Mine to. It’s a pain you can’t describe. It’s worse than a black hole and that’s all I think of is my grandchildren, and what their heads are being filled with. I feel for you, I know what you’re going through. I could actually say that.
Please consider that many adult children also feel deep pain and grief about the situation, their decisions often stemming from protection. That can be hard to hear, but it can be helpful to develop compassion and understanding both ways and to both repair and change behaviors that have caused harm. Adult children need to be shown human respect too. I hope your relationship heals. ❤️
All of these comments make me weep. I have been cut off from my precious grandchildren and it is such horrible pain. Sometimes I can "stay above it," while other times I am non-functioning. Thank you for doing a video like this, Karla. There is not enough out there to support grandparents/parents in this situation. I did find a book called "Done With The Crying," by Sheri McGregor. I was thinking it would be so wonderful if you two ever did a video interview on this topic. We grandparents need help. I feel alone in my pain most of the time. I don't know about others, but when I have shared the estrangement with others, they are judgmental or try to "fix my relationship" when I just need empathy and support. Now, I hardly ever share outside of my husband. Even then, I feel like I don't want to "burden" my husband or other family members with what's really going on inside me....Karla, your videos are so helpful. Thank you. Please do more. Estrangement is an epidemic no one is talking about. All I seem to see/read out there is "get rid of the toxic person in your life," when maybe the parents/grandparents aren't the toxic ones at all...
This is the worst pain I have EVER endured. 💔 I love you James! Mimi is fighting for you. I'm so sorry this is happening to you. NONE of this is your fault.
Your comment brings tears to my eyes. I am so sorry. Some people write letters to their grandchild at important occasions and put them away to give him some day so he knows what you were thinking about him. Don't know if that is something that you would want to do.
I’m so glad I found you. Being cut off hurts so much. I couldn’t wait to become a grandmother. I wanted to be the best ever, but things took a wrong turn, and I was cut off completely from the family. The wife’s family sees them all the time. I don’t even receive birthday cards, Mother’s Day cards, etc. etc. etc. Completely cut off.
It's still painful after 25 years because they are 27 years old now and could easily be in touch, but have nothing to do with us! Thank goodness we have other grandchildren and great-grandchildren!
Thank you, I'm suffering so much. I'm cut off from my three beautiful grandbabies. The pain and depression is overwhelming. I am so grateful for this video. I will try to impliment your suggestions. It's a horrible thing to do to a parent who is loving. I just do not understand this type of cruelty. I took care of my grandkids when their mom worked now she just cut me out, with no reason. Unbelievably painful. I'm at the stage that maybe it will get better in time. I was searching and found you, thank you.
@@changemyrelationship Thank you I will go to the library today. I want to tell you I have other grandchildren. I can say that my wonderful daughter has 3 beautiful girls that I'm allowed to see any timee I want. So I'm going to do what you have suggested, pour my love into them. It's just so sad because my sons children adore me. I thank God I can see my other grandkids but still feel broken hearted I wonder if this is a problem with daughters in law?. I have an older son who's wife was difficult as well,l but at least I had access to those grandchildren but ut wasn't easy. They are teens now and dont really need grandma any more. If these women could just understand the pain they are causing maybe it could help. After all their sons will be married someday and what comes around goes around. Thank you for the work you are doing it's such a heartbreaking issue. God bless you!
As we can see it is an epidemic that needs to be fixed. This generation found out they do not need to be bothered with their parents and they can just shut them out " After all, they are the "Me" generation and it is about them and no one else. ( NOT ALL are like this at all but plenty enough to make this an epidemic. Sometimes it seems the better a parent you are the worse you are treated. If you are not such a hot parent they beg to get your attention once grown.
@@patriciamclaughlin5973 and what did you do? you haven't mentioned a single REASON that your daughter stated for cutting you off. that makes you look guilty.
I raised my grandson from 7 and a half months to over 3 years old.. I was with him every second of every day for over 3 years... he’s got high functioning autism and we loooooove each other... I was the only person he loved and my daughter just took him... it has devastated me and I have almost lost my mind with grief... if not for my faith in Jesus I believe I wouldn’t be here rt now bc it’s like having a baby.. and at 3 someone just takes the baby and you never see him again.. I’m listening.. you are so right..my grandson doesn’t understand ..I feel like she wants him to think I just left him... 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😔😔😔😔😔😔😔and God knows it’s horrible.. horrible.. the grief... the gut wrenching grief... absolutely NOTHING but Jesus has gotten me through I’m completely cut off.. she doesn’t care about me.. or his feelings... I’m angry.. I’m sooo hurt.. the cruelty.. I’m just living with it bc I have to .. I trust Jesus 100 percent ... that’s why I didn’t blow my brains out..and I’m not suicidal person..but the grief is overwhelming... I love him so much..she shows no mercy.. doesn’t care how anyone feels but herself... I love your video bc I have one other family member and is narcissist also and shows no understanding of my grief.. just get over it he says 😧.. i love my grandson so much and I really needed this video..😔😔😔😔✝️✝️✝️🙏❤️
My daughter has done the same to me.I also have a son with high functional autism.My other 2 children that I dont see ..Set him against me also.He doesn't see any of it .But he says horrible things to me that I know where its come from.I dont see my grandaughter now .My husband warned me before he died .To get them out of ths house .
These stories are so disturbing. I don’t have it as bad as most but it’s still difficult having a covert narcissist daughter who’ll never love me back.
Only God can take care of this. God please help our grandchildren. I know they are confused and miss us as much as we miss them. This is a heart ache I wouldn’t wish on anyone.
The grandkids don't miss you. My kids threw everything from pop-pop once they realized jerk off pop-pop was taking all of us to court for control. They don't miss you and they realize the situation when the narc grandparent oversteps their boundaries for control. They don't miss you, get over your narcissism.
I am so sorry. It is painful and yes, turning it over to the Lord is good. You might want to get my devotional "Change My Relationship: 365 Daily Devotions for Christians in Difficult Relationships." It will help.
Some suggest writing letters to them that you keep and one day maybe giving them to them when they are older and you might be able to have a relationship with them when they can choose.
My husband and I are cut off from our grandson. On top of this my stepdaughter is telling people it's because I'm abusive. She's so good at getting people to believe her. It's sad and alienating. God bless and protect your children in Jesus name Amen.
I have the same problem...I am both sad that anyone has to go through this, but relieved I am not alone. I was not a perfect mother but I did not abuse my daughter like she tells everyone i did. She likes being the victim and she likes the control she has over me in this situation. I have offered to pay for counseling for us so we can work on our relationship but she does not want to. She rubs the fact that her dad is allowed to see our granddaughter but I am not.
I can relate to all the comments here. Karla you said in a previous TH-cam vid that adult kids need to show respect, communication and friendship. I find that without these qualities which I get from other people their age I m banging my head on a brick wall so to speak. At times I feel as if I need to earn Brownie points to spend time with two of my grandchildren. The other two I have not seen for three years. Of course I ask myself what went wrong and can come up with some answers but we were never neglectful abusive drunk or drugged. Life was a struggle and there were elements that could not be changed. As my therapist said 'I didn't stand a chance' But God has been good and as one door has closed another one has opened. I m grateful for the time I spend helping other children. They benefit and so do i. Karla thank you so much for the videos and speaking so clearly. Again i give thanks that I have miraculously been helped.
So, hubby and I watched your video and we’re inspired by your wisdom. Our 37 year old son was killed in an ATV accident 5 years ago - he left a wife and 2 beautiful sons aged 5 & almost 7 at the time. We are snowbirds and in Az half the year - but when we are here (3 miles from them) we don’t get to see them, don’t hear from them, it’s like we don’t exist. We send gifts, cards, texts - nothing is acknowledged. We’ve finally given up and have been hit with the realization that when we lost our son, we also lost our grandsons. Grief and depression are so real - it’s sad to see how our marriage is suffering - we’re hanging on by a thread.
Wow. I cannot imagine someone being able to be that callous with the parents of their children's father. Your grandkids need to know their dad's parents too. This is a dumb question, most likely, but have you called and asked to come by or to take the kids out to dinner? Would she just ignore you even with that? I hope you search out the boys when they are 18 or they you. You can hold on to that. And yes, the loss of a child puts a huge strain on a marriage. The grief is huge. Do you have other children?
We do have a son, daughter-in-law and 2 other grandsons (6&10) They are allowed to communicate and spend time with with the ones we aren’t. We’ve begged for time with those boys, any time she’d give us - the 4 times we saw them last summer included their mom. We know she has experienced a horrible loss, and extreme challenges since losing our son, but she is surrounded by her army of friends and family - my husband and I are alone in this and really can’t help each other.
The first year after our son died - we were still so numb. We are reaching out for help - my husband through the VA -and me by reaching out to people like you. Thank you for helping us realize we aren’t alone - and for your kind reply to my post.
@@lindawalker4150 There is Grief Share, a church program that has groups to help people grieve. It i griefshare.org. Also for you, www.umbrellaministries.com/contact/. They help mothers who have a lost a child. It is very personal.
My Gkids adore me. They are being punished by the witch too. This is sad nothing but sad. I don't deserve this nor do the beautiful little girls. I feel for everyone going through this.
Bandie Boo I am very sorry that you have to have this going on in your life. None do deserve being treated this way. Usually, it is something going on with them. There is a problem in their lie and they are hiding from something. They may even have parents issues with their own family and not facing up to it or just think they are better than someone else? Whatever it is, they need to realize this could turn around on them one day. I pray it does not though, to be honest, but it cold. They should really think twice about what they are doing.
What bout when my mom gets mad at me she cuts off my son too He tells me I miss my grandma which he haven’t seen in months and when I tell him to leave her a message she only reacts and tell me don’t use a kid to do my dirty work when it’s really him who wants to speak to her I don’t know if I can keep letting her back in if she keep behaving like this and cutting son off when she mad at me
My grandsons adored me too. I haven't seen or spoken to them or my dil since July 2018 (the youngest's 1st birthday), and don't expect to ever again. I wasn't given a reason that made sense. My son complies with his wife. 2 years ago it was so she wouldn't leave. She's a diagnosed narcissist. There's no hope. I will not fully invest in other's children. Redirecting my affection isn't something I feel good about. My heart won't allow me to fully vest in a child without having my own grandchildren receiving the same.
I pray every morning and night and trust God to protect him and handle my stepdaughter. I can't stand the thought of him only having her around him. I've never known anyone who is so viscous and self absorbed. God bless and protect your children in Jesus name Amen.
When adult kids cut the grandparents off either temporarily or permanently it is a HUGE loss & causes extreme grief I got cut off permanently I think this time because I agreed with my grandson that his step dad is a jerk & too strict now I’m cut off again but since my grandson is getting older 10 years old & getting involved in other things I’ve decided to get involved in other things & quit making my daughter & grandson my whole life because she gets mad for the slightest thing & I have gotten cut off too many times to count. I’m moving on with my life & to other grandparents in the same situation I suggest it’s healthy for you to go & get your own life there are too many hobbies other friends /family to sit around & mope for the rest of what years we have left . I’m done trying to please my daughter because it will NEVER happen & I realize that now . Love life love yourself & try & move on.
First of all, I'm sorry for the pain that you've gone through and are going through I know it is a big loss and I keep stress. Your advice is right on. You cannot make your grandkids your life when they are withheld for the slightest reasons. And even if they aren't, as you said, they do grow up and begin to get other activities and become less focused on us as grandparents.
