Hi Miranda, Yes, I know - it IS difficult. After my husband died I had to move out of our home into something smaller and downsizing to a house half the size seemed impossible, on top of the emotional toll of losing a loved one. So, I do commend you for thinking of your family and doing this task for them. One thing that helped me was to take one corner, drawer, closet, etc. at a time. And instead of getting rid of those things I just put them in the trunk of my car. Kept them there for a month or two and by then, if I didn't miss them or need them, then I took them to the Thrift Store. It took a long time, but it was a nice gentle way to downsize. I hope that helps you!! Take care and stay safe. Esther
I liked your video how to help your aging parents downsize and declutter. You are right it´s important that your parents have the right legal documents in place BEFORE something really bad happens. Often we get families in crisis and they come to our law office and have no idea what legal documents their parents have and often its too late.
Best advice for helping a parent downsize that hasn't gone through deceased spouses belongings? She has made the decision to downsize on her own and wants to rush through the process. I offered to help so she doesn't have to do it alone and she was grateful. Not sure how to proceed though.
I understand your situation. And she is very lucky to have you to help her. When I began the process of gathering my deceased husband's belongings it was extremely emotional. So, for me, I asked others to do that for me. I took out what I wanted to keep. A sweatshirt, a cap, etc. Then the rest went to a thrift store where I knew that others could benefit from using them. Then came making the decision to move from a large home to a smaller home. Personally, I made a list of every nook and cranny in the house. All the rooms and drawers, closets, pantry, garage, attic, etc. That took me a few hours to do. And then I broke the list down to sections. 1) Top drawer of dresser in master bedroom 2) Bottom shelf of kitchen pantry 3) Tool chest in garage You get the idea. I assigned each section to a date so that gave me a goal for that particular date on what to work on. But if your parent wants to rush through it faster, then I would recommend to do several sections per day and certainly to get more help if you can. That's what friends are for, after all! I personally did not have the emotional strength to do a garage sale type of thing so I just gave everything away to a thrift store nearby. Every day I put the items that I was going to get rid of in my car and when the car was full, I took it to the thrift store. This was about twice a week! I could then take these donations off my taxes. Although I may have earned a few extra dollars selling each item, the emotional toll just was too much. At least for me it was. I hope this helps.
I am dealing with a stubborn (ness) I last saw in my son when he was a teenager, defiance, triangulation between the sons and their wives, and then being cut off when we say something she disagrees with. I am thinking we are may be not cut out to do this, anyway 1 week, and another week over the next two months (time off work and away from where we live), we are going to try and help them prepare their house for sale - I will see how this goes but I know it's going to be tricky. At the very least she will have a very clean house by the time I finish.
It is interesting, isn't it how some of us, as we grow older, become more like a child or a teenager with tantrums and defiance. I witnessed this many times working as an Occupational Therapist in geriatric care. And after hearing family stories of these patients I came to the conclusion that many of them were just reverting to what they once were like. I called it the "moreso disease". However they were when they were younger, they are only moreso now. I have no evidence or proof of that - it's just my theory :) I wish you great strength and patience during this time - but do know - it's just a passing moment. It will end one day and you will be grateful that you did the very best you could for your senior loved one.
Hi! I really need some advice! I have an 88 y.o. mother who lives in a double wide mobile home in Phoenix Az. She is legally blind now as of the past year or so. I'm traveling there for 3 weeks this Tuesday. Also, I had spinal surgery 18 months ago. Every time I go there, I work on her home, trying to declutter and making it safer. This time, I'm hoping to get the kitchen painted, the boxes of papers finally finished, and move some furniture. The vehicle is now with my brother, who won't let me use it, and is too busy running a business to help. To add to this, my daughter is having surgery and won't be able to help either. She lives on the other side of town. Plus, Mom's last Will need to be updated. It was done in haste when she took a trip abroad in 2016. Please help me! Oh, I have to get some electronic devices for the blind setup, and try to get her gas appliances replaced with electric ones. Is there any advice you can offer? I really would like a professional to help but can't imagine the cost. My husband and I live in N.CAROLINA and I am going alone this time.
