DETOX from SHAME: A Guided Relaxation
ฝัง
- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 10 ก.พ. 2021
- Come See Me In Person. One-Day Workshops TX, NC & LONDON: bit.ly/49rzM0Z
Do You Have CPTSD? Take the QUIZ: bit.ly/3GhE65z
FREE COURSE: *The Daily Practice*: bit.ly/3X1BrE0
Website: bit.ly/3CxgkRY
***
We talk all the time about shame -- toxic shame, getting shamed, shame spirals, fat shaming, but what can you actually DO about shame? Depending on who you ask, shame is just something that other people PUT on your DO to you -- but what about the shame we genuinely feel about things we regret -- things we said or failed to say, ways we acted, beliefs we once held. When the two kinds of shame get mixed up, it can form a big confusing tangle that hangs like a cloud over your sense of confidence. In this video I take you through a guided relaxation to name an separate the two kinds of shame, and get a clear picture of next steps to feel right with your life, and more free.
***
*Letters*: Want to submit a question for me to answer in a video?
Keep it short, not too explicit, relevant for this audience.
bit.ly/3VVxqjm
Become a Member!
Access ALL my courses, webinars, group coaching & online community
bit.ly/3Zfx9dN
Best Course for Beginners:
Online course: Healing Childhood PTSD
bit.ly/3k6gQQH
How I Recently Lost 25 Pounds: ble.life/V9fe9O
Change Trauma-Driven Dating Patterns
Online course: Dating & Relationships for People with CPTSD
bit.ly/3IBbrv7
Learn to Heal CPTSD-driven Dysregulation
Online course: Dysregulation Bootcamp
bit.ly/3ZpjGAh
Heal Isolation and Build Better Relationships
Online course: Connection Bootcamp
bit.ly/3iuUEPz
Coaching Programs & LIVE Calls with Anna
NEW Coaching Program for DATING: Apply Now: bit.ly/3Qjdozs
8-Week Coaching Intensive for Healing CPTSD: bit.ly/3wjVVjg
Join LIVE Webinars with Anna Runkle: bit.ly/3ifhJ8U
PARTNERS/RECOMMENDED PRODUCTS
(I receive commissions on referrals & recommend services I know and trust)
Is Carb Sensitivity Sabotaging Your Energy and Weight? Take the Quiz:
ble.life/V9fe9O
NEED ONLINE THERAPY? BetterHelp can connect you with a licensed, online therapist:
betterhelp.com/CCF
NEED BETTER SLEEP? Manta SLEEP MASK Use code CCFAIRY for 10% Off:
bit.ly/43udhog
![MEYOU - กอดหมอน [OFFICIAL MV]](http://i.ytimg.com/vi/RAG4Ee8FPxA/mqdefault.jpg)
![[LIVE] : ONE ลุมพินี 70 วันนี้!! คู่เอก "โฟกัส vs สเตฟาน"](http://i.ytimg.com/vi/_fVieQ89DRQ/mqdefault.jpg)
I discovered your videos a few days ago when I was in a downward spiral. It felt like someone tossed me a life preserver to pull me out of my bad headspace. I have been doing the daily practice that you shared with us and it has helped me calm my anxiety enough to focus on completing tasks at work. Thank you for making all of this wisdom available to us and helping so many people.
Oh, it makes my day when someone responds to these techniques the way I did. They saved my life. Since then I can't stop trying to share them!
Shame has been one of my biggest struggles, feeling ashamed 24/7, for existing, doing or saying anything. Its been a longggg journey of countering those thoughts with good thoughts, and to forgive myself and others. It is daily work:)
It IS a daily practice, exactly :)
Yes daily hard work
You can be proud of yourself for doing the work 🙏❤️✨😊
I feel ya dear. Struggled wth this too
@@CrappyChildhoodFairy Holy cow forgot about this! Been watching your videos still, and my god are you such an amazing fountain of wealth and wisdom for us ! Woo hoo! You hold us accountable for our unhealthy and delusional thinking, providing essential skills, reality checks, thanks for your great service to humanity hehe
Thank you for another phenomenal video! I have a phobia of ‘being seen’. I get very dysregulated when I have to post something online. Knowing I can be judged terrifies me. The worst part is that I only received good comments so far. It’s all in my head. To grow in my career, I have to put myself out there. It feels impossible. I’ve been struggling with this for years. Specially video.
