What your gut is telling you (after you’ve been sucked in deep) is something like you need to have this molar extracted or this foot amputated. It’s not something you want to hear, it’s not something pleasant. You can ignore it at your own peril... But it’s a lie under the lie. You really didn’t need that person in the first place. They chose you because you were a good fertile ground for their crap, manipulation and control! (You = Me...)
With a narcissist EVERTHING is YOUR fault and their every sentence starts with "YOU". i.e., YOU didn't YOU never YOU always YOU forgot YOU are YOU don't YOU shouldn't etc. etc. etc.
I heard this a few times: ‘Here, you can call her if you don’t believe me’ This was said as he motioned his phone towards me offering his ex wife’s phone #. I can’t even remember the issue. He was offering ‘proof’ knowing I wouldn’t call his ex wife. In fact, he was forcing ‘proof’ - I did not ask to speak with her or want her phone #. I was talking to him (not inviting another into our conversation). He was triangulating & gaslighting.
I called my ex husband’s bluff like that once when he triangulated me with a family member and it totally backfired on him. Now that you mention it, it’s probably a good idea to call their bluff anytime something like that happens.
Inner Integration I agree (wished now that I had called his bluff). Just wasn’t expecting it - also wasn’t dying to talk to his ex wife (at the time). I knew very little (nothing) about narcissism. I knew he was a prick tho for treating me so poorly. I know this reflects him. What I wouldn’t give now (fully informed) to play my hand to his detriment. Very grateful that I am no longer a candidate for any abusive narc. Appreciate your vids always - you explain so many horrid behaviours, and what they mean. I, for one, have grown leaps and bounds - Thank you, sincerely! 💙
Carol B My N husband soon be ex does this all the time like I would want to ask his boss if he was lying when I know he is. He say inappropriate things to people that are personal. He doesn’t get it that ,that makes you look weird.
@@InnerIntegration I called my husbands bluff on this once and he went into a very frightening rage and threatened to divorce me because I don't trust him. Honestly though, I never want to talk to people he is hurting me with. It is like having my nose rubbed in the dog poo. I know it is there, I don't need to stick my nose in it. :(
That's the entire problem to a narcissist. I've got that beat, "if you don't trust me now, I don't think there's any hope for our relationship", for that extra dose of guilt.
One who pretended to be spiritual repeated the same question agressively: do you trust me do you trust me!! In other words I was not allowed to reply with No.
Correct interpretation: I am untrustworthy, and you shouldn't trust me. It drove me nuts how my narc mom would turn/twist words and situations around to make me look guilty and her innocent. 😡
If someone said they didn't trust me, I would be very concerned and try to figure out why, then reassure that person they don't need to feel that way, and FIX my behavior that caused it, if it's reasonable to change. I've told many narcs I didn't trust them, they always have a smug response and start doing the offensive behavior to "liven up" the relationship. So arrogant and appalling.
#6 I have noticed they tend to use similar phrases, two narcs I knew before being aware that such a thing existed would say "we are so similar" in every single conversation. I found it funny at first as we had little in common and it was jarring to hear it so often, but i ignored my gut and overtime started to believe it too. They both also would say "you do not understand me" or "we are different" if i disagreed with them or did not do what they wanted. Last year I was working with someone who used these phrases so I was cautious and had a gut feeling and she turned out to use a lot of the tactics. So definitely trust your intuition and trust people slowly. Also a friendship that progresses way to fast is another red flag all these had in common with them wanting a lot of personal information and not respecting boundaries.
I think you're right that it has to be a gut thing borne of experience. Sales people are trained to build rapport and it's not necessarily wrong. After all everyone likes to be related to. If you say you like a band you'd rather hear something positive about them than me saying "nah they're shit". But rapport-building should be based on politeness and consideration, and be basically honouring to the truth. When it's a complete fabrication is when it becomes sickening.
marak 1995 my long time counselor just reiterated to me the other day the importance of listening to the voice inside you. Your gut. Listen to it! People feel it there and KNOW something and is trying to tell us yet we use our brain to quiet it down and excuse it away and snuff it out. Assuming we are overreacting or just being silly. That’s really not the case at all! Listen to that voice!!
I have taken to giving people a strange look the second time they insist, and simply not responding and going about my business. It may seem trite, but you can even see this in restaurants, with staff insisting you have another drink, etc., "Are you sure?" with a sweet little smile. They aren't being nice. Nice is respecting that I already said no once.
I will point out that in some cultures, it's considered good hospitality to offer repeatedly. I don't think your example is necessarily the best one, but the idea of "switching off" when someone doesn't respect your no I totally agree with.
@@asseyez-vous6492 that's not the customer's fault. There's no need to be rude to wait staff but the owner should pay attention to the customer's reaction too rather than bully their employees and make everyone uncomfortable.
@@RealityCheck6T9 which culture? If you're in America, it isn't normal to pester someone multiple times. If you're in another country, then you should be able to learn the culture to fit in. But to adjust your behavior on behalf of what if I offend them, it's major people pleasing.
LoL! Their only way of apologizing, is "I'm sorry I said [a description amazingly belittling how hurtful what they said was], look, look how I'm agonizing over this, I'm crying here, look, look at me"
After some deep thought on this, I am gonna go "out on a couple limbs" that literally "set us up" for the perpetuation of this abuse: *** *YOU NEED TO CONFRONT THE FACT THAT YOU ARE ADDICTED TO APPROVAL NO LESS THAN A CRACK JUNKIE!!!* All our lives, we are literally "programmed" by what gets us noticed, those actions that get "pats on the back," smiles & "good job" *approval "crack"* that shift our perceptions in such a way that we, consciously or unconsciously, rewire our thinking and our resulting actions to get as much of *that approval crack* as we can, literally drunk on the belief that somehow, through that *crack,* we are succeeding, because "they approve of what I'm doing." Society bought into this mentality centuries ago and it is deeply ingrained into almost every action we engage in on a daily basis.... it created the "crowd mentality" otherwise known as the "sheeple mindset:" everyone else is doing it, so I will too, so I am not left out or left behind!!! *THIS IS THE ROOT BEGINING OF EXTORTION OF TRUST!!!!!* ASK YOURSELF WHY YOU ARE DOING ANYTHING.....A SERIOUS EYE-OPENER!!!!!!!!! *** *IN KEEPING THE ABOVE REALISATION.....YOU LITERALLY BECOME RIPE FRUIT, ALBEIT LOW-HANGING, FOR ABUSE FROM MULTIPLE DIRECTIONS IN REAL TIME.* THIS identifies us as easy targets for abuse from every direction.... it doesn't need to come from family or a mate.... it can come from workplace situations, business dealings, even banks and government officials.... and even police!!! As you "roll over & ALLOW" yourself to be abused, others take notice and almost "line up" for their turn at you, and before you know it, YOU are sitting in the middle of complete chaos, with literally no clue of how you got there!!! *GET UP & GET OUT!!! YOU ARE NOT A TREE!!! YOU DECIDE WHAT YOU ALLOW OTHERS TO DO TO YOU!!! TAKE BACK YOUR POWER LIKE A BOSS!!! NO ONE CAN ABUSE YOU UNLESS YOU ALLOW IT!!!!!* In order to do this, *YOU MUST BREAK YOUR ADDICTION TO APPROVAL!!!* NO. IT IS NOT EASY, & EVEN A BIT SCARY AT FIRST.... But it gets easier with time. I started to see this and shift my thinking at 15 years old.... I'm 63 now. I am seen as a weirdo, a "boat-rocker," a rebel, "a difficult one that cannot be controlled!!!," the social misfit, "the wild card!!!", .....add any others you like.... my point is I AM ME!!!.... NOT SOME EMPTY SHELL THAT OTHERS DEFINE.... I DEFINE ME!!! AND I STOPPED GIVING A DAMN ABOUT WHAT ANYONE THOUGHT LONG AGO!!! As an INTJ, I never did fit in or feel comfortable around "people," social gatherings, so walking away was easier for me than most. I THINK CONSTANTLY & DEEPLY, ENGAGE IN EXHAUSTIVE RESEARCHING (it's how I could finally label all the dysfunctional self-sabotage behavior I see as a psychopathic manifestation of deep disorders), AND APPLY WHAT I HAVE LEARNED IN HARD, PRACTICAL WAYS IN REAL TIME..... ITS HOW I BECAME THE BOSS OF MY LIFE!!! Do the inner work on yourself and BECOME YOUR BOSS OF YOUR LIFE!!! *YOU CAN DO IT.... THE ONLY QUESTION IS **-----HOW BAD DO YOU WANT IT???-----** WELL???* 💜💜💜
I met my ex when I was 17, he was 20. One of the first things he did was buy me new tires for my car because they were “no longer safe”. Also he love bombed me that I had never experienced. He also loved to speed and drive recklessly, he knew I didn’t like it. But would say, trust me. He also would say I love it when you smile. He also lead me to believe that when we get married we will work to buy land and build a home. This my dream. But he sabotaged that. He was going to church when I met him, but never invited me to go. Then made me feel like I was not a good person for not going to church. I asked him why he didn’t invite me, oh I didn’t think it was important to you.
He didn't take you to church because he was running game there. Churches are a narc Dreamland as people let their guard down. He was finding hookups there.
The ‘demanding your smile’ irks me to no end! A smile should be natural, never coerced. My narc mother did that to me once when I tried on a new lipstick she had bought me for my birthday. I spontaneously turned to her and said: “How do you like it?” She then screeched: “Smile! Don’t be so serious.” To which I replied, I don’t smile on command.” “Come on, SMILE, there you go,” is what I got to hear one day after my narc mom and her narc best friend had just got done gaslighting me on some minor point and then tried to force me to see it THEIR way. (They want you to second their bullsh*t and then be happy about it). That’s how they coax people-pleasing responses out of their victims. The irony is that most of these people have resting-b*tch-face. My mother always has a stern, cross look on her face and only smiles or laughs (with a joker-faced expression) when she’s doing it at my expense. A smile is a tricky thing with an abuser. This is the first time I’ve heard of this form of extortion on a narcissism channel. Thank you for bringing it up 🙏
Breakthrough Moment omg, we had the exact same mom !!...ty for explaining how I was made a compulsive people pleaser !.. mine also got rageful and could punish you forever if you didn't smile when she wanted you to...
“I don’t smile on command”. BRILLIANT thing to say!!! What a great reply! Would you mind if I borrow it? It would be a really useful thing to say back to those random strangers I sometimes encounter who (demand) tell me to: “SMILE, it might never happen”!
Breakthrough Moment thank you sm sweety!.., it's difficult for all of us, right ?.. it's nice talking about it with each other tho...! wish everything good for u and your healing, much love !
Pamela C this is a biblical principle. It's right to honour the position, just as you honour all authorities. That means speaking respectfully of them. It doesn't mean giving them the slightest access to your inner world.
@@pamelac.5600 That's a good way of putting it. I like that. Honouring my parents in my house meant do nor ask questions just take the punishment which was violence. .whether I did it or not. If I spoke up I got Ephesians 6 v 1 quotes at me..."children be obedient to your parents" but if I mentioned v4 "father's do not be irritating your children " I was hit more. Discipline means to teach with love as Jesus taught his disciples. He loved children and said they were examples of faith. He never hit anyone.
"extortion of trust" ...such a perfect way to describe it! I am remembering him saying to me (with feigned concern), "it seems like you do not trust people"
Meredith, I’ve experienced at least 8 out of these 10 red flags with the Narc that I’m trying to break free from. I almost fell out of my chair when you mentioned the one about smiling! He told me early on that I was so much prettier when I was smiling. I thought, even then, who can possibly go around smiling all the time?
@@millville Yes mine would get so upset like a kid throwing a tantrum..like why can't u just be happy!!!..but looking back I question myself bc I was the one always telling him I loved his smile ..so idk😳😬🙄🤔
Barbara Fleenor I find people that are happy all the freaking time live in a bubble detached from reality and are often faaake. I can’t stand inauthenticity and these are the kind of people who have no depth and substance. Fortunately they normally avoid authentic and down to earth people because they’re no good as supply and won’t indulge their out of touch sense of reality.
Oh one in particular I thought of that I want to mention is a little scary actually, but important. The short version I was packing up house as the narcissist had abandoned me within a week of moving into a house together which I could not afford on my own. Anyway the last day as I was packing the car and as I was about to leave my car wouldn’t start, he calls me at that exact moment asking if I’m okay and wanting to come see me to say goodbye. He came and helped me start my car, but to this day I know he flattened my battery it was all too coincidental and convenient for him to call and then be just around the corner. After I began first educating myself on narcissistic abuse I realised he must have been stalking me that whole day watching me. It’s so creepy.
