I'm an INFP and the ENFJ I met in school was so popular. He was also the only person I showed my real self to. In our first conversation he asked me what I think about him and I said "Well, you're pretty lonely for an extrovert. You care so much about everyone, but who does care for you? Whenever I watch you I want to hug you and tell you everything is ok, you're enough".... we became best friends and he got very, very clingy and caring towards me. He told me all of his deep feelings and shared his secrets with me. There was a certain side he only showed to me. Took him some years to confess that he loved me but we're married now.
@Joe Bloe wow, must be some mad skills to judge a 12 year long relationship based on this alone 🤗 And I never said it's negative. I'm not sure what implies that, but english is only my third language, so maybe I used wrong words? I always loved that he's clingy, as I am a very clingy person myself. We both know we are and some people said it is weird, but we enjoy it
Infp. Just be direct, it’s so attractive when enfjs actively pursue us and flirt with us. You can let your walls down and be clingy and extra. I don’t mind when people are ‘too mhch’ I love it when they show a lot of interest.
I'm an ENFJ and I like this infp girl but I'm afraid to tell her .multiple time times I try to say it but back down. I like to text with her but in person I'm kinda afraid and I dont know if she knows I'm going crazy.
I'd agree, as an INTJ. I don't mind that extra show of affection or even some physical clinginess. I want walls to come down, and as long as we connect it should work out.
I am ENFJ. When I told my boyfriend that I loved him, I was so painfully vulnerable. It honestly felt as though I removed my heart from my body, held it out towards him, handed it over, with the possibility he would stab it with a dagger. That was the most painfully vulnerable moment of my life. I was sobbing at the time
I just started dating and ENFJ I have already broken up with him. I'm an INFJ. He can't pick up the telephone and talk to me when you have my phone number and you prefer to text you're out of this dimension in my opinion. If you can't handle real feelings then join a convent or monastery.
My ex is an ENFJ and I'm an INFP Everything goes well till I broke his heart and he become someone who will never want to talk to me anymore. It's the biggest mistake I have ever done in my life. Little suggestion: ENFJs are good people. Dont break their heart
Amelia F. Sitepu As an ENFJ I can understand it’s so hard to get over when someone broke our heart despite how much we want that person...I’m Sorry for your experience😔
Ouch. I am an ENFJ and it's already so hard falling in love (not shaming u) but when we get hurt it's unbearable. We don't want to hurt the other person still but we know we can't provide them the same love that they deserve no matter how much they have hurt us. We know we cannot be comfortable in them like we used to. Not all ENFJs are the same so he just may not be the right one and its okay. We're here with u. For others seeing this, don't lose hope in a relationship with an ENFJ just cuz it did not work once if there is enough participation of both parties it can be prepared but if its done that's ok too.
@Joe Bloe I am doubtful she was an Infj, that's why I asked, they have been the best I've dated, they are very loyal in my experience but if you say so, then it's understandable because every type have bad eggs.
HAA I love this!!! Definitely going to make this video :D It reminds me a little bit of this video I did where I talk about killing with kindness: th-cam.com/video/TO58uWyTUkc/w-d-xo.html
I hold off long enough to pretend (to myself) that I can handle and ignore … but inevitably I will let loose ... perhaps tooo energetically. Buttt I really don't hate anyone (yet) I tend to forgive sooner than later unless the other is still provoking. Its the 'in between' that can be of concern.
THANK YOU!!! As an ENFJ, I have always been confused about me changing my behaviour when really, really liking someone. I noticed that I tend to become "shy" as soon as I get feelings for someone, and I got pretty insecure about it. I'm glad I finally know that this happens due to my fear of losing control over my emotions and being vulnerable in more than just a superficial way. Thank you for this video :)
My ENFJ girlfriend sent me a text saying: "I'm falling so hard for you and it's scaring the hell out of me." I thought it sounded odd at the time but now it makes sense. She also went through the giggle phase and would hide her face with a pillow when I asked her what she was laughing about.
I've come to the conclusion that once you truly love someone you never really stop. Not necessarily having romantic feelings forever but a deferent kind of affection, they've made you truly happy, and our brains just don't seem to let that feeling go.
ENTJ, I feel this way as well but I know a lot of people who try to completely forget they even knew past lovers as a way to cope and move on, where as I like to use the past relationships are references for future ones
What if as an INFJ I showed too much interest to the ENFJ(early) and she got scared lol ? N then she ghosted🤔 after she got that feeling n think it scared her😅. I went ballsy mode n I thought she was too scared to share her emotions 🤷🏻♂️
I am an ENFJ too and I agree it is really hard to be super vulnerable. I spend a lot of time considering the feelings of others and once it comes time to acknowledge my own strong attachment it can be frightening. It's easy to express my general feelings, but hard to be open about how MUCH I am attached to someone and how much it could hurt me if that person betrays or rejects me. It's super scary! Normally if someone I am not attached to is rude or hurtful I can let it go pretty easily but if I really love someone it can be crushing. I am also fiercely loyal so when I start to fall for someone it scares me to know how much I will dedicate myself to someone and insecure that they may not appreciate it. This tends to drive me to pull away or act out of character as well.
Amanda Collins I'm an ENFJ too. I get it. I won't let myself explore my feelings because I don't want to get caught up and not be able to go back to how I was before and lose control of myself. It's the mindgame that is ENFJ.
I agree!!! For me, the people who have the most capability to hurt me are the people that I love the most, because they are important. If strangers or people who I am not close with or attached to hurt me, I am not affected as much as if the person who hurt me is someone I value most. It hurts a million times more if it's someone I love.
yes it happened to me once, with my friend and it scares me because it didnt happen before and it was scary that someone can have such a power over me. i didnt like the feeling but it was beautiful at the same time. I am not sure tho how i am affected to her
Haha it's funny how it's the opposite for me as an INFP, but it also makes sense. When a relationship becomes REALLY serious, I feel the need to express my emotions openly and be more affectionate. This is because they are someone I feel so passionately about, that I don't want to lose them. As an INFP, I will only show Fe to a few people.
So when ENFJ kinda gets shy and pulls back because they have feelings for you. Should we as an INFP express our feelings to them to show how much we love them? What you guys think?
I feel you fellow infp, I’ve been expressing my feelings and making good progress with and enfj girl and now she just gives me mixed signals, hopefully this video is really how she feels😩
Omg, am an infp and I'm falling in love with an enfj but I don't know if he feels the same about me. He seems so shy towards me and like, I try to get closer to him but I don't know if he's liking it or not, and I've been thinking a lot about telling him that I like him more than a friend. I'm scared that he's just being super nice with me because he's like that with everyone hahaha xD Oh God...
@@ingrid5944 I have a channel I just started where I give dating advice to women. Totally up to you, but would you mind if I made a video centered around this topic? I could make it 100% anonymous if you'd like. The channel is called "modern dating advice" and I can discuss the question at hand. Up to you :)
I’m an ENJF and now it makes sense why I change my personality when I’m starting to like someone. I’ve been asking people why i do that and thought I’m weird. Thanks for explaining this.
This was so interesting. I'm an infj and my fiance is an enfj, I've always found it weird that he could talk, joke, and flirt with literally everyone, but when he first started showing interest in me he was SO shy! He was still sweet and attentive but not flirty at all until we actually started dating, which 3 years later I've never seen him be shy around anyone. I always get weirded out and uncomfortable when he comes across as flirty with everyone so easily. But I guess this explains it, he's just not talking anything seriously but as soon as he did he switched.
An INFJ here. Today my dream ENFJ confessed that he has feelings for me. We were both pretending to be friends for a while. It is such an honor. And boy is it intense. And Meghan here is whispering in my ear all the little secrets that I so need as an INFJ to ground in and define this mesmerizing experience. Thank you!
Yeah same for me! As an Enfj male I don't like to show anyone that I am overwhelmed by stress nor tasks. I always want to be an idol for morale and performace.
I have great respect for those that wear their heart on their sleeve. I view it is as emotional honesty and makes life easier for me. Great video! Thank you for sharing your perspective!
ENFP here. This video was made at the perfect time. Meghan you're INCREDIBLE, girl. Thank you so much. I'm in tears in appreciation. Thank you Meghan, thank you!
I am an ENFJ and i agree.This is so true !especially the part of the fact that we as ENFJs had a lot of social trauma due to our excessive energie of interaction or friendlyness .I tend to be most of the time highly motivated and excited about even a new idea or a small discovery which sometimes can be annoying to other people .
Enfj here. When I fell in love with my husband, I got those deep feelings like you are talking about and started freaking out. I was super needy of him and then I freaked out because I felt needy and I was like oh no I can't do this. I felt out of control. I pushed him away and was so stupid lol
So helpful ! My guy tried to push me away but I guess I’m stupid in love too lol 😂 . Curious what did it take for you to finally open up and receive or accept his love ?
@@triplethreat9168 wow what a blast from the past this. Its been 6 years since I read this comment so I have grown a ton! I am still married to the person I was with back when I wrote this comment, but she is now my wife instead of my husband :). (12 years together total, married for the last 8) I did finally accept her love and it has developed so sweetly into such a deep, enduring love. I accepted because it was obvious how clearly she saw me, even with the masks I wore for other people and how sure she was that she wanted to be with me. It also really took time. For the first couple years, I really believed that one day she would figure out that I was actually not as great as I pretended to be and she would leave. But the longer she stayed and more I felt her radical acceptance of who I was the easier it was for me to accept how deeply she cared for me. That love she has had for me allowed me to be vulnerable and explore more of who I am with her support which has led to so much growth and a really beautiful relationship.
I am ENFJ, i will spent extra time to know that person (wants to share everything, but at same time extra careful not to hurt that person). I dislike superficial talks.
Im an INFP and i struggle with this too. I wish i had a book to tell me everything thats going to happen, but then again i feel thatll ruin any beautiful surprises.
@@AbigaleKirsten I'm also INFP, and my feelings about that are a bit of a paradox. I've had 2 relationships that ended horribly. And the worst part was, in the back of my mind, I always knew those relationships weren't going to last. And it was frustrating to be proven right. Since then I've adopted this idea that if I don't know if a relationship will end well, then it's not a relationship worth pursuing. Ironically, I've had a few times when I fell for a person despite knowing it couldn't possibly work. Each time, I eventually admit my feelings to them. And each time, I luck out and they reject me ^^;
I think a good sign is when I care about what someone eats, say good morning and goodnight, and try to do the behavior that makes them happy and comfortable. -ENFJ
I'm an ENTJ , a ENFJ told me she wants to be my wife in the future, but it looks like she is afraid of showing her feelings, how can I unlock her feelings?
As an INFJ, if i have a crush on someone or like them, i pretty much ignore them and pretend they don't exist, I also do this when it comes to people I don't like so ... good luck figuring out if an INFJ likes/loves you! lol we are not initiators, so unless you come out first and say it ... we may take that crush to our graves!
PandiCorn02 I developed very strong feelings for a close INFJ-friend of mine and I really can't tell if she has similar feelings. It's just this shadow-Fi conscious-Ni combination that's driving me crazy...
That sounds like the biggest waste of time. I can't believe I'm opening myself up to internet responses by replying to this but that's highly neurotic.
