The scapegoat is the child that makes displays for connectiveness that the other family members cannot bring themselves to. The scapegoat is the person they might very well wish they could be, but cannot. & so all manner of things arise: persecution. Jealousy. Envy. Hate.
I believe that too. That is why the are so cruel. They want to let go and they are angry when they see someone being themselves. It is horrible to be targeted for just being yourself.
That's so true. Some scapegoats try to prove themselves through hard work, accomplishments and success, but it just worsened the jealousy. You can never win them over.
@@casecunnings693He’s a self proclaimed Narcissistic Psychopath. His childhood story is as horrific as mine, the difference is I’m an empath/scapegoat.
Another escape goat here. My scars are sufficient enough to remember how hard things were and have empathy for others, but after 23 years I feel blessed, happy and understand my journey.
The Age Old biblical CPTSD seed is to be turned from curse into blessing or lose far more than those whom we're expected to trust the most. I learnt so much about the human race from the sad truth revealed to me after 55 years. It's said the strongest rivalry since Caan and Abel is that of sibling jealousy
Yes, the damage is for life, but there are things one can do to feel better, improve one’s mood, and create meaning. Here are some that have worked for me: 1. Name and accept what happened. 2. Go no-contact. 3. Practice self-compassion. 4. Observe and name one’s own negative behaviors that are a result of growing up in such an environment. 5. Be kind and supportive to myself…for example: exercise, eat right, sleep enough, make the bed every morning, walk in nature, paint/play piano/photograph/dance/listen to music. 6. Stop explaining, making excuses, listening to the inner critic. 7. Congratulate yourself for surviving this long! None of this is easy, but with daily practice, the benefits do add up.
This is how my brother ended up an alcoholic, drug addict and commit suicide after 30 years of narcissistic abuse via the golden child. May he RIP, it's the saddest thing in my life.
I was abused by my golden child sister and ended up an alcoholic. I left home at 15, had a hard life, my family had little to do with me but luckily I got sober when I was 39 and have been sober now 16 years. The golden child is now house bound, had to quit her high paying job and lives everyday in her guilt of how she treated me, if I hadn't gone to AA I would of died. I'm sorry your brother passed away, sending you love from Australia. ❤
6:28 "The family homeostasis is THREATENED by honesty. When 1 family member is honest, the King is Naked." Emperor's New Clothes 😮 This threatens the balance of this kind of family. 😢
Thank you for this. Possibly the best description ever of the family I grew up in. I was subjected to emotional and psychological abuse, scapegoating, denial and gaslighting. Later in life I was gang bullied/ mobbed by siblings. I am completely estranged for my own survival. It’s a miracle I am alive, the sibs are all mentally ill and drug and alcohol addicted.
@@jbuntine1255 That is exactly what I just had thought before I read your comment. You think people mellow with age but they don't. It goes into overdrive and is beyond scary.
All through growing up, there were signs of something not being right with both my narc parents and of the family as a whole, but I couldn’t put my finger on just what it was. This video pretty laid it all out for me as to the nature of these families like my own, and all the toxicity bred from them. These parents weren’t “parents” but pretenders calling themselves as such, using and abusing the people they bring into the world for their own gain. My only regret was that I didn’t discover this earlier, as I could have made certain life decisions earlier- it would saved me from years of abuse and manipulation from those calling themselves as my “parents”.
Many people can relate to your comment. This is the case for multitudes. So many people have shared with me their family (if you could call that family) abuse and neglect. The only option is no contact. That's very difficult for children. All one can do is exclude them from our lives.
I’m so very grateful Professor Vaknin. is bringing awareness about the toxicities that exist in some family dynamics. Being a scapegoat can result in a Hellish existence on this planet.
2nd generation scapegoat here... my mother & brother have recruited my two children who although have also been treated shaibbily by them also blame me for everything whilst excluding me. I got to meet & spend nearly 18months with my grandkids but have now been rejected again as I told a hard hitting truth. My heart is actually broken😢
“It all revolves around honesty” “because the family is threatened by honesty”. So well described. Also great description of “insidious narcissism” in a family. Most definitely describes mine, and not being seen or understood from outsiders is most definitely a reality. Thank you again Prof. Vaknin!
It's so hard when you realise, that everything you thought was true, was not.. and everything you imagined, is real. I'm slowly having to let go of the idea of family, would never have believed one person could have so much control. This extended to wider family, friends neighbours, work colleagues, doctors. When everyone thinks this one person is so wonderful, you find yourself isolated and in real danger, no-one wants to believe your story, because it's hard to believe it yourself. Several times I questioned 'accidents' where I almost died, but when you can't believe it yourself, you know no-one else will. I'm now on my own after 43 years, the last few were terrifying, I still don't feel safe, he's so vengeful. I have too much to write. But thank you for putting it all into words, so that at least I know and can believe
Helen, you may want to change your user name. An ex from whom I was divorced for around thirty years, was stalking me here. He’d jump on me in the comments, behind a username that was not his actual name, as mine is. So, as I said, you may want to change your username. I also want to say I’m sorry you’re among us. I’m sad for us all. I wish this video did not so accurately describe our lives.🤗❤️
I know exactly how you feel. It has to be one if not the most difficult and dangerous things a person can experience and it goes on for years without anyone noticing or understanding. Nobody will believe you when you try to tell anyone and you get blamed for everything being done to you. It’s so awful and painful. You can’t go around saying your own family wants you dead or you sound crazy. Or like you’ve done something to deserve it. Therapists don’t get it. People think you’re whining and playing the victim. But in reality, you are so desperately alone and nobody can see you anymore. You are simply erased without a trace that you ever even existed but you’re still alive. It’s hell on earth and I commit the rest of my days to raise awareness in any way I can and to help others going through it alone. It causes suicidal tendencies!
You are the one being terrorized and the world thinks it is you doing it. It is like a torture that only one who has experienced it can truly understand.
Yep. I agree with the last sentence. Unfortunately, once you uncover the secrets and lies and this gets out to the wrong people, there is no going back.
The mobbing is psychotic. I was a woman all alone and they were saying I was abusing them. It is totally ridiculous now that I am out of it but they had me believing it. They were coming to my house just showing up at my door and then telling people I lived alone and was crazy. They nearly drove me mad.
This is my family 100%. I've walked away a few times. I think this time it's for good. I feel better than I have ever in my life. I'm more clear-headed and I use videos like yours to remind myself exactly where I was and exactly where I don't ever want to be again. Thank you for sharing. I wish I could say it in 20 minutes LOL
I blew everything out of the water. Abuse. They were furious and began a smear campaign on me. Then I grew up and married a malignant narcissist. He also embarked on a huge smear campaign. Stalks me,won't let me work,go to school or have friends. I have accepted I will be alone and at least I'm not with him anymore!!! I enjoy the solitude.
