I would rather die than settle. The only thing worse than being alone is being with someone you don't want to be with. Rejection hurts. Settling hurts more.
the problem is alot of women nowadays have incredibly high standards compared to what they are themselves, for example if an average guy said he wants a supermodel and he just wont be happy settling for someone less than a super model, what would you tell him??? the guy is basically asking for a 9 or 10 when he is at most a 6, there are alot of pretty 6 out there, his standards are too high
@@brockcharz2104 true..but I'm not settling.....to me it means I'm not going to say yes just because it might be all I have. I think most of us do realize that our dreams are just that. Brad Pitt needs to marry me already!!! For Pete's sake...ive been waiting for years now!!! Lol but I'm not settling for someone who doesn't trigger me. And so far...only one in 4 has hit every bell n whistle...the rest failed miserably...but hes the one that pulled away. Not settling. Just can't afyer all that chemistry. It does make me want more but I don't want anything that can't hit those bells n whistles now that I know they can be reached!! 😘❤💋🙏
@@brockcharz2104 lmao@ his standards are too high,,,you got it all all wrong,,,he is the diamond,,,he is the catch,,he is the man...not the other way around
After all this years, I have only learnt..chemistry is rare, if that happens believe it.. I say that to every young person who say they are scared of rejection.
Even if its easy, it is not always worth saving. That's what happened with my ex-beau and there was mutual attraction, compatibility, etc - and in the end, I had to take a step back and realize, thanks to God, that I didn't have to settle.
Undeniable attraction between two people is incredible, this happend to me recently. The guy went out of his way to ignore me, and then kept staring at me, Really bizarre.
This is how it usually has been for me - the greater the attraction, the more the guy tries to deflect and play it cool. I also find it unfair that as a woman I should be the one trying to draw this aloof man out of his shell and break his resistance. While I do have compassion, I also need to feel valued and appreciated instead of chasing a mirage who wants to disappear. It is also the hot and cold phenomenon where the man seems to lose all interest the minute he sees that 'aha, this woman is into me'... My prayer is to finally meet a man who acts like 'the retriever puppy' showing his interest openly, without trying to keep me guessing...
Fear of failure and rejection keep many people from their greatest experiences. It's difficult to be vulnerable and honest about what you want with so much uncertainty. Yet by taking those risks you find out if what you want wants you back. Yes, rejection is hard, but isn't it harder to always wonder if you could have been living a better life right now with that particular person? We are creatures that seek out love and acceptance. Not going for something is basically rejecting yourself over and over again and telling yourself that you are not worthy of what you desire. If you can find the courage to go after someone or something you want, you will ultimately be happier in the long run, even if there are rejections along the way. Life can be hard and disappointing, don't break your own heart by missing out on the things that could actually make you happy. Fear is the enemy here. Conquer your enemy and win the prize of self confidence, self love, self acceptance, and resiliency when things don't work out the way you had hoped. :)
Damn what a good comment, absolutely true and I'll try to do my best. In theory I'm able to do it but when the moment comes my fear is taking the upper hand
I love the part where she says “ the human animal is reading it 100%” because it is true ! You can try to hide you feelings but it’s right there and you can’t do anything about the chemistry two people feel when there is mutual attraction. Once I had a guy who would always look at me every time I would go in the same room as I did and I felt his eyes on me , it was undeniable . Finally he came up to talk to me and instantly when we locked eyes I felt like he was staring into my soul that’s how intense it was . pretty awesome feeling !
@VA - that’s exactly what happened to me few days ago and what a beautiful rare feeling..unfortunately he’s taken and it sucks big time ( we work same place - no choice but to suck it up and pretend he’s not there 😏
I have had this happen with a guy at work, but now suddenly, he is ignoring me, won't look into my eyes, and acts like I don't even exist. It's hurting me so much.
@@shannon2748it's exactly what SouljaMan says. For some people (completely unexperienced) it's just too much pressure, i know that because I'm at that exact point right now and the girl is probably feeling the same. I told her that I like her and she said she liked me too, but after that nothing happened yet and we "basically "ignore" each other. Idk what to do because I'm too afraid to just talk to her and she is also very shy
attraction is very tricky, just be careful. What you perceive as "playing hard to get" might actually be lack of interest and vice versa. But I guess the moral of the story is be brave enough to find out.
@@SusanWinter i am married so when this happens to me and in one moment I completely freeze up and I know my husband can sense and see me. In another moment I try to act completely carefree jumping with excitement and unable to have any mental clarity in conversation. Its horrible. But im learning.
Actually, she's far from being on point and her so-called insight is just the same dribble spoken about these topics. Honestly, its quite hypocritical and far removed from reality. The good news is that there are honest realistic people who are beginning to realize the dribble from Susan Winters and wake up to move on to sense. Praise Yeshua!
@Emmily Greene - I disagree with you but you are entitled to have your opinion, so she was very much in point and deliberated without wasting any time.
I am too old to be fooled by men whom are just not that into me. I'm too old, yet it has happened again. One great thing about being older: the emotional pain is fleeting and recovery time is far less. I'm quicker to pay attention to my gut instinct, and of course, I have experience, maybe even a little hard-earned wisdom, under my belt. I no longer allow my heart, exclusively, to rule the roost. Every relationship is a teacher and I'm focused on my positive growth: I'm 100% responsible for my own happiness! Thank you, Susan, for the high-quality videos that keep getting better. Today, literally, you were a godsend (goddess-send). Blessings to you!
I made that step with different men and always failed. The only relationships that really happened were when the men did the first steps and I had nothing to do but to say "yes". We should be careful, since it could be an illusion on our side and on the other side is no hidden feeling at all, meaning he is not hiding any feelings, he just has none!!!
True, I agree that men should move toward what they want. However, some men are temporarily paralyzed. They're good guys, trying to "play it cool." In that case, an observational comment could break the ice and give them courage to pursue. Thanks for your comment, Mireille.
That's how my guy friend is. I can totally tell there's mutual attraction and I'm not delusional. The sparkle in his eyes, the winks, the touches. He's not a big talker, and I get the feeling he hasn't had a huge line of women in his past. He's 52 and I'm 46. A customer at work. But I haven't seen him in a week. I know he has a crazy work schedule, so I'm not taking it personal. I had mentioned wanting to get to know him outside of our jobs and he seemed open. I am just going to give him space and not seem clingy. I'm not ready emotionally to give up, just not going to be too forward either. When I see him again, should I not even mention going out and just talk in general? He has told me he's available. Hasn't said whether or not he's interested in anything serious. I don't want to mess up again being over eager.
I had a relationship once with Kim Kardashian's butt. It was awkward and probably not a two way thing. I've made my house as a gigantic replica of Kim Kardashian's butt in an effort to over come the sexual antagonism. It is helping. I see the postman putting his letters up Kim's crack every day and feel things are moving forward.
The most important thing, which you don't know, is whether they are just flirting or really into you. We should not keep ourselves from making some steps to see reactions BUT the thing is, if you say i like you and he doesn't feel the same and you keep being around because for instance you go to the same parties, bars ect. That would be super uncomfy. That's my torture nowadays. I know he likes me, but he confuses me by making me jealous or not talking to me, while he's talking to everyone or not remembering important things about me. I have the options either to alienate my friends (they go to the same party with him) or not getting over him because I keep seeing him. I'm trapped.
My attraction to this guy I like is so strong that I’ve gone mute and can’t even bring myself to look him in the eyes anymore. It’s a really strange feeling because I feel deeply attracted to him and I feel like he feels the same way about me, but it never goes anywhere it sort of just stays in the air like a weird intense energy if that makes any sense?!
I know what you mean, it’s the same with me and this girl too, it’s weird. I wonder if she feels the same? Anyway, I hope things worked out for you and the guy, since this comment is 9 months old.
You have personality disorder, self esteem issues perhaps. You're taking life too seriously, you should focus on building your self-confidence. Try listening to Tony Robins, Jim Rohn, Kevin Trudeau, the book "The Secret". When you find confidence, you will find that you'll work on being a great person and you will feel great about yourself and then you want others to succeed and be happy. Opposite sex are just human beings like everyone else fundamentally, but common interests and sharing the same cultural practices is what makes people interesting and attractive. Good luck and remember YOU ARE GREAT! Find the happiness within, work on being the person you want to be in life. Go out and experience life and succeed!
I wanted to thank you for this particular video.. I recently ended I friendship because this man I was basically in love with for a few years kept denying that he was attracted to me but yet his actions were so different, I could just sense there was something there but when I tried to act on it he pushed away and tries (and succeeded) in making me jealous around other men, it's truly an awful feeling to feel like your left behind but as I'm growing older (I'm in my mid 20s) I'm starting to finally see I don't need people like that in my life and I will find someone who will cherish me some day and to let this one particular guy go and live in his fantasy world of not being into me like I was him, I'm done with excuses and games and again thank you for this video
We stare at each other We like each other We have chemistry and the needs to be together BUT .... We both are shy and timid moreover afraid to do the first move. He’s beautiful!!!
I tell you what, if the guy is like that at the beginning, chances are he will not get better with time and intimacy. I had a year relationship with a man who never told me how he fell about me and kept pushing me away every time I tried to close the gap. It went for so long because I loved him and could see he wanted me too...it was all so clear but at some point I had to let him go...it was like climbing a slippery mountain with no ropes. Every time I thought we made progress, he would push me back again. The lack of open affection or the reluctance to say what he felt for me became too much to bear. I need to feel safe with a man, I need to feel loved and protected and frankly I don’t think I’m asking for too much, just the basics so I ended it.
It took me 7 months and decided to end it. I'm still thinking whether it's the right decision and having a hard time coping with it. How do u feel now?
Sonia Lijangun still hurts, can’t lie...I ended it 8 weeks ago and still think about him but I know i did the right thing. That makes me feel better, knowing is for the best. He cant give me what I need so nothing else to say, isn’t it?
I think you made the right decision. I let something like that go on for about 3 years, and I've inadvertently spent another 3 years trying to get over it! Good for you for not wasting more time. X
Me too. This is soooo helpful! I thought I was going crazy because I could feel the attraction from this guy I've known for a long time. When he speaks to my peers, he's normal voice and seems at ease. When he's around me, he'll come up to me, stand directly in front of me with a big natural smile, concentrate on looking at me in the eyes and his voice softens. He'll say a compliment subtly, then I guess he realizes what he did thinking, OMG I'm giving myself away, he'll often say something snarky that can be very hurtful. He NEVER does this to my peers, only me. It has really made me wonder WTH was going on and if it was me, not him? Now I know it's him.
This is literally so spot on. I met a guy a few months ago where the same thing happened...I could sense the chemistry and attraction between us immediately but we were both the more closed off sort. I eventually took on the “golden retriever” role if you will and organized a bunch of group outings where we conversed in a more observational way...and it took MONTHS of that before we are now more comfortable with one on one conversations...and it’s magical. We both move slowly when it comes to dating and stuff so I’m quite happy with the pace of things, I like to be friends with the person first. But this video makes so much sense to me!! I’m definitely excited to see where things go xoxo
@@anetea.3903 not well I’m afraid… last summer I finally plucked up the courage to ask him out. He got very testy and defensive with me and completely shut me out. When I said it was my mistake, that I had thought there was something between us, he couldn’t say anything. It broke my heart, but I understood that he wasn’t capable of what I wanted from him, even though he may have felt something for me. We are still friends, closer than ever in fact. I think I may always love him, but I’d much rather he be in my life as my friend than not at all.
@@lianashafer4161 thank you, that is very kind. Perhaps one day, if he ever comes to his senses 😜 my gut tells me that he is frightened of whatever is or could potentially be between us, which I can understand as usually in the past I’ve been the one that was afraid of such a connection. I always see him watching me out of the corner of my eye, so I know attraction is not an issue. But, this is something he has to figure out on his own. I hope that, if he ever does come to his senses, it’s before I’ve found someone else ✌🏻
I hope you find some one else, who you like very much and he likes you more, and that there are not fears, no tension, nothing but good attraction and intention. Someone who can love you with all his heart with no reservations. Someone who can let you know right away. There has to be someone like that for us 🙏🏻
Wow one of the first sentences was so incredibly important for me! Just the acknowledge that meeting a special person can bring up intense emotional feelings, because it's so out of your day to day life, lifted so much weight off my shoulders! I too see myself as a logically thinking person so just hearing, that this is completely normal and dosen't mean that I am delusional meant a lot! Thank you Susan!!
