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- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 12 ธ.ค. 2017
- "They told me it's not my fault. I could have a hundred people tell me it's not my fault, but I know it is... It's been over 10 years, but even now I still have trouble sleeping."
For Seeking Secrets season 2, we invited people to share their darkest, most painful, or most shameful secrets with us in hopes that others can find solidarity in knowing that they are not alone. We believe that stories, especially our own stories, can connect us and change the world.
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survivors guilt is tough, I know this . I was a medic in Iraq
Thank you for your service man. Can’t imagine the shit you went through as a medic. You have my respect
Medic sniper? Interesting..
iBaked I never said that I was a sniper.
MrSapper21 Sapper, autocorrect..
MrSapper21 I’m contemplating becoming an army medic. What was it like in Iraq?
Saying he could have prevented it, that his mate died because he didn't do his job right, or if he found the other sniper first......you can tell the man is putting all the blame onto himself with all those "what if" scenarios, making him feel even more guilty when he isn't. There was nobody to blame in that situation, except for the enemy sniper shooting. You might be trained to be tough as nails, but nobody is immune to trauma; even Superman cries in grief. Seeking proffesional help doesn't make you weak; in fact, it makes you stronger as a person, when you overcome that first hurdle and reach out a hand to somebody...that takes courage to admit you need assistance. No soldier goes into battle alone, and they certainly don't have to overcome PTSD alone either.
9/11.
I think it's because he was saying that he was having a conversation and probably wasnt 100% focused
Its the faults of THE leaders of both countries
"His father asked if his son is a good soldier and I told him he was one of the best, he said thanks for taking care of my son"
i fxcking collapsed.
Alea Chen me too
Until now*
yu forgott he part where he said "Until Now"
oh yeah sorry that hurts like hell
Yeah same couldn't hold it anymore
You don't have to support the war, always support the troops. Sad story.
Moneyxl00 not to mention all of the overseas elections the United States put money into so we can continue “trade”. We are a disgusting nation, but you also need to understand they trick high school students into joining thinking they’re being heroic at all times. It’s not every veterans fault.
Even if your conspiracy theories are true, the troops aren't the CIA agents or the American government. They are not the ones who created the problem. They are just fighting to protect their country from terrorists who murder innocent people, including their own people in Afghanistan and Iraq. Most soldiers just want to help.
Moneyxl00 They armed the rebels to fight the Russians, you fucking idiot.
Moneyxl00 You aren't wrong but it's not the troops it's the Government and the CIA.
Moneyxl00 You're seriously sick.
This breaks my heart 💔
Moneyxl00 yes this breaks my heart, not just this but for all of the things you said. It also breaks my heart that many people around the world have to suffer because of government corruption and war.
People die because of drugs, some has to dirty their hands for a living, families living in poverty, children being deprived of the rights they deserve, crimes all over the place...I know all of that, I'm not ignorant or a traitor...
I know all of these because I've seen it with my own eyes and it's circling around me...I'm living in it
Oh btw I'm not an American, I live in a third world country in Asia
it is one of the sadest things to watch. regardless of what your views are. Fuck the dirty country who follows a barbarian religion stuck in time about 500 years ago and fuck the dirty people who follow it. this man is a hero and he deserves more
Win san chan o
1 life was ended, but many were changed. There's no shame in seeking help. If you do such a service, unspeakably noble, we owe you far more than you know so please seek help, you deserve it
john Smith to bad the government doesn’t even take care of the ones they send to see and perform unspeakable horrors
We really need to be more appreciative of these people who put their lives on the line for us
:( Man, I have so much respect for people in the military.
Too bad our politicians dont, and use them just for photo-ops and continuously strip them of their contractual rights.
And that is what I hate the most. That is why I do not trust any politician who starts a game of nationalism or stirring people's feeling of national/cultural pride and a contempt for 'others'. It will be other people (soldiers+civilians) who will die and not those politicians. I was born in the era and country (former Yugoslavia) where the people (younger myself too) were very easy to persuade to hate 'others' and to ask politicians (or another way around) for military activity against those 'others'. On the end, politicans were alive, thosens of thousands of people dead, millions relocated/evacuated, hundreds of towns/villages destroyed, war waged in 4-5 countries through 10 years, a collapse of the quasy federal state into 7 smaller nations.
