CPTSD: How to STOP SABOTAGING Your Own Healing
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- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 7 ส.ค. 2024
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The biggest obstacle to healing from abuse and neglect in your childhood is NOT always what you think it is. Today, It’s not your parents. It’s not the health care system. It’s not politics or money or social media.
The reason you are getting stuck is most probably because you haven't stopped sabotaging yourself. We all do it sometimes. But the fact is, a lot of people with CPTSD are walking around NOT healing -- still feeling stuck, disconnected, angry and suppressed from becoming happy and fully themselves. In this video I'll talk about common forms of self-sabotage and how to stop it.
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Wow. This video was thousands of times more impactful than my 5 months in therapy. Thanks!
So glad it was useful to you !!!
Same here years in therapy and not once got close to understanding what was really going on. It was beneficial to have a loving person show compassion but what I most needed was to understand and learn the tools to thrive. I was already good at surviving 😂
SO TRUE
Ms. Runkel the Crappy Childhood Fairy is truly a great find for the mind.
1. Stop isolating
2. Stop being stuck in your sad story.
3. Stop angry outbursts of negative emotions.
4. Stop being in bad relationships
abusive, chaotic, disrespectful, non mutual, breadcrumb
5. Stop tendency to run away from challenges and opportunities because of fear cptsd symtoms will overwhelm you.
Anna your channel is so beautiful.
I really do feel like you're a healing fairy on the internet. Your words bring healing.
Thank you
Cool synopsis :)
-Cara@TeamFairy
Thank you for your share
@@vamama100 same .
I spent literal years in a trailer bedroom .
Rescued a puppy mill dog . She was so terrified that she hid in our tiny bathroom for a very long time .
The similarity wasn't lost on me .
Good luck . I'm trying to use this beautiful channel to heal .
She's great. I can relate to the way you feel, big time. Thank you @@blackthornsloe8049
I never thought about being a bummer by talking about the past, really no matter how far back, and it seems to be my primary conversation - time to stop.
Glad you are in the community-hope these tools help
-Cara@TeamFairy
It depends what’s your point. We can bring up the past to show our progress or untangle old beliefs so we can be liberated. I think her point is not to live in chains of the past. For me personally Idc if I’m a downer to others bc I’ve spent my whole life as a ppl pleaser or trying to be an “upper” to others in a codependent way. Certain situations absolutely require a filter but too much filter can actually cause dissociation. I think the key is to learn to channel certain feelings like into creativity or helping others and then return to the pragmatism of the moment not allowing the past to Define us.
@@lorishu48103 great take
Even though you are not a therapist you make more sense than the ones with a degree. Why? Because you lived it! May God bless you big time!
Thank you Mary!
wow, I thought she is a therapist! are u sure? she sounds like one, but anyway, good job her
Starting my healing at 43 and determined to stop self damaging and start working on being happy
You're going to do it. The only way you don't is by giving up. You've got this!
What types of things are self damaging? When your day consisted of minding your own business instead of hanging with an overly sexual partner? Please someone tell me how this is self sabotaging?
You got this! And started a few years uounger than i did. Be patient and persistent and you'll persevere 💫💚🙏
@@decemberlotus hanging with sexually and emotionally good for you partner?
I'm starting at 47! And boy is the self-sabotage really frustrating. 🤪We got this! 💜
Self sabotage is utterly exhausting. Great video
It really is!
❗
Omg Im so sick of talking about my story. Thank you for this info. Dont deny what happen but give up on focusing on it. 💕
You got this!
In regards to isolation, I gave up on one-sided relationships. If someone isn't going to put in the effort to come see me, I don't go out of my way to go see them. Years of being a people pleaser, made me realize that most people are self-centered assholes. I've been longing for good quality people to show up in my life, but it hasn't happened yet.
We are in the same space. Thanks for sharing! 🙏🏽
I did this, and moved away from people who I was in one-sided relationships with. I put myself out there and found good friends, who are incredibly supportive and validating. I made room for them by gently pulling away from those that weren't. Keep at it @Daniel C! You'll find those people. :)
well said Daniel! I am tired of folks who do not understand the word friend.
Create this vision you want in your mind & feel 'as if ' dr. Joe Dispenza... we do it all wrong creating predictable futures while living in our past.
This takes courage! Give it to yourself and you’ll attract the right people ❤️
I'm in a catch 22 with this, because of my CPTSD the people I gathered around over the years are toxic and dysfunctional. So I have to cut them out of my life bit by bit. But now I am on my own and I feel isolated even though I had to make some tough choices of who I want to be around. Going out and meeting new people is so hard now that I am older.
It's a hard time to meet people now, I understand. Hope you find some camaraderie in this community!
-Cara@TeamFairy
Hmmm suppose the contractor I couldnt afford & flirted with some offered his help... Haven't called him , Im too old too out of shape too awkward too broke . Bummer .
This is me too. Thanks 🙏🏻
I am in exactly this same situation. So difficult to make new friends, people in my age group have families and/or bunch of friends. However, I had to get away from fake, toxic people. Very lonely now.
He clearly didn’t mind give him a call maybe he is a decent guy
What victory! A girl at tai chi class was mad I didn't take her advise. I set a boundary and just was calm and joyful. She was a mess, must have her own issues. I am so proud of myself, no anger, no fear, no disregulation. Just peace and love I gave to her. It was so impowering seeing myself healing from cptsd! Thks Anna, your work is awesome!