I’ve experienced #9 where a second manipulator observed abuse from a first during a smear campaign, the second manipulator used it to shame and harass me. I didn’t want to work with the second manipulator but they wouldn’t leave me alone, they literally said they’re were going to wait however long it took from the first abuse I endured. That should be another red flag, someone who says they’re willing to wait however long it takes for you to say yes to whatever they want, that’s a person you should cut all contact with.
A sneaky one I've come across is the tactic of "you could just do it some time in the next 5 years". It's meant to sound like they're super patient, but actually it shows they're creepy and obsessive that they will wait forever until you comply.
My narcissistic rang me in floods of tears saying someone we both knew had put abuse up about the narcissist on facebook. The narcissist knew I didnt have facebook. The narcissist was hysterical and instantly my empathetic heart broke for them. I believed their story and had no way of proving that the story was true but true or not my narcissist had me sucked in and so began the love bombing and the manipulation. I was admired for coming to the rescue and being such a brilliant friend. I fell for all of it we had so much in common similar age interests..... until I felt that I was being forced to do something in public that would enhance the narcs professional life. I was uncomfortable and said no. Then the truth emerged and the mask slipped and there was the ugly narc in all their glory devastating me with words and terminating our friendship. I went from amazing to being treated like dirt and eventually to being ignored.... my narc even fooled my family who opened their home n heart to the narc because she was so good to me. I learned my lesson and years no contact later I'm wiser more cautious and have reclaimed my life but I was bruised and broken I trusted this person called them family and was devastated by their ugly unkind and totally life changing manipulation. Fast intense relationships are not good. I've learned to be careful and learned the hardxway
*BAM!!! NAILED IT!!!* My "episode" with a devious covert started 22 yrs ago... playing on my fear of loosing my puppy at the time, to an overdose of cedamine.... the narc worked at a holistic vet office that I called looking for guidance on how to neutralize the cedamine reaction the puppy was struggling with. "Trust Me" was almost the first words out of their mouth!!! Over time, they "weaseled" their way into my wildlife hospital, then my bed... publicly shaming me when I questioned... Trouble is I am INTJ... I research EVERYTHING....DO NOTHING FAST... WATCH THINGS CLOSELY. Their attention to my financial stability was a serious red flag... wanting me to constantly rescue them... Securing my stability through lawyers was one of the smartest moves I made early on. Leaving when I was insulted and withdrawing from them were wildcard moves that really ignited severe retaliatory reactions....another red flag!!! They tried for years to coerce me into marrying them & I refused every time....more fuel on their already completely foiled attempts to fleece my savings.... all of this lead to their nuclear explosion in 2015 when their attempts to forge my signature on withdrawal documents EXPLODED in their face!!! THAT began a 2.5 yr legal death MATCH to stop them from trying to steal EVERYTHING from me.... Courts, Police, Lawyers.... YOU NAME IT!!! ....all the while viciously gaslighting me & blaming me for everything... I slammed my introverted emotions into a corner & came at that twisted fool with everything in the toolbox.... at the STATE SUPREME COURT LEVEL.... *AND I WON ACROSS THD BOARD!!!* Now....4+ years after they EXPLODED, my wildlife hospital, my home, my vehicles, & my credit & bank accounts are secure: I have a Stay Away No Contact Order against them, the police now realise how foolish they were made to look, and I am surrounded by state-of-the-art surveillance systems at home & on my vehicles.... and I will stay by myself now, and enforce my boundries like a Dragon breathing FIRE!!!💜
♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️🤝✌ U ROCK MAN, U r my hero!! It was horrible what u had to deal with but HOW u dealt with it---🤩😍🦄🚀🎟 in my book-- u should get the gold medal for narc abuse recovery. This is what I like to see. Somebody who fought back-- and won!! Truly inspiring and thank you for sharing that story. Many blessings to you. You deserve it 🏅👏👏💟💟 Actually, I think u get the purple heart AND gold medal. Please share this story with as many people as possible. Namaste
Other weapons used: #11. Induced conversations. #12. "Offering help" to get into your business, pretending they care and worry about you 'an altruist kinda mask'; and #12.A. At all times reminding you that they are available for whatever you may need. *Beware and protect yourself.
Oh I always hated the Christian(family) people or others using control by saying to me : 'we are worried about you'. While I was always managing fine in my life, just running away real hard from manipulation. I didn't feel taken serious and it felt like they wanted to talk me into a place of needing help but my mind said there is nothing wrong with me I'm just taking distance. If I had known about all of this knowledge while finding my way in life wow. But I survived after the damage of a scary spiritual male narc but I'm safe and I will keep protecting myself for the rest of my life. I'm still feeling anxious when I try to type about the spiritual creep I feel scared he reads this. Intimidation. I hope it's just my own fear after what happened and not picking up being watched.
Leslie my theory about that is this: a narcissist wants to bring you to the point where any form of self-expression becomes more effort than it's worth. You made an innocuous comment and he has fixated on it, probably knowing it will cause awkwardness and make you less likely to speak your mind in future, but all with the veneer of him being "kind and caring" which makes you feel weird about even resisting it. This is a great example of covert narcissism. There's probably a layer of him wanting you to feel bad for not valuing compliments that to you are reasonably not of much value. "I'm a good guy right, why else would I give you all those compliments, and you didn't even appreciate it".
Leslie I think his ultimate goal is to tear down your confidence and make u feel insecure.. they prey on our insecurities like raptors..! what amazes me everytime is how they manage to convince themselves on a more "conscious" level that they truly mean well or that they just want to earn our trust..which, now that I think about it, shouldn't be such an obsession for a normal human being.. I mean, alright, trust comes with time and intimacy, wtf is your problem ?.. why try to rush it in the 1st place ..??!?...
Narc kept forcing me to say he was my best friend in the beginning of the relationship - he kept doing it for a long period, but I did not feel like it. At last he had convinced my brain and I heard myself calling him my best friend with a dead voice. Then he stopped being obsessed about that and found something else, as ruining my things and forcing me to marry him. A wedding he later cancelled shortly before the party. So embarrasing. Later I stumbled over his wedding speach.... - I was not mentioned at all! - it was all about him
@@pialindeg I relate to how they force themselves into your life and only after the damage, looking back you realize and remember you did resist them because you weren't attracted mentally or and physically. There was a reason you resisted and guarded yourself. But these manipulators do not accept our no bc they already made up their mind. Next time this happens we will be and remain resolute keeping the doors of our lives hermetically closed!!!!
@@RealityCheck6T9 You can be deadsure I am - but it was very mad, as he proposed to me at a meeting, where the whole village was present. Then we invited our families and friends to a big wedding. We were in the city to buy clothes ... and it was only clothes for him (second hand) and where I was going to buy shoes and stuff he just drove by saying nothing. I think he would only marry himself - the one he was in love with......And be a big man in front of everybody. - Bad memories - but it feels lovely to write it down here - I never speak about it, because I feel devastated. It is 9 years ago now - and a few hours ago I threw him the very last sms and blocked him on all media.
My ex used to buy himself lotto tickets when we were first dating and ask me to hang onto them for him and check the numbers. At the time it felt like he was entrusting me with a million dollars +. It wasn’t. It was an investment of $2, maybe $5, to mess with my sense of obligation and trust. It also occupied my mind when he wasn’t there (long distance relationship) because I had to keep the ticket secure and remember to check the numbers. So it took up head space. It was uncomfortable for me but it appealed to my codependent nature and felt like wow if he’s gonna trust me with that I better live up to that expectation/prove myself worthy of his trust.
I had dated one that did this too, he would tell me he had a dream last night that he won the lottery, he’d by two tickets and asked me to hold them for him. Also, he carried euros with him even though he hadn’t been out of the United States in over nine years, he said he always like to make sure he had them. He gave me a €50 and asked me to hold onto it until we went on a trip together. We never went on a trip, obviously lol.
Mable Bartlett oh gosh! I’m glad to know someone else has been through that! Those false hopes and promises can be so tricky/hurtful when you don’t see them for what they are 💕
I am in a vulnerable place right now and already one person has tried to take advantage of it! He offered to "help" but I checked him out first and quickly realized that he had his own agenda for me. I am grateful to your videos, and others on TH-cam, which have helped me to identify this to even though I am going through a hard time, at least I am better at spotting those who want to take advantage of it.
Oftentimes, they tell you something that has no reason for smiles, but they tell it smiling and staring at you, like they are coercing you to follow and share their emotions , forcing and coercing your mood to be the same as theirs, ignoring your state of mind and your individuality.
Totally! It’s like they throw a bait and smile for you to follow along their twisted game. I met a mysoginistic narc therapist that wanted me to sit down with her to blame victims of abuse and criticize women’s appearance... as though she wanted me to gossip about others as well. She called her behavior “knowledge”..... i mean, what?
flor de liz yes! My best friend passed away and the narc took me to his best friend’s house , playing drums, in hi gear add doing all of this odd shit while I’m crying!
@@claudiacastillo5898 be careful with therapists because many narcs choose this job, as they can feel powerful. I knew a lot of psychologists that are narcs. My mom is one of them.
Me: “I don’t trust you, what you did was sketchy, it’s making me feel weird” Narc: (obviously did something wrong) “ I did nothing wrong, why are you so insecure? Stop projecting your trust issue on me, you’re always accusing me of stuff I didn’t do” (which they totally did do).
This is a great new angle I haven’t heard before. Very clearly described and so accurate. Thx for this awesome addition to the body of helpful information on recognising and avoiding these people.
Yes. Going to her parents house for dinner every single Sunday. Then be forced to listen to her mother passive aggressively chafe on me. My ex and her older sister would just attack their younger sister the entire time. If I opt out, the guilt trip starts...double bind every week
An ex narc bf had asked me on our 2nd date "do you trust me?", I said I hardly know you, and he said "you should trust me" (er...). An ex narc female 'friend' told me almost as soon as we met that "we are so similar we'll now be sisters!" and she repeated that every time we met. Eek. Thankfully I know better now.
Oh yah! Within the country (ie; what the Fed has been doing since 09/17 this year, like they did in 2008. And also the international banking cartel, the IMF, goes into poor countries and promises them billions of dollars in loans with hope of economic prosperity. The debt starts collapsing the local currency and they never stop collecting on that debt, enslaving those countries, exploiting their resources and exporting them to multinational corporations who profit off the country’s need. It’s sick and super covert.
Inner Integration I concur. The thuggery that goes on is flagrant and horrendously egregious. Thanks for that excellent description! This is why I’m shamelessly and unapologetically for Bernie 2020 🔥
Random men do the smile thing all the time!! My parents did the buying things to hook me to them for years, I never realized it was a problem but did see it was WAY overboard.
yeah, men do that a lot in my country!.. it's extremely frustrating and boundary breaking.. I mean the nerve to pull this on a woman you don't even know !!.. then they get angry when they hear about toxic masculinity...
My parents also. Using money for hooks. And usually I was near destitution. No doubt really bcuz they kept my head so constantly screwed up and kept me so beaten down and just the grooming also as I would find myself taking these jobs with bully or narc management and have to quit or flee or endure hell at work also. They also enticed me to work in the fam business for awhile. All this before I knew anything about this stuff.
I think it's fair to trust that the average person will act like an average person until they give you a reason to think otherwise. The trust required for any significant relationship absolutely has to be earned.
I have been agonizing FOR YEARS over why I felt guilty when I'd feel uncomfortable when my narcissistic step mom would reach out because "she cared." Her goal was always to get me to apologized how I upset the family dynamic which usually led to emotional, and sometimes physical abuse against me. I now have a name for their 'gentle and sincere approach'. "Love and Light spiritual rrolling". Thank you a million times.
The 1st day I met Nex for a coffee date, he went on about his core values and how important it is to have core values. That everyone should have core values. I wish I was quick enough to ask him then what his were. Lying, cheating, manipulation, gaslighting, projection, we’re some of his. Thank you for another insightful video!
This one guy I dated for a while had a catchphrase or slogan of sorts: "Remember to be happy!" I thought it was cute at first but over time I learned it meant I wasn't allowed to express any other mood than happy, regardless of how I really felt.
My ex seemed to get upset when I expressed anything other than happiness and he was aware of it as he once made a comment of how I should be allowed to be sad, angry etc...
Great video, I have experienced most of these tactics from different abusers in my life, however one that I don’t think was mentioned was guilt through family or familiar ties. My mother would say things like “but I’m your mother” or “I know best, I’m your mother” or “I only want the best for you” or “Come to me first, don’t discuss this with.... your sister or brother”. 💛🙏
Those are called “qualifiers” and liars usually use them. For example: You say to your partner, “I know you’re cheating on me with so and so.” And they say, “I’m the most loyal husband/wife!” Or you catch someone stealing money from your company and they say, “I have given 20 years of honesty and loyalty to this company, why would I ever do that?”
