What about a situation where a mother in law has covertly undermined the mother of said children? Our kids actually told me and my husband about the undermining that had gone on for years. At the time we didn't think too much about it because we were all getting along. But since our kids have been on their own for the last 15 years and have struggled with various things, and with them becoming woke , we have been canceled. We have been accused of toxicity and abuse. I chose to stay home and raise my children and I loved it. I was very proud of the loving home my husband and I happily provided. We are devastated.
You are not the only parents being divorced by adults kids This seems to be a trend and I see alot of therapists on YT pushing some Narsasitic Mom garbage that puts kids in a victim mentality that is destroying family units I was a stay at home mom too I still have a 17yo boy at home who is a Gem of a child But our 22yo daughter hss always been difficult and is now estranged from us. I bet she will come back at some point but hopefully not too soon. I need a break from her drama😉
You need to admit fault. We are all flawed. It's best described as two handicap people arguing over who's disability is better/greater. Humble yourself and hopefully your kids will too
dad told me to grow up. didnt have therapists back then. i set my sites on a better life. stopped blaming others, and got my act together. lots of coaches out there on doing your best.
Too many therapists these days Especially on YT You should see the young people under the narsasitic mother videos Such Victims I bet those daughters were no Joy to raise Geez is there any personal responsibility anymore? Young ppl today are so screwed up but I dont think its their parents fault I think its society, Hollywood, social media and public schools.
I agree! They always want to make it. The parents fault! What if you’ve done everything to try to accommodate them and they just want to alienate from all the family!? I tried to talk and she won’t talk to me. I just found out she was on antidepressant drugs!
@mary-lousaikaley4771 just love him. I have bipolar too, and while I still love and talk to my parents I try to hide when I'm having an episode. I know it's hard for my parents too, trying to see both sides BEFORE we are estranged. I'm in therapy and trying the hardest I ever have, but sometimes I am too much and realize it. Trying to do better
This was such good analysis and really helped me at this time. Having boundaries for ourselves even when they have cut us off is very good advice. We do send ourselves crazy trying to find answers. Other family members just think she is evil.
Hi GreenTurtle: thank for writing. Of all the contributors to estrangement this one is particularly challenging. We want our loved one to be validated and know we love them. However, depending on the illness, the relationship can be brutal. It is heart wrenching. Do your best to stay on track to honor your wellness. Be around those who love and value you. You can get through ❤️💕
Just found this video at a critical time with dealing with my 40 yr old daughter who has developed Borderline Personality Disorder over the last couple of years and is a completely different person and who also ended up having a baby (my granddaughter). At this point she is always volatile when communicating over-talking yelling and screaming We worry constantly for our granddaughter as she has no father around or family. We are so distressed and have been on the round and round hampster wheel for these couple of years. I am wits end. Thank you for your tips we definitely need to set more boundaries but at this point I don't know if I will even see her and my granddaughter any time soon. This has definitely affected my health.
@timelessbeautiesbyjacqueline thank you for writing. I am so sorry about your daughter and your granddaughter. Borderline personality disorder can be horrific for families and the patient. What I have found is that our hearts never stop caring but we shift in how we do each day. We will run ourselves into the ground if we don't take time to fill our cup. It is not selfish it is essential. Keep up with your doctors appointments and spend time with people who love and value you. Keep me posted with your progress. If you would please tell me besides seeing your daughter stable and granddaughter safe, what do you think would be beneficial for your wellbeing?
Thank you for such a spot on video. Having been cut off by my 19 year old whose life is a big secret is so painful especially when you know that drugs and risky relationships are involved. The worry and stress is indescribable.
My heart hurts for you. 3 yrs ago, my 47 yr old son overdosed on Meth & I took him in, thinking..... "I could save him." I set myself on fire, trying to him warm. I had to ask him to leave. 3 months later he was found dead. Morbid obesity/heart failure. They're gonna do what they wanna do, until they know better. It takes as long as it takes.❤❤❤❤
So sorry for your loss. You did what you could. Time to look after yourself now. Sending you love hugs n prayers in Jesus name I pray 🙏🏻❤️🙏🏻@@janehusted9570
@unaraggionavera Thanks for writing. I am sorry about your struggle and worry. It can be overwhelming, to say the least. Please get support, the most important thing I have learned is that I can get through each episode without losing my own mental health. It doesn't mean I don't hurt, but I am not as distressed. Tell me what you are doing to manage your stress please?
@janehusted9570 I am so sorry for your loss Janet. I know you tried so hard to help. I agree with you, sometimes it's about the acceptance that we can not change them or make them do anything different. Please tell me what you are doing for support? Thank you for writing.
I am an adult child who went no contact with parents due to them being alcoholic/codependent. And from these comments, these parents haven’t learned anything. And the thing I’m learning from reading here is that I was 100% justified to go no contact. This is really sad. I now have limited contact with my parents only on my terms. I have zero interest in an inheritance from them. They can keep their money and their dysfunction.
@noellenicolas9436 thank you for writing. I am sorry your experience with your parents was so harmful. I am glad you have set boundaries. I hear you about your inheritance, if it's used to manipulate, it has no value. Not sure if this is what happened, just a guess.
13:39 is where it stops with "it's the parent's issues" and gets to the point. When you create boundaries, they may leave, so keep this in mind. Ours is now homeless and refuses to come home or communicate. So, for us, it was either put up with behavior and live in denial with all the chaos that brings because they wouldn't get help or even communicate when at home, taking our help without any gratefulness, a shell of our real child because there was self-medicating as well. We had to say, get help or leave. They left. So, yes, you take care of yourself and learn how to cope with the manipulation and dealing with their self-inflicted trauma, and blaming you, when and if they return. It's gut-wrenching traumatization, but there's a time when you accept that you are powerless except to pray and that you can't live in perpetual grief, guilt, and trauma, especially since we have tried everything and left no stone unturned to help. Our other children are grateful for us as parents. This one, we may have lost. You can lead a horse to water, but you can't make them drink.
