This is actually a great analogy. Because if there are five big pieces and a bunch of splinters, do you say the glass smashed into 5 pieces or do you say more? Likely it depends on who's looking at the glass. -Kim Kim
Elaya that’s a good way to explain fragments though! Some fragments have such a fleshed out identity, right down to small things like having opinions on what you’re going to have for lunch, where some fragments can exist only to do something specific, like hold certain memories or handle personal care. These “smaller” fragments are kind of like a small splinter, you may not even notice it’s there until you see it shine in the light or step on it. It exists, it serves an important purpose, and it’s just as valuable as any other part, but it’s a part that some people may not count towards their total since it’s sometimes too small to notice.
Wow, all 4 of these comments are so deep and an amazing way to look at it! I absolutely love analogies. Sometimes it's the only way I know how to try to explain things is through an apology.. so interesting... makes me want to paint a picture of a mirror..That was broken but glued back together..and someone looking at themselves but each peice is slightly different/has different characteristics and a different feel to it, but together they're all one. Damn I'm picturing something in my head and it's fantastic!😁🤗 I love how you said, the splinter is so small that you might not even notice it until it shines in the light...Or until you step on it, but it still exists.
@@TheEntropySystem I would say more...But it could be impossible to tell how many...sometimes there's so much little pieces that you miss some, or if it gets stepped on it becomes like,crystal/sand.. I wonder if there's ever parts that you lose and can't find again? Or, say it falls but you catch it just as it's hitting the floor. And now it has a piece or two missing, and the rest is just cracked...man. I probably sound nuts. And...I am. Hahaha. Now I've just gone down a rabbit he of thoughts and questions and ...I don't know the word. Any one get me? No? Alright 😂😂 I have a hard time writing or speaking what's in my head,I can picture things and understand to myself but my mouth/hands can't keep up to what I'm trying to say, doesn't help that I have like 5 different thoughts going at the same time all the time so sometimes I end up getting it out all wrong and mixed up and then I get super frustrated :( writing use to be my escape throughout my teens,I still had this problem but I wrote so often that usually I'd get out what I was trying to get out, somewhere.. amongst it all. Now I have so many wild thoughts and even when trying to just explain myself, I freeze, go blank and sound really stupid...but it's like, if only they heard what I was trying to say,in my head, the message would have been conveyed perfectly..but it never is..Sorry for this random ramble. It's rare that I feel like sharing like this, I stopped writing a lot because my carpal tunnel hurts my hands and I hate starting something but not being able to finish..tho my braces are helping! Does anyone relate to what I said? I feel like an alien...like I wear a mask everywhere ,not even the best one but I'm able to somewhat "look" like I'm more okay than I am. Looking at any type of paper work makes me cry. I try so hard to concentrate on reading but it does t sink in,it's hard to listen to people talk a lot cuz my thoughts are so loud and if someone interupts them I just don't hear them. I struggle so much with so many things. I feel...so confused. I have major depressive disorder, social/generalized anxiety, but haven't been checked for anything else. For a few years of my life I had severe derealization and depersonalization. Everything looked fake, like cartoon. Sometimes like Lego..Or silly putty. My body was completely foreign..at times I felt like I couldn't walk properly I had to focus hard just to move normally. I was reckless cuz I felt invincible..and I didn't care what happened. I've had different t times where I watched myself from above but couldn't move, I was just....a brain ? Other times I felt like rubber. I would cut myself to try to feel real...somehow after years it started to get less severe...Now I just have frequent..panic attacks and times where I freeze and feel paralyzed and I don't move for hours and hours,days, no one really takes me seriously so I don't talk about it but I've been very passively suicidal for like 2 years straight...off and on since I was 12 and had many attempts but now it's to where I would have to leave really thought out letters and make sure the one person I love didn't find me. And I'd be 100% that it wouldn't fail. I have severe trauma around cops,paramedics,pysch staff, all that, due to inhumane abuse the last time someone told on me for how I felt...and it changed me. I told myself never again..I can never again be honest about certain things,as I'm deathly afraid of being punished and tormented further...my bf gets mad that I won't go to a hospital or seek help,I am waiting on a therapist,that I can't afford..other then that, he doesn't know the dozens of quack drs I've seen and emergency rooms and psychiatrists and help lines, crisis lines I've called over the last decade, and I regret most of it,for making things worse.It's hard to explain the paralyzing fear I have from it, just thinking about it I feel sick...There are some people who shouldn't work in the professions they do and I have been involved with several...but he doesn't get it..he just wants me better. I just wish he understood how truly scared I am and it's not that I'm being resistant...I want answers and help..but after so many horrible experiences while being at your worst,it doesn't feel worth it cuz it would throw me over the edge. Wow. Can you tell I don't have anyone to talk to? That's just a sliver of my life, no one will respond to this but that's ok, I actually feel kinda better getting that out right now..It's been a long fight that's been getting worse...I feel like I lost my youth ,my teens and most of my twenties...I cry because that's suppose to be the best times of your life...I'm 28 and severely declining :( it's crazy...I don't even remember my childhood and most of my teens, even years of my twenties..just specific situations and people....and now I just kind of exist. I've always always felt years younger than I am,that I know.kinda embarrassing..well it use to be...Now I can hide it mostly when I have to but I feel like a teenager,definitely not an adult..It's pathetic,I can't even care for myself,I just remembered one time I made a post on kijiji, I think I was 18-20, asking if anyone wanted to adopt me. Kinda as a joke like not legally. But a caring nurturing mother figure that I could go to. Talk to. Have care about me. And I just realized how fucking weird that is. Man oh man..
Knowing Jenny was able to put her abuser away with the testimony of her alters is absolutely groundbreaking and astonishing. It's a super slow move but DID is being seen in a different light and being taken seriously. Slowly but surely
I watched that documentary and she is amazing. So smart focused and her pig of a father got what he deserved and she was able to do it herself, that must have made her feel such a sense of peace and made her so proud to accomplish that. Shes a hero to me.
Her story is amazing and terrible. If you're prepared for it, here's the 40+ minute piece one of our Australian shows did with her: th-cam.com/video/lsXFcbPbvI4/w-d-xo.html Her abuser (her father) got a good 30+ years in jail for all the abuse, with evidence coming from 30+ of Jeni's alters as well as physical evidence and hospital records and the like. Her "army of alters" can stand down now.
I was wondering who Jenny was. I've heard the boys mention her before. Makes sense now. I wonder if the boys ever miss her, especially Jake and Jamie, since she was their sister. (Also, getting some Ed vibes from the makeup. It's gorgeous)
I have an experience with this, well our former host does. Trinity was the middle of three. A triplet. It went Lorelei, Trinity then Dahlia. Due to some issues that I won't get into, the three of them integrated to form the Trinity we have today. Sometimes I can hear her crying about it. She definitely missed being a triplet. She misses her sisters so much.
I've just watched the documentary about Jeni that you have recommended. What has happened to her is beyond my imagination. She testified without a jury, as it could be too traumatising for them to hear... But I hope, thanks to her amazing courage and determination, that this case will pave the way for the wider acceptance of DID, especially in the justice system.
do fictional introgects help or break any legal help they need? seeing as how I am told "person is valid" and "literay that person" and "it is all real". trauma from being a cartoon character is as valid as someone's trauma, and I guess then, a "bad guy" should be seen as such
for those wondering, Richard Haynes got sentenced, at 74, to 45 years in jail, with 33 years of non-parole. So he can't even hope to leave jail until he's well over 100years old. The judge decided that, knowing that he'd been threatened by inmates already. Jenny's relief was quite contagious.
As a system of almost 900 members, many of which are fragments or currently dormant, we really appreciate this video. Thank you so much, for all that you all do for the DID community and for mental health. Your channel is what inspired us to start a channel and we continue to love and appreciate your system's content. -Kit
This was a really encouraging watch because fusion for us is similar to what it is for you. We know we had someone in the army front a bunch but we don't know who it was. All we know is he's not around anymore. And when Mistletoe fused Kit didn't get rushed with a bunch of memories. Our fusions all seem very subtle and don't change us a ton. -Kim Kim
If or when we have an integration which for us we won't want but may happen out of nowhere, how should we react about it when or if it happens? From the alters I know about since there's way too many of us to know everyone (2001) many of us are nervous maybe scared about it - Ash
You guys are one of the first systems I ever came across and the only system that I've been able to follow (what feels like maybe 8 or 9 years now?) progress over time. I know you went through periods of not posting and changes in your guys life. Through University, relationship / marriage and your documentary and the tv interview project & just life and you guys always found your way back to giving us a view of your world. I want you to know how much I appreciate that. This was a subject ive (and many) are very fascinated about and I feel like the best way to understand it, is through someone who has has it. You guys are a pretty cool system! :)
@@MultiplicityAndMe Well thank you all for putting up with a world that hardly understood / understands this condition, but still having the courage to share your life knowing there will be judgment. Some very harshly. I say this sincerely, you guys have made an impact. And I can attest to that... And thank you for your kind words as well! 😊💜
This video was a huge relief!! It feels like so many systems in the DID community know everything that goes on with their alters and fragments and every system change, it's such a relief to know there's a system that is clueless on some things (like we are!). lots of love
I'd still be clueless if I hadn't split from our GateKeeper instead of the original host group like most folks. I am an administrator (not quite a host, I'm rarely in front unless I need to organize something) and my job is to take the knowledge our gatekeeper has been collecting since our infancy and keep everyone chilled out by helping folks feel seen and heard.
