This struck a chord with me. I had to clean out my mom’s home when she died. It was overwhelming and heartbreaking. There was so much stuff and I was only able to keep a fraction of it. Pictures and a few sentimental items. I just didn’t have room or a need for most of it in my home. Some was donated to charity but at some point I had to start throwing things away. I was sobbing as I filled garbage bags. I swore I wouldn’t do the same thing to my family when I pass.
Same thing happened to me a few weeks ago and it is heartbreaking when the things they collected and stored all their life ends up in a land fill site. Sure some things went to charity but a lot didn't. I totally get it. Thanks for sharing x
A hint I learned awhile ago regarding sentimental clutter: take a picture of it. Then you can get rid of the physical item and still have the memory attached to the item. 🌻
I came here to say this. You beat me to it😁 It really does help and doesn't seem to carry the guilt of finding the object that you forgot about for some time. It's more of a delight was you see the picture again.
One question that many must ask themselves is "How financially feasible is it for me to replace this item once it is gone if I need it again?" Income, or the lack of it, plays a large role in such decisions for a growing number of people these days, especially as we watch the prices of our most basic, necessary items continue to unreasonably escalate. There is an old saying that has served people well, while also giving them a greater appreciation for the value of the few things they had during hard times: "Use it up, wear it out, make it do, or do without." Despite the obvious wisdom of this old adage, there still must be a proper balance. Declutter is necessary for all of us, and videos like this make it easier to face!
I have a hard time letting go because as a child, we moved every few months and I would lose everything. It was heartbreaking for me. I cried about losing my favorite baby doll for at least 2 years. Now, I have a hard time getting rid of anything that I think I might need again. I don't want to spend money on something I should have kept. I've thrown out all my clothes when I've gained or lost weight and then had to replace those items, so now I keep it all, as long as it's something I would wear if it fit. If I no longer like the style, I'll get rid of it, no problem. My teenage daughter is now wearing all my clothes from last time I was skinny a few years ago. This brings me so much joy, but also blows my mind. I can't believe I was ever so thin! And it wasn't even that long ago!
Absolutely! Great point. This is exactly why people of the Great Depression have such a tendency to hoard. There MUST be a balance or the blessing can turn to a huge burden…..stuff has to be stored and maintained. If it is costing more to do that you’re going backwards not forwards👌
@@lexibat7829 Those meaningful momentos would be the absolute hardest things to lose, in my opinion. I am a very sentimental person, and have things that are meaningless and worthless to other people that I wouldn't sell or give away for anything, if I could help it. I'm so sorry for the pain you feel at having lost things that meant a lot to you! Good to see that you are placing value on those things that truly are with you forever, though. The way the cost of living is rising more often and in higher than ever increments, and the shortage problem in production and availability with seemingly everything may make replacing things harder, if not impossible going forward into the future. Not trying to be an alarmist, but it is certainly worth considering, particularly for people who are unable to work for whatever reason, and know that they they never will, for those who have disabling health issues, for example. It's really a matter of taking stock of your own situation and being honest with yourself to determine what is truly going to make for a happier, more productive life where you still have as much of what you need and want as realistically possible. If it causes more stress than it relieves by keeping things, then you are certainly wise to be rid of it, provided the chance of being able to replace it in the future is fairly certain should you need it again, just as you said. It's all about finding the balance, and that can look different for everyone.
When my 101 yo Mother went into nursing home, I invited all my family for a weekend at her home so we could get it ready to be sold. We spent the weekend laughing, loving, and picking out items that each person really wanted to treasure and take. It was a wonderful and memorable family time. Our real estate agent connected us with a local liquidator for the rest of the household items. What a blessing that was. The house was emptied out, cleaned and put on the market. My Mom will be turning 103 in a few weeks and all her assets were turned into funds that supports her care. She is unburdened by “stuff” and she is happier for it and when she does pass, we can all come together again and celebrate her remarkable life.
So happy for your statement that "I will never be a minimalist." That's how I also feel. I am in the process of decluttering and letting things go. But it's an ongoing process... Trying hard not to leave behind a ton of PAPER and things my kids or grands won't use...my home will never be perfect. Realizing my kids won't have the emotional attachment that I do has helped.🙂👍
Now I understand my grandmother better. A couple years before her death she started gifting us things that we enjoyed from her home while she threw things out that no one wanted. My sister was really uncomfortable with it because she was not happy talking about the eventual death of my grandmother but actually I think she was really wise. She did not want to burden us with her stuff while she made sure we have the things from her that we really enjoy and she came up with this idea without reading about it. I think it's amazing. I have just 3 things from her and they are much more special to me and I always think about the moment she gave it to me.
My grandma did the same and I’ll always be eternally grateful for this. I was the only one left in the family so I had to take care of everything. But it was so little. Her funeral was already planned and paid for and she has gotten rid of most of her things. I was in my early twenties. I would have not been able to deal with a whole house of stuff.
My grandmother has been randomly sending us things for the past 5 years or so. She told me “I keep sending you my stuff hoping that God will get the hint”. She’s 94 I love that she can find humor in literally everything.
My beloved Uncle and his wife did the same... when we came to their home after they sadly both died of natural causes in two weeks one after another... it was totally organised and EVERY item had a Sticker beneath with the name of the person who should get it if they want it. All what's leftover should be donated or sold and the money for this should go to a mother and child home. It worked so well and the whole family was happy with it. My cousin (who is a lawyer) took care of making their last will happening. I for myself only took one small item, and I always will remember them. 🙏❤
As an exhoarder, I had gone through cancer for two years - I decluttered 60+ boxes of stuff (mainly bedroom, personal gears, and clothing). I had no idea that I was literally doing "death cleaning." My goal was to have stuff that will only take my brother to clear out in 2 hours when I am no longer alive. It sounds morbid, but it's actually really motivating. In the end, I'm am clear on what's important and what's unnecessary clutter.
I hope you're doing better now and cancer free 🫶 that was amazing of you to clean so you didn't leave your loved once with that responsibility btw... A huge fear of mine when my mother passes is not knowing what to keep and what's junk because she has so much I'm scared id just keep it all and carry on the hoarding x
After my mom died unexpectedly, I went into her Amazon account to unsubscribe from Prime, and this Swedish Death Cleaning book was sitting in her cart. I don’t think she somehow mystically knew she was going to die, but she was 60, so I think she was just trying to prepare for the inevitability. It was heartbreaking that she wanted to do this but ran out of time 💔
So sorry for your loss, I lost my dad in 2018 and he was my best friend and I wish I could say it gets easier and it somewhat does and then sometimes you have a sucky day and you miss them Ike it was yesterday they left. You can view cleaning out her Amazon prime account as a sort of serendipitous gift since you now know what the book is about you can save your kids the task of having so much to go through. I’m 46 and my mom is a hoarder and I didn’t know there was a whole thing with death cleaning bc I’ve always kind of cleaned this way on instinct. Maybe that’s my little bit of Swedish DNA manifesting itself lol. Sending you love and peace it’s never easy to lose a parent bc no matter our ages we will always need them. ❤️
Swede here. Super common to go through and give away stuff to loved ones when you get older. My grandma gave me a lot of china, dining chairs, a Persian rug, and other lovely things. She just opened up her cupboards and asked us sibling to take what we wanted. So all of us now has things of hers and our grandpa that we genuinely love and cherish. She also got rid of a lot of stuff, giving it to charity and what not. She past a few years ago, and sure there were a lot of stuff to go through anyways, but since we already had been given the things we wanted, it wasn't a terrible experience.
My grandmother started giving me her old jewellery when she got old. She didn't want me to get them when she died because then they'd bring sad memories.
@@GinkgoBalboa142That's a wonderful way to do it! My mother does the same thing with certain special pieces of her jewelry. She knows how terribly sentimental I am, though, and because quite a few things came from me, over the years, she is leaving a lot of it to me when she dies. I just hope that is still a long, long time, because I would certainly rather have her here than the jewelry, regardless of the value!
When I was living in Japan at the start of the new year my neighbor would empty out their entire home of furniture/decor/etc like they had just moved into a new home and would clean the entire house and then clean the furniture/etc and put it back into the house. To someone like me who has TONS of clutter it was mind blowing but I've always thought it was the most amazing thing ever. That's one way to motivate yourself not to clutter if you know it'll just be one more thing to move out and back into the house every new years.
I can see how that method would work. We're use to things being "in their spot" that we become blind to it. To move/empty it out and then put it back you get in this mood of, "do I wanna do that? It's so much work. Maybe I just get rid of it?" And we might be less incline to put it back and we can declutter
Moving the furniture out by itself would take an entire day for me. I guess it's easier if you have somewhere to actually put any of your stuff. I mean did they put all their furniture in the wet grass? Or the road?
I had a quilt from my great grandmother made in 1908. It was falling apart and full of dust and decay. I took it apart, threw out the backing and filling, and cut the front part into squares for framing. I sent a bunch to all my relatives on her side, so we could all have a small piece of her.
My grandmother embroidered pillowcases but back in the 1980's no one in the family wanted linens that didn't match the sheets so I took them all, cut off the embroidered sections & framed them. I then gifted each female decendant one as a keepsake. Still see them hanging in many of the homes today.
My mom took an old moth-eaten quilt that her grandmother had made, and cut star shapes out of the good parts. She then turned them into Christmas ornaments and gave them out to family members.
I cried through this entire video. My mother passed unexpectedly 6 weeks ago. She has horded 3 bedrooms full floor to ceiling and most of a 3 car garage. She loved to shop QVC, online and thrift stores. 2-3 days a week I've been going through everything. Donating half and going to sell the other half. Memories are being found everywhere. One of my favorites is a JCPENNEY catalog from 1983. Anyway, this whole process has been so much work and my dad's house looks so torn up. I'm slowly getting him his house back and he's learning to live alone. 💞
I'm sorry you have to deal with such a huge amount of stuff. It might be better to donate the majority of it because it will a: help others and b: make the process go more quickly.
I am going to throw this out there if it will help I could use clothes and I'm looking for a sewing machine I was ripped off on fb recently for a sewing machine i could pay for shipping
After our honeymoon and returning to our home after a week, I told my wife this: “We lived perfectly happy with all the items in one suitcase and a backpack (each had one of each) plus the basics of a hotel room. So why do we have so much stuff at home that we never use?” We still have a lot years later, but now that we are in the process of moving to a bigger house (child number 2) we’re getting rid of everything we don’t use. One tip that I find useful is to tackle one small section at a time. You see a whole room a mess and get defeated before you start. So just pick one thing. The mess on the desk. Okay 30 minutes later your desk in clean and the room slightly cleaner. And before you know it all those sections over the next few days the room is clean. Tip 2: if you don’t use it, get rid of it. If you think you might, store it in s bin in the basement and put a date on it. If you don’t use anything in that bin for a month, 2, 3, do you truly need it? Good luck! I know I still have s lot to do. Clean and decluttered is a journey not a destination. Remembering to reset a room to how you entered it helps. Oh and briefly mentioned in the video we take a lot in and not a lot out. So maybe every time you buy something, get rid of something you don’t use. Keep the flow 1:1, not 100 in: 2 out. This is s long comment. Hope it helped 1 person. Even if it’s myself.
@@mikadune7516 It did. During the move we actually rented a dumpster and trashed anything that couldn’t be donated. We thought about selling some things, but that would take time. Plus if it didn’t sell we might end up keeping it. So anything we thought of selling, we gave to friends and family who wanted it. The rest donated or trashed. Now our clutter is just baby related. But that’s easily managed as they age, cycling in new toys, books, and clothes. We’ve also cut way back on obtaining things (Non baby related). It’s hard, but as long as you do a little a day, it’s more than nothing. The 1 minute rule has also helped. If you can do something in 1 minute or less; just do it as you think of it. It’s easy to say I’ll do it later or tomorrow, but if you just do it now, it’s done.
@erics2091 That's awesome! It sounds like it's going really well! I started to do it just with boxes. Mostly work and sketch books coupled with a few other things, but it's really shown a difference. It's helped me quite a lot. I hope it continues to go well with you and your family!
All great tips. I love the bin idea. And trying to help my family clean, we normally get the "defeated before you even start" mood when trying to clean. Breaking it into sections works wonders. If you have 10 sections in a room and do one a day, you can have it clean it 10 days! Maintaining those sections is another issue, but once you clean a section once, it's less intimidating because you're more confident in your skills the next time. Happy decluttering :)
This is a really Scandinavian thing. In our culture talking about death and what happens after you're gone (legally, financially, materialistic, emotionally etc.) is pretty common. Some might call it morbid, but it's realistic and a sign of love to those you leave behind. All my grandparents did it, and usually the family participates. *Update* : My beloved mom has sadly died suddenly from aggressive cancer. On Christmas Eve 2022. Even before we knew of her disease, we did it, because our dad died in 2014, also from cancer. She was re-married a week before she died (to a man she was really in love with and had moved in with), so all the legal stuff was taken care of as well. All of that out of the way, it gives more time to grief and reflect, and for that I'm thankful.
I hope this becomes a more common practice around other parts of the world. Here in the US so many people aren't prepared and are overwhelmed by the logistics as well as their feelings at the same time.
I think it happens in more cultures than people think. My In-laws are doing this. The important thing is though.... the adult children are involved. My in-laws aren't purging items that were integral parts of their children growing up or that they might want. They're asking first. My MiL did however digitize all the family photos and video and then made a hard drive for each and a photo album. She had the kids already take their favorites from the different decor for the holidays. She sold a lot of the rest. I believe there's a time to accumulate and a time to downsize. When you're raising your babies and you're meant to be busy making memories isn't the time to be thinking about what to do with potential family heirlooms.
Not morbid at all IMHO. Makes perfect sense. It's very common in the US to avoid any thoughts or mention of death, and preparation for our eventual demise is minimal. I wish we could change it.
Love this video and the realness expressed here. Fun fact: In Germany (and other European countries perhaps) there is this habit of putting a box near the entry door of apartment houses in cities, and they label it "for free" and people just put small items like clothing or toys for their neighbours or people who are passing by. I love it!
Im from Sweden, and I had NO IDEA it was called "swedish death cleaning". I heard the concept last year from an older relative (She is 90 now) when she casually told me that she has finished her death cleaning. It sounded so scary to use that term for me, but I asked her about it and she explained. Its a really good thing, I have seen a lot of people clean out after relatives and how much it hurts them. Its really respectful to take care of your own stuff and not leave it on others who must do it while grieving. Your Swedish pronunciation is pretty good for someone not learning the language
My grandmother used to have a professional photographer take her picture once a year- so she would have a good picture for her obituary! She was always giving her jewelry, her stuff, food away to us; she always wanted to see us smile….the idea of leaving us something after her death made no sense to her…..we learned the joy of giving, the freedom from clutter…..great video!
When my father passed suddenly at age 55, I inherited every item he owned. At the time, I had a three-year old and was ready to get pregnant again. My second child was born the year after his death, and I spent my children's precious early years combing through a mountain of stuff. It completely changed my perspective, and today I have no problem saying goodbye to any item that is not useful or beautiful. Let it go. Life is short and precious. Travel light.
I went through this same thing with my 90 yr old 'hoarding ' mother. She's had to move into an adult community and we had to sell her home. She kept everything and has expected me to make the decision to get rid of her items. Her items include antiques, clothing from my dead Grandmother, Great Aunt, paternal Grandparents, and father...and genealogy material, fabric items, and paperwork as far back as 1960's. It was insane and she was very mean to me during this process. It had to happen but she didn't want to do it. The struggle was real. Love this video and the honesty!!! UNburden your family!!
So sorry you had to go through that - it sounds awful! Hopefully we can make the experience not as bad for our kids/friends/whoever has to deal with out stuff! Take care and look after yourself 💗
That would have been very unpleasant. One thing I keep in mind is older people come from an era where you kept everything in case you needed it, or it was expensive or hard to get. I think its also hard for some to let go of their old life and admit those days are gone. I hope you've recovered from the experience.
My grandparents moved into an assisted living community before the pandemic and several of my family members were trying to get their house ready to sell and my grandma was literally pulling things out of the garbage and trying to keep them. I had to hide bags of garbage in my car to get rid of at another location. She was saving things like broken glasses, flower seed packets that weren't good anymore, receipts that were 20+ years old, scraps of paper she had written on that weren't needed anymore. Most of the work couldn't be done until they had moved out and she was basically banned from going back into the house because she kept trying to "rescue" stuff. Their kitchen cabinets were full of expired canned food, dry goods, and baking supplies because she couldn't really cook anymore and they mostly ate frozen dinners. My FIL is an even worse hoarder than my grandparents and I am not looking forward to doing that again 😥
I laughed at the “murder mystery “ cleaning. I have been a Flight Attendant for 30 years. I always clean/tidy my house before every trip… just in case??? 💖✈️🤣
Me too! Coming home to a clean and tidy home after the red eye is so calming. And if anything happens (who knows?) all’s good. And yes as crew for 36 years it made my life easier. Now my husband adapts to this because I will be furious if there is chaos. And it sometimes is. Because he still lives there while I am away. And this is why I love living in hotels with just the minimal things in my suitcase. So calming and freeing.
My favorite things about your channel that others hide: 1 - you don't edit out every single flub. 2 - you SHOW your clutter. I LOVE that you don't pretend to be miss perfect, which is why you are the only cleaning channel I watch on the regular.
When I was young, we moved a lot, so we coined the phrase, "Clean like you're moving." We didn't want to ship stuff we didn't use, so it was easy to declutter, at least once a year, usually more often. Seems like the same idea, and really helps to keep "stuff" in proper perspective.
Same! I moved 8 times drought my childhood. I was so used to just getting rid of everything and moving that I made the decision to move out of my parents place, I was able to pack all my stuff in a day and be moved into my new house that evening
The book jackets make nice wall pictures in a frame. I picked my sons favourite books and framed the jackets and changed them seasonally or whenever. My son is 14 now and wants nothing to do with that now, but it was nice while it lasted.
I’m with Miles - book jackets are a pain. I take them off immediately. I love the idea of framing the jackets from meaningful books. Such a sweet idea.
