I always make my son’s life too comfortable. It is still continuing to this day, but I’m trying to become more aware and to get out of the way and allow him to have his consequences. Love your videos Amber! Thanks so much.
Excellent video! Even those of us who've been dealing with an addicted child for years now, definitely need reminders and help with this since we still fail! Maybe not everyday or always but damn it takes a lotta work!!! Thanks Amber!
Hi. I’m Cj (l also answer to Connie, mom, grandma, sister, daughter & Baby). I’m not new, but I haven’t been watching/commenting for a little bit. 😮😂 Amber and the entire P. T. S. D. Team have/has saved my sanity! No kidding! The programs and all the videos have completely changed my life! Thank you So Very Much! ✌🏻❤🙏🏼 Keep on hanging in there. Keep going/coming back!
Frustration 😣and failure,, 😞,,,,,, I actually had a fear ,,not so much from enabling,,but from how not enabling would be regarded by the general public ,,this could be regarded as uncaring and not being protective ,, let them fall ,, ,, step over them ,, I had to grit my teeth ,, ,, there was a backlash from some people and I had a worrying concern there would be again . I learned to simply never talk about it .
I wouldn't worry too much about what other people say in regards to that. Most of them have probably never dealt with it personally and even if they have, every addict is a different personality and what might work for one, will not work for another. I know it's wicked hard to hear people criticize what you do or don't do, but this is YOUR fight- not theirs and you have enough stress to deal with as it is. I wish you luck!
It's hard to avoid in some instances: for example, a husband-wife couple with joint accounts and a mortgage are FORCED into one of them making life comfortable by making sure the bills are covered. I DON'T WANT MY CREDIT RUINED!
This! I don’t want to live in a pig sty just because he won’t clean up after himself. I want myself and my daughter to be comfortable our comfort makes him comfortable
I don’t pay my alcoholic son’s bills, but I provide him transportation to and from his job. I’ve been doing it for two years (his license has been suspended due to multiple DUIs and we don’t have public transportation in our area). I didn’t think I would be doing this for such a long time frame; he keeps relapsing, losing jobs, and not making progress. My mother gifted him an e-bike to take some of the burden off me, and help him be more independent. I’m sure that’s probably enabling too; I’m hoping it will move us into a new era where he won’t rely on me so much, and allow me to distance myself a little. Great video Amber! I have a private playlist with a lot your videos for when I feel I need the guidance. Thank you!
I can recognize myself in so many signs that you are talking about and feeling extremely guilty about this, because it is too late to change my attitude because my boyfriend died earlier this year due to alcoholism. I am praying for forgiveness and I don't know how to live with this now 😭😭😭
The resentment from the addict I get and accept because I'm setting boundaries they don't like. It's the resentment from his mother. My fiance and I are 55, so not kids. His mom is mad at me because I refuse to push myself to the breaking point and/or give him money every time he asks. She pays his bills, the property taxes on his house, etc. I only pay things if it will directly affect me, like turning on the gas or water because I have nowhere to go right now an I need hit running water for hygiene (I'm working in another place to stay, but I am disabled, so its not that simple or quick. I remind her constantly that if were not here, he would have no choice but to take care of everything. It's a mess. Sometimes I give him money because I'm just not in the mood to watch a grown man pout like a child. It also gives e a few hours of peace. So watching a reminder now and then is a good idea.
Amber, I told my partner he had to move out because he continues to use, stays with other women, and can't keep up with his portion of the bills. Is this punishment or a natural consequence? Either way, he's gone. I feel sad, but also relieved. I was just curious about which category this fell under?
It honestly depends on your intentions when you set this limit. If you told him he had to leaving, hoping he'd change his ways and beg to stay then I'd say it was a punishement. If you made the decision because you were really just done with the situation, then I'd say it's a natural consequence.
. I have 2 questions though. Is putting something off that my daughter and I want to do because he is to hung over to be ready on time enabling? Eg we plan on leaving for a camp trip at 11AM but he’s still in bed so we put off leaving until he is ready. Should we just be leaving without him? Wouldn’t that just be rude? Am I then ruining “family plans”? Cause I know I would get told I am. Also what do I do when I am blamed for the natural consequences of his drinking? Tooth decay. I am blamed because the job I had was supposed to come with benefits, it didn’t. I have since signed up for private insurance but it’s still “my fault” we didn’t have any so he didn’t go to a dentist so his teeth are bad (as per him nothing to do with drinking or smoking)
Married 22 years, we had a rough start do i just took on the role of doing the majority of everything. He was looking at porn but after some marital counseling he stopped. He also drinks every night but still goes to work. Other than our relationship slowly drifting apart and his interactions with the kids being a little off sometimes there are no real consequences. What can I do to work him toward recovery? He did have abusive alcoholic parents growing up so his addictions started with porn at 11 and at one time included marijuana and nicotine.