I would say that scapegoats become later one of the mentally toughest people to exist… but for those who are extremely traumatized will ofc become cluster b
As a scapegoat myself, I agree. I've had no choice but to be mentally and emotionally resilient...however, due to all the trauma I've endured, I've developed a few narcissistic traits or 'narcissistic fleas.' Thankfully I am very empathic, which has kept me from veering into cluster b territory...
Thanks for this video Professor Sam. It’s a sensitive topic, I realized it few years ago, I haven’t felt seen by my mother. You’re right it’s a cult. I moved country. I cannot change them and accepted it. Have learned so much from your videos about situations I didn’t understood.
My family is like a ship you notice is listing, so you go down below and notice there is indeed water seeping in. So you follow the water and find it coming from behind a door that is bound with locks and chains. The only way to find and repair the breach is to open the door to the family secret, and being not allowed to do that I got stuck as the family bilge pump. If I leave my station we all go down, and those that look at the ship from afar think everything is fine, but it keeps me stuck here. My family seems to resent me for representing a reality they can’t face.
Denial is far easier . You get stone walled . Or they can't remember denial of your reality everytime ... Take care it's very hard.. Regards.... yes lm hated .. don't care 2 yrs on .. Sent this to my Aunty and blocked her they think lm the problem .
We can relate to your discussion from personal experience. Navigating around two broken, hateful families has been a huge challenge, my husband and I are both scapegoats and we, for the most part, have made the best of bad situations. This is a forever project as the scars are as you stated, are forever. Thank you for dissecting the topic with incredible accuracy, we find this video helpful and healing.
Thank you SO much for this brilliant expose of the conundrum of the family scapegoat who is systematically targeted by every single member of the narcissistically abusive family, and made to feel crazy for their vastly different perception of reality. Thank you also for creating a new playlist “family dynamics”. 😊.
Nailed It, Thank You. Endured 6 Decades now. My Mother Is the Covert, Extremely Psychologically Manipulative. My Brother has Never gotten away from her- Emulates Her- Yells and Mocks. My 2nd Brother Also Does Exactly What She Expects. Brainwashing, Threats, Shaming, Punitive, etc. Started from 1st Memories. My Dad Suffered, there was No Normal Communication.
16:20 Invisible to the family. I have tolerated this for 40 years. You described my family dynamics perfectly. Everything you have said reaffirms what I have been experiencing all these years.
I love that he referenced Rebecca as well. She deserves so much recognition and I am personally so grateful for her work, which, as an FSA survivor, has been incredibly helpful and validating.
Some of my so-called family turned on me after my dad's death. Not only did I have to deal with false allegations about my partner, but was gaslit for being upset, I am still upset with the way I was treated at the worst possible time, I was not able to grieve properly and have had so much trauma 💔 I choose no contact with those who did this to me and I will change my number for total closure. I am moving on with my life. I choose myself and my own happiness ❤
Even the golden child is abused in a sense, especially when they are obligated to be the model the parents want them to be. They kind of have to be an extension of the parents. It’s like a prison. The excess of attention, expectations, protection and spoiling is also a kind of abuse (as stated by Sam in another video). They become a tool to inflict pain to the other children. And as a result, the golden child can be isolated despite themselves and disliked by its siblings for a long long time.
I was the scapegoat in my nuclear and extended family. My NM physically and emotionally abused me frequently and then would kick me out of the house all throughout my childhood. I would walk hours through the night searching for my father who was an alcoholic. My NGF was a pastor of a church he built and anyone who didnt comply with his religion and emotional style of worship would be punished from his pulpit. unfortunately i was the organist for his church and suffered humiliation, shame, financial abuse, and was the scapegoat for the entire family. Of course I ended up marrying a narcissist and had and excruciating 10 year marriage due to the fact that i had become well adapted to narc abuse i endured throughout my entire life. I'm lucky to be alive, and fortunate to survive the decades torment.
I just had enough last summer. They do not have me for a human being. No more, I was rejected when I was born and until now blamed for everything possible. Narcisistic den. Unfortunatelly it is coming from previous generation, they dont even know what they do. The worst enemies ever. Thank you profesor Sam.
This is such a great video. I am so glad that you are addressing this topic which is the root of narcissism. I have been a Scapegoat for my entire life and as I heal and Recover, I have been learning about FSA and its implications towards me. You are absolutely correct - being in a toxic, negative environment has had its affects on me. The best way is to go no contact and to cut off all ties with every single one of my family members with no one as an exception. I now understand where my childhood trauma comes from and why I tend to attract assholes in my life. But not anymore. I can see the signs clearly now and have shielded myself and thankfully my Higher Power has protected me from such harmful people. I now surround myself with people who love. support and appreciate me. Thank you for this video and I am looking forward to watching more of your videos on this subject matter.
You summed up my family perfectly. I always felt my sister was fake, putting on an act of perfection to please my parents. When my Mum passed away, my Dad sided totally with her and they immediately set about bullying me as the scapegoat. I refused to accept the way my Dad was being manipulated (financially ofcourse) and was punished for telling the truth about his fragile physical and mental state. This was viewed as a complete betrayal of the Family... I always felt there was more to it, other secrets being hidden and protected etc, but I doubt I will ever know the real truth about what went on.
That happened to me as well, only it was my father that passed and GC sister manipulated my mother (already easily conned, a lt member of another cult - the Jehovah Witnesses). She smeared me, changed will (worth millions) and so much more. No family speaks to me anymore. So much disfunction
The smearing is their way to justify their vile actions and to avoid accountability. Needless to say, the will was also changed in my case and I was left with nothing.
This was my experience as the abused as you have described. The abuser demanded that I give up something and brought the family together to convince me. The request involved giving up my last pleasure in life after giving up everything else including myself after four decades of abuse. I was even “diagnosed” as someone with autism to explain being very withdrawn. I could not give up this pleasure. Let’s say it was a hobby as an example. It was something far more precious to me. There was nothing wrong with it. I could not accept this request. Consequently, the abuser left and filed for divorce after I accused the abuser of having NPD. Three years later, after hard work, I am slowly recovering. Your videos have made my recovery faster.
A very important aspect of the scapegoat is that the scapegoat lowers the competition amongst the remaining members of the group by occupying the role of lowest status member. The remaining members no longer have to compete as fiercely with each other because no matter what rank they end up on at family events they never face the risk of being kicked off the 'family team' because the scapegoat already fills the role of being the 'last place' member. This hierarchy allows the remaining members a pseudo-bonding experience. In a sick sense the scapegoat is the one holding the family together because once he leaves the remaining members now have to compete for their survival in the cult rather than just for fun.