You're definitely facing some challenges! Here are a few suggestions to help you manage this situation: 1. Consider contacting local community organizations or social services in Phoenix. They often have programs for seniors and people with disabilities, which can include things like home modification, transportation services, and assistance with legal documents like wills. 2. Look into hiring a local handyman or a professional service for the kitchen painting and furniture moving. Websites like Thumbtack or HomeAdvisor can be useful for finding reasonably priced services. Or wit to paint and move furniture until you do have someone else there to help you. 3. For electronic devices for the blind, organizations like the National Federation of the Blind or American Council of the Blind may be able to suggest local services in Phoenix that can assist with setting up these devices. 4. Hiring a licensed electrician or contractor would be safest for replacing gas appliances with electric ones. Again, local community resources or even a neighborhood social media group might have recommendations for affordable services. 5. For updating your mother's will, consider contacting a local legal aid office. They often provide free or low-cost services to seniors. Alternatively, online legal services like LegalZoom can be more affordable than traditional lawyers. 6. Since the vehicle isn't available, you might want to look into local public transportation options, rideshare services like Uber or Lyft, or community senior transport services. 7. Given your fairly recent surgery, please ensure you're not overexerting yourself. Prioritize tasks and consider postponing less urgent ones. Remember, it's important to balance your mother's needs with your own health and well-being. Looking into hiring local assistance and professional services might have some costs, but they can significantly reduce the physical and emotional strain on you. Wishing you all the best for your trip and the tasks ahead. Stay strong and take care of yourself too!
Oh, that is a tough situation. Fighting between wishes and reality. I suppose it all depends on what your parent wants to move into? There are different types of housing options besides owning your own home. You can read about them here - seniorsafetyadvice.com/housing-options-for-seniors-55-and-older/ My own mother fought us tooth and nail, insisting that she purchase a single family home vs. a condo which would have been much cheaper. Every situation is unique but it seems that at the end of the day, the limitations of the situation have to be realized - as hard as that may be. I wonder if sitting down with your parent and a 3rd party like a financial planner or accountant would help? That helped my family. I did write an article on the topic of things to do with parents who have no money - seniorsafetyadvice.com/what-to-do-with-aging-parents-who-have-no-money/ In that article I go through some ideas on things to do - not many of them are easy. You know - there are some Perhaps some of our readers and viewers may have some suggestions?
Great question and one that I've been getting a lot lately. How do seniors without relatives get care for themselves or declutter or anything? Downsizing and decluttering are difficult tasks for anyone, much less someone who is much older so assistance is most certainly needed. Well - the obvious answer is their community, if they have created one. That means friends, church, leisure groups, etc. The problem though is that many seniors tend to not keep those up and that ends up leaving them completely alone. So, the next solution is to pay for whatever help is needed. For decluttering - hiring a professional organizer to do the job for you can help greatly. That person can take over the entire job or any portion of the job that the senior would like to let them do. Another option is to hire an Estate Sales company to come in and sell off whatever it is that the senior person does not want and/or need any longer. Of course, this does mean that anything they want needs to be removed from the house or placed in a room that would be locked during the estate sale. I am under no illusion that life is easy for seniors who are alone and much harder if they have not cultivated a community of friends around them. But - they do have to reach out for help at some point.
Have you helped your parents to downsize? What have you learned from that process that would help others?
No, but I am (trying to) decluttering my own home now, so relatives has less to take care of. It’s difficult... 😑
Hi Miranda,
Yes, I know - it IS difficult.
After my husband died I had to move out of our home into something smaller and downsizing to a house half the size seemed impossible, on top of the emotional toll of losing a loved one.
So, I do commend you for thinking of your family and doing this task for them.