I was born with the disability Spina bifida. That's all I get from my family is guilt. You owe your mom because she took care of you. They didn't even believe me when I told them she actually said to me: "if you had just died, none of this would be happening right now."
Inner Integration This happened to me recently. My mom and I haven’t been in contact in almost a year and when we got back in contact I had to explain to her all over again what she has done to me. I told her she has always been very critical of me. She replied “I haven’t seen you in over a year and aren’t critical of anything you have done or are doing.” She also said that she needs to know what exactly I am so upset with her about. She said she has three other daughters, lots of friends, neighbors and no one treats me or says things to me like you do. I had just told her what I was upset with her about and she said she needed to know what it was exactly that I was upset with her about. Really? Her relationship with her other daughters is not great either. I give up!
Re trust, JMO but trust is earned but the earning stage shouldn't last longer than a few weeks. we need to trust our gut feelings about the info (red flags) we get and decided fairly quickly whether someone is a good fit for a LTR, a friend or someone we're better off moving on from completely. Otherwise we'll be in the protective/detective stage for too long, which is unhealthy
It is true. But once you catch on to those covert tricks...all it takes is you holding firm boundaries for yourself. One small betrayal or set of insults as an acquaintance and you never let it progress further. Done. Out. Over. It's amazing how subtle those betrayals or insults can be in the beginning, but they are there when you know what your boundaries are, it makes betrayal much easier to spot.
OMG! Indeed. I didn't trust him and was very covert with his manipulations. He trampled on my boundaries in a passive agresive manner... I didn't work, though. I felt something was off. They're despicable and extremely visceral.
OMG Merideth! You just put into words something I used to deal with ALLLL the time! I loved the words extortion of trust. I saw the name of the video and knew exactly what it was going to be about. No youtuber has addressed this tactic before, and I thank you. I am tearful at the validation. I need to say, Merideth, 20 years ago when this was happening strong with me with someone work related that I knew that I had a crush on and he was smoothly employing these tactics...I knew right away that something was wrong and I kept STRONGLY resisting, but what eventually always got me was when he would pick me up after work on a Friday with his boat to go boating and then bring me to his house and kept finding delay after delay or fun things to do one after the other until it was Sunday night and he had to bring me home (my kids were with their dad on the weekends) I was TRAPPED. This was before Uber, or even cell phones, and I literally did not know what to do. I ended up being in a full on forced relationship with this man for 9 years!! Soooo many times with different narcs I have dated, after the fact or even during the relationship, I mentally revisit the turning point where they "landed me" and try sooo hard to come up with alternate ways of getting out of the predicament. I have never been able to come up with anything that would have worked. Literally, this is what keeps me isolated to this day. I ALWAYS tried extremely hard to nip it in the bud with all of my past narcs -- not even knowing what a narc was then-- I just trusted my gut and set firm boundaries, but they were not mean, they were charming and of course extremely very good looking so it's not like I could have called the police to make them go away. I KNOW that is the ONLY thing that would have worked tho, because I have thought about this SO MANY times. PLEASE PLEASE Merideth-- speak to this. Please help me and all of us figure this out. It's Critical.
I let a guy pin me down like that once. Trapped at his place and let him drive me there and had a drink or two and he was like oh I’m too drunk now to drive you home. I get white hot rage at my narc step father for grooming me for this shit. This thing where I couldn’t say no and was like a deer in the headlights. I let him have his sex. I felt dirty and disgusting like I had been molested. I later refused to ever go near him and he kept hounding me. I’d be hiding out in my own home to avoid if he knocked on my door or visited my neighbor mutual friends. I was very ashamed and embarrassed and also totally creeped out. And this also was the case with several guys I dated when younger. They pushed for sex and they got it. And the sick part is that I didn’t really have any real love or desire for them at all. I look back and see it was the grooming by the step father (he forced me into a father/daughter role at age 8 against my will and instantly when they married and I had lived this role for my whole life). So it was just what I did. It was just my “duty” I reckon is why deep down I felt I must do these kinds of things. Well maybe also fear of retaliation and that sort of thing also, as the step father was such a bully and you just did what he wanted or you paid dearly for it.
You ready for this? My Narc wanted me to write my *autobiography* ! Yes, I have an interesting job; yes, I am an older woman... But! I'm not "famous" and don't consider myself that interesting. What I *did* figure out was that he *literally* wanted to have my *life* history in his hands so he could pick through it at his leisure and have all the information he needed to diassect me like a frog in Science class! When I declined to write it, I had to find a plausible excuse. I told him I would need those I'd interacted with to sign off on what I had written and I knew that would take longer than he wanted to wait to read it! LoL
So true! And also. "why don't you phrase it like this girl, look what she says" (shows girl's message) "if you'd do it that way maybe I'd actually like you"
I love “spiritual trolling” 🎯 This message was spot on + will probably save people’s lives. People who use these entrapment techniques are usually the worst of the lot. Superb video! Thanks for this upload, Meredith 🙏
Another example in reference to number 9- if your in conflict with them they might shame you for second guessing their intentions, actions or story in regards to you catching on to their dishonesty. For example “Look I don’t care if you don’t trust me, I’m not going to defend myself. I’m a good person and a good friend/boyfriend. Piece of advice, don’t project your issues or characteristics on someone else just because you insecure.” It makes you doubt and second guess your judgement and if your in really deep with this individual, it brings on fear of them leaving you or being mad at you, especially if your codependent.
Power of suggestion (according to them). ‘I am a good person’ I say it, therefore I am. He protests too much Trying to convince as opposed to just being a good person.
Demanding my smile--my father is a child abuser/ wife beater/narcissist. When I was a child, he would physically punish me and, especially if we were outside with other people present, demand me to show him a smile, even though I still had tears on my face. I lived through a lot of trauma, suffered through depression and bulimia. I moved out of home at the age of 39 after another violent episode, even though I didn't feel ready or strong enough to leave the only home I knew. Thank you Meredith! You have coached me through this difficult time in my life. I'm sending you love from Taiwan~
I knew two unhappily married men who were close friends. I was a 26 year old single woman. Both of them were trying to get me into bed. I enjoyed them both as friends, and the three of us sometimes went to dinner together. I guess I was naive. I thought it could stay on the friendship level. I didn't believe in getting involved sexually with married men, but didn't spell that out to either of them. One started telling me about how his first born had been a stillborn boy, and he started crying. He said he cried non stop for days when it happened. Of course, I was trying to comfort him. (I'll call him Joe.) Over time, the friendship between these two men started to sour. It was then that the second one told me that Joe always used to tell him that the best way to get a woman into bed was to cry in front of her, and tell her something really sad that had happened. I asked him if it was true that Joe's boy had been stillborn. He said that Joe never told him that, and he didn't know it. They had been close, he said, and figured that Joe would have told him if it had been true, but that he found Joe to be a liar and a manipulator. Then he said, "Uh, Humm.....did he cry for you?" Wow. I'm no longer so naive!!! (Joe never did get me into bed.)
You cannot earn trust, this isn't a boundary that is trade able, it's not a wall, trust is a force field, it exist and is enforced with self-respect. The misconception that occurs with trust has to be earned is that it is 'manipulative', this trust earned is the real intermitted reinforcement, because nothing on this planet will earn trust, when there is not a thing that tells anyone what should be returned, again this isn't a trade. Trust is there when it's enforced by self-respect, there is no bargaining, adjusting with trust nothing whatsoever.
Trust Self-respect -Reciprocal- Self-respect Trust Trust is an equal binding of mutual action or relationship. If you want to decide something simply take your time, that is simply again self-respect. Ask yourself this Question, if a woman would ask towards a man: “You have to earn my trust,” and in that same matter he would ask from her: “You would have to earn my trust.” The unity of it would be there is no trust to be found there. It’s almost like saying yo dude I have no respect for you whatsoever please earn it. How is that for a clean sheet ? I think it’s plain rude, to assume this has got any room to progress into something healthy for starters.
I agree trust is not sth "to be earned" just think of a pilot or bus driver, a teacher, doctor, bank account clerk or a trip advisor you would not want to let them "earn" their trust before you engage with them? I mean, come on... If you don't trust a narcissist and feel sth is wrong about them it is because you simply instantly feel THEY DISTRUST YOU.
@@Corinna_Schuett_GER I would basically stick to the point where the "trust" the abstract construct cannot be manipulated, on the moment it needs a "trust worth" to be invested, that trust is already gone (naturally), meaning it's there or it isn't, it’s simply the invisible boundary you enforce, keep yourself safe and in a sane place, trust. I personally think if there is some sort of trust earning when it's some kind of business related agreement or therapeutic related issue, it could be stated. But relationship wise it cannot be bargained, the work has to be done mutual, and because it's in some sort of way and abstract construct (trust) it has to exist either way, otherwise it's a doom scenario. (side noted)And keeping your trust in a Narcissist is like believing Santa is real, we get fooled all the time anyways, with or without trust it doesn’t really matter as long as you know when it’s time to simply let go, that means you need to keep yourself out of harms way, before you knee drop your trust for something you will be regretting undoubtedly..
Less than a minute in and Im shocked. Crisis and Rescue was their tactic😔😪 Best video Meredith! Thank you so much for breaking it down further to terms and steps we need to know and be aware of for our safety! You explained so many points. Vital information! Im so glad you're here. Its been so helpful. I feel more safe and secure knowing what to be observant of.
Meredith, could you please just answer 1 question for me. It's been driving me nuts! I took my narc mom to the hospital to see a mutual friend that was actually on her deathbed. I left the room, my knees buckled. I leaned on the wall and started crying. My narc mom looked at me as if I was acting very odd. Another occasion, my brother who is colored blind put on those glasses they have now, and he could see all colors. My niece said the best part of that experience was her grandmother crying with happiness for her son. WHY?!? did she cry in one situation and not the other?!?!?!
The selective tears depend on their agenda. A little over a year ago I did a video on when the narcissist cries. I hope it gives you some insights into what you’ve observed.
@@InnerIntegration Thank you, Meredith. I am so glad you used the word observed. I was there with her at the hospital, I wasn't there when my brother had this experience. That happened after she moved out of state, and possibly my niece over exaggerated the situation and/or read her wrong. (No one in my family believes me about her).
Meredith's answer is perfect. "The selective tears depend on their agenda". But it can be devastating to see the narc being totally unmoved by something tragic. My father talks about my sister's death like it's something he read about in the paper.
So the psychopath in my life, in the early days, used to tell me, no joke, "My goal in life is just to be a better person." Lol! I don't actually think that was his goal, his goal was to convince me that only a good person would speak so humbly of themselves saying he wanted to be a better person. But, of course, he DID need to be a better person waaaaaaaaay better, but no way was he aiming for that. His goal in life was manipulating for supply. Anyway, excellent, clear, informative and insightful video as always!
WOAH. 1.) crisis & rescue to feel indebted to them 2.) not applicable 3.) force you into something you're not OK w/...overtly shame you for not wanting this thing they think is great. 4.) OFFER UNSOLICITED HELP!!!! (The gift of fear book....nice is a decision, not a character trate.) They offer help, you say no, they offer help, you say no, etc etc....they're priming you to always say YES. 5.) not applicable 6.) mirroring your hopes & dreams (we like/want the same things!) 7.) They buy you things to gain trust. (Bills or groceries) 8.) Self PR campaign...selling themselves to you!!!! Forced. Someone trying to sell you on who they are. 9.) they tell you to trust them. They'll play the hurt puppy if you don't trust them. 10.) act caring & concerned about you. This video is SO important!!! I can see this in so many friendships I had in the past~ and the 13 years of hell from the ex Narc. WOW.
"It's such a shame you aren't more open" is MLM recruiting language too. No wonder I find them so triggering. They remind me of the narcissists I grew up with.
He did exactly this. I just did not know it until this video. I left the narcissist 2 weeks ago and every day feels like I am quitting some type of substance. Thank you for this video, it gives me so much validation.
@@RealityCheck6T9 I have heard that narcissistic adult children have been abused... I can guarantee you that my daughter was never abused.. she was not abused physically or emotionally.. I was 36 years old when I had my one and only child.. she was loved and adored all of her life.. she was an absolutely sweet loving child even though she showed a lot of unsocial Behavior.. She married at nineteen had her first child at 20.. she became more and more disrespectful the older she got.. she is now 35 years old.. she has alienated all of her husband's lovely family.. my son-in-law takes her side over his own family.. my daughter is a very unkind disrespectful human being.. I pray that my grandchildren are not harmed emotionally because they are being raised by a narcissistic mother
@@wisdomfromgeorge1704 Same here,I always raised my daughter to be a kind,considerate human being, but because her mother's a narc she inherited her traits. I had to go no contact with the both of them. Broke my heart,but I did it for my own sanity and well-being.
