Games are fun when you're young but at my age (40) there's no bigger turnoff than a woman who either doesn't know what she wants or is unable to show her true feelings. Life is too short.
At age 66 I got involved with someone 15 years my junior and I was horrified--and appalled--by the ghosting, breadcrumbs and hot/cold games that my roommates 20-something daughter had to explain to me! I was so ANGRY, but as providence would have it, I discovered this channel and got to understand a whole new--and more compassionate--perspective.
If a man is not emotionally available, then no amount of green light from my side is ever going to be enough. It is exhausting to try to encourage, coo and cajole someone who doesn't want to take that step. Many many men really prefer to stay inside their own comfort zone instead of being with a woman. It is sad, but we cannot fix anyone, a healthy relationship can only work between two willing individuals.
I'm quite sure your green light wasn't clear enough... it's not explicitly saying "I want you in my bed", but it can be the step below that : what matters is that the guy gets clear windows and green light signals at that time : tell him you want him to come and say he wants you, and that it's gonna be ok because you want him too.
Not always. My ex and I were two willing individuals and in the end, I still left him. However, I kept my word and never will go back. Fortunately, God lead me to another man who is now my husband and I will stay with him till I'm dead.
@@steph.h. u may b head over heals but unable to sleep with him.all of which he knows and needs .is that an excuse for a male to hurt .u all r the same. Steph
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Happened to me. I didn’t want a relationship but realized I can’t live without her. Gonna ask her to marry me this summer. Been together 3 happy years!!!
Found the perfect answer to dating games: [ ] single [ ] taken [x] choosing my sanity because life’s too short to wait on women who can’t show their true feelings.
Points Being Made everyone’s entitled to an opinion.... call it what you want but try not to lose sight of the fact that you don’t know me or my experiences... thanks for weighing in on it though.
PzychoNoir I used to be the first to admit when I really like someone but I’ve become self-conscious of leaving myself emotionally exposed... I’m just not that guy anymore..... but who knows? Maybe someday I’ll feel different, I sure hope so because I don’t like having to be this way. I won’t say I’m broken but I have too much resentful anger built up inside.
This generation is screwed Susan. We are all broken and terrified. This totally describes a situation I had. As soon as we got close and intimate he began freaking out and after 2 months I couldnt take it and called him out and he ran away. I know he was very emotional about it and recently removed me from his social media smh. I am so glad to have found your channel you are so calming when I freak out.
That happened to me too. Lol but he still follows me on social media. I just ignore his whole existence 😊. Everybody is scared so it’s his issue to work on alone.
To everyone who's arguing that when people push away "it actually means they just don't like you": you do realize that everybody is different, right? Susan specifically mentioned that it's important to listen to your intuition. You know if the connection/energy/spark/chemistry was there between the two of you. She is highlighting that SOME people don't just leave because they're uninterested. She is saying that SOME people leave and come back non-stop because they have unhealed trauma and that some people will push you away and make you feel unwanted when that's not really how they feel because of their own defense mechanisms. Did you not watch the video?
@Jade Lawson Thank you!! After reading some of these comments, I started wondering if anyone had bothered to watch it! 😅 Seems like a lot of commenters have some serious 'fear energy' themselves . . . and yet don't understand how an avoidant partner may be fearful too. *sigh* Take care 💕
Don’t do that. Never work out. They are commitment phobia. Read the book “Men who can’t love” and “he’s scared, she’s scared”. It’s a disorder, most likely child trauma or un-healed history. You can’t help them, even if you loved them. Run! Not even walk away, RUN! They need to get professional help, don’t go back unless they are willing to get help and put a lot of work on it.
I think being aware of the problem and wanting to fix it is enough to stay with them and allow them to love you at their own pace. People are so quick to run because someone else is different but guess what, someday you will meet someone who realizes that you to have your issues to work on and you would be devastated if they ran. Running is a coward's move.
Gotta be the light. Inspire with leadership. Inspire by simply doing you with eloquence. Working to fix is what'll break you. Leadership doesn't cost a thing. If they like you they'll be observing. Give them some light.
Run away? That is awful advice. No woman is going to run away unless they have another man to swing to for security. More practical advice is this: keep hoping he will exhibit more emotional comnectivity but do start dating around. You'll be better off and he will notice you are in demand.
Very confusing indeed! You can neither trust their words nor their actions. Been there. This is nearly unsolvable, unless they try. You're damned if you do and damned if you don't ...
And they keep doing it over and over and over and when the partner leaves, they come crying... They are emotionally immature! They can't manage their feelings! You have a life to live and other things to do! Don't forget, a lot like attention and be chase! They are scared to be hurt so they hurt you and then try to shame you and make you ''understand'' to not play with people's feeling! As stupid as it gets! Lastly, make sure they're not seeing other people! Often they will play this ''am scared of us'' thing but is always texting others, calling others... Don't be stupid and see when she's playing you!
Are men not supposed to chase ? I’m lost here also just because she is texting other men doesn’t mean anything, I’m sure if you’re dating you are still communicating with other women . Let’s not play the blame game sir .
When I was young I would have pursued and tried to make him feel secure. I found that doesn’t work and it’s his insecurity that doesn’t usually go away. Knowing what I know now I would walk away and find a more self assured man. I can’t fix any man and can only fix myself. Life is too short for all that!
sandramA heynemana I'm a little uneasy with this video... people are not projects. If someone can't handle their emotions I think they need to work on that before they get involved with and hurt someone in the process. You could be waiting patiently for years on someone who has no intentions of getting in touch with their emotions because as long as you're there... why do they have to? I'd rather start something with someone who is ready right now but I suppose that's all personal preference
sandramA heynemana There are two types of people those who wants to use you and those who wanna be used by you. There are people who likes you but are probably not ready for a serious relationship and doesn't want to break your heart therefore doesn't want to take advantage.. I was one of those people, even my female bosses would notice this and tell me I reject women. It's not insecurity. 😂
Rommel Cruz Sager maybe not all the time but it’s a big factor. I also think people who didn’t have secure relationships with their parents sometimes don’t know how to commit or are subconsciously afraid of rejection.
I agree with that totally. I had a women who was all keen on me . Her workmates would tell her , you need to talk to him if you're interested. She would blurt out when talking about what days she had off and i hadn't even asked. She invited me out but then claimed it was workmate who sent the message. if it was true that her workmate used her phone to send me that text . I still think it was her because why would one text message that i sent a few days ago suddenly pop up on top of her phone message list when she would have heaps of other texts from other people. So really she was interested or just seeking attention. Its definitely attention,.When i ignored her or only said hi instead of conversation with her ,Its sort of made her act really weird considering i didn't give her attention that she wanted/ She said that she was too busy for to go out on that date and she would get back to me. I just find it strange that some saying inst interested is still expecting to want to have conversations about her day and shit. I dont understand why she gives a shit whether i talk to her not if she not interested She leeds me on then gets pissed off that i moved onto other women instead of dealing with her attention games. I had my head messed with because she wanted attention and she was expecting me to just keep feeding her ego attention
b bardy wow, my brother informed me the guy I was interested in wanted me to stroke his ego. He is a Intimacy Avoider! I understand fear and risk. He is courageous as a dad, businessman, and struggles in this area. I am not ready to move on; working on healing myself at this juncture. He, alone, knows what he can handle. He wanted friendship, I wanted more. Thanks for sharing ur experiences!
Yep! Me right now!! I've just decided to move the hell on, I don't have time for this madness. I've made it known how I feel, but I can't do it any longer. Get this I walked Away in 2015 and he searched me out and found me in 2017 for what!?!? Nope! I'm done
Definitely had that before. They say all these words, do the push back thing, but then do stuff to show they are interested like ask about my day, work my shifts at work, all these different things.
