@@charlesgriggs2494 ive said that many times too , but its so true....., especially narcism. Unless keeping the family dynamic healthy in a society or country isnt important? ...lol. Its true though, they literally erode the entire family from the inside out, just like some of the experts say. Ive seen it firsthand......, and they don't an wont stop chewing at the foundation, until everything is ruined....., that's just from my experience though...; whats really unfortunate is when someone less narcissistic or not at all....gets trapped , in between narcs and people with trauma bonds (assuming everyone isnt) , meaning people who crave conflict and fighting. People enjoying the chaos and drama.
34 years here very terrible right now my hands are shaking --just had another argument. did you leave him after 40 years I hope now you are free!!! . I am not caring anymore especially when He told me he hates me!! gave him half of my house am I crazy?? never got a thank-you from this narc. I hope you are feeling great and looking forward to the good years ahead god bless
If you break a narcissist, It seems they begin to fear you because you become a threat to them which they can not beat, scare, intimidate or control. They absolutely hate that.
Had to stop the video to read this again and again. Jesus that’s exactly what happened to me. I keep saying lately he really hates me and it’s a strong hatred. I’m further in than I thought. Out now. But we have a baby soooo.
IF I may say...WHO GAVE A NARC THE PERMISSION TO CONTROL ANYONE OR ANYTHING WHEN THEY CANT EVEN MANAGE THEIR OWN SELVES OR LIFE HMMMM??? Emotional Intelligence will tell you, Phoooey on them. They want the spotlight on them, forgetting everyone else. I like being a team player. They want to break you. Get a life that is YOURS.🌺♥️🌺
@@cherylthompson2731 It's true but the whole system, with the help of mass and social media, reinforce narcissist behaviour and goals; especially ads, commercials and social media platforms.
@@stevenclark5682 That is said in the Book of Revelations or Apocalypse by Johnn as the first signs and it makes sense. If societies don't work together and toxic individualism takes over we are in deep sh*t; there's no planet B.
@@CodyCole80 these folks have extremely low EQ. Smart enough to finish electrical school and make $100k+ a year. Dumb enough EQ to have a hissy fit and get fired from said job, on purpose, to make sure YOU never get a dime in the divorce.
He, is he a narcist or you are ? I am confused . because, it sounds like you are.......or have you become a narcist yourself ? What are his character traits, so I can figure out if he is a real narcist as you thought he was........................I am checking..... Brave ne me.
@@honeybee6154 They are very smart, intelligent people, most of them are successful or extremely successful, few of them are not. They get things done........but it is for themselves. They watch you very carefully. Narcists are very calm people, and rational.
@@myassessmentadres1349 No, I am not the narcissist. I've been in therapy for PTSD from 23 years abuse from him, an overt narcissist. I learned to maintain control of myself so well because ANY reaction on my part worsened the mocking, violence, and other punishments I'd endure, including: having keys, computer, t.v., the car, and money taken away. Isolated from family and friends. I've had my head bashed into cupboards & walls, pushed across the floors, choked out, and slapped. Screamed at in my face, lectured for hours & not allowed to even go to the bathroom alone. Times checked on receipts to make sure I came right home from a store. Bothered at my work. + more. I finally escaped 10 years ago with help from the county sheriff's domestic unit, Haven House, and my church at the time. Financial abuse was a huge part... I left with $700 I had squirreled away and zero.. NONE of my personal belongings... He said if I took ANYTHING, he'd come get it. I believed him. I got an apartment after police arrested him a 4th time... and he was made to stay at his parents until the kids and I got out. I got an apartment and started over. Maintaining control of myself, my composure, is hardly a sign that I'm a narcissist. Narcs DO often become enraged and tantrum like the emotional child they are. It takes only the slightest "narc injury" for a narc to trigger a full-on meltdown. I didn't provoke him to anger. I'd go quiet to protect myself. But this too could be that trigger. You can't reason with an angry toddler in the body of a 40 year old, 6', 240 pound man. If they don't get the reaction they want, you'll see the devil come out. Overt narcissists are not the same as the covert kind. One difference is overt can have extreme expectations, beliefs, and demands. Surprisingly, as was my case, he never cheated. Many overt are so rigid in their patterns, habits, and dogmas they actually don't break their "rules" that make them superior to everyone else. I was however, later engaged briefly to a covert Narcissist and left him the moment I found he was cheating. I was gone that very day, and never saw him again. Yet... once back at my own apartment, I suffered a nervous breakdown and was bedridden most of 8 months afterward. It took 4 years to recover. My MS and Fibro worsted to the point I'm in a wheelchair much of the time. I can't walk... only hobble, a bit. So please reconsider your quick assessment of me, ... I've done so much work on boundaries and self-love, studied Narcissism inside and out, counseled hundreds if not thousands in an online forum for over 2 years with a fantastic team (my way of paying back for all those who supported and guided me from literally the brink of death and insanity.) Quick assessment of another person, an Empath, sensitive to others suffering, who has already been traumatized... is not cool.
Yup! Don't share any persona lthoughts, experiences, feelings. They only use it to manipulate you. Silence is the best policy especially with these folks especially if you can't leave. And nurture your friendships. You'll need them.
@Nickhead87 Maybe it's just that you 2 have very different personalities, likes and dislikes? You know a lot of fathers when they have sons, expect them to be just like them lol, and are confused when that's not the case.
Yet the message we get from society is that we should “never compromise.” Too many narcissists control the messaging we receive every day. It’s a miracle more of us are not narcissists.
The longer you go "no contact", the more you will see the narc for who they are. Their mask has slipped, which is why you are on this page. But when you go NC, the narc will resort to the only thing they know. Their mask will come completely off and you will see them as the poisonous, unreasonable, and disturbed person they are. The person you thought they were initially never existed. Accept it and reward yourself. You slayed the beast by going no contact. It is the only solution and deep down we all know it.
To those of you still trapped inside, I want to tell you that it's a long hard road but you can escape. Freedom is at the end of the road. Don't give up. I'm nine months free but eight of those months were in a womens' shelter. It's hard and it's scary and they try so hard to drag you back to hell. Just don't give up on yourself. Don't go back. Don't be afraid of the pain, only be afraid to go back to what it was before because it will always be the hell you remember and then some as punishment for leaving. It will never get better if you stay. It will only get better if you leave.
It's been a year since you wrote this; I wish you the best has come to you already and you feel free and renewed. From a warrior to another; never step back. 👍
Someone told me "Observe, don't Obsorb" go quiet, don't fight....when you finally decide to leave they don't know what hit them. Plan a good plan. But they look for a new source of energy in a hurry, because they constantly need their ego stroked. Get out, don't walk ,run. It takes at least 5 years of mental healing, to get back to rights. Just so you don't meet another Narc , and go though that crazy again. Don't be a victim be a warrior, it's your life live it.
I just moved 1700 miles away from my parents. Best decission ive ever made!!! Anybody cant get away from your parents do it now!!! I waited too long man i should have done it sooner.
Trust me they are everywhere but you do not see them or you fo want to see!!!when you see people gossiping do not participate that is one of the billion of points they do not have an image empty from inside !!!!
I was married to a narcissist and almost went, literally, crazy. Everything I did was wrong. He'd tell me to do something and the vehemently deny he did. Eventually he divorced me for a younger woman and then wanted me back...on, NO! I was FREE, and loving every second of it!!
I was involved with a female Narc, luckily I didn't marry her. She would use the "you did it wrong" as a way to manipulate me and she'd throw in the occasional praise just to keep me off balance. I wish I knew about all this before I met her. I knew she was "off" but not what it was. She'd literally try and tear me down at every opportunity, specially when I was sick and at my weakest.
Im married to one. Its very hard. Sometimes i think i will go crazy. And then there are days or moments he is really sweet and i try to hold on to the moment. As time goes on though i am less and less patient with his narc behaviour. I just mirror his actions and he will call me out on being mean and etc. I usually tell him im acting just like he is towards me. That usually gets him to shut up because he knows what a dick he is. He cant keep friends because they are always wrong and stupid. I am literally the only one sticking around and i dont know why. I guess im hoping he will change. In a lot of ways he did but in a lot of ways he is the same hes alwsys been. But thats my life. Im not perfect. I yell at my kids when i shouldnt and im yell at him when i shouldnt. Im trying to change but it is hard. So i guess my point is, sometimes we just have to take it and have sympathy because it really is hard to change. Rant over.
@@miaqueen5839 you HAVE to get him into therapy to address his NPD otherwise you'll just go insane. My ex gf was the same.....just when they realize they've gone too far and you're on the verge of leaving, they'll do something to draw you back in. I was the same: I'd do and say exactly the same things she said to me, back and her. Only in HER mind, I was just being mean and she was all full of sunshine and unicorn farts. I didn't know about NPD at the time, so I fell for her BS. She'd do something to get me upset and then sit back and smirk with pride as I spun up. All the while doing and saying things to get me more upset. She loved it. The best moment of my life with her was when I was finally able to say NO to her...she hated it....."but but you're supposed to be under MY control".........
Hi all. I am married to a Narc. We got married in less than 2 months of knowing each other. I fell so hard for him and I thought I was marrying for love. We were both older so I thought it was perfect and just right. We didn’t move in because we decided to live with our parents to save for a property. In the mean time, we were both working a lot and I went out a lot with my friends and abused alcohol. I would sometimes get so drunk and end up late at night back at his parents house. Not my proud moment but I didn’t know how to handle this change and also my frustration for not having him like I wanted him all the frikin time. This went on for 2 years. Also on that second year, we were looking at properties and we found out that getting a house was for now, not an option. We’ve gotten a one bedroom apartment and I moved in by myself first. The whole process was gruesome and a true test for our relationship as financials were brought up to light. I always thought we could’ve worked anything out but I was wrong. Before moving in, he wanted to destroy me in front of my parents, telling my dad that we’ve gotten married 2 years ago in secret. Thank goodness my dad didn’t explode but I was devastated. That was NOT the way we’ve agreed to tell him. Last year, we’ve moved in and not even a month into living together, he exploded on me. It was one week or two of being loving and caring and the next two, it was a living hell. I’ve carried on like that for all of 2019 and the majority of 2018. Our true happiness only lasted one year and after that his mask fell off. Early September, he pushed me to the floor while I was crying on the phone telling his mom that he was gathering his clothes and was going to leave me. I was scared for my life and I ran downstairs and called 911. The police case and took pictures of me, my bruises and I filed a police report. That night I did not sleep home. He did leave that night. The police got there too late. A day later, I returned home and so did him. I was with my mom though, she was scared for me. Remember: I NEVER thought we would’ve gotten physical. It’s almost as like a demon got over him. He was literally foaming and his eyes and his face were distorted. He looked like a demon TBH. Right now we have a restraining order and I don’t know what to do. Next court date in early January and I don’t know if I should go. I don’t know if I should fight or just let it go. I know I wouldn’t be the first person to be divorced but I NEVER thought it would’ve gotten this far. Watching these videos, there’s no doubt that he has real problems and now i can think better. I don’t have to hear his screaming and yelling at me. I don’t have to walk on eggshells to keep the peace. I don’t have to hide and watch out on what my actions are or are not. I know my life is better now but I’ve gotten no contact with him. Any thoughts? Advice? Thanks all!
@@vl4678 i feel for you. I got married to my husband after 3 months of knowing him. Im still married to him 9 years later but he is a narccisist and he physcally abused me too..this year it was to the point i couldnt walk anymore becuaw he almost broke my back and injured my knee. I cant seem to leave him. I wish i would have the strength. On our 3rd year of marriage he "almost" cheated on me and he admitted that he did it to hurt me and then he went on to blame me. I left him but he came crawling back. I have a very forgiving heart so i took him back. I wish now i wouldnt have done that. I was naiive to beleive he would change. In some ways he did but in a lot ways he didnt. I dont encourage divorce bit since you dont have kids you should stay away from him and start over. I want to leave for my kids but i also want them to have a dad. He try to be good dad but also fails alot and i just dont know. An outsider looking in would tell me to leave but its not easy especially with kids. He would make up lies and take my kids away so i just Stay with so i can always keep an eye on my kids. Its hard. But i would tell you to move on. Divorce him.
I used to say, "I don't play games." But now I have realized I'm in the game whether I like it or not. Now I have tools and strategies to stand firm against being pulled onto their stage. Thank you Dr Carter, you are making the world a better place for so many of us on the path to becoming fuller, richer people, anchoring down in calm firmness and peace. God bless you.
Dear Lori Peters, my name is also Lori. I too am being manipulated by a (insert your own swear word) narcissist. I decided one day to take myself out of the playing field of the narcissist and treat them like "an invisible doorman". I can assure you this had an immediate and fundamental effect on their behaviour towards me!!! He immediately began to treat me like a respected member of society instead of the hated, insulted member of society with no need for respect. I scared him badly. He used to look at me, at every opportunity, like he absolutely hated me with every fibre of his being. So one day, I decided, I did not deserve his bullsh*t, I did nothing to warrant his bullsh*t, so I decided I would never again look into his face, where he routinely looked at me with his evil eyes. He immediately noticed I never looked into his face and worried greatly that others would notice my slight of him and he immediately began to repair and restrain himself from his overly fucktoid and narcissistic treatment of me!!! I took my power back!! I got off his screwed up playing field and made my own rules of the game! He had NO power over me after that!! I can assure you Lori, that narc is now panting to get on my good side!!! From the bottom of my heart Lori, I wish you good strength and calm decisiveness with the A-hole narc in your life! My spirit, my good wishes are with you!!! And don't you know Lori, I'd LOVE an update of your situation!!!! I'd LOVE to be your mentor!! I am a poor excuse for Dr. Les, but I can assure you, I've been in your position and I'd love nothing more than to be your mentor and support you in your time of need. We are all one. To help another is to help ourselves. You are me Lori. Let us share our experiences, so that we may help one another. Really and truly. I remain, Lori
@@loribuonamici1398 The danger in playing with narcs is that they may have no boundaries and you might be inciting a war you can't possibly win, because you do have appropriate boundaries.
4 issues to drive the narcissist crazy: Strong boundaries.Taking the focus off them. Discarding them before they could get new supply. Real love and care.
It's not that I hadn't tried in the last 15 years. They constantly invaded my privacy. I moved to start over many times trying to draw boundaries. They with their people just picked up and moved along with me taking up cheap housing and continuing games. I tried getting a career guidance person. Studying newspapers in libraries. Researching my interests. All they did was chase my ass and cause my health to slide.