I noticed when Esther, Lisa, and Oliver integrated with me it was more of a "Oh wow, I remember these things now and they are no longer here" sort of thing.
We have around 35 known alters, its so hard to keep track of us all, especially since we're still not out to anyone about being a system. This channels been a huge help with our discovery process, since the host only really accepted we're a system late 2020 -Tommy
I like your little picture in the corner I have suggested other systems do this especially during live streams so people do not have to ask a hundred times who is fronting!! ❤
It will be even nicer for the alters that do not identify with the body as it will be easier to picture them as they do the video. I love all your videos you have done especially the ones with the actors playing the other alters it helps to visualize them more!! ❤ Thank you for the reply...
It’s so interesting to hear Jess speak with Ed so close, you can really hear the difference in how she speaks? Not in accent necessarily or sound, but just in confidence? Usually Jess delivers a video almost shyly but in this one she’s more like BAM GUYS HERE’S THE INFO! So interesting! Great video 💕
Each system is unique, different people, different roles etc. We are a polyfragmented system. Two main hosts, alters having their own alters, and lots of non human alters. We don't know exactly how many of us there are, but we hosts are new to this, and have had more splits then integrations. Thank you for helping us understand ourselves and each other in our system.
Is it only me who feels comfort somehow hearing Gaz going about life in the background? Like he’s there if you ever need him. Jess and the guys are so lucky to have that kind of support. Their child is so lucky to have all of them 💗
Thanks for speaking on this, we are similar, going from 18 down to a smaller number and then rediscovering splits (current at 11) can be such a process and I’m proud of you all for speaking your side on it.
All of my headmates (alters) have names starting with M. With the exception of our little one whom has a childhood name of my own (host and 'originial'). My birth last name starts with M, my mother and father both with M. It could be a factor into a systems names that they are influenced by the outside life and connection with it. That's why we decided to choose a system name with the letter M to showcase that connection and what it means to us. :)
Mine tends to confuse other people for a similar reason. 2 of mine have the same name, but they spell it differently but they are both extremely different personalities. 3 of my other ones have taken on the other nicknames names we have been called throughout our lives, 1 of ours has a name that came from literally nowhere and only knows the word "potato", and then there's the host who doesn't relate to any name, so we call her "Me".
Many of my alters have J names too! There's me (host), Jamie, and we have a Jax, and a Jacey, and we have our own Jake in our main alters! It can definitely get stumbley with names sometimes, especially when disassociating.
I'm an alter on my body's main drivers page. To stumble and find a group of youtubers who have alters like ourself is simply amazing and very validating. We cant turn away or stop watching. Every video we can relate to. It's amazing. All this time we thought we were crazy. Different friends have left us over the years leaving us pretty isolated... which is why we were created in the first place. To know there are others like us is an amazing experience and I cant thank you enough for these educational videos. We've truly been learnt. Thank you so much and please dont stop.
Oh I already watched that awesome documentary and I thought it was amazing how all those alters managed to work together to get this abuser behind bars. It's already hard to make a few people work together on a single thing, I don't have DID but obviously had to work together in a team with other people and it fucking sucked sometimes so I can't even begin to imagine how to make up to 2500 people work together.
I don't know about other systems but for us, aside from persecutors, we tend to be good at compromising. Partly because being alone is hell (sometimes we can't hear the folks in the back), and being stuck in front is both hell and exhausting. We need each other. Persecutors need work but we love them too.
we have split a LOT in the past 9 months, and also uncovered hundreds of previously unknown alters. we went from knowing of about 15 to 700+ at one point this year. we've since done a lot of healing and taken safety measures inside and out that caused about 200 or more to merge so now we sit somewhere around 500. with around 150 who actively front, and maybe 200 to 250 who ever front? the content in this video is so important. earlier this year when we discovered those hundreds of alters who lived underground, we opened up about it in a discord group for systems, and there was a singleton there who basically invalidated us because he thought that it was impossible to have more than (i forget the number??) like 30 alters? which is not true and it really hurt us at the time. every number (as long as it is 2 or more TOTAL parts - not just 2 or more additional parts) is valid. amount of alters is not as important as the functions and qualities of those alters. some people split very easily and others do not. trauma is subjective therefore splitting and system size is subjective.
The story of jeni Haynes was an amazing video especially for us since we are a severely polyfragmented system ourselves but our number are in between the 10,000-12,000's when we asked our supervisors last but still possibly have more in hiding. It's just mind boggling how expansive the brain is to be able to house so many and ultimately may not even know originally what the number were during trauma at its worst.
We are 7 known atm. One came out of dormancy after 4 years which surprised me. And there has been rumours of more who are sectioned off by the gatekeeper Its scary to think of it.
That is part of what the gatekeeper does to keep you functional. It's not so scary when you realize most of who they block is folks who need space and time to overcome their trauma. Getting a therapist who is understanding can help a ton because they can arrange to let them out and get their story heard in a safe setting. Theoretically. Our GateKeeper points out that letting someone loose and then regaining control afterwards to put them away is something he is not good at. Lol we are working on it because we want to let our traumaholders have their space to talk and express themselves.
Ed seems like he takes on so many of personalities and traits that don’t stay around for long. Ed exhumes them and pulls the traits they have. Which is good for his growth. Gooooo Eeeeeddd 👍
Thank you for doing such a great job explaining this topic! We personally have 70 alters, but we have personally known other systems who had over 200, over 500, and over 2,000 alters. I can't imagine what that's like, since it's hard enough for us having 70. But there are quite a few of ours who don't come out into the external world very often. I'd say there are probably less than 20 who come out on a fairly regular basis in our system. I think a lot of people who don't know much about DID assume that most systems have between 2 to about 20-30 alters, because that's about the range that is shown in most movies, documentaries, etc. So thank you for educating about this, and for sharing your own personal histories. We personally have had alters that we thought had merged, only to find out months or years later that they were just lying dormant. We had a set of twins who were dormant for more than two decades! But I'm not trying to scare you by saying that, it might not be the case for your system. Every DID system is unique, just like every person is unique. But I liked what our therapist had to say about the number of parts: he said that the severity of DID has nothing to do with the number of parts, but everything to do with how well all of those parts, no matter how many, are working together to function well in their collective life. That blew our mind when he told us that, but we have since found it to be very true. Anyway, thanks again for everything you and your system do to educate about DID. We wish you all the very best. - Leyna
i absolutely love the picture you painted with water droplets because it makes so much more sense than the way other systems have described it and i think explains it better to the people who constantly seem to ask if those parts are gone now and is the new part a whole NEW alter... because when water mixes with water there arent distinct lines, it all just blends into one new droplet but is still the same droplets it was before as well. thank you for that.
Thanks for this great video. For us, at this moment, I think we are with 9 alters, but I am sure we lost at least one in 2013. Another just woke up after being dorment for years. Wendy
It’s so interesting to me that on top of DID being a coping mechanism, each personality has their own coping mechanisms on top of it. Like an alter can dissociate themselves from their own memories without creating a new alter to hold them.
This was very helpful for us to watch because we don't actually know how many alters we have in our system and it can be very disconcerting when a new alter shows up on the conscious level forcing us to reevaluate whether we have a grasp on this or not. Good to know that you've also experienced fragments fusing or going dormant. Thanks for all the amazing videos you put out. You are an inspiration for us and many other systems. 💜
Thank you for sharing. We relate to this so much. We don't know why but we felt the need to write creative stories as soon as we learned to write and type well enough as a child, where our alters would live out their inner worlds. We don't have most of the documents but the biggest one we have is about Jonah. We don't remember why he went dormant around 16 or 17 maybe but we think throughout adulthood he's split himself up into several of the masc spectrum alters we have now. We have the document about his life but we're not like emotionally ready to figure out what he was trying to tell the host disguised as a "fun fictional story."
I have a trauma background as an adult, where i dont have DID, i understand what your saying because parts of my brain hold the traumatic memories so i can function day to day
Jenny is a hero and I am so glad you mentioned her. She, along with you and similar channels helps me feel comfortable with who I am. Jenny and made me proud to be the way I am for the first time tbh, I love her so much.
