The Dismissive Avoidant Covert Narcissist, featuring Dr. Thais Gibson
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- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 27 ก.ย. 2024
- Dr. C has an engaging discussion with Dr. Thais Gibson who discusses the dismissive avoidant attachment style. She explains there is a distinct difference between someone who has a history of reluctance versus a covert narcissist who is being manipulative.
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Dr. Les Carter is a best selling author and therapist who has semi-retired to Waco, TX. For 40+ years he maintained a counseling practice in Dallas, conducting more than 65,000 therapy sessions and many workshops and seminars. He specializes in anger management and narcissistic personality disorder. Since creating his TH-cam channel, his videos have received more than 120 million views.
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Emotional abuse is so dangerous, so dangerous.....
and toxic to be around
It should be criminal, like physical abuse.
Having had physical emotional and psychological, I'd confirm the latter two are way more dangerous (unless the physical is life threatening). Psychological and emotional abuse last lifetimes and ruin lives.
In my experience, covert narcissists can fake having an empathetic experience for you but it’s just a mini love bomb to make you believe they have your best interests at heart but it’s always short lived. They go back to being who they are shortly after
Some covert narcissists can even sustain publicly displaying cognitive empathy (as opposed to affective & compassionate empathy) intermittently for years; but behind closed doors at home after the 1st few years can be another story. . . The contrast of empathy displayed when others are looking (public) vs behind-closed-doors is really telling… but the partner may downplay private withholding of empathy in hopes that what they’re observing isn’t the worst case scenario - a set up for potential danger, possible violence…
The misinterpretation of them caring for you. Comes from the energy you see them get from your positive reaction.
It’s like a form of control before the abuse control begins. Setting the stage in reassurance, their game is good enough to illicit your emotions. In turn solidifying more of what they will take from you.
Nailed it!
I'm a 64 year old gal and through this talk I finally get me. The dismissive avoidant. Thank you so much!!
I often worry that I see myself in these topics, but I know that I wouldn't be here working on and rejoicing in my freedom if I were trapped in narcissism. Thank you DR. C.
I was thinking the same thing about me. The person, whom I believed was a covert narcissist, was so much like me but yet, different. I’ve been really confused, but this explained it to a T.
Yep, same. growing up with covert narc parents and extreme covert malignant narc brother…
That doesn't mean you are a narcissist. Everyone can have certain traits at time. It's just human nature. The thing about narcissists is they can't do any kind of self reflection, don't have empathy for others, and will do whatever they can to be the Victor over everyone and at any cost. Are you like that? If not, it may just be from some narcissistic abuse. I started thinking I was a narcissist, and maybe if not for the fact, I did not want to be anything like my narcissistic stepdad, maybe I would have. That and all I had as a child were my pets and wildlife "friends." Anyway, I'm not a specialist like Dr. Carter, but that's what I've gotten from these videos so far. Hopefully, I got the jist of it and if I am incorrect about anything, hopefully Dr. Carter can correct me.
Sorry, I commented before I got to this part. But yeah, that was what they were saying. LoL. Man, those new time stamps in the comments are awesome 11:40
The guest doctor is spot on. I was married for years to a covert narc who is also a drug addict. After some time I started to find that despite his drug use, he was a covert narc. He fit the full example, when conflict came up, he turned into the meanest person, always seeking admiration, his pain was always worse than anyones pain. Very self driven. After our marriage, I started dating a dismissive avoidant. After some time, I started thinking he was possibly a covert narc because he shared some similarities to my ex husband. But the main difference was that my avoidant boyfriend would freely apologize, didnt have the air of needing admiration and he never changed into someone else behind closed doors. I appreciate these types of videos that help distinguish the difference between the types
Thank you for sharing your experience with the two. I have dated multiple coverts (my mom's pattern), but the most recent had much more avoidant behaviors. I hadn't ever met a man who was not willing to talk if it meant improving sex. 😂
But there are some things that have stuck out. He insisted on never being wrong, and did not once over multiple years admit to human mistakes. He will get mean when I approach for repair, so none of the misunderstandings or concerns have ever been addressed (and he refused to ask questions so that included the ones he misread). I discussed my own behaviors towards him, trying to figure out what the hell he would prefer, and he didn't want to participate. He wanted to keep those secrets in his back pocket, I suppose. I have never met a covert narcissist that was so blatantly self sabotaging. The rejection of all and any "psychology BS" really put him in a difficult situation to escape from. It became absolutely crazy making, at the end.
