That's so beautiful! I am actually am saying all my fears out loud too. Like oh I don't know If you want my advice? And they are like: ofcourse you are the best in that! I am telling yoh this because of that! Or I was saying see she dances so natural and I feel I am less natural at it. And they were whattt??? Ofcourse not! You dance perfectly fine! And I just needed these reminders after suppressing myself because I had negative feedback once. It's liberating and I am very thankful for the friends who help me to feel more free to be myself 🥰
I was watching something really funny on TH-cam. I had headphones on and I started laughing. I knew my husband would enjoy it. I took my headphones off and turned my laptop. My husband barked at me. I guess he was very into his tv show and I "interrupted" him. But I KNEW he would like what I was watching. We have similar tastes. When he barked back at me he startled me. Got mad at me and yelled at me.. It upset me. I got so upset that I closed my laptop and went upstairs and cried.. sobbed. He came upstairs and behind me said "I'm sorry I yelled at you" in a VERY cold way! (I was told he is an INTP. I didn't feel that apology was justified. My son (he's 10) came up and said "mommy, what's wrong? Why are you sad?" I said "I could really just use a hug. Thanks buddy." My husband is VERY unresponsive to me! I was told that all growing up I was living in my INFP shadow.
This was just.. ah, hitting the spot for me. I can often sense it when I'm being too much, which usually makes me go down the rabbit hole of 1. isolation 2. clingyness 3. feeling superior to others (but not really, just insecure) and then questioning my motives. I feel like I need to be around other intuitives more. All of my friend group are Sensors (and I love them dearly), but it makes it all the more difficult to be my (weird) self.
I have been hurt so many times being told I was too much or overthinking things that later became a danger that I picked up on. I have felt jaded and misunderstood so many times, thank you so much for this video
Meghan LeVota Thank you so much! Last week I took the 16 personalities test and tested out ENFJ. I so agree with you on not putting people into boxes but for the first time in my life as I read more about the personality type, weaknesses and strengths I was nearly in tears because it was describing my whole life and challenges I have gone through. That was really an enlightening experience bringing me on this journey of deeper understanding.
Meghan LeVota I’m sure you are super busy but I just started a Live Call in Podcast on Life & Business and I would love to have you on as a guest! Shoot me an email if interested 🥰 brittneynicolerichardson@gmail.com
Or being called paranoid because I could see what would happen in a situation but couldn't explain with facts. Or called crazy by a Ti Dom ex for this reason 😢
Holy crap, as I watched more of it I started to cry. Feeling shamed, not belonging, jaded, dimming my light - I still do it at 40 years old at work to avoid being a threat and being harassed by male colleagues 😢
"We are looking at emotions like little clouds passing by but we don't like to attach to them." That was a super interesting and helpful analogy! I love that!
Wow. This is so me. It's really hard being a male who is ENFJ. I found it much easier as a teen in Europe where society norms for men are different, but living in America has been TOUGH.
As an ENFJ I also agree with the title which is the reason I clicked on the video. I wholeheartedly feel like I feel too much for the world and I completely related to what you said about being burned so much we start to retreat inward. Or we would rather stay quiet in an oppressive environment as to not be hurt. :( I agree that it is painful but I think your message is about staying hopeful. Thank you.
Thanks Meghan, I feel so seen and heard. As a little girl I was so exuberant, facially expressive, and eager to ask others I f they wanted a to be friends. I distinctly being told throughout my girlhood that I spoke too loud, was too talkative, was too attention seeking, and was too obnoxious. I thrived as a little kid but as I got older I was just “too much”. I became so disconnected with myself during puberty and until my early 20s. I was such a doormat, scared to take up space, advocate for my needs, combative, withdrawn, and overly dependent on unhealthy relationships. Thankfully I’m more grounded in myself now and feel connected to that outgoing little girl. I’ve been working on (1) not overly personalizing both praise and criticism, (2) understanding not everyone shares the same enthusiasm, (3) building emotional, mental, and time boundaries, and (4) letting close people know about my hidden insecurities e.g. sharing and expressing my happiness, feeling invisible, feeling burnt out, and fear of abandonment.
🥺 I want to hug all the ENFJs in the world. It’s very interesting how much I can relate to them on the subject of being yourself in the midst of other people. It’s like we are climbing up opposite sides of the same mountain. Every type can be beaten down and get the message that it’s not ok to be themselves, but watching an ENFJ fight back makes me want to root for them. I guess it’s because their Ti starts to hulk out uncontrollably, and I get all proud and feisty along with them. I do notice the more my Fe has developed the more I run around encouraging people to do their thing and be themselves, most likely because I want there to be hope that I can do that myself (something you’ve mention before too). Another thing that I find interesting about my childhood: when I was very young I wanted to wear these over the top dresses and dance around and be watched/recorded. This stopped abruptly, I don’t know at what age, maybe 4? I don’t know for sure, and I don’t remember what caused it, but I just think it’s interesting/strange that I was exhibiting such Fe tendencies that young, lol. Then I did a 180 and wouldn’t wear dresses or want any attention and basically became a stereotypical Ti dom kid who asked the “why,” questions to themselves instead of others.
