It brought tears to my eyes (tears of being loved) when you are inviting audience to have a moment to feel the warmth & love from people we encountered and show gratitude... My upbringing was full of confusion (from parents) and my life has been a self healing process via dreams, reading and connecting to other minds. I love the way how you structured your video, it's very helpful. Your way of acting in the moment of self healing is innovative. I am happy that I encountered your video because of searching for Gabor Mate. What he shared is his truth and it has benefited millions of people including me. What you are doing is your way, is your music and is your way of uniquely and creatively expressing yourself to live your life better for yourself, for your children but also inspire people who come across your life. I also share your continuous efforts to strive for creating a new karma for children, so they can break free of our own, our parents or parents' parents...habitual ways of acting. I cannot say it's all bad and as I do start to see there are more and more heritage from my parents that I wish to carry on in our family. Throughout my own healing journey, what helps me enormously is to go through the lives of my parents, I felt the pain, struggles and confusions they lived through. They tried their best. If I was put to go through what they went through, I would be just like them. As you also mentioned, in some countries or situations, when survival is a primary driver, it's harder to become more conscious. I am not saying is not possible. Let's just remember, life is a journey of lifelong evolvement, no need to be perfect... Let's be open to possibility and minds, and keep connecting... I like the way how Gabor framed the interactions. To me, he is quite sincere, relaxed. A great therapist for a seeker is like a river
I am truly grateful for your kind words and for taking the time to share your personal experiences with me. It's wonderful to know that my content has had a positive impact on you.
Te envío mis profundos agradecimientos por tu coraje, valentia y generosidad para compartir este momento tan intimo y de tanta vulnerabilidad. Este video me ayuda a avanzar en mi maternidad más conciente. Abrazos desde Chile
I am very grateful with you putting yourself for us to learn and healing from the past… I would like to get your support in person for someone who needs help. Thank you!!!!
Dr. Gabor Mate is right tracing it back to your childhood. Because you can not have any guilt etc. later on in life when there is no root cause for it. And root causes are mostly in the childhood. You are not developing guilt in the addiction phase. It was already in you and just got activated. This is what he tried to make you understand at that moment.
Hey, thanks so much for watching and sharing your insights. I understand this/his perspective on the situation. I fundamentally disagree with his stance on the matter. Not everything is about childhood, not everything is about our mothers/parents. Guilt is not a bad emotion, nor is shame its close cousin. These are emotions, they are often unpleasant. We need them for social and relationship cohesion. It's ok to have them, it's when we get caught and sucked into misery and unhealthy behaviour that it's an issue. Anyway, that's my two cents. Had the situation of the interaction been different, if I had more time to ask more questions and push back on some of his comments, I would've have and this would've been one of them. Thanks again for watching. It's very difficult to have this conversation in the comment section. take it easy, peace out!
Gabor Maté says clearly: in the past you have uncomfortable emotions (primary emotions) about your parents (for instance drinking parent) you are alone with these emotions and can not process them so you develop shame. So when triggered in the present it’s about releasing secondary emotions first? Do I get it? 🙂
30:42 - I believe that Dr. Maté is simply pointing out the root of addiction here; that addiction itself is a coping mechanism for pain stemming from unresolved childhood experiences that we weren’t equipped to handle that later took the form of addiction. It’s not either/or; it’s both/and but one precedes the other
Hey, thank you for taking the time to watch and share your insights! I understand his perspective, although I don't necessarily agree with it. I discussed this with Dr Anna Lembke who is also a world renowned addiction specialist here. I think she does a better job of describing what I was trying to say. You might find it interesting. th-cam.com/video/Z42aDDV_XMU/w-d-xo.html
@@StartsWithMeChannel that video certainly has a juicy title 😅 Thanks for the link. Watched it and found it interesting indeed. I stand by my original comment of both/and. I don’t enjoy labeling views as right or wrong, something I learned from the late Dr Marshall Rosenberg.