It would be wonderful if you two could talk about how healthy extended family/friends/neighbors and teachers play a role in how we form attachment.
Sign me up for that one, too.
Actually the ones from outside my family like teachers. Friends ,strangers, were the ones that actually helped me to balance my neglect and issues
I would like to see a talk on foster children, and the challenges they face as kids and as adults. Everyone seems to only focus on children from "traditional 2 parent" families.
I was in foster care. My foster parents did their best in their own way but I was still a second class citizen.
It's rare to aee the only child dynamic covered as qell. I was an only child and from 2 -7 had three caregivers. In photos you can see I do not smile from a baby until 2. Then from around 4+ im smiling and starting to look more confident after 7 I become withdraw and shy and scared looking. I have zero memories of them being there! I later was told they were my greatest supporter. I think that's saved me from ending it, a small nugget at my core. The trauma of loosing them has rewritten my memories as if they weren't there in the first place and around that time I started having nightmares. I didn't know u til I was 55 that they lived with us for 5 years.
In a narcissistic family system with multiple children, the parent-child relationship is based on how the narcissistic parents choose to divide things. The golden child will get the loving, sensitive relationship from the narcissistic parent, but the black sheep child will get the hateful, insensitive relationship from the narcissistic parent. That's what's so irritating about the relationship patterns in the narcissistic family to the black sheep child because the black sheep child just wants a loving, sensitive relationship with the parents, but the parents aren't having any of that and will make sure the black sheep child knows its place. The black sheep child can't do anything right, is always invalidated. The golden child can't do anything wrong and is always validated. It's infuriating for the black sheep child who sees clearly what's going on in the narcissistic family dynamic and that's why a lot of black sheep child go no contact once they realize the abuse cycle that's been happening for decades.
The black sheep will get raged at by the narcissistic parent for not sharing the same attachment style to the golden child(acting like the golden child can never do anything wrong) and not sharing the same attachment style to their self as the narcissistic parent(acting like they can't do anything right). Some narcissistic parents are actually sick enough to mock the black sheep child about the family dynamic they've created(Sort of like a psychopath mocking a torture victim).
An example of this is when my older sister ran the nice car my parents gave her into a tree and totaled it while DUI. My parents covered it up and treated her like she could never do anything wrong. I never did anything that crazy, but my parents act like even the good things I've accomplished in life(being a veteran and graduating college, getting a nice car, paying my own rent, working) weren't enough to merit their respect. Later on my narcissistic mother mentioned how I didn't do anything bad like my sister did, but still pretends my behavior has been worse than the golden child through her treatment of me.
Once the black sheep is gone from that narcissistic family dynamic, the golden child and family relatives will try to hoover the black sheep back in because it changes that family dynamic. The narcissist parents start abusing the golden child a little or someone else and they don't like it, so they start pretending they all want a sensitive, loving relationship with the black sheep to bait the black sheep back into the narcissistic family dynamic. If the black sheep falls for the bait, it doesn't take long for the hateful, insensitive relationship to start again. The best thing the black sheep can do is burn all bridges back to the narcissists.
My husband was the black sheep of the family and I think that’s why he’s a covert narcissist it’s a living hell sometimes 😢
It's there any way that you can send me your comment? I need to share this comment with my husband's son ... he needs to understand so much more and I truly believe that your comment would be the leading hook to drive him to healing and learning... if possible, thank you so much ❤❤
@@aurorapurcell946 You can copy and paste the comment onto a computer notepad or take a snip shot of it and email the photo to your husband's son.
@@aurorapurcell946 I didn’t even know what narcissistic was until my friend told me to read up on it about 3 years ago it was like I was reading about my own life put into words then I turned to TH-cam and found drC it’s given me lots of insight 💕hope you get sorted 🩷
@@rwdchannel2901 it cannot be copied but I'll take a screen shot with your permission. Thanks again for your help!!!
WOWWW I am so happy to see these two together, as an avid watcher of both channels for years. Love you both!
Me too!!!!