Wow definitely agree... The reason they are pushing you away specially in introverts is that they want to be sure of your worth it to open up..be sure and conscise. Talk to . And let them prove you are worthy enough. And will never hurt them and your intentions are clear
This is EXACTLY what has been happening to me. And I knew that he just had to be scared. And that I wasn't crazy for still feeling that connection with him.
“Never put our lives on hold for another person.” Thank you Susan for your invaluable advice.👏 I dated a narcissist last year and he tried to put my life on hold for his selfish reasons. I’m so thankful I had the discernment and courage to move on! Now, I’m happy, healthy and chasing my dreams!❤️
I was in that situation a long time ago: my gut was screaming that this guy likes me too but everything he did was completely opposite and led to conclusion that he is not into me. And friends used to tell me: can't you see that he is just not interested, let it go. Nothing ever happened between us sadly. This whole time I was thinking that I was delusional but it is finally clear to me what was going on. Thank you so much Susan, you are the best!💜
No Ne Same! And I hate that my friends are not helping with the grieving process (I moved away.) Hopefully I will see him again when he is more confident..
This is like acupuncture for the soul listening to her and breathing her words in is a restorative meditation of mentored healing and empowerment. I typically never smile a learned habit. But after watching these videos a smile escapes my face because it resonates and removed the toxin an area of distress I never realized was there.
Some times in dating the person might say they dont want a relationship. But yet, still will do things with you like you are in a relationship. While he explore others on a dating site. I was on and off 3 years with this guy I really loved. Gave much mixed signals. However, every year during Thanksgiving and Christmas he became distance. This year I had enough, especially after I asked him if we will spend Thanksgiving togeter. My ex was home that day alone and he did not want me to come by. Two hours later he said well if he goes out somewhere we can go out, but he does not want to lead me on. Then he said that he dont want me to rely on him for his happiness. That is where I drew the line. I told him "no worries" I have made dinner plans already. I then told him thanks for asking. And I never called him back. When you are in your late 40's as my ex, then these games and mixed emotions need to change..
This was good information. I've reached the conclusion that some stars are to be enjoyed and adored from a distance, never to be brought near. Thank you.
I used to be this person when I first started going out on dates in my early 20s. Would freak out and not feel anything if a guy liked me. Was afraid of opening up and was basically a surface level version of myself. I was so unhealed inside and repressing all my childhood trauma and fear of rejection and intimacy. After I started doing more work on myself the tables turned and I ended up in the same dynamic except I was on the other side. I stayed because the person wasnt direct with me - the connection was real but the timing was not. It was just meant to be a lesson for me to realize and heal deeper parts of my self. The self healing work has been some of the most liberating work I've done in my life and has allowed me to reconnect with myself. I think a part of me maybe is holding onto an attachment to this person even though it has been so long and I know I need to let it go because it was a trauma bond. So I'll take this video as a sign that I not put my heart on hold anymore because I really shut down emotionally from everyone and everything since I had my heart broken. It's made me face another truth about my childhood and why I'm afraid of love.
Don't waste your time while they are trying to figure it out. You cannot know that the person secretly wants you even if you suspect it. Just keep it moving.
You are wonderful, Susan. Thank you. I am actually the "runner" and yes, having them stay calm and consistent, knowing I am "self cherishing" or self-preserving is what I need. It relieves my fears.
Susan, you are a beautiful person. In my perspective, sometimes with individuals like this, nothing is ever enough for them to get them out of their fear. I was recently told by a person I had a strong connection with, that they were fearful because I am “so attractive, talented, smart, and balanced” and they don’t understand why I’m attracted to them. Obviously, those are the characteristics he believes he has not. Sometimes, it may be a good thing when someone pushes us away because in my case, it seems that no matter how much empathy I’ve shown or reassurance, they still remain stuck. In cases like mine, sometimes people have massive character repressions that would require years of individual coaching to break through. Great advise Susan - to give it a time frame and to not keep ones own life on pause.
Your videos are very helpful. I stopped pursuing months ago because I was spinning my wheels. He checks in on me from time to time and finds a way to bring us together without seeming like he is trying to, and then there's always some game or roadblock. I feel so convinced that he is manipulating me.
Jonathon Denson Yes! I relate. I had someone do this for 5 years during a dating hiatus. He would message me, seem very interested. Genuinely care about me and my life ... always peaking in, meetings and ghosting. (No, we weren’t hooking up). I recently had a psychic/shaman tell me directly, without explaining the story(stories), “stop wasting your time with insecure men”. The good news is that you are probably a warm caring individual who deserves someone on your level.
Thank goodness! I'm an intuitive person by nature and I'm faced with exactly this situation. Like you said, I thought my inner voice was off kilter because she would say and do one thing then seem to push me away. I even had a close friend of mine watch us both and read her text messages that were sent to me. The friend assured me that I wasn't crazy but still... Thank you Susan. You've given me extra confidence that I'm doing the right thing.
This is spot on regarding someone I was involved with. I walked away from him a few months ago. We’ve known each other for 12 years and been involved for short periods of time over the years. This time I gave him more time. I know he loves me as I can feel it. I can see it in his eyes. And I know I’m the one he can never really let go of. But he won’t move forward and I know it’s because of his fear rather than what he says; that he cannot do a relationship. After not speaking to him for two months, he is tip toeing back in. This video helps me understand how to handle things.
Maturity not base on age ..but by experience and emotionally intelligent . you can be 50 but still play game u can be 25 but mature and great attitude, ive seen alot. Common you all know this.
YAAAAAASSSSSSSS. I can't believe how pure, and broken down this is and how much it resonates with my heart. You're so awesome. "Too busy educating yourself. " girl that's right.
Thank you so much for this video. It perfectly describes what i have been going thru for the past few months. I literally thought i was crazy, one day i was sure that this connection i felt so strongly was real and then a few days later i would convince myself that it was all in my head. i was starting to think i was crazy.
Thank you! This is actually how my relationship was. After dating for 2 months this man moved right down the street so we can spend more time together. He moved further from his job. Then after he moved he became distant. Now we still talk and spend time together but he says he just can’t commit. He calls me EVERYDAY! He has been hurt in the past and I know he is just afraid. It’s getting better now that I have been using the laws of attraction
I can never tell if someone is saying/acting according to how they feel. I never know if my gut feeling is right or wrong.... I've been fooled so many times...
I've been there for so many years.. What has really helped me is learning to put myself first in these situations and in life in general. It is not easy but can be learned. Also, introducing a little habit into my daily life where I'm not interrupted and just with my thoughts for 10-20 min or so. When there's less noise I can hear what my gut is telling me. All the best x
Thank you Susan, you just put and end to an inquiry in my head about this guy, I felt the connection and there was huge spark but he pushed me away, I have been torturing myself thinking I did something wrong. God bless you thank you sooo much.
Absolutely, I was scared also before watching your videos. We all have different timing in awareness, which may require patience from others. You also have to give yourself a deadline to maintain your own sanity.
That’s why she says give it a LITTLE bit of time. Not to stick around forever while they make up their mind. Take care of yourself without an apology while also having compassion for others 😊
I'm so glad you talked about this. I have found myself in this situation more than once. But while being confused I also had that strong gut feeling the other person had feelings there. I just assumed it was in my head
Well I agree with this for the most part. Like you said.....you need to put a time frame on it. So by definition the actiins *do* really like you. Now the only slightly disagree part is the actions are honest in that they refuse to let it move forward. If they are too scared and chose somebody else who is easier to deal with or that they are less connected to, I thinks thier actions are saying how emotionally mature they are and want to be. So they may like you and care about you, but I think I am gonna fall back on my favorite line of yours.....they don't have the skill set to be with and they are happy just coasting in a minimal effort relationship
you are one of the most brilliant people I've ever listened to. You're so sane. I'm tracking with you all the way!! thanks for validating the times where I knew a person liked me but they didn't move forward!!
