My reaction to the newest interview about Onision's abusive behavior, and how it reminds me of my own past. Also, a thought about the Blaire White debate.
I'm glad you are taking about this topic. We tend to bury these bad memories and develop this protective dissociative wall around them. But when we hear people share their experiences and how they have learned to face these traumas... it helps us all heal. Yes, there are some very sick people out there... men and women... I had a gay friend that mistook my autism as being gay... He drugged a drink to have sex with me... This was a person I considered a long term friend... :( Some of these people know what they are doing some I think are somewhat unaware... It does not excuse their behavior.
No it doesn't. What he did to you was absolutely wrong, not matter *what* he thought about your sexuality. And yeah... All of those very narcissistic abusers... I kind of wonder how much narcissists do understand their actions. Sometimes it seems they do know and just don't care, but sometimes they delude themselves very effectively, to keep up appearances to others and themselves that they are "good" nay superior to others. And because of their low empathy, I doubt they understand the effect of their actions on others either way. But those aren't excuses. If there's any punishment I would wish upon any of them, it would be to have full empathy for the people they've hurt.
@@lizokitten2 I'm only 21 months since diagnosis - I'm still learning about my blind-spots and it is amazing to me how I could see the effect but never understood the cause. Narcissism is different and I think your comments are well stated and accurate.
Yeah I feel like.... NTs definitely confuse narcissist symptoms with ASD symptoms. And it's probably possible to have both... I guess I don't know. But in general, ASD people *want* understand others, but have a hard time putting ourselves in other people's shoes. Most if not all of us can, it just takes more effort. We have a lot of blindspots and we're often oblivious (at least when we're on the young side) of a lot of the ways people signal their feelings, intentions, etc., and therefore also of how we're coming off to others. We truly don't understand, intellectually, why people might be hurt by something we say, for example, right? Until we do a lot of extra work, intellectually, to figure it out, work that most people don't have to do because they know intuitively. When we do though, we can become more successfully empathic than NTs, because it seems to me like many of them catch on quick to the basics of theory of mind, and then start getting lazy, and making assumptions, and wind up only being able to extend real empathy to whatever bubble they're used to being around. ASD people who've worked on social cues and empathy tend to keep a curious, open mind when dealing with someone different than them, and in that way we can catch things that NTs miss by making too many assumptions based on irrelevant previous experience. People with NPD, on the other hand... yeah, like I said, they either know that they're doing harm and don't care, or they don't want to know, not because they so hate that someone is being harmed, but because they don't want to have to think poorly of themselves. Their psyches work hard to justify, even glorify, everything they do, and if they can't do that, they forget it as quickly as possible. Because their brain is trying to protect them, ultimately... usually protect them from a situation that ended a long time ago, but that trauma distorted their whole personality and worldview.
I'm glad you are taking about this topic. We tend to bury these bad memories and develop this protective dissociative wall around them. But when we hear people share their experiences and how they have learned to face these traumas... it helps us all heal. Yes, there are some very sick people out there... men and women... I had a gay friend that mistook my autism as being gay... He drugged a drink to have sex with me... This was a person I considered a long term friend... :( Some of these people know what they are doing some I think are somewhat unaware... It does not excuse their behavior.
No it doesn't. What he did to you was absolutely wrong, not matter *what* he thought about your sexuality. And yeah... All of those very narcissistic abusers... I kind of wonder how much narcissists do understand their actions. Sometimes it seems they do know and just don't care, but sometimes they delude themselves very effectively, to keep up appearances to others and themselves that they are "good" nay superior to others. And because of their low empathy, I doubt they understand the effect of their actions on others either way. But those aren't excuses. If there's any punishment I would wish upon any of them, it would be to have full empathy for the people they've hurt.
@@lizokitten2 I'm only 21 months since diagnosis - I'm still learning about my blind-spots and it is amazing to me how I could see the effect but never understood the cause. Narcissism is different and I think your comments are well stated and accurate.
Yeah I feel like.... NTs definitely confuse narcissist symptoms with ASD symptoms. And it's probably possible to have both... I guess I don't know. But in general, ASD people *want* understand others, but have a hard time putting ourselves in other people's shoes. Most if not all of us can, it just takes more effort. We have a lot of blindspots and we're often oblivious (at least when we're on the young side) of a lot of the ways people signal their feelings, intentions, etc., and therefore also of how we're coming off to others. We truly don't understand, intellectually, why people might be hurt by something we say, for example, right? Until we do a lot of extra work, intellectually, to figure it out, work that most people don't have to do because they know intuitively. When we do though, we can become more successfully empathic than NTs, because it seems to me like many of them catch on quick to the basics of theory of mind, and then start getting lazy, and making assumptions, and wind up only being able to extend real empathy to whatever bubble they're used to being around. ASD people who've worked on social cues and empathy tend to keep a curious, open mind when dealing with someone different than them, and in that way we can catch things that NTs miss by making too many assumptions based on irrelevant previous experience.
People with NPD, on the other hand... yeah, like I said, they either know that they're doing harm and don't care, or they don't want to know, not because they so hate that someone is being harmed, but because they don't want to have to think poorly of themselves. Their psyches work hard to justify, even glorify, everything they do, and if they can't do that, they forget it as quickly as possible. Because their brain is trying to protect them, ultimately... usually protect them from a situation that ended a long time ago, but that trauma distorted their whole personality and worldview.