Honestly I started having great, non-awkward first dates when I stopped worrying about how it would go. Just show up like you're meeting a friend for the first time. Talk about stuff. Make jokes. Flirt. It's really easy. Best way to practice conversation is to talk to random strangers when you go out places. Strike up conversations with them. Better yet if you do this with attractive women. It's like having a first date before the first date. What worked for me is "What's the worst that can actually happen? Never going to see this person again anyway." Good luck out there!
Spot on! That was reason why I hated formal dating , abandoned it after a while. In the end hanging out informally with her works much more naturally and less awkward. Nothing fancy or fuzzy. It is possible to develop a true friendship this way and if it doesn’t work out u make have a new friend ! (By friends, I mean real friends who share things/interests etc.., not being friendzoned). Friendship is the foundation of all relationships, and unlike common believe it won’t kill romance but may even enhance it in future…
That is about the best advice ever. Practice conversation with people in general. It's like every other skill. Then talking to women shouldn't be radically different.
Saturday morning 25 September 2021. 1. Prepare a LITTLE bit. (Things you want to ask the woman) 2. Ask the RIGHT questions. (deeper meaning questions.) 3. Tell her about yourself (briefly, don't go on and on, bragging about yourself) 4. Find her GOLDEN nugget (something that lights them up when they talk about their golden nugget). 5. LISTEN to her, pay attention to what she is saying. 6. Silence is NORMAL. Not every single second of the date has to be filled with talking. 7. Be AUTHENTIC. Don't try to be someone else.
Silence is not normal. Granted, if you're with someone for your whole lives, there's gonna be moments of silence. But if there's any silence on a first date, it's a bad sign.
I think most women like to talk more than men. It's pretty easy to stay in a conversation by asking a few questions and just being a good listener. A lot of women are attracted to good listeners.
@@ethosterros9430 not sure if you're trying to be facetious here, or trying to make some clever point? Maybe you could expand? @WL DM's original comment though, is spot on. It's basic "How to Win Friends and Influence People" skills: showing interest in someone else is attractive, no matter who you are or who the other person is, male or female, young or old.
@@Rickywwx no your interest is attractive if the other person is attracted to you. If they are not your interest is irritating and unwelcome at best. These tips arent worth the paper they are printed on because they ignore the basic fundamentals of attraction. She doesnt care how good of a person you are, that matters after she is already attracted. That's why theres millions of good men watching this drivel hoping to find some magic secret they missing to solve why some criminal psychopath has women chasing after him while he can barely get a decent date with someones leftovers.
And if you're wondering how taking a cooking class can increase *initial* attraction, have a BBQ, invite your friends and tell them to bring their friends. Unless you completely destroy the meat, everyone, even those you haven't met before, will be appreciative not just for your cooking skills, but for inviting them and for your ability to throw a party. That's attractive. You don't even have to be the life of the party or enormously entertaining either.
1. Prepare, think about what you're going to say ahead of time. 2. Ask the right questions, open-ended questions (what, why) 3. Talk about yourself a little, but not too much. 4. Find the golden nugget, so find what they are passionate about. 5. Silence is okay, see if they make conversation as well. 6. Be authentic (pretty cliche)
My biggest tip for having fun and interesting conversations is to STOP THINKING and comment/ask about stuff you see around you. Just be present, in the moment, that means you observe what you see, hear and feel around you. -You guys are walking the park, see a animal > ask her whats her favourite animal is. -You on a date with someone and they are shy/distant, just say 'i can feel you are a bit shy' and they will ramble on why. -You guys see some kids playing > make a statement like 'bet you was a very shy/energetic kid' -You guys are together and see she's wearing a item > tell her you like it and she will tell you about it. -You guys walking the streets, see restaurants > ask her what her favourite cuisine is
@@arcturus815 yes because you are there physically and also try to be there mentally. If you keep thinking all the time then you are there physically but not mentally, thats called not being present. So stop thinking and just live in the moment
The FORD method works great. These are usually the things I talk about or ask about when talking to anyone I want to get to know better. 😎 1) Family 2) Occupation 3) Recreation 4) Dreams
LISTENING is HUGE! And, the follow up question pertaining to what she just said is key. Another point that is big (from my perspective) is not interrupting. It goes with listening, but it can be a point all on it’s own. It’s a respect thing. Let her have “the mic,” allow her to speak her mind, and when she is done talking then ask the follow up question. Finding that “golden nugget” is a great point, and a great metaphor. Listening to people talk about what they are passionate about is so much more enjoyable. It’s their “fire” so let their passion burn. Then, if the fire begins to cool off, ask the follow up question to “stoke” the fire. Again, great points and things I will definitely keep in mind for future conversations. Thank you again 🙏
This is really helpful for me as a woman with social anxiety. In conversations I always worry if I'm being awkward or the other person is bothered by me. I have to work on not mind-reading and just make it a goal to get to know the person a little better through conversation. If we don't click then we don't click, that's fine
for a woman its more easy.. if u like the guy, touch him a bit.. if he likes u , and he is has not much to say, he will suddently become more confident and open after those touches..
Courtney i appreciate you giving us this conversation advice with women. I think women should be given the same advice. You can be the best talker; but if she doesn't add much to the conversation to keep it going; it's not worth it. One of the things i do when i first meet a woman is I'll ask how her day is going and maybe make a lighthearted compliment or funny joke about what's going on around us. Judging by her mood, what's going around us, and the way she responds to me; it lets me know how far our interaction will go. This can work on the date with your advice Courtney. Also if the woman ie talkative after you ask her deep/open ended questions about things she enjoys; that's a good thing. Anyways hope you have a great day if you see this 😊👍
From experience, it takes practice, especially if you're a natural shy person. It is nice, however, to listen to have a knowledgeable coach like Courtney!
1. prepare a little bit 2. ask the right Questions 3. tell her about yourself 4. find her golden nugget 5. listen 6. silence is normal 7. be authentic Thankyou Good Luck!
Excellent points. I know the order could be arbitrary. Here's my take. 1) Generally, women are more adept at talking and really love it. Listen, listen, listen. However, do speak and with good grammar. 2) Silence is golden. It's appropriate to look into each others eyes with you exhibiting a relaxed manner (no fidgeting or being distracted, she's your focus). Non verbal communication is paramount and can be more meaningful on several different planes. It's important for both to be comfortable with pauses of natural duration. I remember this simple exercise... Be the man my dog thinks I am.
That's a great idea, because her relationship with her dad and how she talks about him will tell you a lot about how she might be. If she had a good father growing up; then you might be in good hands with her
I normally start with a smile and say "hi, hows your day going?" Or i ask how she's feeling that day. It depends on her mood and how she answers back that determines how far our interaction will go and what questions I'll ask her next. Start with a lighthearted conversation starter just like you would with anyone else
@@cisium1184 you could say that but you want to have something that she can work with conversation wise especially if she finds you attractive. I'm sure every guy only just say hello. You want to get her talking more than you are.
Hi Courtney! This really helped me, not just with women but regular social interaction. I am a high functioning autistic and this really helped me ALOT. Thank you. Good job and keep up the great work. 😊
4:00 thank you . Conversation is between two people . I went on a date once ,and after I learned everything about her family tree ,she didn't asked anything about me ,she said " say something" I couldn't hold my self and start laughing. I excused myself like I was going to the toilet,paid the bill , " nice to meet you " and I left.
I already tried most of what you said on the video, but what I find the best for me is to make her laugh with funny conversation and in the date itself follow what you said in the video
These are super good tips. Besides first impressions, this is the key to a successful date. The Golden nugget Courtney speaks up is actually getting a girl to talk about herself. It's the one subject women love to talk about. Just interject and add to her enthusiasm. The date will be much more successful if she is physically attracted to you. If she is, she will try to validate herself to you. If your not, your pretty much screwed. She's probably there because she had nothing to do or wanted a free meal. There is a good chance that if she wasn't attracted in some way. You wouldn't have gotten the date to begin with.
on first dates I was always worried about running out of things to say. I found going to the zoo was good for a first date cause well animals are always interesting and many are funny and they can be new topic of conversation as you walk through and there's always a favorite animal at the zoo that can be a topic for later too.