While they kept me walking, they kept updating their cars and other methods of transportation. They help each other out and expect me to rely on the meager resources they allowed me to have. They impacted my beauty and personal life.
Stop giving them the opportunity to make you a perpetual victim. I have a a sister in law like this. When I caught on to her bullshit I sent her a letter on Facebook and made sure the rest of the family and her flunkies got it too. I realize doing this isn't the answer for everyone. It sure made me feel better though and when they see me they step lightly. Don't become dependent on them for money or approval and especially friendship. I wish you well, good luck.
Narcissists basically seek to enslave others 😤 There is no compromise. RUN!🏃🏾♂️🏃🏽♀️ GET OUT! I've left jobs, family members, "friends", etc to clean my spiritual space from these nasty little monsters. Life gets better when you do. ❤️
I'd like to say to all narcissists: You will never have my loyalty, trust and respect because you continuously refuse to offer, to the ones who care or cared for you, any semblance of truth or genuine feeling. You treat people with disdain you fake, lie and cheat, yet you expect an abundance of respect and admiration from those around you.
I know and have lived this for too many years. I couldn't figure why a father would treat his son this way. It took me too many years to realize what was going on in his mind to bring this unhealthy and unnatural relationship into being.
Samantha MacDoo Samantha ehh...sounds like you have a sexual fantasy you’re yet to carry out yourself. I’d be happy to oblige a girl with a hot-sounding name such as, “Samantha”.
patti meehan yes it is so hard. Induces guilt and sadness and confusion. I moved out and was independent at a very young age. Get through it, your future is promising
Sadly abuse is abuse no matter who it is, mother, father, child AND it’s unacceptable. I’ve just got rid of my mum. She’s tried to manipulate me all my life, could never control me, so instead she continued with guilt trips and insults. I won’t see her again. I think it’s very common and I don’t blame anyone for walking away. Take care of yourself and those who deserve it.
My egg donor just turned 84. I left 20 months ago. She now has to rely on the GC, because my youngest brother's wife has Covid, and the oldest brother's GF wants nothing to do with her. I got a call 6 months ago from my youngest brother, who said, "Mom broke her back. My wife doesn't know how to take care of her, since she doesn't have any medical experience." I BELLY laughed! I don't have any medical experience either! I told him, "Gee, that's too bad. Maybe you and the other two need to stick her in a nursing home so she can get the help she needs!" The line went dead! 😂 I'm free, and on the other side of the country. NEVER going back, except to see my son & grandson!
I shocked everyone around me in the hospital including family... By saying THANK GOD ITS OVER when my narcissistic father died in his 90s. And I was grateful to be free of his torture.
They think they are above the law they believe they are above everyone else , the only way to deal with them is to completely switch off and protect your own sanity
One of them is: you being you. Narcissist want the other to change. It is not themselves who have issues they use as arguments. So you being you makes them uncertain, angry, powerless and gives them no control which they want badly.
I agree. Narcissists hate you, actually they hate everybody, except those that enable and coddle their behavior, and passify them. For the person they have targeted at the moment, you being you, the presence of being near you or hearing your voice gets on their nerves. Their frustration and annoyance of you causes them intense anxiety so they berate and brow beat you inorder to escape the reality of the moment. It is all about power and control over others. When they question their power and control in a situation, they feel like a trapped animal looking for a quick escape. When they do not escape, It is during this time their mask comes off and you see the true person they really are. The narc. growling, teeth showing, surveying their surroundings, anxiety intensifying, and their attention toward the identified target grows, expect an explosion of anger filed rage.
@@donnafoley9684 whether they cannot not, they won't. Something about them makes them NEVER EVER even a tiny bit admit even one thing they do wrong, and so ya, it's pure laziness but I also think yhe devil.has the strongest grip on them when they can HAVE to be in church every week and never see that they were evil coming in and on the way out! Sometimes they do such horrible things, it even shocks them. It's happened many times toe and God is trying to convict them, but they will STILL not want to admit or do anything about it!!!!! I was in a narcissistic relationship for really from the minute we started dating, although I didn't notice the signs, of course, but for 36 years, and finally got out, and unfortunately still.have one daughter in HS, and she didn't want to be with him but maybe a few days a month and that was her wish but he fooled the courts and he got her full.jojnt temporary custody and probably will have her like that the rest of high school. It makes me so terribly sad that she isn't happy with that and also I only see her half the days of my life and I always provided like 99% of care and everything and was the one at all of her stuff and helping her with stuff. NOT.FAIR. and of course, after you leave, they just keep up the abuse in any way they can. As long as they are alive, they most likely will.jeep trying and always be at stuff where you are, but hopefully with total "I don't give a hoot and you do not bother me" mindset and actions, he will learn he need to not even put forth the effort because it has no affect on me!
1HopeinHim oh thank you for the great laugh I got when I read; "Run Forrest run!" I love people that make me laugh. Doesn't seem to be many people around anymore that do that (laugh enough) or much to laugh about anymore. Sucks.
Life is already difficult as it's ,to deal with samebody it this problem day by day is hell ,I start reading ,studying about narcissim afther I date one and see all the red flags,luckily I get out before it becomes seriouse ,now looking back Thanks God ,I feel very sorry for people who have narcissist parents...you can't run from then and they cause alot of low self estime,trauma mental and emocional pain and confusion in a child head,and many spend I life long recovering from that...
@Alexander Scrotumface the Great I try to understand it from every angle Psicology ,early childwood abouse ,neglet ,trauma but I really believe this Is a very deep spiritual problem ,do you realize that all narcissist" modus operandi" is the same?I think they have same "narcissist spirit"that wants to cause other people as much pain and unhappiness(until they start to self destruct),I read samehere that they are "soul vampires" ,did you ever did research about that? Greetings from Germany 🇩🇪
@Alexander Scrotumface the Great There is many videos here in you tube about "Narcissist and expirituality","The Jezebel Spirit","The spiritual side of narcissism",its very interesting,the question is :"what causes narcissim" according to Psicology,neurology ,religion...?I just discover this video of Dr Carter" Narcissist how the fake self develop",you must watch
What a shame that I had to endure this as a child, especially during the years that I was an only child. There's no way to overstate the damage this did to me. I believed everything my father said about me, and when I look back upon that little girl all these years later, my heart breaks not only for the wasted time, wasted energy and wasted love, but for myself as the injured young adult, working so hard to just bring myself up to zero. I was a crushed musician until I was 35, when i finally broke free in my mind. It's infuriating, but so profoundly sad. Narcissism is a terrible affliction, not for the narcissist but for those in his or her orbit.
"I was a crushed musician until..." Something tells me you're a musician who plays with great passion and intensity and i suspect your audiences love your musicianship because it. Music is medicinal for the soul.
@@anthonybulluck8050 What a kind comment, Anthony. I'd forgotten all about my post there, where I was obviously inspired to put my heart on my sleeve. I guess that's the beauty of posting anonymously. And your words about what others must think of my music was a sweet leap of faith. I'm happy to say that after a brief 15-year hiatus, I'm back in the studio recording a new album. But around election time, I did release two new songs unrelated to this disc, "My Country" and "A Problem for the Team," the latter of which relates somewhat to my original post about narcissism. The fallout in later life isn't just emotional but also physical. These pieces are easy to find on my TH-cam channel if you've any interest. Thanks again for making my night. :) th-cam.com/channels/9p5_RO0Sx7I47ArudAQm1A.html
I understand where you come from. I finally let both Gemini-Narcissist parents. As an only child, it has been a puzzle figuring out all the disappointment, n trouble, I have been to them. It was only recently that I had to turn away. They have influenced my children, leading me to believe, "It's all my fault " yet I get along with others. They have put me in mental hospitals, turned family against me, n blocked my success. NO MORE. Im on a journey to be a millionaire or as close as I can. With negativity gone, my gifts are resurfacing, beautiful. My Savior has a bright future for me.
Bless you. I too had the same upbringing. On my father's deathbed he finally owned and apologized for his bad behavior. Only to me. Not to the rest of the family who sold out to living the lie, and threw me under the bus to save their lives. I have forgiven all of them as I have sorted out the mess as an older woman of 68. Never to late to heal from this junk.
@NITA I'm caring for the enabling covert narcissist mother who has thrown me under the bus to bolster my older malignant narcissist sibling's ego. I have to forgive Mom anew every day, as I receive text messages from the narcissist (who moved as far away as possible, literally) telling me and our other siblings how Mom is possibly being neglected, exploited etc, implying that I (the only family member caring for her) am a bad person and that he, from the other side of the continent, knows better.
@Mescalinum Sunshine Hatred is in no way a crime or anything that the above can punish a person from. A person has the right to be a dick head & be hateful people.
I wrote down these (and his other) statements and keep them in my purse. It’s been a very thing to reread when dealing with a narc. My boss is a classic corporate psychopath, unfortunately.
I tried to defend my brother in law. My sister attacked him verbally on a constant basis. I could see he was broken. I tried to help. He asked me not to defend him. He said, "I signed till death do us part." Three months later he passed away. My heart was broken. I can never look at her again. He lived to make her happy and he never could. Get out and away.. no matter your religion. God forgives.
@Mescalinum Sunshine you're wasting energy and time. Society has taught fire with fire, eye for an eye and its complete BS. Christ Yahshua said to turn the other cheek. You never respond to violence with violence. So using decency you're crushing the hatred. Because people who carry hatred also want u feeling that way so it's a trap. The Heavenly Father is Incorruptible and fights for us. That is why you don't seek revenge. It will consume you also. There is a saying 'someone seeking revenge needs to dig two graves'. They don't comply with Christ's justice so they will be handled. You must Comply with justice to receive amnesty from Christ Yahshua. So yes u be practical making ur reports an what not but u don't go try taking them on urself. Truthfully society is on their side because society trys to hide them so they can continue abusing making people worse human beings.
@@KyleInOklahoma none has no right to be that way. I will say this much everyone is in charge of 'their own salvation'. So behave how you like your life here and Now and after will reflect where you end up. And the GREAT PART ABOUT IT YOU WILL HAVE NO ONE TO BLAME BUT YOURSELF. Good luck with that defective thinking pattern.
Am an only child in my late 50’s and divorced. It took me years to figure out this behavior. Thank god I had a wonderful stepmom who loved me unconditionally. Long story short. After my step mom passed my real mother decided she want to be in my life I thought great. She can be helpful is true but the price to pay. She visits and stays in my house more than hers and says no one can tell her when to leave.She cooks cleans take over my house and children.. I sometimes feel displaced in my own house. She only goes to the grocery and back. No social life at all. She is disruptive. Thank God for these educational videos. They are my lifeline and are extremely helpful.
When I got very ill and my whole life was interrupted, I found out that I was surrounded by narcissist "friends." Your explanation of how narcissists panic when things don't go as planned explains what happened to me. Suddenly I was surrounded by people who were angry at me for being sick.
After my surgery, the narc in my life asked me to sleep on the couch so I wouldn't disturb him. His justification was that he needed to get decent sleep so he could earn money, asking, "You do want me to work, don't you, so that you and the kids can eat, yes?" I slept on the couch, (after major surgery due to a ruptured ovary and after 3 days in hospital post-op,) because that's what I believed, at the time, was the understanding and right thing to do.
The idea is hilarious, hehe... Like, really insisting on an answer. "Come on, you must be able to think of something!" -"You know, I have outgrown thinking in categories of "good" or "bad". Those are very simplistic concepts." "Yeah, sure, but sure there must be something you'd like to change to be a better person! Think harder!" -*rolls eyes and leaves the room*. :DDD
My father remarried a narcissist. He then became her flying monkey. All I did for 3 years was constantly defend myself. It was mad! I finally walked away and gave zero power to it. I literally disappeared from them. I took care of myself and now I can see clearly what happened to me. Life has never been better! There is light from the darkness, you just have to leave everyone that brings you down! ❤️
I once rented a room from a woman whose husband had done this. I regret not seeing it as the biggest red flag ever, but she managed to convince me that he was the narcissist. It was hard to get out of that living situation. Total nightmare.
My exact sentiment. I am fighting financially to keep my marriage together and to stay in our home. The largest bank in the world thinks differently. I am working steady again after many years of inconsistency. I could not understand why an honest, hard-working, kind carpenter was not demanded. I now have a much better understanding about the workplace dynamics. Kill the competition. Narcissism is a plague. I thank Dr. Carter and associates for their generosity.
The question is why, my solution would be not drive them crazy because I wouldn't associate with a crazy person who has programed themselves to not act like a normal member of society. In business dealing with a customer or boss, or a family member like the husband of your wife's favorite sister who she wants to spend a lot of time with, this probably is a map to dealing with that person. His 10 or so item pushback list does not seem to allow you to deal with that person, many of the item like valuing yourself and your ideas, require you to eventually act that way. You can really allow yourself be led in a path of destruction or a direction you consider abhorrent because it's OK in the crazy persons world view. Eventually that pattern will be picked up by the stupidest of person and will get you on this persons enemy list. In a small business I am not going to discriminate against brown or LGBT people because that is some associates world view and doing so will create a lucrative partnership, in the end he has to accept this (he probably won't if he considers is some sort of 'moral' imperative) and the deal is secondary, most likely I will not be associated with this person and his business.
Polly Ester....you just nailed it!! That's it in a nutshell! I couldn't outshine my ex on Anything! He always had to be the one on the spotlight. So I took a backseat for 40 years. But after 42 years I finally left. I was putting too much effort into something that was already dead...
@melanie L...thank you, but going through the divorce and afterwards, I realized I didn't really love him.....so it was no big heartache for me luckily.
@@8solange I see what you see. It's unmistaken. And the thing about it is I might have said that the very most, twice to this person. But not out of anger. Out of truth. It's sad for them to be jealous. But we also know who we are. But I hate to boast that. But you and I know it's the truth. It's TRUE but weird to me at the same time Really weird, mister Princeton Graduate with high honors, the highest paid engineer in a world wide company. This persons district is the most productive out of any. It is almost so crazy this person would hate me for being intelligent. Don't they know people like us do exist ?