@gypsykings1406 I know what you mean but in reality its NOT sweet. By the time most scapegoats leave they are a shell of their former self, in a dissociated state that usually requires alcohol or drugs to cope with. It is anything but sweet.
They were sure I were not deserving of them saying the Truth because I was not nice and not beautiful enough. They always kept their "secrets". My narc "father" was convinced I would not deserve the letters which came to me per post. I was in a constant informational blockage. It made me crazy. Thank You!!:))!!
Thank you! I would have never allowed myself to admit the truth if it wasn’t for these videos and a few other professionals. I always thought it was me. Upside is I’m self aware, downside I’m having trouble getting rid of the bad memories .
I'm stunned there are no comments, not surprised, as this topic is mindfully, deeply alarming, and attacks the core of your heart, mind and soul collectively. Pandora's box, combining overt, and insidious.
There is no coincidence that this video has appeared. Thank you for your content and empowering all those that have and still are trying to escape the abuse. No one would believe the extent of the abuse and harassment. Sometimes the only way is to record and document all the abuse to escape.
I agree…but..for me..the best way was to completely disengage..no contact. But..that..also has its challenges. Over a year has gone by and I am still emotionally suffering..due to the engrained shame..guilt..etc. Stay strong..💪 ❤
@@CoCo-le9mh Thank you 💕 I wish you lots of healing and true happiness. No contact became more emotionally violent as time went on in my case. Once I caught the perpetrators and who they've recruited red handed, they no longer had leverage. Looking into the law of modern day human trafficking, physiological extortion really highlights the law on your side if you need to take action. Call back our power. We're not victims of abuse but survivors of hell and still here to tell the story. 💕 🕯️
@@CoCo-le9mh I feel the exact same way. It has been so painful and never wanted it over but the abuse was so bad I just want away now. I am in shock still.
thank you very much. I have been this scapegoat and been kicked out of the family for about 10 years. Of course my departure would be presented as if it had been my decision. The highly narcissistic and psychopathic members of this family have even announced to me that they plan to kick me out of the family. My one sister said I'll never see you again and that I'll live two years before I get kicked out. The other sister told me in private, with a smile and cunning, what an idea it would be if one of the sisters left forever... I had no idea what they were both talking about and my mother, the psychopath ordered and carried out the whole drama
Thank you for this video! I was going to ask you if you wouldn't mind please creating a video on narcissistic siblings, in childhood and adulthood. You must have read my mind! Thank you for everything that you deliver on this channel, I appreciate it all. Truly.
I'm the scapegoat in my community. Two psychopath/narcissistic neightbors started a smear campaign against me. The lies and allegations have destroyed my reputation across the whole state I live in. I'm fortunate that I'm healthy, and still have a job and family, and relatives in my life though, but going abroad might the only option in the future, to have a healthy future for me.
It seems like people have gone totally off the rails. People are acting in ways that are so beyond aggressive. It is extremely abnormal and seems to be suddenly everywhere. You just want to be left alone and people bother you and lie about you. It is psychotic.
Hello, Professor Vaknin. That is my family of origin. Just so you have an idea, in your video " Get Rid of Your Sick Family", mine scored 12 out of 13...🙃 I walked away in november last year, had one of the harder years of my life, grieving, completely no contact with my passive agressive mother and my three brothers. Your videos have been helping me a lot during this year. Thank you 🇧🇷
I have the same situation. Also I am in no contact with my discarded BPD ex for 7 months. Its a deep pain which I can not compare with any pains. But I know that, this pain will become my strenght in time. Thanks to Prof. Sam, enlights us about these and wish all my best to all other people suffering these..😢
This is our final decision to make sure that all of our own life experiences are made in a safe life together with each other than to be silent about it
The only way to win is to forgive, but I think to truly forgive you first have to overcome and gain freedom. Slaves and prisoners of war rarely have it in them to forgive their captors until after they’ve been freed. The key to that freedom can be hard to achieve.
My mother recruited everyone in my family and my partners to abuse me for 56 years. She was the ringleader but my sisters, especially, were unbelievably abusive. Mother turned my older sister golden child into a drug addict and prostitute, ao my younger sister stepped up to fill the golden child role. She became the most overtly abusive person you could meet. She and mother joined in with both of my husbands to abuse me. The three of them spent 30 years breaking me and trying to drive me to suicide. Im finally free and getting healthy while they scramble to fill the hole I left, as it always goes. I laugh now at them scrambling to portray a loving family while everyone else in the extended family has seen the truth and shakes their heads.
You have to go no contact and realize that, not just your parent, but her whole side of the family, like her, is "troubled." (Just be glad you are not among them.)
Yes this was my childhood, yet still as an older adult how can I heal to change and have a close relationship with the women I have loved instead of a romantic sexual one. It seems like because of these very things that grew within me may just be woven into the fabric of my life, Dear God Help to heal my soul ...
I am very grateful for your message very empowering I literally had to leave my own City because of the threats but it doesn't matter where I go it's still they still follow me are the higher people to locate me but as God says pray for your enemies I don't let this get me down cuz I know there's many other people that are going through a lot so I live my life with joy and happiness our lives are just a vapor so may you and everybody have a beautiful and blessed day and thank you again ✨🌿❤️🙏🏽🌍❤️🌿✨
Unfortunately many Families 👪 ARE dysfunctional and have varying degrees of it. I've been studying 📖 human psychology early in life as a way of understanding people in general and utilizing techniques to put certain issues in check. I can comfortably say being the youngest in the family, I might darn well be the wisest. There are issues in my household but like a Parent, O try to manage it a certain way. Right now, I'm also still the object of jealousy due to Sibling Rivalry, though there are opportunities in this world for everyone.
This is SO spot on. Did anyone experience this⬆️ in their upbringing, but to the world it looked like you had everything, a perfect family!? I often liken my family growing up, to the “perfect family Christmas photo”. -Everybody look perfect put on the perfect smile annnddd “Click” there is the image for the world to see. So crazy the hidden destruction that really exists behind the façade! Anyone else in this boat?
These structures are not all powerfull if you are isolating yourself very carefull in them, as they dont discuss real problems you as a problem can't really be dealt with bc they are not cooperating well. And ultimately if you are 1000% honest they fear you. This space generated now can be used for anything you need: therapy, new untainted friendships, reflection/reading, ressources, a mere savespace.
wonderful video sam. I would really like to hear your discourse on the spoiling and overprotecting form of abuse, in the family series. I tried looking up videos on this from your perspective besides all the other wonderful content on youtube. I think these two go unnoticed but create an inward pressure and guilt of having 'everything' and 'STILL' being not enough. Disease and Control disguised as Love and Care. Anticipating your take.
