for a few months and it’s helping me tremendously with routines and problem solving. The routine I’m most proud of is developing a routine for caring for one of my two cats who has developed health problems. I figured out that she is very cooperative with getting her daily medication because I give her treats right afterwards. I now give her prescription food, kibble and then dry food. Her brother still gets the regular food so I have to keep them from eating each other’s food. It took a while to work this system out but she is doing much better now.
Nice work
Since I came back to the US from EU, I have not been able to establish a morning routine. I am currently at my parents place, while I look for work. The television is always on and it distracts me to no end. I hate the noise of it in the morning. In the EU, I developed a way to build a routine by tow trucking tasks, term from Atomic Habits. Days, that I stuck to these routines I did better, but other days when I woke up late, or walked into the kitchen and it was an OCD nightmare, was just a day that I had to try to muddle through it. So, I have decided tomorrow to just sit at the table in the kitchen where I cannot see the TV and get back to my planning routine, blocking out time for my hobbies, and job search.
I can imagine the frustration. When I traveled, I disliked how the hotels always played the local news in the breakfast area. Have you tried earplugs or noise canceling headphones? They've saved the lives of those around me many times. 😆😆😆
Routines are definitely helpful, but for some reason, I give up on them eventually. For example, just putting stuff in the same place after usage, makes me be able to remember where it is at. This is useful for someone with a poor short term memory.
I’ve always beat myself up for not being able to handle certain everyday tasks. Lack of consistency in going to work and university has always made me feel childish, guilty, stupid, etc. I’m turning 35 in a couple of weeks and I’m unemployed and still don’t know what I’m doing/what I want to do and I’ve started and stopped doing so many degrees on such vastly different topics that my skills are completely uneven/useless. I often feel like a failure of a human being because of these things. I only found out I was neurodivergent a couple of years ago and I’m trying to improve my outlook and my life, but it’s been extremely difficult and painful.
What are things you loved or enjoyed as a child? Maybe this can help you figure out what you might enjoy doing now. Instead of beating yourself up, give yourself the needed time and space to think about what you like doing. If you are uncertain, start experimenting. If college isn’t working, don’t do it. University is not the prerequisite to happiness and success.
I don't value my failed studies and jobs as useless, it just teached me something and brought me a step further in knowing what I don't want to do. Although my psychology studies doesn't lead to a job, it was very helpful understanding other people better. My technical studies showed me that I'm able to do very difficult tasks, but it's better not to push me so hard (managed to finish the studies but got a burnout). After many different jobs, I figured out that I'm most happy with an easy work where I work alone. Feeding a big machine with plastic parts in a factory was the best job I ever had, it was like meditation and got me very relaxed. Unfortunately, this was no full time job and I had to leave for something that was better paid. But now I know what kind of job I'm looking for, and I'm sure you will find a job you fit in too, sooner or later. I'm 48 now and actually looking for a job again, and who knows what life will bring next? I just move forward and see what I can get. If I don't like what I get, I will change the job again.
The words "routine" and, especially, "consistency" were words that always struck my nerves as punishment-words, external impositions coming from presuppositions by The Big Out There (you know, the world you're an alien in) designed to cram me into a mold that would ultimately reduce me to nothing but a projection of The Big Out There with no actual "me" left. My autism discovery has revolutionized this. In a couple of important ways. First of all, I finally get that The Big Out There isn't God. Whew. Now, I do believe in God, by the way. But my autism discovery has helped me perceive the difference between God and The Big Out There better than ever. There is this wonderful new freedom to tell (in your mind, where it really counts) The Big Out There to drop dead when you just have to. And then proceed accordingly. Which leads me right to "second of all." Second of all, even before I watched this video and heard you verbalize it this way (which was excellent, and also by the way, I just said much the same on another "autism" channel a few minutes ago, i.e. "I was discovering this in my own way before I heard you verbalize it as you just did"--remarkable "kismet" or something like that!)--as I was saying, even before I watched this video, "routine" and "consistency" were, as if of their own semi-mystical force, emerging in my life as friends, not impositions, as prerogative, not punishment, as freedom, not suffocating strictures. I think it's because my autism discovery finally authenticated needs that I never had a "justification" for before (isn't that tragic--as if I should EVER have needed to justify them!), and the entirely natural transformation emerging from my honoring those needs and fleshing them out has gradually been morphing into something I'd long believed I was constitutionally incapable of: routine! And consistency! Because it's MY routine, MY consistency, MY needs and I know WHY. It's just...sorry, I've run out of words....
thank you for giving all those words, i am grateful. you did so that I don't have to. good luck to you ❤
@@play-fool Thank you so much.
