Why we're unhappy -- the expectation gap | Nat Ware | TEDxKlagenfurt
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- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 17 พ.ย. 2014
- This talk was given at a local TEDx event, produced independently of the TED Conferences. Why are we getting richer but not happier? Why do lottery winners not have sustained happiness? Why are bronze medalists often happier than silver medalists? “The first step to being happy is to understand why we’re often unhappy,” says economist and entrepreneur Nat Ware. In an entertaining and enlightening talk, Nat shows that we’re bad predictors of happiness, and explains why this is. We make decisions based on actual outcomes, Nat says, but our happiness depends on relative outcomes. We’ve been seduced into a way of life that conspires against our contentment by making it near impossible for reality to live up to our expectations. It is this expectation gap - the gap between our expectations and reality - that Nat argues is a key reason we’re unhappy. Nat challenges us to not relegate happiness to the world of art and the realm of hippies, but to start taking happiness seriously. The answer is not to simply lower our expectations, but rather to change the very way in which we make decisions.
Nat Ware is an economist, entrepreneur, and international development specialist. He is a Rhodes Scholar based at Oxford University, whose research focuses on social impact, poverty alleviation, and the economics of happiness. He is the Founder and CEO of 180 Degrees Consulting, the world’s largest university-based consultancy, with operations in 24 countries and over 4000 consultants worldwide. 180 Degrees has provided over US$50M worth of consulting services to non-profits and social enterprises so they can operate more effectively (www.180dc.org). Nat has lectured on innovation, strategy and global business at The University of Sydney, and was awarded the Saïd Prize for Top MBA Student at Oxford. He is a frequent keynote speaker at international conferences and events, and has consulted for many of the world's largest foundations and non-profit organizations. His other TEDx talk “Free Charities from The Idea of Charity” can be viewed here: • Free Charities from Th... .
About TEDx, x = independently organized event In the spirit of ideas worth spreading, TEDx is a program of local, self-organized events that bring people together to share a TED-like experience. At a TEDx event, TEDTalks video and live speakers combine to spark deep discussion and connection in a small group. These local, self-organized events are branded TEDx, where x = independently organized TED event. The TED Conference provides general guidance for the TEDx program, but individual TEDx events are self-organized.* (*Subject to certain rules and regulations)
I swear ted talks saved my life.. more than once
What ted talks would you recommend?
@@emmart9061 "how to stop screwing yourself over"
"how to be more focused"
"how to give a proper advice"
a lOt of very useful information!
The most relatable I've ever read hehehe same
Reading your comment and then your profile name.... love it 🤣
This talk was given 8 years ago before the peak of social media. This man predicted the future.
Social media can be a positive thing, it can be used to make money and not just consuming.
I'm umm I'm cool I'm in UW up
@@cartergomez5390It can be, but it ended up being a negative thing
Turn your expectations into appreciation. There you go. Happiness solved.
Jojo Tan Thank you!
Tony Robbins quote ;)
Elliot Lee Your wisdom requires its own TH-cam channel
Great solution!
💝He's so handsome, so I can not focus on what he is talking about, but I believe he did a great job and his presentation is excellent.💝
So I believe appearance will interfere with our mental processing activity.😍
He has raised my expectations in a man to an unrealistic level...
ikr 😏
ha! perfectly put.
+syvonnekathleeno we used to be mates but then i realised he only hung out with me cos i wasnt as good looking so he'd look hotter comparatively :p
you said it 😉
Yep. It was hard listening to him because of his mouth. OMG, when he smiles sideways in cheeky half grin. . . . . hello, naughty imagination!!
This turned out to be a much better talk than... what I expected!
so you must be very happy!
Lol 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣 this turned out to be much better comment then I expected!
Raise your expectations 😋
@@mulonzee8773 have a wife like dani daniels
Exactly
My whole life is a series of expectations that are way higher than my reality! I grew up with family members and friends telling me that I will do something great one day, that I am some how special and will lead a special life (I don't exactly know or understand what they saw in me that is special from anyone else) and now with a failed marriage, Career that is stagnant, On and off depression, and an overwhelming feeling of loneliness, I am constatnly disappointed in my life. I need to get myself out of this vicious cycle and just accept what has been dealt to me and make the best out of it cause in the end I have been given things no one else has just as I have been deprived of things everybody else have. Life is too freakin short!!