Whenever my first date comes, I will definitely be using a lot of this advice to help the date go smoother. By the way, I'm in my 30s and have never even been on a date, so having this advice will help me whenever that first one comes along.
If you think of a conversation as something that should flow rather than something that must happen, it helps. You can easily carry on a conversation with someone from hearing them speak one single sentence: "Oh my gosh, I love dogs!" - Do you have a dog? If so, how many? If not, why not since apparently you love them? What's your favorite kind of dog? Do you like cats too? What other animals do you love? What other THINGS do you love? I love dogs too. Let me tell you this story about a dog. When you learn to let yourself be caught into the natural flow of conversations (not just with women, but with everyone) by listening attentively and immersing yourself into what is coming out of a person's mouth, conversations become easy. Good luck bro, you'll be on that hot date in no time.
Good video Courtney, I learned this also by practice - a good conversation comes from natural flow and authenticity - be vulnerable sometimes - show humor
I have a great hobby of writing and a friend who has a channel helped me put my writing submission out there. So this girl I've met through email and in person (yes, she has her own channel as well) that writing submission was about myself and her as well. A few days ago, I finally showed her that video via email and she was in tears, very moved! She called me the other day and I brought up the fact that I've been meaning to share that with her for some time but I was caught up with moving. All the same, she loved it and I told her that writing is one of my best hobbies. Also loves the fact I'm incredibly funny, creative, adaptive, self aware, etc.
@@jleano609 oh yes, I'll be seeing her again. It had been weeks since we last contacted cause I was moving and she had been doing her thing. She was extremely happy to know that I live just a couple hours away from her
The focus of a conversation is completely different for men and women. Men in conversation are focused primarily on the transfer of information. Women are focused on the experience of the conversation or how it makes them feel.
Threads and links for better conversations: Threads are the different topics that you talk about (examples: favorite tv shows, favorite movies, favorite foods, favorite hobbies, etc.). When you find a thread that you have in common, talk about it! Links are how to can transition between threads. While you're talking about a particular thread, you can use links to talk about other threads that you might have in common too. Don't be afraid to talk about threads and link to threads that you don't have in common too! That's how you get to know people.
Thank you Courtney. Truth be said, in my experience the best love is that early love. I missed it. When we're children, and we meet in school, we should hook up with our best friend (of the opposite sex). Those relationships will lead to a better humanity. When we're old and we haven't hooked up, it's too late.
That's what I needed. Thanks for the tips. I have alot of silence between others but I didn't realize that it was okay. The more I look back on conversations, you are right. I did try to avoid those unpleasant silence that it just happened. Ima run with it and keep it in the back of my mind when talking. Thanks 👍
These are also solid tips for having a conversation with anyone, really! Great video, Courtney!! The direct byproduct of a good conversation is a connection! To add on to what Queen Courtney said about talking about yourself, I always open by repeating back to the person something they mentioned when they were talking about themselves and tie it into me. That way the person isnt left wondering what y'all have in common because you're spoonfeeding it to them and creating these "me too!" moments. You can remain mysterious if ya want by disclosing a little bit about yourself and then turning it around into a question to have a form of conversational catch!
"How are you?" "How are you?" "Good thanks." "Good thanks." "So where are you from?" "So where are you from?" "Are you copying me?" "Are you copying me?" "Stop it." "Stop it." Disclaimer: this is a terrible idea.
A lot of that is done through body language. Small things like looking into her eyes while she speaks, touching her casually (and appropriately), and using voice tonality will carry you a long way in conveying attraction.
@@Tony78432 You didn't say you have a problem flirting. lol I'm sure there are tons of videos, but honestly I don't think there's a trick. You can't flirt unless you feel comfortable and confident... Have to do that first.
Courtney, great job with your 7 tips. These are great psychological and behavioral based content. You have this mastered, now if the men and women could apply them.
The truth is if you spend all day on the internet or haven't done much with your life (often the case when you're in your early 20s and late teens and that is okay) you won't have anything to talk about. This is typical for those who have spent their high school playing video games not interacting socially. That social interaction and communication experience you didn't experience won't magically appear to help you. I was like that when I was 19, 20, 21 and that is okay. I'm an introvert, I didn't care for high school, high school friends, and I did not have the social skills to interact with people when I started work when I got out to meet people or trying to meet a girl. What will help you, what will give you insight into the world is to make something out of your life. I've never been out of work for more than 2 months in my entire life since I was 19 and I'm in my 30's now. Keep a job, work hard, have goals, challenge yourself and do the best you can, it will help you to be a more well-rounded person, you will be wiser, you will be smarter, you will have gained experience to talk about things in-depth, your level of thoughts will be deeper. All the struggles I had, all the challenges I took on in my 20s helped me become more of a well-rounded person, gave me the insight to talk about things in ways that no one else can. Although I do decently well on my own, I worked hard, I'm educated, I make good money, I'm in a respectable career with life experience. When I go out, I feel respected and acknowledged which is a big confidence booster.
It's been a while since I've been on a date but I usually get to know a girl first before I ask her out so I understand how to foster rapport hopefully find a connection. First dates should be a chemistry test in my opinion. Difference between friends and romantic partner is chemistry I think.
Being the real you is so huge!!! One of my coworkers always tries to give me “advice” and he constantly tells me to make stuff up or stretch the truth to get their attention and impress them, and I find it so stupid. I’ve told him several times, “okay so what do you do when they discover the truth.?” He says “tell them I was willing to do anything it took to be able to talk to you.”🤢🤢🤢🤢 don’t be that guy fr!
i've always been awful with talking with women. yesterday pushed through my fear and went up to a girl at the bar yesterday (she was with 6 of her friends o.O), introduced myself, said hi, told her i thought she was cute, and then left. heart was racing but hell it felt good to actually just do that.
This can actually be a good strategy. Simple compliment, then leave. Watch Trav Que's videos where he asks women what their sign is, and then when they tell him, he says, "oh, I could never!" Some of them will start fighting for his attention afterward!
Great video as always Courtney. So refreshing to see a young woman that is so mature in thought and elegant in her conduct. I just had a date last night where I practiced most of these, although the golden nugget idea is brilliant The best way to know if these are working is losing track of time, you talk and chat and feel like it's been 5 minutes when 3 hours have passed
When I answer questions from a girl I answer with small bits and pieces to make her dig deeper and deeper, this is how I let them get to know me without bragging. I basically try to talk about myself as little as possible and let her do most of the conversation work. If she does not ask about me then I know she is not interested and I can move on. I like to make them WORK to get to get to know me. When it comes to her, I found it is great to just have genuine curiosity about her, not just about her but about her work and her passions, ask interesting questions, I want to know where she is going in life, what is "next" for her no physical compliments ever, I will compliment energy if she has good energy or if she did a good job on a work task. It is all depends... I try to refrain from compliments until she compliments me on something... again never physical comments though.
Stop putting women on a pedestal just because they're women. Talk to them as human beings, talk to them as you would anybody else and learn that rejection is normal, maybe research how to deal with rejection in a social setting and then proceed with Courtney's 7 tips.