Me too! Terrified of being exposed or seen. Especially in intimacy. But I've found that helping yourself through helping others is gold. Once I found the passion in myself to help animals, that suddenly trancended my own shame, and I was able to post online and stuff, which I was terrified of before.
Finding meaning in life, and living your true values really does give you some self-respect and confidence :)
The free floating shame keeps me from interacting with others. Can’t believe I am so hard on myself but every time I interact I overevaluate my behavior and see so much wrong. I was diagnosed with this childhood ptsd. Debilitating and really makes for being lonely.
For you, I cannot recommend the Daily Practice enough. You don't have to lug these thoughts around with you all day!
You are not alone!
Lately I’m having shame flashbacks all day long so very happy to see this one
Same.
Shame:
1. Brought upon by others: shaming
2. "Earned shame" by own actions
_Relaxation technique_
- close eyes, feel body, stay with it
- write ways that other people have made me feel ashamed through words and actions (little and big, specific and general things)
- write things you did that make you feel ashamed (things you did wrong, something that makes you feel that way)
Pull back from any attack on yourself.
- Read the second list and stay with it for a time. Can you improve? Make a change, a decision? Can you take something off?
It's okay if it comes to you later.
It's "inner house cleaning". Do the _daily practice_.
I had a bad Marriage. It took me forever to figure out how to heal. The biggest breakthrough was to shout out loud "His Abuse Is Not My Fault" and "I Don't Deserve to be Abused". Also "It's Not My Fault" is super effective. I'm so happy I kicked him out of my life. I just had to work up the courage.
So proud of you! You did this for yourself! Way to go! ❤️
I was in an abusive marriage, too. I had four children involved. I left when they were all teens. The shame and guilt I had to work through was immense. It's not my fault I was repeating cycles I learned as a child, but once I gained self-awareness I had to get out. I left him in 2016. You're right. It's not our fault, and we didn't deserve to be abused. I love that you got out, too.
I felt shamed for 30 years by the Benefits System and being sent to doctor's on a regular basis to prove that I had a debilitating depression. Impossible to prove. I finally feel no shame for having lived through a serious illness. I have, however, lived on the edges of society all my adult life. But today accepting what has happened to me, everything, and feeling grateful even for this hard journey which has got lighter in the last 2 years thanks to daily prayer practise.
Glad you're here, thanks for watching!
Thank you for this. It brought out some profound realizations. One of the most profound ones is that intimidation by the caregivers and society I grew up in led to me feeling like I was one big shame all over, which led to major disregulation of my nervous system and really messed my health. What ppl often don't realize is that shame produces biological reaction in the body.
Also I did this exercise with my nondominant hand when I wrote things out as much as possible to see what comes out.This helps me be more honest with myself so to speak.I learned it from someone and just wanted to share.
This is insane!!! I've gotten more useful information from you than my therapist. 🤦♂️🤷♂️
Me too!! I'm considering stop seeing my therapist. I've spent too much money and haven't seen much change despite me really trying.
True for me too! I have been slugging around in group and therapy till nausea and back!!! I so get what she says!💕
Seriously.
Same here! I’m bringing this all into therapy with me 😊
Thank you for the topic! Shame is a big one for people like us. That used to be a very big part of my daily feelings.. I used to wake up and feel so so down - so worthless - and felt great shame “ I’m not good enough”, “I never can have a good life”, “I do everything wrong” etc.. it took me years to let big part of that shame go, still working on that to make sure it’s not eating me again.;)
I’ve been in such a horrible shame spiral for a week since making the grave mistake of trying to help my abusive sister get help. Getting her voice out of my head has been so hard and my PTSD symptom of feeling hated by everyone has been intense. She bullied me into feeling worthless as a child, and all of that has been stimulated. Shame can be such a cruel weapon. It’s so important to have defenses against it, especially as an empathic person who is far more vulnerable to such attacks. Thank you for sharing this strategy.