Totally true. I would have saved myself a lot of pain and heartache if I didn't have the expectations I did and didn't compare myself to other people. I wish I found this video earlier.
7:43 Imagination exceeds reality
12:24 We compare our reality to the reality of others
13:57 We are unhappy when our past reality is better than our present reality
Emma, agradecido por classificar em Minutos e Segundos, Deus te abençoe ricamente
Happiness exists inside everyone of us. The problem is we keep searching for it outside
Inspired Life amen!!!
Simply and clearly.. HAPPINESS IS IN FACT POWERFUL.. I AM... Coming soon.. look for us springboarding out of Central Texas, McLennan County, Texas.
Amen!
Well said!
Yes
Life is an Exam where everybody has a different question paper...(it is unique)... therefore we can not pass the exam by copying others answers... we have to write our own answers which will obviously be different than others....(Don't compare yor life with others bcoz you are not meant to be like others..u r unique.)
Atul Atul hi you exist. wow.
Exactly
You are unique!!! (Just like everyone else)
Something I'm really starting to realize. If you have to repeatedly or forcefully show off / explain yourself to others to try to convince them of how cool, smart or etc. you really are, you already lost when you walked in the room or picked up the phone. People may say they're empathetic but in reality they do what's best in their own self interest and most in line with their flourishing. Life is too short anyways to walk on eggshells and change yourself just because someone is pretty and you want to appear to be in the status quo
but as a 10th grade rn school is actually killing this thinking of me
Psychedelic's definitely have potential to deal with mental health symptoms like anxiety and depression, I would like to try them again but it's just so hard to source here.
I have researched and found out that shrooms are very helpful , it has really helps to reduce anxiety and depression . I would love to try magic mushrooms but I can't easily get some , Is there any realiable source I can purchase one
@Torres AndradePlease how do I contact him?
@Torres Andrade I am feeling the same way too. I put too much on my plate and it definitely affects my stress and anxiety levels. I am also glad to be a part of his community.
Does Sporeville ship?
Tripping is not really bad but find a good mycologist Who will teach you the right things you need to know
I have been very depressed and unhappy for 2 years. I don't want to take medication. I knew it is psychological. I have searched many videos and articles for a solution. This video is the best explanation for my depression and unhappiness. Now, I need to use this tool to solve my problem. Thank you so much for sharing your knowledge.
You can do it brother! God bless you🙏🏻
U can do it man! 💯
I’m in a similar boat, hope you are doing better.. let’s start living again
um yes you still need medication it's psychological and these meds are for the psyche
This is a video that everyone should see. The message I got wasn't that you should set your expectations low in life but that you shouldn't allow your happiness to be contingent on material wealth and circumstances outside your control. If you are up for a promotion and there have 5 roughly equal candidates, you have a roughly 20 percent chance at the job and corresponding pay increase. Most people would be so blinded by their own self-interest that they would end up trying to justify why they're a more deserving candidate and then be disappointed if they don't get the promotion, which is very likely! If they instead focused on how they've been progressing in their work and focusing on how they can continue contributing more going forward, they would be more likely to get a promotion in the future and at less of a risk for disappointment because they're detached from the outcome of a decision over which they have little influence. Great work Nat!
Magic word here is "self interest" whether it's your own or another.
Thank you for a comment on the content and not the presenters looks. I think this is one of the most clear and well structured presentations on this very important topic.
Tyler Hornero
You consider happiness in a focused linear view. I'm just an old retired teacher. What I tell my grandkids is learn. Enjoy learning. Everytime you learn something you didn't know, you increase the tools in your toolbox of life. And SAVOR. Love, laugh, work HARD, sweat, enjoy. God bless.
But that is putting expectations on a promotion making you happier. The promotion might mean more stress, less time ect.
