3 reasons you aren’t doing what you say you will do | Amanda Crowell | TEDxHarrisburg
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- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 8 ม.ค. 2019
- Amanda explores how to move beyond mindset-driven defensive failure and into productive failure to succeed at the problems you struggle with the most. Amanda Crowell is a cognitive psychologist, university professor at the Hunter College School of Education, speaker and coach. Dr. Crowell works with teachers, therapists, and mission-driven entrepreneurs to clear away mindset blocks and move into action. This talk was given at a TEDx event using the TED conference format but independently organized by a local community. Learn more at www.ted.com/tedx
1. Afraid of failure
2. You limit yourself with "identity"
3. Secretly you don't want do it, you think you should do it
You're a hero
Thanks for saving my time
Thanks man😂
Thank you
You’re not going to get the same value if you just read this comment and don’t watch the full talk, don’t rob yourself
(For future reference)
The 3 cognitive distortions :
1) 2:57 "I just can't do it! I don't have what it takes"
2) 5:50 "this is just not who I am"
3) 10:22 "I should do this, I need to do this, *but eh I don't really want to do it though* I should do it"
Solutions:
1) remind yourself that it is okay to fail. Learn from the failures and just keep swimming. Effort >>
2) find people who have the same values as you, and who found a way to make things work in a way that doesn't clash with those values. Find a way to do the things you wanna do in a way that aligns with and not clashes with your identity.
3) find your "why", the real reason why you wanna do something. It should be an intrinsic motivation and not a just superficial and external one. Remind yourself of your why to stay motivated
Thank you:)🙏🏻
Thank you!! ❤️
Thank you❤️
Thanks :)
Thank you so much this is very helpful 🙌🏻
Instant gratification also plays a part here, too. When the end result seems too far away, people convince themselves they aren't meant for it so they look for a quick fix and then soon feel lost all over again. Speaking from experience here.
Absolutely- I agree. We need to find ways through intrinsic interest to build some gratification into it. No one stays in a slog that stays a slog for very long. Great insight.
True. But if the 'end result' is at least visible (like, it took 1700 experiments for Edison to light the bulb, but he made progress because he saw himself reaching there), it matters a lot to observe patience. If for some reason your day didn't deliver you on to the end goal, you can always see how it's is very much possible and that it is only a matter of time. You are now a step closer.
Preach brother
Before, your string of thoughts and actions would have been
'I need to do this' -> Not actually doing it -> 'I really need to do this' -> Feeling stronger resistance -> 'I need to do this no matter what' -> Feeling self-remorse
But through relaxation, your action patterns will change as the following:
'I should do this' -> Not actually doing it -> Relaxation -> Feeling lower resistance
In such a way, you break away from the pattern of increasing your level of resistance, and create an opportunity to at least begin the work you need to do.
search youtube "paradox of I can do it"
@@sarangkim6373 I absolutely love this!!
No joke, this might be the most important TED-talk of my life
I recently realised that the reason I can't achieve my dreams for years, postponing even simple steps every single day because deep inside I'm so afraid of failure. And it is just an enormous relief to know it's not just my imagination or another excuse, but there actually people like me and I honestly feel like crying as I'm typing this. Thank you so much 😭
I am so honored that it helped you like that. Thanks so much for sharing!
@@amandacrowell crying right now as well T ___ T
Same.i always thought and hated myself thinking it as excuse but others also suffer from it is my first time hearing
@@l.w.paradis2108 I understood your comment, but I too was confused seeing the word “shepherd”. I think that’s what may have come across as rude,but I know you meant well:). Have a good day.
@@MoonLight-lc8qg Okay. I give up.
Actually, I do. My deadline to emigrate is 2025.
Fail is just an acronym
F - irst
A - ttempt
I - n
L - earning
Love that 💯
Failure is the stair to success
This is adorable! Thank you so useful!
First attempt in learning
gotta keep that in mind
These are the kind of talks I wished we had in high school
Really Yes!!
