How To MOVE ON, LET GO & Leave Your Past IN THE PAST... | Matthew Hussey
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What’s your biggest regret in life?
Is it a mistake you continue to dwell on? A path you realize you should’ve taken? A person you wish you hadn’t given so much time to?
And if you had the opportunity, would you go back in time and do something differently? Or would you take this Cormac McCarthy quote to heart: “You never know what worse luck your bad luck has saved you from”?
Regret is more than a sad, wistful daydream. It can cause us a tremendous amount of pain today and actually prevent us from enjoying our lives.
If you’re holding on to any kind of regret, you can’t miss this week’s new video.
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"I forgive all the past versions of myself that tried to keep me safe." This affirmation helps me so much with my regrets, flashbacks and intrusive thoughts.
I really like that. I gotta remember this. thanks for sharing.
Awesome!!!
Thanks for sharing this. i have just written this down and am going to stick this on my wall. Thank you.
This is great! Thank you
Well done Rayne!
Also you may wish to follow Louise Hay for her wonderful wonderful speeches and connect with her divine words that makes us forgive and see life and the humans around us, just like an egregor of light, love and compassion. 🙏 🤲
I literally have been in a relationship for 50 years (married for 46 years) and am now starting my life over at the age of 65! I have learned so much in the last few years about myself and I feel like a new person. I was tempted to wallow in self pity about how my entire life has been wasted in a bad relationship, but you are right. I may have 10-15 good years ahead of me and I am going to live them to my fullest! I can't beat myself up about what I did not know. I don't have any more time to waste on negativity and drama and am looking forward to a wonderful future!
Take care Jan and wishing u all the best ❤
You're an inspiration, Jan! So happy for you
You go girl!! All the best and I hope life treats you kindly❤
Excited for you!!!
Wow,you are an inspiration, have the best rest of your new life
You made the best decision you could at the time. Try not to be too hard on yourself.
Sure, just live with the consequences and move on, learn from and fix your mistakes, be better.
Agreed
🙏
@@michaelsilverfoote6272 I have the same. but I was the one who broke it off bc he put me second behind a female that was half his age, felt like a limerence relationship with her, so many excuses to take her out on outings and exclude me. He said he was getting her out of her house bc she was taking care of her sick mother. I regret not going to the 4th therapist (he didn't like the first 3 bc they didn't agree with him that he didn't prioritize me above his new little 'friendship' and that if it hurts B (me) then that should be enough to change his behavior. He dug in his heels bc he only saw it from his "hero/damsel in distress story)... I was overwhelmed and tired by all this at the time. But now of course, I wish I had gone to as many new therapists as it took. But, naturally I am not in the shoes I was in then. I am not feeling the despair that I was feeling then. I didn't want to be pitted against his little friend for "primacy" in the relationship. I hear you with your situation, we replay every memory that we can dig up. Over and over. It is soul sucking. I was with my BF for 4 years. I couldn't imagine if it were 14 years. Even though 4 years I had built a huge castle on sand. Recently I thought I would call him and see how he was doing and maybe we were in different places in our lives now. He had said in an email back then that maybe one day we would come together again. I was going to call him May 2022 and found out on google that he had passed from cancer at the beginning of 2020. My heart shrunk to the size of a walnut. All I can say, is if there was nothing really bad that happened in your past relationship, and that circumstances are different, and you feel she was your "one" then keep the friendship, write an email once a month and share good thoughts and memories devoid of begging, but out of strength. One day the door will be open a crack again. I know if my guy had been alive and contacted me now or vice versa, I would have met up with him and see if there was something still, even the smallest ember.
Yes, and I have been starting crying about that decision but after this video. I'll move on and forgive myself
I found out today after 2 months of us breaking up, my ex is dating someone new after spending 11 months with me. It hurts a lot. I can’t sleep tonight, but Matthew has helped me slow down my heartbeat a bit. And I’m trying to pick up the hope Matthew put down. There’s endless possibility now that this relationship is truly, truly, over.
I’m so sorry , how are you doing now?