Thank you for your support and guidance. Mine is the last scenario you speak of. No contact 3 yrs - no acceptance of diagnosis, no contact with anyone in my family. Your work helps me very much in addition to my regular therapist. 🙏
I tried for two years with very little knowledge to deal with this situation. It recently got to the last straw and my child stormed out. I’m so drained that I’ve almost lost hope. But I just can’t do it anymore. I feel so bad.
@@benitawyatt3929 Talk to Marie. Her work really helped me. No contact 5 years. He will be 30 in 2025. He is living his life the way he wants for now. I will live my life too.
@benitawyatt3929 thanks for writing. Of course, you can not take anymore because it is unbearable. We can only do so much and then we can create boundaries we can live with. Sometimes it means we stop chasing and trying to help. I am sorry you are going through this. I hope you are doing things to take care of yourself. Do you have a support system?
Substance abuse... years and years, since teenage years. Court ordered visitation with a psychopathic father who inflicted decades of emotional abuse. I fought the courts for decades but always lost. Now my child is completely unhinged. I fear for them and their little children. I grieve the loss of my beautiful child, who continues to make unhealthy choices and rebukes the idea of getting help. They have asked me over and over to stay away, and I respect the requests. Then they reach out, and the whole cycle repeats again and again. Another aggravating factor is family members who ask about them and can't comprehend the situation because they have healthy relationships with their adult children, so they press for me to do this and do that. They even go so far as calling my estranged child and guilt trip them into calling me! Now I feel bad over that, too! I most certainly did not ask them to interfere in the situation. I just would like to develop some stoicism like my mom had, so I could cope with this debilitating grief.
Dear MH: I'm so sorry this has happened and your daughter is struggling. Please learn how to create boundaries with those family members. You have enough to deal with !! Warmly, Marie
Same with my adult son! I literally moved from one country to another to get my child out of court-ordered supervised visitation with a drug-addled father. But the grief over losing his dad (through my separating them and then his dad passing away from years of drug use) has followed him and he has refused counselling and any other forms of help and he has pretty much destroyed his ability to function and feel emotions with drugs. No one who hasn't had drug addicted children or other family members understands, for sure. I think that stoicism is possible-- it's just hard to do on your own, so I'm going to put myself back into Al-Anon (which I attended years ago) so I can at least give this issue over to God because as you say, the grief is so debilitating. xK
Thank you for this. My trans son has struggled with bipolar their whole life - diagnosed in middle school. They talk to other family members but not me. I do get news updates but it isn't the same. Honoring their need for space and sending love every day. That's all I can do right now.
@Pamalumpa thank you for writing. I personally know how brutal bipolar disorder is. I'm sorry they won't talk to you. i appreciate how you honor his wishes. Please tell me how you are doing. What practices bring you peace and lessen your distress?
You are so spot on about an adult child with MI .The pain of being a parent of said adult child with MI all the pain and wory and wondering . i Have learned to back of and let my adult child choose weather he wants to take hi9s meds or not the or not has landed him in a treatment facility so many times. This time 7/25/23 i do beleive he has a changed perspective and relizez he absolutly needs meds to function.so being me compliant is a huge step to get well.
@MarciWalden thank you for writing!! I am so happy you shared. I am so glad your AC has realized it is up to him to be compliant. This is amazing news!! I celebrate with you. It is possible that there could be more episodes, if this happens, stay focused on taking care of yourself. Parents of AC with MI need to fill their own cup so they can deal with the enormity of MI and their AC. My prayers are with you. Let me know how you are doing.
Thank you for some self care guidelines. [My mother disowned me when I married, then reentered my life when our first child was born. Then cut off when she remarried. Then reentered when she divorced him. And once more in her dementia when I became the successor trustee (brother passed’19; remaining brother is Schizophrenic) in collusion with sis-in-law threaten to cut me off. Over lapping those final years, each of our 3 daughters (each successively declaring they had been diagnosed bi-polar) declared dad & me “toxic” and one at a time over five years cut us off. Writing this short summary of living 55 of my 68 years in a $#%t storm makes my complicated grief almost rational. Last year, mom passed, the next month husband had an amputation. He and I are okay.] I’m having some random days of overwhelming tears. Finding your site is a lifeline back to stability.
I pray you take care of you for a change. If you haven't been an asshole abusive parent (losing your shit with entitled offspring is allowed obviously) but you need to take care of you now. Adult kids can be self centered arrogant annoying arseholes. You do your best, but I think we can all feel deep down when enough is enough. Time they stood on their own 2 feet and if we live together maybe it's time they moved out or we sell up and buy a camper and say adios nino🤷🏻🤬🤦😭
Both my son and I are on the autism spectrum, I am a life long semi-survivor of severe covert narcissistic abuse by both parents, developed early onset mental illness at age 9 and the same happened to my son.
PLEASE HELP!!! I fill the form on your website. Haven’t heard back. We are in exactly that situation. We are thinking our 26 year old son has Schizophrenia 🥺 we haven’t been able to diagnose him because he won’t do it. We are desperate!! Someone please help 😞😢 he still lives with us.
