How Trauma Makes Your Productivity Come in BURSTS
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- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 25 พ.ย. 2024
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“Productivity Crash” is a term I made up for a phenomenon I see over and over again, where those of us who lived through trauma as children demonstrate a capacity for huge accomplishments -- but then they're followed by collapses in our ability to focus, be on time, or get anything done. It feels like someone took our batteries out! What is that? I’m bringing back here one of my most popular videos about why our productivity goes up, and then goes DOWN - and what you can do to get off the roller coaster, and function well every day.
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My whole life I’ve lived for glimpses of joy & productivity & creativity in between chasms of nothingness filled with trauma, worthlessness, & mood swings…
That’s me as well. And when I’m in my joy and productivity, I think I’m FINALLY getting better. Then the next day hits and I realize I’m not
@ exactly. It feels like I’m going to make it this time & sometimes (a lot) my partner behaves in a way that doesn’t support my good periods and they take me down, knowing they’re taking away my joy to get my attention back on them.
Oh gosh. For years I thought it was just me. I did everything I could to hide it. I would come home from my full time job and collapse on my bed. Nothing was left for my family or joy. Now I'm retired and thanks to this channel I'm doing much better.
Agreed
@@samuel-no8ypsame😢
I was just starting to get a grip on some of this stuff through watching these videos after my therapist at the time told me about CPTSD and how my daily life was being so impacted. Then a I found out I was pregnant with my son who was born in September. I was extra motivated to figure this shit out so I could be the best mom I could be and not pass down this generational trauma. My son died unexpectedly 12 days after he was born. It was such a traumatic experience finding my perfectly healthy baby just gone. Since then I’m in the deepest slump I’ve ever been in. I don’t know how to keep living. So I’m back here watching your videos. I forgot how much peace it brought me just hearing things laid out in such an easy to digest way. Thank you for all you do.
Oh my goodness, AshlyAnn I am so very sorry to hear about the loss of your baby boy. I had just finished listening to this video and was scrolling through the comments when I read yours...I am sure you are going through a very difficult time. The Crappy Childhood Fairy videos have always been a comfort for me as well during my hard days. Sending love your way, I truly hope for much peace for you. Keep learning and taking in the good knowledge to reprogram our brains that will give us strength.
OMG, I'm so very sorry. I can't imagine. I wish for you all the love and support in the world for this impossibly difficult time you're going through. ❤
I'm so sorry. Sending you love. 💗💗💗💗
There is nothing I can say to make this better for you, but I will say I am so very sorry.
@AshlyAnn91, how heartbreaking. I'm so very sorry. Hearing that these videos comfort you makes me want to go make some videos as best I can. Thank you for sharing with us what you're going through. Perhaps I'll see you on a Zoom call soon?
This is why I avoid things/orders with deadline. It dysregulates me, affect my autism and ADHD, procrastination ensues, I overperform at thr last minute and spend the next two days to reregulate myself. It's very exhausting!
Exactly this ❤
Yes jealous, insecure people will try to knock you down because they see a weakness...that you don't believe in yourself. I still come across this but the more I heal I can stand my ground and put my energy back into what I was doing, saying ect. The CCF is an amazing person to have figured this out, heal and go on to help others! She helped me immensely, when no one fully understood what people who experienced childhood trauma really went through. I thought I was alone! Forever grateful CCF!❤
❤❤❤
We're so glad you're here :) -Calista@TeamFairy
My childhood was trauma and my entire adult life as well! I'm traumatized daily! Single Moms are forever. I have a list of health problems from all the stress and exhaustion.
Are we twins? 💜
This explains why I stopped doing art after several shows of my work several years ago. At one show they had a comment book. Someone wrote a terrible criticism that pierced my heart. I ignored the positive comments. It had taken me years of perseverance to get the courage to get to the level of work I was doing. I know comments-good or bad-mean nothing unless they give you practical information. I let this get to me. Now I’m crawling back out again slowly. I don’t blame the commentator. It came from within.
@@lillianbarker4292 yes, but the critic wrote the thing that caused you to take yourself down. I have to force myself to look for ways to turn my attention to the people that like my work. Those are the ones that see you & like you the way you are.
