A lot of great advice in this. But the best thing I got was in essence ‘the people you should want in life are the people you CAN’T scare away with being yourself.’
Weird people like weird people,and that’s o.k.with me. I can not stand them,because they are soo stupid and/or evil and/or anxious 🔩🔧and end up dead,so I pity them and the Gods,who were really wishing here something else...
Lol! Yah, things be better next year, next year, just focus on next time, there will be another chance... lmfao!!! 15 yrs...I'm in 50, narcissistic trauma, couch surfing or at moms sleeping in a recliner, disabled with chronic pain, flat broke... robbed, brother killed, truck broke, etc, etc, etc The book I could write!! I'm sure if I looked to the sky & said give me a break, the reply would be "arm, neck or leg" 😢 No matter how proactive I've been it never works out. I've done it all...3, 4 8 times!???? Can't even list what I've done to improve. Soooo, I will agree to disagree. Life sucks & u die.
“What’s important in a relationship is someone who is competent in a relationship” I love that. We fall for their traits but ultimately if they suck at relationship, those traits are irrelevant
Hi, get anyone you love or (SP) attracted to you. And also get your EX back coming to you begging you for a second chance through the help of Dr Steve, he helped me restore my 5 years broken relationship. Also Dr Steve always keep up with his words, I will advise you seek his help thanks.
It isn't what attracted us though. A ton of people might be great at relationships and into you but you have zero interest so what's the point. As heartbroken as I was from my last break up, I would rather have anything with someone I'm genuinely into than something with someone who doesn't do it for me. Sooooo many women settle for men they aren't attracted to or are boring af because society tells them they are unwise not to.
This is beautiful and so true. We tend to overlook many things and fall for their traits and they’d be incompetent to build a relationship or invest in anything
Hi, get help from Dr Steve who can make your ex come back to you begging for a second chance. He was the one who helped me restore back my broken relationship of 3 years by bringing back my ex. Also Dr Steve always keep up with his words I strongly Advise you to seek help from him
Currently going through my worst break up but actually proud of myself how i have handled it , blocked em as hard as it was and work on myself , own up to my mistakes and forgive myself and them and take in the lesson it was meant to teach me ! And just do better
@@youngharrio Yes sir! Healing journey is a beautiful thing honestly you see yourself change for the best , I tell myself that as well if im down then that means theres only going up from now on and whenever im up we must enjoy the moments and take in the experience! Wishing all of you a beautiful healing !
Yes, we are always where we are meant to be. Forgiving ourself and trusting life to show us where we need to go is so important. Good for you for showing up for yourself
Watching this made me really understand why my girlfriend of 6 years left me. It has helped me see things from her side. She loved me so much and tried so hard to make things work but I failed to reciprocate the same effort. It breaks my heart knowing how she must have felt. I loved her so much but I had my own demons with anxiety and an overly stressful job which only left her crumbs. I feel terrible but it has been a good learning experience and I will not let this happen to anyone else again. I just wish I didn't have to hurt her to learn this because she was genuinely a great person.
I feel like I'm in a situation similar to yours with my current bf. Trying to make things work but I only get tossed into the backseat. I'm trying to be supportive and understanding but I think my efforts are in vain. If this is the dynamics our relationship (and I think that it won't change anytime soon in the future) it's probably best we break things off. But, I'm hesitant coz he is such a great guy.
you really worded this greatly. I am in the same situation, but I left her after 3 because I knew I wasnt going to change and I was only hurting her keeping her in my life
MY NOTES FROM THIS PODCAST: 07:56 Whats important in a relationship is someone who is competent in it. 23:56 One of the biggest problems is people falling for people really quickly. 25:57 You get crazy nervous on a date when you value wrong things. 28:07 It didn't happen, cause it wasn't meant to happen. What's keeping you crying after a breakup/heartbreak is not the breakup/heartbreak, it's the future you have fantasized. 29:10 Stop fantasizing the future of your relationship and instead of that start being physically and mentally present in the present moment. 33:18 We need to start valuing the poetry far more than we value the poet. 35:30 What to look for in a partner? 41:56 Take responsibility of your relationship's quality (bc youre in it) rather than just sitting there and asking what are you (your partner) doing? What are you bringing to the table? 46:19 When we are intentional, we bring a different energy to the things we do, we bring a different energy to a person. 47:33 If the culture isn't serving you, create your own culture. You find your crowd by being the thing that you wanna be and not by hoping that your crowd elicits it from you. 50:36 Instead of giving energy to someone who is not trying to give you equal energy back, try giving an amount of enegy you are willing to lose to everyone you interact with. 55:55 So many travel writers have been to tokyo but the world has not heard what your lens on tokyo is, the world has not heard your take on tokyo. 1:03:44 You can't change someone when they don't want to. Thank you.
Going through the hardest breakup I've ever had to go through, was head over heels for this woman and she left. I still hurt everyday after almost 5 months but its getting easier, had a slight relapse this past week but im over the worst I hope. I'm really proud of myself though, I have lost 2 and half stone, gone to counselling to go through my problems, realised my mistakes I made when I was with her and I feel a better person. Not a day goes by I dont miss or think about her still but I know she's never gunna come back and eventually I hope I'm OK with that. Big love to every other broken heart out there, we can do it 💙
There too, we'll get through this, they weren't the one and we don't have to grieve as if they were but we do have to use the pain as a sign of where we need growth.
Hope your doing ok? I am going through similar and lost weight too! My partner cheated and lied and left we was trying for a baby and everything it’s so upsetting how did it go from that to this? It’s been a month for me and I’ve always been a fan of Matthew so I’ve been watching this podcast so much over and over again - stay strong to anyone whose hurting. Hope it gets better I guess we will find out ❤️
Sing a song about the reason/ easons people die too early:I can only recon they did want to listen,did maybe a small mistake and did not make themselves on the right track
What’s good everyone. Currently separated and my wife Moved on Instantly.. I’m really really struggling! But, I’m pushing through. I’m praying for everyone going through a Traumatic time. Peace & Love.
I did the same, but was the one that moved on. One year after my separation I can tell you....sometimes you have the illusion you moved on, to realize you just wanted to heal....moving on requires more than engaging in a new relationship. Healing is slow....you made a difference, you are better because of your pain. Don't ever forget that.
Watching this captivating video stirs up painful memories of the recent end of my 4 year relationship. My beloved partner chose to depart, leaving me with an unyielding ache. Despite my relentless efforts to reconcile, I find myself grappling with frustration and an inability to envision a future without him. Despite attempts to purge him from my mind, I remain haunted by his absence, feeling compelled to express my longing here.
It's hard to let go of someone you love; I went through a similar experience when my 12-year relationship ended. I tried everything to get him back, and eventually I had to turn to a spiritual counselor for assistance.
Often by seeking a relationship without doing your own deep dive may attract you to the wrong person due to the simple fact that you were not in a good place yourself 🤗🙏
Went through a breakup after 4 years of dating someone that I thought I will spend the rest of my life with. Found out that my ex invited a guy over the night we broke up. I am proud of myself going through this pain by myself with the help of friends and family. I will move on stronger and learn from the mistakes I made in this relationship while my ex will stay the same old person because she is not going to reflect on the things that happened.
One way to get over your ex is stop reminding people about their ex. Do something that you enjoy doing, write, work out, draw, learn a new hobby, hike, bike, make new friends, participate in local activities, volunteer, tell the people who care about you that you love them. Learn from your past and don’t repeat the same mistakes.
30 yrs married. 3 yrs single. I mourned for what wasn’t & for what was. I cried practically everyday for 3 yrs. However more at peace than I’ve ever been! I just got back my passion to workout. I know that there will still be sad days but I’m moving forward. Thank you 🙏🏻
Some 12 years ago I was going through terrible breakup and I saw Mathew on TV and from that time my life radically has changed. I found the love of my life and happily married for 10 years now. Mat I’m genuinely thankful for your compassion and love!
This comes at the right time. The best advice was 'You don't know who this person can be in the next 3 years when you have a falling moment. Don't be upset when you lose a POET. Value the POETRY and people who are willing to write the POETRY of the relationship.'
To all my fearful, fearful avoidant out there, it's true that our attachment style might make it difficult for us to be in a sane relationship but one thing it give us is that sharp intuition. Trust it. There is nobody who can read in the details like we do. We might overreact, but trust me, your instinct is your best ally. When my ex started to act weird, I tried to justify it with everything, but deep down I knew he was going to leave. I prepared myself, so the day he came to ask for a breakup, I just said "Fine, take care of yourself". He was baffled. Normally I would've been all sad and clingy and try to give solutions but nope. It's not healthy to be with somebody who triggers all your sh*t like that. Everybody deserves better.
If you are truly a fearful avoidant, you are likely jumping to conclusions based on your fears and suspicions. You are probably behaving with distrust which eventually makes your partner leave. Self fulfiling prophecy - tick. Rinse, repeat.
The interesting psychology is the less sex you have the first month I mean no sex just talk and romantic gestures the more you are attracted to the person because you don't see him just like an object you see him as a human being with wisdom, emotions, feelings, humor, nice hobbies your point of view about the guy is much richer and if you have the first sex after 2 or 3 months, it can be just plus because the richer the point of view about him his lifestyle, his values, his hobbies, music, science, knowledge the richer experience can be sexually and romantically....after a few months of dating. I am just guessing. I am not an expert. But experts say the same way you treat your sex life, the same way you treat other areas of your life. It's like you go to Paris, you don't want to see all the attractions and the Eiffel Tower on the first day. You just want to get some coffee in a nice restaurant and introduce yourself to the city. After a few days, you visit the attractions to absorb its beauty and interesting stuff about the city. so you are investing your attention into knowing him, even knowing his flaws that are meaningless because you are interested in him as human, it's called imperfect perfection. You see a tree that has an imperfect shape, or size but the tree is imperfectly perfect because it's natural. Nature is imperfect, and trees are imperfect, therefore they are imperfectly perfect in their beauty. Therefore humans also should not try to look perfect but natural.