Once you hit the breaking point, and don't care anymore, you'll be free. That's how it happened to me. I was rock bottom, looking at him from the ground where he'd pushed me to. Nowhere to go, late night in the middle of the Texas countryside. It hit me like a bomb went off. It's all about my own protection like Tina sang about. Blessings to you all
When dealing with a narcissist establish your own boundaries. Be very, very, very clear and maintain your stance. If that doesn't work for them...wish them well and tell them to get professional help.
green fox amen amen amen. I haven’t spoken to my twin in over a month. It was a weird Christmas but I knew it was for the better. She was sucking the life out of me. She has humiliated me for all of our lives. She has stolen my self esteem. She has criticized me for every one of my ideas. She made me worship her every move. I had no idea how sick she made me. I had to go through therapy to understand I’m worth living.
green fox thank you so much. You made my day. I’m very thankful for your words and insight. I will always love her and I’m also glad to be getting stronger by the day. She has no power over me anymore.
Oh my...another comment I completely relate to. My ex husband actually ran off with his best friends wife while I was recovering from major surgery. The whole story is much worse, but I try not to dwell on that anymore. I pray we both continue to heal and live well.
Hit the nail on the head. Narcs have to be in full control; one must be in their club as you said. I'm realizing just how much I compromised and set aside my own needs just to accommodate other s essentially all of my life. Thx!
Once you confront the narcissist with their lies they'll shut their mouth and refused to answer you. Then every time you confront the narcissist you just ask them the same question again and again till they answer... they won't... because they are way too proud to admit their insecurities...
Last summer my-soon-to-be-ex told me his “Psychologist” diagnosed me in abstentia with Borderline Personality Disorder. I demanded and demand to know this psychologist’s name. My ex’s response, “I refuse to participate in this conversation.” I filed for divorce November 2019.
Your knowledge gives me strength, my strength gives me peace & understanding. Sometimes not so easy, but day by day by day....finding myself. Thank you!
i used to be told by the person i was with i run and rushed out yesterday and i told her on her face your a narcissist and toxic and you can't change then i quite
@Mustafa Mohammed not a hypocrite my brother you don't know how it feels if you haven't face such things hope you'll learn one day if you haven't but if you did i hope you know it
Cute cat, I had a similar one! The discord is maddening, they live to frustrate. They are not very accommodating at all. But OMG disagree with one, and they treat it like a capital offense. I didn't put a phone back on the charger, and he threw the phone and.charger outside. Unglued.
@@sherrim4067 Yes, a lot of autoimmune disorders and other problems are the result of living with a narc. They are mentally ill, and driving us into that same illness - physically and mentally.
My brother is a narcissist. He's going on 69, I'm 67. He began to get really bad in his late 20s. I had to eventually move away. As kids I always saw the peculiar side to him. He'd always been a bully and thought only of himself. Everything had to be done His way. It would take a book to describe his self-centered behavior. It's kinda sad that we haven't had a relationship in over 35 years. I really enjoyed this video.
god dam my brother and i are going that way i can feel it. he picked up all the unmotivated draining negative traits of our dad because he was a kid when my dad went nuts and he had no way to psychologically defend against it. so he took on those traits. i really dont wanna have a distanced estranged brother but every attempt at trying to come to a solution is met with staunch opposition. is therer any thing you could have done before his late 20s to counteract his negative traits?? im 25 and my brother is 23 and geting increasingly detached and negative as years go by
@@RustyShakleford1 it’s only going to get worse, unfortunately. I know it’s especially tough since it’s immediate family, but they will never change. It’s a battle that you want to be right in every fiber of your heart and being but you will not win.
One of My absolute favorite lines from this is "use (our) pain as a positive force". We all experienced pains from some one narcissistic. Some of them just sneak into our lives and we don't know that we have been abused for so long, that we may adopt some their characteristic from the pain. It's never too late to revaluate and turn the negative experience into something positive and productive. Also, We are forever a work in progress hit me deep too. It's easy to be hard on one's self after separating from a narcissitic person, but that brought me some emotional calmness.
This was so good to hear. My independence & strong sense of self drives my narc sister absolutely batty. I never thought I would feel such peace after going "no contact," but I do... after more than 5 decades of crap. Goes to show that there can be eventual perks to losing one's parents... and hidden perks to moving FAR from family.
Deanna... yes, far, far. Away. I am 1,500 miles away. I shudder everytime the phone rings or I get an email. Isn't it amazing how exactly alike all the N's are. It's scary.
@@pattygaugler9636... perfect, I'm about 1800 miles away. LOL I've been thinking of blocking her phone numbers. She only calls about once/year or less, but I don't want it. I don't want a message. I don't want to think about it and screen calls. I believe I'll do the same for email. I was even recently wondering if she would ever send a registered/certified letter. I wouldn't sign for it. I feel emancipated from that choke hold. I'm even thinking about getting off of Facebook so I don't have to see her via mutual family/friends there. Ick. I've been drifting away from FB anyway.
When a narcissist knows of your weaknesses , become stronger somehow ( doing exercises of many kinds , read books you learn knowledge in , of your choice ) , prepare yourself , do something that will benefit "You" the next time this narcissist crosses your path , again .
In my experience the narcissist takes it as a personal attack to be separate from them. In fact the only thing they will accept is elevating them as special. If we dare to be ourselves and walk our own path they will not only treat us with contempt but they must also make others dislike us too. There was excitement when I realized I don't have to be around these people just because they are family. What a relief it was when I didn't see them anymore. We should have no problem being respectful of anyone who differs from me, however I do choose my friends based on my personal convictions.
ive had blinders on this whole time. only after my mom died did i realize my brother has been just shut down and taken on all the narcissistic traits of our dad. i didnt want to face it but its like he a soft copy. being around him is draining and he never answers a question directly. i feel more alone when he is in the room. all i wanted was to go for a walk with him and our family dog but he never "has any time" or he "has a girlfriend"
"They think it is a personal attack when you are separate from them." Wow, you put it into words. I had a hunch, but you verbalized it into actual words.
This is my daughter-in-law. And sadly, my son and grandchildren are the "carrots" she dangles in front of me. I'm learning (and trying) to go LOW contact; no contact would mean never seeing my loved ones. Life with her is EXHAUSTING! Thank you for your channel.
He ghosted me a month after we met. He saw I had these qualities. Still, he dragged me into a very dark place, especially when he ghosted. I just could not understand why anyone would proclaim their love for you and then discard you so quickly. Then I found out about narcissism and it all made sense: the tests prior and during the love bombing, the mind fuckery and devaluation tactics afterwards and then the ghosting. I dodged a bullet by being myself
@@richardlandis793 on it. He discarded me very quickly because I've done a tone of work on myself before meeting him so I was not taking the crap. Still, he showed more of my shadows which needed work. I do thank him for coming into my life. It has been truly revealing!
@@berthaeliascreative9178 it really did! To the point that I ended up in hospital with an asthma attack. I've never suffered from asthma in my life! I've learnt that when dealing with a narc, you start experiencing new health conditions you've never suffered from before. It is very true. I literally spent days in bed, cancelled clients and cried my soul out. I became non-functional. And that's only from dealing with the narc for 2 months only!!! I cannot imagine having a long term relationship with one like many others do. I think I'd end up suicidal.
I suffered through a relationship with a narcissist until I finally realized I could not change him. Many people (especially women) enter into a relationship, recognizing the red flags of narcs, and thinking she can change him with love but it rarely happens.
Yup I thought that too. I've known him 25 years and I know the absolute horror he went through as a child. His dad is malignant, he's covert. Over the past year I was patient, would tell him what he was doing.. he said he never understood how his actions hurt others and it seemed he was doing some inner reflection and change but I think he was getting better at wearing the "normal" mask. On Valentine's day I bruised his ego and got full narc rage and devalue and discard. I left the next day, and after some very sad and insulting hoover attempts, told him I see through everything now and I'm done lying to myself. He'd always say "I'm damaged, not broken." Sadly I'd have to disagree. Personality disorders can't be fixed with love and at the expense of ourselves. There are so many good people with loving hearts that just want to help people heal and see the beautiful side of life. Someone who lives in survival mode never will.
I wish I had learned all this forty years ago. A lot of pain would have not happened. Thank you for these videos. They have helped me immensely. Thank you for educating me. Through the videos I learned there were two in my life instead of one.
"Anchor down in peace" - this video was so therapeutic. Thank you, Dr. Carter! God bless you. Oh, and as I read the Psalms of King David to help heal my soul, I have a hunch that he experienced narcissistic abuse too.
His words were sweet as honey, And trickled through her heart, But words don't build a future; Words are just the start. She floated on his promises And drifted on his voice. To spend each moment with him Was now the only choice. For months she danced in daydreams And allowed the words to win. She was at his beck and call; Tried to build his world for him. And still his words they spelled her... Though some actions made Her Sting... But she drifted on his loving voice And allowed his darkness in. She just needed to be perfect, Then all the wrong would right. She just needed to be patient And guide him to the light. So she spent more time just being with him, And tried so very hard To hide her insecurities; To heal her hidden scars. And slowly, gently, bit by bit, She made a life of need; A need to make him happy; A need to stem the bleed. Over time her friends lost touch, Her family gave her space. All accepting she was loved And her life was filled with grace. It happened oh so slowly; Just hints of grey at first; Prodding at her hidden cuts; Questioning her worth. She'd given up her friendships; Given up her life, Just to feed his darkness And be a better wife. But the greyness overcame her; It darkened on her flesh. Her image in the mirror; A strange and pitied mess. No longer could she try; Her light now just a flicker. No longer did his words Make her heart beat quicker. For she could not now give to him The things she gave before. And now she needed something back, She she found a Cold, Closed Door. She thought back to the promises. She thought back to his words; She used to swell when he said her name, Now it shivered at her worth. And slowly he found distance And went searching for his needs; And he is gone; another soul Has offered hurt to bleed. Alone was she an empty shell Of who she used to be; Her tower, built on words that praise Was rubble at her knees. But that was then... And this is now Her story's still being told. She has such hopes, she has such plans; Such dreams yet to infold. For when the tower crumbled, She began to face her fears ; She took each brick and built a bridge, Then walked across her tears. She used to be a victim Trying to hide her flaws; So feared was she of loneliness That she built her hidden walls. But now she is an open book And clear of dark distraction. She sees now how his darkness Was just sent for a reaction. No longer does she please the dark No longer looking back, She felt her love shine from her soul; It filled up all her lack. So if, by chance you feel this tale Speaks some words of truth, Know the dark will never fade A light as bright as you. Heather Lea
@@kathyu9215 please come and join my facebook page. I share daily poems to heal and inspire. I have been on this journey and share my understanding through my passion of poetry ❤️ facebook.com/Healmeandyou/
@@heatherwightman8328 no I liked it. I guess I felt it didn't need a poem of narcissists and victim tragedy... it just needed a warning description list. Lol
So hard to go in peace when my son has been totally brain washed by a narcissist. Our family is damaged both emotionally and financially because of the total control the narcissist has.
Same here. My almost-ex narc was still in the house when my daughter got married. He is a very charming narc, and nearly everyone that spent time with us over 18 years, took his side, or at least stayed painfully neutral. I knew he was up to something with my new son-in-law who is a very devout Muslim from Libya, and gets freaked out easily by supernatural ideas and stuff. My husband told him my daughter and I were witches, and that the way "we get people" is with food. Turned out, the narc cooked his famous green chile, with pork as usual, which Muslims don't eat, and then lied and told him it was goat. Projection much?? I didn't want to upset my SIL so I didn't tell him at first, only my daughter. They both went to my court hearing for the TRO, went on the record as witnesses and everything. Incidentally, somehow I got so sick the day of their wedding that I missed the entire thing. I was fine, and then I was so sick we had to stop on the side of the freeway for me to barf four times. My daughter and her best friend were with me the whole time, and didn't understand how I went from fine to deathly ill, and the only thing that made sense was the meal narc gave me right before the ceremony. Yet, somehow, all of that down to the pork was my evil plot. They were staying with us, and spread salt all over their bedroom, it is still not all gone. Then, they suddenly moved out, and had nothing to do with me, not even a text. They are in LA somewhere, and never speak to me, unless it is some emergency, or an answer to what they want from the house before we sell. Yet, my daughter is in contact with the narc. She is also in contact with my dad (narcissistic but maybe not full NPD), after I cut him off for the past few years because he commented on her nipples and started treating her like he treated his four daughters. Mom is the evil, rotten, dangerous person! It is insane. But it gets worse. My son who has stuck by me, and actually was the first person to show me the debauchery his dad was playing on social media. He has always been a very empathetic kid, but at 17 he is a little bit of a jerk, never helps me at all, and has no idea that he ought to do certain things at his age, because narc dad never taught him to be a man. I can give that a break. But I found out 2 days ago, he has no plans to leave with me to Ohio, my home state, and plans to stay with narc who promised him a motorcycle. I've lost both of my kids. And that isn't even mentioning how narc sabotaged my relationship with my stepson because he was jealous we were so close. And now that my stepson has kids, I've had the grandkids ripped away too. There is no continuity in my life at all. Everything I worked for and sacrificed is turned to shit, and I still can't believe the mastery of a narc to work such destruction. He already killed two of my cats, and the other one has seizures every day. He abducted my dog, butchered her paws, and I only got her back by luck after her micro-chip didn't scan and her tag was taken off. My friend said it perfectly, "of course he is going to go after your pets, he knows how much your animals mean to you. Well, he know my kids mean even more and he has succeeded in taking everything, except my dog, thank God. I know the pain, and have no words to comfort. I bawl and and curse the heavens over this. Just when I thought the light was there at the end of the tunnel, he pulls an from up his sleeve again. It sucks ass. I hate it. All I can do to keep going is remember that others are like us, and if I give up and jump off the damn overpass, it will leave other survivors here to deal with it alone. I can still love, unlike the demon, so I guess once I am not triggered a hundred times a day, maybe it will help someone else. Good luck and love to you. We are warriors with no medals.
@Amy Kline, you can keep the hope that your 17 years old will distinguish, with time, the bad from the good. He is still too young, and if YOU did a good job bringing him up, I believe he will be back. I feel at last part of your pain. Our kids are our most weak point. Through them, if we truly love them, we become very vulnerable.
She was so "self aware" that she always seemed to know my next thought and moves before i made them. There is nothing more overwhelming then when someone is in your head.
It's demonic in nature when dealing with these types. Their energy is off. And the butterflies in the stomach thing BIG RED FLAG. Butterflies belong in nature NOT IN UR Belly. THAT GUT FEELING is ur bodies radar /alarm going off and THE WORLD TELLS U THAT'S WHEN YOU'RE IN LOVE. Be careful outhere.