It only dawned on me recently that I was masking and saying I don’t like routines.
I didn’t want people to know I was different and I also didn’t want to deal with the stress of having a routine I couldn’t keep (as a kid we are often not in control of our schedules).
If I take the time to check in with myself as I have been doing I am realising that routines are going to be playing a much bigger role in my life.
Amazon has mini glitter wands that you can take with you. I found 4.5 inch ones in 4 different color schemes. I have kicked mine across parking lots with no breakage too!
How have I not watched this, before? It's excellent. So comprehensive. I have to emphasise: when your routine is nearly right for you - tweak it very gently if you must. The temptation is to rip it up and start again more mathematically or logically - but you can't know how subtly all the different elements are interacting. Recognise that some things are providing a bit of tail wind for other things - you get a bit of assistance from what you've just done. Or maybe you really need a regular dose of daylight - so think about what other things need you to have been in daylight for a while in order to make them go more smoothly. Or music - compile different playlists for different activities in the routine and (I can't over sell this) compile the playlist while you're doing the task the music is to help. Have the occasional day, particularly at the start, where you can discover which tracks aid which activities. The right music is one hell of a tail wind - but you can't guess at it.
Also, geography is kind of major. You split different things you want or need to do into their respective types - but types can exceed the boundaries of location and location will totally change their complexion requiring completely different patterns to make them run smoothly. The worst thing is when one type of activity has you having to cross back and forth between zones. Factor in zones early on. Figure out if your a building to a crescendo type or one who starts with an attack and then fades. Arrange your needed activities by order of how much you hate them. The least enjoyable ones, I think, go at the beginning or end of a routine depending on whether you're a building person or an attack and fade person. So, I'm the attack and fade so I put anything that might incur social interaction (that includes emails and the like) right at the start to get it out of the way. I also eat my brussels sprouts, first, for the same reason. Warpaint, then housework, then exercise, then sitting in the garden getting some daylight, then the thing I really like but may well be the thing that makes everything else easier, then eating.
I incorporate flexibility into my routine by recording my progress by time instead of quantity. Example: study for 30 minutes vs. memorized 10 flashcards.
I also have a cube timer! You flip it face up to whatever time interval you want it to be. Every surface of the cube has a different time countdown start point.
I was actually thinking this morning: I bet other people don’t wake up in the morning and think “hair, teeth, meds, clothes, food, coffee, deodorant” like I do every day…a while back I realized I don’t have habits (things you do every day without thinking about it), I have a morning routine and a day routine where I leave the house for 8ish hours per day. But I still have to think about them, even after doing hygiene stuff for 20+ years. Please tell me I’m not the only one…
You are not. I was thinking the exact same thing yesterday.
OMG I thought it was just me..
I also have those lists in my head all the time and going through them step by step (still lots of improvements required). Everything else is in my schedule.
Isn't that absolutely usual for people with ADHD and/or ASD? ^^
Not the only one… Oh my goodness my heart goes out to those that know what you are describing because they live it like me. Although my entire family seems to think I am the only one. They constantly mock me and criticize and question me and are SO bothered by my “constant” list making. They are so ignorant- They literally think it’s a neurotic, ignorant or self-indulgent practice that I am too messed up or self-involved to realize is for naught and just “really not normal” but for literally 26 years, if they ever care to listen to my explanation and believe me, or care to educate themselves by reading my “lists” (which I have invited them to do) as soon as they laid their eyes on my “Lists” they would see there are no “lists” on the pages, but detailed, minute by minute step by step instructions and time management schedules that I literally have to pre-write and follow to the T minute to minute as I make my way through almost every single minute of my day and I have to be constantly be editing on a rolling basis all the way throughout my day to literally walk myself through each item I will need for every task I need to do throughout the day, every detail of each action I will need to take, what to do if there may be a few possible changes to the laid out plan + exactly how long to spend on each step. It. Is. Just so Exhausting. ❤ Lots of Love to All who live & navigate their days by creating and following their trusty step by step (by step by step by step 😄😄😁) plans. ❤❤❤
Another great video! I especially love the part where you say you wish you could line all of us up and pour a bucket of cold water on us to wake us up and remind us that we are doing okay. I have had similar feelings. I've talked to various autistics in different stages of their lives berating themselves and feeling like crap... and I wish they could see through my eyes how wonderful they are and how much they've accomplished.