This is totally me all my life. The more attracted I am to someone, the less I feel like I can function normally, and this is when I know they’re mutually interested. Shyness isn’t a part of my personality and I’m outspoken. I didn’t grow up with my father. Though I grew up around males, romantic or just normal opposite sex interaction with an individual to whom I’m attracted has been so difficult. This is where the problem really is me and not them. Your tip is great here. I also try to shift my focus in order to find the more extroverted part of me.
You're intuition was so key on. I'm the person that deflected my feelings and I do freeze up when my crush's attention is on me. I feel so blessed to have come across your channel. Your experiences are priceless. Thank you. All the best to you.
THANK YOU chyna. I truly appreciate you kind words!! Give your crush a sweet little smile. Or, look at this person for a second and as you turn away, smile. You have to give your crush a green light. If you don't, they'll always b a fantasy and never a reality.
@@Books_Makeup I wish I could be good with it, But I have regretted every one. Even if it wouldn't have worked out and it wouldn't have. I still missed it. I didn't get to know. Chemistry can last past the honeymoon phase.
Sometimes the chemistry between two people is out of fear of what people think. I had guys be attracted to me but not say anything because I was a larger woman.
What she said at the end...Thats me, afraid to put myself out there. I always expect the guy to do it, but I’ve lost out on a couple really good guys who I KNOW liked me but they were afraid just like me. It was like a game of chicken but neither one of us swerved so it all just crashed and burned before it started.
Yes, but it doesn't mean that they have to avoid their feelings and shut themselves down. To feel attraction is a wonderful thing when both parties are honest about it.
@@m.r.5990 sometimes people are not in a position in life where they can invest the time to have a successful relationship. In todays world it takes constant work, above and beyond what should be necessary because of the distractions of social media and dating apps etc..
I'm a guy, i've watch bilions of videos here on TH-cam... but dangg, this woman speak the real truth ! This channel is genuine ! Keep up the good work Susan ! People actually learn alot from your videos ! Cheers
You have giving me the answers to my questions that I have been asking my family, friends, and myself for all these years! No-one has quite given me the answers that I was looking for until I started watching your videos. You are smart, informative, and blunt. Thanks so much!
Wow, you are so on point Susan! You are amazing! I am experiencing this same exact thing with him. I am definitely the golden retriever wagging her tail. I am also the empowered one and he is very dismissive, snappy at times etc...I see him staring at me when he thinks Im not looking. He has trouble looking at me in my eyes. He knows that I like him and he keeps pulling back. It's his way of controlling the situation. One day he's attentive and the next day he acts like he's not interested and pretends he doesn't see me, except for a few interjections when I am talking to someone else. We work for the same company and fortunately im relocating to another building, but he also works at the building im relocating to on certain days. Im not sure what will happen now. Hopefully the heart will grow fonder in my absence... one can only hope! 😗💛
Wow! Exactly same look your sister puppy here. He is being controlled over his feelings while i am literally hurling myself at him.....now I am pulling back :(
i'm the dopey klutsy golden retriever puppy as well :D and i love to see it in other people when they meet me (anybody, not just potential romantic partners). it's such an amazing feeling, that instant connection and you both can't stop smiling and gushing all over each other!
Great points. I lasted 30 years before I realized my own golden retriever puppy self needed to leave in order to find another golden puppy boy. So much fun now!
Chances are she isn't thrilled with the douche but is dating him because he made the first move. Women as a general rule want be desired by the man. We all want to be desired but when it comes to that initial first meeting, the first spoken words, the first contact, etc. women want the guy to make the move. It tells her he finds her attractive, it tells her he is available, it tells her he wants to get to know her better.
Hi Susan, thank you SO much, so so much, for this video. It really resonated with me, to the degree that it felt like you were reading my mind or had walked in my exact footsteps. Especially the "feeling crazy" part. My situation is complicated, a mix between this video and the "pulling back" video - there is palpable chemistry, he stares all the time, it's electric whenever we are in the same room, etc., and he had actually gotten past acting like a *cough* to trying very hard to please me and to open up though he seemed highly self-conscious. But after getting much closer, and very vulnerable, in a short space of time (e.g. insisting on buying me a drink, then getting all embarrassed and bashful about having revealed so much about it being important to him; sharing things about his childhood, family, fears, etc. and then saying we shouldn't be talking about him so much), he has withdrawn - so I'm giving him space. Does that sound like the right thing to do? I sent him a friendly message, he replied very quickly but didn't respond to everything I wrote; this is why I say he has pulled back. So I sent him a "have a nice week" response back and left it. I had really begun to question myself and wonder if I am just delusional.... so this video has helped me to keep the faith that I haven't gone crazy. I know you probably don't have time to read, let alone respond to, all your comments, but if you do see this, you have helped me a lot. Thank you. I don't know if this guy and I will ever get anywhere, but thank heaven I now know, at least, that I should trust myself that there was really something there. It means more than you can know.
Hi Anna! Thank you for your thoughtful note. Yes I read everything. You're not crazy. He's exceedingly shy. Here's my suggestion: you have to be the one to give the continual green lights. You have to initiate the smile, the contact, and Communication. This is just until he feels a little more confident. But bravo to him for buying you a drink!! That can be a scary venture for a guy. If you need to clobber him over the head to make him understand you're interested, check out this video:th-cam.com/video/ORK8e_hBWO4/w-d-xo.html Wishing you much happiness and so happy to have you in my TH-cam family!
I totally agree with you , Susan . I am in love with a woman who is 18 years older than me . She is a divorcée with a kid . We both were getting along nicely . Suddenly the fear of getting accepted by my family , my society haunts me and thats the reason why I began to distance myself . However deep inside me I love her . Its only that if I get into a relationship with her my family will be ashamed that is stopping me . She loves me too . Your video was very inspirational . I feel I have to go back to her and say sorry from the bottom of my heart for puling back . I have to prove myself that I am worthy of her .
I can't believe I just found your message today. I'm so sorry to have not sen it sooner. I'm thrilled at your perspective and sincerely hope that all will be well for you. Thank you for the kind words.
Sharath Gopi I am the older woman ,divorcee with one kid and this is happening to me. True love is so rare don't just throw it away! My cousin just told me a story of a guy she knows who was happily dating a woman 2o yrs older.She was a young spirit,healthy, in a great shape,but his family pressured him to leave her and find much younger...and he did. now the young one got very sick,he has to take care of her,she can't have kids! Be with the one God sends you!
Sharath Gopi Oh wow. I know how you feel! It is very hard especially when culture blocks off things. Have you ever discussed with her about your fears? sometimes we have to explain so they also understand and you both get a reality picture. If your pursuing it's worth really investing in a talk with her, whether she is also ready to invest in your culture (if you are interested in maintaining your culture). If your culture isn't an issue to you then heck with it go for it! End of the day if you are independent and working you have no issues. No one can stop. I have many friends who don't have independent working lives so they feel stuck and bound. We live life once but really have an in-depth talk with her and see also what she thinks her child can handle too before jumping into the fry.
You are welcome! There are hundreds of thousands of stories similar to this one..and not only love stories Age is just a number. I know of a woman who had a baby at age 57..what is everyone's thought on that:What an irresponsible decision to have a baby at that age and leave him alone after you die..Right? Well... she outlived her son,who died at age of 41 :( When you love someone-don't stop yourself! When God sends you a baby,17 or 57 -have a baby!
I’m gonna give him space by moving on. Asked the guy I like on a date to the movies last year around November and still no response. I don’t have time to wait. I deserve better.
Wow, I haven't heard anyone ever discuss this issue. It all makes sense. I'm dealing with this right now. Thank you for your insight. This is the first video I have watched of yours. Looking forward to seeing more.
Exceptional explanation! I truly feel I am caught up in this scenario and sadly, yes, I’ve put my life on hold. I’m fearful of coming forward and I too am playing it safe to save face.
The connection should be comfortable, effortless, progressive and natural; otherwise, split. The big takeaway in this is a time limit. Don't move the goal post! If you decide I'll give them one more date you must stick to it, because when they sense you're done, they'll breadcrumb you to reel you back in. Stand strong!
Brought a tear to my eye. Ive watched a few of your videos now. Almost 2 years. Everytime we are around each other its electric. She admits her fear now as we dated a year. Her backstory is very sad. I date others now.. She refuses to date anyone after me. Even told me if she cant love me she cant love anyone. But .. Ive been around, im not a kid, and Im not dillusional. Many if your words speak more volume than so many other channels. Ive even been o e if those hot and cold guys with others.. I recogize all the patterns.. Her reactions are truly fearful, and what is heartbreaking, in my opinion is.. I truly think she found love after all of her years of not even knowing what it was.. And it literally emotionally paralized her. She came into my life at christmas again.. Promised to do more together..and then retreated.. So.. I go live my life again.. This journey is something only she can choose to fix. We are both in our 40s. She is using her children and work for distraction, and it will work for awhile, but sooner or later, whatever we bury will bubble up in ourself. I might be there, or I might be gone.. But that connection meant the world to me. I hope one day Ill have the chance to see her happy.. Her past, her pain.. None of it is her fault. God bless you for your kind words.. Many sights, make these people seem like monsters.. Ive done enough research to realize that there are monsters, but they are simply just lurking below the surface of thier soul, and is telling them lies.. I spent a long time being like the puppy. Ive come to realize, I cant do this anymore, but I can still let her in if Im available.. I can be positive, I cant tell her I believe in her without letting my ego get the best of me. Maybe one day shell realize someone didnt totally give up.. Be well
Thank you, Susan. for giving such high quality advice. I recently found myself in the shutdown position you describe so well. So much was going on in my mind and physiology of memory that I was overwhelmed into self-consciousness. I felt light years away from the potential me I sensed awakening between us, and it seemed I had to cross those light years in no more than an instant - that’s where I froze. The light years starter to seem reachable but I was still on the brim of time (between the time of immeasurable, infinite Kairós and that of measurable, linear Chronos.) I could not recognize in my self-image the lightness her look showed me I could feel in my body. I froze, feeling how far I still was from the real me I began to see and wanted to present to her. In films when this happens we as outsiders tend to understand more easily how intensely engaged the frozen person is. Visibly (in the film), they may be dealing with burying no less than all the wounds of their past to make themself new for what is clearly a higher octave of their imperfect, human perception and experience of love. Your advice, to deflect the spotlight, is so perfect. That’s not what happened to me, because of the pressure of chronological time over the impending distance between the different continents we live on. I have never thought I would someday consider nourishing a long distance relationship but now I am. I am aware that for her it may have been nothing but a flirt, but one second of the way her presence felt with mine is more than that to me. This is a gift; sharing it with her would be a whole other gift.
Recently I felt this same situation. It felt like magic. Mind you i don't normally fall for just anyone...The chemistry was off the scale... Sadly the lady suddenly gave the old "it's not you its me" speach. Her reason for letting me go/ (dumping me)? " I deserve better. "Really she couldn't of told me that before I started having feelings for her. In the end I wished her happiness in life and it's been three weeks, I decided to date again but never will I put all my feelings out there. Besides I don't have time to babysit. I think it all comes down to do you really love yourself, when the answer is yes you will have moved up on the sexy scale and they will notice.