Amen to that
Schools branched off to its main purpose
I sooo agree
Yea instead of cigarettes, once is enough
3 reasons you arent doing what u say you will do... Wow i really need this *save to watch latter*
😂
Did that with the procrastination video
Thats really funny.
Same but I actually got back to it :)
I did this so many times,but i come back to it
This is me. For the last 14 years I’ve done NOTHING concerning my dreams. I have wasted my life feeling sorry for myself and living for other people. I am so tired of it I am at the point of taking all the risks to get where I want to be.
Oh my God are you writing about me...Every word fits my life..And the reason I'm a failure is I never loved myself never took care of myself, all my life spent for others, and that's what dooms you..
@@zeehuss7275 omg it’s like you two are talking about MY LIFE 😧
This is me now!!! Im 23 turning 24 in august i wish i had seen this 6-7 years ago but nobody is perfect
Go get them!
@@rakymajohnson9086 same girl
Excellent talk. Reason crowd seemed so quiet is bc most ppl don't like hearing the truth and she hit everything right on the head.
Would the Houston Rockets be better off without Russell Westbrook?
Or maybe they are a respectable crowd
I think it could have more to do with her beating about the bush
AGREEED
Most ted talk crowds are quiet
Wow wow tough crowd - this woman is funny af and no ones bitting
Thank you! I felt that way watching it, too, but there was more laughter in real life than comes through in the video, thank goodness. :)
I have been thinking the same and am relieved, that people really did have fun. :)
i love her personality😊🎆!
Actually, I think they are silent because the message is penetrating them. They are totally engaged in self-reflection. That is super.
Totally
😂💔
Is audience alive? `~`
The speaker is so funny and smart. Great talk!
Thank you! I appreciate it!
Maybe it was a sparse Covid audience....of accountants and engineers!😅
there is no audience mic
You gotta know Harrisburg... I agree, Great talk Amanda
"At the heart of success is not talent. It's effort." 5:06
Three main reason
1.deep in our mind we think we can't do it. 2. People like us dont do this because we are highly identified with a false self identity. 3.secretly we don't want it.
👍THANK YOU & BLESS YOU!!!!! 💞
@@willnicholson18 If you watch the last third of the video you'll see the stuff about the value mindset. In there, pay attention to the part about what to do if there's nothing you can do to be intrinsically interested- basically, spend some time with WHY you need to do the part you don't like. Then, when you have to sit down and do it, you can ground back into the part of you that really wants this, and stay out of the part that is doing it for extrinsic interest, which sounds like it might be part of what's tripping you up.
thank you @@amandacrowell
I love people like you. I have about 250 videos based on psychology that I have put in a playlist and this cuts down the time it takes it to go through them significantly.
Every points are damn correct for me . I don't know what will I do in life ?
Why we don’t do what we say we’ll do:
1. We get lost, distracted, or addicted to what’s more “pleasurable” or “comfortable” than what is important
2. We see “pain” in exerting the effort or we lack the energy required to do the important thing.
3. We don’t care because its not killing us anyway...not yet.
Mama Mia! Between Amanda's video and Bong Pal's comments lie the pathway to success! That's if one is willing to apply the wisdom therein.
I still come back to this EVERY time :(
No truer and wiser words were ever said..
Here am i....
@@blueeloop we change once we “decide” to change. And ultimately we decide to change because of inspiration or “desperation.” In my experience, profound desperation is the more powerful emotion for change or action. All the best in your journey.
I love her humor and her energy. Definitely needed to hear this.
Thanks!
So the audience aren't good because: 1) Secretly they don't believe they can be a good audience 2) They don't think they are like people that can be a good audience 3)Being a good audience doesn't interest them enough, if they're honest
🤣🤣🤣
I see what you did there 😏👏🏾👏🏾
HAHAHAHHA
This crowd. Were they summoned here for jury duty?