@carlagordillo312 thanks for watching! And for the thoughtful comments. I agree, yes it’s a “juicy” 😉 title. I also agree with the notion of not getting into right/wrong…although the origins of that are ancient and come from many wisdom traditions.
I know that when I was very little, at times my mother was very happy having me, at times she was very angry with me, spanked me and called me names, to educate me so I behave. At times my mom loved me, hugged me, kissed me, called me sweet names. I am just wondering why after childhood we are so affected by these angry and negative moments, we seem to be remembering "bad" with our bodies, much more than "good". Is it because "good" is simply normal, but "bad" is a catastrophe for a little kid? That the kid only remembers how he/she made her mom angry and remains scared of displeasing someone and of punishment for the rest of life?
Thanks for your honest and thoughtful comments and question. That is not so easy to answer in the comment section. I would say that there's two things happening. 1. Our childhoods definitely shape us quite a bit. Our attachments and how we relate to people are influenced by our parents and other significant relationships. Our brains are getting wired and developing so much that these experiences stick around and shape our minds. The great thing is that we can change that as adults. 2. Our human brains have a negativity bias towards bad information because that is how we survived and evolved on this planet. Our primary purpose is to survive and reproduce. So information that doesn't serve those needs is of secondary importance. The nice thing is that we can learn to focus more on the pleasant and positive side of our thoughts and experience and learn to let go of the more negative and unhelpful patterns. I hope that helps!
It is often also because of that large contrast between the two versions of your mum you experienced. Your body and mind cannot feel confident that you will receive love since you were also on the end of such shaming and intense anger. It can make the love feel conditional which can be a threatening and disconcerting experience. It leaves us with a need to be alert to those bad experiences so we can try to minimise them, or avoid them entirely. So, it is basically a survival mechanism. Through processing our experiences, we can shift to a more balanced experience in our bodies and minds. We can learn that we no longer need to be alert as we were before. This can allow us to feel more of the love that is there also.
While I was listening to you both I started to cry. I saw myself in the park when I was 6 years old feeling separated from the other kids. I don't know if my sexual predator was there at the time but he often was. ...I don't know if I was feeling guilt (which you were both discussing) I had wave upon wave of crying rise up through me and I also remembered sitting in the Espresso Cafe when I was 16 at Art College and tears streaming nonstop down my face for what felt like forever. I am responsible for myself now. Is it OK to keep crying or not.
@@StartsWithMeChannel Thank you so much. As I read your reply the wave of tears arose again as it often does...could I be being triggered back to being newly born because my mother told me that I cried so much then & her doctor told her "this baby is hungry" (my mom had a blood clot in her leg and was told to - and did-stay in bed for months before I was born) I don't want to be stuck in a 'vale of tears' ..... what do you suggest?
Hey, thanks for this question. Generally speaking, if we want to address difficult things, and we're having a difficult time or are being critical or impatient with ourselves, there's usually space for grace. This can mean being more compassionate, understanding, patient, and encouraging towards being or behaving more like the person we want to be. I hope that addresses your question. If you have the timestamp of where I'm talking about that I can give you a better answer. Thanks again for watching!
Mate is not a warm man. He is by no means disrespectful, but far from being warm and specially conforming. I mean just compare this to the one you did with Anna. It’s night and day.
Hey! Thanks so much for watching and for the insightful comments. Yeah I agree he’s not so warm seems a little cold/dry. I do think he is a deeply compassionate person. Sometimes we relate to people differently and that’s all good. We want to connect and stay with those we feel drawn to and try to avoid those we don’t.