If you're reading this Susan, I moved to a little town in Illinois, got a job and I met this girl (21 yrs old who by the way works there too) I'm 23 and I honestly had zero attraction for her...A few weeks of working together, I felt as if my heart, mind, body and soul would stop to exist if I didn't see her for a day. I could feel tons of electrical current flow through my body each time I looked into her eyes or was anyway in her presence. I felt crippled (I've NEVER been in this state of overpowering attraction) I could tell she felt the same way too which actually created some awkwardness because she did everything humanly possible to show and prove how attracted she was to me (I did too). I could pick up her vibration from distances (I felt like an alien for weeks lol) I was really overwhelmed by her love and the fact that I couldnt understand why I felt that STRONG emotion for her. Anyways, I reluctantly asked her out, she laughed (seductively) hit me lightly on the arm and said I barely know her but we could be friends(with teary eyes). OKAY! I pulled a way, didn't talk to her for days and it did have serious effects on us (our coworkers even noticed signs of depression, and sometimes we'd hide in the restroom and come out with semi teary eyes. We're adults now acting like kids!!! This attraction almost drove me insane. I'd go to work feeling vulnerable around her, she'd come into work sad, depressed with the intent of hiding her emotions but it always showed on her face and work. She couldn't handle it as much as I couldn't. We were now psychologically vulnerable by trying to pull away from this unknown phenomenon. My manager reported several times that we weren't doing our jobs right anymore. I couldn't control myself, my emotions and had to quit. 6 Months later, I'm still recovering from the depression and trauma this attraction brought to me. I could say she is my twin flame but do you think there's anyway in HELL that we'll meet again and still feel the same way? (I can't feel love or pain anymore btw. My heart is numb which is scary) Thank you
This is really complex, and I feel it a loss doing this in a TH-cam format. But briefly: she activated an important part of you. I think your attraction was less for her, and moree about the experience that happened to you. It has deepened you, but it's also confused you. I strongly suggest you get into therapy, or speak to a social worker. You need professional guidance.. There's more going on here than just a girl. I wish you well.
I feel the same i met a guy online and he is good looking but I wasn't so attracted towards him but then i feel strong connections towards him and i know when he is sad or happy,and i told him about it i dnt know what he thinks bcz once he told he also feel he is connected but he ghosts away most of the times....
And i also feel it somewhat a twinflame connection but i just dnt want to give any tag or title bcz i am already fucked in my mind and i dnt want to come outcrazy but at the same time i cannot deny the fact that i know him inside out my gut says that he is me
Ceeren Yangs it's a blessing to know that I'm not the only one who has experienced this type of love. For a minute I thought I was crazy but I've come to realize that it takes the strongest of us to actually allow ourselves to experience love. It may hurt if it fails but atleast, we've experienced it and we tried. It's better to have a strong connection with another human than to live and never experience it. I hope you also find the inner strength to pick yourself up like I have. Love will come again but only when we're fully prepared to handle it.
Spann Dusky i know and this days i feel like he is never going to come back but iam just glad atleast i got to know and after meeting him i got awakened lol and you just ne happy no matter what,everything will fall back into place and it doesn't then it wasnt meant to be....and if its meant to be nomatter what it will find its ways😘tkcr and have a blessed life you and your families will be in my prayers tkcr
Great advice on this issue. No question she is attracted but tries to hide it. I am sure she feels vulnerable to the intensity of the attraction. I see her often but am not willing to make an obvious move. She can't handle the focus of my attention on her and I would rather wait it out for the right opportunity. She is definitely "affected". One likely problem for this woman is that her relations would probably not accept me and it creates a dilemma for her. "I like you, don't be scared."
I feel so awkward because my coworker does this with the most intense stare but wont speak to me. I hate feeling like i have to take the lead to talk to him. Im not scared to speak but i believe a man needs to be the hunter. Found out he has a girlfriend so maybe this is his way of enjoying the view without the temptation of cheating. I didnt even pay attention to him until i started to realize he was always close to my desk and he would walk by and look at me. Plus i noticed that he is normal/nice with other female collleagues but wont speak to me at all verbally but his body language is intense. At first its flattering but now its becoming umcomfortable like why do i have this coworker who wont speak to me even when I've given him an ice breaker moment by saying " hey, how are you. Maybe in time.
Watch out, because most probably it's something carnal to him. It's not a good sign to have a girlfriend and flirting so persistentently with you. Many men also need admirators to regain their self esteem.
I wish I saw this before I dismissed this extremely shy guy....he's soo sweet and very direct over texts, but in person he was literally extremely "mean", cold and paralyzed (not a single word) in my presence. I was always puzzled but now it all make sense. Thank you for the clarity, you are so good at what you do! 🙏🏼😇
Thanks, it's nice to have someone confirm what I am perceiving. I'm trying to be patient and hang onto my strong feeling that the attraction is indeed mutual, and this is going to go where I want it to, but it is very frustrating. She is quite friendly and we have a really good time together, but she seems determined not to acknowledge that there is a romantic element to our developing relationship.
@@Juniperbreezeer Yes I did, over a year ago, and she make it clear she did not intend to be involved in a romantic relationship again because of a previous bad relationship.
I took this girl out for a date a couple of months ago, I could feel the chemistry. Both of us were excited but relaxed, we were able to be ourselves and have fun. We stopped at a few places and ended up spending about 5-6hrs hanging out (drinks/museum/food). We had a lot in common and she was even touching my arm/chest or bumping into me a lot during the date. However, I did not kiss her which was a mistake on my end. She eventually ghosted me and then a few weeks later I got a response and she apologized and told me she had just gotten out of a relationship and did not have energy to talk to anyone. I told her I understood and we chatted a little but then she went back to ignoring me. She went back to school for one more semester and still had me on snapchat/instagram which she now also ignores my posts on.
I'm sorry Ben. Those are some serious hot and cold messages. I don't know why some people are so confused about what they want. Despite her initial signs of warmth, move on. Anyone who ghosts after paying that kind of attention to you would be an eventual head trip anyway. Best wishes.
yeah it sucks because i liked her too, she was very kind/polite up until ghosting me so it was pretty unexpected. That coupled with the fact that i have never experienced ghosting. Nothing i can do though so its whatever, thank you for the reply!
ben fleming she probably don’t feel the same way. I date i guy before and we had a good time and also im touching his arms cos im naturraly sweet and i feel comfortable with him. I ghosted him cos he constantly contacts me, i reply in the beginning but he continues so I stop responding. I sense he wanted more but i am not romantically attracted to him.
Susan after viewing dozens of videos on dating and relationships, you have hit the nail on the head you have confirmed what I inwardly felt and believed thank you so much!
I had gotten into a situation exactly like this last year. Essentially, the woman had reached out to me after not talking for the better part of 2 years, and told me that she didn't know what the future held, and she was working through some personal issues at the moment, but that she wanted me to be a part of whatever was going to come next. She was a super aloof person, and just totally shut down. I made the mistake of continuing to be forward and flirty (not entirely without reason, I assure you). The aloofness ended up destroying the relationship; she would just freeze every time we would get closer. It was a shame.
I rejected a guy several times because "I was in love with my boyfriend", now I understand that my relationship was a waste of time because I kinda obligated myself to love him. I actually love the guy I rejected... but I think he hates me now. I think I'm better alone...
Get back in touch with him and say hello and that you like him and such, but in a less obvious manner but not too hard for him to catch on too and if he doesn’t catch on and make a date then just leave it and wait for him to come back, don’t message him first.
Sorry, people but when there's chemistry but they pull back it's because the chemistry is one sided. I'm in this situation now where a client of mine knows I'm in a relationship but swears I'd be happier with him because we get along at work. I like him and I'm nice to him because I want his business. The chemistry is completely in his mind. If chemistry is that strong and someone really wants you, they'll be with you. Other than that, it's all in your mind. Stop wasting your time on someone who doesn't want you.
MJ -Assuming both people are single and have incredible chemistry, what would make one of those people pull away and ignore such great chemistry? It’s because one of those people isn’t feeling it as much as the other. I personally could never ignore someone I have incredible chemistry with.
Lee48Lee it probably has to do with race or socioeconomic background. For some people dating and sex is experimentation see if they are up for this particular person. The chemistry is not really chemistry in the purest of terms it's just animalistic dopamines from a new experience. Real chemistry is you seeing the bigger picture and a longer future regardless of anything.
I'm so glad I found your channel. I have been in countless situations with "deflectors." It happens so frequently that I can't help but wonder if I come across as intimidating. I certainly don't try to. I will remember this video the next time I find myself in this situation.
Recently met a woman who was in the high 90 percentile range of compatibility w/ me by her own admission. The similarities and commonalities were beyond profound, especially on a mental and most importantly, Spiritual level. Nevertheless, she rejected me and tried to friend zone me. Needless to say, I said nope to the FZ and haven't contacted her in a month now. In my heart I still believe that she was the one, but apparently the sentiment wasn't; reciprocated. Miss her but I value myself way too much.
Susan Winter, Thanks for the advice! I have a feeling that I'm in a similar position....There's this one woman that I am TOTALLY CRAZY About right now who, ironically enough, sent me a friend request via social media....She was 'Constantly Liking & Commenting On My Pics, Leaving Messages With Happy Emojis & Whatnot', and when we exchanged #'s, SHE CALLED ME just moments after we were chatting via DM.... Conversation was AMAZING, we talked this way for a little while thereafter, discussing deep personal matters together, & in the initial conversation, SHE even talked about VISITING me!!!!!(She's In CA, I'm In VA)....We even talked about 'What Kind Of Restaurant' we would have a date at, as well as meeting up at a mutual friend's party(Which is at the end of this month)....Granted, I admittedly may have made the mistake of 'Overchasing Her', but even with that, she seemed to be ok with afterwards. But now it's like she's 'TOTALLY Backed Off', even though I KNOW CLEARLY that WE had an INTEREST in each other! She had even ALL of A SUDDEN told me that 'She Was Thinking About NOT Going To The Party'(Where We're Supposed To Meet)Again & 'DROPPED Out Of The TEXT-Versation' Without Giving Me A REASON Why REASON!!!! She even 'Threated To Tell Me 2 'Stop Texting Her, But She Thought It'd Be Silly To Say That Since SHE Said That *& I Quote*, 'I Don't Have A Problem With U Textin' Me Until U Keep Going'!!!!!!!! It's almost as if she's 'Huddling Around', yet 'Trying Not To LET ME Know That SHE'S There!!!!!!!!(I say that because there was a post that another mutual friend made that I commented on & then she 'Follows Up & Comments On After Me'!!(Sorry, but that's 'More Than A Coincidence, Especially Since I posted a 'Story On FB' & was able to tell that SHE was '1 Of The DOZEN+ Viewers Who SAW It'!!!!!!!! Now she just 'Likes My Comments On Her Page', be it FB or Instagram, she's telling me (As She's Discussed On The Phone With Me, Btw, Even Though SHE Admitted SHE Liked Me & 'Wanted To MEET 1St, See If We Hit It Off, Then Go From There)that 'I'm Ur Friend, We're Cool', Etc.... I occasionally have dropped a few messages via phone FB DM, but she hardly if never replies now(When She Did, They Started To Become 'REAL Short & Boardline Rude Messages, Btw) and on the DM, you can tell if a person's 'Read Ur Msge' if their 'Profile Pic Icon' shows up next to your message, so I KNOW SHE'S READ THEM!!!!!!!! Ms. Winters, I don't wanna sound crazy, but I REALLY like this Woman & although I have 'Other Options', I REALLY wanna KNOW & SEE it ME & HER STILL have a CHANCE to be 'MORE Than FRIENDS', which she's NEITHER DENIED or IMPLIED, even at THIS point in time!!!! PLEASE, ANY advice you can FURTHER give would be GREATLY Appreciated!!!!!!!! Thanks Again....✌️
This type of dynamic also happens all the time when "straight" people are seriously attracted to someone of the same sex. It's a form of homophobia. As a matter of fact, if the lgbt person is very attractive, most straight people will act this way towards them because the truth is sexual attraction is fluid. The straight person is so terrified that people will figure out that they are attracted to that person of the same sex when they are in public, that they feel they need to be dismissive, rude, sometimes even become aggressive or attack to keep everyone else from figuring out that they are attracted to someone of the same sex. However, one-on-one, if no one else is around and they feel no one else will find out, they beg and can be obsessed with having a physical interaction with that person. It can really be a dangerous situation for the lgbt person. Susan, I know your channel is based on hetero- but it would be great to hear someone speak on this.
Hey Susan, "You know what you're talking about"! I am so glad to know, that apparently "I'm Not alone in this world"!! That I'm not the only one that has gone through this confusing state of affairs with another human being! Someone that I have known for years, that has gotten me "so worked up" at different times, and then all of a sudden, it's as if, "someone threw a little water on the Flames" just to reduce the heat of passion, to smoldering half lit embers??!? "Was it something I said?" It's like, the last thing I remembered when talking to her(in the past)was laughter on both sides, praising each other, building each other up, and then, "NO Call" no Text for at least "A LONG Period of Time",(in reality only a week or so, but seems like eternity??) I think I'm ready to move forward, and then "I'll start dragging my feet as well!" We(me and her)are not from the younger generation, but Baby Boomers, and that on it's own Complicates things, I feel even more..? Too many bad experiences that we hold onto, so that we don't have to go through that again! It's unfortunate, "But, what are you going to do"??