I was sitting in the cafe at Whole Foods when a mom sat next to me with her 2 year old. I immediately began to cry and the mom asked if everything was okay and I said I'm not allowed to visit my grandchild and the mom said that is despicable and the mom said hold your head up and be strong she told me to make a memory chest for my grandchild. What is a memory chest? A huge box of toys, birthday cards, letters, news clippings of day to day events. It's whatever you want to give to your grandchild. She told me to locate my grandchild at 18 via the Internet and have the chest delivered to him with a letter asking to meet him.💗
What a beautiful idea. I have heard of writing letters and cards with things you would have liked to say but I love adding news clippings and toys and sending it to him when he is 18. That way on matter what he has been told about you, he will see that it wasn't true. You will meet him and have his children in your life.
A lot of good advice, Karla. I think you’re the best channel out here because of the Christian perspective and scripture you provide to encourage. What hurts the most is that no matter what happens my beautiful daughter, whom I love so much, will never love me back because of her covert narcissistic personality. She’s my only child and we had a wonderful relationship until age 15-16 due to horrific bullying in high school. I recently joined Community Bible Study. Hoping to get involved in the children’s program like I did when my daughter was age 2-5. I will not grovel even if I never see my grandchild again. I have moved on pretty good for only 6 months of partial estrangement. It’s all so shocking and disturbing. Oh, how I wish I could’ve had parents like we were for our daughter. I loved being her stay at home mother though finances were tight. Now, we’re just not good enough for her. My granddaughter loves me but the more she shows it the less I get to see that sweet baby girl. God will bring me through. What would I do without my Savior? God Bless All the Estranged Parents.
There was something about my own abusive background that made me leap to give my daughter just about everything she wanted and needed. She was raised with much love and care. Now, after a simple disagreement over the safety of her neighborhood school, she’s cut me off from my eighteen month old granddaughter, whom I love with all my heart. The pain is searing my heart like it’s burning up. I honestly don’t know if I can survive this intact. I don’t think I can.
This could be an on again off again pattern that she does. It doesn't mean it'll last forever. Get some insight into what's going on because no matter what the outcome, you you will have to get stronger and make hard choices about what you do in the relationship
Me too. Excruciating to witness my adult daughter wallow in her own misery, identify me as its source and keep my lovely 2 yr old grand daughter away as punishment. Protect yourself. Recognize the poison being offered. Do not swallow it. Best not engage as you will be devalued. You did not create this .You will survive. Best wishes to you.
You can get stronger and learn how to detach knowing it isn't your fault. You can learn to take care of yourself. Check into my other videos and classes. I have other people who understand.
It's almost killing me mentally physically emotionally I don't know what to do anymore I stay in bed I've stayed in bed for a year now it hurts so bad I pray to God that he can set me free God bless each and every one of you that's going through the same thing that I am
I feel your pain. Every day hurts. I grieve like they are dead. I had a bond with my granddaughter who is 3yrs old. I fear she thinks I abandoned her. My grandson is only 18mo old so he probably has already forgotten about me. My son is punishing me for hugging my granddaughter after he excused her from "time out" he accused me of "undermining" him. I have tried to talk with him but he won't respond to any forms of communication. It's going on 4months now and I am in disbelief this is my life. I cry everyday ... my husband, even though he hurts too is able to handle this estrangement. I am so sorry for your pain. I pray every day that these adult children will put their egos aside and think of the love they are denying their children.
@@RStellaMeola please pray for me now I'm sick need full hysterectomy I've got fibroid tumors on my uterus that needs to go my bladder is totally fallen I have nobody to be with me I'm scared sorry to say this but I'm waiting all over myself I can't hold my bladder or my water now I'm keeping infections in my bladder and I've got a red rash on both arms that looks like pinpricks God please pray for me I'm losing it my doctor can only see me via screen from my phone really not sure how that goes I don't think she can diagnose me correctly I went to the urgent Care he gave me antibiotics it was really not seeming to help God bless you just please keep me in your prayers hugs from Wendy in North Carolina may God keep you and hold you and lift you up at this time
@@wendy8561 Wendy I am so so sorry to hear this. I will keep you in my prayers. I live in California I am so far away... is there any family or friends you can ask for help? I am so sorry 🙏🙏🙏
I am hoping one day our grandson will ask questions on where on earth is my son's parents? We have sent gifts since he was born over nine yrs ago. My son seems to have to obey his wife or life would be horrid, but he comes only at Christmas and we are thankful for that much. We were a very, very close family with our two sons. We camped and did everything together and we gave our life all we could even with the grandchildren. We never said no about babysitting and loved every moment. I Am thankful for that time. But my heart is broken.
@@changemyrelationship Our other son, moved with his family when they were older as he was able to receive a better paying position. They ( Grandchildren) now are grown and the eldest one the granddaughter has two little daughters our great- grand-daughters! WE do videos and they would like us to move there but we own our home and we have been ill and hard to move now. But our son made a pop in a visit with his wife a month ago and my daughter in law sells jewelry and she brought me a set that my son chose.. * Perfect style and I was shocked and asked "How did you know that was one I was looking at?" ( She does a video of her jewelry) He called today to wish his dad Happy Fathers Day. Our other son did send an email for the same. So we do have some connection with our other son and family and we hope to make a visit ( we can only handle the hours of travel once a year) and we will try to go in August for a party for our great- grand-daughters as they will have the party on the same day as they are three years apart but birthdays are three days of each other. This is helping. We were very close to grandchildren as we used to babysit often while they grew up. But love seeing videos at least with the greats... lol The ages are One and the other will be five. But like Jesus explaining how the shepherd would need to go after the one sheep that gets lost, the mother and father feel the same I guess over the children even when grown? Thank you..!
@@carolweaver3269 Yes, I think the pain overshadows the joy. We have to learn how to reverse that by focusing on the good more than the bad. I think part of it is we feel like it is our fault and that we have to try to reverse it. It isn't our fault. When we accept that the person/our child has a problem that we didn't cause, it is easier to let go. I think in many ways it is the loss of the grandkids that hurts even more than the loss or the adult children. It sounds like you have many things to be grateful for. I would try to move near your son who has asked you to come. He can help you sell and move. It might be a good time to downscale and it is good to be near family as you get older. When you get physically stronger, you might want to consider it.
@@kathybuckley2338 TY Kathy. Am okay bu the heart always remains heavy when it is broken so deeply. We must keep a ray of hope though always. Communication is so important, but when one side cuts it off, we can spend life in pain yet must keep busy in other ways. Filling that gap as much as possible anyway. Takes a long time to even get that far.
A grandparent's desire to love their grandchildren isn't for narcissistic supply unless the grandparent is a narcissist to begin with and has an unhealthy relationship with the grandchild. That is a minority.
@@changemyrelationship actually it's the majority because boomers by in large are giant block of narcissists. Watching these turds ci e out of the wood work along with other narcs and the le elbow interference in a young family's life is absokuteky disgusting.
@@changemyrelationshipI think she sees it that way because that makes them seem replaceable. If they weren’t narcissistic, they’d care about those specific grandchildren as individuals. But caring about the idea of grandchildren (or children, in general) to love on them is moreso narcissistic than loving. Same issue I have with my MIL. She prefers the idea of being their grandparent and showing that to the world. Now that she’s been cut off from them, she’s hosting bday parties for random children and such. Which is fine because no one she’s built a relationship with will let her keep their kids due to her control issues and disregard to their parenting choices, etc. But my point is - that’s how I know it’s selfish & narcissistic compared to actually loving. She just wants the world to see how ‘great’ she can parent now once she’s finally realized how to be better than she was lol. That’s definitely narcissism.
I have same problem but only a much longer period of time. We must pray they change their hearts. It is some kind of epidemic with this generation especially. nice they found out they COULD do it they went all out for it. Laws need changing.
@@legalfictionnaturalfact3969 One side remains open for communication and the other side shuts it down and the side who will not communicate is almost always filled with narcissism, thinking they never can improve a relationship or anything else as they are to perfect. That causes division's Deep divisions in families who often have been so very close. It only takes one person to break a whole family up. People need to stay open to forgiveness and communication in every family relationship unless there is sexual or physical abuse. Both sides need to look deep within as normally it takes three to cause a division in all situations that the third party is the culprit, but often only one side is willing to open up and try to find a way to make things work out once more and try again with some kind of love and forgiveness, showing love for their spouse or adult child. That keeps the rift going 'forever'. It is troubling and hurtful to a whole family, not just to one person.
@@carolweaver3269 wrong, honey. the side that shuts it down has had enough. we know you're too selfish and childish to change... so just keep being you... with offspring who you'll never see again! lol. :)
I haven't seen my grandkids in 7 yrs it's the worst pain in the world it's nothing but emotional and mental abuse....GOD BLESS ALL ALLANATED GRANDPARENTS.....
The overwhelming grief I have experienced of losing my granddaughter who I helped raise for 8 years is the greatest pain ever. I miss her everyday and don’t even know the reason why they won’t let me see her.
I am sorry. I believe it is worse than losing a grandchild to death because you have the pain of knowing she is alive and yet, you cannot see her. Plus you have the pain of the betrayal from them cutting you off. Take good care of yourself. I hope you have things in your life that bring you joy.
Thank you for this video. I've been suffering for 5 years now. I do appreciate your approach and advice. My grandchildren will know the torture my heart was placed by their parents. Thank goodness they have an Aunt and Uncle that can someday express just how much I love them. I will also send cards, expressing my love. I have stopped sending gifts for now, I have yet to be invited to watch and play with them, in fact requested videos in the past but nothing (they live in the same city). I don't know if they ever played with anything. So now, a card with $, they will get in the future, either from me or set aside until my granddaughter is in college or 25.
That sounds like a good plan. It's a horrible situation but knowing how you are going to approach it helps you to be at peace with it. Thanks for sharing your story.
My wife and I have been dealing with this for over ten years. My son's wife has convinced him that we are evil. They now have 5 children. We have seen the oldest when she was very young. Now they have cut us off completely. Returned all birthday and Christmas gifts and want nothing to do with us. There was no reason for any of this. It is the worst pain anyone can imagine. We been to counselors who help some but they tell us how sorry they are for us. This son was the most happy go lucky, family loving boy you could ask for. Now he is different. My wife and I say it's as if he died. We both decided we will put all trust in God, pray for the grandchildren, and live by the motto, "We didn't break him and we can't fix him. We will always love him.
You are not alone, as you know. Even the King of England doesn't see his grandchildren and has never met the youngest. It is epidemic. That does not diminish your pain at all but you are right, you have not caused it and you cannot fix it. I would not send any more cards or presents to their house. You could keep all the cards and gifts in a box for each grandkid to give one day if they ever seek you out. And get busy enjoying your life in every other way. You deserve it. You are handling it the only way you can.
I took a fulltime babysitting job and it did help the pain I feel. I've also found a hobby I've invested myself in. Yesterday I thought maybe I'm to be using this free time on me and I am
My Grandchildren were moved 5 states away, ripped away from us, my daughter in law is narrisist. I never experienced so much of a struggle in a relationship why is it so hard?
If you are asking why is the relationship with her so hard, the answer is because narcissism is difficult to deal with. Her brain is wired differently and it is impossible to get her to see another person's perspective. It doesn't work to explain yourself and that makes a two-way mutual relationship impossible.