My family has always been "death positive". Planning, cleaning, etc so it's a smoother "transition". We've just always done this. If someone is second guessing an item, it's usually followed by someone else saying, "CAN'T TAKE IT WITH YA!" It does lead to a much less cluttered house. And we all kind of found "our thing". Just one category of items, akin to a "collection" that we just don't feel guilty about keeping. One sister likes animals, one plants, my mother likes nice dining ware. Mine is tools. Clothes and tools is almost exclusively what I own. It works out pretty great for our family. Edit: since at least a few people saw this comment, I feel I should say... you shouldn't feel bound by having "extra" items. We all do too. If you want a machine that dispenses cheese wiz into your mouth from your night table, then get it! We're more along the lines of, "Don't fill your attic, basement and every closet with things you haven't seen in 5-10 years. Nothing hurts more than having to bury a loved one then have to hire a dumpster to throw away your loved ones stuff. One nightstand cheese wiz dispenser is NOT the end of the world... Just don't have 24 of them 😄
Amen!!debunked...!!! 60ft dumpster that I thought we'd never fill ended up overfill and extra charge after losing my brother in 2020. Lost of hours lost in putting multiple socket sets together and trying to fix garage tools before tossing. It is sad. When one is poor, we see value in everything. I'm not going to put my kids through the same. Donate, gift or toss is my new motto. Take a photograph for memory sake if need be. It's tough on survivors parting with what their loved ones held on to. Simplify. It's freeing. Now when my home is done, my mission is to help my momma. Lots of luck needed there. I literally found my old Disco dress in her attic. What does that tell ya...lol
My brother passed away when he was 21 (I was about to turn 16). I got his guitar and you can imagine how much it meant to me even though I didn't play guitar (not for lack of trying). Years later I had the opportunity to give it to a teacher who knew how to play but didn't have one and was hoping to use it with her students. Giving it to her for this "cause" felt so good. I hope all the people can give their "brother's leather jackets" to someone and feel good about it.
This is so cool. I have done this without knowing it's a thing with a definition. I even have an "in case I get hit by a bus box" with all my important documents, photos of me that I'd want my friends and fam to use in my funeral, my CV so they know a timeline of my career path and accomplishments, and a book called "I'm dead, now what?" It tells people all your passwords, instructions for your debts and personal belongings, etc etc etc in order to make it easier on your friends and family. Through that process, I've gotten rid of a LOT of things!!! I related when you said it's a freeing process. I felt so many fears about unexpectedly dying, and doing this preparation at 29 yrs old made me feel so much better, knowing everything is in order. I was surprised how less afraid of death I am because I've done so much preparing.
That's a good thing. What comes to my mind: I hope you don't wrote down really important things like passwords or pins from cash accounts, in case housebrakers find it. For that it's possible to register a responsible person at your bank. (I hope the vocabulary is understandable.)
My grandma when she passed even had her obituary written. We didn't find it in her Bible till later tho unfortunately. But years before she passed any time someone got her a gift or said they liked something she put a piece of masking tape on the back with their name. Did make things easier when time came
My heart stopped when you mentioned your brother’s leather jacket! My brother, who was my favorite person, died in 1986 at the age of 29. The unbelievable grief consumed me for years. I held on to his leather jacket too! I finally let it go recently, along with the remaining few pieces of clothing of my deceased mother. I had to have a friend put the clothing in bags and take them out of the house without me watching. At that moment I felt a rush of emotions, but once my friend removed the bags of clothes and reaffirmed to me that I was doing the right thing, I calmed down. I let myself feel that my memories of them are more important than the clothes they left behind. It wasn’t easy, but I gained a sense of control over how I want to honor and remember them, and I realized holding on to the clothes was, in part, me holding on to the grief. Thank you so much for sharing your story; how amazingly healing it is to know that someone else went through the same emotions over letting go of the same item: their brother’s leather jacket. Thank you.
Thank you for your bittersweet story. I can relate a lot. My husband died in 1986 when I was quite young, and I had his leather jacket. One day I found a partially smoked pack of cigarettes in his pocket, which somehow stung me even more. Right now I have been gradually cleaning my mom's house, and am still dealing with her prolific clutter.
We’re starting to get ready to retire and move in a few years so we’re starting to clean out the extra stuff. I still have Mom’s box of stuff her work brought us from her office after she died. It’s been taped up in the garage attic for 21 years. When we clean the garage this spring I’ve told my husband just to get rid of it without me knowing. I still can’t do it myself.
I had never heard of this before, but it makes a lot of sense. When my sweet mother passed away there was a lot of junk, but the napkins in her coat pocket or the toothpicks in her car would take my breath away with the vivid memories washing over me. But obviously I'm not keeping the toothpicks. So my solution was to write it down in a dedicated journal the memory attached to it. Then thank the item profoundly for being useful or bringing joy to my mom, and then say goodbye or release it so it could bring joy to someone else. I got to keep the memories, but not the objects. And saying goodbye to the things over and over again meant I could say goodbye to her a little bit at a time.
OregonVirginia! what a unique idea. I love this. Then the written memory book itself also becomes a keepsake. When the time comes, my son will enjoy reading my thoughts and memories of his nana. I've got 4 female generations of memories in this brain so he better get ready 😅💙
For anyone coming in after the fact and interested in trying something that works, the above is a small part of the KonMari Method. Read the book. She has a series on Netflix now, but read the book.
The leather jacket story got me. How you got through that segment without losing it is a testament to your strength. I on the other hand cried for you…. But, you are correct and I needed that honesty because I have a similar story. Son, not brother. 😢
I have some of my late father's coats. He passed 15 years ago. My ex wore the winter one while I wore my mother's winter coat. I think I can get rid of dad's because it also reminds me of the narc. ex. I will still wear mom's coat. It is better than any of mine..
This is interesting. I'm turning 70 this year. I was a Horder for many years and had a hard time letting go of things. I lost my job and had to move from a 4 bedroom house to a 2 bedroom, so began my first Purge and letting go. It was harsh but I realized I was helping others out by giving stuff away (I hate yard sells, basically you're giving things away at a small price anyway but with more trouble). I let go of 3-4 truck loads of furniture and more. I moved to the 2 bedroom. Times got even tougher and was ending up having to move to a 1 bedroom, I had the bedroom and my son had the living room. As I was letting go of more things told my son to take things to the trash (lucky for us the dumpster was empty) as we put things by the dumpster (not in it yet) we came out and the place was full of people, they were asking why are we throwing out good stuff. Can't take it with us was my reply. Soon more people came and started cleaning up the outside dragging off so much stuff. A guy asked if we had anything else and I handed him a George Forman grill still in the box. I knew I would never use it. This was over 12 years ago. Now today I still have to much things. Last year 2021 was very strange, I am still in awe, I had 6 family members die none from covid. I almost died too from pneumonia. I made it with the help of my son (he took off of work to take care of me), thank God. It made me realize that I need to do that death cleaning cause I accumulated more and let my son help me go through this stuff right now not by himself when I'm gone, just get rid of stuff he wouldn't want at the end. It is a chore and I have a tendency to put it off. Maybe we can make a game of it. I didn't know that a book was written about death cleaning. Good video.
🙏💕💕💕 Very very admirable - I wish my mother and Aunt could do this. Hoarding not only can increase healthy issues b/c of all of the accumulated dirt and dust that they can’t get too, but spiritually it weighs and burdens them down. My aunt refuses to let anyone in her house. You are sooo strong to overcome this - I believe it is truly an addiction, creates maybe a sense of safety? You are amazing!!!
I’m going through this now. In the past five years we lost my mother, my father in law, our only son to suicide, and in January my husband of 34 years. I already have a significant collection of stuff from my lovely mother in law 25 years ago. Add in the beautiful things from each loved one (as well as not so beautiful things) and my house is overflowing. It’s all in closets or extra rooms, but I feel so burdened. For some reason I feel a responsibility to honor the memories of others. It meant something to them so how can I just throw it away? Well, I have to sell my home now. I can’t afford to stay here on my income alone. I’m moving across the country to be closer to my other children and grandchildren. My 22 year old daughter lives with me. We are selling, giving, and tossing so much stuff. I still feel like I’m keeping too much. The idea of leaving this to others helps motivate me. The video is awesome.
Six years after the death of my 97-year-old father, I still have loads of his stuff. 8 years after the death of my 94-year-old mother, I still have boxes of jewellery, clothing and things, which my wife will never wear. Watching this reinforced my resolution not to burden my kid with useless stuff he won’t need or want. I’ve been divesting myself of it slowly, but you’ve given me a push to accelerate that process-obviously it’s been on my mind, since I clicked on this video. Thanks for it.
@@happysunnyrain1531 your treasure is TRASH to your family and all others in society. it is a BURDEN. we all must die and leave our gold behind even those idiot pharaohs who actually tried to take it to the afterlife with them. the greed of humans is insane. beyond insane.
“We have so many methods for things to come into our house and very few methods for things to leave our house”...that’s so true! Never thought of it that way!
Oh my goodness. The ornaments made from a loved ones clothing is the most wonderfully thought out way of repurposing. Since my grandmothers passing 7 years ago I’ve been holding onto a few articles of clothing, I’ll never wear them, but I’ll sure as shit hang ornaments on my tree for years to come. Christmas was also her favourite holiday so it just fits. You just sparked some creativity in me, THANK YOU! ♥️
Same here. Lost my mom last year; been hanging onto some of her clothing I’ll absolutely never wear, but couldn’t bring myself to toss out. I’m so grateful for that one idea of transforming cherished fabric into a Christmas ornament. Thank you so much for helping me discover permission to move on while treasuring the past.
When my Grandpa passed away several years ago, my sister sewed some of his favorite plaid shirts into pillow covers for throw pillows! My sister, mom, and I each picked a shirt that matched our decor and it has been a wonderful way to honor him. I know throw pillows aren't functional in everyone's home, but I find it a lot more useful than a large men's shirt in my closet that I'd never wear lol.
I make christmas ornaments ( drums which is traditional here in Denmark) from leather and fabrics and suggest to my customers to use sentimental items. from sentimental clutter to treasured keepsakes. I made a tiny drum with the first tooth my son lost. he is now 21.
My family has a lot of heirloom pieces--antiques from the civil war and stuff. As folks fall off the wagon, the responsible members of the family have dwindled. I'm literally a lore keeper. The only one with a house for the things. Not that I mind the aesthetic, but I can't remember all the stories or why the things are important anymore. Some idiot child is going to throw them away while another would cherish them like I do. So I'm making a scrap book with a pic of the item and the story that goes with it. If they want it they can keep it and if they don't, the others still have the book.
Kudos for taking the time to write down why someone kept them in the first place. Your kids might keep up the interest since they have the stories. Many of the things in my family have lost the story. I still cherish alot of them because I just like antiques. But I sure wish I knew the story.
I’ve asked my mom to do something similar! She has so many things with stories or from cool places and I could never remember them all! I keep urging her to do this bc I would hate to get rid of something that had value
I have a close friend whose father passed away two years ago. He cleaned out his whole house in advance so when the time came for my friend and her brother to do the cleaning after he passed, it was no clutter left, which was amazing for them so they could focus on their grief instead ❤
My mother had us girls come over and help her get rid of all her clothing in May. She had me get rid of all her winter sweaters and clothing. I said mom,these are your winter clothes. She said nothing. She knew she wasn't going to be here by winter. She died on June 23rd. We had done all the clearing out of everything but her jewelry.
@@robinluich6626 I'm sorry to hear that. I'm glad that you at least got to spend some time with her that way, even if it was "just cleaning". My mother passed away in 2015, so I know that it sucks so hard, but it will get easier, I know from experience ❤
@@marilyns2353 I understand that it's really hard... If you try to do one small area at a time, starting with the simplest ones, the clutter will slowely but surely disappear. But I have full respect that going through decades of things and memories is tough, especially if you are sick ❤
It makes me happy to see a younger generation who gets this! My generation, the one following the Great Depression and WWII is the worst! We grew up with the mantra of “everything may be needed one day “. My attitude is if it’s in good shape and it “may be useful “, I need to get it to the hands of the person who really needs it! God has been so good to me. Something to eat, something to wear, why would he stop now? I refuse to live in fear of lack. I tend to be a frugal person and ask myself “do I really want this?” I don’t believe in being morbid about buying new things that bring me joy either. I don’t need to “practice “dying. I cleaned out my moms and mother in laws house three months apart. Spoiler alert, it wasn’t bad at all. My household donates at least four times a year. I like the Marie kondo method too, “if it doesn’t bring me joy, it’s got to go”.
My problem is that I was raised by parents and grandparents who lived through the WWII and the Depression. Younger Americans can’t conceive of the economic struggles they went through, just to survive. So the idea that I would purchase things, then toss them out while they are still in good condition and useful is astonishing to me. It’s not much different than throwing money out the window. I look at everything I want to get rid of, and see what I spent for it. I know that the money is gone and I’ll never get it back, but being raised in poverty really changes your perspective. In some ways good, because I don’t waste money on things that most Americans do, and I have several rental properties that I have accumulated, but my last hang-up is trying to declutter and let go of things which still have value. My first step is watching this video, lol.
I’m an estate & trust manager, part of my job is to transfer properties to beneficiaries, so we have to ensure the home(s) get cleaned out after the family member(s) passes. Our firm works with estate liquidators to sell as much as possible. However, I don’t know how many photos, figurines, clothing, Xmas and random items we’ve had to throw away because the family & thrifts/charities want NONE OF IT!!! The amount of money spent on dumpsters and the items going into the landfills breaks my heart….a lot of this can be avoided if people would face facts that death is a reality and let things go earlier, when these items still have value to others/thrifts, so they will accept them, & not be forced to dump them! I just stumbled upon your video - and this Death Cleaning process is a great idea! I hope people try this!! We also work with hoarders and other special needs anxiety disorders, we work with the Marie Kondo methods, but I’m going to try this idea too…Great video! Thank you for sharing this info❤️❤️❤️
Photos, figurines and random items usually are specific joy sparking items my grandmother collected chicken decor it sparked joy in her she loved it most ppl don’t or her weird ant picnic paintings they are even weirder than the chickens you can’t value what gets tossed because other people don’t want it against what that person saw as their value before they died
Well as long as I’m alive why shouldn’t I enjoy the fruits of my labor? Just trash it all after I die, is that so complicated? It will end up in the dump eventually no matter what🤷🏽♀️
You may feel that way about it, and perhaps you’ve already done this with someone else’s stuff. If so I’m sorry for your loss but glad you found the practicalities easy. But even if it’s not something you understand, the fact is that for many people it’s really difficult. Sometimes it’s because they struggle emotionally to throw things out, since those things are tangible attachments to their loved one. Sometimes it’s just tiring, often grief alone is tiring and there’s so many decisions have to be made with funeral planning, the will etc. So having to make a lot of decisions about what to keep, what to donate, and what to dump on top of dealing with all that is actually exhausting for many people
I'm 63 and did this a few years ago. I even set up "Dee's Dostadning" Ebay, Paypal and Google accounts to sell my extra stuff that had any value. There is still quite a bit of stuff, but it is stuff I use. My 5 thirty-something kids plan to take what they want when I'm gone and give away the rest. I'm fine with that. We've gone over what's valuable that they might want to sell. I did almost die twice in the last 10 years. So, I've thought a lot about what my kids will need to know when I do go. On top of "Death Cleaning", I filled out the workbook "I'm Dead. Now What?" and gone over it with each kid. I also have a will, living will and advance directives.
@@pammorris7182 Amazon sells it. I use the one with the blue cover. Rather than write in the book, I have a Google Doc document for each section shared with each of my 5 offspring and my husband. That way, I can edit as I need. I do print the page and paper-clip it inside the workbook.
Bravo to you for taking care of this stuff in a practical manner BEFORE something happens to you. I just had to struggle through my in -laws estate because the person who knew everything (but is incredibly unorganized) died first. No one EVER thought she would be first. So no one knew where anything was. Or what banks they used. Or what had been paid. The electricity nearly got shut off because of confusion and inefficiency. And don't get me started on the clutter that they didn't address.
I literally just saw that workbook (I’m Dead, Now What) on Amazon tie other day and intend to get it. I’m only 55. I want my kids to be “in the know” when the time comes.
You touched my heart when you talked about your brother and his jacket. My son passed away 30 years ago and just last year I threw away things I was hanging on to, I still have the memories and I feel good about giving away those things to people who really wanted them. Thank you 😊
This comment choked me up for some reason. Very happy you were able to keep the memories while allowing his things to be shared with other to make them happy.
@@quietmom6626 Some of his clothes I donated right after he died to children in a third world country, I sent several boxes with missionaries. Slowly through the years I gave his things away to a child with cancer or a family that was in need. It was what my son would want me to do. I had so many toys, I just didn’t want to give them to a charity because I didn’t know who would get them or where they would end up, so I auctioned them off on EBay at a high price knowing the recipients were looking for those particular items and they were needed for a special reason, maybe collectible, those toys would be cared for and cherished and that made me happy. Everyone is different in their grieving process, there is no right way or wrong way to grieve. You do what comforts you. Sending hugs to you❤️
I've been thinking about buying this book. Recently, my mom started yet another round of home decluttering. She and my dad are in their late 60s, and she doesn't want her kids to eventually need to sort through everything they've ever owned. Ultimately, the idea of not burdening others with enormous amounts is such a practical, kind, and unselfish idea.
I thought you might like to know that your video made a difference in my life today. I have a child who suffers with chronic pain, due to multiple rare genetic disorders. Last night we were up till the wee hours with him and this “morning” I woke up at noon. I immediately felt that my day was wasted and my life is out of my control. I clicked on your video, just randomly, while I was getting dressed and it inspired me to declutter my bathroom! This may sound silly, but it made me feel like I had accomplished something of value, and in some small way, took control of that one small space in my life. 😁 So, thanks for taking the time to create and post it! 💞
I definitely understand how you feel and how hard everything is and even that there is nothing anyone can say that can make things better …but I absolutely DO understand that cleaning just one little area can be uplifting to the spirit… it’s like you have visible proof that you DID something. I’m saying this as an adult with “genetic” issues and who lives in what looks like a hoarder house right now. I feel like I’m just moving things around to another room just to make one little space look okay (which is really NOT helping the actual problem) but I really CAN relate to having to do something whatever at all that I can visibly SEE. Sending you the most positive vibes and love 💜
I really like wrapping my head around the concept of “making someone else happy” by giving ‘the something’ away. Not too long ago I donated my beautiful handcrafted leather hippy briefcase (given to me as a birthday present by my mother) that I used to tow around with me travelling all over Canada 🇨🇦. I was is visual presentation. A creative jet setter back then! After children + retiring, I knew I would never need the case again + holding onto it “for the kids”, didn’t make me feel any better about tucking it away in the closet. 😳 But… as soon as I thought about someone else ‘finding + loving’ my hippy briefcase… I couldn’t give it away fast enough. I donated as fast as I could to our local Salvation Army. I still have a big smile on my face when I think about it now. A story continues… 😌❤️👍🏽
This might seem over the top: I had a "sentimental bonfire" in a fire ring at the beach to help me part with correspondence I couldn't bring myself to get rid of. I wanted to give it a ceremonial departure. Shredding or tossing in the trash seem too harsh. It was beautiful. I'm so glad I did it.