Wonderful! Thanks for sharing!
Congrats 🍾
You controlled what you could: You.
Not what you couldn’t: Her.
I can relate to that small, but at the same time, big victory! Great job.
@@OneWhoKnowz Right?!🥳
The aftermath of trauma is not just about surviving; it's about understanding and rebuilding.
Still falling off & getting right back on! Healing takes perseverance but hey, we're survivors!
:)
@@CrappyChildhoodFairy I don't "bounce" as well physically but find I'm recovering better emotionally from upsets. This channel has REALLY helped & I've recommended it to family & friends. Many thanks Anna ❤
I used to hear my moms negative comments in my head. A couple years ago I replaced them with my fathers positive voice saying,” you do great work baby!” And it worked. Im not longer saying negative things about myself and am loving the person I am. I do tend to isolate. Started when someone I love died.
Good for you for finding positive strategies!
@@CrappyChildhoodFairy
Thank you
~♡~Wow, i love that idea!~♡~I am going to try that!~♡~
Yes, yes, yes!! I am deeper and deeper in my stuckness. Omg, yes, I am ISOLATING, because I am so triggered by SO many people including my neighbour downstairs. Anna, you are right about keeping the sad stories alive! I have an appointment with my therapist tomorrow (via phone) and I've written a whole lot of stuff to share, that I've shared a thousand times already. Nothing is changing! "Thank you Anna, this video is a wake up call!"
I hope it went well!!!! Thanks so much for watching!
You called me out within the first minute- God I hope I can find the strength to heal. Cause right now it’s just not there. Isolation is awful.
She called me out HARD in that first minute too...almost couldn’t believe it. I can’t stand the horrors of isolation anymore, it’s been a lifetime of it, but I can’t seem to find the strength to heal either. Thanks for writing this. I’m sorry for your struggles and I hope it happens for you much sooner than you’re imagining right now. . . 💛💐
omg. u. can do this!!!
( with some real support )
Today. I called a person I knew that had said a few times that we should walk together. Her husband answered her cellphone, handed it to her and said it's..(my name). Then I heard "uggg" and immediately I was triggered. Before I could hang up she answered and cheerfully asked me if I wanted to walk today. Told me what time and looked forward to the walk.
1. It was EXTREMELY hard for me to call in the first place.
2. After I heard the "ugg" disgusted sigh I was ready to throw in the towel.
3. I haven't ever been regulated, but these videos are helping me.
We had the best time! We walked and chatted for almost an hour. My day started out so very deeply depressed. But I'm glad I did it! I actually did it. I think the "ugg" was because her husband had answered her cell phone. Not about me.
@happy_lindsay crappychildhoodfairy.com/lp/daily-practice
-Cara@TeamFairy
Use your imagination fixate on a vision of the future! Dr. Joe Dispenza
Children are not a reason to stay! They need You healthy.. not all stressed out! Make a safe plan to get free of the toxic relationship.
Lots of tools in this community for such plans
Thank you. I am 68 and I am 100 percent alone. During covid it is worse since I don’t go out.
Want to chat over Zoom video-conference?
Glad you found us here!
-Cara@TeamFairy
@@Original50 yes
@@jentrees333 Hold that thought. I'm in hospital... 😎
@@Original50 yes zoom. Did I Read it correctly that you are in the hospital right now?
Becoming my real self. This is something I've been having problems with. I've always had to be someone else. I've always been super sensitive, and needy. I learned from a very early age that these are not traits a man is supposed to have. So I tend to act like the people around me. I just started doing it without realizing it by the time I was 10. I don't even really know who I am. I've been thinking about that a lot lately. It's really been bothering me lately. Ever since I listened to this song. The last lyrics hit me hard, and made me realize that I hide so much that I don't even know who I am. "In end I know I'll be buried in another man's grave."
This channel is about getting back ourselves and who we are, welcome!
Thank you so much, Anna. I used your advice on being present to overcome dysregulation...bumped into an old school bully at the park and rather than people-please and pretend everything was great, I just said hello and continued walking-Surreal experience. I've always struggled with drawing clear lines with people.
Great victory! Thanks for sharing.
This might be my favorite single video on this channel. It really sums up so much of what we are dealing with, mostly because we live in our negative emotions so much. Tough love, "no" to self blame, and "yes" to self accountability and radical self acceptance!
Thanks for your comments, so glad you found it useful!
Sometimes I told the story to be validated. Also, I now realize that I want to be around nice people. I have been on the receiving end of others telling me their story and going on and on.....then I'm sorry that I listened to it all.....emotional dumping! I am very affected by too much drama. I want reciprocal relationships.
We start healing ourselves and it gets easier to find the relationships we crave!
-Cara@TeamFairy
Breadcrumb relationships describes my life. Time to take action but hard to believe it can be different. Ive saved this video its amazing and you are lovely lady.
Thanks for sharing!
I don't rage or have outbursts. I just stuff all those feelings which I think is even worse.
It certainly does NOT feel good. I suggest trying this strategy:
courses.crappychildhoodfairy.com/courses/daily-practice this link will take you to a free course to learn the Daily Practice, something that Anna refers to often. Once at the course, leave your email so that you can be notified of other events such as free zoom calls where you meet Anna & receive additional support.
-Cara@TeamFairy
@@CrappyChildhoodFairy Thank you!!!
me too
What happens when you don't get mad... You get depressed.
