Caregiver Training: Refusal to Bathe | UCLA Alzheimer's and Dementia Care
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- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 15 เม.ย. 2015
- The UCLA Alzheimer's and Dementia Care Video series provides viewers with practical tools you can use in a variety of settings to create a safe, comfortable environment both for the person with dementia and the caregiver.
To learn more about the UCLA Alzheimer's and Dementia Care, please visit www.uclahealth.org/dementia/c... - วิทยาศาสตร์และเทคโนโลยี
I appreciate the overall message of this video, but the fact is, this does not even come close to accurately representing what it's like. There is screaming and cursing. They will be hateful or even violent. You will be on your last last last nerve and being this perfectly calm, serene, supporting person is not going to be a reality for any normal human being no matter how much you care. You can't be forceful, because you will injure them very very easily. You mustn't return their hatefulness or argue back no matter how much you'd like to vent your frustrations or defend your pride. It will only serve to escalate, to over-stimulate, and increase difficulty and negativity on all accounts. You must only to be precisely what they need. And it is often impossible to know what that is, as that may change each 5 minutes that goes by. Essentially, you are constantly trying to convince a person who cannot properly reason, remember things, or think logically to do something they very adamantly do not want to do. You must become a negotiator, a cunning liar, and an emotionless warrior in the face of what amounts to absolute insanity. You usually cannot appeal to normal logic, reason, emotion, or reality as you currently understand it and expect a normal reaction. Sometimes you have to imagine which version of their reality they currently exist in, and then try to emulate what they expect to be normal at that moment, to appeal to what makes sense in their current and warped perspective. If they think it's 1955 and you are not who you actually are, then you must behave in a way that is consistent with their expectancy of someone who they would trust in 1955. The worst part is, if it's a loved one, they may not even know who you are that day. They insist they already bathed that day or recently. They insist you are plotting against them somehow. Nothing can prepare you for the absolute emotional destruction you will endure to try and get them a dang bath, or to assist with or accomplish other things we all take for granted. Each thing is new, like the day prior never happened, but the same tactic may not work this time. It is like a recurrent nonsense dream that they have no control over, and you are along for the ride. They forget things so completely that they don't even realize they forgot or don't know it anymore. Their world and scope of understanding is shrunken. No amount of logic or reasoning can change that fact. You shouldn't even try to. Again, you must only be exactly what they need you to be for their own health and safety. And if you are lucky and very very good at it, you can even improve their mood for a while or make them have some moments of joy. I don't believe that anything can actually prepare you for the experience of caring for a person with Alzheimer's and dementia. For me, it seems the only way for to cope and remain useful to them is to imagine how hard it must be for them, and allow that sympathy to drive you positively.
Well said, it is all that, the stress, chaos, and mayhem our household endured on a daily basis (as per my comment above) with dealing with my father's dementia where he had a lot of aggression was a shock to our systems. We had no idea it could get that bad and that we'd have so little control over him. The level of patience one has to have is enormous and that is why when it got to the point after 4 years of dealing with so much, we had to put him in a nursing home, it was so difficult knowing that he was a prime target for abuse with his aggression and stubbornness. He ended up getting COVID and dying from that, and he infected my mom and I, so it was horrible cause I almost ended up in the ER. My mom is okay, but I will never forget that it killed my dad. May he rest in peace.
Tyler Lucas that was so eloquently written. I wish someone would have explained that to me when I was first taking care of my mother who had dementia. It was a slow learning process of how to care for someone with this horrific disease. What you said was what I finally figured out. Thank you for explaining this to others
That is so very well described. I wish my mom was as maliable and meek and docile as the woman in the video. Its really not an accurate picture of how it is at all. If that's all we had to do there wouldn't even be an issue in the first place.
This is so true. I wish I could print this out for the caregivers Im supposed to be helping with tips like the above video in my home health hour long visits
I often want to tell them what you have stated so clearly it seems more helpful than the suggestions we offer. I am going to try to get this across because its brilliant and true and what people need to know.
Well spoken. My suggestion coming from a son who's father has dementia ,drink beer if you have some else who can give you a break.
I have so much respect for people who care for people with dementia - you should all be awarded medals and have free holidays.
Thank you! :)
Thank you 😊
My mum has to do it to my grandmother. I respect her patience because believe me: it's not an easy task to deal with her. My gran didn't ask for it.
I'm a 34 year old male, I'm also a caregiver 24/7, my grandma has advanced alzheimer and dementia, totally bedridden, I've been doing this the past 4 years, I'm mentally exhausted, I have no life, I'm pretty much doing everything alone, I'm missing the most important years of my life, and my shitty country doesn't give me any value, it's like I don't exist, I miss my life, I miss being happy I miss laughing, I just want to close my eyes and sleep forever
PeaceMaker me too. I feel your pain. Praying for you
As someone who has been a caretaker since 2008. This video works for people that are agreeable. Not for those that are not.
07.20.2022
Right, I can just hear the
elderly man that I'm a caregiver for saying:
"Irish Spring or Zest? Who gives a damn! I'm NOT taking
a damn bath!"😡
🤷♀️👊
Yes. I’ve been caregiving for this one man for months and I can barely ever get him to get in. I’m losing my sanity. I don’t know what to do. His family spoils him and lives with him but I care for him on his side of the house. I’m not sure what to do anymore it feels like I can only get him in once a week or every two weeks sometimes. And I try to talk to his family and my manager but it’s just getting worse.
they show ways to try and convince them
nessus12
GOOD LORD YES! Sad, but true.
Exactly correct. My husband is NOT agreeable.
This was unrealistically way too easy. I have never experienced this level of instant and complete compliance in real life.
so heartbreaking.. god bless anyone who experience this with their parents..
Adam Cipher I experience this with strangers. I’m a health care worker
Mia Hall God bless you 🙏 I hope you're staying safe from coronavirus ❤️
Frankie Mattsen awww thank you! I’m trying my whole staff members and I are getting tested soon
They are actors??
Yeah it’s heartbreaking especially when they taught you and they raised you and it’s just heart brraking
My daughter used to provide in-home care to an elderly woman who refused to bathe. I suggested that she bring a couple of scented bath soaps and approach the lady with, "Which soap would you like for your bath today? Gardenia or rose?" Just being given a choice about something made all the difference. The lady always took her bath when my daughter was there.
I also worked with a woman with dementia and intellectual disabilities and the advice about giving control really helped. "Mary" took her bath in the evening before bed so we'd start the routine with having her pick out her outfit for tomorrow and what jewelry she would wear. Once that was all laid out for morning we'd have her choose which underpants she wanted to wear under her PJs and which PJs she wanted to wear. She'd then choose the towels and washcloths she wanted to use. We kept multiple shampoos and soaps in her shower caddy so she could make choices about those as well. I think that starting out the whole routine with her making a lot of choices gave her a feeling of being in control that made the whole process easier for her. She could have really bad times during the day and night but that evening bathing routine really seemed to work well for her.
A pretty useful, and I am sure, satisfying routine you had with that woman at night. Easy, concrete choices always seem to work; you get them involved at the level they can act in a fulfilling and satisfactory way with you. Great!
The Sisyphean Journal
This is kindness in action.Thank you for these wonderful suggestions!
P.S.: Love your screen name! It sure seemed that way. 💞
U keep moving forward with the task while they complain n say no and soon it’s done
Nothing stops u
U keep agreeing n not explaining
They don’t understand anything
Then in the end they want to get dry n warm so they help then
It’s showing more dignity to not expect rational thought when they can’t. Just do it n it’s done.
The 'would you like A or B?' strategy works really well I've found working as a rehab nurse. It helps them make choices about their preferences, guides them through the contextual cues they are missing (they may also have vision or hearing problems in addition to thinking or memory difficulties). It also doesn't overwhelm them like an open-ended question can. It's like children who are bored - they may not know what they want to do, but they can choose from options what they would they like.
The other thing is using non-pushy social cues. If I was trying to support someone to be continent because they would forget to go to the toilet, I'd plant the thought - I'd go into the bathroom and then come out and say 'all clear, did you want the toilet next?' They'd always say no, but as soon I left the room they'd get up and start to go, so I'd pop right back in and say 'oh you're off to the loo, I'll get the door for you' and then I could help them with their mobility without them feeling like they're being watched.
The step by step instructions thing works well too, but often not as a command. Hand them the flannel and say 'face first?' and they'll do it.