My family did alot of horrible things to me. But they worst thing is they always deny, everything they did and act like nothing happened. If i ever confront them i get blamed or shamed or they will now even gangup against me. This has been going on for 3 decades. Or i get told i'm too sensitive and take things the wrong way. It's so confusing. Nobody ever stands up for me even when im done wrong. Does this mean i am the scapegoat and why cant they stop? Why are they doing this to me? I just am so confused with all the mind games. I am the youngest,does that make me an easy target
I am the oldest and also the scapegoat. When I confronted my demonic mother, her retort was the classic "I'm sorry you feel that way," before slithering out of the room. 3 years no contact.
I am the youngest of six and was told I was spoiled a lot. It you ever heard my life with them, you would laugh your head off at that. The denial is the worst part for me. They mock and know it and know there is nothing you can do. It is intentionally cruel and psychotic at best.
The 'cult leaders' left the area and now the next in line took their place. I'm only seen as useful and owing. Constantly the butt end of every other joke and told to 'ignore the bully' when I call them out. I've had quite enough.
I feel just like you. I have had quite enough. I can't imagine my feelings changing after what they have put me through. I have had enough. I have gone from wanting to do anything to get along to near hatred. I am just trying to accept it and let go.
About to go through the same. Try to find a Library or gym. Spend lots of time there. I really have a strong dislike for ppl who would do that to one of their own family members. Disgusting. I hope you are able to find a new place to live. I will keep you in my prayers. ❤. So sorry you're experiencing this particular hell. 😢
I posted a video on my channel called 'Moving back in with family was a terrible mistake'. I caught an argument on camera between my 37-year-old brother and my 70-year-old father, and my brother has some kind of undiagnosed mental illness. He lived with my dad his whole life. He's never paid any bills. He watches every little thing you do, and ALL of it makes him angry. The situation is so absurd, and they are completely unwilling to look in the mirror and take accountability for their own toxicity, that they have turned me into the scapegoat and have tried to destroy me instead. This explains my family to a T.
Feeling alien to your family doesn’t always me that they alienated you! My family were scared, weak and ignorant. That didn’t make them cruel.....that made them ignorant of themselves and life. Whilst i have suffered badly i can’t really say that what happened to me was intentional.
Scapegoats are the Truth Tellers in the family….. especially a family where denial reigns supreme.
Well said!😮
I certainly was
You betcha. ☺️💛
Have you noticed How they hate Honesty ,,, F***** k them .
Yes, with the true sensibility .
The scapegoat is the child that makes displays for connectiveness that the other family members cannot bring themselves to. The scapegoat is the person they might very well wish they could be, but cannot. & so all manner of things arise: persecution. Jealousy. Envy. Hate.
Well put
you nailed it !
I believe that too. That is why the are so cruel. They want to let go and they are angry when they see someone being themselves. It is horrible to be targeted for just being yourself.
💯
That's so true. Some scapegoats try to prove themselves through hard work, accomplishments and success, but it just worsened the jealousy. You can never win them over.
Where are my fellow scape goats at!?!?! Scape goats unite!!!!!🐐✊💪
Word
@@rubberbiscuit99 On God we the Greatest Of All Times
@@AmeliaHouck-o9j Not at Sam Vaknin’s. I heard he’s a narc.👺🎭
@@casecunnings693He’s a self proclaimed Narcissistic Psychopath. His childhood story is as horrific as mine, the difference is I’m an empath/scapegoat.
💯 % brother right here 🙌
Escape goat here. Life’s good now but scars remain.
Another escape goat here. My scars are sufficient enough to remember how hard things were and have empathy for others, but after 23 years I feel blessed, happy and understand my journey.
Scapegoat, not escape goat.
@@samvakninI escaped the scapegoat role and don’t identify with it anymore as I am not a victim any longer.
@@dominique7269😮💨🔥🔥🔥 👊🏽
The Age Old biblical CPTSD seed is to be turned from curse into blessing or lose far more than those whom we're expected to trust the most.
I learnt so much about the human race from the sad truth revealed to me after 55 years.
It's said the strongest rivalry since Caan and Abel is that of sibling jealousy
This is my family and it hurts so so much.
Mine too😢
@@stephaniedonatello6844 ❤️❤️❤️so sorry lovely
You're not alone. 😢😢😢
@@Mummabear1111 so sorry. I know it hurts 😔
Me too! 😢 I’m 56 and ran away from ex covert narcissist and 2 children. My life is better but I’m broken
Yes, the damage is for life, but there are things one can do to feel better, improve one’s mood, and create meaning.
Here are some that have worked for me:
1. Name and accept what happened.
2. Go no-contact.
3. Practice self-compassion.
4. Observe and name one’s own negative behaviors that are a result of growing up in such an environment.
5. Be kind and supportive to myself…for example: exercise, eat right, sleep enough, make the bed every morning, walk in nature, paint/play piano/photograph/dance/listen to music.
6. Stop explaining, making excuses, listening to the inner critic.
7. Congratulate yourself for surviving this long!
None of this is easy, but with daily practice, the benefits do add up.
Thank you ❤
This is how my brother ended up an alcoholic, drug addict and commit suicide after 30 years of narcissistic abuse via the golden child. May he RIP, it's the saddest thing in my life.
🙏🏻🫂💝
Sorry to hear that... May he rest in peace, finally... 💔
🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻
I was abused by my golden child sister and ended up an alcoholic. I left home at 15, had a hard life, my family had little to do with me but luckily I got sober when I was 39 and have been sober now 16 years. The golden child is now house bound, had to quit her high paying job and lives everyday in her guilt of how she treated me, if I hadn't gone to AA I would of died. I'm sorry your brother passed away, sending you love from Australia. ❤
@@tinkingtinking2134 Amazing how often the Scapegoat grows up to be a strong innovator, etc.
6:28 "The family homeostasis is THREATENED by honesty. When 1 family member is honest, the King is Naked." Emperor's New Clothes 😮 This threatens the balance of this kind of family. 😢
Same as the larger Corp Gov Country
Thank you for this. Possibly the best description ever of the family I grew up in. I was subjected to emotional and psychological abuse, scapegoating, denial and gaslighting. Later in life I was gang bullied/ mobbed by siblings. I am completely estranged for my own survival. It’s a miracle I am alive, the sibs are all mentally ill and drug and alcohol addicted.
Same.