This video is so accurate! Like 100% spot on.
I just need to stop isolating and ‘checking-out’ to regulate myself.
Try this bit.ly/3608opl
-Cara@TeamFairy
Isolation is needed in the transition, it helps to learn many things about you. Silent and isolation help.
There are some tools available in this community so we don't have to isolate (although taking some quiet time to ourselves is definitely a good idea)
-Cara@Team Fairy
I had a conversation with someone who has the allotment opposite mine (usually I ignore anyone who's up there). It went well; as advised by Anna I just let them talk and genuinely listened and gave support. I also did the best I could not to appear needy or clingy / over familiar whilst not harping off my own opinions and it worked! I could tell he enjoyed the conversation and I feel as though we connected on a truer level. Felt happier, more calm and revitalised by the experience. Don't get to see many people due to lockdown though, so not sure when this will happen again., however it's a terrific step forward.
That's great!
I am so done telling my story! I had to tell it about a hundred times to the police and the courts. I always felt much worse after therapy.
It can be a relief to really get honest about what doesn't feel good!
Oh my word! I have just spent the week sitting in my house alone. I have had to cut my family out of my life 😭
Had to do the same - sadly, there is no winning scenario regarding toxic family relationships; wishing you the best.
Had to do the same 5yrs ago. I dont miss them now and its great not having to listen to the bullshit anymore. l Wishing you the very best🤗
It's rarely just one person in the family who needs healing, glad you're here!
-Cara@TeamFairy
The notion of titrating is a good one. I usually went all-in in a burst of: "I'm okay and I can do this"...only to be triggered; and revert to even more isolation. This all used to seem beyond complex, because I had no mentor. Your outreach to us is of value beyond words.
Truly a Good Fairy with your experience and words your 'magic wand'. Endless Thanks!
I truly adore your channel because you speak from experience and not from basic and vague textbook definitions.
Thank you!
It took me 5 days to convince myself to play this video.
This community understands that kind of resistance!
-Cara@TeamFairy
But you did it and that's what matters. Maybe you wouldn't have been receptive until now, so sounds like a healthy step in the right direction, yes?
Take your time
Same here. Weeks actually. Avoiding facing myself.
Been abused as a child hurts SO BAD.
The fact that not ONE person helped me in over 11 Years ..Makes me HATE people.
I agreed with you. Being abused its not ok. I had so much hatres inside me took me many years to heal. I am still working on myself. Who said it will be easy? Meditation helps a lot.
Take long time to achieve that.
Not all people are careless,even if it feels like that.
I hate I have to do healing from years of childhood emotional neglect and random cruelty by parents ill-equipped to give or show love. I am tired of that story robbing me of my life. I had to learn to re-parent myself/self love.
You have to get the anger out. Please take her free courses. Give the process a chance!
me, too
13 years of abuse, straight!!!
and even ,sometimes now
I PUSH hard to protect self heart center that, is injured etc
I am sooohappy today to see, all this
yay...unity is possible, withcalm babysteps
and
We HERE are bRAVE
As difficult as it is, and it really is, forgive them within yourself, from the bottom of your heart. You will experience peace at last.
Thanks for these videos. They are so encouraging! I am singles minister for my church and so many of the members of the group are ctpsd and childhood trauma survivors. It has helped so much to learn from you and reach out to them. It gives me confidence to speak about it and to encourage facing and overcoming loss, grief, abuse.. and that life is worth living NOW... in the now. This video is confirmation that we are going in the right direction.
🌻
Thanks for sharing with us, I'm glad the videos are helping
You are a GIFT. I've been a stuffer, runner and self-sabotager. After 50 years, I'm ready for a new storyline, a new life. Your videos are helping me so much! Thank you. ✨💛✨
Wonderful!
I understand what you’re saying, and some of that will be true for some. It’s not true for me. I kept on trying and was consistently abused in one way or another. Isolation IS safe for me personally. I have a great relationship with my youngest daughter and her family and with my eldest grandaughter. But society, in general, and other members of my family are toxic. I’m done connecting.
same...I feel so
done, with their ways
love my daughter, tho And grand baby ( 2 m old)
Put up boundaries with people who have shown you that they are not in the same place as you in your mental health journey. But don’t let those people stop you from connecting to new people. When you are still hurting you attract hurt people, but as you grow you’ll find you can connect to healthy people in loving ways. Don’t let the damage of the past effect your potential future.
@@justChrisjones why should you avoid hurtful people? That was my point, hurt people can project that and hurt others around them. That is what “toxic” people are for the most part. They are just hurt people who haven’t worked on getting better. You shouldn’t have to force yourself to hang out with hurtful/hurt people just to be “ms congeniality.” That is not a very healthy behaviour. No one owes you their time. At the same time, I’m just telling this woman she shouldn’t cut herself off from making new healthy friends because other people have hurt her in the past.
@healing_hArt we understand, we're glad you found this community. Beginning your healing where you are comfortable makes sense, but try to make a beginning. Small steps is a great start!
Also a nice chat with the cashier at the supermarket or giving a kind homeless person a coin might make your heart smile a little. At least it helps me. That is a human connection too and it's a lot lighter. Depending only on your daughter might make you emotionally dependant.