I appreciate this information so much! It gave me realization of what my sister played on me just last week. The inner voice that lasted was excruciating. I was mentally exhausted for days from a 4 minute verbal exchange. I am amazed at how fast she can whip out a manipulating comment that lamblasts me to the quick and I'm left standing there with my brain fritzing and frying, mouth agape, trying desperately to think of an appropriate come back that not only puts her in her manipulative place but also puts me in a solid stance. Yet again, nope, wishy washy, fumbly words tumble out. I try thinking of you Meredith, I really do. What would you do in this predicament. Of course by then I'm in my room (my sister & I live with my mother, who is now a breast cancer patient). With this new TH-cam vid I'll be even that much more "learned." Thank you. ~a fan💝🌹
Forget the idea of "comebacks". If your sister is a narcissist, she wants that effort from you. I'd advise becoming a Christian. Christlike humility is the best defence against all this, having so little ego that these taunts don't affect you.
@Me Myself mother is a passive aggressive so she adds a lot of fun to the mix. She detests a hostile atmosphere so she won't engage in any confrontation of any sort - to break it up, to show support, or to be apart of. Behind my sister's back she'll discuss her with me (yeah, that means she discusses me with her) in an attempt to get me to be understanding or to vent her down right anger with her that she can't tell my sister face to face. I nudge her to express some of the issues that are the big ones and for once she actually did. Wow! Threw my sister for a loop (to use a very old expression) but mother felt better for saying it out loud. Basically mother knows it down deep & hates it within herself that she has been played all these years and not been strong enough to stand up to my sister and that now she just says it's all due to my sister's "illness". Now with mother's breast cancer she's even more relying on my sister who is going out of her way to fulfill all kinds of little things that she thinks are what will make her feel better thereby getting grace in mother's eye. Sigh. Plod along. Wary all the while. No, no, no. Emotional neutrallity! Best phrase ever, thank you Meredith Miller. ❤️👍
Thank you so much for your great help and work ☀️😊🙏 first time I hear about manipulaters use the smile thing... unfortunately I experience it and startet feeling bad... looking back after leaving this person I recognize so much new things through your work 🙏too @ll don’t get lost - be aware 🧘🏼♂️🧘♀️☀️
Spot on u nailed it -- the subtle stuff. I would add with women it is the " sharing is caring " mantra - to intrude in all the details of your life. It is easier to suspect a male narc bc we been told careful men can be dangerous but oh boy no one talks about female narcs and their endless jealousies bad faith and manipulations.
Your always on target. And a wonderful coach and thank you for all of your wisdom and insight. I now know and cannot even imagine how difficult and how exhausting it must be to be them everyday. I have no wonder now that when nothing stimulating was going on for XN, he would fall asleep in seconds. I swear I saw his psychopathy brightly illuminated at that time and in a few other instances at the end of the relationship (if you could call it that.)
Trust is something that should come naturally. If someone is forcing you into it (directly or by shame, guilt or obligation), get out. That’s your cue to leave.
Exactly. That happened to me and I didn't even realize until now. They trampled on my boundaries in a passive agresive manner I ended up reacting and they played the victim of the situation in order to make me feel guilt. They're despicable.
Well, males posing as more than they actually are towards women is a way of looking bigger persona than they really are. Part of courting. Females wearing make-up do EXACTLY the same thing: signalling fertility and thereby manipulating male attraction ! These behaviours have nothing to do with narc but are biologically induced, it can get too far though !
My narc ex housemate would always ask me why I was so upset or sad or 'forlorn'. Projected all his weakness on me and when I flippantly called out his projection he would 'agree' and then immedietly go into sook mode. Sighing loudly. When i stopped caring it was hilarious to make it happen on cue. He would then try to make me out as intimidating and anger ridden to my friends and family. Im way too burnt out for that shit lol.
Thank you Meredith for the beautiful zen atmosphere which helps balance this outrageous spot on content. Early in the relationship with the sociopath, she kissed the neighbor, told me about it knowing that monogamy and trust were my prime values in a relationship. I felt so completely betrayed, disrespected, bewildered, distrusting, I momentarily left her. But shortly thereafter, motivated by toxic loneliness, I stepped on my own heart, and came back to volunteer for the torture that followed.
So enlightening! I remember feeling that my trust was extorted before it was earned, well said. They engineered everything thru manipulation which blindsided me by intense love bombing.
They know ppl have trouble saying No.. and that your critical/responsible front is not what you think it is. Mirroring your hopes and dreams is blending in, showing kinship, and echoism.. where they know they like it when ppl agree with them, so they agree with whatever you tell them is good to you. Playing the hurt puppy.. lol Yes, they do get the butt hurt croc tears or narc injury when you reject them and set boundaries.
I had a band member try to extort sex from me with that "it is such a shame that you can not trust enough". It must have worked so many times for him. I am disgusted by him. Thank you for these messages Meredith. They are much appreciated.
I don't have a narcissist partner but a mother and probably a cousin who is very close to her. The fist tactict, I'm right in the middle of it. My mother ask my cousin without consulting me to handle the family's affairs. Now that is done, they probably speak a lot with each other and he is asking me to do somethings for him. And it' s like I own him something. So my mother ask him to work for her (even it's family affairs, I had nothing to say about it, and I was not consulted), and I must pay the bill. Always like that with. She reproduces the same process many times in my life. I managed to have no contact with her and now it is starting again through my cousin that she sends to the front for her. It's difficult for me now. But I care even more for myself to support. I meditate a lot. Mindfullness. And I started a EMDR therapy. Thank you for your video's.☀️☀️
Thank you he is gone now after all that and "I" was rejected now I have to pick MYSELF up when I was fine alone before him...insecure man who interrogated me accused me and left me...incredible.
#1 Crisis + Solution: "You're a sinner fit for Hell. But Jesus is your Saviour." #2 High Intensity Date + Sex: "Through this intensely emotional Rite of Eucharist you'll devour a living God who'll enter your body." #3 Forcing You Into Something You're Not OK With: "It is not good for you to consort with your unbelieving friends." #4 Offering Unwanted Help: "Come to our prayer group, we'll help you dispel your doubts." #5 Demanding Your Smile: "It is joyful to spent three hours in God's house, be joyful, too." #6 Mirroring Our Hopes & Dreams Or Likes & Dislikes: "..is what you should do 24/7." #7 Paying For You: "Jesus payed for your sins with His life, He offered an ultimate sacrifice for you." #8 Self PR Campaign: "Without God, nothing would exist. Without His son, world would fall into eternal darkness." #9 Straight Up Telling You "Trust Me." This one is easy...: "Now tell me your most embarassing and painful secrets, lest your soul ends in everlasting torment." #10 Love & Light Spiritual Trolling: "It's such a shame that you fail to receive the glad tidings. Jesus wouldn't want you to be unhappy." 10/10. Coincidence? I don't think so.
Excellent insights into the control mechanism used by the religious institution. In addition if someone told me they met a guy who said he’s the son of god and he would die for their sins, that he will save them from evil and be their personal lord and savior if they just turn everything over to him, I would say run, that sounds like a psychopath!
Pretty words: "You are an angel upon this earth that no mere mortal compares." Action: *Stabs back and then calls it a joke* Refuses to take ANY responsibility nor accountability for damage.
That "charging you 10,000% interest" is very familiar to me. I didn't have a term for it so I called it 'priming the pump' - where one pours some water into a pump to get it working so that all the water that is wanted can be pumped
duskdawn hellspawn I agree. I too have a cat like face. It’s in the eyes and mouth area. Like I should have whiskers lol Ive been told I have “bedroom eyes, innocent eyes ‘but you’re a sinner!’ unicorn eyes, and cat eyes”. Enough about me tho. Yes Meredith is a beautiful woman inside and out. She helps SO many ppl in need of this education through her time and effort spent here!
4 ปีที่แล้ว +5
Yep! I work with these narcissistic weirdos everyday. Textbook nut cases! Thanks again for what you do.
Please let me make a short note on 9:42: Unfortunately, this is the sickening and hypocritic way of Evangelicals. Normally nobody would / should treat you like that in a parish. Neither condescending nor hyper-wellcomming. God bless! Keep on doing your amazing videos!
I have put all the experienced abuse aka wisdom from many lifetimes together on my instagram profile. It would be beyond description if you and your audience could find something that helps you survive and thrive in this current paradigma. Thank you all for being here with me. It means the Universe to me. I love you. instagram.com/soko_famore/
Trust your gut. It’s telling you something your eyes don’t want to see.
Pigeonlvbrd OMG YES! Every time 👍🏻
What your gut is telling you (after you’ve been sucked in deep) is something like you need to have this molar extracted or this foot amputated. It’s not something you want to hear, it’s not something pleasant. You can ignore it at your own peril...
But it’s a lie under the lie. You really didn’t need that person in the first place. They chose you because you were a good fertile ground for their crap, manipulation and control!
(You = Me...)
Well said 👍😎
Your body is telling you the truth,
deny the opposition and honour
Yourself. The body never lies, doubt the Narc instead.
Pigeonlvbrd thank you
With a narcissist EVERTHING is YOUR fault and their every sentence starts with "YOU".
i.e., YOU didn't
YOU never
YOU always
YOU forgot
YOU are
YOU don't
YOU shouldn't
etc.
etc.
etc.
A Mishel yes, the world of absolutes...
Unless he is talking about needs and then it is I need, I want, I deserve.
Yes!, Sounds quite familiar.. 😒😧🙉
7 ways of blaming..
@@faithstanding8548 yes.
I heard this a few times:
‘Here, you can call her if you don’t believe me’
This was said as he motioned his phone towards me offering his ex wife’s phone #.
I can’t even remember the issue.
He was offering ‘proof’ knowing I wouldn’t call his ex wife. In fact, he was forcing ‘proof’ - I did not ask to speak with her or want her phone #.
I was talking to him (not inviting another into our conversation). He was triangulating & gaslighting.
I called my ex husband’s bluff like that once when he triangulated me with a family member and it totally backfired on him. Now that you mention it, it’s probably a good idea to call their bluff anytime something like that happens.
Inner Integration
I agree (wished now that I had called his bluff).
Just wasn’t expecting it - also wasn’t dying to talk to his ex wife (at the time).
I knew very little (nothing) about narcissism.
I knew he was a prick tho for treating me so poorly. I know this reflects him.
What I wouldn’t give now (fully informed) to play my hand to his detriment.
Very grateful that I am no longer a candidate for any abusive narc.
Appreciate your vids always - you explain so many horrid behaviours, and what they mean.
I, for one, have grown leaps and bounds - Thank you, sincerely! 💙
Carol B My N husband soon be ex does this all the time like I would want to ask his boss if he was lying when I know he is. He say inappropriate things to people that are personal. He doesn’t get it that ,that makes you look weird.
@@InnerIntegration I called my husbands bluff on this once and he went into a very frightening rage and threatened to divorce me because I don't trust him. Honestly though, I never want to talk to people he is hurting me with. It is like having my nose rubbed in the dog poo. I know it is there, I don't need to stick my nose in it. :(
Wow, I heard that and similar a LOT, never saw it as a flag ... until now
Two narcissists I knew said . .
“The problem is, you don’t trust me”
That's the entire problem to a narcissist. I've got that beat, "if you don't trust me now, I don't think there's any hope for our relationship", for that extra dose of guilt.
One who pretended to be spiritual repeated the same question agressively: do you trust me do you trust me!! In other words I was not allowed to reply with No.
Ms. Smith that basically translates to "your boundaries are making me angry"
Correct interpretation: I am untrustworthy, and you shouldn't trust me. It drove me nuts how my narc mom would turn/twist words and situations around to make me look guilty and her innocent. 😡
If someone said they didn't trust me, I would be very concerned and try to figure out why, then reassure that person they don't need to feel that way, and FIX my behavior that caused it, if it's reasonable to change. I've told many narcs I didn't trust them, they always have a smug response and start doing the offensive behavior to "liven up" the relationship. So arrogant and appalling.
#6 I have noticed they tend to use similar phrases, two narcs I knew before being aware that such a thing existed would say "we are so similar" in every single conversation. I found it funny at first as we had little in common and it was jarring to hear it so often, but i ignored my gut and overtime started to believe it too. They both also would say "you do not understand me" or "we are different" if i disagreed with them or did not do what they wanted.