I think it depends on what the grandparents have done, there are 2 sides to every story. I knew a friend who was abused by her mother everyday of her life. When she married and had her own children, she cut off her mother from ever being around her children. People thought my friend was cruel for that, but I remember when we were classmates her mother would neglect her and verbally abuse her, and she would cry every day at school. It was hard to see my friend go through something like that. I think in a way it depends on what grandparents have done and what lead up to the separation. Usually, it's to set boundaries and protect their children and themselves. Another thing to remember is that they are adults, respect their household, understand that they have to care for the children and the responsibilities are great, don't nag or criticize what they do because that can be a turn off. I spoke to friends who have gone through this with their parents and in laws as well. From what I heard in laws can be the worse.
There are times that it is due to the grandparents being unhealthy and not respecting boundaries. There are also times that the children unnecessarily cut off the grandparents and it is a growing trend. It's hard to address everything in one video. Thanks for commenting. I agree that there are boundaries grandparents have to respect.
Psalm 34:18 “The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.” Though you may feel defeated, God is closer than you realize. He is always with you and can heal your heart. Trust God and His process, because it may take a little longer than we would like before we see it come to pass. You can make it with God’s help.❤
I'm so thankful for my other grandbabies. But it still hurts that my precious grandson is suffering without us. The fact that he is hurting without us makes it so much more worse.
This is me! My oldest daughter is a narcissist and withholds my grandchildren from me based on my behavior, such as asking if I can have more time with them, or anytime I bring up being sad because I don’t have a relationship with them. She has made up things that have happened in her childhood that I supposedly have done and uses that as a reason to keep me from them. She also uses religion and says that I have evil spirits attached to me and won’t bring them to our family home because she says there are evil spirits in the home 🙄 My Narc Mother has joined in on it and instigated most of it. It just breaks my heart. My grandkids love me and I love them so much but I’m missing out on everything and this has changed the dynamic and the legacy of our family. I’m only able to see them at holiday functions and very rarely for a couple of hours every once in awhile if I ask correctly and don’t “cause any problems” before the visit. They all had to move an hour away to make things more difficult for me also. It’s just sad and uncalled for. I’m so heartbroken and lonely without my family.
I am so sorry. Have you asked to take them out for fun things by picking them up at their house? Probably dumb question because of who she is but that would get around the evil spirits at your house.
Change My Relationship unfortunately I’m not allowed to be alone with them, ever. She let me take care of them when they were first born, told me she only wanted me to be the one to watch them and around 9 mos that all came to an end when I had to take care of an elderly family member, but has only let her husbands mother and sister be the only one to babysit. I have to be supervised every time I’m with them lol I play with them, we have fun, I honestly think she’s jealous of that because she is so serious and I’m not. I will play whatever they want, I run with them, I’m active, she is strict and rigid and not active at all. Whatever the reason, it’s hurting a lot of people and hopefully won’t bite her in the butt in the future 🤷🏻♀️
@@_GiGiBloom_ It is crazy. Watch my other videos if you haven't on narcissism. If you have other grandchildren, invest in them or even some of your niece and nephews kids. You have lots to give them. Get busy in your life too. I have another video "Surviving Cut-off from Your Grandchildren" too.
Change My Relationship thank you!! I don’t have anyone else unfortunately. I was a caregiver for my older relatives and they have all passed away now so it’s just me and the narcs 😬 and my 19 year old who can’t wait to get away from all of us lol(I’m an only child as well) I’m just flooding my head with positive things, trying to get by. Guided meditations at night, audible books on all of this during the day, reading, whatever just to get through it. I just need to focus and keep moving forward, take what I can and make every moment with my grandkids count. Today is my daughters baby shower 😬🙏🏻 🤞 I’ve got my Narc spray (knowledge and positive responses 🤞😂) in my back pocket and I’m not afraid to use it! I’ll definitely check out your other videos, thanks! 💝🙏🏻
I'm a 63 y.o. disabled widow with no family anywhere near. I'm pouring Nana into other ppl's grandkids that need a Nana. My heart is still broke! So damn unfair😢
I am sorry. I agree it is painful and unfair. But those grandkids that are getting you as a result are the winners and you too for pouring love into their lives. God bless you.
Lost most of my vision which led to the loss of my drivers license which led the loss of my job because I was a truck driver and now the loss of my grandchild I don’t see any way I’m gonna survive till the end of the year
My narcissistic daughter has always punished me ... this is the most hurtful... she doesn’t care about her daughter... I was taking care of a newborn who grew to absolutely adore me .... that’s just one reason tho ..... I’m still in shock!!!!!
I am so sorry. It is hard to comprehend when you couldn't treat people that way. And yes, there is also disregard for how it affects their children. Look into my new devotional: Change My Relationship: 365 Daily Devotions for Christians in Difficult Relationships. It will give you comfort and tools.
Yea I how did she become a Narcissist? Was she born that way? There’s no way you had anything to do with that outcome huh? Find that really hard to believe.. no one is born a narcissist.. they are created.
@@attallahmunroe7846 speak to a lawyer.I just did and we are going to court. Lawyer Assures me that with Canadian law I have a legal right to visitation and will get it.
I feel the exact same way. I don't know how I am bearing it. I fear my heart will just stop unless I know my little grandchild is at least ok. I just wish I could tell him I love him and will always be here for him. My thoughts and love go out to anyone else in this most terrible of life circumstance.
@@lindabrodney4958 I must say it’s the toughest thing I have ever gone through. Thankfully the father stepped in and I now have my grandson back visiting me every other weekend.
@@1dilligaf My heart rejoices for you and for your grandson. I am positive you will make the most of every minute with him. What a beautiful opportunity you have with impart love. Thank you for offering up some hope that reunification can happen. I await a miracle.
I'm not a Grandparent, I'm an Uncle and my older brother is doing this to everybody in our family because his wife is controlling everything about his life and everything about their two daughters lives and it hurts me, my dad, my sister, but it hurts my mom on a whole other level when my brother doesn't want to take the steering wheel from his wife. And I'll admit they're is two sides to this situation but it's hard to see that when she is making him destroy every meaningful relationship he's had with any of us. I can't see my brother or my nieces when it feels like I'm given a restraining order beforehand. I mean have I said things that offended him in the past? Sure! Point is she needs to figure it out that she's definitely in the wrong and that she shouldn't be allowed to do this. It hurts me terribly to see this happen to the person that I used to look up to him when I was little.
You are right. It affects everyone. The only one who can change it besides her is your brother. Having some empathy for him helps when you recognize he will get her wrath if he challenges her but he will have to if there is any hope for change in his marriage and then his extended family. It is sad. I can see how it would hurt you to see your mom hurting so much.
I was not allowed to be at my granddaughter's high school graduation nor her wedding. The only time I have seen either of my granddaughters in the past several years was at my MIL's funeral. Although they are now adults, their mother did her brainwashing job well. I went through all the stages until I decided that I lived a happy life before I had grandkids and I could do so again. I cannot control their actions nor their mother's but I do have control over my own reaction to them.
That's a huge loss. The last stage of grief is acceptance. What would help you move toward acceptance? What else is good in your life? Do you have other grandkids?
I haven't been allowed to send my young grandchild a birthday card Her mom, my daughter is a Jezebel Narc, who has anger issues,,and trys to intimidate and controle me, and is very disrespectful.
I am so sorry. Some recommend writing the cards and letters and keeping them. Someday if you get to see your grandchild, you can give her all the cards and let her/him know you were loving from afar. check out my new devotional for encouragement and support: "Change My Relationship: 365 Daily Devotions for Christians in Difficult Relationships."
When your adult child cuts you off from your grandchild...remember what the Bible says about children;“See that you do not despise one of these little ones. For I tell you that their angels in heaven always see the face of my father in heaven.” Matthew 18:10 If your adult child has cut you off...they WILL have to answer to God for “despising one of these little ones” (depriving their own child of something God intended as a benefit for that child). We are called “grand” mothers for a reason. We have love to give and our adult child is despising their own child by depriving them of the love from their grandparents.
I respectfully disagree. That is not what that verse of scripture is referring to. If it's an unhealthy or disrespectful dynamic, adult children's decisions are often made out of a place of protection and a desire to have their children around healthier influences. While it's not every case, it is often also very painful for the adult child too. Both can experience grief.
I also hope that both you and your adult child can develop compassion and understanding for each other and that your bond can mend in the future. You both are worth the effort and care. ❤️
The loss has to be grieved for you to get to a place of acceptance where it hurts less. It helps to fill your live with other things that are fulfilling. The pain and loss will come up at times more like on birthdays and Christmas. You get to a place of more peace but it will always be a loss.
My daughter has taught my grandchildren to hate me . She told me I got them like that. They have been lied to and brain washed. She wants me to grovel. I refuse to do so and have chosen not to have anything to do with her. She has stolen as a child from me and others and still do she has lied on me and others, she does drugs alcohol, sex
Let us know how that goes if the parents are still together lol. Im interested if it works out, honestly. Because im in a state that does not have them, but I’m genuinely curious how it goes in a state that does!
If I don't do as my son and dil want i can't see them . They are making me choose between my boyfriend of 11 yrs and my grandchild. Not fair he has done nothing!!! My granddaughter is my world!! They know how it has made my depression worse. What do I do?
🛑🛑🛑Help!!!!When my daughter needs me it's okay she can call me and pretend everything is okay but then the silent treatment comes I'm just learning about this no call no nothing until she needs something for the baby which he was born in March I still really don't understand where this comes from ...why is my daughter this way I raised her good I raised her in church I wasn't the best mother but no one is it's just unbelievable I don't understand why this happens to people why are people narcissist ,,,why can somebody please answer me this is it a mental illness?????I bought everything for her cars all the my grandsons new born just everything anything she needs I'm there for her regardless if it's two three in the morning I'm just learning about this I don't understand it's literally killing me from the inside out slowly and painfully
Narcissistic personality disorder is a personality disorder and is classified as a mental illness but a lot of these adult children have traits but aren't truly NPD. I think your daughter disrespects you and your help and takes it for granted you will be there. It would be scary but I think the best thing you could do for yourself is to not be there for her whenever she calls. Say no to 2 am in the morning or a time when it is inconvenient for you. She will get mad but it is a fit for not getting her way. It will show her you have some backbone and you may then have the option of asking for more from her instead of it being one way. Also, you need to work on getting strong and having a desire to live a life you love even if she isn't around your and even if you don't see your grandchild. It is hard but you will be better off because you cannot depend on someone who is that uncaring. I am curious though. Have you reached out to her and asked her to let you watch the baby or see him? Does she not answer you?