Since lockdown I’ve been going through a period of introspection and so many thoughts came back. I guess the hurt dissipated through the years, but i never understood the residual internal effects - until now. I’m very grateful for your channel and personal insights. I now make sense. At 45 I’m praying for and heading towards victory to be my true self. God Bless you Anna my Fairy Angel!
So glad the material resonates, this means the techniques that worked for us can work for you too!
-Cara@TeamFairy
Thanks for the daily practice. I am doing it every day, twice a day, and at 67 I'm feeling better than I have in a long time. I feel inner peace - not all the time but enough that I keep doing the daily practice because it is helping me to find more peace. Thanks!
That's the best news there can possibly be. I'm genuinely happy for you!
Vengeance is a lazy form of grief. Learned that from Tara Brach and it does apply to me. I don't believe I was lazy but I was unwilling to grieve that CTPSD pain. So it applies. You blow me away Fairy with the depth and value of what you are teaching us. Just yesterday I was able to abort a minor deregulation by just knowing it was coming. Talking to myself and soothing myself until I could look at my thoughts. All where terrible lies as I was surrounded by loving friends that care for me. Big big success and enjoyed easter fully. You are opening my eyes to how I self sabotage my own healing. All my life I shared my victim story with friends, coworkers anyone and it did not help me much. However I am in a 12 step recovery group and have a very caring sponsor and additionally a friend who want to help me heal. Telling them my story has been so very healing and is allowing me to get into the present moment and live. I am heard understood and loved. I will remember to leave my story out of the conversation with new friends and enjoy there healing company. Great work here Anna thank you so very much!
What a happy message to receive this morning. Congratulations on gaining some mastery over dysregulation. The world is your oyster. Thanks for sharing this with all of us!
I want to be part of this community. I saw myself in your words so clearly. I've been watching videos from this channel for healing. I really never understood what to call my pain. I always thought it was just a personality trait of mine, you know? But I am generally unhappy with my life, especially now in 2021. I am so motivated to change, but oftentimes I'm not received well. And really "breaking out" of my shell is so so hard because I get so triggered and also hurt by people. I dont have a support system, but I am in university, that is generally devoid of socializing. I'm grateful to have found your videos and this community. The timing is so off :( but I'm still grateful and open to healing.
Glad you are here, welcome! There is more support available here: crappychildhoodfairy.com/. there is a membership, or you can take a free course, join a zoom call and meet more of the community :)
-Cara@TeamFairy
🙌🏼 I feel your empathy Anna. Thank you for your gift. 🌹
Thank you so much!
I continue to isolate myself because every time I put myself out there the people that I'm around even if there's someone new I just met always end up hurting me. People around me want me to change your they want me to do things that are against my moral beliefs and when I don't do it I made fun of and it just brings back memories of her childhood and all the traumas I've had since then so I continue to isolate myself
Small steps, glad you're here :)
-Cara@TeamFairy
Failure is a risk we feel we can not take...very very true...it's life threatening when disregulated and unsupported.
Thanks for watching!
-Cara@TeamFairy
Ooooeee, spot on as always. I isolate at my darkest moments to avoid folks from reflecting my darkness, but all that leads to is just isolating without healing.
We have a lot of resources available on website for the healing part :)
-Cara@TeamFairy
@@CrappyChildhoodFairy the workbooks are really insightful. Glad I got the full courses. Thanks for having this, it’s freaking hard, but I’m lighter than I’ve been in decades
Thank you Anna! I don't always comment on videos (though recently I have on your channel) but aside from the desire to express my gratitude in a tangible way, I realize it helps me become more aware of and honest with myself and ground certain truths and intentions. I have indeed been holding myself from healing fully. There is a part of me that is afraid to move past the victim and self pity mindset, that somehow believes that it is safer for me to stay in this space (familiar but highly uncomfortable) rather than giving a try and putting a foot in front of the other and opening into the desire for and possibility to have and co-create a more authentic, real, fulfilling life. But I know better and I have many tools and awareness to hold myself when I go through uncomfortable feelings. This morning specifically I'm seeing how I'm holding myself back from self care practices, continuing the pattern of neglect I've inherited and I feel such a fierce 'no' arising in me because I know I deserve better and I can give that to myself. And it also gives me such pleasure and joy to do that, I feel empowered. I guess it takes a while for my being to get used to living consistently in a state of wellbeing and feeling good, because I can see how when things get good after a while I cycle back in some way so that the chaos and inconsistency stays. I want commitment in a relationship but I haven't fully committed to myself so here's me, commiting to my all-around wellbeing and most authentic version of myself. I can do it and I give myself permission to do so. Thanks for holding space for this lengthy comment 😅🙏🤍
Okay I'm totally obsessed with the fact that you're the Crappy Childhood Fairy, so amazing 😅
YES to stop isolating! This is so important, especially right now after we've been so isolated for so long.
Also, love that you call out the fact that we stay stuck in our sad stories. We need to do that, but we ALSO need to bring our attention to right now. One of my teachers calls this the Healing Vortex, so instead of staying in the Trauma Vortex we need to surround ourselves with the healing and the joy and the love!
This is awesome, thank you so much Crappy Childhood Fairy!
Thanks for watching and showing your support! - Ashley, Team Fairy
GOOD GOD....the accuracy Anna!!! 💯✨ You know she’s really experienced CTPSD when EVERY point she makes hits home!! Thank you tremendously for this!
Thank you!