Last year I was working with someone who used these phrases so I was cautious and had a gut feeling and she turned out to use a lot of the tactics. So definitely trust your intuition and trust people slowly.
Also a friendship that progresses way to fast is another red flag all these had in common with them wanting a lot of personal information and not respecting boundaries.
I think you're right that it has to be a gut thing borne of experience. Sales people are trained to build rapport and it's not necessarily wrong. After all everyone likes to be related to. If you say you like a band you'd rather hear something positive about them than me saying "nah they're shit". But rapport-building should be based on politeness and consideration, and be basically honouring to the truth. When it's a complete fabrication is when it becomes sickening.
marak 1995 my long time counselor just reiterated to me the other day the importance of listening to the voice inside you. Your gut. Listen to it! People feel it there and KNOW something and is trying to tell us yet we use our brain to quiet it down and excuse it away and snuff it out. Assuming we are overreacting or just being silly. That’s really not the case at all! Listen to that voice!!
So true despite all my naivety I had a very nervous feeling around my narc. I didnt trust my gut and I should have.
I have taken to giving people a strange look the second time they insist, and simply not responding and going about my business. It may seem trite, but you can even see this in restaurants, with staff insisting you have another drink, etc., "Are you sure?" with a sweet little smile. They aren't being nice. Nice is respecting that I already said no once.
I will point out that in some cultures, it's considered good hospitality to offer repeatedly. I don't think your example is necessarily the best one, but the idea of "switching off" when someone doesn't respect your no I totally agree with.
I have known some service staff - they are MADE to keep asking and pushing or else they will lose their job!
@@erock4319 Good thought - and idea!!!!!!!!!
@@asseyez-vous6492 that's not the customer's fault. There's no need to be rude to wait staff but the owner should pay attention to the customer's reaction too rather than bully their employees and make everyone uncomfortable.
@@RealityCheck6T9 which culture? If you're in America, it isn't normal to pester someone multiple times. If you're in another country, then you should be able to learn the culture to fit in. But to adjust your behavior on behalf of what if I offend them, it's major people pleasing.
Never expect a narcissist to say ‘I’m sorry that was my fault, you are right, what can I do to make amends’?
LoL! Their only way of apologizing, is "I'm sorry I said [a description amazingly belittling how hurtful what they said was], look, look how I'm agonizing over this, I'm crying here, look, look at me"
Lol. 💯.
The hero/crisis thing is dead on. Been there over that.
M. B. Yes running to your rescue! Even starting shit then looking like they fixed it!
@@joyc4587 EXACTLY! It becomes so transparent!
Yup! I was in the hero/crisis situation for years. It’s good to know I’m not the only one that experienced this
After some deep thought on this, I am gonna go "out on a couple limbs" that literally "set us up" for the perpetuation of this abuse:
*** *YOU NEED TO CONFRONT THE FACT THAT YOU ARE ADDICTED TO APPROVAL NO LESS THAN A CRACK JUNKIE!!!*
All our lives, we are literally "programmed" by what gets us noticed, those actions that get "pats on the back," smiles & "good job" *approval "crack"* that shift our perceptions in such a way that we, consciously or unconsciously, rewire our thinking and our resulting actions to get as much of *that approval crack* as we can, literally drunk on the belief that somehow, through that *crack,* we are succeeding, because "they approve of what I'm doing." Society bought into this mentality centuries ago and it is deeply ingrained into almost every action we engage in on a daily basis.... it created the "crowd mentality" otherwise known as the "sheeple mindset:" everyone else is doing it, so I will too, so I am not left out or left behind!!! *THIS IS THE ROOT BEGINING OF EXTORTION OF TRUST!!!!!* ASK YOURSELF WHY YOU ARE DOING ANYTHING.....A SERIOUS EYE-OPENER!!!!!!!!!
*** *IN KEEPING THE ABOVE REALISATION.....YOU LITERALLY BECOME RIPE FRUIT, ALBEIT LOW-HANGING, FOR ABUSE FROM MULTIPLE DIRECTIONS IN REAL TIME.* THIS identifies us as easy targets for abuse from every direction.... it doesn't need to come from family or a mate.... it can come from workplace situations, business dealings, even banks and government officials.... and even police!!! As you "roll over & ALLOW" yourself to be abused, others take notice and almost "line up" for their turn at you, and before you know it, YOU are sitting in the middle of complete chaos, with literally no clue of how you got there!!! *GET UP & GET OUT!!! YOU ARE NOT A TREE!!! YOU DECIDE WHAT YOU ALLOW OTHERS TO DO TO YOU!!! TAKE BACK YOUR POWER LIKE A BOSS!!! NO ONE CAN ABUSE YOU UNLESS YOU ALLOW IT!!!!!*
In order to do this, *YOU MUST BREAK YOUR ADDICTION TO APPROVAL!!!* NO. IT IS NOT EASY, & EVEN A BIT SCARY AT FIRST.... But it gets easier with time. I started to see this and shift my thinking at 15 years old.... I'm 63 now. I am seen as a weirdo, a "boat-rocker," a rebel, "a difficult one that cannot be controlled!!!," the social misfit, "the wild card!!!", .....add any others you like.... my point is I AM ME!!!.... NOT SOME EMPTY SHELL THAT OTHERS DEFINE.... I DEFINE ME!!! AND I STOPPED GIVING A DAMN ABOUT WHAT ANYONE THOUGHT LONG AGO!!! As an INTJ, I never did fit in or feel comfortable around "people," social gatherings, so walking away was easier for me than most. I THINK CONSTANTLY & DEEPLY, ENGAGE IN EXHAUSTIVE RESEARCHING (it's how I could finally label all the dysfunctional self-sabotage behavior I see as a psychopathic manifestation of deep disorders), AND APPLY WHAT I HAVE LEARNED IN HARD, PRACTICAL WAYS IN REAL TIME..... ITS HOW I BECAME THE BOSS OF MY LIFE!!! Do the inner work on yourself and BECOME YOUR BOSS OF YOUR LIFE!!! *YOU CAN DO IT.... THE ONLY QUESTION IS **-----HOW BAD DO YOU WANT IT???-----** WELL???* 💜💜💜
I met my ex when I was 17, he was 20. One of the first things he did was buy me new tires for my car because they were “no longer safe”. Also he love bombed me that I had never experienced. He also loved to speed and drive recklessly, he knew I didn’t like it. But would say, trust me. He also would say I love it when you smile. He also lead me to believe that when we get married we will work to buy land and build a home. This my dream. But he sabotaged that. He was going to church when I met him, but never invited me to go. Then made me feel like I was not a good person for not going to church. I asked him why he didn’t invite me, oh I didn’t think it was important to you.
He didn't take you to church because he was running game there. Churches are a narc Dreamland as people let their guard down. He was finding hookups there.
The ‘demanding your smile’ irks me to no end! A smile should be natural, never coerced. My narc mother did that to me once when I tried on a new lipstick she had bought me for my birthday. I spontaneously turned to her and said: “How do you like it?” She then screeched: “Smile! Don’t be so serious.” To which I replied, I don’t smile on command.” “Come on, SMILE, there you go,” is what I got to hear one day after my narc mom and her narc best friend had just got done gaslighting me on some minor point and then tried to force me to see it THEIR way. (They want you to second their bullsh*t and then be happy about it). That’s how they coax people-pleasing responses out of their victims. The irony is that most of these people have resting-b*tch-face. My mother always has a stern, cross look on her face and only smiles or laughs (with a joker-faced expression) when she’s doing it at my expense. A smile is a tricky thing with an abuser. This is the first time I’ve heard of this form of extortion on a narcissism channel. Thank you for bringing it up 🙏
Breakthrough Moment omg, we had the exact same mom !!...ty for explaining how I was made a compulsive people pleaser !.. mine also got rageful and could punish you forever if you didn't smile when she wanted you to...
“I don’t smile on command”. BRILLIANT thing to say!!! What a great reply! Would you mind if I borrow it? It would be a really useful thing to say back to those random strangers I sometimes encounter who (demand) tell me to: “SMILE, it might never happen”!
H1ana2digital Exactly! And it WON’T ever happen again, from now on, ever! I guarantee you that. That was balm for my soul. Thank you
yvonne shanson My heart goes out to you. It’s not easy having a parent who’s like that. All the more to cope with later in life. Ugh!
Breakthrough Moment thank you sm sweety!.., it's difficult for all of us, right ?.. it's nice talking about it with each other tho...! wish everything good for u and your healing, much love !
Thank you for explaining that trust is earned. Too many people get that wrong (I definitely used to!) Respect is automatically given, not trust.
Yes!!! My narc mom used to say, "But you're supposed to honor your mother." Then......I would want to throw up all over her!
Pamela C this is a biblical principle. It's right to honour the position, just as you honour all authorities. That means speaking respectfully of them. It doesn't mean giving them the slightest access to your inner world.
@@RealityCheck6T9 I learned it meant: taking their best qualities and emulating them.
Pamela C where did you learn that?
@@pamelac.5600 That's a good way of putting it. I like that. Honouring my parents in my house meant do nor ask questions just take the punishment which was violence. .whether I did it or not. If I spoke up I got Ephesians 6 v 1 quotes at me..."children be obedient to your parents" but if I mentioned v4 "father's do not be irritating your children " I was hit more. Discipline means to teach with love as Jesus taught his disciples. He loved children and said they were examples of faith. He never hit anyone.
"extortion of trust" ...such a perfect way to describe it! I am remembering him saying to me (with feigned concern), "it seems like you do not trust people"
Meredith, I’ve experienced at least 8 out of these 10 red flags with the Narc that I’m trying to break free from. I almost fell out of my chair when you mentioned the one about smiling! He told me early on that I was so much prettier when I was smiling. I thought, even then, who can possibly go around smiling all the time?
@@millville I once had a former narcissistic "friend" blurt "let's wipe that smile off your face" when I was positive about something.
@@sentimentalboxer My jaw just dropped at your "friend's" remark!! Wow...
@@millville Yes mine would get so upset like a kid throwing a tantrum..like why can't u just be happy!!!..but looking back I question myself bc I was the one always telling him I loved his smile ..so idk😳😬🙄🤔
Give us a smile..freaky!
Barbara Fleenor I find people that are happy all the freaking time live in a bubble detached from reality and are often faaake. I can’t stand inauthenticity and these are the kind of people who have no depth and substance. Fortunately they normally avoid authentic and down to earth people because they’re no good as supply and won’t indulge their out of touch sense of reality.
Oh one in particular I thought of that I want to mention is a little scary actually, but important. The short version I was packing up house as the narcissist had abandoned me within a week of moving into a house together which I could not afford on my own. Anyway the last day as I was packing the car and as I was about to leave my car wouldn’t start, he calls me at that exact moment asking if I’m okay and wanting to come see me to say goodbye. He came and helped me start my car, but to this day I know he flattened my battery it was all too coincidental and convenient for him to call and then be just around the corner. After I began first educating myself on narcissistic abuse I realised he must have been stalking me that whole day watching me. It’s so creepy.
That’s a perfect example of #1 Crisis & Rescue. Thank you for sharing!
Inner Integration You’re welcome!
When you realise what 'happenend' it's creepy indeed! I feel for you, been there....It's gaslighting and you're their prey.
Coincidence?!
They get to play the villain and the hero, how convenient.
I’ve experienced #9 where a second manipulator observed abuse from a first during a smear campaign, the second manipulator used it to shame and harass me. I didn’t want to work with the second manipulator but they wouldn’t leave me alone, they literally said they’re were going to wait however long it took from the first abuse I endured. That should be another red flag, someone who says they’re willing to wait however long it takes for you to say yes to whatever they want, that’s a person you should cut all contact with.
A sneaky one I've come across is the tactic of "you could just do it some time in the next 5 years". It's meant to sound like they're super patient, but actually it shows they're creepy and obsessive that they will wait forever until you comply.
My narcissistic rang me in floods of tears saying someone we both knew had put abuse up about the narcissist on facebook. The narcissist knew I didnt have facebook. The narcissist was hysterical and instantly my empathetic heart broke for them. I believed their story and had no way of proving that the story was true but true or not my narcissist had me sucked in and so began the love bombing and the manipulation. I was admired for coming to the rescue and being such a brilliant friend. I fell for all of it we had so much in common similar age interests..... until I felt that I was being forced to do something in public that would enhance the narcs professional life. I was uncomfortable and said no. Then the truth emerged and the mask slipped and there was the ugly narc in all their glory devastating me with words and terminating our friendship. I went from amazing to being treated like dirt and eventually to being ignored.... my narc even fooled my family who opened their home n heart to the narc because she was so good to me. I learned my lesson and years no contact later I'm wiser more cautious and have reclaimed my life but I was bruised and broken I trusted this person called them family and was devastated by their ugly unkind and totally life changing manipulation. Fast intense relationships are not good. I've learned to be careful and learned the hardxway
"Fast intense relationships are not good" true words
Awwwe
Most adults who need rescuing like that are running narc game.