So I feel like this has to do with my situation. I came across amazing guy on a dating app. We’ve been talking going on 3 months. We haven’t met yet. In the beginning, there was definitely a connection. He even said talking to me at first he didn’t think much about it but the more we started talking he said it blew his mind of how much we had in common. I thought the same way. Fast forward to two weeks ago, we were talking like normal and he ended up saying he was starting to like one of his best friends but only for a few days ago not the whole time we were talking. Then he said he felt like we didn’t have much in common and that we we’re total opposites. Of course I was devastated that he’s denying our connection and what we have in common. We are opposites but he already knew that. Pretty early on he did say that, connecting with me is how he and his ex did and that he thought talking to me was too good to be true and that he didn’t want to get hurt again. She ended up cheating on him. I just feel like it’s something he’s not telling me and he doesn’t really believe what he’s saying. What’s your thoughts on this situation? 🤔
This strikes so true. 3:01 This woman with a friend of mine brought a pair of gloves over to me in a supermarket. She heard me mention outside the supermarket my hands were cold. When she brought the gloves over to me she said I should buy them to keep my hands warm and funny enough, I snapped at her and said, "No woman tells me what to do". My friend told me later she had gone right off me. I knew she liked me because she made it obvious with her eyes which were all over me and a cheeky smile, plus stuff she said. I just didn't want to be tied down in her town, I had planned to stay with my friend only temporarily before moving on again. 5 weeks later I moved in with the gloves woman, two years later we were married. We're still married and with grown up kids. I have 2 kids from a previous relationship too. My wife has told me many times what she thought of me when she first met me, remembers what I was wearing, even how I smelled and we laugh about my reaction about the gloves all these years later.
Happening to me right now... I’m deflecting, he is deflecting and we will both end up alone .... Thank you fir helping me understand what’s going on ...
This was very well spoken...Your a very clear and concise speaker. Haha I love how you talk about to think if one is delusion or not. People self deny feelings a lot. Haha. I'm so confused what to do in a situation. I had been on and off talking with a guy back in 2015 and after a year he could not get out of his fear of moving forward. I was patient but he hurt me by just keeping me like a puppy. We were never in a relationship yet clearly more than friends. I had cut him off after explaining how hurt I was. 8 months go by (I am outside the country studying) and I was about to go on vacation and I get a call from him, apologizing. I was taken back and arranged a time to talk. We spoke and at the end we decided to keep touch and see where it goes. Now it's been since Jan that we had been talking. It has been going well but he doesn't seem to still make the step. I did mention I'm interested only if this is going forward and asked can he see it going and he said yes. Now suddenly out of the blue 2 weeks ago I hadn't heard from him. I just texted asking if he is ok (after not hearing from him for 4 days) and he said he has gone to Dubai (I don't know for what; he normally says but I didn't ask) and says he will contact me after. I just said take care. I am feeling conflicted as a week before, lets just say it got alittle sexual haha but he seemed happy and content so I am super confused. I don't know whether to just remain quiet or to just drop it all together. He seemed interested in making it work but he freaked out maybe? Oh my I wrote a lot. Sorry.
I wouldn't take him seriously. He's not ready to do anything beyond have a good time. When men are 'in transit" or in-bewteen jobs, they don't look to make a real connection. I wish you well!
Susan Winter Thank you kindly. Yes, I also feel the same. I really like him but there is no point of him saying the same and not reciprocating the same effort. He tried but I guess he has a lot more to work on. It's a second time and I'm tired. I don't know how I will react when he does reach out (he is quite a good looking lad but I won't let that lure me lol). He has alot going on but ya he is basically keeping me like a statue, something to look at and keep for when 'he' is ready. So I guess I will just continue normal convo if he does contact and if he does try to engage elsewhere I will just tell him I'm not interested in doing this anymore. I want him but sadly sometimes men and women should chase things before it's gone. Sad how humans can be to one another lol. I don't know what made him come back to me. He said he felt bad and missed me in his life. Well, this didn't really prove anything to make me feel worthy of him.
Personally, I don't like it when one partner has all the control in terms of contact and forward movement. The best option is to get involved in your own life, and begin dating available men. This will quicken everyone's efforts and may even be the needed remedy to get him to move toward you. Best wishes!!
I think the time limit can be flexible as long as you don’t let them stop you from getting in the way or your life, including entertaining other suitors who are hopefully not as emotionally unavailable. Emotional unavailability can change and be resolved in time - don’t wait around for them, but you don’t have to cross them out either.
I was 'that man' a few months ago. I noticed a stunningly beautiful woman in a Store (Shania Twain's would be twin) & smiled at her, & it was very difficult to read the brief blank stare she returned, (by time I figured out she was really flattered & wanted me to approach there were many people around & I became too nervous. I saw "that look" from another woman very recently & again, it sets a stage & the pressure is on. I try to make my Approach when there is no "audience" in front of us. I had a couple Embarrassing Flubs (nasty turndowns in front of a group of bystanders) in my past. I feel the women would prefer I do my Approach in front of the group than in a quieter area. If it means 'asking on a Stage'..then I will keep working on my Approach until the Audience does not 'deter me' Thank you for your Work & Great Advice Susan!
So I've recently had this experience, and he barely ever contacts me. He says he wants to go out on a certain date (last Sunday), yet by Friday I had heard nothing from him in a week. So I texted to ask if we're still on for Sunday, and 3 hours later no response. I make plans with someone else, text him back, "Ok, made other plans. Have a great weekend! Take care." Then he texts me back, "I thought we were on." So I texted him I could do either the upcoming Monday or Friday, and he says he wants to go out on Friday. Still have not heard from him in 3 days. I don't think this really bodes well. No matter how much he says he's interested when we are in contact, he goes MIA for days. So I feel delusional. This is his last chance on Friday.
Hi Tosca. I think this situation may have to do with poor dating skills and a lack of organization. Some people are inherent flakes. They make plans in vague terms, "we'll get together soon," "I'll call you later this week..." I love the fact that you taught this man that a clear time and date are required. You're showing him that you are open to seeing him but that you need a proper date with exact plans. Excellent. He should pick up on this information in the future, and if he doesn't (and tries to be vague), state clearly "I'd like to see you. 8 PM on Friday works beautifully for me." This way you've boxed him into a date and time, for which he now must reply. However Tosca, there's a disconnect between your disposition and his. You're organized, accountable and on-point. He's disorganized, self-indulgent and unprofessional. Just keep that in mind. Best wishes Tosca!
Susan Winter So he didn't contact me all week, or even Friday when we were supposed to have a date, and he just texted me this evening asking me to meet up tomorrow (Sunday). I'm not answering. Why does this guy think he can treat me like this? P.S. I read you're an opera singer. Me, too!
I just want to say though I agree with everything that was said in the video, as someone who has experienced this myself, if anyone is making you question your sanity then that’s nothing less than gaslighting and it’s the only red flag you really need in order to know that you should run away really fast!
Tina I'm not one to judge. If you want to dress up as a puppy dog and do your business against lamp posts on the street who am i to judge? However, it would be unusual if you pick up dates this way.
Mutual attraction? What? You mean from dogs or something? The concept is rather new to me. Being desired by someone you desire...is that even possible?
Yes it’s possible but then the excuses followed I was hesitant but stepped out of my comfort zone. He is much younger it’s frustrating to want someone so much to care to maybe love and he says I’m attracted to you but there’s this that and the other thing really then why did you visit me after one year of not seeing me.
@@dickpound4821 How much focus have you put on your attractiveness though? I'm sure you are attractive! But single men who have been alone along time sometimes neglect basic grooming - long nose hairs... chewed fingernails... the cheapest and most unflattering haircut they could possibly have...not showering daily... if you focus on taking care of yourself I am sure you will see a difference.
I would rather die than settle. The only thing worse than being alone is being with someone you don't want to be with. Rejection hurts. Settling hurts more.
the problem is alot of women nowadays have incredibly high standards compared to what they are themselves, for example if an average guy said he wants a supermodel and he just wont be happy settling for someone less than a super model, what would you tell him???
the guy is basically asking for a 9 or 10 when he is at most a 6, there are alot of pretty 6 out there, his standards are too high
100/100
@@brockcharz2104 true..but I'm not settling.....to me it means I'm not going to say yes just because it might be all I have. I think most of us do realize that our dreams are just that. Brad Pitt needs to marry me already!!! For Pete's sake...ive been waiting for years now!!! Lol but I'm not settling for someone who doesn't trigger me. And so far...only one in 4 has hit every bell n whistle...the rest failed miserably...but hes the one that pulled away. Not settling. Just can't afyer all that chemistry. It does make me want more but I don't want anything that can't hit those bells n whistles now that I know they can be reached!! 😘❤💋🙏
brock charz Really smart and observant comment .
@@brockcharz2104 lmao@ his standards are too high,,,you got it all all wrong,,,he is the diamond,,,he is the catch,,he is the man...not the other way around
After all this years, I have only learnt..chemistry is rare, if that happens believe it.. I say that to every young person who say they are scared of rejection.
If I just could get the upper hand over my fears
Chemistry is rare?
@@maxrn3923alcohol
💯
The relationship should be easy, if it is not, then it is not worth having it, even if there is a strong attraction.
Even if its easy, it is not always worth saving. That's what happened with my ex-beau and there was mutual attraction, compatibility, etc - and in the end, I had to take a step back and realize, thanks to God, that I didn't have to settle.
Undeniable attraction between two people is incredible, this happend to me recently. The guy went out of his way to ignore me, and then kept staring at me, Really bizarre.
I know! It's a common response. If you like him, you may have to use the 'objective comment' technique.
My same story
This is how it usually has been for me - the greater the attraction, the more the guy tries to deflect and play it cool. I also find it unfair that as a woman I should be the one trying to draw this aloof man out of his shell and break his resistance. While I do have compassion, I also need to feel valued and appreciated instead of chasing a mirage who wants to disappear.
It is also the hot and cold phenomenon where the man seems to lose all interest the minute he sees that 'aha, this woman is into me'... My prayer is to finally meet a man who acts like 'the retriever puppy' showing his interest openly, without trying to keep me guessing...
All that means is you are attracted. Let's see a man pick his nose in the date and betcha the "attraction" goes away real fast.
That sounds more like attraction by one person than mutual?
Fear of failure and rejection keep many people from their greatest experiences. It's difficult to be vulnerable and honest about what you want with so much uncertainty. Yet by taking those risks you find out if what you want wants you back. Yes, rejection is hard, but isn't it harder to always wonder if you could have been living a better life right now with that particular person? We are creatures that seek out love and acceptance. Not going for something is basically rejecting yourself over and over again and telling yourself that you are not worthy of what you desire. If you can find the courage to go after someone or something you want, you will ultimately be happier in the long run, even if there are rejections along the way. Life can be hard and disappointing, don't break your own heart by missing out on the things that could actually make you happy. Fear is the enemy here. Conquer your enemy and win the prize of self confidence, self love, self acceptance, and resiliency when things don't work out the way you had hoped. :)
i missed THE experience 35 years later i still see her in my dreams
Beautiful Speech I Wish My Soulmate Could Hear That
@@lazn9863 That Must Hurt 🤕
I'm in pain thts all I can say
Damn what a good comment, absolutely true and I'll try to do my best. In theory I'm able to do it but when the moment comes my fear is taking the upper hand
I love the part where she says “ the human animal is reading it 100%” because it is true ! You can try to hide you feelings but it’s right there and you can’t do anything about the chemistry two people feel when there is mutual attraction. Once I had a guy who would always look at me every time I would go in the same room as I did and I felt his eyes on me , it was undeniable . Finally he came up to talk to me and instantly when we locked eyes I felt like he was staring into my soul that’s how intense it was . pretty awesome feeling !
@VA - that’s exactly what happened to me few days ago and what a beautiful rare feeling..unfortunately he’s taken and it sucks big time ( we work same place - no choice but to suck it up and pretend he’s not there 😏
And nothing came of it as usual.