Cringe af. Fearful avoidants make up all sorts of stories about the other person all the time, whether they be real or perceived kind of abandonment or rejection. These unstable people just aren't capable and don't deserve to be in a relationship unless they are willing to put in the work to heal
Wow! I had tears coming out when I heard Matthew talk about the demon inside of us and the fear of abandonment. It hit me to the core. Thank you for the podcast.
Hi, get anyone you love or (SP) attracted to you. And also get your EX back coming to you begging you for a second chance through the help of Dr Steve, he helped me restore my 5 years broken relationship. Also Dr Steve always keep up with his words, I will advise you seek his help thanks.
Dr Steve Love Spells can make your ex come back to you begging you for a second chance. He helped me restored my broken relationship of 6 years by bringing back my ex Also Dr Steve always keep up with his words I strongly advise you to seek help from him right now.....
This is so eye opening I have been crying, starving myself from horrible nausea and ruminating for the last four days after my breakup. So empowering “ this could have been… this is what it should have been. It would have been if it should have been it could have been. Is a fantasy, it wasn’t meant to happen because it didn’t happen”
I have been listening to many videos by Matthew and he has opened my eyes to what I should have not accepted in my relationship. I played the ‘cool girl’ who never complains, and accepts and forgives everything. But I realised, I was just too afraid to ask for what I needed from my partner. Now I have the courage to ask for it, and the person is not willing to give me what I need most, I have made the decision to leave. It’s really difficult but I finally have the courage to walk away and say it’s not working for me. I cannot thank Matthew enough for the wisdom he shares. You have helped me so much and I feel like a new person now. Thank you Thank you thank you!!!,🙏🙏🙏✨ Please keep doing what you do. Many people like me need you ❤️
Come on, you shouldn't spend your life try to get over the break up. He/she is no longer in love with you, no longer want to spend his/her life with you. Smile and hold the door open for him/her. The only person who will always love you and can help you is yourself. Stand in front of a mirror and look at yourself, be proud of who you are. Your experiences, your achievements, your success, be smart, be proud and be love. Someone out there is waiting and looking for you. Take good care of yourself. Carry on with your life as you are the best in the world and enjoy every moment with your family, your friends and yourself.
I listened to this video when it came out a month ago and it was hard for me to understand because I wasn’t ready to let go of my relationship. And after going through various anxiety filled internal battles within my self, i decided it was time to leave. Trying to leave was difficult because I thought it was him who I wasn’t ready to leave, but watching this again today, after officially breaking up I’ve learned that it was me who was scared to be abandoned. It wasn’t really about him anymore. This is a challenge and constant battle within myself that I need to accept and learn to change. Thank you Matthew and Jay.
Gf of 4 years confessed to cheating last week. and I'm feeling every emotion, but mostly just numb. However, I did leave and walk away as she kept asking for another chance. I don't care how painful this is, I will make it through this.
Currently going through a break up and hearing Matthew and his wisdom had made me feel calm and clear about it. I started to think this evening about 'were things really that bad between us', and 'what if we both agree to change and be better in the relationship'. So glad i listened to this video. Ive been trying to get one of my needs met and change my ex partner for the past year and a half. Its definitely time to move on and allow space for someone who can meet those needs. I will learn from this past relationship too and be better for the next one.
The only person we can change is ourselves. People are gonna hurt people. People are gonna break hearts. List goes on. It's what WE do in those times of adversity that matters. Not her. Them. Or him. They can do whatever they like. They're gonna do it anyway. Regardless if I approve or not. Life is tough sometimes. That's how we grow.
Our hearts all break and heal in a unique way.One takes a little longer than the other to get over your ex.Take your time and rediscover yourself.And there is always someone you can fall in love with.
When you're head over heels over someone, the heartache is immensely magnified. There will be no tips that can ever mitigate the agony when you've opened your heart like never before. Time and keeping busy is the only medicine. Could be months or even years, but eventually we will torture ourselves less and be more at peace. We all have to do it at our own pace. Oversimplified tips, no thank you. Thoroughly enjoy Matthew Hussey talks. Great discussion here.
36:02 this part is it for me. Being vulnerable in front of someone and they judge you immediately instead of trying to understand, being curious to know why you feel this way. This is the answer I needed for what I'm going through right now.
I'm now going through a break up. We were even living together, we decided to get married this year, we were planing to have kids. I have worked in myslef for almost 5 years already, doing a lot of things to heal myself, especially from the abandonmend wound. I enter this relationship just saying I want a comfortable life, I want a partner that will be with me for the rest of my live (I went through a divorce already so I wanted to avoid having that painful experience again) and I wanted something stable and comfortable. Now, hearing say: "comfort is not happines" it just change my perspective. I'm in the same cycle over and over again of being abandom and being with people that would not stay because that is what is comfortable and stable for me. Even though it makes me miserable and it keeps my nervious system at the top, it's what is stable and comfortable for me. Now, what I need to do is open myself to uncomfortable experiences, new experiences in which I will need to discover another way of love and acceptance. Thank you for this guys. Hope you guys keep sharing wisdom. It's extremely helpful! Much love and admiration for you.
My boyfriend broke up with me, we where both in tears he said he just needed time, and we’ll get back together, but he’s never going to put me first and that hurts a lot. If I get back with him, it’ll end up like this again, eventually. I just want him, but everyone around me believes I deserve better. I’m hurting, I’m in so much pain
I think you deserve to treat yourself better. That doesn’t matter if he is in your life or anyone for that matter. Take this time for you. Be a better you that YOU respect and love without anyone else’s presence playing a role in that validation.
Girl, don't waste even one (one!) more minute on a person who was OK with not having you in their life potentially for forever. If you get back together, this will happen again.
It’s my third time listening and I’ll probably listen another ten. I found it while searching for talks on grieving a relationship. For the first time in months, my heart is lighter and I’m proud of myself for making the right choice and know I can move on. I have forwarded to at least three friends. Anyone in a relationship can benefit from this relationship advice. It honestly saved my life.
I'm just 2 months into ending my 20 year relationship and when you talk about the abandonment demon I just broke down in tears because it's sooo powerful. Thank you Matthew for your advice on how to give myself compassion.
Going through same and infidelity issues. Hard that he left everything behind and just disappeared so no real closure. Matthew really nailed it. Hang in there!
Hello lovely I can introduce you to the same powerful relationship restorer who helped me to recover back my ex fiancee. He can also help you to get back with yours and make your relationship to blossom Forever.
Matthew man. Your intelligence, awareness, memory. I’m in awe. You were made for speaking ❤️ never stop because of that content implosion you talked about - no one can be like you.
Im going through a divorce and stumbled across this video. My heart aches more than ever before. I know this feeling will pass, even on the toughest days. It's so difficult not to reminisce on the great times. Im hoping this video will help! Take care, everyone ❤️
I’ve been listening to this on repeat all day. I’ve been going through a break up where my girlfriend left me for a girl (I’m a guy). We lived together for three years. It’s been rough. I wanted to work it out for the first two weeks but I realized that if I’m the only one willing to do whatever it takes, then it doesn’t matter what I do or what I want. I cannot emphasize how powerful the statement for me here about feeling heart broken of the relationship you thought it could have been. The potential future. That’s where I was/am. I wanted her to change, for the better. Mental health stuff. But YOU CANNOT LOVE SOMEONE ENOUGH FOR THEM TO CHANGE! “ This is about your demons calling the shots” FML but it’s alright cuz we need to learn to love ourselves enough to let go and listen to what people are telling you through their words and their ACTIONS! ❤
Omg I really do the same thing. I really feel for you. There are many people in this world who are going through the same thing. Reasons differ but we are all here for each other. We need to learn to love ourselves as you say and pull through.
My heart goes out to you. I was cheated on and somehow I was still trying to keep this guy in my life. Fortunately he was the one that cut things off but my god was that painful. I imagined what could be and how wonderful it was when things were good. Through that experience I got to see how much I would ignore red flags throughout the relationship and how I would override my true feelings just to keep that connection. After that I feel like my standards went up and I have no time for BS and have turned down guys who do/say things that don’t align with my values. I’ve learned to take care of the part that feels hurt (through coaching) so that I could heal. I thought I would never get through the pain but I did and I’ve attracted someone who so far has been kind, open, and shows up authentically. What I want to say to you is I’m so sorry you’re going through this, it truly sucks and it feels like you can’t get that person out of your mind but you WILL get through this. Even if it’s little by little you will! Feelings are temporary and if you are willing to open your heart again when you’re ready you will find love again. Coaching for me has been so helpful but I also suggest therapy with a therapist you resonate with. It can be pretty hard getting through this breakup alone, we all need each other. Sending you much love and healing
@@nellynel3027 he left me 2 times. 1st time:7 years ago, in between he had a girl, came back, had 3 new beautiful years! But left me 2 weeks ago again; were even engaged since one year I’m so broken 😞 I just don’t understand. 1st time it was because we had some arguments and now it’s: he’s afraid of the future. Even though everything was perfect😔 met my family, everyone was happy. Him too And no he’s writing and telling me he wants to vectored fir me 😕 I’m so done with emotions, help!!!!!