Beautiful! Love this idea. There is something to say about having connections with your things (I am very attached to lots) ... some items deserve a proper departure ❤️
I have taken this concept to a whole other level lol!! We decided to sell and give away ALL of our worldly possessions and digitally store our memories to move overseas! We want a far more simple way of life without the burden of ownership of anything past clothes and ourselves. I am the daughter of a hoarder and was left with a Condo, a house, garage, and apartment all hoarded out by the same two people. It has taken me since 2014 to get all their stuff sorted and out of my life. In 3 weeks I will be the owner of 3 suitcases and my body. Can’t wait. Good luck to all in their individual efforts to de-clutter their lives.
At last, I have a hero! 😁 I'm de-cluttering, but souvenirs from trips with my late husband, and his clothing, have stopped me in my tracks. Still deciding.....
Who's with me... I'm the only one who does the cleaning in my house largely without appreciation. If I die, I have no problem with them cleaning up after me for a change 🤣
RIGHT!!! oh & put up a Christmas tree? Decorate? Sorry, but when you're the only one who puts it up and takes it down for 35 years (& don't forget the cleaning that has to happen before & after putting one up!) .... uh, its getting harder to "want" to do it .
@@kelliegray6088 Technology is catching up to people like us! I’ve seen predecorated pop-up trees that are beautiful, and outdoor projectors can take the place of outdoor lights. So far, I only bought the projector, but the pop up might be an after-Christmas sale buy!
@@kelliegray6088Thank u for letting me know that I'm not alone! Their father puts up the lights, then the kids put up a few(literally 3 each) ornaments. I blink & I'm alone in a sea of ornaments & decorations!
I come from a Swedish back ground on my mom's side. Swedes are living in such close quarters they have to de-clutter because there is no room for anything that doesn't work. They are also not very sentimental (as a rule), so getting rid of things is not a problem. They are also very frugal as a rule, therefore they don't want to part with their money for things they don''t need or doesn't have a function. Thank you for the video!
Well, this is such a stereotypical way of thinking about other cultures. To base a description of a whole community on one or couple of individual one has met will rarely be true for the majority. Please be careful, as this kind of sweeping statements can often be offensive to the members of community one tries to describe. I hope you have a lovely day, wherever you might be right now 💛
@PamelaSertich... Uh.. As a Swede, living in Sweden (mind you, my parents are finns... But born and bred here)... I DO NOT agree with what you 'explained' above here. We actually have quite spacious and big living quarters, unless you choose to live smaller. Of course, could be a matter of money too, and whether you live in a big city or smaller. And Swedes spend their money quite well, but it's all up to the individual. My husband is frugal, my ex was INSANELY frugal ("snål", rather) and me, I like spending. And everyone I know is somewhere in between, or up to hoarder-level. Cuz we're normal people here. A bit more level headed than some other cultures (prob due to the cold..?? Or we're just boring people..? Oh wait, I generalized. There's some cool folks here too!), but normal. Cultural differences compared to someone in the US, definitely, but still normal. People, you know. With personalities and differences and such. =) Also: I've never heard of Döstädning. Döds städning, yes, but that happens after someone has passed. Döstädning sounds like when you're having a jolly boring time while cleaning. Edit: Looked into the "döstädning" =) It seems to have been invented, or at least popularized by Margareta Magnusson. So quite a modern concept, or possibly something that has been forgotten for generations/in some places (many...) and then Maggan brought it back to us. Yay!
I didn’t know this was a cleaning “system”! My dad just passed away in September and while he didn’t have a lot, it made my mom and I both think about all the crap that we have that everyone would have to go through… which is a lot! It triggered a mass declutter of both our homes.
I am 74 years old and have recently done the Swedish death cleaning. I feel so much better knowing my family won’t have this burden some day. I had a few items that were hard to let go of but in the end it’s the very best thing I did for my loved ones!
I almost spit my coffee out when you talked about the tampons all over the place. My ex wife and I have three daughters very close in age. So for several years there were tampons and pads all over the place. Including but not limited to my truck, toolbox and my dresser drawer.
We recently cleaned out my mother in law's house when she went into a nursing home. Oh. My. Word. No way do I want my kids having to do that! So I am on a mission to declutter every inch of my house from top to bottom!
I’m 63 this makes complete sense to me. I’ve kept only the most special pieces from my mother. And I tell my grown daughter what I feel she should keep from me 🤷♀️ I had a neighbor who was a kind of shopper hoarder and it took multiple friends to help clean out the house when she died. I would never want that for my children. It’s hard enough to grieve the death without being faced with a home of stuff. Fantastic video. Love the reality too. We are all only human
I wish my parents saw it that way too LOL They're around their mid-sixties now, and I joke around with my sibling that if anything ever happens to them, we'll have to take a two-month-long vacation just to sort through (most, I hope) of their stuff.
I think that's the main point. "It's hard enough grieving, let alone going through their stuff. Being in my 60s and having to deal with parents dying is a burden. Mine my spouse's. And friends parents.
I’m from Sweden and had never heard of death cleaning lol. I am happy to know there’s a word for the home project that I’ve been working on for the past few weeks. My husband thinks I’m being a tad maniac, I’ll tell him there’s actually a word for it 😂
When my Mother moved in with me after my Father died, she came with very little, just her clothes, a few small pieces of antique furniture that she used in the room I had prepared for her, and a box of personal mementos from her life with Dad. Luckily, for me, both of my parents disliked clutter and, I remember growing up, recalling their motto, "A place for everything, and everything in its place." My sister and I shared the personal items, I kept two small antique tables, we made small quilted pieces from my Mom's favorite house dresses, and donated or threw away the rest. It made a sad time easier. Thank you for a great and very helpful video.
Decluttering when you are older is not just for when you die. I had an illness, surgery, mobility issues for over a year. An ambulance crew had to come in a couple times, I had extra equipment, nursing care. As soon as I was well I decluttered a crap ton. I see lots of old people who just physically can't keep up with rhe stuff.
Until recently I thought Swedish death cleaning was getting super caffeinated and cleaning or going through stuff until you are done or until you pass out. Seriously. I finally looked more into it and come to find out it’s the exact thing I have been struggling with since moving in with and being my parents caregiver. (both of whom have since passed in recent years). So glad I wasn’t the only one lol and so glad it makes so much sense now. Now to go through their stuff and mine. 🤗
Too funny. The struggle is real, right? I often tell people, I'm not done decluttering, downsizing, etc, until I'm dead. Seriously. Hahaha. Keep after it. We're getting there.
I've found that if I say "mother's round table", then it is something I probably should let go of. Otherwise I say "my red coffee pot" (that I inherited). I inherited that table 2008, was able to give it away in 2020.
Just purchased the book! My sister passed away almost a year ago from Covid and she and her teenage granddaughter lived with us and shared our spare bedroom. I had to call an ambulance for her and so many things had to be removed in order for the paramedics to take her out of the room. After she passed away we had the task of clearing out her room and it was horribly filled to the max with so many things! I have clutter and I hoard too but not to the extent of my sister’s room. I’m in my 70’s and have had this burden on my heart to rid my home of excess stuff and seeing the title of this book explains exactly what I’m striving for! Thank you for sharing it!
I was an executive for an elderly friend of mine that lived in the same house for over 60 years. First thing I did was have the family come and remove and document everything they took that they truly wanted. Then the paper shredder I literally shred it all her years worth of unimportant utility bills house payments etc. she had cards and bills that she had saved she never threw away anything. Then I brought in the dumpster and had to throw away couches that had mice infestation in them and 60 years worth of junk. Finished up her taxes. I was able to honor her will. I was able to leave the home clean for the grandchild that took care of her in her later years which she left in the will to be able to stay in the same home. A living will.
I worked in a National Trust Castle and some of the most fascinating items there are the bills and invoices that give us so much insight into life centuries ago (including bills and invoices from the 1300s). Somebody 'hoarded' them! Historians and museum curators are eternally grateful to hoarders.
You are a saint to have that much patience. I'm 68 years old, I'm always shredding and tossing, as I never want my sisters burdened with what you are describing.
Oh man. The ornament idea...I held onto my dads clothing because I feared/fear Id regret it. I got the courage to start letting things go. I held onto a couple pieces and I'm going to make some ornaments with them. It will really mean something especially bc my dad who swore he hated Christmas always made it so special for me.
Here's why I love your channel: boldly starting the video with "we are all going to die." 😂 Thanks for being so honest with your own decluttering efforts, and with two little kids and a rather small home you are amazing!!
One hangup for me is "Can I find another one like this?" It's hard to get rid of things that they don't make anymore or are really unique. It's easy to throw out old scraps of fabric and that type of thing but if it doesn't take up much space and it's not eating anything, its SO tempting to hang onto. These are the hardest decisions for me.
Same. Also, for me it's things like my German mother's 60 year old sewing box. Or her lamps. Her handwritten notes-to-self. Clothes that still smell like her. On and on and on. I'm very sentimental and have sooo much clutter to the point that house never really gets completely clean. Ever.
I totally get that, but… I think you'll feel better without the clutter. Maybe allow yourself one small box for irreplaceable items, and get rid of most of the rest… meh, sorry I could have put more thought and feeling into this.
@@jenniferlloyd9574 I'd say keeping a few shirts or something isn't terrible it can be like a physical reminder of them like if your hang them up in your closet and you see it when you get dressed you remember good memories and stuff! Mabey learning to sew (for repairing clothes) could be a good way to use the supplies as I'm sure she would have loved to know it went to good use of even if someone else used it 😊 it is hard for sure to decide
This is a helpful question for me! I have a lot of stuff that I could get again, even if I couldn’t afford it today. I hope you have found the right balance for your things ❤
Completed the SDC a couple years ago. Made my parents do it too. Both were relieved to have this done. Dad passed away since and our energies were focused on saying goodbye and sharing memories. 😊
Kallie! I actually have that book on my Amazon wish list. I am 70 (and still very cute, mind you) but I am aware of the “ it could happen at any Time” issue as I am an only child with NO living relatives and dependent on wonderful friends. I am, however, aware that those wonderful friends will bear the burden of turfing the amassed possessions of my life. I recently told one of those friends to secretly pitch the contents of my underwear drawer (referencing the murder mystery/having left the building idea never to return thing) because while the underwear is certainly clean and serviceable it isn’t particularly a legacy of what I would like my public persona to be remembered by (dangling preposition notwithstanding). My one particular friend is the executor of my so-called estate and she will be the one stuck with dealing with the whole sorry mess. So I try to think of her when I survey the amassed pile of possessions that in part live in my basement. Mind you, they are labelled and in plastic containers. I have a label maker. Sigh. Now and again, I try to follow this philosophy so I gather things of a like nature, organize them on shelves and move to the next “thing”. But, it simply becomes the basement dance or docey-do (sp.?). One of the things that stops me “getting rid” is that inevitably two weeks after I have done so, I find a TH-cam entry that demonstrates how I could have turned that thing into an amazing crafty extravaganza. But, yes. Just GIVE IT UP! The stuff you accumulated when you were establishing yourself as an adult in 1976 is the stuff no one you know necessarily wants which is fair dues. Personally I should never bring anything new into the house unless I get rid of an old never-has-seen-the-light-of-day-in-a-year item beforehand. I think it may be physics and eventually the house could explode. Oh dear! Long story longer! Whew! Quite the therapy session, Kallie! But a reality check nonetheless. And so true. So you have inspired me to try to minimalize my executor friend’s horror by addressing this issue. The murder mystery element of what would confront those left behind if I were to abruptly meet my end on a Wednesday night theme causes one to pause, possession-wise, in a serious way. I am off to get my label maker! And … I know I am not alone. As a result, you must know that I have thoroughly enjoyed this particular vlog of yours because it hits home completely!
My sister passed a few years ago and she was a “collector”. It took us forever to clean out her house. After that I started to declutter so no one would have to do that for me. The kids are grown so when they come over I have them go through the box’s I have ready to go.
I've never heard of this before! It can be a morbid thought, but also a really beautiful and thoughtful practice. On a related note, as it relates to people "death cleaning" in preparation for shuffling off this mortal coil, there are other things that can be helpful for loved ones that are left behind. This is a little off topic, but read on, if interested... One of my relatives had done everything, and I mean EVERYTHING, in preparation for his eventual "graduation" ( as my great grandmother called it.) He had bank accounts set aside ahead of time, to pay automatically for utilities, mortgage, etc., for over 2 years. All of the necessary paperwork, bills, company numbers, insurance info, numbers for repair people, (all the things that he'd normally take care of) were all collected, stored, properly labeled, and easily accessible for his wife. His funeral arrangements were all pre-arranged and already paid for. He had even arranged for his wife to receive flowers on their anniversary, after he passed. His "in the event of my death" folder was so comprehensive, that his loved ones didn't have to life a finger. Instead, they were unburdened by any extra stress. They had time to simply grieve and say goodbye. He was always the strong, silent type, hardly ever overtly emotional, always reserved. It wasn't until he passed away that his family truly understood just how much he loved them.
Wow that’s amazing!! So sorry for their passing though. I need to find out more about this. I’m young, but I know from my Grandad’s death that the sooner you consider these things the easier it is. By the time he actually considered it he’d accumulated so much stuff. He didn’t even manage to label all his photos before he died (he did photography and took a lot of photos of remote areas, which means it’s less identifiable to others). My Grandma had her work cut out for her when he passed, thankfully for her she’s ruthlessly practical. She’d been to those places too and has an excellent memory which also helped. But it was still difficult and caused preventable conflict when she threw things out that others had wanted. I wouldn’t want to do that to anyone, especially since I don’t know anyone who could manage as well as my Grandma. Even though I don’t have half as much as he did, I’ve noticed how stuff (and paperwork) accumulates over time and I can imagine it would be a real nightmare if I had to sort through my whole life at once! Keeping it in mind as I go seems much more manageable
I always worry about if there's ever an emergency and paramedics or my landlord has to come to my apartment I'd be mortified at how cluttered and messy my space is. Love this concept. Another good tip when deciding whether to keep something or not is to ask yourself if you could replace it in under 20 minutes for 20$ or less, if the answer is yes it's easier to let it go.
I'm the same, just this week I was unwell and it hit me how awfully cluttered my flat is and how mortified I would be if the doctor had to come put to me. I have boxes of old paperwork that I just will never need. Hell, I have a box of cassette tapes from when I was at u iversity and recorded my lectures...18 years ago! I do struggle with sentimental attachment to things too, gifts people give me and the like, even if I never use it then I struggle to throw it away. There's a part of me that worries about waste and the like too. This whole vid is a big call out and wake up call at the same time. Thanks for the 20 minute/ £20 replacement tip.
If you have time and energy to be mortified about emergency services judging your apartment's clutter, maybe you're not having a real emergency after all.
@@hawkeyescoffee6399 you’re not alone so don’t feel bad. I have things from 20-30 years ago I need to let go. Why? The psychology is so interesting and I’m working to overcome it. I think the task seems overwhelming sometimes and that gives another excuse to avoid it. I’ve been slowly getting through it and it’s taken about a year and I’m not done. I’m allowing myself more time and I’m hoping by the holidays I will have accomplished a lot more.
It's good for clutter, but not so sustainable. But to prevent accumulating more clutter I hope people will ask themselves a lot of times if they need it, if they can't borrow it, etc
Dear Kallie: I think this video is my all time favorite. I have been on a de-cluttering campaign for about 6 months and the feeling I get when I open a cupboard or drawer that I’ve completed lasts and lasts. Your brother’s leather jacket story is one that touched me deeply. This past month I “let go” of my Mom’s china, keeping a divided vegetable serving piece. It was enough, I didn’t need everything else that took up two bins in my house. I bask in her memory. Thanks.
I started doing this "death cleaning" stuff, in my own home, before I knew it had a name, after watching my parents downsizing. So many things that could have been used by others sat dormant in their home for YEARS. Yes! The space is so much calmer without the clutter. Keep up the good work 👍
I always make sure the house is immaculate when I go away on a trip, in case the plane crashes, etc. It has the nice effect of coming home to a clean house😄
I held onto perfumes my mother gave me over 20 years ago. After watching your video I finally got the courage to throw them out. Going to get the book so I can keep going 🥰
We just recently went through a total basement cleaning and re-organization. I have come to the realization that if I haven’t used it in two years, it’s best to get rid of it. The whole process has been quite cathartic!
I had a close call in my early 30s. I was already tidy & minimalist but I went through everything after I got out of hospital I went through everything even more ruthlessly. A couple of decades and a couple more brushes with death later, and now it is just how I live!
I am so happy I found this video!! My precious momma passed away 4 months ago and it has been a long sad process of going through all her 81 years of saving every little thing! It has been hard but also very comforting knowing how much she loved her family and saved every gift ever given to her. After finishing her house, garage, shop, she shed and tack room. Im going to do the Swedish death clean out on my home, shop garage she shed and tack room. If I haven't used it in a year, I don't need to keep it! I do not want my kids to ever have to do this when Im gone! Thank You for making this incredible video!!
I currently host stuff from 4 different changes of dwellings, from a huge house to a medium-sized flat. And I kept as many items as I could, some in a basement with its door safely locked for 6 years now. Not even remembering what is inside. Your video gave me strength to change the things I can, and it's starting right NOW. Thanks for your energy.
When covid first hit and we are all in quarantine I did this with my sisters help. 3 years later I am right where I started (and waaayyyy more of what I had before). I got laid off in January and I am working on this at this very moment. I get so overwhelmed and my sister sees it but she knows it's something I have to do on my own for my own mental well-being.
When I was young, my grandmother told me she was planning to get rid of all of her old diaries, photos and letters as she didn't want anyone else reading them after her death. Being in my twenties at the time, it sounded very strange to me even bit cruel to the memories of her past. But now I understand completely why she did it. I have also shredded old diaries, letters, pictures of old boyfriends/places/parties I don't want my children to see. I didn't realise it was called "death cleaning" but it does free you from the past mistakes whether those are bad memories written in the pages of diaries or just fashion related horrors in your closet.
