Stuck and Cannot End Relationship or Marriage: Shaming Yourself (Video 3 of 8)
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- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 5 ก.พ. 2025
- Hello. Thanks for checking out my TH-cam channel.
In my videos, I like to talk about Psychology, Healing Attachment Trauma, Relationship Repair, Inner Child Self-Re-Parenting, Love Addiction, Codependency, Grieving Break Ups, Family Programming, Fantasy Relationships, The Romantic Narrative, Primal Panic, Trauma Bonding, Double-Binds, Attachment Styles, Couples Counseling, Better Boundaries, Shame and Self-love, CPTSD Breakthroughs, Emotional Availability, and Body-Focused Psychotherapy for Healing Trauma..
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Alan Robarge, LPC, Licensed Professional Counselor,
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Psychotherapist and Relationship Educator
Emotional Connections Matter!
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Stuck and Cannot End Relationship or Marriage: Shaming Yourself (Video 3 of 8)
In this video, I talk about self-love. Oftentimes, we are hard on ourselves, belittling, disparaging, and shaming. By doing this, we are guaranteeing that we stay stuck in a dysfunctional relationship.
Questions to answer in the comments section:
What is one thing you learned from listening to this video?
What is one takeaway you can apply to your personal healing process?
Remember to leave a comment. What is your takeaway from this video?
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Stuck and Cannot End Relationship or Marriage: Shaming Yourself (Video 3 of 8)
Hello Subscribers:
Thank you for checking out my videos and posting such thoughtful comments. It's inspiring to read your self-reflections and insights. I love how we grow from each other's sharing.
One thing I have learned after years of reading comments is that we are not alone. Many of us have the same experiences when it comes to relationships. We are all trying to make sense of attachment trauma and learn better skills of relating.
Great job everyone - keep going and keep learning!
As I'm sure you can understand, I'm not able to respond to all the comments and questions here on TH-cam. I know this can be disappointing sometimes. Please forgive me. It is challenging to find the time for the careful consideration that is needed in order to respond to your heartfelt reflections. Even so, your vulnerability shines through.
I know behind each comment is a real person with real feelings who's hurting or who’s reporting a triumph. I know you are doing the best you can while trying to make sense of life’s suffering. We are all grappling with what it means to be human. I’m sorry that I’m not always able to respond to your comments directly.
That being said, I'm sharing this post to offer you a few resources in an attempt for us to stay connected. Keep in mind that I do read most comments here on TH-cam. Your words are received. I review comments daily, which serves as a way to organize content for future videos.
If you have a question or an idea for a video that you think is important to explore when it comes to learning about relationships and healing attachment trauma, then I want to hear about it. Please submit your questions and ideas here: www.alanrobarge.com/questions
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Many of us want to know how to heal, how to change, how to be more secure in our relationships. This is why I created the course The Four Attachment Distress Responses.
Many of our behaviors in relationships are habitual - meaning we act out of autopilot. Our autopilot Response comes from past conditioning of negative experiences. When attachment injuries go unaddressed, we become insecure in our relationships.
The Four Attachment Distress Responses Course describes each specific type of guardedness, which is how we try to protect ourselves from getting hurt again, while also attempting to get our attachment needs met.
While we cannot change the past, we can change how we respond in the moment and in the future. This course offers you insights and tools as new ways to respond in your relationships. The Four Responses are Poking, Running, Hiding, and Submitting. You’re invited to take the quiz to learn more about your Response.
Take The Four Attachment Distress Responses Quiz: www.alanrobarge.com/adrquiz
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I created an 8-week program and membership community based on the guiding principle of Self-Directed Healing Work #selfhealers that I want to share with you. The community is called Improve Your Relationships. The focus is about healing attachment injuries in the context of relationship repair in all areas of our lives.
When we look at the big picture of how attachment injuries and attachment trauma occurred in our lives, we are able to begin seeing our relationship choices from a whole new perspective. We gain access to inner resources that shift how we relate and respond to old hurts. It's a process. It's layered. It requires commitment. This is what the community is all about - committing to your healing work.
You are invited to join us. The community members are kind and supportive. We are an established group. The feedback and testimonials have been overwhelmingly positive.
Please check out the link for more information: www.alanrobarge.com/community
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Thank you for being a channel subscriber and watching my videos.
And remember, we invest in our healing work because “Emotional Connections Matter!”
Best regards,
Alan Robarge
Attachment-Focused Psychotherapist
www.alanrobarge.com/
I stayed 10 years too long because I was paralyzed by my fear of future regret. He left. Even though our marriage was dead, I was still broken by his leaving. I made it through andI’m so grateful. Thank you for this video.
I hear you. Many of us can relate with getting stuck in relationships. Good for you for making it out. Thank you for the reflections. If this video was helpful then please also share it with a friend who may also like to hear it.
Just incredible. I will re watch this again and again. I need to leave !
Thank you for the kind words and for valuing my effort. I hear you.
OMG I am living in this RIGHT NOW
so very timely...all of these..as well as the one on gaslighting...
refreshing perspective!!
thanks this really helpfull.. much better then other wanna b s
Thank you, Alan.
I broke it off with the insecurely attached guy. I feel nothing now.
another fascinating take on this topic.
strangely though I'm not sure I agree with part of it at 8:50 where you talk exclusively about the shame based aspect of it, or at least I think there's another dimension of false self residing deep below or slightly above- I'm not sure!- the shame layer, which is all about the false persona we can demonstrate by staying in the relationship (even though we know or feel that it's dead/toxic).
of course that adds another level of shame, too : "I'm so fake staying here pretending I'm OK so as not to have to face leaving".
I agree that self love is at the core of the decision as to whether to leave or stay. Sadly this is a skill(?) which is sorely lacking in a lot of people.
12 step programs are spectacularly helpful in delving below this surface in step 4 the "fearless searching moral inventory of ourselves" dives under the behaviour and the core emotion of fear is seen, examined in depth, explored and then replaced with faith. For the most damaged people I think faith must underpin the fragile beginnings of true self love.
the practical suggestions are very useful especially don't expect your partner to help you lol especially if you're involved with NPD or BPD. And very nice metaphor (car/gas/destination). Of course the reason the relationship disintegrated is more often than not the result of getting sick of (fear based) people pleasing instead of having boundaries which draws toxic people and creates toxic situations in the first place...
I agree. NPD survivor, recovering sld/co-depend.
Susan J Bell good for you!
this is golden.
Glad you like this one. Thanks for the feedback. Since you like this video, you may also be interested in taking The Attachment Distress Quiz: www.alanrobarge.com/adrquiz
broke up two weeks ago and my brains looping ..im so sad
can u please do Video of on and off relationships when one keeps taking the other back after breaking up like 5times after 3 months silence someone reaches out
can u please do Video of on and off relationships when one keeps taking the other back after breaking up like 5times after 3 months silence someone reaches out
I did this. On/off for 3 months but I broke it off yesterday. He could not believe it. He said nothing except this:😳