My boyfriend of 4yrs left to “go to work” in the morning and never came home. When I kept calling him would not answer the phone he would only text back. He was still pretending to be at work, and was lying to me, telling me that he was so tired. He was just gonna stay at work because he had to be up early the next morning to be at work And coming in. I knew something was off because this was not normal. And the fact that he wasn’t answering my calls was not normal. I later found out he was not at work. He quit his job and he moved out of state. We just signed a lease together. The rent is double than it was last year. Afford this place on my own and I’m facing homelessness in two weeks. I am blindsided and devastated by all of this. I can’t believe that someone that I thought I knew for four years could just vanish like that with no warning.
I loved the concept of "be compassionate toward your future self". Life is not just about the past and present. We have to think about our near and far future. Sometimes the price of "smiling in the future" is "crying 😭 or sadness in present". In different subjects of life(other than relationship) if we try hard (not so much hard), with focus and consistency, then we will reach our goals without any doubt. So we have to put the effort and be willing to work consistently and remind ourselves that life is not just about this moment. Sometimes you have to give present to take future.
This interview was absolutely phenomenal. So spot on. 07:56 Whats important in a relationship is someone who is competent in it. 46:19 When we are intentional, we bring a different energy to the things we do, we bring a different energy to a person.
Finally!!!! My favourite two people together in one room!! I knew whenever this would happen, the conversation would be amazing. I feel like Jay was able to pull out a lot of advice and perspective out of Matthew that he usually doesn't share, which made this interview so refreshing. You both were so beautifully present. Matthew would always get back to the question Jay asked after sharing a sea of knowledge, and Jay as always is a great listener and a humble interviewer. Thank you both of you for guiding me from a distance throughout the years.
50 ears old and just out of another failed relationship. Thank you gentlemen for your perspective and wisdom .I wish I knew this when I was younger . God bless you both .
Minute 26-30🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻 „I need closure.“ „ you have closure ! That action that they showed you is closure !“ + „it would have been if it should have been !“
Greetings from Romania. I've just ended a toxic, abusive relationship and I feel the most depressed I've ever been, just not going back is taking all of my energy every day, that's why I'm here watching this video. The words of Matthew at 01:13:35 made me cry, it's been such a long time since I last felt that kind of kindness and empathy. I'm usually a very strong sunny woman but I lost myself in this relationship. And I couldn't understand why I just couldn't leave no matter what happened to me and despite having such a strong personality and values. And the words of the abandonment demon you've described are 100% what I hear in my head every time I try. Thank you for the epiphany, I think you just saved my life. God bless you, Matthew and Jay for this. Just knowing that there are men like you gives me hope.
This CD has three separate relaxation/meditation sessions on it th-cam.com/users/postUgkxzpa8CIfZcihW4Z0F_ja0QF3W9KIatrsq guided by a very pleasant and direct male voice. Unlike so many other products of its type, this CD does not have bad synthesizer music, does not feature a phony or affected style of narration, and does not make any bogus claims to be subliminal or to re-train the brain or any of that balderdash. What you get is 1. a guided meditation for getting into a pleasantly relaxed state of body awareness while taking a stroll (superb for those easing back into a fitness routine slowly after an illness or injury) 2. A nice long breath-awareness relaxation session that if followed diligently can put you into very deep states of full-body relaxation and mental calmness, and 3. a buddhist-inspired meditation session designed to help you develop and maintain feelings of loving kindness toward not just yourself and your friends, but toward people you don't even like. The CD makes no claims to be designed for advanced meditators or for buddhists or hindus/yoga practitioners looking for very deep and esoteric stuff. It is geared more toward the average person who just wants to develop the habit of relaxation and stress relief through natural, healthy means. him, if you happen to be reading this, keep up the good work fella, and I love your accent. I would also like to note that I have never fallen asleep while listening to this product. I would like to kindly suggest to the reviewer who said this CD makes him fall asleep, that he might want to get checked to see if he has a sleep disorder, or if he is simply not setting aside ample time for restful sleep at night. A healthy person getting adequate rest at night should be able to go into deep states of mental relaxation without dozing off, if not all the time, then most of the time.
I love the warmth Mathew expresses what it means to truly be skilled and compassionate in a relationship. I've been a hopeless romantic since I was little and struggled with a lot of the same issues as Jay. But great educators like you guys have always helped me refocus and listen for the right things. Thanks for sharing
Being aware of old childhood abandonment issues and doing the work to find some resolution to come to terms with that will liberate you from the inner child screaming that once more it is feeling a sense of abandonment.🙏
Every time I feel like going back to a situation that’s not for me I replay 1:14:06 we all deserve to be happy and loved correctly but specially we deserve to love ourselves and it’s okay to hurt for a little while we heal the wound and not stick around to make the wound bigger and more infected .
“To make people feel less alone in their suffering” you are phenomenal Mathew!!! I had goose bumps and my eyes were in tears. Thank you so much for your precious time for others today. Also many thanks to Jay. You both are inspiring!!! It sure felt good listening to the purpose with some humor. Very lively .. thank you🙏😊
When two genuine hearts come together and discuss important things, people’s lives change. This was very healing for me to watch and listen. Thank you both.
So much that was said here hit in deep in the feels. That part about how it’s not easy to leave and how the abandonment is so strong. Man I appreciate someone who acknowledges it. I feel not a lot of people can recognise this. Amazing and amazing. Thank you
my two big favourites: Jay Shetty and Matthew Hussey. I can't even begin to explain how much change you have brought in my life in the past year and a half. You guys are amazing, please make more content together.
Dear Hussy.. Whenever i hear you I feel strong emotions n tears just roll out of my eyes... Feel like hugging n crying hard.. You are light in this dark world.. God bless you
@@terihorton217 Thanks for asking. I completely forgot I even left this comment. So, after about a month things got easier. I started going out with friends, meeting people, and I am now in a happy relationship with the perfect woman, going on 7 months now. Things do get easier with time, but at the time that i posted this comment it was hard to see that. If I could go back and give myself advice, I would say happiness is just around the corner, just hold out a little longer. Hope this helps :)
I wanted to watch it to share this information with my best friend coming out of a heartbreak , but just realized I needed it more even I'm in a 21 years of marriage. If I only knew half of this information before getting into it, my life would it be easier, happier and more true. Thank you for sharing this important information, now I'm able to work harder in me an most importantly share it with my 20 year old son, who's being part of this different generation of dating and meeting people. Kudos to Jay for making this happen. I feel so proud to be part of the Genius community.
Also Jay, you put into words something I had always done but never realized was a delusion or even a thing. I love how you explained how you would give everything to somebody in order to get them to love you only to realize when they did, you didn't have the same love for them. You just wanted to be loved so badly you didn't realize you weren't getting the things you needed from that person to love them because you were so busy giving to get that high of someone loving you. I used to be the same way and realize now how disingenuous that was. It explains why my first partner fell head over heels for me, but I never really returned that feeling. Thank you for bringing some clarity to my actions.
So glad I found this talk. Have come through two abusive marriages. In my senior years and now my children and grandchildren are what are most important to me. Even entering another relationship terrifies me. Trust was taken away. Thank you for all your ideas. I have an adult daughter, son and 2 young granddaughters. I want them to have genuine relationships. My son is married and my daughter after many idiots now seems to be in a compassionate partnership. I have passed this on to them. So many instances when I should of walked out. But your words saying how hard it is helps tremendously. One circumstance was in the middle of breast cancer treatments this person never went with me, never even asked how I was doing and I discovered he was actually going to a casino and did not have that money. Part of me feels very ashamed that I let him do this to me and so much more.
My 2 and a half year relationship ended, and I've been having really tough times lately, it's been 3 months now. It is not easy, every day has its high and lows, however, I'll get through this, that way or another. I made many mistakes while we were in the relationship, I did not give importance to the things she asked me, and today I grief about that, if she were here today, I would have been a lot better person but she'll never come back I know, at the end of the day I have learned, experienced many things with her, I am a better man than yesterday, hopefully everyone who's going through breakup as I am will blossom and come back stronger. Stay strong.
I'm with you man. 5 years married and my wife told me she wanted a divorce on Halloween. I should've treated her better and instead I took her for granted. This is what kills me everyday. All we can do is try to forgive ourselves and make ourselves better for us and not anyone else! Stay strong
@@krisgomez4919 It is true that we did mistakes but we should not blame ourselves for those mistakes, maybe we were ignorant, didn’t know better, today we are better people either with them or without them. Stay strong king!
As I'm the one who ends the relations because I'm not happy even after saying why and trying to make it work, I'm always labeled as "the difficult one", "too picky", or critical. And after people see the behavior of my partners and realise I'm not crazy, they still maintain the label, knowing that I made the right decision to leave so I could be happy with myself and the world.
I relate to this comment so much. I have always felt like the difficult one, and yet, I was selecting partners where their behaviors were “acceptable” by the masses. We should be friends. Lol
Jay comes across as a great listener with a voice of tranquility in this interview, and the timing of his input is impeccable. I'm glad that listening to Matthew's videos again led me here (after hearing from an ex who will never change but is permanently blocked now). After watching this video, I've realized I feared abandonment while in my past relationship, not losing a person who treated me terribly. Thanks, Matthew, for this takeaway.
Hooe this helps someone- Three months after watching this video I have let go everything. I have forgiven my partner but didnt forget. Remember we have control only on us and we should let other do what they want to do. We should be sure that if anything goes wrong again we should be able to bounce back.