PandiCorn02 A girl I liked was an infj and I thought she liked me too but she was ignoring me whenever I tried to make some improvements to make something out our interaction but I didn’t wanna be seen like I was bothering someone who didn’t wanna have anything to do with me. But when I stopped pursuing her and thought she didn’t like me, she started showing that she wanted to have a relationship with me.
ENFJs are used to be the social engineers of their surroundings, so it`s not easy to give up that kind of control. In fact it is scary and frightening, especially because ENFJs are also fiercly loyal (like you said) and the prospect of staying with that one person is too real. As a really vulnerable person you are opening up to hurt thousandfold if you found true love. It seems as everyhing is accelerating around you and crashing in one place at the same time. Just total overextension. I guess that`s the reason why I never had problems to maintain a casual relationship, where I really liked the person without jealousy or questions asked. People are not property to me, more like interesting and worthwhile individuals to get to know better. But as soon as I fall in love hard (once thus far): overdrive! :) I guess to be with an ENFJ can be thrilling but stop once in a while and ask your SO if their emotional needs are met. Sadly people who give freely are those who often suffer in silence, because somehow they can`t open their mouths if invested deeply. Hopefully somebody could take something away from my ramblings :)
Wow, what insight in this video!! As an ENFJ, I have been told by many that I am very black and white and judgmental when it comes to assessing people. I have also been told that I want to be in control of relationships, even though I never wanted to dominate or control the other person, I now understand that it's because I want peace and I didnt want to be rejected or misunderstood.
Literally as an enfj one thing I'm always afraid of showing, is the extra amount of affection or attention to someone I like because I'm worried they might feel awkward by all this or that it's too soon! I change the "you have my heart, I absolutely adore you" to "I like spending time with you" just so they won't be intimidated😂
As an INTJ male, I expressed my love for an ENFJ female (it was horribly hard for me as well). She didn't reply to me instantly. But a few days later in a conversation, she said something like 'you're mine!' I guess it's ok, then?
ENFJ. Im tired. I get pursued so hard only to be told after I give them a chance that I am too much. I’m not needy enough, not witchy enough, not invasive of personal space enough. If I like you, I will make it known. However if the feeling has crept up on me, I will retreat like you said and put up those walls like a prison. Ive been burned so many times. Funny thing is, EVERY single person that left me, always came back begging for another chance. I don’t look back if I wasn’t good enough for you the first time around, I’m not good enough for a second round. People take advantage of our hearts. I hate that about us ENFJs and fight against my nature as much as I can because it has not served me well at all. 😢
Thank you. I just started crying cause this is so how I act and how vulnerable and ashamed I get when I feel emotionally or sexually interested in someone....and it is rare and when it happens, I almost get scared.
I am an INFJ dating an ENFJ and the things you say make so much sense, I have seen them myself. My boyfriend has his moments of charm and his moments of "introversion" when we are alone. I appreciate both sides because I feel like when he is in his "introversion" mode, I definitely see that he is thinking about me and our relationship objectively. It actually makes me feel relaxed. I think sometimes he gets a bit anxious from his thoughts. But, I can understand his worries and his doubts, and I thinks he knows that I understand those worries and doubts. And in return, paradoxically, we end up without any worries and doubts. lol does that makes any sense? It makes sense to mean.
Thank you for this! You made me sob. For the first time, I realized today that I am not the only one to have the trauma of rejection because of being perceived as "too much" for being honest with my emotions which then led me being a shadow introverted and hiding myself due to shame. Thank you for this again!
You hit the nail around 18:52, the more I care the more I retract and I start thinking more about what I am actually about to say, like i don't mind dishing out compliments, but when i realise that either someone has strong feelings or I do, I start thinking 'OMG, what does this mean?, What do i do?' that's when i start asking my friends opinions lol because I have a hard time figuring out my emotions! loved this video btw x
Found this video at just the right moment. Thank you for helping me understand my ENFJ boyfriend. I've always wondered why he hasn't been very open about his emotions, especially now when it is obvious that there is something much greater than friendship between us and things only keep progressing further. But I always knew that he loves and cares deeply about me. I, in contrary, have changed from being the classical INTP to whom love and affection can seem scary at first, to being more and more comfortable and open with my feelings of love, appreciation and respect for him. It's great :)
I've always said "I'm an open book", but when it comes to actually, truly sharing how I feel, being vulnerable... I think we as ENFJs get so used to identifying and tending to everyone else's insecurities and vulnerabilities that when the figurative torch is passed to our side of the circle, we don't really know how to handle it - or even if we want to. We're always on the outside looking in; when its the outside looking in at what's inside us, its like being turned inside out and put on display.
That’s because we understand human nature.. and we know that it’s pretty crazy handing over our hearts to another human!! It’s just insane!!! 😅But we deeply want that to happen!! ❤😊
INFP here. Some time ago an ENFJ (im pretty sure now) was really into me. I was attracted to her too. Big time. But I just couldn't get past her overt Fe and she probably thought i was a bit cagey. There was a definite chemistry but we couldn't quite get it to work between us. If it was now though i'm sure we'd both be mature enough to meet in the middle. I think for INFPs and ENFJs to work you both need to be a healthy and mature version of your personality type. Then from there you can kind of bridge the gap and learn from each other.
INFP here. For me, it’s the beginning stages that are the scariest. I have a hard time emotionally committing to someone. I like having my options open. But when I finally make the decision to pursue someone, it’s VERY easy to be vulnerable with them.
I really feel we are so interesting. I think I realize I am in love when I don’t want to talk about it to anyone because it’s hard to describe how I feel. I feel love on a very grand level & I fall in love exactly how you described. My little brother is an INFP & we comfort one another so well. He is MY pick me up when I’m so internally torn up. He understands how I feel bc he’s always dealing with that. I always feel I can talk to him about anything- bc he never judges me. Loves me & wants to help me feel better internally.
I really appreciate this video. It gives me a lot of insight as an INFP where some things may have gone off the rails because I didn't understand that self protective ENFJ response to actually getting really close. I'm pretty sure this happened with a girl I've loved for a long time. I think I triggered the barriers more by showing distrust when she put them up in the first place.
I am INTJ girl and I have strong feelings for a boy with the ENFJ personality type, he is so good with people, he is compassionate, kind and can take things serious when he needs to. Plus he has this amazing smile. This video really helped me, thanks!
OH MY GOD yes! wearing my heart on my sleeve is NOT the same as being vulnerable. I was trying to understand how i was open and closed at the same time but this makes so much sense!
This is soooooooo true, when I don’t really have romantic feelings for someone then people mistaken my friendliness as interest. And when I am falling for someone I get scared then just retreated and the person feels like I am not interested... it’s a problem....
Maybe you can shed some light on my situation then? I went through a few stages with My ENFJ, first, stage 1 was intense flirting and almost mind games (although my strong Fi knew he did in fact like me) which lead to a fight and then reconciliation.. Then stage 2, the behaviour you talk about in this video, the extreme ENFJ shyness and treating me more special than everyone else, followed by STAGE 3! (Current stage) semi withdrawal for over a month, almost like socially distant but polite Fe, and a few nights ago in our most recent interaction my ENFJ was somewhat cold and kept physical distance from me despite my attempts at showing my own interest. Could my ENFJ losing interest ? Or is this also potentially ENFJ confusion and fear of being vulnerable? Even with my strong Fi I'm finding this behaviour very hard to decipher :( A part of my thinks that maybe this ENFJ might be just trying to adjust the distance and keep me as a friends/ social acquaintance?
when an enfj goes infp mode as an infp i go enfj mode. i become a teddybear with extreme attention giving to the enfj. idk, its like a high i get. idk if its just a thing of being a guy, but i get this urge to get hit by a car. like i'll show her.. i'll show her how much she means to me. like this stupid carelessness about myself.. its like this car.. im gonna stop it with my body.. lol. and then im going to smile about it after. i might sound like an idiot, but i love it. idk if anyone here has seen yu yu hakusho.. but when keiko cries about yusuke its like ...its like.. fuck it keiko.. im coming.. even if i get my ass kicked by this demon.. 50 demons.. idgashit.. lol.. like i dont want to get my ass handed to me.. but here i am.. why am i doing this much for her.. but you get hit by the car and you're dead and you see poor keiko crying her eyes out.. its like.. god damnit... im not leaving it like this.. lol. as an infp the first episode of yu yu hakusho really gave me feels. lol.
omg.. botan.. omg.. love me botan.. lmfao. damnit botan.. she makes me go mental.. plus she's the grim reaper.. omg.. its perfect.. jeeze botan.. you're such a dork.. uggghhh!!! lol. yes.. im an infp and i have the hots for botan from yu yu hakusho.. what of it? lol tee hee.
it‘s so hard if you feel too intense too fast, but an enfj can‘t control this. i always have to stop myself when things are getting too emotional, too attaching, clingy and intense. it‘s hard, but i prefer intense feelings rather than too little feelings in general!
And never change!! You'll find your person that will match your energy and will appreciate that intensity, I'm an infp and I love that about you guys cause there is no such thing for me as too much feelings lol
Whaaaaat Okay, so.. there's this enfj guy that I have a crush on and he's been doing this "back and forth" thing for almost six months now. Initially it was obvious that he liked me, but then all of a sudden he stopped talking to me or even being around me. Later, he acted like nothing of the "i'm ignoring you" stuff happened, and we were at the starting point all over again. From then on he has ignored me multiple times, but now he's back to being all over me. Didn't know what to think, until now. So thank you for making this video, I was SO confused. Well, I still am, but you really helped💕 Also, sorry for any spelling errors. I'm Italian, forgive me. -An infp
If an ENFJ thinks they have put in all the work in the beginning, they very well might be waiting to see if it's mutual and if the other person wants to care too! don't worry though, like I said, ENFJs hate grey areas so if you bring it up the back and forth will likely dissolve immediately.
I'd say three weeks. Every now and then he ignores me but most of the time he acts like he likes me. Don't worry tho, I don't think he loves me. I was just confused because I didn't know if he was playing games or something..
I guess that's kind of what Meghan said about acting weird: He probably has some feelings but isn't sure about vice versa, so he tries to lay the burden of initiative on your shoulder, because he can't stand the uncertainty and vulnerability. Bern there done that a thousand times 😅 I guess there are some ENFJs who'd like playing hot and cold games, but only if they haven't developed deep feelings. So if you want to know, definitly ask him, chances are high you are doing him a great favor...