🤣😂🤣😂🤣😂🤣😂
😝
Haaaaaaaaaaaaaa!!!! 😅😅😅
Lol
I thought about this. But when I read a comment from her that the audience were laughing but it didn't make it in the video
Aren't those people kinda mean for not laughing? She's quite funny.
They were more engaged in real life, but it does seem pretty harsh on the video!
She is funny, but I think the comedic timing is a bit off. Potentially to over practicing the talk.
could be something with the mic.
I don't think she is funny at all. Though informative, all is old news. She is a coach so she is selling.
@@johntube7554 Old news to whom? If you’re struggling it’s just what you need to hear.
Boi, TH-cam Algorithm knows what Ive been dealing with in my life
Joejo Cas right
Joejo Cas
Not algorithm.
Its the shared databases. They know everything about you.
ennit tho!😮
This is really funny, i swear i slept last night thinking his can i end my life cause i am so bad at everything.. and woke up woth netflix disconnected.. so i cant watch a show with my coffee.. i open youtube and there is this!!! Growth mind set!
Knows better than I know myself!
The candy crush joke was brilliant as was the rest of her talk. How was there not more laughter...?
Thank you!
"People like you don't do things like this.."
This hits soo hard-😢
Dang! Who's in this crowd?? Are they even breathing?😐 Good talk!
Thank you!
@@amandacrowell I think that's the sign of a great speaker that your crowd is soo much into your talk that they do not want to miss a second of it talking to anyone else. Really great talk.
@@rahulsukheja7805 Thank you so much!
Boi, TH-cam Algorithm knows what Ive been dealing with in my life
Action driven progress...life gets better.
This is spot-on.. I didn't even know I was doing this! My dream is to become a musical theatre actress and although I am taking singing lessons, I always stop myself and think that I don't have what is required and that I have too little experience. Maybe I should, instead of procrastinating and whining, go out and GET experience, despite my brain telling me to stay home
Ginger Rose YES!!! You got this.
Community theatres are usually pretty welcoming. That'd be a great way to get experience. 🖤
The most empowering ted talk clear and well structured
Thank you! I'm glad you found it empowering!!
That is true!
@@amandacrowell Sincerely the best and most rewarding
"We can be anything we want, if we get our head clear and we begin to take steps. And if you're doing those two things, nothing can stop you." 🔥
Thanks to Amanda Crowell for this inspiring talk. And also… for making me understand that “heart-centred, helper type, non competitive” people exist and can be successful in this world. Good luck to everybody who’s struggling.
It is so satisfying to watch knowing that you are not alone. It's actually happens to everyone and it's perfectly normal.
Its amazing how these 17 minutes have more valuable lessons than I would ever come across in my life
Watched this for the first time in the first week of january. I'll keep coming back every time I lose my motivation. This helps me a lot.
2-02/21/22
haha seriously?
@@imgoingplacestoday no
1. Shift your mindset from, "belief that some people have it and you don't," to "your rookie mistakes are just sign paths on the way to success."
2. Shift your mindset from, "People like you (i.e. your identity) don't do things like this," (and therefore you push hard against such behavior), to finding people who do things you want to do and mimmick them.
3. Shift your mindset from, "secretly you don't want to do it, you just think you SHOULD do it because the people you emulate to do it," to drawing a straight bright-line from your long-term dreams (e.g. buying a house, sitting with your children by a crackling fire) to the desired behavior instead of motivation such as becoming a wealthy, admired, 'cool' person.
**If the work you want to do is hard, there WILL be urges in the moment to quit, and it is INTRINSIC INTEREST that keeps you focused on the actions you need to take. You have to build out the INTRINSIC INTEREST.**
I waited 'til age 65 to exercise regularly at the gym (with a trainer....which costs). I knew that in 15 years I'd fall and break a hip if I didn't start. lol
Once you have successfully managed to overcome these cognitive distorsions, something interesting happens to you.
When you go off the beaten track and know deep in your gut that it's the right way to go, you will have to face criticism from people who claim to know better than you.
Well, never ever listen to those who say you can not do it. Do what your heart says is right. Some people desperately want others to fail to feel better about themselves. You are not the problem, they are. You don't owe them anything.