Then I realize I do the exact same thing to myself and others probably wish they could pour a cold bucket of water on me 🤦🏼♀️
We do have extra challenges that we work hard to overcome and we should pat ourselves on the back for how hard we work
Yes, there are so many things that non-autistic people might not realize are worth celebrating that definitely are because so many things are challenging on a daily basis! So I have read that a lot of this stems from the less-than-positive self concept of many autistic people have, especially when late diagnosed. So that’s awesome that you’re encouraging other people with this too 👏👏👏
Thank you, this is a timely video for me as I did not find out I was autistic until I was 61. I made working harder my coping skill and because I did not have built in “free time” I was in burnout. I was compensating for not fitting in and judged the reason for this was I must be lazy and stupid.
Then I developed an energy limiting illness ME/CFS and working harder no longer worked. Working harder is damaging.
Reframing my life as autistic is making my life make sense as well as practicing energy conservation I no longer feel stupid or lazy. Stupid for not being able to figure out why others seemed to go through the day so seamlessly.
And not lazy as in I need to stay in my energy envelope. The push crash cycle can lead to being bed ridden.
My routines - I use a smart watch and an app to track my recovery and exertion and am building guidelines for activities.
In the morning I check my recovery score and if in the green zone I can shower or shop or change the sheets on my bed.
Yellow I have to mellow and Red Zone I just added in I have to isolate. Because of 60 years of pushing when fatigued I overshare and that leads to feeling shame when I recognize after I monopolizes the conversation.
Flexibility and now I know I can say no and it is not irresponsible to change plans for self care.
My app is my cue to what is going on internally having discovered that I have weak self physical awareness this tool helps me adjust and plan. Add in Alexithymia and building comfort into my days has been such a relief.
For example and I will reschedule appointments if in the of RED zone for too many days I will reschedule to practice radical rest. This reframing that it is ok to “break” my word of course with maximum notice.
I love the detective work involved in reframing my life to what I need separate from what I thought I was supposed to be to who I am.
This video is so thoughtful and well presented.
I have an aura ring and this has given me some ideas too. Problem is I'm rarely green and can afford ( literally and figuratively) to take that much time for myself.
Which app do you use and does it work with Apple Watch? I don’t want to get any more wearables but I feel like I need to be monitoring this stuff. I’m not ME/CFS but I am in burnout and have been for years and am afraid of developing it if I don’t take control NOW.
@@Lari-lc3zq my favourite app is Athlytic for overall tracking and planning and then Beat Watcher for tasks to keep my heart rate below in range.
@@Lari-lc3zq I like a few apps. Athlytic, Beat Watcher and the built in Apple Health
I set the things out the night before as part of my wind down routine. I take my meds and creatine and breakfast together, so i set them out ready to access in the morning so i dont forget. Helps with time saving, too, when I'm in a rush or i have to get a different train and it sets me for a wobble.
This is so good. This is such a great tool. I showed it to my occupational therapist (not sure if the translation is right…) and we will use it to find new routines that work better for me. She was inpressed by it, since it is already embedded in experiencing autism. A view from the inside. Especially the focus on sensory needs and the focus on both social AND solitairy needs. Brilliant!❤
This video came at the perfect time for me. I'm autistic and have ADHD, and making and keeping routines has been the biggest struggle in my life. I really appreciate all the advice. I tend to have extremely emotional reactions when things don't go as planned, and it's very hard for me to get back on track. This is something I'm working on. I also don't just have a Plan B, I have a Plan C through W, which I obsess over until I forget what it is I was doing in the first place and wind up paralyzed!
i completely relate to this. my biggest struggle too. i wish you well
god, this!
I write my visual aid checklist/routine in expo on the fridge. With lots of colors of course.
I want to start a morning routine, because I tend to stay up late and then roll out of bed at the last possible second in the morning to get to where I need to go. Then I spend the start of my day too tired to function, and since I'm in school, that is very unhelpful. A new school year in college is about to start next week, and I definitely need to make a routine in general, but especially a morning routine. Great video, with good tips!
I always thought I didn't have routines. My laughed and started pointing out all my routines. They just didn't' feel like routines. A lot my routines are micro routines. Like my wife told me have bedtime routine. A shower routine. A cooking routine. A morning routine. A late night special interest routine. I just never looked it like that. What more it causes all kind of stress if one of those get disrupted. Breaking them into smaller routines allows me accept and adjust between them with changes in life.
Great tips! But I do not know how to reflect. I know reflection is a key point in building and adjusting a routine. But I do not know how.
I know I need routines but I have real troubles with them. When I have manged to get that routine to stick, I feel so much better, calm, like the world isnt chaos. But when the routine falls apart, I feel so bad. It makes me feel so bad on the inside and the world just seems like chaos. More chaos than before the routine. It feels so bad that im now at a point of avoiding routines because of how bad it is when they fail.