I’m sorry to read this happened to you. Keep taking steps for you, continue to practice self compassion. I’m excited for your art. The world needs your creativity 👊🏽
It's NEVER a good idea to criticize harshly or cruelly, no matter how much you think they may deserve it, which I'm sure you didn't. LOTS of angry frustrated wannabe artists turned critics out there. So very sorry this happened to you.
This explains the pattern that has persisted throughout my life ~ I’ve never heard anything that comes closer to my own lived experience. Having always looked through the lens of a mental health diagnosis, minus the contribution of CPTSD (till recently), I remained perplexed that my symptoms were being managed without any significant change in my “take on the world/now crash” ride. This video had me tearing up and nodding my head in recognition. Thank you, Anna!! You are amazing 💕🕊️
This explains so much! I worked for 28 years in that environment! Your boss was afraid that you would be successful and take his job, that is why he told you that you could not work there and write. I usually ran into that with female bosses, not male bosses.
Whew! This really spoke to me. I’ve been living in this state for almost 6 months now - and off-and-on for…well, forever. What stood out to me was the “big project” bit because you’re right: I often step right up to my edge, then push it a little too far, and WHAM! I crash. Thank you for this insight. And about routine (which I tend to resist). Very helpful.
@@dddilworth12 I work hard to finish something(s) because I know that other shoe is going to drop & the first half of every good Period is spent cleaning up what I let go of put off during the dark period leading up.
duno if this is a cptsd manifestation, but i would hold a grudge against that boss for 18 years, stuck in unforgiveness, while continuing to sabotage myself and not advance 🙈 im very thankful you made this channel; your way with words is so healing 🙏🏻
I still hold a grudge against a boss for 22 years it stops me from doing things because it wrecked my confidence.
I am still so immediately triggered by criticism or perceived criticism. It's hard to forgive myself. But I will. I know that I can do that. I know that I can keep getting better. Thanks to this channel and Pete Walker's book and other resources, I know that I will keep getting better. And that everyone else w CPTSD can too ❤
Criticism without good feedback is from satan to stop you...
Im in a really bad low/non productive/procrastinating phase. I go through phases where im extremely productive, usually to the detriment of my social life and relationships, and that can last months to a year. But then I go through phases where I can't get myself to do anything productive at all, outside of my work and exercise routines (I work in service industry and I want to focus more on my creative hobbies to turn them into a career). It's a tough cycle because the harder I am on myself for not getting shit done or being focused enough, the more I want to distract myself and not do those things.
Be kind to yourself... It's really hard ...it's something we need to learn...practice.... We all can do it!
I disassociate myself from the crop I need to be doing around me right now It's really hurting me. I do not find joy in doing it alone. Maybe if I had someone just to sit with me I could do it I don't know I'm not motivated I don't care I need to get rid of these clothes and some stuff that I want to get rid of. It's a yucky state of mind and heart and soul
@@sandytthomas2667i have heard ppl
with Adhd need someone to be around them even if just sitting there to feel
motivated
omg, so on the spot, i blame myself a lot for this
Our systems crash because we are exhausted. Our tolerance through our nerve systems is very short-fused.
I stopped doing everything.I have two degrees and claim sickness benefit so many people have told me I am crap and I can't do anything right .My mother is highly critical of me .She still makes remarks about how clumsy and forgetful I am.I am in total crash I won't even socialise with freinds and I have basically been in bed for 3 years .I really need to get out of it.I just wish I could go for a walk in nature .This is the longest crash and I really need to get out of it.Thanks for this video ut has opened my eyes❤
Hello. 1st. My heart and soul hurts for you. You do NOT deserve to live this way. I have had episodes like this that lasted three days and that was grueling and draining and degrading and awful and I can’t imagine what you’re going through doing this to yourself for three years!!!!please dear friend I beg of you to get help. 🛐❤️🛐Please see someone or talk to someone -you’ve got to make some changes. Your life is so much more worth, laying in a bed. you are so loved. You probably don’t even realize how many people are hurting because they feel so helpless in trying to change you but only you can do it. I know this for a fact!! my heart is with you. God is with you. I am praying for you and I really really hope that you get some help and make some changes. I love you, dear friend. 💕
Thank you so much for your shares, support and love ✨️💖
Thank you for being a part of our community :) -Calista@TeamFairy
I grew up with parents that were physically and sexually abusive alcoholics that abused myself and my brothers and sisters. I managed to suppress it till I was 30. I am now 62 and have been under psychiatric care of one doctor or another constantly since. Been in and out of a psych ward 6 times. I have often gone through what you described.