Sounds like a victim of narcsacist. The victim will show same traits a the abuser. A easy way to tell the difference is if the are aware of some their own issues, and willing to own it, and are try to deal withthem. Narcassis never genuinely apologes, show remorse for hurting you. People need to be more careful throwing this word around. A true narsacist is close to sociopathic. They have no ability to empathise with any. You say she was a narcissist, even psychs are carefull not to be diagnosing people, as a lot of signs/traits of trauma/abuse can be percieved wrong.
It's called projection. Like another commenter pointed out tho, her case could be more complex than you realize. I just learned children who are alienated from a parent by a narcissist parent will exhibit traits of a narcissist... Not because the child is a narcissist, but because the systematic psychological abuse forces this on the child. If the child does not display adequate narcissistic qualities, the narcissist parent will inflict further psychogical abuse, and in this way the child is conditioned to be inauthentic. Not saying it's her case, just that it's sometimes very complex.
@@mrhyde9797 No you're wrong she is one. 'The playing victim is classic narc type'. Many of them cannot not do the victim route they 'love it' in a narcissistic way(brings them control emotionally over their target). And guess what it doesn't matter if someone is showing narcissistic tendencies or actual narcissis WHY BECAUSE THEY BOTH NEED HELP OK BROTHER. GET SICK OF PEOPLE TRYING TO DOWNPLAY THIS SHIT. IT'S AN EPIDEMIC.
Well, it sounds like projection. But nowadays there so much people with those traits that who knows. Because someone is a nacissist it doesn't mean that there aren´t any other nacissist in the room, you know. It´s the same that 'only because you are a paranoid it doesn´t mean that there is nobody chasing you'. Complex topic.
I have always said that I’m always trying to work towards being a better person and the Narc in my life has zero interest in growing. He once told me he would never be with anyone who didn’t love ALL the music he loves. Everything you list makes me feel like you know him personally and it blows my mind.
Thank you so much for explaining this. Now I understand and realise my ex husband was a narcissist. I wasn't allowed to be me or grow as a person until I got away from him. He was also an alcoholic which made things worse. I cut him out of my life for good and it was the best decision I ever made!
Minute 7 ... the bleak summary of a narcissist's real intentions towards you. Don't ever think they will change, summon up the courage to figure a way out of that toxic relationship and have a mental health plan to support yourself in the process. My favorite therapists (among the many out there, take the time to find the ones that really will inspire and inform you) are Dr. Carter and Dr. Ramani ... Lots of good wishes to both of you :)
Phil Schertz -or maybe they don't know they are narcissists because they cannot know themselves. Remember, they only blame others and not themselves. They think they are perfection.
You’re so on point. I am no longer friends with someone who has tried to run my life for years because of these behaviors. Keep doing what you’re going
Scary how many of these are out there. Nearly all my exes have displayed these traits. All I can say is that when around these people, I feel crazy, drained, sad and self conscious.
They're very low vibrating /frequency having individuals. And this is how they're accessed /possessed y evil spiritual influences /entities /demons to destroy the lives of others. The behave the same WORLDWIDE that is how you know of the spiritual implications involved.
After 28 years of marriage ... the 2016 election made me realize something was not right with this world. I went down the rabbit hole. My narcissistic husband has done everything you’ve said in this video. He cannot accept me. He despises that I’m not controlled. He despises everything about me as I used to be a happy naive idiot to this world. It’s heartbreaking but this video is awesome. I do like who I am, my knowledge is increasing, I’m getting my confidence back.. very difficult to live with someone like this. The rage, mood swings, dragging me into fights, going round and round over nothing. So utterly exhausting. Thank you for your videos. They are very very helpful
The narcissist in my life actually told me, he was going to break me... I told him I wasn't some sort of animal to be trained ... He never mentioned it again ..However, this evil soul...Will never break me..
@@hugmc No, he almost did... Once you know what you're dealing with... Through counseling.. you can see the tactics and pattern in their behavior ... They no longer will have control over you...Even if you are still with a narcissistic person... He hates that I have had counseling.. Also, this book by Lundy Bancroft, ( Inside the Mind of an angry controlling man) which I would recommend to anyone that lives with a narcissistic person or in a narcissistic relationship... Because his tactics no longer work.. He's dying of COPD I don't see any point in leaving now.. I think I would enjoy watching that after the misery he's put me through..
O yes, just want control. My children was a big issue. I am not allowed to even talk to them. He wanted to be the boss. I had to do everything with him. Can't even suggest something. His word is all there is. Thank goodness I am out of his mould. Thank you so much for all your encouragement. It just make me stronger. Thank you.
Run for your lifessssss!!! And don’t look back it works as it pisses them off to the fullest extent because they thought they had you spun in their web of sickness.
The inner dialogue of the narcissist beginning at 07:00 is spot on and the suggested affirmations for the individual being preyed upon are excellent. Thank you for this video!
I remained virtually unfazed after the altercation I had with my brother-in-law. I could tell that it really got to him that he couldn’t rattle me. That’s what I do.....The gray rock method I think is the term in the counseling world.... for me I basically remain unfazed and stand firm silently! Thanks, Doc!
Hmm, when I disagreed with mine he said you defy me. Omg he’s not my boss. But he picks at me and tries to tell me what to do. Points out things that are wrong or have to be cleaned up but won’t put it in the bin himself.never cleans up after himself but points and tells me what I haven’t done.
Yeah, mine, a "church leader", reminded me that Jesus said that we are not supposed to divorce and so I am the one ruining our lives. And that I am going to hell. Just right after he said he was gonna start a new life with someone else.😂 I know that this is a load of crock so I just laughed, waved him bye as I said, " see you there" in the sweetest voice ever. He got pissed off enough to leave.😂 He of course screamed out that no one could ever love me or want me and that I would die alone. And that our kids were a waste of time and that I should have never had them, (as if I made them without him forcing his way on top of me as I slept). I just laughed the whole time. Yeah, I'm crazy and ain't changin' for no one except myself. Fuck a narc! They're pathetic.
My boss seemed charming when I first met him. But gradually he assumed more and more control over me, until I started hating my job. He is the weirdest person I have ever met. He is clever, but makes everything up as he goes along, and treats others as servants. He sucks joy out of people. He has no empathy, no emotions, it’s like he is playing a game where he is a super genius surrounded by people who are lucky to implememt his plans. I once disagreed with him and he spent the morning abusing my work in front of colleagues. On another occasion he said he was going to sack me. The only solution is to leave. There are 8 staff and four will leave after Christmas. We hate being near him. Without onlne videos such as yours, I would never have understood this man. I can now cope with him. But coping is not the same as liking being near him, simply that I can avoid the anger and rages that I suffered before. Many thanks.
I've been in your shoes, leaving is the best thing for your mental health. You'll know the signs to ensure that you don't work for someone like that again.
@@StillAliveAndKicking_ When you know you're a decent human being, you have trouble tolerating that crap. Hence high turn-over. Check out a company's turnover of staff. Terrible red flag.
Knowledge about personality disorders should be taught at school, it would prevent so much misery and suffering.
I've Said that. Thanks.
Half the school system people teachers are narcissist.
@@charlesgriggs2494 ive said that many times too , but its so true....., especially narcism. Unless keeping the family dynamic healthy in a society or country isnt important? ...lol.
Its true though, they literally erode the entire family from the inside out, just like some of the experts say. Ive seen it firsthand......, and they don't an wont stop chewing at the foundation, until everything is ruined....., that's just from my experience though...; whats really unfortunate is when someone less narcissistic or not at all....gets trapped , in between narcs and people with trauma bonds (assuming everyone isnt) , meaning people who crave conflict and fighting. People enjoying the chaos and drama.
So freaking true I honestly couldn't of said it any better 100%
agree 100%
I’ve lived with a narcissist for over forty years and it wasn’t until I “didn’t care” what they thought, that I was able to free myself.
Amen
Same as you...40 years of hell , glad you were able to break away
The Truth same here🙋🏽♀️
Same here for 23 years. Now in a "dont care" mode. Wish I'd known about narcissism then.
34 years here very terrible right now my hands are shaking --just had another argument. did you leave him after 40 years I hope now you are free!!! . I am not caring anymore especially when He told me he hates me!! gave him half of my house am I crazy?? never got a thank-you from this narc. I hope you are feeling great and looking forward to the good years ahead god bless
If you break a narcissist, It seems they begin to fear you because you become a threat to them which they can not beat, scare, intimidate or control. They absolutely hate that.
I had one pull a shotgun out and pistol, laughed at him and said why do people try to intimidate people like they aren't transparent riddled with fear
👍🏽GOOD
Had to stop the video to read this again and again. Jesus that’s exactly what happened to me. I keep saying lately he really hates me and it’s a strong hatred. I’m further in than I thought. Out now. But we have a baby soooo.
Exactly!
IF I may say...WHO GAVE A NARC THE PERMISSION TO CONTROL ANYONE OR ANYTHING WHEN THEY CANT EVEN MANAGE THEIR OWN SELVES OR LIFE HMMMM???
Emotional Intelligence will tell you, Phoooey on them. They want the spotlight on them, forgetting everyone else. I like being a team player. They want to break you. Get a life that is YOURS.🌺♥️🌺
When I finally built up the courage to leave a narcissist, I had to figure out who I was again.
Been there too, it takes time
Daniel Finch same here
Yup same here
Same - and to avoid them in the future because they’re very charismatic.
Me too. :/
We have a serious breakdown in morals when we have so many narcissists in our society.
Narcissists have been around since the beginning of time
Its a sign
@@cherylthompson2731
It's true but the whole system, with the help of mass and social media, reinforce narcissist behaviour and goals; especially ads, commercials and social media platforms.
@@stevenclark5682
That is said in the Book of Revelations or Apocalypse by Johnn as the first signs and it makes sense. If societies don't work together and toxic individualism takes over we are in deep sh*t; there's no planet B.
Here here , well said
I have one more:
Just because you don’t value me, in no way means I’m worthless.
So very true. Dr. C
Exactly
Amen! Hugs..
I want to hug you for making me realise that sentence.
Thanks for this very important addition!
A narcissist demands loyalty, but shows absolutely no loyalty to you.
None whatsoever
Yup!
Hypocrites.
Yes.
My calmness in all situations drove him absolutely insane. He'd get livid.
That means he wanted you to hurt or feel disturbed by his behavior. 😂
@@CodyCole80 these folks have extremely low EQ. Smart enough to finish electrical school and make $100k+ a year. Dumb enough EQ to have a hissy fit and get fired from said job, on purpose, to make sure YOU never get a dime in the divorce.
He, is he a narcist or you are ? I am confused . because, it sounds like you are.......or have you become a narcist yourself ? What are his character traits, so I can figure out if he is a real narcist as you thought he was........................I am checking..... Brave ne me.
@@honeybee6154 They are very smart, intelligent people, most of them are successful or extremely successful, few of them are not. They get things done........but it is for themselves. They watch you very carefully. Narcists are very calm people, and rational.
@@myassessmentadres1349 No, I am not the narcissist. I've been in therapy for PTSD from 23 years abuse from him, an overt narcissist. I learned to maintain control of myself so well because ANY reaction on my part worsened the mocking, violence, and other punishments I'd endure, including: having keys, computer, t.v., the car, and money taken away. Isolated from family and friends. I've had my head bashed into cupboards & walls, pushed across the floors, choked out, and slapped. Screamed at in my face, lectured for hours & not allowed to even go to the bathroom alone. Times checked on receipts to make sure I came right home from a store. Bothered at my work. + more.
I finally escaped 10 years ago with help from the county sheriff's domestic unit, Haven House, and my church at the time.
Financial abuse was a huge part... I left with $700 I had squirreled away and zero.. NONE of my personal belongings... He said if I took ANYTHING, he'd come get it. I believed him. I got an apartment after police arrested him a 4th time... and he was made to stay at his parents until the kids and I got out. I got an apartment and started over.
Maintaining control of myself, my composure, is hardly a sign that I'm a narcissist. Narcs DO often become enraged and tantrum like the emotional child they are. It takes only the slightest "narc injury" for a narc to trigger a full-on meltdown. I didn't provoke him to anger. I'd go quiet to protect myself. But this too could be that trigger. You can't reason with an angry toddler in the body of a 40 year old, 6', 240 pound man. If they don't get the reaction they want, you'll see the devil come out.
Overt narcissists are not the same as the covert kind. One difference is overt can have extreme expectations, beliefs, and demands. Surprisingly, as was my case, he never cheated. Many overt are so rigid in their patterns, habits, and dogmas they actually don't break their "rules" that make them superior to everyone else.
I was however, later engaged briefly to a covert Narcissist and left him the moment I found he was cheating. I was gone that very day, and never saw him again. Yet... once back at my own apartment, I suffered a nervous breakdown and was bedridden most of 8 months afterward. It took 4 years to recover. My MS and Fibro worsted to the point I'm in a wheelchair much of the time. I can't walk... only hobble, a bit.
So please reconsider your quick assessment of me, ... I've done so much work on boundaries and self-love, studied Narcissism inside and out, counseled hundreds if not thousands in an online forum for over 2 years with a fantastic team (my way of paying back for all those who supported and guided me from literally the brink of death and insanity.)
Quick assessment of another person, an Empath, sensitive to others suffering, who has already been traumatized... is not cool.
Stop explaining anything to them. Go silent and totally ignore them.
The best advice i've heard this year.
It doesn’t always work if it’s a manager or family member. You can engage less.
Yup! Don't share any persona lthoughts, experiences, feelings. They only use it to manipulate you. Silence is the best policy especially with these folks especially if you can't leave. And nurture your friendships. You'll need them.
@Nickhead87 Maybe it's just that you 2 have very different personalities, likes and dislikes? You know a lot of fathers when they have sons, expect them to be just like them lol, and are confused when that's not the case.
I did this and it drove him crazy
He couldn’t control the fights as soon as I learned this
If you want someone to stop playing with you, stop playing.
Don’t engage.
when you don't play don't engage.................remain totaly SILENT they still don't like it...................!!
Excellent advice. Stand your ground.
Nailed it!
TBD absolutely. I am so done with them.
What do you do when for one reason or another cannot escape the interaction? How do you handle the conversation?
narcissists don't compromise, at all, while complaining about having to compromise, or work as a team. They think everyone should accommodate THEM.
Yet the message we get from society is that we should “never compromise.” Too many narcissists control the messaging we receive every day. It’s a miracle more of us are not narcissists.