Im not diagnosed with adhd or asd btw. I am waiting on an adhd assesment as im pretty sure I am/have adhd. I have noticed i have traits of asd but im not sure if i am fully asd. Im 37 and only now realising why I feel like an alien. I plan to start really looking at asd after the adhd assesment and, if i should get a diagnosis, treatment.
Thank you for this video. It will really help me when I start to work out what actions I need to take to feel ok in my life. X
Thanks to both of you, I grew up surrounded by undiagnosed people, and in my late 50's as result of overwhelm with a job and covid, my symptoms for ADHD got worse...however, I also had a feeling I had ASD too, but one thing at a time. It's proving very difficult for me now, as I unmask, I feel like I can't put the lid back on Pandora's box...Naming both my ADHD/ASD is something I have also done, at first I felt like the ADHD was the fun, irresponsible, childlike part and the ASD the practical, mature and grumpy part. But as I get to know how to assimilate and figure a way forward, I realise it's not that simple. Thank muchly for sharing tips and info to both of you.
Something that has helped me a lot with having to add things to my routine for one day (such as a letter needs delivered or an appointment I have later that day) is to add what I like to call "roadsigns" to my morning routine. Being ADHD as well makes these things not only stressful to go to but near impossible to remember without some kind of trick. So I know I have certain stops in the morning such as my coffeemaker. So I will put some kind of object my brain relates to the activity I know doesn't belong there so it will catch my attention and I will remember. Now keeping that fresh until that activity is completed is a whole other challenge and sometimes my tunnel vision means I miss it, but at least it's a start and an improvement.
I tried sticky notes but they add up quick and I just get overwhelmed. I find using an object kind of gamifies it a bit. I have to solve the puzzle of why in the world is there a band-aid next to my coffeemaker rather than oh yeah that sticky note that stresses me out every time I see it.
Thank you for taking the time and trouble to make these videos. They are very informative and helpful.
Dealing with this pretty hard right now due to a role change at work. My new role doesn’t have a built-in way to protect my energy levels or routines. I’m going to have to work hard to get that taken care of- thank you for this video, Chris. Very timely.
The saying, "Failing to plan, is planning to fail." Was a personal epiphany in regards to routines.
Wow. I just came across two of your videos. I LOVE how clearly and concisely you just outline everything. I am 44 and was literally diagnosed ASD-1 *last week*. No joke. I’ve come to the realization that most of my issues surround environmental sensitivity (noise, crowds, specific sounds, etc). I’m also pretty sure I’m still in a burnout since January January ‘24. I’m going to talk to my therapist this week about building a routine - and a routine with lots of rest and downtime. I’ve come to realize I need significant alone and *quiet* time.
Thank you for creating this content. It is tremendously helpful and now you have a new subscriber! 💙
I’m really happy to hear my videos are helping! I’m also really glad you finally have the foundation of an ASD diagnosis to start building your ‘new’ life on. It’s going to be a roller coaster of a ride this first year my friend, but there are many of us who are sharing the same experiences as you. There’s great support out there!
Chris, could you show us your workplace? I mean the way you have organized it. It seems you have both an office and a standing desk for work. I am sure people like me who are close to "aphantaisa" will be grateful for an example from our brethren.
Wow Chris, thank you so much! This was SO helpful as a fellow AuDHD. It seems there is stuff out there for one or the other but not both. ❤️❤️❤️
yes we are sensitive to sensory stimuli. thank Steve for the sensory friendly soundtrack
(no music until the end, fewer sound effects)
now - please stop the visual overwhelm. if Steve needs to use stock clips - make the clips of you and Debby and Frog and Beaves. that no socialization laugh is fantastic. and the freezing water effect was good. I might have missed other good effects when I was resting my eyes.
I know this will be really helpful to me. I got an ADD diagnosis about 14 years ago and have been seriously considering the possibility that I'm autistic. You've listed some really good strategies, even though they seem a little overwhelming to me. I'll watch this video a couple more times throughout the week. Thank you for sharing and helping!
Glad to hear this is helpful and keep it manageable - maybe try one adjustment at a time. Routine building takes time!
It finally feels like im working WITH myself intead of against myself after some epiphanies and realizations over the past year that led to me doing nearly all of the things listed!
Thank you for putting into words WHY they were important as its something i never felt i could accurately articulate well enough to those important to me (who would also definitely benefit from doing them as well) 💛
Great encouragement, I appreciate you and Debby!!
This is such a great video - SO helpful in so many ways. Thank you!
But then you pointed me towards the comments and I found it so healing to hear how so many others are dealing with routines. Also empowering. Thank you to everyone!!