*BAM!!! NAILED IT!!!* My "episode" with a devious covert started 22 yrs ago... playing on my fear of loosing my puppy at the time, to an overdose of cedamine.... the narc worked at a holistic vet office that I called looking for guidance on how to neutralize the cedamine reaction the puppy was struggling with. "Trust Me" was almost the first words out of their mouth!!! Over time, they "weaseled" their way into my wildlife hospital, then my bed... publicly shaming me when I questioned...
Trouble is I am INTJ... I research EVERYTHING....DO NOTHING FAST... WATCH THINGS CLOSELY. Their attention to my financial stability was a serious red flag... wanting me to constantly rescue them... Securing my stability through lawyers was one of the smartest moves I made early on. Leaving when I was insulted and withdrawing from them were wildcard moves that really ignited severe retaliatory reactions....another red flag!!! They tried for years to coerce me into marrying them & I refused every time....more fuel on their already completely foiled attempts to fleece my savings.... all of this lead to their nuclear explosion in 2015 when their attempts to forge my signature on withdrawal documents EXPLODED in their face!!! THAT began a 2.5 yr legal death MATCH to stop them from trying to steal EVERYTHING from me.... Courts, Police, Lawyers.... YOU NAME IT!!! ....all the while viciously gaslighting me & blaming me for everything... I slammed my introverted emotions into a corner & came at that twisted fool with everything in the toolbox.... at the STATE SUPREME COURT LEVEL.... *AND I WON ACROSS THD BOARD!!!* Now....4+ years after they EXPLODED, my wildlife hospital, my home, my vehicles, & my credit & bank accounts are secure: I have a Stay Away No Contact Order against them, the police now realise how foolish they were made to look, and I am surrounded by state-of-the-art surveillance systems at home & on my vehicles.... and I will stay by myself now, and enforce my boundries like a Dragon breathing FIRE!!!💜
♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️🤝✌ U ROCK MAN, U r my hero!! It was horrible what u had to deal with but HOW u dealt with it---🤩😍🦄🚀🎟 in my book-- u should get the gold medal for narc abuse recovery. This is what I like to see. Somebody who fought back-- and won!! Truly inspiring and thank you for sharing that story. Many blessings to you. You deserve it 🏅👏👏💟💟 Actually, I think u get the purple heart AND gold medal. Please share this story with as many people as possible. Namaste
@@SunFlower-ko9kp Nya-weh!!! ("Thank You" in Mohawk.) 💜💜💜
Sounds like you sniffed their shit early on, stood your ground and honored yourself 👍💗😎
Well done 👌
Other weapons used:
#11. Induced conversations.
#12. "Offering help" to get into your business, pretending they care and worry about you 'an altruist kinda mask'; and
#12.A. At all times reminding you that they are available for whatever you may need.
*Beware and protect yourself.
YEP! My narc mom did ALL those!
Wow..just wow. My Narc sister did this last night.
Oh I always hated the Christian(family) people or others using control by saying to me : 'we are worried about you'. While I was always managing fine in my life, just running away real hard from manipulation. I didn't feel taken serious and it felt like they wanted to talk me into a place of needing help but my mind said there is nothing wrong with me I'm just taking distance. If I had known about all of this knowledge while finding my way in life wow. But I survived after the damage of a scary spiritual male narc but I'm safe and I will keep protecting myself for the rest of my life. I'm still feeling anxious when I try to type about the spiritual creep I feel scared he reads this. Intimidation. I hope it's just my own fear after what happened and not picking up being watched.
Leslie my theory about that is this: a narcissist wants to bring you to the point where any form of self-expression becomes more effort than it's worth. You made an innocuous comment and he has fixated on it, probably knowing it will cause awkwardness and make you less likely to speak your mind in future, but all with the veneer of him being "kind and caring" which makes you feel weird about even resisting it. This is a great example of covert narcissism. There's probably a layer of him wanting you to feel bad for not valuing compliments that to you are reasonably not of much value. "I'm a good guy right, why else would I give you all those compliments, and you didn't even appreciate it".
Leslie I think his ultimate goal is to tear down your confidence and make u feel insecure.. they prey on our insecurities like raptors..! what amazes me everytime is how they manage to convince themselves on a more "conscious" level that they truly mean well or that they just want to earn our trust..which, now that I think about it, shouldn't be such an obsession for a normal human being.. I mean, alright, trust comes with time and intimacy, wtf is your problem ?.. why try to rush it in the 1st place ..??!?...
"I don't trust you"
"Yes you do"
That's the entirety of the conversation about trust with narcissists
Narc kept forcing me to say he was my best friend in the beginning of the relationship - he kept doing it for a long period, but I did not feel like it. At last he had convinced my brain and I heard myself calling him my best friend with a dead voice. Then he stopped being obsessed about that and found something else, as ruining my things and forcing me to marry him. A wedding he later cancelled shortly before the party. So embarrasing. Later I stumbled over his wedding speach.... - I was not mentioned at all! - it was all about him
Pip fugl just be thankful he cancelled
@@pialindeg I relate to how they force themselves into your life and only after the damage, looking back you realize and remember you did resist them because you weren't attracted mentally or and physically. There was a reason you resisted and guarded yourself. But these manipulators do not accept our no bc they already made up their mind.
Next time this happens we will be and remain resolute keeping the doors of our lives hermetically closed!!!!
@@RealityCheck6T9 You can be deadsure I am - but it was very mad, as he proposed to me at a meeting, where the whole village was present. Then we invited our families and friends to a big wedding. We were in the city to buy clothes ... and it was only clothes for him (second hand) and where I was going to buy shoes and stuff he just drove by saying nothing. I think he would only marry himself - the one he was in love with......And be a big man in front of everybody. - Bad memories - but it feels lovely to write it down here - I never speak about it, because I feel devastated. It is 9 years ago now - and a few hours ago I threw him the very last sms and blocked him on all media.
@@peaceofmindofpeace1650 Yes you are so absolutely spot ion. - you cant imagine that they are going to brainwash you.
My ex used to buy himself lotto tickets when we were first dating and ask me to hang onto them for him and check the numbers. At the time it felt like he was entrusting me with a million dollars +. It wasn’t. It was an investment of $2, maybe $5, to mess with my sense of obligation and trust. It also occupied my mind when he wasn’t there (long distance relationship) because I had to keep the ticket secure and remember to check the numbers. So it took up head space. It was uncomfortable for me but it appealed to my codependent nature and felt like wow if he’s gonna trust me with that I better live up to that expectation/prove myself worthy of his trust.
Holy $%#& just reading that first part...!
Excellent example! Someday the one in a million probability might backfire on him if the person wins and keeps it from him 😂
I had dated one that did this too, he would tell me he had a dream last night that he won the lottery, he’d by two tickets and asked me to hold them for him.
Also, he carried euros with him even though he hadn’t been out of the United States in over nine years, he said he always like to make sure he had them. He gave me a €50 and asked me to hold onto it until we went on a trip together. We never went on a trip, obviously lol.
Inner Integration 😂😂 🙏🏼 Ahhhh one can only hope!! 💗
Mable Bartlett oh gosh! I’m glad to know someone else has been through that! Those false hopes and promises can be so tricky/hurtful when you don’t see them for what they are 💕
Precisely, and you have a feeling of thankfulness mixed up with fear and confusion.
Exactly!
I am in a vulnerable place right now and already one person has tried to take advantage of it! He offered to "help" but I checked him out first and quickly realized that he had his own agenda for me. I am grateful to your videos, and others on TH-cam, which have helped me to identify this to even though I am going through a hard time, at least I am better at spotting those who want to take advantage of it.
Oftentimes, they tell you something that has no reason for smiles, but they tell it smiling and staring at you, like they are coercing you to follow and share their emotions , forcing and coercing your mood to be the same as theirs, ignoring your state of mind and your individuality.
Totally! It’s like they throw a bait and smile for you to follow along their twisted game. I met a mysoginistic narc therapist that wanted me to sit down with her to blame victims of abuse and criticize women’s appearance... as though she wanted me to gossip about others as well. She called her behavior “knowledge”..... i mean, what?
flor de liz yes! My best friend passed away and the narc took me to his best friend’s house , playing drums, in hi gear add doing all of this odd shit while I’m crying!
Mine does this all the time
Claudia C,
It never dawned on me that women can be misogynistic until I read your comment. That's disturbing but more common than realized I'm sure
@@claudiacastillo5898 be careful with therapists because many narcs choose this job, as they can feel powerful. I knew a lot of psychologists that are narcs. My mom is one of them.
Me: “I don’t trust you, what you did was sketchy, it’s making me feel weird”
Narc: (obviously did something wrong) “ I did nothing wrong, why are you so insecure? Stop projecting your trust issue on me, you’re always accusing me of stuff I didn’t do” (which they totally did do).
OMG!!!!! THEY SAY THE SAME THINGS!!!
I CANT STAND BEING ACCUSED OF THINGS I DIDN'T DO!!!🐍🐍🐍
Yep exactly and smile at you when they say they didn't do it, sick.
Yep something the Narc boss says exact words
This is a great new angle I haven’t heard before. Very clearly described and so accurate. Thx for this awesome addition to the body of helpful information on recognising and avoiding these people.
Yes. Going to her parents house for dinner every single Sunday. Then be forced to listen to her mother passive aggressively chafe on me. My ex and her older sister would just attack their younger sister the entire time. If I opt out, the guilt trip starts...double bind every week
An ex narc bf had asked me on our 2nd date "do you trust me?", I said I hardly know you, and he said "you should trust me" (er...). An ex narc female 'friend' told me almost as soon as we met that "we are so similar we'll now be sisters!" and she repeated that every time we met. Eek. Thankfully I know better now.
The first minute and a bit sounds a lot like what Government and Private Bankers do. 😉
Thanks Meredith, you always have great advice. Hugs to you.
Oh yah! Within the country (ie; what the Fed has been doing since 09/17 this year, like they did in 2008. And also the international banking cartel, the IMF, goes into poor countries and promises them billions of dollars in loans with hope of economic prosperity. The debt starts collapsing the local currency and they never stop collecting on that debt, enslaving those countries, exploiting their resources and exporting them to multinational corporations who profit off the country’s need. It’s sick and super covert.
Sounds like there's a video in that
So appreciate that you "get how the IMF" etc. works"... Master schusters on a massive scale @@InnerIntegration
Inner Integration I concur. The thuggery that goes on is flagrant and horrendously egregious. Thanks for that excellent description! This is why I’m shamelessly and unapologetically for Bernie 2020 🔥
Random men do the smile thing all the time!! My parents did the buying things to hook me to them for years, I never realized it was a problem but did see it was WAY overboard.
yeah, men do that a lot in my country!.. it's extremely frustrating and boundary breaking.. I mean the nerve to pull this on a woman you don't even know !!.. then they get angry when they hear about toxic masculinity...
My parents also. Using money for hooks. And usually I was near destitution. No doubt really bcuz they kept my head so constantly screwed up and kept me so beaten down and just the grooming also as I would find myself taking these jobs with bully or narc management and have to quit or flee or endure hell at work also. They also enticed me to work in the fam business for awhile. All this before I knew anything about this stuff.
YOU ARE GREAT
I think a lot of people feel you trust until they give you a reason not to. I say trust is earned.
I think it's fair to trust that the average person will act like an average person until they give you a reason to think otherwise. The trust required for any significant relationship absolutely has to be earned.
RealityCheck6T9 Bravo!
I have been agonizing FOR YEARS over why I felt guilty when I'd feel uncomfortable when my narcissistic step mom would reach out because "she cared."
Her goal was always to get me to apologized how I upset the family dynamic which usually led to emotional, and sometimes physical abuse against me.
I now have a name for their 'gentle and sincere approach'. "Love and Light spiritual rrolling".
Thank you a million times.
The 1st day I met Nex for a coffee date, he went on about his core values and how important it is to have core values. That everyone should have core values. I wish I was quick enough to ask him then what his were. Lying, cheating, manipulation, gaslighting, projection, we’re some of his.
Thank you for another insightful video!
This one guy I dated for a while had a catchphrase or slogan of sorts: "Remember to be happy!" I thought it was cute at first but over time I learned it meant I wasn't allowed to express any other mood than happy, regardless of how I really felt.
My ex seemed to get upset when I expressed anything other than happiness and he was aware of it as he once made a comment of how I should be allowed to be sad, angry etc...