My 46 yr old daughter has mental illness..but my hubby tells me it’s my fault because I have empathy for her. He tells me I’m making her worse. How do I show empathy without her acting like a little child. I don’t know how to be with her
My daughter is depressed because her baby sister is doing better than her. My daughter thinks she had it better than her and that’s not true. She refuses to acknowledge that her sister busted her butt to get where she’s at. She blames me for how she turn out and she constantly throws the pass in my face. She will acknowledge the new me and is holding onto the past mistakes. I admit, I wasn’t the perfect parent by far but I had since then tried to make it up and tried to be a better person. I don’t know what to do and just recently found out she’s on depressants!
Well don’t compare they’re all different my sisters and I don’t get along anymore we used to sort of but not really…just love them as individuals not worry so much. Also sometimes people change and grow
What about a child who has never been afraid of anything and who has done so many "scary" things? Sometimes I don't even want to know what she's doing until it's over and I know she is still alive. :) But here's my question. What if she's been encouraged to get a diagnosis, but she just won't? It's not about encouraging her to take meds. She won't even get a diagnosis, much less take any meds. She won't even go to the doctor for normal health issues. She has been "forced" twice to do a mental health evaluation, but the legal and health systems are broken and don't seem to be able to help. Any advice?
My son blames me for his bio polar disease and drug abuse. I was NEVER abusive, but I did enable him and bailed him out way more than I should have. He's been to jail and prison, all due to the drug abuse and his mental illness. I'm so physically ill, my body is barely hanging in there. I've told him I need to break away due to his abusive way he talks to me. He can be very nice at times and I know how much he loves me, and I love him BUT,..I just can't take it anymore. He wants me to apologize to HIM and he is the abusive one. HIs father, grandfather, aunt and my grandfather all committed suicide. It's always been somewhat of a threat. I'm so broken it's crossed my mind many times. He lives out of state and has NO healthy relationships but I don't want to be cleaning up his problems . I just need peace.... so hard.
@laura4corner Hi Laura, I'm sorry you are going through this with your son. Our relationship with our children if they have a mental illness or not is always more complex than we realize. His behaviors, suffering from bipolar and drug abuse, can be brutal. My suggestion would be to get a therapist you can trust to talk about this. Your relationship as you described sounds chaotic. No one can do this without support for to long. Let me know that you have reached out to someoene for support.
What I would add as far as what a parent could do is work on themselves and see where they can take accountability in their part of the behavior of the child and the upbringing
Stop blaming the parents . I have a borderline daughter that has made it her mission to destroy me. I have 2 other children who are fine. All these videos do is validate her cruelty. And justsifies it. So she doesn't have to take responsibility
@@cheesecakefan4880 there is no such thing as a perfect parent. Everyone needs to take accountability in life, parents are no exception. Also there are abusive parents. And even parents that meant well can inflict trauma without realizing. There needs to be mutual understanding
You must be a proud parent bc ur kids turned out excellent. When you don’t know what is going on, you should keep your opinion to yourself esp if there is genetic involved and of course like you, blames parents like us that suffer the most.
My son has ADHD. It has caused my other son to blame and is now estranged from me. I'm deeply hurt. I've tried for years to help my ADHD son with no help, understanding or support not even from therapist.
❤ I see you and I understand it’s so hard. Please try to find a therapist that believes in God’s power of Christ follower of Christian. My therapist is amazing and she helps me to believe and know and remember God’s truth that he never leaves her for six hours in this world is not perfect and we are going to have struggles in life and it just so happens. We have the struggle of a difficult or a mentally difficult child in our life even if they are in adult there still are adult child may God give you peace, in the name of Jesus.
Yep I let my boundaries down and went to dinner. There, my daughter in law and soon to be daughter in law sat at the other end of the table from me. They laughed at me, rolled their eyes etc. my husband told me in the car how awful they were when I wasn’t looking. I’ve cried for days. Now,back to my normal clarity of thinking,I know it’s their “mean girl” cult. Reminded myself that going in public with them is dangerous for me, and it won’t happen again.
My 27 year old daughter suffers from mental illness. This thing has ruined her life so far. She was doing fine a few years ago. She had a job attended ,college was in a relationship, got married then all of a sudden she got very depressed tried to commit suicide more than once she deals with anxiety, low vitamin Deficiency, was diagnosed with being bipolar. She has lost everything her job, can't really attend college like she desires to also had to separate from her husband because he's not able to deal with all of this. He himself has a disability of being visioned impaired. She sees a psychiatrist and is on medication for it I'm a Christian woman. I trust in God for my daughter's healing. I just wanted to reach out to other parents that may deal with a child whether they are small or grown that deals with mental illness. I need help on what to do on how to cope with this.
Thanks for writing. I’m sorry you’re going through this. I hope your daughter gets treatment and feels better. Bipolar is a brutal mental illness. Believing in God is a great comfort. Support from a professional for parents whose adult children struggle with mental illness is extremely important. Sometimes we need someone who understands and knows to help manage the magnitude of the situation. I wish you the best.
I See you and understand you , I too have a son 25 since 17 , all sudden he became angry , cannabis dependent and has MI with ADHD and maybe bi polar , he has distance himself a couple of times since 17 years old for months at a time he has had multiple jobs and always finds fault with the management. I pray constantly I have a therapist and a mentor. That is the key to have community of people that help you understand it’s not you it’s about them and they need to heal. I am also a Christian and we need to trust God and God‘s plan we are to go on with our lives at the plant he has for us and we pray that someday we would be able to have a healthy relationship with our son or daughter may God be with you he says he never wastes anything that’s difficult. I believe God will use their difficulties at this time to grow them close to him. I pray for healing for your daughter and healing for my son, in Jesus name.
@@dmarvel6332this sounds exactly like my 24 year old daughter! Started when she was 17. We truly believe she is bi polar, but she refuses to seek help We finally had to get her out of our home.We are praying daily that God helps her! We have tried everything, but she became violent, verbal abuse, manipulative etc we had to make her leave.