I have a baby right now... Flexible "routine" and ever changing. Really causes a lot of frustration because of the pressure to get work done. And yes, trying to stay positive. I appreciate your videos. You have such a bright personality. Very valuable information shared also. Thank you.
I bet the baby throws a ton of curveballs into the mix. You gotta try your best to sleep (that was hard to type while keeping a straight face) and your little one is going to bring you so much joy and happiness!!
When I had a baby, the unpredictability was driving me nuts. UNTIL I spent three days writing down what we did and what time it was. Everything was within 15 minutes of the time it was on the other days.
We had a routine! I just hadn't been aware of it. After that, I scheduled other activities around the established feedings, diaper changes, and naps.
@@vickigsolomon1241 I'm glad that worked out for you. ❤️My babas flexible schedule changes all the time as she grows and our environments change. As soon as I see a pattern, there's a new one again. I guess change is our slogan by now 😂
Hello Chris. I am new to your channel & enjoying your videos very much. I am a young 60 year old woman. My dilemma is I have suspected that I have many autistic traits/characteristics which I’ve struggled with all my life, but I couldn’t figure out what was wrong with me. I’m married to my 2nd husband for 19 years. He is not aware of what I suspect, & will probably deem me “nutty” if I were to broach the topic. Do you have any tips on how I can discuss it with him & try & get him to understand? He is a wonderful person,but has very high & demanding aspirations which I find mentally exhausting- it makes me cringe with chronic anxiety when he wants to plan anything from entertaining to travelling. I just want to run away, which doesn’t sound normal, but my brain doesn’t like what I hear. I struggle to agree with doing certain things & will try to think of any excuse not to do it, but my husband always comes up with an answer, to the point where I give in, but it is a mission for me to follow through, & I find myself putting on many masks to cope with all the different people we have to interact with. It makes me exhausted, upset & resentful. After watching “Spectrum” videos & listening to other people’s experiences, I understand myself better. Any advise on how to broach the subject with my husband would be much appreciated. Thank you for your effort into making these videos.
He isn't a toddler, as harsh as it sounds. You don't have to tiptoe around him. If he actually genuinely cares, he will listen. One thing that comes to mind is taking an online test together, the raads-r is one.
Sit down together and look at the questions and talk about them, what you have noticed or if he notices it, and fill it in.
You getting a diagnosis will not turn you into this mythical creature all of a sudden, you're still gonna be you. And you can explain to him that it validates you, that it opens up to a world of support and advice from others going through the same. It's great that he wants to do these things but he needs to respect you and your energy levels.
It is okay to say no, you are allowed to say no, your body knows when it is too much and will give you the signs. Don't ignore them.
One thing i also kinda go through is how others can influence me to do something. When that happens, try to analyse what you're thinking.
So if you feel this unease in your body, because he wants you to join and go to unknown places and meet people you don't know, then it isn't the energy levels but the fact that it's a new environment that is making you resist. Or is it that you already had an exhaustive day and you need to relax? It's up to you on what to do, on what feels right.
One thing that my family does is the same, they'll nag and nag and eventually I'll go, and sometimes even end up really enjoying it, but sometimes I will end up hating it.
What helps for me is to find a middle ground, of saying okay, i will go, but only for x amount of hours. Or come up with a backup plan together, let's say it is the middle of the day and you feel yourself shutting down, what is something you could do to ease the overwhelm, maybe going back to hotel/car/ putting on headphones/ going to a less crowded are for example. He has to put in the work as well, if he is so adamant on you being there. How will he be of help?
@@mind_palace Thank you for your advise. I appreciate your input.
17:04 am I weird for finding the sound of a low frequency ceiling fan relaxing? It can be winter, and I’d have it on. When I was a kid I’d lock myself in the bathroom, cover myself with laundry that still needed to be washed, kept my moms twin tub washing machine running for longer than it had to. Was great when I was in pain…that slow low frequency sloshing and motor sound.
Can't fucken wait till i live alone again soon. Its been a horrible year living with my family lol cant wait for my routines!
"No victory is too small!"
I am learning the hard way that cleaning up 80 painting in a row in photoshop was not a good idea. Besides the numb bottom , it leaves my mind to wander into negative thoughts as I can do all this on autopilot. Next time, I shall do five painting and photoshop, and repeat. That way I might not lose the will to live after week two of this nightmare.
Diagnosed ADHD in '19 and autistic '21.. with respect to routines, I do have routines... For a lengthy period, my routines coming across as quite bland repetitive, but after some point, I experience dread and need to change routine to experience euphoria from the novelty.. as it's called... So I experience euphoria from discontinuous routine production... The synthetic of autistic and ADHD..