I just realized why I enjoy your videos so much, Kallie: anyone could present a list of principles for cleaning, organization, or efficiency and it would be valuable on some level … but it is YOUR unique perspective, the way you describe things, the analogies you use, and the personal stories you share that make your videos consistently extra special and take them to the top of my watchlist. Thank you so much for the time, effort, and heart you put in everything you do! 😊👏🏼❤️
My wonderful father-in-law passed away last year, and having been raised by Depression Era parents, he saved everything. My husband and his siblings are digging through barns (yep, plural) of stuff, from large outdated machinery and equipment and furniture to tools, clothes -- basically anything that could one day be used or once had value. He also loved a good auction. It is completely overwhelming to contemplate. I am not a hoarder myself, but still -- way too much. This practice is three-fold: easing into life where you've acquired enough to be comfortable, recognizing that needs and wants are often exclusive, and choosing to avoid burdening your kids and family. I adored my FIL -- such a kind and loving and profoundly generous man, but the stuff is taking up so much time and energy. It's been a good lesson for me in my 50's to consider the less is more approach.
I am Swedish American, and I totally understand this every year I do a purge of my house and I feel so good! You can actually find the things that you love so much faster and I appreciate the mower. ❤
I’m really having to get past the “in case we need it” type of thinking. My family didn’t have much growing up and my parents were sometimes barely able to keep food on the table… so we threw away very few things. Even things we weren’t currently using, because the chances of us being able to afford replacing at item in the future was slim… but now that I’m more financially stable and able to replace certain items if necessary, I still struggle to let go of things (why spend money on a new one, when I can just keep the one we already have in storage?) 😩
If it cost less than £20 to replace... get rid of it Trust me if u don't use it now u won't use it in the next week, month, year Anything u haven't used in 1 year get rid of it !
I think it's good to keep usable things, but I guess problems come when you have so many things in general that it get's harder to keep track of what you have and don't have. So even if you had the item you needed, you might not find it through all the stuff, and then you'll go shopping for a new one. And the cycle continues.
This is my family 100%. I still have totes and boxes in my apartment that were never unpacked and we've been here like 12 years and readying to move again in six months...I haven't laid eyes on let alone used this stuff so it's got to go. Our new place will be shared with 2 more people as we're combining households and there's no way I'm paying rent on a storage unit or renting and white-knuckle driving a larger moving truck for things that aren't being used or worth the additional cost of storing, transporting and taking up the limited space we have only to be moved again in a few years.
I like to keep a "maybe" boxes with stuff that I think I might still maybe use in the future. Then I label it with the date of today and put it in a place out of sight. About 2 times a year I will go through those maybe boxes. Didn't use something for over a year? Then I can get rid of it. Every item I have in my house that I don't use is costing me space, it's costing me time to go through it over and over again, it's costing me time to clean and so on. So even if I paid money for it at some point, it will be cheaper in the long run to get rid of it. First I ask my friends and family of they use it. What's left is sold if it's over 10€, the rest goes to charity or the dumpster.
My grandma started giving us the things she wants each of us to have as gifts for Christmas each year. As someone who has cleaned out houses after my dad died and then again my mom, I can say that It’s so much more special to have your loved one gift you the things they specifically want you to have while they’re still alive, and so much easier than to have to sort through a mountain of stuff while you’re already emotionally distraught and can’t imagine getting anything go. This helped her clear out her house and then move into a retirement community reducing her own burden but also that which is left for us.
My grandmother and great-grandmother did this too. I treasured these gifts more because they were still alive at the time so I felt closer to them, and it also made it a bit easier on my parents' generation, when it came time to sorting out what was left after they died.
My parents died a year apart. My father having been in WW2, they were of the mentality of that era, and held onto everything. The contents of their basement alone, would have provided for the entire neighborhood in an apocalyptic event. It was organized hoarding. Buying many items because they were ‘on sale’. The task left to my sister and I was horrendous, but we sorted methodically through things that revealed lots of gems. We learned a lot that we hadn’t known about our parents. What we chose to do, was look through for items we wanted, and then hired an Estate Sale company. They pulled items to sell, and took the remaining to charity, and shelters that my parents often provided for. It was so worth the money it cost to do this, as it saved our sanity. We both went home and did massive cleaning and organizing of our own homes, and vowed to NEVER leave a task like that to our loved ones. Watching this made me look around the house with itchy fingers, wondering what I can get rid of!
You and your parents sound like great, caring people. l recently came from a shelter to an apartment 🙏and can tell you firsthand how what may seem a small thing can mean SO MUCH when you have so little. It's people like you that help make the world a better place ! P.S. You are funny , too. Be well , my Friend!
I so rarely comment on videos but this was just A1. Very realistic examples of the struggles of letting items go and the mental gymnastics we perform to (usually incorrectly) convince ourselves that our lives are enhanced by hanging onto random things.
I really felt for you when you talked about your brother’s jacket. I have similar items from lost family members that I need to deal with. It’s finally time. Thanks.
I’m 74, and purging things so my daughters will not have to is big on my mind. I have one small memory bin, with a few things in it. Sometimes I think I should write a note as to what meaning they have. A project for another time. Tidying ever day before going to bed started when my children were very young, I worked with a person who was a volunteer firefighter, there was a front page picture of a house that had a fire, it was truly a mess. Commenting on it, he said, “you should see some of the houses we go into”. From that time, before bedtime, I would say to my kids, “straighten up incase the firemen come”. Now it never occurred to me that this would give them nightmares, which it didn’t, but it did develop the habit of tidying up. Now that I am older, I think to myself, straighten up incase the paramedics come….. Tidying up just becomes a habit.
Write that letter now. Don't put it off! I lost my mom very unexpectedly in May she had just turned 61. I so wish I had found some hand written stuff like that.
Please make a recording of your voice, as well. It doesn't have to be a long message. Anything will do. A bedtime story, a simple 'I love you", or even nagging at them to clean their room if they have that sort of silly sense of humor. I have pictures and treasured items and cherished memories... but I will never hear his soothing voice again. 🥺
My favorite saying is "The hearse doesn't have a luggage rack!" But I have a lot to declutter. I started 2 years ago at 66 and it is getting physically harder to deal with my clutter. I am an artist and have collections of old frames and other items. I am going to buy the book when I get off here. I love this gal though, she is so sweet and positive. Happy New Year!
That sounds like such a freeing way to look at decluttering and the REASONING behind it. I liked when you said - if you weren’t here tomorrow, what would you want to leave behind? Sobering… But also freeing. Thank you! 🎉
Yesterday I watched your 53 things to declutter video. Awesome! I stopped at each new category and went on search mission in my own home. Took me about 2 hours but I found 100 items now on way to thrift store or tossed out. Feels so good. Your videos are so practical and inspiring. Thank you, thank you, thank you ❤️
This is my absolutely favourite book! I tell anyone who will listen about it. The older people in my family think I’m so morbid but I keep telling them it’s actually a huge positive and celebration of your things!!
I lost my Mom 5 years ago and she had been living with us for the last couple of years of life due to cancer. I have struggled with parting with her belongings. This has definitely given me a new perspective. Thankyou ❤️
I am just a few minutes in, but seeing how many book jackets were in that basket made my heart soar because it means these kids get read to A LOT. Yeah, the crumpled up covers kinda hurts a little bit, but the main thing is truly the reading together part. 💕
I just helped my best friends (she passed) 2 daughters go through her clothes. Took many hours to just get through 2 closets. Called it a day without cleaning out the 3rd. We were shocked at the amount of clothes. I said right then “I will not do this to my girls.” So I really appreciate this video and I’m gonna get started on my own “stuff.” 😜
It's so interesting to see everyone's process and preferences. I used to be a die hard keep the book jacket and keep it nice person, but in the last year or so I felt like taking jackets off books made them feel more grown up and display worthy. Also, just know that someone else was able to honor your brother by using his jacket as it was intended to live its jacket life.
Here we don’t have book jackets. I used to love them and think it was beautiful or special, like where I buy the original english books, but they never stay nice and get destroyed. And then I understand why here they are almost never on books. Only for special editions, or the original versions. Québec authors rarely edit a book with them.
You expressed this process so rationally. Thank you. A few year's ago I observed someone with a terminal diagnosis spend the last part of her life organizing her amazing memories. She did this so her children could see her amazing life. When they came to clear out her space, they just tossed all of her memories into the dumpster. It was sad to watch. Both the misspent time at end of life and the callousness of her children.
I would like to share a story, which might help add to the perspective. Over the years a man's wife would go around their house and "touch up" the paint in areas she noticed needed touching up. One day they got into some sort of argument. During the argument she said something like, "And, for years I've been touching up all the paint that gets messed up. You've never once helped me!" He responded, "Wait a minute. I never asked you to do that. True, I've never helped you. But you didn't ask me to. That was something that you wanted to do. Frankly, I thought it was a bit obsessive. But, I never said anything except it looked great. If you had wanted my help, you could've asked. But, you did that touching-up for you, not for me." His point in sharing that story with me had to do with several things, including owning what I was doing because I wanted things a certain way. And, also my feelings of resentment for not being appreciated, or having the other person value my "work." I learned to think about how much stuff I do because thats "my thing" but project it onto others as if I am doing it "for them." Often, its my anxiety that goes up when certain things don't get done, frequently enough, or the "right way." Thus, arguments, resentments, etc. In your example, perhaps this lady did "do all that for her kids." And, it appears they did not appreciate it, by basically tossing it out. And, the added perspective is: maybe she did it for her self? Maybe it helped her with her approaching death. Maybe she "needed" to do it for some deeper reasons, including the intention of her kids appreciating or treasuring the outcome. Therefore, if it helped her, it was definitely not wasted effort. That said, perhaps it also serves as an example to you (and anyone reading your comment) as a warning of sorts. It reminds me of my own father who got a terminal diagnosis and was expected to live less than a year. He was remarried and spent tens of thousands remodeling the house "so (his wife) wouldn't have to worry about anything." He worked on nearly everything: Remodeled Kitchen, new appliances, new floors, AC/Heater, yard sprinkler system, etc. He shared with me his dream of "traveling through the Bering Strait and seeing Alaska." Now, my dad was 100% a workaholic. But, he was in incredible pain that last bit of time. Yet, he was always "too busy" to spend much time with any of us in that post-diagnosis time, which was short. By the time he passed, the house was definitely in tip-top shape. He never went to Alaska. Shortly after he died, she sold the house. He did what he chose with his time.
Uda Limb , all I can glean from your stories and Life lessons is Lay up your treasures in heaven where moths wont rot them or someone break in a steal them for where your treasure is there will your heart be also the scripture says 😔 so sad to read how the man fixed up the house spending his last to beautify and renovate the house only for if to be sold after he passed away and put so much money and work into restoring the house, he should have went on the trip he always wanted, to Alaska with his money, but I guess he wanted to make her his wife happy, and that was fulfilling to him , to renovate the house , Life so hard ,sometimes it yeilds itself to so many broken dreams ,the graveryard is filled with plenty of that 😔 But The Lord says cast all cares upon me for I care for you ! Jesus said "He that believeth in me though he were dead yet shall he live", Thank God for that comfort , and hope of promise of the world beyond this one if we trust in Jesus/ God🙂
I have started this. Done my bathroom and kitchen and already noticed the difference. Its liberating to declutter. Started my living room and I cant part with some things so I've put them up the loft and will revisit it in a few months with a view of halfing it at least
Thanks for sharing this! A few decades ago, my mom passed away really young. She was the greatest mom, and also she hoarded, thinking we’d want collections of everything under the sun when we got older. It was difficult to live with all the things when she was alive (I’m talking floor-to-ceiling, wall-to-wall), and it was especially difficult to live amongst them after she died. My dad was so stricken with grief and overwhelmed at the thought of throwing any of it away that it was left to my little brother and I (8 and 12, respectively) to throw things away and clean covertly if we wanted the house to become livable again; not a fun year. I really appreciate that people are thinking about how people grieve them after they’re gone- memories from life > stuff. I certainly think my mom would have done this had she realized how short her time with us was to have been. Tack
This makes perfect sense. I had that aha moment when we were cleaning out my aunt's things after she passed away. She loved snow globes. Her collection was well over 3,000. A collector came in and offered $1,000 for the whole collection and they would box it up and take it. That amount of two 33 cents per snow dome. That was even for some that were hundreds of dollars for one. Just because I love it doesn't mean my loved ones want it.
So true! I have five sons and every time they visit I ask them and their wives if there's "anything in this house you want?" They all look at me like deer in the headlights and say, 'not that I can think of, we really don't need anything' 😅 I'm proud that they can say no and love the keepsakes ideas of pictures and ornaments. They do love ornaments each year... How perfect!
I’ve been having a really hard time lately with decluttering things that belonged to my mom before she passed away, but I had a mental breakthrough recently that I feel I should share… most of the things I was holding onto, I didn’t even have specific memories that connected the item to my memories of her in any way. I was keeping it because it belonged to her. And the thing is, she was not a materialistic person. She raised me not to be materialistic… and yet I had been holding onto these things that had no inherent value, not even sentimental value because they weren’t even special or important to her. Individually these items reminded me of her (and ONLY because she once held them in her own hands) but collectively, I was almost disrespecting her memory in a way because she cared way more about people than about things. I don’t know if any of that makes sense, but that was something that really helped me declutter a lot of “sentimental” items that really had no actual sentimental value.
I struggle with this idea as well. My mother is 92 and has downsized a few times. But she still has her China, and China figurines as well as those of her parents and even a couple from her grandparents. My siblings have zero interest in these things, and they will trash everything rather than letting me select any key pieces. Like you say it isn't her they represent but memories of tea time with my grandparents and my mother long ago. Her wonderous baking served on those dainty plates we kids so carefully handwashed and dried. I want them to be cherished not as items but as memories, and I'm sad that a teacup isn't used anymore as a gathering for a nice visit with mutigenerations.
I do think this is a cool idea. Although when my family cleaned out my grandpa's house after he was gone, we found all kinds of neat things. Sure he had a lot of junk, but it was fun to laugh about and talk about how he was. I don't look at going through a loves ones things as a burden, but I can definitely see how it could be for others
This struck a chord with me. I had to clean out my mom’s home when she died. It was overwhelming and heartbreaking. There was so much stuff and I was only able to keep a fraction of it. Pictures and a few sentimental items. I just didn’t have room or a need for most of it in my home. Some was donated to charity but at some point I had to start throwing things away. I was sobbing as I filled garbage bags. I swore I wouldn’t do the same thing to my family when I pass.
That was heartbreaking to read. Thanks for your insight it definitely will impact me as well on what I will keep and burden others with
@@Lunatheia ❤️
Same thing happened to me a few weeks ago and it is heartbreaking when the things they collected and stored all their life ends up in a land fill site. Sure some things went to charity but a lot didn't. I totally get it. Thanks for sharing x
@@beckywebb9597 I’m so sorry you had to go through that. I get it.
Thank you you too x
A hint I learned awhile ago regarding sentimental clutter: take a picture of it. Then you can get rid of the physical item and still have the memory attached to the item. 🌻
!!! Absolutely doing the same! It helps soo much
I do it! It really helps!!!
I came here to say this. You beat me to it😁 It really does help and doesn't seem to carry the guilt of finding the object that you forgot about for some time. It's more of a delight was you see the picture again.
I do this with all the kids "artwork" (they're 6 and 8)
Oh wow
One question that many must ask themselves is "How financially feasible is it for me to replace this item once it is gone if I need it again?" Income, or the lack of it, plays a large role in such decisions for a growing number of people these days, especially as we watch the prices of our most basic, necessary items continue to unreasonably escalate. There is an old saying that has served people well, while also giving them a greater appreciation for the value of the few things they had during hard times: "Use it up, wear it out, make it do, or do without." Despite the obvious wisdom of this old adage, there still must be a proper balance. Declutter is necessary for all of us, and videos like this make it easier to face!
That saying is my mantra. I have a great depression book/cookbook and a hoarder mother. Add those together and I do NOT like having clutter.
I have a hard time letting go because as a child, we moved every few months and I would lose everything. It was heartbreaking for me. I cried about losing my favorite baby doll for at least 2 years.
Now, I have a hard time getting rid of anything that I think I might need again. I don't want to spend money on something I should have kept. I've thrown out all my clothes when I've gained or lost weight and then had to replace those items, so now I keep it all, as long as it's something I would wear if it fit. If I no longer like the style, I'll get rid of it, no problem.
My teenage daughter is now wearing all my clothes from last time I was skinny a few years ago.
This brings me so much joy, but also blows my mind. I can't believe I was ever so thin! And it wasn't even that long ago!
Absolutely! Great point. This is exactly why people of the Great Depression have such a tendency to hoard. There MUST be a balance or the blessing can turn to a huge burden…..stuff has to be stored and maintained. If it is costing more to do that you’re going backwards not forwards👌
I know. I've always been poor and I can't make myself throw stuff away bc WHAT IF I NEED IT 🙃
@@lexibat7829 Those meaningful momentos would be the absolute hardest things to lose, in my opinion. I am a very sentimental person, and have things that are meaningless and worthless to other people that I wouldn't sell or give away for anything, if I could help it. I'm so sorry for the pain you feel at having lost things that meant a lot to you! Good to see that you are placing value on those things that truly are with you forever, though.
The way the cost of living is rising more often and in higher than ever increments, and the shortage problem in production and availability with seemingly everything may make replacing things harder, if not impossible going forward into the future. Not trying to be an alarmist, but it is certainly worth considering, particularly for people who are unable to work for whatever reason, and know that they they never will, for those who have disabling health issues, for example. It's really a matter of taking stock of your own situation and being honest with yourself to determine what is truly going to make for a happier, more productive life where you still have as much of what you need and want as realistically possible. If it causes more stress than it relieves by keeping things, then you are certainly wise to be rid of it, provided the chance of being able to replace it in the future is fairly certain should you need it again, just as you said. It's all about finding the balance, and that can look different for everyone.
When my 101 yo Mother went into nursing home, I invited all my family for a weekend at her home so we could get it ready to be sold. We spent the weekend laughing, loving, and picking out items that each person really wanted to treasure and take. It was a wonderful and memorable family time. Our real estate agent connected us with a local liquidator for the rest of the household items. What a blessing that was. The house was emptied out, cleaned and put on the market. My Mom will be turning 103 in a few weeks and all her assets were turned into funds that supports her care. She is unburdened by “stuff” and she is happier for it and when she does pass, we can all come together again and celebrate her remarkable life.
Wow what a great testimony and wonderful advice! God bless your Mom. I said a prayer for her ❤️
So happy for your statement that "I will never be a minimalist." That's how I also feel.