Another cool thing yall mentioned before I think is that alters can also have their own alters so that can contribute to them being so infinite and numerous
I have around 21 alters. The idea of one of us "integrating" or disappearing terrfies us. Though we also have abandament issues so probably why we cling so close. We have serval fragments in that twenty and I have had some go "doorment" for years to weeks out of a time. Though when ever one of the main fronters vanish we freak out. It's so brave of you to post your experience on TH-cam. Watching your videos is intresting and always makes us think. Which I love
Such a good video! I loved that raindrop metaphor and we related so much to your experiences of being sort of uncertain about whether parts have merged or gone dormant. It's so nice to hear you talk about these things and know we're not alone in these experiences.
Honestly that means so much coming from you guys! 😊 thank you 🙏 and yes! We hope to make another video purely on integration/fusion and use that as a visual example again. Hope you had a lovely new year 💗
@@MultiplicityAndMe are you able to get a load of alters after a big thing has happened when you already have D.I.D? Because we have been getting lots of alters when a meltdown has happened with us (it's like seizures where you have no control over it etc) and the most recent one we got 1,000 alters from it, we are now a system of 1,400 alters, every time we get a lot more we keep doubting that we have it even more and feel more like we are faking it etc but we keep being proven that we do have it and after what happened it's definite - Ash
A person can have as many alters as their life/traumas and mind can generate. Each system is created differently. Some have alters that have their own systems and so forth. My journey began at 10 (in 1964) with 5 parts, , they were with me but they were not dominant in my life. In 2013 the parts began to change, and have more influence on my life in a more visible way. In 2015 there was a fracturing (i have no better word than that) and i became aware of the beginning of alters with memories and roles and purpose. Now i have 30 alters and fragments that are identifiable. Some are dormant as their presence are not needed atm and some that have merged (not fully integrated) into others, still others will always be in my awareness so i can function on a daily basis.
My experience is that sometimes fragments or alters who are dormant can both be integrated and dormant at the same time, in case of trauma that triggers them to split back into a separated part than some of the information that was once well integrated in the system can break back up (and possibly merge back together when the trauma is done and processed), I have experienced this few times that I remember but probably even more time than I actually remember.
I have only found your channel a while ago, but your videos are so inspirational to me. Mostly i been just reading about DID, talking to a very small group of people who have DID and lately being in a group of a few people sharing DID. And i always felt SO out of place; because i "only" have 5 alters, because we always kind of communicated very openly and thought every brain has several people living in it for a long time; and because for all we know we don`t have repressed memories or parts of our brains we dont know about. Which is also probably because our trauma is not as severe as what other people with DID i know off had sadly had to go through. It honestly made me feel like such a pretender and i just started therapy, which makes me very happy, yet also makes me feel like i dont deserve it. But all videos, especially this video, really makes me feel less "weird" for having only 5 alters. A big thank you from me. And im very excited about the interview you mentioned coming up.
Questions: is the integration of alters a good thing like a sign of recovery? And is there a possibility for all the alters and fragments to merge into only one personality?
Yes to both. Integration can also be because two or more alters function better together so the brain makes them one even if it's not consented to. Some systems (like the Entropy System) actually plan on full integration. There's functional multiplicity (working through trauma but wanting to stay multiple), partial integration (working through trauma with the intention of some parts integrating while others stay separate, this is what we want to do but our new therapist wants full integration), and then full integration (where trauma is worked through with the intention of breaking down all amnesia barriers and becoming one whole person again.) I hope this helps.
As a system of 60 alters, I can answer to both questions 1) to the “is the integration of alters a good thing” question. Yes, as a general understanding, yes it is a sign of recovery, however it all depends on the system because some want to stay separate individuals 2) to the “is there a possibility of all the alters and fragments to merge into only one personality” question. Yes, this is called full integration or a fully integrated system.
Oh shoot I forgot to say congratulations on the conference coming up!! Dissociadid post about it and I saw your systems name being in the conference so happy that they are holding it and getting more awareness out, your system and the other systems on line especially Pinata system, Dissociadid and Entropy system and of course already said your system!! Have done such a great job in sharing and education others!!! 🎉🎉
This is really affirming and educational, even for us who have a pretty healthy and communicative system. It’s easy for me to feel like I’ve screwed up when I “discover” a new alter who’d been there for a long time...or if I just don’t remember periods of time and later find out someone else I don’t know was in the body. Thanks for posting this
I don't have DID or anyone I know but I find it very interesting. That's how i found you. I wish you well on your journey. Honestly was kind of heart sick when you were worried about how others would feel about your pregnancy. You all seem to be doing fantastic! Congratulations! Evie is beautiful and will love every bit of you! 💚
I want to wish you, Jess, Jamie, Ed, Ollie, and Jake, as well as Gaz and Eevie a very happy new year. You are all are such incredible people and I wish you have an incredible 2020!
We have 15. 12 full alters and 3 fragments. This is the most we've ever been. I love this video. :) I'd love to hear Ed's stories about Eddie and Eli if he feels up to it. If not that's okay. Love you guys!
It is soooo fascinating how a brain can work! I actually got to use a bit of my DID knowledge in a Uni course I had to kinda talk about what a brain is able to do
when i was 37 years old i figured that i had 31 persons - but i had no doctor, no treatment or anything. i got a therapist, told her, she accused me of lying and i waked into a frozen lake in january - a nurse found me and took me for coffee.- Told me i was real and that she believed me. Two years later i got a really lovely doctor and it took some time to figure out alot of things - What i have been able to determine for my situation is the person number is over 50 - but many have 'retired' when 'unburdened ' in therapy. I know they are still there because if a new one needs help - one will come out of retirement to aid communication. I do IFS - so there is no 'integration' - but acceptance of all - and some Choose to blend with other.s Just as some might change their name and purpose.
Oh wow. My memories are like this. Not very clear, camera's perspective, huge chunks missing, even reading old journal entries and notes I sometimes can't spark things I should definitely have tried to file away. I don't remember any serious trama until I was a teenager though. I'd love to have some testing done to figure out what my deal is and if I can fix it.
I feel like this is normal but now I'm wondering. I have very few childhood memories and what I do don't feel real more like I'm watching a movie. No trauma that I know of though.
@@Courtneyburns90 That probably is more normal than I previously thought, up to a certain age. Mine continues that way into high school though, but I've uncovered quite a few things about my past and possibly my neurodivergence that probably contributed to my memory issues. I hope yours doesn't concern you or bother you too much
I finally made a system list a couple weeks ago, and just stumbled onto this video. Turns out I've had a total of over 80 alters over my entire life.. and I still don't know how to explain to my friends about my did. None of my singlet friends know.. as we werent aware we are a system until two years ago and kind of just...had that...moment of pullback and it became obvious..
i just be like watching this and then i notice the journal 3 in the background. thats pretty epic. just had to say!!! my cohost is an introject from that show also btw afaik the official term for merging is integrating and what u said makes sense! u may know that i just... wanna interact more than anything. i like this channel a lot
Awesome and interesting video as always. I feel like I learn something new each and every video! 🥰 🤗 I hope that you and your family are doing well. Much love from your patreon, Kat 🐈
My experience with dormant personalities is that although they can be very disoriented when/if they resurface, it's ok. Mine responded to the healthier behaviours I've learnt, and when I worked out what their primary issue was, I was able to soothe them and reduce their trauma markedly. There was chaos, uncertainty, mucked up routines, some heightened emotional issues but it turned out nothing to be frightened of. Many of my parts and alters I think are dormant or non-accessible by me at the front anyways, but the internal space is generally calmer than it used to be, and I think that affects them as well.
Thank you! This is so informative! Especially since you aren't only basing this on your personal experience, but also on research and expert opinions. The personal experience is very helpful as well though, since it puts things in perspective and makes it more real. Anyways, this is a nice, concise answer that feels well-rounded. That's probably going to be helpful when someone asks this because they can just be redirected here!
Happy new year Jess and family and alters as well! Looking forward to seeing you guys grow and heal in this new year and can't wait to see what you share with us next! All the best.
It’s annoying that Jeni Haynes’ story isn’t better known. I learned about her only a year ago and finally found a 20/20 documentary about her. It was REALLY hard to watch. Maybe that’s why it’s not better known; or maybe Jeni just doesn’t want more attention. (The alter I felt worst about is the one who had to decide who would front and deal with the abuse every night.) After watching, I understood why 2000+ identities. It’s about the ONLY way you could survive this level of abuse. I honestly don’t know where Jeni and her system got the strength to accomplish what they did - but I’m very glad they managed to survive and even thrive, and get justice. Most people will say her story is heartbreaking. It is, but even more, it’s sickening and INFURIATING. Abuse makes me enraged far more than it makes me cry.
I want to tell you your channel is amazing. Your channel has helped me understand DID, which is very good especially right now. I'm creating a cartoon, and I have a discord for it, I made sure to install plural kit just in case as I knew people use it for their Alters. Well now I have a system in my server, and the host and alters I have met are just lovely! I learned so much from you, and am able to just talk to all of them, and get to know them for the people they are, because alters are just different people in one body.