Instead, you should embrace your uniqueness and reach the dreams that you so desperately want to reach because you DESERVE to live a happy life. Always remember that we were born here on Earth to feel joy.
Yes, the grind can be strenuous but your future self is there already thanking you for all the efforts you've put into reaching your goals. And I along many other people will be there, standing in awe over what you have accomplished to change your life for the better.
I don’t WANT to be a lawyer but I think that I should want to and it is important to my future.
She read me without even seeing me. Great talk ! Really helped me.
I got here with no expectations are at all and it turned out to be one of the best talks I've ever seen.
hooray! I'm so glad!
Amanda, when you get to read this comment: Thank you for articulating the hidden intricacies that have been holding me back. Knowing that I am not the only one definitely helps. What is helping me even more is the realization of being defensive about my failure.
Thank you so much for sharing your reaction!
This was a very good Ted talk. I always have struggled to keep up with goals. Now that I’ve gotten good advice I’m going to write down the steps I will take to accomplish my goals. I will allow myself to try what I want to do, and not be afraid of failure. I will take it as an opportunity to grow and learn from it. I will not do things that other people do just to be cool. I will do what I find interesting and socialize with people that have similar interests and have done things that I would like to learn how to do. I will think about the reason why I want to do these goals. Is it for people to admire me? Or is it because I have a dream of doing this and I’m very interested in it. I will take time to research my interests, and if I’m not very interested for the right reasons, I will just not do it.
I appreciate with whole my heart the person who funded Tedx talk. I have learned so many things through this stage. The people who deliver speeches the deliver the nectar of their experiences. I am so glad we have tedx talks in TH-cam.
Amanda Crowell, that was a great talk. Thank you. Sorry your audience was so flat.
I've been having issues with procrastination, even though I've been an achiever...PhD scientist and composer, and a seeker of what is this life. My hunch is that grief, as well as your 3 potent points, is at the heart. I am going to focus on what you taught.
Also,
I've been geeking out on a wonderful podcast series by Stanford neurobiologist prof, Andrew Huberman. He spoke of the mindset research also
Honestly if people just spent some time alone and really look deep within themselves, they’d figure out what actually makes them happy.
We all desire happiness; but the ingredients may differ, choose your preferences in life wisely.
What a terrible crowd. She’s absolutely delightful, a humorous and insightful speaker.
Thank you so much!!
I think these things a lot. It holds me back. The fear of failure or that it isn't me or isn't meant for me is just all in the mind. Why do we do these things to hold ourselves back? Little by little, we could be anywhere we wanted just by taking the simple steps and allowing ourselves to fail and to learn and to grow.
One reason I found social media such as TH-cam and Instagram to be useful is that it exposed me to examples of success in fields I’m interested in who look like me or had similar circumstances to me which would’ve been hard to find otherwise in my small town and small circle of friends.
this is now my favorite ted-talk. sometimes i have dreams, sometimes none. it's confusing when you don't have a strong grip of who you actually are and who you actually want to be. because you often mistook it for who people expect you to be.
Yes! It takes practice to learn to hear your own truth and then believe what you hear
@@amandacrowellomg it's an honor!! but yes indeed! i started assuring myself that "as long as i believe in myself", i can make through whatever. of course i still am hesitant and anxious from time to time but ted talks and their wise speakers such as you really do help people (especially me) arrange their perspectives in a better lighting. so thank you sincerely.
i am just a stranger but i am rooting for you and everyone else in their own journey. Fighting!
this is the most important video that i've ever watch in my entire life
thankyou very much for this, i really mean it
thankyou
🙏
Just oration wise she is my favorite ever ted speaker!!!
Thank you! I appreciate that.
just loved her attitude and confidence 👏👏 well done girl 👍
Anmol Behal thank you!!!!
Instant gratification also plays a part here, too. When the end result seems too far away, people convince themselves they aren't meant for it so they look for a quick fix and then soon feel lost all over again. Speaking from experience here.