@@minashah9933 SO much better. The healing process is definitely not linear, and sometimes you don’t know how long your low cycles will last or you get scared the feeling of being over the person won’t be long till you’re down again. But if you’re in the same place I am right now, it’s an overall upward trend and things look up in the end. I admit I’m not 100% over it, but I am over it. I still think about it every day but honestly I’m so grateful he broke up with me and showed me his true colors in a way through his actions. The breakup allowed me to reflect and focus on myself, get over my obsession with wanting a relationship, leave behind the toxic people in my life, finally let go and forgive the people in my past, and grow closer to those who truly care about me in the way that I need
@@backthen4449 very glad you are feeling better. I’m in a similar situation, or will be. He left me a few days ago after 8 months because he said he just doesn’t feel any passion for me anymore and I’m in such agony and heartbroken and I absolutely dread the thought of him dating someone else. It’s truly over but I have a shred of hope he will come back, which I am struggling to kill and it would kill me to know he is dating again. I can’t even go on social media in case something pops up or his dp changes to him and another girl. I’m glad you are over it and your experience gives me hope that I could too. It’s just very painful and scary, sometimes I don’t even know how to cope! I guess as they say, time will heal me. I really hope so. Thanks for the update on yourself, it helps me too :)
i wanna be healed too last week me and my live in partner for almost 10 yrs split up got cheated multiple times ahhhh hard bec i have problem sleeping bec of menopause im 53 but certainly doesnt look like 53 look like on my 40s :) now my sleeping problem is worst im on zopiclone already for almost 4 yrs i justahhhh just hard how to move on when we still have communication and still see him he still show up at my place my place not his just mine he still has his on key ahhh i just dont like this sudden change of my life ahhhh
@@JanJan-gn5io I'm not sure if you're looking for advice but you need to distance yourself from him. Set hard boundaries and make him leave when he shows up, ask him to give you your keys back or just change your locks. I swear the distance will make you see things more clearly though it may take a while. Someone who cheated on you multiple times is not good for you and you know you deserve better. Even though you might not feel it right now, take those steps first and feeling better and more over it will come in time.
Has anybody read "The Midnight Library" by Matt Haig? This novel basically plays with the idea of how it would be if you could live all those lives you chose not to because you made certain decisions. The protagonist's "book of regrets" is huge at first but gets smaller with each life she chooses to try out and finds to be not so desirable after all.
You've reminded me I want to read this book. And I'm even more interested now after reading your comment 🙂💜
@@raesunshine2643 I’m sure you’ll like it! 🥰
@Amanda Kelly It was recommended to me as well and I wasn’t disappointed! 🥰
the title sounds familiar but i never knew the plot. . .thanks, i'll have to check that out!
I listened to the audiobook version last year and it changed my life!!!!
“I don’t hate me today, for something that a past me did” honestly that hit me hard. Despite considering myself coming a long way from the person I was 2 years ago, regrets are something that I still struggle with from time to time. That simple line alone has really help me shift my perspective. I understand now I can’t let the old version of myself punish my present self.
„when we regret something, all we are really doing is holding on to a story, a memory of something we wished we’ve done differently, but who was done by a person who we no longer are“
Hi, get anyone you love or (SP) attracted to you. And also get your EX back coming to you begging you for a second chance through the help of Dr Steve, he helped me restore my 5 years broken relationship. Also Dr Steve always keep up with his words, I will advise you seek his help thanks.
Message him on Whatsapp
✛2347030894892(☉｡☉)!
I'm beating myself up from one fight I had that caused my breakup. I hope I can eventually forgive myself and move on. 🙏
Are you feeling better now? I’m constantly overthinking about all fights I had which led to the breakup.
Same here! My girlfriend broke up with me 2 months ago and I know the exact night that it led to the break up. If I didn’t send that text in the moment when I was not feeling the best and was angry I would have been with her right now and my life would have been so different. I do regret it right now because it’s so fresh and I miss her and would want her back but hopefully in time I can forgive myself and better myself and move on.
@@eddiegooze Did you move on?
I modified all of my life plans for him. My life turned upside down when he entered my life. Finally, the ‘spark’ is gone. I’d rather move-on w/ my life. Saying that he put me through the ringer is an understatement. I’d only stay w/ him if he finally put a ring on my finger (marriage). Even then, the relationship would just feel transactional. Nobody dreams of a strictly transactional relationship. I’m just too exhausted from trying my best to mediate w/ him as bending over backwards just to face consequences as a result. I genuinely feel and think that he’d like to hinder my opportunities. And we’re simply never on the same page. Not worth the effort anymore. Time to continue-on w/ life.
“Get the feeling.
When you get the feeling, you start to get that confidence.
When you get confidence, you get momentum.
Momentum is consistency.
Consistency is results.” 💯
loved that part too
I woke up this morning with such a heavy heart., full of regrets over my life of wasted time…again! I am 58 years old, and I recently ended a 4 year relationship that I thought was perfect…only to find out that it was all a lie…I have been lied to, manipulated, deceived, and cheated on, more than once, all the while them telling me how much they loved me, I was their soulmate, they couldn’t live without me. I feel like I am dying on the inside. I made this person my priority, gave him all I have to give in my heart and he has squeezed the life out of it. I keep wondering what is wrong with me? What did I do?
It has been 3 months now since the breakup, and he has tried many times to get me to come back to him…I tried, but my trust was broken and I could not….but still my mind is not at peace…I keep blaming myself…😞
I listen to your videos about how to get the guy, and all I can think now is that I never want to do it again…sometimes all I want to do is take my heart out and throw it away. It has been beat and battered all my life💔 The words love and commitment mean nothing to anyone anymore.