@@changemyrelationship she only answers me whenever she needs something from me and that's it I'm done everything that I could possibly do and yes you're right as hard as it may be thank you for reaching out to me God bless you
@@L4JRapture thank you please it's controlling my life I've broken out in a rash on both of my forearms and went in to give a sample of my urine and come to find out I have a bladder infection they are still not sure why my arms are broken out at all it's like red pinpricks I don't understand nothing changed no allergic I don't it's just I don't know it's unreal it could be my nerves for all I know but it's something I've never had my bladder has fallen due to need not hysterectomy and thyroid tumors I feel like I'm alone I hope I'm not putting too much on you maybe God could place in your heart something to tell me to do I'm sorry if this message sounds weird but I'm reaching out because I know God can work through people to help others and I know he is going to set me free from all of this thank you so much just stay in touch I'll be here
My mother would sY my children were her eyes, world etc.. than she met a guy and wouldnt go to the house anymore she didnt have time for my children anymore. My chikdren suffered and missed my mother. As time went back they got used to her not coming around and they went and formed a close relarionship with our front door neighbor's. My mother ended addicted to casino alone and jealous that my xhildren were no longer looking for her. Well she ended up caising many fights between my husband and i and i didnt blame him back than. I would send my chikdren to do chores my mother would take them and spoil them and would always make me out to be the bad parent. Until one day my oldest at 16 left to live with her and i didnt allow but my ex did he was like let her go i fought i argued but she left and i turned and looked at my mother and told you will never step in my home ever again. It turned out that my ex had touched my daughter that is why he let her go. Thats not all when she left i couldnt take my ex husbands mental abuse so i left himthe end of august 2013 my mother moved him into her house in september on november 15, 2013 my mother reported me with lies to cps the day before thanksgiving 2013 cps went to my childrens school. On wednesday january 8,2014 at 7:26a.m. was the last time i got to drop my children off at school bus. My mother dragged my name through her vomit and she didnt stop until i was taken off their birthcertificates. My mother's addiction for the casino was. Terrible she was losing eveeything and because she works with the state cps foster care etc. She new how to manipulate the situation. I didnt have a chance her and my ex my suster against me. I fought and fought and till this day i still fight for a uaeless pass. Nothing matters anymore my chilfren were parenral alienated from. I lived in the syreet while my mother helped my ex by a trailer decorated for him bought him dishes. In my childrens eyes im a monster i prosecuted sentenced a lifetime with out my children. My son just became a father i think january 6 2023, but he doesnt want me near his family my oldest daughter well shes having a girl this mth june 23 and the same. I feel like im losing my children again. Ppl tell me go on with your life do u blah blah your gonna be okay its all up in your head. Its not up in my head im not mantally ill im emotionally broken my soul hurts mental is fake not real its something we tell our selves. Being alienated from both children and grandchildren has caused me to be sucidial i have no one to live for i have no one to love and im drowning. Im all alone my mother left me dead. I fear relationship i fear rejection abandonedment. I feel i dont deserve love i cant forgive myself for not running away far woth my children. Never did i ever think my mother could do such a thing to her grandchuldren or to me. Its so easy to give advice what how do i get there what do i do with these emotions drowning me alive wene all i want os loved accepted and needed. Im so lonely. Please help me by subscribing to my youtube for i can help share awareness of parental alienation. Sorry if i didnt spell correctly my eyes ate very tired and i cant see very well. Thank you and Blessings
When my daughter gets mad at me she keeps my grandson from me. My son does it too. I'm so hurt and sick of it. My kids copy each other's behaviors btw. My oldest grandson is 5 and I've lived with my daughter twice so he's been around me since he was a newborn
That's manipulation unless you've done something that is toxic. And what they don't see is that it is harmful for their kids. Kids need grandparents and consistency with them is a big blessing to them.
Yes they do. I don't feel I am toxic. My daughter doesn't like me to drink bc she doesn't do it herself. Well what I do on my own is none of her business. My son jumped on the band wagon with her but yet he drinks every weekend. Makes no sense! I haven't had a nice cold twisted tea in 2 months but this weekend I will. I've never drank or been intoxicated around my grandbabies so why is she so controlling. She's a bully too. Has been since she was 12
@@pamelaboarts6642 It's likely just an excuse. If it wasn't that, it would be something else. It has everything to do with feeling that she can withhold the kids.
My daughter called me. Her silent treatments usually last a month to two. I let her know she's hurting Oli the most. She said a few other things so I said to her "Well you let me know when you're done feeling sorry for yourself bc you had such a bad childhood. I'm to old for the drama" Haven't heard from her today but I'm standing my ground and no I wasn't a perfect mother but who is. Gas lighting me....needs to end
@@pamelaboarts6642 When you know deep inside yourself what it is and what isn't okay, you have to take a stand. It is always a risk with a difficult person who is willing to cut you off, but there is a time when you have to take that risk. Let me know what happens.
@@justrynamakeitreal4989 I felt it coming for the 1st year, I wasn't wrong.....I think my daughter let me bond with her daughter, then chose her partners family over her own. I just knew it was coming 💔💔💔
My husband asked if we could meet at a nearby park for lunch and the response was “What’s the occasion?” If there’s no occasion like a holiday or birthday, there’s no visiting. That’s a total of 8 times per year. I’m grateful. It’s more than many wonderful grandparents get.
That is so common in these situations. On the one hand, it makes it easier because you know for sure it wasn't your fault but on the other, it is maddening because there is no reason for it that you can see or understand.
DSS was called on her and she blamed me .. I raised them from babies the 4th one she has she gave up for open adoption.. and I only get to talk to them but haven't seen them not even cared enough before I went in to have 6 tumors removed out of my head.. and only 3 Miles away and said she had no way to come to check on me.. but did .. the second born the other night had a cough didn't feel good and had to sniffles I had medicine here and she said that well first she said she didn't have enough money for it and gas she's waiting on Chad to send her some money and I told her I had gas money she could come get and get the medicine for the baby but she did not and she steady getting caught up in lies There's more to her life She doesn't want anybody in her business She does not want to work she wants to stay at home and as soon as the third child got in school that's when all this drama started with her and we had heard I'm not going to go into details about the third one the fourth baby They was issues with that one too I'm just going to leave that alone but thank you for reaching out and carrying.. but I am good about died on November 22nd because infection he got in on my brain after they got the tumors out and Jesus and I have been having a lot of talk here lately and he even told me that if he had not put me in the path of the children they would have never known about Jesus so I need to let him go I'm to love him first and even though it's hard as it is I'm working at it and I'm letting her go too and also my husband at the same time got locked up twice and have been running around so I had to deal with all this at one time but God made me stronger and I'm still healing I'm not where I need to be yet with my head but I'm getting there as far as forgiven and at peace with everything I am I am cuz God keeps reassuring me and that's where my strength comes from
In a million years I would never expect this would happen! But it did. It seems my adult children enjoy the cruelty they inflicted on me? Narcissism is alive and well in my adult children. I’ve been cut off since 2015 from my grandchildren.
No, I haven't. The closest I came was a rift between my husband and son-in-law where my son-in-law didn't want them around him for awhile and it limited my time. I experienced a small amount of what it felt like. I do know it is extremely painful. However, I have spoken with many people who are going through it.
There are a few books on Amazon. There is also a support group. Not sure how prolific the groups are but here is the name: www.aga-fl.org. I found that in a book called "Invisible Grandparenting." It is a good book. God bless you!
Wow so if the grandparents doesn't do what the parents are asking of them regarding their children to the point that the parents cut the grandparents off they're a narcissist? That's quite a reach. How about you're not the freaking parent and you need to listen to the freaking parent.
Obviously there would be those situations where the grandparents are wrong and asking your parents to respect your wishes with your children does not make you a narcissist. Unfortunately there are many cases where the kids are unreasonable and do cut off the parents and it is happening more and more but yes there are also a lot of unhealthy parents you can see my videos on narcissistic parents
@@changemyrelationship Because, if you aren't experiencing the agony and torture that I have been going through by being cut off from my grandchildren for the last 5 months, then all this talk they do is meaningless. I'm looking to hear from people who are hurting like me, not some generalized answers. Sorry, you have no idea how frustrated I am.
Then this doesn't apply in your situation. This video is specific to those who have been cutoff from their grandchildren unfairly and for no good reason. You are welcome to write to me to my email with more specifics and I will give you ideas to help you. karla@changemyrelationship.com
Even if biological grandparents aren't very healthy influences to be around, there are many older people that are that can act as adopted parents or grandparents and provide a safer environment. I hope you have friends and others you can turn to for support.
What made y’all kids cut y’all off ? What did y’all do to not be allowed to see your grandparents ? That’s wicked. Parents think abusing they kids is funny till we grown up and disown our parents. These comments made my day !!!!! Im glad the grandparents are suffering, well deserved Karma (:
Were you abused by your parents? If you were, I understand why you would think that these parents deserve to be cut off but the problem isn't limited to that. There are plenty of good parents whose kids are doing that to them.
This is the worst pain I have ever felt. Never in 100000 years did I ever think my son would do this to me.
Mine to. It’s a pain you can’t describe. It’s worse than a black hole and that’s all I think of is my grandchildren, and what their heads are being filled with. I feel for you, I know what you’re going through. I could actually say that.
Right there with You🙏💔🙏
Please consider that many adult children also feel deep pain and grief about the situation, their decisions often stemming from protection. That can be hard to hear, but it can be helpful to develop compassion and understanding both ways and to both repair and change behaviors that have caused harm. Adult children need to be shown human respect too. I hope your relationship heals. ❤️
Me too. I was cut off with no reason or explanation. The pain is horrible that I had to seek a therapist.
All of these comments make me weep. I have been cut off from my precious grandchildren and it is such horrible pain. Sometimes I can "stay above it," while other times I am non-functioning. Thank you for doing a video like this, Karla. There is not enough out there to support grandparents/parents in this situation. I did find a book called "Done With The Crying," by Sheri McGregor. I was thinking it would be so wonderful if you two ever did a video interview on this topic. We grandparents need help. I feel alone in my pain most of the time. I don't know about others, but when I have shared the estrangement with others, they are judgmental or try to "fix my relationship" when I just need empathy and support. Now, I hardly ever share outside of my husband. Even then, I feel like I don't want to "burden" my husband or other family members with what's really going on inside me....Karla, your videos are so helpful. Thank you. Please do more. Estrangement is an epidemic no one is talking about. All I seem to see/read out there is "get rid of the toxic person in your life," when maybe the parents/grandparents aren't the toxic ones at all...
There are some support groups on Facebook and there is a national group too that has some local chapters. .orgAlienated Grandparents info@AGA-FL.org
I know exactly how you feel...I don't want to be a burden with my problems either...😪
That's a good idea to interview her. I will
This is the worst pain I have EVER endured. 💔 I love you James! Mimi is fighting for you. I'm so sorry this is happening to you. NONE of this is your fault.
Your comment brings tears to my eyes. I am so sorry. Some people write letters to their grandchild at important occasions and put them away to give him some day so he knows what you were thinking about him. Don't know if that is something that you would want to do.
@@changemyrelationship 💗thank you
Heart wrenching.
I’m so glad I found you. Being cut off hurts so much. I couldn’t wait to become a grandmother. I wanted to be the best ever, but things took a wrong turn, and I was cut off completely from the family. The wife’s family sees them all the time. I don’t even receive birthday cards, Mother’s Day cards, etc. etc. etc. Completely cut off.
That is horrible and not right. I am so sorry. I hope you can find joy and meaning in something else.
It's still painful after 25 years because they are 27 years old now and could easily be in touch, but have nothing to do with us! Thank goodness we have other grandchildren and great-grandchildren!
Having others helps a lot but yes, there is still a hole. I understand.
Thank you, I'm suffering so much. I'm cut off from my three beautiful grandbabies. The pain and depression is overwhelming. I am so grateful for this video. I will try to impliment your suggestions. It's a horrible thing to do to a parent who is loving. I just do not understand this type of cruelty. I took care of my grandkids when their mom worked now she just cut me out, with no reason. Unbelievably painful. I'm at the stage that maybe it will get better in time. I was searching and found you, thank you.