Awkward I basically wrote exact the same 😅😂🙈. Not the part as a kid. But my parents loved my dancing and the filming they did themselves. I was more busy enjoying the music and dancing with my parents. I am not that keen on being filmed or photographed. I am not in it for the attention just for the vibes and happiness. I love the happiness from those video's! Later I got really self contious about they way I looked and if I was cool enough and I kindoff hated the way I came across on video's.. I thought I was too much. I still withhold myself when I am dancing and are very aware how I must look. But I am not witholding my happiness (laughing, smiling, joking around) (also while dancing) and share this in a safe space when I am with good friends and family. ☺️
I really never thought about it that way until I heard you say it again. We can understand social dynamics. We really have no idea how to handle power struggles. We see everyone on a base level and think that everyone should accept us as we accept them. Can the room be calm can everyone have a good time can we get something done together as a group. Power struggle. That seems completely alien to me. That's why even if I'm put in a leadership role I am basically stepping down from that helping everyone in their task at the same time I never want to be in charge or above or below anyone. 🤷
I've been bullied. I've felt as too much, too talketive, too sensitive if I want to be the centre of the attention. But that's because it was communicated to me by insecure and jealous people. I didn't understand that then and I've been a grey mouse in different faces in my life. Doing my best to buy fashion that blends in and to be more silent and to laugh less. People litterly forgot I was there. I lost myself and got more and more depressed. So I realised I got happy from expressing myself. Now I really am aware when I get too talketive it's also a performance I hype myself up and go in the entertainment modus to uplift everyone. It's very tiring too and then I dealt with guild later that I did too much and maybe walked all over the more introverted ones. So now I try to balans myself and just be myself it's actually the most authentic and appealing to people. It's better for my energy and I now recognise people who are acting jealous and even tho it feels like a punch in the gut. I now know I don't have to adjust to them. I just surround myself with people who do love my energetic and positive charisma with an eye for the soft spoken ones ☺️ Also MBTI made me realise I have difficulty fitting in with sensors. I seem to match intuitives more I am learning that I don't have to be even more altruistic and and even better person at the cost of myself. Thinking I need to be the best version of myself all the time even for strangers. Whilst also be confronted all the time by the harsh world and how I should care less. And I am trying to learn what a beautyfull special soul I have. Something a few people in my life once in a while noticed. Like 2 teachers, a few mothers of classmates, a few friends of my parents, a few close friends and once in a while a stranger that really seems to see my kind soul only by recognition I think 😊.
Feeling so much of this. Learning about how rare the ENFJ type explains so much and why it can feel extremely isolating at times just being who we are. We care A LOT. We love A LOT. I too grew up putting on performances for my family and participating in all the school talents shows etc Not being able to express our passion and connect with others is a kind of enfj cryptonite.
"If we feel like we can't share our joy we can feel extremely repressed" .... bang on ... joy=life, joy=reason d'etra (you know what I mean!!) ... so painful when your source of joy changes and people who you thought "were your people" are actually against your new joy ... why would anyone be against what makes someone happy 🤯 ... insecurity probably, but still! ....great vids
I'm grateful for TH-cam. This is a perfect outlet for you and great way to be heard and validated without feeling like we are bothering someone. I FIND you to be extremely wonderful and have helped me better understand myself and not feel so alone. Thank you
I really resonated with this Meghan. I’ve experienced being called “too much” at times. And hearing that can make me really self-conscious of if im doing too much or being a burden. I wear my heart on my sleeve. I definitely express how I feel publicly. I love to encourage others & like you said gas them up. But for a while I felt I was giving alot energy to others but it wasn’t being reciprocated. And alot of it had to do with the family or friends I was around. Like you said your circle & who you are around alot definitely have a impact. And it’s important that you surround yourself with those who do appreciate your energy & visionaryness lol. I appreciate your content & really relate to you alot. Meghan keep being great!!
As an INFP this is interesting to me because I feel like I can be too much but in a different way. I feel pretty alien around people I can't trust because I come across as too weird and eccentric which people don't like. I enjoy learning about ENFJs, thank you for making this video! I didn't know too much about ENFJs feeling like outcasts too so this is pretty fascinating.
I'm an ENFJ and a devoted Christian. I've lived in four states and I'm only 17. In 5th and 6th grade I was outcasted by my peers because I'm Christian, not Mormon (and I was living in Utah at the time). That's the first time I felt out of place or like I was different. I got the opportunity to move to California after being given my own red carpet talk show at age 11. I started going to premiers and interviewing celebrities on the red carpet, often getting interviews with the names that the adult reporters/hosts next to me couldn't get, because I was young, vibrant, and stood out among a sea of men and women in their 20's, 30's, and 40's. While I was doing the show, I was homeschooled (7th grade to 10th grade). I'm an only child as well and didn't really have a way to connect with others so I was basically always alone and failed to maintain a close connection with anybody. Eventually, the isolation, quarantine, and feeling like I had no place or purpose caught up to me and I got so depressed. I don't remember much from that time. To combat how lousy I was feeling, I decided to go to public school again for junior year... it's been a culture shock, to say the least. I had no clue how sad and broken most people my age are and how different I actually am. Most of my friends were shocked when I told them I love them and care about them because these poor people haven't received basic kindness in years. They tell me I'm a ray of sunshine and I make them so happy and stuff when all I'm doing is being myself. There are so many times when I'll say something that I think is normal, but my friends will say that it's an "interesting perspective" or that they've "never looked at it that way." I help people solve problems, being able to psychoanalyze situations, and people with little information, and predict outcomes of situations and relationships well in advance. I've given all of myself to others only to become burnt out and clingy because I get nothing back in return. I've lost two close friends that I gave everything to for YEARS. That was a huge wake-up call and completely destroyed me for a while. That's the first time I let it sink in that a lot of people don't care the way I do and there is nothing I can do to change that. The fact no other type puts themselves in a position to be broken by others, and sacrifice their desires and energy and time just to help people who are usually ungrateful and unreciprocating is something that I, and all other ENFJ's eventually learn and like you said it just bums us out. I have been told I'm dramatic, overthinking, too much, too loud, asking too many questions etc. I have grown quieter over the years, from all the time I spent alone in homeschool and being an only child. I started overthinking everything I say and do because I have been made to feel like I am too much for so long. This video is the most understood I've ever felt in my entire life and it is so refreshing to know I am not alone in this. I've been trying to break the habits I have that revolve around other people's perceptions of me because I know I shouldn't care. The right people will love and appreciate me for who I am and all that I do, and reciprocate the affection and energy I give them. If you've read this far, thank you. I have so much more to say but this is already so long so I'll leave it here.