One thing that helped me was to take one corner, drawer, closet, etc. at a time. And instead of getting rid of those things I just put them in the trunk of my car. Kept them there for a month or two and by then, if I didn't miss them or need them, then I took them to the Thrift Store.
It took a long time, but it was a nice gentle way to downsize.
I hope that helps you!!
Take care and stay safe.
Esther
I liked your video how to help your aging parents downsize and declutter. You are right it´s important that your parents have the right legal documents in place BEFORE something really bad happens. Often we get families in crisis and they come to our law office and have no idea what legal documents their parents have and often its too late.
It's never good to have to try to sort things out after something has happened. It's best to be prepared, if at all possible. Thanks for your comment.
I am helping a friend declutter today, and I hope I am not biting off more than I can chew. I think a lot of the suggestions here will be useful.
It's a lot of work, but your friend will feel happy to know she's gotten some things out of the house. Good luck!
great advice! Thanks!
Thanks, we're glad it was helpful!
Best advice for helping a parent downsize that hasn't gone through deceased spouses belongings? She has made the decision to downsize on her own and wants to rush through the process. I offered to help so she doesn't have to do it alone and she was grateful. Not sure how to proceed though.
I understand your situation. And she is very lucky to have you to help her. When I began the process of gathering my deceased husband's belongings it was extremely emotional. So, for me, I asked others to do that for me. I took out what I wanted to keep. A sweatshirt, a cap, etc. Then the rest went to a thrift store where I knew that others could benefit from using them.
Then came making the decision to move from a large home to a smaller home. Personally, I made a list of every nook and cranny in the house. All the rooms and drawers, closets, pantry, garage, attic, etc. That took me a few hours to do. And then I broke the list down to sections.
1) Top drawer of dresser in master bedroom
2) Bottom shelf of kitchen pantry
3) Tool chest in garage
You get the idea. I assigned each section to a date so that gave me a goal for that particular date on what to work on. But if your parent wants to rush through it faster, then I would recommend to do several sections per day and certainly to get more help if you can. That's what friends are for, after all!
I personally did not have the emotional strength to do a garage sale type of thing so I just gave everything away to a thrift store nearby. Every day I put the items that I was going to get rid of in my car and when the car was full, I took it to the thrift store. This was about twice a week!
I could then take these donations off my taxes. Although I may have earned a few extra dollars selling each item, the emotional toll just was too much. At least for me it was.
I hope this helps.
I am dealing with a stubborn (ness) I last saw in my son when he was a teenager, defiance, triangulation between the sons and their wives, and then being cut off when we say something she disagrees with. I am thinking we are may be not cut out to do this, anyway 1 week, and another week over the next two months (time off work and away from where we live), we are going to try and help them prepare their house for sale - I will see how this goes but I know it's going to be tricky. At the very least she will have a very clean house by the time I finish.
It is interesting, isn't it how some of us, as we grow older, become more like a child or a teenager with tantrums and defiance. I witnessed this many times working as an Occupational Therapist in geriatric care. And after hearing family stories of these patients I came to the conclusion that many of them were just reverting to what they once were like. I called it the "moreso disease". However they were when they were younger, they are only moreso now.
I have no evidence or proof of that - it's just my theory :)
I wish you great strength and patience during this time - but do know - it's just a passing moment. It will end one day and you will be grateful that you did the very best you could for your senior loved one.
Hi! I really need some advice!
I have an 88 y.o. mother who lives in a double wide mobile home in Phoenix Az.
She is legally blind now as of the past year or so. I'm traveling there for 3 weeks this Tuesday.
Also, I had spinal surgery 18 months ago.
Every time I go there, I work on her home, trying to declutter and making it safer.
This time, I'm hoping to get the kitchen painted, the boxes of papers finally finished, and move some furniture.
The vehicle is now with my brother, who won't let me use it, and is too busy running a business to help.
To add to this, my daughter is having surgery and won't be able to help either. She lives on the other side of town.
Plus, Mom's last Will need to be updated. It was done in haste when she took a trip abroad in 2016.