You helped me big time, thank you so much!!!! I am Infj seeing an Enfj, and after 2 months, i can finally trust and let my guard down, while he suddenly retracts. So painful for me as I feel rejected, but i understand now that this might just be a normal behaviour pattern. 😅
I'm an INTJ and I sensed that an ENFJ coworker of mine, who is a work friend, and I seemed to be really hitting it off. I always felt a connection with her and then one day when a small group of 4 of us us were out to lunch, she was showing me pictures of her back in high school and I handed her phone back and told her "I think you are prettier now". She seemed to almost blush and looked down and then I thought, oh no, I made her feel uncomfortable. But it was in a good way. Then it seemed she started getting nervous around me more and more. Sometimes she'd flirt and be assertive and say things like "Hey, I enjoyed our conversation today" as I was leaving work for the day. And other times her voice gets shaky like she's nervous and she has a hard time coming up with her words. She is SO adorable and I totally have feelings for her but I would not act on them. She probably knows this because I once confided in her about how I used to be with a married woman who told me she thought she was a lesbian but then I got hurt because that woman decided to not come out. I told this friend I learned my lesson about bi-curious straight women and would never do that again because they are not serious, just playing with your heart. But I do think this coworker has feelings. I feel bad for her because I know she can never share her feelings because she's married and I'm a female who has let her know I'd never be with a married woman again, so it would be so dramatic for anything to ever be able to happen with us. There's just always this intense, shy but subtle flirty tension between us at work. It's been like this for at least a year now. It DOES seem like at some point something will have to give to release the tension but I don't know. I know it's not going to be me. I'm an INTJ and I can hold it in forever if I have to. If she was ever single though, I'd totally ask her out in a New York minute!
Infj here with an Enfj boyfriend. This makes so much sense. He put on the charm in the beginning and it didn't scare me off but he started to pull away. He freaked himself out. Then I got a video where he told me he was in love with me and it scared the hell out of him. The video melted me and was so sweet. I identify and relate as an INFJ. When I'm really falling I can sometimes unintentionally sabotage. Being vulnerable and love is scary. I really do love the extra and affection. So now when I feel him shut off I turn up my love side. Our FE works well together. 2 givers can be pretty amazing together. It was a very slow build to love from both sides. We were great friends. Opened up more with a very natural feeling of trust. It hit me like a ton of bricks when I realized I loved him. It was slow, then very sudden.
I fell hard for someone through an intellectual-connection. It came out of no where. I'm forward, direct and seldom bite my tongue but the love I felt for him made me tremble. I was sick to my stomach and tears flowed from my face. He and I are just friends but I need this to pass, and soon.
ENFP here! Thanks so much for this video, my ENFJ boyfriend makes more sense to me now!! 🙏 He made it clear that he was attracted to me right away. When I told him I wasn't ready to date (recent breakup), he didn't give up on me while never making me feel pressured. And he won me over! We've been together for 9 months now, but he still hasn't opened up about his feelings. Once I'm involved with someone, I'm quite passionate. I express my feelings with tons of words of affirmation. He shows me that he cares in many other ways but the lack of "spoken" reciprocity makes me think that he's not passionate about me. 😔 Aren't ENFJs self-sabotaging? Not expressing feelings for fear of being vulnerable may result in driving your significant other away. My boyfriend told me that his past girlfriends all complained about the lack of words of affirmation. He meant to tell me: "I may not say a lot, but it doesn't mean I don't feel a lot". But WHYYYYY? I've been hurt before, but I keep on opening up because I know that if I put all my cards on the table, I'll have no regrets if things don't work out (but I guess that's a Perceiver thing?)
interact as an enfj, dont mimic their personality. stay your concious self. thank you for this video. i think an enfj has a tendency to pitfall into ti thoughts and eventually infp memories or fantasies about the person. when we let ti take lead in a person, we probably stop connecting. i gotta learn to stay an enfj with someone, and trust my intuitive and feeling to ask.
My question would be as an INFP, HOW can I make the ENFJ feel that being vulnerable is ok or SAFE?? 😊❤ Btw, I love these comments!!! I’m learning so much about the ENFJ in my life.
I'm an ENFJ and if you are in love w/ them you could say something like "I love you, I want to be vulnerable and open with you, and I want you to take the risk and show me who you truly are because I want to know that person and nothing you could say could make me feel any different about you because that's how deeply in love with you I already am". But only say this if you actually love them full heartedly : )
Daaaamn did this help. I'm an ENTP, started dating this ENFJ girl. It was amazing for two weeks and then she started doing exactly what you described : going back and forth, talking about exs, somehow her love disappeared unless she was drunk ... What really throws me off was in the "liking" phase she wanted me to be vulnerable, and it took a lot from me to be able to do so. AAAAND once I got to it she started showing almost no signs of affection and was always lost in her thoughts, and seems to be making me jealous on purpose : which btw good luck with that but it somehow worked. I even got the most emotionless "I love you" late three nights ago. Which I didn't know what to do with because as you said : she was NOT fucking happy about it. Whereas I was exstatic in my response. So ... I'm happy I'm on to something. I thought I'd lost it all : like "Shit I've been TOO vulnerable and now she thinks I'm so kind of weakling." You guys value vulnerability but hide stuff sooo deep I can't even begin to understand, but I like that. Thanks Meghan !
If you guys have been dating and she talks about her exes there is actually a chance she really likes you and is just processing her past. I would never bring up an ex if I wasn’t over them.. only if I was trying to share my story with someone new
So true, I want to know where that person stands in the relationship with me first. Yup I don't have trouble showing interest, but when I open up and be vulnerable for wanting more they always label me as too need or emotional
As an INFP, I came here to know if ENFJ loves me and the answer is, that I can only ask him, because HE COULD TURN INTO MY TYPE AND WON'T SAY ANYTHING FIRST, LIKE ME. Gosh, why is this so difficult...?
I'm not an ENFJ, (i'm either INFJ or INTP) but your talk about how a potential romantic interest might be losing interest in you hit me hard. I avoid showing romantic interest in people because I can't stand that, it's so painful for me to start becoming attached to someone and then for them to suddenly start dropping signs of rejection towards me. I think it's because I start letting my walls down bit by bit and I feel vulnerable, so incredibly vulnerable and I can even start becoming paranoid and watching for those signs of rejection. It makes me want to sever ties completely because I can't stand the feeling of dissonance that the attachment creates.
Oh God... ENFJ here. Justo estoy pasando por una situacion sentimental dificil para mi y este video me hizo llorar al sentirme tan entendida en mi confusión. Gracias.
INFP - talking to an ENFJ and I’m so beyond confused. Before we met in person, we had a wonderful 6 and a half hour long phone call full of laughter and stimulation and wholeheartedness. He was extremely flirty and lively and affectionate - and then it just shut off completely. For the next week he hardly acknowledged my existence, and when we met up for the first time, exactly one week after our long phone call, he was distant and hardly looked at me. We only made eye contact a few times, and when we did, it was intense. But he kind of made me feel self conscious, like my time and presence was unappreciated. We did drive around spontaneously for a good 45 minutes and got lost in wonderful conversation once again - but then he wanted to leave suddenly and kind of lingered by my car smiling, asked me to text him so he knew I got home safe, and hasn’t talked to me in 2 days now. WTF is this behavior ???!!!! It made me SO self conscious when we were together and it sort of hurt my feelings
Doubt this advice will apply now that it's 2 years later, but as an ENFJ myself, It indicates the person taking you seriously and feeling like they are losing control of their feelings. I withdraw like that because I don't want to screw it up.
ENFJ in love with an ENTP. My feelings were so intense and his need for space was so great that I ended up breaking things up because I freaked out over how strong I felt. I logically knew I wasn’t being ignored/unloved, but I just had this hurricane of emotion I couldn’t stand. I’m glad to find out the freaking out is part of my personality because I was/Am very much in love with this person.
I normally speak spanish so I hope I can explain myself well. ENTP are rare too and feels really interested in us ENFJ. They just cannot get enough cause we are changing constantely. People come and go in their lives but in my case they stick around cause they want to and thats it. The thing with them is that they see us really sentimental and emotionally intense, and that can be a problem when we are being negatively emotional, it's too much for us and for the other one. (they see it too quickly and back off) So the best thing we can do is learn how to feed our positive side and our own harmony. Then, not only ENTP (specially them) will sit down and be really loving you as much as we love us. Not only when we are alone but everyday. It's a lesson that leads us to happiness and finally understanding that love can also be JUST felt and not analyzed. Hope it adds value and have a great day. bye!
I'll agree that ENFJ experience a lot of rejection and therefore trauma from how much of themselves is left out in the open then betrayed by a missunderstanding/missjudgement. I think the coping mechanism probably forms into some more controlled roll into an avenue that can confirm or remove the possibility of rejection. For me, I think physical/emotional relationships come hand in hand with getting there and even allowing myself to feel that way. Or maybe allowing myself to indulge in the feeling.
Very helpful 、I’m glad I saw this video , to my dear ENFJ I won’t give up on you , cause I’m your sincere INFJ n all I need to see is clarity , please destroy your wall , please lead me , n we can make plans together
Weird. I am an INFP but I relate soooo much to ENFJs. It makes me doubt, if I really am INFP, because I also wear my heart on my sleeve. People also told me I am too much.
Enfj at work gives me gifts and brings lunch for me, he then touches my wrist, He later thanks me on a text for eating together with him. I text him back that it was nice to eat together. We don’t have contact for a week then we bump into each other and he stays with me chatting until I get my ride. I complimented him. Touched him back . He says goodbye and implies we will see each other next week at work. I don’t have to see him if I don’t want to. I can decide to work with him or not. What does he want? I don’t wanna ask him out and get rejected. I’m really interested in him, he is my Mr, Big I’m a very attractive INFP and I turn heads around. I think he just wants to sort of show off with his friends or keep me as an option. It’s so weird.
I really love it how you explain you self.. as I'm also an (leo♌) ENFJ so I'll try my best to understand and explain like you. And I also like psychology and studying. Good luck to your amazing videos.☺️☺️😉
I cannot begin to tell you how insightful and incredible your videos are. I really appreciate all that you have to say... and it's insanw because you are so similar to me it's crazy.' I am currently seeing someone who I saw back in highschool for 2 years(and back then I was a god damned nightmare of confusion). Being more on top of my game and insightful these days I decided to have another go at a relationship with this person. I am an ENFJ and he is an INFP. Now, I initially had really mixed feelings for him but then as we hung out more they began to grow. He lives in a city 3 hours away from me and we are doing long distance. But he is doing the thing where is isn't making an effort to really talk to me because he feels frustrated by the distance and I am really detaching myself from him. I dont have any feelings for him at all and I really don't even feel like I have a boyfriend. He is suppose to be moving in with me in a week and I am like freaking right out because I have gone totally numb. He says he still feels the same way for me and it hasn't changed...but I need constant validation...to which I have mentioned and he has tried every once in a while but then after he's gone I am left feeling even more confused because when I was talking to him the feeling was there but when he left it was all distorted again with me not really liking him anymore. Man...brains are nuts. :P
Yikes! Thanks for sharing... man INFPs can be confusing as HELL, can confirm.... you never know though. As an Se user like yourself, you might surprise yourself when he comes in town. Sometimes you need to be in the person's presence to know for sure. Remember you can always change your mind. He can move in and then you can tell him to move out. Stay true to your boundaries!