I found out I was ENFJ recently and have been learning all I can about it. I read your response above and it is very much in line with how I feel and have felt my whole life. The "others don't care like we do" has been a confusion/burden to me my whole life and I still don't know how to reconcile that. I hate having to limit myself, but I do just as you stated, where you've had to hold yourself back. Sometimes I just feel like a shell of who I want to be or used to be. Thank you for writing your feelings, it really helped me!
Come to think of it, I don't really get upset by other people 'one-upping' me---I'm usually glad that the person is sharing something about themselves. xtra thoughts (cos it's hard to resist): ... but yeah there does seem to be a certain style of person who percieves it as 'one-upping'. I'm never sure how to make conversation; It just seems like a quite different way of approaching/interpreting people. It creates communication issues because if I ask someone like that a question they seem to be like "oh it's ok i can tell you are just waiting for your chance to speak" but I'm mostly trying to keep the conversation going. **sigh** anyway i could be mind reading a bit there i guess we'll never no what some people think----but that's kind of my point some people really don't share much of themselves even when the opportunity is there, and yet still manage to complain about being spoken over or 'one-upped'.
That was really interesting! I met an enfj last year and he was indeed a bit jaded, even though you could tell by his lifestyle he had A LOT of energy. I want to thank you because now I can see what I did "wrong" when talking to him. He showed a lot of enthusiasm and my responses were quite low even though I did have high feelings about the subjects that were on the table, I'm just not used to being given the space to express my explosive self. (infp) I still think about him a lot because I really felt like I "got" him and we had a lot of common interests. So thank you again for shedding a light on my mistakes :))
I really needed this. I'm going through some of the exact same issues you're describing (including the early experiences you describe). I've started to experience the heart hardening you mention, and I'm starting to lose sight of who I am and disconnecting from my loved ones as s result. This video is very inspirational (you always are, but this is to the next level), and I definitely don't think you're too much. If anything, society needs more people with your ability to love, and your optimistic outlook.
My mom's an ENFJ. Love her to death. Altho she has a lot of unresolved childhood trauma from her generation plus she's a massive talker so it gets overwhelming at times. This helped a lot. Thank you! - INFJ
Thank you, Meghan, for this video! And you saying "Come alive," reminded me of Peter Frampton - how appropriate, because one could ask, "Do you feel like I do?"
Very relatable. It’s tough when you’re young. You do stop worrying about it as much when you get older, you just put energy into a select few people after you’ve been burned too many times. Those people get spoiled rotten with our relentless compassion, love and adoration. And a great thing that happens as we get older is we start focusing entirely on our passions, to the extreme that no other personality type does. A big challenge for an older ENFJ is to remember to sit down and relax, and to remember self-care, because we over commit ourselves to our goals, ambitions, passions and world changing ideals and get too busy with it all to stop and relax on the couch from time to time.
It's amazing how thanks to MBTI and your videos I can put words and explain my feelings. Like I don't feel as strange or weird because I guess I realize it's not just me. So thank u💙
I'm sorry you had to experience those feelings of rejection. :-( I wonder if my good friend who is an ENFJ feels that way? I want to tell her she doesn't have to dim her light with me. I adore her energy and quirkiness. And I'm an INTJ who also admires and is in awe of her dominant Fe.
This might be a little bit of an NE tangent but I think its related to what your video is about lololol. Hope it helps! I think people with high FE really need to think about their needs and boundaries so they arent taken advantage of. On some level I think people naturally take if you keep giving. Most people are also generally absorbed in their own activities, stresses, minds, etc. One thing that I think is helping me not become jaded is really figuring out what it is I can give in relationships and what I need in relationships (not just what I want). Whearas before I just trusted my gut feeling about what i needed from people, what I needed to do for people, or immediately changed something about myself if someone showed dislike, now I give my needs and others requests a lot more thought. It gives me a lot of confidence and gets rid of the guilt to voice a need I've given a good amount of thought to. Same if I have a good reason for denying a friend/partner's request. As you mentioned, if they like you and they are mature the person is at least going to hear you out and decide whether they can do what you're asking or not. And if they cant do it and its actually something you need youre better off ditching the relationship then being in one where you are compromising your needs in some way. This is what I've been trying to practice at least!
OMGosh, the first video to speak to the thoughts in my head. Been trying to hone in my personality but struggle with some of the general descriptors. Im in my 50s now and a bit jaded. I try and try to find balance and be the upbeat and positive mentor I used to be. Now I seem to be in this preachy and critical parent and my wife thinks im this angry individual. Im not. I just hate all the chaos and conflict all around me now. So thank you for helping see some hope. Thank you.
I love your videos. ✨You are so good at explaining what is really going behind the scenes in the ENFJ mind. Thank you for giving great advice to address the insecurities many ENFJs suffer in silence. 💜
I know this video is from 2yr ago, but thank you for sharing. I’ve felt the need to pull back especially at work. Dim light all the time. True ENFJ problems
Thanks Meghan 🙏The best video you ever did for me, perfect! Story of my life! All so correct makes me cry 😢 So much could say on this topic but... I guess you just nailed it! 💪💓🌺
Too much and yet not enough. That's how I feel from time to time.🤔I can't even picture a world whoch others wouldn't shut me down. I just found my self wondering if I would have been annoyed by you. I definitely wouldn't have been able to handle it very well If you had crush on me and let me know. But lol it wouldn't have happened even if we had been in the same class. I enjoyed listening to this video you do seem to be filled with passion and energy.