Dear Anne,
this sounds exactly like my situation with my sister. Only that my shame cycles with her voice in my head have been building up for years now. It's heartbreaking. But I also feel, like it's her payback to me, for maybe when I have been condescending towards her during our childhood. Also - both of us suffered that behavior from our mother, so it seems, like us sisters are "just" acting out dysfunctional behavior for it to come to light and be seen by the one, who "started" it all in the first place. But it's not getting anywhere near the adressee... if you know what I mean.
@@ALifeinMusic honestly, I’m doing some work around the idea that I’m trauma bonded with my sister, and that maybe I’ve mistaken that for love. Pity, shame and guilt are really prominent and it’s hard to have any real feelings for her that don’t involve that. Moving towards no contact or low contact. I have compromised my authenticity for her my whole life, never being able to tell her what I truly felt or thought about her endless stories of abuse she brags about. When I finally tried in the most loving way possible, it went south fast. Anyhow, it’s a relief that I don’t have to pretend that what she does is okay anymore. It was making me sick. I don’t know if you find any of that relatable, but I wanted to thank you for sharing with me.
@@321Cheryl Yes! I find it relatable, thank you for sharing as well!! Are you the older or the younger one? I'm the older one. And may I also ask, if you are doing the work alone/by yourself or with a therapist? I have a therapist, but she is not trauma informed, so at times I don't feel fully understood by her and need new ways of sharing this path of the search for healing. I wish you so much strength for this!
@@ALifeinMusic I’m younger by 2 1/2 years. Yes, I’m also seeing a therapist but do a lot of reading, writing, meditation, etc. on my own. Just feeling good is a daily struggle sometimes, or even to just not be preoccupied by negative thoughts and feelings and to live in the moment. Thank you for your kind words and I hope you can get what you need out of therapy. Do you think finding a trauma informed therapist is something you feel like considering? It’s hard to imagine why they’re not all educated about this, but I know how difficult it can be to find a good therapeutic match.
I really love what you are giving to our community. Thank you.
Anna, this has been enlightening and a gentle directing to handle painful experiences in a good way. Thank you. Daily practice....you have to say it over and over to get it into our wounded minds. Thank you for persevering with that message.
Crappy fairy,. I'm a crappy follower. Thank you I'm homeless and you inspire me to, get over the wrong and make it right.
Good job and thank you.
Mary Ann
Welcome, Mary Ann! I'm on your side!
Thanks and thing will get better. God bless and stay healthy.
Amen
I was fired from my job for something I did not do.
I lost everything and everyone. Family still doesn't speak to me.
When I tried explaining what happened, my own mother refused to believe me? Still being punished since 1989.
Even if you did do it, it is time to let it go. You need to give yourself the grace and mercy that other won't give. You can not control how the react. Find love and acceptance somewhere else. I recommend going to a really good church.
That is harsh...however, forgiveness starts with yourself. If you are not responsible (and even if you are), it is still your life. Your mistKe (if there was one) and you were the one who had to go through it. So give yourself permission to move on, others will follow
This is the one that expected since I suscribed to this channel days ago lol.
Shame is one of the things that have ruled my life since childhood up until this day when I did something wrong under the influence of alcohol. I'm not a saint, but the less of a douche I can be the better.
LOL, yes, that helps!
Wow, looking at the lists I wrote was extremely profound and eye opening for me. I felt like I was drowning in shame, but now I feel like I finally see light at the end of the tunnel. Thank you so much!
Thank you for this brilliant exercise. So grateful for all of your videos and your compassionate voice.
You are so welcome!
When you forgive others the largest blessing is yours.
:)
I just found your channel ! I love how intelligent you are!! Thanks.
Think ive almost watched all of your videos now! they are so in tune with my ponderings, wonderings and inner knowings
I like the term regret more than earned shame. It's less ugly.
It would have been nice if all I had were regrets! I had really hurt people, and facing that and doing what I could to set things right was the beginning of profound healing for me.
I cannot be shamed without my consent.
And you have to know you have boundaries and consent is your right. Childhood trauma means you never learned this.
My biggest shame is that my adult daughter has severed all ties with me. Is this familiar to anyone else? I fear that I allowed my CPTSD to seep into her childhood. I have only perpetuated this generational cycle while doing what I thought was exactly the opposite. I feel shame because I convinced myself I was creating the best childhood for her when I am now beginning to see that I was only trying to recreate the one I longed to have. Codependent, narcissist, toxic... her words haunt me because there is so much truth in them. Accepting this responsibility is heartbreaking for me but it breaks so much more so for her. I am so afraid that I have sentenced her to a life of struggle and self-doubt. My only hope is that she does not let her childhood define who she is or who she will become as I have.