I had a conversation with the guy I was been dating in the summer and talking on line since about this. He told me he had shut down emotionally as he didnt want to lead me on as we live far away. In his mind opening himself to growing feelings equals commitment he couldn't see happening in our circumstances. We are still talking though..4 months on - feelings are there for sure. I am just providing a "safe harbour" for now but time is ticking and I ll move on to be in integrity with myself . Thanks for highlighting this issue.
This hits home here. I am so guilty of this. I did something to give an impression of disinterest, it was the polar opposite. I was just acting out due to my feelings. That other person of course would not get this.
Omg I needed this! I feel such relief! I've been beating myself up, feeling crazy, and incredibly lost. This wise advice makes complete sense! My sweet boyfriend is such a good man but his frequent and sometimes harsh distancing has been making me miserable and confused. Now I feel understanding to give him space and compassion to love myself. Time will give us direction but no more crying myself to sleep. Thank you!
ur absolutely right, i had such a strong connection with her, i could tell there was magic, electricity sparks between us, when i told her I wanted us to be together she said she felt nothing and started to push me away. i asked my female friends and they all said that there was nothing but i knew i was not crazy. there is now a huge distance between us and she said she is getting back with her Ex. so i have moved away.
I'm amazed at how so many of your videos seem tailored to me and appear in my recommended list at such apropos times. Your brevity, clarity, sincerity, and sagacity are very valuable to me. Thank you!
I had this and I even wrote about it in comments. I pursued and all but I got heartbroken and frankly a little ego bruised pursuing a 53 year old man, as a 27 year old girl.. I even told him I was patient enough for him to open up in time and he didn't have a response for three days. I blocked him. I'm still sad but I think it was for the best. Give the green light you guys, life is too short to agonize others and ourselves
I have to say as an older guy, I would discourage a young girl for her own good. He is going to be a wrinkled up, maybe unhealthy 70 yr old man while you will be in your health . He may have ditched you because he cares.
Ezgi Çetin He did you a favour he is to old for you and he knows it. But must have been hard for you when you really liked him your young you have lots of time to find a nice guy.
Here’s another perspective on it. I’m undoubtedly the type of guy to push the people I love away. What I’ve learned about myself is I do this because I know I’m not a good person. I care so much I’m willing to suffer and let you go to be with someone who will be able to give you what you want. I know I wouldn’t want my daughter to date a guy like me. And that’s saying a lot. If someone is willingly pushing you away I suggest you listen. Not every situation is the same but keep that in mind
This is my problem ever since I was young. A few people who expressed their interest in me thought that I'm not interested in them, but it's the opposite. I appreciate all their efforts despite of my actions. I complain about not having a love life, but when it's there, I'm too scared to try so I always take a step back. I know one day I have to totally fix this, but I'm using it as a reminder to just focus on myself for now. I'm sorry to the recent guy who also thought that I'm not interested to talk to him when he's all that I can think of everyday 😶. The problem is obviously on me for this part.
I’m so glad I stumbled on to you! You explained everything that’s going on with me and the man I love! He’s so afraid of commitment, that he acts hot and cold! Thank you so much! I love your style and intellect...
I have been pushing away people and potential lovers for a long time just to protect myself from being hurt. I always pretend that we are just friends. Because I love them and I don’t wanna end up hating them after a breakup. However, I still know that we like each other and it bothers me. So, it’s like protecting me and protecting them as well. I ended up being so lonely because of my own fears and pursue of safety. Your interpretation was great and it is something that I’ve never heard before💕.
I'd like to say, there is more to the pushback than fear. When two people have different personal boundary needs ... I'd love to hear your thoughts on maintaining boundaries within relationship please Susan
This video resonated with me, thank you for your wise words Susan! You're one of the only coaches who seems to talk about listening to your intuition and gut. I appreciate your wise words
I like what she said cause i myself pushed a guy away many times because i was afraid of getting hurt again, rejection, and played. I miss this person but i wished he would've been more open and communicated more with me.
I love you Susan. You just make everything so clear and you validate my emotions and the intuition “inklings” I have and constantly try to ignore or talk down to. Now if only he could hear this!!!! 😄
Hi Susan. I'm just get to know you recently, and i learned a lot from you. All I want to says is, thank you Susan for helping me to pull back my feeling in sense of love from the guy who's gave me so many mixed massages. He always sent me the wrong signals where i used to be blocked and pushed away by him when i tried to step forward. I can strongly feel that he is feeling insecure in any relationship with women. He's been flirting around with others before i get to know him well and he does the same thing to those ladies when they want to get closer in the relationship. He refused to talk about his last relationship which is left him a lot of pain. So far we keep our relationship as close friend where we used to sharing a lot things. I left my message to him last night, "Let's talk and make things clear!" in a good way.. and he replied: Let's celebrate our friendship, return the same text to me (him) if I am still your dear friend." Well, his reply doesn't shocked me, cause I already figured out what he is going to tell. Somehow i didn't mad at him but I'm really feel sympathy to him. I'm still be friend with him and sharing your advise to him, wish he can be benefited. Once again, thank you so much Susan, Love You! From Jien
This is so helpful. I have been seeing someone who every time we get a little closer, he pulls back and says something that confuses where we are. My gut is rarely wrong about people and with him, it tells me he is uncomfortable and insecure because I am WAY out of his comfort zone. Remembering that and being calm for awhile are great tips for me to move forward myself confidently.
This is a deep topic. Ive been getting signals from someone I work with and I'm hesitant to move forward because we work together and mixed signals. Trust intuition and your gut Susan hit it on point. Preciate cha
So true, time frame is key. You’ll know if they are experiencing their own emotional hardship or if they’re playing games if you observe. They’ll eventually grow close with you if they really care, or they’ll have on & off periods with no real closeness if they’re just playing you
Susan you have described exactly my current situation! It's really frustrating when you can feel it but he sends mixed signals. Thanks for your advice about how to act because it was what I was actually doing!! Greetings!!
Hi there J FM. I know this dating game is confusing. But it's worth letting people know when a person cares and pushes back, as opposed to one who pushes back because they don't care.
Susan it’s exactly what I lived in my last relationship our relationship was more than beautiful as he already said . perfect timing ,perfect, chemistry ,perfect time in our intimacy life we were just Matching incredibly but after a problem that happened with him he literally pushed me away and became being just respectful but I felt that did not want me anymore in his life because of the problem he was facing after I helped him out to get rid of his problem I felt that he needed time for his self and personally I was not ready to wait more than I waited so far so I walked away after three months we met again and it was exactly the same chemistry between us that he left but after our meeting he kept pushing me away although he told me this was the last time he will do this so I decided really to really move on and live what I had to live and to not punish my self by letting myself alone I deserve to be loved just the way I do with the others .... than I accidentally found your videos and things are so much easier to think thank you so much 😊 Be well 🥰
Susan, thank you!! This scenario you’re describing is me and my friend in a nutshell. The chemistry is great, we most definitely like each other. But he is so afraid... I see it when he talks to me, I hear it sometimes in his voice, he’s a true “fearful avoidant” but I see the deeper part of him. I have a pretty good secure attachment style, with some anxious attachment only when evoked. But overall I feel he is worth getting to know. I always try to exhibit confidence even when his fears sometimes intimidate me a little . Then I go back to that secure place knowing that it’s ok for me to always be my authentic self and no matter what fears he has, I always remember I have the ability and the willingness to push past those fears and continue being my authentic self. I want to be a safe space for him, and vice versa, because whether he knows it or not he deserves me.