Great video! thanks for the advice😁
Ive been trying to build one so I started this.
When I want to transition to bed I will need to brush my teeth so I do it in this order.
Go to the bathroom use it and wash my hands.
Brush my teeth
Floss
Wash out my retainer and put it on.
Use my electric shaver that feels best on my skin.
Then use the bathroom and wash my hands again for good measure.
Then I will listen to music until im bored and go to bed.
Additionally when im in bed I turn on this massive fan that makes a lot of white noise to drain the rest of my famy out and sleep with this yoshi plush that’s almost a quarter of my size.
I also stim while brushing my teeth by sawing side to side because doing that is naturally a lot to deal with and painful. (Probably not normal)
Thanks for sharing! 👋🏼 That's a cool sequence. Maybe I'll try a specific sequence to help take another decision out of the equation.
I also either rock side to side on my feet, pace, or I have to squat while I'm brushing my teeth. It's just such a hard task, even though my mouth feels far better after most of the time. 🤷🏼♀️
We got this!
@@jmaessen3531 I pace A LOT ether im bored or stressed I will pace.
(My family makes a lot of comments on it)
“ You’re circling like a shark “
For me, by far the biggest problem is that no matter how nice a routine is at first, if I stick to it long enough I start to feel trapped by it and resent my lack of "freedom". Maybe a PDA thing, or just ADHD novelty-seeking, but whatever it is I have no idea how to address it. Any tips for that?
Thank u
Thank you! I need this! I was so exhausted today and "stuck" mentally
I enjoy doing the same everyday.
Thank you for this vid!
THANK YOU :)
Perhaps i need to review routines every so often because i can do one for awhile and then my demand avoidance and little boredom sets in and i stop doing something i should keep doing.
Thanks.A routine might help my music videos.I have a art/music channel but a crazy schedule makes it tricky.
Hi Chris, thanks for your videos. May I ask, where do you get those blocks your hands play with? .... Ah, found it in other video: NeeDoh Cubes. 👍
I do understand and agree. However, for me personally I do best with some choice and variety from having several choices of cereals that I go through each one until it’s gone and move on to the next one and having several different routes for my walk or bike ride. I suspect my mum is on spectrum and her routines were overwhelming for me, which has shaped my view that a routine of your choice is important and stimulates your brain to your liking is best. Routines are good and sometimes doing them too much isn’t always a good thing either.
I love going a month with no social activities too lol
Yes😊
Very helpful. Thank you.
You're welcome!
I'm to dig myself self out but right now the deck is stacked against me. My wife divorced me 3 years ago but not because of my symptoms but let's just say she likes women. Then I met a gal that was a narcissist and it was nightmare. Then I moved in an old farmhouse Because I wanted to have chickens and a garden. But the places infested with rodents and mites and they cycle and now I'm starting to understand why these mites are bothering me so badly. Then on top of that the basement flooded and I didn't know about it and there's mold everywhere and I found out that I don't break down mold in the body, lol.. And I can't tell you all the symptoms that gives me. On top of that I have a bad back but it's been a little better lately. But I haven't been out of this house let alone my bedroom but 10 times all summer..Last year I had the place organized but I went to the shelter and got a bunch of my stuff thinking I was going to get to it and then I think that's when the mold started affecting me and my back flared up and then irritable bowel flared up.
This house looks like a cyclone hit it and I lost all my motivation on top of that I saw a psychiatrist and he decided to take me off of the Vyvanse so I did that in June and I think my body is finally regulating from that and I'm still on Strattera But he lowered the dose by over half.. But I'm glad he got me off the Vyvanse Because it really wasn't working anymore.
But I am determined to dig myself out and my ex-wife has helped me a little bit and she's going to get a cleaning service she says Because what I need is this place to be organized and it's just overwhelms me where I do everything but what I'm supposed to do. I start cleaning up things and then my back flares up and I have a back belt that helps because of the nature of my issue..
But I'm really happy that I ran into your web page and now I have watched well over 50 videos from various people that have had ADHD and autism and now It's so obvious.. But because of your video on stimmming I realized that I had to get my rocking chair because that's how I unwind. So my wife went and got a $35 rocker from a lady and it is working out beautifully first and second day were a little rough but the third day boy it felt like a breath of fresh air.
So finally my ex wife found a place that was relatively affordable to get diagnosed which was 1,400 The only problem is that the next available appointment is October of 2025😂. So I was going to call today but I'll probably call tomorrow and set that up so I have at least something. .