I have had this happen with a guy at work, but now suddenly, he is ignoring me, won't look into my eyes, and acts like I don't even exist. It's hurting me so much.
@@shannon2748 might be scared of falling in love, or in a relationship
@@shannon2748it's exactly what SouljaMan says. For some people (completely unexperienced) it's just too much pressure, i know that because I'm at that exact point right now and the girl is probably feeling the same. I told her that I like her and she said she liked me too, but after that nothing happened yet and we "basically "ignore" each other. Idk what to do because I'm too afraid to just talk to her and she is also very shy
attraction is very tricky, just be careful. What you perceive as "playing hard to get" might actually be lack of interest and vice versa. But I guess the moral of the story is be brave enough to find out.
Tom Ly So true🤔
Very confusing & painful!! Misleading
"experiences outside the norm, catalyze emotional reaction also outside the norm". beautifully put.
Thank you!
She is right on point. Her insight is very refreshing compared to the superficial dribble usually found on such topics.
Thank you George
@@SusanWinter i am married so when this happens to me and in one moment I completely freeze up and I know my husband can sense and see me. In another moment I try to act completely carefree jumping with excitement and unable to have any mental clarity in conversation. Its horrible. But im learning.
I agree, she actually knows what she’s talking about, so good!
Actually, she's far from being on point and her so-called insight is just the same dribble spoken about these topics. Honestly, its quite hypocritical and far removed from reality. The good news is that there are honest realistic people who are beginning to realize the dribble from Susan Winters and wake up to move on to sense. Praise Yeshua!
@Emmily Greene - I disagree with you but you are entitled to have your opinion, so she was very much in point and deliberated without wasting any time.
This woman is brilliant!!
Yes she is
She is a genius !!!!
Thank you LDS
LDS Entertainment Sure it is a woman ?
@@dirkusmaximus9268 Yep. That's the question.
This is the type of attraction that you feel in your heart and really intuitive
I am too old to be fooled by men whom are just not that into me. I'm too old, yet it has happened again. One great thing about being older: the emotional pain is fleeting and recovery time is far less. I'm quicker to pay attention to my gut instinct, and of course, I have experience, maybe even a little hard-earned wisdom, under my belt. I no longer allow my heart, exclusively, to rule the roost. Every relationship is a teacher and I'm focused on my positive growth: I'm 100% responsible for my own happiness! Thank you, Susan, for the high-quality videos that keep getting better. Today, literally, you were a godsend (goddess-send). Blessings to you!
It is hard to believe you can be rejected.
Rebecca Brockway 💪👍👏👏👏
The average guy does not go around rejecting Women Believe Me. I'm just happy to get a woman to talk Dirty to Me
You too You are tooooooo funny😂😂
Amen.
With a woman, I've had physics, calculus, biology, statistics, trigonometry, etc. -- but no chemistry!
RJC 72 lol
Made me :-D
RJC 72 haha amazing
That comment was hilarious!!!!! 😆 😆 😆
Try Algebra...!
I avoid men I'm attracted to because I fear rejection.
that's smart! i hope you like cats!
Dogs. I’m a dog person. Hate cats.
dsrtflwr lol love your response
I have never rejected a woman cause I have never being approach by one. On the hand, I being rejected countless of times.
dsrtflwr same with men
I made that step with different men and always failed. The only relationships that really happened were when the men did the first steps and I had nothing to do but to say "yes". We should be careful, since it could be an illusion on our side and on the other side is no hidden feeling at all, meaning he is not hiding any feelings, he just has none!!!
True, I agree that men should move toward what they want. However, some men are temporarily paralyzed. They're good guys, trying to "play it cool." In that case, an observational comment could break the ice and give them courage to pursue. Thanks for your comment, Mireille.
That's how my guy friend is. I can totally tell there's mutual attraction and I'm not delusional. The sparkle in his eyes, the winks, the touches. He's not a big talker, and I get the feeling he hasn't had a huge line of women in his past. He's 52 and I'm 46. A customer at work. But I haven't seen him in a week. I know he has a crazy work schedule, so I'm not taking it personal. I had mentioned wanting to get to know him outside of our jobs and he seemed open. I am just going to give him space and not seem clingy. I'm not ready emotionally to give up, just not going to be too forward either. When I see him again, should I not even mention going out and just talk in general? He has told me he's available. Hasn't said whether or not he's interested in anything serious. I don't want to mess up again being over eager.
I suggest you give him a clear green light. He's mentioned he's available for a reason. He wants you to give him a sign.
I had a relationship once with Kim Kardashian's butt. It was awkward and probably not a two way thing. I've made my house as a gigantic replica of Kim Kardashian's butt in an effort to over come the sexual antagonism. It is helping. I see the postman putting his letters up Kim's crack every day and feel things are moving forward.
The most important thing, which you don't know, is whether they are just flirting or really into you. We should not keep ourselves from making some steps to see reactions BUT the thing is, if you say i like you and he doesn't feel the same and you keep being around because for instance you go to the same parties, bars ect. That would be super uncomfy. That's my torture nowadays. I know he likes me, but he confuses me by making me jealous or not talking to me, while he's talking to everyone or not remembering important things about me. I have the options either to alienate my friends (they go to the same party with him) or not getting over him because I keep seeing him. I'm trapped.
My attraction to this guy I like is so strong that I’ve gone mute and can’t even bring myself to look him in the eyes anymore. It’s a really strange feeling because I feel deeply attracted to him and I feel like he feels the same way about me, but it never goes anywhere it sort of just stays in the air like a weird intense energy if that makes any sense?!
I know what you mean, it’s the same with me and this girl too, it’s weird. I wonder if she feels the same? Anyway, I hope things worked out for you and the guy, since this comment is 9 months old.
@friendly Jew wow. What a blanket statement. Thanks
@@16JPE
Maybe you are the guy she is talking about. LOL
@@scorchedearth1451 OMG. Maybe lol you never know.
You have personality disorder, self esteem issues perhaps. You're taking life too seriously, you should focus on building your self-confidence. Try listening to Tony Robins, Jim Rohn, Kevin Trudeau, the book "The Secret". When you find confidence, you will find that you'll work on being a great person and you will feel great about yourself and then you want others to succeed and be happy. Opposite sex are just human beings like everyone else fundamentally, but common interests and sharing the same cultural practices is what makes people interesting and attractive. Good luck and remember YOU ARE GREAT! Find the happiness within, work on being the person you want to be in life. Go out and experience life and succeed!
I feel like I've struck gold with your channel! Thank you so so much Susan.
thank you!!
I wanted to thank you for this particular video.. I recently ended I friendship because this man I was basically in love with for a few years kept denying that he was attracted to me but yet his actions were so different, I could just sense there was something there but when I tried to act on it he pushed away and tries (and succeeded) in making me jealous around other men, it's truly an awful feeling to feel like your left behind but as I'm growing older (I'm in my mid 20s) I'm starting to finally see I don't need people like that in my life and I will find someone who will cherish me some day and to let this one particular guy go and live in his fantasy world of not being into me like I was him, I'm done with excuses and games and again thank you for this video
We stare at each other
We like each other
We have chemistry and
the needs to be together
BUT ....
We both are shy and
timid moreover
afraid to do the first
move.
He’s beautiful!!!
same here..
slrrh !
😔
I tell you what, if the guy is like that at the beginning, chances are he will not get better with time and intimacy. I had a year relationship with a man who never told me how he fell about me and kept pushing me away every time I tried to close the gap. It went for so long because I loved him and could see he wanted me too...it was all so clear but at some point I had to let him go...it was like climbing a slippery mountain with no ropes. Every time I thought we made progress, he would push me back again. The lack of open affection or the reluctance to say what he felt for me became too much to bear. I need to feel safe with a man, I need to feel loved and protected and frankly I don’t think I’m asking for too much, just the basics so I ended it.
It took me 7 months and decided to end it. I'm still thinking whether it's the right decision and having a hard time coping with it. How do u feel now?
Sonia Lijangun still hurts, can’t lie...I ended it 8 weeks ago and still think about him but I know i did the right thing. That makes me feel better, knowing is for the best. He cant give me what I need so nothing else to say, isn’t it?
You are very brave and prideful! You are not dating someone's potential. I wish you the best!
I think you made the right decision. I let something like that go on for about 3 years, and I've inadvertently spent another 3 years trying to get over it! Good for you for not wasting more time. X
Sounds like the avoidant
This is the 1st video that's answered my question towards what I'm dealing with
Right!!!
Your insight is amazing. I have answers now
Me too. This is soooo helpful! I thought I was going crazy because I could feel the attraction from this guy I've known for a long time. When he speaks to my peers, he's normal voice and seems at ease. When he's around me, he'll come up to me, stand directly in front of me with a big natural smile, concentrate on looking at me in the eyes and his voice softens. He'll say a compliment subtly, then I guess he realizes what he did thinking, OMG I'm giving myself away, he'll often say something snarky that can be very hurtful. He NEVER does this to my peers, only me. It has really made me wonder WTH was going on and if it was me, not him? Now I know it's him.
This is literally so spot on. I met a guy a few months ago where the same thing happened...I could sense the chemistry and attraction between us immediately but we were both the more closed off sort. I eventually took on the “golden retriever” role if you will and organized a bunch of group outings where we conversed in a more observational way...and it took MONTHS of that before we are now more comfortable with one on one conversations...and it’s magical. We both move slowly when it comes to dating and stuff so I’m quite happy with the pace of things, I like to be friends with the person first. But this video makes so much sense to me!! I’m definitely excited to see where things go xoxo
And how did the thing go?
@@anetea.3903 not well I’m afraid… last summer I finally plucked up the courage to ask him out. He got very testy and defensive with me and completely shut me out. When I said it was my mistake, that I had thought there was something between us, he couldn’t say anything. It broke my heart, but I understood that he wasn’t capable of what I wanted from him, even though he may have felt something for me. We are still friends, closer than ever in fact. I think I may always love him, but I’d much rather he be in my life as my friend than not at all.
@@morpheus-thrall I was really hoping for a different outcome for you. I hope things change and he realizes what he could have with you.
@@lianashafer4161 thank you, that is very kind. Perhaps one day, if he ever comes to his senses 😜 my gut tells me that he is frightened of whatever is or could potentially be between us, which I can understand as usually in the past I’ve been the one that was afraid of such a connection. I always see him watching me out of the corner of my eye, so I know attraction is not an issue. But, this is something he has to figure out on his own. I hope that, if he ever does come to his senses, it’s before I’ve found someone else ✌🏻
I hope you find some one else, who you like very much and he likes you more, and that there are not fears, no tension, nothing but good attraction and intention. Someone who can love you with all his heart with no reservations. Someone who can let you know right away. There has to be someone like that for us 🙏🏻
This actually does help. Some feelings or tension are too strong and it's tough.
Wow one of the first sentences was so incredibly important for me! Just the acknowledge that meeting a special person can bring up intense emotional feelings, because it's so out of your day to day life, lifted so much weight off my shoulders! I too see myself as a logically thinking person so just hearing, that this is completely normal and dosen't mean that I am delusional meant a lot! Thank you Susan!!
This is totally me all my life. The more attracted I am to someone, the less I feel like I can function normally, and this is when I know they’re mutually interested. Shyness isn’t a part of my personality and I’m outspoken. I didn’t grow up with my father. Though I grew up around males, romantic or just normal opposite sex interaction with an individual to whom I’m attracted has been so difficult. This is where the problem really is me and not them. Your tip is great here. I also try to shift my focus in order to find the more extroverted part of me.
You're intuition was so key on. I'm the person that deflected my feelings and I do freeze up when my crush's attention is on me. I feel so blessed to have come across your channel. Your experiences are priceless. Thank you. All the best to you.
THANK YOU chyna. I truly appreciate you kind words!! Give your crush a sweet little smile. Or, look at this person for a second and as you turn away, smile. You have to give your crush a green light. If you don't, they'll always b a fantasy and never a reality.
💛
@@Books_Makeup I wish I could be good with it, But I have regretted every one. Even if it wouldn't have worked out and it wouldn't have. I still missed it. I didn't get to know. Chemistry can last past the honeymoon phase.