Women with BPD exhibit this kind of behaviour. Stay away! They will eventually discard you when they realize you have strong feelings for them. They get scared and do not believe that someone can really love them because they do not value themselves.
You are right, bc this is me!! I get overwhelmed and think perhaps I like the other person way more than they like me, so I push away, afraid to commit to someone not equally as invested.
Being the pusher...4-5 dates is NOT enough! If u feel in ur gut this person likes u and u feel strongly about them trust that and give them more time, be patient....I stopped pushing and have been with the same person 25 years but he didn’t push back and definitely did not give up on me after 5 dates! Great advice Susan, as always ..we date Humans with tons of issues not machines 💕
Patience is hard! Especially when we're both attracted and interested in each other... after 2 dates she says she's not ready. After one month of awkwardness and avoidance and another month of slowly talking to each other, she's starting to show interest again publicly. I'll be honest I acted weird and freaked out a bit early on... but once I Found my cool, things have been flowing naturally. Got to keep hoping and still be patient!
This is amazing advice, thank you so much. It is exactly what I’m going through but I am letting him walk away. He has trauma from his childhood. He is my friend forever and I will be here if he needs me. If he is ready to get serious and take a chance one day and I’m single I’ll give him a chance. We are definitely a perfect match but live 4 hours apart. It’s not easy but I wouldn’t leave him because of the distance. I would get creative and make it work. The chemistry, compatibility it’s like nothing I’ve ever experienced. My intuition screams at me. I could be about to drop a tear and he calls before it drops. We can be eating n it’s the same exact thing. Our houses are exactly the same colors, walls, curtains, cars. We are twin souls. It is painful being on bad terms with him but time will tell.
But if you haven’t even begun dating yet, is this applicable? My gut instinct says he’s interested and attracted to me but... is shy, lacks self-confidence due to being over weight and I believe is afraid of being rejected as I am!
I luv luv luv you and your advices!!! Just came across one of your videos yesterday andIwas floored by it!! Now Im already one of your biggest fan and your newest subscriber!! Looking forward to more life answers from you!
He tells me all of a sudden,that he has a girlfiend,throwing harsh words at me,start to talk formal and so on.He becomes like an icesculpture. It is so painful. I feel he loves me,I'm not crazy!Thank you so much for this video,dear Susan 💕
Nothingman yes,he surely has a good side. But,there's more to this story. What I know is,that he loves me,only circumstances are not for us. I keep it playful and calm with him and go on with my life. Who knows,maybe one day...,thank you for your reply💓
Susan, you're seriously, honestly, the best. thank you so much for sharing all of these videos and realistic situations, and your opinions on these matters. much love and appreciation to you. thank you 💙 I'm learning so much with you. 🙃👣💙
Wow, this is exactly what happened to me a year ago. I didn't realise what I was dealing with at the time and boy did he mess me up. I have really struggled to let the pain go. I couldn't understand the hot and cold and yet bizarrely was so attracted to this guy. Wish I knew then what I know now... it would have been a totally different outcome. Although as you say, he probably would have thrown different roadblocks in. Complete scardy cat scuzzball player because of his ego self protection but I could see beyond that a so much nicer person who was lacking love.
Great video Susan, and very relatable. Going through a situation like this. Before I realized that the person's distance and hesitancy was because they were really into me, and their natural defense mechanism was telling them to pull away, I approached my crush in person. And told her in a very polite manner, the games need to stop (now looking back, I should have told her how I felt and that I liked them. Perhaps this would have allowed them to open up themselves). Her response after I told her "the games need to stop", she looked up from down at her feet and said, "what games?" with a genuine bewildered look on her face. I believe she really did not know what I was talking about which I find so very interesting and yet saddening, because it tells me someone is so scared their natural defense mechanisms take over and they don't even realize what they are doing. To them it is the only way forward.
I'm exactly in this situation and this is exactly what i feel is the right thing to do. I think i will have to repeat your video just to keep in mind what you say. Thanks a lot
"Don't be someone's down-time, spare-time, part-time or sometime. If they can't be there for you all the time, they're not even worth your time. "
Deep.. I like that
Neither are you worth their time.
🎯👏
Sounds like some co dependency issues
P
Games are fun when you're young but at my age (40) there's no bigger turnoff than a woman who either doesn't know what she wants or is unable to show her true feelings. Life is too short.
JC Morton Exactly JC. Same goes for men too. A big turn off
Yeah, a guy I'm interested in is 46! This crap should stop at his age. Sad.....
JC Morton good words.
we always need to know what we want...
JC Morton, same rule is applied to men, they get to a certain age and still don't know what they want, still playing the field. ....
At age 66 I got involved with someone 15 years my junior and I was horrified--and appalled--by the ghosting, breadcrumbs and hot/cold games that my roommates 20-something daughter had to explain to me! I was so ANGRY, but as providence would have it, I discovered this channel and got to understand a whole new--and more compassionate--perspective.
If a man is not emotionally available, then no amount of green light from my side is ever going to be enough. It is exhausting to try to encourage, coo and cajole someone who doesn't want to take that step. Many many men really prefer to stay inside their own comfort zone instead of being with a woman. It is sad, but we cannot fix anyone, a healthy relationship can only work between two willing individuals.
I'm quite sure your green light wasn't clear enough... it's not explicitly saying "I want you in my bed", but it can be the step below that : what matters is that the guy gets clear windows and green light signals at that time : tell him you want him to come and say he wants you, and that it's gonna be ok because you want him too.
Actually that’s false. Even with both sides mutually willing, it can lead to an unhealthy relationship.
Hear hear!!!
Not always. My ex and I were two willing individuals and in the end, I still left him. However, I kept my word and never will go back. Fortunately, God lead me to another man who is now my husband and I will stay with him till I'm dead.
@@steph.h. u may b head over heals but unable to sleep with him.all of which he knows and needs .is that an excuse for a male to hurt .u all r the same. Steph
Happened to me. I didn’t want a relationship but realized I can’t live without her. Gonna ask her to marry me this summer. Been together 3 happy years!!!
Congrats. How did things go?
Congratulations!! How long were you away from her before you realized that you couldn’t be without her?
😏...
You know the you want to marry her so why did you decide to wait until summer?
Found the perfect answer to dating games:
[ ] single
[ ] taken
[x] choosing my sanity because life’s too short to wait on women who can’t show their true feelings.
Think PIONEERing sounds like the easy way out.
Do you tell her yours? Or always expect them to make a move? I told my crush. No reply.
Points Being Made everyone’s entitled to an opinion.... call it what you want but try not to lose sight of the fact that you don’t know me or my experiences... thanks for weighing in on it though.
PzychoNoir I used to be the first to admit when I really like someone but I’ve become self-conscious of leaving myself emotionally exposed... I’m just not that guy anymore..... but who knows? Maybe someday I’ll feel different, I sure hope so because I don’t like having to be this way. I won’t say I’m broken but I have too much resentful anger built up inside.
I am sick of the bs games and bought a T-shirt with:
[ ] single
[ ] taken
[x] HUNGRY
on the front of it.
This generation is screwed Susan. We are all broken and terrified. This totally describes a situation I had. As soon as we got close and intimate he began freaking out and after 2 months I couldnt take it and called him out and he ran away. I know he was very emotional about it and recently removed me from his social media smh. I am so glad to have found your channel you are so calming when I freak out.