Thank you for being so open about your system. This is so interesting to learn. One thing I was wondering: Is Jenny still part of Jamie and Jake's family in the inner world?
I wonder if it's a coincidence than so many of the systems names (past and present) start with a J (Jess, Jake, Jamie, James, Jenny) or an E (Ed, Eddie, Eli).
very interesting bit about your memory recall at the end! thank you for sharing the information you do, you’ve taught me so much about something i would’ve otherwise been intimidated by.
Hi, i'm not a subscriber but stll watch a lot of your videos. And i just wanted to say, that it's amazing how sympathetic all of you guys are. And props to ed. He seems to carry a lot of weight for the system, but is still able to evolve in such a positive way 😄
My perspective is that we can share memories as we heal -- ie our neural networks link up and "data" can now be shared -- but those personalities that developed still live there in those neurons, in the neuronal structures that develooed... so I don't believe in merging/fusion per se, to me it's sharing memories and then one or the other chooses to go dormant (or shadows another in the background)... and is able to reappear at any time. The data I've seen of the high rate of fusions "falling apart", to me, supports this. I believe those scary parts that are dormant will come back only when they're supposed to, and just like any other alter is well capable of growing as a person and becoming less scary and more helpful and part of the team.
Jess, I love your channel and your boys, you've helped my knowledge grow and thank you for that, I hope 2020 and the years to follow are good to you, Gaz, Eevee, and you system :)
I have a question, is it common and typical for fragments or “splinters” as someone else used as an example to merge with more dominant/ prominent altars as you age and mature naturally? Also, is it possible for someone to fully merge or their altars to become permanently dormant before diagnosis or without any treatment? I apologize if either of these were offensive in any way. I really love your videos as well as other DID creators like DissociaDID. I think you and your altars are great people and even though I don’t have DID myself your videos and advice have still helped me with the mental illnesses I struggle with as you’re very motivational and comforting.
Yes. As they experience life and the world they can start to grow as people. A lot of them are fragments to begin with because they're experienced so little, because they hold one memory or one emotion. As they get more memories through life it changes them. For some systems (such as my own) this process can be helpful and actually be a great step toward merging forms of integration. Because when they're a fragment they might not feel healed enough to merge/integrate.
I have had 2 alters that were fragments. (They were the host body's favourite hobbies, Singing and Drawing respectively.) They have since fleshed out and became their own person. The Artist alter is Russian and the Singing one is a Humanoid (She is from Vocaloid.)
I'm quite new to being a system and because I am still under age my parents don't know ( I'm too scared to tell them , it probably won't be safd to tell them ) Thanks to one of my alters Sherlock ( fictive of sherlock Holmes) I now know how many alters I have 201 ( including our sub-system) which is terrifying to me . Ik it shouldn't be I can't help it make me feel less valid as a system. Also I just wanted to say ygav I love your guys channel:))
Maybe you shoukd make the puzzle pieces (alter portraits) not only different color, but also different shapes so it will show both diversity and unity of members of your system. Maybe some of them should stick together like Jamie and Ed.
Thanks for sharing Jess - I have a question for you or other systems reading this comment? How do you all feel about figuring out previous parts? Our most integrated alter (that we believe anyway) is flat out refusing to engage with us tracing backwards. He’s happy to cooperate moving forwards, but backwards is off limits. We respect he probably has his reasons, but the rest of us want to know!
I’m not sure of the exacts but maybe there’s a reason 😊 if you remember old parts, you could compartmentalise and backtrack to what traits and memories that part had, which *may* destabilise the part that holds onto it currently. That would be my guess! But definitely something to ask your T about!
this is a bit off topic with the video.. but i just wanted to ask about a couple small problems i (ellie) am personally having. 1) probably the smallest one- i often forget to refer to us as “we” when needed. i always feel extremely guilty afterwards because i want everyone to feel valid and i feel as though i’m not acknowledging them when i say “i, me, myself” when i’m talking about us or our life in general. 2) i am really struggling with belief at the moment. i am not completely sure if my alters (i have one definite - at least i think :( - and two that are a bit “foggy” if you will) are real, or if i am just making them up. i saw someone who said “if you’re not sure if you’re lying or not, you’re most likely not. liars know they are lying”. but for me it’s like- i just don’t know. it’s all so confusing and i can’t really accept it if i don’t know if it’s real. i’m also terrified to actually get screened for DID because i am worried about what would happen if they told me i do not have the disorder. i’ve put so much thought into it all and i truly believe that my alter(s) are real- so someone telling me they’re not would be heartbreaking. it would definitely take a toll on my mental health. 3) ~ quick little note as i did not mention it in this paragraph! we are in a LDR. :) i’m struggling with my alter(s) and my relationship. my girlfriend knows that i suspect DID, and i talk to her quite frequently about it. she’s even spoken with (avoiding saying his name at the moment, but my definite alter), and i have no recollection of the conversations, so i’ve validated that as outside communication. i’ve noticed that my alters, especially my definite, can be very hostile and blunt. he (definite) often comes out during emotional times, including fights or disagreements, comforting/being vulnerable, and even when we are talking about intimate subjects. his manner is quite honestly the opposite of mine.. and my girlfriend has sort of learned to recognize when it’s not me (to protect her emotions). he has a very rude manner, like i mentioned earlier, and often takes things out on my girlfriend or laughs at her when she is vulnerable or upset (/in times of sadness). it’s extremely upsetting for both of us and i find myself having to apologize for his behavior afterwards. it’s really stressful for me and hard to enjoy talking to her because, combined with my anxiety, the worry of him hurting her is extreme and overbearing. i really don’t know how to help this situation, as all of this DID stuff is all very new. i can’t even communicate with my alter(s) yet, which i’m trying not to rush... but it’s hard. x
Thank you so much for another amazingly insightful and informative video! We wish the best to all of you guys and family, through 2020 and future therapy journeys. Lots of love!
A less scientific way of putting it about how many alters a person can have, is like asking how many pieces does a glass smash into when its broken.
This is actually a great analogy. Because if there are five big pieces and a bunch of splinters, do you say the glass smashed into 5 pieces or do you say more? Likely it depends on who's looking at the glass. -Kim Kim
If a splinter becomes as noticable as if you stepped on it, I'm sure the answer is not 5. Lol
Elaya that’s a good way to explain fragments though! Some fragments have such a fleshed out identity, right down to small things like having opinions on what you’re going to have for lunch, where some fragments can exist only to do something specific, like hold certain memories or handle personal care. These “smaller” fragments are kind of like a small splinter, you may not even notice it’s there until you see it shine in the light or step on it. It exists, it serves an important purpose, and it’s just as valuable as any other part, but it’s a part that some people may not count towards their total since it’s sometimes too small to notice.
Wow, all 4 of these comments are so deep and an amazing way to look at it! I absolutely love analogies. Sometimes it's the only way I know how to try to explain things is through an apology.. so interesting... makes me want to paint a picture of a mirror..That was broken but glued back together..and someone looking at themselves but each peice is slightly different/has different characteristics and a different feel to it, but together they're all one. Damn I'm picturing something in my head and it's fantastic!😁🤗
I love how you said, the splinter is so small that you might not even notice it until it shines in the light...Or until you step on it, but it still exists.