I keep on nodding the whole time while listening to her. Seriously, i will watch this over and over again esp when i feel like taking the defensive failure path again
Is defensive failure really laziness?
@@ejaws1720 No, it's not! In fact, calling it laziness is how we overwhelm ourselves so we don't have to take action.
Thank you! I'm glad it was helpful!
All who are blaming the audience (oddly 10 - 15 people) for being silent - this is most likely a post-lunch session and the hall as shown @ 5:56 is sufficiently dark to set in a drowsy mood. At least, the video got us, the virtual audience, to see & listen to this very good speaker on our own ambiance.
This Ted Talk is really great. And If I start doing what I wanted to do from years, I'll come back here.
“To the ones who are there for me & who always have my back…… everything you are to me is everything I lack.” - BM
TeamWork and finding the right ones to surround yourself with is major also because misery loves company and they’ll continue to feed your appetite of self gratification with false hope and accomplishments. Keep striving for greatness & stop settling for less than you deserve.
U better write a book soon coz ur words can change lots of what we perceive as human@
Lunatic Phantom THANK YOU.
Wht a beautiful woman she is ! How happy she was telling tht she is able to pick up her son now. SO pure.
I appreciate this talk because not only does she shed light on the reasons for our defensive failure, but offers the alternative mindsets that lead to success. At the end of the video, I'm not left wondering, "What am I going to do about it?"
I’m so glad it resonated with you!
Exactly what I need today. It talks the reality of me.
At this very moment, after watching this, I want to put the steps in place and start on the right path to realize my intrinsic true life fulfilling purpose HOWEVER there are so many layers (one example, every day life in 2021 living pandemic/endemic life) between clear thinking and reaching into your weary head on what you value and care for most in the world, becomes so daunting you stay paralyzed and watch videos on how to. I need a how to, how to, video.
I just wrote the companion book, so I hope it will help! It's coming this Spring. 💙
@@amandacrowell That's great! I'll def check it out!
I am particularly attracted with one sentence that success lies not in talent but rather efforts.
Yesssssss
@@amandacrowell
I thank you very much for your reply.🙏
It shows your etiquette and character. Our personality is reflected in every letter, syllable, word and sentence.
I look forward to hearing more from you.
Thank you
Doing things badly in the first few times and then witnessing yourself making progress are always much more exciting than doing it right in the first place
I believe in myself but I am easily distracted. I can push myself physically but mentally I rather just do what's easy. Thank you for this, today I will post another TH-cam video.
defensive failure: protecting yourself from feeling possible failure, which is also failure because you end up not doing it at all.
1. you think that you can’t do it and that some people have the talent or genetic to do it whereas you don’t.
2. you think people like you don’t do things like this. you limit yourself with identity. you need to find people who have traits that you desire.
3. you don’t want to do it. you feel like you have to do it. you value it for the wrong reasons.
I watched this because I am keep saying that I will learn programming, tomorrow - next week - next weekend - next holiday and so on.
I will write all the reasons why I want to learn programming and remind myself all the time when I need to.
Thank you.
I wish I could give this a million thumbs up. Hands down the best Ted Talk I've ever heard. Thank you!
I feel all of them! Thank you!
The three situations she mentioned: exercising, networking and budgetting, are exactly the things I kept telling myself I'd do. Haha
1 defensive failure, Carol dweck growth mindset
2 identity fracturing, Erik Erickson
Do identity cohesion
3 no intrinsic value
“Ever tried. Ever failed. No matter. Try again. Fail again. Fail better.” Samuel Beckett
No joke I procrastinated watching this video for almost a year
Amanda Crowell... YOU ROCK!! I have now looked for and found my intrinsic interest. Thank you 👍🏼 😊
Great!! I’m glad it helped you
Great talk. Audience really is tough on her. Though, she rock it like true professional!
thank you!
I think it's her humor. Perhaps it's not her audience's humor
Thank you so much for this talk. Inspiring
This TED-talk was an eye-opener for me.