Elle Ward sounds like we were dating the same big baby 😂😂
Lovely Elle. Thank you.
That happened to me too. Lol but he still follows me on social media. I just ignore his whole existence 😊. Everybody is scared so it’s his issue to work on alone.
Wow similar situation here.
Best wishes to you all on this journey.
Something happened to me also don't understand it
I love this lady, she’s so wise.
Absolutely
Me too!
Same :)
Also she’s incredibly eloquent and positive.
To everyone who's arguing that when people push away "it actually means they just don't like you": you do realize that everybody is different, right? Susan specifically mentioned that it's important to listen to your intuition. You know if the connection/energy/spark/chemistry was there between the two of you. She is highlighting that SOME people don't just leave because they're uninterested. She is saying that SOME people leave and come back non-stop because they have unhealed trauma and that some people will push you away and make you feel unwanted when that's not really how they feel because of their own defense mechanisms. Did you not watch the video?
Can't lower your value tho, it's a power struggle right off the bat...ain't no love in there. It's fear and negativity.
@@gilbertrobert439 You're right, it's important never to lower your value and settle for this.
@Jade Lawson Thank you!! After reading some of these comments, I started wondering if anyone had bothered to watch it! 😅 Seems like a lot of commenters have some serious 'fear energy' themselves . . . and yet don't understand how an avoidant partner may be fearful too. *sigh*
Take care 💕
Some are missing the point that she’s making about an avoidant partner who may be suffering from trauma.
💯
Don’t do that. Never work out. They are commitment phobia. Read the book “Men who can’t love” and “he’s scared, she’s scared”. It’s a disorder, most likely child trauma or un-healed history. You can’t help them, even if you loved them. Run! Not even walk away, RUN! They need to get professional help, don’t go back unless they are willing to get help and put a lot of work on it.
Anita Lai thnks forthis comment
I think being aware of the problem and wanting to fix it is enough to stay with them and allow them to love you at their own pace. People are so quick to run because someone else is different but guess what, someday you will meet someone who realizes that you to have your issues to work on and you would be devastated if they ran. Running is a coward's move.
tbsdrummer87 it all depends my friend.......it all depends.
Gotta be the light. Inspire with leadership. Inspire by simply doing you with eloquence.
Working to fix is what'll break you. Leadership doesn't cost a thing. If they like you they'll be observing. Give them some light.
Run away? That is awful advice. No woman is going to run away unless they have another man to swing to for security. More practical advice is this: keep hoping he will exhibit more emotional comnectivity but do start dating around. You'll be better off and he will notice you are in demand.
Very confusing indeed! You can neither trust their words nor their actions. Been there. This is nearly unsolvable, unless they try. You're damned if you do and damned if you don't ...
So you gotta try, so you know we have done your best. Regret will eat you to the core if you don't.
@@SurasmitaMeher-ch3lo but you give up at some point. knowing when is one of the hardest things.
Amen! The wisest answer among the bunch.
@@SurasmitaMeher-ch3lo You can live with regret and carry on. I did and I never will go back to the ex.
I wish so much I had someone like this woman in my family. What a blessing she must be for her family.
Ironically, the least respected opinions are often your own family.
And they keep doing it over and over and over and when the partner leaves, they come crying... They are emotionally immature! They can't manage their feelings! You have a life to live and other things to do! Don't forget, a lot like attention and be chase! They are scared to be hurt so they hurt you and then try to shame you and make you ''understand'' to not play with people's feeling! As stupid as it gets! Lastly, make sure they're not seeing other people! Often they will play this ''am scared of us'' thing but is always texting others, calling others... Don't be stupid and see when she's playing you!
@@Aaaykaay you said it, salutations
Diamind Both genders don’t this to one another and hurt one another
Are men not supposed to chase ? I’m lost here also just because she is texting other men doesn’t mean anything, I’m sure if you’re dating you are still communicating with other women . Let’s not play the blame game sir .
You hit it on the nail. They so scared but they entertaining other people . That’s the situation I recently walked away from
@@JorgeLopez-mq1ir More guys do it though.
When I was young I would have pursued and tried to make him feel secure. I found that doesn’t work and it’s his insecurity that doesn’t usually go away. Knowing what I know now I would walk away and find a more self assured man. I can’t fix any man and can only fix myself. Life is too short for all that!
sandramA heynemana I'm a little uneasy with this video... people are not projects. If someone can't handle their emotions I think they need to work on that before they get involved with and hurt someone in the process. You could be waiting patiently for years on someone who has no intentions of getting in touch with their emotions because as long as you're there... why do they have to? I'd rather start something with someone who is ready right now but I suppose that's all personal preference
sandramA heynemana There are two types of people those who wants to use you and those who wanna be used by you. There are people who likes you but are probably not ready for a serious relationship and doesn't want to break your heart therefore doesn't want to take advantage.. I was one of those people, even my female bosses would notice this and tell me I reject women. It's not insecurity.
😂
Rommel Cruz Sager maybe not all the time but it’s a big factor. I also think people who didn’t have secure relationships with their parents sometimes don’t know how to commit or are subconsciously afraid of rejection.
I agree with that totally. I had a women who was all keen on me . Her workmates would tell her , you need to talk to him if you're interested. She would blurt out when talking about what days she had off and i hadn't even asked. She invited me out but then claimed it was workmate who sent the message. if it was true that her workmate used her phone to send me that text . I still think it was her because why would one text message that i sent a few days ago suddenly pop up on top of her phone message list when she would have heaps of other texts from other people. So really she was interested or just seeking attention. Its definitely attention,.When i ignored her or only said hi instead of conversation with her ,Its sort of made her act really weird considering i didn't give her attention that she wanted/ She said that she was too busy for to go out on that date and she would get back to me. I just find it strange that some saying inst interested is still expecting to want to have conversations about her day and shit. I dont understand why she gives a shit whether i talk to her not if she not interested She leeds me on then gets pissed off that i moved onto other women instead of dealing with her attention games. I had my head messed with because she wanted attention and she was expecting me to just keep feeding her ego attention
b bardy wow, my brother informed me the guy I was interested in wanted me to stroke his ego. He is a Intimacy Avoider! I understand fear and risk. He is courageous as a dad, businessman, and struggles in this area. I am not ready to move on; working on healing myself at this juncture. He, alone, knows what he can handle. He wanted friendship, I wanted more. Thanks for sharing ur experiences!
Yep! Me right now!! I've just decided to move the hell on, I don't have time for this madness. I've made it known how I feel, but I can't do it any longer. Get this I walked Away in 2015 and he searched me out and found me in 2017 for what!?!? Nope! I'm done
monica stewart wow
if they are running hot and cold then they are just not that interested or they have issues, either way you are better walking away.
It's also an early indication of infidelity down the line.
@@ak-47intelligence75 really? That's interesting!!!
@@agee7777 It is. Especially once you get burned.
In my Experiences, she distances herself, pushes away, and/or ghosts you.
@@UnexpectedWonder womens emotions are like a roller coaster, you have to mirror her actions. if she backs off, you back off too
Definitely had that before. They say all these words, do the push back thing, but then do stuff to show they are interested like ask about my day, work my shifts at work, all these different things.
It's all about self protection.
This is insecure or avoidant attachment style. Have met a few because I have it as well....ugh....
Wow definitely agree... The reason they are pushing you away specially in introverts is that they want to be sure of your worth it to open up..be sure and conscise. Talk to . And let them prove you are worthy enough. And will never hurt them and your intentions are clear
This is EXACTLY what has been happening to me. And I knew that he just had to be scared. And that I wasn't crazy for still feeling that connection with him.