So… My assumption is that the viewers on this TH-cam channel are parents looking to help their adult child. They are probably not abusive parents if they’re looking to help their adult child. I think a lot of cases these mental health crisis in a young adult’s life are genetic. I’m a bit troubled that you’re spending so much time blaming the parents on these lectures for being abusive. It’s honestly kind of stunning. I just don’t think abusive parents would spend the time trying to educate themselves and help their children if they were abusive?
Hello Emily, Thank you for sharing your thoughts and concerns. I genuinely appreciate your engagement and the opportunity to address this important topic with clarity and compassion. First, I want to acknowledge that the vast majority of parents who seek guidance and education are deeply caring individuals, committed to their children’s well-being. It’s a testament to their love that they are taking proactive steps to repair relationships or better understand their children’s struggles. I honor and respect the effort that goes into seeking help and self-reflection. Regarding the focus on parental behaviors in some of my videos, my intent is never to blame or accuse. Instead, it is to create awareness and encourage a holistic understanding of the dynamics that can contribute to estrangement or mental health challenges. Sometimes, even unintentional patterns, like miscommunication or unmet emotional needs, can play a role. Highlighting these is not about assigning blame but about identifying areas where change and healing can begin. You are absolutely right that mental health issues often have genetic components, and they are influenced by a wide array of factors, including biology, environment, and personal experiences. That said, understanding family dynamics is also essential because it offers an opportunity for parents and adult children to come together, foster empathy, and create stronger relationships. Finally, I agree with you-abusive parents are unlikely to seek out this type of content or work toward repairing their relationships. The viewers of this channel, like yourself, are likely seeking ways to grow, support their children, and heal family bonds. My aim is to support that journey with compassion, expertise, and tools for meaningful progress. Thank you again for voicing your thoughts. Your perspective is valuable, and it helps foster deeper understanding for everyone in this community.
I am Jacyln Marie Ford. I was born on December 03 1980....i am ablut to enter into Sober Living for 6 to 12 months.... i am finally breaking the cycle it is scary for me to break the cycle....
12 min into this video and not really hearing sympathy for caregivers that try everything we can to keep the adult mentally ill from being homeless where the situation is that it's not safe to live with them.
Thank you for writing and pointing out the gaps in this video's coverage. I know firsthand what you are speaking about. It is not safe, and the alternative is to have no safe living options for our family members. I am truly sorry you are going through this. I sincerely wish for some type of help for those of us in this caregiver roll.
My son punched me and I don’t know if I should support him or disown him. But I do feel for him, I know he’s struggling with something but he won’t speak to anyone or get help.
@@chocolatesugar4434 Maybe support him but keep him distanced. That's the only solution I found. Mine threatened to shoot me if he ever got a gun. That allowed me to get a restraining order. He now hops from group home to group home. Refuses to work so we support him financially....bare necessities. We don't give him cash or buy cigs. Shelter, hygiene supplies and food only. You shouldn't have to live with an abuser. Take care of yourself first. ❤️❤️❤️
Ok so have a 36 year old son his father had schizophrenia he committed suicid in 2000 now my son is homeless and refuses to get checked out for this mental illness what can I do .
@janetjohnson4403 Thank you for writing. I am sorry for your loss and now what is happening with your son. Does your son have a caseworker? If so, they can be helpful in getting treatment. If your son continues to be unwilling to get treatment, the best thing you can do is get support for yourself to help you deal with the stress. Does he speak to you?
Im listen. But hear circle of words. How to Solve problems. 😅😮😮 boundary, communication, support ( both) or not, validation your or self. Cant i get a court oder of harming his self
This is a difficult decision. Its hard to tell if threatening to stop support will motivate a decision to get treatment. Some peoplejust plainly refuse. Can they survive on their own?
@samjarrett5905 Thank you for writing. I get it. I agree with you. What are your thoughts on how some people tend to blame others for areas they don't want to look at or take responsibility for?
Pretty much there is not much hope is there for either side. They have to accept that we lost our chil drand just move on with our lives. And they lost. Pretty much dear alive. And you just see that child when they were little. And they were happy and they had no worry in the world and then genetics and circumstances. Around everythand there is no way back for Ida party just acceptance of c***
These types of parents are the ones that need to be examined and repaired first instead of deflecting on their children or others. Responsibility starts within. Most adult children are estranged from their parents because the parent refuses to take responsibility.
○ Need someone to talk to? → morinholistictherapy.com/strategy
DO I?? How much time you got??
What about a situation where a mother in law has covertly undermined the mother of said children? Our kids actually told me and my husband about the undermining that had gone on for years. At the time we didn't think too much about it because we were all getting along. But since our kids have been on their own for the last 15 years and have struggled with various things, and with them becoming woke , we have been canceled. We have been accused of toxicity and abuse. I chose to stay home and raise my children and I loved it. I was very proud of the loving home my husband and I happily provided. We are devastated.
You are not the only parents being divorced by adults kids
This seems to be a trend and I see alot of therapists on YT pushing some Narsasitic Mom garbage that puts kids in a victim mentality that is destroying family units
I was a stay at home mom too
I still have a 17yo boy at home who is a Gem of a child
But our 22yo daughter hss always been difficult and is now estranged from us.
I bet she will come back at some point but hopefully not too soon.
I need a break from her drama😉
You need to admit fault. We are all flawed.
It's best described as two handicap people arguing over who's disability is better/greater.
Humble yourself and hopefully your kids will too
@@cheesecakefan4880
GOOD FOR YOU SISTER❤❤❤❤❤❤❤
I believe that if your kids don’t respect you in their behavior, you shouldn’t mess with them. Just as I wouldn’t do in any relationship.