One of the best Ted talks I have listened to. I have been making myself unhappy with really high expectations now becoming more self-aware. Comparing less and loving myself more.
In life, you are not obliged to know everything, but you are obliged to find a solution - Na vida, você não é obrigado a saber tudo, mas é obrigado a encontrar uma solução
I totally agree with you. 1 of my top 5 Ted-talks for sure!
I quit my job during the corona crisis and I am already making a living of my new business! 😃 I have never been happier!I have been held back by fear for YEARS whereas I see now that so much is possible! It is crazy how we stay in situations out of fear when something so much better is waiting for us on the other side! Thank you for making that video!
I already subscribe to your TH-cam channel 🤩
A man with that face, voice, stance, intelligence, confidence and humor.. tells us about expectations.. oh lordly HAHA
init
Most likely he didn't come into this world with the complete package that you see before you. He worked on it, and it evolved with time. I'm sure he had to face many battles along the way just like everyone else. If you want it, you have to do the same and work for it. Worlds of Wood, if you put on that magical blue ring, hold it up towards the sky, and spout out some command or rhyme, it's not going to magically make your dreams a reality either.
I know him and he did. While i value his intellect and natural talents, he has faced little disadvantage in his life. Upper north shore sydney private school, stable christian upbringing, stable family unit, no poverty, mental illness or other socioeconomic disadvantage. Yes he's worked hard and he's an excellent academic, but i fail to trust in someone who has not truly experienced the essence of true unhappiness. He should stick to what he knows.
Aurora X it's good enough that he puts efforts in unhappy people's happiness, even though he is not one of them. If makes it even more recognizable. I myself know a few miserable and unhappy people, who only find pleasure in making others miserable too. Not saying that's the standard, but the fact that one has been though something, doesn't mean he/she knows the best way out of it.
Worlds of Wood yeah but like, things such as posture, voice projection, intelligence and looks are all things that can be worked upon if you want ? :0 like it’s perfectly fine not to and you’re still a good person, but like don’t think anyone has those things naturally ALL the time
happiness is seeing this man's face and listening to his godly voice.
I quit my job during the corona crisis and I am already making a living of my new business! 😃 I have never been happier!I have been held back by fear for YEARS whereas I see now that so much is possible! It is crazy how we stay in situations out of fear when something so much better is waiting for us on the other side! Thank you for making that video!
The real issue is parents dulling children's spirits. Let their dreams live on, don't be the critical person in their lives. Let them fail on their own. Disappointment and failure is a major factor in people's lives. Is the supportive people that surround them that help them persist and move on and learn from their mistakes.
Real the book- Failing Forward by John Maxwell.
I remember a time when I used to not care about what others thought of me or what faulty arguments they used against me... until my parents punished me severely for it. I'm trying to return to that state of mind.
@@Tyler-ig4cv Good news. I did it. Just leave all social media and don’t interact with anyone, it will be insanely easy
Cry me a river
Yeah! We share the same point of view.
I agree I feel like yes sometimes when you boost the ego of expectations it can cause you to lack happiness but at the same time absolutely nothing is impossible to accomplish if you limit distractions and fall 10 times but get up 11 times
this guy just answered what ive been questioning for the past 2 years
@@sameerawasthi6808 usko kya pata raand kya reheta to
may be your expectation is beyond your imagination
I agree with you
marry me
This was by far one of the best talks I've ever listened to.
I find this talk to be a good reminder for examining our own expectations and our reality. It's hard not to expect because that's human's nature. Still, by being more honest and objective towards ourselves, we can lessen that expectation gap. Good luck, everyone! :)
Even though I don't agree 100% , this should be required reading for everyone and translated into all languages, and I see that even as good as this is , he didn't beat the expectation gap for 15 viewers.