Sometimes the chemistry between two people is out of fear of what people think. I had guys be attracted to me but not say anything because I was a larger woman.
What she said at the end...Thats me, afraid to put myself out there. I always expect the guy to do it, but I’ve lost out on a couple really good guys who I KNOW liked me but they were afraid just like me. It was like a game of chicken but neither one of us swerved so it all just crashed and burned before it started.
From my personal experience, attraction does NOT mean that both parties are currently interested in a relationship at that time.
Yes, but it doesn't mean that they have to avoid their feelings and shut themselves down. To feel attraction is a wonderful thing when both parties are honest about it.
@@m.r.5990 sometimes people are not in a position in life where they can invest the time to have a successful relationship. In todays world it takes constant work, above and beyond what should be necessary because of the distractions of social media and dating apps etc..
Youre not in love if love feels like work.... @brianstrickmaker926
I'm a guy, i've watch bilions of videos here on TH-cam... but dangg, this woman speak the real truth ! This channel is genuine !
Keep up the good work Susan ! People actually learn alot from your videos ! Cheers
You have giving me the answers to my questions that I have been asking my family, friends, and myself for all these years! No-one has quite given me the answers that I was looking for until I started watching your videos. You are smart, informative, and blunt. Thanks so much!
THANK YOU KEVIN!!
Wow, you are so on point Susan! You are amazing! I am experiencing this same exact thing with him. I am definitely the golden retriever wagging her tail. I am also the empowered one and he is very dismissive, snappy at times etc...I see him staring at me when he thinks Im not looking. He has trouble looking at me in my eyes. He knows that I like him and he keeps pulling back. It's his way of controlling the situation. One day he's attentive and the next day he acts like he's not interested and pretends he doesn't see me, except for a few interjections when I am talking to someone else. We work for the same company and fortunately im relocating to another building, but he also works at the building im relocating to on certain days. Im not sure what will happen now. Hopefully the heart will grow fonder in my absence... one can only hope! 😗💛
Wow! Exactly same look your sister puppy here. He is being controlled over his feelings while i am literally hurling myself at him.....now I am pulling back :(
Good on you Susan for making all of us humble people feel better about ourselves
i'm the dopey klutsy golden retriever puppy as well :D and i love to see it in other people when they meet me (anybody, not just potential romantic partners). it's such an amazing feeling, that instant connection and you both can't stop smiling and gushing all over each other!
Great points. I lasted 30 years before I realized my own golden retriever puppy self needed to leave in order to find another golden puppy boy. So much fun now!
Page Henkel Chance,You are beautiful 🌷,Hope you are with a good man!
Men have the same problem. But then I see this fantastic woman with a douch. He had the confidence to speak to an amazing woman and got her.
Chances are she isn't thrilled with the douche but is dating him because he made the first move. Women as a general rule want be desired by the man. We all want to be desired but when it comes to that initial first meeting, the first spoken words, the first contact, etc. women want the guy to make the move. It tells her he finds her attractive, it tells her he is available, it tells her he wants to get to know her better.
Hi Susan, thank you SO much, so so much, for this video. It really resonated with me, to the degree that it felt like you were reading my mind or had walked in my exact footsteps. Especially the "feeling crazy" part.
My situation is complicated, a mix between this video and the "pulling back" video - there is palpable chemistry, he stares all the time, it's electric whenever we are in the same room, etc., and he had actually gotten past acting like a *cough* to trying very hard to please me and to open up though he seemed highly self-conscious. But after getting much closer, and very vulnerable, in a short space of time (e.g. insisting on buying me a drink, then getting all embarrassed and bashful about having revealed so much about it being important to him; sharing things about his childhood, family, fears, etc. and then saying we shouldn't be talking about him so much), he has withdrawn - so I'm giving him space. Does that sound like the right thing to do? I sent him a friendly message, he replied very quickly but didn't respond to everything I wrote; this is why I say he has pulled back. So I sent him a "have a nice week" response back and left it.
I had really begun to question myself and wonder if I am just delusional.... so this video has helped me to keep the faith that I haven't gone crazy. I know you probably don't have time to read, let alone respond to, all your comments, but if you do see this, you have helped me a lot. Thank you. I don't know if this guy and I will ever get anywhere, but thank heaven I now know, at least, that I should trust myself that there was really something there. It means more than you can know.
Hi Anna! Thank you for your thoughtful note. Yes I read everything. You're not crazy. He's exceedingly shy. Here's my suggestion: you have to be the one to give the continual green lights. You have to initiate the smile, the contact, and Communication. This is just until he feels a little more confident. But bravo to him for buying you a drink!! That can be a scary venture for a guy. If you need to clobber him over the head to make him understand you're interested, check out this video:th-cam.com/video/ORK8e_hBWO4/w-d-xo.html Wishing you much happiness and so happy to have you in my TH-cam family!
This woman is the best. So educated. So helpful
I totally agree with you , Susan . I am in love with a woman who is 18 years older than me . She is a divorcée with a kid . We both were getting along nicely . Suddenly the fear of getting accepted by my family , my society haunts me and thats the reason why I began to distance myself . However deep inside me I love her . Its only that if I get into a relationship with her my family will be ashamed that is stopping me . She loves me too . Your video was very inspirational . I feel I have to go back to her and say sorry from the bottom of my heart for puling back . I have to prove myself that I am worthy of her .
I can't believe I just found your message today. I'm so sorry to have not sen it sooner. I'm thrilled at your perspective and sincerely hope that all will be well for you. Thank you for the kind words.
Sharath Gopi I am the older woman ,divorcee with one kid and this is happening to me.
True love is so rare don't just throw it away!
My cousin just told me a story of a guy she knows who was happily dating a woman 2o yrs older.She was a young spirit,healthy, in a great shape,but his family pressured him to leave her and find much younger...and he did.
now the young one got very sick,he has to take care of her,she can't have kids!
Be with the one God sends you!
HI April. What an amazing story. Thanks for sharing this with all of us!!
Sharath Gopi Oh wow. I know how you feel! It is very hard especially when culture blocks off things. Have you ever discussed with her about your fears? sometimes we have to explain so they also understand and you both get a reality picture. If your pursuing it's worth really investing in a talk with her, whether she is also ready to invest in your culture (if you are interested in maintaining your culture). If your culture isn't an issue to you then heck with it go for it! End of the day if you are independent and working you have no issues. No one can stop. I have many friends who don't have independent working lives so they feel stuck and bound. We live life once but really have an in-depth talk with her and see also what she thinks her child can handle too before jumping into the fry.
You are welcome!
There are hundreds of thousands of stories similar to this one..and not only love stories
Age is just a number.
I know of a woman who had a baby at age 57..what is everyone's thought on that:What an irresponsible decision to have a baby at that age and leave him alone after you die..Right?
Well... she outlived her son,who died at age of 41 :(
When you love someone-don't stop yourself!
When God sends you a baby,17 or 57 -have a baby!
I’m gonna give him space by moving on. Asked the guy I like on a date to the movies last year around November and still no response. I don’t have time to wait. I deserve better.
Shes a blast from the past! So seventies. Shes in a timewarp and i love it!
Thank you. This subject coveted, very valuable in my life right now.
Wow, I haven't heard anyone ever discuss this issue. It all makes sense. I'm dealing with this right now. Thank you for your insight. This is the first video I have watched of yours. Looking forward to seeing more.
I just discovered your channel. I have never seen a video of this type that so clearly speaks to EXACTLY what I am dealing with.
Exceptional explanation! I truly feel I am caught up in this scenario and sadly, yes, I’ve put my life on hold. I’m fearful of coming forward and I too am playing it safe to save face.
i love you finally someone understands. i’m so grateful for this video. i know he loves me. he’s just being odd af
I’m glad I stumbled on this because this is the exactly where I am at the moment.
Toss a coin in front of her when ever it happens and you feel paralyzed. It will make you both laugh 😂
The connection should be comfortable, effortless, progressive and natural; otherwise, split.
The big takeaway in this is a time limit. Don't move the goal post! If you decide I'll give them one more date you must stick to it, because when they sense you're done, they'll breadcrumb you to reel you back in. Stand strong!
After searching all over for the answer, I finally found it. Thanks Susan!
Fantastic, Rhonda.
Awesome ! i really needed this ! We are really driving each other nuts !!!
Amazing and smart piece of advice, thank you. Similar situation, chemistry and all but he decided to wall me out because he's not ready
Brought a tear to my eye. Ive watched a few of your videos now. Almost 2 years. Everytime we are around each other its electric. She admits her fear now as we dated a year. Her backstory is very sad. I date others now.. She refuses to date anyone after me. Even told me if she cant love me she cant love anyone. But .. Ive been around, im not a kid, and Im not dillusional. Many if your words speak more volume than so many other channels. Ive even been o e if those hot and cold guys with others.. I recogize all the patterns..
Her reactions are truly fearful, and what is heartbreaking, in my opinion is.. I truly think she found love after all of her years of not even knowing what it was.. And it literally emotionally paralized her. She came into my life at christmas again.. Promised to do more together..and then retreated.. So.. I go live my life again.. This journey is something only she can choose to fix. We are both in our 40s. She is using her children and work for distraction, and it will work for awhile, but sooner or later, whatever we bury will bubble up in ourself. I might be there, or I might be gone.. But that connection meant the world to me. I hope one day Ill have the chance to see her happy.. Her past, her pain.. None of it is her fault. God bless you for your kind words.. Many sights, make these people seem like monsters.. Ive done enough research to realize that there are monsters, but they are simply just lurking below the surface of thier soul, and is telling them lies.. I spent a long time being like the puppy. Ive come to realize, I cant do this anymore, but I can still let her in if Im available.. I can be positive, I cant tell her I believe in her without letting my ego get the best of me. Maybe one day shell realize someone didnt totally give up.. Be well
that's where we were…neither one of us could step up and we're no more…
Thank you, Susan. for giving such high quality advice.
I recently found myself in the shutdown position you describe so well. So much was going on in my mind and physiology of memory that I was overwhelmed into self-consciousness. I felt light years away from the potential me I sensed awakening between us, and it seemed I had to cross those light years in no more than an instant - that’s where I froze. The light years starter to seem reachable but I was still on the brim of time (between the time of immeasurable, infinite Kairós and that of measurable, linear Chronos.)
I could not recognize in my self-image the lightness her look showed me I could feel in my body. I froze, feeling how far I still was from the real me I began to see and wanted to present to her.
In films when this happens we as outsiders tend to understand more easily how intensely engaged the frozen person is. Visibly (in the film), they may be dealing with burying no less than all the wounds of their past to make themself new for what is clearly a higher octave of their imperfect, human perception and experience of love.
Your advice, to deflect the spotlight, is so perfect. That’s not what happened to me, because of the pressure of chronological time over the impending distance between the different continents we live on. I have never thought I would someday consider nourishing a long distance relationship but now I am. I am aware that for her it may have been nothing but a flirt, but one second of the way her presence felt with mine is more than that to me. This is a gift; sharing it with her would be a whole other gift.
Recently I felt this same situation. It felt like magic. Mind you i don't normally fall for just anyone...The chemistry was off the scale... Sadly the lady suddenly gave the old "it's not you its me" speach. Her reason for letting me go/ (dumping me)? " I deserve better. "Really she couldn't of told me that before I started having feelings for her. In the end I wished her happiness in life and it's been three weeks, I decided to date again but never will I put all my feelings out there. Besides I don't have time to babysit. I think it all comes down to do you really love yourself, when the answer is yes you will have moved up on the sexy scale and they will notice.