Pretty solid advice actually. The golden nugget concept had always worked for me. Gentleman, this lady is giving legitimate advice. Please digest it and practice it
funny you should mention the thing about silence - so I commented on one of your previous videos saying a similar thing but just to put it into context I'm a trainee psychotherapist and what I've learned so far as that silence is one of the absolute best tools to encourage somebody else to share information. So prior to undergoing training I would try to avoid uncomfortable silences, as soon as the other person stopped talking I'd say something, anything, just to avoid the silence - didn't go down well a lot of the time, only exceptions were when I was speaking to people who themselves were very good communicators and could navigate around it - I learned that if you let somebody speak, then remain comfortable in the silence, the chances are they will begin to elaborate on what they have just been saying in order to fill the silence themselves and often this is more spontaneous conversation as they don't have as much time to think about what they're saying, that's how you end up with material you can sort of highlight in your brain and maybe ask them a little bit more about, it also tends to help the other person feel heard, because you didn't even try to start your own line of communication, you were quite happy to continue listening to them even after they'd just finished speaking., another minor expression of altruism which is one of the highest predictors of attraction for women. I will add to this as well I have been practicing as an intern for only eight months and I have already had to refer one of my female clients to another therapist because she became very attracted to me - this is not something I was particularly aware of beforehand, but apparently this is quite a common problem with male therapist -> female client relationships, the therapist becomes so good at using silence, listening and picking up on details in what she's saying that the female naturally begins to form an attraction to him, I really kind of expected it to be the other way round but that's apparently far less common.
I've done all of this naturally with one woman in my life but I can't find it in myself to do this with someone I just met. mind u we can talk for hours without losing things to talk about but it's a whole different story with someone else lol I guess it's us being so comfortable and having similar interests since we have known each other since middle school (6 years and counting)
I also think it's because that woman makes you feel comfortable too. Which is so important because a woman you meet should be friendly, kind, and talkative. Once you make her feel comfortable by being a gentleman, asking things about that makes her excited to talk about (hobbies, career for example). She should be trying to make you feel the same way. It's always 2 way street man.
One thing I'm having to work on is not deflecting. What I mean is, is I can have an entire conversation with someone and they can never know me. I think a lot of that is a defense mechanism due to not feeling good enough
Why it's often up to man to keep the conversation going ! Briefly , most of women that I interacted with are kinda of Alward in a sense that they don't help you to keep the conversation flowing naturally ! Whether by not being active in the conversation or saying non-rational things just for the sake of avoiding Alward silence ! In the other hand , I don't often experience this inconvenience while interacting with man ! Are most women these days insecure ? Do they hate man ? Do they have a low emotional intelligence or social skills ? Or is it just me who keep interacting with the wrong women ? I really want to find someone from the opposite sex who can share a natural and just be our selves without the fair of being judged or disliked by the other individual !
No!!! Don't put it on you. It's not you First, it should not feel like you are walking on eggs. Everything you mentioned here is dead on the money. What you go through, millions of men go through it. Reason, they have an empty tank. They have nothing!! 0 intelectual, emotional, kindness, good heart, altruistic, nice, goodness, conversation, etc.. All they have is a system to degrade you. To look down on you. But, say: I have a Yacht in the harbor, bring all your friends. And you will see the largest PIANO KEYBOARD right in her mouth you have ever seen!! So, add to their deficits, corrupt.
If you can get her to talk, usually about herself, you are golden. A good conversation she will talk for hours, you wont have to say much and she will love you for it.
I consider myself a good conservationists. Mainly because I’m curious. I think the one thing to remember is to not get nervous. Converse with her the way you talk to other people. Don’t force the conversation.
People tell me that I'm so pleasant to talk to and I really think that it's because I genuinely enjoy listening to people talk about themselves. This is a lost art in conversation because people are so obsessed with "saying the right things" instead of taking a genuine interest in people.
I have found the use of chat forums effective, i.e. meeting other people and just speaking to them. The fact that only one person can speak at any time (or rather should) is helpful as well.
Ive been told I'm a decent looking guy, I'm just socially awkward as hell around girls I like. I'm really working on trying to hide my nerves and your videos really help.
Hi Courtney, I found your videos, after learning about Marni , n getting a couple programs, n now I listen to you also , I’ve enjoyed your videos from the very first minute of the video I watched, started to follow n I couldn’t even remember how many I’ve seen so far , it’s Great that there are people who truly care about others ; I just wanted to say thank you for being so kind and Cool , n definitely appreciate your knowledge and support , to try n give us the best possible advice for all situations !!! Thank You ❣️ With a Smile, Patrick 🍀
My suggestion is be yourself. Dont put any expectation, dont put her on pedestal. If she is the one destined to you, all things will fall into place naturally. Remember, do not chase. Keep your peace at all cost, half of earth population is women, you have billions of choices.
been watching your videos for about a week since finding you through the Kevin Samuels algorithm (rip)…I’ve had the most productive experiences IRL with random women since I’ve come across your perspective. Thanks for all you do and congrats on the marriage! Blessings in everything y’all come through in life as well as everyone here! Your time is coming, jus work on yourself hermetically as well as listen to women that have what you’re looking for. Not degenerates, but good women with values. They’re out there.
Thanks for this amazing video, I appreciate your time and energy coming out here and helping people out. Now, I really don't watch your videos because I need help with girls, I actually don't. I found something that's very profound to me intrinsically, which helps me to be OK with myself. I must be honest. When I watch your videos, it makes me feel like you are talking to someone who has never interacted with another human being, someone possibly shy or fresh out of high school. Now, that doesn't mean all high-schoolers are like that. Again, you might have an audience who needs these kinds of videos. They are amazing, by the way.I hope I can see you make a video more advanced. Something like, why do we need to have connections or relationships with others, whilst the joy and things we need are all within. Shouldn't we focus on that and be prepared before we go out there meeting people. In my opinion, if you aren't ready and not ok to be alone with ourselves, we shouldn't bring anyone to our lives because once that person is out, our lives turn into a hell.
I just wanted to say thank you for hard work you do for your TH-cam channel. Your content has helped me see my negative habits of my ( auto pilot response,s of communicate with others in a healthy boundaries relationship. 😊
Another I heard someone say that sounds like good advice. Get involved in some kind of charity that you enjoy helping with, work at that, one day you'll find a good person that you've been working along side of. (I have not been free to test this theory out until very recently.)
I must be a unique human then because I love silence and quiet places! its the most peaceful and soul soothing thing in the world. The feeling of no stress, your thinking clearly and it very therapeutic. I guess that's because I'm an introvert. Do you think introverts should only date introverts due to personality traits?
If the girl is into you she'll sometimes try to fill the silence gap by just talking about anything, puts her in the nervous seat. Just speaking from experience. I am always willing to walk away from a bad first date, so silence doesn't really worry me, but I've never really had issues with silence popping up. I always have a slew of things I want to know about girls I'm interested in, I just don't overwhelm her with them and drop them during opportune moments, like asking what's the kinkiest sex position she's ever done just as the waiter arrives with our food.
Number 6 always gets me, even in a lower stakes convo i get pretty nervous when we reach a break and it goes silent, have no idea how to restart the conversation and it always feels like i made some sort of mistake. but thanks for tips anyway
The question also has to include a few back and forths, to prevent back to back questions. Going deep into the topic de escalates any anxieties, and allows things to flow.
I think my problem is knowing when to shut up. I don't ramble, but a know a little about this and that and have something to add to many topics. P.S. - You have a nice glow to yourself today
I've noticed if you see how their profile is constructed, helps you know whom values or would be impressed by intelligence, in that some girls don't wanna know about anything other than how they look (which might be their only value so turn away)
@@rlp4028 and all the good ones get 6k messages a min so ours may get hidden. Courtney did say she might do a video making a profile as a man to figure out how to win the (pathetic) competition against the bottom feeder men
Regarding finding that golden nugget is “What would you say is the one thing that anyone would never guess about you?” a great way to ask it? That what another dating coach “Marni” says to do. What do you think?
Look up Vanessa Van Edwards videos for better conversation questions, which includes... "Have any big plans coming up?", "Working on anything exciting?", "Do have any personal 'passion projects'?" or "What's one thing that most people don't know about you?" expecting these questions will be turned back to you at some point, have answers for those questions. Also, avoid the 'default' question, "What do you do?" & avoid questions that can be easily answered with one word.
Great video Courtney! As someone who has been in the dating world for the better part of the past 30 years, I have learned to do all 7 of your tips fairly well (especially since my divorce 16 years ago). Sometimes it's hard to find that "nugget" you mentioned, however. But it's frustrating, because I still have such a lousy success rate of getting a second date, unless the woman is desperate to have children, or well over 48, or just average to above average in the looks department.