Agreed!!😊
Thank God for team healthy and knowledge and wisdom learning from one another and Dr Les Carter as our teacher.🙏
😉
Yes, Thank You, Dr. C, Dr. T. G & Team Healthy - the must _supportive_ community in a live chatroom - ever - love _in_ y'all! Thanks for Christ Gnosis. 😇❤🔥🙏
Most narcs are dismissive/avoidant until THEY THINK YOU HAVE SOMETHING THAT COULD BENEFIT THEM.
They are users/posers.
Thank you both so very much! I am a 73 year old widow and I have a 73 year old widower friend. My Therapist discussed attachment types with me. This discussion has helped me understand my friend as an avoidant personality, but definitely not a narcissist! This is so very helpful for me.
Very interesting guest. And so appreciate your comment, Dr. C, about her gentleness.
She’s such a breath of fresh air!! The way she educates is so easily understood!! I can’t wait to hear more!!
She's wonderful!!! Her light just burst through the screen.. love this pure happy wanted and meant to help others energy that she gives out !!! Just love it !!!
THANK YOU!!! I had that feeling all along and I'm so blessed that God has given me understanding back than and more understanding now !!! I kept holding on to this : no matter what it's beeing done to me, by this person that I love and choose to share my life forever with, I have to do the right thing by me , which means respond with kindness and accept the unacceptable and focus fully on healing my trauma, blow after blow after blow... and it got to a point where I knew that that's the pure evil smiling back at me and talking pleasure in seeing how my soul is beeing tearing apart by their own intentional actions.. and I could not comprehend or deny what I saw with my own eyes... lol and that was just the beginning... fighting evil it's not possible... thank God for bring this fight to Him and taking over while I was patching my wounds... but now He brought me here and I am so greatfull for everything that I am blessed with... still how can I leave my best friend, my partner my husband behind in this hole of darkness??? Even if he's trying to pull me in and it's been so hard to stay out ... only God gave me the strength to not lose myself and my soul to the evil that I witness.. but if this is just the surface... how much deeper is his opinion that he lives with everyday and try to be normal.... 😢😢😢that's what pains me the most now...
What a great episode! Thank you Dr Carter and Dr Gibson. 🌹A great surprise!
Hi Teresa. Agreed. I was working, checked my phone and saw it was coming up so I listened as I worked.
Made my day better!
I like how Dr C gently chimes in to add his take on what his guests say.
Good to see you
@@sturobertson6791 Good to see you too. Hope your mom is doing alright.
@t_nels
I appreciate you saying that Teresa. Thanks.
My mum's altzeimers is slowly tightening it's grip. She calls me most days (which is great that she can) saying she's made me a coffee, but she can't find me.(I live 200 miles away)
I spend as much time there as I can (advantage of being self employed).
Take care. Grow and glow🫂
Thank you to Dr. Gibson for what she shared. I have siblings who I believe are the dismissive avoidant-type of people and trying to have any indepth conversation doesn't happen because if they don't agree with something it's not going to be discussed. Sometimes I think it's just better to disconnect as much as possile which is what I had to do with my very narcissistic, mean, and degrading personality that was my mother. I learn so much and thank you for sharing.
Ginny, my narcissistic mother had her mean intentions too. Really traumatic.
@@debbievoss3496 Yes it is, and I'm so sorry you had to deal with that. I will never understand why some people make life so much more difficult than it needs to be. My mother left this world in early 2017 and I would not be surprised if she argued with her Maker on her journey. I have often wondered about that outcome, but it's not my problem, it is one of her own making. Thank you for your understanding. Please take care and I wish you well!
Ack! I got no warning of this, and I even looked this morning, just in case. I even have a spare joke to post. Oh, well. Watching now.
I've known that I have a dismissive avoidant style since... before I was even a teenager? 😅 I sure do wish these types of videos were available when I was growing up. Back then it was like... this is how you are... now go into the world and deal with it... starting NOW. 😅😅
I came into this video to try to learn a little bit more about narcissism, but what a refreshing take on a trait (i have) that is less than desirable, but at the same time completely natural.
What a wonderful bit of info that can help with my healing. Thank you.
And I found Dr. Gibson quite lovely. 🥰 Thanks for having her on!
..Dr. C, how are you not at a MILLION subscribers.?!❤
I'm not complaining.