@@ilovepeonies9801 So sorry you went through that…. A lot of power in knowlege.
Same. The most spot on ever. Makes sense why I repeated then in my marriage.
I'm glad you made it through.💛
Same
Scapegoat here. I've never heard it said better, Prof. Vaknin. Thank you!
I escaped my family cult as soon as I was able to, and have no regrets!
My advice they get more F@!!!* Ed with age , don't go back it's bad for your health..
@@jbuntine1255 That is exactly what I just had thought before I read your comment. You think people mellow with age but they don't. It goes into overdrive and is beyond scary.
My comment has gone ??
I'm the scapegoat. But honestly it's a blessing, it allowed me to walk away from my family's dysfunction early on and good riddance.
I'm the truth teller. I moved away for 18 years and got educated. Now I am back with the family. All of this. Wow. Mind blowing. Thank you!
Good luck...don't think you can stay a longer time unfortunately..especially after getting educated about this sad true..😢
When you’re brought up to believe your family is everything, actually, it’s probably nothing but a fantasy.
Amen - well said
All through growing up, there were signs of something not being right with both my narc parents and of the family as a whole, but I couldn’t put my finger on just what it was. This video pretty laid it all out for me as to the nature of these families like my own, and all the toxicity bred from them.
These parents weren’t “parents” but pretenders calling themselves as such, using and abusing the people they bring into the world for their own gain.
My only regret was that I didn’t discover this earlier, as I could have made certain life decisions earlier- it would saved me from years of abuse and manipulation from those calling themselves as my “parents”.
Many people can relate to your comment. This is the case for multitudes. So many people have shared with me their family (if you could call that family) abuse and neglect. The only option is no contact. That's very difficult for children. All one can do is exclude them from our lives.
I’m so very grateful Professor Vaknin. is bringing awareness about the toxicities that exist in some family dynamics. Being a scapegoat can result in a Hellish existence on this planet.
My family has always been a real mess. I had to choose myself as an adult and stay away from it.
Stand strong. ✨🙏✨
2nd generation scapegoat here... my mother & brother have recruited my two children who although have also been treated shaibbily by them also blame me for everything whilst excluding me. I got to meet & spend nearly 18months with my grandkids but have now been rejected again as I told a hard hitting truth. My heart is actually broken😢
Same here. I have one adult child out of 4 who speak to me... I am missing out on 3 beautiful grands.
@@kimpeterson48461 of 3 speak to me. I've not met my only grandchild. 😢
Stay strong 💪...you know its not your fault..they do not feel good..that's for sure...take them back❣️🍀🕊
That's one way to handle It. Other Is to realise one can live without them, one can reject them as well and It feels soo very good ❤
“It all revolves around honesty” “because the family is threatened by honesty”. So well described. Also great description of “insidious narcissism” in a family. Most definitely describes mine, and not being seen or understood from outsiders is most definitely a reality. Thank you again Prof. Vaknin!
It's so hard when you realise, that everything you thought was true, was not.. and everything you imagined, is real.
I'm slowly having to let go of the idea of family, would never have believed one person could have so much control. This extended to wider family, friends neighbours, work colleagues, doctors.
When everyone thinks this one person is so wonderful, you find yourself isolated and in real danger, no-one wants to believe your story, because it's hard to believe it yourself. Several times I questioned 'accidents' where I almost died, but when you can't believe it yourself, you know no-one else will.
I'm now on my own after 43 years, the last few were terrifying, I still don't feel safe, he's so vengeful. I have too much to write. But thank you for putting it all into words, so that at least I know and can believe
I'm with you. I don't know how to handle this information 😢😢😢
Helen, you may want to change your user name. An ex from whom I was divorced for around thirty years, was stalking me here. He’d jump on me in the comments, behind a username that was not his actual name, as mine is. So, as I said, you may want to change your username. I also want to say I’m sorry you’re among us. I’m sad for us all. I wish this video did not so accurately describe our lives.🤗❤️
I know exactly how you feel. It has to be one if not the most difficult and dangerous things a person can experience and it goes on for years without anyone noticing or understanding. Nobody will believe you when you try to tell anyone and you get blamed for everything being done to you. It’s so awful and painful. You can’t go around saying your own family wants you dead or you sound crazy. Or like you’ve done something to deserve it. Therapists don’t get it. People think you’re whining and playing the victim. But in reality, you are so desperately alone and nobody can see you anymore. You are simply erased without a trace that you ever even existed but you’re still alive. It’s hell on earth and I commit the rest of my days to raise awareness in any way I can and to help others going through it alone. It causes suicidal tendencies!
@@bethmoore7722me too! Omg
You are the one being terrorized and the world thinks it is you doing it. It is like a torture that only one who has experienced it can truly understand.
Yep. I agree with the last sentence. Unfortunately, once you uncover the secrets and lies and this gets out to the wrong people, there is no going back.
will you elaborate a little? who are the "wrong people"?
@@sheilajac Anyone who doesn’t keep the status quo of abuse hidden. Anyone that believes your story.
Often the SG is labeled "mentally ill" which can be very confusing to the victim. Also, the "mobbing" continues through generations.
yup .. my story
oh I got the full monty - apparently I'm mentally ill, alcoholic, a drug addict & gambler
The mobbing is psychotic. I was a woman all alone and they were saying I was abusing them. It is totally ridiculous now that I am out of it but they had me believing it. They were coming to my house just showing up at my door and then telling people I lived alone and was crazy. They nearly drove me mad.
This is my family 100%. I've walked away a few times. I think this time it's for good. I feel better than I have ever in my life. I'm more clear-headed and I use videos like yours to remind myself exactly where I was and exactly where I don't ever want to be again. Thank you for sharing. I wish I could say it in 20 minutes LOL
I blew everything out of the water. Abuse. They were furious and began a smear campaign on me. Then I grew up and married a malignant narcissist. He also embarked on a huge smear campaign. Stalks me,won't let me work,go to school or have friends. I have accepted I will be alone and at least I'm not with him anymore!!! I enjoy the solitude.
I would say that scapegoats become later one of the mentally toughest people to exist… but for those who are extremely traumatized will ofc become cluster b
I agree. It builds a very high level of mental resilience
As a scapegoat myself, I agree. I've had no choice but to be mentally and emotionally resilient...however, due to all the trauma I've endured, I've developed a few narcissistic traits or 'narcissistic fleas.' Thankfully I am very empathic, which has kept me from veering into cluster b territory...
I’m both 😅 My symptoms come and go
🐐 💪🏽 I survived a ex covert narcissist for 23 years. I’m free. But the healing process is hard. Sending love and strength to all
Watch the NA Healing playlist.
@ Thank you!