I have a problem with communication, cause people always ask questions/ small talk (maybe getting too personal is a cultaral thing) and it's hard for me to explain myself (wasted time and setbacks due to my circumstances) without touching upon my story (do not want to) or blatantly lying. So it is easier to avoid it cause it either pushes people away, makes them uncomfortable or some even target you for it and use it against you. So to function amongst "normal people" is difficult and my "good" disregulated are also self-sabataging and it's like blind leading the blind.
Just tell people not to ask you about that. Take control of the situation and that would force the person to ask you about something else.
I think that would help you learn how to talk with people without investing your personal experiences with them, they also have to learn what to ask.
@@RandalfElVikingo i have done that and it saved me peace of mind but in the long term it allienated me further, affected my job networking and relationship building... It stripped me of my personality which oddly enough was built on dark humor/ sarcasm/ self deprecating / troubled / inferior so that people enjoyed my funny side and the fact I was worse off was an egobooster and I banked on their pitty, up untill the point where I dared to speak up on anything
We're glad you found us!
crappychildhoodfairy.com/lp/daily-practice
-Cara@TeamFairy
@@JB-tt6ct Yeah, this stuff usually was easier until jobs and responsabilities came into our lifes, Was not it? lol. I loved to be sarcastic and using dark humour even when it was not needed, but then I realized I'm not Andy Kauffman and I had to build grey relationships like you.
I know you will kick ass in your future social interactions with "normal" people, just try not to seal yourself that much because your personality is your best defense against other people's intentions.
Remember a lot of times ppl don’t care about the answer but just ask the questions bc it’s culturally normative. My advice is just say something vague and pleasant. You have no obligation to be brutally honest with anyone. Save your honesty for ppl who aren’t doing small talk and you will get a much better response and feel better
Staying stuck in the same stories. I've been carrying around the shame, guilt, & judgment for 40 years. Thankful for TH-cam and your videos! For helpful techniques and skills to heal & move forward ☮ good luck to all every one on their journey 🚀
You're doing great!
-Cara@TeamFairy
@@CrappyChildhoodFairy wow thank you for your encouragement. You're phenomenal. I greatly appreciate your coping skills and techniques ☮
Anna. I find your guidance most clarifying and your caring reassurance comforting. I have only recently found your TH-cam videos and i feel that they couldn't have come at a more beneficial time as i have currently relapsed into self harming. Before the pandemic hit i was coping by hiding behind my camera lens at live music events because i work as a music photographer/blog writer. I gain a sense of purpose through capturing moments and feel empowered that i can be in a room bustling with people and vibrant energy and still be left alone to do my thing, my camera is my protection. If i am out socially without my camera i shut down and go inward. I am an observer. I like to be a ghost peering in, rather than to be part of. the crowd. During Covid times i managed to take a leap of faith to connect with a solo guitarist who lives in the city next to me, as i was drawn to his music and sincerely wanted to write about him for my blog. Through talking online about general stuff i learned that he needed a dog walker so i took him up on the offer, and i thought it was a good chance to meet him about his music making..Basically..I ended up getting romantically involved with him, but was drawn into the wrong kind of circles as i learned that him and all his friends take hard drugs most weekends and i found myself wrapped up twice in drug taking also, but my trauma responses intensified as well as my emotional triggers heightened through being surround by drugs again and by being shouted at, as the relationship turned verbally abusive and so six months later its all gone wrong to the point i am back into self harming and i am completely overwhelmed .I have currently distanced myself from those people and reached out for pillars of support and have a support worker, a social housing association officer who looks out for me, and i am booked to get back into therapy as well as taking medication. I am on 100 mg of antidepressants at the moment. It's the first time i have taken Medication for CPTSD symptoms. I am currently battling hard and your videos are helping me immensely to provide me the tools to find my own coping mechanisms through self awareness, methods and techniques to self heal. I understand that i cant relay on these external factors, i must put in the work myself. I just want to work towards getting off the medication and out of therapy so i can stay true to my authentic self. Thanks for reading to anyone who reads this. I know its long.. and i have somewhat over explained due to my fear of being misunderstood but i also feel writing to a community who is understanding of exactly what i experience sincerely helps. Love , Light and many blessings from Glasgow, Scotland xXx
@Miff_Morris thank you for the kind words and good luck on your healing journey, we are glad you are taking steps to heal. Please take a look at this video for a specific practice you can begin right away th-cam.com/video/3N_t0ZSvn_Y/w-d-xo.html
Cara @ Team Fairy!
@@CrappyChildhoodFairy Sincerely.. Your team is amazing, touching peoples lives in such a beneficial , positive way. This channel is wholly empowering and i am motivated and super determined to heal. Cara, thanks so much for the practice video. I wholly appreciate and will most certainly straight this very moment. Kindest regards
you need boundaries, but I know where you're coming from, boundaries don't go hand in hand with c-ptsd
You gave me clarity and freedom to not share "feelings" and to "pause."
That was fantastic - probably the most useful video I've come across on this channel so far. Not that the others haven't been useful - they definitely have.
Of course it HAD to be the things I LEAST want to do right now. But that's no surprise - 'the cave you fear to enter holds the treasure you seek' and all that.
I would add a sixth thing - Stop Numbing/Escapism - but this is probably the most powerful list in the CPSTD world. Certainly in my world. So powerful that immediately after watching it I started a CPTSD healing journey notebook, re-watched and summarised the video, and then did the Daily Practice exercise for the first time. Thank you.