I am in the process of decluttering and letting things go. But it's an ongoing process...
Trying hard not to leave behind a ton of PAPER and things my kids or grands won't use...my home will never be perfect.
Realizing my kids won't have the emotional attachment that I do has helped.🙂👍
I pray she is well today.
@@christalone0188 She was 103! How well can someone that age be? She's not going to live forever.
We should have done that but most everything was placed on the curb.
Now I understand my grandmother better. A couple years before her death she started gifting us things that we enjoyed from her home while she threw things out that no one wanted. My sister was really uncomfortable with it because she was not happy talking about the eventual death of my grandmother but actually I think she was really wise. She did not want to burden us with her stuff while she made sure we have the things from her that we really enjoy and she came up with this idea without reading about it. I think it's amazing. I have just 3 things from her and they are much more special to me and I always think about the moment she gave it to me.
My grandma did the same and I’ll always be eternally grateful for this. I was the only one left in the family so I had to take care of everything. But it was so little. Her funeral was already planned and paid for and she has gotten rid of most of her things. I was in my early twenties. I would have not been able to deal with a whole house of stuff.
My grandmother has been randomly sending us things for the past 5 years or so. She told me “I keep sending you my stuff hoping that God will get the hint”. She’s 94 I love that she can find humor in literally everything.
I had a resident who did this! Cleaning up and decluttering for when she died. Still kicking and in her mid 90s.
My dad is doing this now. I had mixed feelings but your comment has me looking at it very differently. Thank you! 🤗
My beloved Uncle and his wife did the same... when we came to their home after they sadly both died of natural causes in two weeks one after another... it was totally organised and EVERY item had a Sticker beneath with the name of the person who should get it if they want it. All what's leftover should be donated or sold and the money for this should go to a mother and child home.
It worked so well and the whole family was happy with it. My cousin (who is a lawyer) took care of making their last will happening.
I for myself only took one small item, and I always will remember them. 🙏❤
As an exhoarder, I had gone through cancer for two years - I decluttered 60+ boxes of stuff (mainly bedroom, personal gears, and clothing). I had no idea that I was literally doing "death cleaning." My goal was to have stuff that will only take my brother to clear out in 2 hours when I am no longer alive. It sounds morbid, but it's actually really motivating. In the end, I'm am clear on what's important and what's unnecessary clutter.
I hope you're doing better now and cancer free 🫶 that was amazing of you to clean so you didn't leave your loved once with that responsibility btw... A huge fear of mine when my mother passes is not knowing what to keep and what's junk because she has so much I'm scared id just keep it all and carry on the hoarding x
I know this is an old comment but I really hope you're doing alright. Sending love
After my mom died unexpectedly, I went into her Amazon account to unsubscribe from Prime, and this Swedish Death Cleaning book was sitting in her cart. I don’t think she somehow mystically knew she was going to die, but she was 60, so I think she was just trying to prepare for the inevitability. It was heartbreaking that she wanted to do this but ran out of time 💔
❤️ So sorry for your loss
@@Jan-100 thank you
So sorry for your loss, I lost my dad in 2018 and he was my best friend and I wish I could say it gets easier and it somewhat does and then sometimes you have a sucky day and you miss them Ike it was yesterday they left. You can view cleaning out her Amazon prime account as a sort of serendipitous gift since you now know what the book is about you can save your kids the task of having so much to go through. I’m 46 and my mom is a hoarder and I didn’t know there was a whole thing with death cleaning bc I’ve always kind of cleaned this way on instinct. Maybe that’s my little bit of Swedish DNA manifesting itself lol. Sending you love and peace it’s never easy to lose a parent bc no matter our ages we will always need them. ❤️
@@lovelight792 I’m so sorry for your loss as well. Thank you for sharing your experience and insight 💕
♥️
Swede here. Super common to go through and give away stuff to loved ones when you get older. My grandma gave me a lot of china, dining chairs, a Persian rug, and other lovely things. She just opened up her cupboards and asked us sibling to take what we wanted. So all of us now has things of hers and our grandpa that we genuinely love and cherish. She also got rid of a lot of stuff, giving it to charity and what not.
She past a few years ago, and sure there were a lot of stuff to go through anyways, but since we already had been given the things we wanted, it wasn't a terrible experience.
My grandmother started giving me her old jewellery when she got old. She didn't want me to get them when she died because then they'd bring sad memories.
Good. God bless you
@@GinkgoBalboa142 That is such a great sentiment.
lmao, old people trash, what a joke
@@GinkgoBalboa142That's a wonderful way to do it! My mother does the same thing with certain special pieces of her jewelry. She knows how terribly sentimental I am, though, and because quite a few things came from me, over the years, she is leaving a lot of it to me when she dies. I just hope that is still a long, long time, because I would certainly rather have her here than the jewelry, regardless of the value!
When I was living in Japan at the start of the new year my neighbor would empty out their entire home of furniture/decor/etc like they had just moved into a new home and would clean the entire house and then clean the furniture/etc and put it back into the house. To someone like me who has TONS of clutter it was mind blowing but I've always thought it was the most amazing thing ever. That's one way to motivate yourself not to clutter if you know it'll just be one more thing to move out and back into the house every new years.
Brilliant idea 💡👍
My mom did this room by room in the spring...it was such a great feeling when the whole house was finished!
I can see how that method would work. We're use to things being "in their spot" that we become blind to it. To move/empty it out and then put it back you get in this mood of, "do I wanna do that? It's so much work. Maybe I just get rid of it?" And we might be less incline to put it back and we can declutter
WOW
Moving the furniture out by itself would take an entire day for me. I guess it's easier if you have somewhere to actually put any of your stuff. I mean did they put all their furniture in the wet grass? Or the road?
I had a quilt from my great grandmother made in 1908. It was falling apart and full of dust and decay. I took it apart, threw out the backing and filling, and cut the front part into squares for framing. I sent a bunch to all my relatives on her side, so we could all have a small piece of her.
What a great idea.
That’s beautiful and thoughtful
My grandmother embroidered pillowcases but back in the 1980's no one in the family wanted linens that didn't match the sheets so I took them all, cut off the embroidered sections & framed them. I then gifted each female decendant one as a keepsake. Still see them hanging in many of the homes today.
That's a wonderful idea.
My mom took an old moth-eaten quilt that her grandmother had made, and cut star shapes out of the good parts. She then turned them into Christmas ornaments and gave them out to family members.
I cried through this entire video. My mother passed unexpectedly 6 weeks ago. She has horded 3 bedrooms full floor to ceiling and most of a 3 car garage. She loved to shop QVC, online and thrift stores. 2-3 days a week I've been going through everything. Donating half and going to sell the other half. Memories are being found everywhere. One of my favorites is a JCPENNEY catalog from 1983.
Anyway, this whole process has been so much work and my dad's house looks so torn up. I'm slowly getting him his house back and he's learning to live alone. 💞
I'm sorry you have to deal with such a huge amount of stuff. It might be better to donate the majority of it because it will a: help others and b: make the process go more quickly.
I'm so sorry for your loss, Bless you and your family.
Aww im so sorry! Praying for you!!
Sorry for your lost, maybe your dad doesn't have to live alone. Consider having him move in with you.
I am going to throw this out there if it will help I could use clothes and I'm looking for a sewing machine I was ripped off on fb recently for a sewing machine i could pay for shipping
After our honeymoon and returning to our home after a week, I told my wife this: “We lived perfectly happy with all the items in one suitcase and a backpack (each had one of each) plus the basics of a hotel room. So why do we have so much stuff at home that we never use?” We still have a lot years later, but now that we are in the process of moving to a bigger house (child number 2) we’re getting rid of everything we don’t use. One tip that I find useful is to tackle one small section at a time. You see a whole room a mess and get defeated before you start. So just pick one thing. The mess on the desk. Okay 30 minutes later your desk in clean and the room slightly cleaner. And before you know it all those sections over the next few days the room is clean. Tip 2: if you don’t use it, get rid of it. If you think you might, store it in s bin in the basement and put a date on it. If you don’t use anything in that bin for a month, 2, 3, do you truly need it? Good luck! I know I still have s lot to do. Clean and decluttered is a journey not a destination. Remembering to reset a room to how you entered it helps. Oh and briefly mentioned in the video we take a lot in and not a lot out. So maybe every time you buy something, get rid of something you don’t use. Keep the flow 1:1, not 100 in: 2 out. This is s long comment. Hope it helped 1 person. Even if it’s myself.
I'm definitely going to use the bin tip, never thought of that. Thank you for sharing your tips!! Hope your decluttering went well
@@mikadune7516 It did. During the move we actually rented a dumpster and trashed anything that couldn’t be donated. We thought about selling some things, but that would take time. Plus if it didn’t sell we might end up keeping it. So anything we thought of selling, we gave to friends and family who wanted it. The rest donated or trashed.
Now our clutter is just baby related. But that’s easily managed as they age, cycling in new toys, books, and clothes.
We’ve also cut way back on obtaining things (Non baby related).
It’s hard, but as long as you do a little a day, it’s more than nothing.
The 1 minute rule has also helped. If you can do something in 1 minute or less; just do it as you think of it. It’s easy to say I’ll do it later or tomorrow, but if you just do it now, it’s done.
@erics2091 That's awesome! It sounds like it's going really well!
I started to do it just with boxes. Mostly work and sketch books coupled with a few other things, but it's really shown a difference. It's helped me quite a lot.
I hope it continues to go well with you and your family!
Thanks for this ❤
All great tips. I love the bin idea. And trying to help my family clean, we normally get the "defeated before you even start" mood when trying to clean. Breaking it into sections works wonders. If you have 10 sections in a room and do one a day, you can have it clean it 10 days! Maintaining those sections is another issue, but once you clean a section once, it's less intimidating because you're more confident in your skills the next time. Happy decluttering :)
This is a really Scandinavian thing. In our culture talking about death and what happens after you're gone (legally, financially, materialistic, emotionally etc.) is pretty common. Some might call it morbid, but it's realistic and a sign of love to those you leave behind. All my grandparents did it, and usually the family participates. *Update* : My beloved mom has sadly died suddenly from aggressive cancer. On Christmas Eve 2022. Even before we knew of her disease, we did it, because our dad died in 2014, also from cancer. She was re-married a week before she died (to a man she was really in love with and had moved in with), so all the legal stuff was taken care of as well. All of that out of the way, it gives more time to grief and reflect, and for that I'm thankful.
I hope this becomes a more common practice around other parts of the world. Here in the US so many people aren't prepared and are overwhelmed by the logistics as well as their feelings at the same time.
It is not morbid, it is being thoughtful to your survivors.
I think it happens in more cultures than people think. My In-laws are doing this. The important thing is though.... the adult children are involved. My in-laws aren't purging items that were integral parts of their children growing up or that they might want. They're asking first. My MiL did however digitize all the family photos and video and then made a hard drive for each and a photo album. She had the kids already take their favorites from the different decor for the holidays. She sold a lot of the rest. I believe there's a time to accumulate and a time to downsize. When you're raising your babies and you're meant to be busy making memories isn't the time to be thinking about what to do with potential family heirlooms.
Not morbid at all IMHO. Makes perfect sense. It's very common in the US to avoid any thoughts or mention of death, and preparation for our eventual demise is minimal. I wish we could change it.
My daughter and I talk about it all of the time. I already have my headstone.
Love this video and the realness expressed here. Fun fact: In Germany (and other European countries perhaps) there is this habit of putting a box near the entry door of apartment houses in cities, and they label it "for free" and people just put small items like clothing or toys for their neighbours or people who are passing by. I love it!
We do this in my small village in England too :)
This must be new. We did not do that in my city (München). Good idea though.
Hmmm my small village in England didn’t but it’s a great idea!!!
@@glee_again2594 mine neither but we do have 12 charity shops instead!
I love that idea so much!!
Im from Sweden, and I had NO IDEA it was called "swedish death cleaning". I heard the concept last year from an older relative (She is 90 now) when she casually told me that she has finished her death cleaning. It sounded so scary to use that term for me, but I asked her about it and she explained. Its a really good thing, I have seen a lot of people clean out after relatives and how much it hurts them. Its really respectful to take care of your own stuff and not leave it on others who must do it while grieving.
Your Swedish pronunciation is pretty good for someone not learning the language
I'm from Sweden too, and I have never heard about "swedish death cleaning".
@@marlenealdalki4209 maybe the Swedes are the only ones that organised? : )
I think it's a play on Swedish Death Metal? Not sure why it is called Swedish
Im from sweden to. Never heard of it before 😂
@@stephanieann9770 nah, i checked and its only cause the person creating the name "death cleaning" is swedish. So it has nothing with music to do 😅😅
My grandmother used to have a professional photographer take her picture once a year- so she would have a good picture for her obituary! She was always giving her jewelry, her stuff, food away to us; she always wanted to see us smile….the idea of leaving us something after her death made no sense to her…..we learned the joy of giving, the freedom from clutter…..great video!
That is so awesome!
When my father passed suddenly at age 55, I inherited every item he owned. At the time, I had a three-year old and was ready to get pregnant again. My second child was born the year after his death, and I spent my children's precious early years combing through a mountain of stuff. It completely changed my perspective, and today I have no problem saying goodbye to any item that is not useful or beautiful. Let it go. Life is short and precious. Travel light.
Amen Travel light
That sounds so overwhelming. I'm really sorry for your experience 😔
✨travel light✨
Such a wise statement.
Thank you, Tricia.
@@natthebratster not easy, but oh, the lessons I learned
I went through this same thing with my 90 yr old 'hoarding ' mother. She's had to move into an adult community and we had to sell her home. She kept everything and has expected me to make the decision to get rid of her items. Her items include antiques, clothing from my dead Grandmother, Great Aunt, paternal Grandparents, and father...and genealogy material, fabric items, and paperwork as far back as 1960's. It was insane and she was very mean to me during this process. It had to happen but she didn't want to do it. The struggle was real. Love this video and the honesty!!! UNburden your family!!
So sorry you had to go through that - it sounds awful! Hopefully we can make the experience not as bad for our kids/friends/whoever has to deal with out stuff! Take care and look after yourself 💗
That would have been very unpleasant. One thing I keep in mind is older people come from an era where you kept everything in case you needed it, or it was expensive or hard to get. I think its also hard for some to let go of their old life and admit those days are gone. I hope you've recovered from the experience.
Thank you for your kind words.
My grandparents moved into an assisted living community before the pandemic and several of my family members were trying to get their house ready to sell and my grandma was literally pulling things out of the garbage and trying to keep them. I had to hide bags of garbage in my car to get rid of at another location. She was saving things like broken glasses, flower seed packets that weren't good anymore, receipts that were 20+ years old, scraps of paper she had written on that weren't needed anymore. Most of the work couldn't be done until they had moved out and she was basically banned from going back into the house because she kept trying to "rescue" stuff. Their kitchen cabinets were full of expired canned food, dry goods, and baking supplies because she couldn't really cook anymore and they mostly ate frozen dinners. My FIL is an even worse hoarder than my grandparents and I am not looking forward to doing that again 😥
Love and Support for doing the hard things! So often thankless, they are still necessary and the foundation we build upon.
I laughed at the “murder mystery “ cleaning. I have been a Flight Attendant for 30 years. I always clean/tidy my house before every trip… just in case??? 💖✈️🤣
Wow, I admire you! I hate flying, Lol!
Lol I do this anytime I leave for a trip. Especially scrub the toilet, kitchen and anything out that could be 'emberassing'
I clean before any trip because I love coming home to a clean house so all I have to worry about is unpacking.
I do the exact same thing…just in case or because I want to come home to a clean and tidy home…or a bit of both?
Me too! Coming home to a clean and tidy home after the red eye is so calming. And if anything happens (who knows?) all’s good. And yes as crew for 36 years it made my life easier. Now my husband adapts to this because I will be furious if there is chaos. And it sometimes is. Because he still lives there while I am away.
And this is why I love living in hotels with just the minimal things in my suitcase. So calming and freeing.
My favorite things about your channel that others hide: 1 - you don't edit out every single flub. 2 - you SHOW your clutter. I LOVE that you don't pretend to be miss perfect, which is why you are the only cleaning channel I watch on the regular.
I agree! 99% of people here in America have all sorts of useless junk hanging around in drawers, cabinets, boxes, and bins.
Well, this video is about clutter so she has to show us what she’s talking about
When I was young, we moved a lot, so we coined the phrase, "Clean like you're moving." We didn't want to ship stuff we didn't use, so it was easy to declutter, at least once a year, usually more often. Seems like the same idea, and really helps to keep "stuff" in proper perspective.
Same! I moved 8 times drought my childhood. I was so used to just getting rid of everything and moving that I made the decision to move out of my parents place, I was able to pack all my stuff in a day and be moved into my new house that evening
The book jackets make nice wall pictures in a frame. I picked my sons favourite books and framed the jackets and changed them seasonally or whenever. My son is 14 now and wants nothing to do with that now, but it was nice while it lasted.
That's so sweet!
That i such a great idea. :)
That's a great idea.
I’m with Miles - book jackets are a pain. I take them off immediately. I love the idea of framing the jackets from meaningful books. Such a sweet idea.
Great idea!
My family has always been "death positive". Planning, cleaning, etc so it's a smoother "transition".
We've just always done this. If someone is second guessing an item, it's usually followed by someone else saying, "CAN'T TAKE IT WITH YA!"
It does lead to a much less cluttered house. And we all kind of found "our thing".
Just one category of items, akin to a "collection" that we just don't feel guilty about keeping. One sister likes animals, one plants, my mother likes nice dining ware. Mine is tools. Clothes and tools is almost exclusively what I own.
It works out pretty great for our family.
Edit: since at least a few people saw this comment, I feel I should say... you shouldn't feel bound by having "extra" items. We all do too.
If you want a machine that dispenses cheese wiz into your mouth from your night table, then get it!
We're more along the lines of, "Don't fill your attic, basement and every closet with things you haven't seen in 5-10 years.
Nothing hurts more than having to bury a loved one then have to hire a dumpster to throw away your loved ones stuff.
One nightstand cheese wiz dispenser is NOT the end of the world...