Thank you for your words Meghan! :) I am really anticipating to see what happens, and yeah I have had that conversation with him so I guess only time will tell. I love INFP's and have had a lot of them as friends but my relationship INFP's have been really turbulent. He is quite introspective so I am crossing my fingers. ;)
Thanks for the video, I'm an INFP guy I'm seeing an ENFJ girl that is acting more coy and distant, where as at first she was showing interest in a direct manner. I was getting confused, wondering if she had lost interest suddenly, she almost seemed annoyed yet she had big smiles. Anyway, seems like this is normal behavior haha I guess. I hope things workout. Cheers
I am an ENFJ who is in love with an INFP. Our connection was strong, and we even grew close, but I don't like grey areas in a relationship, so I talked to her about "what are we." Let's just say it didn't go well. I feel like I have lost someone so close to me, and it pains me to think about it. I definitely feel like an INFP when I feel this pain and close myself off to the world. I tried to reach out, but with no hope. It's a pain I will have to carry on for the rest of my life.
Ok this makes sense cause my enfj girlfriend was obsessed over where the relationship was going after 2 months and as a Christian I only date to marry I guess they can't stand not knowing when things will commence? Or did she think I would change my mind when I clearly am invested in her? Also her Fe dropped after a couple months so I got confused she loves me though I'm ENTJ
Hey, INFP here. What the heck does it mean when I have expressed that I have feelings for my ENFJ, but he’s doing that back and forth thing you described? Because at first he was doing that like “hey let’s hang out” casual interest thing, but then said he didn’t have feelings for me. But lately he says stuff like, “you’re the most loyal person I know” “you’re the only person I trust with this” “I’ve been feeling anxious lately and I can trust you with it” “i can just LOOK at you and you know what I’m thinking”. He gets shy when I start talking to him about his deeper emotions, because I can read his inner self like a book (same way he can read me, we just know each other that well), and he gets blunt and short and tries to change the subject. He isn’t like me where I pour out in paragraphs how deeply I feel about him, but rather it leaks out in little ways by the things he notices I do/say, or things he trusts me with, or his continuous coming to me for advice kind of thing. Idk. I don’t wanna jump the gun automatically and say, “yeah there’s a chance he’s in love with me” but at the same time, every single ENFJ source I have watched, discussed with, and studied has shown me clear and obvious signs that he feels very deeply about me. Am I crazy?😂
Great video; Have to say as I expected what you said did resonate with me; *being an ENFJ; I've found that the way I see it is once we start the love aspect control over the idea of winning this persons affection becomes extreme, In most cases I find winning someones approval of gaining trust is less stressful because the outcomes less critical; Hence in the case of love because the only thing we can control is ourselves, we become respectively unsure. I've found if I am falling for someone, I expect more of myself and more of them, that my emotions cloud me to the point I pull back in an effect to go " well I know these actions can have a negative impact given that person may not feel the same" I find liking someone and being liked is easier then love because well its a object thats alot more emotionally charged. The self-awareness of us creates a high level of self-doubt... thus I find out desire to control the outcome thus creates the imbalance _ I know these are an old comment now but felt it should be noted :)
If an enfj it's very in to you, and hugs you and He kisses you on the forehead and pays attention to what you like. Then he tells you he doesn't like you, what should you understand?
Yeah enfj is fairly open. Made me giggle when you said we don’t have walls then put them up. Sometimes if we have been hurt a lot in the past we do have walls with romantic interests once feelings start then… we begin to lower them til we notice a red flag then we raise them super high… til we feel it’s safe to let them down again. lol we are like swimmers that typically just jump in the water instead of dipping our toes in.. til we start to feel vulnerable then we test the waters.
bless you!! 🙏 thank you so much!!! your enfj description was on the point, matching to the behaviour of my enfj crush. It really encouraged me (infp) to approach him. i thought his behavior means no interest in me ... but it was exactly as you described it. wish us luck on our further path.
I’m can’t speak for everyone, but for me when I finally get the courage to show my heart, i can be clumsy or kinda childish and silly cause I’m not used to expressing the inner self. What has often happened with the enfj is that they don’t seem to know how to respond and criticize the little bit I’ve shown or just be silent snd pull away. Feels like my heart gets stabbed and I want nothing more to do with you for a while, have to try understand what went wrong and work on the courage to try again. So if an infp is silly or being a goof ball, acting like an insecure child and wanting your affirmation, it’s s desperate attempt to see if you’re Oky with me letting my walls down. To see if you’ll protect my world of candy land and happiness or if you’ll hurt it
Sorry, this is so long. But, ENFJs are SO CONFUSING to me! I'm a middle-aged lesbian (51) and an INTJ. I have worked with a female ENFJ for 6 years and she's presumed to be straight since she's married. She's 9 years younger. We've always gotten along really well, have fun conversations and she's very comfortable with me being gay and all that. Her daughter and cousin are lesbians as well so occasionally we talk about that subject. I talk about MBTI and she seems interested in that as well. Anyway, I really feel like she almost goes through phases of flirting with me. Like she will be more flirty at times and then maybe pull back (or maybe she's just busy at work - both of our jobs can get pretty hectic and stressful). She hasn't pulled back in a while though, several months. She kinda seems a little more nervous around me lately, fumbles over her words a little and she tries to keep the conversation going. We really enjoy talking together. It feels like our opinions and beliefs differences are mutually intriguing and that gets expressed in our conversations which are really fun. Now, it has escalated in the past week. Today she wore a low-cut blouse and we were talking politics in her office. We both enjoy the subject and the conversations can go on far longer than appropriate at work - today a fellow coworker/friend said in a frustrated tone "if y'all are done talking politics, can you please call so and so back?" and we both sort of jumped like "oh shit". Yeah, time gets away from us. I left her office and we went back to work until later chatting after work again as we walked to our cars. But earlier in the day (before the coworker exchange) she wanted to show me something on her phone (which she does often - she is often either showing me something on her phone or looking stuff up online that we are talking about, as if to keep the conversation going and keep showing me things or sharing things with me. Like if I say something like "I wonder if this or that?" she will immediately go to look it up and she says she's curious too. And also I feel like it's a way to keep the eye contact down, to keep it less intense, we look at the computer or her phone a lot which to me feels like it helps to break the tension, and anyway) she leaned across resting her arms on her desk facing me, right in front of me, like 1-2 feet in front of me (depending on if I was sitting up or leaning back in my chair) so I could see RIGHT down her blouse! OMG, her shirt was hanging open a lot and she showed like 6 inches of cleavage!! It was quite sexy! There is no way she didn't realize she was doing this. And she held the position for several minutes as she searched on her phone and I sat directly across from her and tried to be cool and look at all the walls and everywhere else but her breasts, LOL. And she has acted weird. One time, a few months ago, she just came by my desk and started kinda dancing around, flirty and I was looking at her like playfully questioning and thinking "what in the world are you doing silly girl?" I think I kinda looked at her a little playfully like "you straight women flirting with a lesbian tease". I think I said that once to her a long time ago that straight women tease lesbians. It was just so silly and adorable the way she came over and kinda shimmied her shoulders and shifted her head around and hips and smiled so happily. It was quite adorable. But it was ODD! I have no idea why she did that. She just seemed to want to show she was HAPPY! Anyway, I do have a little crush on her but would not get involved with a married woman but am really just CURIOUS, what the hell??? Is she flirting? Who IS this creature?
I'm an Enfj woman, and it's rare for me to like a guy or have a crush on because I grew up as a tomboy and being with boys is so common like I'm one of them. So when I was in my teen and rarely for me to like a guy so when I have a crush I'd write him telling how I feel, after a few talk lol. Love letters, drawing, texting, calling, I was so agreesive even it was just infatuation I feel like it was love at first sight kind of thing. I will tell him I like him right away and I wasn't scared at all and doesn't like any guy until I get him. Now I realized I'm creepy af lol. But seriously it was all a game and just a challenge to me, everytime I try to get a guy I know that he will not like me right away. I wanted to pursue something impossible idk why. And I'm fine with that till I get hurt or get what I want. But when I get him I get bored and then become cold af to him. I had a problem with that cycle from the past. I was a player and I've hurt a lot of boys. It was all a game. Until I met my husband who of course I pursue first too aggressively too lol I know what I want and that's him. I stick to it and I'm happily married now. So if an Enfj likes you will know but be cautious either you challenge them or you're the first love. Lol in my case my husband is my first love my first in everything.
This help explain my shift in behavior with my husband compared with other people. I noticed when I first met him, I was quite intense in showing my interest and was upfront right away about my feelings. However, 8 years down the road, I tried one day being that super intense person again and it just didn’t work. It was too much for my husband to handle, so I switched back into a more introverted role and let him be more conservative with his reactions in order to help put him in a more comfortable space again. It worked! But part of me wondered, am I being fake? Why am I not showing the same signs for like as love? This helps explain a lot of that. Thank you!
I'm an INFP and the ENFJ I met in school was so popular. He was also the only person I showed my real self to. In our first conversation he asked me what I think about him and I said "Well, you're pretty lonely for an extrovert. You care so much about everyone, but who does care for you? Whenever I watch you I want to hug you and tell you everything is ok, you're enough".... we became best friends and he got very, very clingy and caring towards me. He told me all of his deep feelings and shared his secrets with me. There was a certain side he only showed to me. Took him some years to confess that he loved me but we're married now.
Awwwww.... ✨💕💗✨
Awww
Awwww. I might cry right away if someone tell me what you said to him. Even now i'm tearing.
@Joe Bloe wow, must be some mad skills to judge a 12 year long relationship based on this alone 🤗 And I never said it's negative. I'm not sure what implies that, but english is only my third language, so maybe I used wrong words? I always loved that he's clingy, as I am a very clingy person myself. We both know we are and some people said it is weird, but we enjoy it
This is soooo cute!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Oh my goodness!!!!!! Goals!!!!!!!!! - INFP
Infp. Just be direct, it’s so attractive when enfjs actively pursue us and flirt with us. You can let your walls down and be clingy and extra. I don’t mind when people are ‘too mhch’ I love it when they show a lot of interest.
I feel exactly the same. ENFJ's are my crushes. And they're so rare.
I'm an ENFJ and I like this infp girl but I'm afraid to tell her .multiple time times I try to say it but back down. I like to text with her but in person I'm kinda afraid and I dont know if she knows I'm going crazy.
I totally agree.
Just wanted to come back to say I got friendzoned
I'd agree, as an INTJ. I don't mind that extra show of affection or even some physical clinginess. I want walls to come down, and as long as we connect it should work out.
I am ENFJ. When I told my boyfriend that I loved him, I was so painfully vulnerable. It honestly felt as though I removed my heart from my body, held it out towards him, handed it over, with the possibility he would stab it with a dagger. That was the most painfully vulnerable moment of my life. I was sobbing at the time
Hayley Doan ohhhhohohhh girl I know exactly how you feel! I am ENFJ, too! I had that exact experience trying to confess feelings to someone
me either
Exactly!! Have you watched Alita the Battle Angel? Watch the part where she gives her heart.
Same here! I'm ENFJ too! I told someone as well, and I was SO NERVOUS!!!😆😂
I just started dating and ENFJ I have already broken up with him. I'm an INFJ. He can't pick up the telephone and talk to me when you have my phone number and you prefer to text you're out of this dimension in my opinion. If you can't handle real feelings then join a convent or monastery.