Read a book called"Done With the Crying" by Sheri McGregor. It will help you even more. God bless you. My heart goes out to you 💔
@@changemyrelationship Thank you I will go to the library today. I want to tell you I have other grandchildren. I can say that my wonderful daughter has 3 beautiful girls that I'm allowed to see any timee I want. So I'm going to do what you have suggested, pour my love into them. It's just so sad because my sons children adore me. I thank God I can see my other grandkids but still feel broken hearted I wonder if this is a problem with daughters in law?. I have an older son who's wife was difficult as well,l but at least I had access to those grandchildren but ut wasn't easy. They are teens now and dont really need grandma any more. If these women could just understand the pain they are causing maybe it could help. After all their sons will be married someday and what comes around goes around. Thank you for the work you are doing it's such a heartbreaking issue. God bless you!
I am going through the same thing and can understand. It hurts terribly. Thank God for this video.
As we can see it is an epidemic that needs to be fixed. This generation found out they do not need to be bothered with their parents and they can just shut them out " After all, they are the "Me" generation and it is about them and no one else. ( NOT ALL are like this at all but plenty enough to make this an epidemic. Sometimes it seems the better a parent you are the worse you are treated. If you are not such a hot parent they beg to get your attention once grown.
@@patriciamclaughlin5973 and what did you do? you haven't mentioned a single REASON that your daughter stated for cutting you off. that makes you look guilty.
I raised my grandson from 7 and a half months to over 3 years old.. I was with him every second of every day for over 3 years... he’s got high functioning autism and we loooooove each other... I was the only person he loved and my daughter just took him... it has devastated me and I have almost lost my mind with grief... if not for my faith in Jesus I believe I wouldn’t be here rt now bc it’s like having a baby.. and at 3 someone just takes the baby and you never see him again.. I’m listening.. you are so right..my grandson doesn’t understand ..I feel like she wants him to think I just left him... 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😔😔😔😔😔😔😔and God knows it’s horrible.. horrible.. the grief... the gut wrenching grief... absolutely NOTHING but Jesus has gotten me through I’m completely cut off.. she doesn’t care about me.. or his feelings... I’m angry.. I’m sooo hurt.. the cruelty.. I’m just living with it bc I have to .. I trust Jesus 100 percent ... that’s why I didn’t blow my brains out..and I’m not suicidal person..but the grief is overwhelming... I love him so much..she shows no mercy.. doesn’t care how anyone feels but herself... I love your video bc I have one other family member and is narcissist also and shows no understanding of my grief.. just get over it he says 😧.. i love my grandson so much and I really needed this video..😔😔😔😔✝️✝️✝️🙏❤️
My daughter has done the same to me.I also have a son with high functional autism.My other 2 children that I dont see ..Set him against me also.He doesn't see any of it .But he says horrible things to me that I know where its come from.I dont see my grandaughter now .My husband warned me before he died .To get them out of ths house .
These stories are so disturbing. I don’t have it as bad as most but it’s still difficult having a covert narcissist daughter who’ll never love me back.
Only God can take care of this. God please help our grandchildren. I know they are confused and miss us as much as we miss them. This is a heart ache I wouldn’t wish on anyone.
AMEN!
The grandkids don't miss you. My kids threw everything from pop-pop once they realized jerk off pop-pop was taking all of us to court for control. They don't miss you and they realize the situation when the narc grandparent oversteps their boundaries for control. They don't miss you, get over your narcissism.
Thank you so much going through thus right now, I'm dieing inside...trying very hard ...giving it to my Lord!
I am so sorry. It is painful and yes, turning it over to the Lord is good. You might want to get my devotional "Change My Relationship: 365 Daily Devotions for Christians in Difficult Relationships." It will help.
@@changemyrelationship yes I need to get it asap 😩 this is the worst feeling ever
I cry every day for my grandchildren and pray they will be okay.
Some suggest writing letters to them that you keep and one day maybe giving them to them when they are older and you might be able to have a relationship with them when they can choose.
@@changemyrelationship thank you
My husband and I are cut off from our grandson. On top of this my stepdaughter is telling people it's because I'm abusive. She's so good at getting people to believe her. It's sad and alienating. God bless and protect your children in Jesus name Amen.
I'm sorry. That's doubly painful
Bless you ..The spiritual war is in our own homes too .
I have the same problem...I am both sad that anyone has to go through this, but relieved I am not alone. I was not a perfect mother but I did not abuse my daughter like she tells everyone i did. She likes being the victim and she likes the control she has over me in this situation. I have offered to pay for counseling for us so we can work on our relationship but she does not want to. She rubs the fact that her dad is allowed to see our granddaughter but I am not.
I can relate to all the comments here. Karla you said in a previous TH-cam vid that adult kids need to show respect, communication and friendship. I find that without these qualities which I get from other people their age I m banging my head on a brick wall so to speak. At times I feel as if I need to earn Brownie points to spend time with two of my grandchildren. The other two I have not seen for three years. Of course I ask myself what went wrong and can come up with some answers but we were never neglectful abusive drunk or drugged. Life was a struggle and there were elements that could not be changed. As my therapist said 'I didn't stand a chance' But God has been good and as one door has closed another one has opened. I m grateful for the time I spend helping other children. They benefit and so do i. Karla thank you so much for the videos and speaking so clearly. Again i give thanks that I have miraculously been helped.
Ah you are welcome. I am so glad you are finding meaning and giving to children who need you.
So, hubby and I watched your video and we’re inspired by your wisdom. Our 37 year old son was killed in an ATV accident 5 years ago - he left a wife and 2 beautiful sons aged 5 & almost 7 at the time. We are snowbirds and in Az half the year - but when we are here (3 miles from them) we don’t get to see them, don’t hear from them, it’s like we don’t exist. We send gifts, cards, texts - nothing is acknowledged. We’ve finally given up and have been hit with the realization that when we lost our son, we also lost our grandsons. Grief and depression are so real - it’s sad to see how our marriage is suffering - we’re hanging on by a thread.
Wow. I cannot imagine someone being able to be that callous with the parents of their children's father. Your grandkids need to know their dad's parents too. This is a dumb question, most likely, but have you called and asked to come by or to take the kids out to dinner? Would she just ignore you even with that? I hope you search out the boys when they are 18 or they you. You can hold on to that. And yes, the loss of a child puts a huge strain on a marriage. The grief is huge. Do you have other children?
We do have a son, daughter-in-law and 2 other grandsons (6&10) They are allowed to communicate and spend time with with the ones we aren’t.
We’ve begged for time with those boys, any time she’d give us - the 4 times we saw them last summer included their mom. We know she has experienced a horrible loss, and extreme challenges since losing our son, but she is surrounded by her army of friends and family - my husband and I are alone in this and really can’t help each other.
@@lindawalker4150 I am sorry. That is so painful. Have you been to grief counseling or a grief program to help with the loss?
The first year after our son died - we were still so numb. We are reaching out for help - my husband through the VA -and me by reaching out to people like you. Thank you for helping us realize we aren’t alone - and for your kind reply to my post.
@@lindawalker4150 There is Grief Share, a church program that has groups to help people grieve. It i griefshare.org. Also for you, www.umbrellaministries.com/contact/. They help mothers who have a lost a child. It is very personal.
My Gkids adore me. They are being punished by the witch too. This is sad nothing but sad. I don't deserve this nor do the beautiful little girls. I feel for everyone going through this.
Yes it is hard for the children too. I believe your grandkids will see it and voluntarily come to you when they get old enough.
Bandie Boo I am very sorry that you have to have this going on in your life. None do deserve being treated this way. Usually, it is something going on with them. There is a problem in their lie and they are hiding from something. They may even have parents issues with their own family and not facing up to it or just think they are better than someone else? Whatever it is, they need to realize this could turn around on them one day. I pray it does not though, to be honest, but it cold. They should really think twice about what they are doing.
What bout when my mom gets mad at me she cuts off my son too He tells me I miss my grandma which he haven’t seen in months and when I tell him to leave her a message she only reacts and tell me don’t use a kid to do my dirty work when it’s really him who wants to speak to her I don’t know if I can keep letting her back in if she keep behaving like this and cutting son off when she mad at me
My grandsons adored me too. I haven't seen or spoken to them or my dil since July 2018 (the youngest's 1st birthday), and don't expect to ever again. I wasn't given a reason that made sense. My son complies with his wife. 2 years ago it was so she wouldn't leave. She's a diagnosed narcissist. There's no hope. I will not fully invest in other's children. Redirecting my affection isn't something I feel good about. My heart won't allow me to fully vest in a child without having my own grandchildren receiving the same.
I pray every morning and night and trust God to protect him and handle my stepdaughter. I can't stand the thought of him only having her around him. I've never known anyone who is so viscous and self absorbed. God bless and protect your children in Jesus name Amen.
When adult kids cut the grandparents off either temporarily or permanently it is a HUGE loss & causes extreme grief I got cut off permanently I think this time because I agreed with my grandson that his step dad is a jerk & too strict now I’m cut off again but since my grandson is getting older 10 years old & getting involved in other things I’ve decided to get involved in other things & quit making my daughter & grandson my whole life because she gets mad for the slightest thing & I have gotten cut off too many times to count. I’m moving on with my life & to other grandparents in the same situation I suggest it’s healthy for you to go & get your own life there are too many hobbies other friends /family to sit around & mope for the rest of what years we have left . I’m done trying to please my daughter because it will NEVER happen & I realize that now . Love life love yourself & try & move on.
First of all, I'm sorry for the pain that you've gone through and are going through I know it is a big loss and I keep stress. Your advice is right on. You cannot make your grandkids your life when they are withheld for the slightest reasons. And even if they aren't, as you said, they do grow up and begin to get other activities and become less focused on us as grandparents.
I was sitting in the cafe at Whole Foods when a mom sat next to me with her 2 year old.
I immediately began to cry and the mom asked if everything was okay and I said I'm not allowed to visit my grandchild and the mom said that is despicable and the mom said hold your head up and be strong she told me to make a memory chest for my grandchild.
What is a memory chest?
A huge box of toys, birthday cards, letters, news clippings of day to day events. It's whatever you want to give to your grandchild.
She told me to locate my grandchild at 18 via the Internet and have the chest delivered to him with a letter asking to meet him.💗
What a beautiful idea. I have heard of writing letters and cards with things you would have liked to say but I love adding news clippings and toys and sending it to him when he is 18. That way on matter what he has been told about you, he will see that it wasn't true. You will meet him and have his children in your life.
I’m journaling my day to day since my granddaughter was born and what has happened between me and her mother.
Good suggestions, Karla, for a very sticky and all-to-common problem. One I've had myself.
A lot of good advice, Karla. I think you’re the best channel out here because of the Christian perspective and scripture you provide to encourage.
What hurts the most is that no matter what happens my beautiful daughter, whom I love so much, will never love me back because of her covert narcissistic personality. She’s my only child and we had a wonderful relationship until age 15-16 due to horrific bullying in high school.
I recently joined Community Bible Study. Hoping to get involved in the children’s program like I did when my daughter was age 2-5.
I will not grovel even if I never see my grandchild again.
I have moved on pretty good for only 6 months of partial estrangement. It’s all so shocking and disturbing. Oh, how I wish I could’ve had parents like we were for our daughter. I loved being her stay at home mother though finances were tight.
Now, we’re just not good enough for her. My granddaughter loves me but the more she shows it the less I get to see that sweet baby girl.
God will bring me through. What would I do without my Savior?
God Bless All the Estranged Parents.
That is a huge compliment. Please share me with others.