@@TheEntropySystem I would say more...But it could be impossible to tell how many...sometimes there's so much little pieces that you miss some, or if it gets stepped on it becomes like,crystal/sand.. I wonder if there's ever parts that you lose and can't find again? Or, say it falls but you catch it just as it's hitting the floor. And now it has a piece or two missing, and the rest is just cracked...man. I probably sound nuts. And...I am. Hahaha. Now I've just gone down a rabbit he of thoughts and questions and ...I don't know the word. Any one get me? No? Alright 😂😂 I have a hard time writing or speaking what's in my head,I can picture things and understand to myself but my mouth/hands can't keep up to what I'm trying to say, doesn't help that I have like 5 different thoughts going at the same time all the time so sometimes I end up getting it out all wrong and mixed up and then I get super frustrated :( writing use to be my escape throughout my teens,I still had this problem but I wrote so often that usually I'd get out what I was trying to get out, somewhere.. amongst it all. Now I have so many wild thoughts and even when trying to just explain myself, I freeze, go blank and sound really stupid...but it's like, if only they heard what I was trying to say,in my head, the message would have been conveyed perfectly..but it never is..Sorry for this random ramble. It's rare that I feel like sharing like this, I stopped writing a lot because my carpal tunnel hurts my hands and I hate starting something but not being able to finish..tho my braces are helping! Does anyone relate to what I said? I feel like an alien...like I wear a mask everywhere ,not even the best one but I'm able to somewhat "look" like I'm more okay than I am. Looking at any type of paper work makes me cry. I try so hard to concentrate on reading but it does t sink in,it's hard to listen to people talk a lot cuz my thoughts are so loud and if someone interupts them I just don't hear them. I struggle so much with so many things. I feel...so confused. I have major depressive disorder, social/generalized anxiety, but haven't been checked for anything else. For a few years of my life I had severe derealization and depersonalization. Everything looked fake, like cartoon. Sometimes like Lego..Or silly putty. My body was completely foreign..at times I felt like I couldn't walk properly I had to focus hard just to move normally. I was reckless cuz I felt invincible..and I didn't care what happened. I've had different t times where I watched myself from above but couldn't move, I was just....a brain ? Other times I felt like rubber. I would cut myself to try to feel real...somehow after years it started to get less severe...Now I just have frequent..panic attacks and times where I freeze and feel paralyzed and I don't move for hours and hours,days, no one really takes me seriously so I don't talk about it but I've been very passively suicidal for like 2 years straight...off and on since I was 12 and had many attempts but now it's to where I would have to leave really thought out letters and make sure the one person I love didn't find me. And I'd be 100% that it wouldn't fail. I have severe trauma around cops,paramedics,pysch staff, all that, due to inhumane abuse the last time someone told on me for how I felt...and it changed me. I told myself never again..I can never again be honest about certain things,as I'm deathly afraid of being punished and tormented further...my bf gets mad that I won't go to a hospital or seek help,I am waiting on a therapist,that I can't afford..other then that, he doesn't know the dozens of quack drs I've seen and emergency rooms and psychiatrists and help lines, crisis lines I've called over the last decade, and I regret most of it,for making things worse.It's hard to explain the paralyzing fear I have from it, just thinking about it I feel sick...There are some people who shouldn't work in the professions they do and I have been involved with several...but he doesn't get it..he just wants me better. I just wish he understood how truly scared I am and it's not that I'm being resistant...I want answers and help..but after so many horrible experiences while being at your worst,it doesn't feel worth it cuz it would throw me over the edge. Wow. Can you tell I don't have anyone to talk to? That's just a sliver of my life, no one will respond to this but that's ok, I actually feel kinda better getting that out right now..It's been a long fight that's been getting worse...I feel like I lost my youth ,my teens and most of my twenties...I cry because that's suppose to be the best times of your life...I'm 28 and severely declining :( it's crazy...I don't even remember my childhood and most of my teens, even years of my twenties..just specific situations and people....and now I just kind of exist. I've always always felt years younger than I am,that I know.kinda embarrassing..well it use to be...Now I can hide it mostly when I have to but I feel like a teenager,definitely not an adult..It's pathetic,I can't even care for myself,I just remembered one time I made a post on kijiji, I think I was 18-20, asking if anyone wanted to adopt me. Kinda as a joke like not legally. But a caring nurturing mother figure that I could go to. Talk to. Have care about me. And I just realized how fucking weird that is. Man oh man..
Knowing Jenny was able to put her abuser away with the testimony of her alters is absolutely groundbreaking and astonishing. It's a super slow move but DID is being seen in a different light and being taken seriously. Slowly but surely
Jenny Haynes?
I watched that documentary and she is amazing. So smart focused and her pig of a father got what he deserved and she was able to do it herself, that must have made her feel such a sense of peace and made her so proud to accomplish that. Shes a hero to me.
DID A PHD IN LAW AND TOOK HER TO COURT THAT'S BIG 2020 ENERGY
Her story is amazing and terrible. If you're prepared for it, here's the 40+ minute piece one of our Australian shows did with her: th-cam.com/video/lsXFcbPbvI4/w-d-xo.html
Her abuser (her father) got a good 30+ years in jail for all the abuse, with evidence coming from 30+ of Jeni's alters as well as physical evidence and hospital records and the like. Her "army of alters" can stand down now.
@@ceekay3143 damn good for her
Im proud of her like thats some dedication lol
@@ceekay3143 What a strong person!! I wish she never had to go through that, but I’m so glad she’s seen justice 💔🖤
@@ceekay3143 I was so excited when I saw it was a 60 minutes story. I had no idea she was Australian! Watching it right away
That really threw me off when Jess introduced herself as Jessica
Jacqueline Sayler saaaame
Right !
Same! I was like oh no is there a new alter. 🤦🏼♀️🤦🏼♀️
She has done that in several other videos
Oh man you can really hear Ed close by
Yup
You can also *see* it in the movements/expressions 😮
I know!!!!!
It really is noticeable.
Jess also said right at the beinging he was close
I was wondering who Jenny was. I've heard the boys mention her before. Makes sense now. I wonder if the boys ever miss her, especially Jake and Jamie, since she was their sister. (Also, getting some Ed vibes from the makeup. It's gorgeous)
I believe they said in older videos she still exists in the inner world she just doesn't front any more.
@@laurennordstrom2470 ah, okay. That makes sense. Thanks!
Yes, Jake talked about her visiting them in the inner world in the video “jakes day.”
I have an experience with this, well our former host does. Trinity was the middle of three. A triplet. It went Lorelei, Trinity then Dahlia. Due to some issues that I won't get into, the three of them integrated to form the Trinity we have today. Sometimes I can hear her crying about it. She definitely missed being a triplet. She misses her sisters so much.
@Eline They're not talking about Jeni Haynes
I've just watched the documentary about Jeni that you have recommended. What has happened to her is beyond my imagination. She testified without a jury, as it could be too traumatising for them to hear... But I hope, thanks to her amazing courage and determination, that this case will pave the way for the wider acceptance of DID, especially in the justice system.
do fictional introgects help or break any legal help they need? seeing as how I am told "person is valid" and "literay that person" and "it is all real". trauma from being a cartoon character is as valid as someone's trauma, and I guess then, a "bad guy" should be seen as such
I also watched it. I dont know what terrific things she endured but from things i heard on the documentary its was horrific
for those wondering, Richard Haynes got sentenced, at 74, to 45 years in jail, with 33 years of non-parole. So he can't even hope to leave jail until he's well over 100years old. The judge decided that, knowing that he'd been threatened by inmates already. Jenny's relief was quite contagious.
As a system of almost 900 members, many of which are fragments or currently dormant, we really appreciate this video. Thank you so much, for all that you all do for the DID community and for mental health. Your channel is what inspired us to start a channel and we continue to love and appreciate your system's content.
-Kit
Heyo were just reached 100 + some fragments.
@@BubbleArcadia Hi 👋
- Kit
This was a really encouraging watch because fusion for us is similar to what it is for you. We know we had someone in the army front a bunch but we don't know who it was. All we know is he's not around anymore. And when Mistletoe fused Kit didn't get rushed with a bunch of memories. Our fusions all seem very subtle and don't change us a ton. -Kim Kim
If or when we have an integration which for us we won't want but may happen out of nowhere, how should we react about it when or if it happens? From the alters I know about since there's way too many of us to know everyone (2001) many of us are nervous maybe scared about it - Ash
You guys are one of the first systems I ever came across and the only system that I've been able to follow (what feels like maybe 8 or 9 years now?) progress over time. I know you went through periods of not posting and changes in your guys life. Through University, relationship / marriage and your documentary and the tv interview project & just life and you guys always found your way back to giving us a view of your world. I want you to know how much I appreciate that. This was a subject ive (and many) are very fascinated about and I feel like the best way to understand it, is through someone who has has it. You guys are a pretty cool system! :)
This is a beautiful message Jaime! Thank you so so very much for putting up with us after all these years 😅🙈💗 honestly your kindness means a lot
@@MultiplicityAndMe Well thank you all for putting up with a world that hardly understood / understands this condition, but still having the courage to share your life knowing there will be judgment. Some very harshly. I say this sincerely, you guys have made an impact. And I can attest to that... And thank you for your kind words as well! 😊💜
This video was a huge relief!! It feels like so many systems in the DID community know everything that goes on with their alters and fragments and every system change, it's such a relief to know there's a system that is clueless on some things (like we are!). lots of love
I'd still be clueless if I hadn't split from our GateKeeper instead of the original host group like most folks. I am an administrator (not quite a host, I'm rarely in front unless I need to organize something) and my job is to take the knowledge our gatekeeper has been collecting since our infancy and keep everyone chilled out by helping folks feel seen and heard.
I noticed when Esther, Lisa, and Oliver integrated with me it was more of a "Oh wow, I remember these things now and they are no longer here" sort of thing.
We have around 35 known alters, its so hard to keep track of us all, especially since we're still not out to anyone about being a system. This channels been a huge help with our discovery process, since the host only really accepted we're a system late 2020
-Tommy
I like your little picture in the corner I have suggested other systems do this especially during live streams so people do not have to ask a hundred times who is fronting!! ❤
It’s been a suggestion a few times so we’re going to incorporate it into future videos 😄 thanks for the feedback 🙏
It will be even nicer for the alters that do not identify with the body as it will be easier to picture them as they do the video. I love all your videos you have done especially the ones with the actors playing the other alters it helps to visualize them more!! ❤ Thank you for the reply...