Thanks Meghan. This has been a very insightful and powerful video for me. I am one of those older jaded ENFJs. Your video opened up some possibilities for me; especially facing the liberating reality that actually I don't 'fit in' with 'mainstream' society. I have been trying to do that for 40 + years and has been very bad for my soul. thanks again
Thanks so much for making this video and helping others that are not enfj’s understand. I love being able to understand because it helps to remember and realize that others do things or don’t do things for reasons different than your own and we need to be very careful not to assume certain things about others behaviors. I find it quite adorable and cute how you were as a child and how enfj’s are in general. For some reason it reminds me of myself but on steroids and I’m an infp. When I was 12 I wrote a play with all the neighborhood kids in mind for the roles they would each play in the story. I went outside with my brothers and their friend and started directing the first scene with them but gave up soon after because they would keep messing around/getting distracted from what they should have been doing which was paying attention to me lol! Also the self I have been at home with my family or close friends sounds just like an enfj, loud, a lot of questions, talking about hypothetical situations, talking a lot but whenever I was outside of my home like school I was super quiet and would never act that way. My friends and family have always made fun of how I ask so many questions and I have been made to feel like how you said you felt but at home a little like be quiet or stop talking or that’s enough or that’s enough questions or with extended family I feel like I can’t even be myself cuz they don’t like it if I ask a question so I have to be very careful to just ask one normal question. So I kind of can relate in that I get those reactions when I Am myself at home like once my brother was like why are you laughing that much control yourself haha. So I can and can’t imagine what being an enfj must feel like if I experienced that as an infp but luckily since I’m an introvert I didn’t have to deal with that with people outside my family. I guess being an introvert and shy helped protect me from that and already being afraid of how others would react to me kept me guarded. But yeah that so interesting how similar we are even though we are different.
hi Meghan, thanks for this video, I feel really understood finally. I always felt "too much" yes as a child ... somehow it was the others who made me feel like this. I was bullied in elementary school because I was a "crybaby" or "meddlesome" my sister also told me it was very traumatic for me. I "love"the fact that I'm not alone we are so much passionate about people and world. We deserve tho Express our self
I love this!! Growth! I love spending time with kids but sometimes my Fe makes it hard to detach myself from their strong emotions. But it works so well so I can validate them. I wish I could tell my child self to be 100% me despite the shutting down others do. Others(probably more Fi or Ti) shut Fe down because that's their lower functions. But yeah it's wild to find how often internal others are when us ENFJs are so outpouring.
I'm only about 6.5 minutes in but I still want to say something regardless. My last test came up to ENFJ and I see it better now. However I feel like a jaded idealist. Growing up in a conformist Midwestern culture my extroversions and expressions were discouraged. ADHD diagnosis and Ritalin medication to boot. I'm starting to reclaim it but still feel out of place. Like my take doesn't matter. Edit Finished it now. Wow. I feel you. Even amongst my group I feel like a lone wolf. Last edit. What where some of the abbreviation/ acronyms you were using? I get the 4 letter Myers Briggs ones but others I'm lost.
I love you Meghan levota oh yeah and i think the E and the O in your last name are backwards! Lol 😆 I'm not a creep btw, um also you as an ENFJ there seems to be a direct conflict of interest between your judging and Fe functions, as infj it's easier for me to resort to my J function, you look pretty, i love love love to hear you ❤️💜❤️💜 finally, i found somebody..... Hopefully fingers crossed
Totally random, but its help me understand why people always think you're about to cry in your videos. ENxJ display way more energy/emotion than what they actually "feel" (Te and Fe being so extraverted). Non-ENxJ think they have huge outbursts of emotions, when really ENxJ do not ! It's seem like Te/Fe + immature Se provoke the outbust, and the Ni + Fi/Ti, the passionate part (making them look emotional). EnxJ talk ALOT, but still, they're not used to voice their Fi/Ti, making them having this particular shakey voice (as if they were not used to talk, and therefore making their voice trembling bc the muscle of their throat is sore). Plus, a totally random observation but I'm saying it anyway : EnxJ tend to have very watery eyes, making them really bright. Combine with the seemingly emotional outburst + the shakey voice (bc all this channel is your personnal thoughts Ti afterall) explain why people always think you're crying. Anyway, just a personnal thought ;)
ooooh interesting theory! thanks for sharing... you also made me realize, I ALWAYS look like this (lol) and idk if people see me more consistency overtime if it would look less like an outburst and more like my baseline? lol
I feel that people think ENFJ type personality is too good to be true or fake and they hate us for it. First, they love us for it and want to be around us to soak up the energy and be like us. But when they cant be us then they hate our guts. This may not be for all, but its my personal experiences and I thought about it around 8:30 when she said we get second hand happiness for others and its weird for us when others cant do the same. Also, I am not fond of victim mentality. Im big on contribute positive energy in the spaces that you occupy. At least productive energy. I really relate to other ENFJs, ENTJ, and INTJ.
I once told a co-worker that I was "extra." She stopped me cold. "AJ! You are you. You are wonderful. You are not 'extra!'"
That's so beautiful! I am actually am saying all my fears out loud too. Like oh I don't know If you want my advice? And they are like: ofcourse you are the best in that! I am telling yoh this because of that! Or I was saying see she dances so natural and I feel I am less natural at it. And they were whattt??? Ofcourse not! You dance perfectly fine! And I just needed these reminders after suppressing myself because I had negative feedback once. It's liberating and I am very thankful for the friends who help me to feel more free to be myself 🥰
People have told me directly that i am too much, it made me think about it for days.
I was watching something really funny on TH-cam. I had headphones on and I started laughing. I knew my husband would enjoy it. I took my headphones off and turned my laptop. My husband barked at me. I guess he was very into his tv show and I "interrupted" him. But I KNEW he would like what I was watching. We have similar tastes.
When he barked back at me he startled me. Got mad at me and yelled at me.. It upset me. I got so upset that I closed my laptop and went upstairs and cried.. sobbed. He came upstairs and behind me said "I'm sorry I yelled at you" in a VERY cold way! (I was told he is an INTP. I didn't feel that apology was justified. My son (he's 10) came up and said "mommy, what's wrong? Why are you sad?" I said "I could really just use a hug. Thanks buddy."