Same here
Don't waste ur time he is insecure
kellyc612 sameee like the connection is strong and he doesn’t want to admit it but he just keeps throwing me away even though I’m helping them
Any updates
Jessica k what happened ?
“Never put our lives on hold for another person.” Thank you Susan for your invaluable advice.👏
I dated a narcissist last year and he tried to put my life on hold for his selfish reasons. I’m so thankful I had the discernment and courage to move on! Now, I’m happy, healthy and chasing my dreams!❤️
I was in that situation a long time ago: my gut was screaming that this guy likes me too but everything he did was completely opposite and led to conclusion that he is not into me. And friends used to tell me: can't you see that he is just not interested, let it go. Nothing ever happened between us sadly. This whole time I was thinking that I was delusional but it is finally clear to me what was going on. Thank you so much Susan, you are the best!💜
No Ne Same! And I hate that my friends are not helping with the grieving process (I moved away.) Hopefully I will see him again when he is more confident..
This is like acupuncture for the soul listening to her and breathing her words in is a restorative meditation of mentored healing and empowerment. I typically never smile a learned habit. But after watching these videos a smile escapes my face because it resonates and removed the toxin an area of distress I never realized was there.
Hi Christopher. What a lovely comment. Wishing you well.
YES I AGREE.
Very rare to come across.
Some times in dating the person might say they dont want a relationship. But yet, still will do things with you like you are in a relationship. While he explore others on a dating site.
I was on and off 3 years with this guy I really loved. Gave much mixed signals. However, every year during Thanksgiving and Christmas he became distance. This year I had enough, especially after I asked him if we will spend Thanksgiving togeter. My ex was home that day alone and he did not want me to come by. Two hours later he said well if he goes out somewhere we can go out, but he does not want to lead me on. Then he said that he dont want me to rely on him for his happiness.
That is where I drew the line.
I told him "no worries" I have made dinner plans already. I then told him thanks for asking. And I never called him back. When you are in your late 40's as my ex, then these games and mixed emotions need to change..
Denise Francis yes good for you that you walked away from that asshole!
Same happened to me. Acting like he likes me so much, but still talking with lots of girls and using dating apps. What did you do to move on? 😭
This was good information. I've reached the conclusion that some stars are to be enjoyed and adored from a distance, never to be brought near. Thank you.
Run, run away! Block them and find someone that is not damaged.
I used to be this person when I first started going out on dates in my early 20s. Would freak out and not feel anything if a guy liked me. Was afraid of opening up and was basically a surface level version of myself. I was so unhealed inside and repressing all my childhood trauma and fear of rejection and intimacy. After I started doing more work on myself the tables turned and I ended up in the same dynamic except I was on the other side. I stayed because the person wasnt direct with me - the connection was real but the timing was not. It was just meant to be a lesson for me to realize and heal deeper parts of my self. The self healing work has been some of the most liberating work I've done in my life and has allowed me to reconnect with myself. I think a part of me maybe is holding onto an attachment to this person even though it has been so long and I know I need to let it go because it was a trauma bond. So I'll take this video as a sign that I not put my heart on hold anymore because I really shut down emotionally from everyone and everything since I had my heart broken. It's made me face another truth about my childhood and why I'm afraid of love.
Don't waste your time while they are trying to figure it out. You cannot know that the person secretly wants you even if you suspect it. Just keep it moving.
You are wonderful, Susan. Thank you. I am actually the "runner" and yes, having them stay calm and consistent, knowing I am "self cherishing" or self-preserving is what I need. It relieves my fears.
Susan, you are a beautiful person. In my perspective, sometimes with individuals like this, nothing is ever enough for them to get them out of their fear. I was recently told by a person I had a strong connection with, that they were fearful because I am “so attractive, talented, smart, and balanced” and they don’t understand why I’m attracted to them. Obviously, those are the characteristics he believes he has not. Sometimes, it may be a good thing when someone pushes us away because in my case, it seems that no matter how much empathy I’ve shown or reassurance, they still remain stuck. In cases like mine, sometimes people have massive character repressions that would require years of individual coaching to break through. Great advise Susan - to give it a time frame and to not keep ones own life on pause.
I've literally just gone through this. Insecure people feel unworthy when they consider you to be 'out of their league.' Sigh
Maybe APD
Calm disposition and confident demeanor... This is the advice I need. Will maintain that ...
Your videos are very helpful. I stopped pursuing months ago because I was spinning my wheels. He checks in on me from time to time and finds a way to bring us together without seeming like he is trying to, and then there's always some game or roadblock. I feel so convinced that he is manipulating me.
Jonathon Denson Yes! I relate. I had someone do this for 5 years during a dating hiatus. He would message me, seem very interested. Genuinely care about me and my life ... always peaking in, meetings and ghosting. (No, we weren’t hooking up).
I recently had a psychic/shaman tell me directly, without explaining the story(stories), “stop wasting your time with insecure men”. The good news is that you are probably a warm caring individual who deserves someone on your level.
After tearing up talking about his past, he’s so scared of seeing me I guess he’s afraid to face his feelings and he ghosted me since that night...
Thank goodness! I'm an intuitive person by nature and I'm faced with exactly this situation. Like you said, I thought my inner voice was off kilter because she would say and do one thing then seem to push me away. I even had a close friend of mine watch us both and read her text messages that were sent to me. The friend assured me that I wasn't crazy but still... Thank you Susan. You've given me extra confidence that I'm doing the right thing.
This is spot on regarding someone I was involved with. I walked away from him a few months ago. We’ve known each other for 12 years and been involved for short periods of time over the years. This time I gave him more time. I know he loves me as I can feel it. I can see it in his eyes. And I know I’m the one he can never really let go of. But he won’t move forward and I know it’s because of his fear rather than what he says; that he cannot do a relationship. After not speaking to him for two months, he is tip toeing back in. This video helps me understand how to handle things.
Maturity not base on age ..but by experience and emotionally intelligent . you can be 50 but still play game u can be 25 but mature and great attitude, ive seen alot. Common you all know this.
Can't agree more!
💯 I’ve seen this, too.
YAAAAAASSSSSSSS.
I can't believe how pure, and broken down this is and how much it resonates with my heart.
You're so awesome.
"Too busy educating yourself. " girl that's right.
Thank you so much for this video. It perfectly describes what i have been going thru for the past few months. I literally thought i was crazy, one day i was sure that this connection i felt so strongly was real and then a few days later i would convince myself that it was all in my head. i was starting to think i was crazy.
Thank you! This is actually how my relationship was. After dating for 2 months this man moved right down the street so we can spend more time together. He moved further from his job. Then after he moved he became distant. Now we still talk and spend time together but he says he just can’t commit. He calls me EVERYDAY! He has been hurt in the past and I know he is just afraid. It’s getting better now that I have been using the laws of attraction
I can never tell if someone is saying/acting according to how they feel. I never know if my gut feeling is right or wrong.... I've been fooled so many times...
I've been there for so many years.. What has really helped me is learning to put myself first in these situations and in life in general. It is not easy but can be learned.
Also, introducing a little habit into my daily life where I'm not interrupted and just with my thoughts for 10-20 min or so. When there's less noise I can hear what my gut is telling me. All the best x
@@IevaKambarovaite That's a great tip. Thanks !
Thank you Susan, you just put and end to an inquiry in my head about this guy, I felt the connection and there was huge spark but he pushed me away, I have been torturing myself thinking I did something wrong. God bless you thank you sooo much.
Absolutely, I was scared also before watching your videos. We all have different timing in awareness, which may require patience from others. You also have to give yourself a deadline to maintain your own sanity.