It brought tears to my eyes (tears of being loved) when you are inviting audience to have a moment to feel the warmth & love from people we encountered and show gratitude... My upbringing was full of confusion (from parents) and my life has been a self healing process via dreams, reading and connecting to other minds. I love the way how you structured your video, it's very helpful. Your way of acting in the moment of self healing is innovative. I am happy that I encountered your video because of searching for Gabor Mate. What he shared is his truth and it has benefited millions of people including me. What you are doing is your way, is your music and is your way of uniquely and creatively expressing yourself to live your life better for yourself, for your children but also inspire people who come across your life. I also share your continuous efforts to strive for creating a new karma for children, so they can break free of our own, our parents or parents' parents...habitual ways of acting. I cannot say it's all bad and as I do start to see there are more and more heritage from my parents that I wish to carry on in our family. Throughout my own healing journey, what helps me enormously is to go through the lives of my parents, I felt the pain, struggles and confusions they lived through. They tried their best. If I was put to go through what they went through, I would be just like them. As you also mentioned, in some countries or situations, when survival is a primary driver, it's harder to become more conscious. I am not saying is not possible. Let's just remember, life is a journey of lifelong evolvement, no need to be perfect... Let's be open to possibility and minds, and keep connecting... I like the way how Gabor framed the interactions. To me, he is quite sincere, relaxed. A great therapist for a seeker is like a river
I am truly grateful for your kind words and for taking the time to share your personal experiences with me. It's wonderful to know that my content has had a positive impact on you.
Greetings from Kathmandu! Thanks for sharing this incredible video. I’m a NLP trainer and therapist and it is really helpful.
Hey, thank you for the kind words and for watching the video. I’m glad you found it helpful! 🙏
Thank you.
Te envío mis profundos agradecimientos por tu coraje, valentia y generosidad para compartir este momento tan intimo y de tanta vulnerabilidad. Este video me ayuda a avanzar en mi maternidad más conciente. Abrazos desde Chile
Thank you so much for watching and for the kind words 🙏🙏
I am very grateful with you putting yourself for us to learn and healing from the past…
I would like to get your support in person for someone who needs help.
Thank you!!!!
Hey, feel free to email me mike@startswithme.ca
Dr. Gabor Mate is right tracing it back to your childhood. Because you can not have any guilt etc. later on in life when there is no root cause for it. And root causes are mostly in the childhood. You are not developing guilt in the addiction phase. It was already in you and just got activated. This is what he tried to make you understand at that moment.
Hey, thanks so much for watching and sharing your insights. I understand this/his perspective on the situation. I fundamentally disagree with his stance on the matter. Not everything is about childhood, not everything is about our mothers/parents. Guilt is not a bad emotion, nor is shame its close cousin. These are emotions, they are often unpleasant. We need them for social and relationship cohesion. It's ok to have them, it's when we get caught and sucked into misery and unhealthy behaviour that it's an issue.
Anyway, that's my two cents. Had the situation of the interaction been different, if I had more time to ask more questions and push back on some of his comments, I would've have and this would've been one of them.
Thanks again for watching. It's very difficult to have this conversation in the comment section. take it easy, peace out!
Thank you for sharing!
Thank you for watching and for the encouraging works!
Gabor Maté says clearly: in the past you have uncomfortable emotions (primary emotions) about your parents (for instance drinking parent) you are alone with these emotions and can not process them so you develop shame. So when triggered in the present it’s about releasing secondary emotions first? Do I get it? 🙂
30:42 - I believe that Dr. Maté is simply pointing out the root of addiction here; that addiction itself is a coping mechanism for pain stemming from unresolved childhood experiences that we weren’t equipped to handle that later took the form of addiction. It’s not either/or; it’s both/and but one precedes the other
Agree!
Hey, thank you for taking the time to watch and share your insights! I understand his perspective, although I don't necessarily agree with it. I discussed this with Dr Anna Lembke who is also a world renowned addiction specialist here. I think she does a better job of describing what I was trying to say. You might find it interesting. th-cam.com/video/Z42aDDV_XMU/w-d-xo.html
@@StartsWithMeChannel that video certainly has a juicy title 😅 Thanks for the link. Watched it and found it interesting indeed. I stand by my original comment of both/and. I don’t enjoy labeling views as right or wrong, something I learned from the late Dr Marshall Rosenberg.
@carlagordillo312 thanks for watching! And for the thoughtful comments. I agree, yes it’s a “juicy” 😉 title. I also agree with the notion of not getting into right/wrong…although the origins of that are ancient and come from many wisdom traditions.