If you're reading this Susan, I moved to a little town in Illinois, got a job and I met this girl (21 yrs old who by the way works there too) I'm 23 and I honestly had zero attraction for her...A few weeks of working together, I felt as if my heart, mind, body and soul would stop to exist if I didn't see her for a day. I could feel tons of electrical current flow through my body each time I looked into her eyes or was anyway in her presence. I felt crippled (I've NEVER been in this state of overpowering attraction) I could tell she felt the same way too which actually created some awkwardness because she did everything humanly possible to show and prove how attracted she was to me (I did too). I could pick up her vibration from distances (I felt like an alien for weeks lol) I was really overwhelmed by her love and the fact that I couldnt understand why I felt that STRONG emotion for her. Anyways, I reluctantly asked her out, she laughed (seductively) hit me lightly on the arm and said I barely know her but we could be friends(with teary eyes). OKAY! I pulled a way, didn't talk to her for days and it did have serious effects on us (our coworkers even noticed signs of depression, and sometimes we'd hide in the restroom and come out with semi teary eyes. We're adults now acting like kids!!! This attraction almost drove me insane. I'd go to work feeling vulnerable around her, she'd come into work sad, depressed with the intent of hiding her emotions but it always showed on her face and work. She couldn't handle it as much as I couldn't. We were now psychologically vulnerable by trying to pull away from this unknown phenomenon. My manager reported several times that we weren't doing our jobs right anymore. I couldn't control myself, my emotions and had to quit. 6 Months later, I'm still recovering from the depression and trauma this attraction brought to me. I could say she is my twin flame but do you think there's anyway in HELL that we'll meet again and still feel the same way? (I can't feel love or pain anymore btw. My heart is numb which is scary)
Thank you
This is really complex, and I feel it a loss doing this in a TH-cam format. But briefly: she activated an important part of you. I think your attraction was less for her, and moree about the experience that happened to you. It has deepened you, but it's also confused you. I strongly suggest you get into therapy, or speak to a social worker. You need professional guidance.. There's more going on here than just a girl. I wish you well.
I feel the same i met a guy online and he is good looking but I wasn't so attracted towards him but then i feel strong connections towards him and i know when he is sad or happy,and i told him about it i dnt know what he thinks bcz once he told he also feel he is connected but he ghosts away most of the times....
And i also feel it somewhat a twinflame connection but i just dnt want to give any tag or title bcz i am already fucked in my mind and i dnt want to come outcrazy but at the same time i cannot deny the fact that i know him inside out my gut says that he is me
Ceeren Yangs it's a blessing to know that I'm not the only one who has experienced this type of love. For a minute I thought I was crazy but I've come to realize that it takes the strongest of us to actually allow ourselves to experience love. It may hurt if it fails but atleast, we've experienced it and we tried. It's better to have a strong connection with another human than to live and never experience it. I hope you also find the inner strength to pick yourself up like I have. Love will come again but only when we're fully prepared to handle it.
Spann Dusky i know and this days i feel like he is never going to come back but iam just glad atleast i got to know and after meeting him i got awakened lol and you just ne happy no matter what,everything will fall back into place and it doesn't then it wasnt meant to be....and if its meant to be nomatter what it will find its ways😘tkcr and have a blessed life you and your families will be in my prayers tkcr
“This kind of attraction does not occur in a vacuum”
But what if I am “delusional?”
Great advice on this issue. No question she is attracted but tries to hide it. I am sure she feels vulnerable to the intensity of the attraction. I see her often but am not willing to make an obvious move. She can't handle the focus of my attention on her and I would rather wait it out for the right opportunity. She is definitely "affected". One likely problem for this woman is that her relations would probably not accept me and it creates a dilemma for her. "I like you, don't be scared."
I feel so awkward because my coworker does this with the most intense stare but wont speak to me. I hate feeling like i have to take the lead to talk to him. Im not scared to speak but i believe a man needs to be the hunter. Found out he has a girlfriend so maybe this is his way of enjoying the view without the temptation of cheating. I didnt even pay attention to him until i started to realize he was always close to my desk and he would walk by and look at me. Plus i noticed that he is normal/nice with other female collleagues but wont speak to me at all verbally but his body language is intense. At first its flattering but now its becoming umcomfortable like why do i have this coworker who wont speak to me even when I've given him an ice breaker moment by saying " hey, how are you. Maybe in time.
stop being so self centred... he likes u and he has girlfriend...so he stays away from u. respect that
I suffer with is too!! It gets uncomfortable eventually...
Any update on this?! 🙂
Watch out, because most probably it's something carnal to him. It's not a good sign to have a girlfriend and flirting so persistentently with you. Many men also need admirators to regain their self esteem.
I don't like you saying hunter. They kill. We don't want to be killed. Forget him, he has a girlfriend.
I wish I saw this before I dismissed this extremely shy guy....he's soo sweet and very direct over texts, but in person he was literally extremely "mean", cold and paralyzed (not a single word) in my presence. I was always puzzled but now it all make sense. Thank you for the clarity, you are so good at what you do! 🙏🏼😇
Thanks Lyric.
Your videos make a lot of sense and I really like your solutions. I love your perspective on these situations. Thank you!
Thanks Katelyn. Much appreciated.
Thanks, it's nice to have someone confirm what I am perceiving. I'm trying to be patient and hang onto my strong feeling that the attraction is indeed mutual, and this is going to go where I want it to, but it is very frustrating. She is quite friendly and we have a really good time together, but she seems determined not to acknowledge that there is a romantic element to our developing relationship.
I wonder if you ever said something to her?
@@Juniperbreezeer Yes I did, over a year ago, and she make it clear she did not intend to be involved in a romantic relationship again because of a previous bad relationship.
@Hat6000 never wait if you want a relationship.
You are always spot on. Love your vids! They explain and reveal so much. Thanks so much.
Thanks Monique.
Hi Susan I started watching your videos 2 months ago and saw your subscribers going from 63k to 68k! Congrats!
I took this girl out for a date a couple of months ago, I could feel the chemistry. Both of us were excited but relaxed, we were able to be ourselves and have fun. We stopped at a few places and ended up spending about 5-6hrs hanging out (drinks/museum/food). We had a lot in common and she was even touching my arm/chest or bumping into me a lot during the date. However, I did not kiss her which was a mistake on my end. She eventually ghosted me and then a few weeks later I got a response and she apologized and told me she had just gotten out of a relationship and did not have energy to talk to anyone. I told her I understood and we chatted a little but then she went back to ignoring me. She went back to school for one more semester and still had me on snapchat/instagram which she now also ignores my posts on.
I'm sorry Ben. Those are some serious hot and cold messages. I don't know why some people are so confused about what they want. Despite her initial signs of warmth, move on. Anyone who ghosts after paying that kind of attention to you would be an eventual head trip anyway. Best wishes.
yeah it sucks because i liked her too, she was very kind/polite up until ghosting me so it was pretty unexpected. That coupled with the fact that i have never experienced ghosting. Nothing i can do though so its whatever, thank you for the reply!
ben fleming she probably don’t feel the same way. I date i guy before and we had a good time and also im touching his arms cos im naturraly sweet and i feel comfortable with him. I ghosted him cos he constantly contacts me, i reply in the beginning but he continues so I stop responding. I sense he wanted more but i am not romantically attracted to him.
Mae88 B. When you replied, did you let him know you weren't interested and he continued or did you kind of string him along
ben fleming i dont have the nerve to tell him. Its just that the easiest way for me is to disappear completely.
Susan after viewing dozens of videos on dating and relationships, you have hit the nail on the head you have confirmed what I inwardly felt and believed thank you so much!
Are you incredible or what, I have been through something like what you have been through and I was about to lose my mind so thank you
Susan your a rare coach who tells the truth. I struck gold by subscrib ur channel
I had gotten into a situation exactly like this last year. Essentially, the woman had reached out to me after not talking for the better part of 2 years, and told me that she didn't know what the future held, and she was working through some personal issues at the moment, but that she wanted me to be a part of whatever was going to come next. She was a super aloof person, and just totally shut down. I made the mistake of continuing to be forward and flirty (not entirely without reason, I assure you). The aloofness ended up destroying the relationship; she would just freeze every time we would get closer. It was a shame.
I rejected a guy several times because "I was in love with my boyfriend", now I understand that my relationship was a waste of time because I kinda obligated myself to love him. I actually love the guy I rejected... but I think he hates me now.
I think I'm better alone...
Get back in touch with him and say hello and that you like him and such, but in a less obvious manner but not too hard for him to catch on too and if he doesn’t catch on and make a date then just leave it and wait for him to come back, don’t message him first.
Such wisdom much love. Thak you Susan , your videos really helped me for years. Just taking a moment to appreciate your work :)
Sorry, people but when there's chemistry but they pull back it's because the chemistry is one sided. I'm in this situation now where a client of mine knows I'm in a relationship but swears I'd be happier with him because we get along at work. I like him and I'm nice to him because I want his business. The chemistry is completely in his mind. If chemistry is that strong and someone really wants you, they'll be with you. Other than that, it's all in your mind. Stop wasting your time on someone who doesn't want you.
Lee48Lee that's not chemistry then. It has to be mutual.
MJ -Assuming both people are single and have incredible chemistry, what would make one of those people pull away and ignore such great chemistry? It’s because one of those people isn’t feeling it as much as the other. I personally could never ignore someone I have incredible chemistry with.
It could also be of uncertainties. Maybe their are circumstances that make them afraid.
Lee48Lee exactly. Like coach Corey Wayne says time and time again: if (wo)men like you they will make it easy for you
Lee48Lee it probably has to do with race or socioeconomic background. For some people dating and sex is experimentation see if they are up for this particular person. The chemistry is not really chemistry in the purest of terms it's just animalistic dopamines from a new experience. Real chemistry is you seeing the bigger picture and a longer future regardless of anything.
Your right, I've always wondered why this happened and had my suspicions but never knew how to brake the barrier, if you will.
I'm so glad I found your channel. I have been in countless situations with "deflectors." It happens so frequently that I can't help but wonder if I come across as intimidating. I certainly don't try to. I will remember this video the next time I find myself in this situation.
Excellent, Mr. Boy!
Mr. Boy
You probably do tbh
Susan your awesome your videos really help; I could used you many times before!!
Trust me when he is around I watch him watching me but men and myself fear falling in love because past heart breaks
Literally going through this right now, you are the only person who has been spot on regarding this topic, thank you!
Recently met a woman who was in the high 90 percentile range of compatibility w/ me by her own admission. The similarities and commonalities were beyond profound, especially on a mental and most importantly, Spiritual level.
Nevertheless, she rejected me and tried to friend zone me.
Needless to say, I said nope to the FZ and haven't contacted her in a month now.
In my heart I still believe that she was the one, but apparently the sentiment wasn't; reciprocated.
Miss her but I value myself way too much.
Susan Winter, Thanks for the advice! I have a feeling that I'm in a similar position....There's this one woman that I am TOTALLY CRAZY About right now who, ironically enough, sent me a friend request via social media....She was 'Constantly Liking & Commenting On My Pics, Leaving Messages With Happy Emojis & Whatnot', and when we exchanged #'s, SHE CALLED ME just moments after we were chatting via DM.... Conversation was AMAZING, we talked this way for a little while thereafter, discussing deep personal matters together, & in the initial conversation, SHE even talked about VISITING me!!!!!(She's In CA, I'm In VA)....We even talked about 'What Kind Of Restaurant' we would have a date at, as well as meeting up at a mutual friend's party(Which is at the end of this month)....Granted, I admittedly may have made the mistake of 'Overchasing Her', but even with that, she seemed to be ok with afterwards. But now it's like she's 'TOTALLY Backed Off', even though I KNOW CLEARLY that WE had an INTEREST in each other! She had even ALL of A SUDDEN told me that 'She Was Thinking About NOT Going To The Party'(Where We're Supposed To Meet)Again & 'DROPPED Out Of The TEXT-Versation' Without Giving Me A REASON Why REASON!!!! She even 'Threated To Tell Me 2 'Stop Texting Her, But She Thought It'd Be Silly To Say That Since SHE Said That *& I Quote*, 'I Don't Have A Problem With U Textin' Me Until U Keep Going'!!!!!!!! It's almost as if she's 'Huddling Around', yet 'Trying Not To LET ME Know That SHE'S There!!!!!!!!(I say that because there was a post that another mutual friend made that I commented on & then she 'Follows Up & Comments On After Me'!!(Sorry, but that's 'More Than A Coincidence, Especially Since I posted a 'Story On FB' & was able to tell that SHE was '1 Of The DOZEN+ Viewers Who SAW It'!!!!!!!! Now she just 'Likes My Comments On Her Page', be it FB or Instagram, she's telling me (As She's Discussed On The Phone With Me, Btw, Even Though SHE Admitted SHE Liked Me & 'Wanted To MEET 1St, See If We Hit It Off, Then Go From There)that 'I'm Ur Friend, We're Cool', Etc.... I occasionally have dropped a few messages via phone FB DM, but she hardly if never replies now(When She Did, They Started To Become 'REAL Short & Boardline Rude Messages, Btw) and on the DM, you can tell if a person's 'Read Ur Msge' if their 'Profile Pic Icon' shows up next to your message, so I KNOW SHE'S READ THEM!!!!!!!! Ms. Winters, I don't wanna sound crazy, but I REALLY like this Woman & although I have 'Other Options', I REALLY wanna KNOW & SEE it ME & HER STILL have a CHANCE to be 'MORE Than FRIENDS', which she's NEITHER DENIED or IMPLIED, even at THIS point in time!!!! PLEASE, ANY advice you can FURTHER give would be GREATLY Appreciated!!!!!!!! Thanks Again....✌️
This type of dynamic also happens all the time when "straight" people are seriously attracted to someone of the same sex. It's a form of homophobia. As a matter of fact, if the lgbt person is very attractive, most straight people will act this way towards them because the truth is sexual attraction is fluid. The straight person is so terrified that people will figure out that they are attracted to that person of the same sex when they are in public, that they feel they need to be dismissive, rude, sometimes even become aggressive or attack to keep everyone else from figuring out that they are attracted to someone of the same sex. However, one-on-one, if no one else is around and they feel no one else will find out, they beg and can be obsessed with having a physical interaction with that person. It can really be a dangerous situation for the lgbt person. Susan, I know your channel is based on hetero- but it would be great to hear someone speak on this.