You learn to be gentle and creative. Once they get their back up you have retreat and wait for them to forget or get their trust back another way. Then try another tact ;)
I totally agree with what everyone is saying here though.... it's never as simple as this video makes out!
My mother's absolute favorite was lavender soap. When the folks in her assisted living facility with memory care would go to the Dollar Store, she would always get lavender soap. I would ask family members if there was a favorite soap. For my mom, it would have been weird for me to have offered a choice. I think she would have trusted someone more if they knew her favorite. For folks without a strong favorite, I think a choice sounds great.
As a Geriatric Nurse, I HIGHLY recommend allowing those with Dementia to participate as much as possible in their personal care. I remember one lady who hated baths and she told me that the reason was because the staff did everything for her and that she was capable of doing it herself (her belief) with the exception of washing her back. I instructed the staff to ONLY wash her back and let her do the rest. If she misses spots or doesn't do a good job in the genetalia, to request that they go over that section again. It eased a lot of the stress.
With all due respect. You pass out medication and give orders. Why not help the lady since now you have established trust. Give the staff a break
I let my mother wash her undercarriage front and back because frankly I don’t have the stomach for it and I do her back. She bends and does her feet. Go figure, pretty good for 100.
@@marlahernandez-gomez8644 helping someone is also enabling them to be independent as possible
@@marlahernandez-gomez8644 So sad there is an undetone of misplaced anger here. Both of you are working really hard for not much appreciation. How about quite frequently giving each other some well deserved recognition?
@@clairedionne559 nurses don’t really do that much on a tangible level. They get paid way too much for way too little and then take up all the spotlight going “LOOK WHAT WE’RE DOING FOR EVERYONE :)” meanwhile I’ve been treated abhorrently by so many nurses because they’re so “stressed” and “busy” completely disregarding the fact that I am at a hospital because it is my last option otherwise I would not rely on your garbage healthcare system that you so adamantly defend
I quit my job to be a full time caregiver fir my mother so she doesn't have to go to a nursing home and get abused. It is a hard job because you are on call 24/7 and you have no social life but I consider myself blessed. I get through this with humor and lots of prayers...GOD bless all caregivers out there.🙏❤🙏
Kathy Badalamenti , May GOD bless you too!
God bless you both xx
like I was told by a random stranger, Your an Angel blessed your soul.😇
I don't really think telling my dad he's a queen will persuade him.
You ll have to find the right words. I did.
Tell him he's a king.
Lmao
Don’t be a moron lol
Use the techniques used and advice shared to customize it to your situation
LOL!!! dying
This is why it is important to love your children when they are young, make physical contact with them, kissing and hugging all the time, so that if a child needs to bath a parent it will be easier
Saloom and also because you should love your children 😂
Yeah I was 13 at the time, but my mum has ms and sometimes I would have to help her in the shower or give her clean clothes when she went to the toilet, it was a little bit awkward at first but you get use to it over time, we never really hugged either but I love her more then anything
arxiellamae It is very hard at first to literally see someone like your parents or grandparents naked. I’m actually 14 at the moment figuring all of this out because my grandma was recently taken out of the home due to the current events. It’s nice to see someone that has similar experiences.
@@kathrynh685 aw I'm sorry you have to go through this, I'm in foster care now, her disability got bad when I was around 8 or 9, and now I look back on it I definitely should of done more to help her, I blame myself every day because I was so useless, I do hope it becomes easier for you and you can take care if yourself as well
arxiellamae Thank you. You couldn’t have been expected to do very much at that age. It’s hard enough for adults but when your like 9 it couldn’t have been good for you to help to much.
Going into a caregiving position in a couple of weeks I'm totally scared! For whatever reason I got teary-eyed watching this..I use to take care of my grandma and she passed away but I miss her and helping her get dressed....I'll be watching these videos to help me!
I have taken care of people with als, and its not black or white, some of them were easy to care for, some others not so much, .. most of the time the problems care from the family members, not the patient. in caregiving in general, the learning curb is difficult, you have to be patient for money, while the family expects you to care like if they meant your own life, its not realistic. it is very stressfull and the only thing that makes it worth it is a good pay. you will most likely emotionally involve yourself with your patient, 8 or 12 hours a day, dont go unnoticed, but its important to always look at it as a job, why? because 100% of the time the family will be judging you, and once they dont need your help (according to their google medical degree) they will without hesitation get rid of you.... my recommendation? do it, dont get paid under 25dls an hour, demand free paid days, and dont stress too much over whats going on, you are not getting paid to diagnose or come up with the next cure for cancer. oh.. and watch out, familys will want to use you as their own personal housekeeper, organizer, cook, pet sitter, kid sitter, grocery buyer, personal uber, abused physical therapist, massuist, and Ive seen caregivers even raking leaves, washing cars... etc. midterm and long term, I see studying as a better alternative, as you will eventually burn out as a caregiver, I see it everyday, 40yr olds caregiving, unhappy as can be. good luck Magenta!
@belly tripper you are right about the sadness, but 1000 per minute (i know its an exageration, but no way its that well paid) if so, tell the secret.
It's nice of you to want to persue caring for complete strangers. I work in the medical field and there is nothing worse than to hear nurses or doctors talk ill about their patients and/or family members. Many become so desensitized to the patients. You will have difficult and very disgusting situations. I care for my gmom (for free of course), it is hard, oh boy does she push my buttons but all the same time heartbreaking. Genuinely care for that elder person who will be under your care. If youre in for the money i'd say go somewhere else
Just knowning you were there for your grandma in itself means a lot. You sound as if you have a care giving heart and you will do well. Just always remember that they are someone's love one too. Go for it babe!
Magenta_ Nevaeh You wo'
My grandpa is 92, sometimes he'll forget to shower, but never refuses to. I'm hoping it stays that way
I work in a nursing home with 50 + patients 90% have dementia and it's a crazy disease all people with dementia in my experience are unique, however one thing I find amazing with dementia is certain things they don't ever forget no matter what. We have one who couldn't tell you what day of the week it is, couldn't point out his family however remembers his days in the army in accurate detail, even remembers some shcool friends first and last names.
So true! Thanks for the work you do! May God bless you.
My stepmom was 86 and recalled that the father of one of her high school classmates was a cook in the kitchen of her care home….making the fellow at least 104…..
6 months ago I was working a 9 to 5 job I loved and playing video games on the weekends. Now I'm far from my home helping a parent with rapidly progressing dementia. Toughest thing I've ever done.
Hang in there. It's really hard but God will provide you with all you need. My siblings and I are on year 6. My mom had 2 strokes in 2015 and was rendered unable to walk and barely verbal. I will say in a way it was a blessing because Alzheimer's was taking it's toll. Happy to say she went from hospice and 2 weeks at most to live (per doctors) to celebrating her 88th Birthday this past 15th. I cry a lot because it's like they become little babies again(need feeding,bathing,changing)... but we're thankful for every day with her. God bless you and be with you on your caregiving journey.
Sincerely wishing you all the best, Grey. I'm a retired RN (still have my license) looking after a 96 year old parent with dementia. Even with a lot of years of nursing experience behind me, it's very difficult. You are a SAINT for giving up so much to help an aging parent. But you'll never have regrets about what you did. No guilt later on.
A lot of people think its easy until they find themselves doing the job. In the U.K they shove them in care homes at the SLIGHTEST sign of DEMENTIA because they can't be bothered with them. They expect them to be treated like royalty and if that's the case KEEP THEM AT HOME.
@@RosaGonzalez-ss2br
I understand what u say it is very hard
But God Helps People To Be Patients with the elder,
Because I take care of my grandparents & then my mom
& when they pass away I was so broken hearted still I miss them so much sometimes I dream with them
@@carojames6776 heartbreaking. Pray for our elderly.
I challenge UCLA to do another video about bathing and showering in a grubby homecare situation and the client is only allocated a half an hour instead of a spacious new house already equipped.
I don't think UCLA bought your challenge, they stuck with covid 19 now and gotta worry about the next phase of the virus. 1 hour drop dead. if infected previous or prior, later. won't be c'in ya
xactly
In the UK at the very least were i worked its person centered
I'll never forget hearing someone repeat something they had heard working in the medical field: "Modern medicine has robbed us of the sweet release of a heart attack." While it's good that so many who died _far_ too young do not anymore, we truly are eliminating the sudden, quick, relatively painless deaths available to our bodies as they age with every new medical advancement.