The comments about showing your partner who you are and them responding with compassion and understanding... it's exactly what I need right now. My ex was so judgmental toward me for our entire relationship. Everything I did affected her in some way and over and over again she'd torture me about it no matter how much I told her I was sorry or showed her I'd be better. I found myself changing everything about myself in order to be the man she expected. But since our breakup I've realized while I was becoming the best version of myself, she was changing nothing for me. The last time I asked her to just try to be more understanding of me, she cut me off and told me no and that she couldn't because of my actions. I adore her but when I hear other people talk about how blessed they are to have an understanding partner, it makes me sad that she couldn't even try to do that for me.
The big take home on this is why we continue to allow ourselves to stay in situations that aren’t feeding our souls and to look at what in ourselves keeps us there .it’s never about the other person .It takes so many years of truly looking at ourselves to really see ourselves ! We see the world as we hope it to be and become so disappointed when it’s not that way . I be learned that until I’m whole and true inside myself I can never truly be in a contented relationship with another ! Thank you Both you are truly beautiful souls whom I resonate with on all levels ! You both Rock this world ! 💋♥️💋♥️💋♥️🌻🙏🌻🎉🎉🎉🎉
I love how Jay genuinely reassures his guest that what's he talking makes sense. And of course Matthew always have right thing to say, love him for that. I heard plenty of appreciation exchange between the two gentlemen. Love it ❤
I pray the universe grant your heart desires, Hey friends I got my relationship fixed with the help of a great spiritualist Who brought my ex after many months of separation,,,, ,,
This was such a great interview about shifting how we approach relationships to make them more meaningful, respectful, and loving. I especially loved how Mathew gave Jay his flowers at the end...so so true, Jay you've built something incredible!
****Hello friend it seems you are really in need to get your ex back****Well all this can be resolved under 24 hours just drop your WhatsApp number so I sent to the man who helped me*****so he can easily identify and do a perfect work for you thanks*****
Gosh, I love both of you so much. Dating is the one part of my life... the only part of my life at 57 that makes me feel so very horribly uncomfortable and vulnerable I never feel like I know what I'm doing and having you both to guide me threw some of this is such a blessing for me and so comforting. Your hitting the arrow on the mark for me every time. Thank you, thank you so much... I will be watching and learning and working on making this wonderful for me not the horror it's become.
Matthew's final statement about Jay and his listening...I was admiring the whole entire time. The way Jay speaks. The way he adds his spiritual learnings into his interviewing style. The questions are tweaked to perfection. This whole podcast was beautiful
Wow you said something I needed to hear. I dated a guy that I thought was the one for 5 weeks before he had a temper tantrum. I continued to believe in him even after he ghosted me for 10 days and then showed me how hateful and racist he really was. I tolerated so much for 8 more weeks before I left him and blocked him from my life. I still felt sad about him and the lost relationship but he only had 5 good weeks in him. The last 3 months was or is who he is. I didn't lose anything!
Hi, get anyone you love or (SP) attracted to you. And also get your EX back coming to you begging you for a second chance through the help of Dr Steve, he helped me restore my 5 years broken relationship. Also Dr Steve always keep up with his words, I will advise you seek his help thanks.
“We love someone as long as the sun is shining, but when the chips are down and things are tough, they start reassessing.” I felt the worst emotional abandonment with so much lifequakes that happened this summer. Then slowly turned to cold + angry. This is articulated so well.
Here I am trying to walk my way but I am still not into letting go. It was my fault, so Im trying to learn my lesson but also allowing time heal me. I hope one day I'll be back with him.
Wonderful I left after 31 year relationship 12 years ago tortured myself. Now very nervous about abandoning myself but dating someone very very slowly now love you both Matthew and Jay Shetty. You are insightful men snd it’s so refreshing. As a mature woman men were not as enlightened when I was young! Xxxx
I walked out of my relationship just one month ago,after 27 years of marriage, I had to break the cycle . I couldn’t let him have the same relationship with children (youngest 20) . Never had a voice, never listened……. list goes on. I’m going to keep listening to this for long time as a reminder of past present and future. Loved the show ❤️ and yes men (in my culture especially past and present ) were not enlightened but I’m proud of my daughters and my son who became to be despite what they had to endure.
Yes Matthew you are so right. There is a specific audience who vibes with what you are saying and how you are saying it. They identify with you, from your unique background and your unique experiences and the inputs you have and are bringing to them. They can resonate with what you are trying to convey.🤗🙏
Whenever something crappy happens in my relationships, I always seek out either of you two. So nice to see you both together as great representations of awake and self-aware, nice men.
Soo very true about it being so easy to love someone when the sun is shining but when it starts raining, love is truly tested. Love Matthew's interpretation of Weathering With You, I never thought of it that way, so beautiful! Love it
I think the biggest challenge in showing relationship competence is being strong enough to walk away when you notice signs that show relationship incompetence. Staying in that relationship where one person shows that they lack relationship competence shows your own incompetence. We all fall into the trap that it will get better or change, and that rarely happens.
The duo I didn’t think I needed! Thank you Jay, for this wonderful and insightful interview with Matthew… I’ve already watched this twice and it still gave me more profound sense into how complex, intricate yet simple, all human beings are when it comes to relationships. Thank you both! ♥️
'There is a difference between winning the lottery and starting a business.' That really helped. I felt like I won the lottery and they walked out. Next time, I am looking to start a business with someone who is willing to do that with me.
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A lot of great advice in this. But the best thing I got was in essence ‘the people you should want in life are the people you CAN’T scare away with being yourself.’
Hello friend, I can recommend you to the powerful relationship healer that helped me get my ex back after separation. He can also help you..
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Weird people like weird people,and that’s o.k.with me.
I can not stand them,because they are soo stupid and/or evil and/or anxious 🔩🔧and end up dead,so I pity them and the Gods,who were really wishing here something else...
I love this part too
So important!!
Tough times don’t last, tough people do. Stay strong guys. I’m in the trenches with you. I love you all.
We will get better ❤️
I feel like Lt Dan in this trench but I’m here. 💔
Love you all too
She left me after 12 yrs. It's only been 3 months and I'm having a super hard time. It feel like I lost a part of me
@@sanic001same here brother! I’m getting better, but almost everything is reminding me of her.
Lol! Yah, things be better next year, next year, just focus on next time, there will be another chance... lmfao!!!
15 yrs...I'm in 50,
narcissistic trauma, couch surfing or at moms sleeping in a recliner, disabled with chronic pain, flat broke... robbed, brother killed, truck broke, etc, etc, etc
The book I could write!!
I'm sure if I looked to the sky & said give me a break, the reply would be "arm, neck or leg" 😢 No matter how proactive I've been it never works out. I've done it all...3, 4 8 times!???? Can't even list what I've done to improve.
Soooo, I will agree to disagree. Life sucks & u die.
"Make a list of what you want to see in your partner and be that list" this is beautiful
It’s called a “sex ideal list” it’s a part of the 12 steps in Alcoholics Anonymous.
“It wasn’t meant to happen, because it didn’t happen”. . . I needed to hear this. Blessings to all the heartbroken. We’ll get better.
💜🙏
💞
❤
Amen.
It didn't happen because it was not meant to be happened
“What’s important in a relationship is someone who is competent in a relationship” I love that. We fall for their traits but ultimately if they suck at relationship, those traits are irrelevant
Hi, get anyone you love or (SP) attracted to you. And also get your EX back coming to you begging you for a second chance through the help of Dr Steve, he helped me restore my 5 years broken relationship. Also Dr Steve always keep up with his words, I will advise you seek his help thanks.
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It isn't what attracted us though. A ton of people might be great at relationships and into you but you have zero interest so what's the point. As heartbroken as I was from my last break up, I would rather have anything with someone I'm genuinely into than something with someone who doesn't do it for me. Sooooo many women settle for men they aren't attracted to or are boring af because society tells them they are unwise not to.
This is beautiful and so true. We tend to overlook many things and fall for their traits and they’d be incompetent to build a relationship or invest in anything
“Compassion towards your future self is leaving even though the present self is deeply hurting” That hit hard
Hi, get help from Dr Steve who can make your ex come back to you begging for a second chance. He was the one who helped me restore back my broken relationship of 3 years by bringing back my ex. Also Dr Steve always keep up with his words I strongly Advise you to seek help from him
Send him a message on Whatsapp
That one hit hard but felt relief from those words.
Excellent advice 👌
Ò
*"Love is simultaneously the best and worst thing. It can bring so much happiness yet so much pain too."*
This is why dots most important to make up your mind about what you want and what you're willing to put up with.
Answer is poet should.......watch
same is true about LIFE
Ying and yang
Love doesn’t bring pain. The absence of it does
Currently going through my worst break up but actually proud of myself how i have handled it , blocked em as hard as it was and work on myself , own up to my mistakes and forgive myself and them and take in the lesson it was meant to teach me ! And just do better
Remember you are not alone
More strength to u guys!!!❤️
@@youngharrio Yes sir! Healing journey is a beautiful thing honestly you see yourself change for the best , I tell myself that as well if im down then that means theres only going up from now on and whenever im up we must enjoy the moments and take in the experience! Wishing all of you a beautiful healing !