A friend recently shared you with me. Yhank you for breaking all this down and explaining it
Welcome to our community :) -Calista@TeamFairy
@CrappyChildhoodFairy explains so much and answers those why's and being different
what I don’t understand with this channel’s content is why I can actually identify of these problems in my daily life (struggle). Eventhough I have not experienced any severe trauma.
unfortunately for us trauma doesn't have to be "severe" to be impactful or lasting. At least we are here and learning
Your body’s interpretation of trauma can be very different from your intellects interpretation.
Still the question remains why there is difference in interpretation.
That there is, also means that some people who dealed with severe traumas could for what ever reason heal better from it than some others with less severe traumas.
So some point in healing seems to be less accessible for some people regardless of the degree of severity they were facing.
What is or are these factors? And there is no plausible answer but things like „character“ and character - what is that? But for sure a concept that, basically, sells.
However there are circumstances in everyone’s life which for sure give an explanation.
Oh how blessed you are thank God every day because experiencing trauma changes your life and not in a good way so we so grateful and so thankful and keep living the good life. Maybe you’re one of the few lucky blessed ones and that is something to be valued and appreciated and letting our creator know that you’re so grateful for the blessing that you received in your time on this earth.
Oh, I so relate to this.
Glad you're here :) -Calista@TeamFairy
A year of no batteries followed by three hours of zap
😅
Sounds to me that those two persons weaponised their jealousy on you. And to state someone else and others said it is proper mean.
I thought in my mind your 'Unsolicited advice' tic tok vid was absolute genius and now I know that you are skillful filmaker and that makes sense.
I enjoy writing screenplays and realised through an awful horrific experiance of someone who was a Cannes winning film producer I will never get in industry and if I ever did I would never clwant to work with such narcasistic individuals Ive given that dream up completely years ago. Did nothing more and now I decided to write novels instead. I struggle like you did with falling down but trying harder than ever to get it done. Thankyou for your awesome video that I know will benefit so many of us.😊
Idk... it's been so long since I have ever been in a routine. I have so many physical ailments that I spend my days reacting. I wake up, and usually, after a trip to the bathroom... my first thought is, "What hurts the most?" And I spend most of my day just putting bandaids over whatever screams the loudest. I don't think it's that I don't want a routine, but if I force those expectations onto myself, I just feel guilty, and then I feel physically worse. I don't make promises, and I don't set goals because my life is so inconsistent. I've thought about setting a routine around my pill box because that noisy little sucker is pretty hard to ignore, but there's still times I slam the alarm off and don't take the pills because I might get too tired from them and get nothing done. I've recently diagnosed myself with ADHD & high functioning autism and I get accused of using it as an "excuse," but it is quite the opposite. Now, I don't just hate myself for my shortcomings... I know there are answers & other people have gone through it, too. I know rewiring your brain takes a long time, and I am trying to be patient with myself. The hardest part seems to be, "I know I have been doing this wrong, and I need to do this to fix it." My mother didn't allow room for failure. I'm not sure why I ever thought it was logical to get it right the first time. I took guitar lessons at age 5, and no matter how I would complain about the pain, she'd just say I need to build up callouses and "practice makes perfect!" I really wanted to play piano. Then by age 13, I wanted to play the drums in band. My mom said, "Girls don't play drums!" So, to spite her, I quit playing guitar as well. Plus, the fact that my guitar teacher said, "She's got so much her own style, she could probably become a professional!" And I thought, "Oh, Dear God, no! It's going to get worse!" What do I want for myself? Actually, it is very similar to what you do, ANNA. I want to help people and find a better love than I have ever known... even if that is a support group. I signed up for your information once, but my guess is you asked for money? I'm on disability and can hardly get by as is plus, I don't have much hope for our future economy. God bless!