I find it quite rare that I can maintain long conversation with my girlfriend whom am I dating for more than two years... I must say that you're right about those Courtney.
Thanks a lot for your thoughtful tips,courtney. I'd like to ask you if you could please consider making a video on speeddating ? It's quite hard to get any impression of people at speeddating events in my opinion.
Glad you mentioned greeklife because I did the same thing with my fraternity and it's just a good tactic to learn in general and has helped me enormously in life, business and relationships. Also sorority girls are crazy psycho stalkers. Beware, boys.
Dang Courtney, haven’t been around for a while, come back to this and you are hitting the ball out of the park! Great job, I’ll have to catch up on what I missed!
Disagree about being authentic as this often gets conflated as being a "nice guy" which is actually not being yourself. Most men are told to be "yourself". What this tends to be interpreted as is being super nice, not disagreeing with anything she says, wanting to attract her with only your intelligence, not complimenting her, or being playful, not showing intent, talking in one tone of voice, blank eye contact and you just hope she will feel attraction to you, much like what films teach us. I have only found this out recently at 32 that this is actually not being yourself and in fact actually being yourself is actually taking off the shackles in your brain that lock away attributes like quick wit, not being scared to do light playful touching, reading body language, eye contact, facial expressions, talking slower and just flowing and saying more what comes to your brain, all whilst doing it in a way that matches your personality. And that is truly being authentic!
Listening is key to a relationship, from the very first time you meet. When my last date was talking, I would listen andbthen with facial expression I would show her that I am impressed when she got to some points. Don't just sit there like you are staring at her but your brain is somewhere else.
I had my first date ever Today. I was sooo fuckin nervous, I watched this Video over and over again because I was scared that it would be akward. But as everyone else told me, i was Overthinking the whole thing and we ended up having an Incredible Time together. For everyone out there who is scared it could get akward: Don‘t worry to much, there are gonna be akward moments, there are gonna be some silent moments, and you are gonna make some mistakes and stuff like that. But if you two like each other and you match, you‘ll still have a great time and she‘ll still be interested in you. Good Luck everyone!
It comes down to confidence making eye contact and not feeling anxiety. sometimes it could be difficult personally I do get nervous. but I just feel the conversation out I know when it's clicking or not.
Courtney- I would really like it if you did a video about how tough it is finding someone new after losing someone you thought you'd possibly marry example - 2014 I knew when we started our relationship that yes my then girlfriend had a medical condition didn't scare me since I have my own but it is 1 way we connected but 5 yrs after my Mom passed of cancer I get a g/f who I REALLY though she'll be my wife since we stayed so focused on God-It really help build our relationship? In fact we really ended up in a disagree 1 afternoon-Took 2 hrs but we fixed things. I was so concerned when our pastor called said "Be praying for her but out of every woman I've ever dated or had a relationship w/she was the best keep hearing no every time I ask a woman out." What should I do to turn things around and at least her "Yes or Sure, I'd love to go on a date w/you?" My Mom was a teacher and I didn't like hearing "No, I have a boyfriend" I did appreciate what I heard after that "I had your Mom as my teacher in 4th grade-She's the best teacher I had!" I told her "She's the best Mom- Ever either!" That was cool taking a no and turning it into a positive" A lot of my friends say "You're stuck!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
too late... I messed up all my chances. I over prepared and then forgot all of my preparations and was generally disappointed. Tbh I was quite disappointed with her too. Also for some reason I am either very good with conversation or do a police interrogation or, lastly, just be angry/bored and quiet/guarded.
There's no worse feeling than constantly being eye balled by women and knowing their attraction to you stops there because you don't approach them and when they approach you, you shut down like an unplugged vacuum
I quit talking to women years ago, last girlfriend was like 17 an im now going on 28 in a month. not going to compete with thousands of other dudes via apps. Even in person its an even higher risk one wrong approach or wrong word can land you in trouble, women love to complain. give you the cold shoulder cause they can, other people see it an go okay lets avoid that guy. Not to be negative nelly but its very very toxic an bad for us guys out there, women 95% of the time dont make the first move either. best looking girl i found to go out on a date with was like a 5 max.
Again, thank you Courtney. The information in this video was real tangible information that can be used and practiced daily. Not some imaginary manifestation energy information.
Almost all these points are spot on except for the last one. “Be yourself” is just a played out over simplistic cliche that makes for motivational billboard material but is bad advice if “yourself” is selfish, uninteresting, unskilled socially or lazy. A better phrasing of this point would be “Be the best version of yourself”. Unfortunately that requires time and investment in yourself before you’ve even initiated the dating process.
![HIWWHEE | OHM [Official MV]](http://i.ytimg.com/vi/OJJLtTLqLag/mqdefault.jpg)
Honestly I started having great, non-awkward first dates when I stopped worrying about how it would go. Just show up like you're meeting a friend for the first time. Talk about stuff. Make jokes. Flirt. It's really easy. Best way to practice conversation is to talk to random strangers when you go out places. Strike up conversations with them. Better yet if you do this with attractive women. It's like having a first date before the first date. What worked for me is "What's the worst that can actually happen? Never going to see this person again anyway."
Good luck out there!
thanks for tips
Never going to see her again anyway lol
Spot on! That was reason why I hated formal dating , abandoned it after a while. In the end hanging out informally with her works much more naturally and less awkward. Nothing fancy or fuzzy. It is possible to develop a true friendship this way and if it doesn’t work out u make have a new friend ! (By friends, I mean real friends who share things/interests etc.., not being friendzoned). Friendship is the foundation of all relationships, and unlike common believe it won’t kill romance but may even enhance it in future…
@@75Chopin That last part of your comment was a good reminder, Thank you 😁👍🏼...
That is about the best advice ever. Practice conversation with people in general. It's like every other skill. Then talking to women shouldn't be radically different.
Saturday morning 25 September 2021.
1. Prepare a LITTLE bit. (Things you want to ask the woman)
2. Ask the RIGHT questions. (deeper meaning questions.)
3. Tell her about yourself (briefly, don't go on and on, bragging about yourself)
4. Find her GOLDEN nugget (something that lights them up when they talk about their golden nugget).
5. LISTEN to her, pay attention to what she is saying.
6. Silence is NORMAL. Not every single second of the date has to be filled with talking.
7. Be AUTHENTIC. Don't try to be someone else.
M..V...P!
"However, it is important to offer up some information about yourself too."
@I am me • 25y ago I've stopped doing that. Take care.
Silence is not normal. Granted, if you're with someone for your whole lives, there's gonna be moments of silence.
But if there's any silence on a first date, it's a bad sign.
@@Coreisus Shut up lmao terrible advice
In the name of the cheek slaying clapplations, “if she laughs at your jokes she shall moan to your strokes”.
Lmao. The funniest shit I have heard all day.
truuueee
Did you hear that on a Tutweezy cartoon??? 😂😂🤣
You have to somehow,
effortlessly make her laugh without being a funny clown. Use your intelligence and bitterness.
Indeed.
In French they say "Si elle rit, elle est à moitié dans ton lit.''
(''If she laughs, she is half-way to your bed.'')
I think most women like to talk more than men. It's pretty easy to stay in a conversation by asking a few questions and just being a good listener. A lot of women are attracted to good listeners.
No a lot of women are attracted to men they think are hot.
@@ethosterros9430 not sure if you're trying to be facetious here, or trying to make some clever point? Maybe you could expand?
@WL DM's original comment though, is spot on. It's basic "How to Win Friends and Influence People" skills: showing interest in someone else is attractive, no matter who you are or who the other person is, male or female, young or old.
@@Rickywwx no your interest is attractive if the other person is attracted to you. If they are not your interest is irritating and unwelcome at best.
These tips arent worth the paper they are printed on because they ignore the basic fundamentals of attraction. She doesnt care how good of a person you are, that matters after she is already attracted. That's why theres millions of good men watching this drivel hoping to find some magic secret they missing to solve why some criminal psychopath has women chasing after him while he can barely get a decent date with someones leftovers.