I’m glad I have this in middle school, because some people don’t have these resources.
This talk hits the nail on the head for me👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽. Now, let me trade in defensive failure for active, action oriented failure😀😀 with a smidgen of progress thrown in over time!!!
Yes! Agreed!
This was such I a good Ted talk, it made me realize my wrongs and change them into learning steps to conquer myself and drive myself to do what I want.
Watching this at 5.00 and about to cry. This is me right now. I want to change mindset and my life
This might help "If the work you want to do is hard, there will be urges in the moment to quit And it is intrinsic interest that keeps you focused on the steps you need to take!🙌🏻
The talk that reveals the actual reasons why we procrastinate or avoid doing things that are important for our GROWTH. This is one of the best TED Talks I have watched. I can't thank her and TED enough for bringing this to me... This is exactly what I needed to cure myself of procrastination... I am so grateful to TED and Amanda Crowell
I'm so glad it resonated!
Wonderful speech. Thank you 🎉
She definetely deserved a better audience! Such an inspiring and motivating lecture, it really touched me!
One of the reasons that we are lazy we don't want to take initiative for any positive change. Perhaps it is deep rooted habit of our mind. Secondly we are not clear in our mind. What to do. Thirds may be we wish to many things to be done at no cost of time and hard work. It maybe in my opinion. 🙏💕
I agree. Also, we realize that good habits take a lot of work (running is harder than sitting on the couch and watching TV 😁) so, even if we can get pumped up to go for a run today, subconsciously we already look for ways to avoid future effort. It's how our brains are wired. We are creatures of comfort.
One solution to that self-sabotage is to attach a very strong meaning to your goal.
I thought these were the things she was gonna say... 😊
what's with the crowd?? Great talk Amanda. I hope you see this!
Trudy Dsouza thank you trudy! I appreciate that!
This is the best Ted Talk I've listened to.
One of the best talks I've ever listened to!
Thank you so much!
This was so great! I took two pages of notes. I'm in grad school and that's more notes than I take in some 3 hour lectures! So much great, well-researched, practical advice. Thank you!
Thank you! I'm so glad it resonated with you!
Can you share your notes? Haha
I feel like I wanna keep watching this again and again and again... every day
🦋that’s why it’s so important to make yourself proud, if you look at yourself in disgust change it
1.find mischievous people, people who wanna be video creators, people who wanna be entertainers
2. Be interested in what you wanna do read news updates changes history everything about the space
3.Instead of defensive failure we get to Productive failure
4. Stages in Identity Crisis - Identity Fracturing and Identity Cohesion
One of the best, eye opening, amazing talk I heard and loved and was engaged throughout in listening!
I have learned valuable things from Ted videos than from school or college combined.
The Ted Talk I needed... thank you, Professor! I'll watch it on loop.
I'm glad it helped!
This is the bestest n the most important TEDx talks I've ever seen.
Productive failure. Damn thanks.
she is so brave and has a powerful personality,
I guess this is a unique type of beauty.
Thanks, friend.
She is so right 💯
Mind-blown…everything she said was pure gold
Thank you!!
@@amandacrowell woah was that you that was up there?
If you believe it you can do it.
Believe you can and you are half way there😌💪💪💪👍
This woman's talk is very strong and she is very funny thats why I want to watch this talk every day.
This quite informative and you did a great job bringing the reasons people don't go far with the things they really wish to do.Well done!!
This video has changed my life. I have been telling myself to work out for months now and I just found out I never wanted to do it. Fitness moves and workouts were not for me so I found out what I'm passionate about which is boxing. I did a boxing workout right after I watched this video, been trying to get out of bed for months...
I'm so glad it helped you!
I just realized I've convinced myself soooo well that I am lazy so much it kinda seeped into my personality lol. This has got to be one of the best talks ever. Will do my best to study tomorrow XD
Truly a lot of the Tedx talks have been so much better than the actual Ted talks lately. Good vod!