The longer you go "no contact", the more you will see the narc for who they are. Their mask has slipped, which is why you are on this page. But when you go NC, the narc will resort to the only thing they know. Their mask will come completely off and you will see them as the poisonous, unreasonable, and disturbed person they are. The person you thought they were initially never existed. Accept it and reward yourself. You slayed the beast by going no contact. It is the only solution and deep down we all know it.
So, so true. Get away if you can. Avoidance is the uktimate remedy.
To those of you still trapped inside, I want to tell you that it's a long hard road but you can escape. Freedom is at the end of the road. Don't give up. I'm nine months free but eight of those months were in a womens' shelter. It's hard and it's scary and they try so hard to drag you back to hell. Just don't give up on yourself. Don't go back. Don't be afraid of the pain, only be afraid to go back to what it was before because it will always be the hell you remember and then some as punishment for leaving. It will never get better if you stay. It will only get better if you leave.
It s deep deep wound ....
@@Beautifuldays8685 yes, it really is.
@@MediaEnslavedNation I’m 6 months out now. Thanks god just one kid. I swear to make this child being wonderful person and not like her dad
Fly high Phoenix!
It's been a year since you wrote this; I wish you the best has come to you already and you feel free and renewed.
From a warrior to another; never step back. 👍
Someone told me "Observe, don't Obsorb" go quiet, don't fight....when you finally decide to leave they don't know what hit them. Plan a good plan. But they look for a new source of energy in a hurry, because they constantly need their ego stroked. Get out, don't walk ,run. It takes at least 5 years of mental healing, to get back to rights. Just so you don't meet another Narc , and go though that crazy again. Don't be a victim be a warrior, it's your life live it.
Well said friend!👏🏾
I just moved 1700 miles away from my parents. Best decission ive ever made!!! Anybody cant get away from your parents do it now!!! I waited too long man i should have done it sooner.
5 years???
Pretty sure it's "absorb"
But well said.
Pure Wisdom: "Observe, don't Absorb". Perfect!
It’s unbelievable how a person is able to willingly deal this amount of soul destroying damage.
Trust me they are everywhere but you do not see them or you fo want to see!!!when you see people gossiping do not participate that is one of the billion of points they do not have an image empty from inside !!!!
Oh more damage than you can imagine!
Yes. Especially when when it’s your own child. The pain is intentional.
@@brigitteellis282 yes indeed
Narcisists turn intp demons
I love: “I will define myself from the inside out”
I was married to a narcissist and almost went, literally, crazy. Everything I did was wrong. He'd tell me to do something and the vehemently deny he did. Eventually he divorced me for a younger woman and then wanted me back...on, NO! I was FREE, and loving every second of it!!
I was involved with a female Narc, luckily I didn't marry her. She would use the "you did it wrong" as a way to manipulate me and she'd throw in the occasional praise just to keep me off balance. I wish I knew about all this before I met her. I knew she was "off" but not what it was. She'd literally try and tear me down at every opportunity, specially when I was sick and at my weakest.
Im married to one. Its very hard. Sometimes i think i will go crazy. And then there are days or moments he is really sweet and i try to hold on to the moment. As time goes on though i am less and less patient with his narc behaviour. I just mirror his actions and he will call me out on being mean and etc. I usually tell him im acting just like he is towards me. That usually gets him to shut up because he knows what a dick he is. He cant keep friends because they are always wrong and stupid. I am literally the only one sticking around and i dont know why. I guess im hoping he will change. In a lot of ways he did but in a lot of ways he is the same hes alwsys been. But thats my life. Im not perfect. I yell at my kids when i shouldnt and im yell at him when i shouldnt. Im trying to change but it is hard. So i guess my point is, sometimes we just have to take it and have sympathy because it really is hard to change. Rant over.
@@miaqueen5839 you HAVE to get him into therapy to address his NPD otherwise you'll just go insane. My ex gf was the same.....just when they realize they've gone too far and you're on the verge of leaving, they'll do something to draw you back in. I was the same: I'd do and say exactly the same things she said to me, back and her. Only in HER mind, I was just being mean and she was all full of sunshine and unicorn farts. I didn't know about NPD at the time, so I fell for her BS. She'd do something to get me upset and then sit back and smirk with pride as I spun up. All the while doing and saying things to get me more upset. She loved it.
The best moment of my life with her was when I was finally able to say NO to her...she hated it....."but but you're supposed to be under MY control".........
Hi all. I am married to a Narc. We got married in less than 2 months of knowing each other. I fell so hard for him and I thought I was marrying for love. We were both older so I thought it was perfect and just right. We didn’t move in because we decided to live with our parents to save for a property. In the mean time, we were both working a lot and I went out a lot with my friends and abused alcohol. I would sometimes get so drunk and end up late at night back at his parents house. Not my proud moment but I didn’t know how to handle this change and also my frustration for not having him like I wanted him all the frikin time. This went on for 2 years. Also on that second year, we were looking at properties and we found out that getting a house was for now, not an option. We’ve gotten a one bedroom apartment and I moved in by myself first. The whole process was gruesome and a true test for our relationship as financials were brought up to light. I always thought we could’ve worked anything out but I was wrong. Before moving in, he wanted to destroy me in front of my parents, telling my dad that we’ve gotten married 2 years ago in secret. Thank goodness my dad didn’t explode but I was devastated. That was NOT the way we’ve agreed to tell him. Last year, we’ve moved in and not even a month into living together, he exploded on me. It was one week or two of being loving and caring and the next two, it was a living hell. I’ve carried on like that for all of 2019 and the majority of 2018. Our true happiness only lasted one year and after that his mask fell off. Early September, he pushed me to the floor while I was crying on the phone telling his mom that he was gathering his clothes and was going to leave me. I was scared for my life and I ran downstairs and called 911. The police case and took pictures of me, my bruises and I filed a police report. That night I did not sleep home. He did leave that night. The police got there too late. A day later, I returned home and so did him. I was with my mom though, she was scared for me. Remember: I NEVER thought we would’ve gotten physical. It’s almost as like a demon got over him. He was literally foaming and his eyes and his face were distorted. He looked like a demon TBH. Right now we have a restraining order and I don’t know what to do. Next court date in early January and I don’t know if I should go. I don’t know if I should fight or just let it go. I know I wouldn’t be the first person to be divorced but I NEVER thought it would’ve gotten this far. Watching these videos, there’s no doubt that he has real problems and now i can think better. I don’t have to hear his screaming and yelling at me. I don’t have to walk on eggshells to keep the peace. I don’t have to hide and watch out on what my actions are or are not. I know my life is better now but I’ve gotten no contact with him. Any thoughts? Advice? Thanks all!
@@vl4678 i feel for you. I got married to my husband after 3 months of knowing him. Im still married to him 9 years later but he is a narccisist and he physcally abused me too..this year it was to the point i couldnt walk anymore becuaw he almost broke my back and injured my knee. I cant seem to leave him. I wish i would have the strength. On our 3rd year of marriage he "almost" cheated on me and he admitted that he did it to hurt me and then he went on to blame me. I left him but he came crawling back. I have a very forgiving heart so i took him back. I wish now i wouldnt have done that. I was naiive to beleive he would change. In some ways he did but in a lot ways he didnt. I dont encourage divorce bit since you dont have kids you should stay away from him and start over. I want to leave for my kids but i also want them to have a dad. He try to be good dad but also fails alot and i just dont know. An outsider looking in would tell me to leave but its not easy especially with kids. He would make up lies and take my kids away so i just
Stay with so i can always keep an eye on my kids. Its hard. But i would tell you to move on. Divorce him.
I used to say, "I don't play games." But now I have realized I'm in the game whether I like it or not. Now I have tools and strategies to stand firm against being pulled onto their stage.
Thank you Dr Carter, you are making the world a better place for so many of us on the path to becoming fuller, richer people, anchoring down in calm firmness and peace. God bless you.
You may have to live in the game but you don't have to play or play by anyone else's rules.
@@notwhatiwasraised2b Yep! I Can Understand that.
Dear Lori Peters, my name is also Lori. I too am being manipulated by a (insert your own swear word) narcissist. I decided one day to take myself out of the playing field of the narcissist and treat them like "an invisible doorman". I can assure you this had an immediate and fundamental effect on their behaviour towards me!!! He immediately began to treat me like a respected member of society instead of the hated, insulted member of society with no need for respect. I scared him badly. He used to look at me, at every opportunity, like he absolutely hated me with every fibre of his being. So one day, I decided, I did not deserve his bullsh*t, I did nothing to warrant his bullsh*t, so I decided I would never again look into his face, where he routinely looked at me with his evil eyes. He immediately noticed I never looked into his face and worried greatly that others would notice my slight of him and he immediately began to repair and restrain himself from his overly fucktoid and narcissistic treatment of me!!! I took my power back!! I got off his screwed up playing field and made my own rules of the game! He had NO power over me after that!! I can assure you Lori, that narc is now panting to get on my good side!!! From the bottom of my heart Lori, I wish you good strength and calm decisiveness with the A-hole narc in your life! My spirit, my good wishes are with you!!! And don't you know Lori, I'd LOVE an update of your situation!!!! I'd LOVE to be your mentor!! I am a poor excuse for Dr. Les, but I can assure you, I've been in your position and I'd love nothing more than to be your mentor and support you in your time of need. We are all one. To help another is to help ourselves. You are me Lori. Let us share our experiences, so that we may help one another. Really and truly. I remain, Lori
@@loribuonamici1398 The danger in playing with narcs is that they may have no boundaries and you might be inciting a war you can't possibly win, because you do have appropriate boundaries.
@@loribuonamici1398 Nice reply but what do you do when for one reason or another cannot escape them? How do you handle the interactions?
4 issues to drive the narcissist crazy: Strong boundaries.Taking the focus off them. Discarding them before they could get new supply. Real love and care.
It's too late to do this.
It's not that I hadn't tried in the last 15 years. They constantly invaded my privacy. I moved to start over many times trying to draw boundaries. They with their people just picked up and moved along with me taking up cheap housing and continuing games. I tried getting a career guidance person. Studying newspapers in libraries. Researching my interests. All they did was chase my ass and cause my health to slide.
While they kept me walking, they kept updating their cars and other methods of transportation. They help each other out and expect me to rely on the meager resources they allowed me to have. They impacted my beauty and personal life.
Stop giving them the opportunity to make you a perpetual victim. I have a a sister in law like this. When I caught on to her bullshit I sent her a letter on Facebook and made sure the rest of the family and her flunkies got it too. I realize doing this isn't the answer for everyone. It sure made me feel better though and when they see me they step lightly. Don't become dependent on them for money or approval and especially friendship. I wish you well, good luck.
Yeah, pretty much nailed it there🎯
The only way to handle a narcassist is to run and disappear out of their lives.
lol why that sounded I guess because it's the only solution there is no other way.
Facts
I'm gonna do just that.
George Thompson, many Narcissists are actually scared of that.
Love them from a distance and bring small gifts when you are in the neighborhood.
Narcissists basically seek to enslave others 😤 There is no compromise. RUN!🏃🏾♂️🏃🏽♀️ GET OUT!
I've left jobs, family members, "friends", etc to clean my spiritual space from these nasty little monsters. Life gets better when you do. ❤️
I'd like to say to all narcissists: You will never have my loyalty, trust and respect because you continuously refuse to offer, to the ones who care or cared for you, any semblance of truth or genuine feeling. You treat people with disdain you fake, lie and cheat, yet you expect an abundance of respect and admiration from those around you.
I know and have lived this for too many years. I couldn't figure why a father would treat his son this way. It took me too many years to realize what was going on in his mind to bring this unhealthy and unnatural relationship into being.
@ Jemstar, indeed!
Jemstar Willis bravo! Bravo! Well said!!
Samantha MacDoo Samantha ehh...sounds like you have a sexual fantasy you’re yet to carry out yourself.
I’d be happy to oblige a girl with a hot-sounding name such as, “Samantha”.
@Samantha MacDoo MGTOW is thankfully growing because of this awesome attitude. So long to all the abusers.
It's hard when the narcissist is a parent.
Patti, I'm sure it must be very hard, please try keep strong.
My father I is biggest narci
narcisist
It is, but I'm over 10 years out from no-contact, and it's possible to heal and live a rich life apart from them. ❤️
How bro
patti meehan yes it is so hard. Induces guilt and sadness and confusion. I moved out and was independent at a very young age. Get through it, your future is promising
My mom was a very real narcissist. Unfortunately she lived to be 94. I neevr cried...never missed her. I really had a bad life with her.
I'm so sorry.
Sadly abuse is abuse no matter who it is, mother, father, child AND it’s unacceptable. I’ve just got rid of my mum. She’s tried to manipulate me all my life, could never control me, so instead she continued with guilt trips and insults. I won’t see her again. I think it’s very common and I don’t blame anyone for walking away. Take care of yourself and those who deserve it.
My egg donor just turned 84. I left 20 months ago. She now has to rely on the GC, because my youngest brother's wife has Covid, and the oldest brother's GF wants nothing to do with her. I got a call 6 months ago from my youngest brother, who said, "Mom broke her back. My wife doesn't know how to take care of her, since she doesn't have any medical experience." I BELLY laughed! I don't have any medical experience either! I told him, "Gee, that's too bad. Maybe you and the other two need to stick her in a nursing home so she can get the help she needs!" The line went dead! 😂 I'm free, and on the other side of the country. NEVER going back, except to see my son & grandson!
@@julieclark9749 God bless you and your mom.
I shocked everyone around me in the hospital including family...
By saying THANK GOD ITS OVER when my narcissistic father died in his 90s.
And I was grateful to be free of his torture.
They think they are above the law they believe they are above everyone else , the only way to deal with them is to completely switch off and protect your own sanity
No joke. It's as if they're demonically possessed. The closest I can describe it.
john brown smith they are
john brown smith it’s because they are. See Derek Prince videos. Demons are persons is one. It is life changing
Perfect example.
@@catherineleigh9000 - Watched it last week. The bible describes exactly what is happening around us.
holy fuck it's so terrifying!!!
One of them is: you being you. Narcissist want the other to change. It is not themselves who have issues they use as arguments. So you being you makes them uncertain, angry, powerless and gives them no control which they want badly.
Spot on. BTW, that is the 4th issue on the video, so you hit the mark! Dr. C
Absolutely!
So true
YES!