@@ethosterros9430 "She doesn't care how good of a person you are, that matters after she is already attracted."
And if you're wondering how taking a cooking class can increase *initial* attraction, have a BBQ, invite your friends and tell them to bring their friends. Unless you completely destroy the meat, everyone, even those you haven't met before, will be appreciative not just for your cooking skills, but for inviting them and for your ability to throw a party. That's attractive. You don't even have to be the life of the party or enormously entertaining either.
1. Prepare, think about what you're going to say ahead of time.
2. Ask the right questions, open-ended questions (what, why)
3. Talk about yourself a little, but not too much.
4. Find the golden nugget, so find what they are passionate about.
5. Silence is okay, see if they make conversation as well.
6. Be authentic (pretty cliche)
My biggest tip for having fun and interesting conversations is to STOP THINKING and comment/ask about stuff you see around you. Just be present, in the moment, that means you observe what you see, hear and feel around you.
-You guys are walking the park, see a animal > ask her whats her favourite animal is.
-You on a date with someone and they are shy/distant, just say 'i can feel you are a bit shy' and they will ramble on why.
-You guys see some kids playing > make a statement like 'bet you was a very shy/energetic kid'
-You guys are together and see she's wearing a item > tell her you like it and she will tell you about it.
-You guys walking the streets, see restaurants > ask her what her favourite cuisine is
💯👊🏾
You say "stop talking about things around you"
But your example doesn't show this?
Maybe my English is too bad to understand
@@arcturus815 no. Read again bro,
@@abdelkariml things we see around us is the same as be in the present?
@@arcturus815 yes because you are there physically and also try to be there mentally. If you keep thinking all the time then you are there physically but not mentally, thats called not being present. So stop thinking and just live in the moment
The FORD method works great. These are usually the things I talk about or ask about when talking to anyone I want to get to know better. 😎
1) Family
2) Occupation
3) Recreation
4) Dreams
💯
LISTENING is HUGE! And, the follow up question pertaining to what she just said is key.
Another point that is big (from my perspective) is not interrupting. It goes with listening, but it can be a point all on it’s own. It’s a respect thing. Let her have “the mic,” allow her to speak her mind, and when she is done talking then ask the follow up question.
Finding that “golden nugget” is a great point, and a great metaphor. Listening to people talk about what they are passionate about is so much more enjoyable. It’s their “fire” so let their passion burn. Then, if the fire begins to cool off, ask the follow up question to “stoke” the fire.
Again, great points and things I will definitely keep in mind for future conversations.
Thank you again 🙏
This is really helpful for me as a woman with social anxiety. In conversations I always worry if I'm being awkward or the other person is bothered by me. I have to work on not mind-reading and just make it a goal to get to know the person a little better through conversation. If we don't click then we don't click, that's fine
for a woman its more easy.. if u like the guy, touch him a bit.. if he likes u , and he is has not much to say, he will suddently become more confident and open after those touches..
It always feels good to be reminded that men aren't the only one with these thoughts, thanks
Courtney i appreciate you giving us this conversation advice with women. I think women should be given the same advice. You can be the best talker; but if she doesn't add much to the conversation to keep it going; it's not worth it. One of the things i do when i first meet a woman is I'll ask how her day is going and maybe make a lighthearted compliment or funny joke about what's going on around us.
Judging by her mood, what's going around us, and the way she responds to me; it lets me know how far our interaction will go. This can work on the date with your advice Courtney. Also if the woman ie talkative after you ask her deep/open ended questions about things she enjoys; that's a good thing. Anyways hope you have a great day if you see this 😊👍
From experience, it takes practice, especially if you're a natural shy person. It is nice, however, to listen to have a knowledgeable coach like Courtney!
True
That is true. Unfortunately, I have not had many chances to practice.
1. prepare a little bit
2. ask the right Questions
3. tell her about yourself
4. find her golden nugget
5. listen
6. silence is normal
7. be authentic
Thankyou
Good Luck!
I'd sooner fund/start a company than to have a conversation w/any woman [potential relationship focus].
Seriously.
Thanks man
Aye bengali tu fir aagya
@@samrapheal1828 dude, just follow the 7 points and you'll do fine !
@@samrapheal1828 Same here, piss on it!
Excellent points. I know the order could be arbitrary. Here's my take. 1) Generally, women are more adept at talking and really love it. Listen, listen, listen. However, do speak and with good grammar. 2) Silence is golden. It's appropriate to look into each others eyes with you exhibiting a relaxed manner (no fidgeting or being distracted, she's your focus). Non verbal communication is paramount and can be more meaningful on several different planes. It's important for both to be comfortable with pauses of natural duration. I remember this simple exercise... Be the man my dog thinks I am.
Important Question: "Do your parents live around here?"
Get her talking about her dad gents. Find out how her relationship is with him.
BOOM!! This will then tell you which direction to go!
That's a great idea, because her relationship with her dad and how she talks about him will tell you a lot about how she might be. If she had a good father growing up; then you might be in good hands with her
@@GEORGIOARCADE Yep I've noticed a lot of misandry in women stems from a bad relationship with her father
💯💯
alright russell brand
Ok guys, Courtney pulled a solid on 7 ways to maintain conversation with a woman.
All we need now is learn how to start one. 😂
😂🙌🏼
I normally start with a smile and say "hi, hows your day going?" Or i ask how she's feeling that day. It depends on her mood and how she answers back that determines how far our interaction will go and what questions I'll ask her next. Start with a lighthearted conversation starter just like you would with anyone else
How about "hello"?
@@cisium1184 you could say that but you want to have something that she can work with conversation wise especially if she finds you attractive. I'm sure every guy only just say hello. You want to get her talking more than you are.
Hey, hi, hello. Pick one 😄
Hi Courtney! This really helped me, not just with women but regular social interaction. I am a high functioning autistic and this really helped me ALOT. Thank you. Good job and keep up the great work. 😊
Start the conversation as if the person is like a friend. It will help you feel comfortable and will inturn you will feel confident.
Authenticity is everything. If you can fake that, you’ve got it made.
4:00 thank you . Conversation is between two people . I went on a date once ,and after I learned everything about her family tree ,she didn't asked anything about me ,she said " say something"
I couldn't hold my self and start laughing.
I excused myself like I was going to the toilet,paid the bill , " nice to meet you " and I left.
I already tried most of what you said on the video, but what I find the best for me is to make her laugh with funny conversation and in the date itself follow what you said in the video
These are super good tips. Besides first impressions, this is the key to a successful date. The Golden nugget Courtney speaks up is actually getting a girl to talk about herself. It's the one subject women love to talk about. Just interject and add to her enthusiasm. The date will be much more successful if she is physically attracted to you. If she is, she will try to validate herself to you. If your not, your pretty much screwed. She's probably there because she had nothing to do or wanted a free meal. There is a good chance that if she wasn't attracted in some way. You wouldn't have gotten the date to begin with.
on first dates I was always worried about running out of things to say. I found going to the zoo was good for a first date cause well animals are always interesting and many are funny and they can be new topic of conversation as you walk through and there's always a favorite animal at the zoo that can be a topic for later too.
That's a great idea about going places that make having a conversation easier. You can use the venue as your conversation starters
Awesome idea 💡
Whenever my first date comes, I will definitely be using a lot of this advice to help the date go smoother. By the way, I'm in my 30s and have never even been on a date, so having this advice will help me whenever that first one comes along.
If you think of a conversation as something that should flow rather than something that must happen, it helps. You can easily carry on a conversation with someone from hearing them speak one single sentence:
"Oh my gosh, I love dogs!" - Do you have a dog? If so, how many? If not, why not since apparently you love them? What's your favorite kind of dog? Do you like cats too? What other animals do you love? What other THINGS do you love? I love dogs too. Let me tell you this story about a dog.