Dr Gibson is so good at what she does. I am a fan and subscriber of her channel. She does an excellent job at deciphering the ins and outs of attachment theory. There seems to be a thin line between narcissism and a dismissive avoidant. It can be somewhat confusing and confounding. The dismissive avoidant relationship takes a lot of patience and even with that it can be a hard row to hoe.
Background aggrance, My way or the Highway. Entitled, No Compromise, These traits ring a very loud Bell with me. Description of the deceased Advoident Attachment Covert Narcissist who was most difficult to live with.
But now deceased and good ridence! Thank you, explains ALOT!
This is so helpful. I have a dismissive advoidant style and thought I was doomed. I so want connection:(
It is good to know I can change it.
Thank you Doctors.❤
Wow… this gal has huge understanding of relationships. VERY interesting to listen to this.
8:46 Dismissive avoidant . 9:51 Fearful avoidant / disorganized attachment
Two covert narcissistic individuals that married into our family created toxic chaos. My only boundary after fifteen years was to walk away. Our fun loving family is now broken. This video has explained the story but I am so sad!
This was an exceptional one! Please bring her back again!
Great episode. Dr Gibson has an exceptional ability to translate knowledge and communicate it.
Dismissive? lying? cheating? misleading Covert? you met my Father.
this was another awesome interview. I am in divorce proceedings with a covert religious narcissist. You really drove it home with the dismissive avoidant attachment style added to the covert narcissit. i stayed too long that the red flags were becoming green flags. the devil is a lie. It made me realize that I was also dealing with a sheep in wolf's clothing. Thank you so much.
I was married to one of those and found it to be the clinger/stalker rather than dismissive avoidant. I asked for a divorce twice and he refused point blank. Wouldn't have suited his religious image. Escaped with a suitcase of clothes and my books, in his country and to this day have two marriage certificates saying different things, in his language. Got not one cent but it meant more to me to be free.
yes covert religious narcissist are wolves in sheeps clothing, the worst
Thank you!!
You're welcome!
Such a brilliant guest! Thank you both. I look forward to the next session together.
Really appreciated this. It answers some questions for me as I have known people with dismissive avoidant patterns who do shut down - which can look like the silent treatment, but I didn't feel the control or cruelty behind it, more a sense of overwhelm. It made me worried that I was just refusing to acknowledge the truth.
Man I love my Dr C time, but this one was absolutely phenomenal. So many light bulbs going off I could have lit up a small city.
Love it!
Same here!!! Greatfull.. guidance by God to be here for my healing!!!
Enjoy the silence and don't react....
Until they come to you wanting something or saying what is wrong with you? Why are YOU like this? 🤨🤨🥴😬😬
I really enjoyed listening to this podcast! Lots of helpful information and insight. Please invite Dr. Gibson back to talk again and thank you Dr. Carson for your encouraging, enlightening counseling videos!
I really appreciate this video because I am moving out of a potential relationship with a guy and realizing he has the avoidant attachment style. As someone who has experience with many narcissists, I was left confused as to whether he was a narc or something else was going on. This video helps me see the differences between the two, and I think he is just very avoidant. Thanks!
Thank you Dr C and Dr G!! Can't wait for the next installment of this dynamic duo!!! Exceptional presentation! Powerful! Thanks again, Stay Healthy!!😊
Hi Bara. You too! Stay healthy!
I think a narcissist would be one to just out right tell you the following, "I AM NOT GOING TO CHANGE," Sad
Fantastic. So elucidating. Thank you, Doctors!!!
Thank you for this wonderful podcast. Blessings
Two of my favs and this is exactly the information I've been searching for. I'll be danged turns out I was dealing with a full blown covert narcissist 😆 I moved out of state for her and was discarded within a month, and she's on to the next already. Back home and healing, and this knowledge is helping me take it less personally. Thank you both!
What a great conversation. It ended way too fast. So informative. Thank you.
That was terrific. Informative and engaging.
This was absolutely tremendous, Thank you both for this, Some gems in here, insights, Peace, love and respect to you both and everyone, Thank you universe, All glory praise and smiles to the most high :-)
😊👏 Thank you, both.