👏👏👏
Amen!!!!
This is ignorant.
dad told me to grow up. didnt have therapists back then. i set my sites on a better life. stopped blaming others, and got my act together. lots of coaches out there on doing your best.
Too many therapists these days
Especially on YT
You should see the young people under the narsasitic mother videos
Such Victims
I bet those daughters were no Joy to raise
Geez is there any personal responsibility anymore?
Young ppl today are so screwed up but I dont think its their parents fault
I think its society, Hollywood, social media and public schools.
I agree! They always want to make it. The parents fault! What if you’ve done everything to try to accommodate them and they just want to alienate from all the family!? I tried to talk and she won’t talk to me. I just found out she was on antidepressant drugs!
This may have worked for you but what if you have a debilitating mental illness like bipolar or schizophrenia or even both simultaneously.
My son has bipolar and is struggling. 😢 Thanks for a great video.
@mary-lousaikaley4771 just love him. I have bipolar too, and while I still love and talk to my parents I try to hide when I'm having an episode.
I know it's hard for my parents too, trying to see both sides BEFORE we are estranged.
I'm in therapy and trying the hardest I ever have, but sometimes I am too much and realize it.
Trying to do better
This was such good analysis and really helped me at this time. Having boundaries for ourselves even when they have cut us off is very good advice. We do send ourselves crazy trying to find answers. Other family members just think she is evil.
Hi GreenTurtle: thank for writing. Of all the contributors to estrangement this one is particularly challenging. We want our loved one to be validated and know we love them. However, depending on the illness, the relationship can be brutal. It is heart wrenching. Do your best to stay on track to honor your wellness. Be around those who love and value you.
You can get through ❤️💕
Just found this video at a critical time with dealing with my 40 yr old daughter who has developed Borderline Personality Disorder over the last couple of years and is a completely different person and who also ended up having a baby (my granddaughter). At this point she is always volatile when communicating over-talking yelling and screaming We worry constantly for our granddaughter as she has no father around or family. We are so distressed and have been on the round and round hampster wheel for these couple of years. I am wits end. Thank you for your tips we definitely need to set more boundaries but at this point I don't know if I will even see her and my granddaughter any time soon. This has definitely affected my health.
@timelessbeautiesbyjacqueline thank you for writing. I am so sorry about your daughter and your granddaughter. Borderline personality disorder can be horrific for families and the patient. What I have found is that our hearts never stop caring but we shift in how we do each day. We will run ourselves into the ground if we don't take time to fill our cup. It is not selfish it is essential. Keep up with your doctors appointments and spend time with people who love and value you. Keep me posted with your progress. If you would please tell me besides seeing your daughter stable and granddaughter safe, what do you think would be beneficial for your wellbeing?
Thank you for such a spot on video. Having been cut off by my 19 year old whose life is a big secret is so painful especially when you know that drugs and risky relationships are involved. The worry and stress is indescribable.
😢😢😢
My heart hurts for you.
3 yrs ago, my 47 yr old son overdosed on Meth & I took him in, thinking..... "I could save him." I set myself on fire, trying to him warm. I had to ask him to
leave. 3 months later he was found dead. Morbid obesity/heart failure.
They're gonna do what they wanna do, until they know better. It takes as long as it takes.❤❤❤❤
So sorry for your loss. You did what you could. Time to look after yourself now.
Sending you love hugs n prayers in Jesus name I pray 🙏🏻❤️🙏🏻@@janehusted9570
@unaraggionavera Thanks for writing. I am sorry about your struggle and worry. It can be overwhelming, to say the least. Please get support, the most important thing I have learned is that I can get through each episode without losing my own mental health. It doesn't mean I don't hurt, but I am not as distressed. Tell me what you are doing to manage your stress please?
@janehusted9570 I am so sorry for your loss Janet. I know you tried so hard to help. I agree with you, sometimes it's about the acceptance that we can not change them or make them do anything different. Please tell me what you are doing for support?
Thank you for writing.
I am an adult child who went no contact with parents due to them being alcoholic/codependent. And from these comments, these parents haven’t learned anything. And the thing I’m learning from reading here is that I was 100% justified to go no contact. This is really sad. I now have limited contact with my parents only on my terms. I have zero interest in an inheritance from them. They can keep their money and their dysfunction.
@noellenicolas9436 thank you for writing. I am sorry your experience with your parents was so harmful. I am glad you have set boundaries. I hear you about your inheritance, if it's used to manipulate, it has no value. Not sure if this is what happened, just a guess.
13:39 is where it stops with "it's the parent's issues" and gets to the point. When you create boundaries, they may leave, so keep this in mind. Ours is now homeless and refuses to come home or communicate. So, for us, it was either put up with behavior and live in denial with all the chaos that brings because they wouldn't get help or even communicate when at home, taking our help without any gratefulness, a shell of our real child because there was self-medicating as well. We had to say, get help or leave. They left. So, yes, you take care of yourself and learn how to cope with the manipulation and dealing with their self-inflicted trauma, and blaming you, when and if they return. It's gut-wrenching traumatization, but there's a time when you accept that you are powerless except to pray and that you can't live in perpetual grief, guilt, and trauma, especially since we have tried everything and left no stone unturned to help. Our other children are grateful for us as parents. This one, we may have lost. You can lead a horse to water, but you can't make them drink.
Thank you for your support and guidance. Mine is the last scenario you speak of. No contact 3 yrs - no acceptance of diagnosis, no contact with anyone in my family. Your work helps me very much in addition to my regular therapist. 🙏
I’m so glad my videos are helpful. Thank you for writing!