My husband is VERY unresponsive to me! I was told that all growing up I was living in my INFP shadow.
This was just.. ah, hitting the spot for me. I can often sense it when I'm being too much, which usually makes me go down the rabbit hole of 1. isolation 2. clingyness 3. feeling superior to others (but not really, just insecure) and then questioning my motives. I feel like I need to be around other intuitives more. All of my friend group are Sensors (and I love them dearly), but it makes it all the more difficult to be my (weird) self.
I have been hurt so many times being told I was too much or overthinking things that later became a danger that I picked up on. I have felt jaded and misunderstood so many times, thank you so much for this video
Aww you are not alone!!! 🥰
Meghan LeVota Thank you so much! Last week I took the 16 personalities test and tested out ENFJ. I so agree with you on not putting people into boxes but for the first time in my life as I read more about the personality type, weaknesses and strengths I was nearly in tears because it was describing my whole life and challenges I have gone through. That was really an enlightening experience bringing me on this journey of deeper understanding.
Meghan LeVota I’m sure you are super busy but I just started a Live Call in Podcast on Life & Business and I would love to have you on as a guest! Shoot me an email if interested 🥰 brittneynicolerichardson@gmail.com
Sending you enfj love
Or being called paranoid because I could see what would happen in a situation but couldn't explain with facts. Or called crazy by a Ti Dom ex for this reason 😢
Holy crap, as I watched more of it I started to cry. Feeling shamed, not belonging, jaded, dimming my light - I still do it at 40 years old at work to avoid being a threat and being harassed by male colleagues 😢
"We are looking at emotions like little clouds passing by but we don't like to attach to them." That was a super interesting and helpful analogy! I love that!
It was cathartic listening to this. I cried as one who is recognized; understood at last. I learnt. And so I grew. Thank you. ❤
Wow. This is so me. It's really hard being a male who is ENFJ. I found it much easier as a teen in Europe where society norms for men are different, but living in America has been TOUGH.
Matt. Am sorry i saw your msg now. I soooo agree with you as a French guy living in Asia for a long while 😢
As an ENFJ I also agree with the title which is the reason I clicked on the video. I wholeheartedly feel like I feel too much for the world and I completely related to what you said about being burned so much we start to retreat inward. Or we would rather stay quiet in an oppressive environment as to not be hurt. :( I agree that it is painful but I think your message is about staying hopeful. Thank you.
Thanks Meghan, I feel so seen and heard. As a little girl I was so exuberant, facially expressive, and eager to ask others I f they wanted a to be friends. I distinctly being told throughout my girlhood that I spoke too loud, was too talkative, was too attention seeking, and was too obnoxious. I thrived as a little kid but as I got older I was just “too much”. I became so disconnected with myself during puberty and until my early 20s. I was such a doormat, scared to take up space, advocate for my needs, combative, withdrawn, and overly dependent on unhealthy relationships. Thankfully I’m more grounded in myself now and feel connected to that outgoing little girl. I’ve been working on (1) not overly personalizing both praise and criticism, (2) understanding not everyone shares the same enthusiasm, (3) building emotional, mental, and time boundaries, and (4) letting close people know about my hidden insecurities e.g. sharing and expressing my happiness, feeling invisible, feeling burnt out, and fear of abandonment.
🥺 I want to hug all the ENFJs in the world. It’s very interesting how much I can relate to them on the subject of being yourself in the midst of other people. It’s like we are climbing up opposite sides of the same mountain. Every type can be beaten down and get the message that it’s not ok to be themselves, but watching an ENFJ fight back makes me want to root for them. I guess it’s because their Ti starts to hulk out uncontrollably, and I get all proud and feisty along with them.
I do notice the more my Fe has developed the more I run around encouraging people to do their thing and be themselves, most likely because I want there to be hope that I can do that myself (something you’ve mention before too). Another thing that I find interesting about my childhood: when I was very young I wanted to wear these over the top dresses and dance around and be watched/recorded. This stopped abruptly, I don’t know at what age, maybe 4? I don’t know for sure, and I don’t remember what caused it, but I just think it’s interesting/strange that I was exhibiting such Fe tendencies that young, lol. Then I did a 180 and wouldn’t wear dresses or want any attention and basically became a stereotypical Ti dom kid who asked the “why,” questions to themselves instead of others.
Awkward I basically wrote exact the same 😅😂🙈. Not the part as a kid. But my parents loved my dancing and the filming they did themselves. I was more busy enjoying the music and dancing with my parents. I am not that keen on being filmed or photographed. I am not in it for the attention just for the vibes and happiness. I love the happiness from those video's! Later I got really self contious about they way I looked and if I was cool enough and I kindoff hated the way I came across on video's.. I thought I was too much. I still withhold myself when I am dancing and are very aware how I must look. But I am not witholding my happiness (laughing, smiling, joking around) (also while dancing) and share this in a safe space when I am with good friends and family. ☺️
Authenticity is so huge for me but ya it is hard to keep it up when you hear you're too intense, too talkative, too annoying etc 😢
I really never thought about it that way until I heard you say it again.
We can understand social dynamics. We really have no idea how to handle power struggles.
We see everyone on a base level and think that everyone should accept us as we accept them.
Can the room be calm can everyone have a good time can we get something done together as a group.
Power struggle. That seems completely alien to me. That's why even if I'm put in a leadership role I am basically stepping down from that helping everyone in their task at the same time I never want to be in charge or above or below anyone. 🤷
I've been bullied. I've felt as too much, too talketive, too sensitive if I want to be the centre of the attention. But that's because it was communicated to me by insecure and jealous people. I didn't understand that then and I've been a grey mouse in different faces in my life. Doing my best to buy fashion that blends in and to be more silent and to laugh less. People litterly forgot I was there. I lost myself and got more and more depressed. So I realised I got happy from expressing myself. Now I really am aware when I get too talketive it's also a performance I hype myself up and go in the entertainment modus to uplift everyone. It's very tiring too and then I dealt with guild later that I did too much and maybe walked all over the more introverted ones.