Thanks for this video Professor Sam. It’s a sensitive topic, I realized it few years ago, I haven’t felt seen by my mother.
You’re right it’s a cult.
I moved country. I cannot change them and accepted it. Have learned so much from your videos about situations I didn’t understood.
My family is like a ship you notice is listing, so you go down below and notice there is indeed water seeping in. So you follow the water and find it coming from behind a door that is bound with locks and chains.
The only way to find and repair the breach is to open the door to the family secret, and being not allowed to do that I got stuck as the family bilge pump. If I leave my station we all go down, and those that look at the ship from afar think everything is fine, but it keeps me stuck here.
My family seems to resent me for representing a reality they can’t face.
Denial is far easier . You get stone walled . Or they can't remember denial of your reality everytime ...
Take care it's very hard..
Regards.... yes lm hated .. don't
care 2 yrs on ..
Sent this to my Aunty and blocked her they think lm the problem .
That is the most interesting description I ever heard. And I totally understand it. :)
We can relate to your discussion from personal experience. Navigating around two broken, hateful families has been a huge challenge, my husband and I are both scapegoats and we, for the most part, have made the best of bad situations. This is a forever project as the scars are as you stated, are forever. Thank you for dissecting the topic with incredible accuracy, we find this video helpful and healing.
I tried to hold back my tears listening to this lecture 😔 you have been a huge part of my healing journey, Thank you 📿🙏🏾
Thank you SO much for this brilliant expose of the conundrum of the family scapegoat who is systematically targeted by every single member of the narcissistically abusive family, and made to feel crazy for their vastly different perception of reality.
Thank you also for creating a new playlist “family dynamics”. 😊.
During the Divoc tyranny this was seen everywhere
Nailed It, Thank You. Endured 6 Decades now. My Mother Is the Covert, Extremely Psychologically Manipulative. My Brother has Never gotten away from her- Emulates Her- Yells and Mocks. My 2nd Brother Also Does Exactly What She Expects. Brainwashing, Threats, Shaming, Punitive, etc. Started from 1st Memories. My Dad Suffered, there was No Normal Communication.
Now I work on myself to sort out, and love myself enough to not let others walk over my boundaries anylonger...
16:20
Invisible to the family.
I have tolerated this for 40 years.
You described my family dynamics perfectly.
Everything you have said reaffirms what I have been experiencing all these years.
Really great to hear you reference Rebecca Mandeville. As the scapegoat, I appreciate both of you ♥️
@@23chanyou are sad pathetic excuse for a human being
I love that he referenced Rebecca as well. She deserves so much recognition and I am personally so grateful for her work, which, as an FSA survivor, has been incredibly helpful and validating.
Some of my so-called family turned on me after my dad's death. Not only did I have to deal with false allegations about my partner, but was gaslit for being upset, I am still upset with the way I was treated at the worst possible time, I was not able to grieve properly and have had so much trauma 💔 I choose no contact with those who did this to me and I will change my number for total closure. I am moving on with my life. I choose myself and my own happiness ❤
Good for you❤
Even the golden child is abused in a sense, especially when they are obligated to be the model the parents want them to be. They kind of have to be an extension of the parents. It’s like a prison.
The excess of attention, expectations, protection and spoiling is also a kind of abuse (as stated by Sam in another video). They become a tool to inflict pain to the other children. And as a result, the golden child can be isolated despite themselves and disliked by its siblings for a long long time.
Emotional incest.
I was the scapegoat in my nuclear and extended family. My NM physically and emotionally abused me frequently and then would kick me out of the house all throughout my childhood. I would walk hours through the night searching for my father who was an alcoholic. My NGF was a pastor of a church he built and anyone who didnt comply with his religion and emotional style of worship would be punished from his pulpit. unfortunately i was the organist for his church and suffered humiliation, shame, financial abuse, and was the scapegoat for the entire family. Of course I ended up marrying a narcissist and had and excruciating 10 year marriage due to the fact that i had become well adapted to narc abuse i endured throughout my entire life. I'm lucky to be alive, and fortunate to survive the decades torment.
@@Jabulani926 because you are strong 😊
I am so sorry for you being kicked out young. I had similar kinds of experiences and understand the pain. 💛
I just had enough last summer. They do not have me for a human being. No more, I was rejected when I was born and until now blamed for everything possible. Narcisistic den. Unfortunatelly it is coming from previous generation, they dont even know what they do. The worst enemies ever.
Thank you profesor Sam.
They are just so rude besides everything else. Just totally rude. It sickens me now.
This is such a great video. I am so glad that you are addressing this topic which is the root of narcissism. I have been a Scapegoat for my entire life and as I heal and Recover, I have been learning about FSA and its implications towards me. You are absolutely correct - being in a toxic, negative environment has had its affects on me. The best way is to go no contact and to cut off all ties with every single one of my family members with no one as an exception. I now understand where my childhood trauma comes from and why I tend to attract assholes in my life. But not anymore. I can see the signs clearly now and have shielded myself and thankfully my Higher Power has protected me from such harmful people. I now surround myself with people who love. support and appreciate me. Thank you for this video and I am looking forward to watching more of your videos on this subject matter.
Sam, thank you for this. It has been me. Very validating.
You summed up my family perfectly. I always felt my sister was fake, putting on an act of perfection to please my parents. When my Mum passed away, my Dad sided totally with her and they immediately set about bullying me as the scapegoat. I refused to accept the way my Dad was being manipulated (financially ofcourse) and was punished for telling the truth about his fragile physical and mental state. This was viewed as a complete betrayal of the Family...
I always felt there was more to it, other secrets being hidden and protected etc, but I doubt I will ever know the real truth about what went on.
That happened to me as well, only it was my father that passed and GC sister manipulated my mother (already easily conned, a lt member of another cult - the Jehovah Witnesses). She smeared me, changed will (worth millions) and so much more. No family speaks to me anymore. So much disfunction
The smearing is their way to justify their vile actions and to avoid accountability. Needless to say, the will was also changed in my case and I was left with nothing.
This was my experience as the abused as you have described. The abuser demanded that I give up something and brought the family together to convince me. The request involved giving up my last pleasure in life after giving up everything else including myself after four decades of abuse. I was even “diagnosed” as someone with autism to explain being very withdrawn. I could not give up this pleasure. Let’s say it was a hobby as an example. It was something far more precious to me. There was nothing wrong with it. I could not accept this request. Consequently, the abuser left and filed for divorce after I accused the abuser of having NPD. Three years later, after hard work, I am slowly recovering. Your videos have made my recovery faster.
I am a survivor of family abuse, and knowledge is the key to healing. EMDR is very helpful.