![ILLSLICK - KILLSHOT REMIX [FULL VERSION]](http://i.ytimg.com/vi/RIK8RrqIAzE/mqdefault.jpg)
I always make my son’s life too comfortable. It is still continuing to this day, but I’m trying to become more aware and to get out of the way and allow him to have his consequences. Love your videos Amber! Thanks so much.
I’m guilty of this too. It’s so hard to mother an addict because not helping our children goes against everything in a mother’s heart
Excellent video! Even those of us who've been dealing with an addicted child for years now, definitely need reminders and help with this since we still fail! Maybe not everyday or always but damn it takes a lotta work!!! Thanks Amber!
Hi. I’m Cj (l also answer to Connie, mom, grandma, sister, daughter & Baby). I’m not new, but I haven’t been watching/commenting for a little bit. 😮😂
Amber and the entire P. T. S. D. Team have/has saved my sanity! No kidding! The programs and all the videos have completely changed my life! Thank you So Very Much! ✌🏻❤🙏🏼
Keep on hanging in there. Keep going/coming back!
Frustration 😣and failure,, 😞,,,,,, I actually had a fear ,,not so much from enabling,,but from how not enabling would be regarded by the general public ,,this could be regarded as uncaring and not being protective ,, let them fall ,, ,, step over them ,, I had to grit my teeth ,, ,, there was a backlash from some people and I had a worrying concern there would be again . I learned to simply never talk about it .
I wouldn't worry too much about what other people say in regards to that. Most of them have probably never dealt with it personally and even if they have, every addict is a different personality and what might work for one, will not work for another.
I know it's wicked hard to hear people criticize what you do or don't do, but this is YOUR fight- not theirs and you have enough stress to deal with as it is. I wish you luck!
It's hard to avoid in some instances: for example, a husband-wife couple with joint accounts and a mortgage are FORCED into one of them making life comfortable by making sure the bills are covered. I DON'T WANT MY CREDIT RUINED!
This! I don’t want to live in a pig sty just because he won’t clean up after himself. I want myself and my daughter to be comfortable our comfort makes him comfortable
I don’t pay my alcoholic son’s bills, but I provide him transportation to and from his job. I’ve been doing it for two years (his license has been suspended due to multiple DUIs and we don’t have public transportation in our area). I didn’t think I would be doing this for such a long time frame; he keeps relapsing, losing jobs, and not making progress. My mother gifted him an e-bike to take some of the burden off me, and help him be more independent. I’m sure that’s probably enabling too; I’m hoping it will move us into a new era where he won’t rely on me so much, and allow me to distance myself a little. Great video Amber! I have a private playlist with a lot your videos for when I feel I need the guidance. Thank you!
I can recognize myself in so many signs that you are talking about and feeling extremely guilty about this, because it is too late to change my attitude because my boyfriend died earlier this year due to alcoholism. I am praying for forgiveness and I don't know how to live with this now 😭😭😭
The resentment from the addict I get and accept because I'm setting boundaries they don't like. It's the resentment from his mother. My fiance and I are 55, so not kids. His mom is mad at me because I refuse to push myself to the breaking point and/or give him money every time he asks. She pays his bills, the property taxes on his house, etc. I only pay things if it will directly affect me, like turning on the gas or water because I have nowhere to go right now an I need hit running water for hygiene (I'm working in another place to stay, but I am disabled, so its not that simple or quick. I remind her constantly that if were not here, he would have no choice but to take care of everything. It's a mess. Sometimes I give him money because I'm just not in the mood to watch a grown man pout like a child. It also gives e a few hours of peace. So watching a reminder now and then is a good idea.
Amber, I told my partner he had to move out because he continues to use, stays with other women, and can't keep up with his portion of the bills. Is this punishment or a natural consequence? Either way, he's gone. I feel sad, but also relieved. I was just curious about which category this fell under?
It honestly depends on your intentions when you set this limit. If you told him he had to leaving, hoping he'd change his ways and beg to stay then I'd say it was a punishement. If you made the decision because you were really just done with the situation, then I'd say it's a natural consequence.
. I have 2 questions though. Is putting something off that my daughter and I want to do because he is to hung over to be ready on time enabling? Eg we plan on leaving for a camp trip at 11AM but he’s still in bed so we put off leaving until he is ready. Should we just be leaving without him? Wouldn’t that just be rude? Am I then ruining “family plans”? Cause I know I would get told I am.
Also what do I do when I am blamed for the natural consequences of his drinking? Tooth decay. I am blamed because the job I had was supposed to come with benefits, it didn’t. I have since signed up for private insurance but it’s still “my fault” we didn’t have any so he didn’t go to a dentist so his teeth are bad (as per him nothing to do with drinking or smoking)
I got a big problem
Married 22 years, we had a rough start do i just took on the role of doing the majority of everything. He was looking at porn but after some marital counseling he stopped. He also drinks every night but still goes to work. Other than our relationship slowly drifting apart and his interactions with the kids being a little off sometimes there are no real consequences. What can I do to work him toward recovery? He did have abusive alcoholic parents growing up so his addictions started with porn at 11 and at one time included marijuana and nicotine.