I agree. Narcissists hate you, actually they hate everybody, except those that enable and coddle their behavior, and passify them. For the person they have targeted at the moment, you being you, the presence of being near you or hearing your voice gets on their nerves. Their frustration and annoyance of you causes them intense anxiety so they berate and brow beat you inorder to escape the reality of the moment. It is all about power and control over others. When they question their power and control in a situation, they feel like a trapped animal looking for a quick escape. When they do not escape, It is during this time their mask comes off and you see the true person they really are. The narc. growling, teeth showing, surveying their surroundings, anxiety intensifying, and their attention toward the identified target grows, expect an explosion of anger filed rage.
They're irretrievably broken and can't be fixed. Run Forrest run!
Anybody can be fixed, you have to want to.They are lazy bastards.
2hopeinhim..sorry..more like forever EVIL
@@donnafoley9684 whether they cannot not, they won't. Something about them makes them NEVER EVER even a tiny bit admit even one thing they do wrong, and so ya, it's pure laziness but I also think yhe devil.has the strongest grip on them when they can HAVE to be in church every week and never see that they were evil coming in and on the way out! Sometimes they do such horrible things, it even shocks them. It's happened many times toe and God is trying to convict them, but they will STILL not want to admit or do anything about it!!!!! I was in a narcissistic relationship for really from the minute we started dating, although I didn't notice the signs, of course, but for 36 years, and finally got out, and unfortunately still.have one daughter in HS, and she didn't want to be with him but maybe a few days a month and that was her wish but he fooled the courts and he got her full.jojnt temporary custody and probably will have her like that the rest of high school. It makes me so terribly sad that she isn't happy with that and also I only see her half the days of my life and I always provided like 99% of care and everything and was the one at all of her stuff and helping her with stuff. NOT.FAIR. and of course, after you leave, they just keep up the abuse in any way they can. As long as they are alive, they most likely will.jeep trying and always be at stuff where you are, but hopefully with total "I don't give a hoot and you do not bother me" mindset and actions, he will learn he need to not even put forth the effort because it has no affect on me!
Love the Gump reference
1HopeinHim oh thank you for the great laugh I got when I read; "Run Forrest run!" I love people that make me laugh. Doesn't seem to be many people around anymore that do that (laugh enough) or much to laugh about anymore. Sucks.
Calm, peace, and finally understanding! I'm not crazy, I will heal, I will be positive. I can eventually use this to help others heal!~
Life is already difficult as it's ,to deal with samebody it this problem day by day is hell ,I start reading ,studying about narcissim afther I date one and see all the red flags,luckily I get out before it becomes seriouse ,now looking back Thanks God ,I feel very sorry for people who have narcissist parents...you can't run from then and they cause alot of low self estime,trauma mental and emocional pain and confusion in a child head,and many spend I life long recovering from that...
@Alexander Scrotumface the Great I try to understand it from every angle Psicology ,early childwood abouse ,neglet ,trauma but I really believe this Is a very deep spiritual problem ,do you realize that all narcissist" modus operandi" is the same?I think they have same "narcissist spirit"that wants to cause other people as much pain and unhappiness(until they start to self destruct),I read samehere that they are "soul vampires" ,did you ever did research about that? Greetings from Germany 🇩🇪
Absolutely. Be the change. Dr. C
Absolutely 🙋♀️ Good for you 💜
@Alexander Scrotumface the Great There is many videos here in you tube about "Narcissist and expirituality","The Jezebel Spirit","The spiritual side of narcissism",its very interesting,the question is :"what causes narcissim" according to Psicology,neurology ,religion...?I just discover this video of Dr Carter" Narcissist how the fake self develop",you must watch
I got away from all the toxic people who did not have my best interest at heart
There's a saying in Spanish. Es mejor solo que mal acompañado....
@@unknownunknown-wc1jj translation?
@@mr.makedonija2627 it's better to be alone than with bad company....
@@unknownunknown-wc1jj facts
Me too, dang it's lonely but peaceful lol
What a shame that I had to endure this as a child, especially during the years that I was an only child. There's no way to overstate the damage this did to me. I believed everything my father said about me, and when I look back upon that little girl all these years later, my heart breaks not only for the wasted time, wasted energy and wasted love, but for myself as the injured young adult, working so hard to just bring myself up to zero. I was a crushed musician until I was 35, when i finally broke free in my mind. It's infuriating, but so profoundly sad. Narcissism is a terrible affliction, not for the narcissist but for those in his or her orbit.
"I was a crushed musician until..." Something tells me you're a musician who plays with great passion and intensity and i suspect your audiences love your musicianship because it. Music is medicinal for the soul.
@@anthonybulluck8050 What a kind comment, Anthony. I'd forgotten all about my post there, where I was obviously inspired to put my heart on my sleeve. I guess that's the beauty of posting anonymously.
And your words about what others must think of my music was a sweet leap of faith. I'm happy to say that after a brief 15-year hiatus, I'm back in the studio recording a new album. But around election time, I did release two new songs unrelated to this disc, "My Country" and "A Problem for the Team," the latter of which relates somewhat to my original post about narcissism. The fallout in later life isn't just emotional but also physical. These pieces are easy to find on my TH-cam channel if you've any interest. Thanks again for making my night. :) th-cam.com/channels/9p5_RO0Sx7I47ArudAQm1A.html
I understand where you come from. I finally let both Gemini-Narcissist parents. As an only child, it has been a puzzle figuring out all the disappointment, n trouble, I have been to them. It was only recently that I had to turn away. They have influenced my children, leading me to believe, "It's all my fault " yet I get along with others. They have put me in mental hospitals, turned family against me, n blocked my success. NO MORE. Im on a journey to be a millionaire or as close as I can. With negativity gone, my gifts are resurfacing, beautiful. My Savior has a bright future for me.
Bless you. I too had the same upbringing. On my father's deathbed he finally owned and apologized for his bad behavior. Only to me.
Not to the rest of the family who sold out to living the lie, and threw me under the bus to save their lives.
I have forgiven all of them as I have sorted out the mess as an older woman of 68.
Never to late to heal from this junk.
@NITA I'm caring for the enabling covert narcissist mother who has thrown me under the bus to bolster my older malignant narcissist sibling's ego. I have to forgive Mom anew every day, as I receive text messages from the narcissist (who moved as far away as possible, literally) telling me and our other siblings how Mom is possibly being neglected, exploited etc, implying that I (the only family member caring for her) am a bad person and that he, from the other side of the continent, knows better.
"I will respond to hatred with decency"
"I will remember my pain and use it as a force for good."
Thank you for making this video.
@Mescalinum Sunshine Hatred is in no way a crime or anything that the above can punish a person from. A person has the right to be a dick head & be hateful people.
I wrote down these (and his other) statements and keep them in my purse. It’s been a very thing to reread when dealing with a narc. My boss is a classic corporate psychopath, unfortunately.
I tried to defend my brother in law. My sister attacked him verbally on a constant basis. I could see he was broken. I tried to help. He asked me not to defend him. He said, "I signed till death do us part." Three months later he passed away. My heart was broken. I can never look at her again. He lived to make her happy and he never could. Get out and away.. no matter your religion. God forgives.
@Mescalinum Sunshine you're wasting energy and time. Society has taught fire with fire, eye for an eye and its complete BS. Christ Yahshua said to turn the other cheek. You never respond to violence with violence. So using decency you're crushing the hatred. Because people who carry hatred also want u feeling that way so it's a trap. The Heavenly Father is Incorruptible and fights for us. That is why you don't seek revenge. It will consume you also. There is a saying 'someone seeking revenge needs to dig two graves'. They don't comply with Christ's justice so they will be handled. You must Comply with justice to receive amnesty from Christ Yahshua. So yes u be practical making ur reports an what not but u don't go try taking them on urself. Truthfully society is on their side because society trys to hide them so they can continue abusing making people worse human beings.
@@KyleInOklahoma none has no right to be that way. I will say this much everyone is in charge of 'their own salvation'. So behave how you like your life here and Now and after will reflect where you end up. And the GREAT PART ABOUT IT YOU WILL HAVE NO ONE TO BLAME BUT YOURSELF. Good luck with that defective thinking pattern.
I was married to a narcissist. It was a horrible marriage. So glad it's over.
Am an only child in my late 50’s and divorced. It took me years to figure out this behavior. Thank god I had a wonderful stepmom who loved me unconditionally. Long story short. After my step mom passed my real mother decided she want to be in my life I thought great.
She can be helpful is true but the price to pay. She visits and stays in my house more than hers and says no one can tell her when to leave.She cooks cleans take over my house and children.. I sometimes feel displaced in my own house. She only goes to the grocery and back. No social life at all. She is disruptive. Thank God for these educational videos. They are my lifeline and are extremely helpful.
@@annmarierock4371 that's a terrible existence. God bless you. Stay strong.
My ex destroyed his life by his narcissistic tendencies. How did I get back at him? I moved on, blocked communication and had a wonderful life.
That's amazing! I'm so happy for you. 😀
Avella narcissist always accused the other of being a narcissist
Avella your uploads are screaming everything about you..
@@strongholds12 are you the X Factor?
Miguel Moreno yeah bro wtf do you know lol
Honesty, integrity, good morals, values, & ethics
Stay tuned. I'm hoping this will be one that resonates with many. Dr. C
@@SurvivingNarcissism They also lack empathy.
@abc123 * truth!
@abc123 * doesn't work!!
@@SurvivingNarcissism Honesty, integrity, good morals, values & ethics? This is my friend and she and these values and narcissism are a toxic blend.
‘… i will use my pain as a force for good …’
thanks Dr C.
you are one special soul.
When I got very ill and my whole life was interrupted, I found out that I was surrounded by narcissist "friends." Your explanation of how narcissists panic when things don't go as planned explains what happened to me. Suddenly I was surrounded by people who were angry at me for being sick.
After my surgery, the narc in my life asked me to sleep on the couch so I wouldn't disturb him. His justification was that he needed to get decent sleep so he could earn money, asking, "You do want me to work, don't you, so that you and the kids can eat, yes?" I slept on the couch, (after major surgery due to a ruptured ovary and after 3 days in hospital post-op,) because that's what I believed, at the time, was the understanding and right thing to do.
@@tanwohman7578 I hope you have left him for good!!! You deserve so much better
Ask a narc what they would change about themselves to make them a better person .. .stand back and watch the fire.
Nothing is the answer
So much fun!!
The idea is hilarious, hehe... Like, really insisting on an answer.
"Come on, you must be able to think of something!"
-"You know, I have outgrown thinking in categories of "good" or "bad". Those are very simplistic concepts."
"Yeah, sure, but sure there must be something you'd like to change to be a better person! Think harder!"
-*rolls eyes and leaves the room*. :DDD
That could be fun
Im really going to do this sometime. Should be really entertaining
1. Disruption
2. Complexities
3. Inclusion
4. Autonomy
Thanks!
Thanks 🙂
Autonomy is really #1, they want others to join their "narc cult". Many do!! #enjoymars 🖖💯🖖
All 4 of those are so disrespectful to a narc!
Thank you for outlining these, Irene. From Irene Mcnamara
My father remarried a narcissist. He then became her flying monkey. All I did for 3 years was constantly defend myself. It was mad! I finally walked away and gave zero power to it. I literally disappeared from them. I took care of myself and now I can see clearly what happened to me. Life has never been better! There is light from the darkness, you just have to leave everyone that brings you down! ❤️
Moving Away Without Notice 😊
@MsBizzyGurl Me to
I once rented a room from a woman whose husband had done this. I regret not seeing it as the biggest red flag ever, but she managed to convince me that he was the narcissist. It was hard to get out of that living situation. Total nightmare.
👍
Light Moon Yeeeessss
I had to do that in the end.
4 things narcissistic lack: kindness, peace, compassion and love.
Your insight has been helping me greatly in recent months Dr Carter - I can’t thank you enough for providing this service for us 🙏
So pleased! Dr. C
Dr Les and Gus have been such a constant in my life as of late. I am forever grateful for the knowledge provided
Equipment
Ytyrfghhhhhhhuhhhuvnjgvvnugfkuygghhyfghjyyg yuh ya HugoSiri
My exact sentiment. I am fighting financially to keep my marriage together and to stay in our home. The largest bank in the world thinks differently.
I am working steady again after many years of inconsistency. I could not understand why an honest, hard-working, kind carpenter was not demanded. I now have a much better understanding about the workplace dynamics.
Kill the competition.
Narcissism is a plague. I thank Dr. Carter and associates for their generosity.
The question is why, my solution would be not drive them crazy because I wouldn't associate with a crazy person who has programed themselves to not act like a normal member of society. In business dealing with a customer or boss, or a family member like the husband of your wife's favorite sister who she wants to spend a lot of time with, this probably is a map to dealing with that person. His 10 or so item pushback list does not seem to allow you to deal with that person, many of the item like valuing yourself and your ideas, require you to eventually act that way. You can really allow yourself be led in a path of destruction or a direction you consider abhorrent because it's OK in the crazy persons world view. Eventually that pattern will be picked up by the stupidest of person and will get you on this persons enemy list. In a small business I am not going to discriminate against brown or LGBT people because that is some associates world view and doing so will create a lucrative partnership, in the end he has to accept this (he probably won't if he considers is some sort of 'moral' imperative) and the deal is secondary, most likely I will not be associated with this person and his business.
"Anchor down in peace" - really needed to hear that today. I'm going to keep this phrase close to my heart.
They don’t like to see in you anything they don’t have.
Polly Ester....you just nailed it!! That's it in a nutshell! I couldn't outshine my ex on Anything! He always had to be the one on the spotlight. So I took a backseat for 40 years. But after 42 years I finally left. I was putting too much effort into something that was already dead...
Perfect comment/i have been told she envy me!!!
@@8solange you are so strong!! 42 years!! and you must have loved him so much!! but STRONG is he key word here!!
@melanie L...thank you, but going through the divorce and afterwards, I realized I didn't really love him.....so it was no big heartache for me luckily.
@@8solange
I see what you see. It's unmistaken. And the thing about it is I might have said that the very most, twice to this person. But not out of anger. Out of truth. It's sad for them to be jealous. But we also know who we are. But I hate to boast that. But you and I know it's the truth. It's TRUE but weird to me at the same time Really weird, mister Princeton Graduate with high honors, the highest paid engineer in a world wide company. This persons district is the most productive out of any. It is almost so crazy this person would hate me for being intelligent. Don't they know people like us do exist ?
I pray that you read this and find healing for the trauma and wounds that happened to you and did not deserve.