A very important aspect of the scapegoat is that the scapegoat lowers the competition amongst the remaining members of the group by occupying the role of lowest status member. The remaining members no longer have to compete as fiercely with each other because no matter what rank they end up on at family events they never face the risk of being kicked off the 'family team' because the scapegoat already fills the role of being the 'last place' member. This hierarchy allows the remaining members a pseudo-bonding experience. In a sick sense the scapegoat is the one holding the family together because once he leaves the remaining members now have to compete for their survival in the cult rather than just for fun.
Ha ha ha ha, sweet revange!
@gypsykings1406 I know what you mean but in reality its NOT sweet. By the time most scapegoats leave they are a shell of their former self, in a dissociated state that usually requires alcohol or drugs to cope with. It is anything but sweet.
@@prismbrandingrealestatebra6301 not for me though, I mean, I'm not defeated as long as I'm not in the monster family.
They are Sickening Little Cheaters when you really get down to it. It is so obnoxious just for openers.
@@prismbrandingrealestatebra6301 Its hard to believe the damage they do while telling everyone it is you.
They were sure I were not deserving of them saying the Truth because I was not nice and not beautiful enough. They always kept their "secrets". My narc "father" was convinced I would not deserve the letters which came to me per post. I was in a constant informational blockage. It made me crazy. Thank You!!:))!!
Thank you! I would have never allowed myself to admit the truth if it wasn’t for these videos and a few other professionals. I always thought it was me. Upside is I’m self aware, downside I’m having trouble getting rid of the bad memories .
I'm stunned there are no comments, not surprised, as this topic is mindfully, deeply alarming, and attacks the core of your heart, mind and soul collectively. Pandora's box, combining overt, and insidious.
It was only posted 15 minutes ago and the video is 20 minutes long.
@@Whammy888-u3k😆
😂@@Whammy888-u3k
Its been posted an hour ago
In the mean time sevarel comments have been written!
When you explain about the facade of the family, I realize how true it is. It is such a hard realization.
My family were never my family..
Same.
BLOODY Beautiful work!.
Man of renowned.
I felt victimized and unloved and abused by them my entire life 😮😢
There is no coincidence that this video has appeared.
Thank you for your content and empowering all those that have and still are trying to escape the abuse.
No one would believe the extent of the abuse and harassment. Sometimes the only way is to record and document all the abuse to escape.
I agree…but..for me..the best way was to completely disengage..no contact. But..that..also has its challenges. Over a year has gone by and I am still emotionally suffering..due to the engrained shame..guilt..etc.
Stay strong..💪 ❤
@@CoCo-le9mh
Thank you 💕 I wish you lots of healing and true happiness.
No contact became more emotionally violent as time went on in my case.
Once I caught the perpetrators and who they've recruited red handed, they no longer had leverage. Looking into the law of modern day human trafficking, physiological extortion really highlights the law on your side if you need to take action.
Call back our power.
We're not victims of abuse but survivors of hell and still here to tell the story. 💕 🕯️
@@CoCo-le9mh I feel the exact same way. It has been so painful and never wanted it over but the abuse was so bad I just want away now. I am in shock still.
@@TriciaNaz1964 I so understand. Continue to hold your ground…in order to heal. 🙏❤️
@@peace_love_light911 continued healing to you as well…find that joy and peace. 🙏❤️
thank you very much. I have been this scapegoat and been kicked out of the family for about 10 years. Of course my departure would be presented as if it had been my decision. The highly narcissistic and psychopathic members of this family have even announced to me that they plan to kick me out of the family. My one sister said I'll never see you again and that I'll live two years before I get kicked out. The other sister told me in private, with a smile and cunning, what an idea it would be if one of the sisters left forever... I had no idea what they were both talking about and my mother, the psychopath ordered and carried out the whole drama
Thank you for this video! I was going to ask you if you wouldn't mind please creating a video on narcissistic siblings, in childhood and adulthood. You must have read my mind! Thank you for everything that you deliver on this channel, I appreciate it all. Truly.
I'm the scapegoat in my community. Two psychopath/narcissistic neightbors started a smear campaign against me. The lies and allegations have destroyed my reputation across the whole state I live in. I'm fortunate that I'm healthy, and still have a job and family, and relatives in my life though, but going abroad might the only option in the future, to have a healthy future for me.
It seems like people have gone totally off the rails. People are acting in ways that are so beyond aggressive. It is extremely abnormal and seems to be suddenly everywhere. You just want to be left alone and people bother you and lie about you. It is psychotic.
my family was like that, In the past 35 yrs I've seen them twice at my parents' funeral. They are toxic to this day
I was scapegoated by dad, mom and brothers
The ex and my sister I can deal with, but my kid abandoning me and having no empathy is tough.
Same. I'm so sorry 😔😢
Hello, Professor Vaknin.
That is my family of origin.
Just so you have an idea, in your video " Get Rid of Your Sick Family", mine scored 12 out of 13...🙃
I walked away in november last year, had one of the harder years of my life, grieving, completely no contact with my passive agressive
mother and my three brothers.
Your videos have been helping me a lot during this year.
Thank you 🇧🇷
It's so painful..... And the people who still blame us for not forgiving... Ugh
God bless
It really sucks.
You'll get peace it only gets better.
No contact coming up 2 yrs now.
Thank goodness 🙏
I have the same situation. Also I am in no contact with my discarded BPD ex for 7 months. Its a deep pain which I can not compare with any pains. But I know that, this pain will become my strenght in time. Thanks to Prof. Sam, enlights us about these and wish all my best to all other people suffering these..😢
@@jbuntine1255Thank God He had mercy on me & let me know He loved me. ❤
AWESOME VIDEO SAM! 🏆🏆
My "Family" Life to the Tee!
Got to go NO CONTACT!! 🏃🏃🏃
This is our final decision to make sure that all of our own life experiences are made in a safe life together with each other than to be silent about it
The only way to win is to forgive, but I think to truly forgive you first have to overcome and gain freedom. Slaves and prisoners of war rarely have it in them to forgive their captors until after they’ve been freed.
The key to that freedom can be hard to achieve.
Exactly! First my mother, now me! This is a true eye opener. Thank you so much
wow wow wow. the last line at the end was a stabber. lol
My mother recruited everyone in my family and my partners to abuse me for 56 years. She was the ringleader but my sisters, especially, were unbelievably abusive. Mother turned my older sister golden child into a drug addict and prostitute, ao my younger sister stepped up to fill the golden child role. She became the most overtly abusive person you could meet. She and mother joined in with both of my husbands to abuse me. The three of them spent 30 years breaking me and trying to drive me to suicide. Im finally free and getting healthy while they scramble to fill the hole I left, as it always goes. I laugh now at them scrambling to portray a loving family while everyone else in the extended family has seen the truth and shakes their heads.