I mADE THIS HAPPEN!! Thanks for helping this become reality
Truly 2 beautiful people 💙
19:50 my ex said the same thing. He just "had to" teach people a lesson. Also he had a habit of arguing that he did something because of sonething he would accuse me of. On one occasion he acted a certain way at the grocery store because I got frustrated and walked away from the car once we got to the house. 🤔 Which made no sense.
My husband and I were at an Apple store, purchasing a replacement phone for me. He wanted to ‘control’ the purchase, and when the sales associate began talking with him, I gently told him it was my purchase and my phone. Got a few accessories and began transferring information from the old to the new phone. My husband was having a very difficult time keeping his composure throughout the process, as he likes to believe he’s the brightest, most intelligent, and capable engineer one has ever met. Of course, some apps load faster than others, along with the myriad files and photos. He began ‘directing’ me, prioritizing searches, downloads, etc., rather than just let the ‘process’ continue, which would take up to ten minutes. He grabbed for the phone, as he said I clearly didn’t know what to do. Nope. I gathered up my purchase, assembling all the boxes and placing them in my bag, and walked out of the store - and away from the volcano that was about to erupt. He angrily trailed after me in the mall, and when he caught up about 50 yards away from the store, I stopped and showed him the phone. Yep, everything was downloaded, and my cell carrier had already acknowledged the new phone in its system. He sputtered some foolish thing about it being a good thing he was nearby throughput the process, ready to solve any issues with his expertise.
Very insightful and validating.
Great video! I love this channel. Also check out Tim Fletcher for an interview. He is really good! Very clear and easy to understand, and he has so much knowledge about narcissism and codependency.
Tim is Excellent, agree!
Great discussion.
Thank you for this wonderful and insightful video.
Very thankful for this beautiful Truth.
So, what is the best way to end this relationship????? Just cut it cold? Let them down easy with empathy? So inciteful this video, Thank you,
Avoidant - research about own boundaries and how to put them in place. With that, they are forced to change themselves, or move on. Running not necessary; and overworking oneself to make the relationship happen means you're doing it wrong.
Narc - will walk all over your boundaries so you don't want to hang around; slow fade far far away. If you try to break up with them they might not accept it and they can become violent, etc. so sometimes you have to remove yourself physically from the situation, without them knowing beforehand. If you can't leave (because of a child say), there's the greyrocking method.
@@ashton1952 Thank you for your insight
@@ashton1952 Yes, I am working on the slow fade and have been for about a year now having just filed for divorce 2 months ago but have yet to finalize the divorce decree. She has so far turned my neighbor and was my best friend to her favor :- |, so we are working on it. Thanks again, oh fyi, seems to be a covert
This was really helpful,thank you both so much!
..apparently I'm "anxious" but there was not alot of what I would call "love" 😒 there was "display" & "performative"
I'd say I'm "fearful disorganized dismissive anxious avoidant"
...fkn great. 😒
I believe the covert narcissist has no light to cover up to begin with. They broke the light bulb if anything.
How many labels are there for narcissists? Seems like the list is perpetually growing. I think it’s because more are becoming aware of the behavioural patterns that people with NPD display.
Probably a label for every narc out there because their pathology is unique though predictable
? Sorry, but there is no new label for narcs introduced in this video.
They just juxtapose narcissism with attachment styles. The whole point is that the "avoidant" attachment style is NOT some narc type
@koma att styles are simply patterns a person can change w/awareness. NPD is a personality disorder where they think they are better than others (grandiose), or have suffered more (covert). There are at least six types of narcissist and they have their own ''flavor'' although they all have the same fundamental traits coming from 'self comes first'.
@@ashton1952It's always and only about them
Yes please ,,,, more with Thais , she is amazing ! Love to learn for her
It sounds like a Dismissive Avoidant is an introvert..
Yay!! I love Thais 😍🙌🏻
Thank you so, SO much for really spelling out these differences. I needed to hear this. 💗
Both of my parents are Narcissists. They are like this in every way.
brilliant! thank you!
Thanks❤
I'm not sure I know the characteristics of this type narcissist.
Rapunzel's mother in Tangled is a good example. First time hearing "Mother Knows Best" my skeleton wanted to leave my body and run to far far away.