So now I try to balans myself and just be myself it's actually the most authentic and appealing to people. It's better for my energy and I now recognise people who are acting jealous and even tho it feels like a punch in the gut. I now know I don't have to adjust to them. I just surround myself with people who do love my energetic and positive charisma with an eye for the soft spoken ones ☺️ Also MBTI made me realise I have difficulty fitting in with sensors. I seem to match intuitives more
I am learning that I don't have to be even more altruistic and and even better person at the cost of myself. Thinking I need to be the best version of myself all the time even for strangers. Whilst also be confronted all the time by the harsh world and how I should care less.
And I am trying to learn what a beautyfull special soul I have. Something a few people in my life once in a while noticed.
Like 2 teachers, a few mothers of classmates, a few friends of my parents, a few close friends and once in a while a stranger that really seems to see my kind soul only by recognition I think 😊.
Same! Exactly, trying to learn to be myself without offending others by caring too much. Hard to do.
I literally said, “I feel like I’m too much” like an hour ago. 😂
Feeling so much of this. Learning about how rare the ENFJ type explains so much and why it can feel extremely isolating at times just being who we are. We care A LOT. We love A LOT. I too grew up putting on performances for my family and participating in all the school talents shows etc Not being able to express our passion and connect with others is a kind of enfj cryptonite.
I completely agree with this!
Ya and people judge us too quickly for being too much without giving us the chance to show how caring and loving we are.
@@mrsninigee I agree and I really struggle with balancing that.
Feeling joy for other people’s joy = compersion. ❤
Thanks for the video!
-from an ENFJ!😊
"If we feel like we can't share our joy we can feel extremely repressed" .... bang on ... joy=life, joy=reason d'etra (you know what I mean!!) ... so painful when your source of joy changes and people who you thought "were your people" are actually against your new joy ... why would anyone be against what makes someone happy 🤯 ... insecurity probably, but still! ....great vids
I'm grateful for TH-cam. This is a perfect outlet for you and great way to be heard and validated without feeling like we are bothering someone. I FIND you to be extremely wonderful and have helped me better understand myself and not feel so alone. Thank you
I really resonated with this Meghan. I’ve experienced being called “too much” at times. And hearing that can make me really self-conscious of if im doing too much or being a burden. I wear my heart on my sleeve. I definitely express how I feel publicly. I love to encourage others & like you said gas them up. But for a while I felt I was giving alot energy to others but it wasn’t being reciprocated. And alot of it had to do with the family or friends I was around. Like you said your circle & who you are around alot definitely have a impact. And it’s important that you surround yourself with those who do appreciate your energy & visionaryness lol. I appreciate your content & really relate to you alot. Meghan keep being great!!
As an INFP this is interesting to me because I feel like I can be too much but in a different way. I feel pretty alien around people I can't trust because I come across as too weird and eccentric which people don't like.
I enjoy learning about ENFJs, thank you for making this video! I didn't know too much about ENFJs feeling like outcasts too so this is pretty fascinating.
I'm an ENFJ and a devoted Christian. I've lived in four states and I'm only 17. In 5th and 6th grade I was outcasted by my peers because I'm Christian, not Mormon (and I was living in Utah at the time). That's the first time I felt out of place or like I was different. I got the opportunity to move to California after being given my own red carpet talk show at age 11. I started going to premiers and interviewing celebrities on the red carpet, often getting interviews with the names that the adult reporters/hosts next to me couldn't get, because I was young, vibrant, and stood out among a sea of men and women in their 20's, 30's, and 40's. While I was doing the show, I was homeschooled (7th grade to 10th grade). I'm an only child as well and didn't really have a way to connect with others so I was basically always alone and failed to maintain a close connection with anybody. Eventually, the isolation, quarantine, and feeling like I had no place or purpose caught up to me and I got so depressed. I don't remember much from that time. To combat how lousy I was feeling, I decided to go to public school again for junior year... it's been a culture shock, to say the least. I had no clue how sad and broken most people my age are and how different I actually am. Most of my friends were shocked when I told them I love them and care about them because these poor people haven't received basic kindness in years. They tell me I'm a ray of sunshine and I make them so happy and stuff when all I'm doing is being myself. There are so many times when I'll say something that I think is normal, but my friends will say that it's an "interesting perspective" or that they've "never looked at it that way." I help people solve problems, being able to psychoanalyze situations, and people with little information, and predict outcomes of situations and relationships well in advance. I've given all of myself to others only to become burnt out and clingy because I get nothing back in return. I've lost two close friends that I gave everything to for YEARS. That was a huge wake-up call and completely destroyed me for a while. That's the first time I let it sink in that a lot of people don't care the way I do and there is nothing I can do to change that. The fact no other type puts themselves in a position to be broken by others, and sacrifice their desires and energy and time just to help people who are usually ungrateful and unreciprocating is something that I, and all other ENFJ's eventually learn and like you said it just bums us out. I have been told I'm dramatic, overthinking, too much, too loud, asking too many questions etc. I have grown quieter over the years, from all the time I spent alone in homeschool and being an only child. I started overthinking everything I say and do because I have been made to feel like I am too much for so long. This video is the most understood I've ever felt in my entire life and it is so refreshing to know I am not alone in this. I've been trying to break the habits I have that revolve around other people's perceptions of me because I know I shouldn't care. The right people will love and appreciate me for who I am and all that I do, and reciprocate the affection and energy I give them. If you've read this far, thank you. I have so much more to say but this is already so long so I'll leave it here.