But then….I came across this video of how to move on from your regrets and it has given me a different perspective.
Matthew, I just wanted you to know that you have no idea how much you have helped me over these last few years in some of my darkest hours.
It amazes me how someone so youthful can be filled with such knowledge! God gave you a gift to help others and I am thankful for you sharing your gift with me.
So, TODAY is going to be a new day for me, thanks to you! I am wiping my slate clean…forgiving myself and I will take care of the one that I have to live with for the rest of my life….ME!😊
I live in Alabama…it is an unusually warm, beautiful day today, so I will start by picking up a good book and heading to the beach!
Thank you for all you do! As long as I live and breathe, your good works will never go unnoticed!! ❤
Wow how hard. Sometimes we just meet evil. One writer once said that opposite to love is not hate it is lies, and hence opposite to hate is truth. Hope you are over it and building something new. I doubt you could have protected yourself. Liars are the most dangerous people ever.
If you have a lot of regretful type feelings, identify where people scapegoated you, because some things you can take on as a burden, but not everything was your doing, you aren't isolated, you were taught and reacted to by people whose struggles context and values may be totally different from your own. Don't take on regret that isn't yours to take on
I wish I remembered where I heard this but recently I heard someone say that their life changed when they told themselves “I’m exactly where I’m supposed to be right now!” It’s kind of a freeing thought to think this because you can just embrace the now instead of focusing on all the things you thought you should have!
My relationship ended in 2021 , after that she keep visiting me and have seggs . Recently I try to reconnect and in the hope of getting her back . During our last day travelling together , she told me that she has a new bf .I realise these couple of months trying to talk to her and meet her , she keep giving me excuses and lies to push me away for his new bf . I told her how much she meant to me and I love her on the day I sent her back home . She said it was impossible and that her new bf is good to her . I begged and she laughed at me . I was so blind in love and not listening to friends around me . And now today I have crippling numb feeling and anxiety attacks . I can’t let go . My heart kept thinking bout her . Wanting her back . And it’s so f hard now .
“Ive inherited” “ I have ten years starting from scratch “ …. Such a good analogy 💜thank you !
Thank you for this. I’ve been beating myself up for things I’ve done in the past and for not doing things I could have done. But if I didn’t do those things I regret doing, I wouldn’t be the person I am today.
!!!!!!!!!!
Regret is an illusion, a belief that if we had turned right instead of left our lives would of been better, we have no proof of this because we did not take that direction to see how it would of evolved, that is guess work not a fact. It is also a way of protecting ourselves against the reality of how little control we have over our lives, regret gives an antidote to that chaos, lets us believe with our new plan no such harm will come to us again. But even if we may learn from a certain regret this does not mean the lesson will apply the same way the next time that situation comes around, it may need a whole new solution.
Disagree. This is a dangerous pov. Without regret we have no impetus to change, like Matthew said. Without regret, we ignore the mistakes of the past and take the chance of not only hurting ourselves but others around us by ignoring the consequences of our actions. Yes, there is the element of things that are out of our control… But there are things that ARE. It’s about taking responsibility for things that are within our control and knowing which were and which were not, those things happen in reflection. And reflection happens when we regret.
@@phoebesmith9089 thank you for your perceptive, I did in the comment lean to heavily on one aspect of regret because it is one that is often ignored. I do agree with you though we are co creators in life. As someone who takes self responsibility to the point of causing myself unjust self blame that does not lead to growth but self damnation the perspective I offered has felt truer than my old narrative. But that's just me.
Quitting is the birth place of regret. Keep moving forward!
It's easy to look at my regrets and see how it helped me grow. But the consequences to my life from the decisions I made have been devastating. I'm now 35 single, in massive debt and have major health issues due to PTSD and stress from everything that happened. I wanted to have a family and I don't know if I will be able to. I haven't even been able to date for the last 3 years because of my health. How do I not feel sad about that. It all leads me back to regretting what I put myself through. Which creates the self hate. And people say oh well you didn't know back then what you know now. But it's BS. I knew I needed to be stronger and cut someone out of my life yet I didn't.. I always have put others before my own wellbeing yet I knew what I needed to do. Sharing this with the interweb because maybe it will help me let go. I will watch this video again and do some yoga. I wish peace to everyone suffering.
Do your future mate a favor by investing in your own healing. Dont be so hard on yourself. You cant fully heal if you continue to resist your unhealed parts.
Sounds like you know what to do and who to cut out of your life to be happier in the long run. Sending you strength to be able to push yourself to be the person you want to be! And to find some happiness in your present ❤️
You may have known that person wasn't good for you but you didn't have the right tools to not choose the wrong person. Trauma is subconscious and healing must take place in order to make better partner choices. Now you know, practice self compassion. 35yrs is young and if it's a family u desire keep on your healing journey, stop looking back and you will have the blessings God has for you.