This is my situation too
I tried for two years with very little knowledge to deal with this situation. It recently got to the last straw and my child stormed out. I’m so drained that I’ve almost lost hope. But I just can’t do it anymore. I feel so bad.
@@benitawyatt3929 Talk to Marie. Her work really helped me. No contact 5 years. He will be 30 in 2025. He is living his life the way he wants for now. I will live my life too.
@benitawyatt3929 thanks for writing. Of course, you can not take anymore because it is unbearable. We can only do so much and then we can create boundaries we can live with. Sometimes it means we stop chasing and trying to help. I am sorry you are going through this. I hope you are doing things to take care of yourself. Do you have a support system?
Substance abuse... years and years, since teenage years. Court ordered visitation with a psychopathic father who inflicted decades of emotional abuse. I fought the courts for decades but always lost. Now my child is completely unhinged. I fear for them and their little children. I grieve the loss of my beautiful child, who continues to make unhealthy choices and rebukes the idea of getting help. They have asked me over and over to stay away, and I respect the requests. Then they reach out, and the whole cycle repeats again and again. Another aggravating factor is family members who ask about them and can't comprehend the situation because they have healthy relationships with their adult children, so they press for me to do this and do that. They even go so far as calling my estranged child and guilt trip them into calling me! Now I feel bad over that, too! I most certainly did not ask them to interfere in the situation. I just would like to develop some stoicism like my mom had, so I could cope with this debilitating grief.
Dear MH:
I'm so sorry this has happened and your daughter is struggling. Please learn how to create boundaries with those family members. You have enough to deal with !! Warmly, Marie
Same with my adult son! I literally moved from one country to another to get my child out of court-ordered supervised visitation with a drug-addled father. But the grief over losing his dad (through my separating them and then his dad passing away from years of drug use) has followed him and he has refused counselling and any other forms of help and he has pretty much destroyed his ability to function and feel emotions with drugs. No one who hasn't had drug addicted children or other family members understands, for sure. I think that stoicism is possible-- it's just hard to do on your own, so I'm going to put myself back into Al-Anon (which I attended years ago) so I can at least give this issue over to God because as you say, the grief is so debilitating. xK
Alanon has been a Godsend for me!@@katewetherell4846
Thank you for this. My trans son has struggled with bipolar their whole life - diagnosed in middle school. They talk to other family members but not me. I do get news updates but it isn't the same. Honoring their need for space and sending love every day. That's all I can do right now.
@Pamalumpa thank you for writing. I personally know how brutal bipolar disorder is. I'm sorry they won't talk to you. i appreciate how you honor his wishes. Please tell me how you are doing. What practices bring you peace and lessen your distress?
You are so spot on about an adult child with MI .The pain of being a parent of said adult child with MI all the pain and wory and wondering . i Have learned to back of and let my adult child choose weather he wants to take hi9s meds or not the or not has landed him in a treatment facility so many times. This time 7/25/23 i do beleive he has a changed perspective and relizez he absolutly needs meds to function.so being me compliant is a huge step to get well.
@MarciWalden thank you for writing!! I am so happy you shared. I am so glad your AC has realized it is up to him to be compliant. This is amazing news!! I celebrate with you. It is possible that there could be more episodes, if this happens, stay focused on taking care of yourself. Parents of AC with MI need to fill their own cup so they can deal with the enormity of MI and their AC. My prayers are with you. Let me know how you are doing.
I am so very grateful you are offering this advice! thank you
@TheNELSEN Thank you for writing, I am grateful you are here.
Thank you for some self care guidelines. [My mother disowned me when I married, then reentered my life when our first child was born. Then cut off when she remarried. Then reentered when she divorced him. And once more in her dementia when I became the successor trustee (brother passed’19; remaining brother is Schizophrenic) in collusion with sis-in-law threaten to cut me off. Over lapping those final years, each of our 3 daughters (each successively declaring they had been diagnosed bi-polar) declared dad & me “toxic” and one at a time over five years cut us off. Writing this short summary of living 55 of my 68 years in a $#%t storm makes my complicated grief almost rational. Last year, mom passed, the next month husband had an amputation. He and I are okay.] I’m having some random days of overwhelming tears. Finding your site is a lifeline back to stability.
I pray you take care of you for a change. If you haven't been an asshole abusive parent (losing your shit with entitled offspring is allowed obviously) but you need to take care of you now.
Adult kids can be self centered arrogant annoying arseholes.
You do your best, but I think we can all feel deep down when enough is enough. Time they stood on their own 2 feet and if we live together maybe it's time they moved out or we sell up and buy a camper and say adios nino🤷🏻🤬🤦😭
I'm so sorry. I can relate 😢
this is very helpful!!! thank you!!
Glad it was helpful!
Very professional meaningful information. Thanks
Glad it was helpful!
#Syracuseny, with drug abuse too. How can adults seek help for their child from the courts.
Have you joined NAMI?
How old is he?
Thank you for this video, helped me realize I was doing the right thing.
@KristyChristensen-x2n thank you for writing. Please share what that right thing was?
Both my son and I are on the autism spectrum, I am a life long semi-survivor of severe covert narcissistic abuse by both parents, developed early onset mental illness at age 9 and the same happened to my son.
Hi thanks for writing. I’m sorry this happened to you and your son. I hope you are getting support.
PLEASE HELP!!! I fill the form on your website. Haven’t heard back. We are in exactly that situation. We are thinking our 26 year old son has Schizophrenia 🥺 we haven’t been able to diagnose him because he won’t do it. We are desperate!! Someone please help 😞😢 he still lives with us.
Please email me
Morinholistictherapy@gmail.com
Sorry about the website form
I’ll look into it.
Excellent video. Thank you.
Hi Linda: thank you for writing!!