There seems to be an emphasis on simply prolonging life rather than improving its quality.
I completely agree. My mother died way too young. She had a heart attack at 52 but went very quick. Unfortunately my father was made to suffer 10 years with early onset. Dementia. He had to sit in a horrible home because I couldn’t care for him from another country. Near the end, he was on a puréed diet and wheelchair-bound. Thank goodness he could still remember me. He would’ve traded anything for a merciful death like my mother if he could.
You are 100%, absolutely right. There is something dignified about dying while you’re still actually a human being rather than some kind of helpless, farcical non-person. And when you watch these videos on TH-cam, the comments are often full of people saying “this is the care we all will want.” Hell no it isn’t, and anyone would have to be deeply sick and immoral to want others to sacrifice their lives to keep us in a state of mindless, feeble existence.
Heart attacks are not painless.
Heart attacks are not painless, but they don’t go on for years and destroy all quality of life for the patient and the family.
Prep the shower keep the restroom 78 degrees, cover their back with a towel to keep them warm. Warm the tile or use a non slip bright color mat. Have the shower well lit. Dark is scary. I use a bucket and a chair. I have my dad help me so his motor skill kick in. I also tell dad that he's going to the dr. so he has to smell good.
This technique works sometimes but not all the time. Be patient and take your time. Use baby shampoo or dry shampoo. Praise them as they shower never force it. Ask about their sibling or parents to keep the mind of subject. Good luck everyone! Take it day by day and get some rest and eat well for yourself. Some days will be better than others.. take it one day at a time...
Dark/ low light is soothing for those in BWS.
Bird1044 very sound advice. Was peaceful just reading this.
They are always cold your right..we live down in hot Tampa FL and my mom had a jacket on in the house..what's up with that?
Thank you so much for the advice! My mom was recently taken out of the nursing home due to current events, and helping her has been stressful. Though your tips have done so much good. Shes in later stages right now so I also put in lots if bright things and laminated pictures that she likes and sees often in our house. It makes her feel much better and over the few days between showers running her fingers through her hair is very comforting for her. She says her soft hair makes her feel young.
@@kathrynh685 it's the toughest thing I ever witnessed ..my dad takes care of my mom at home ..we had her in a home for about 3 months..they totally neglected her..they weren't feeding her properly or washing her..my dad brought her back home and now she has gained 15 lbs..she's on the right meds now also..I don't trust those homes ..for what they charge they don't do anything..another month at that place and she would have been dead..for 5000.00 per month is criminal
unless you have taken care of a loved one with this horrible disease you have no idea how hard it is. There are times they seem normal, and other times they can be very mean and turn on you. It takes a lot out of you mentally and physically.
Hello how’re you doing?
@@franklinstephen3268 hey Franklin! I'm not the original commenter, but I'm doing well today :D
How about you?
@@rosesapling72 I’m doing good, it’s nice meeting with you here. Where are you texting from?
Hi Susie I hope my comment didn't sound as a form of privacy invasion your comment tells of a wonderful woman with a beautiful heart which led me to comment I don't normally write in the comment section but I think you deserve this compliment. If you don’t mind can we be friends? Thanks God bless you….🌹🌹
My dad has dementia with aggression and he hates taking a bath. Unfortunately he tends to have bowel incontinence, some days more than once and so we have to bathe him more than once in a day when that happens. Otherwise we try to just wipe him on the days he uses the toilet, but lately he hasn't been using it and just going in his diaper everyday. We try and talk to him nicely but he is quite disoriented and doesn't seem to grasp much of what we say. He tries to run away and it can be exhausting cause he is very mobile, fast, and still strong. We usually have to try several times before we can finally bathe him. Then add in the fact that many times he pooped in his diaper and was walking around scratching his butt a lot, causing the fecal matter to fall out of his diaper down his legs and onto the floors of our house. He then steps in it and spreads it all over the house. We cannot get him to sit down to stop stepping in the fecal matter because he doesn't want to listen to us so he just starts pacing back and forth throughout the house really fast, making a huge mess. And we cannot get him into the bathroom to take a shower either so it becomes very frustrating being helpless watching him making a huge mess of poop trail all over the house. He sometimes will pick up some poop with his hands and then smear it somewhere like on the wall or put it in a glass and hide it. Then he starts touching numerous items all over the house with his dirty hands so it becomes a disaster. Sometimes we have to have two people to bathe him because he will push to get away. I have tried over and over again talking to him, telling him there's nothing to worry about, it's okay. That we won't hurt him, we're just going to clean him, but he is very stubborn and still says no and runs or pushes us away. He becomes very hyper when he has just pooped on himself, making it even harder to clean and bathe him. When we try and explain that he is dirty and we need to clean him, that it will only take 5 minutes and then we will take him out or he can have some pizza or something like that, he insists that he is not dirty. So it seems that bribing him doesn't work either. We can show him that he has poop on himself and he will deny that he does even if he is staring right at the poop. I put on relaxing music too. We have to give him either a supplement for stress or anxiety and some medical cannabis so that we can bathe him, but even with that, it can still take up to 2 hours before we can finally convince him to bathe. And then comes the cleaning of the whole house of all that poop which usually takes 3 hours. Last week was the worst. I was by myself with my dad when he pooped in his diaper, and I cannot bathe him myself so I called 2 relatives to come over to help me. They couldn't come right away, took them over an hour and a half to come. In that hour and a half my dad must have pooped more and more and more poop was falling down his legs onto the floor and he wouldn't stop walking and stepping in it. By the time my relatives arrived, there were sections of the house with piles of poop along with streaks of poop in every room. It literally took me 7 hours to clean the house! And that was with the help of my relatives helping me to clean after they bathed my dad. Today my dad pooped in his pants FOUR TIMES! So we had to bathe him 4 times! I'm sure he didn't like it, but neither did we. We get exhausted having to clean him so often and bathe him. My dad acts like he is not afraid of bathing, like we are just bothering him instead. But he will push like hell to get away. We cannot keep spending hours everyday doing this and hours then cleaning up so much poop afterwards. When my dad was well, he was stubborn and defiant towards my mom and I and it almost feels like that part of him is even worse now. It also feels like he just wants to fight because he has never liked being told what to do. It is a nightmare, to have little control over someone who you are trying to help. And for them to reject your help or fight you because they think they know what they are doing when they clearly don't. I am angry that there is not enough help provided to families who are taking care of a loved one with dementia or Alzheimer's. We do have a homecare nurse come 20 hours a week provided by the government, since my dad is on Medicaid. But 20 hours a week is not nearly enough for someone like my dad who needs constant monitoring and who is hyper and aggressive when trying to clean and can cause all kinds of messes around the house. We need at least 40-45 hours a week of a homecare caregiver but the government won't allow that...ridiculous. My dad touches so many things around the house that he ends up doing things that we never even thought of, like he stuffed the laundry sink with some napkins he had in his hand and ended up flooding the laundry room with water cause the washer was on, that leaked down into the ceiling of the basement. He flooded the bathroom once too cause he turned on the faucet, left it on and then closed the drain. He can cause a mess like this in a matter of 5 minutes. So our healthcare system sucks in America.
Thanks for the tips, but I am pretty sure it will be very difficult. My dad wants privacy when using the bathroom, and when my mom has tried to get my dad to sit on the toilet he runs away. He is still very mobile and strong, he is fast. It's like my dad thinks nothing is wrong with him and he needs no help. When bathing him the most difficult part is just removing his pants, he won't do it himself so we have to do it and then he grabs his pants to stop us from taking it off, so it ends up being a struggle despite me talking to him calmly and nicely that it's okay, we're just going to change him. I mean he grabs his pants like his life depends on it and won't let go. Trying to explain that he can let go and we're not going to hurt him is not very effective, he is out of it and doesn't seem to pay much attention. We can't use the diapers with tab briefs because as soon as we put one on him, he immediately rips it off before we can even put his pants on, so we have to put a underwear brief diaper on him instead. We also tried to get him in adult daycare but after the first day they told us that they couldn't take him because he peed in his pants more than once and they couldn't get him to change his underwear, only his pants. They said they could not take someone who took so much time away from the other patients and someone who couldn't use the bathroom on their own or at least not need much assistance in using the bathroom. So instead we have a homecare nurse but it's only 20 hours a week, not nearly enough hours and this nurse, being a male has a hard time just wiping my dad, let alone bathing him. So the nurse ends up sometimes asking for my help to get my dad to bathe. This stresses me out. I feel like I don't get enough of a break because I have to help the nurse, and bathing my dad is the most stressful for me because of the way my dad reacts by making it so difficult and fighting to get away. I also have Lyme disease and am trying to manage it and I'm supposed to stay away from stress. I feel like these caregivers that they send us don't have all that much training on dementia though the office told me they do. I will keep trying to see if we can get him to sit on the toilet but he is extremely stubborn so I know it will be hard, thanks.