Your commitment and other good qualities perhaps like healthy communication skills and all would be so amazing when u meet your person. Right now heal and live everyday as happy as u can be. I’m trying to self encourage too. Take care and best wishes ❤
15:08 "You could live to regret spending more years beating yourself up instead of more years living or making an impact."
I really needed to hear this.
I spend so much of my time being my own worst critic over mistakes I made, even though I know it's not good for me. It's almost as if there's comfort in putting myself down because it's familiar. Making positive change is frightening because it's taking a leap of faith into the unknown. My inner voice will say "it's probably gonna be worse than how things are right now. This is fine." When really I should question that voice and ask "how do I know things won't be better?"
Choose your regrets wisely.
it was all my fault. all of it. it was all me. i just want to re-do it. please god, let me wake up from this nightmare, or give me a re-do button just for that day, one week ago. please.
How are you feeling NOW? I wish you comfort my friend..
This video was what I was needing it now, to move on and see the future with optimism. Knowing Today that I’m better yesterday.
Regret>Decision>Feeling>Confidence>Momentum>Consistency>Results.
Such a great message. Needed it going through a tough time with an ex who reached out to me but only has brought me depression the way she’s treated me since. I’ve made great progress in my life and she is the only thing bringing it down, no matter how much I love her.
I hope you are doing well now
"Love" (as you call it) with someone not for you, or toxic, is simply not love. You are wishing for a better version of her. You want the good qualities you are attracted to in her to somehow override you wanting her bad qualities to disappear. You are wanting to be treated with respect - which is something she cannot give/or won't give you. You know yourself - that need to be treasured and respected is not going to leave you. If you stay, you'll only cheat yourself and regret it MUCH MORE later. Allowing someone back who showed you their true nature and unhealthy character before is a fool's game. You clearly KNOW in your soul you deserve better. Now you just have to behave that way. The only way to finding that happiness you seek is to behave in a way where your boundaries and standards are not flexible.
Take care and keep listening to these affirming messages until you can move on completely
"Love the person who got you the insight. Make the person proud who started today"
Loving a new person will help you move on.
Or any good distraction is enough!
Hi Matthew, I broke up recently, have been trying everything under the sky to help myself feel better, that would include therapy. Your podcasts have shown me the most light. Power to you. Thanks a lot!
Look up Sadhguru
Im going thru it now. R u ok now?
This has helped me massively. At a really low point. I needed someone to say ‘it’s okay’ and you did that for me. Thank you for this. My Xmas might be a little better now and will listen to this over and over again knowing , I am going to be okay and it is okay. Go with it.
🙏🙏🙏
Absolutely same here. All the best for you! :)
@@UteMVogl I hope you are okay as well. I wish you all the best and inner peace ❤️❤️❤️
@@Ramereo 💖💖💖
Sending you light & love 💕
AMEN!
A regret is a lesson well learned, and sometimes it makes a good story 😊
Beautiful! I love this --> What we know ourselves to be capable of today is ONLY based on what we've done before. It is NOT based on what's possible in the future on what we haven't done yet. - Matthew Hussey
Wonderful Matt, the game we get to play with ourselves can be a wonderful journey. Thank you for highlighting this. “I get to live the next 10yrs of my life, being the person I want to be”
Love Yourself and Life!!
OMG..this man speaks like a person who knows life very well..his guidence is words of Gold .. I'm listening him since last few days..and i feel a great change .. thanks to him ❤️❤️
My regret was about the pattern that I can't seem to unlearn that has caused relationship breakups for me usually in the early stages. I mean, I know the person that I have attracted weren't the most ideal ones but for some reason I feel like I was the one who manages to initially pushed them away or scare them away with my unhealed anxious attachment. And that's what has been causing me pain lately, for seemingly repeating the same destructive recipe for pushing people away. I tried to explain where the behavior was coming from and asked for a chance to be considered coz I told them that I wish learning wouldn't cause me to lose people in the process bc I know I just couldn't unlearn the pattern overnight but what matters is I'm am aware and working on it real hard but the people that I have talked about this, seem to bail out so I guess I have to accept that they're not probably the people who want the same thing enough as much as I do that give value to someone who's not perfect but is willing to work on themselves.
Wow! I honestly could of wrote this myself. You are not alone. I am exactly the same. It’s very hard and difficult to unlearn these traits/behaviours. Currently something I am working on. Good luck to you!🫶🏻
Gosh - this is me! I’ve been rejected so many times and I end up promising that I will work on myself and I want to change and be better but they let me go every time after I apologise. I just don’t realise and have tried to implement changes and continue to work on myself. It hurts and I end up blaming myself.