You can only work on yourself now- your daughter is on her own journey which could end up including you down the road :)
-Cara@TeamFairy
Me too.
You have come far in being able to see your part and share it with us. Brave, honest, and wise. I'm proud of you! May you both be healed and free of your past, and past shame. ❤
I recently found your videos and I've been overdosing on them. Is there a treatment for this kind of overdose? :)
Thank you
Welcome!
Advice like this needs to be taught in schools and all physicians should know this.
Every time I fail at something... I feel tremendous shame about it .. 😢..
Thank you. Your videos are helpful. God bless you!
Thank you for taking time to make these videos, much appreciated 😊
I'm so grateful for your timely videos!
I'm grateful that you're here!
Thanks I'll have a go at this. I've done 2 in depth 12step inventories in the past. I recognize that I still feel so much shame and regret about my life that I'm apprehensive and not sure where to start.
Whew! I REALLY needed this today!♥️
These guided relaxations are awesome.. thank you!!!
Glad you like them!
What a great exercise! Heart felt, Thank you for all your help!!!
thank you too!
This is a keeper. Thank you
i’m dealing with this so much, everyday
Check out website for more resources, especially 'Daily Practice' crappychildhoodfairy.com/
Love this - thank you so much for your videos they are ALL so helpful!!
Glad you like them!
Thank you!
Welcome!
Thanks Fairy.
Thank you so much !! This has been of great help !
So glad!
Ana you are GREAT keep going ... keep doing your thing
Thank you so much for watching 🙂
-Cara@TeamFairy
I don't know, I got triggered really bad by my shame memories and couldn't stop crying for a while. Is this really the way to go? Like, to look at the lists by myself every day, getting into hyperarousal states or complete nervous dysregulation and wait for it to become less intense? Or would it be better to somehow be supervised "live" in the process?
The list is just what is bothering you now, no need to dig into the past. But if it feels really bad to you, and you believe it is causing harm, don't do it.
-Cara@TeamFairy
Ana, thank you for this video, it is super helpful!!! I discovered, that "my list" is actually quite different from 'other people's" list...
Is there really "earned" shame? Shame is believing what abusers have told me. Shame is an emotion not a feeling. Feelings are in my body. This video is helpful for changing my thoughts about CPTSD. Just wondering what the CCF thinks the difference is between thoughts, feelings, and emotions?
Thoughts are fleeting
Emotion is felt
Feelings is what you think..
Mary Ann stay with this chanel she knows and will walk you thru.. working for me. M
@@gracelewis6071 There is a difference between shame and guilt.
OMG 90% of mine went over to the Me side I never realized how much shame was self-inflicted.😪😳
This is great news. This is the side that's easier to resolve.
@@CrappyChildhoodFairy thank you
Thank you. That was a bit of both sides. It was good and bad at the same time. The good comming through was touching in a strange way. I acknowledged it the best I could. It's a bit touchy to think of these things but it may bring acceptance and forgiveness a layer at a time. Thanks.
Thank you so much
This is my way of getting in contact with you. If your tour comes to bristol UK its a hub for alot of people I'm sure you've thought about universities I'd guess bristol uni would love to host you. Good luck with the much appreciated work ❤️💋🌟
My ex broke up with me last night. I am to blame. I feel ashamed. I don't know how to regulate myself back again. I feel so ashamed.
I'm sorry, I understand how bad it feels. Try this free course Anna created bit.ly/38JfzK1
-Cara@TeamFairy
Anna, you forgot to link up the next video you point to at the end!
I feel shame 24/7
So sorry to hear that. We're all rooting for you and we're so glad you're here :) -Calista@TeamFairy
My best friend has CPTSD yet she kept on repeatedly shaming me. and i dont know why she did that when she knew i suffered shame and was struggling with it.
and everytime i would say stop shaming me she would say ITS YOUR SHAME AND YOUR SHAME ALONE!