My 46 yr old daughter has mental illness..but my hubby tells me it’s my fault because I have empathy for her. He tells me I’m making her worse. How do I show empathy without her acting like a little child. I don’t know how to be with her
My daughter is depressed because her baby sister is doing better than her. My daughter thinks she had it better than her and that’s not true. She refuses to acknowledge that her sister busted her butt to get where she’s at. She blames me for how she turn out and she constantly throws the pass in my face. She will acknowledge the new me and is holding onto the past mistakes. I admit, I wasn’t the perfect parent by far but I had since then tried to make it up and tried to be a better person. I don’t know what to do and just recently found out she’s on depressants!
Admit fault and grow together. You were wrong and untill you fully admit it, you will be viewd as a hypocrite
Well don’t compare they’re all different my sisters and I don’t get along anymore we used to sort of but not really…just love them as individuals not worry so much. Also sometimes people change and grow
Thank you.
What about a child who has never been afraid of anything and who has done so many "scary" things? Sometimes I don't even want to know what she's doing until it's over and I know she is still alive. :) But here's my question. What if she's been encouraged to get a diagnosis, but she just won't? It's not about encouraging her to take meds. She won't even get a diagnosis, much less take any meds. She won't even go to the doctor for normal health issues. She has been "forced" twice to do a mental health evaluation, but the legal and health systems are broken and don't seem to be able to help. Any advice?
My son blames me for his bio polar disease and drug abuse. I was NEVER abusive, but I did enable him and bailed him out way more than I should have. He's been to jail and prison, all due to the drug abuse and his mental illness. I'm so physically ill, my body is barely hanging in there. I've told him I need to break away due to his abusive way he talks to me. He can be very nice at times and I know how much he loves me, and I love him BUT,..I just can't take it anymore. He wants me to apologize to HIM and he is the abusive one. HIs father, grandfather, aunt and my grandfather all committed suicide. It's always been somewhat of a threat. I'm so broken it's crossed my mind many times. He lives out of state and has NO healthy relationships but I don't want to be cleaning up his problems . I just need peace.... so hard.
@laura4corner Hi Laura, I'm sorry you are going through this with your son. Our relationship with our children if they have a mental illness or not is always more complex than we realize. His behaviors, suffering from bipolar and drug abuse, can be brutal. My suggestion would be to get a therapist you can trust to talk about this. Your relationship as you described sounds chaotic. No one can do this without support for to long. Let me know that you have reached out to someoene for support.
What I would add as far as what a parent could do is work on themselves and see where they can take accountability in their part of the behavior of the child and the upbringing
Stop blaming the parents .
I have a borderline daughter that has made it her mission to destroy me.
I have 2 other children who are fine.
All these videos do is validate her cruelty. And justsifies it.
So she doesn't have to take responsibility
@@theresehill1660 not blaming the parents but pointing out their accountibility matters
@@eyeseeme3 Some parents have done nothing wrong
Many young people these days are being destroyed by social media and the wifi
@@cheesecakefan4880 there is no such thing as a perfect parent. Everyone needs to take accountability in life, parents are no exception. Also there are abusive parents. And even parents that meant well can inflict trauma without realizing. There needs to be mutual understanding
You must be a proud parent bc ur kids turned out excellent. When you don’t know what is going on, you should keep your opinion to yourself esp if there is genetic involved and of course like you, blames parents like us that suffer the most.
My son has ADHD. It has caused my other son to blame and is now estranged from me. I'm deeply hurt. I've tried for years to help my ADHD son with no help, understanding or support not even from therapist.
❤ I see you and I understand it’s so hard. Please try to find a therapist that believes in God’s power of Christ follower of Christian. My therapist is amazing and she helps me to believe and know and remember God’s truth that he never leaves her for six hours in this world is not perfect and we are going to have struggles in life and it just so happens. We have the struggle of a difficult or a mentally difficult child in our life even if they are in adult there still are adult child may God give you peace, in the name of Jesus.
Good reminder to set boundaries.
So true!
Yep I let my boundaries down and went to dinner. There, my daughter in law and soon to be daughter in law sat at the other end of the table from me. They laughed at me, rolled their eyes etc. my husband told me in the car how awful they were when I wasn’t looking. I’ve cried for days. Now,back to my normal clarity of thinking,I know it’s their “mean girl” cult. Reminded myself that going in public with them is dangerous for me, and it won’t happen again.
My 27 year old daughter suffers from mental illness. This thing has ruined her life so far. She was doing fine a few years ago. She had a job attended ,college was in a relationship, got married then all of a sudden she got very depressed tried to commit suicide more than once she deals with anxiety, low vitamin Deficiency, was diagnosed with being bipolar. She has lost everything her job, can't really attend college like she desires to also had to separate from her husband because he's not able to deal with all of this. He himself has a disability of being visioned impaired. She sees a psychiatrist and is on medication for it I'm a Christian woman. I trust in God for my daughter's healing. I just wanted to reach out to other parents that may deal with a child whether they are small or grown that deals with mental illness. I need help on what to do on how to cope with this.
Thanks for writing. I’m sorry you’re going through this. I hope your daughter gets treatment and feels better. Bipolar is a brutal mental illness. Believing in God is a great comfort. Support from a professional for parents whose adult children struggle with mental illness is extremely important. Sometimes we need someone who understands and knows to help manage the magnitude of the situation. I wish you the best.