@@minashah9933 It does help to reframe and think about those people as not aligned with our path to healing and growth but I couldn't deny the pain and loneliness it caused to end up having lessons after lessons after lessons. There's this favorite quote of mine from Pema Chödrön, that says, "Nothing ever goes away until it teaches us what we need to know." Yes, pain and the people we meet teach us lesson and thank God, that I am somehow able to see what I needed to learn. Of crs, the experiences also teaches us how to endure, show up for ourselves and find what can bring us joy as part of our lesson to love ourselves. It's just that it is truly lonely sometimes, tbh. So I guess, we just keep on swimming as 🐟 would say 🙂
This is exactly how I feel. I do occasionally get angry with myself about not taking that step. But I am actively squeezing every single drop of joy, fun, and laughter out of my new life! I have to say, it's having its ups and downs but I have found happiness. I'd given that up because I was paralyzed with fear. No regrets now, onwards, and upwards.
Love “inheriting the insight, but starting out with ten years at 70“ 😃great analogy, it wipes away fear and flourishes blossoming .
Really needed to hear this regarding a decisions not related to love life at all. Learning not to be too harsh on yourself and realising that you're not the same person a year ago, it's such a big realisation
Scott!
You can also listen to Sadhguru, Louise Hay, RCBlakesJunior and many more you'll be guided from their TH-cam pages!
Keep on developing yourself and help others too, please 🙏!
I like that Stephen asked Matthew if he had regrets and the honest answer. You did your best with the highest of intentions.
I was drawn to Matt's videos to try and gain some insight for my current relationship issues. As I observe and it is pointed out by Matt, there are many other life aspects that get touched on during these presentations. Bravo to you and your team. There is an abundance self clarity for us to use in your topics.
So inspirational. As a 60+ year old with not a few "what ifs" I certainly embrace the concept of I can do whatever I want with the blessing and the insite from my past; to live this amazing life in my next chapter. I have said I need to live to 150 as I'm just getting my sh_t together!
Another thing, when I tell people about listening to Matthew Hussey (and Stephen) and people say "oh the love life guy" I say YES the love LIFE guy! So much, much more than dating advice.
Keep up the amazing work! Love you guys ❤❤
Thanks Wanda for sharing your views at your respectable age 👏
I also learn from my old patients about the regrets in life and I am blessed to still catch up with my old dreams just because I hear them saying " I should have done it back then......"
You are not late on putting your s**t together..... not everyone came on this current life for the exact same socially acceptable reasons: go to school, go to University, get a job, get a house, get married, have few kids, retire and die !!!!
Social norms and converting us on " eating machines ", we are infinite energy and vibration giving life to anything BUT once everyone has access to their awake spirit and power obviously will fight for Human Rights ( few are doing it though), but imagine all of us AWAKE....as TV, media and social media only gives us the brain wash about limited capabilities whereas we have unlimited..... I am sure you're wise enough to know that and I hope some more of us will get the power back and create loving relationships just as Matthew and Stephen are polishing us on this platform 😀 ❤ 🫂
@@ralucafrusina2504 🤗 very well said
What you wrote in the post deeply resonates with me. I'm almost 58 and look over the last 30 years of my life with regret. Mental and physical issues have taken up so much of that time. If I could go back and have a do over, it would look so much different. I suffer from Bipolar Disorder, Crohn's Disease, Anklylosing Spondylitis, Social Anxiety Disorder, and OCD. Luckily, my faith in God is literally what has saved me from taking my life. Right now, all i want is to feel peace and have a break from all of the years of struggle. This would include a better attitude about my past and the ability to forgive myself for making the decisions I did. I pray to God daily for a reset, so I can live the other half of my 50's with some well deserved happiness.
I bet this rings true with you as well. I hope for both of us to move out of the past and allow ourselves the chance to learn new ways of thinking. We are never too old to learn a new skill with help from the Lord.
God Bless You,
Tana 🌷 🙏🕊⛪️
Thank you, just thank you. When my regrets keep creeping up on me I just watch this podcast and all things mentioned here make me feel better! Keep doing what you're doing, because you're doing it great :)
Matthew is an incredible human being ❤️
I regretted for a looong time not going after someone I really had a crush on in my undergrad. But you know what? I wasn't ready! I wasn't the person that I am now. I wasn't confident, I didn't even know how I would operate in a relationship had it worked out, much less dating. I suppose it can be "fun" to think about how the me in the here & now would handle the situation if I could time travel back...but I try not be be pained by such thoughts. That was a different time, that was a different person, and the me I am in the here & now is better off looking at the present and towards the future.
There are regrets which you can dismiss easily, but there are others regrets that leave scars too deep to forget or heal. You learn to live with the sorrow…
Love your videos. I'm in such a bad place mentally right now but these videos have been helping me see things differently
I hope you're feeling better now!