It’s so interesting to hear Jess speak with Ed so close, you can really hear the difference in how she speaks? Not in accent necessarily or sound, but just in confidence? Usually Jess delivers a video almost shyly but in this one she’s more like BAM GUYS HERE’S THE INFO! So interesting! Great video 💕
Each system is unique, different people, different roles etc. We are a polyfragmented system. Two main hosts, alters having their own alters, and lots of non human alters. We don't know exactly how many of us there are, but we hosts are new to this, and have had more splits then integrations. Thank you for helping us understand ourselves and each other in our system.
Video series with your specialist would be phenomenal!!
An interview is upcoming 😄
@@MultiplicityAndMe yay! ☺️ Happy New Year to you and your family, all the best 😘🥳🎉
Is it only me who feels comfort somehow hearing Gaz going about life in the background? Like he’s there if you ever need him. Jess and the guys are so lucky to have that kind of support. Their child is so lucky to have all of them 💗
Somebody has 2,500 alters?! Whoa!
Alot of them are fragments.
I was thinking the same
Go watch the documentary in the link in her description. Incredible.
We have 1,400 alters
@@theonionsystem7779 If you dont mind me asking, our most of them fragments?
You can tell Ed was close. Just by your body language, facial expressions and voice. I love Ed, well all of you, but I have a soft spot for Ed.
You could really hear the Ed coming out in that second part of the intro
Am I the only one who wanted her to pull an Oprah and unconsciously say:
“Some people have over 9000 alters.” (?)
Thanks for speaking on this, we are similar, going from 18 down to a smaller number and then rediscovering splits (current at 11) can be such a process and I’m proud of you all for speaking your side on it.
I've noticed that a lot of their names start with "J," and it kinda throws me off sometimes. XD
This is a really interesting video, though, thank you!
All of my headmates (alters) have names starting with M. With the exception of our little one whom has a childhood name of my own (host and 'originial'). My birth last name starts with M, my mother and father both with M. It could be a factor into a systems names that they are influenced by the outside life and connection with it. That's why we decided to choose a system name with the letter M to showcase that connection and what it means to us. :)
Mine tends to confuse other people for a similar reason. 2 of mine have the same name, but they spell it differently but they are both extremely different personalities. 3 of my other ones have taken on the other nicknames names we have been called throughout our lives, 1 of ours has a name that came from literally nowhere and only knows the word "potato", and then there's the host who doesn't relate to any name, so we call her "Me".
Interesting, thank you, both!
Many of my alters have J names too! There's me (host), Jamie, and we have a Jax, and a Jacey, and we have our own Jake in our main alters! It can definitely get stumbley with names sometimes, especially when disassociating.
@@JJflipflop10, that's fascinating ^-^ I bet it does get confusing at times!
Ok. Ive heard of Jenny, I was like "are we gonna meet Jenny." Makes sense.
I'm an alter on my body's main drivers page. To stumble and find a group of youtubers who have alters like ourself is simply amazing and very validating. We cant turn away or stop watching. Every video we can relate to. It's amazing. All this time we thought we were crazy. Different friends have left us over the years leaving us pretty isolated... which is why we were created in the first place. To know there are others like us is an amazing experience and I cant thank you enough for these educational videos. We've truly been learnt. Thank you so much and please dont stop.
Oh I already watched that awesome documentary and I thought it was amazing how all those alters managed to work together to get this abuser behind bars. It's already hard to make a few people work together on a single thing, I don't have DID but obviously had to work together in a team with other people and it fucking sucked sometimes so I can't even begin to imagine how to make up to 2500 people work together.
I don't know about other systems but for us, aside from persecutors, we tend to be good at compromising. Partly because being alone is hell (sometimes we can't hear the folks in the back), and being stuck in front is both hell and exhausting. We need each other. Persecutors need work but we love them too.
we have split a LOT in the past 9 months, and also uncovered hundreds of previously unknown alters. we went from knowing of about 15 to 700+ at one point this year. we've since done a lot of healing and taken safety measures inside and out that caused about 200 or more to merge so now we sit somewhere around 500. with around 150 who actively front, and maybe 200 to 250 who ever front?
the content in this video is so important. earlier this year when we discovered those hundreds of alters who lived underground, we opened up about it in a discord group for systems, and there was a singleton there who basically invalidated us because he thought that it was impossible to have more than (i forget the number??) like 30 alters? which is not true and it really hurt us at the time.
every number (as long as it is 2 or more TOTAL parts - not just 2 or more additional parts) is valid. amount of alters is not as important as the functions and qualities of those alters. some people split very easily and others do not. trauma is subjective therefore splitting and system size is subjective.
Every time you mention a different alter I picture them as the actors you had portray them
The story of jeni Haynes was an amazing video especially for us since we are a severely polyfragmented system ourselves but our number are in between the 10,000-12,000's when we asked our supervisors last but still possibly have more in hiding. It's just mind boggling how expansive the brain is to be able to house so many and ultimately may not even know originally what the number were during trauma at its worst.
We are 7 known atm. One came out of dormancy after 4 years which surprised me. And there has been rumours of more who are sectioned off by the gatekeeper
Its scary to think of it.
That is part of what the gatekeeper does to keep you functional. It's not so scary when you realize most of who they block is folks who need space and time to overcome their trauma. Getting a therapist who is understanding can help a ton because they can arrange to let them out and get their story heard in a safe setting.
Theoretically. Our GateKeeper points out that letting someone loose and then regaining control afterwards to put them away is something he is not good at. Lol we are working on it because we want to let our traumaholders have their space to talk and express themselves.
Its great to see the development of your videos. The editing is great! Thank you so much for all of your hard work and helpful information.
Ed seems like he takes on so many of personalities and traits that don’t stay around for long. Ed exhumes them and pulls the traits they have. Which is good for his growth. Gooooo Eeeeeddd 👍
Thank you for doing such a great job explaining this topic! We personally have 70 alters, but we have personally known other systems who had over 200, over 500, and over 2,000 alters. I can't imagine what that's like, since it's hard enough for us having 70. But there are quite a few of ours who don't come out into the external world very often. I'd say there are probably less than 20 who come out on a fairly regular basis in our system. I think a lot of people who don't know much about DID assume that most systems have between 2 to about 20-30 alters, because that's about the range that is shown in most movies, documentaries, etc. So thank you for educating about this, and for sharing your own personal histories. We personally have had alters that we thought had merged, only to find out months or years later that they were just lying dormant. We had a set of twins who were dormant for more than two decades! But I'm not trying to scare you by saying that, it might not be the case for your system. Every DID system is unique, just like every person is unique. But I liked what our therapist had to say about the number of parts: he said that the severity of DID has nothing to do with the number of parts, but everything to do with how well all of those parts, no matter how many, are working together to function well in their collective life. That blew our mind when he told us that, but we have since found it to be very true. Anyway, thanks again for everything you and your system do to educate about DID. We wish you all the very best. - Leyna
Excited for your channel in 2020!!!
i absolutely love the picture you painted with water droplets because it makes so much more sense than the way other systems have described it and i think explains it better to the people who constantly seem to ask if those parts are gone now and is the new part a whole NEW alter... because when water mixes with water there arent distinct lines, it all just blends into one new droplet but is still the same droplets it was before as well. thank you for that.
Thanks for this great video. For us, at this moment, I think we are with 9 alters, but I am sure we lost at least one in 2013. Another just woke up after being dorment for years.
Wendy
As a system of 10+ alters, thank you for sharing the community and exactly how our disorders work🥺
My intellectual brain: “Show some respect for her explaining fragments becoming alters”
My weeb brain: “FUSIONNNNN DAAANCE”
It’s so interesting to me that on top of DID being a coping mechanism, each personality has their own coping mechanisms on top of it. Like an alter can dissociate themselves from their own memories without creating a new alter to hold them.
I'm a silent viewer but just wanted to say big love to you all and a happy new year xx
Thank you so much for commenting! 😊 happy new year to you too!
This was very helpful for us to watch because we don't actually know how many alters we have in our system and it can be very disconcerting when a new alter shows up on the conscious level forcing us to reevaluate whether we have a grasp on this or not. Good to know that you've also experienced fragments fusing or going dormant. Thanks for all the amazing videos you put out. You are an inspiration for us and many other systems. 💜
Thank you so much 😊 💗
Thank you for sharing. We relate to this so much. We don't know why but we felt the need to write creative stories as soon as we learned to write and type well enough as a child, where our alters would live out their inner worlds. We don't have most of the documents but the biggest one we have is about Jonah. We don't remember why he went dormant around 16 or 17 maybe but we think throughout adulthood he's split himself up into several of the masc spectrum alters we have now. We have the document about his life but we're not like emotionally ready to figure out what he was trying to tell the host disguised as a "fun fictional story."