I See you and understand you , I too have a son 25 since 17 , all sudden he became angry , cannabis dependent and has MI with ADHD and maybe bi polar , he has distance himself a couple of times since 17 years old for months at a time he has had multiple jobs and always finds fault with the management. I pray constantly I have a therapist and a mentor. That is the key to have community of people that help you understand it’s not you it’s about them and they need to heal. I am also a Christian and we need to trust God and God‘s plan we are to go on with our lives at the plant he has for us and we pray that someday we would be able to have a healthy relationship with our son or daughter may God be with you he says he never wastes anything that’s difficult. I believe God will use their difficulties at this time to grow them close to him. I pray for healing for your daughter and healing for my son, in Jesus name.
@@dmarvel6332this sounds exactly like my 24 year old daughter! Started when she was 17. We truly believe she is bi polar, but she refuses to seek help We finally had to get her out of our home.We are praying daily that God helps her! We have tried everything, but she became violent, verbal abuse, manipulative etc we had to make her leave.
It 's even worse when CPS seized the kids and the parent did everything to get them back and had a fraudulent social workers. Horrible.
So sorry. Absolute thievery. Such heartache for so many.
So… My assumption is that the viewers on this TH-cam channel are parents looking to help their adult child. They are probably not abusive parents if they’re looking to help their adult child. I think a lot of cases these mental health crisis in a young adult’s life are genetic. I’m a bit troubled that you’re spending so much time blaming the parents on these lectures for being abusive. It’s honestly kind of stunning. I just don’t think abusive parents would spend the time trying to educate themselves and help their children if they were abusive?
Hello Emily,
Thank you for sharing your thoughts and concerns. I genuinely appreciate your engagement and the opportunity to address this important topic with clarity and compassion.
First, I want to acknowledge that the vast majority of parents who seek guidance and education are deeply caring individuals, committed to their children’s well-being. It’s a testament to their love that they are taking proactive steps to repair relationships or better understand their children’s struggles. I honor and respect the effort that goes into seeking help and self-reflection.
Regarding the focus on parental behaviors in some of my videos, my intent is never to blame or accuse. Instead, it is to create awareness and encourage a holistic understanding of the dynamics that can contribute to estrangement or mental health challenges. Sometimes, even unintentional patterns, like miscommunication or unmet emotional needs, can play a role. Highlighting these is not about assigning blame but about identifying areas where change and healing can begin.
You are absolutely right that mental health issues often have genetic components, and they are influenced by a wide array of factors, including biology, environment, and personal experiences. That said, understanding family dynamics is also essential because it offers an opportunity for parents and adult children to come together, foster empathy, and create stronger relationships.
Finally, I agree with you-abusive parents are unlikely to seek out this type of content or work toward repairing their relationships. The viewers of this channel, like yourself, are likely seeking ways to grow, support their children, and heal family bonds. My aim is to support that journey with compassion, expertise, and tools for meaningful progress.
Thank you again for voicing your thoughts. Your perspective is valuable, and it helps foster deeper understanding for everyone in this community.
I am Jacyln Marie Ford. I was born on December 03 1980....i am ablut to enter into Sober Living for 6 to 12 months.... i am finally breaking the cycle it is scary for me to break the cycle....
Your fears are valid. You have the courage within you already. Remember you will be supported during your recovery. Take it one day at at time.
12 min into this video and not really hearing sympathy for caregivers that try everything we can to keep the adult mentally ill from being homeless where the situation is that it's not safe to live with them.
Thank you for writing and pointing out the gaps in this video's coverage. I know firsthand what you are speaking about. It is not safe, and the alternative is to have no safe living options for our family members. I am truly sorry you are going through this. I sincerely wish for some type of help for those of us in this caregiver roll.
My son punched me and I don’t know if I should support him or disown him. But I do feel for him, I know he’s struggling with something but he won’t speak to anyone or get help.
@@chocolatesugar4434 Maybe support him but keep him distanced. That's the only solution I found. Mine threatened to shoot me if he ever got a gun. That allowed me to get a restraining order. He now hops from group home to group home. Refuses to work so we support him financially....bare necessities. We don't give him cash or buy cigs. Shelter, hygiene supplies and food only. You shouldn't have to live with an abuser. Take care of yourself first. ❤️❤️❤️
@@chocolatesugar4434its not ok for anyone to harm you. Have you tried setting boundaries with the help of a therapist?
Someone said I was erratic I wasn’t even doing anything…that is strange
What about self diagnosed disorders?? Borderline personality disorder ??
Ok so have a 36 year old son his father had schizophrenia he committed suicid in 2000 now my son is homeless and refuses to get checked out for this mental illness what can I do .
@janetjohnson4403 Thank you for writing. I am sorry for your loss and now what is happening with your son. Does your son have a caseworker? If so, they can be helpful in getting treatment. If your son continues to be unwilling to get treatment, the best thing you can do is get support for yourself to help you deal with the stress. Does he speak to you?
Im listen. But hear circle of words. How to Solve problems. 😅😮😮 boundary, communication, support ( both) or not, validation your or self. Cant i get a court oder of harming his self
Should we still give them money if they won’t get treatment for their mental health?
This is a difficult decision. Its hard to tell if threatening to stop support will motivate a decision to get treatment.
Some peoplejust plainly refuse. Can they survive on their own?
The parent seems to blame you and your ilness the oldet they fet
@samjarrett5905 Thank you for writing. I get it. I agree with you. What are your thoughts on how some people tend to blame others for areas they don't want to look at or take responsibility for?
Pretty much there is not much hope is there for either side. They have to accept that we lost our chil drand just move on with our lives. And they lost.
Pretty much dear alive. And you just see that child when they were little. And they were happy and they had no worry in the world and then genetics and circumstances. Around everythand there is no way back for Ida party just acceptance of c***
These types of parents are the ones that need to be examined and repaired first instead of deflecting on their children or others. Responsibility starts within. Most adult children are estranged from their parents because the parent refuses to take responsibility.