@Shruti Sharma I am feeling much better now. Thank you for caring ❤️
For a guy your age, you are very wise. You can 'see' and understand things that I still struggle with at times, and I am turning 60 in a few years!
he should have family so far.
@@igorscepanovic839should? That is strong word
New Day = New You
This is beautiful, the time for change is NOW. be that better person and continue to grow and improve, never look back!!!
I'm going to do SOMETHING, Matt, when this ends. Make a call. Do some writing on my book! It's a really great way to approach the issue of regret.
Matthew Hussey I am so amazed at your insight. In a world and society that honors youth, speed, new things and perfection, you are a single strong voice saying that any age is the best age to be yourself. While mistakes cannot be undone, it is never too late to fix a mistake. Every day is a new chance to be the person we want to be - and we can choose to be the person we want to be, even when this life isn't what we wanted. That's where happiness lies - not money, marriage, fame and glory, a fine house, the best food in the world, no. It comes from us being the best version of us. At least... that's what I'm starting to wonder.
Thanks, guys for this video! Another golden wisdom!
I've watched your other video with the same concept over and over until it sticks. I have actually forgiven myself for doing something that I have recently regretted. Still hurts as hell and still tears me up but I am accepting little by little and continuously forgiving myself more and more everyday.
Hello I'm so excited my relationship was fixed back again my ex is back to me we loving and happily together,I got help from a great man who brought us back together......💞💞💞💞
Whatzapp him now💞💞
It is very hard to move on when... she was the one who initially started treating me like I didn't matter, but we'd always come back to the table and made up until I had enough, and I never returned home, feeling like I abandoned her, being betrayed and disrespected by her son, blaming her, and taking it out on her. By the time I realized what I'd done, we were divorced. I miss her everyday. She was the love of my life and my everything and I cannot focus on anything, but her. We were together for 12 years. Now I'm spending the remaining 30 or 40 years of my life without her... and I have no reason to want to do that. I wish we never mentioned "divorce" and that wasn't in our vocabulary. When she needed me most, I was still holding a grudge, and still never returned home. Now she's with some other man... and refuses to have anything to do with me. The part that makes this even worse... we work together. She was my beautiful wife. Now she's just a co-worker. It's a hellish existence.
"I am not now what I was yesterday.
And I am not now what I shall be tomorrow."
Not sure who the quote was from, but it's one I heard many years ago and has helped me to be present and move forward with improvement on myself.
Alice in Wonderland :)
honestly Matthew you really help me with your psychological support. Thank you so much for your work and for making this videos accessible to me and all of us. Very much appreciated.
This is so so so relatable!!! I was thinking about it today itself. I do remember a specific point in life when I could make a choice and I chose the wrong one. I regret it alot. But the thing is the way I am right now would not have been possible any other way. It had to be like cause and effect
My mantra: I am wabi Sabi - beautifully, perfectly and lovably imperfect, flawed and making mistakes 😊
Yep...speak b4 I think sometimes.....hurt people because my mouth gets me in trouble! I say sorry alot! Don't regret saying sorry...
Im learning to think and listen more b4 I speak!!!
I also think that wnen we punish ourselves with regrets , it can overwhelm us and there is a time when we have to forgive ourselves . Someone said to me once # When are you going to give yourself a break "and i thought about this and it made sense. It can me hard to forgive ourselves but at some point we have to do this.
The brother relationship they had is definitely adorable
Love longer videos!!! Keep em coming
"Have you ever done something that was hard, that you almost didn't do, but now you're glad you did it?"
Substitute teaching. Hands down.
I had made the New Year's resolution that year to bother people (i was so timid before this i couldn't even ask people specific things), and I had just had a meeting with my advisor at school for the education degree I was earning. My hand had just touched the handle to the exit-- I wasn't even in her office anymore-- when I remembered my interest in becoming a substitute teacher. There was a real pause there. The meeting was already over. Any time before that year I would have just continued my momentum forward and left. But in that moment in my head I had the thought, "BOTHER PEOPLE" and spun around and went right back into that office so I could ask her.
I ended up substitute teaching for two or three years there, and while I wasn't always the best at it-- I got black listed from three schools because those classes were just really special cases and I was really terrible at classroom management-- and I got fired in the most bumbling way possible that I'm still a little too embarrassed to go into detail over on the internet, it gave me that much more experience before student teaching for my degree, I now have a slew of stories I could tell you, and am absolutely bomb-proofed for any job that is highly chaotic and high stress.
One of the most powerful messages I have listened to! Absolutely loved it. Thank you, Matthew and Steven, from the bottom of my heart 💞. You have changed the course of my life.
@Ali Baba thanks but absolutely no desire to do that, but thank you for your offer. Cheers.