When you learn to let yourself be caught into the natural flow of conversations (not just with women, but with everyone) by listening attentively and immersing yourself into what is coming out of a person's mouth, conversations become easy.
Good luck bro, you'll be on that hot date in no time.
Good video Courtney, I learned this also by practice
- a good conversation comes from natural flow and authenticity
- be vulnerable sometimes
- show humor
I have a great hobby of writing and a friend who has a channel helped me put my writing submission out there. So this girl I've met through email and in person (yes, she has her own channel as well) that writing submission was about myself and her as well. A few days ago, I finally showed her that video via email and she was in tears, very moved!
She called me the other day and I brought up the fact that I've been meaning to share that with her for some time but I was caught up with moving. All the same, she loved it and I told her that writing is one of my best hobbies.
Also loves the fact I'm incredibly funny, creative, adaptive, self aware, etc.
And...............?
@@jleano609 ???
@@tommygunn6901 and……….are you going to be seeing this girl again? It’s a great story and all but where are you with her?
@@jleano609 oh yes, I'll be seeing her again. It had been weeks since we last contacted cause I was moving and she had been doing her thing. She was extremely happy to know that I live just a couple hours away from her
@@tommygunn6901 that’s a long way for regular dating. I think you are going to find that a struggle, sorry to say.
The focus of a conversation is completely different for men and women. Men in conversation are focused primarily on the transfer of information. Women are focused on the experience of the conversation or how it makes them feel.
Exactly, should be treated completely differently when talking to them as their aim differs.
Really? Cuz I just like telling shitty jokes 😂✌️
Says who?
@@Macheako looks like you graduated from economic invincibility?
@@t5396 he's dead to me lol
Threads and links for better conversations:
Threads are the different topics that you talk about (examples: favorite tv shows, favorite movies, favorite foods, favorite hobbies, etc.). When you find a thread that you have in common, talk about it!
Links are how to can transition between threads. While you're talking about a particular thread, you can use links to talk about other threads that you might have in common too.
Don't be afraid to talk about threads and link to threads that you don't have in common too! That's how you get to know people.
Thank you Courtney.
Truth be said, in my experience the best love is that early love.
I missed it.
When we're children, and we meet in school, we should hook up with our best friend (of the opposite sex).
Those relationships will lead to a better humanity.
When we're old and we haven't hooked up, it's too late.
That's what I needed. Thanks for the tips. I have alot of silence between others but I didn't realize that it was okay. The more I look back on conversations, you are right. I did try to avoid those unpleasant silence that it just happened. Ima run with it and keep it in the back of my mind when talking. Thanks 👍
These are also solid tips for having a conversation with anyone, really! Great video, Courtney!!
The direct byproduct of a good conversation is a connection! To add on to what Queen Courtney said about talking about yourself, I always open by repeating back to the person something they mentioned when they were talking about themselves and tie it into me. That way the person isnt left wondering what y'all have in common because you're spoonfeeding it to them and creating these "me too!" moments. You can remain mysterious if ya want by disclosing a little bit about yourself and then turning it around into a question to have a form of conversational catch!
"How are you?" "How are you?" "Good thanks." "Good thanks." "So where are you from?" "So where are you from?" "Are you copying me?" "Are you copying me?" "Stop it." "Stop it."
Disclaimer: this is a terrible idea.
Old Smosh fan?
Lol!!
Oh rats, there goes my game!
I don’t have a problem with conversation, I have a problem sparking romantic interest.
A lot of that is done through body language. Small things like looking into her eyes while she speaks, touching her casually (and appropriately), and using voice tonality will carry you a long way in conveying attraction.
Flirt.
@@johnrblur6476 if you’re homeless, just buy a house 😀
@@Tony78432 You didn't say you have a problem flirting. lol I'm sure there are tons of videos, but honestly I don't think there's a trick. You can't flirt unless you feel comfortable and confident... Have to do that first.
@@johnrblur6476 Has Courtney done a flirting video? If not, maybe its an idea for a future one!
I love the golden nugget tip! It’s so nice to see their inner-self light up.
Courtney, great job with your 7 tips. These are great psychological and behavioral based content. You have this mastered, now if the men and women could apply them.
The truth is if you spend all day on the internet or haven't done much with your life (often the case when you're in your early 20s and late teens and that is okay) you won't have anything to talk about. This is typical for those who have spent their high school playing video games not interacting socially. That social interaction and communication experience you didn't experience won't magically appear to help you. I was like that when I was 19, 20, 21 and that is okay. I'm an introvert, I didn't care for high school, high school friends, and I did not have the social skills to interact with people when I started work when I got out to meet people or trying to meet a girl. What will help you, what will give you insight into the world is to make something out of your life. I've never been out of work for more than 2 months in my entire life since I was 19 and I'm in my 30's now. Keep a job, work hard, have goals, challenge yourself and do the best you can, it will help you to be a more well-rounded person, you will be wiser, you will be smarter, you will have gained experience to talk about things in-depth, your level of thoughts will be deeper. All the struggles I had, all the challenges I took on in my 20s helped me become more of a well-rounded person, gave me the insight to talk about things in ways that no one else can. Although I do decently well on my own, I worked hard, I'm educated, I make good money, I'm in a respectable career with life experience. When I go out, I feel respected and acknowledged which is a big confidence booster.
It's been a while since I've been on a date but I usually get to know a girl first before I ask her out so I understand how to foster rapport hopefully find a connection. First dates should be a chemistry test in my opinion. Difference between friends and romantic partner is chemistry I think.
No difference between friends and romantic partners is physical attraction!
Being the real you is so huge!!! One of my coworkers always tries to give me “advice” and he constantly tells me to make stuff up or stretch the truth to get their attention and impress them, and I find it so stupid. I’ve told him several times, “okay so what do you do when they discover the truth.?” He says “tell them I was willing to do anything it took to be able to talk to you.”🤢🤢🤢🤢 don’t be that guy fr!
i've always been awful with talking with women. yesterday pushed through my fear and went up to a girl at the bar yesterday (she was with 6 of her friends o.O), introduced myself, said hi, told her i thought she was cute, and then left. heart was racing but hell it felt good to actually just do that.
Imagine a lion being scared of a mouse
This can actually be a good strategy. Simple compliment, then leave. Watch Trav Que's videos where he asks women what their sign is, and then when they tell him, he says, "oh, I could never!" Some of them will start fighting for his attention afterward!
@@BigTunaXXX that dude ain’t no lion he is a tiger ant🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
@@BigTunaXXXgood one brah
Yes but thats technically also simping, to just compliment and not actually talk about something…
Great video as always Courtney. So refreshing to see a young woman that is so mature in thought and elegant in her conduct.
I just had a date last night where I practiced most of these, although the golden nugget idea is brilliant
The best way to know if these are working is losing track of time, you talk and chat and feel like it's been 5 minutes when 3 hours have passed
To have a girl talk to me is one thing, having the girl I like want to talk to me is as rare as a 4 leaf clover... which I've never found ( ;
Just fake it. Learn from the ladies.
I have found one, actually.
Bad call, assuming that any woman is CAPABLE of having coherent ability(s)
to engage in conversation that's above a fourth grade level.
Seriously!
Go talk to women, don't expect them to just come to you. Attractive women don't have to approach guys.
just treat her like any normal chick
When I answer questions from a girl I answer with small bits and pieces to make her dig deeper and deeper, this is how I let them get to know me without bragging. I basically try to talk about myself as little as possible and let her do most of the conversation work. If she does not ask about me then I know she is not interested and I can move on. I like to make them WORK to get to get to know me. When it comes to her, I found it is great to just have genuine curiosity about her, not just about her but about her work and her passions, ask interesting questions, I want to know where she is going in life, what is "next" for her no physical compliments ever, I will compliment energy if she has good energy or if she did a good job on a work task. It is all depends... I try to refrain from compliments until she compliments me on something... again never physical comments though.
Your channel is a god-send. The topics, the suggestions, the delivery, everything. Thank you sincerely.
This 7 tips are awesome Courtney Ryan, thanks !!