That’s why they’re covert 😉
@@aBitSaltyRNLately I don’t like when “Mother knows best” is used. Especially when there’s countless examples of mothers who are clueless, toxic, manipulative, cheaters, liars and just all around bad. This idea that mothers are always good or right by default just looks ignorant to me.
Yes please ,,,, more with Thais
Two of my faves together ❤
What’s the difference between an introvert and a dismissible avoidant person? How does the non- narcissistic person and within a narcissistic person behave differently?
2 beautiful people 🙏💙😇
Why does every young female end her sentence with a question mark...?
my narc ex was anxious. he's covert. but also seeing him and his other partner (poly mess) I think there's a pretty strong distinction between covert and vulnerable. there's overlap. but they're very much not the same imho.
Jesus is our only Hope, Jesus is our Healer, Jesus Loves you. Don't forget your first Love.
This is my future exwife exactly :- |
Excellent conversation :)
Hallelujah [Jesus Christ; Counsellor]
Jah Bless [Peace in Jerusalem]
narc creap...a troll
Lol. I just figured the “e” was silent.
@@aaronkwolfe 😁
@@aaronkwolfe 👍
@@aaronkwolfe
👍
Oh my goodness the vocal fries killing me I can't watch this and I'm sure the content is excellent but there's a lot of Valley girl going bad. I guess i'm just too old oh well there you have it
You can mute it and follow the transcript.
Too bad because you missed something helpful to your recovery
Spoken like a true narcissistic, troll.
It's always the juvenile avatars.
You sound like the Valley girl.
Pity you don't want to learn, but you probably are too old and bitter.
Well, we all have shortcomings and weaknesses. vocal fries Definitely one of my sore spots. It’s an affectation and a detraction. In my opinion from the gravitas of the presenter. These are serious topics save the vocal Fry for the TV series again, just my opinion just my weakness. My recovery is going to take a bit longer I guess.
What is vocal fry? I've heard of it but don't really know what it is.
Thank you both so much for your brilliance and it's weird, I've never felt tears immediately from even a face that lovely before - for this video is powerful medicine for my soul: 28:02 🥲💖💪🙏 I never knew what that "interlude" of hermitology was called, and it sounded like my wounded-side. Peace.
How does triangulation show in both? Or, is it more likely to be a treat in one more than the other?
Threat for coverts because it’s a tool that they can use anytime to put you down even if the third party is imaginary
You can’t fix covert narcissism even if you try. All you can do is adapt and find work arounds. Which is what I did when my kids were growing up. Hard to believe but they get way worse with age and alcohol. They are so perfect that when they are sick they can’t let you see them compromised. If it goes on for a few days or more don’t be checking on them, or offering water or medicine. You’ll get your head chopped off.
How much does alcoholism or other addictions play in narcissist personalities?
Good question. I have no idea to what degree they are linked medically.
I think the common element is a denial of reality and unwillingness to seek help or move forward.
My nex was (I eventally learned) a textbook narcasist, and was addicted to alcohol, weed and cocaine.
She hid most of it, especially the cocaine and raged whenever I tried to help
In my experience witnessing their behavior & choices, addictions of various kinds play a HUGE role because it's part of their escaping/coping habits due to childlike stubbornness and/or egoic unwillingness to admit they haven't learned how to manage stress and/or integrate their negative emotions.
That's why Step 1 of many Recovery programs like A.A. say:
"ADMIT I am powerless over my addiction and my life has become unmanageable."
Their stubbornness & ego (and demonic influence, imo) will NOT allow them to admit they're NOT a victim of their circumstances or choices -- the shame they would feel by admitting they made wrong choices, that destroyed their relationships, triggers the core shame-abuse they received in their childhood.... and it's impossible to have a rational discussion with their traumatized, emotionally disregulated inner child, who's locked-into viewing YOU as the Perpetrator of all their distorted projections.
I gave up and distanced myself when I sadly realized they were incapable of seeing & relating to the real me -- I was just a dehumanized resource to them, never to be truly "seen" or loved.
Thank you so much for distinguishing the nuances of my dismissive/ avoidant personality with that of covert narcissism. Along with being INFP I have struggled much of my life with maintaining agency in my relationships both intimate and social; but have never lacked empathy or compassion for others!