Danielle Jordan teach him to use the toilet ?? You do know that dementia patients lose their memory. You can't teach them.
I am so sorry you are going through this with your dad. I wonder if you could put up some kind of blockade to keep him in one part of the house, perhaps a part of the house that does not have carpet or things that he could destroy- or even consider removing carpet, etc.
I had a neighbor who put keyed locks on various doors throughout the house so that he could keep his mom safely in designated areas of their home.
Brenda..you are not alone.
Brenda, if you can, have dr check for UTI or BPH (prostate). My dad had SAME symptoms at memory care home and they just thought if was part of dementia. Finally with fever, sent to hospital. He had 3,000 cc backed up urine in his bladder and UTI. Had been peeing and aggressive. even the ER didn't catch it. Now has foley and is a different person.
This has been one of my biggest challenges with my husband’s early onset dementia . Thank you.
I bathe my dad. He yells, curses, and tries to swing at times. You have to remember that they are no longer the person they were and kinda change from son to caregiver. These have been the most hardest times in my life but if you approach calm, dont react, and dont yell.. youre on a better road 🙏🏽👍🏼
Hello I know someone who can help you dad with the cure
@@angelarmicheal2926 I don't think there is a cure but enlighten me..
@@danieldiaz6314 he's name is doctor john. A private doctor and he has his own special way of curing and solving issues like this. He has been doing this for several years with positive results.
@@angelarmicheal2926 Thanks
@@danieldiaz6314 if you're interested, kindly reply. And I will tell you when and how to reach him.
this disease is so sad. My grandmother has it and she does not have control of her bowel anymore. I feel so bad for her and my mom is her caregiver. I help out but my mom is the one that takes acre of her. Its heart breaking to see my grandmother go from a strong independent woman to completely relying on my mom for everything
Same here 😭
I'm in a very similar situation with you. I look after her during the day while my mom is at work or needs to go out to do something. I feed her, make sure she doesn't get into anything she shouldn't, and entertain her with what's on TV, movies we have at home, or sometimes music from the radio or albums we have at home that she would likely be interested in. My mom does the rest when she's home.
It takes a lot of patience and bargaining. Have to make them feel they're still in control while strategically redirecting them to what they need to accomplish. Lots and lots of bargaining. "I can get you what you want if you ..." in a nice way. Preparation, the whole convincing thing and the activity itself sometimes take about half an hour to an hour. In nursing homes who take care about 30+ residents, 24 hr period is not enough if it only has fewer staffs. It's really really great if families can participate in care. Residents normally listen to their families more than the staffs.
glimpseofparadise Interesting post about the patience and creative diplomacy it takes. I've experienced some of that, it's so true and it's not easy. Very good comment. By the way, just fyi, "staff" is already plural.
Really sweet ❤ Elderly are still people and deserve respect. Especially in thier last days on Earth
I Agree With You
My grandmother did not like when my parents and ny uncle helped her bathe, but she would always become calmer when i was with her. I always talked to her about how clean she is going to get after the bath, how happy we are to just have her here,
How nice she is to let us bathe us and etc.
My siblings did not respect her
But i did.
Elderly people deserve respect too
But people with dementia don't know who they are.
I’m currently caring for my 94 year old grandfather as he suffers through dementia and let me tell you he may look like a weak and frail thing… until you try and get him to bathe. Then I have to use my entire body to shield him from leaving the bathroom. I’m only 22 and already exhausted 😩
Nick L., I use Scrubzz adult bath cloths. They are rinse-free and my elderly mother will let me help her use these. She has as always used bath cloths as she has never in her life taken a bath/shower more than once a week. But she is very hygienic and smells nice... not that "old lady" smell.
Thanks for this tip. I ordered some. Fingers crossed. The old lady in question is... me.🌞
@@pettytoni1955thank you for telling us about this, I had no idea there was such a product.
This brings me some comfort 😅 hope the situation has improved. I commend you for doing this at your age, God bless you
Word to the wise…..we need to think of these things ahead of time.
We should get and install a bidet toilet seat in our own home. Invite the person for an overnight or longer. Have the person try it.
No? Try again. Three times a charm. Get them used to it way ahead of time. Someday might need it.
.
Everybody loves playing in water. No tub, just an arm rest chair over a floor drain. Play with this stream of water.
The old guy is seated….bring out the foot bath, heated and jetted or just a comfortable plastic bucket. Maybe use two dishpans side by side.
At some point, you'll break the resistance.
In Edwardian times, people used stiz baths. A vessel of some kind that allowed for soaking, as if in a tub. For therapy, or cleanliness.
Castles can get cold…stay in the bedroom.
This problem comes to all of us. We need deign solutions.
Wish I knew this when I had Auntie.
I would have gotten big Frank Sinatra posters, turned down shower room lights, played ol blue eyes…….frank wants to buy you drink.
She met him in the 50's….she'd have run into that shower…
I took care of my father for two years after he was diagnosed with dementia. The number one problem I had with him was always saying he had a shower last night. When it was actually 1 week ago. So I learned to take all his bedding off of his bed and hide them .He’d go into his bedroom at bed time and would tell me to make his bed. Id tell him no dad you need to take a shower first then l will make your bed. He’d argue with me but he finally realized there was not going to be any sheets or blankets on his bed till he showered.It worked. Sometimes I’d say I’ll give you a okie if you take as shower. I think he didn’t want to bathe because it tired him out too much.
My husband would just go to bed without bedding, so this method wouldn't work for me.
Shout out to every caregiver and support worker that is dealing with dementia. I too work as a nurse in a dementia unit.
This was extremely helpful. I love the tips about starting with the feet, allowing them to do what they can, using the cup for the hair and have a towel there IN the shower to protect privacy and give a larger sense of security. Respect and patience are soooo important!
I don't know about anyone other than my own mother, but I've learned after 2 years of caring for her that pandering is the worst thing you can do. Everyone recommends pandering, pacifying and the like. But I've found that this only makes her more fearful and anxious because, deep down, she knows she's not right. She'd never admit it, but she is relying on my 'good brain' to make the right decisions for her. So if I make her feel like she's in the driver's seat by pandering to her, it scares her. As such, she will increasingly act out and provoke me until I put my foot down. She's like a kid -- she may resist it, but deep down she wants to know where the boundaries are because they make her feel safe.
So I am kind but firm with her, and I let her know that there will be consequences if she doesn't do what I'm asking. The ultimate consequence is me telling her that if she won't voluntarily take care of herself, she will end up in a nursing home (her greatest fear). She may still yell and scream and cry, but she will always eventually do what I ask. I don't care what these doctor's say -- she's still "in there" somewhere. It's just a matter of being clever enough to draw it out.
I feel exactly the same way. My mom is in there and I don't want to treat her like an invalid. She does better when I ask more of her.
Nice video but I wanted to see a video of real reactions to help me. This lady definitely did not have dementia or Alzheimer’s. Also when the lady said she will take her to her favorite place I was shocked she said ok because my grandmother would have looked at me crazy like what’s my favorite place? I’ve learned the longer I talk to my grandmother the more she does not understand so I have to keep it short.
This could not be more true...the longer I explain something, as in taking a shower, the more depth I use causes frustration. Keep it simple. But things need to be mentally prepped as in grandpa, after lunch we will groom your nails but we need to clean your body first...he loves getting his nails cut and that is incentive for getting the shower done.
That’s very true. You have to pick up on how they seem to see the world at any given time and put a positive spin on it to get them to agree with you, it’s Like the empathy oylimics to get alone with a person suffering with this
They are actors and its unrealistic behaviour, sadly.
I used to this with my dad in a very gentle and respectful way. I gave him bath,shave cut his hair dress him without a problem
I can tell you you're luckier than the Powerball millionaire!!!!!!
you posted 4 years ago... so for how many years or months after that was it still no problem? My partner was no problem for a while as well, but now things are sooooo different and not in a good way.