Mine would use, "where's your faith? When they put God in the equation, it doesn't make it right, only more difficult to confront. Too sad.
You're 1000% correct. The demon I dealt with used every single one of these tactics.
Great video, I have experienced most of these tactics from different abusers in my life, however one that I don’t think was mentioned was guilt through family or familiar ties. My mother would say things like “but I’m your mother” or “I know best, I’m your mother” or “I only want the best for you” or “Come to me first, don’t discuss this with.... your sister or brother”. 💛🙏
Yes! This is an excellent point that I didn’t make in the video. 💯
Those are called “qualifiers” and liars usually use them. For example: You say to your partner, “I know you’re cheating on me with so and so.” And they say, “I’m the most loyal husband/wife!” Or you catch someone stealing money from your company and they say, “I have given 20 years of honesty and loyalty to this company, why would I ever do that?”
I was born with the disability Spina bifida. That's all I get from my family is guilt. You owe your mom because she took care of you. They didn't even believe me when I told them she actually said to me: "if you had just died, none of this would be happening right now."
Pamela C wow that's awful. People don't understand how little human love and compassion narcissists have in them.
Inner Integration This happened to me recently. My mom and I haven’t been in contact in almost a year and when we got back in contact I had to explain to her all over again what she has done to me. I told her she has always been very critical of me. She replied “I haven’t seen you in over a year and aren’t critical of anything you have done or are doing.”
She also said that she needs to know what exactly I am so upset with her about. She said she has three other daughters, lots of friends, neighbors and no one treats me or says things to me like you do. I had just told her what I was upset with her about and she said she needed to know what it was exactly that I was upset with her about. Really? Her relationship with her other daughters is not great either. I give up!
Meredith, your videos are always helpful and I always learn some good and useful things to consider. Thanks!
This "Crisis Example" is spot on! Thank God for people like YOU. So helpful. So so helpful
Re trust, JMO but trust is earned but the earning stage shouldn't last longer than a few weeks. we need to trust our gut feelings about the info (red flags) we get and decided fairly quickly whether someone is a good fit for a LTR, a friend or someone we're better off moving on from completely. Otherwise we'll be in the protective/detective stage for too long, which is unhealthy
And you are so right trust takes time, you can't extort trust.
Meredith once said that the more awareness you get, the more covert will be the narcisists that will be harassing you. It is very true.
Yeah. That's actually a really scary thought.
It is true. But once you catch on to those covert tricks...all it takes is you holding firm boundaries for yourself.
One small betrayal or set of insults as an acquaintance and you never let it progress further. Done. Out. Over.
It's amazing how subtle those betrayals or insults can be in the beginning, but they are there when you know what your boundaries are, it makes betrayal much easier to spot.
@@christianone6611 i agree with you.
OMG! Indeed. I didn't trust him and was very covert with his manipulations. He trampled on my boundaries in a passive agresive manner... I didn't work, though. I felt something was off. They're despicable and extremely visceral.
OMG Merideth! You just put into words something I used to deal with ALLLL the time! I loved the words extortion of trust. I saw the name of the video and knew exactly what it was going to be about. No youtuber has addressed this tactic before, and I thank you. I am tearful at the validation. I need to say, Merideth, 20 years ago when this was happening strong with me with someone work related that I knew that I had a crush on and he was smoothly employing these tactics...I knew right away that something was wrong and I kept STRONGLY resisting, but what eventually always got me was when he would pick me up after work on a Friday with his boat to go boating and then bring me to his house and kept finding delay after delay or fun things to do one after the other until it was Sunday night and he had to bring me home (my kids were with their dad on the weekends) I was TRAPPED. This was before Uber, or even cell phones, and I literally did not know what to do. I ended up being in a full on forced relationship with this man for 9 years!! Soooo many times with different narcs I have dated, after the fact or even during the relationship, I mentally revisit the turning point where they "landed me" and try sooo hard to come up with alternate ways of getting out of the predicament. I have never been able to come up with anything that would have worked. Literally, this is what keeps me isolated to this day. I ALWAYS tried extremely hard to nip it in the bud with all of my past narcs -- not even knowing what a narc was then-- I just trusted my gut and set firm boundaries, but they were not mean, they were charming and of course extremely very good looking so it's not like I could have called the police to make them go away. I KNOW that is the ONLY thing that would have worked tho, because I have thought about this SO MANY times. PLEASE PLEASE Merideth-- speak to this. Please help me and all of us figure this out. It's Critical.
The smiling thing !!! Seems innocent but it’s a manipulative behaviour on their part. You look so much nicer when you smile.
I let a guy pin me down like that once. Trapped at his place and let him drive me there and had a drink or two and he was like oh I’m too drunk now to drive you home. I get white hot rage at my narc step father for grooming me for this shit. This thing where I couldn’t say no and was like a deer in the headlights. I let him have his sex. I felt dirty and disgusting like I had been molested. I later refused to ever go near him and he kept hounding me. I’d be hiding out in my own home to avoid if he knocked on my door or visited my neighbor mutual friends. I was very ashamed and embarrassed and also totally creeped out. And this also was the case with several guys I dated when younger. They pushed for sex and they got it. And the sick part is that I didn’t really have any real love or desire for them at all. I look back and see it was the grooming by the step father (he forced me into a father/daughter role at age 8 against my will and instantly when they married and I had lived this role for my whole life). So it was just what I did. It was just my “duty” I reckon is why deep down I felt I must do these kinds of things. Well maybe also fear of retaliation and that sort of thing also, as the step father was such a bully and you just did what he wanted or you paid dearly for it.
Stephanie Rogers you are not alone!
Nailed it .🙌🏻🙌🏻. Everything happened.
Fantastic video....great info. Thanks Meredith. xxx L
You ready for this?
My Narc wanted me to write my *autobiography* !
Yes, I have an interesting job; yes, I am an older woman... But! I'm not "famous" and don't consider myself that interesting.
What I *did* figure out was that he *literally* wanted to have my *life* history in his hands so he could pick through it at his leisure and have all the information he needed to diassect me like a frog in Science class!
When I declined to write it, I had to find a plausible excuse. I told him I would need those I'd interacted with to sign off on what I had written and I knew that would take longer than he wanted to wait to read it! LoL
This goes for parental relationships as well! So much of this resonates with my experience of them.
They do not say they are a good person................not to me................they say in different words...........narc do not use this phrase.
I can remember having my compliments corrected. “That’s such a weak compliment. Why can’t you say it this way instead?”
Rick Aster Been there man. Pearls for swine.
🤮🤮🤮🤮
Wow!!
@Samantha Nolan The script is a carrot on a stick.
So true! And also.
"why don't you phrase it like this girl, look what she says" (shows girl's message) "if you'd do it that way maybe I'd actually like you"
I love “spiritual trolling” 🎯
This message was spot on + will probably save people’s lives.
People who use these entrapment techniques are usually the worst of the lot.
Superb video! Thanks for this upload, Meredith 🙏
Amen!! 💗
On Point for sure
Damn everything you said was spot on
Another example in reference to number 9- if your in conflict with them they might shame you for second guessing their intentions, actions or story in regards to you catching on to their dishonesty. For example “Look I don’t care if you don’t trust me, I’m not going to defend myself. I’m a good person and a good friend/boyfriend. Piece of advice, don’t project your issues or characteristics on someone else just because you insecure.” It makes you doubt and second guess your judgement and if your in really deep with this individual, it brings on fear of them leaving you or being mad at you, especially if your codependent.
Good insight!
Power of suggestion (according to them).
‘I am a good person’
I say it, therefore I am.
He protests too much
Trying to convince as opposed to just being a good person.
Demanding my smile--my father is a child abuser/ wife beater/narcissist. When I was a child, he would physically punish me and, especially if we were outside with other people present, demand me to show him a smile, even though I still had tears on my face. I lived through a lot of trauma, suffered through depression and bulimia. I moved out of home at the age of 39 after another violent episode, even though I didn't feel ready or strong enough to leave the only home I knew. Thank you Meredith! You have coached me through this difficult time in my life. I'm sending you love from Taiwan~
I knew two unhappily married men who were close friends. I was a 26 year old single woman. Both of them were trying to get me into bed. I enjoyed them both as friends, and the three of us sometimes went to dinner together. I guess I was naive. I thought it could stay on the friendship level. I didn't believe in getting involved sexually with married men, but didn't spell that out to either of them. One started telling me about how his first born had been a stillborn boy, and he started crying. He said he cried non stop for days when it happened. Of course, I was trying to comfort him. (I'll call him Joe.) Over time, the friendship between these two men started to sour. It was then that the second one told me that Joe always used to tell him that the best way to get a woman into bed was to cry in front of her, and tell her something really sad that had happened. I asked him if it was true that Joe's boy had been stillborn. He said that Joe never told him that, and he didn't know it. They had been close, he said, and figured that Joe would have told him if it had been true, but that he found Joe to be a liar and a manipulator. Then he said, "Uh, Humm.....did he cry for you?" Wow. I'm no longer so naive!!! (Joe never did get me into bed.)
You cannot earn trust, this isn't a boundary that is trade able, it's not a wall, trust is a force field, it exist and is enforced with self-respect. The misconception that occurs with trust has to be earned is that it is 'manipulative', this trust earned is the real intermitted reinforcement, because nothing on this planet will earn trust, when there is not a thing that tells anyone what should be returned, again this isn't a trade. Trust is there when it's enforced by self-respect, there is no bargaining, adjusting with trust nothing whatsoever.
Trust Self-respect -Reciprocal- Self-respect Trust
Trust is an equal binding of mutual action or relationship.
If you want to decide something simply take your time, that is simply again self-respect.
Ask yourself this Question, if a woman would ask towards a man: “You have to earn my trust,” and in that same matter he would ask from her: “You would have to earn my trust.” The unity of it would be there is no trust to be found there. It’s almost like saying yo dude I have no respect for you whatsoever please earn it. How is that for a clean sheet ? I think it’s plain rude, to assume this has got any room to progress into something healthy for starters.
I agree trust is not sth "to be earned" just think of a pilot or bus driver, a teacher, doctor, bank account clerk or a trip advisor you would not want to let them "earn" their trust before you engage with them? I mean, come on... If you don't trust a narcissist and feel sth is wrong about them it is because you simply instantly feel THEY DISTRUST YOU.
@@Corinna_Schuett_GER I would basically stick to the point where the "trust" the abstract construct cannot be manipulated, on the moment it needs a "trust worth" to be invested, that trust is already gone (naturally), meaning it's there or it isn't, it’s simply the invisible boundary you enforce, keep yourself safe and in a sane place, trust. I personally think if there is some sort of trust earning when it's some kind of business related agreement or therapeutic related issue, it could be stated. But relationship wise it cannot be bargained, the work has to be done mutual, and because it's in some sort of way and abstract construct (trust) it has to exist either way, otherwise it's a doom scenario. (side noted)And keeping your trust in a Narcissist is like believing Santa is real, we get fooled all the time anyways, with or without trust it doesn’t really matter as long as you know when it’s time to simply let go, that means you need to keep yourself out of harms way, before you knee drop your trust for something you will be regretting undoubtedly..
OMG! Spot on & we're only on #4.
Less than a minute in and Im shocked. Crisis and Rescue was their tactic😔😪 Best video Meredith! Thank you so much for breaking it down further to terms and steps we need to know and be aware of for our safety! You explained so many points. Vital information! Im so glad you're here. Its been so helpful. I feel more safe and secure knowing what to be observant of.
Thank you , this is excellent.
Meredith, could you please just answer 1 question for me. It's been driving me nuts! I took my narc mom to the hospital to see a mutual friend that was actually on her deathbed. I left the room, my knees buckled. I leaned on the wall and started crying. My narc mom looked at me as if I was acting very odd. Another occasion, my brother who is colored blind put on those glasses they have now, and he could see all colors. My niece said the best part of that experience was her grandmother crying with happiness for her son. WHY?!? did she cry in one situation and not the other?!?!?!
The selective tears depend on their agenda. A little over a year ago I did a video on when the narcissist cries. I hope it gives you some insights into what you’ve observed.
@@InnerIntegration Thank you, Meredith. I am so glad you used the word observed. I was there with her at the hospital, I wasn't there when my brother had this experience. That happened after she moved out of state, and possibly my niece over exaggerated the situation and/or read her wrong. (No one in my family believes me about her).
Meredith's answer is perfect. "The selective tears depend on their agenda". But it can be devastating to see the narc being totally unmoved by something tragic. My father talks about my sister's death like it's something he read about in the paper.