Susan you're soo good at this mind game topic. You break it down soo good.
Thanks Andrea
That’s why she says give it a LITTLE bit of time. Not to stick around forever while they make up their mind. Take care of yourself without an apology while also having compassion for others 😊
I'm so glad you talked about this. I have found myself in this situation more than once. But while being confused I also had that strong gut feeling the other person had feelings there. I just assumed it was in my head
Well I agree with this for the most part. Like you said.....you need to put a time frame on it. So by definition the actiins *do* really like you. Now the only slightly disagree part is the actions are honest in that they refuse to let it move forward. If they are too scared and chose somebody else who is easier to deal with or that they are less connected to, I thinks thier actions are saying how emotionally mature they are and want to be. So they may like you and care about you, but I think I am gonna fall back on my favorite line of yours.....they don't have the skill set to be with and they are happy just coasting in a minimal effort relationship
Loretta Knoelk Hmmm, is that why a girl at my job pursued me. Got my number to set up a date with me, then canceled the date the day before?
Loretta Knoelk that’s a shame
you are one of the most brilliant people I've ever listened to. You're so sane. I'm tracking with you all the way!! thanks for validating the times where I knew a person liked me but they didn't move forward!!
THANK YOU!!
I had a conversation with the guy I was been dating in the summer and talking on line since about this. He told me he had shut down emotionally as he didnt want to lead me on as we live far away. In his mind opening himself to growing feelings equals commitment he couldn't see happening in our circumstances. We are still talking though..4 months on - feelings are there for sure. I am just providing a "safe harbour" for now but time is ticking and I ll move on to be in integrity with myself . Thanks for highlighting this issue.
Don't tie him down. Let him flourish
You are awesome Susan, I find it also so refreshing seeing a female, relaxed and confident 'dating coach' on TH-cam, you are one of the best I find.
What a kind comment Tanja. Thank you for taking time to write this note- I appreciate it.
Going through this now and thought I was going crazy. Really needed to hear this. Thanks for all you wonderful insight. ❤️
Omg .. this info is so awesome.. such a deep understanding.. no one had ever said it so clearly..
This hits home here. I am so guilty of this. I did something to give an impression of disinterest, it was the polar opposite. I was just acting out due to my feelings. That other person of course would not get this.
I needed to see this years ago and I’m so glad I’ve found her videos now!!
Omg I needed this! I feel such relief! I've been beating myself up, feeling crazy, and incredibly lost. This wise advice makes complete sense! My sweet boyfriend is such a good man but his frequent and sometimes harsh distancing has been making me miserable and confused. Now I feel understanding to give him space and compassion to love myself. Time will give us direction but no more crying myself to sleep. Thank you!
Hi, can I ask how your relationship with him turned out? I'm feeling the exact same way with a guy right now.
ur absolutely right, i had such a strong connection with her, i could tell there was magic, electricity sparks between us, when i told her I wanted us to be together she said she felt nothing and started to push me away. i asked my female friends and they all said that there was nothing but i knew i was not crazy.
there is now a huge distance between us and she said she is getting back with her Ex. so i have moved away.
I'm amazed at how so many of your videos seem tailored to me and appear in my recommended list at such apropos times.
Your brevity, clarity, sincerity, and sagacity are very valuable to me. Thank you!
I had this and I even wrote about it in comments. I pursued and all but I got heartbroken and frankly a little ego bruised pursuing a 53 year old man, as a 27 year old girl.. I even told him I was patient enough for him to open up in time and he didn't have a response for three days. I blocked him. I'm still sad but I think it was for the best. Give the green light you guys, life is too short to agonize others and ourselves
Ezgi Çetin 53? Wow, he must of had a lot of money.
Avner Chaim As a matter of fact he didn't but thanks for being an ass.
I have to say as an older guy, I would discourage a young girl for her own good. He is going to be a wrinkled up, maybe unhealthy 70 yr old man while you will be in your health . He may have ditched you because he cares.
Ezgi Çetin well, you sound not very smart, try looking for a younger guy than yourself or at least the same age next time. ;)
Ezgi Çetin He did you a favour he is to old for you and he knows it. But must have been hard for you when you really liked him your young you have lots of time to find a nice guy.
Here’s another perspective on it. I’m undoubtedly the type of guy to push the people I love away. What I’ve learned about myself is I do this because I know I’m not a good person. I care so much I’m willing to suffer and let you go to be with someone who will be able to give you what you want. I know I wouldn’t want my daughter to date a guy like me. And that’s saying a lot. If someone is willingly pushing you away I suggest you listen. Not every situation is the same but keep that in mind
??
In what ways are you not a good person? Are you sure that statement is true?
This is my problem ever since I was young. A few people who expressed their interest in me thought that I'm not interested in them, but it's the opposite. I appreciate all their efforts despite of my actions. I complain about not having a love life, but when it's there, I'm too scared to try so I always take a step back. I know one day I have to totally fix this, but I'm using it as a reminder to just focus on myself for now. I'm sorry to the recent guy who also thought that I'm not interested to talk to him when he's all that I can think of everyday 😶. The problem is obviously on me for this part.
I’m so glad I stumbled on to you! You explained everything that’s going on with me and the man I love! He’s so afraid of commitment, that he acts hot and cold! Thank you so much! I love your style and intellect...
I have been pushing away people and potential lovers for a long time just to protect myself from being hurt. I always pretend that we are just friends. Because I love them and I don’t wanna end up hating them after a breakup. However, I still know that we like each other and it bothers me. So, it’s like protecting me and protecting them as well. I ended up being so lonely because of my own fears and pursue of safety.
Your interpretation was great and it is something that I’ve never heard before💕.
I'd like to say, there is more to the pushback than fear.
When two people have different personal boundary needs ... I'd love to hear your thoughts on maintaining boundaries within relationship please Susan
So many amazing videos, this is so insightful, I love this.
This video resonated with me, thank you for your wise words Susan! You're one of the only coaches who seems to talk about listening to your intuition and gut. I appreciate your wise words
I like what she said cause i myself pushed a guy away many times because i was afraid of getting hurt again, rejection, and played. I miss this person but i wished he would've been more open and communicated more with me.
I love you Susan. You just make everything so clear and you validate my emotions and the intuition “inklings” I have and constantly try to ignore or talk down to. Now if only he could hear this!!!! 😄
Hi Susan. I'm just get to know you recently, and i learned a lot from you. All I want to says is, thank you Susan for helping me to pull back my feeling in sense of love from the guy who's gave me so many mixed massages. He always sent me the wrong signals where i used to be blocked and pushed away by him when i tried to step forward. I can strongly feel that he is feeling insecure in any relationship with women. He's been flirting around with others before i get to know him well and he does the same thing to those ladies when they want to get closer in the relationship. He refused to talk about his last relationship which is left him a lot of pain. So far we keep our relationship as close friend where we used to sharing a lot things. I left my message to him last night, "Let's talk and make things clear!" in a good way.. and he replied: Let's celebrate our friendship, return the same text to me (him) if I am still your dear friend." Well, his reply doesn't shocked me, cause I already figured out what he is going to tell. Somehow i didn't mad at him but I'm really feel sympathy to him. I'm still be friend with him and sharing your advise to him, wish he can be benefited. Once again, thank you so much Susan, Love You! From Jien
Wow! I was in massive conflict & confusion & in such need of this message! I am so grateful for your wisdom. Thank You só much, Susan💙
This is so helpful. I have been seeing someone who every time we get a little closer, he pulls back and says something that confuses where we are. My gut is rarely wrong about people and with him, it tells me he is uncomfortable and insecure because I am WAY out of his comfort zone. Remembering that and being calm for awhile are great tips for me to move forward myself confidently.