I’m 22 years old and currently taking care of my 94 year old biological grandmother. It’s been hell for my grandpa and me
Prayers for you both, nothing else can help. Same thing here.
Pure hell. I take care of my Narc hoarder Dad. .
Pure hell🙏🏼😔💔
God bless uall!
@@DandyDuh o boy that's my moms and only child smh!! Praying 4 u
@@CherFREEMarauder OmGosh, I am sooooo sorry 😔.. I have a evil sister who tried to kill him, so I've been an only child for four years.
Whew, my heart goes out to you it's really ruff. So I can only imagine 💔🥺
Always chose the right thing, even if you have to take a break or leave for a few to get away from them, always pray for your sanity, peace, strength & joy🙏🏼🥲
I know they treated us crappy but honestly they are miserable & reaping what they have sown😕
Hang in there, you will be greatly rewarded 💕💞💕💞💞
I work with Alzheimer's patients everyday and it is all in your approach , body language, and the tone of your voice !!! They do not like showers so when I do get ready to take the one of my ladies into the shower room I make sure everything is ready first of all and then I say let's get cleaned up 9 times out of 10 I never have a problem but if I say shower they're ready to fight 😥 which is totally understandable ! understandable
I don t have patience for all that!!!
@@capassoluigi7387 Yes you definitely have to have patience they are like big kids ❤
I never had kids and I m very happy!!! A dog has not to suffer so badly when he s old!!!!
I worked in a nursing care facility for 38 years....when giving a shower I never started my turning on the water and spraying them ...it is alarming.......I'd get my washcloth all sudsy and start on their back......all of us know how good that feels.......it didn't always work.......but most of the time it made it easier for them. '
This is helpful, I work in a nursing home and I work with dementia patients, as a 16 year old in the field this has really helped me to take care of my patients in a caring and thoughtful manner. Thank you (:
You're 16 or 17? What training did you do?
I give sponge baths given where and when they want it. Love the lotion massage and brushing their hair. Music helps and laughter.
Great video. It can be difficult. My loved ones were verbally abusive. I would gently and politely say when they tried to pick a fight. “ I respectfully disagree “. Parenting a parent or family member can be the most difficult.
Hi Cathy, how's your day going with you?
It is call caring that loved ones is taking good care of their body .I love how this daughter is being gentle and explains step by step what she is doing.
Are you in some sort of cocoon?
07.20.2022
Easy to do when the Mom is pretty much compliant.💁♀️
Try that with a man, majority of times, it will NOT go so smoothly. I know, I was a caregiver for an elderly man with the beginnings of Demetia. His family didn't bother that he hadn't bathed & I was with him for 1 & 1/2 years. Not once did he shower, bathe or even use wipes ... I'm going to assume that before I began taking care of him, he put up too much of a fight when confronted with bathing &/or the family was too lazy to push the issue. 💁♀️👊
I was a CNA 10 years ago and use to work at a nursing home . I'm so bothered that nursing homes do not train their colleagues on how to approach patients with Alzheimer's. There were instances where the patient would try and punch me and others. Nursing homes please do better!
Nilaqua "Towel Off" Shampoo and Body Wash is an absolute god send. It's water based and really removes dirt etc but doesn't require additional water or rinsing. You just towel it off. You do not need to be in a bathroom and if they are able to they can perform this themselves.
This job requires a lot of patience. God give all patients complete health. 6 rmzn 12/5/19
God Bless everyone who is caring for their older baby!
for anybody..cause some don't have a daughter,or son..also rubbing there back's feel's good to.
I am glad my mom still wanted to bathe everyday.
Hello 👋 how’re you doing?
Today was the first time my father living with dementia did not remember me as his daughter.
The move from the hospital to a memory care facility only made him more confused and today he was rambling about things that didn’t make any sense.
The reality he has lost touch with whom the people in his life are - was very crushing to my spirit. I can’t imagine how he feels.
His lousy wife that helped break up our family when I was 3 years old - left him after 52 years - she should have left him 52 years ago I hope she reaps what she deserves.
Through sickness & health apparently meant nothing to her. She’s been evil since the day she intruded in my family.
My dad cried endless tears after she left him - and thankfully they put him on meds for depression because he doesn’t cry anymore.
And even that is very sad - because depression medication just numbs your insides and makes it so you can barely feel your feelings enough to cry.
I mean it..doesn't, and you obviously don't know what antidepressants are designed to do.
Thank the Lord mom is bedfast now and is still nice, i look at it as a job. Remember in lots of case if your stress free it helps them too. Oh! Like she said ,keep them informed on every move you make.These videos have really been great help.
@Hello there, how are you doing this blessed day?
Part of the problem with privacy can be helped by draping a towel across their shoulders to cover their chest and one across the lap. Just move it slightly and work around it. It can be helpful.
MIL just says “I haven’t done anything to get dirty.” Then she says “I wash,” and repeats the story of how her mother used to bathe them from a basin. Same with her clothes. “I haven’t done anything to get them dirty.” She has to use disposable undies not because she forgets to go but because severe IBS makes it difficult to know just when a BM will hit. So then she rushes into the bathroom and either barely makes it or must change to clean underwear. This means the back of her dress or skirt can get soiled, but she won’t acknowledge this. Show a video of THIS and how to deal with it.
I took care of my granny untill she passed away she was so difficult I used to cry but just because she was an elder I had so much respect for her but my wish is to travel abroad and take care of aged people
Comment 1 year old, but I must say if you are serious about what you said, then you really are a patient, caring and loving person...God's infinite blessings be to people like you friend. 🙏
Excellent video!!! Thank you for your compassion towards people with Alzheimer's!
i see your point but this is so far from reality its almost funny, however the struggle is very real .
Finally a voice of reason.
Agree. These are some good tips, but nothing on dealing with people who are stubborn and fighting back and won't listen to any tricks or psychology manipulations or descriptions like "spa day".
Thank you for sharing your brilliant video clips. It helps me my training course . May God bless.
Thank you. I was a CNA many years ago and this is a helpful reminder, as I now care for my mother.
Gentle with love, respect, and dignity. I like this video. Always treat elders with respect and dignity.
I care for my mom with dementia. I don't know if your loved can take a sponge bath, but, I do help her with certain things, like washing her back and feet. She sits on the toilet and she bathes herself everywhere else. I can wash her bottom. She can get dressed and I can wash her hair over a large bowl, since our faucet is so close. I put a folded towel on her lap before I bowl in her lap to catch the water. I always blow dry her hair. She says she gets too cold, and that's why she doesn't like showers. Giving her a sponge bath once a week, then helping her a shower, hopefully a few days later has made things much easier. I try to make sure that she knows that she can wash herself very well and I'm just there to help out, if needed. I can usually help her bathe at least once a week. She is not violent or aggressive, though.
Well my dad has too he sometimes hit me while i bath him not hard. Now he won't brush his teeth its been 1 month
I like this, and there are some good tips. The only thing I would add, or even perhaps modify, is that the daughter is using a lot of words to communicate with her mother, and isn't leaving much time to process. When people speak too quickly, or with too many words in a sentence, it can be stressful for the person with dementia since their ability to process language is beginning to fail.
Hello Katie
How are you doing today?
I have decided to not force her. Not worth it anymore cause it causes a HUGE argument. She has ALWAYS had poor hygiene her entire life. I'm dealing with an 86 yr old with narcissistic personality disorder and she always yells at me. It's draining and I can't hang around the house too much. I get yelled at morning noon and night. She is physically capable of doing anything she wants but yell at me about her problems and her poor life choices every day. She REFUSES to let me bring in a caretaker to help her. I can't do it all.
Regarding a caretaker, she doesn't have any choice.
It's really never this easy. Great video but it's never going to be as smooth as this was getting one to shower.
Kay Jay not everyone with dementia hates water. They hate cold, being stripped, being hurried, slipping, and being treated like an object. Ask, and lead. Respectfully and joyfully. Hundreds of showers later...
I cannot wait get back to my job. Being 4 years a Personal care aide .. I certainly miss them. Hopefully arm heals soon
I work as a caregiver/cna in a nursing facility, haven't seen this work yet 😢 it's just not realistic....
True, this doesn't work
One on one is not what you get in a facility.