There was something about my own abusive background that made me leap to give my daughter just about everything she wanted and needed. She was raised with much love and care. Now, after a simple disagreement over the safety of her neighborhood school, she’s cut me off from my eighteen month old granddaughter, whom I love with all my heart. The pain is searing my heart like it’s burning up. I honestly don’t know if I can survive this intact. I don’t think I can.
This could be an on again off again pattern that she does. It doesn't mean it'll last forever. Get some insight into what's going on because no matter what the outcome, you you will have to get stronger and make hard choices about what you do in the relationship
Me too. Excruciating to witness my adult daughter wallow in her own misery, identify me as its source and keep my lovely 2 yr old grand daughter away as punishment.
Protect yourself. Recognize the poison being offered. Do not swallow it. Best not engage as you will be devalued. You did not create this .You will survive.
Best wishes to you.
@@johntuohy1867 I am sorry John for your loss but it is helpful that you know it is not you and you can take care of yourself.
@@changemyrelationship Thanks. Relay same message to Susie..sounds like she's exasperated.
You can get stronger and learn how to detach knowing it isn't your fault. You can learn to take care of yourself. Check into my other videos and classes. I have other people who understand.
It's almost killing me mentally physically emotionally I don't know what to do anymore I stay in bed I've stayed in bed for a year now it hurts so bad I pray to God that he can set me free God bless each and every one of you that's going through the same thing that I am
I feel your pain. Every day hurts. I grieve like they are dead. I had a bond with my granddaughter who is 3yrs old. I fear she thinks I abandoned her. My grandson is only 18mo old so he probably has already forgotten about me. My son is punishing me for hugging my granddaughter after he excused her from "time out" he accused me of "undermining" him. I have tried to talk with him but he won't respond to any forms of communication. It's going on 4months now and I am in disbelief this is my life. I cry everyday ... my husband, even though he hurts too is able to handle this estrangement.
I am so sorry for your pain. I pray every day that these adult children will put their egos aside and think of the love they are denying their children.
@@RStellaMeola may God bless you and keep you I truly understand
@@wendy8561 🙏
@@RStellaMeola please pray for me now I'm sick need full hysterectomy I've got fibroid tumors on my uterus that needs to go my bladder is totally fallen I have nobody to be with me I'm scared sorry to say this but I'm waiting all over myself I can't hold my bladder or my water now I'm keeping infections in my bladder and I've got a red rash on both arms that looks like pinpricks God please pray for me I'm losing it my doctor can only see me via screen from my phone really not sure how that goes I don't think she can diagnose me correctly I went to the urgent Care he gave me antibiotics it was really not seeming to help God bless you just please keep me in your prayers hugs from Wendy in North Carolina may God keep you and hold you and lift you up at this time
@@wendy8561 Wendy I am so so sorry to hear this. I will keep you in my prayers. I live in California I am so far away... is there any family or friends you can ask for help?
I am so sorry 🙏🙏🙏
Thank you thank you. I'm having such a hard time letting them go.
That's understandable. Be good to yourself.
Me too.....💔💔
It is the worst pain ever I haven't seen mine in 7 yrs
ME TO.
It's so difficult 😫 the pain is so much.
I found you today. I didn’t want to even wake up this morning. Thank you ❤
I am so glad you did. I am so sorry for your pain. It is very hard. I hope you find peace and joy in other ways. You deserve it!
This video is excellent, I have already done replacement in my life ...It is so rewarding for both me and my substitutes... TY
YAY!!!
I am hoping one day our grandson will ask questions on where on earth is my son's parents? We have sent gifts since he was born over nine yrs ago. My son seems to have to obey his wife or life would be horrid, but he comes only at Christmas and we are thankful for that much.
We were a very, very close family with our two sons. We camped and did everything together and we gave our life all we could even with the grandchildren. We never said no about babysitting and loved every moment. I Am thankful for that time. But my heart is broken.
How could it not be? But you still need to make the most of your lives. What about your other son?
@@changemyrelationship Our other son, moved with his family when they were older as he was able to receive a better paying position. They ( Grandchildren) now are grown and the eldest one the granddaughter has two little daughters our great- grand-daughters! WE do videos and they would like us to move there but we own our home and we have been ill and hard to move now. But our son made a pop in a visit with his wife a month ago and my daughter in law sells jewelry and she brought me a set that my son chose.. * Perfect style and I was shocked and asked "How did you know that was one I was looking at?" ( She does a video of her jewelry) He called today to wish his dad Happy Fathers Day. Our other son did send an email for the same. So we do have some connection with our other son and family and we hope to make a visit ( we can only handle the hours of travel once a year) and we will try to go in August for a party for our great- grand-daughters as they will have the party on the same day as they are three years apart but birthdays are three days of each other. This is helping. We were very close to grandchildren as we used to babysit often while they grew up. But love seeing videos at least with the greats... lol The ages are One and the other will be five. But like Jesus explaining how the shepherd would need to go after the one sheep that gets lost, the mother and father feel the same I guess over the children even when grown? Thank you..!
@@carolweaver3269 Yes, I think the pain overshadows the joy. We have to learn how to reverse that by focusing on the good more than the bad. I think part of it is we feel like it is our fault and that we have to try to reverse it. It isn't our fault. When we accept that the person/our child has a problem that we didn't cause, it is easier to let go. I think in many ways it is the loss of the grandkids that hurts even more than the loss or the adult children. It sounds like you have many things to be grateful for. I would try to move near your son who has asked you to come. He can help you sell and move. It might be a good time to downscale and it is good to be near family as you get older. When you get physically stronger, you might want to consider it.
Hope your ok Carol x
@@kathybuckley2338 TY Kathy. Am okay bu the heart always remains heavy when it is broken so deeply. We must keep a ray of hope though always. Communication is so important, but when one side cuts it off, we can spend life in pain yet must keep busy in other ways. Filling that gap as much as possible anyway. Takes a long time to even get that far.
So you're suggestion at 11:00 is to find other children to feed in for narcissistic supply. Got it.
A grandparent's desire to love their grandchildren isn't for narcissistic supply unless the grandparent is a narcissist to begin with and has an unhealthy relationship with the grandchild. That is a minority.
@@changemyrelationship actually it's the majority because boomers by in large are giant block of narcissists. Watching these turds ci e out of the wood work along with other narcs and the le elbow interference in a young family's life is absokuteky disgusting.
@@changemyrelationship you had you're chance to do parenting with your own kids, now it's someone else's chance,bnit yours again.
@@changemyrelationshipI think she sees it that way because that makes them seem replaceable. If they weren’t narcissistic, they’d care about those specific grandchildren as individuals. But caring about the idea of grandchildren (or children, in general) to love on them is moreso narcissistic than loving. Same issue I have with my MIL. She prefers the idea of being their grandparent and showing that to the world. Now that she’s been cut off from them, she’s hosting bday parties for random children and such. Which is fine because no one she’s built a relationship with will let her keep their kids due to her control issues and disregard to their parenting choices, etc. But my point is - that’s how I know it’s selfish & narcissistic compared to actually loving. She just wants the world to see how ‘great’ she can parent now once she’s finally realized how to be better than she was lol. That’s definitely narcissism.
I haven't seen my granddaughter for over 2 years because of narcissism
I'm so sorry.
I have same problem but only a much longer period of time. We must pray they change their hearts. It is some kind of epidemic with this generation especially. nice they found out they COULD do it they went all out for it. Laws need changing.
yes, because of your narcissism. get that fixed.
@@legalfictionnaturalfact3969 One side remains open for communication and the other side shuts it down and the side who will not communicate is almost always filled with narcissism, thinking they never can improve a relationship or anything else as they are to perfect. That causes division's Deep divisions in families who often have been so very close. It only takes one person to break a whole family up. People need to stay open to forgiveness and communication in every family relationship unless there is sexual or physical abuse.
Both sides need to look deep within as normally it takes three to cause a division in all situations that the third party is the culprit, but often only one side is willing to open up and try to find a way to make things work out once more and try again with some kind of love and forgiveness, showing love for their spouse or adult child. That keeps the rift going 'forever'. It is troubling and hurtful to a whole family, not just to one person.
@@carolweaver3269 wrong, honey. the side that shuts it down has had enough. we know you're too selfish and childish to change... so just keep being you... with offspring who you'll never see again! lol. :)
Excellent - so good - sooo needed this... Thanks you for sharing this...
You're welcome.
This has been heartbreaking. Thanks for the great advice.
You're welcome. My heart goes out to you ❤️
I took my daughter to court
I haven't seen my grandkids in 7 yrs it's the worst pain in the world it's nothing but emotional and mental abuse....GOD BLESS ALL ALLANATED GRANDPARENTS.....
I agree. Blessings on you too.
The overwhelming grief I have experienced of losing my granddaughter who I helped raise for 8 years is the greatest pain ever. I miss her everyday and don’t even know the reason why they won’t let me see her.
I am sorry. I believe it is worse than losing a grandchild to death because you have the pain of knowing she is alive and yet, you cannot see her. Plus you have the pain of the betrayal from them cutting you off. Take good care of yourself. I hope you have things in your life that bring you joy.
Thank you for this video. I've been suffering for 5 years now.
I do appreciate your approach and advice.
My grandchildren will know the torture my heart was placed by their parents. Thank goodness they have an Aunt and Uncle that can someday express just how much I love them.
I will also send cards, expressing my love.
I have stopped sending gifts for now, I have yet to be invited to watch and play with them, in fact requested videos in the past but nothing (they live in the same city). I don't know if they ever played with anything. So now, a card with $, they will get in the future, either from me or set aside until my granddaughter is in college or 25.
That sounds like a good plan. It's a horrible situation but knowing how you are going to approach it helps you to be at peace with it. Thanks for sharing your story.
My wife and I have been dealing with this for over ten years. My son's wife has convinced him that we are evil. They now have 5 children. We have seen the oldest when she was very young. Now they have cut us off completely. Returned all birthday and Christmas gifts and want nothing to do with us. There was no reason for any of this. It is the worst pain anyone can imagine. We been to counselors who help some but they tell us how sorry they are for us. This son was the most happy go lucky, family loving boy you could ask for. Now he is different. My wife and I say it's as if he died. We both decided we will put all trust in God, pray for the grandchildren, and live by the motto, "We didn't break him and we can't fix him. We will always love him.
You are not alone, as you know. Even the King of England doesn't see his grandchildren and has never met the youngest. It is epidemic. That does not diminish your pain at all but you are right, you have not caused it and you cannot fix it. I would not send any more cards or presents to their house. You could keep all the cards and gifts in a box for each grandkid to give one day if they ever seek you out. And get busy enjoying your life in every other way. You deserve it. You are handling it the only way you can.
Many thanks for your explanation and advise. It has helped me a lot!
That's wonderful. So glad to be able to make your life a tiny bit better.
I took a fulltime babysitting job and it did help the pain I feel. I've also found a hobby I've invested myself in. Yesterday I thought maybe I'm to be using this free time on me and I am
Awesome. You are an inspiration.
@@changemyrelationship ty
My Grandchildren were moved 5 states away, ripped away from us, my daughter in law is narrisist. I never experienced so much of a struggle in a relationship why is it so hard?
If you are asking why is the relationship with her so hard, the answer is because narcissism is difficult to deal with. Her brain is wired differently and it is impossible to get her to see another person's perspective. It doesn't work to explain yourself and that makes a two-way mutual relationship impossible.
OMG, grown ass adults making their own decisions about where they live....the horror.
Thank you so much. It validates what I plan to do.
That is always comforting to have validation and even more so with painful situations like this with so much at stake.