Once you hit the breaking point, and don't care anymore, you'll be free. That's how it happened to me. I was rock bottom, looking at him from the ground where he'd pushed me to. Nowhere to go, late night in the middle of the Texas countryside. It hit me like a bomb went off. It's all about my own protection like Tina sang about. Blessings to you all
Exactly!
When dealing with a narcissist establish your own boundaries. Be very, very, very clear and maintain your stance. If that doesn't work for them...wish them well and tell them to get professional help.
My narcissist hates that I make my own choices.
I think she's adding a sprinkle if sarcasm. For example, my husband is fitting much of these descriptions. He's my Narcissus. LOL though not funny.
green fox my narcissist is my identical twin
green fox amen amen amen. I haven’t spoken to my twin in over a month. It was a weird Christmas but I knew it was for the better. She was sucking the life out of me. She has humiliated me for all of our lives. She has stolen my self esteem. She has criticized me for every one of my ideas. She made me worship her every move. I had no idea how sick she made me. I had to go through therapy to understand I’m worth living.
green fox thank you so much. You made my day. I’m very thankful for your words and insight. I will always love her and I’m also glad to be getting stronger by the day. She has no power over me anymore.
green fox you’re so right. She has done this to me at least 20 times. She is not sorry and she won’t change. She is a great liar. That’s about it.
I worked with a woman like that for 5 years. She HATED me because I wouldn't submit to her bullying and just did my own thing. LOL!
you stayed way too long! I knew a girl in a similar oppressive work situation who was driven almost to the murder of her gloating,sadistic boss !
@Inthe Woods Hahahaha! So sad for you. lol
My husband's best friend's wife...it took years to undo what she did to my self esteem. Knowledge is key. Very helpful video.
Oh my...another comment I completely relate to. My ex husband actually ran off with his best friends wife while I was recovering from major surgery. The whole story is much worse, but I try not to dwell on that anymore.
I pray we both continue to heal and live well.
@@AliciaGuitar Good riddance to that piece of human waste.
Kay Smith,You don't need a narc 😈 in your life!
Hit the nail on the head. Narcs have to be in full control; one must be in their club as you said. I'm realizing just how much I compromised and set aside my own needs just to accommodate other s essentially all of my life. Thx!
Once you confront the narcissist with their lies they'll shut their mouth and refused to answer you. Then every time you confront the narcissist you just ask them the same question again and again till they answer... they won't... because they are way too proud to admit their insecurities...
Way too insecure, to admit they are wrong. Imo.
I challenged them also.
Last summer my-soon-to-be-ex told me his “Psychologist” diagnosed me in abstentia with Borderline Personality Disorder. I demanded and demand to know this psychologist’s name. My ex’s response, “I refuse to participate in this conversation.”
I filed for divorce November 2019.
@@dellajones3845Narcissists lie and resort to gas-lighting tactics because they are always afraid to admit the truth.
Your knowledge gives me strength, my strength gives me peace & understanding. Sometimes not so easy, but day by day by day....finding myself. Thank you!
You can’t know how much you’ve helped me Dr Carter and you are a GEM!!!
Thanks, Paisley. Dr. C
I love this one “I make no apologies for being me”. 👍🏻
i used to be told by the person i was with i run and rushed out yesterday and i told her on her face your a narcissist and toxic and you can't change then i quite
@Mustafa Mohammed not a hypocrite my brother you don't know how it feels if you haven't face such things hope you'll learn one day if you haven't but if you did i hope you know it
Here's one I find useful: "What you think of me is none of my business".
I've used a similar one: " I can accept your faulty perception of me."
@@briansprenger5578 HA! Good one. Another I sometimes use is: "I'd agree with you but then we'd both be wrong." Stops them in their tracks every time.
That reply is pure genius! I'm green with envy for not having thought of it myself 👍👍
#perfect !
@@curbmassa oh yes! Next 24hours are going to be more fun for me that it will be for him!!😂😂
Gosh, this is all so true.
It's all so depressing when you have to live and coordinate with them. It's a daily struggle. Constant discord.
Cute cat, I had a similar one! The discord is maddening, they live to frustrate. They are not very accommodating at all. But OMG disagree with one, and they treat it like a capital offense. I didn't put a phone back on the charger, and he threw the phone and.charger outside. Unglued.
Jo Biden yes! Constant discord! Well said!
I used to break down and cry when under conflict from a narcissist, but not any more. I now tell him to go to hell.
@Winda Jones you're exactly right. When you let them see and hear your response, you're feeding the beast. That is what they thrive on.
@@sherrim4067 Yes, a lot of autoimmune disorders and other problems are the result of living with a narc. They are mentally ill, and driving us into that same illness - physically and mentally.
My brother is a narcissist. He's going on 69, I'm 67. He began to get really bad in his late 20s. I had to eventually move away. As kids I always saw the peculiar side to him. He'd always been a bully and thought only of himself. Everything had to be done His way. It would take a book to describe his self-centered behavior. It's kinda sad that we haven't had a relationship in over 35 years.
I really enjoyed this video.
Any idea how he became that way?
god dam my brother and i are going that way i can feel it. he picked up all the unmotivated draining negative traits of our dad because he was a kid when my dad went nuts and he had no way to psychologically defend against it. so he took on those traits.
i really dont wanna have a distanced estranged brother but every attempt at trying to come to a solution is met with staunch opposition.
is therer any thing you could have done before his late 20s to counteract his negative traits??
im 25 and my brother is 23 and geting increasingly detached and negative as years go by
@@RustyShakleford1 it’s only going to get worse, unfortunately. I know it’s especially tough since it’s immediate family, but they will never change. It’s a battle that you want to be right in every fiber of your heart and being but you will not win.
One of My absolute favorite lines from this is "use (our) pain as a positive force". We all experienced pains from some one narcissistic. Some of them just sneak into our lives and we don't know that we have been abused for so long, that we may adopt some their characteristic from the pain. It's never too late to revaluate and turn the negative experience into something positive and productive. Also, We are forever a work in progress hit me deep too. It's easy to be hard on one's self after separating from a narcissitic person, but that brought me some emotional calmness.
Unfortunately, there are a lot of narcissists in the psychology field.
Beth H Maybe because they’re trying to better themselves?
@@raphaeloliveira4987 because they are drawn to positions where they have power , influence, and/or control over others.
@@raphaeloliveira4987 are you high?
My Nark sister, a 'Psychotherapist'!
@Mama Murphy thank you
This was so good to hear. My independence & strong sense of self drives my narc sister absolutely batty. I never thought I would feel such peace after going "no contact," but I do... after more than 5 decades of crap. Goes to show that there can be eventual perks to losing one's parents... and hidden perks to moving FAR from family.
Me too.
Deanna, this sounds so much like my life...
Deanna... yes, far, far. Away. I am 1,500 miles away. I shudder everytime the phone rings or I get an email. Isn't it amazing how exactly alike all the N's are. It's scary.
@@pattygaugler9636... perfect, I'm about 1800 miles away. LOL
I've been thinking of blocking her phone numbers. She only calls about once/year or less, but I don't want it. I don't want a message. I don't want to think about it and screen calls. I believe I'll do the same for email. I was even recently wondering if she would ever send a registered/certified letter. I wouldn't sign for it. I feel emancipated from that choke hold. I'm even thinking about getting off of Facebook so I don't have to see her via mutual family/friends there. Ick. I've been drifting away from FB anyway.
When a narcissist knows of your weaknesses , become stronger somehow ( doing exercises of many kinds , read books you learn knowledge in , of your choice ) , prepare yourself , do something that will benefit "You" the next time this narcissist crosses your path , again .
How how how? Stuck in one for 13 years
Jones NewYork become financially independent and leave or file a divorce and seperate yourselves.
In my experience the narcissist takes it as a personal attack to be separate from them. In fact the only thing they will accept is elevating them as special. If we dare to be ourselves and walk our own path they will not only treat us with contempt but they must also make others dislike us too. There was excitement when I realized I don't have to be around these people just because they are family. What a relief it was when I didn't see them anymore. We should have no problem being respectful of anyone who differs from me, however I do choose my friends based on my personal convictions.
ive had blinders on this whole time. only after my mom died did i realize my brother has been just shut down and taken on all the narcissistic traits of our dad.
i didnt want to face it but its like he a soft copy. being around him is draining and he never answers a question directly. i feel more alone when he is in the room. all i wanted was to go for a walk with him and our family dog but he never "has any time" or he "has a girlfriend"
"They think it is a personal attack when you are separate from them."
Wow, you put it into words. I had a hunch, but you verbalized it into actual words.
This is my daughter-in-law. And sadly, my son and grandchildren are the "carrots" she dangles in front of me. I'm learning (and trying) to go LOW contact; no contact would mean never seeing my loved ones. Life with her is EXHAUSTING!
Thank you for your channel.
Lost Librarian I have same problem it got bad now no contact fb my granddaughter
They drain you
You just described my life.
He ghosted me a month after we met. He saw I had these qualities. Still, he dragged me into a very dark place, especially when he ghosted. I just could not understand why anyone would proclaim their love for you and then discard you so quickly. Then I found out about narcissism and it all made sense: the tests prior and during the love bombing, the mind fuckery and devaluation tactics afterwards and then the ghosting. I dodged a bullet by being myself
Ana G. Lady, your potential and self-worth is far greater than you currently realize. I know it's not easy, but keep working on your own development.
@@richardlandis793 on it. He discarded me very quickly because I've done a tone of work on myself before meeting him so I was not taking the crap. Still, he showed more of my shadows which needed work. I do thank him for coming into my life. It has been truly revealing!
Hit it right on the nail cus this happened to me after 2 months
Ana G. same here after 2months..they energy drain you
@@berthaeliascreative9178 it really did! To the point that I ended up in hospital with an asthma attack. I've never suffered from asthma in my life! I've learnt that when dealing with a narc, you start experiencing new health conditions you've never suffered from before. It is very true. I literally spent days in bed, cancelled clients and cried my soul out. I became non-functional. And that's only from dealing with the narc for 2 months only!!! I cannot imagine having a long term relationship with one like many others do. I think I'd end up suicidal.
I suffered through a relationship with a narcissist until I finally realized I could not change him. Many people (especially women) enter into a relationship, recognizing the red flags of narcs, and thinking she can change him with love but it rarely happens.
Yup I thought that too.
I've known him 25 years and I know the absolute horror he went through as a child. His dad is malignant, he's covert. Over the past year I was patient, would tell him what he was doing.. he said he never understood how his actions hurt others and it seemed he was doing some inner reflection and change but I think he was getting better at wearing the "normal" mask. On Valentine's day I bruised his ego and got full narc rage and devalue and discard. I left the next day, and after some very sad and insulting hoover attempts, told him I see through everything now and I'm done lying to myself. He'd always say "I'm damaged, not broken." Sadly I'd have to disagree. Personality disorders can't be fixed with love and at the expense of ourselves. There are so many good people with loving hearts that just want to help people heal and see the beautiful side of life. Someone who lives in survival mode never will.
Dr. Les Carter nailed it..... These are good tools to use against the Narcissist and if used properly, can be fun!!!
GREAT TH-cam, Thank you!
‘The narcissist has a high need for control, low levels of empathy, lots of exploitative and manipulative behavior’
I wish I had learned all this forty years ago. A lot of pain would have not happened. Thank you for these videos. They have helped me immensely. Thank you for educating me. Through the videos I learned there were two in my life instead of one.
With God by my side!
"Anchor down in peace" - this video was so therapeutic. Thank you, Dr. Carter! God bless you. Oh, and as I read the Psalms of King David to help heal my soul, I have a hunch that he experienced narcissistic abuse too.
There are many bible passages that describe narcissists to a 'T' and advise avoiding them. I guess people with this disorder have always existed!
Carla the Destructor
I'm willing to suggest Cain was one.
His words were sweet as honey,
And trickled through her heart,
But words don't build a future;
Words are just the start.
She floated on his promises
And drifted on his voice.
To spend each moment with him
Was now the only choice.
For months she danced in daydreams
And allowed the words to win.
She was at his beck and call;
Tried to build his world for him.
And still his words they spelled her...
Though some actions made
Her
Sting...
But she drifted on his loving voice
And allowed his darkness in.
She just needed to be perfect,
Then all the wrong would right.
She just needed to be patient
And guide him to the light.
So she spent more time just being with him,
And tried so very hard
To hide her insecurities;
To heal her hidden scars.
And slowly, gently, bit by bit,
She made a life of need;
A need to make him happy;
A need to stem the bleed.
Over time her friends lost touch,
Her family gave her space.
All accepting she was loved
And her life was filled with grace.
It happened oh so slowly;
Just hints of grey at first;
Prodding at her hidden cuts;
Questioning her worth.
She'd given up her friendships;
Given up her life,
Just to feed his darkness
And be a better wife.
But the greyness overcame her;
It darkened on her flesh.
Her image in the mirror;
A strange and pitied mess.
No longer could she try;
Her light now just a flicker.
No longer did his words
Make her heart beat quicker.
For she could not now give to him
The things she gave before.
And now she needed something back,
She she found a
Cold,
Closed
Door.
She thought back to the promises.
She thought back to his words;
She used to swell when he said her name,
Now it shivered at her worth.
And slowly he found distance
And went searching for his needs;
And he is gone; another soul
Has offered hurt to bleed.
Alone was she an empty shell
Of who she used to be;
Her tower, built on words that praise
Was rubble at her knees.
But that was then...
And this is now
Her story's still being told.
She has such hopes, she has such plans;
Such dreams yet to infold.
For when the tower crumbled,
She began to face her fears ;
She took each brick and built a bridge,
Then walked across her tears.
She used to be a victim
Trying to hide her flaws;
So feared was she of loneliness
That she built her hidden walls.
But now she is an open book
And clear of dark distraction.
She sees now how his darkness
Was just sent for a reaction.
No longer does she please the dark
No longer looking back,
She felt her love shine from her soul;
It filled up all her lack.
So if, by chance you feel this tale
Speaks some words of truth,
Know the dark will never fade
A light as bright as you.
Heather Lea
thank you for posting this. It describes my mother who is deceased. Even now her ex-husband talks about her being a 'zero'.