Especially with demanding time restraints!.
From my time in a care home, patience and empathy is how you manage. Keep learning about what it’s like to have it and apply it in how you react
Slow, calm and pleasant tone of voice and no sudden movements help.
I work as a part time caregiver to support my studies. This video was very helpful for me.
3 years ago my father had a cerebral stroke. I take care of him on a day to day basis since then. Yes we need to empathise with how the cared person feels and look for distractions that are healthy and loved. It is the first thing a caregiver has to learn from the past history. It is important to ring in those old memories to help improve the mental condition. Life becomes easier both for care giver and the cared with discipline.
For my mother, she got very cold once her skin got wet and if the weather was bad would completely refuse to shower due to being cold. WE lived in the High Desert in Californa near Barstow so had warm weather nearly most of the year making summertime bathing easy to achieve. We ended up installing a heater in the bathroom to help keep her warm and that really helped and I'd crack it up as high as I could tolerate. Plus I also purchase a heated blanket to cover her with after she dried off to keep her skin warm while she got redressed. I'd make us both a reward when we got done (coffee or hot chocolate was her favorite.)
Told my dad that if his ass didn't wanna wash, I was shipping him off to the old folks home...He had no problem giving me tough love as a kid....It's coming around now lol
I have a patient with Dementia and Sundowns, it's so hard to handle him because I'm only paid for three hours in the morning and three hours at night and on my own time I end up staying an extra hour or two, I need to take his blood pressure, blood sugar, insulin injection and change him, he's so aggressive he fights tooth and nail and hit his wife in the face yesterday, she doesn't want to give him the prescribed medication to call him down, when she does it's the easiest thing in the world but since she won't do this it's a knock down drag out and I'm very tired now, the name calling we all ignore but the physical fighting is something I don't think I can do much longer , we as caregivers know how to be patient better than most but it's just not fair to anyone especially him, I'm at my wits end and just needed to vent, Thank You for these Amazing video's I cannot express just how much they help..
Thank you for these sensitive and respectful tips. I'll be sure to share them with other caregivers.
i work with people with dementia and i think these tips are terrible or only works with people that hasn't gone far in their dementia. i act like a boss that tells them what to do in a way that they cant respond yes or no. like " come with with me to the bathroom" " now we are going to take your clothes off because you need to shower" "get in the shower and sit down" "is the water warm enough?". doing it that way keeps them calm because they have to do something in the moment and they don't have to think too much.
Excellent video! Excellent tips! What a wonderful, gentle, sensitive video! Thank you for sharing. When I was caring for Rose, I had to do just this with her. It is a great lost of their dignity. And it sure is difficult on the caregiver. The Inspired Caregiver book was created to help give peace and inspiration to the caregiver. I am concerned with the alarming rate dementia is growing. A caregiver will be a regular role in most families. Thank you again for such a compassionate, helpful video.
Thank you I barely started as a caregiver today and I'm proud to be working with people who are in need
hey i just got a job at a senior care home, how is it going for you? any tips?
What good advice it’s more to be understanding and patience even though you might not understand why they don’t want to do something in important
I guess everybody's experience with Alzheimer's and Dementia is different. It hasn't been that easy for me to get shower time in so I am just going to continue to change my approach. Bless All of you who are caregivers to patients or your loved ones this is probably one of the hardest things I had to do in my life.
All thanks to herbal medicine medicine product on TH-cam who cure me from my Alzheimer's disease and i will forever be grateful for saving my life. Contact Dr Ehimare on TH-cam for and kind of infection or whatsap+2349027349748
My mom, refuses and she doesn't care about spa days or nice restaurants, this wouldn't make any difference to her as she wouldn't e interested in going to those places. She doesn't like to go out of the house at all, I have to approach her before she gets out of bed and tell her that her favorite relative is coming to see her today I ask her what she wants to wear and then I casually mention the shower. Like "Oh do you want to wear this today? That's nice, you can put this on after your shower" and I keep casually mentioning the shower as I get her towel "you can use this for your shower" etc... I make sure she is only wearing her nightdress and doesn't put her robe on. If she puts on her robe she thinks she is dressed because she is already warm and comfortable. As long as she is just in her nightie I can lure her to the bathroom. I switch on the water before she gets there so she hears the water running and I ask her to come and see if the water is OK.
Then once she's in, she gets into the shower. Unfortunately, she will only shower with me or my sister not her carer... but that's how I do it. I used to have arguments with her before I thought of this.
Max Fitnesstraining , OMG! Wish I would have known this before. What a great idea! I will pass this on. Thanks and Stay Well!
@@auberjean6873 yes try it. That stopped working after a while but I use a new trick now that has worked ever since I adopted it. Covid.
So I tell her Mrs Bennett (an old lady who was her neighbour died ages ago) died of the virus, because she didn't shower. The Doctor was on the news and he told everybody that they have to wash the virus of their body and change their pad every day otherwise the virus can kill you in one or 2 days, just like it killed Mrs Bennett. It has even worked for the carer (once). The carer does manage to persuade mum to have a flannel wash before bed though. But most of the time my mum won't let anyone shower her apart from me and my sister. We live 300 miles away but one of us travels to her each week and we spend 2 days there so at least mum showers at least 2 days every week. I am actually sitting on the train going back home right now as I write this comment, its a 3hr journey by train. More in the car. My sister will go up next week.
@@maxfitnesstraining1585, this is an amazing idea! Bless you for coming to see your mom as often as you do. I'm an only child and couldn't afford to get her a caregiver or put her in the proper place ($9,000/month for "memory care"), so I became her caregiver for a rocky ten years after helping her take care of my dad for 6 years. I quit my job to care for them and my only regret is our retirement. We dont have children so who will help US? I'm going to be that old person wiping tables down at Taco Bell or something, LOL! I'm so happy I did it, and wished I would have known these tips. I will pass your suggestion on to those on the front lines. Stay well and realize time is the most precious thing you can give to those you love.
@@auberjean6873 hello, I hope you and your LO with dementia are OK. Someone made a new comment on this thread and TH-cam gave me a notification, that's why I'm back here reading through this old thread from 1 year ago and 2 years ago. Well I thought I would give an update if it can help anybody.
During covid in 2020 when we were all working from home, my husband and I moved into my mother's house (we sent my mum to stay with my sister while we were there). We went to her house to completely redo her bathroom so it was more dementia friendly and easier for any of us to deal with her. We fitted a wet room and ripped out her old bathroom, while we were at it, we redecorated her whole house and threw out all the crap she had been hoarding over the years. It's like a new house now.
My mum came back after 4 weeks as that's how long it took us to sort out her house. Her carer said my mum loves all the changes, although she doesn't know exactly what has changed but she keeps pointing things out and saying "ooh that's nice".
Anyway, that carer left us in 2021 and then we went through a dark time with mum when we tried other carers mum didn't respond to them and wouldn't accept any help from them and told them to f.off there were 2 carers that just couldn't cope with her and quit after a couple of weeks. So we again took mum to stay with us while we tried to find a suitable person. Eventually after 4 months we found someone, and she is wonderful and not in the least bit intimidated by mum. So we took mum back to her house. At this point the new carer and mum have been together for about 7 months and it could not be better! Mum showers EVERY DAY (in her new wet room) and she is so much calmer about having to do personal care every day now. Don't get me wrong, she is still not as meek and agreeable as the lady in this video, but we are totally able to lure mum to the bathroom to use the toilet and then when she's on the toilet we just start washing her, we couldn't do that with the old bathroom because the shower was a stand alone enclosure. The wet room has made our lives so much easier. And mum has obviously just got used to the idea of having a good shower every day. Even when she objects it's not as aggressive as she used to be, but we just do what needs to be done. The carer adopts the exact same attitude as me and my sister. It just needs to be done so however grumpy she is oe how many f bombs she drops, she's having a shower. Gone are the old days thank god. So I just wanted to update you as this was a massive hurdle which we have overcome, to tell everyone that it actually is possible!!
@@maxfitnesstraining1585 thank you for replying!
Sadly, my mom passed away the tenth year after she became another person with flashes here and there of who she used to be. Moved her in because it was dangerous for her to be alone for any length of time. If I arrived at her house just half an hour later than usual, she'd be on the roof in the winter, clearing off snow, or leaving the oven on after it wouldn't light for her frozen meal she liked. She'd put it in the oven anyway and eat it frozen, still leaving the oven on--a miracle she survived.