So the psychopath in my life, in the early days, used to tell me, no joke, "My goal in life is just to be a better person." Lol! I don't actually think that was his goal, his goal was to convince me that only a good person would speak so humbly of themselves saying he wanted to be a better person. But, of course, he DID need to be a better person waaaaaaaaay better, but no way was he aiming for that. His goal in life was manipulating for supply. Anyway, excellent, clear, informative and insightful video as always!
They manipulate around the manipulation!!!!
Excellent example and one that I’ve heard a lot by the spiritual types especially!
Meredith, simply thank you. You bring so much to help us heal, what to watch out for and to build our hope back up. Again, thank you!
Beautifully said!!
Another good video 👍 Thanks
WOAH.
1.) crisis & rescue to feel indebted to them
2.) not applicable
3.) force you into something you're not OK w/...overtly shame you for not wanting this thing they think is great.
4.) OFFER UNSOLICITED HELP!!!! (The gift of fear book....nice is a decision, not a character trate.)
They offer help, you say no, they offer help, you say no, etc etc....they're priming you to always say YES.
5.) not applicable
6.) mirroring your hopes & dreams (we like/want the same things!)
7.) They buy you things to gain trust. (Bills or groceries)
8.) Self PR campaign...selling themselves to you!!!! Forced. Someone trying to sell you on who they are.
9.) they tell you to trust them. They'll play the hurt puppy if you don't trust them.
10.) act caring & concerned about you.
This video is SO important!!! I can see this in so many friendships I had in the past~ and the 13 years of hell from the ex Narc. WOW.
"It's such a shame you aren't more open" is MLM recruiting language too. No wonder I find them so triggering. They remind me of the narcissists I grew up with.
Yes! Excellent point!
They can literally steal your money and act as a generous saviour afterwards!! That's who they are, a snake in disguise!
He did exactly this. I just did not know it until this video. I left the narcissist 2 weeks ago and every day feels like I am quitting some type of substance. Thank you for this video, it gives me so much validation.
I always fall for the manipulation....
I keep holding on to my narcissistic daughter because I need my grandchildren in my life..
Sweet Grandma
Same here
So awful
:(
I always feel strange when I hear parents speaking of narcissistic children. Are narcissist borne out of a good upbringing?
@@RealityCheck6T9 I have heard that narcissistic adult children have been abused... I can guarantee you that my daughter was never abused.. she was not abused physically or emotionally.. I was 36 years old when I had my one and only child.. she was loved and adored all of her life.. she was an absolutely sweet loving child even though she showed a lot of unsocial Behavior..
She married at nineteen had her first child at 20.. she became more and more disrespectful the older she got.. she is now 35 years old.. she has alienated all of her husband's lovely family.. my son-in-law takes her side over his own family.. my daughter is a very unkind disrespectful human being..
I pray that my grandchildren are not harmed emotionally because they are being raised by a narcissistic mother
@@wisdomfromgeorge1704 Same here,I always raised my daughter to be a kind,considerate human being, but because her mother's a narc she inherited her traits. I had to go no contact with the both of them. Broke my heart,but I did it for my own sanity and well-being.
#4 is a tactic used in sales, it's called the yes ladder. Excellent video as always Meredith!
I have experienced several of your examples! Such manipulators!
I appreciate this information so much! It gave me realization of what my sister played on me just last week. The inner voice that lasted was excruciating. I was mentally exhausted for days from a 4 minute verbal exchange. I am amazed at how fast she can whip out a manipulating comment that lamblasts me to the quick and I'm left standing there with my brain fritzing and frying, mouth agape, trying desperately to think of an appropriate come back that not only puts her in her manipulative place but also puts me in a solid stance. Yet again, nope, wishy washy, fumbly words tumble out. I try thinking of you Meredith, I really do. What would you do in this predicament. Of course by then I'm in my room (my sister & I live with my mother, who is now a breast cancer patient). With this new TH-cam vid I'll be even that much more "learned." Thank you. ~a fan💝🌹
Forget the idea of "comebacks". If your sister is a narcissist, she wants that effort from you. I'd advise becoming a Christian. Christlike humility is the best defence against all this, having so little ego that these taunts don't affect you.
@Me Myself mother is a passive aggressive so she adds a lot of fun to the mix. She detests a hostile atmosphere so she won't engage in any confrontation of any sort - to break it up, to show support, or to be apart of. Behind my sister's back she'll discuss her with me (yeah, that means she discusses me with her) in an attempt to get me to be understanding or to vent her down right anger with her that she can't tell my sister face to face. I nudge her to express some of the issues that are the big ones and for once she actually did. Wow! Threw my sister for a loop (to use a very old expression) but mother felt better for saying it out loud. Basically mother knows it down deep & hates it within herself that she has been played all these years and not been strong enough to stand up to my sister and that now she just says it's all due to my sister's "illness". Now with mother's breast cancer she's even more relying on my sister who is going out of her way to fulfill all kinds of little things that she thinks are what will make her feel better thereby getting grace in mother's eye. Sigh. Plod along. Wary all the while. No, no, no. Emotional neutrallity! Best phrase ever, thank you Meredith Miller. ❤️👍
Just heal yourself...
is it possible that narcs can trick narcs but neither narc knows?
Yes but they don't 'trick' on purpose... It's all about supply, manipulation and co-dependency. Two married NPD persons.....
Thank you so much for your great help and work ☀️😊🙏 first time I hear about manipulaters use the smile thing... unfortunately I experience it and startet feeling bad... looking back after leaving this person I recognize so much new things through your work 🙏too @ll don’t get lost - be aware 🧘🏼♂️🧘♀️☀️
Oh Meredith... Always brilliant & beautiful! I love your intellect and connecting gift to us... XO
Great great information thank you my sister I needed that have a blessed day peace out✌🤗💗
Spot on u nailed it -- the subtle stuff.
I would add with women it is the " sharing is caring " mantra - to intrude in all the details of your life. It is easier to suspect a male narc bc we been told careful men can be dangerous but oh boy no one talks about female narcs and their endless jealousies bad faith and manipulations.
Congratulations on over a quarter million subscribers! You are becoming a force in this world for protection against narcdom.
Your always on target. And a wonderful coach and thank you for all of your wisdom and insight.
I now know and cannot even imagine how difficult and how exhausting it must be to be them everyday. I have no wonder now that when nothing stimulating was going on for XN, he would fall asleep in seconds. I swear I saw his psychopathy brightly illuminated at that time and in a few other instances at the end of the relationship (if you could call it that.)
Trust is something that should come naturally. If someone is forcing you into it (directly or by shame, guilt or obligation), get out. That’s your cue to leave.
Exactly. That happened to me and I didn't even realize until now. They trampled on my boundaries in a passive agresive manner I ended up reacting and they played the victim of the situation in order to make me feel guilt. They're despicable.
Well, males posing as more than they actually are towards women is a way of looking bigger persona than they really are. Part of courting. Females wearing make-up do EXACTLY the same thing: signalling fertility and thereby manipulating male attraction ! These behaviours have nothing to do with narc but are biologically induced, it can get too far though !
My narc ex housemate would always ask me why I was so upset or sad or 'forlorn'. Projected all his weakness on me and when I flippantly called out his projection he would 'agree' and then immedietly go into sook mode. Sighing loudly. When i stopped caring it was hilarious to make it happen on cue. He would then try to make me out as intimidating and anger ridden to my friends and family. Im way too burnt out for that shit lol.
Thank you Meredith for the beautiful zen atmosphere which helps balance this outrageous spot on content. Early in the relationship with the sociopath, she kissed the neighbor, told me about it knowing that monogamy and trust were my prime values in a relationship. I felt so completely betrayed, disrespected, bewildered, distrusting, I momentarily left her. But shortly thereafter, motivated by toxic loneliness, I stepped on my own heart, and came back to volunteer for the torture that followed.
So enlightening! I remember feeling that my trust was extorted before it was earned, well said. They engineered everything thru manipulation which blindsided me by intense love bombing.
They know ppl have trouble saying No.. and that your critical/responsible front is not what you think it is. Mirroring your hopes and dreams is blending in, showing kinship, and echoism.. where they know they like it when ppl agree with them, so they agree with whatever you tell them is good to you. Playing the hurt puppy.. lol Yes, they do get the butt hurt croc tears or narc injury when you reject them and set boundaries.
I had a band member try to extort sex from me with that "it is such a shame that you can not trust enough". It must have worked so many times for him. I am disgusted by him. Thank you for these messages Meredith. They are much appreciated.
I don't have a narcissist partner but a mother and probably a cousin who is very close to her. The fist tactict, I'm right in the middle of it. My mother ask my cousin without consulting me to handle the family's affairs. Now that is done, they probably speak a lot with each other and he is asking me to do somethings for him. And it' s like I own him something. So my mother ask him to work for her (even it's family affairs, I had nothing to say about it, and I was not consulted), and I must pay the bill. Always like that with. She reproduces the same process many times in my life. I managed to have no contact with her and now it is starting again through my cousin that she sends to the front for her. It's difficult for me now. But I care even more for myself to support. I meditate a lot. Mindfullness. And I started a EMDR therapy. Thank you for your video's.☀️☀️
My step Uncle, my former friends father & 4 exes did this to me #wisdomspeaks #healingispossible
Thank you he is gone now after all that and "I" was rejected now I have to pick MYSELF up when I was fine alone before him...insecure man who interrogated me accused me and left me...incredible.
Ive heard the "smile more" tactic. Boundaries here is really important. Once you know, you go!
#1 Crisis + Solution: "You're a sinner fit for Hell. But Jesus is your Saviour."
#2 High Intensity Date + Sex: "Through this intensely emotional Rite of Eucharist you'll devour a living God who'll enter your body."
#3 Forcing You Into Something You're Not OK With: "It is not good for you to consort with your unbelieving friends."
#4 Offering Unwanted Help: "Come to our prayer group, we'll help you dispel your doubts."
#5 Demanding Your Smile: "It is joyful to spent three hours in God's house, be joyful, too."
#6 Mirroring Our Hopes & Dreams Or Likes & Dislikes: "..is what you should do 24/7."
#7 Paying For You: "Jesus payed for your sins with His life, He offered an ultimate sacrifice for you."
#8 Self PR Campaign: "Without God, nothing would exist. Without His son, world would fall into eternal darkness."
#9 Straight Up Telling You "Trust Me." This one is easy...: "Now tell me your most embarassing and painful secrets, lest your soul ends in everlasting torment."
#10 Love & Light Spiritual Trolling: "It's such a shame that you fail to receive the glad tidings. Jesus wouldn't want you to be unhappy."
10/10. Coincidence? I don't think so.
Excellent insights into the control mechanism used by the religious institution. In addition if someone told me they met a guy who said he’s the son of god and he would die for their sins, that he will save them from evil and be their personal lord and savior if they just turn everything over to him, I would say run, that sounds like a psychopath!
@@InnerIntegration Thank you, Meredith. For your comment and for being who you are.
Pretty words: "You are an angel upon this earth that no mere mortal compares."
Action: *Stabs back and then calls it a joke* Refuses to take ANY responsibility nor accountability for damage.
That "charging you 10,000% interest" is very familiar to me. I didn't have a term for it so I called it 'priming the pump' - where one pours some water into a pump to get it working so that all the water that is wanted can be pumped
Meredith is gorgeous, she looks like a beautiful siamese cat with how her eyes and face shape
duskdawn hellspawn I agree. I too have a cat like face. It’s in the eyes and mouth area. Like I should have whiskers lol Ive been told I have “bedroom eyes, innocent eyes ‘but you’re a sinner!’ unicorn eyes, and cat eyes”. Enough about me tho. Yes Meredith is a beautiful woman inside and out. She helps SO many ppl in need of this education through her time and effort spent here!
Yep! I work with these narcissistic weirdos everyday. Textbook nut cases! Thanks again for what you do.
Well, to many they aren't seen as textbook nutcases, and that's how they are able to get so far without being noticed. They don't always seem crazy.
This is what a very high functioning female looks like.
Oh no don’t go on a roller coaster date then have sex cause it means someone trying to trick you to give them trust they haven’t earned 😂 sounds nuts
Wow perfect title for the video ❤️ They love using trust against you
Please let me make a short note on 9:42: Unfortunately, this is the sickening and hypocritic way of Evangelicals. Normally nobody would / should treat you like that in a parish. Neither condescending nor hyper-wellcomming.
God bless! Keep on doing your amazing videos!
I have put all the experienced abuse aka wisdom from many lifetimes together on my instagram profile. It would be beyond description if you and your audience could find something that helps you survive and thrive in this current paradigma. Thank you all for being here with me. It means the Universe to me. I love you. instagram.com/soko_famore/
Have you ever watched a cat play with a mouse? It goes something like that.