This really helped me so much. I have always been upset by not being happy with what I have and this really helped me realize that. Also, be aware that Nat Ware has a non-profit for giving people more counseling!
this guy should stand as the model for a well structured talk. clear simple English, clear step by step argument and summaries to remind us where we are at and an approachable non esoteric demeanour. well done dude. you inspire me
Clever insight about happiness! What happens with me is that when my reality doesn't match what I think I want, the chatter in my head starts going and then I lose the moment and the sense of being present. I wonder if this is an indicator or the expectation gap and/or if there is more that is possible to manifest for my life that I need to take steps toward. Thank you for your charming talk!
ㅁ
I have to agree with him. As a young child I saw myself being someone great and above many of my peers in school. Keep in mind that we were told to shoot for the moon and if we do not reach them, we'll land among the stars (I was also a A or B grade student). Its not that I could not achieve that level of expectation that I had for myself, its just that as a child I wasn't seeing the full picture of my reality and I was blind by future expectations that MENTALLY, I could not reach. Yes I say mentally because regardless of my low income family background, I could have achieved it but I just wasn't mentally prepared. I am 30 now and life recently slapped me in the face and gave me a dose of reality which I am truly thankful for, because now I feel that I am MENTALLY prepared and also continue preparing even more to take life head on. I've decided to make small changes in my life that I know will be fruitful for my future and happiness. One example would be that I've decided to learn how to be grateful for the small things in life (something I never practiced or cared for in my younger years).
Steven B Dude. Even though I cringed to people saying thinks like, "you're so pretty you should model!" My mind goes like, "I have no idea what models go through but what makes me not want to pursue it is that I'm allergic to makeup and that I would rather get paid for playing video games and trying apps. " I've been pursuing rap after singing since I wanted to change "the game," to "I'm going to tell you straight up what's been shitty but let's come up with solutions in long run." All I hear is that, "I want this," or, "I got this," when in reality we will only get what we need of we work smart to get to it and we might lose something in process because we focus deeply on trying to be "successful." For me, I go off tangent so this is all I got for my character count.
I liked how true it can be the part:
"we might lose something in process because we focus deeply on trying to be "successful."
what are you doing now with your life
The greatest imagination is that we think that happiness is related to external events, experiences and objects.
But in fact, there is no any relation.
What makes us happy is the state of our mind and Consiousness.
When mind is vibrating in dattva and we are in contact with our essential nature we experience happiness. All the rest we think about happiness is just imagination
I need to focus on me and what I can change. I am trying to change fields at almost 50 and have been so frustrated with politics, this virus, and some people not showing consideration. I think I needed this. Thank you.
How are you doing now?
Awesome talk. He confirmed some things I already knew about myself and why my happiness fades sometimes. Thanks for helping me understand me.
This video sums up what I couldn't figure out on the journey of figuring out how to be content and be happy. And the "Reality minus Expectations" equation makes so much sense when explained this way.
That was absolutely eye-opening. One of the greatest talks I've heard on Ted. Thank you, Nat!
I love this guy, the embodiment of my thoughts.
People today seem oblivious or distracted from this sadly
You have given me realization that i can enjoy my future more by managing expectations. My confidence and happyness derived from this will probably be self fulfilling. Thanks man. I will search you for more good stuff.
I definitely had issues with my life because of all the points he mentioned. I had to go through a traumatic life experience to start appreciating myself and remain in reality.
Me too.. I had big expectation and I ignored the small things and that was my mistake. I compared my life to others and see them happy and I was not feeling it. FB Instagram this social media makes you miserable coz unconsciously we will compare our self with celebrities. We should look down too sometimes and appreciate for what we have that others don't. Gratitude is must to be humble and happy. I don't say we mustn't dream but realize that some dreams are just the reason for our unhappiness which exceeds the reality.
This explains a lot of the self-sabotage I've done to myself. I could have been happier
word brother. word.
This so spot on it needs to be shared more! Such a great wake up call to do a self audit and improve your own personal happiness through changes made in your perception.
Amazing talk,especially when he talks about competing with ourselves....
The most realest thing i have watched on youTube, thank You
It’s been my favorite channel so far. The speakers bring me variety of incredible experience and knowledge .
It was so difficult for me to focus on the talk because of his beauty. I had to watch it 3 times !
I became happier when I stopped comparing myself to others, and generally stopped taking notice of my thinking.