I have a trauma background as an adult, where i dont have DID, i understand what your saying because parts of my brain hold the traumatic memories so i can function day to day
Happy new year to you and your WHOLE family Jess! I've sent you some things and can't wait for you to get them!!!
Oh my goodness thank you so much 😭💗 so excited!
Jenny is a hero and I am so glad you mentioned her. She, along with you and similar channels helps me feel comfortable with who I am. Jenny and made me proud to be the way I am for the first time tbh, I love her so much.
Another cool thing yall mentioned before I think is that alters can also have their own alters so that can contribute to them being so infinite and numerous
I have around 21 alters. The idea of one of us "integrating" or disappearing terrfies us. Though we also have abandament issues so probably why we cling so close. We have serval fragments in that twenty and I have had some go "doorment" for years to weeks out of a time. Though when ever one of the main fronters vanish we freak out. It's so brave of you to post your experience on TH-cam. Watching your videos is intresting and always makes us think. Which I love
"Puzzles and pieces", that is so cute!
Such a good video! I loved that raindrop metaphor and we related so much to your experiences of being sort of uncertain about whether parts have merged or gone dormant. It's so nice to hear you talk about these things and know we're not alone in these experiences.
Honestly that means so much coming from you guys! 😊 thank you 🙏 and yes! We hope to make another video purely on integration/fusion and use that as a visual example again. Hope you had a lovely new year 💗
@@MultiplicityAndMe are you able to get a load of alters after a big thing has happened when you already have D.I.D? Because we have been getting lots of alters when a meltdown has happened with us (it's like seizures where you have no control over it etc) and the most recent one we got 1,000 alters from it, we are now a system of 1,400 alters, every time we get a lot more we keep doubting that we have it even more and feel more like we are faking it etc but we keep being proven that we do have it and after what happened it's definite - Ash
A person can have as many alters as their life/traumas and mind can generate. Each system is created differently. Some have alters that have their own systems and so forth. My journey began at 10 (in 1964) with 5 parts, , they were with me but they were not dominant in my life. In 2013 the parts began to change, and have more influence on my life in a more visible way. In 2015 there was a fracturing (i have no better word than that) and i became aware of the beginning of alters with memories and roles and purpose. Now i have 30 alters and fragments that are identifiable. Some are dormant as their presence are not needed atm and some that have merged (not fully integrated) into others, still others will always be in my awareness so i can function on a daily basis.
Thank you for sharing about Jeni's story! I hadn't heard about this and am super excited that she got the justice and peace she needed.
My experience is that sometimes fragments or alters who are dormant can both be integrated and dormant at the same time, in case of trauma that triggers them to split back into a separated part than some of the information that was once well integrated in the system can break back up (and possibly merge back together when the trauma is done and processed), I have experienced this few times that I remember but probably even more time than I actually remember.
I have only found your channel a while ago, but your videos are so inspirational to me. Mostly i been just reading about DID, talking to a very small group of people who have DID and lately being in a group of a few people sharing DID. And i always felt SO out of place; because i "only" have 5 alters, because we always kind of communicated very openly and thought every brain has several people living in it for a long time; and because for all we know we don`t have repressed memories or parts of our brains we dont know about. Which is also probably because our trauma is not as severe as what other people with DID i know off had sadly had to go through. It honestly made me feel like such a pretender and i just started therapy, which makes me very happy, yet also makes me feel like i dont deserve it. But all videos, especially this video, really makes me feel less "weird" for having only 5 alters. A big thank you from me. And im very excited about the interview you mentioned coming up.
Questions: is the integration of alters a good thing like a sign of recovery? And is there a possibility for all the alters and fragments to merge into only one personality?
Yes to both. Integration can also be because two or more alters function better together so the brain makes them one even if it's not consented to. Some systems (like the Entropy System) actually plan on full integration. There's functional multiplicity (working through trauma but wanting to stay multiple), partial integration (working through trauma with the intention of some parts integrating while others stay separate, this is what we want to do but our new therapist wants full integration), and then full integration (where trauma is worked through with the intention of breaking down all amnesia barriers and becoming one whole person again.) I hope this helps.
As a system of 60 alters, I can answer to both questions
1) to the “is the integration of alters a good thing” question. Yes, as a general understanding, yes it is a sign of recovery, however it all depends on the system because some want to stay separate individuals
2) to the “is there a possibility of all the alters and fragments to merge into only one personality” question. Yes, this is called full integration or a fully integrated system.
you can REALLY tell Ed is close by. that is fascinating. good video, btw!
Oh shoot I forgot to say congratulations on the conference coming up!! Dissociadid post about it and I saw your systems name being in the conference so happy that they are holding it and getting more awareness out, your system and the other systems on line especially Pinata system, Dissociadid and Entropy system and of course already said your system!! Have done such a great job in sharing and education others!!! 🎉🎉
My part Rose really liked your
"Raindrop" analogy. Thank you so much for speaking truth.
This is really affirming and educational, even for us who have a pretty healthy and communicative system. It’s easy for me to feel like I’ve screwed up when I “discover” a new alter who’d been there for a long time...or if I just don’t remember periods of time and later find out someone else I don’t know was in the body. Thanks for posting this
I don't have DID or anyone I know but I find it very interesting. That's how i found you. I wish you well on your journey. Honestly was kind of heart sick when you were worried about how others would feel about your pregnancy. You all seem to be doing fantastic! Congratulations! Evie is beautiful and will love every bit of you! 💚
I want to wish you, Jess, Jamie, Ed, Ollie, and Jake, as well as Gaz and Eevie a very happy new year. You are all are such incredible people and I wish you have an incredible 2020!
We have 15. 12 full alters and 3 fragments. This is the most we've ever been.
I love this video. :) I'd love to hear Ed's stories about Eddie and Eli if he feels up to it. If not that's okay. Love you guys!
It is soooo fascinating how a brain can work! I actually got to use a bit of my DID knowledge in a Uni course I had to kinda talk about what a brain is able to do
when i was 37 years old i figured that i had 31 persons - but i had no doctor, no treatment or anything. i got a therapist, told her, she accused me of lying and i waked into a frozen lake in january - a nurse found me and took me for coffee.- Told me i was real and that she believed me. Two years later i got a really lovely doctor and it took some time to figure out alot of things - What i have been able to determine for my situation is the person number is over 50 - but many have 'retired' when 'unburdened ' in therapy. I know they are still there because if a new one needs help - one will come out of retirement to aid communication. I do IFS - so there is no 'integration' - but acceptance of all - and some Choose to blend with other.s Just as some might change their name and purpose.
Oh wow. My memories are like this. Not very clear, camera's perspective, huge chunks missing, even reading old journal entries and notes I sometimes can't spark things I should definitely have tried to file away. I don't remember any serious trama until I was a teenager though. I'd love to have some testing done to figure out what my deal is and if I can fix it.
I feel like this is normal but now I'm wondering. I have very few childhood memories and what I do don't feel real more like I'm watching a movie. No trauma that I know of though.
@@Courtneyburns90 That probably is more normal than I previously thought, up to a certain age. Mine continues that way into high school though, but I've uncovered quite a few things about my past and possibly my neurodivergence that probably contributed to my memory issues. I hope yours doesn't concern you or bother you too much
I finally made a system list a couple weeks ago, and just stumbled onto this video. Turns out I've had a total of over 80 alters over my entire life.. and I still don't know how to explain to my friends about my did. None of my singlet friends know.. as we werent aware we are a system until two years ago and kind of just...had that...moment of pullback and it became obvious..
Jenny and her troops are absolutely sensational and something that it is a phenomenon 🖤🙏🏽
The new editing is lovely and works so well with the content. And just have to say your hair looks sooo good 😀
Thank you 😊
i just be like watching this and then i notice the journal 3 in the background. thats pretty epic. just had to say!!! my cohost is an introject from that show
also btw afaik the official term for merging is integrating and what u said makes sense! u may know that i just... wanna interact more than anything. i like this channel a lot
Awesome and interesting video as always. I feel like I learn something new each and every video! 🥰 🤗 I hope that you and your family are doing well. Much love from your patreon, Kat 🐈
Thank you Kat 🐱!! You’re so very kind! 😄💗 hope you had a wonderful new year!!
My experience with dormant personalities is that although they can be very disoriented when/if they resurface, it's ok. Mine responded to the healthier behaviours I've learnt, and when I worked out what their primary issue was, I was able to soothe them and reduce their trauma markedly. There was chaos, uncertainty, mucked up routines, some heightened emotional issues but it turned out nothing to be frightened of. Many of my parts and alters I think are dormant or non-accessible by me at the front anyways, but the internal space is generally calmer than it used to be, and I think that affects them as well.
Entropy System mentioned having bad recall, so yeah, maybe just a potential result of DID and the “rerouting” you mentioned.