I have a handful of regrets coming out of my recent relationship. so much of this video is helping me shift my perspective on those regrets. Because I do take ownership and accountability for the actions I made, however in my Ex's brain I am still the person who did those things way back in time. I have been trying to get better, and the regrets I have around my actions do weigh on me a lot. however because of the drama, pain, and suffering around my actions I know I never want to do those things ever again. Regret really does feel like a poison when it is being expressed through self loathing. I just wanna comment and say thank you for these videos, cause relationships are some of the most deeply impacting experiences we can have as humans and it feels very lonely and heavy to go through a breakup alone. but to hear this type of advice can help put a stop to negative self talk when all we want for ourselves is to do better. thank you
Regret is not a bad thing when looked at in a different light. The moment we feel regret....it means that we have already learned something from our experience and there is a strong possibility that you won't repeat those actions again. So regret can be positive depends on which way you look at it. Of course you can use regret to club yourself to death too. Its your choice which way to view regret.....you give regret all the meaning that it has.
I'm going through this too
Love the whole commentary. Love the quote about bad luck may haved saved you from worse luck. Choosing which regret is empowering and changing our lives. There is something nice about being proud of the person you are now by doing something different.
Haven't listened to much, but so far, thank you Matthew for helping to soothe the wounds that came from a bad relationship that i had to get out of. So again thank you, we do tend to beat ourselves up about things, dont we...
I really like that example of changing the way to view the ten remaining years.
I really enjoyed this, nothing todo with dating but the way of looking at your regrets. I always think that the past regrets have carved out the person you are today. You never see it at the time but one day you will ✌🏼
"See how, just as drifting sands constantly overlay the previous sand, so in our lives what we once did is very quickly covered over by subsequent layers."
~ Marcus Aurelius 🌊
I like this because not all life is about relationships. Lots is about ourselves. Can’t have a healthy relationship if we aren’t healthy.
We all make mistakes as human beings however having regrets only worsens the situation,the only thing we need to do is to try and move on but that is not certainly easy🙌
Nobody talks the constant reminders, seeing their name everywhere, often noticing their car, hearing their hometown pop up. I just want to run away....from myself. 🥺
I was regretting and blamimg myself today; tonight. But your right, it's not our fault alone. Things happen in life and it's what decision/choice we make that can make or break. It's just so hard right now. My heart is stuck.
Make or break us. That's why the Lord says guard your heart to prevent the unnecessary hurt from those to that don't care about you or care about themselves.
I disagree with Matthew on one detail : what he call « regret » is actually a « lesson ». So it means the negative emotions faded away because you found meaning in it and counsciously decided to move forward. You remenber the regret you felt but what last in your mind is the lesson. I totally agree on his general message though.
This is so far down the road. What about the mistakes that are still fresh? When you feel like you're still in the consequences of it
This is literally the best thing I have heard. Great perspective! Plus we have to move on and live better lives.
Thanks Matt and Steve, you guys gave me a ton of clarity to my journey last night! I’m forever grateful🙏🏻
Matt you spoke to me as well my friend in a lot of ways I can’t even recall right now. Steve, you opened my heart up when you said “ you never know what a bad situation saved you from a better one” , as in tomorrow for me! Love ya both ❤️
I was just searching for how to let go of regret and there it is, one day later
You're so intelligent, Matthew! You put your thoughts into the right words so well! ❤
The glass is half full. Also, we may not be able to change the past, but we get to influence the ending (or something like that - read that somewhere). Thanks so much for this video. It’s so comforting, and what I need to hear right now.
Listening to a lifesaver. Completely opened my mind, thank you Matthew H !
So insightful! I have wasted so much time because of my extra expectations on others.
I tossed and turned in so many sleepless nights because of the runing wild imagination and resentful ideas.
I will never be the same person that I used to be. I will control those moments from now on. It is never about a single person who caused me to think. It is about that I control my emotion and my thoughts.
Regret seems like the wrong word to explain what I'm currently feeling.... I've moved on from my guilt and shame. I don't need any man to tell me who I am or how to act. I don't need anybody to spoon feed me or toy around with my fragile heart, only to break it further and make me question if I'm good enough for him. If anything, I'm just angry because of this thing called control. Control in relationships doesn't make a person feel safe. Persuading somebody to act like something they're not is worse. Most men just don't know how to get their act together and be more mature when it comes to modern dating and relationships.
Oh Matthew. Really feeling the feels. Broken hearted with love including family.
Thank you for this video.
I just got out of a 7 year relationship, she was cheating. She thinks it wasn’t “cheating” cause it was only emotional. Then wanted to go on a 1 week to a month break to fuck around with this guy. Obviously she lied to me the whole time to sugar coat what she was actually doing.