Just don't have 24 of them 😄
Your edit is hilarious. I'm cackling 😂
I mean, if you are actually using the nightstand cheese wiz dispenser... if it is bringing you joy... then yes, keep it. 🤣
Amen!!debunked...!!! 60ft dumpster that I thought we'd never fill ended up overfill and extra charge after losing my brother in 2020. Lost of hours lost in putting multiple socket sets together and trying to fix garage tools before tossing. It is sad. When one is poor, we see value in everything. I'm not going to put my kids through the same. Donate, gift or toss is my new motto. Take a photograph for memory sake if need be. It's tough on survivors parting with what their loved ones held on to. Simplify. It's freeing. Now when my home is done, my mission is to help my momma. Lots of luck needed there. I literally found my old Disco dress in her attic. What does that tell ya...lol
Not debunked....stupid auto change! Not sure what happened there....
Contemplating the reality of our impending death… makes our lives today - that much sweeter. Poignant.
My brother passed away when he was 21 (I was about to turn 16). I got his guitar and you can imagine how much it meant to me even though I didn't play guitar (not for lack of trying). Years later I had the opportunity to give it to a teacher who knew how to play but didn't have one and was hoping to use it with her students. Giving it to her for this "cause" felt so good. I hope all the people can give their "brother's leather jackets" to someone and feel good about it.
This is so cool. I have done this without knowing it's a thing with a definition. I even have an "in case I get hit by a bus box" with all my important documents, photos of me that I'd want my friends and fam to use in my funeral, my CV so they know a timeline of my career path and accomplishments, and a book called "I'm dead, now what?" It tells people all your passwords, instructions for your debts and personal belongings, etc etc etc in order to make it easier on your friends and family. Through that process, I've gotten rid of a LOT of things!!! I related when you said it's a freeing process. I felt so many fears about unexpectedly dying, and doing this preparation at 29 yrs old made me feel so much better, knowing everything is in order. I was surprised how less afraid of death I am because I've done so much preparing.
That's a good thing.
What comes to my mind: I hope you don't wrote down really important things like passwords or pins from cash accounts, in case housebrakers find it. For that it's possible to register a responsible person at your bank.
(I hope the vocabulary is understandable.)
My grandma when she passed even had her obituary written. We didn't find it in her Bible till later tho unfortunately. But years before she passed any time someone got her a gift or said they liked something she put a piece of masking tape on the back with their name. Did make things easier when time came
I'd worry too much that, if the house was broken into, my identity could be stolen...?
Aeesome ! Well done. I’m 62 & am still working on it !!
You did all that, now you’re gonna out live everyone and die at 102 years old lol 😄
My heart stopped when you mentioned your brother’s leather jacket! My brother, who was my favorite person, died in 1986 at the age of 29. The unbelievable grief consumed me for years. I held on to his leather jacket too! I finally let it go recently, along with the remaining few pieces of clothing of my deceased mother. I had to have a friend put the clothing in bags and take them out of the house without me watching. At that moment I felt a rush of emotions, but once my friend removed the bags of clothes and reaffirmed to me that I was doing the right thing, I calmed down. I let myself feel that my memories of them are more important than the clothes they left behind. It wasn’t easy, but I gained a sense of control over how I want to honor and remember them, and I realized holding on to the clothes was, in part, me holding on to the grief. Thank you so much for sharing your story; how amazingly healing it is to know that someone else went through the same emotions over letting go of the same item: their brother’s leather jacket. Thank you.
Wow. Your so brave for going through with it. How are feeling now it's been some time?
Thank you for your bittersweet story. I can relate a lot. My husband died in 1986 when I was quite young, and I had his leather jacket. One day I found a partially smoked pack of cigarettes in his pocket, which somehow stung me even more. Right now I have been gradually cleaning my mom's house, and am still dealing with her prolific clutter.
We’re starting to get ready to retire and move in a few years so we’re starting to clean out the extra stuff. I still have Mom’s box of stuff her work brought us from her office after she died. It’s been taped up in the garage attic for 21 years. When we clean the garage this spring I’ve told my husband just to get rid of it without me knowing. I still can’t do it myself.
❤️
I would never get rid of that. Brave!
I had never heard of this before, but it makes a lot of sense. When my sweet mother passed away there was a lot of junk, but the napkins in her coat pocket or the toothpicks in her car would take my breath away with the vivid memories washing over me. But obviously I'm not keeping the toothpicks. So my solution was to write it down in a dedicated journal the memory attached to it. Then thank the item profoundly for being useful or bringing joy to my mom, and then say goodbye or release it so it could bring joy to someone else. I got to keep the memories, but not the objects. And saying goodbye to the things over and over again meant I could say goodbye to her a little bit at a time.
And photos. I use a photo scrapbook, then let others take and use the actually things.
OregonVirginia! what a unique idea. I love this. Then the written memory book itself also becomes a keepsake. When the time comes, my son will enjoy reading my thoughts and memories of his nana. I've got 4 female generations of memories in this brain so he better get ready 😅💙
@@SayLeeLee It’s an amazing idea! I hold onto things for sentimental value and the memories the item sparks.
For anyone coming in after the fact and interested in trying something that works, the above is a small part of the KonMari Method. Read the book. She has a series on Netflix now, but read the book.
Love this idea!!
The leather jacket story got me. How you got through that segment without losing it is a testament to your strength.
I on the other hand cried for you….
But, you are correct and I needed that honesty because I have a similar story. Son, not brother. 😢
I have some of my late father's coats. He passed 15 years ago. My ex wore the winter one while I wore my mother's winter coat. I think I can get rid of dad's because it also reminds me of the narc. ex. I will still wear mom's coat. It is better than any of mine..
I'm so sorry about the loss of your son. I too lost a child. I still have all her things and cannot bear to get rid of them.
Sending you love and light from my heart to yours, wherever you are. ❤
This is interesting. I'm turning 70 this year. I was a Horder for many years and had a hard time letting go of things. I lost my job and had to move from a 4 bedroom house to a 2 bedroom, so began my first Purge and letting go. It was harsh but I realized I was helping others out by giving stuff away (I hate yard sells, basically you're giving things away at a small price anyway but with more trouble). I let go of 3-4 truck loads of furniture and more. I moved to the 2 bedroom. Times got even tougher and was ending up having to move to a 1 bedroom, I had the bedroom and my son had the living room. As I was letting go of more things told my son to take things to the trash (lucky for us the dumpster was empty) as we put things by the dumpster (not in it yet) we came out and the place was full of people, they were asking why are we throwing out good stuff. Can't take it with us was my reply. Soon more people came and started cleaning up the outside dragging off so much stuff. A guy asked if we had anything else and I handed him a George Forman grill still in the box. I knew I would never use it. This was over 12 years ago. Now today I still have to much things. Last year 2021 was very strange, I am still in awe, I had 6 family members die none from covid. I almost died too from pneumonia. I made it with the help of my son (he took off of work to take care of me), thank God. It made me realize that I need to do that death cleaning cause I accumulated more and let my son help me go through this stuff right now not by himself when I'm gone, just get rid of stuff he wouldn't want at the end. It is a chore and I have a tendency to put it off. Maybe we can make a game of it. I didn't know that a book was written about death cleaning. Good video.
🙏💕💕💕 Very very admirable - I wish my mother and Aunt could do this. Hoarding not only can increase healthy issues b/c of all of the accumulated dirt and dust that they can’t get too, but spiritually it weighs and burdens them down. My aunt refuses to let anyone in her house. You are sooo strong to overcome this - I believe it is truly an addiction, creates maybe a sense of safety? You are amazing!!!
I agree I have a problem with hoarding and I don't know how to move on. Your comments and this video are striking a chord.
🎯❤️ For all yours comments above.
Thanks for sharing your story. I'm sure it was so hard. Wishing you the very best moving forward!
I’m going through this now. In the past five years we lost my mother, my father in law, our only son to suicide, and in January my husband of 34 years. I already have a significant collection of stuff from my lovely mother in law 25 years ago. Add in the beautiful things from each loved one (as well as not so beautiful things) and my house is overflowing. It’s all in closets or extra rooms, but I feel so burdened. For some reason I feel a responsibility to honor the memories of others. It meant something to them so how can I just throw it away? Well, I have to sell my home now. I can’t afford to stay here on my income alone. I’m moving across the country to be closer to my other children and grandchildren. My 22 year old daughter lives with me. We are selling, giving, and tossing so much stuff. I still feel like I’m keeping too much. The idea of leaving this to others helps motivate me. The video is awesome.
Six years after the death of my 97-year-old father, I still have loads of his stuff. 8 years after the death of my 94-year-old mother, I still have boxes of jewellery, clothing and things, which my wife will never wear. Watching this reinforced my resolution not to burden my kid with useless stuff he won’t need or want. I’ve been divesting myself of it slowly, but you’ve given me a push to accelerate that process-obviously it’s been on my mind, since I clicked on this video. Thanks for it.
sell burn or trash it
Did you get it done? Just wondering. God bless.
@@potbellyfatguyfromnewyorkcity
😳Wow. Heartless much? 🙄 @$$₩ip€
@@happysunnyrain1531 your treasure is TRASH to your family and all others in society. it is a BURDEN. we all must die and leave our gold behind even those idiot pharaohs who actually tried to take it to the afterlife with them. the greed of humans is insane. beyond insane.
That's crazy. Clinging onto junk for some psychological reasons. Are you a hoarder? Call a charity to come get it ALL or get a dumpster.
“We have so many methods for things to come into our house and very few methods for things to leave our house”...that’s so true! Never thought of it that way!
Your idea about making a loved one's clothing into a Christmas ornament is awesome!
Oh my goodness. The ornaments made from a loved ones clothing is the most wonderfully thought out way of repurposing. Since my grandmothers passing 7 years ago I’ve been holding onto a few articles of clothing, I’ll never wear them, but I’ll sure as shit hang ornaments on my tree for years to come. Christmas was also her favourite holiday so it just fits. You just sparked some creativity in me, THANK YOU! ♥️
Same here. Lost my mom last year; been hanging onto some of her clothing I’ll absolutely never wear, but couldn’t bring myself to toss out. I’m so grateful for that one idea of transforming cherished fabric into a Christmas ornament. Thank you so much for helping me discover permission to move on while treasuring the past.
I made Christmas ornaments years ago from my grandmothers quilt. I and my daughter both still use them
Absolutely agree!! I’ll be doing this this week. 🎄
When my Grandpa passed away several years ago, my sister sewed some of his favorite plaid shirts into pillow covers for throw pillows! My sister, mom, and I each picked a shirt that matched our decor and it has been a wonderful way to honor him. I know throw pillows aren't functional in everyone's home, but I find it a lot more useful than a large men's shirt in my closet that I'd never wear lol.
I make christmas ornaments ( drums which is traditional here in Denmark) from leather and fabrics and suggest to my customers to use sentimental items. from sentimental clutter to treasured keepsakes. I made a tiny drum with the first tooth my son lost. he is now 21.
My family has a lot of heirloom pieces--antiques from the civil war and stuff. As folks fall off the wagon, the responsible members of the family have dwindled. I'm literally a lore keeper. The only one with a house for the things. Not that I mind the aesthetic, but I can't remember all the stories or why the things are important anymore. Some idiot child is going to throw them away while another would cherish them like I do. So I'm making a scrap book with a pic of the item and the story that goes with it. If they want it they can keep it and if they don't, the others still have the book.
Kudos for taking the time to write down why someone kept them in the first place. Your kids might keep up the interest since they have the stories. Many of the things in my family have lost the story. I still cherish alot of them because I just like antiques. But I sure wish I knew the story.
I am the keeper of the stuff, I don't mind some of the family things, but some aren't my taste, but I feel a responsibility x
I’ve asked my mom to do something similar! She has so many things with stories or from cool places and I could never remember them all! I keep urging her to do this bc I would hate to get rid of something that had value
Sounds like you should donate them to museums and local historical societies
Scrap book is a fantastic idea, thank you 👏🏻👍🏻
I have a close friend whose father passed away two years ago. He cleaned out his whole house in advance so when the time came for my friend and her brother to do the cleaning after he passed, it was no clutter left, which was amazing for them so they could focus on their grief instead ❤
My mother had us girls come over and help her get rid of all her clothing in May. She had me get rid of all her winter sweaters and clothing. I said mom,these are your winter clothes.
She said nothing.
She knew she wasn't going to be here by winter.
She died on June 23rd.
We had done all the clearing out of everything but her jewelry.
@@robinluich6626 I'm sorry to hear that. I'm glad that you at least got to spend some time with her that way, even if it was "just cleaning". My mother passed away in 2015, so I know that it sucks so hard, but it will get easier, I know from experience ❤
I strive to do this for my son, but I struggle! I wish!
@@marilyns2353 I understand that it's really hard... If you try to do one small area at a time, starting with the simplest ones, the clutter will slowely but surely disappear. But I have full respect that going through decades of things and memories is tough, especially if you are sick ❤
@@emelielindstroem Life is bittersweet.
It makes me happy to see a younger generation who gets this!
My generation, the one following the Great Depression and WWII is the worst!
We grew up with the mantra of “everything may be needed one day “.
My attitude is if it’s in good shape and it “may be useful “, I need to get it to the hands of the person who really needs it!
God has been so good to me. Something to eat, something to wear, why would he stop now?
I refuse to live in fear of lack.
I tend to be a frugal person and ask myself “do I really want this?”
I don’t believe in being morbid about buying new things that bring me joy either. I don’t need to “practice “dying.
I cleaned out my moms and mother in laws house three months apart. Spoiler alert, it wasn’t bad at all.
My household donates at least four times a year.
I like the Marie kondo method too, “if it doesn’t bring me joy, it’s got to go”.
My problem is that I was raised by parents and grandparents who lived through the WWII and the Depression. Younger Americans can’t conceive of the economic struggles they went through, just to survive. So the idea that I would purchase things, then toss them out while they are still in good condition and useful is astonishing to me. It’s not much different than throwing money out the window. I look at everything I want to get rid of, and see what I spent for it. I know that the money is gone and I’ll never get it back, but being raised in poverty really changes your perspective. In some ways good, because I don’t waste money on things that most Americans do, and I have several rental properties that I have accumulated, but my last hang-up is trying to declutter and let go of things which still have value. My first step is watching this video, lol.
I’m an estate & trust manager, part of my job is to transfer properties to beneficiaries, so we have to ensure the home(s) get cleaned out after the family member(s) passes. Our firm works with estate liquidators to sell as much as possible. However, I don’t know how many photos, figurines, clothing, Xmas and random items we’ve had to throw away because the family & thrifts/charities want NONE OF IT!!!
The amount of money spent on dumpsters and the items going into the landfills breaks my heart….a lot of this can be avoided if people would face facts that death is a reality and let things go earlier, when these items still have value to others/thrifts, so they will accept them, & not be forced to dump them! I just stumbled upon your video - and this Death Cleaning process is a great idea! I hope people try this!!
We also work with hoarders and other special needs anxiety disorders, we work with the Marie Kondo methods, but I’m going to try this idea too…Great video! Thank you for sharing this info❤️❤️❤️
Oh yess!! ❤️ KonMarie 😊🥰 "does it spark joy!"✨️
Photos, figurines and random items usually are specific joy sparking items my grandmother collected chicken decor it sparked joy in her she loved it most ppl don’t or her weird ant picnic paintings they are even weirder than the chickens you can’t value what gets tossed because other people don’t want it against what that person saw as their value before they died
Thanks for the info
Well as long as I’m alive why shouldn’t I enjoy the fruits of my labor? Just trash it all after I die, is that so complicated? It will end up in the dump eventually no matter what🤷🏽♀️
You may feel that way about it, and perhaps you’ve already done this with someone else’s stuff. If so I’m sorry for your loss but glad you found the practicalities easy. But even if it’s not something you understand, the fact is that for many people it’s really difficult. Sometimes it’s because they struggle emotionally to throw things out, since those things are tangible attachments to their loved one. Sometimes it’s just tiring, often grief alone is tiring and there’s so many decisions have to be made with funeral planning, the will etc. So having to make a lot of decisions about what to keep, what to donate, and what to dump on top of dealing with all that is actually exhausting for many people
I'm 63 and did this a few years ago. I even set up "Dee's Dostadning" Ebay, Paypal and Google accounts to sell my extra stuff that had any value. There is still quite a bit of stuff, but it is stuff I use. My 5 thirty-something kids plan to take what they want when I'm gone and give away the rest. I'm fine with that. We've gone over what's valuable that they might want to sell. I did almost die twice in the last 10 years. So, I've thought a lot about what my kids will need to know when I do go. On top of "Death Cleaning", I filled out the workbook "I'm Dead. Now What?" and gone over it with each kid. I also have a will, living will and advance directives.
Wow. Just wow.
Where did you get the work book, or did you make it yourself? Sounds a great idea to me 🤗
@@pammorris7182 Amazon sells it. I use the one with the blue cover. Rather than write in the book, I have a Google Doc document for each section shared with each of my 5 offspring and my husband. That way, I can edit as I need. I do print the page and paper-clip it inside the workbook.
Bravo to you for taking care of this stuff in a practical manner BEFORE something happens to you. I just had to struggle through my in -laws estate because the person who knew everything (but is incredibly unorganized) died first. No one EVER thought she would be first. So no one knew where anything was. Or what banks they used. Or what had been paid. The electricity nearly got shut off because of confusion and inefficiency. And don't get me started on the clutter that they didn't address.
I literally just saw that workbook (I’m Dead, Now What) on Amazon tie other day and intend to get it. I’m only 55. I want my kids to be “in the know” when the time comes.
You touched my heart when you talked about your brother and his jacket. My son passed away 30 years ago and just last year I threw away things I was hanging on to, I still have the memories and I feel good about giving away those things to people who really wanted them. Thank you 😊
I’m sorry about your son Diane that must have been extremely painful.
This comment choked me up for some reason. Very happy you were able to keep the memories while allowing his things to be shared with other to make them happy.
How long did you keep your sons items ,I can not get rid of any of.my sons things
@@quietmom6626 Some of his clothes I donated right after he died to children in a third world country, I sent several boxes with missionaries. Slowly through the years I gave his things away to a child with cancer or a family that was in need. It was what my son would want me to do. I had so many toys, I just didn’t want to give them to a charity because I didn’t know who would get them or where they would end up, so I auctioned them off on EBay at a high price knowing the recipients were looking for those particular items and they were needed for a special reason, maybe collectible, those toys would be cared for and cherished and that made me happy. Everyone is different in their grieving process, there is no right way or wrong way to grieve. You do what comforts you. Sending hugs to you❤️
Thank you
I've been thinking about buying this book. Recently, my mom started yet another round of home decluttering. She and my dad are in their late 60s, and she doesn't want her kids to eventually need to sort through everything they've ever owned. Ultimately, the idea of not burdening others with enormous amounts is such a practical, kind, and unselfish idea.