We are going to put them in place in our conversation with women !!
Stop putting women on a pedestal just because they're women. Talk to them as human beings, talk to them as you would anybody else and learn that rejection is normal, maybe research how to deal with rejection in a social setting and then proceed with Courtney's 7 tips.
Ok Chief Little to no game..... we got it
the word practice gets annoying and enraging when it comes to this
Just talk to women the same way you would to a close friend. It's no difference.
@@Krrish85 well thats why there is an entire industry for guys to get better at talking to women
yea we make talking to women too difficult , i just talk to them like i would anyone else
Thank you for your inssite. You are very intelligent. You have helped me so much.
Pretty solid advice actually. The golden nugget concept had always worked for me. Gentleman, this lady is giving legitimate advice. Please digest it and practice it
funny you should mention the thing about silence - so I commented on one of your previous videos saying a similar thing but just to put it into context I'm a trainee psychotherapist and what I've learned so far as that silence is one of the absolute best tools to encourage somebody else to share information.
So prior to undergoing training I would try to avoid uncomfortable silences, as soon as the other person stopped talking I'd say something, anything, just to avoid the silence - didn't go down well a lot of the time, only exceptions were when I was speaking to people who themselves were very good communicators and could navigate around it - I learned that if you let somebody speak, then remain comfortable in the silence, the chances are they will begin to elaborate on what they have just been saying in order to fill the silence themselves and often this is more spontaneous conversation as they don't have as much time to think about what they're saying, that's how you end up with material you can sort of highlight in your brain and maybe ask them a little bit more about, it also tends to help the other person feel heard, because you didn't even try to start your own line of communication, you were quite happy to continue listening to them even after they'd just finished speaking., another minor expression of altruism which is one of the highest predictors of attraction for women.
I will add to this as well I have been practicing as an intern for only eight months and I have already had to refer one of my female clients to another therapist because she became very attracted to me - this is not something I was particularly aware of beforehand, but apparently this is quite a common problem with male therapist -> female client relationships, the therapist becomes so good at using silence, listening and picking up on details in what she's saying that the female naturally begins to form an attraction to him, I really kind of expected it to be the other way round but that's apparently far less common.
I've done all of this naturally with one woman in my life but I can't find it in myself to do this with someone I just met. mind u we can talk for hours without losing things to talk about but it's a whole different story with someone else lol I guess it's us being so comfortable and having similar interests since we have known each other since middle school (6 years and counting)
I also think it's because that woman makes you feel comfortable too. Which is so important because a woman you meet should be friendly, kind, and talkative. Once you make her feel comfortable by being a gentleman, asking things about that makes her excited to talk about (hobbies, career for example). She should be trying to make you feel the same way. It's always 2 way street man.
One thing I'm having to work on is not deflecting. What I mean is, is I can have an entire conversation with someone and they can never know me. I think a lot of that is a defense mechanism due to not feeling good enough
Tomorrow we are gonna meet in person for the first time.
So I will try to use most of your Tips/Tricks with her tomorrow!!
Why it's often up to man to keep the conversation going ! Briefly , most of women that I interacted with are kinda of Alward in a sense that they don't help you to keep the conversation flowing naturally ! Whether by not being active in the conversation or saying non-rational things just for the sake of avoiding Alward silence ! In the other hand , I don't often experience this inconvenience while interacting with man ! Are most women these days insecure ? Do they hate man ? Do they have a low emotional intelligence or social skills ? Or is it just me who keep interacting with the wrong women ? I really want to find someone from the opposite sex who can share a natural and just be our selves without the fair of being judged or disliked by the other individual !
No!!!
Don't put it on you. It's not you
First, it should not feel like you are walking on eggs. Everything you mentioned here is dead on the money. What you go through, millions of men go through it.
Reason, they have an empty tank. They have nothing!!
0 intelectual, emotional, kindness, good heart, altruistic, nice, goodness, conversation, etc.. All they have is a system to degrade you. To look down on you. But, say: I have a Yacht in the harbor, bring all your friends. And you will see the largest PIANO KEYBOARD right in her mouth you have ever seen!! So, add to their deficits, corrupt.
If a girl is interested in you she will ask you questions about you
Some advice I got was keep it light,keep it funny,no heavy subjects,no negatives.Stay clear of sex,religion,and politics.
If you can get her to talk, usually about herself, you are golden. A good conversation she will talk for hours, you wont have to say much and she will love you for it.
I consider myself a good conservationists. Mainly because I’m curious. I think the one thing to remember is to not get nervous. Converse with her the way you talk to other people. Don’t force the conversation.
People tell me that I'm so pleasant to talk to and I really think that it's because I genuinely enjoy listening to people talk about themselves. This is a lost art in conversation because people are so obsessed with "saying the right things" instead of taking a genuine interest in people.
I have found the use of chat forums effective, i.e. meeting other people and just speaking to them. The fact that only one person can speak at any time (or rather should) is helpful as well.
When you mention this link in your previous video, I clicked so fast, I hurt my finger! 😂 Honestly, I have a lot of trouble with this part, thank you.
Ive been told I'm a decent looking guy, I'm just socially awkward as hell around girls I like. I'm really working on trying to hide my nerves and your videos really help.
Just keep at it brother, I used to get really nervous, now I couldn't get nervous if I tried.
Hi Courtney, I found your videos, after learning about Marni , n getting a couple programs, n now I listen to you also , I’ve enjoyed your videos from the very first minute of the video I watched, started to follow n I couldn’t even remember how many I’ve seen so far , it’s Great that there are people who truly care about others ; I just wanted to say thank you for being so kind and Cool , n definitely appreciate your knowledge and support , to try n give us the best possible advice for all situations !!! Thank You ❣️ With a Smile, Patrick 🍀
My suggestion is be yourself. Dont put any expectation, dont put her on pedestal. If she is the one destined to you, all things will fall into place naturally. Remember, do not chase. Keep your peace at all cost, half of earth population is women, you have billions of choices.
Your clothing, lighting and makeup are perfect in this video... love your talks.
been watching your videos for about a week since finding you through the Kevin Samuels algorithm (rip)…I’ve had the most productive experiences IRL with random women since I’ve come across your perspective. Thanks for all you do and congrats on the marriage! Blessings in everything y’all come through in life as well as everyone here! Your time is coming, jus work on yourself hermetically as well as listen to women that have what you’re looking for. Not degenerates, but good women with values. They’re out there.
I love this channel..helps me focus on taking care of myself,and tips for approaching or communication sure does help..
Thanks for this amazing video, I appreciate your time and energy coming out here and helping people out. Now, I really don't watch your videos because I need help with girls, I actually don't. I found something that's very profound to me intrinsically, which helps me to be OK with myself. I must be honest. When I watch your videos, it makes me feel like you are talking to someone who has never interacted with another human being, someone possibly shy or fresh out of high school. Now, that doesn't mean all high-schoolers are like that. Again, you might have an audience who needs these kinds of videos. They are amazing, by the way.I hope I can see you make a video more advanced. Something like, why do we need to have connections or relationships with others, whilst the joy and things we need are all within. Shouldn't we focus on that and be prepared before we go out there meeting people. In my opinion, if you aren't ready and not ok to be alone with ourselves, we shouldn't bring anyone to our lives because once that person is out, our lives turn into a hell.
I just wanted to say thank you for hard work you do for your TH-cam channel. Your content has helped me see my negative habits of my ( auto pilot response,s of communicate with others in a healthy boundaries relationship. 😊
You’re on 🔥 Courtney! Another great video :)
Thank you, my friend!!
Yes! #1 Be yourself! Who else is better Qualified! #2 I would rather you hate me for who I am! then to love me for who I'm not!
Another I heard someone say that sounds like good advice. Get involved in some kind of charity that you enjoy helping with, work at that, one day you'll find a good person that you've been working along side of. (I have not been free to test this theory out until very recently.)