My ex is an ENFJ and I'm an INFP
Everything goes well till I broke his heart and he become someone who will never want to talk to me anymore. It's the biggest mistake I have ever done in my life. Little suggestion: ENFJs are good people. Dont break their heart
Amelia F. Sitepu As an ENFJ I can understand it’s so hard to get over when someone broke our heart despite how much we want that person...I’m
Sorry for your experience😔
Ouch. I am an ENFJ and it's already so hard falling in love (not shaming u) but when we get hurt it's unbearable. We don't want to hurt the other person still but we know we can't provide them the same love that they deserve no matter how much they have hurt us. We know we cannot be comfortable in them like we used to. Not all ENFJs are the same so he just may not be the right one and its okay. We're here with u. For others seeing this, don't lose hope in a relationship with an ENFJ just cuz it did not work once if there is enough participation of both parties it can be prepared but if its done that's ok too.
THIS IS THE COMMENT
@Joe Bloe Did the infj cheat on you? Please reply I really want to know.
@Joe Bloe I am doubtful she was an Infj, that's why I asked, they have been the best I've dated, they are very loyal in my experience but if you say so, then it's understandable because every type have bad eggs.
lmao the amount of infps in the comment section-
You know what would be more interesting? How to tell if an ENFJ hates you lol
HAA I love this!!! Definitely going to make this video :D It reminds me a little bit of this video I did where I talk about killing with kindness: th-cam.com/video/TO58uWyTUkc/w-d-xo.html
th-cam.com/video/kwMULLfvwdw/w-d-xo.html
Ha! You would know if we hated someone. If we hate someone they wronged us in some way that was extremely damaging to our way of life and walk
I think any one should know how to tell if someone hates sometimes people can show it off to easy.
I hold off long enough to pretend (to myself) that I can handle and ignore … but inevitably I will let loose ... perhaps tooo energetically. Buttt I really don't hate anyone (yet) I tend to forgive sooner than later unless the other is still provoking. Its the 'in between' that can be of concern.
THANK YOU!!! As an ENFJ, I have always been confused about me changing my behaviour when really, really liking someone. I noticed that I tend to become "shy" as soon as I get feelings for someone, and I got pretty insecure about it. I'm glad I finally know that this happens due to my fear of losing control over my emotions and being vulnerable in more than just a superficial way. Thank you for this video :)
My ENFJ girlfriend sent me a text saying: "I'm falling so hard for you and it's scaring the hell out of me." I thought it sounded odd at the time but now it makes sense. She also went through the giggle phase and would hide her face with a pillow when I asked her what she was laughing about.
Mike Dunn hahaha I’ve sent that exact text to people
Awe, that is SO CUTE!!
How incredibly adorable!
Awww ✨💗💕✨
Are you a ESTJ ?
I've come to the conclusion that once you truly love someone you never really stop. Not necessarily having romantic feelings forever but a deferent kind of affection, they've made you truly happy, and our brains just don't seem to let that feeling go.
I agree!
ENTJ, I feel this way as well but I know a lot of people who try to completely forget they even knew past lovers as a way to cope and move on, where as I like to use the past relationships are references for future ones
What if as an INFJ I showed too much interest to the ENFJ(early) and she got scared lol ? N then she ghosted🤔 after she got that feeling n think it scared her😅. I went ballsy mode n I thought she was too scared to share her emotions 🤷🏻♂️
Super agree! Once I love the person, I forever love and care about the person, even if the romantic feelings go away.
It’s human’s desire for ‘intimate relationship ‘ and as ENFJ the benefit of producing endorphins and good feelings is more irresistible.
I am an ENFJ too and I agree it is really hard to be super vulnerable. I spend a lot of time considering the feelings of others and once it comes time to acknowledge my own strong attachment it can be frightening. It's easy to express my general feelings, but hard to be open about how MUCH I am attached to someone and how much it could hurt me if that person betrays or rejects me. It's super scary! Normally if someone I am not attached to is rude or hurtful I can let it go pretty easily but if I really love someone it can be crushing. I am also fiercely loyal so when I start to fall for someone it scares me to know how much I will dedicate myself to someone and insecure that they may not appreciate it.
This tends to drive me to pull away or act out of character as well.
Amanda Collins I'm an ENFJ too. I get it. I won't let myself explore my feelings because I don't want to get caught up and not be able to go back to how I was before and lose control of myself. It's the mindgame that is ENFJ.
I agree!!! For me, the people who have the most capability to hurt me are the people that I love the most, because they are important. If strangers or people who I am not close with or attached to hurt me, I am not affected as much as if the person who hurt me is someone I value most. It hurts a million times more if it's someone I love.
yes it happened to me once, with my friend and it scares me because it didnt happen before and it was scary that someone can have such a power over me. i didnt like the feeling but it was beautiful at the same time. I am not sure tho how i am affected to her
Haha it's funny how it's the opposite for me as an INFP, but it also makes sense. When a relationship becomes REALLY serious, I feel the need to express my emotions openly and be more affectionate. This is because they are someone I feel so passionately about, that I don't want to lose them. As an INFP, I will only show Fe to a few people.
This is definitely true
So when ENFJ kinda gets shy and pulls back because they have feelings for you. Should we as an INFP express our feelings to them to show how much we love them? What you guys think?
I feel you fellow infp, I’ve been expressing my feelings and making good progress with and enfj girl and now she just gives me mixed signals, hopefully this video is really how she feels😩
I'm an INFP who is in love with an ENFJ and he feels the same way. It is by far the most passionate relationship I've ever had in my life.
Omg, am an infp and I'm falling in love with an enfj but I don't know if he feels the same about me. He seems so shy towards me and like, I try to get closer to him but I don't know if he's liking it or not, and I've been thinking a lot about telling him that I like him more than a friend. I'm scared that he's just being super nice with me because he's like that with everyone hahaha xD Oh God...
@@ingrid5944 Let him come to you
@@simi5044 omg🙊 why? Would it be a bad move if I told him what I feel? 🙊 Help me, please hahaha
@@ingrid5944 I have a channel I just started where I give dating advice to women. Totally up to you, but would you mind if I made a video centered around this topic? I could make it 100% anonymous if you'd like. The channel is called "modern dating advice" and I can discuss the question at hand. Up to you :)
@@simi5044 omg I would love that! I'll subscribe to your channel 😊😊😊
"I'm putting you in this box for casual purposes."
I’m an ENJF and now it makes sense why I change my personality when I’m starting to like someone. I’ve been asking people why i do that and thought I’m weird. Thanks for explaining this.
You make ENFJs sound really appealing.
They are appealing .. too appealing
This was so interesting. I'm an infj and my fiance is an enfj, I've always found it weird that he could talk, joke, and flirt with literally everyone, but when he first started showing interest in me he was SO shy! He was still sweet and attentive but not flirty at all until we actually started dating, which 3 years later I've never seen him be shy around anyone.
I always get weirded out and uncomfortable when he comes across as flirty with everyone so easily. But I guess this explains it, he's just not talking anything seriously but as soon as he did he switched.
An INFJ here. Today my dream ENFJ confessed that he has feelings for me. We were both pretending to be friends for a while.
It is such an honor. And boy is it intense.
And Meghan here is whispering in my ear all the little secrets that I so need as an INFJ to ground in and define this mesmerizing experience. Thank you!
Yeah same for me! As an Enfj male I don't like to show anyone that I am overwhelmed by stress nor tasks. I always want to be an idol for morale and performace.
Oh man,you hit the nail for me. I feel the same.
I have great respect for those that wear their heart on their sleeve. I view it is as emotional honesty and makes life easier for me. Great video! Thank you for sharing your perspective!
ENFP here. This video was made at the perfect time. Meghan you're INCREDIBLE, girl. Thank you so much. I'm in tears in appreciation. Thank you Meghan, thank you!
I am an ENFJ and i agree.This is so true !especially the part of the fact that we as ENFJs had a lot of social trauma due to our excessive energie of interaction or friendlyness .I tend to be most of the time highly motivated and excited about even a new idea or a small discovery which sometimes can be annoying to other people .
Enfj here. When I fell in love with my husband, I got those deep feelings like you are talking about and started freaking out. I was super needy of him and then I freaked out because I felt needy and I was like oh no I can't do this. I felt out of control. I pushed him away and was so stupid lol
awww🥰
So helpful ! My guy tried to push me away but I guess I’m stupid in love too lol 😂 . Curious what did it take for you to finally open up and receive or accept his love ?
@@triplethreat9168 wow what a blast from the past this. Its been 6 years since I read this comment so I have grown a ton! I am still married to the person I was with back when I wrote this comment, but she is now my wife instead of my husband :). (12 years together total, married for the last 8)
I did finally accept her love and it has developed so sweetly into such a deep, enduring love. I accepted because it was obvious how clearly she saw me, even with the masks I wore for other people and how sure she was that she wanted to be with me. It also really took time. For the first couple years, I really believed that one day she would figure out that I was actually not as great as I pretended to be and she would leave.
But the longer she stayed and more I felt her radical acceptance of who I was the easier it was for me to accept how deeply she cared for me. That love she has had for me allowed me to be vulnerable and explore more of who I am with her support which has led to so much growth and a really beautiful relationship.
I am ENFJ, i will spent extra time to know that person (wants to share everything, but at same time extra careful not to hurt that person). I dislike superficial talks.
I think that the worst for me, as an enfj is WAITING whitout knowing the future😂
Same. "going with the flow" and "Taking it slow" is our weakness but sometimes we have to, and when we do, you know we really really like you.
Im an INFP and i struggle with this too. I wish i had a book to tell me everything thats going to happen, but then again i feel thatll ruin any beautiful surprises.
@@AbigaleKirsten I'm also INFP, and my feelings about that are a bit of a paradox. I've had 2 relationships that ended horribly. And the worst part was, in the back of my mind, I always knew those relationships weren't going to last. And it was frustrating to be proven right.
Since then I've adopted this idea that if I don't know if a relationship will end well, then it's not a relationship worth pursuing. Ironically, I've had a few times when I fell for a person despite knowing it couldn't possibly work. Each time, I eventually admit my feelings to them. And each time, I luck out and they reject me ^^;
I think a good sign is when I care about what someone eats, say good morning and goodnight, and try to do the behavior that makes them happy and comfortable.
-ENFJ
I'm an ENTJ , a ENFJ told me she wants to be my wife in the future, but it looks like she is afraid of showing her feelings, how can I unlock her feelings?
As an INFJ, if i have a crush on someone or like them, i pretty much ignore them and pretend they don't exist, I also do this when it comes to people I don't like so ... good luck figuring out if an INFJ likes/loves you! lol we are not initiators, so unless you come out first and say it ... we may take that crush to our graves!
PandiCorn02 I developed very strong feelings for a close INFJ-friend of mine and I really can't tell if she has similar feelings. It's just this shadow-Fi conscious-Ni combination that's driving me crazy...
That sounds like the biggest waste of time. I can't believe I'm opening myself up to internet responses by replying to this but that's highly neurotic.
Gerard King yeah it’s not something to be proud of
PandiCorn02 A girl I liked was an infj and I thought she liked me too but she was ignoring me whenever I tried to make some improvements to make something out our interaction but I didn’t wanna be seen like I was bothering someone who didn’t wanna have anything to do with me. But when I stopped pursuing her and thought she didn’t like me, she started showing that she wanted to have a relationship with me.