As do I. Always have. It will never waver.
Neven Tomičić You're right. You just made me rethink some of my opinions on Trump. He wants to make America great again. But will he do it by fighting with us (civilians) on the front line, or behind his desk in the oval office with his feet kicked up?
Neven Tomičić I have never voted but I did want Trump over Clinton. I'm not trying to make this political or spread hate towards anyone with opposing opinions, but your comment resonated with me so much. I think it's time for me to unplug from politics for a while. So thank you. Really and truly,
Alexandra Bagale ❤
It's sad that he put so much pressure on himself, to the point of calling his emotions of dealing with a loved one's death as weak. And I can empathize with where's he's coming from. If there's one thing in this world that no one should be expected to just "handle", it's death. It affects all, in countless different ways. Hope he is able to get the help that he needs, and that he can make peace with himself.
Perfect reason why Logan Paul isn't human
Not the time Bowl, not the time.
:( Survivor's guilt is the worst.
This is heartwrenching
Fuck you, Moneyx100.
Moneyxl00 As a foreigner I get why people don't like the US or hate the US army. But the actions of their superiors have nothing to do with them, they are fighting for what they think is right. You have to at least respect the strength it takes to do that.
Seriously. Kid just wanted to go to college. Just a kid.
okay but ashton and mikey.
im sorry not the time but i see them skskks
Michael you’re YELLING
Damn i teared up, this guy is so strong, it takes someone strong to admit when they are weak. Respect to all the military and veterans going through stuff like this, don't be afraid to seek help.
Survivors guilt is absolute hell. You are not alone and I am glad you are getting the help you need. Stay strong.
I always wondered if veterans feel guilt from killing the enemy too, i feel like that's a moral dilemma as well.
Nina Dees to most vets the guilt from the loss of one of their own is from their attachment to them but they are taught that the enemy is is just a target and it’s shoot or be shot
cisero collins It's good that they are brave like that but at the same time that's so fucked up...
It's either you or them, but even then, no one is made of steel.
in some cases yes but most cases no, you have to understand they are in a war zone you make a choice everyday either you shoot back or you get you or your friends killed
Nina Dees yes, many do.
This is such an amazing series.
Y Tho I love your profile meme
There is no winner in war. Only a bunch of rich people who benefit.
mschei23
Military is security. Like the security you have when you lock your door at night.
Rafael The Crusader but a lot of military actions nowadays aren't for "security". They are for showing and gaining power over other countries, widening borders or stealing resources.
I'm not creative
You just proved my point.
@@NA-yq4pe If we don't, they will.
All quiet on the western front
Every single one of these are so heartbreaking but this may have been the hardest one to watch yet.
the one about the woman who lost multiple babies was the absolute worst, I think. but this one made me cry also.
I don't support the war and i am a peace activist. But i respect veterans and I thank all of them
who tf supports war?Sometimes it‘s needed,sometimes it‘s idiotic,but no one wants war.Not a soldier,not a civilian,no government,no person in power.
Luz Estrada ik
I don't support war, but I do support the military and the troops of coarse.
For what ?
I don’t think anyone supports war but some people understand that if it didn’t happen stuff like 911 would happen all the time I don’t think anyone likes it but it’s the way the world is and it’s sad and there’s definitely a way the world would work with no war but no person wants to give up power
This reminds me too much of my dad... he tells me stories like this. He tells me how it makes him want to die. It hurts to hear that my father hurts so much.
my dad is dead :/ ik you don’t care but just wanted to share
May God give this man strength
Bless you
I would love to be able to tell this man the same thing I told my brother who is in the military, that asking for help is not a sign of weakness, but in fact one of the strongest things one can do. It takes an immense amount of strength to admit that there is something wrong, and allow yourself to be completely vulnerable in front of another person you may not know. I admire anyone who can put themselves in such a position, and share their darkest emotions. I hope you find peace brother, you deserve it.