Anyways thanks a lot for the information and I've been just watching one video after another. It's hard to believe that I was an RN and I was very good at what I did and in school I had the highest grade point In my nursing program but I never liked it and talk about being distracted and having issues. I would get so tired and fried after some days being 15 or 16 hours long And I would work somewhere anywhere from 1 to 3 years And then I would be wiped out. And all these years I thought it was chronic fatigue because that's what they told me it was back in my 20s but now after I've watched these videos I can actually tell that it's most likely the autism. Because I started going back in my head to when I was a kid and the same type of thing happened. I go to church in the first thing I did when I got out of church is go to bed. And then my parents weren't very understanding because my mother was a narcissist My dad was abusive and I think they were very embarrassed of me and I just could never figure out what I was doing wrong. They would leave me behind at home when they would go visit and they would take the other three siblings to visit people but would leave me at home when I was only 10 years old. But now it's starting to make a lot of sense because my parents were simply embarrassed of me but I didn't know that I just thought they hated me
Thank you! Perfect timing…it’s time for me to make adjustments. I couldn’t figure out why my routine stopped helping.
Great stuff! I'm an occupational therapist working with autistic adults - you've included so many helpful suggestions here. It's detective work for sure, figuring out the root cause of a difficulty and making environmental adjustments that help. Everyone is different - that's what is so challenging and fascinating. What works well for me (I'm autistic too) might be anathema for my client.
😊
謝謝！
Wow!! Thank you so much!☺️☺️☺️
I couldn't get past the bit with the book at the start - what did that mean? I watched the video, but couldn't focus as I had no idea what the bit with the book meant.
Hey there! What I got from the book bit was him either 1) just being in a silly mood before starting the video or 2) him trying to give a funny little example of something unexpected happening and using this as a bridge over to the topic of the video: routines that help with plan changes and unexpected things happening. I might be wrong of course, that is how I read the situation. I was caught of guard, too!
I hope this helps. Have a great weekend!
This seems overwhelming.
I am trying to brush my teeth more and I am having trouble adding in this one thing.
If it’s too overwhelming, you might not be ready for any additions to your existing routine yet. I know exactly what that feels like. Right now I’m in burnout, so I drastically simplified my routine. I’m not going to be adding or changing until I get in a better spot mentally and physically.
The other thing is it’s important to do the backend work where you analyze your needs and preferences. Once you do this, an addition or slight change to your routine should feel more manageable. Before burnout and once I climb out of it, I’ll be slowly building my routine again. When I feel too overwhelmed, I pause and let allow myself more time.
6:15 i'm cracking up at that
This is so helpful. I feel like I owe you money.😏
Great videos
Also how do you build a routine when you have lost interest in doing anything at all. I have never been like this in my life until the last few months.
You might be experiencing autistic burnout. I’m at the end of a long 2 year burnout cycle. I’ve figured a lot of things out through and am going to make videos that I think will be helpful.
You’ve got to go easy on yourself and start with the basics: make sure you are drinking lots of water and eating as healthy as possible. If you’re tired, allow your body to rest. There were days when I would sleep 18-20 hours. Once you’ve covered these basics, avoid triggers. Stay away from loud and crowded places. Avoid things that really stimulate you. Then spend time each day doing something you enjoy. Read, nature walk, comedy show… whatever you like.
Burnout cycles are no fun, but they are just temporary, especially if you are nice to yourself.
@@ChrisandDebbyCheers.
@@ChrisandDebby Does autistic burnout feel like a lack of mental energy, like you want to do something but everything just feels like it takes to much mental capacity?
@@ChrisandDebbyand at the same time be bored beyond insanity?
Yes it absolutely can.
Barely any music!
Working on getting that balance! 🙌
@@ChrisandDebby omg hi u guys replied
Thank u for yr content! Helps so much! I gotta mask (? Idk, can't get diagnosed) almost 247 so ur vids help me feel seen!
Masking 24/7 is going to catch up to you!! I really hope you can readjust things. I masked heavily for over 3 decades and I’m paying the price now in my early 40s. I’ve really focused on adjusting my life so that it works for me. The great thing is when you do this, you can still be productive and accomplish a lot… but it might be in a different style than others.
Do you use a green screen for videos?
no pressure right? ummmmm......can you talk (and maybe show) more about visual aids - I'm super new to this and could really use the help
A low dose (10 mg) of Lexapro has been extremely helpful for my anxiety and ability to deal with over-stimulation. Noises and smells have always been the worst things for me. With the Lexapro I am much more able to deal with the world.