💯🤣
ENFJs are used to be the social engineers of their surroundings, so it`s not easy to give up that kind of control. In fact it is scary and frightening, especially because ENFJs are also fiercly loyal (like you said) and the prospect of staying with that one person is too real. As a really vulnerable person you are opening up to hurt thousandfold if you found true love. It seems as everyhing is accelerating around you and crashing in one place at the same time. Just total overextension.
I guess that`s the reason why I never had problems to maintain a casual relationship, where I really liked the person without jealousy or questions asked. People are not property to me, more like interesting and worthwhile individuals to get to know better. But as soon as I fall in love hard (once thus far): overdrive! :) I guess to be with an ENFJ can be thrilling but stop once in a while and ask your SO if their emotional needs are met. Sadly people who give freely are those who often suffer in silence, because somehow they can`t open their mouths if invested deeply.
Hopefully somebody could take something away from my ramblings :)
Wow, what insight in this video!! As an ENFJ, I have been told by many that I am very black and white and judgmental when it comes to assessing people. I have also been told that I want to be in control of relationships, even though I never wanted to dominate or control the other person, I now understand that it's because I want peace and I didnt want to be rejected or misunderstood.
RELATABLE. Sometimes I don’t even care who is the person saying it, I just don’t like to be misunderstood in the worst possible way.
Literally as an enfj one thing I'm always afraid of showing, is the extra amount of affection or attention to someone I like because I'm worried they might feel awkward by all this or that it's too soon! I change the "you have my heart, I absolutely adore you" to "I like spending time with you" just so they won't be intimidated😂
Very helpful . I find my enfj does this but it can be confusing sometimes
😅
As an INTJ male, I expressed my love for an ENFJ female (it was horribly hard for me as well). She didn't reply to me instantly. But a few days later in a conversation, she said something like 'you're mine!' I guess it's ok, then?
ENFJ. Im tired. I get pursued so hard only to be told after I give them a chance that I am too much. I’m not needy enough, not witchy enough, not invasive of personal space enough. If I like you, I will make it known. However if the feeling has crept up on me, I will retreat like you said and put up those walls like a prison. Ive been burned so many times. Funny thing is, EVERY single person that left me, always came back begging for another chance. I don’t look back if I wasn’t good enough for you the first time around, I’m not good enough for a second round. People take advantage of our hearts. I hate that about us ENFJs and fight against my nature as much as I can because it has not served me well at all. 😢
😢🫂
Thank you. I just started crying cause this is so how I act and how vulnerable and ashamed I get when I feel emotionally or sexually interested in someone....and it is rare and when it happens, I almost get scared.
ENFJ-A This makes sense to me. When I find that I am falling for someone I get shy. I am not a shy person. Sometimes I can't think! 🤣
I am an INFJ dating an ENFJ and the things you say make so much sense, I have seen them myself. My boyfriend has his moments of charm and his moments of "introversion" when we are alone. I appreciate both sides because I feel like when he is in his "introversion" mode, I definitely see that he is thinking about me and our relationship objectively. It actually makes me feel relaxed. I think sometimes he gets a bit anxious from his thoughts. But, I can understand his worries and his doubts, and I thinks he knows that I understand those worries and doubts. And in return, paradoxically, we end up without any worries and doubts. lol does that makes any sense? It makes sense to mean.
Thank you for this! You made me sob. For the first time, I realized today that I am not the only one to have the trauma of rejection because of being perceived as "too much" for being honest with my emotions which then led me being a shadow introverted and hiding myself due to shame. Thank you for this again!
The thing to overcome is vulnerability.
Learning HOW to BE vulnerable.
You hit the nail around 18:52, the more I care the more I retract and I start thinking more about what I am actually about to say, like i don't mind dishing out compliments, but when i realise that either someone has strong feelings or I do, I start thinking 'OMG, what does this mean?, What do i do?' that's when i start asking my friends opinions lol because I have a hard time figuring out my emotions! loved this video btw x
yess the asking friends opinions thing is so real :D :D : D
Fearless V Ugh I always overanalyze my emotions. I didn't realize it was an ENFJ thing.
@@themeghmuse 😂😂😂😂😂too true. I have been asking around for advice.
Females ENFJs rock it with their clevernessings , kind regards from an Assertive INFP
Found this video at just the right moment. Thank you for helping me understand my ENFJ boyfriend. I've always wondered why he hasn't been very open about his emotions, especially now when it is obvious that there is something much greater than friendship between us and things only keep progressing further. But I always knew that he loves and cares deeply about me. I, in contrary, have changed from being the classical INTP to whom love and affection can seem scary at first, to being more and more comfortable and open with my feelings of love, appreciation and respect for him. It's great :)
same experience with my enfj
-intp female
I've always said "I'm an open book", but when it comes to actually, truly sharing how I feel, being vulnerable... I think we as ENFJs get so used to identifying and tending to everyone else's insecurities and vulnerabilities that when the figurative torch is passed to our side of the circle, we don't really know how to handle it - or even if we want to. We're always on the outside looking in; when its the outside looking in at what's inside us, its like being turned inside out and put on display.
That’s because we understand human nature.. and we know that it’s pretty crazy handing over our hearts to another human!! It’s just insane!!! 😅But we deeply want that to happen!! ❤😊
INFP here. Some time ago an ENFJ (im pretty sure now) was really into me. I was attracted to her too. Big time. But I just couldn't get past her overt Fe and she probably thought i was a bit cagey. There was a definite chemistry but we couldn't quite get it to work between us.
If it was now though i'm sure we'd both be mature enough to meet in the middle. I think for INFPs and ENFJs to work you both need to be a healthy and mature version of your personality type. Then from there you can kind of bridge the gap and learn from each other.
INFP here. For me, it’s the beginning stages that are the scariest. I have a hard time emotionally committing to someone. I like having my options open.
But when I finally make the decision to pursue someone, it’s VERY easy to be vulnerable with them.
I really feel we are so interesting. I think I realize I am in love when I don’t want to talk about it to anyone because it’s hard to describe how I feel. I feel love on a very grand level & I fall in love exactly how you described. My little brother is an INFP & we comfort one another so well. He is MY pick me up when I’m so internally torn up. He understands how I feel bc he’s always dealing with that. I always feel I can talk to him about anything- bc he never judges me. Loves me & wants to help me feel better internally.
Omg ENFJs are the best
Ty
Hey! Are you a comrade? If so, I'm happy to see you here haha.
As an INTJ, it is very interesting to hear an ENFJ explain her Fe to me using her Ni.
Same
Same
How is that?? I’m an ENFJ and I am dating an INTJ, it is hard to figure out INTJ feeling lol
I really appreciate this video. It gives me a lot of insight as an INFP where some things may have gone off the rails because I didn't understand that self protective ENFJ response to actually getting really close. I'm pretty sure this happened with a girl I've loved for a long time. I think I triggered the barriers more by showing distrust when she put them up in the first place.
I love your jacket! It looks so great on you too! 💕
I am INTJ girl and I have strong feelings for a boy with the ENFJ personality type, he is so good with people, he is compassionate, kind and can take things serious when he needs to. Plus he has this amazing smile. This video really helped me, thanks!
OH MY GOD yes! wearing my heart on my sleeve is NOT the same as being vulnerable. I was trying to understand how i was open and closed at the same time but this makes so much sense!
This is soooooooo true, when I don’t really have romantic feelings for someone then people mistaken my friendliness as interest. And when I am falling for someone I get scared then just retreated and the person feels like I am not interested... it’s a problem....
Maybe you can shed some light on my situation then? I went through a few stages with My ENFJ, first, stage 1 was intense flirting and almost mind games (although my strong Fi knew he did in fact like me) which lead to a fight and then reconciliation.. Then stage 2, the behaviour you talk about in this video, the extreme ENFJ shyness and treating me more special than everyone else, followed by STAGE 3! (Current stage) semi withdrawal for over a month, almost like socially distant but polite Fe, and a few nights ago in our most recent interaction my ENFJ was somewhat cold and kept physical distance from me despite my attempts at showing my own interest. Could my ENFJ losing interest ? Or is this also potentially ENFJ confusion and fear of being vulnerable? Even with my strong Fi I'm finding this behaviour very hard to decipher :( A part of my thinks that maybe this ENFJ might be just trying to adjust the distance and keep me as a friends/ social acquaintance?
when an enfj goes infp mode as an infp i go enfj mode. i become a teddybear with extreme attention giving to the enfj. idk, its like a high i get. idk if its just a thing of being a guy, but i get this urge to get hit by a car. like i'll show her.. i'll show her how much she means to me. like this stupid carelessness about myself.. its like this car.. im gonna stop it with my body.. lol. and then im going to smile about it after. i might sound like an idiot, but i love it. idk if anyone here has seen yu yu hakusho.. but when keiko cries about yusuke its like ...its like.. fuck it keiko.. im coming.. even if i get my ass kicked by this demon.. 50 demons.. idgashit.. lol.. like i dont want to get my ass handed to me.. but here i am.. why am i doing this much for her.. but you get hit by the car and you're dead and you see poor keiko crying her eyes out.. its like.. god damnit... im not leaving it like this.. lol. as an infp the first episode of yu yu hakusho really gave me feels. lol.
omg.. botan.. omg.. love me botan.. lmfao. damnit botan.. she makes me go mental.. plus she's the grim reaper.. omg.. its perfect.. jeeze botan.. you're such a dork.. uggghhh!!! lol. yes.. im an infp and i have the hots for botan from yu yu hakusho.. what of it? lol tee hee.
Omg thats like the cutest thing youre crazy!!
it‘s so hard if you feel too intense too fast, but an enfj can‘t control this. i always have to stop myself when things are getting too emotional, too attaching, clingy and intense. it‘s hard, but i prefer intense feelings rather than too little feelings in general!
And never change!! You'll find your person that will match your energy and will appreciate that intensity, I'm an infp and I love that about you guys cause there is no such thing for me as too much feelings lol
Whaaaaat
Okay, so.. there's this enfj guy that I have a crush on and he's been doing this "back and forth" thing for almost six months now. Initially it was obvious that he liked me, but then all of a sudden he stopped talking to me or even being around me. Later, he acted like nothing of the "i'm ignoring you" stuff happened, and we were at the starting point all over again. From then on he has ignored me multiple times, but now he's back to being all over me. Didn't know what to think, until now.
So thank you for making this video, I was SO confused. Well, I still am, but you really helped💕
Also, sorry for any spelling errors. I'm Italian, forgive me.
-An infp
If an ENFJ thinks they have put in all the work in the beginning, they very well might be waiting to see if it's mutual and if the other person wants to care too! don't worry though, like I said, ENFJs hate grey areas so if you bring it up the back and forth will likely dissolve immediately.
I'd say three weeks. Every now and then he ignores me but most of the time he acts like he likes me. Don't worry tho, I don't think he loves me. I was just confused because I didn't know if he was playing games or something..