So true. Comparison is the thief of joy, as they say.
I don't know if I only want to be happy, life is meant to have up and downs. I would rather be a bit disappointed coming 2nd in a competition than come 3rd place. I would rather work on something I feel unsatisfied with than just being happy with how everything is cause it will feel like I have achieved something. You can't have love without sadness.
This guy is one of the modt handsome man I have ever seen. But what fascinates me more is the thought process he has. Any sensible and wise girl's delight.
one of the best Ted talk I have ever seen...the guy is really talented and I wondered that this video doesn't have even 1M views
I wanted to tell u it is now 1.5m views
19:51 19:51
Great talk! Expectation as being the source of unhappiness is soo true..
The travel info is so accurate. When I was dirt poor I wanted to travel the world and now that I’ve been to multiple countries and most states, it is definitely overrated 🤷🏾♀️
I had to listen to it again with my eyes closed. I could not concentrate watching him, he is just to gorgeous!
This man belongs on a movie screen! I could look at him for hours...
Lisa W he looks like he belongs in a horror movie as a possesed doll.
Cheater
@@matthewspear2355 Kinda have to agree
Also happiness changes when you realize as you get older the most important things in life become clear.
Lovely, brilliant, compassionate!
thank you! changed my life, was feeling very low, I expected too much from myself and others, yet realistically nothing has changed!
He's a beautiful speaker. So much clarity, such good delivery. Really really good !!
Well, you did it Nat. I'm setting up a file for best TED's and you're the first one there. Talks like this do make the world a better place. God bless.
This is all so true in the world of online dating. Peoples expectations are often unrealistic and you are presented with so many potential choices, that when you do choose or hesitate to choose you often are thinking of the other 50 people you didn't choose as a potential loss. In other words people focus on what they might have had instead of what they have. The paradox of choice.
Ya we miss out so many good peoples
Ladies and gentlemen this man turns my expectations to another level ..... thank you
My fiancé has told me more than once: the secret to feeling good is having low expectations. I guess he has a point.
But how?
I have never heard it explained this way. Best Tedx I've ever watched!!
One of the greatest TEDx talks I have seen so far, I hope he is called for TED talk one day.
It's impossible not to listen to this guy.... he is so perfectly formed in everyway... what a joy to be him. It's great that he cares about society at large so much. Bravo.
This is so true ! I was unbelievably happy when I won 3rd place in the local math competitions (mainy because I didn't prepare properly and didn't have any expectations at all). I remember my parents were also so surprised we went out and celebrated as if I won the nationals :D Whereas some of my friends got reminded they could've won 1st place instead of 2nd. Expectations sometimes come from the people who love us the most. Small wins are worth celebrating !
Wow. Easily one of the best TED Talks.
Awesome. Hadn't thought about it that way but makes a lot of sense! Love that you presented academic stuff in a fun lighthearted easy-to-understand way!
I am very happy after watching because this talk far far exceeded my expectations.
But when I learnt it’s 7 years old talk a little unhappy why I missed it for so long.
One of the most magnificent Ted Talks I've heard.
Handsome and very intelligent angel. Loved the talk!
+iTube Nice non-objectifying profile picture.
HAHAHAHAHAHAHHAH! Get well very soon.
HAHAHAHHAAHH!
HAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHA LETS LAUGH UNTILL WE DIE HAHAHHAHAHAHAH
I can watch this talk from this man over and over and over again
I may have to listen to it like at least 100 times to fully comprehend the depth of the message here, thank you so much:)
That expectation thing is a big one. One of my best travel experiences was in a place called Martvili Canyon in Georgia (Caucasus). On the pictures it looked amazing, but when we came there there were alot of tourists, very limited path where you could walk, everything costed extra etc. We were very dissapointed. But then our taxi driver said to us he could drive us abit further down the canyon, to a place where no people were. So we went there and came to an absolutely amazing place. No one other than us there, it looked like in the Jungle Book and we could swim around and do whatever we wanted. All for free.
amazing... i love this talk.. really love this talk.. expectation kill us. kill our happiness.