What I resist the most is being around people. I'm very slow to let people in - on my terms. I no longer care if people find it standoffish. I'll spend my patience on those who have it in return.
Glad you're with us!
-Cara@TeamFairy
I am the same way. If people have an issue with you being slow to let them in, that’s their problem. They were not the ones who had to go through various amounts of hell.
I have a question. This study you mention done by Iowa State University... who were the subjects? Were they traumatized people with CPTSD or other dissociative disorders? Because what works for un-traumatized individuals is not the same as what works for people in the trauma recovery process. That's why it's important to seek a therapist that specializes in trauma/childhood trauma, because the traditional strategies that would be helpful to someone who isn't suffering from PTSD or other dissociative disorders can be damaging to someone who is.
A great number of us have found a lot of relief using this practice: crappychildhoodfairy.com/lp/daily-practice
-Cara@TeamFairy
Repeating sad stories is revisiting and reconfirming what you don't want. Get closure and create a happy life.
1:16, I am so glad I am watching you!
I agree about the self-sabotaging.
I always tried not to pull back from social situations, and by that I mean I generally was going to gatherings, classes, invitations and things most of the time, but never with an open heart or mind. It's as if I was expecting the situation and circumstances to change me from outside but I'm slowly realizing that it's only up to me. Im trying doing the daily practice since a week. The first days I noticed that it cleared up my mind, and in certain situations I was calmer and more sound with my thinking in regards to how to act . Yesterday I even felt a boost of energy after wtiting and went to grocery. I'm also noticing when I'm getting dysregulated and step away to regulate myself. I really long to be free in connecting with people, since I was child I was ashamed of needing connections.
My gosh. Where have you been all of my life?! Thank you so very much ❤️
Thank you for joining us :)
-Cara@TeamFairy
I tried the anger therapy throwing squishy toys at walls by recommendations by counselors. It seemed to help at the time but the frustration would build and then the anger outbursts thank God I was alone still took place.
I learned TRE therapy heloed enormously. EFT as well as finger tapping. Thank you for your incredible work Anna.
I thoroughly enjoy watching yiur videos and getting better educated as well as maintaining my sovereign recovery.
Gosh ive come so far when I listen to some of your videos. Amd other times I see where I've back slid or still get new awareness in what I still sabotage.
God bless you Anna.
@THE_SPIRITUAL_BADASS thanks for all your wonderful participation here. I'm so glad you found solid, easy techniques that help trauma!
@@CrappyChildhoodFairy Anna I appreciate that. What I found was a circular black hole in the years of counseling and therapy. It wasn't until education was made available online and taking my own quandary that psychology field couldn't answer, and seeking and seeking.
Hence learning about trauma and neglect from childhood leads most of us into dangerous adult abuse dynamics.
I'm often dumbfounded western psychology, even domestic violence centers didn't have enough answers or understanding.
So ive been taking much of this journey on myself seeking answers to this confusion even the western world piled up on me.
We survivors of DV tend to get diagnosis of blame.
Labels that we get told to take this pill bc you are this or that and if you have this diagnosis well thats the reason for your confusion.
That's the reason he ignored you.
That's the reason youre paranoid. And even being told you've got to get help inpatient bc ur not believed lets say after ur husband just raped you.
It was a cruel world in western psychology and psychiatry.
When I was in the hospital in patient after surviving adrenal failure towards the very end of the marriage even the psychiatrist on staff said my husband cheated and ran off on me bc I have MDD and bipolar. That I needed divorce counseling to cope w him finding someone else.
It was cruel.
He couldn't even recognize abuse and trauma or neglect even w my childhood background.
What I've gone thru for almost 2 decades attempting to get well in a highly dangerous narcissistic abusive marriage that nearly took my life 3 times, went unnoticed by professionals and even I couldn't understand what was happening.
Now looking back its so odd bc it's clearly obvious my exe husband is almost identical to my mother's behavior.
No wonder we can't see or think our ways out.
So how do we get further education into the psychological world bc to this day, most of these places still look at survivors like me as crazy.
It's dumbfounding how ignorant and closed off to understanding they still are. Please pardon the term "ignorant". I don't know what else to cal it)l
But I love self isolating!!! 🤣🤣 honestly I'm very very lucky I have friends an a husband but sometimes the only time I feel 'real' and safe and calm is when I'm by myself. If you're reading this and your isolation is keeping your from friends and a relationship I want you to listen to me becasue I never thought I'd belong anywhere - but it can and will happen, keep going lovelies xxx
Thanks for the encouragement!
-Cara@TeamFairy
But seriously, isolating and running from opportunities and challenges... I'm there right now. I'm going on 2 years trying to get my CDL which should've taken 6 weeks. Granted my dad passed away the 2nd day of the program and there's a pandemic or something going on, but deep down I know I haven't finished because I'm afraid of failure. In that, I've already failed for nearly 2 years.
Same
Mecfs 7yrs iv tested all lifestyle changes n could reach normal or at least a fuller better life
But im scared of success
Employment mostly. I was bullied alot. But also, i feel something is missing, an entire skillset feeling n nor does it feel safe out there atm xD
I have a new 125cc n im too bloody scared to ride it. Its fear of other pples expectations being more than i can meet n letting them me us down yet again
Jerrod Lopes the people I see 'fail' have been the people who from the begining didn't even try or I would hear say 'I can't do that!'