Please help me!
Oh, I have to get some electronic devices for the blind setup, and try to get her gas appliances replaced with electric ones.
Is there any advice you can offer?
I really would like a professional to help but can't imagine the cost.
My husband and I live in N.CAROLINA and I am going alone this time.
You're definitely facing some challenges! Here are a few suggestions to help you manage this situation:
1. Consider contacting local community organizations or social services in Phoenix. They often have programs for seniors and people with disabilities, which can include things like home modification, transportation services, and assistance with legal documents like wills.
2. Look into hiring a local handyman or a professional service for the kitchen painting and furniture moving. Websites like Thumbtack or HomeAdvisor can be useful for finding reasonably priced services. Or wit to paint and move furniture until you do have someone else there to help you.
3. For electronic devices for the blind, organizations like the National Federation of the Blind or American Council of the Blind may be able to suggest local services in Phoenix that can assist with setting up these devices.
4. Hiring a licensed electrician or contractor would be safest for replacing gas appliances with electric ones. Again, local community resources or even a neighborhood social media group might have recommendations for affordable services.
5. For updating your mother's will, consider contacting a local legal aid office. They often provide free or low-cost services to seniors. Alternatively, online legal services like LegalZoom can be more affordable than traditional lawyers.
6. Since the vehicle isn't available, you might want to look into local public transportation options, rideshare services like Uber or Lyft, or community senior transport services.
7. Given your fairly recent surgery, please ensure you're not overexerting yourself. Prioritize tasks and consider postponing less urgent ones. Remember, it's important to balance your mother's needs with your own health and well-being. Looking into hiring local assistance and professional services might have some costs, but they can significantly reduce the physical and emotional strain on you.
Wishing you all the best for your trip and the tasks ahead. Stay strong and take care of yourself too!
@SeniorSafetyAdvice Thanks so much for the in-depth reply! I really appreciate it!
You're welcome, I hope it helps. Good luck!
How do you deal with a parent who needs to move but has a much smaller budget then what she wants.
Oh, that is a tough situation. Fighting between wishes and reality.
I suppose it all depends on what your parent wants to move into?
There are different types of housing options besides owning your own home.
You can read about them here - seniorsafetyadvice.com/housing-options-for-seniors-55-and-older/
My own mother fought us tooth and nail, insisting that she purchase a single family home vs. a condo which would have been much cheaper.
Every situation is unique but it seems that at the end of the day, the limitations of the situation have to be realized - as hard as that may be.
I wonder if sitting down with your parent and a 3rd party like a financial planner or accountant would help? That helped my family.
I did write an article on the topic of things to do with parents who have no money - seniorsafetyadvice.com/what-to-do-with-aging-parents-who-have-no-money/
In that article I go through some ideas on things to do - not many of them are easy.
You know - there are some
Perhaps some of our readers and viewers may have some suggestions?
How about help for Senior with no relatives?
Great question and one that I've been getting a lot lately. How do seniors without relatives get care for themselves or declutter or anything?
Downsizing and decluttering are difficult tasks for anyone, much less someone who is much older so assistance is most certainly needed.
Well - the obvious answer is their community, if they have created one. That means friends, church, leisure groups, etc. The problem though is that many seniors tend to not keep those up and that ends up leaving them completely alone.
So, the next solution is to pay for whatever help is needed.
For decluttering - hiring a professional organizer to do the job for you can help greatly. That person can take over the entire job or any portion of the job that the senior would like to let them do.
Another option is to hire an Estate Sales company to come in and sell off whatever it is that the senior person does not want and/or need any longer. Of course, this does mean that anything they want needs to be removed from the house or placed in a room that would be locked during the estate sale.
I am under no illusion that life is easy for seniors who are alone and much harder if they have not cultivated a community of friends around them. But - they do have to reach out for help at some point.
My mom was a nasty hoarder so I called for major help.
Sometimes that's the best way to go!