I think it depends on what the grandparents have done, there are 2 sides to every story. I knew a friend who was abused by her mother everyday of her life. When she married and had her own children, she cut off her mother from ever being around her children. People thought my friend was cruel for that, but I remember when we were classmates her mother would neglect her and verbally abuse her, and she would cry every day at school. It was hard to see my friend go through something like that. I think in a way it depends on what grandparents have done and what lead up to the separation. Usually, it's to set boundaries and protect their children and themselves. Another thing to remember is that they are adults, respect their household, understand that they have to care for the children and the responsibilities are great, don't nag or criticize what they do because that can be a turn off. I spoke to friends who have gone through this with their parents and in laws as well. From what I heard in laws can be the worse.
There are times that it is due to the grandparents being unhealthy and not respecting boundaries. There are also times that the children unnecessarily cut off the grandparents and it is a growing trend. It's hard to address everything in one video. Thanks for commenting. I agree that there are boundaries grandparents have to respect.
Thank you, no resources for grandparents.
Psalm 34:18
“The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.” Though you may feel defeated, God is closer than you realize. He is always with you and can heal your heart.
Trust God and His process, because it may take a little longer than we would like before we see it come to pass. You can make it with God’s help.❤
Yes, God is close to the brokenhearted. thank you for sharing that encouraging message.
I'm so thankful for my other grandbabies. But it still hurts that my precious grandson is suffering without us. The fact that he is hurting without us makes it so much more worse.
I know. That is the other awful side to this. Grandchildren are hurt too.
Your grandson isn't suffering without you.
Grandparents are important. Focus where you are needed.
I totally agree!
They're not important, they think they're important. This is where all the problems stem from.
This is me! My oldest daughter is a narcissist and withholds my grandchildren from me based on my behavior, such as asking if I can have more time with them, or anytime I bring up being sad because I don’t have a relationship with them. She has made up things that have happened in her childhood that I supposedly have done and uses that as a reason to keep me from them. She also uses religion and says that I have evil spirits attached to me and won’t bring them to our family home because she says there are evil spirits in the home 🙄 My Narc Mother has joined in on it and instigated most of it. It just breaks my heart. My grandkids love me and I love them so much but I’m missing out on everything and this has changed the dynamic and the legacy of our family. I’m only able to see them at holiday functions and very rarely for a couple of hours every once in awhile if I ask correctly and don’t “cause any problems” before the visit. They all had to move an hour away to make things more difficult for me also. It’s just sad and uncalled for. I’m so heartbroken and lonely without my family.
I am so sorry. Have you asked to take them out for fun things by picking them up at their house? Probably dumb question because of who she is but that would get around the evil spirits at your house.
Change My Relationship unfortunately I’m not allowed to be alone with them, ever. She let me take care of them when they were first born, told me she only wanted me to be the one to watch them and around 9 mos that all came to an end when I had to take care of an elderly family member, but has only let her husbands mother and sister be the only one to babysit. I have to be supervised every time I’m with them lol I play with them, we have fun, I honestly think she’s jealous of that because she is so serious and I’m not. I will play whatever they want, I run with them, I’m active, she is strict and rigid and not active at all. Whatever the reason, it’s hurting a lot of people and hopefully won’t bite her in the butt in the future 🤷🏻♀️
And she knows there are no evil spirits in our home, this has been our family home since the 50’s and full of family and love. It’s an excuse.
@@_GiGiBloom_ It is crazy. Watch my other videos if you haven't on narcissism. If you have other grandchildren, invest in them or even some of your niece and nephews kids. You have lots to give them. Get busy in your life too. I have another video "Surviving Cut-off from Your Grandchildren" too.
Change My Relationship thank you!! I don’t have anyone else unfortunately. I was a caregiver for my older relatives and they have all passed away now so it’s just me and the narcs 😬 and my 19 year old who can’t wait to get away from all of us lol(I’m an only child as well) I’m just flooding my head with positive things, trying to get by. Guided meditations at night, audible books on all of this during the day, reading, whatever just to get through it. I just need to focus and keep moving forward, take what I can and make every moment with my grandkids count. Today is my daughters baby shower 😬🙏🏻 🤞
I’ve got my Narc spray (knowledge and positive responses 🤞😂) in my back pocket and I’m not afraid to use it! I’ll definitely check out your other videos, thanks! 💝🙏🏻
So broken 💔 for my little ones , trying to just to live day by day. Acceptance is hard, another step I need to work on .....
It is but it is the pathway to peace. I am sorry you are going through this.
I'm a 63 y.o. disabled widow with no family anywhere near. I'm pouring Nana into other ppl's grandkids that need a Nana.
My heart is still broke!
So damn unfair😢
I am sorry. I agree it is painful and unfair. But those grandkids that are getting you as a result are the winners and you too for pouring love into their lives. God bless you.
Lost most of my vision which led to the loss of my drivers license which led the loss of my job because I was a truck driver and now the loss of my grandchild I don’t see any way I’m gonna survive till the end of the year
Keep going so when he finds you, you will be there for him.
My narcissistic daughter has always punished me ... this is the most hurtful... she doesn’t care about her daughter... I was taking care of a newborn who grew to absolutely adore me .... that’s just one reason tho ..... I’m still in shock!!!!!
I am so sorry. It is hard to comprehend when you couldn't treat people that way. And yes, there is also disregard for how it affects their children. Look into my new devotional: Change My Relationship: 365 Daily Devotions for Christians in Difficult Relationships. It will give you comfort and tools.
Yea I how did she become a Narcissist? Was she born that way? There’s no way you had anything to do with that outcome huh? Find that really hard to believe.. no one is born a narcissist.. they are created.
This just happened to me I don’t think I am going to make it throw it. The thought of him crying for his pappa is killing me.
This just happened to me too. I won't even get to know him. Funny thing is he looks a lot like me.
@@attallahmunroe7846 speak to a lawyer.I just did and we are going to court. Lawyer Assures me that with Canadian law I have a legal right to visitation and will get it.
I feel the exact same way. I don't know how I am bearing it. I fear my heart will just stop unless I know my little grandchild is at least ok. I just wish I could tell him I love him and will always be here for him. My thoughts and love go out to anyone else in this most terrible of life circumstance.
@@lindabrodney4958 I must say it’s the toughest thing I have ever gone through. Thankfully the father stepped in and I now have my grandson back visiting me every other weekend.
@@1dilligaf My heart rejoices for you and for your grandson. I am positive you will make the most of every minute with him. What a beautiful opportunity you have with impart love. Thank you for offering up some hope that reunification can happen. I await a miracle.
The fact that my own daughter has done this to me. Done this to her son as well.
My heart goes out to you. It is incredibly painful. I hope you can find a way to go on and find a good life.
@@changemyrelationship Thank you.
I’m right there with you. I went from the mountain top to the gutter in a matter of 10 months.
Our lives will never be the same.
I'm not a Grandparent, I'm an Uncle and my older brother is doing this to everybody in our family because his wife is controlling everything about his life and everything about their two daughters lives and it hurts me, my dad, my sister, but it hurts my mom on a whole other level when my brother doesn't want to take the steering wheel from his wife. And I'll admit they're is two sides to this situation but it's hard to see that when she is making him destroy every meaningful relationship he's had with any of us.
I can't see my brother or my nieces when it feels like I'm given a restraining order beforehand. I mean have I said things that offended him in the past? Sure! Point is she needs to figure it out that she's definitely in the wrong and that she shouldn't be allowed to do this. It hurts me terribly to see this happen to the person that I used to look up to him when I was little.
You are right. It affects everyone. The only one who can change it besides her is your brother. Having some empathy for him helps when you recognize he will get her wrath if he challenges her but he will have to if there is any hope for change in his marriage and then his extended family. It is sad. I can see how it would hurt you to see your mom hurting so much.
I was not allowed to be at my granddaughter's high school graduation nor her wedding. The only time I have seen either of my granddaughters in the past several years was at my MIL's funeral. Although they are now adults, their mother did her brainwashing job well. I went through all the stages until I decided that I lived a happy life before I had grandkids and I could do so again. I cannot control their actions nor their mother's but I do have control over my own reaction to them.
Exactly. Recognizing that will always put you in control.
i cant let grief go. Maybe cuz I raise my grandson from birth to 7 years old I've been cut out two years and I just can't seem to not be depressed
That's a huge loss. The last stage of grief is acceptance. What would help you move toward acceptance? What else is good in your life? Do you have other grandkids?
I haven't been allowed to send my young grandchild a birthday card Her mom, my daughter is a Jezebel Narc, who has anger issues,,and trys to intimidate and controle me, and is very disrespectful.
I am so sorry. Some recommend writing the cards and letters and keeping them. Someday if you get to see your grandchild, you can give her all the cards and let her/him know you were loving from afar. check out my new devotional for encouragement and support: "Change My Relationship: 365 Daily Devotions for Christians in Difficult Relationships."
When your adult child cuts you off from your grandchild...remember what the Bible says about children;“See that you do not despise one of these little ones. For I tell you that their angels in heaven always see the face of my father in heaven.” Matthew 18:10 If your adult child has cut you off...they WILL have to answer to God for “despising one of these little ones” (depriving their own child of something God intended as a benefit for that child). We are called “grand” mothers for a reason. We have love to give and our adult child is despising their own child by depriving them of the love from their grandparents.
Yes. We will all give an answer and that includes our children.
I respectfully disagree. That is not what that verse of scripture is referring to. If it's an unhealthy or disrespectful dynamic, adult children's decisions are often made out of a place of protection and a desire to have their children around healthier influences. While it's not every case, it is often also very painful for the adult child too. Both can experience grief.
I also hope that both you and your adult child can develop compassion and understanding for each other and that your bond can mend in the future. You both are worth the effort and care. ❤️
My DIL has mental health illnesses. When she is manic she keeps the baby from me. Every time I feel like I am mourning my granddaughter.
How long does that last? Mania doesn't last that long.
When does the pain stop? It hasn't gone away. How long will this pain last?
The loss has to be grieved for you to get to a place of acceptance where it hurts less. It helps to fill your live with other things that are fulfilling. The pain and loss will come up at times more like on birthdays and Christmas. You get to a place of more peace but it will always be a loss.
My daughter has taught my grandchildren to hate me . She told me I got them like that. They have been lied to and brain washed. She wants me to grovel. I refuse to do so and have chosen not to have anything to do with her. She has stolen as a child from me and others and still do she has lied on me and others, she does drugs alcohol, sex
My daughter told me that she's got them like that.she has taught them to hate me
I live in NY, grandparents have some Rights.
Are you going to fight for them?
Let us know how that goes if the parents are still together lol. Im interested if it works out, honestly. Because im in a state that does not have them, but I’m genuinely curious how it goes in a state that does!
If I don't do as my son and dil want i can't see them . They are making me choose between my boyfriend of 11 yrs and my grandchild. Not fair he has done nothing!!! My granddaughter is my world!! They know how it has made my depression worse. What do I do?
So they won't let him see your grandchild? That is difficult. Have you asked them why?