I found out I was ENFJ recently and have been learning all I can about it. I read your response above and it is very much in line with how I feel and have felt my whole life. The "others don't care like we do" has been a confusion/burden to me my whole life and I still don't know how to reconcile that. I hate having to limit myself, but I do just as you stated, where you've had to hold yourself back. Sometimes I just feel like a shell of who I want to be or used to be. Thank you for writing your feelings, it really helped me!
@@centsiblecooking I'm so glad to know this helped you! you are not alone in that at all, thanks for your kind words 💖💖💖
@@taidyn_ You articulated it better than I ever could have, thank you!
@@centsiblecooking awe 💕💕💕
Come to think of it, I don't really get upset by other people 'one-upping' me---I'm usually glad that the person is sharing something about themselves.
xtra thoughts (cos it's hard to resist):
... but yeah there does seem to be a certain style of person who percieves it as 'one-upping'. I'm never sure how to make conversation; It just seems like a quite different way of approaching/interpreting people. It creates communication issues because if I ask someone like that a question they seem to be like "oh it's ok i can tell you are just waiting for your chance to speak" but I'm mostly trying to keep the conversation going. **sigh** anyway i could be mind reading a bit there i guess we'll never no what some people think----but that's kind of my point some people really don't share much of themselves even when the opportunity is there, and yet still manage to complain about being spoken over or 'one-upped'.
Perfect timing, peace and love from a fellow enfj.
That was really interesting! I met an enfj last year and he was indeed a bit jaded, even though you could tell by his lifestyle he had A LOT of energy. I want to thank you because now I can see what I did "wrong" when talking to him. He showed a lot of enthusiasm and my responses were quite low even though I did have high feelings about the subjects that were on the table, I'm just not used to being given the space to express my explosive self. (infp) I still think about him a lot because I really felt like I "got" him and we had a lot of common interests. So thank you again for shedding a light on my mistakes :))
I really needed this. I'm going through some of the exact same issues you're describing (including the early experiences you describe). I've started to experience the heart hardening you mention, and I'm starting to lose sight of who I am and disconnecting from my loved ones as s result. This video is very inspirational (you always are, but this is to the next level), and I definitely don't think you're too much. If anything, society needs more people with your ability to love, and your optimistic outlook.
aww thank you so much, I am glad you enjoyed it and I hope you start to feel better
everything about this video has been used to describe my life ....... it felt good to feel seen
My mom's an ENFJ. Love her to death. Altho she has a lot of unresolved childhood trauma from her generation plus she's a massive talker so it gets overwhelming at times. This helped a lot.
Thank you! - INFJ
Thank you, Meghan, for this video! And you saying "Come alive," reminded me of Peter Frampton - how appropriate, because one could ask, "Do you feel like I do?"
Very relatable. It’s tough when you’re young. You do stop worrying about it as much when you get older, you just put energy into a select few people after you’ve been burned too many times. Those people get spoiled rotten with our relentless compassion, love and adoration. And a great thing that happens as we get older is we start focusing entirely on our passions, to the extreme that no other personality type does. A big challenge for an older ENFJ is to remember to sit down and relax, and to remember self-care, because we over commit ourselves to our goals, ambitions, passions and world changing ideals and get too busy with it all to stop and relax on the couch from time to time.
It's amazing how thanks to MBTI and your videos I can put words and explain my feelings. Like I don't feel as strange or weird because I guess I realize it's not just me. So thank u💙
I'm sorry you had to experience those feelings of rejection. :-( I wonder if my good friend who is an ENFJ feels that way? I want to tell her she doesn't have to dim her light with me. I adore her energy and quirkiness. And I'm an INTJ who also admires and is in awe of her dominant Fe.
This might be a little bit of an NE tangent but I think its related to what your video is about lololol. Hope it helps!
I think people with high FE really need to think about their needs and boundaries so they arent taken advantage of. On some level I think people naturally take if you keep giving. Most people are also generally absorbed in their own activities, stresses, minds, etc. One thing that I think is helping me not become jaded is really figuring out what it is I can give in relationships and what I need in relationships (not just what I want). Whearas before I just trusted my gut feeling about what i needed from people, what I needed to do for people, or immediately changed something about myself if someone showed dislike, now I give my needs and others requests a lot more thought. It gives me a lot of confidence and gets rid of the guilt to voice a need I've given a good amount of thought to. Same if I have a good reason for denying a friend/partner's request. As you mentioned, if they like you and they are mature the person is at least going to hear you out and decide whether they can do what you're asking or not. And if they cant do it and its actually something you need youre better off ditching the relationship then being in one where you are compromising your needs in some way. This is what I've been trying to practice at least!
OMGosh, the first video to speak to the thoughts in my head. Been trying to hone in my personality but struggle with some of the general descriptors. Im in my 50s now and a bit jaded. I try and try to find balance and be the upbeat and positive mentor I used to be. Now I seem to be in this preachy and critical parent and my wife thinks im this angry individual. Im not. I just hate all the chaos and conflict all around me now. So thank you for helping see some hope. Thank you.
Holy crap this is my realization lately just started the video.
I love your videos. ✨You are so good at explaining what is really going behind the scenes in the ENFJ mind. Thank you for giving great advice to address the insecurities many ENFJs suffer in silence. 💜
I know this video is from 2yr ago, but thank you for sharing. I’ve felt the need to pull back especially at work. Dim light all the time. True ENFJ problems
Thanks Meghan 🙏The best video you ever did for me, perfect! Story of my life! All so correct makes me cry 😢 So much could say on this topic but... I guess you just nailed it! 💪💓🌺
So needed this tonight! Thankyou! You made me not feel alone!
Too much and yet not enough. That's how I feel from time to time.🤔I can't even picture a world whoch others wouldn't shut me down. I just found my self wondering if I would have been annoyed by you. I definitely wouldn't have been able to handle it very well If you had crush on me and let me know. But lol it wouldn't have happened even if we had been in the same class. I enjoyed listening to this video you do seem to be filled with passion and energy.