Just started to cry.. I hate war so much.. I don't understand why those things happpen.
People go to war to prevent something like that to happen on a wider scale.
Ethan Phillips not necessarily. That’s a glorified concept. America has gone to many wars with little justification or threat to our own nation.
Uh, I can see how when George Bush went to war we made money. But most wars we go to we don''t make that much. The economy thrives because our allies buy stuff from us not because we take a countries resources.
Ethan Phillips dude. You know NOTHING about our military, huh? How many innocent people we have killed and how many cities we have invaded that DID NOT need us. We wasted our own men. Our own peoples. And kill others with them. Afghanistan. Iraq. “War Against Terror”. It’s all a sham. Pushing our own capitalist agenda for trade and to keep control over all nuclear arms. Pathetic. Going against United Nations conventions because WE THE USA decided we were above every other god damn country who signed that convention. We literally have a clause saying our constitution governs globally with our choices first. We are douche bags. We do not solve issues. We bring the issues to light and murder the innocent while killing a FEW bad guys.
I get that we have a lot of unnecessary casualties but that is with every war. The reason ISIS came to power is because the United States left Iraq and there was a lack of power. I get that we needlessly invade sometimes but we do it for a reason. If you think the terrorist attacks that have happened in the EU are bad; compared to some of the actions that happen in the middle east they are nothing. Even though it is just a movie "The Lone Survivor" portrays this well when he goes to a village that is being terrorist by the local terrorist group. If we didn't have a war against the terrorists over in the middle east the whole country would be overrun by terrorist groups and terrorism attacks on the EU and US would be a lot more frequent. Also with the whole control over all nuclear arms that was an agreement signed by all of the UN to control it and if you were talking about the Iraq nuclear deal the reason we had to do it was because some information came to light that Iraq was hiding information from us that they were suppose to disclose. Also with the UN convention; each country that signed it is suppose to pay a certain amount of money a year for costs and for years the United States has been picking up other countries slack and paying the share they don't pay. So they want to dismantle it because other countries do not pay their share. And the reason that the United States decides is because it is literally the most powerful country in the world. And I would follow them if I was another country.
“The true soldier fights not because he hates what is in front of him, but because he loves what is behind him.” - G.K. Chesterton
my heart hurts
Seeking Secrets is an incredibly unique and touching show. Keep doing what you’re doing. It’s amazing what you’ve created so far
Damn this is truly heartbreaking
Wow.... this is deep
Amazing video. Please do more on veterans!
It isn't weakness to seek counseling, it makes you stronger. It helps you to deal with it better and not bottle it up. Thank you sir for serving our country. I will pray for you. God bless you.
I'm obsessed, I can't stop watching video after video. Thank you so much Jubilee, thank you to those who shares their stories. I feel like I need to reflect myself... ^^
I’ve watched all four videos in season 2 and all of them have broken my heart but this video has me in tears. This man carries the pain of two lives and that’s heart breaking
Looking for help isn't weakness. It's not your fault. It's war. Grieve him. Honor him. He was your look out, make your life count for you, and for him.
I just wanted to say thank you. Brave people like you go through these th I vs so the rest of us don't have to. Our freedom comes from your expense,so thank you. I appreciate your sacrifice. Respect and love 💗💗💗
There's no shame in seeking help
A lot of my friends are in the military and i get so scared with stories like this. I fear for them and I can’t imagine what they go through. I love everyone serving and I appreciate you all so much ❤️
Much love to you. I could never imagine. You remind me that I need to pray for our heroes in the military. I hope to be as good a soldier someday as he was. So much love.
Kind of reminds me of my Grandfather. He fought in World War II. He was there when the peace our nation had so desperately tried to hold onto was shattered at Pearl Harbor. What he had to do during the war haunted him to such an extant that he never told anyone about his experiences until a few years before his death at the age of 94. I was the first to hear his story. I think that brought him a measure of peace before he died. I also know that though the people he killed haunted him to the end of his days, he never regretted serving his country. He did what he had to in order to defend this nation, and I am proud to be his grandson.