I know that when I was very little, at times my mother was very happy having me, at times she was very angry with me, spanked me and called me names, to educate me so I behave. At times my mom loved me, hugged me, kissed me, called me sweet names. I am just wondering why after childhood we are so affected by these angry and negative moments, we seem to be remembering "bad" with our bodies, much more than "good". Is it because "good" is simply normal, but "bad" is a catastrophe for a little kid? That the kid only remembers how he/she made her mom angry and remains scared of displeasing someone and of punishment for the rest of life?
Thanks for your honest and thoughtful comments and question. That is not so easy to answer in the comment section. I would say that there's two things happening.
1. Our childhoods definitely shape us quite a bit. Our attachments and how we relate to people are influenced by our parents and other significant relationships. Our brains are getting wired and developing so much that these experiences stick around and shape our minds. The great thing is that we can change that as adults.
2. Our human brains have a negativity bias towards bad information because that is how we survived and evolved on this planet. Our primary purpose is to survive and reproduce. So information that doesn't serve those needs is of secondary importance. The nice thing is that we can learn to focus more on the pleasant and positive side of our thoughts and experience and learn to let go of the more negative and unhelpful patterns.
I hope that helps!
It is often also because of that large contrast between the two versions of your mum you experienced. Your body and mind cannot feel confident that you will receive love since you were also on the end of such shaming and intense anger. It can make the love feel conditional which can be a threatening and disconcerting experience. It leaves us with a need to be alert to those bad experiences so we can try to minimise them, or avoid them entirely. So, it is basically a survival mechanism. Through processing our experiences, we can shift to a more balanced experience in our bodies and minds. We can learn that we no longer need to be alert as we were before. This can allow us to feel more of the love that is there also.
While I was listening to you both I started to cry. I saw myself in the park when I was 6 years old feeling separated
from the other kids. I don't know if my sexual predator was there at the time but he often was. ...I don't know
if I was feeling guilt (which you were both discussing) I had wave upon wave of crying rise up through me
and I also remembered sitting in the Espresso Cafe when I was 16 at Art College and tears streaming nonstop down
my face for what felt like forever. I am responsible for myself now. Is it OK to keep crying or not.
Thank you for sharing that beautiful response. I wish you the best on your journey.🙏🙏
@@StartsWithMeChannel Thank you so much. As I read your reply the wave of tears arose again as it often does...could I be being triggered back to being
newly born because my mother told me that I cried so much then & her doctor told her "this baby is hungry" (my mom had a blood clot in her leg and was told to - and did-stay in bed for months before I was born) I don't want to be stuck in a 'vale of tears' ..... what do you suggest?
Hi - I'm curious if you wouldn't mind expanding on what you mean when you say "give yourself grace".
Hey, thanks for this question. Generally speaking, if we want to address difficult things, and we're having a difficult time or are being critical or impatient with ourselves, there's usually space for grace. This can mean being more compassionate, understanding, patient, and encouraging towards being or behaving more like the person we want to be. I hope that addresses your question. If you have the timestamp of where I'm talking about that I can give you a better answer.
Thanks again for watching!
Thank you! That was helpful 🫶🏽 peace out ❤
Thank you for watching and for the encouraging words!! 🙏🙏
Gabor Mate MD PhD ❤
What aprivilege ❤❤❤❤
Indeed 🙏🙏
Mate is not a warm man. He is by no means disrespectful, but far from being warm and specially conforming. I mean just compare this to the one you did with Anna. It’s night and day.
Hey! Thanks so much for watching and for the insightful comments. Yeah I agree he’s not so warm seems a little cold/dry. I do think he is a deeply compassionate person. Sometimes we relate to people differently and that’s all good. We want to connect and stay with those we feel drawn to and try to avoid those we don’t.
Right on man. @@StartsWithMeChannel
🙏🙏@@legal_action3009
agree
Don't agree. I believe the opsit because I know some of his work. I wonder have you done the same to form your opinion.🤔✌️