On point! Thanks for sharing. From one who just learned they are a ENFJ☺️👍🏽🌺
Thanks Meghan. This has been a very insightful and powerful video for me. I am one of those older jaded ENFJs. Your video opened up some possibilities for me; especially facing the liberating reality that actually I don't 'fit in' with 'mainstream' society. I have been trying to do that for 40 + years and has been very bad for my soul. thanks again
This resonates so much and feels so validating!!
I cried listening this this! Ty!
Thanks so much for making this video and helping others that are not enfj’s understand. I love being able to understand because it helps to remember and realize that others do things or don’t do things for reasons different than your own and we need to be very careful not to assume certain things about others behaviors.
I find it quite adorable and cute how you were as a child and how enfj’s are in general. For some reason it reminds me of myself but on steroids and I’m an infp. When I was 12 I wrote a play with all the neighborhood kids in mind for the roles they would each play in the story. I went outside with my brothers and their friend and started directing the first scene with them but gave up soon after because they would keep messing around/getting distracted from what they should have been doing which was paying attention to me lol! Also the self I have been at home with my family or close friends sounds just like an enfj, loud, a lot of questions, talking about hypothetical situations, talking a lot but whenever I was outside of my home like school I was super quiet and would never act that way. My friends and family have always made fun of how I ask so many questions and I have been made to feel like how you said you felt but at home a little like be quiet or stop talking or that’s enough or that’s enough questions or with extended family I feel like I can’t even be myself cuz they don’t like it if I ask a question so I have to be very careful to just ask one normal question. So I kind of can relate in that I get those reactions when I Am myself at home like once my brother was like why are you laughing that much control yourself haha. So I can and can’t imagine what being an enfj must feel like if I experienced that as an infp but luckily since I’m an introvert I didn’t have to deal with that with people outside my family. I guess being an introvert and shy helped protect me from that and already being afraid of how others would react to me kept me guarded. But yeah that so interesting how similar we are even though we are different.
I’m sorry you all have to go through that and admire the strength it must take to deal with that.
You all inspire me to deal with my smaller version of that.
hi Meghan, thanks for this video, I feel really understood finally. I always felt "too much" yes as a child ... somehow it was the others who made me feel like this. I was bullied in elementary school because I was a "crybaby" or "meddlesome" my sister also told me it was very traumatic for me.
I "love"the fact that I'm not alone we are so much passionate about people and world.
We deserve tho Express our self
wow this was my main struggle 😭✋🏾
Thanks for sharing the world of an ENFJ. We do really need to learn about each other and understand where each is coming from...
I love this!! Growth! I love spending time with kids but sometimes my Fe makes it hard to detach myself from their strong emotions. But it works so well so I can validate them. I wish I could tell my child self to be 100% me despite the shutting down others do. Others(probably more Fi or Ti) shut Fe down because that's their lower functions. But yeah it's wild to find how often internal others are when us ENFJs are so outpouring.
Omg girl, I feel seen. Thank you for the video ❤
That is so true, I can completely relate and I am the same way! Thank you for the video!
I'm only about 6.5 minutes in but I still want to say something regardless. My last test came up to ENFJ and I see it better now. However I feel like a jaded idealist. Growing up in a conformist Midwestern culture my extroversions and expressions were discouraged. ADHD diagnosis and Ritalin medication to boot. I'm starting to reclaim it but still feel out of place. Like my take doesn't matter. Edit Finished it now. Wow. I feel you. Even amongst my group I feel like a lone wolf. Last edit. What where some of the abbreviation/ acronyms you were using? I get the 4 letter Myers Briggs ones but others I'm lost.
I can relate
Talking too much isn’t for some people
I love you Meghan levota oh yeah and i think the E and the O in your last name are backwards! Lol 😆
I'm not a creep btw, um also you as an ENFJ there seems to be a direct conflict of interest between your judging and Fe functions, as infj it's easier for me to resort to my J function, you look pretty, i love love love to hear you ❤️💜❤️💜 finally, i found somebody..... Hopefully fingers crossed
Totally random, but its help me understand why people always think you're about to cry in your videos. ENxJ display way more energy/emotion than what they actually "feel" (Te and Fe being so extraverted). Non-ENxJ think they have huge outbursts of emotions, when really ENxJ do not ! It's seem like Te/Fe + immature Se provoke the outbust, and the Ni + Fi/Ti, the passionate part (making them look emotional).
EnxJ talk ALOT, but still, they're not used to voice their Fi/Ti, making them having this particular shakey voice (as if they were not used to talk, and therefore making their voice trembling bc the muscle of their throat is sore). Plus, a totally random observation but I'm saying it anyway : EnxJ tend to have very watery eyes, making them really bright. Combine with the seemingly emotional outburst + the shakey voice (bc all this channel is your personnal thoughts Ti afterall) explain why people always think you're crying. Anyway, just a personnal thought ;)
ooooh interesting theory! thanks for sharing... you also made me realize, I ALWAYS look like this (lol) and idk if people see me more consistency overtime if it would look less like an outburst and more like my baseline? lol
I feel that people think ENFJ type personality is too good to be true or fake and they hate us for it. First, they love us for it and want to be around us to soak up the energy and be like us. But when they cant be us then they hate our guts.
This may not be for all, but its my personal experiences and I thought about it around 8:30 when she said we get second hand happiness for others and its weird for us when others cant do the same.
Also, I am not fond of victim mentality. Im big on contribute positive energy in the spaces that you occupy. At least productive energy.
I really relate to other ENFJs, ENTJ, and INTJ.
No one wants to be an ENFJ people pleaser but an ENFJ like yourself. Go date another ENFJ, you’ll hate it
who would laugh at someone for asking them out ??
People who hate our confidence- it’s happened to me too on many occasions
Great video :)