To me you have managed to keep going for two years in difficult circumstances and while struggling with your own fear of failing. Give yourself credit cause I didn't read in your comment that you quit or were even thinking about quitting.
My fear of failing has at times paralyses me, at other times I am driven to try to get everything perfect.
These days I tend to ask myself a few questions like is it a life and death situation? Then how important is it in the scale of my life? etc. These sort of questions have helped me get a perspective on it.
I quit my job in my early 20s and for a long time felt a failure. However now in hindsight I realise what I learnt from the experience. I needed to quit it because I was try too hard to prove myself to the rest of the World and it was killing me. Also it opening me up to more exploitation and abuse.
Sorry your Dad passed away, that is difficult to deal with even for people who are not suffering CPTSD.
@@kimwarburton8490 I don't think it is a bad thing to be scared or concerned about being successful as it does tend to increase certain pressures and stressors, for example more people wanting you or asking you to do what you are good at doing. It is one I find difficult to deal with. There are some things I enjoy doing or working on, however they would lose their sparkle and appeal to me if I had to do them every day.
I think for situations and stuff be it work or buying a house, to be 'successful' for you it got to inspire you and bring some sort of joy to your life.
Can someone direct me to where the 'normal' people are? Are they in a Museum or some science/research unit? And what, how are they normal?
Normal doesn't necessarily mean they are healthy. It used to be quite normal for people to smoke cigarettes, but high cancer rates are not a sign of a healthy population.
Good Luck to you.
@@amac2573 when i say normal
I mean someone who hasnt had a 7year lockdown n 90% bedridden xD
To me success means HAVING a job ANY job. It means being able to have relationships both social and romantic
B4 i was disabled, i thought much along same lines as you
The pressure from other ppl wanting/needing me was 'too much' already. I had no capacity to b myself to do what i wanted, no agency n having 'success' of anykind just made it worse in my mind
I think this is a limiting belief n about a lack of boundries or boundried people.
Or else blatent user-types. Energetic vampires xD
Did u play wulin? Ur name same as my ex guild leader
Glad you found this community!
My angry outbursts and often rage has damaged many relationships, and caused me loss of jobs. I hate the outbursts, they come on quickly. They are less the older I get and the more I learn why they happen. I feel awful and full of guilt when I lash out…Such a roller coaster life…
This can get better, try this free course bit.ly/38JfzK1
-Cara@TeamFairy
For me,God is the only reason why I'm still moving forward. :)
💯
:)
Agreed. It is time for me to look to Him and Him alone. He is the One who will never leave nor forsake us.
Your voice is soothing. Thank you.
You’re welcome 😊
Anna, you are amazing.I have learned and made more progress with you than the past 10 years of therapy and church life!
Thank you
I've already gotten started on letting toxic people go for my own emotional health.
This is some of the most helpful advice I’ve heard. From the bottom of my heart, Thank you!!
I love your soothing wise words - itsinteresting many viewers are directly in need but many are watching for the sake of someone else they are concerned about - nice that you acknowledged both
Thank you!
The victory is to become my real self.
Yes!
-Cara@TeamFairy
Finally validation. Acknowledgement. Understanding. I've had five therapists (really good ones) since my early 20s- They don't really get "it" like you. Could've saved my thousands! And a lot of time.
Anna,
This explains SO much. I have been a chronic job jumper my entire adult life.
When I was at the “top of my game” in each one, i would start getting fearful, any recognition of my good work was terrifying and I would begin the search for my next gig. Over & over I did this; Newby, work hard, excel, walk away. I even started writing a book about all of my jobs and years of beating myself up over it. Now though, I view it thru a different lens, I can celebrate my VAST life experience. Thanks again for doing this work, showing the way to healing and finding VICTORY over CPTSD! I am learning so much from you!
Wonderful change in perspective!
That's exactly what i think i do.. ill watch viedos or go through some kind of therapy for like a month or so .then i get lonley or bored and get distracted and find myself going back and doing the same stuff. like talking to a bad toxic ex or trying to date when im not ready.
We get restless easily :)
-Cara@TeamFairy
That part of being peaceful inside and being able to take on challenges hit home to me. I've been avoiding jobs that are similar to what I used to do because of some of the people that I had to deal with. So in healing ,could it be, that I can go back to that kind of challenge and make it through? So that made me think that I've seen others do it and I always wondered what the heck was wrong with me. Thank you for shedding light this Behavior
I watched your previous video on self-sabotage and honestly they’re both great, but this one felt like it had more manageable action points on what to do RIGHT NOW. Thank you Anna for all of your work and everything you’re doing for viewers. I am committed this year in 2021 to healing and forgiving myself as I go on this new process. It feels scary but I’m so excited to shed off this dead skin of pain and trauma and anger. Ready to live a fuller, loving, fearless life.
Welcome to the community!
-Cara@TeamFairy
This is so true , I resonate with this. Thanks for sharing your reflections and thoughts on this.
Thank you, Anna
You are so true & honest, Anna. You have genuinely brought insight into my life & I am proud and grateful for you. Thank you Anna,
Jayla❣️
Thank you so much!
Thank you for being there for us! You are simply amazing and your videos have so much value! Thank you for sharing your knowledge, experiences and tips. If I could make a suggestion, could you make a video about the difficulty of making big decisions and lack of confidence? Thank you
Love your video idea. I definitely need help with that.
Thanks for suggestion!