Wtf 😂 😅 I'm a straight male and only am attracted to women , and never have I seen nor have I been seen another men Sexually attracted 🤢 , NEVER
Hey Susan, "You know what you're talking about"! I am so glad to know, that apparently "I'm Not alone in this world"!! That I'm not the only one that has gone through this confusing state of affairs with another human being! Someone that I have known for years, that has gotten me "so worked up" at different times, and then all of a sudden, it's as if, "someone threw a little water on the Flames" just to reduce the heat of passion, to smoldering half lit embers??!?
"Was it something I said?" It's like, the last thing I remembered when talking to her(in the past)was laughter on both sides, praising each other, building each other up, and then, "NO Call" no Text for at least "A LONG Period of Time",(in reality only a week or so, but seems like eternity??) I think I'm ready to move forward, and then "I'll start dragging my feet as well!"
We(me and her)are not from the younger generation, but Baby Boomers, and that on it's own Complicates things, I feel even more..? Too many bad experiences that we hold onto, so that we don't have to go through that again! It's unfortunate, "But, what are you going to do"??
So I feel like this has to do with my situation. I came across amazing guy on a dating app. We’ve been talking going on 3 months. We haven’t met yet. In the beginning, there was definitely a connection. He even said talking to me at first he didn’t think much about it but the more we started talking he said it blew his mind of how much we had in common. I thought the same way. Fast forward to two weeks ago, we were talking like normal and he ended up saying he was starting to like one of his best friends but only for a few days ago not the whole time we were talking. Then he said he felt like we didn’t have much in common and that we we’re total opposites. Of course I was devastated that he’s denying our connection and what we have in common. We are opposites but he already knew that. Pretty early on he did say that, connecting with me is how he and his ex did and that he thought talking to me was too good to be true and that he didn’t want to get hurt again. She ended up cheating on him. I just feel like it’s something he’s not telling me and he doesn’t really believe what he’s saying. What’s your thoughts on this situation? 🤔
Catfish
Chatting for three months a no no any guy in the real world will arrange a date after a week max .. this guy was just enjoying the attention
Why are you on a dating app,as pretty as you are?
This strikes so true. 3:01
This woman with a friend of mine brought a pair of gloves over to me in a supermarket. She heard me mention outside the supermarket my hands were cold. When she brought the gloves over to me she said I should buy them to keep my hands warm and funny enough, I snapped at her and said, "No woman tells me what to do". My friend told me later she had gone right off me. I knew she liked me because she made it obvious with her eyes which were all over me and a cheeky smile, plus stuff she said. I just didn't want to be tied down in her town, I had planned to stay with my friend only temporarily before moving on again.
5 weeks later I moved in with the gloves woman, two years later we were married. We're still married and with grown up kids. I have 2 kids from a previous relationship too.
My wife has told me many times what she thought of me when she first met me, remembers what I was wearing, even how I smelled and we laugh about my reaction about the gloves all these years later.
Happening to me right now... I’m deflecting, he is deflecting and we will both end up alone ....
Thank you fir helping me understand what’s going on ...
Gal DD,Your lovely smile 😊 can make the news!
This was very well spoken...Your a very clear and concise speaker.
Haha I love how you talk about to think if one is delusion or not. People self deny feelings a lot. Haha.
I'm so confused what to do in a situation. I had been on and off talking with a guy back in 2015 and after a year he could not get out of his fear of moving forward. I was patient but he hurt me by just keeping me like a puppy. We were never in a relationship yet clearly more than friends. I had cut him off after explaining how hurt I was. 8 months go by (I am outside the country studying) and I was about to go on vacation and I get a call from him, apologizing. I was taken back and arranged a time to talk. We spoke and at the end we decided to keep touch and see where it goes. Now it's been since Jan that we had been talking. It has been going well but he doesn't seem to still make the step. I did mention I'm interested only if this is going forward and asked can he see it going and he said yes. Now suddenly out of the blue 2 weeks ago I hadn't heard from him. I just texted asking if he is ok (after not hearing from him for 4 days) and he said he has gone to Dubai (I don't know for what; he normally says but I didn't ask) and says he will contact me after. I just said take care. I am feeling conflicted as a week before, lets just say it got alittle sexual haha but he seemed happy and content so I am super confused. I don't know whether to just remain quiet or to just drop it all together. He seemed interested in making it work but he freaked out maybe?
Oh my I wrote a lot. Sorry.
I wouldn't take him seriously. He's not ready to do anything beyond have a good time. When men are 'in transit" or in-bewteen jobs, they don't look to make a real connection. I wish you well!
Susan Winter Thank you kindly. Yes, I also feel the same. I really like him but there is no point of him saying the same and not reciprocating the same effort. He tried but I guess he has a lot more to work on. It's a second time and I'm tired. I don't know how I will react when he does reach out (he is quite a good looking lad but I won't let that lure me lol). He has alot going on but ya he is basically keeping me like a statue, something to look at and keep for when 'he' is ready. So I guess I will just continue normal convo if he does contact and if he does try to engage elsewhere I will just tell him I'm not interested in doing this anymore. I want him but sadly sometimes men and women should chase things before it's gone. Sad how humans can be to one another lol.
I don't know what made him come back to me. He said he felt bad and missed me in his life. Well, this didn't really prove anything to make me feel worthy of him.
Oh and also your absolutely beautiful and glowing! So whoever is by your side, family friends and all I can see makes you happy.
Personally, I don't like it when one partner has all the control in terms of contact and forward movement. The best option is to get involved in your own life, and begin dating available men. This will quicken everyone's efforts and may even be the needed remedy to get him to move toward you. Best wishes!!
Dear Susan , Your speech is truly inspirational . You are really a God's gift to this world .
Thank you ,
Sharath
Thank you!!
Indeed...being hesitant is not about you. It about the process of being afraid ... If they shout down, just try to approach ... Just talk ..
Experienced, knowledgeable, and to the point.
I think the time limit can be flexible as long as you don’t let them stop you from getting in the way or your life, including entertaining other suitors who are hopefully not as emotionally unavailable. Emotional unavailability can change and be resolved in time - don’t wait around for them, but you don’t have to cross them out either.
This describes my situation exactly. I thought I was going crazy.
Miss Kimberly,you comment touched my heart ♥ and I will be glad to know you more
Miss Kimberly, you are so beautiful ❤❤❤❤❤.
Miss Kimberly,You got a lovely smile 😊
Miss Kimberly,You got a lovely smile 😊
Sudan your superb and very clear with you’re coaching 👌 thank you so much 🙏
Now I don't feel so bad for blurting out "I am so in love with you!"
I told her i was crazy about her lol
I was 'that man' a few months ago. I noticed a stunningly beautiful woman in a Store (Shania Twain's would be twin) & smiled at her, & it was very difficult to read the brief blank stare she returned, (by time I figured out she was really flattered & wanted me to approach there were many people around & I became too nervous. I saw "that look" from another woman very recently & again, it sets a stage & the pressure is on. I try to make my Approach when there is no "audience" in front of us. I had a couple Embarrassing Flubs (nasty turndowns in front of a group of bystanders) in my past. I feel the women would prefer I do my Approach in front of the group than in a quieter area. If it means 'asking on a Stage'..then I will keep working on my Approach until the Audience does not 'deter me' Thank you for your Work & Great Advice Susan!
So I've recently had this experience, and he barely ever contacts me. He says he wants to go out on a certain date (last Sunday), yet by Friday I had heard nothing from him in a week. So I texted to ask if we're still on for Sunday, and 3 hours later no response. I make plans with someone else, text him back, "Ok, made other plans. Have a great weekend! Take care." Then he texts me back, "I thought we were on." So I texted him I could do either the upcoming Monday or Friday, and he says he wants to go out on Friday. Still have not heard from him in 3 days. I don't think this really bodes well. No matter how much he says he's interested when we are in contact, he goes MIA for days. So I feel delusional. This is his last chance on Friday.
Hi Tosca. I think this situation may have to do with poor dating skills and a lack of organization. Some people are inherent flakes. They make plans in vague terms, "we'll get together soon," "I'll call you later this week..." I love the fact that you taught this man that a clear time and date are required. You're showing him that you are open to seeing him but that you need a proper date with exact plans. Excellent. He should pick up on this information in the future, and if he doesn't (and tries to be vague), state clearly "I'd like to see you. 8 PM on Friday works beautifully for me." This way you've boxed him into a date and time, for which he now must reply. However Tosca, there's a disconnect between your disposition and his. You're organized, accountable and on-point. He's disorganized, self-indulgent and unprofessional. Just keep that in mind. Best wishes Tosca!
Susan Winter So he didn't contact me all week, or even Friday when we were supposed to have a date, and he just texted me this evening asking me to meet up tomorrow (Sunday). I'm not answering. Why does this guy think he can treat me like this? P.S. I read you're an opera singer. Me, too!
tosca donna ugh....I know exactly how you feel! It gives me a migraine!
He's busy with others...
He doesn't text or call to make solid plans because he isn't interested. There's no fear on his part. He's not interested.
that was a really nice message, that i ve never seen on youtube before. Thanks for taking the time to unravel this issue.
They're called "Dismissive Avoidants." Research it on TH-cam.
Exactly! And she isnt with this person anymore...hmmm
I was thinking the same thing
I just want to say though I agree with everything that was said in the video, as someone who has experienced this myself, if anyone is making you question your sanity then that’s nothing less than gaslighting and it’s the only red flag you really need in order to know that you should run away really fast!
He is a great powerful man who helped me manifest back my ex three days ago without delay 💯 💯 💯
Wow! I feel better that others have the same problem with deflecting. I am definitely the puppy dog and he's the deflector
Tina I'm not one to judge. If you want to dress up as a puppy dog and do your business against lamp posts on the street who am i to judge? However, it would be unusual if you pick up dates this way.
Oh that's smart! I'll remember that. Its generally a nice idea to reach shy people
Mutual attraction? What? You mean from dogs or something?
The concept is rather new to me. Being desired by someone you desire...is that even possible?
Same here. I am pretty sure a woman has never been attracted to me.
Yes it’s possible but then the excuses followed I was hesitant but stepped out of my comfort zone. He is much younger it’s frustrating to want someone so much to care to maybe love and he says I’m attracted to you but there’s this that and the other thing really then why did you visit me after one year of not seeing me.
@@dickpound4821 How much focus have you put on your attractiveness though?
I'm sure you are attractive!
But single men who have been alone along time sometimes neglect basic grooming - long nose hairs... chewed fingernails... the cheapest and most unflattering haircut they could possibly have...not showering daily... if you focus on taking care of yourself I am sure you will see a difference.
@@silvershadow7655 I dress well and groom.
@@dickpound4821 I suggest you wait for the right person to come along. Dont get dissapointed. Theres always someone out there waiting for us