How dare you make me cry like this
I have such high respect for the soldiers and I hope that this man finds some peace however he can
Survivors Guild is one of the worst things your brain can come up with and I wish it on no-one
Nobody who suffers and still fights on is weak in anyway, it takes so much strength and courage
I'll admire him, because I don't think I could
I can't even believe i emotionally get through seeing theese
People like him...
People like dad....
They have been there. They have experienced this,
They are so strong.
seeking mental health is the strongest thing you can do in a situation like this. it will never make you weak for wanting to talk about your thoughts.
Sending you so much love. Thank you for sharing your story.
You are an amazing person ☺ much respect for all you've done and are doing
Can you do one on the SOs of survivors of abuse/assault/rape? It would be really interesting to see how the healing process of the survivor affects their SO.
Surya Hall you should check the first episode of season 2
Thank you! The first episode on from the victim of the survivor, not their SO. Though it is important to hear the survivor's story, I'm also interested in it from their significant other's POV.
This so emotional 😭😫 I can't imagine how that feels
Had you spotted the enemy before, someone else's parents would be crying. That is no better than what happened here.. Nobody wins @ war.
War is not about winning, but only about remaining.
What a heartbreaking story,I feel sad for you😢😢
JUBILEE u has got me cryin in everyone of u sad vids
Thankyou for your service
Damn.
i love your seriessss
It's not your fault man.
Thank you for your service
It’s not your fault! We love you! Living through guilt is never fun... I hope you get better and get through the guilt! 💕✨ Also you’re not weak. Being vulnerable makes you strong and brave!
damn this is the only episode that made me tear up
“you weak, you can’t even handle something like THIS” that, that just.... 😞
Vietnam vets need the stage as well to voice their pain
Yeah, they have been neglected and shamed by ungrateful American citizens.
That broke me I can't even imagine what that guilt would be like and knowing you could have done something.
I'm sorry for your lost 😔
*This is heartbreaking.*
Getting help is a sign of strength.
I would give my left arm for your combat experience. I did 4 years. Joined to fight a war. Never happened. Somalia happened when I was in basic. I have a lot of friends who are 9/11 vets. You guys have to deal with ptsd. I am lucky but still suffer with guilt for not fighting a war..
This was really sad.😥
Fuck man this gives me such a lump in my throat just hearing the story brins tears to my eyes..
This was tear jerking
More of these please I've been thinking about joining the military. N this is something I really want to understand
War can only end when we refuse to participate. Much love to those going thru this nonsense with pure intentions.
only if the otherside feels the same way....
Thanks for sharing.
So much love and respect for everyone that is in the military 💜
This broke my heart💔
It's the guilt that hurts the most.
much respect for this guy.
I hope you get over it and get better with time.
I’m seriously going in on Monday and Tuesday to swear in and take my asvabs and this hit hard but didn’t change my mind a single bit
When I heard why he had joined (the deceased soldier), and to hear he's passed, it made me feel so sick and angry. Not at him, but the fact that school expenses are so stressful and so - the fact that a big percentage of people join the military and risk their well being just for an education sickens me. Again, the people don't sicken me. It's the extent one must go through to gain an education if they are less fortunate. I had a contract for the same reasons, and I got out of it. I respect soldiers and veterans who can take on the bravery of fighting for our country, even if it's just for education.
People only deserve respect if they fight for a good cause.These are war criminals.
@@houseplant1016 Your sad and lack empathy
PTSD does make you feel weak because it's like carrying the heaviest backpack of your life. Taking a step is exhausting and you compare to old self that didn't have a backpack. But thing is, while you carry this heavy load you can't tell that your metaphorical legs are stronger than ever and everyone else can tell and might say "you are the strongest person I know" which can feel so very offensive when you don't feel that way yourself. "Can't you see what I mess I am?"
I participate in grief groups and I could be wrong in this but it's worth mentioning; while guilt is part of grief - I see cases where people hold on to the guilt or they feel like they are letting the lost one down, afraid to forget the horrific event so it's easier to carry torment than self forgiveness. But forgiving yourself for being hard on yourself won't let them down and you won't forget. You will just suffer less and I hope opening up like this, which took enormous strength and courage by the way, helped heal you in some way.