Very grateful to have seen this. Clarifies some confusion where in my relationship we have similar responses based on attachment style but a clear division with the covert narcissism. He says I do the sameas him, such as go into silence, which is not a wrong observation on his part. But now I see I "shut down" to get space, reflect and protect self where his same action is a power play for control and can be quite mean about it. I feel badly about the avoidance and don't have the meanness. It's not to have control over him but rather retreating for space to understand the chaos. Appears the same yet is quite different.
Excellent thanks very much 😅
I was raised in a secure attachment style. The problem was that I supposed everyone else was raised the same. Took me along time to realize I was mistaken. Thank you both!
I think attachment style is like addiction. I’m a fearful avoidant who had two narcissistic parents. I have securely attached relationships with my friends and adult children. I’m a recovering fearful avoidant after years of therapy. Just like addiction, it’s so deep and fundamental that I’m always recovering, never completely secure.
So what do you do when you find yourself married to a covert who, at best, is a benignly neglectful dad and, at worst, is a hurtful & mean dad? He's not done anything which would prevent him from getting 50/50 custody in a split. My kids are still too young to stand up for themselves against his behavior.
I don’t have the answers but please protect yourself and your kids. My covert narc dad was emotionally neglectful at best but physically emotionally and psychologically abusive when left to his own devices. He had no interest in being a parent, but manipulated and lied in the courts to get primary custody of me as punishment to my mom for leaving him. Start documenting everything you possibly can before you walk away. Don’t underestimate their vindictiveness. Stay safe.
Informative ! I liked how Dr. C guided / moved-along Dr. T with his questions. 👍
I never tought about this, but in the process of trying to explain my husband what i was listening to and him beeing disregarfull by seeming bored and uninterested in my sharing ( of course, learning now that the behavior is normal for narcissistic nature and that allows me to move forward to their point), i realized that psychology is including now the emotional side of humanity and somehow is pshicoemotional therapy.. but why we are not already including the reading of the genetic material from birth to identity after analyzing DNA of a newborn child, what is the pshico-emotional make up of this human beeing? I'm pretty sure that it could be possible: blood types, color of the eyes, the dna list of psyco emotional map that this child has been born with.. why not working on it already??? Just a tought passing by my spirit. ❤❤❤
You know how you hear in movies, "They're gonna need years of therapy after this?" I never really got what they meant by that until recently. I found out what a narcissist is and why I always had to reflect on certain things in my day. I am so glad I found this channel, but I am really happy that I figured out as a child I did not want to be anything like the bad parts of my bros. dad, and kinda self corrected. I also didn't know exactly what "love bombing" was, but I knew I didn't care for people doing what I called "kissing ass." I just dismissed it most of the time as weird. I had no idea people could be that bad as to ALWAYS try and manipulate people and it's crazy how bad the entire family down the street is. I mean all the smear campaigns and everything never really bothered me, because I know what I am and I know the people that actually know me don't even entertain any of their gossip. But I found it hard to believe how two faced and phoney these people can be. Especially with the hypocritical stuff and the swatting is what gets me. They've called the police on me and just flat out making stuff up, like to the point of where I am watching TV and my house is being surrounded by police, because they lied and said I was holding my stepdad (different one from the one I didnt want to be like.) and brother hostage. All so they can go back to stealing whatever they want from the other neighbors. It's crazy how after so many years of never doing anything to them (except maybe the rejecting them, because I didnt want to commit crimes with them) they still act like I am the bad guy.
What about CPTSD in relation to dismissive avoidance, shutting down, etc? I’ve found significant crossover with attachment style and coping skills.
After 40 years I couldn’t affect the dismissive/avoidant when I spent every day talking to him about relationships. I found out love does not fix anything; including lack of love in childhood
I might, most likely, be a dismissive avoidant in a marriage with a covert narcissist for over 12 years. And finally it makes some sense!!!
I feel like Dr. C may already be an expert on these things but is featuring another psych who specializes in it for this video.
Great interview. More please!
I will listen to this over and over!
Wish this whole conversation could be put in paper form to study. I would buy this!
Thank you!
Wow, thank you!
Huge thanks! Dr Gibson.
😊
I love the way she describes things spot on! Would love to check out the book.
You should!
This was great 👍
When did I consent for you to get in my business 😂😂 that’s the only question that matters