I thought you might like to know that your video made a difference in my life today. I have a child who suffers with chronic pain, due to multiple rare genetic disorders. Last night we were up till the wee hours with him and this “morning” I woke up at noon. I immediately felt that my day was wasted and my life is out of my control. I clicked on your video, just randomly, while I was getting dressed and it inspired me to declutter my bathroom! This may sound silly, but it made me feel like I had accomplished something of value, and in some small way, took control of that one small space in my life. 😁 So, thanks for taking the time to create and post it! 💞
You're doing so great ❤ Take care! 💖
I definitely understand how you feel and how hard everything is and even that there is nothing anyone can say that can make things better …but I absolutely DO understand that cleaning just one little area can be uplifting to the spirit… it’s like you have visible proof that you DID something. I’m saying this as an adult with “genetic” issues and who lives in what looks like a hoarder house right now. I feel like I’m just moving things around to another room just to make one little space look okay (which is really NOT helping the actual problem) but I really CAN relate to having to do something whatever at all that I can visibly SEE. Sending you the most positive vibes and love 💜
❤️❤️❤️❤️
Hyperbaric oxygen therapy may help🫶🏾
I really like wrapping my head around the concept of “making someone else happy” by giving ‘the something’ away. Not too long ago I donated my beautiful handcrafted leather hippy briefcase (given to me as a birthday present by my mother) that I used to tow around with me travelling all over Canada 🇨🇦. I was is visual presentation. A creative jet setter back then! After children + retiring, I knew I would never need the case again + holding onto it “for the kids”, didn’t make me feel any better about tucking it away in the closet. 😳 But… as soon as I thought about someone else ‘finding + loving’ my hippy briefcase… I couldn’t give it away fast enough. I donated as fast as I could to our local Salvation Army. I still have a big smile on my face when I think about it now. A story continues… 😌❤️👍🏽
This might seem over the top: I had a "sentimental bonfire" in a fire ring at the beach to help me part with correspondence I couldn't bring myself to get rid of. I wanted to give it a ceremonial departure. Shredding or tossing in the trash seem too harsh. It was beautiful. I'm so glad I did it.
I have done this as well Barbara!
Thank you for this idea.
Yes a bit over the top bit what a fabulous idea! I have a hard time parting with cards and correspondence 🤔
Beautiful! Love this idea. There is something to say about having connections with your things (I am very attached to lots) ... some items deserve a proper departure ❤️
If it worked for you, it wasn't over the top. I think it is a lovely way to honor the sentiments.
Bonus point: all the secrets and evidence are gone.
I have taken this concept to a whole other level lol!! We decided to sell and give away ALL of our worldly possessions and digitally store our memories to move overseas! We want a far more simple way of life without the burden of ownership of anything past clothes and ourselves.
I am the daughter of a hoarder and was left with a Condo, a house, garage, and apartment all hoarded out by the same two people. It has taken me since 2014 to get all their stuff sorted and out of my life. In 3 weeks I will be the owner of 3 suitcases and my body. Can’t wait.
Good luck to all in their individual efforts to de-clutter their lives.
This is goals, but I'm overwhelmed by the process. Hope your new life overseas is going well!
Can you tell us how you did most of the selling?
At last, I have a hero! 😁 I'm de-cluttering, but souvenirs from trips with my late husband, and his clothing, have stopped me in my tracks. Still deciding.....
Who's with me...
I'm the only one who does the cleaning in my house largely without appreciation. If I die, I have no problem with them cleaning up after me for a change 🤣
😂
Seriously though! 🤣
RIGHT!!! oh & put up a Christmas tree? Decorate? Sorry, but when you're the only one who puts it up and takes it down for 35 years (& don't forget the cleaning that has to happen before & after putting one up!) .... uh, its getting harder to "want" to do it .
@@kelliegray6088 Technology is catching up to people like us! I’ve seen predecorated pop-up trees that are beautiful, and outdoor projectors can take the place of outdoor lights.
So far, I only bought the projector, but the pop up might be an after-Christmas sale buy!
@@kelliegray6088Thank u for letting me know that I'm not alone! Their father puts up the lights, then the kids put up a few(literally 3 each) ornaments. I blink & I'm alone in a sea of ornaments & decorations!
I come from a Swedish back ground on my mom's side. Swedes are living in such close quarters they have to de-clutter because there is no room for anything that doesn't work. They are also not very sentimental (as a rule), so getting rid of things is not a problem. They are also very frugal as a rule, therefore they don't want to part with their money for things they don''t need or doesn't have a function.
Thank you for the video!
Makes sense.
Thank you for the explanation! This makes sense.
What do you mean that Swedish people live in such close quarters?
Well, this is such a stereotypical way of thinking about other cultures. To base a description of a whole community on one or couple of individual one has met will rarely be true for the majority. Please be careful, as this kind of sweeping statements can often be offensive to the members of community one tries to describe. I hope you have a lovely day, wherever you might be right now 💛
@PamelaSertich... Uh.. As a Swede, living in Sweden (mind you, my parents are finns... But born and bred here)... I DO NOT agree with what you 'explained' above here. We actually have quite spacious and big living quarters, unless you choose to live smaller. Of course, could be a matter of money too, and whether you live in a big city or smaller.
And Swedes spend their money quite well, but it's all up to the individual. My husband is frugal, my ex was INSANELY frugal ("snål", rather) and me, I like spending. And everyone I know is somewhere in between, or up to hoarder-level.
Cuz we're normal people here. A bit more level headed than some other cultures (prob due to the cold..?? Or we're just boring people..? Oh wait, I generalized. There's some cool folks here too!), but normal. Cultural differences compared to someone in the US, definitely, but still normal. People, you know. With personalities and differences and such. =)
Also: I've never heard of Döstädning. Döds städning, yes, but that happens after someone has passed. Döstädning sounds like when you're having a jolly boring time while cleaning.
Edit: Looked into the "döstädning" =) It seems to have been invented, or at least popularized by Margareta Magnusson. So quite a modern concept, or possibly something that has been forgotten for generations/in some places (many...) and then Maggan brought it back to us. Yay!
I didn’t know this was a cleaning “system”! My dad just passed away in September and while he didn’t have a lot, it made my mom and I both think about all the crap that we have that everyone would have to go through… which is a lot! It triggered a mass declutter of both our homes.
I am sorry for your loss.
I am 74 years old and have recently done the Swedish death cleaning. I feel so much better knowing my family won’t have this burden some day. I had a few items that were hard to let go of but in the end it’s the very best thing I did for my loved ones!
I almost spit my coffee out when you talked about the tampons all over the place. My ex wife and I have three daughters very close in age. So for several years there were tampons and pads all over the place. Including but not limited to my truck, toolbox and my dresser drawer.
🤣
Charles O’Neal, you sound like a great Dad!!
🤣 life with women lol!
🤣😂🤣😂
@@loriyoung-flores6246 I do love my girls.
We recently cleaned out my mother in law's house when she went into a nursing home. Oh. My. Word. No way do I want my kids having to do that! So I am on a mission to declutter every inch of my house from top to bottom!
YES! This is exactly my feelings after having to clean out my parents' home. I love my children too much to give them this burden.
Agree completely - I began decluttering after helping clean out my parents home after my mother died
I’m 63 this makes complete sense to me. I’ve kept only the most special pieces from my mother. And I tell my grown daughter what I feel she should keep from me 🤷♀️ I had a neighbor who was a kind of shopper hoarder and it took multiple friends to help clean out the house when she died. I would never want that for my children. It’s hard enough to grieve the death without being faced with a home of stuff. Fantastic video. Love the reality too. We are all only human
Your daughter will thank you later. 😊 My husband and I are doing the same for our kids.
I wish my parents saw it that way too LOL They're around their mid-sixties now, and I joke around with my sibling that if anything ever happens to them, we'll have to take a two-month-long vacation just to sort through (most, I hope) of their stuff.
I think that's the main point. "It's hard enough grieving, let alone going through their stuff. Being in my 60s and having to deal with parents dying is a burden. Mine my spouse's. And friends parents.
I’m from Sweden and had never heard of death cleaning lol. I am happy to know there’s a word for the home project that I’ve been working on for the past few weeks. My husband thinks I’m being a tad maniac, I’ll tell him there’s actually a word for it 😂
Same :X
So where did the phrase “Swedish death cleaning” came from? 😂😂
When my Mother moved in with me after my Father died, she came with very little, just her clothes, a few small pieces of antique furniture that she used in the room I had prepared for her, and a box of personal mementos from her life with Dad. Luckily, for me, both of my parents disliked clutter and, I remember growing up, recalling their motto, "A place for everything, and everything in its place." My sister and I shared the personal items, I kept two small antique tables, we made small quilted pieces from my Mom's favorite house dresses, and donated or threw away the rest. It made a sad time easier. Thank you for a great and very helpful video.
Decluttering when you are older is not just for when you die. I had an illness, surgery, mobility issues for over a year. An ambulance crew had to come in a couple times, I had extra equipment, nursing care. As soon as I was well I decluttered a crap ton. I see lots of old people who just physically can't keep up with rhe stuff.
Until recently I thought Swedish death cleaning was getting super caffeinated and cleaning or going through stuff until you are done or until you pass out. Seriously. I finally looked more into it and come to find out it’s the exact thing I have been struggling with since moving in with and being my parents caregiver. (both of whom have since passed in recent years).
So glad I wasn’t the only one lol and so glad it makes so much sense now. Now to go through their stuff and mine. 🤗
Too funny. The struggle is real, right? I often tell people, I'm not done decluttering, downsizing, etc, until I'm dead. Seriously. Hahaha. Keep after it. We're getting there.
That's what I thought at first too 😂
Don’t forget the death metal!
I've found that if I say "mother's round table", then it is something I probably should let go of. Otherwise I say "my red coffee pot" (that I inherited).
I inherited that table 2008, was able to give it away in 2020.
Just purchased the book! My sister passed away almost a year ago from Covid and she and her teenage granddaughter lived with us and shared our spare bedroom. I had to call an ambulance for her and so many things had to be removed in order for the paramedics to take her out of the room. After she passed away we had the task of clearing out her room and it was horribly filled to the max with so many things! I have clutter and I hoard too but not to the extent of my sister’s room. I’m in my 70’s and have had this burden on my heart to rid my home of excess stuff and seeing the title of this book explains exactly what I’m striving for! Thank you for sharing it!
I was an executive for an elderly friend of mine that lived in the same house for over 60 years. First thing I did was have the family come and remove and document everything they took that they truly wanted. Then the paper shredder I literally shred it all her years worth of unimportant utility bills house payments etc. she had cards and bills that she had saved she never threw away anything. Then I brought in the dumpster and had to throw away couches that had mice infestation in them and 60 years worth of junk. Finished up her taxes. I was able to honor her will. I was able to leave the home clean for the grandchild that took care of her in her later years which she left in the will to be able to stay in the same home. A living will.
Ugh.
Executor
I worked in a National Trust Castle and some of the most fascinating items there are the bills and invoices that give us so much insight into life centuries ago (including bills and invoices from the 1300s). Somebody 'hoarded' them! Historians and museum curators are eternally grateful to hoarders.
You are a saint to have that much patience. I'm 68 years old, I'm always shredding and tossing, as I never want my sisters burdened with what you are describing.
Oh man. The ornament idea...I held onto my dads clothing because I feared/fear Id regret it. I got the courage to start letting things go. I held onto a couple pieces and I'm going to make some ornaments with them. It will really mean something especially bc my dad who swore he hated Christmas always made it so special for me.
Here's why I love your channel: boldly starting the video with "we are all going to die." 😂 Thanks for being so honest with your own decluttering efforts, and with two little kids and a rather small home you are amazing!!
Thank you so much I'm so glad your enjoy the videos ❤️❤️
I didn't even realize it until you brought it up. That's hilarious!!! 🤣🤣🤣 I love a person who can pull off morbid humor well!!
One hangup for me is "Can I find another one like this?" It's hard to get rid of things that they don't make anymore or are really unique. It's easy to throw out old scraps of fabric and that type of thing but if it doesn't take up much space and it's not eating anything, its SO tempting to hang onto. These are the hardest decisions for me.
Same. Also, for me it's things like my German mother's 60 year old sewing box. Or her lamps. Her handwritten notes-to-self. Clothes that still smell like her. On and on and on. I'm very sentimental and have sooo much clutter to the point that house never really gets completely clean. Ever.
I totally get that, but… I think you'll feel better without the clutter. Maybe allow yourself one small box for irreplaceable items, and get rid of most of the rest… meh, sorry I could have put more thought and feeling into this.
@@jenniferlloyd9574 I'd say keeping a few shirts or something isn't terrible it can be like a physical reminder of them like if your hang them up in your closet and you see it when you get dressed you remember good memories and stuff! Mabey learning to sew (for repairing clothes) could be a good way to use the supplies as I'm sure she would have loved to know it went to good use of even if someone else used it 😊 it is hard for sure to decide
This is a helpful question for me! I have a lot of stuff that I could get again, even if I couldn’t afford it today. I hope you have found the right balance for your things ❤
Completed the SDC a couple years ago. Made my parents do it too. Both were relieved to have this done. Dad passed away since and our energies were focused on saying goodbye and sharing memories. 😊
Kallie! I actually have that book on my Amazon wish list. I am 70 (and still very cute, mind you) but I am aware of the “ it could happen at any
Time” issue as I am an only child with NO living relatives and dependent on wonderful friends. I am, however, aware that those wonderful friends will bear the burden of turfing the amassed possessions of my life. I recently told one of those friends to secretly pitch the contents of my underwear drawer (referencing the murder mystery/having left the building idea never to return thing) because while the underwear is certainly clean and serviceable it isn’t particularly a legacy of what I would like my public persona to be remembered by (dangling preposition notwithstanding). My one particular friend is the executor of my so-called estate and she will be the one stuck with dealing with the whole sorry mess. So I try to think of her when I survey the amassed pile of possessions that in part live in my basement. Mind you, they are labelled and in plastic containers. I have a label maker. Sigh. Now and again, I try to follow this philosophy so I gather things of a like nature, organize them on shelves and move to the next “thing”. But, it simply becomes the basement dance or docey-do (sp.?). One of the things that stops me “getting rid” is that inevitably two weeks after I have done so, I find a TH-cam entry that demonstrates how I could have turned that thing into an amazing crafty extravaganza. But, yes. Just GIVE IT UP! The stuff you accumulated when you were establishing yourself as an adult in 1976 is the stuff no one you know necessarily wants which is fair dues. Personally I should never bring anything new into the house unless I get rid of an old never-has-seen-the-light-of-day-in-a-year item beforehand. I think it may be physics and eventually the house could explode.
Oh dear! Long story longer! Whew! Quite the therapy session, Kallie! But a reality check nonetheless. And so true. So you have inspired me to try to minimalize my executor friend’s horror by addressing this issue. The murder mystery element of what would confront those left behind if I were to abruptly meet my end on a Wednesday night theme causes one to pause, possession-wise, in a serious way. I am off to get my label maker! And … I know I am not alone.
As a result, you must know that I have thoroughly enjoyed this particular vlog of yours because it hits home completely!
Loved your words of wisdom...and the still figuring it out part too!💗
And enjoyed your great style of writing too! Greetings from Russia and God bless. I will keep you in my prayers tonight.
I loved reading your comment, thank you :)
You know, I think I'll be telling a close friend or family member to do the same thing with my underwear when my time eventually comes, too! 😂
Beautifully written sentiments! You have inspired me & I just adore the personality shining through your comment!
Just finished the whole video & I wanted to thank you for sharing such a personal story about your brother ♥️
My sister passed a few years ago and she was a “collector”. It took us forever to clean out her house. After that I started to declutter so no one would have to do that for me. The kids are grown so when they come over I have them go through the box’s I have ready to go.
I've never heard of this before! It can be a morbid thought, but also a really beautiful and thoughtful practice. On a related note, as it relates to people "death cleaning" in preparation for shuffling off this mortal coil, there are other things that can be helpful for loved ones that are left behind. This is a little off topic, but read on, if interested... One of my relatives had done everything, and I mean EVERYTHING, in preparation for his eventual "graduation" ( as my great grandmother called it.) He had bank accounts set aside ahead of time, to pay automatically for utilities, mortgage, etc., for over 2 years. All of the necessary paperwork, bills, company numbers, insurance info, numbers for repair people, (all the things that he'd normally take care of) were all collected, stored, properly labeled, and easily accessible for his wife. His funeral arrangements were all pre-arranged and already paid for. He had even arranged for his wife to receive flowers on their anniversary, after he passed. His "in the event of my death" folder was so comprehensive, that his loved ones didn't have to life a finger. Instead, they were unburdened by any extra stress. They had time to simply grieve and say goodbye. He was always the strong, silent type, hardly ever overtly emotional, always reserved. It wasn't until he passed away that his family truly understood just how much he loved them.
Wow that’s amazing!! So sorry for their passing though. I need to find out more about this. I’m young, but I know from my Grandad’s death that the sooner you consider these things the easier it is. By the time he actually considered it he’d accumulated so much stuff. He didn’t even manage to label all his photos before he died (he did photography and took a lot of photos of remote areas, which means it’s less identifiable to others). My Grandma had her work cut out for her when he passed, thankfully for her she’s ruthlessly practical. She’d been to those places too and has an excellent memory which also helped. But it was still difficult and caused preventable conflict when she threw things out that others had wanted. I wouldn’t want to do that to anyone, especially since I don’t know anyone who could manage as well as my Grandma. Even though I don’t have half as much as he did, I’ve noticed how stuff (and paperwork) accumulates over time and I can imagine it would be a real nightmare if I had to sort through my whole life at once! Keeping it in mind as I go seems much more manageable
What a gift he created. This is amazing and yes, very loving. Thank you for sharing.
So thoughtful 😢
How incredibly thoughtful and inspiring ❤
I always worry about if there's ever an emergency and paramedics or my landlord has to come to my apartment I'd be mortified at how cluttered and messy my space is. Love this concept. Another good tip when deciding whether to keep something or not is to ask yourself if you could replace it in under 20 minutes for 20$ or less, if the answer is yes it's easier to let it go.
Good tip thanks
I'm the same, just this week I was unwell and it hit me how awfully cluttered my flat is and how mortified I would be if the doctor had to come put to me. I have boxes of old paperwork that I just will never need. Hell, I have a box of cassette tapes from when I was at u iversity and recorded my lectures...18 years ago! I do struggle with sentimental attachment to things too, gifts people give me and the like, even if I never use it then I struggle to throw it away. There's a part of me that worries about waste and the like too. This whole vid is a big call out and wake up call at the same time.