One thing, the system may say you have ADHD and ASD, but you have AuDHD, having ADHD and ASD in one person is not the same as being ADHD (Chaos) or ASD (Order), us with AuDHD "cherry" pick from ADHD and ASD creating a chaotic order system that kinda works with real life, since life is chaotic order and we actually have ADHD and ASD fighting inside our head, future reducing the "pure" ADHD or ASD experience for us.
I don't think us with AuDHD can fully understand ADHD or ASD, as it is for people that just carry one or the other and I fear it might be belittling their experience to "steal" ADHD/ASD instead of using AuDHD. Bottom line is you are not explaining ADHD to someone with only ADHD or ASD to someone with only ASD, they don't get our weird cheat sheet. All 3 groups has their own problems and deserve equal consideration on their own, not to be overshadowed by the loud and proud AuDHD community.
This is a very interesting comment and although I think I see where you’re coming from, I disagree with much of what you say and the actions you are requesting to achieve a noble outcome. I will try to explain briefly:
First, the system says I have both adhd and ASD because I do. That means I have a number of symptoms falling under each. Although my lived experiences might not be the same as someone who has just adhd or just asd, it would also be true to say that my lived experiences are not the same for every AuDHD individual. In fact, there’s so many variables at play, both neurological and environmental, that no two individuals will ever have the exact same lived experiences. My ASD symptoms might play out a certain way for me at a certain time, and some of those reasons might have to do with me also having ADHD. But to what extent and how often is difficult if not impossible to always accurately assess.
Second, I do not think discussing my ASD experiences or my ADHD experiences separately in any way overshadows or takes away from the ADHD community or ASD community. I understand some of the evolutionary reasons to want to break humans into tribes, but I don’t think it’s always helpful or beneficial. With your argument, I think it would actually be harmful. Individuals with ASD are so often misunderstood and feel isolated. I think it’s important for anyone who has ASD (even in combination with ADHD) to share experiences and connect. Me (and other AuDHDers) sharing our experiences and talking about solutions to the problems we face is a good thing in my opinion!
Third, AuDHDers do not in any way cherry pick symptoms that we feel will help us in life. This just isn’t true. In fact, in many cases for me, having the combination of the 2 is harder. The experiences with burnout and the fact that we are much less likely to get officially diagnosed with asd because we mask so well are just two examples of many. I might be misinterpreting your meaning here with cherry picking, and if that’s the case, I apologize and I hope you take the time to clarify what you mean.
In my videos, I try to be clear that I’m sharing my experiences to hopefully help people improve their lives by better understanding themselves and/or the people around them- whether they have ASD, ADHD or both. I’m not even sure there is a third category of AuDHD that’s medically recognized yet. Before 2013, you couldn’t even ‘medically’ have both.
Really really appreciate your comment because you’ve given me a lot to think about! We need more of this stuff!!
@@ChrisandDebbywhat a thoughtful and considered response. Most happifying.
I get up and go to bed everyday over and over, does that count as a routine? lol
😂😂😂
I would like to apologise in advance. I really like the content of your videos and your personality but all these unrelated people to portray varies emotions or activities are very annoying. If it is only me then I will try just to listen your message. Thank you for sharing your experience.
I get what u mean, I get confused during the cutaways 😂
Thank you for this! Im feeling pretty down, so pausing to celebrate small wins is a big help. ✨
For a few months now, I have been using little notecards with tasks on them like brush teeth, shower, makeup, wash face. Some are daily, some every other day, some a couple times a week. The notecard goes in a plastic sleeve like for baseball cards, and I check items off with a dry erase marker. 📑
It really helps because i won't remember without a list. Its also good to see my patterns throughout the week. And its a great "week at a glance" so i can pause to give myself credit. Both for the hard weeks where i still took good care by doing some of these things, and the good weeks where im on a roll and go above and beyond with bonus tasks - like exfoliating, mouthwash, etc. These are small but big moments of "Look at me go! Heck yeah."
Im going to expand on the practices ive already got to use some of the suggestions you made like scheduling, sensory routines, backup plans. Thanks again! 🎉
The idea of 'setting a time to review notes' is so weird to me. Like, the chances of me actually wanting to do that when the alert goes off? Like not being in the middle of a hyperfixation or struggling with executive dysfunction at that moment - slim to none. Routines are a nice idea, but they don't work for me at all. I just try and get as much done when I have the energy and mindset to do it (chores, exercise, etc.), and try not to beat myself up the rest of the time.
I have to have a work routine. It helps me remember to do the important tasks and helps me with time management for most of my shift, my ADHD keeps me bouncing from task to task, I'm nonstop 🏃♀️😆 . Best of both worlds 😁😉
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