I’m so sorry you’re going through that, glad to hear you say you’re proud of how you handled it. 1 day at a time 😘
Yes, we are always where we are meant to be. Forgiving ourself and trusting life to show us where we need to go is so important. Good for you for showing up for yourself
Watching this made me really understand why my girlfriend of 6 years left me. It has helped me see things from her side. She loved me so much and tried so hard to make things work but I failed to reciprocate the same effort. It breaks my heart knowing how she must have felt. I loved her so much but I had my own demons with anxiety and an overly stressful job which only left her crumbs. I feel terrible but it has been a good learning experience and I will not let this happen to anyone else again. I just wish I didn't have to hurt her to learn this because she was genuinely a great person.
I feel like I'm in a situation similar to yours with my current bf. Trying to make things work but I only get tossed into the backseat. I'm trying to be supportive and understanding but I think my efforts are in vain. If this is the dynamics our relationship (and I think that it won't change anytime soon in the future) it's probably best we break things off. But, I'm hesitant coz he is such a great guy.
That is an amazing ownership and awakening for you.
I hope she knows.... X
you really worded this greatly. I am in the same situation, but I left her after 3 because I knew I wasnt going to change and I was only hurting her keeping her in my life
It’s never too late. Maybe you should let her know these things.
@@el-hp1ljwhy won’t u change?
MY NOTES FROM THIS PODCAST:
07:56 Whats important in a relationship is someone who is competent in it.
23:56 One of the biggest problems is people falling for people really quickly.
25:57 You get crazy nervous on a date when you value wrong things.
28:07 It didn't happen, cause it wasn't meant to happen. What's keeping you crying after a breakup/heartbreak is not the breakup/heartbreak, it's the future you have fantasized.
29:10 Stop fantasizing the future of your relationship and instead of that start being physically and mentally present in the present moment.
33:18 We need to start valuing the poetry far more than we value the poet.
35:30 What to look for in a partner?
41:56 Take responsibility of your relationship's quality (bc youre in it) rather than just sitting there and asking what are you (your partner) doing? What are you bringing to the table?
46:19 When we are intentional, we bring a different energy to the things we do, we bring a different energy to a person.
47:33 If the culture isn't serving you, create your own culture. You find your crowd by being the thing that you wanna be and not by hoping that your crowd elicits it from you.
50:36 Instead of giving energy to someone who is not trying to give you equal energy back, try giving an amount of enegy you are willing to lose to everyone you interact with.
55:55 So many travel writers have been to tokyo but the world has not heard what your lens on tokyo is, the world has not heard your take on tokyo.
1:03:44 You can't change someone when they don't want to.
Thank you.
thank u for this
thank you!
THANK YOU!
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Going through the hardest breakup I've ever had to go through, was head over heels for this woman and she left. I still hurt everyday after almost 5 months but its getting easier, had a slight relapse this past week but im over the worst I hope. I'm really proud of myself though, I have lost 2 and half stone, gone to counselling to go through my problems, realised my mistakes I made when I was with her and I feel a better person. Not a day goes by I dont miss or think about her still but I know she's never gunna come back and eventually I hope I'm OK with that. Big love to every other broken heart out there, we can do it 💙
♥️✨ u will be ok 💯% no doubt about it 😊 speaking from experience 🙏🏽💝 take care out there.
@@rachelh7079 thankyou darling, you're an absolute sweetheart. Hope you're okay 💙
There too, we'll get through this, they weren't the one and we don't have to grieve as if they were but we do have to use the pain as a sign of where we need growth.
Hope your doing ok? I am going through similar and lost weight too! My partner cheated and lied and left we was trying for a baby and everything it’s so upsetting how did it go from that to this? It’s been a month for me and I’ve always been a fan of Matthew so I’ve been watching this podcast so much over and over again - stay strong to anyone whose hurting. Hope it gets better I guess we will find out ❤️
Sing a song about the reason/
easons people die too early:I can only recon they did want to listen,did maybe a small mistake and did not make themselves on the right track
What’s good everyone. Currently separated and my wife Moved on Instantly.. I’m really really struggling! But, I’m pushing through. I’m praying for everyone going through a Traumatic time. Peace & Love.
I did the same, but was the one that moved on. One year after my separation I can tell you....sometimes you have the illusion you moved on, to realize you just wanted to heal....moving on requires more than engaging in a new relationship. Healing is slow....you made a difference, you are better because of your pain. Don't ever forget that.
Sending you good energy and hope that you’re growing into your new self.
Watching this captivating video stirs up painful memories of the recent end of my 4 year relationship. My beloved partner chose to depart, leaving me with an unyielding ache. Despite my relentless efforts to reconcile, I find myself grappling with frustration and an inability to envision a future without him. Despite attempts to purge him from my mind, I remain haunted by his absence, feeling compelled to express my longing here.
It's hard to let go of someone you love; I went through a similar experience when my 12-year relationship ended. I tried everything to get him back, and eventually I had to turn to a spiritual counselor for assistance.
Interesting! How did you locate a spiritual counselor, and how can I get in touch with him most effectively?
His name is Father Akunna, and he is a great spiritual counselor who can bring back your ex.
he is father akunna, he has great powers, he can help you.
I appreciate you providing this important information; I've just checked Father Akunna online, and wow, he's really genuine. Thank you so much again ❤
Often by seeking a relationship without doing your own deep dive may attract you to the wrong person due to the simple fact that you were not in a good place yourself 🤗🙏
Went through a breakup after 4 years of dating someone that I thought I will spend the rest of my life with. Found out that my ex invited a guy over the night we broke up. I am proud of myself going through this pain by myself with the help of friends and family. I will move on stronger and learn from the mistakes I made in this relationship while my ex will stay the same old person because she is not going to reflect on the things that happened.
"it would have been if it should have been and could have been" .."it wasn't meant to happen because it didn't happen" 😊🙏
One way to get over your ex is stop reminding people about their ex.
Do something that you enjoy doing, write, work out, draw, learn a new hobby, hike, bike, make new friends, participate in local activities, volunteer, tell the people who care about you that you love them.
Learn from your past and don’t repeat the same mistakes.
Preach! Also
Can I recommend a podcast
Relationship reflections on Spotify
This sounds so much better on note than in reality.
it's not dealing it's avoiding or distracting yourself
30 yrs married. 3 yrs single.
I mourned for what wasn’t & for what was. I cried practically everyday for 3 yrs. However more at peace than I’ve ever been! I just got back my passion to workout. I know that there will still be sad days but I’m moving forward. Thank you 🙏🏻
“We need to start valuing the poetry far more than than we value the poet” that conversation was incredibly enlightening
So absolutely true!
"Not an endless ocean of choice, but an endless ocean of disappointment" i felt that
Some 12 years ago I was going through terrible breakup and I saw Mathew on TV and from that time my life radically has changed. I found the love of my life and happily married for 10 years now. Mat I’m genuinely thankful for your compassion and love!
This comes at the right time. The best advice was 'You don't know who this person can be in the next 3 years when you have a falling moment. Don't be upset when you lose a POET. Value the POETRY and people who are willing to write the POETRY of the relationship.'
To all my fearful, fearful avoidant out there, it's true that our attachment style might make it difficult for us to be in a sane relationship but one thing it give us is that sharp intuition. Trust it. There is nobody who can read in the details like we do. We might overreact, but trust me, your instinct is your best ally.
When my ex started to act weird, I tried to justify it with everything, but deep down I knew he was going to leave. I prepared myself, so the day he came to ask for a breakup, I just said "Fine, take care of yourself". He was baffled. Normally I would've been all sad and clingy and try to give solutions but nope. It's not healthy to be with somebody who triggers all your sh*t like that. Everybody deserves better.
how can you love if you’re always afraid heal your insecurities and keep trusting that you’ll take care of yourself!
If you are truly a fearful avoidant, you are likely jumping to conclusions based on your fears and suspicions. You are probably behaving with distrust which eventually makes your partner leave. Self fulfiling prophecy - tick. Rinse, repeat.
The interesting psychology is the less sex you have the first month
I mean no sex just talk and romantic gestures
the more you are attracted to the person
because you don't see him just like an object
you see him as a human being with wisdom, emotions, feelings, humor, nice hobbies
your point of view about the guy is much richer
and if you have the first sex after 2 or 3 months, it can be just plus
because the richer the point of view about him
his lifestyle, his values, his hobbies, music, science, knowledge
the richer experience can be sexually and romantically....after a few months of dating.
I am just guessing. I am not an expert.
But experts say
the same way you treat your sex life,
the same way you treat other areas of your life.
It's like you go to Paris, you don't want to see all the attractions and the Eiffel Tower on the first day.
You just want to get some coffee in a nice restaurant and introduce yourself to the city.
After a few days, you visit the attractions to absorb its beauty and interesting stuff about the city.
so you are investing your attention into knowing him, even knowing his flaws that are meaningless
because you are interested in him as human, it's called imperfect perfection.
You see a tree that has an imperfect shape, or size but the tree is imperfectly perfect because it's natural.
Nature is imperfect, and trees are imperfect, therefore they are imperfectly perfect in their beauty.
Therefore humans also should not try to look perfect but natural.
Cringe af. Fearful avoidants make up all sorts of stories about the other person all the time, whether they be real or perceived kind of abandonment or rejection. These unstable people just aren't capable and don't deserve to be in a relationship unless they are willing to put in the work to heal
@@sairaphilip437 exactly
Biggest takeaway: think about how hard it is for you to change yourself. And then you understand why you can’t change others.
👏🏻👏🏻
True. We are who we are and need to find others who are naturally similar
Wow! I had tears coming out when I heard Matthew talk about the demon inside of us and the fear of abandonment. It hit me to the core. Thank you for the podcast.