This is by far the most eye opening video I've seen, thank you (again) Sam!
Yes my barrister said the same ,told me and my husband and kids to stay away from my dysfunctional family there dangerous. Thanks for more info❤
Impeccable timing.
Thank you Sam Vaknin.
Street smarts: defy your bully and don't cave in. People who hurt you must not be hurt but also not supported
Thank you professor Vaknin. I was made a scapegoat and I find this video healing 10:01
This is why Matilda was my favorite movie growing up
Loved that movie too😊
Excellent topic for a video, Sam. Thank you.
I've never felt more validated or seen. I was just a play thing.
Brilliant analysis of my own “family”.
How can a scapegoat go on and live a prosperous and fulfilling future
You have to go no contact and realize that, not just your parent, but her whole side of the family, like her, is "troubled." (Just be glad you are not among them.)
Yes this was my childhood, yet still as an older adult how can I heal to change and have a close relationship with the women I have loved instead of a romantic sexual one. It seems like because of these very things that grew within me may just be woven into the fabric of my life, Dear God Help to heal my soul ...
I am very grateful for your message very empowering I literally had to leave my own City because of the threats but it doesn't matter where I go it's still they still follow me are the higher people to locate me but as God says pray for your enemies I don't let this get me down cuz I know there's many other people that are going through a lot so I live my life with joy and happiness our lives are just a vapor so may you and everybody have a beautiful and blessed day and thank you again ✨🌿❤️🙏🏽🌍❤️🌿✨
Thank you--Insightful & powerful--lots to think about.
It happened to me, and it was horrible.
EXCELLENT, Prof.Vaknin. 🎉 I know very well what are you talking about...
Unfortunately many Families 👪 ARE dysfunctional and have varying degrees of it. I've been studying 📖 human psychology early in life as a way of understanding people in general and utilizing techniques to put certain issues in check. I can comfortably say being the youngest in the family, I might darn well be the wisest. There are issues in my household but like a Parent, O try to manage it a certain way. Right now, I'm also still the object of jealousy due to Sibling Rivalry, though there are opportunities in this world for everyone.
This is SO spot on. Did anyone experience this⬆️ in their upbringing, but to the world it looked like you had everything, a perfect family!? I often liken my family growing up, to the “perfect family Christmas photo”. -Everybody look perfect put on the perfect smile annnddd “Click” there is the image for the world to see. So crazy the hidden destruction that really exists behind the façade! Anyone else in this boat?
The unraveling of it all after 57 years is a horror, and a relief somehow. It's unbelievable!!
Thank you Sam Vaknin, Brilliant explanation ⭐️🙏
I was a witness when the scapegoat was a father simply because he was an unsuccessful entrepreneur. No love, just contempt + hate.
These structures are not all powerfull if you are isolating yourself very carefull in them, as they dont discuss real problems you as a problem can't really be dealt with bc they are not cooperating well. And ultimately if you are 1000% honest they fear you.
This space generated now can be used for anything you need: therapy, new untainted friendships, reflection/reading, ressources, a mere savespace.
wonderful video sam. I would really like to hear your discourse on the spoiling and overprotecting form of abuse, in the family series. I tried looking up videos on this from your perspective besides all the other wonderful content on youtube. I think these two go unnoticed but create an inward pressure and guilt of having 'everything' and 'STILL' being not enough. Disease and Control disguised as Love and Care. Anticipating your take.
Search the From Child playlist.
Thank you so much Dear Sam
Thank you. Just in time.🎉
My family did alot of horrible things to me. But they worst thing is they always deny, everything they did and act like nothing happened. If i ever confront them i get blamed or shamed or they will now even gangup against me. This has been going on for 3 decades. Or i get told i'm too sensitive and take things the wrong way. It's so confusing. Nobody ever stands up for me even when im done wrong. Does this mean i am the scapegoat and why cant they stop? Why are they doing this to me? I just am so confused with all the mind games. I am the youngest,does that make me an easy target
Yes it's because you're the youngest and most perceptive. They don't like good ppl.
Your “crime” is that you’ve called out that the emperor is wearing no clothes. Therefore, your family regard you as a “traitor”….
I am the oldest and also the scapegoat. When I confronted my demonic mother, her retort was the classic "I'm sorry you feel that way," before slithering out of the room. 3 years no contact.
I am the youngest of six and was told I was spoiled a lot. It you ever heard my life with them, you would laugh your head off at that. The denial is the worst part for me. They mock and know it and know there is nothing you can do. It is intentionally cruel and psychotic at best.
Excellent account of the family scapegoat, except, I do believe if you can understand it and have the right support around you can overcome it
Unspoken dsyfunction ,"you must be mentally ill not them "
Thank you for the family playlist
Thank you 🖤 this brought me a moment of relief.
The 'cult leaders' left the area and now the next in line took their place. I'm only seen as useful and owing. Constantly the butt end of every other joke and told to 'ignore the bully' when I call them out. I've had quite enough.
I hear you bro and I agree ❤
I feel just like you. I have had quite enough. I can't imagine my feelings changing after what they have put me through. I have had enough. I have gone from wanting to do anything to get along to near hatred. I am just trying to accept it and let go.
That was good. I was raised in a family like this. Now I'm homeless.
About to go through the same. Try to find a Library or gym. Spend lots of time there. I really have a strong dislike for ppl who would do that to one of their own family members. Disgusting. I hope you are able to find a new place to live. I will keep you in my prayers. ❤. So sorry you're experiencing this particular hell. 😢
So amazing . . . Thank You
I posted a video on my channel called 'Moving back in with family was a terrible mistake'. I caught an argument on camera between my 37-year-old brother and my 70-year-old father, and my brother has some kind of undiagnosed mental illness. He lived with my dad his whole life. He's never paid any bills. He watches every little thing you do, and ALL of it makes him angry. The situation is so absurd, and they are completely unwilling to look in the mirror and take accountability for their own toxicity, that they have turned me into the scapegoat and have tried to destroy me instead.
This explains my family to a T.
I'm so sorry. I know it's so so traumatic and they never own up!! They are sick! And heartless. 😢
@@Spiralclarity Thank you. God bless you.
I know it for my own experience ....
Feeling alien to your family doesn’t always me that they alienated you! My family were scared, weak and ignorant. That didn’t make them cruel.....that made them ignorant of themselves and life. Whilst i have suffered badly i can’t really say that what happened to me was intentional.
We live in a world full of soulless beings