I must be a unique human then because I love silence and quiet places! its the most peaceful and soul soothing thing in the world. The feeling of no stress, your thinking clearly and it very therapeutic. I guess that's because I'm an introvert. Do you think introverts should only date introverts due to personality traits?
If the girl is into you she'll sometimes try to fill the silence gap by just talking about anything, puts her in the nervous seat. Just speaking from experience. I am always willing to walk away from a bad first date, so silence doesn't really worry me, but I've never really had issues with silence popping up. I always have a slew of things I want to know about girls I'm interested in, I just don't overwhelm her with them and drop them during opportune moments, like asking what's the kinkiest sex position she's ever done just as the waiter arrives with our food.
That's fine hilarious!
listening is vital. Great video Courtney
Number 6 always gets me, even in a lower stakes convo i get pretty nervous when we reach a break and it goes silent, have no idea how to restart the conversation and it always feels like i made some sort of mistake. but thanks for tips anyway
The question also has to include a few back and forths, to prevent back to back questions. Going deep into the topic de escalates any anxieties, and allows things to flow.
I think my problem is knowing when to shut up. I don't ramble, but a know a little about this and that and have something to add to many topics.
P.S. - You have a nice glow to yourself today
I've noticed if you see how their profile is constructed, helps you know whom values or would be impressed by intelligence, in that some girls don't wanna know about anything other than how they look (which might be their only value so turn away)
@@drip369 So true
@@rlp4028 and all the good ones get 6k messages a min so ours may get hidden. Courtney did say she might do a video making a profile as a man to figure out how to win the (pathetic) competition against the bottom feeder men
Regarding finding that golden nugget is “What would you say is the one thing that anyone would never guess about you?” a great way to ask it? That what another dating coach “Marni” says to do. What do you think?
Your Channel is so helpful for so many guys, thanks a lot Courtney ❤
Look up Vanessa Van Edwards videos for better conversation questions, which includes... "Have any big plans coming up?", "Working on anything exciting?", "Do have any personal 'passion projects'?" or "What's one thing that most people don't know about you?" expecting these questions will be turned back to you at some point, have answers for those questions. Also, avoid the 'default' question, "What do you do?" & avoid questions that can be easily answered with one word.
💯👊🏾
Great video Courtney! As someone who has been in the dating world for the better part of the past 30 years, I have learned to do all 7 of your tips fairly well (especially since my divorce 16 years ago). Sometimes it's hard to find that "nugget" you mentioned, however. But it's frustrating, because I still have such a lousy success rate of getting a second date, unless the woman is desperate to have children, or well over 48, or just average to above average in the looks department.
I find it quite rare that I can maintain long conversation with my girlfriend whom am I dating for more than two years... I must say that you're right about those Courtney.
Thanks a lot for your thoughtful tips,courtney. I'd like to ask you if you could please consider making a video on speeddating ? It's quite hard to get any impression of people at speeddating events in my opinion.
Glad you mentioned greeklife because I did the same thing with my fraternity and it's just a good tactic to learn in general and has helped me enormously in life, business and relationships. Also sorority girls are crazy psycho stalkers. Beware, boys.
Dang Courtney, haven’t been around for a while, come back to this and you are hitting the ball out of the park! Great job, I’ll have to catch up on what I missed!
Disagree about being authentic as this often gets conflated as being a "nice guy" which is actually not being yourself.
Most men are told to be "yourself". What this tends to be interpreted as is being super nice, not disagreeing with anything she says, wanting to attract her with only your intelligence, not complimenting her, or being playful, not showing intent, talking in one tone of voice, blank eye contact and you just hope she will feel attraction to you, much like what films teach us.
I have only found this out recently at 32 that this is actually not being yourself and in fact actually being yourself is actually taking off the shackles in your brain that lock away attributes like quick wit, not being scared to do light playful touching, reading body language, eye contact, facial expressions, talking slower and just flowing and saying more what comes to your brain, all whilst doing it in a way that matches your personality.
And that is truly being authentic!
Listening is key to a relationship, from the very first time you meet. When my last date was talking, I would listen andbthen with facial expression I would show her that I am impressed when she got to some points. Don't just sit there like you are staring at her but your brain is somewhere else.
I had my first date ever Today. I was sooo fuckin nervous, I watched this Video over and over again because I was scared that it would be akward. But as everyone else told me, i was Overthinking the whole thing and we ended up having an Incredible Time together.
For everyone out there who is scared it could get akward: Don‘t worry to much, there are gonna be akward moments, there are gonna be some silent moments, and you are gonna make some mistakes and stuff like that. But if you two like each other and you match, you‘ll still have a great time and she‘ll still be interested in you.
Good Luck everyone!
Couldn't agree more. Find out what they like and pretend to be enthralled with it! 😂
Feels like we're having a conversation without me having to ask the questions thank you very good insight.
It comes down to confidence making eye contact and not feeling anxiety. sometimes it could be difficult personally I do get nervous. but I just feel the conversation out I know when it's clicking or not.
Love this video. Last advice is best just be the best version yourself. If you aren’t that interesting then maybe become more interesting!
Thanks just found your channel very helpful, I feel like I'm a nice guy but I'm terrible talking to women.
Courtney- I would really like it if you did a video about how tough it is finding someone new after losing someone you thought you'd possibly marry example - 2014 I knew when we started our relationship that yes my then girlfriend had a medical condition didn't scare me since I have my own but it is 1 way we connected but 5 yrs after my Mom passed of cancer I get a g/f who I REALLY though she'll be my wife since we stayed so focused on God-It really help build our relationship? In fact we really ended up in a disagree 1 afternoon-Took 2 hrs but we fixed things. I was so concerned when our pastor called said "Be praying for her but out of every woman I've ever dated or had a relationship w/she was the best keep hearing no every time I ask a woman out." What should I do to turn things around and at least her "Yes or Sure, I'd love to go on a date w/you?" My Mom was a teacher and I didn't like hearing "No, I have a boyfriend" I did appreciate what I heard after that "I had your Mom as my teacher in 4th grade-She's the best teacher I had!" I told her "She's the best Mom- Ever either!" That was cool taking a no and turning it into a positive" A lot of my friends say "You're stuck!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Good job Courtney. You are an old soul, a gift, and wise far beyond your years. Ironically, It must be lonely sometimes. Thank you.
you have a great way of demonstrating your knowlege on these topics, while also remaining very feminine and sweet sounding. Good job!
too late... I messed up all my chances. I over prepared and then forgot all of my preparations and was generally disappointed. Tbh I was quite disappointed with her too. Also for some reason I am either very good with conversation or do a police interrogation or, lastly, just be angry/bored and quiet/guarded.
Silence is my most favorite conversation :D
There's no worse feeling than constantly being eye balled by women and knowing their attraction to you stops there because you don't approach them and when they approach you, you shut down like an unplugged vacuum
yeah unfortunately dont have that problem
I quit talking to women years ago, last girlfriend was like 17 an im now going on 28 in a month. not going to compete with thousands of other dudes via apps. Even in person its an even higher risk one wrong approach or wrong word can land you in trouble, women love to complain. give you the cold shoulder cause they can, other people see it an go okay lets avoid that guy. Not to be negative nelly but its very very toxic an bad for us guys out there, women 95% of the time dont make the first move either. best looking girl i found to go out on a date with was like a 5 max.
@Dylan George I know what you mean i see the odd hot escorts now and again 😂
I'd say if ever there is silence, Basque in the silence. To me it's still sharing a moment to take everything in.
Courtney, I have a question. The golden nugget part in the video? You mean the spark in them that they enjoy the most about life, right?
Again, thank you Courtney. The information in this video was real tangible information that can be used and practiced daily. Not some imaginary manifestation energy information.
Almost all these points are spot on except for the last one. “Be yourself” is just a played out over simplistic cliche that makes for motivational billboard material but is bad advice if “yourself” is selfish, uninteresting, unskilled socially or lazy. A better phrasing of this point would be “Be the best version of yourself”. Unfortunately that requires time and investment in yourself before you’ve even initiated the dating process.