Hi, get anyone you love or (SP) attracted to you. And also get your EX back coming to you begging you for a second chance through the help of Dr Steve, he helped me restore my 5 years broken relationship. Also Dr Steve always keep up with his words, I will advise you seek his help thanks.
Dr Steve Love Spells can make your ex come back to you begging you for a second chance. He helped me restored my broken relationship of 6 years by bringing back my ex Also Dr Steve always keep up with his words I strongly advise you to seek help from him right now.....
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This is so eye opening
I have been crying, starving myself from horrible nausea and ruminating for the last four days after my breakup.
So empowering “ this could have been… this is what it should have been. It would have been if it should have been it could have been. Is a fantasy, it wasn’t meant to happen because it didn’t happen”
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Sending you are hug🙏
I’m with you there. Hope you’re doing better, and blessings to you!
I have been listening to many videos by Matthew and he has opened my eyes to what I should have not accepted in my relationship. I played the ‘cool girl’ who never complains, and accepts and forgives everything. But I realised, I was just too afraid to ask for what I needed from my partner. Now I have the courage to ask for it, and the person is not willing to give me what I need most, I have made the decision to leave. It’s really difficult but I finally have the courage to walk away and say it’s not working for me. I cannot thank Matthew enough for the wisdom he shares. You have helped me so much and I feel like a new person now. Thank you Thank you thank you!!!,🙏🙏🙏✨ Please keep doing what you do. Many people like me need you ❤️
Come on, you shouldn't spend your life try to get over the break up. He/she is no longer in love with you, no longer want to spend his/her life with you. Smile and hold the door open for him/her.
The only person who will always love you and can help you is yourself. Stand in front of a mirror and look at yourself, be proud of who you are. Your experiences, your achievements, your success, be smart, be proud and be love. Someone out there is waiting and looking for you.
Take good care of yourself. Carry on with your life as you are the best in the world and enjoy every moment with your family, your friends and yourself.
I love this. Thank you. ❤️
I listened to this video when it came out a month ago and it was hard for me to understand because I wasn’t ready to let go of my relationship. And after going through various anxiety filled internal battles within my self, i decided it was time to leave. Trying to leave was difficult because I thought it was him who I wasn’t ready to leave, but watching this again today, after officially breaking up I’ve learned that it was me who was scared to be abandoned. It wasn’t really about him anymore. This is a challenge and constant battle within myself that I need to accept and learn to change. Thank you Matthew and Jay.
This really works beat for me
He was the one who helped me restored back my broken relationship of three years without stress nor delay 🥰💯💯💯💯
±²³⁴⁸⁰²⁹⁰⁶⁵⁹³⁹
Message him now on his WhatsApp number
so proud of you!! giving you so much love through this journey, it won't be easy but it will be worth it!
Gf of 4 years confessed to cheating last week. and I'm feeling every emotion, but mostly just numb.
However, I did leave and walk away as she kept asking for another chance. I don't care how painful this is, I will make it through this.
“This demon would come out with another person”
What a beautiful collaboration!
💞💓👌🏻
👌
Currently going through a break up and hearing Matthew and his wisdom had made me feel calm and clear about it. I started to think this evening about 'were things really that bad between us', and 'what if we both agree to change and be better in the relationship'. So glad i listened to this video. Ive been trying to get one of my needs met and change my ex partner for the past year and a half. Its definitely time to move on and allow space for someone who can meet those needs. I will learn from this past relationship too and be better for the next one.
Their words helped for half a day. Re-watching because I'm struggling 💔
Same. I’ll be rewatching this and taking notes.
@@pc.9008how are you feeling
The only person we can change is ourselves. People are gonna hurt people. People are gonna break hearts. List goes on. It's what WE do in those times of adversity that matters. Not her. Them. Or him. They can do whatever they like. They're gonna do it anyway. Regardless if I approve or not. Life is tough sometimes. That's how we grow.
Our hearts all break and heal in a unique way.One takes a little longer than the other to get over your ex.Take your time and rediscover yourself.And there is always someone you can fall in love with.
When you're head over heels over someone, the heartache is immensely magnified. There will be no tips that can ever mitigate the agony when you've opened your heart like never before.
Time and keeping busy is the only medicine. Could be months or even years, but eventually we will torture ourselves less and be more at peace. We all have to do it at our own pace. Oversimplified tips, no thank you.
Thoroughly enjoy Matthew Hussey talks. Great discussion here.
36:02 this part is it for me. Being vulnerable in front of someone and they judge you immediately instead of trying to understand, being curious to know why you feel this way. This is the answer I needed for what I'm going through right now.
I'm now going through a break up. We were even living together, we decided to get married this year, we were planing to have kids. I have worked in myslef for almost 5 years already, doing a lot of things to heal myself, especially from the abandonmend wound. I enter this relationship just saying I want a comfortable life, I want a partner that will be with me for the rest of my live (I went through a divorce already so I wanted to avoid having that painful experience again) and I wanted something stable and comfortable.
Now, hearing say: "comfort is not happines" it just change my perspective. I'm in the same cycle over and over again of being abandom and being with people that would not stay because that is what is comfortable and stable for me. Even though it makes me miserable and it keeps my nervious system at the top, it's what is stable and comfortable for me. Now, what I need to do is open myself to uncomfortable experiences, new experiences in which I will need to discover another way of love and acceptance.
Thank you for this guys. Hope you guys keep sharing wisdom. It's extremely helpful!
Much love and admiration for you.
I am so glad this conversation finally happened!! Matthew is just a brilliant philosopher and a thinker.He is just growing,expanding and stretching
My boyfriend broke up with me, we where both in tears he said he just needed time, and we’ll get back together, but he’s never going to put me first and that hurts a lot. If I get back with him, it’ll end up like this again, eventually. I just want him, but everyone around me believes I deserve better. I’m hurting, I’m in so much pain
Same, I feel you
How are you doing now ?
I think you deserve to treat yourself better. That doesn’t matter if he is in your life or anyone for that matter. Take this time for you. Be a better you that YOU respect and love without anyone else’s presence playing a role in that validation.
Girl, don't waste even one (one!) more minute on a person who was OK with not having you in their life potentially for forever. If you get back together, this will happen again.
Hey @macywild . I'm in a similar situation, can u give an update it's been over a year I guess...ur update will be of much help
It’s my third time listening and I’ll probably listen another ten. I found it while searching for talks on grieving a relationship. For the first time in months, my heart is lighter and I’m proud of myself for making the right choice and know I can move on. I have forwarded to at least three friends. Anyone in a relationship can benefit from this relationship advice. It honestly saved my life.
My dear let me introduce to you dr usifoh who help me bring back my ex after many months of separation
WhatsApp him and thank me later
@@cassandralight8736 I don’t want him back. We were in each other’s life for a season preparing us to be better partners in our next relationships.
I'm just 2 months into ending my 20 year relationship and when you talk about the abandonment demon I just broke down in tears because it's sooo powerful. Thank you Matthew for your advice on how to give myself compassion.
Going through same and infidelity issues. Hard that he left everything behind and just disappeared so no real closure. Matthew really nailed it.
Hang in there!
“A desire to impress than to connect” this was profound
I know of a man who could help you restore back your relationship either your ex or soulmate
He was the one who helped me in restoring back my ex partner three days ago without delay
Whtsaap him"**
✚２３４８１４０7９９３２３
Hello lovely I can introduce you to the same powerful relationship restorer who helped me to recover back my ex fiancee. He can also help you to get back with yours and make your relationship to blossom Forever.
Matthew man. Your intelligence, awareness, memory. I’m in awe. You were made for speaking ❤️ never stop because of that content implosion you talked about - no one can be like you.
Can I recommend a podcast
“Relationship reflections” on Spotify
Im going through a divorce and stumbled across this video. My heart aches more than ever before. I know this feeling will pass, even on the toughest days. It's so difficult not to reminisce on the great times. Im hoping this video will help! Take care, everyone ❤️
Same here man it fucking sucks!! Feeling so 💔 broken
I'm going through a breakup right now. This helps a lot. God bless you 🙏 I need to stop grieving over something that should not have happened.
“Give an amount of energy your willing to lose.” Very thought provoking!! Thank you gentlemen 🖤
I’ve been listening to this on repeat all day. I’ve been going through a break up where my girlfriend left me for a girl (I’m a guy). We lived together for three years. It’s been rough. I wanted to work it out for the first two weeks but I realized that if I’m the only one willing to do whatever it takes, then it doesn’t matter what I do or what I want.
I cannot emphasize how powerful the statement for me here about feeling heart broken of the relationship you thought it could have been. The potential future. That’s where I was/am. I wanted her to change, for the better. Mental health stuff. But YOU CANNOT LOVE SOMEONE ENOUGH FOR THEM TO CHANGE! “ This is about your demons calling the shots”
FML but it’s alright cuz we need to learn to love ourselves enough to let go and listen to what people are telling you through their words and their ACTIONS! ❤
How are you doing now brother?
Omg I really do the same thing. I really feel for you. There are many people in this world who are going through the same thing. Reasons differ but we are all here for each other. We need to learn to love ourselves as you say and pull through.