🛑🛑🛑Help!!!!When my daughter needs me it's okay she can call me and pretend everything is okay but then the silent treatment comes I'm just learning about this no call no nothing until she needs something for the baby which he was born in March I still really don't understand where this comes from ...why is my daughter this way I raised her good I raised her in church I wasn't the best mother but no one is it's just unbelievable I don't understand why this happens to people why are people narcissist ,,,why can somebody please answer me this is it a mental illness?????I bought everything for her cars all the my grandsons new born just everything anything she needs I'm there for her regardless if it's two three in the morning I'm just learning about this I don't understand it's literally killing me from the inside out slowly and painfully
Narcissistic personality disorder is a personality disorder and is classified as a mental illness but a lot of these adult children have traits but aren't truly NPD. I think your daughter disrespects you and your help and takes it for granted you will be there. It would be scary but I think the best thing you could do for yourself is to not be there for her whenever she calls. Say no to 2 am in the morning or a time when it is inconvenient for you. She will get mad but it is a fit for not getting her way. It will show her you have some backbone and you may then have the option of asking for more from her instead of it being one way. Also, you need to work on getting strong and having a desire to live a life you love even if she isn't around your and even if you don't see your grandchild. It is hard but you will be better off because you cannot depend on someone who is that uncaring. I am curious though. Have you reached out to her and asked her to let you watch the baby or see him? Does she not answer you?
@@changemyrelationship she only answers me whenever she needs something from me and that's it I'm done everything that I could possibly do and yes you're right as hard as it may be thank you for reaching out to me God bless you
@@L4JRapture thank you please it's controlling my life I've broken out in a rash on both of my forearms and went in to give a sample of my urine and come to find out I have a bladder infection they are still not sure why my arms are broken out at all it's like red pinpricks I don't understand nothing changed no allergic I don't it's just I don't know it's unreal it could be my nerves for all I know but it's something I've never had my bladder has fallen due to need not hysterectomy and thyroid tumors I feel like I'm alone I hope I'm not putting too much on you maybe God could place in your heart something to tell me to do I'm sorry if this message sounds weird but I'm reaching out because I know God can work through people to help others and I know he is going to set me free from all of this thank you so much just stay in touch I'll be here
My mother would sY my children were her eyes, world etc.. than she met a guy and wouldnt go to the house anymore she didnt have time for my children anymore. My chikdren suffered and missed my mother. As time went back they got used to her not coming around and they went and formed a close relarionship with our front door neighbor's. My mother ended addicted to casino alone and jealous that my xhildren were no longer looking for her. Well she ended up caising many fights between my husband and i and i didnt blame him back than. I would send my chikdren to do chores my mother would take them and spoil them and would always make me out to be the bad parent. Until one day my oldest at 16 left to live with her and i didnt allow but my ex did he was like let her go i fought i argued but she left and i turned and looked at my mother and told you will never step in my home ever again. It turned out that my ex had touched my daughter that is why he let her go. Thats not all when she left i couldnt take my ex husbands mental abuse so i left himthe end of august 2013 my mother moved him into her house in september on november 15, 2013 my mother reported me with lies to cps the day before thanksgiving 2013 cps went to my childrens school. On wednesday january 8,2014 at 7:26a.m. was the last time i got to drop my children off at school bus. My mother dragged my name through her vomit and she didnt stop until i was taken off their birthcertificates. My mother's addiction for the casino was. Terrible she was losing eveeything and because she works with the state cps foster care etc. She new how to manipulate the situation. I didnt have a chance her and my ex my suster against me. I fought and fought and till this day i still fight for a uaeless pass. Nothing matters anymore my chilfren were parenral alienated from. I lived in the syreet while my mother helped my ex by a trailer decorated for him bought him dishes. In my childrens eyes im a monster i prosecuted sentenced a lifetime with out my children. My son just became a father i think january 6 2023, but he doesnt want me near his family my oldest daughter well shes having a girl this mth june 23 and the same. I feel like im losing my children again. Ppl tell me go on with your life do u blah blah your gonna be okay its all up in your head.
Its not up in my head im not mantally ill im emotionally broken my soul hurts mental is fake not real its something we tell our selves. Being alienated from both children and grandchildren has caused me to be sucidial i have no one to live for i have no one to love and im drowning. Im all alone my mother left me dead. I fear relationship i fear rejection abandonedment. I feel i dont deserve love i cant forgive myself for not running away far woth my children. Never did i ever think my mother could do such a thing to her grandchuldren or to me.
Its so easy to give advice what how do i get there what do i do with these emotions drowning me alive wene all i want os loved accepted and needed. Im so lonely.
Please help me by subscribing to my youtube for i can help share awareness of parental alienation.
Sorry if i didnt spell correctly my eyes ate very tired and i cant see very well.
Thank you and
Blessings
When my daughter gets mad at me she keeps my grandson from me. My son does it too. I'm so hurt and sick of it. My kids copy each other's behaviors btw. My oldest grandson is 5 and I've lived with my daughter twice so he's been around me since he was a newborn
That's manipulation unless you've done something that is toxic. And what they don't see is that it is harmful for their kids. Kids need grandparents and consistency with them is a big blessing to them.
Yes they do. I don't feel I am toxic. My daughter doesn't like me to drink bc she doesn't do it herself. Well what I do on my own is none of her business. My son jumped on the band wagon with her but yet he drinks every weekend. Makes no sense! I haven't had a nice cold twisted tea in 2 months but this weekend I will. I've never drank or been intoxicated around my grandbabies so why is she so controlling. She's a bully too. Has been since she was 12
@@pamelaboarts6642 It's likely just an excuse. If it wasn't that, it would be something else. It has everything to do with feeling that she can withhold the kids.
My daughter called me. Her silent treatments usually last a month to two. I let her know she's hurting Oli the most. She said a few other things so I said to her "Well you let me know when you're done feeling sorry for yourself bc you had such a bad childhood. I'm to old for the drama" Haven't heard from her today but I'm standing my ground and no I wasn't a perfect mother but who is. Gas lighting me....needs to end
@@pamelaboarts6642 When you know deep inside yourself what it is and what isn't okay, you have to take a stand. It is always a risk with a difficult person who is willing to cut you off, but there is a time when you have to take that risk. Let me know what happens.
Preparing myself I don’t think I’m going to be around my first grandchild my daughter wants to have a hard life so I have no choice
even though it is painful, having reasonable and accurate expectations protects you and helps you to plan. I am sorry.
Yes ma’am
@@justrynamakeitreal4989 I felt it coming for the 1st year, I wasn't wrong.....I think my daughter let me bond with her daughter, then chose her partners family over her own. I just knew it was coming 💔💔💔
I have this issue. The only time she lets us see him is when she can post it on Facebook. Other than that we can't see him...
I guess that is at least something to be grateful for but I know it is painful in between those times.
My husband asked if we could meet at a nearby park for lunch and the response was “What’s the occasion?”
If there’s no occasion like a holiday or birthday, there’s no visiting.
That’s a total of 8 times per year. I’m grateful. It’s more than many wonderful grandparents get.
How you going to connect if the grandchild doesn't know you exist? Not everyone has other children who have children.
That would be difficult unless when the child is 18, you search them out and make contact. That's what I would do
@@changemyrelationship I'd be so old by then, it wouldn't be possible. 😪
My problem is I have not did anything wrong I was accused of it but I'm not guilty of it
That is so common in these situations. On the one hand, it makes it easier because you know for sure it wasn't your fault but on the other, it is maddening because there is no reason for it that you can see or understand.
DSS was called on her and she blamed me .. I raised them from babies the 4th one she has she gave up for open adoption.. and I only get to talk to them but haven't seen them not even cared enough before I went in to have 6 tumors removed out of my head.. and only 3 Miles away and said she had no way to come to check on me.. but did .. the second born the other night had a cough didn't feel good and had to sniffles I had medicine here and she said that well first she said she didn't have enough money for it and gas she's waiting on Chad to send her some money and I told her I had gas money she could come get and get the medicine for the baby but she did not and she steady getting caught up in lies There's more to her life She doesn't want anybody in her business She does not want to work she wants to stay at home and as soon as the third child got in school that's when all this drama started with her and we had heard I'm not going to go into details about the third one the fourth baby They was issues with that one too I'm just going to leave that alone but thank you for reaching out and carrying.. but I am good about died on November 22nd because infection he got in on my brain after they got the tumors out and Jesus and I have been having a lot of talk here lately and he even told me that if he had not put me in the path of the children they would have never known about Jesus so I need to let him go I'm to love him first and even though it's hard as it is I'm working at it and I'm letting her go too and also my husband at the same time got locked up twice and have been running around so I had to deal with all this at one time but God made me stronger and I'm still healing I'm not where I need to be yet with my head but I'm getting there as far as forgiven and at peace with everything I am I am cuz God keeps reassuring me and that's where my strength comes from
I bet your kids call yous narcassists ?My adult children have no morals ?
In a million years I would never expect this would happen! But it did. It seems my adult children enjoy the cruelty they inflicted on me? Narcissism is alive and well in my adult children. I’ve been cut off since 2015 from my grandchildren.
@@tracymcdevitt1049 Does your children say your the Narcassist ?
I don’t remember if you said you have gone through this with any of your grandchildren. Have you?
No, I haven't. The closest I came was a rift between my husband and son-in-law where my son-in-law didn't want them around him for awhile and it limited my time. I experienced a small amount of what it felt like. I do know it is extremely painful. However, I have spoken with many people who are going through it.
this makes me so sad bcuz my son is doing this to me
I'm sorry. Yes it is sad and painful.
MINE ALSO ,❤❤
Very painful
I know. I'm sorry 😞
There are a few books on Amazon. There is also a support group. Not sure how prolific the groups are but here is the name: www.aga-fl.org. I found that in a book called "Invisible Grandparenting." It is a good book. God bless you!
@@changemyrelationship thank you. You channel was God sent.
My daughter would sell the gifts
That's awful.
Wow so if the grandparents doesn't do what the parents are asking of them regarding their children to the point that the parents cut the grandparents off they're a narcissist? That's quite a reach. How about you're not the freaking parent and you need to listen to the freaking parent.
Obviously there would be those situations where the grandparents are wrong and asking your parents to respect your wishes with your children does not make you a narcissist. Unfortunately there are many cases where the kids are unreasonable and do cut off the parents and it is happening more and more but yes there are also a lot of unhealthy parents you can see my videos on narcissistic parents
You are right their problem can come from either side
But the problem more often comes from the grandparent side to be real. If it were equal, we’d hear just as many DIL stories as we do MIL stories.
I’m agreeing with you btw. Just clarifying for the other commenters lol.
You don't understand at all do you?
Why are saying that?
@@changemyrelationship Because, if you aren't experiencing the agony and torture that I have been going through by being cut off from my grandchildren for the last 5 months, then all this talk they do is meaningless. I'm looking to hear from people who are hurting like me, not some generalized answers. Sorry, you have no idea how frustrated I am.
3:08 "grandparents are good for grandchildren" I don't believe this, I've been living with my grandmother for 2 years now. My life is horrible.
Then this doesn't apply in your situation. This video is specific to those who have been cutoff from their grandchildren unfairly and for no good reason. You are welcome to write to me to my email with more specifics and I will give you ideas to help you. karla@changemyrelationship.com
Even if biological grandparents aren't very healthy influences to be around, there are many older people that are that can act as adopted parents or grandparents and provide a safer environment. I hope you have friends and others you can turn to for support.
What made y’all kids cut y’all off ? What did y’all do to not be allowed to see your grandparents ? That’s wicked. Parents think abusing they kids is funny till we grown up and disown our parents. These comments made my day !!!!! Im glad the grandparents are suffering, well deserved Karma (:
Were you abused by your parents? If you were, I understand why you would think that these parents deserve to be cut off but the problem isn't limited to that. There are plenty of good parents whose kids are doing that to them.