Sara B I don’t think ENFJs are necessarily prone to ignoring but they might pull back
I guess that's kind of what Meghan said about acting weird: He probably has some feelings but isn't sure about vice versa, so he tries to lay the burden of initiative on your shoulder, because he can't stand the uncertainty and vulnerability. Bern there done that a thousand times 😅
I guess there are some ENFJs who'd like playing hot and cold games, but only if they haven't developed deep feelings.
So if you want to know, definitly ask him, chances are high you are doing him a great favor...
You helped me big time, thank you so much!!!! I am Infj seeing an Enfj, and after 2 months, i can finally trust and let my guard down, while he suddenly retracts. So painful for me as I feel rejected, but i understand now that this might just be a normal behaviour pattern. 😅
Omg “when shit gets real” aaah that was so relatable
We tend to give love people don’t deserve
I'm an INTJ and I sensed that an ENFJ coworker of mine, who is a work friend, and I seemed to be really hitting it off. I always felt a connection with her and then one day when a small group of 4 of us us were out to lunch, she was showing me pictures of her back in high school and I handed her phone back and told her "I think you are prettier now". She seemed to almost blush and looked down and then I thought, oh no, I made her feel uncomfortable. But it was in a good way. Then it seemed she started getting nervous around me more and more. Sometimes she'd flirt and be assertive and say things like "Hey, I enjoyed our conversation today" as I was leaving work for the day. And other times her voice gets shaky like she's nervous and she has a hard time coming up with her words.
She is SO adorable and I totally have feelings for her but I would not act on them. She probably knows this because I once confided in her about how I used to be with a married woman who told me she thought she was a lesbian but then I got hurt because that woman decided to not come out. I told this friend I learned my lesson about bi-curious straight women and would never do that again because they are not serious, just playing with your heart. But I do think this coworker has feelings. I feel bad for her because I know she can never share her feelings because she's married and I'm a female who has let her know I'd never be with a married woman again, so it would be so dramatic for anything to ever be able to happen with us. There's just always this intense, shy but subtle flirty tension between us at work. It's been like this for at least a year now. It DOES seem like at some point something will have to give to release the tension but I don't know. I know it's not going to be me. I'm an INTJ and I can hold it in forever if I have to. If she was ever single though, I'd totally ask her out in a New York minute!
Infj here with an Enfj boyfriend. This makes so much sense. He put on the charm in the beginning and it didn't scare me off but he started to pull away. He freaked himself out. Then I got a video where he told me he was in love with me and it scared the hell out of him. The video melted me and was so sweet. I identify and relate as an INFJ. When I'm really falling I can sometimes unintentionally sabotage. Being vulnerable and love is scary. I really do love the extra and affection. So now when I feel him shut off I turn up my love side. Our FE works well together. 2 givers can be pretty amazing together.
It was a very slow build to love from both sides. We were great friends. Opened up more with a very natural feeling of trust. It hit me like a ton of bricks when I realized I loved him. It was slow, then very sudden.
I fell hard for someone through an intellectual-connection. It came out of no where. I'm forward, direct and seldom bite my tongue but the love I felt for him made me tremble. I was sick to my stomach and tears flowed from my face. He and I are just friends but I need this to pass, and soon.
i can’t relate more to this…
I agree with you... I could be silent and introvert with people I really am interested in...
ENFP here! Thanks so much for this video, my ENFJ boyfriend makes more sense to me now!! 🙏 He made it clear that he was attracted to me right away. When I told him I wasn't ready to date (recent breakup), he didn't give up on me while never making me feel pressured. And he won me over! We've been together for 9 months now, but he still hasn't opened up about his feelings. Once I'm involved with someone, I'm quite passionate. I express my feelings with tons of words of affirmation. He shows me that he cares in many other ways but the lack of "spoken" reciprocity makes me think that he's not passionate about me. 😔
Aren't ENFJs self-sabotaging? Not expressing feelings for fear of being vulnerable may result in driving your significant other away. My boyfriend told me that his past girlfriends all complained about the lack of words of affirmation. He meant to tell me: "I may not say a lot, but it doesn't mean I don't feel a lot". But WHYYYYY? I've been hurt before, but I keep on opening up because I know that if I put all my cards on the table, I'll have no regrets if things don't work out (but I guess that's a Perceiver thing?)
Different love languages
I like enfjs. Infp here
interact as an enfj, dont mimic their personality. stay your concious self.
thank you for this video. i think an enfj has a tendency to pitfall into ti thoughts and eventually infp memories or fantasies about the person. when we let ti take lead in a person, we probably stop connecting. i gotta learn to stay an enfj with someone, and trust my intuitive and feeling to ask.
My question would be as an INFP, HOW can I make the ENFJ feel that being vulnerable is ok or SAFE?? 😊❤
Btw, I love these comments!!! I’m learning so much about the ENFJ in my life.
I'm an ENFJ and if you are in love w/ them you could say something like "I love you, I want to be vulnerable and open with you, and I want you to take the risk and show me who you truly are because I want to know that person and nothing you could say could make me feel any different about you because that's how deeply in love with you I already am".
But only say this if you actually love them full heartedly : )
@@lydiahiksan1232❤
Such a wise woman Ni is overpowered
Daaaamn did this help.
I'm an ENTP, started dating this ENFJ girl. It was amazing for two weeks and then she started doing exactly what you described : going back and forth, talking about exs, somehow her love disappeared unless she was drunk ...
What really throws me off was in the "liking" phase she wanted me to be vulnerable, and it took a lot from me to be able to do so. AAAAND once I got to it she started showing almost no signs of affection and was always lost in her thoughts, and seems to be making me jealous on purpose : which btw good luck with that but it somehow worked.
I even got the most emotionless "I love you" late three nights ago. Which I didn't know what to do with because as you said : she was NOT fucking happy about it. Whereas I was exstatic in my response.
So ... I'm happy I'm on to something. I thought I'd lost it all : like "Shit I've been TOO vulnerable and now she thinks I'm so kind of weakling."
You guys value vulnerability but hide stuff sooo deep I can't even begin to understand, but I like that.
Thanks Meghan !
If you guys have been dating and she talks about her exes there is actually a chance she really likes you and is just processing her past. I would never bring up an ex if I wasn’t over them.. only if I was trying to share my story with someone new
This is true. And as an INFJ. This makes me UNCOMFORTABLE. 🙃
I am an ENFJ and I am always surprised how accurate this is for me😅thanks for the video, it helped a lot!!💕
Everybody thinks we like them, cos we are so engaged and nice to everyone
ENFJ-T here. This is absolutely me! ❤️❤️❤️
So true, I want to know where that person stands in the relationship with me first. Yup I don't have trouble showing interest, but when I open up and be vulnerable for wanting more they always label me as too need or emotional
As an INFP, I came here to know if ENFJ loves me and the answer is, that I can only ask him, because HE COULD TURN INTO MY TYPE AND WON'T SAY ANYTHING FIRST, LIKE ME. Gosh, why is this so difficult...?
Same situation here.... ^^
I'm not an ENFJ, (i'm either INFJ or INTP) but your talk about how a potential romantic interest might be losing interest in you hit me hard. I avoid showing romantic interest in people because I can't stand that, it's so painful for me to start becoming attached to someone and then for them to suddenly start dropping signs of rejection towards me. I think it's because I start letting my walls down bit by bit and I feel vulnerable, so incredibly vulnerable and I can even start becoming paranoid and watching for those signs of rejection. It makes me want to sever ties completely because I can't stand the feeling of dissonance that the attachment creates.
Oh God... ENFJ here. Justo estoy pasando por una situacion sentimental dificil para mi y este video me hizo llorar al sentirme tan entendida en mi confusión. Gracias.
INFP - talking to an ENFJ and I’m so beyond confused. Before we met in person, we had a wonderful 6 and a half hour long phone call full of laughter and stimulation and wholeheartedness. He was extremely flirty and lively and affectionate - and then it just shut off completely. For the next week he hardly acknowledged my existence, and when we met up for the first time, exactly one week after our long phone call, he was distant and hardly looked at me. We only made eye contact a few times, and when we did, it was intense. But he kind of made me feel self conscious, like my time and presence was unappreciated. We did drive around spontaneously for a good 45 minutes and got lost in wonderful conversation once again - but then he wanted to leave suddenly and kind of lingered by my car smiling, asked me to text him so he knew I got home safe, and hasn’t talked to me in 2 days now. WTF is this behavior ???!!!! It made me SO self conscious when we were together and it sort of hurt my feelings
Doubt this advice will apply now that it's 2 years later, but as an ENFJ myself, It indicates the person taking you seriously and feeling like they are losing control of their feelings. I withdraw like that because I don't want to screw it up.
ENFJ in love with an ENTP. My feelings were so intense and his need for space was so great that I ended up breaking things up because I freaked out over how strong I felt. I logically knew I wasn’t being ignored/unloved, but I just had this hurricane of emotion I couldn’t stand. I’m glad to find out the freaking out is part of my personality because I was/Am very much in love with this person.
I normally speak spanish so I hope I can explain myself well. ENTP are rare too and feels really interested in us ENFJ. They just cannot get enough cause we are changing constantely. People come and go in their lives but in my case they stick around cause they want to and thats it. The thing with them is that they see us really sentimental and emotionally intense, and that can be a problem when we are being negatively emotional, it's too much for us and for the other one. (they see it too quickly and back off) So the best thing we can do is learn how to feed our positive side and our own harmony. Then, not only ENTP (specially them) will sit down and be really loving you as much as we love us. Not only when we are alone but everyday. It's a lesson that leads us to happiness and finally understanding that love can also be JUST felt and not analyzed. Hope it adds value and have a great day. bye!
Selene Pace Hablo español también si me quieres explicar en español :3 pero creo que t entendí y estoy de acuerdo
Any thoughts on how to tell if an ENFJ is falling out of love?
I'll agree that ENFJ experience a lot of rejection and therefore trauma from how much of themselves is left out in the open then betrayed by a missunderstanding/missjudgement.
I think the coping mechanism probably forms into some more controlled roll into an avenue that can confirm or remove the possibility of rejection.
For me, I think physical/emotional relationships come hand in hand with getting there and even allowing myself to feel that way. Or maybe allowing myself to indulge in the feeling.
You do not need a video to know. If we love you, you will know.
12:30 TTTRRUUTTTHHH AND IT’s PAINFUL. I have to run away out of sheer embarrassment and what feels like stupidity.
Very helpful 、I’m glad I saw this video , to my dear ENFJ I won’t give up on you , cause I’m your sincere INFJ n all I need to see is clarity , please destroy your wall , please lead me , n we can make plans together
Weird. I am an INFP but I relate soooo much to ENFJs. It makes me doubt, if I really am INFP, because I also wear my heart on my sleeve. People also told me I am too much.
Enfj at work gives me gifts and brings lunch for me, he then touches my wrist, He later thanks me on a text for eating together with him. I text him back that it was nice to eat together. We don’t have contact for a week then we bump into each other and he stays with me chatting until I get my ride. I complimented him. Touched him back . He says goodbye and implies we will see each other next week at work. I don’t have to see him if I don’t want to. I can decide to work with him or not. What does he want? I don’t wanna ask him out and get rejected. I’m really interested in him, he is my Mr, Big I’m a very attractive INFP and I turn heads around. I think he just wants to sort of show off with his friends or keep me as an option. It’s so weird.
okay, i get why shadow functions act like the way they do and the infp becomes the enfj in the relationship
I guess I'm in love then. YIKES!