Awesome! Thanks for dropping this!!! 🙌
Glad you're here! -Calista@TeamFairy
Perfect timing with the perfect topic, which matches reality, so perfectly, ye,t again !!
I’m going to show 8:00 to my daughter. I’ve been stiffed over and over when I believed someone when they said I couldn’t do something.
I thought I was the only one with real wicked people around me at work.
Nope. They're everywhere.
It is like a form of cocooning.
💯 yassss
A brilliant explanation
I struggle with this all of the time!! UGH 😢..
You're in the right place :) -Calista@TeamFairy
I wish I knew how to be on time.
Set you time goal half an hour before the actual time you need to be somewhere and stick to it. Don't suck yourself into, well, I REALLY have and extra half hour. Tell yourself that other people are depending on you being there when you say you will be. If you are late, it backs everything up and you are being rude to all those people who have to wait because you were 10 minutes late. It works for me.
Thank you for this 🌹
Thank you for being a part of our community :) -Calista@TeamFairy
Hi, Anna and Team! I would really love to see the movie ❤
I apologize in advance if I'm being invasive by asking that, but I'd love to see your early work, both the movie and the book.
As someone who works with video and text, it would be so inspiring to me to see this snapshot of you succeeding even when you were, I suppose, experiencing unhealed CPTSD.
And, who knows, our support here might be a powerful reparative experience for you, too? I know I'd cheer these efforts all the way!!
And, no matter what you decide, congratulations on your inspiring work over here!
Me too! The movie❤
YES. My sentiments exactly Anna. Polished or not, I'm sure both are brilliant, beautiful works filled with authenticity and heart, just like these videos are!
Totally relate to this video. Totally relate.
Thank you so much for sharing this.
So, how do we know when things are due to trauma and not a mental health condition? Or do they play into each other/overlap? Hope that makes sense, love your videos Anna💚😊
I didn't have trama until I was 17-21. Im not sure if I qualify. I have about 5 or 6 great productive days a year. Then i was thinking about all the projects i started and never finished. I think i have about 400...
But I'm trying to get caught up. ❤
Writing was my life. When my mother, who was the worst abuser and lived with me until I was 40, died. I have not written in 10 years.
15:49
An ADHD delicacy: cold coffee that would have been hot (enough to burn you) if you were paying attention (You were not paying attention to the water heating up.)
That's so truth
Diabetes is ptsd in itself and a lot of abuse causes diabetes -- it adds a lot of pressure because the challenge to 'keep it at bay or reverse it' when you have ptsd and are perfectionist from perfectionist family, AND the healthcare system when you work for it, no mistakes allowed, no questions can be asked, etc....hero until a zero, etc. It's a LOT.
On point! On all levels. Thank you
Thanks for sharing
Kaliphos tissue salts are good for stress and energy
Yes!!!
Hi Anna! Watch you all the time and just read your new book all the way through first and now plan on rereading it and completing all the steps to the daily practice. In this video you mentioned your "first book" so i googled it and Anna Runkle Biography: Staying Re-Regulated. Essays and Inspirations is out of print. Do you know where it can be purchased? Haha, there aren't even any "used" copies! That's because everyone holds onto your work!! I would appreciate if you could tell us where to purchase your other book please! Thanks! An invested fan, Christine
Thank you
Thank you for being a part of our community :) -Calista@TeamFairy
Some of the up & down is also basic personality, too, right? I’m an ENFJ and I understand that this comes with the territory of my basic personality. How do we know which it is? Thanks!🙏🏼
That’s me
You're in the right place :) -Calista@TeamFairy
🙏😇🙏🙏
Christine AlbrighT
"BRILLIANT VIDIO"💖!...
"THANK YOU"💖!...
"+"!..."💖"!...
I love you sweet lady❤
ADHD?
How did you know i crashed today? lol
that woman was absolutely awful to you CCF. I'm so mad at her. I hope you are not friends with her anymore. I had a therapist say to me once, why do you stay friends with people who treat you badly? And I always thought it was cause I must just be shitty and they were being friends with me out of kindness and sympathy. Psh.