What an inspiring young man .... with thinkers like this around, there is hope for the future. I have found that the older I become, the lower my expectations are of life - maybe this is actually called wisdom. 😊🙏🏻
This was brilliant and succinct. It encapsulates so much of what I've experienced and seen around me, in a much more articulate way than my brain could piece together. I've struggled with decisions and the pursuit of happiness for decades and am constantly getting better at being comfortable and accepting of who I am and what I bring to everyone else's life. Perhaps this improvement I feel for my most important personal goal matches exactly what he spoke of in this talk. As I learn and improve, I feel happier. And that's all I want for this short life of mine, really. 🤘🏼
Wow he is so handsome! It's really ironic when a man like him gives a talk on expectations. Ah well bring on the cats lol.
I couldn’t keep my eyes of his beautiful face and structure.
Mostly attracted to his intelligence...but that face is so distracting!!😍
Beauty is in the eye of the beholder
@@John-vi2st okay we got it
💝He's so handsome, so I can not focus on what he is talking about, but I believe he did a great job and his presentation is excellent.💝
@@DrAllisonQiu Try and keep it in your pants, shall we?
Watched this again. So good!!!
This is the man for the ladies with high expectations and I can cover the less expectant amongst you x
This TED talk is confirmation for me!!! Thanks.
He does a good job of outlining what causes unhappiness but fails to look at the larger, more fundamental systems that create and benefit from this unhappiness.
thats another ted talk lol
He conveyed many messages already. It is easier to control ourselves
This is amazing talk.
We unconsciously make our unhappiness and our misery.
Coco melon
D
best of TED talks for me hands down Thank you
a realllllyy good ted talk. This is what everyone needs to hear in the age of social media
Thank you so much for an very enlightening lecture. I am happier already.
Really a very clever vision of mind ,and how the expectations works, now I understand why when as a young traveler I met children with nothing to be happy ,they were happier than my friends at home . Thanks
+Leda Giordano : i like the observation, it always fascinates me to get this topic discussed.
This is absolutely spot on. I hope more people have a chance to watch this.
Brilliantly revealed and achieved by this young , wise presenter .. thank you to the source .
You're such a heartbreaker Nat! Don't be so handsome with the cutest smile. Anyway now I will try not to raise my expectations from guys:(
There are two ways of being unhappy. Not getting what you want is one. Getting what you want is the other.” E. Tolle
I'm setting my expectations to my reality and letting it go.
so true what this guy is saying. a great Ted talk
Amazing, beautiful, ingenious.. Seriously thank you for sharing this with us
i didnt expect him to be this cute.
cindy purnamasari he surpassed your expectation and so now you're happy ;)))
This is one of my most memorable Tedtalk. Thank you.
I was cleaning and listening to this and was so moved by it and then I went to pick up my phone half way through the video and saw the most handsomest face wow. beauty and brains, thank you for maintaining my faith😍
No words for this speech except for "bravo". Logical, well put together, well explained message. Amazing. Very good job.
This ted talk is amazing.
This is one of the best video on happiness. Great analysis, delivered perfect.
This guy found the key to happiness! Clap, clap, clap, clap!!!!!!
I think it was Dr. Wayne Dyer who said to have intention, rather than expectation...meaning that it is not wise to be ATTACHED to outcomes, which can bring about much disappointment...only do what you can to your best ability & able to move on if things do not turn out in the way that you expected...even our failings can become lessons (how can I improve this for the next try?)...what a stress-free way to live 😉...also, GRATEFULNESS for what you do have is a mighty plus.
Thanks for this comment, an author to put on my reading list
I think this further confirms that trying to achieve happiness through "external referral" is not only pointless but also rather harmful. It would seem that a search inward which can yield the infinite is the only true place "one" may continually sate the insatiable desire within each of us.
One of the best if not the best Ted talks i have watched. Hits the nail on the head. 👍
Thank you, I liked all the effort and advices you gave us. I like the way you develop and presented your idea, it was so great to listen to you.👍
This handsome guy really did share some wisdom with us :D