This is a deep topic. Ive been getting signals from someone I work with and I'm hesitant to move forward because we work together and mixed signals. Trust intuition and your gut Susan hit it on point. Preciate cha
So true, time frame is key. You’ll know if they are experiencing their own emotional hardship or if they’re playing games if you observe. They’ll eventually grow close with you if they really care, or they’ll have on & off periods with no real closeness if they’re just playing you
Susan you have described exactly my current situation! It's really frustrating when you can feel it but he sends mixed signals. Thanks for your advice about how to act because it was what I was actually doing!! Greetings!!
Hi there J FM. I know this dating game is confusing. But it's worth letting people know when a person cares and pushes back, as opposed to one who pushes back because they don't care.
Bravo... precisely what I am dealing with! Thank you Susan!
Susan you are so right. Thank you for this!
I appreciate your work. Thank you-
I think he's happy now on this cold blizzard day😁 since this roadblock is so accurate that I pulled away for good!
I am so blessed to have found your channel! You are so blessed with wisdom and femininity. Such a queen, definitely subscribing thank you✨
Susan it’s exactly what I lived in my last relationship our relationship was more than beautiful as he already said . perfect timing ,perfect, chemistry ,perfect time in our intimacy life we were just Matching incredibly but after a problem that happened with him he literally pushed me away and became being just respectful but I felt that did not want me anymore in his life because of the problem he was facing after I helped him out to get rid of his problem I felt that he needed time for his self and personally I was not ready to wait more than I waited so far so I walked away after three months we met again and it was exactly the same chemistry between us that he left but after our meeting he kept pushing me away although he told me this was the last time he will do this so I decided really to really move on and live what I had to live and to not punish my self by letting myself alone I deserve to be loved just the way I do with the others .... than I accidentally found your videos and things are so much easier to think thank you so much 😊 Be well 🥰
Beautifully spoken!
Susan, thank you!! This scenario you’re describing is me and my friend in a nutshell. The chemistry is great, we most definitely like each other. But he is so afraid... I see it when he talks to me, I hear it sometimes in his voice, he’s a true “fearful avoidant” but I see the deeper part of him. I have a pretty good secure attachment style, with some anxious attachment only when evoked. But overall I feel he is worth getting to know. I always try to exhibit confidence even when his fears sometimes intimidate me a little . Then I go back to that secure place knowing that it’s ok for me to always be my authentic self and no matter what fears he has, I always remember I have the ability and the willingness to push past those fears and continue being my authentic self. I want to be a safe space for him, and vice versa, because whether he knows it or not he deserves me.
I can exactly relate to this...how is going right now? Your reply will be really helpful..
Sending Love ❤️…Tiffany…Are you single?
WoW, this hits home Susan
Hello how are you doing
Thank you, Susan! 🙏🏻
Women with BPD exhibit this kind of behaviour. Stay away! They will eventually discard you when they realize you have strong feelings for them. They get scared and do not believe that someone can really love them because they do not value themselves.
You are right, bc this is me!! I get overwhelmed and think perhaps I like the other person way more than they like me, so I push away, afraid to commit to someone not equally as invested.
Being the pusher...4-5 dates is NOT enough! If u feel in ur gut this person likes u and u feel strongly about them trust that and give them more time, be patient....I stopped pushing and have been with the same person 25 years but he didn’t push back and definitely did not give up on me after 5 dates! Great advice Susan, as always ..we date Humans with tons of issues not machines 💕
Patience is hard! Especially when we're both attracted and interested in each other... after 2 dates she says she's not ready. After one month of awkwardness and avoidance and another month of slowly talking to each other, she's starting to show interest again publicly. I'll be honest I acted weird and freaked out a bit early on... but once I Found my cool, things have been flowing naturally. Got to keep hoping and still be patient!
Love love you Susan! Thank you for your amazing input ❤️
This is amazing advice, thank you so much. It is exactly what I’m going through but I am letting him walk away. He has trauma from his childhood. He is my friend forever and I will be here if he needs me. If he is ready to get serious and take a chance one day and I’m single I’ll give him a chance. We are definitely a perfect match but live 4 hours apart. It’s not easy but I wouldn’t leave him because of the distance. I would get creative and make it work. The chemistry, compatibility it’s like nothing I’ve ever experienced. My intuition screams at me. I could be about to drop a tear and he calls before it drops. We can be eating n it’s the same exact thing. Our houses are exactly the same colors, walls, curtains, cars. We are twin souls. It is painful being on bad terms with him but time will tell.
Don't be his friend. Move on.
I love how eloquent you are...your advices make more sense...but I'm not pursuing him.
But if you haven’t even begun dating yet, is this applicable? My gut instinct says he’s interested and attracted to me but... is shy, lacks self-confidence due to being over weight and I believe is afraid of being rejected as I am!
She's so right! I'm pushing a guy away that I am head over heels for. I've only been single 5 months and I'm terrified to take the leap.
Thank you ... I felt it was a question, but it's easier when you hear someone else's opinion
I luv luv luv you and your advices!!! Just came across one of your videos yesterday andIwas floored by it!! Now Im already one of your biggest fan and your newest subscriber!! Looking forward to more life answers from you!
He tells me all of a sudden,that he has a girlfiend,throwing harsh words at me,start to talk formal and so on.He becomes like an icesculpture. It is so painful. I feel he loves me,I'm not crazy!Thank you so much for this video,dear Susan 💕
Nothingman yes,he surely has a good side. But,there's more to this story. What I know is,that he loves me,only circumstances are not for us. I keep it playful and calm with him and go on with my life. Who knows,maybe one day...,thank you for your reply💓
Luna Adamma what is happening now ??
Luna Adamma I’m having the same exact situation ......
Great advice. Thanks so much!
Susan, you're seriously, honestly, the best. thank you so much for sharing all of these videos and realistic situations, and your opinions on these matters. much love and appreciation to you. thank you 💙 I'm learning so much with you. 🙃👣💙
he pushed away i pushed away and now he found another girl....deep down i know he does not feel/have the same chemistry, but i have to move on....
As long as people are not married, here is the reality check. He is allowed to choose someone else.
Wow, this is exactly what happened to me a year ago. I didn't realise what I was dealing with at the time and boy did he mess me up. I have really struggled to let the pain go. I couldn't understand the hot and cold and yet bizarrely was so attracted to this guy. Wish I knew then what I know now... it would have been a totally different outcome. Although as you say, he probably would have thrown different roadblocks in. Complete scardy cat scuzzball player because of his ego self protection but I could see beyond that a so much nicer person who was lacking love.
Great video Susan, and very relatable. Going through a situation like this. Before I realized that the person's distance and hesitancy was because they were really into me, and their natural defense mechanism was telling them to pull away, I approached my crush in person. And told her in a very polite manner, the games need to stop (now looking back, I should have told her how I felt and that I liked them. Perhaps this would have allowed them to open up themselves). Her response after I told her "the games need to stop", she looked up from down at her feet and said, "what games?" with a genuine bewildered look on her face. I believe she really did not know what I was talking about which I find so very interesting and yet saddening, because it tells me someone is so scared their natural defense mechanisms take over and they don't even realize what they are doing. To them it is the only way forward.
Hi, Susan. Please talk about the pros and cons on loving your bestfriend.
I'm exactly in this situation and this is exactly what i feel is the right thing to do. I think i will have to repeat your video just to keep in mind what you say. Thanks a lot
Thank you Susan. This was what aI needed to hear today. 😚
hi can you inbox me please
perfect explaination for my situation Thankyou so much