My heart goes out to you. I was cheated on and somehow I was still trying to keep this guy in my life. Fortunately he was the one that cut things off but my god was that painful. I imagined what could be and how wonderful it was when things were good. Through that experience I got to see how much I would ignore red flags throughout the relationship and how I would override my true feelings just to keep that connection. After that I feel like my standards went up and I have no time for BS and have turned down guys who do/say things that don’t align with my values. I’ve learned to take care of the part that feels hurt (through coaching) so that I could heal. I thought I would never get through the pain but I did and I’ve attracted someone who so far has been kind, open, and shows up authentically. What I want to say to you is I’m so sorry you’re going through this, it truly sucks and it feels like you can’t get that person out of your mind but you WILL get through this. Even if it’s little by little you will! Feelings are temporary and if you are willing to open your heart again when you’re ready you will find love again. Coaching for me has been so helpful but I also suggest therapy with a therapist you resonate with. It can be pretty hard getting through this breakup alone, we all need each other. Sending you much love and healing
@@nellynel3027 he left me 2 times. 1st time:7 years ago, in between he had a girl, came back, had 3 new beautiful years! But left me 2 weeks ago again; were even engaged since one year
I’m so broken 😞 I just don’t understand. 1st time it was because we had some arguments and now it’s: he’s afraid of the future. Even though everything was perfect😔 met my family, everyone was happy. Him too
And no he’s writing and telling me he wants to vectored fir me 😕
I’m so done with emotions, help!!!!!
My boyfriend of 4yrs left to “go to work” in the morning and never came home. When I kept calling him would not answer the phone he would only text back. He was still pretending to be at work, and was lying to me, telling me that he was so tired. He was just gonna stay at work because he had to be up early the next morning to be at work And coming in. I knew something was off because this was not normal. And the fact that he wasn’t answering my calls was not normal. I later found out he was not at work. He quit his job and he moved out of state. We just signed a lease together. The rent is double than it was last year. Afford this place on my own and I’m facing homelessness in two weeks. I am blindsided and devastated by all of this. I can’t believe that someone that I thought I knew for four years could just vanish like that with no warning.
I loved the concept of "be compassionate toward your future self".
Life is not just about the past and present. We have to think about our near and far future. Sometimes the price of "smiling in the future" is "crying 😭 or sadness in present". In different subjects of life(other than relationship) if we try hard (not so much hard), with focus and consistency, then we will reach our goals without any doubt. So we have to put the effort and be willing to work consistently and remind ourselves that life is not just about this moment. Sometimes you have to give present to take future.
This brought me the inner peace I was searching for the past two weeks. A big thank you for that, Matthew.
Matthew is so eloquent with his words. His ideas are therapeutic
This interview was absolutely phenomenal. So spot on.
07:56 Whats important in a relationship is someone who is competent in it.
46:19 When we are intentional, we bring a different energy to the things we do, we bring a different energy to a person.
Finally!!!! My favourite two people together in one room!! I knew whenever this would happen, the conversation would be amazing. I feel like Jay was able to pull out a lot of advice and perspective out of Matthew that he usually doesn't share, which made this interview so refreshing. You both were so beautifully present. Matthew would always get back to the question Jay asked after sharing a sea of knowledge, and Jay as always is a great listener and a humble interviewer. Thank you both of you for guiding me from a distance throughout the years.
50 ears old and just out of another failed relationship. Thank you gentlemen for your perspective and wisdom .I wish I knew this when I was younger . God bless you both .
Minute 26-30🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻 „I need closure.“ „ you have closure ! That action that they showed you is closure !“
+ „it would have been if it should have been !“
Greetings from Romania. I've just ended a toxic, abusive relationship and I feel the most depressed I've ever been, just not going back is taking all of my energy every day, that's why I'm here watching this video. The words of Matthew at 01:13:35 made me cry, it's been such a long time since I last felt that kind of kindness and empathy. I'm usually a very strong sunny woman but I lost myself in this relationship. And I couldn't understand why I just couldn't leave no matter what happened to me and despite having such a strong personality and values. And the words of the abandonment demon you've described are 100% what I hear in my head every time I try. Thank you for the epiphany, I think you just saved my life. God bless you, Matthew and Jay for this. Just knowing that there are men like you gives me hope.
Whassap Dr Wilson for help he was the one who help me restore back my ex
I know of a man who could help you restore back your relationship either your ex or soulmate
He was the one who helped me in restoring back my ex partner three days ago without delay
Whtsaap him"**
+2348140799323⏩⏩⏭⏭
I’m convinced that my own negative thinking is making this breakup far worse than it actually was. That’s frustrating!
This CD has three separate relaxation/meditation sessions on it th-cam.com/users/postUgkxzpa8CIfZcihW4Z0F_ja0QF3W9KIatrsq guided by a very pleasant and direct male voice. Unlike so many other products of its type, this CD does not have bad synthesizer music, does not feature a phony or affected style of narration, and does not make any bogus claims to be subliminal or to re-train the brain or any of that balderdash. What you get is 1. a guided meditation for getting into a pleasantly relaxed state of body awareness while taking a stroll (superb for those easing back into a fitness routine slowly after an illness or injury) 2. A nice long breath-awareness relaxation session that if followed diligently can put you into very deep states of full-body relaxation and mental calmness, and 3. a buddhist-inspired meditation session designed to help you develop and maintain feelings of loving kindness toward not just yourself and your friends, but toward people you don't even like. The CD makes no claims to be designed for advanced meditators or for buddhists or hindus/yoga practitioners looking for very deep and esoteric stuff. It is geared more toward the average person who just wants to develop the habit of relaxation and stress relief through natural, healthy means. him, if you happen to be reading this, keep up the good work fella, and I love your accent. I would also like to note that I have never fallen asleep while listening to this product. I would like to kindly suggest to the reviewer who said this CD makes him fall asleep, that he might want to get checked to see if he has a sleep disorder, or if he is simply not setting aside ample time for restful sleep at night. A healthy person getting adequate rest at night should be able to go into deep states of mental relaxation without dozing off, if not all the time, then most of the time.
I love the warmth Mathew expresses what it means to truly be skilled and compassionate in a relationship. I've been a hopeless romantic since I was little and struggled with a lot of the same issues as Jay. But great educators like you guys have always helped me refocus and listen for the right things. Thanks for sharing
Being aware of old childhood abandonment issues and doing the work to find some resolution to come to terms with that will liberate you from the inner child screaming that once more it is feeling a sense of abandonment.🙏
Same here 😭😭
Every time I feel like going back to a situation that’s not for me I replay 1:14:06 we all deserve to be happy and loved correctly but specially we deserve to love ourselves and it’s okay to hurt for a little while we heal the wound and not stick around to make the wound bigger and more infected .
“To make people feel less alone in their suffering” you are phenomenal Mathew!!! I had goose bumps and my eyes were in tears. Thank you so much for your precious time for others today. Also many thanks to Jay. You both are inspiring!!! It sure felt good listening to the purpose with some humor. Very lively .. thank you🙏😊
When two genuine hearts come together and discuss important things, people’s lives change. This was very healing for me to watch and listen. Thank you both.
Hello friend, don't let anything come between your relationship, you can actually get your ex back and they will love you like never before..
I can recommend you to the powerful relationship healer who helped me manifested my ex back to me in less than 3 days, he can also help you..
Whatspp him..
So much that was said here hit in deep in the feels. That part about how it’s not easy to leave and how the abandonment is so strong. Man I appreciate someone who acknowledges it. I feel not a lot of people can recognise this. Amazing and amazing. Thank you
I understand this coming from a male perspective.
my two big favourites: Jay Shetty and Matthew Hussey. I can't even begin to explain how much change you have brought in my life in the past year and a half. You guys are amazing, please make more content together.
Hi.. I'm also a great fan
I'm tryna meet new people and maybe get to know them,let's get to know each other if u don't mind.
matthew hussey looks like ryan gosling and bradley cooper mixed together lol
Dear Hussy.. Whenever i hear you I feel strong emotions n tears just roll out of my eyes... Feel like hugging n crying hard.. You are light in this dark world.. God bless you
I was listening to Matthew before some years and then stopped and then I returned recently for some reason I feel he really got more mature
I just lost my girlfriend of 3 years yesterday, and it was my fault. I’ll check in with you guys when it gets better. Wish me luck 💯
How are you now?
Yeah, how you doin, bud?
@@terihorton217 Thanks for asking. I completely forgot I even left this comment. So, after about a month things got easier. I started going out with friends, meeting people, and I am now in a happy relationship with the perfect woman, going on 7 months now. Things do get easier with time, but at the time that i posted this comment it was hard to see that. If I could go back and give myself advice, I would say happiness is just around the corner, just hold out a little longer. Hope this helps :)
33:00
Don't grieve over losing a poet, poetry is love not the poet.
Listened it 20 times already, so healing.
I wanted to watch it to share this information with my best friend coming out of a heartbreak , but just realized I needed it more even I'm in a 21 years of marriage. If I only knew half of this information before getting into it, my life would it be easier, happier and more true. Thank you for sharing this important information, now I'm able to work harder in me an most importantly share it with my 20 year old son, who's being part of this different generation of dating and meeting people. Kudos to Jay for making this happen. I feel so proud to be part of the Genius community.
Also Jay, you put into words something I had always done but never realized was a delusion or even a thing. I love how you explained how you would give everything to somebody in order to get them to love you only to realize when they did, you didn't have the same love for them. You just wanted to be loved so badly you didn't realize you weren't getting the things you needed from that person to love them because you were so busy giving to get that high of someone loving you. I used to be the same way and realize now how disingenuous that was. It explains why my first partner fell head over heels for me, but I never really returned that feeling. Thank you for bringing some clarity to my actions.