Thanks for the 20 minute/ £20 replacement tip.
If you have time and energy to be mortified about emergency services judging your apartment's clutter, maybe you're not having a real emergency after all.
@@hawkeyescoffee6399 you’re not alone so don’t feel bad. I have things from 20-30 years ago I need to let go. Why? The psychology is so interesting and I’m working to overcome it. I think the task seems overwhelming sometimes and that gives another excuse to avoid it. I’ve been slowly getting through it and it’s taken about a year and I’m not done. I’m allowing myself more time and I’m hoping by the holidays I will have accomplished a lot more.
It's good for clutter, but not so sustainable. But to prevent accumulating more clutter I hope people will ask themselves a lot of times if they need it, if they can't borrow it, etc
My mom cleaned like crazy anytime we left the house. Psycholocically it makes you feel good coming into a clean house, especially a clean kitchen!
Dear Kallie: I think this video is my all time favorite. I have been on a de-cluttering campaign for about 6 months and the feeling I get when I open a cupboard or drawer that I’ve completed lasts and lasts. Your brother’s leather jacket story is one that touched me deeply. This past month I “let go” of my Mom’s china, keeping a divided vegetable serving piece. It was enough, I didn’t need everything else that took up two bins in my house. I bask in her memory. Thanks.
I started doing this "death cleaning" stuff, in my own home, before I knew it had a name, after watching my parents downsizing. So many things that could have been used by others sat dormant in their home for YEARS. Yes! The space is so much calmer without the clutter.
Keep up the good work 👍
I always make sure the house is immaculate when I go away on a trip, in case the plane crashes, etc. It has the nice effect of coming home to a clean house😄
Totally!
me too!
me too!
I held onto perfumes my mother gave me over 20 years ago. After watching your video I finally got the courage to throw them out. Going to get the book so I can keep going 🥰
Good for you! You should be proud of yourself :)
We just recently went through a total basement cleaning and re-organization. I have come to the realization that if I haven’t used it in two years, it’s best to get rid of it. The whole process has been quite cathartic!
I had a close call in my early 30s. I was already tidy & minimalist but I went through everything after I got out of hospital I went through everything even more ruthlessly. A couple of decades and a couple more brushes with death later, and now it is just how I live!
I am so happy I found this video!! My precious momma passed away 4 months ago and it has been a long sad process of going through all her 81 years of saving every little thing! It has been hard but also very comforting knowing how much she loved her family and saved every gift ever given to her. After finishing her house, garage, shop, she shed and tack room. Im going to do the Swedish death clean out on my home, shop garage she shed and tack room. If I haven't used it in a year, I don't need to keep it! I do not want my kids to ever have to do this when Im gone! Thank You for making this incredible video!!
I currently host stuff from 4 different changes of dwellings, from a huge house to a medium-sized flat. And I kept as many items as I could, some in a basement with its door safely locked for 6 years now. Not even remembering what is inside. Your video gave me strength to change the things I can, and it's starting right NOW. Thanks for your energy.
When covid first hit and we are all in quarantine I did this with my sisters help. 3 years later I am right where I started (and waaayyyy more of what I had before). I got laid off in January and I am working on this at this very moment. I get so overwhelmed and my sister sees it but she knows it's something I have to do on my own for my own mental well-being.
When I was young, my grandmother told me she was planning to get rid of all of her old diaries, photos and letters as she didn't want anyone else reading them after her death. Being in my twenties at the time, it sounded very strange to me even bit cruel to the memories of her past. But now I understand completely why she did it. I have also shredded old diaries, letters, pictures of old boyfriends/places/parties I don't want my children to see. I didn't realise it was called "death cleaning" but it does free you from the past mistakes whether those are bad memories written in the pages of diaries or just fashion related horrors in your closet.
I just realized why I enjoy your videos so much, Kallie: anyone could present a list of principles for cleaning, organization, or efficiency and it would be valuable on some level … but it is YOUR unique perspective, the way you describe things, the analogies you use, and the personal stories you share that make your videos consistently extra special and take them to the top of my watchlist. Thank you so much for the time, effort, and heart you put in everything you do! 😊👏🏼❤️
Well said 👍
My wonderful father-in-law passed away last year, and having been raised by Depression Era parents, he saved everything. My husband and his siblings are digging through barns (yep, plural) of stuff, from large outdated machinery and equipment and furniture to tools, clothes -- basically anything that could one day be used or once had value. He also loved a good auction. It is completely overwhelming to contemplate. I am not a hoarder myself, but still -- way too much. This practice is three-fold: easing into life where you've acquired enough to be comfortable, recognizing that needs and wants are often exclusive, and choosing to avoid burdening your kids and family. I adored my FIL -- such a kind and loving and profoundly generous man, but the stuff is taking up so much time and energy. It's been a good lesson for me in my 50's to consider the less is more approach.
I am Swedish American, and I totally understand this every year I do a purge of my house and I feel so good! You can actually find the things that you love so much faster and I appreciate the mower. ❤
I’m really having to get past the “in case we need it” type of thinking. My family didn’t have much growing up and my parents were sometimes barely able to keep food on the table… so we threw away very few things. Even things we weren’t currently using, because the chances of us being able to afford replacing at item in the future was slim… but now that I’m more financially stable and able to replace certain items if necessary, I still struggle to let go of things (why spend money on a new one, when I can just keep the one we already have in storage?) 😩
If it cost less than £20 to replace... get rid of it
Trust me if u don't use it now u won't use it in the next week, month, year
Anything u haven't used in 1 year get rid of it !
I think it's good to keep usable things, but I guess problems come when you have so many things in general that it get's harder to keep track of what you have and don't have. So even if you had the item you needed, you might not find it through all the stuff, and then you'll go shopping for a new one. And the cycle continues.
This is my family 100%. I still have totes and boxes in my apartment that were never unpacked and we've been here like 12 years and readying to move again in six months...I haven't laid eyes on let alone used this stuff so it's got to go. Our new place will be shared with 2 more people as we're combining households and there's no way I'm paying rent on a storage unit or renting and white-knuckle driving a larger moving truck for things that aren't being used or worth the additional cost of storing, transporting and taking up the limited space we have only to be moved again in a few years.
Same. 100%.
I like to keep a "maybe" boxes with stuff that I think I might still maybe use in the future. Then I label it with the date of today and put it in a place out of sight.
About 2 times a year I will go through those maybe boxes. Didn't use something for over a year? Then I can get rid of it.
Every item I have in my house that I don't use is costing me space, it's costing me time to go through it over and over again, it's costing me time to clean and so on.
So even if I paid money for it at some point, it will be cheaper in the long run to get rid of it.
First I ask my friends and family of they use it. What's left is sold if it's over 10€, the rest goes to charity or the dumpster.
My grandma started giving us the things she wants each of us to have as gifts for Christmas each year. As someone who has cleaned out houses after my dad died and then again my mom, I can say that It’s so much more special to have your loved one gift you the things they specifically want you to have while they’re still alive, and so much easier than to have to sort through a mountain of stuff while you’re already emotionally distraught and can’t imagine getting anything go.
This helped her clear out her house and then move into a retirement community reducing her own burden but also that which is left for us.
I live with an older lady who did this and I was so impressed with it. It's the perfect way to do things!
My grandmother and great-grandmother did this too. I treasured these gifts more because they were still alive at the time so I felt closer to them, and it also made it a bit easier on my parents' generation, when it came time to sorting out what was left after they died.
My parents died a year apart. My father having been in WW2, they were of the mentality of that era, and held onto everything. The contents of their basement alone, would have provided for the entire neighborhood in an apocalyptic event. It was organized hoarding. Buying many items because they were ‘on sale’. The task left to my sister and I was horrendous, but we sorted methodically through things that revealed lots of gems. We learned a lot that we hadn’t known about our parents. What we chose to do, was look through for items we wanted, and then hired an Estate Sale company. They pulled items to sell, and took the remaining to charity, and shelters that my parents often provided for. It was so worth the money it cost to do this, as it saved our sanity. We both went home and did massive cleaning and organizing of our own homes, and vowed to NEVER leave a task like that to our loved ones. Watching this made me look around the house with itchy fingers, wondering what I can get rid of!
You and your parents sound like great, caring people. l recently came from a shelter to an apartment 🙏and can tell you firsthand how what may seem a small thing can mean SO MUCH when you have so little. It's people like you that help make the world a better place ! P.S. You are funny , too. Be well , my Friend!
I so rarely comment on videos but this was just A1. Very realistic examples of the struggles of letting items go and the mental gymnastics we perform to (usually incorrectly) convince ourselves that our lives are enhanced by hanging onto random things.
I really felt for you when you talked about your brother’s jacket. I have similar items from lost family members that I need to deal with. It’s finally time. Thanks.
I’m 74, and purging things so my daughters will not have to is big on my mind. I have one small memory bin, with a few things in it. Sometimes I think I should write a note as to what meaning they have. A project for another time.
Tidying ever day before going to bed started when my children were very young, I worked with a person who was a volunteer firefighter, there was a front page picture of a house that had a fire, it was truly a mess. Commenting on it, he said, “you should see some of the houses we go into”. From that time, before bedtime, I would say to my kids, “straighten up incase the firemen come”. Now it never occurred to me that this would give them nightmares, which it didn’t, but it did develop the habit of tidying up. Now that I am older, I think to myself, straighten up incase the paramedics come….. Tidying up just becomes a habit.
Write that letter now. Don't put it off! I lost my mom very unexpectedly in May she had just turned 61. I so wish I had found some hand written stuff like that.
Please make a recording of your voice, as well. It doesn't have to be a long message. Anything will do. A bedtime story, a simple 'I love you", or even nagging at them to clean their room if they have that sort of silly sense of humor.
I have pictures and treasured items and cherished memories... but I will never hear his soothing voice again. 🥺
One of my Grandad’s favourite sayings was “there are no pockets in a shroud”. This used to give me the creeps thirty years ago, but he was right! 😂
My favorite saying is "The hearse doesn't have a luggage rack!" But I have a lot to declutter. I started 2 years ago at 66 and it is getting physically harder to deal with my clutter. I am an artist and have collections of old frames and other items. I am going to buy the book when I get off here. I love this gal though, she is so sweet and positive. Happy New Year!
That sounds like such a freeing way to look at decluttering and the REASONING behind it. I liked when you said - if you weren’t here tomorrow, what would you want to leave behind? Sobering… But also freeing. Thank you! 🎉
Yesterday I watched your 53 things to declutter video. Awesome! I stopped at each new category and went on search mission in my own home. Took me about 2 hours but I found 100 items now on way to thrift store or tossed out. Feels so good. Your videos are so practical and inspiring. Thank you, thank you, thank you ❤️
This is a great idea! Thanks.
This is my absolutely favourite book! I tell anyone who will listen about it. The older people in my family think I’m so morbid but I keep telling them it’s actually a huge positive and celebration of your things!!
I think this approach to life is psychologically healthy, not morbid. It shows you have accepted your mortality and enjoy life.
I lost my Mom 5 years ago and she had been living with us for the last couple of years of life due to cancer. I have struggled with parting with her belongings. This has definitely given me a new perspective. Thankyou ❤️
I am just a few minutes in, but seeing how many book jackets were in that basket made my heart soar because it means these kids get read to A LOT. Yeah, the crumpled up covers kinda hurts a little bit, but the main thing is truly the reading together part. 💕
I just helped my best friends (she passed) 2 daughters go through her clothes. Took many hours to just get through 2 closets. Called it a day without cleaning out the 3rd. We were shocked at the amount of clothes. I said right then “I will not do this to my girls.” So I really appreciate this video and I’m gonna get started on my own “stuff.” 😜
It's so interesting to see everyone's process and preferences. I used to be a die hard keep the book jacket and keep it nice person, but in the last year or so I felt like taking jackets off books made them feel more grown up and display worthy.
Also, just know that someone else was able to honor your brother by using his jacket as it was intended to live its jacket life.
Here we don’t have book jackets. I used to love them and think it was beautiful or special, like where I buy the original english books, but they never stay nice and get destroyed. And then I understand why here they are almost never on books. Only for special editions, or the original versions. Québec authors rarely edit a book with them.
@@mrcld_th3390 you can cut them and display them in a picture frame as decoration.
@@crybebebunny and that is exactly what the hoarder in me says!! 😁
You expressed this process so rationally. Thank you. A few year's ago I observed someone with a terminal diagnosis spend the last part of her life organizing her amazing memories. She did this so her children could see her amazing life. When they came to clear out her space, they just tossed all of her memories into the dumpster. It was sad to watch. Both the misspent time at end of life and the callousness of her children.
I would like to share a story, which might help add to the perspective. Over the years a man's wife would go around their house and "touch up" the paint in areas she noticed needed touching up.
One day they got into some sort of argument. During the argument she said something like,
"And, for years I've been touching up all the paint that gets messed up. You've never once helped me!"
He responded,
"Wait a minute. I never asked you to do that. True, I've never helped you. But you didn't ask me to. That was something that you wanted to do. Frankly, I thought it was a bit obsessive. But, I never said anything except it looked great. If you had wanted my help, you could've asked. But, you did that touching-up for you, not for me."
His point in sharing that story with me had to do with several things, including owning what I was doing because I wanted things a certain way. And, also my feelings of resentment for not being appreciated, or having the other person value my "work." I learned to think about how much stuff I do because thats "my thing" but project it onto others as if I am doing it "for them." Often, its my anxiety that goes up when certain things don't get done, frequently enough, or the "right way." Thus, arguments, resentments, etc.
In your example, perhaps this lady did "do all that for her kids." And, it appears they did not appreciate it, by basically tossing it out.
And, the added perspective is: maybe she did it for her self?
Maybe it helped her with her approaching death. Maybe she "needed" to do it for some deeper reasons, including the intention of her kids appreciating or treasuring the outcome.
Therefore, if it helped her, it was definitely not wasted effort.
That said, perhaps it also serves as an example to you (and anyone reading your comment) as a warning of sorts.
It reminds me of my own father who got a terminal diagnosis and was expected to live less than a year. He was remarried and spent tens of thousands remodeling the house "so (his wife) wouldn't have to worry about anything."
He worked on nearly everything: Remodeled Kitchen, new appliances, new floors, AC/Heater, yard sprinkler system, etc.
He shared with me his dream of "traveling through the Bering Strait and seeing Alaska."
Now, my dad was 100% a workaholic. But, he was in incredible pain that last bit of time. Yet, he was always "too busy" to spend much time with any of us in that post-diagnosis time, which was short.
By the time he passed, the house was definitely in tip-top shape. He never went to Alaska.
Shortly after he died, she sold the house.
He did what he chose with his time.
Uda Limb , all I can glean from your stories and Life lessons is Lay up your treasures in heaven where moths wont rot them or someone break in a steal them for where your treasure is there will your heart be also the scripture says 😔 so sad to read how the man fixed up the house spending his last to beautify and renovate the house only for if to be sold after he passed away and put so much money and work into restoring the house, he should have went on the trip he always wanted, to Alaska with his money, but I guess he wanted to make her his wife happy, and that was fulfilling to him , to renovate the house , Life so hard ,sometimes it yeilds itself to so many broken dreams ,the graveryard is filled with plenty of that 😔 But The Lord says cast all cares upon me for I care for you ! Jesus said "He that believeth in me though he were dead yet shall he live", Thank God for that comfort , and hope of promise of the world beyond this one if we trust in Jesus/ God🙂
I have started this. Done my bathroom and kitchen and already noticed the difference. Its liberating to declutter. Started my living room and I cant part with some things so I've put them up the loft and will revisit it in a few months with a view of halfing it at least
Thanks for sharing this! A few decades ago, my mom passed away really young. She was the greatest mom, and also she hoarded, thinking we’d want collections of everything under the sun when we got older. It was difficult to live with all the things when she was alive (I’m talking floor-to-ceiling, wall-to-wall), and it was especially difficult to live amongst them after she died. My dad was so stricken with grief and overwhelmed at the thought of throwing any of it away that it was left to my little brother and I (8 and 12, respectively) to throw things away and clean covertly if we wanted the house to become livable again; not a fun year. I really appreciate that people are thinking about how people grieve them after they’re gone- memories from life > stuff. I certainly think my mom would have done this had she realized how short her time with us was to have been. Tack
This makes perfect sense. I had that aha moment when we were cleaning out my aunt's things after she passed away. She loved snow globes. Her collection was well over 3,000. A collector came in and offered $1,000 for the whole collection and they would box it up and take it. That amount of two 33 cents per snow dome. That was even for some that were hundreds of dollars for one. Just because I love it doesn't mean my loved ones want it.
Loved, 'just because you love it doesn't mean my loved ones will'.
So true! I have five sons and every time they visit I ask them and their wives if there's "anything in this house you want?" They all look at me like deer in the headlights and say, 'not that I can think of, we really don't need anything' 😅 I'm proud that they can say no and love the keepsakes ideas of pictures and ornaments. They do love ornaments each year... How perfect!
I’ve been having a really hard time lately with decluttering things that belonged to my mom before she passed away, but I had a mental breakthrough recently that I feel I should share… most of the things I was holding onto, I didn’t even have specific memories that connected the item to my memories of her in any way. I was keeping it because it belonged to her. And the thing is, she was not a materialistic person. She raised me not to be materialistic… and yet I had been holding onto these things that had no inherent value, not even sentimental value because they weren’t even special or important to her. Individually these items reminded me of her (and ONLY because she once held them in her own hands) but collectively, I was almost disrespecting her memory in a way because she cared way more about people than about things. I don’t know if any of that makes sense, but that was something that really helped me declutter a lot of “sentimental” items that really had no actual sentimental value.
I struggle with this idea as well. My mother is 92 and has downsized a few times. But she still has her China, and China figurines as well as those of her parents and even a couple from her grandparents. My siblings have zero interest in these things, and they will trash everything rather than letting me select any key pieces. Like you say it isn't her they represent but memories of tea time with my grandparents and my mother long ago. Her wonderous baking served on those dainty plates we kids so carefully handwashed and dried. I want them to be cherished not as items but as memories, and I'm sad that a teacup isn't used anymore as a gathering for a nice visit with mutigenerations.
I do think this is a cool idea. Although when my family cleaned out my grandpa's house after he was gone, we found all kinds of neat things. Sure he had a lot of junk, but it was fun to laugh about and talk about how he was. I don't look at going through a loves ones things as a burden, but I can definitely see how it could be for others