I just wanted to make things as wonderful for her as she made them for me when I was a child. We had reversed roles and she even called me mom, so I made her favorite meals and spent time with her.
The wet room is best idea! I give you a lot of credit for doing that. My mother ran out of money and I couldn't convince her to leave her 4 bedroom house before she was penniless. There is no logic with ALZ. I had to temporarily find an assissted living place for her, because there wasn't enough money for a nursing home. Had to be there daily to make sure she took her meds and brought her food bc the place made HORRID food. However, I was to find out it was Golden compared w nursing homes. I needed the time to clean out her place and give it back to the reverse mortgage company bc no one wanted to buy it at less than half of what it was worth at one time.
When she was finally approved for Medicaid it was a relief, financially, but the places that were desperate enough to take a violent woman (she broke my arm, angry bc I only gave her half my closet for her clothes amd that was the day I decided I could take no more) were not the nicest places. When she became too much trouble, they tried to get her out by pretending she had mental problems and it backfired on the place 3x bc being in a new situation was so stressful she became more "normal" and they would release her back to the nursing home trying to get rid of her! It was heart breaking. I was going to any place near by to try amd find a closer, nicer place for her, but inthe mean time, caring for my dad and her full-time had taken its toll. I had health problems of my own, including herniated discs from lifting my dad on and off a commode. I was no longer able to help her physically.
Her last year I was able to get her into a nicer appearing place that was close by (not 80 miles away) so I could see her daily. There's so much reform that needs to be done to make sure our beloved elders are properly cared for with kindness when possible! One example? The place was saving money by using borax powdered soap. It smelled so terrible that no one used it! In front of me, an aide cleaned my mom's roommate after her bowel movement, didn't wash her hands or put on new gloves, and tried to take my mom's teeth out to brush them. She had bits of excrement on her hands. I said to the woman, "Smell your hands! Would you let someone put those hands into YOUR mouth?" It was terrible.
If and when you have to put your LO into one of these places, go daily and at different times. Help the staff by doing what you can and they'll be nicer. They are truly overworked and underpaid and usually lacking in the most basic type of training bc these places are scraping the bottom of the barrel for enough employees. There are healthcare workers who do care and are Angels on Earth, but most of the best do not work for Medicaid accepting places--many get hired away.
Best of luck to you and thank you for responding after all this time. Much love to you and your family.
I work in a home for the elderly and I will say one thing, this is a very hard job from a moral and physical point of view
I met some people like this. Poor things, i will pray for them & their family.
God bless them.
I use to work in dementia units. Its how u approach them. How u talk to them. I treated them like i would my own parents. And its a privilege to care for that generation . I use to pray b4 i went to work . Some times it was just me in a wing of like 18 residents. With one other carer. But if ur calling is this job its not hard at all its easy
Nice, timely video. I give my wife a weekly shower with no protests as yet, but I know what's to come. Thank you.
Christopher Robin They do not all object to showering. Keeping a towel on their shoulders during the shower, and getting them to help, while you remember that you are helping, not commandeering, their body, will make a huge difference. Keeping the bathroom warm, having a sturdy bench for them to sit on, Will help them to stay calm and cooperative. I’m a careworkers, and we take care of our mother now, too.
This is a great video! Many caregivers both in the home and in care facilities could benefit from this- obviously, this is one gentle way to approach the situation.
Hey! search for Dr ehisz on TH-cam he cured my mother from Dementia and Alzheimer,he will help you too****
My Mother is a caregiver of dementi patients she has sat next to patients while they died Its so sad but the families of the dementia patients Are always thankfull for the caregiver and for looking out and giving them comfort
Hi Marshal. Exactly. So in your dad's case, you would call him a king instead of a queen.
Thanks for these supportive videos!
Hello Debra
How are you doing today?
My grandma is 96 and only this years we had to get her a caretaker because of a big fall where she wasn't injured but finding her on the floor was a big scare. She is amazing, has no mobility issues, no food problems, no meds other than some mild blood pressure pills, great long term memory, and daily company from family members.
The only thing is that she /forgets/ she hasn't showered or changed for months on end. She goes through the motions, goes to the bathroom with a change of clothes, has nothing against the fact of /showering/, she just stops midway and forgets she hasn't showered or changed her clothes yet. Telling her she needs to wash/brush her hair or change her clothes must seem like an insult from her point of view, no matter how gentle it is said, and she reacts accordingly. We just worry that her hygiene will end up in an infection, so sometimes family members and the caretaker just have the sneak the clothes in and out of the shower.
Set up the shower beforehand, even dotting several washcloths with body wash. Playing calming music to relax, a large bench seat, very soft washcloths in a favorite color, warming the room until fully clothed. Many times I washed hair in the kitchen sink another time and styled at the dining table. This helped to make a routine of washing face, checking ears, moisturizing, and nailcare. It should be a relaxing ritual.
Unfortunately that would never work for my husband. He becomes psychotic if I or anyone tries to get him to shower no matter how we try. He hasn't washed for over two years and before dementia, he used to shower twice a day
Bless your heart 💝⛪🌈
God Bless you.
My Dad:
My sisters and are dealing with Dimentia at stage 2 we think. He won't go see his doctor. I gave up on the bathing. Not worth the stress. We all need support groups!
If that happened in my care home the staff would be accused of ABUSE .
We had to have my brother hospitalized to get him showered. A walk in shower was the key after a couple of years tussling to get him clean.
You need to drug him then wash him up
My elderly mother who has short term memory loss is currently in a rehabilitation facility after major surgery and refuses to take a shower, medical treatment and barely eats. My family will visit my mom as a group soon to encourage her. This video has been very helpful.
As a nurse, I learned that dementia is not just “forgetfulness.” The brain “forgets” how to process visual images. Baths and showers are often all white tub and tile. The shower chair is white. To the brain with dementia it may appear to him/her that you want them to step into a white void. Contrast can help. Find a colored bath mat. Cover the shower chair with a dark towel.
Also, evaluate your own expectations. For starters elderly patients don’t need to shower anywhere near as frequently as active younger adults. Once or twice a week is usually adequate. “Bathing” doesn’t have to be a shower. Experiment with sponge bathing and break up the body into parts rather than all at once.
Remember that body odor isn’t dangerous. Perhaps your family member WAS very fastidious but forcing him/her to keep to a pattern May speak more to your grief than actual needs. Pericare (butt and genitals) is important to prevent infection, especially in an incontinent individual. But even this can be managed with baby wipes.
My heart goes out to all the family members trying to care for their loved ones with dementia.
Thank you for your important work. I wish I had known more when I was dealing with my mother.
My grandfather is a Vietnam vet who refuses to shower. It's impossible to have anyone convince him but I recently tried something similar thanks to help from this video.
Its more difficult if a daughter is the one giving care to a father whose suffering dementia and so sad that Im undergoing that hard times right now.
I feel for you I had same problem with my aunt toy she passed away last year in June she was a great great aunt she had the same thing I took care of her for few years
Not an easy job but rewarding,,,God bless us with patience...
I did experience this but God is good before i do anything i would pray with her then we start our day it's needs a lot of patience and always talking to them in different ways and words too not easy but we pull through
Soothing music and singing to them works.
That would drive me crazy.
Does anyone with a job & no one to help actually have TIME for all of this? I'm already exhausted from working a full time job, shopping, cooking, cleaning, paying bills, organizing medications, convincing them to eat... It seems like the more you do to help, the more helpless they become, and only seem to "remember" to do things they want to do.
tvdavis I am experiencing the same situation. The more I try to help and make my dad's life better. The less he does to help me or himself. It's not always his dementia that I am dealing with. On the good days that he doesn't want to help he says, "I'm sick, I'm old and I have dementia".
tvdavis they do have adult daycare at most nursing homes to give you a break you might want to check into that because that's a very extremely hard job and it is 24/7
my mother’s job IS helping people like this.
tvdavis that’s why a loved one is the best caregiver. Endless love.
The best possible way to deal is to ask him/her to help you do these things. Ask them first to do it and if they have problems slowly calmly say you will do it together. You need to make sure that they are still using their moter skills as much as possible. Remember that dementia patients loss the ability to perform easy tasks and remember how to handle easy things like ( bathing, using the restroom, feeding themselves, or even swollowing). You should looking into in home care and see if your insurance will cover it. I run my own inhome care business which focuses on Dementia care. Its a very slow process which can some times be to much for one person to handle...and it is ok to feel frustrated! Take it day by day...call your insurance and ask if they cover in home care...call facilities and see if they provide services for non residents. Good luck! If anyone has any questions dont hesitate to ask!