Thank you! This is so informative! Especially since you aren't only basing this on your personal experience, but also on research and expert opinions. The personal experience is very helpful as well though, since it puts things in perspective and makes it more real. Anyways, this is a nice, concise answer that feels well-rounded. That's probably going to be helpful when someone asks this because they can just be redirected here!
Happy new year Jess and family and alters as well! Looking forward to seeing you guys grow and heal in this new year and can't wait to see what you share with us next! All the best.
Did Jess go dormant in the six years where James was host? Or was Jess just in the inner world not interested in coming out? Great video!
It feels good to hear I’m not alone with this, specifically with dormant alters
It’s annoying that Jeni Haynes’ story isn’t better known.
I learned about her only a year ago and finally found a 20/20 documentary about her.
It was REALLY hard to watch. Maybe that’s why it’s not better known; or maybe Jeni just doesn’t want more attention.
(The alter I felt worst about is the one who had to decide who would front and deal with the abuse every night.)
After watching, I understood why 2000+ identities. It’s about the ONLY way you could survive this level of abuse.
I honestly don’t know where Jeni and her system got the strength to accomplish what they did - but I’m very glad they managed to survive and even thrive, and get justice.
Most people will say her story is heartbreaking. It is, but even more, it’s sickening and INFURIATING.
Abuse makes me enraged far more than it makes me cry.
It seems like Ed was around acknowledging and seeming to have had a say in what was said, as he said before :) Thats great :D
I want to tell you your channel is amazing. Your channel has helped me understand DID, which is very good especially right now. I'm creating a cartoon, and I have a discord for it, I made sure to install plural kit just in case as I knew people use it for their Alters. Well now I have a system in my server, and the host and alters I have met are just lovely! I learned so much from you, and am able to just talk to all of them, and get to know them for the people they are, because alters are just different people in one body.
I also want to make a point that when I say your, i am talking to all of you, Jess, Jamie, Ed, Jake, and Ollie, thank you for educating me!
Is there a specific reason why everyone seems to have a J or E name? Wondered if there was any significance to that? Hope you’re all well 😘
I was wondering that exact same thing...!
Thank you for being so open about your system. This is so interesting to learn.
One thing I was wondering: Is Jenny still part of Jamie and Jake's family in the inner world?
Jenny?? Who's that o.o sorry I don't keep as up to date as I want so out of the loop!
Moka Explains Jenny is explained for several minutes in this exact video. Maybe watch it again?
I wonder if it's a coincidence than so many of the systems names (past and present) start with a J (Jess, Jake, Jamie, James, Jenny) or an E (Ed, Eddie, Eli).
you all do such a great job of helping people understand and learn more about DID! i hope you and the boys have a great 2020 ❤️
very interesting bit about your memory recall at the end! thank you for sharing the information you do, you’ve taught me so much about something i would’ve otherwise been intimidated by.
Hi, i'm not a subscriber but stll watch a lot of your videos. And i just wanted to say, that it's amazing how sympathetic all of you guys are. And props to ed. He seems to carry a lot of weight for the system, but is still able to evolve in such a positive way 😄
My perspective is that we can share memories as we heal -- ie our neural networks link up and "data" can now be shared -- but those personalities that developed still live there in those neurons, in the neuronal structures that develooed... so I don't believe in merging/fusion per se, to me it's sharing memories and then one or the other chooses to go dormant (or shadows another in the background)... and is able to reappear at any time. The data I've seen of the high rate of fusions "falling apart", to me, supports this.
I believe those scary parts that are dormant will come back only when they're supposed to, and just like any other alter is well capable of growing as a person and becoming less scary and more helpful and part of the team.
Jess, I love your channel and your boys, you've helped my knowledge grow and thank you for that, I hope 2020 and the years to follow are good to you, Gaz, Eevee, and you system :)
I have a question, is it common and typical for fragments or “splinters” as someone else used as an example to merge with more dominant/ prominent altars as you age and mature naturally? Also, is it possible for someone to fully merge or their altars to become permanently dormant before diagnosis or without any treatment? I apologize if either of these were offensive in any way. I really love your videos as well as other DID creators like DissociaDID. I think you and your altars are great people and even though I don’t have DID myself your videos and advice have still helped me with the mental illnesses I struggle with as you’re very motivational and comforting.
Yes ! I just watched the Jenny Haynes story !!! And just hearing the story I was silent for two days and I’m a complete stranger from America!!!
Can a fragment grow and evolve into a full alter without merging?
Yes. As they experience life and the world they can start to grow as people. A lot of them are fragments to begin with because they're experienced so little, because they hold one memory or one emotion. As they get more memories through life it changes them. For some systems (such as my own) this process can be helpful and actually be a great step toward merging forms of integration. Because when they're a fragment they might not feel healed enough to merge/integrate.
I have had 2 alters that were fragments. (They were the host body's favourite hobbies, Singing and Drawing respectively.) They have since fleshed out and became their own person. The Artist alter is Russian and the Singing one is a Humanoid (She is from Vocaloid.)
@@jonah8231 Awesome, thanks so much for the explanation!
I'm quite new to being a system and because I am still under age my parents don't know ( I'm too scared to tell them , it probably won't be safd to tell them ) Thanks to one of my alters Sherlock ( fictive of sherlock Holmes) I now know how many alters I have 201 ( including our sub-system) which is terrifying to me . Ik it shouldn't be I can't help it make me feel less valid as a system. Also I just wanted to say ygav I love your guys channel:))
Thank you for continuing to inform and share all of this with us!
we have over a thousand alters, most of us are indeed a lot less developed (with some exceptions), but honestly it makes us feel really fake lol
Maybe you shoukd make the puzzle pieces (alter portraits) not only different color, but also different shapes so it will show both diversity and unity of members of your system. Maybe some of them should stick together like Jamie and Ed.
That’s a very cute idea ☺️ thank you
I have so many questions. When Gaz met you, did he meet you, or Jenny? Also, when did Jenny go away (or integrate, or whatever you call it)?
Thanks for sharing Jess - I have a question for you or other systems reading this comment? How do you all feel about figuring out previous parts? Our most integrated alter (that we believe anyway) is flat out refusing to engage with us tracing backwards. He’s happy to cooperate moving forwards, but backwards is off limits. We respect he probably has his reasons, but the rest of us want to know!
I’m not sure of the exacts but maybe there’s a reason 😊 if you remember old parts, you could compartmentalise and backtrack to what traits and memories that part had, which *may* destabilise the part that holds onto it currently. That would be my guess! But definitely something to ask your T about!
this is a bit off topic with the video.. but i just wanted to ask about a couple small problems i (ellie) am personally having.
1) probably the smallest one- i often forget to refer to us as “we” when needed. i always feel extremely guilty afterwards because i want everyone to feel valid and i feel as though i’m not acknowledging them when i say “i, me, myself” when i’m talking about us or our life in general.
2) i am really struggling with belief at the moment. i am not completely sure if my alters (i have one definite - at least i think :( - and two that are a bit “foggy” if you will) are real, or if i am just making them up. i saw someone who said “if you’re not sure if you’re lying or not, you’re most likely not. liars know they are lying”. but for me it’s like- i just don’t know. it’s all so confusing and i can’t really accept it if i don’t know if it’s real. i’m also terrified to actually get screened for DID because i am worried about what would happen if they told me i do not have the disorder. i’ve put so much thought into it all and i truly believe that my alter(s) are real- so someone telling me they’re not would be heartbreaking. it would definitely take a toll on my mental health.
3) ~ quick little note as i did not mention it in this paragraph! we are in a LDR. :)
i’m struggling with my alter(s) and my relationship. my girlfriend knows that i suspect DID, and i talk to her quite frequently about it. she’s even spoken with (avoiding saying his name at the moment, but my definite alter), and i have no recollection of the conversations, so i’ve validated that as outside communication. i’ve noticed that my alters, especially my definite, can be very hostile and blunt. he (definite) often comes out during emotional times, including fights or disagreements, comforting/being vulnerable, and even when we are talking about intimate subjects. his manner is quite honestly the opposite of mine.. and my girlfriend has sort of learned to recognize when it’s not me (to protect her emotions). he has a very rude manner, like i mentioned earlier, and often takes things out on my girlfriend or laughs at her when she is vulnerable or upset (/in times of sadness). it’s extremely upsetting for both of us and i find myself having to apologize for his behavior afterwards. it’s really stressful for me and hard to enjoy talking to her because, combined with my anxiety, the worry of him hurting her is extreme and overbearing. i really don’t know how to help this situation, as all of this DID stuff is all very new. i can’t even communicate with my alter(s) yet, which i’m trying not to rush... but it’s hard.
x
Just came by to binge a few vids and wish you and the guys a happy new year!
Makes me curious: when was the last time a fragment fronted?
Thank you so much for another amazingly insightful and informative video! We wish the best to all of you guys and family, through 2020 and future therapy journeys. Lots of love!