Im still so confused about that friendship and why she kept doing these things to me when she knew what i was going through
Oh gosh, now im one like "before" three sixes lol
:)
10524 views.644 likes. 99 comments not including mine. A lot of people might be hiding from our shame. I can relate to that.
:)
@@CrappyChildhoodFairy A relatively low percentage of expressed reactions as it were, and a greater fraction of those are thumbs down, than usually the case for your videos. You’re really on to something here, aren’t you!
At one time I was part of training special military personnel. At that time they used ”shame” as a correcting tool, when dangerous mistakes were done, to be immediatly DISCARDED at command, before continuing.( ”Cease shame!”) To this day, being my own ”drill sergeant” I sometimes successfully use the command, after properly owning responsability for the mistake. The idea of doing it in writing is great! I have some serious stuff that keeps coming up despite repeated commands. I hope it might yield to the power of the pen!
Hi, what happens when both lists have nothing to do? The others list is more about body shaming and being bullied whereas mine is more a result of anger management. I can see working with mine (i.e. daily practice) but I can't imagine it will have an impact on my spirals of shame that take over my mind every time I f my body is exposed.
I am no good. All my relationships end so it must be me. I am conditioned. I am fat and ugly. Never amount to anything. Raised by a Narassistic mother.
That's a lot of pain and fear. Try out this free course for some relief: crappychildhoodfairy.com/lp/daily-practice
-Cara@TeamFairy
Shame on Them...
What resentment or resentful means? There is no direct translation to my language and I wonder what these words do mean and do not mean. 🤷♀️
Resentment is a complex, multilayered emotion that has been described as a mixture of disappointment, disgust, anger, bitterness, and fear. It can be considered a mood or as a secondary emotion that can be arise in the face of insult and/or injury. I hope this helps/ makes sense!
@@emmagardener Thank you! This helped me a lot :)
I like your comments you make a lot of good help. I just wish Cyndi could get help from the drug Addiction. And alcohol. And would listen to your program. We all are Gods children and many do not want help. They believe they are just fine. The doctors have created this problem but they have no idea what they have created. Doctors think they are helping people but all they are doing is creating a drug addict. This creates a Chism I the relationship and ruins Everything God has created.
Pray to God. Only God will change what the devil has started. Later.
The best detoxing from fat shaming can be done by getting regular exercise and switching to a healthy diet. Excess fat is unhealthy. It is hurting yourself. It's not easy to do, especially when you need to get rid of bad habits... but it is better. Be patient, make the effort and change.
this is not true. People naturally have different body types, based on genetics and lifestyles and the notion of "excess fat" is a myth fuelled by the diet industry. There are lots of different reasons why people "get fat" and it is often part of our bodies recovering from malnourishment. Studies show that an "overweight" or even "obese" bmi often causes no or very minor health risks, while being "underweight" tends to cause much more severe risk for your general health. Move your body in whatever way and amount feels good for YOU and makes you feel good physically and mentally, and eat what nourishes you. Eating is not a bad habit. (and body weight is not determined by how "healthy" you eat. Yes you should try to get all the nutrients your body needs but that has nothing to do with weight.) In fact, fatphobia itself actually can lead to health conditions in affected people, like eating disorders and mental illness.
2:25
Here is something I don’t get...I can write down some behaviours I am ashamed of and decide not to repeat them however, I’m still ashamed of what I did. Not repeating my mistakes do not relief the shame of past mistakes, it is still there...I think something is missing...just writing down lists doesn’t seem to relief anything, just help to rearrange it
Specifically, write in this format:
th-cam.com/video/3N_t0ZSvn_Y/w-d-xo.html
-Cara@TeamFairy
5:54
What do you do if you're married nearly 10 years and have 5 children and realize that both of you have an ace score of at least 5?
I see in here a lot of people getting away from the person, boyfriend, girlfriend, husband, wife...
How do you stay together and work through it?
Otherwise you screw up your kids by running away.
This is providing both people want to stay but they keep hurting each other and the kids verbally.
You can start with you, that's ALL you can really do. We suggest this practice as starting point
crappychildhoodfairy.com/lp/daily-practice
-Cara@TeamFairy
That would be the ultimate success; to raise mentally healthy children without passing on the generational sin. To be the one who stops the vicious cycle. Best wishes. By the way, look up John Bradshaw, he has insights on this too.
Not actually very helpful