I am in nursing and was a private caregiver for years. With Alzheimer's and dementia. First you must have a connection with them. Never be forceful, and be prepared. Have everything set out. I warmed the bathroom up with a space heater, put her towel in the dryer. Had her favorite snack ready or we went and got a mocha and went for a drive. I would hand wash, dry and apply lotion to Miss Peg. Also soaked her dentures, during this. And applied her make up. Was not easy to get them from her. Scrubbed them, applied fixadent.
Also had to pep talk her at times, takes the right person and connection. As to not set off and or upset them. With my grandpa it was different, I am sincere, truly care, and persistent. But you might have to revisit and redirect and come back and try again. And yes, I would always make it so that she was in control, and had choices. To the best of my ability. Number one, THEY KNOW LOVE! REGARDLESS OF DEMENTIA OR ALZHEIMER'S!
so guess what, one size doesn't fit all. I've had things laid out before and prepared and it doesn't matter, they can change their mind at the last minute. And as for choices, sometimes giving them choices won't do it. It all depends on the person. Perhaps you had easier people to deal with...
@@johndoe-vf4un Lol, no I am just really good at what I do. No one size does not that is why YOU must adjust yourself to best fit and suit the patient/client. I can tell from your attitude why things did not go well for you or the poor patient.
I appreciate the tips from the video. I have a 95 year old mother who at times it's hard to get her to bathe. She gets real mean at times.
Praying for a vaccine or cure for this crippling disease 😥🙏😔
Hey! search for Dr ehisz on TH-cam he cured my mother from Dementia and Alzheimer,he will help you too****
...and have a couple of towels tumbling in the dryer so you can wrap them up in something nice and warm at the end of it...
This is very helpful I am 29 and soon going to be a caregiver for my husband's mother who had dementia
I have mild but progressive dementia and am in my mid fifties. I hope to have the presence of mind and the courage to end my life before becoming a burden on my wife and children. Not advocating this as a solution for anyone else. Life always ends badly, one way or another; seems unloving - selfish even - to put them through months or years of this before reaching the end.
The biggest problem is it's easy to get frustrated, then they feel like they're a burden, which makes them depressed and feel like you're resentful of them and they become resentful because they can't help it and need your help. I've seen it, I've felt it, being mindful of just sleightly showing exhaustion or fatigue can start this downward spiral. It's not easy being a caregiver or a care recipient. Especially when love is involved. It's easier to detatch yourself then feel the pain of loosing someone or watching them suffer. They can see this as they're not loved too. It's very hard to balance your sanity and theirs. I know better than most.
People need to worry less about if they are going to make it to heaven in the next life and be more concerned with saving those who are living in hell this life, right now. Humanity has such potential for greatness but we are as a species consumed with what do I get out of it. We have people suffering, if everyone gets the help they need when they need it that's help for you, your children, family, friends, neighbors. The more we lift others the more we lift ourselves. Do unto others as you would have done to you changes the world. Too many people feel burned by it, but it's only the pain from the light inside you burning against the darkness. If God makes the light within us burn for eternity, they are not the fires of damnation but like the fires of a star just born in the heavens further casting out the darkness. Let there be light!
I was a caregiver for 16 years. I watched like an angel of death as my grandmothers body weakened and betrayed her, as my mother in laws body betrayed her, and as my wife's body betrayed her. I have searched for God my whole life, I didn't find God in the bible though it pointed me in the right direction. I found God in love. Heaven and hell as twin sides of the same coin. Pain comes from love, just like the pain I carry every single day in my heart. Love is like a dagger you willingly plunge into your heart. I lost everything, 3 houses I inherited went right back into caring for others. I have a van now, a few trinkets, and the knowledge I did everything I could my whole life til now. I don't care about the things, what I miss is feeding the ducks with my wife, hearing my grandmother sing, my mother in law call my wife with an annoyingly screechy "Juuuuday!" instead of Judy. I miss sitting in my Grandfathers lap as he said "Howdy Partner!", I miss my Mom being younger and us listening to "Cherry Bomb" in the car everyday while I had a broken leg the summer after my Grandfather passed away. I wanted to save the world, I couldn't even save the people I loved most in this world from suffering and dying. Maybe though if people can care just a little bit more we won't have to witness and feel quite as much suffering. It's cruel to watch someone on a fixed income struggle to choose blood pressure meds over pain meds because they can't afford both, so you make the choice to help because you would want that for you. Unfortunately it seems people only care if you have a bath because they don't want to smell you than to know you're not wasting away in your own filth because you can't get in and out of the tub anymore. I have memories that felt like a scene out of a war zone, my wife struggling after falling and her grasped around my neck pleading because the position she fell in was bending her knee too far and was hurting and I'm lifting with all of my might with 911 on the way but her in excruciating pain and begging me to help. Getting her in the bed and rolling her in because she's too close to the edge. Steadying her as she walked, making sure she got hot meals because she couldn't stand long. This is to the end of doing this for 16 years, and finally my soul mate is snatched away from me too.
I'm still trying to help people, though I'm on disability, broken emotionally, and stay depressed most of the time. I give rides with the last thing I have in this world.
Don't Give Up... Shine brighter, burn yourself as bright as you can until you burn out, glow as an ember, and then die knowing that regardless if there's a next life, you made this one count.
The sad truth is very few will ever see this and actually respond, I could publish my life story shouting it from the rooftop and giving away copies and most people would discard it. This is for those who wouldn't obviously but more so that one day even after I'm gone when some archivist going through the internet to understand what today's world of humanity actually possessed when they look back at people who polluted and destroyed the planet and allowed so many to fall through the cracks of a society that was proclaimed as the pinnacle of human civilization. Money is the thing that divides people more than any ideology ever could, because it creates greed, it creates selfishness, I had no worries about money growing up so I saw the people around me as valuable and more so than things. I gave up everything because of how I was raised, because I was taught love not greed. The true message I want people to know is that things and lack of needs create more negativity in people's lives and thus they pull more into themselves becoming more selfish. I feel it sometimes with sleight hints of resentment, but I made my choices, I had the knowledge and resources to make my life anything I wanted but the people in my life were more important than all the things I could have had all to myself. I try to be good but it's a matter of perspective. Learning how to help is difficult and complex. Most people don't get this because of greed or self centered thinking caused by how our society is built. You help someone by doing everything for them and they loose more ability to do for themselves, it's a balancing act that I can't imagine being able to balance for most people when they're struggling to survive. Self awareness doesn't translate to awareness of others and we can easily hurt instead of help if we are not fully mindful of the delicate balancing act of caring for one another.
I have been blessed. More ways than one can imagine, an easy life without struggle doesn't push you to explore the deepest recesses of yourself, understand others, or seek to the ends of infinity in your mind for meaning from a God that you don't know if they're there but hope and develop logic and emotions in a balance of tempered reason. Pure logic might say if you are suffering and going to die anyway eventually to just end it now but compassion and understanding bring you to the understanding that it is not up to anyone to decide that within reason. I thought death might be more compassionate at times but as with everything there is a balance and only through widening our perception can we ever understand ourselves and others and the truths about life death and the universe and existence that elude most people and even when it is perceived being able to rationalize that it's still subjective to the individual.
I love to read the story of yours ...I feel you. I an 40 and will undergo an open heart surgery fon't know if I can go out of the hospitak alive. This makes me realise LIFE.
Thank you for sharing. God bless your kind heart.
Indeed.
Am going through the same hell now with grandma. You stay strong and look to God, he alone is our eternal resting place. Let's pray for each other brother
@@famousamos778 how about praying to this god you mention to put a stop to dementia...ever think of that?
those hand rails aren't a good choice. I guess if you are checking them every single time you might get by but they loosen and can cause a fall. Better to get permanently mounted ones.
I once took care of an elderly woman who took bird baths/sponge baths everyday. Never had a skin breakdown, her doctor was happy so we didn't press the matter.
My dad refuses to 🛁 🛀, take his medication 💊, refuses has insulin. It has been months, months since he took a shower or bath. I do not know what to do. He has always been stubborn.