@@kathyu9215 please come and join my facebook page. I share daily poems to heal and inspire. I have been on this journey and share my understanding through my passion of poetry ❤️
facebook.com/Healmeandyou/
It could've been shorter
@@ANOTHER_DAYY the poem and the realisation both ❤️
@@heatherwightman8328 no I liked it. I guess I felt it didn't need a poem of narcissists and victim tragedy... it just needed a warning description list. Lol
When a person leaving your life makes you feel like and question if you were the narcissist, or if you were being gaslit on their way out. 😕
Wow. I thought I was the only one who feels this way.
So hard to go in peace when my son has been totally brain washed by a narcissist. Our family is damaged both emotionally and financially because of the total control the narcissist has.
Same here. My almost-ex narc was still in the house when my daughter got married. He is a very charming narc, and nearly everyone that spent time with us over 18 years, took his side, or at least stayed painfully neutral. I knew he was up to something with my new son-in-law who is a very devout Muslim from Libya, and gets freaked out easily by supernatural ideas and stuff. My husband told him my daughter and I were witches, and that the way "we get people" is with food. Turned out, the narc cooked his famous green chile, with pork as usual, which Muslims don't eat, and then lied and told him it was goat. Projection much??
I didn't want to upset my SIL so I didn't tell him at first, only my daughter. They both went to my court hearing for the TRO, went on the record as witnesses and everything. Incidentally, somehow I got so sick the day of their wedding that I missed the entire thing. I was fine, and then I was so sick we had to stop on the side of the freeway for me to barf four times. My daughter and her best friend were with me the whole time, and didn't understand how I went from fine to deathly ill, and the only thing that made sense was the meal narc gave me right before the ceremony. Yet, somehow, all of that down to the pork was my evil plot. They were staying with us, and spread salt all over their bedroom, it is still not all gone. Then, they suddenly moved out, and had nothing to do with me, not even a text. They are in LA somewhere, and never speak to me, unless it is some emergency, or an answer to what they want from the house before we sell. Yet, my daughter is in contact with the narc. She is also in contact with my dad (narcissistic but maybe not full NPD), after I cut him off for the past few years because he commented on her nipples and started treating her like he treated his four daughters. Mom is the evil, rotten, dangerous person! It is insane.
But it gets worse. My son who has stuck by me, and actually was the first person to show me the debauchery his dad was playing on social media. He has always been a very empathetic kid, but at 17 he is a little bit of a jerk, never helps me at all, and has no idea that he ought to do certain things at his age, because narc dad never taught him to be a man. I can give that a break. But I found out 2 days ago, he has no plans to leave with me to Ohio, my home state, and plans to stay with narc who promised him a motorcycle. I've lost both of my kids. And that isn't even mentioning how narc sabotaged my relationship with my stepson because he was jealous we were so close. And now that my stepson has kids, I've had the grandkids ripped away too.
There is no continuity in my life at all. Everything I worked for and sacrificed is turned to shit, and I still can't believe the mastery of a narc to work such destruction. He already killed two of my cats, and the other one has seizures every day. He abducted my dog, butchered her paws, and I only got her back by luck after her micro-chip didn't scan and her tag was taken off. My friend said it perfectly, "of course he is going to go after your pets, he knows how much your animals mean to you. Well, he know my kids mean even more and he has succeeded in taking everything, except my dog, thank God.
I know the pain, and have no words to comfort. I bawl and and curse the heavens over this. Just when I thought the light was there at the end of the tunnel, he pulls an from up his sleeve again. It sucks ass. I hate it. All I can do to keep going is remember that others are like us, and if I give up and jump off the damn overpass, it will leave other survivors here to deal with it alone. I can still love, unlike the demon, so I guess once I am not triggered a hundred times a day, maybe it will help someone else. Good luck and love to you. We are warriors with no medals.
@Amy Kline, you can keep the hope that your 17 years old will distinguish, with time, the bad from the good. He is still too young, and if YOU did a good job bringing him up, I believe he will be back. I feel at last part of your pain. Our kids are our most weak point. Through them, if we truly love them, we become very vulnerable.
She was so "self aware" that she always seemed to know my next thought and moves before i made them. There is nothing more overwhelming then when someone is in your head.
Like eerily psychic. Yikes, at first I thought we might be "soulmates" 😬
It's demonic in nature when dealing with these types. Their energy is off. And the butterflies in the stomach thing BIG RED FLAG. Butterflies belong in nature NOT IN UR Belly. THAT GUT FEELING is ur bodies radar /alarm going off and THE WORLD TELLS U THAT'S WHEN YOU'RE IN LOVE. Be careful outhere.
Interesting statement they are aware...
So crafty and aware about somethings.
And complete denial of so much of their own junk.
AS THEY SAY IN HIS 12 STEP .PROGRAM
"SELF WILL RUN RIOT"
AMEN. and it explains everything and the WHY behind everything
I knew a narcissist and she was always the victim, or the victor, and accusing other people of being narcissistic. It was creepy!
Sounds like a victim of narcsacist. The victim will show same traits a the abuser.
A easy way to tell the difference is if the are aware of some their own issues, and willing to own it, and are try to deal withthem.
Narcassis never genuinely apologes, show remorse for hurting you.
People need to be more careful throwing this word around. A true narsacist is close to sociopathic. They have no ability to empathise with any.
You say she was a narcissist, even psychs are carefull not to be diagnosing people, as a lot of signs/traits of trauma/abuse can be percieved wrong.
It's called projection. Like another commenter pointed out tho, her case could be more complex than you realize. I just learned children who are alienated from a parent by a narcissist parent will exhibit traits of a narcissist... Not because the child is a narcissist, but because the systematic psychological abuse forces this on the child. If the child does not display adequate narcissistic qualities, the narcissist parent will inflict further psychogical abuse, and in this way the child is conditioned to be inauthentic.
Not saying it's her case, just that it's sometimes very complex.
@@mrhyde9797 No you're wrong she is one. 'The playing victim is classic narc type'. Many of them cannot not do the victim route they 'love it' in a narcissistic way(brings them control emotionally over their target). And guess what it doesn't matter if someone is showing narcissistic tendencies or actual narcissis WHY BECAUSE THEY BOTH NEED HELP OK BROTHER. GET SICK OF PEOPLE TRYING TO DOWNPLAY THIS SHIT. IT'S AN EPIDEMIC.
Well, it sounds like projection. But nowadays there so much people with those traits that who knows. Because someone is a nacissist it doesn't mean that there aren´t any other nacissist in the room, you know. It´s the same that 'only because you are a paranoid it doesn´t mean that there is nobody chasing you'. Complex topic.
So sad that Victor will pretend to be the Victim!
I have always said that I’m always trying to work towards being a better person and the Narc in my life has zero interest in growing. He once told me he would never be with anyone who didn’t love ALL the music he loves. Everything you list makes me feel like you know him personally and it blows my mind.
Thank you so much for explaining this. Now I understand and realise my ex husband was a narcissist. I wasn't allowed to be me or grow as a person until I got away from him. He was also an alcoholic which made things worse. I cut him out of my life for good and it was the best decision I ever made!
Minute 7 ... the bleak summary of a narcissist's real intentions towards you. Don't ever think they will change, summon up the courage to figure a way out of that toxic relationship and have a mental health plan to support yourself in the process. My favorite therapists (among the many out there, take the time to find the ones that really will inspire and inform you) are Dr. Carter and Dr. Ramani ... Lots of good wishes to both of you :)
Thank you. Dr. C
I bet most of the people who hit the dislike button on Dr. Les's videos are narcissists
Phil Schertz 322 of them😮
Phil Schertz -or maybe they don't know they are narcissists because they cannot know themselves. Remember, they only blame others and not themselves. They think they are perfection.
Opus Love -well here's what I think. I don't care what you think. I made an observation and if you don't like it, skip reading it....
Completely agree.
Jeanine Simmons calm down 😅
I will hear your words and measure them carefully! (Good reminder)
You’re so on point. I am no longer friends with someone who has tried to run my life for years because of these behaviors. Keep doing what you’re going
It's *"Point On"* not on point, that's like saying "On Spot" and who says that when we all know its' Spot On, Point On get it?
Scary how many of these are out there. Nearly all my exes have displayed these traits.
All I can say is that when around these people, I feel crazy, drained, sad and self conscious.
My very bright mentor diagonised me as psycopat Magnet. I whish I could recommend har even more.
What if I tell you about projection?
They're very low vibrating /frequency having individuals. And this is how they're accessed /possessed y evil spiritual influences /entities /demons to destroy the lives of others. The behave the same WORLDWIDE that is how you know of the spiritual implications involved.
@@gargoyliangaming6556 , Amen
They do whatever they can to instill their negativity in you.
wms72 but you have the skills to deflect.
Misery Loves Company
@@Cinemagoer_64 what are these skills
Kay Campbell dr Carter’s book when pleasing you is killing me. The skills are in the book. Get it you won’t regret it!
I will thrive and survive PERIOD...
He nails it every time. Another incredible assessment, Dr. C
s mac yes and always right on time too ! He’s heaven sent 💞
After 28 years of marriage ... the 2016 election made me realize something was not right with this world. I went down the rabbit hole. My narcissistic husband has done everything you’ve said in this video. He cannot accept me. He despises that I’m not controlled. He despises everything about me as I used to be a happy naive idiot to this world. It’s heartbreaking but this video is awesome. I do like who I am, my knowledge is increasing, I’m getting my confidence back.. very difficult to live with someone like this. The rage, mood swings, dragging me into fights, going round and round over nothing. So utterly exhausting. Thank you for your videos. They are very very helpful
"The glory of creation is in its infinite diversity-and the ways our differences combine to create meaning and beauty."
So well stated! Dr. C
What beauty is there in a Narc relationship?
Thanks for your well-wishes at the end.
Don’t ever expect to reason with a narcissist. They are insane just like my narcissistic ex husband
Laugh at them at there stupid games.
Lol! My ex-husband is too
What do you do when for one reason or another cannot escape the interaction? How do you handle the conversation?
Laugh? Not in their presence if they behold the ability to get the upper hand. They will have the Last Laugh Son.
"Ex" being the operative word here. So glad for you!
The narcissist in my life actually told me, he was going to break me... I told him I wasn't some sort of animal to be trained ... He never mentioned it again ..However, this evil soul...Will never break me..
Ingrid pocze. My brother said he was going to destroy me a few years ago. I now release why he said that!
Ingrid pocze if you’re still with him he has already broke you 😱
@@hugmc No, he almost did... Once you know what you're dealing with... Through counseling.. you can see the tactics and pattern in their behavior ... They no longer will have control over you...Even if you are still with a narcissistic person... He hates that I have had counseling.. Also, this book by Lundy Bancroft, ( Inside the Mind of an angry controlling man) which I would recommend to anyone that lives with a narcissistic person or in a narcissistic relationship... Because his tactics no longer work.. He's dying of COPD I don't see any point in leaving now.. I think I would enjoy watching that after the misery he's put me through..
O yes, just want control. My children was a big issue. I am not allowed to even talk to them. He wanted to be the boss. I had to do everything with him. Can't even suggest something. His word is all there is. Thank goodness I am out of his mould. Thank you so much for all your encouragement. It just make me stronger. Thank you.
Run for your lifessssss!!! And don’t look back it works as it pisses them off to the fullest extent because they thought they had you spun in their web of sickness.
The inner dialogue of the narcissist beginning at 07:00 is spot on and the suggested affirmations for the individual being preyed upon are excellent. Thank you for this video!
I remained virtually unfazed after the altercation I had with my brother-in-law. I could tell that it really got to him that he couldn’t rattle me. That’s what I do.....The gray rock method I think is the term in the counseling world.... for me I basically remain unfazed and stand firm silently! Thanks, Doc!
My ex-husband, a psychiatrist, told me when I asked for a separation that I was being disobedient.
They are pathetic.
Oh TJ! Your comment is sickening to me. I’m so sorry you had to go through something so emotionally abusive. God bless you!
Sounds like my ex wife.
Hmm, when I disagreed with mine he said you defy me. Omg he’s not my boss. But he picks at me and tries to tell me what to do. Points out things that are wrong or have to be cleaned up but won’t put it in the bin himself.never cleans up after himself but points and tells me what I haven’t done.
Yeah, mine, a "church leader", reminded me that Jesus said that we are not supposed to divorce and so I am the one ruining our lives. And that I am going to hell. Just right after he said he was gonna start a new life with someone else.😂
I know that this is a load of crock so I just laughed, waved him bye as I said, " see you there" in the sweetest voice ever. He got pissed off enough to leave.😂
He of course screamed out that no one could ever love me or want me and that I would die alone. And that our kids were a waste of time and that I should have never had them, (as if I made them without him forcing his way on top of me as I slept).
I just laughed the whole time.
Yeah, I'm crazy and ain't changin' for no one except myself.
Fuck a narc! They're pathetic.
My sympathy to you... What that means is the evidence why he chose psychiatry... Search to understand him self besides trying to control the others!
Beautiful. Many thanks. My therapist is noticing a difference!
OMG you’ve just described my husband in the first 2 mins
My narc only likes me when I say and do what he wants me to say and do. Same applies for other people.
It's all about getting supply. Dr. C
My boss seemed charming when I first met him. But gradually he assumed more and more control over me, until I started hating my job. He is the weirdest person I have ever met. He is clever, but makes everything up as he goes along, and treats others as servants. He sucks joy out of people. He has no empathy, no emotions, it’s like he is playing a game where he is a super genius surrounded by people who are lucky to implememt his plans. I once disagreed with him and he spent the morning abusing my work in front of colleagues. On another occasion he said he was going to sack me. The only solution is to leave. There are 8 staff and four will leave after Christmas. We hate being near him. Without onlne videos such as yours, I would never have understood this man. I can now cope with him. But coping is not the same as liking being near him, simply that I can avoid the anger and rages that I suffered before. Many thanks.
I've been in your shoes, leaving is the best thing for your mental health. You'll know the signs to ensure that you don't work for someone like that again.
Yes, two narc bosses in two years. Weird. Never ever had this before. Both in their 30s.
France Clémence Fradet Are you more senior? The higher up the boss is in the hierarchy, the more likely they are narcissistic.
@@StillAliveAndKicking_ Director Général both of them. My immediate hierarchy. Totally deluded about their importance.
@@StillAliveAndKicking_ When you know you're a decent human being, you have trouble tolerating that crap. Hence high turn-over. Check out a company's turnover of staff. Terrible red flag.
Thank you for being such a sane calm, thoroughly decent human being, promoting nothing but love and acception.
Thanks, Malvina. Dr. C
Should have read acceptance 😉😉