To whomever is reading this, if your friend was in your shoes, would you blame them the way you blame yourself? Would you call them the words you tell yourself such as worthless? Hopeless? Would you find it accurate for them to carry the shame and deserve it? I am guessing you are thinking of course not! And here is my reminder that you are worthy, the same value and worth as the people you care about and treating yourself like you treat a friend does wonders for depression and much else. It's the best gift I ever gave myself in my healing.
This video was very impactful.
We are here for you brother!
I fully support our Veterans. People don't always think that soldiers suffer. Some people just think they are killers and love to kill in the name.of freedom. They kill because its either them or the enemy, they make a sacrifice for our freedom. I can't be more thankful and supportive of our troops.
“The true soldier fights not because he hates what is in front of him, but because he loves what is behind him.” - G.K. Chesterton
This video really shows how quickly people can die during war or fighting. It’s so sad how he was only 17 as well..
He says he wished he could have taken the first shot and my first thought was it would be the same situation, the only difference beint the set of parents and the kid's body being carried home
I could never imagine hearing that smack, but knowing it was a human that got hit, and feeling like it was my fault. So sad
I tell people I have no food at home and they laugh but I haven’t eaten in 2 days except for school lunch
im very very proud of youu
Very sad
This breaks me heart so much the fact that he blames himself for something that he couldn’t control. My respect to the men and women that serve and fight for our country you do so much for us
Heartbreaking man
Some of the stories my dad and brother have told me....you can't help but laugh it off but...it's so intense and disturbing
Many man tears were shed to this............. WTF didn't expect that
I just want to hug him.
I hope he doesn’t hold this against himself for long. 😔
My mom was in the United States Navy for 20 years and served as a corpsman in Iraq and Afghanistan. There are times when I ask her about it and she can’t even talk or look me in the eye. War is awful, but you should always support the people who fight for you and your country.
He is so brave to show his emotions to the entire world, then people say that soldiers and people in the military need to work harder smh
Please do more veteran stories
no
robyn dabank
Salty asf
VETERANS ARENT WEAK. ITS A SIGN THAT THEY HAVE A HEART! PLEASE SPREAD
They are the bravest of the nation
PTSD is no laughing mater - and impossible to explain to someone who doesn't know it
What about the millions of children your country caused PTSD?
I wish I could talk to this Hero. This amazing Warrior. I am sorry you had to go through this. But, Please remember that God is in charge of when and where we move on to the next life.
I have deployed many, many times. I felt and sometimes still do feel guilty for so many things. Things that were never in my control. It took me a very long time to move forward, but, I am learning that we may never move forward completely without help.
I was also injured very badly and have to live with extreme pain every minute of every hour of every day. Always in pain. I have had many surgeries, but, nothing seems to take away the physical pain, which always reminds me of the mental pain and combat and the brothers I have lost. We have lost.
Brother, Brothers and Sisters, You are not alone. We are all here for you. WE need to start being there for each other and show this crazy Liberal/Socialist world what true brotherhood is all about. We have had politicians try call us Terrorist just like they are doing to ICE now. We need to help each other and do what ever it takes to help each other become that amazing, strong, powerful person we once were again.
Please stay strong, Please Remember that God is in charge and Please help those who are struggling.
What'd I respond to his father asking was he a good soldier is:
"If a soldier dies for his country, he's the best soldier you could get."
Find a shrink you feel comfortable with,....turn it into a journey of yourself,...the pain ain’t going anywhere,....but you can displace that pain with new information.
As someone who witnessed their family get killed for no reason by U.S. Soldiers and hearing them laugh afterwards while I stayed hidden ,this video was bittersweet. I don't hate veterans and soldiers btw. But I'm a big believer in the quote"Don't blame the players, blame the game".
This sounds so draining to your soul. To have that weight of killing someone or someones death on your hands is a lot to shoulder.
Wow and now I'm crying in the library
The problem if I go to war would be not that I wouldn't trust anyone, I wouldn't trust myself. Damn, feels bad man.