So glad I found this talk. Have come through two abusive marriages. In my senior years and now my children and grandchildren are what are most important to me. Even entering another relationship terrifies me. Trust was taken away. Thank you for all your ideas. I have an adult daughter, son and 2 young granddaughters. I want them to have genuine relationships. My son is married and my daughter after many idiots now seems to be in a compassionate partnership. I have passed this on to them. So many instances when I should of walked out. But your words saying how hard it is helps tremendously. One circumstance was in the middle of breast cancer treatments this person never went with me, never even asked how I was doing and I discovered he was actually going to a casino and did not have that money. Part of me feels very ashamed that I let him do this to me and so much more.
My 2 and a half year relationship ended, and I've been having really tough times lately, it's been 3 months now. It is not easy, every day has its high and lows, however, I'll get through this, that way or another. I made many mistakes while we were in the relationship, I did not give importance to the things she asked me, and today I grief about that, if she were here today, I would have been a lot better person but she'll never come back I know, at the end of the day I have learned, experienced many things with her, I am a better man than yesterday, hopefully everyone who's going through breakup as I am will blossom and come back stronger. Stay strong.
I'm with you man. 5 years married and my wife told me she wanted a divorce on Halloween. I should've treated her better and instead I took her for granted. This is what kills me everyday. All we can do is try to forgive ourselves and make ourselves better for us and not anyone else! Stay strong
@@krisgomez4919 It is true that we did mistakes but we should not blame ourselves for those mistakes, maybe we were ignorant, didn’t know better, today we are better people either with them or without them. Stay strong king!
As I'm the one who ends the relations because I'm not happy even after saying why and trying to make it work, I'm always labeled as "the difficult one", "too picky", or critical. And after people see the behavior of my partners and realise I'm not crazy, they still maintain the label, knowing that I made the right decision to leave so I could be happy with myself and the world.
I relate to this comment so much. I have always felt like the difficult one, and yet, I was selecting partners where their behaviors were “acceptable” by the masses. We should be friends. Lol
Yeah!I never postpone my happiness for the future,and go for second best...
Jay comes across as a great listener with a voice of tranquility in this interview, and the timing of his input is impeccable. I'm glad that listening to Matthew's videos again led me here (after hearing from an ex who will never change but is permanently blocked now). After watching this video, I've realized I feared abandonment while in my past relationship, not losing a person who treated me terribly. Thanks, Matthew, for this takeaway.
I'm really struggling with the break up with my ex. I've never felt this sense of loss in my life and the grief is heavy. The pain is overwhelming! 😞
Hooe this helps someone- Three months after watching this video I have let go everything. I have forgiven my partner but didnt forget. Remember we have control only on us and we should let other do what they want to do. We should be sure that if anything goes wrong again we should be able to bounce back.
The comments about showing your partner who you are and them responding with compassion and understanding... it's exactly what I need right now. My ex was so judgmental toward me for our entire relationship. Everything I did affected her in some way and over and over again she'd torture me about it no matter how much I told her I was sorry or showed her I'd be better. I found myself changing everything about myself in order to be the man she expected. But since our breakup I've realized while I was becoming the best version of myself, she was changing nothing for me. The last time I asked her to just try to be more understanding of me, she cut me off and told me no and that she couldn't because of my actions. I adore her but when I hear other people talk about how blessed they are to have an understanding partner, it makes me sad that she couldn't even try to do that for me.
I'm right their with you bud
The big take home on this is why we continue to allow ourselves to stay in situations that aren’t feeding our souls and to look at what in ourselves keeps us there .it’s never about the other person .It takes so many years of truly looking at ourselves to really see ourselves ! We see the world as we hope it to be and become so disappointed when it’s not that way . I be learned that until I’m whole and true inside myself I can never truly be in a contented relationship with another ! Thank you Both you are truly beautiful souls whom I resonate with on all levels ! You both Rock this world ! 💋♥️💋♥️💋♥️🌻🙏🌻🎉🎉🎉🎉
I love how Jay genuinely reassures his guest that what's he talking makes sense. And of course Matthew always have right thing to say, love him for that.
I heard plenty of appreciation exchange between the two gentlemen. Love it ❤
I pray the universe grant your heart desires, Hey friends I got my relationship fixed with the help of a great spiritualist Who brought my ex after many months of separation,,,, ,,
V I a W h a t s A p p
±²³⁴⁸¹⁰²⁶⁸⁹⁵⁷⁰
This was such a great interview about shifting how we approach relationships to make them more meaningful, respectful, and loving. I especially loved how Mathew gave Jay his flowers at the end...so so true, Jay you've built something incredible!
****Hello friend it seems you are really in need to get your ex back****Well all this can be resolved under 24 hours just drop your WhatsApp number so I sent to the man who helped me*****so he can easily identify and do a perfect work for you thanks*****
Gosh, I love both of you so much. Dating is the one part of my life... the only part of my life at 57 that makes me feel so very horribly uncomfortable and vulnerable I never feel like I know what I'm doing and having you both to guide me threw some of this is such a blessing for me and so comforting. Your hitting the arrow on the mark for me every time. Thank you, thank you so much... I will be watching and learning and working on making this wonderful for me not the horror it's become.
Matthew's final statement about Jay and his listening...I was admiring the whole entire time. The way Jay speaks. The way he adds his spiritual learnings into his interviewing style. The questions are tweaked to perfection. This whole podcast was beautiful
Its not about change, it’s about bettering yourself, people just confuse the two. You can’t change a person, you can just better them❤️
Wow you said something I needed to hear. I dated a guy that I thought was the one for 5 weeks before he had a temper tantrum. I continued to believe in him even after he ghosted me for 10 days and then showed me how hateful and racist he really was. I tolerated so much for 8 more weeks before I left him and blocked him from my life. I still felt sad about him and the lost relationship but he only had 5 good weeks in him. The last 3 months was or is who he is. I didn't lose anything!
Hi, get anyone you love or (SP) attracted to you. And also get your EX back coming to you begging you for a second chance through the help of Dr Steve, he helped me restore my 5 years broken relationship. Also Dr Steve always keep up with his words, I will advise you seek his help thanks.
if you’re reading this, it’s coming. be patient. the universe has your back. don’t worry about it.
~ Much love from a Law Of Attraction TH-camr💜
My Godddd Jay's eyes are just beautiful and magical to look at.
“We love someone as long as the sun is shining, but when the chips are down and things are tough, they start reassessing.”
I felt the worst emotional abandonment with so much lifequakes that happened this summer. Then slowly turned to cold + angry.
This is articulated so well.
Here I am trying to walk my way but I am still not into letting go. It was my fault, so Im trying to learn my lesson but also allowing time heal me. I hope one day I'll be back with him.
Wonderful I left after 31 year relationship 12 years ago tortured myself. Now very nervous about abandoning myself but dating someone very very slowly now love you both Matthew and Jay Shetty. You are insightful men snd it’s so refreshing. As a mature woman men were not as enlightened when I was young! Xxxx
I walked out of my relationship just one month ago,after 27 years of marriage, I had to break the cycle . I couldn’t let him have the same relationship with children (youngest 20) . Never had a voice, never listened……. list goes on. I’m going to keep listening to this for long time as a reminder of past present and future. Loved the show ❤️ and yes men (in my culture especially past and present ) were not enlightened but I’m proud of my daughters and my son who became to be despite what they had to endure.
Yes Matthew you are so right. There is a specific audience who vibes with what you are saying and how you are saying it. They identify with you, from your unique background and your unique experiences and the inputs you have and are bringing to them. They can resonate with what you are trying to convey.🤗🙏
If I could find a man who embodies any of the amazing knowledge and insight you 2 have I would be in heaven!
Such a gem at 26:48 to 27:29! Thank you for sharing. Exactly what I needed to hear.
It would've been if it should've been or could've been 💎
Matthew and the mindset he describes have actually saved my life and my REAL relationships.
Whenever something crappy happens in my relationships, I always seek out either of you two. So nice to see you both together as great representations of awake and self-aware, nice men.
Would u like to hear a podcast by a woman?
Season two is going to be amazing
“Relationship Reflections Podcast”
Soo very true about it being so easy to love someone when the sun is shining but when it starts raining, love is truly tested. Love Matthew's interpretation of Weathering With You, I never thought of it that way, so beautiful! Love it
"It wasn't meant to happen or it would've happened." 💞
Hello friend, I can recommend you to the powerful love specialist who helped me get my ex back in less than 3 days, he can also help you..
Whatspp him..
He was the one who helped me restored back my broken relationship of three years without stress nor delay 🥰💯💯💯💯
±²³⁴⁸⁰²⁹⁰⁶⁵⁹³⁹
Message him now on WhatsApp
I think the biggest challenge in showing relationship competence is being strong enough to walk away when you notice signs that show relationship incompetence. Staying in that relationship where one person shows that they lack relationship competence shows your own incompetence. We all fall into the trap that it will get better or change, and that rarely happens.
I've listened to this Ep. 5 times already! Each time I hear & learn something new. So much peace and clarity. Thank you both. 🙏🏿🌱💛
I loved it too!
I definitely need to hear 👂🏾 this again!
No more narcissistic videos... I enjoyed your Podcast so much thank you thank you and thank you.
Just had the biggest breakthrough with the whole abandonment trauma convo! Wow thank you guys! 😭😭😭😭😭
The duo I didn’t think I needed! Thank you Jay, for this wonderful and insightful interview with Matthew… I’ve already watched this twice and it still gave me more profound sense into how complex, intricate yet simple, all human beings are when it comes to relationships. Thank you both! ♥️
'There is a difference between winning the lottery and starting a business.'
That really helped. I felt like I won the lottery and they walked out. Next time, I am looking to start a business with someone who is willing to do that with me.