As an ENFJ I tend to totally puff my chest and do not show any weaknesses when it counts. Even try to overly compensate for others weaknesses as well.
I really love it how you explain you self.. as I'm also an (leo♌) ENFJ so I'll try my best to understand and explain like you. And I also like psychology and studying. Good luck to your amazing videos.☺️☺️😉
I just have to thank you so much,
this video really helped me to understand myself better
I cannot begin to tell you how insightful and incredible your videos are. I really appreciate all that you have to say... and it's insanw because you are so similar to me it's crazy.'
I am currently seeing someone who I saw back in highschool for 2 years(and back then I was a god damned nightmare of confusion). Being more on top of my game and insightful these days I decided to have another go at a relationship with this person. I am an ENFJ and he is an INFP. Now, I initially had really mixed feelings for him but then as we hung out more they began to grow. He lives in a city 3 hours away from me and we are doing long distance. But he is doing the thing where is isn't making an effort to really talk to me because he feels frustrated by the distance and I am really detaching myself from him. I dont have any feelings for him at all and I really don't even feel like I have a boyfriend. He is suppose to be moving in with me in a week and I am like freaking right out because I have gone totally numb. He says he still feels the same way for me and it hasn't changed...but I need constant validation...to which I have mentioned and he has tried every once in a while but then after he's gone I am left feeling even more confused because when I was talking to him the feeling was there but when he left it was all distorted again with me not really liking him anymore.
Man...brains are nuts. :P
Yikes! Thanks for sharing... man INFPs can be confusing as HELL, can confirm.... you never know though. As an Se user like yourself, you might surprise yourself when he comes in town. Sometimes you need to be in the person's presence to know for sure. Remember you can always change your mind. He can move in and then you can tell him to move out. Stay true to your boundaries!
Thank you for your words Meghan! :) I am really anticipating to see what happens, and yeah I have had that conversation with him so I guess only time will tell. I love INFP's and have had a lot of them as friends but my relationship INFP's have been really turbulent. He is quite introspective so I am crossing my fingers. ;)
Thanks for the video, I'm an INFP guy I'm seeing an ENFJ girl that is acting more coy and distant, where as at first she was showing interest in a direct manner. I was getting confused, wondering if she had lost interest suddenly, she almost seemed annoyed yet she had big smiles.
Anyway, seems like this is normal behavior haha I guess. I hope things workout. Cheers
Yeah nevermind she lost interest I was right, my gut feeling usually is. What a shame I liked her too. Oh well!
I am ENFJ , just brake up with ISTP guy
I am an ENFJ who is in love with an INFP. Our connection was strong, and we even grew close, but I don't like grey areas in a relationship, so I talked to her about "what are we." Let's just say it didn't go well. I feel like I have lost someone so close to me, and it pains me to think about it. I definitely feel like an INFP when I feel this pain and close myself off to the world. I tried to reach out, but with no hope. It's a pain I will have to carry on for the rest of my life.
Ok this makes sense cause my enfj girlfriend was obsessed over where the relationship was going after 2 months and as a Christian I only date to marry I guess they can't stand not knowing when things will commence? Or did she think I would change my mind when I clearly am invested in her?
Also her Fe dropped after a couple months so I got confused she loves me though I'm ENTJ
Hey, INFP here.
What the heck does it mean when I have expressed that I have feelings for my ENFJ, but he’s doing that back and forth thing you described?
Because at first he was doing that like “hey let’s hang out” casual interest thing, but then said he didn’t have feelings for me.
But lately he says stuff like, “you’re the most loyal person I know” “you’re the only person I trust with this” “I’ve been feeling anxious lately and I can trust you with it” “i can just LOOK at you and you know what I’m thinking”.
He gets shy when I start talking to him about his deeper emotions, because I can read his inner self like a book (same way he can read me, we just know each other that well), and he gets blunt and short and tries to change the subject.
He isn’t like me where I pour out in paragraphs how deeply I feel about him, but rather it leaks out in little ways by the things he notices I do/say, or things he trusts me with, or his continuous coming to me for advice kind of thing.
Idk. I don’t wanna jump the gun automatically and say, “yeah there’s a chance he’s in love with me” but at the same time, every single ENFJ source I have watched, discussed with, and studied has shown me clear and obvious signs that he feels very deeply about me.
Am I crazy?😂
Great video; Have to say as I expected what you said did resonate with me; *being an ENFJ; I've found that the way I see it is once we start the love aspect control over the idea of winning this persons affection becomes extreme, In most cases I find winning someones approval of gaining trust is less stressful because the outcomes less critical; Hence in the case of love because the only thing we can control is ourselves, we become respectively unsure. I've found if I am falling for someone, I expect more of myself and more of them, that my emotions cloud me to the point I pull back in an effect to go " well I know these actions can have a negative impact given that person may not feel the same" I find liking someone and being liked is easier then love because well its a object thats alot more emotionally charged.
The self-awareness of us creates a high level of self-doubt... thus I find out desire to control the outcome thus creates the imbalance _ I know these are an old comment now but felt it should be noted :)
If an enfj it's very in to you, and hugs you and He kisses you on the forehead and pays attention to what you like. Then he tells you he doesn't like you, what should you understand?
Yeah enfj is fairly open. Made me giggle when you said we don’t have walls then put them up. Sometimes if we have been hurt a lot in the past we do have walls with romantic interests once feelings start then… we begin to lower them til we notice a red flag then we raise them super high… til we feel it’s safe to let them down again. lol we are like swimmers that typically just jump in the water instead of dipping our toes in.. til we start to feel vulnerable then we test the waters.
bless you!! 🙏 thank you so much!!! your enfj description was on the point, matching to the behaviour of my enfj crush. It really encouraged me (infp) to approach him. i thought his behavior means no interest in me ... but it was exactly as you described it. wish us luck on our further path.
I’m curious, what about the behavior made you think not interested? Because I’ve had INFPs misinterpret me before. Glad that it helped!!
I’m can’t speak for everyone, but for me when I finally get the courage to show my heart, i can be clumsy or kinda childish and silly cause I’m not used to expressing the inner self. What has often happened with the enfj is that they don’t seem to know how to respond and criticize the little bit I’ve shown or just be silent snd pull away. Feels like my heart gets stabbed and I want nothing more to do with you for a while, have to try understand what went wrong and work on the courage to try again.
So if an infp is silly or being a goof ball, acting like an insecure child and wanting your affirmation, it’s s desperate attempt to see if you’re Oky with me letting my walls down. To see if you’ll protect my world of candy land and happiness or if you’ll hurt it
Sorry, this is so long. But, ENFJs are SO CONFUSING to me! I'm a middle-aged lesbian (51) and an INTJ. I have worked with a female ENFJ for 6 years and she's presumed to be straight since she's married. She's 9 years younger. We've always gotten along really well, have fun conversations and she's very comfortable with me being gay and all that. Her daughter and cousin are lesbians as well so occasionally we talk about that subject. I talk about MBTI and she seems interested in that as well. Anyway, I really feel like she almost goes through phases of flirting with me. Like she will be more flirty at times and then maybe pull back (or maybe she's just busy at work - both of our jobs can get pretty hectic and stressful). She hasn't pulled back in a while though, several months. She kinda seems a little more nervous around me lately, fumbles over her words a little and she tries to keep the conversation going. We really enjoy talking together. It feels like our opinions and beliefs differences are mutually intriguing and that gets expressed in our conversations which are really fun.
Now, it has escalated in the past week. Today she wore a low-cut blouse and we were talking politics in her office. We both enjoy the subject and the conversations can go on far longer than appropriate at work - today a fellow coworker/friend said in a frustrated tone "if y'all are done talking politics, can you please call so and so back?" and we both sort of jumped like "oh shit". Yeah, time gets away from us. I left her office and we went back to work until later chatting after work again as we walked to our cars. But earlier in the day (before the coworker exchange) she wanted to show me something on her phone (which she does often - she is often either showing me something on her phone or looking stuff up online that we are talking about, as if to keep the conversation going and keep showing me things or sharing things with me. Like if I say something like "I wonder if this or that?" she will immediately go to look it up and she says she's curious too. And also I feel like it's a way to keep the eye contact down, to keep it less intense, we look at the computer or her phone a lot which to me feels like it helps to break the tension, and anyway) she leaned across resting her arms on her desk facing me, right in front of me, like 1-2 feet in front of me (depending on if I was sitting up or leaning back in my chair) so I could see RIGHT down her blouse! OMG, her shirt was hanging open a lot and she showed like 6 inches of cleavage!! It was quite sexy! There is no way she didn't realize she was doing this. And she held the position for several minutes as she searched on her phone and I sat directly across from her and tried to be cool and look at all the walls and everywhere else but her breasts, LOL.
And she has acted weird. One time, a few months ago, she just came by my desk and started kinda dancing around, flirty and I was looking at her like playfully questioning and thinking "what in the world are you doing silly girl?" I think I kinda looked at her a little playfully like "you straight women flirting with a lesbian tease". I think I said that once to her a long time ago that straight women tease lesbians. It was just so silly and adorable the way she came over and kinda shimmied her shoulders and shifted her head around and hips and smiled so happily. It was quite adorable. But it was ODD! I have no idea why she did that. She just seemed to want to show she was HAPPY! Anyway, I do have a little crush on her but would not get involved with a married woman but am really just CURIOUS, what the hell??? Is she flirting? Who IS this creature?
I'm an Enfj woman, and it's rare for me to like a guy or have a crush on because I grew up as a tomboy and being with boys is so common like I'm one of them. So when I was in my teen and rarely for me to like a guy so when I have a crush I'd write him telling how I feel, after a few talk lol. Love letters, drawing, texting, calling, I was so agreesive even it was just infatuation I feel like it was love at first sight kind of thing. I will tell him I like him right away and I wasn't scared at all and doesn't like any guy until I get him. Now I realized I'm creepy af lol. But seriously it was all a game and just a challenge to me, everytime I try to get a guy I know that he will not like me right away. I wanted to pursue something impossible idk why. And I'm fine with that till I get hurt or get what I want. But when I get him I get bored and then become cold af to him. I had a problem with that cycle from the past. I was a player and I've hurt a lot of boys. It was all a game. Until I met my husband who of course I pursue first too aggressively too lol I know what I want and that's him. I stick to it and I'm happily married now. So if an Enfj likes you will know but be cautious either you challenge them or you're the first love. Lol in my case my husband is my first love my first in everything.
This help explain my shift in behavior with my husband compared with other people. I noticed when I first met him, I was quite intense in showing my interest and was upfront right away about my feelings. However, 8 years down the road, I tried one day being that super intense person again and it just didn’t work. It was too much for my husband to handle, so I switched back into a more introverted role and let him be more conservative with his reactions in order to help put him in a more comfortable space again. It worked! But part of me wondered, am I being fake? Why am I not showing the same signs for like as love? This helps explain a lot of that. Thank you!