I put my whole life on pause to move to across country and support her while she does school. 1 year goes by and she wanted to start modelling and guys at the bars we’re offering her “opportunities”
She wasn’t getting paid or discounts, she just loves the attention and fake clout.
I kept blaming my self for what she did. But I realized that what happened was a blessing in disguise.
What an awful person, I’ve been nothing but loyal and I got shit on for it. Whatever she’s for the streets.
I’m loving these philosophical videos 👏🏻 prompting us to think deeply and reframe things in our minds.
I’ve been meditating on a similar train of thought since going through the born-again experience and having the slate of guilt and regret wiped clean through the sacrifice of Jesus. Being washed clean by the Spirit is like getting that fresh start with all the benefits of hindsight and having a map of how to navigate life in better ways through the commandments of Jesus to love others as he would and to seek a higher purpose outside of myself.
It’s an essential truth for a fulfilling life 💚
Hello I'm so excited my relationship was fixed back again my ex is back to me we loving and happily together,I got help from a great man who brought us back together......💞💞💞💞
Whatzapp him now💞💞
†2349056214114⏭⏯???????💞💞💞
Such an inspirational video to watch on new years day! The authenticity is so refreshing.
I agree 100% with what you said about regrets... When I was at a crossroad and could have made a decision to completely stay away from the narcissist I was only 5 months in who-knows-where I be today if I had stayed away I needed to learn the lesson big time and I did. So no I have no regrets
Sometimes I watch a really selfish and vain person proclaim "no regrets!" and I interpret the statement to mean, "I am infallible and I don't give a crud about the people I've wronged"... but, that said, I do understand that some people mean it as, "I don't have to live in the suffering of these moments in which I could have made a better decision"... You can definitely make better decisions each day, and the suffering can get you stuck in a period of stagnation. (I speak from current experience.... I have completely stalled out in a regret spiral, and I'm slowly climbing back out with the help of videos like this. 😅)
I also watched the free online seminar - and got out of bed at 2 a.m. to take notes. I'm impressed.
@@maxethan3828 I really don't need more advice than I've got, thanks though. I have relationships. I have friends. And I find Matt inspiring.
@@maxethan3828 Whether I or anyone else actually "needs" help is debatable; what is clear however is that I have certainly not requested it from you!
Amazing love lessening to you, absolutely agree that regret make you realize that you are a different person today and you wish to go back and make thing different, but unfortunately we can't go back... it was ok than we didn't know much about self love and all what we know today... but the experience and knowledge that we have today definitely wouldn't do or take the same decision .
I normally would not comment on videos but this is an very important topic, because I totally have no regrets in a bad sense 😂 I have surely moments i might do differently looking at them right now, whether good or bad, but all these moments lead to the person I am now and I am pretty proud of who I became. And I am at peace with all decisions I made. I always thought I could do everything in live. So I tried a lot of things, changed my narrative when I wanted and could afford it. I always believed that one should choose consciously to do or to not do something, instead of life just passing one by. But also this can be exhausting. because you might be evolving, working on yourself, and changing your narrative but what I experienced is that most people are not reflecting on their life. and so i am 100% ok with most parts of my life , only my love life is currently a huge construction site because i sometimes believe it is hard to keep up with someone like me. But i agree with plato.. I know that I don’t know…
Hello I'm so excited my relationship was fixed back again my ex is back to me we loving and happily together,I got help from a great man who brought us back together......💞💞💞💞
Whatzapp him now💞💞
†2349056214114⏭⏯???????💞💞💞
Dude, overthinking have brought me down in ways I wouldn't imagine. Your videos have been a tremendous help. Thank you very much! 😊
Wow.. These conversations are such gems. This channel was always great but over the years its just transformed into something even more beautiful. Thanks lads
This is fantastic and so practical and happiness inducing, thank you for the wisdom and compassion
Hello I'm so excited my relationship was fixed back again my ex is back to me we loving and happily together,I got help from a great man who brought us back together......💞💞💞💞
Whatzapp him now💞💞
Hey guys , thank you for this video. I watch a lot of your content and I love it , but this one is the MOST HELPFUL. I needed to hear this. Some part of me already believed this, but I thought I am maybe finding excuses for my errors. That's how difficult with myself I am. But this video is kinda released me from that self blaming energy.
Good job, keep it
This vidéo just save my life! It’s everything I needed to hear. Thank you Matthew !!
Even tho I don't know you personally but I believe you could be my dream guy because you are real, and intelligent. Thank you so much for your advice Matthew.
At the age of 31, I just now realised why I never could keep a journal..... I did have one. When I was a teen. I wrote in it every day. And every other day I would scarp the yesterday.....
I'm quite impressed by my past journals. I was closer to my source and spoke a lot of sense, albeit was very naïve and idealistic about relationships.
This video was everything! Loving the shift from dating to loving life!
I listened to this 4 times now! It was great