Ahhhh that’s me!!! I feel like I keep walking into the same wall!!! And major procrastination!!!
Glad it resonated :)
-Cara@TeamFairy
Thank you, this is a wonderful piece of advice.
The thing about isolating made me tear up. My apt felt like a happy hideaway for me and my old kitty but when I lost him now it feels like a tomb I hate it here but I don’t even want to go outside half the time. And this is on the medication. I manage to maybe make it a week and not drink but then it comes back and takes over again. I haven’t ever been this alone...and I hate it, but I don’t want anyone else around...but I do....but I don’t. I think I just want my cat back.
Thank you for being here 💜
-Cara@TeamFairy
I'm sorry you lost your kitty, I lost mine a few months ago and know how empty everything can feel. It might be too soon, but there are lots of other cats that would love to have that happy hideaway with you. Good luck and it'll get better.
Rescue a little kitty that is waiting just for you. Not a replacement. I bet you get just the right cat to help you feel better.
Anna, You are a beautiful woman! I love watching your videos. It's been a while, but so glad I checked in this morning. Thank you for that message. You encouraged me today! Bless you.
You are so welcome!
I am completely moved beyond my own understanding. I’ve been watching your channel for sometime now and I have been noticing so many of the bad behavior patterns. I honestly am so thankful to you for giving us the tools to address and overcome deep rooted trauma. This video truly mirrors many dimensions of my life long struggles. Thank you so much. I will finally be courageous and click on the link you’ve been suggesting.
Welcome aboard!
-Cara@TeamFairy
Titrate... great idea! Thank you Anna, for being in service to others. I am realizing I’m stuck in my story! Time to let go and radically accept what happened to me, and step into my present with a joyful, forgiving heart. THANK YOU!
You can do it!
Thank you so much Anna, I find a lot of strength and faith with your channel, you are really good at it and your voice calm me 🙌🏼🌹
Wow, thank you
Been working on this for so long. Worth every second.60 and still healing. Thank you so much. 🦋☮️☀️🦉🍒
Grateful for you.
Soooooooo true. Thank you, Anna for another day of lighting a way to cptsd thriving. Bless your WISE & BRAVE and so generous heart and soul. 🙏🌺
Thank you for that Fairy love & support
-Cara@TeamFairy
I get what you're saying but being alone can be a real pleasure for some. I find extreme pleasure in being with me because I'm my best friend and in solitude I find new things about myself that I didn't know I had (eg the ability to live in the now, fixing things on my own, I didn't know I'm a good electrician ha ha). So, sometimes being alone is helpful and healing. Meditation teachers have practiced solitude for many years and it has enlightened them. However, I agree with u that to heal, you need to be around people. Good point
It's all about balance! That is really cool you were able to find out how resourceful you were on your own, I love that you shared that :)
-Cara@TeamFairy
Love, love this topic!!!!!....can’t thank you enough, Anna, for this video!...checking out the next video you recommended ♥️♥️♥️
Wonderful!
Once again I can’t thank you enough I’m gonna be taking your free course I didn’t know there was a name for what I have but I just can’t thank you I will leave feel connected to you and everybody who watches your videos love and blessings always Lori
You are so welcome! When you begin the course you can sign up for notifications such as zoom calls where we can meet and connect even more :)
Oh yeah! I know exactly what you mean. I can't tell you how many types of therapy I have tried, and how long I have searched for the right type of therapy for my situation, and I have found it! Thanks so much! Carol - USA
Wonderful!!!
Very good! I believe so much of your message is applicable for anyone wanting to grow as a human, regardless if we consider us traumatized in the past or not.
For sure, everyone and anyone is capable of self-sabotage.
This is amazing, its like you know me more than I know myself. So reasuring that Im not alone in this situation and there is a hope to actually change it.
YES! It is so reassuring :)
-Cara@TeamFairy
Edit: voice text is hilarious! 😆 🤣 😂 I feel better this morning!
I needed this topic, I am healing in new deeper ways and as this is happening I see myself starting up these sabotage cycles and it's something I have to stop doing because I get worse and worse. I started going to go dependent synonymous I've been thinking about in your child's stuff and doing work with that and then I decided I would take a year off of dating and I decided that almost a month ago and I said no to like 6 guys in a row who asked me on dates not to brag I'm not bragging but then like the 7th and the 8th guy I was so tired of saying no that I started saying yes that's what I was feeling lonely and I just felt liyes felt like I didn't know how to do the work and the work and it's very very uncomfortable to change and I just want relief. This video is helpful I'm not giving up thank you
Don't give up, I'm glad you're here!
-Cara@TeamFairy
Wow I'm doing all of these thank you for sharing
You are so welcome!
My husband and I love you so much Crappy Childhood Fairy!
He was born disabled and I was disabled in a robbery.
Thank you! I'm glad you and your husband are in this community and hope you find some tools for healing together.
I self-sabotage a lot.
Me too.
We understand, glad you're here now
-Cara@TeamFairy
This is amazingly helpful, Anna. Thank you so much. 😊
Glad it was helpful!
Yes I'm staying stuck in my sad stories without question. I love your approach if tuff live and no rubbish truth.
Thank you for giving hope and tools! There ‘s so much I recognize.
I feel understood! That makes such a differsnce. Even your voice seems to soothe... or it is the things you say I can relate too, almost for the first time. I am almost 65. Good to hear it is not too late to heal! Thank you so much!