That "expectation to be one person"... reminds me of a quote from Joker. “The worst part about having a mental illness is people expect you to behave as if you don't.”
Expectation to be who you acted as when you were younger. Ima use his quote. Seems to fit my situation in a way. Being told to behave. Im 18. If me and my sister who is 9 gets into arguments their taking my game consoles away?
Im pissed. Idk how to fight agaisnt my grandparents with defending my own self. Like my opinions on the matter they see me as the bad kid. Wtf. She screams and runs out of the house thats what caused me to be more angry with her. She gets me into trouble. And i xant do anything to get them to stop treating me like that. Because i do nothing toher. Shell say that im hitting her when i am telling her to leave. Wtf am i supposed ro do with these shitty ass people who will not listen to me. They dont listen to me. They tell us both. Us both. Wtf. How do i regain my power back from my grandparentssssss. Im fucking pissed at them and wish they wiuld just listen.
We are a highly covert system, even our partners can't tell who's fronting if we don't want to show it. But through self realization and acceptance we have become more overt around selective trusted people and it has been like a huge boulder of our shoulders! :)
Most of us are very covert, we have a few alters who are very distinguished but most of the time be all blend/co-con and our switches are unnoticeable even to us. i'd like to be more overt but unfortunately it's not really safe for us atm. I'm glad you all are having a positive experience tho, it gives me hope.
This just made me feel so much better. Thank you for the honesty. My partner still questions my diagnosis. It’s like only my therapist sees it. I feel like I’m insane, like I need to be locked in a ward and throw away the key.
@@thedestroyasystemahsjfin honestly i havent heard of a lot of other systems that have the same troubles with blending 24/7 with unsure switches. i hope u guys have gotten into a safer environment nd are able to feel more stable in ur identities these days! if not i can say that yes being in a safer environment nd around ppl who want to know you as individual alters does help you tell yourself from one another
According to Healing The Fragmented Selves of Trauma Survivors, oftentimes the person needs to differentiate more to be able to address the needs of the part and heal so that they can them come back together. I’ve found that true for myself. The more I let my alters be who they are and just fully accept them, the closer we go and the more we began to blend.
I've found this to be the same for me! Ever since my partner really came into my life they don't let me deny and hide the system. So we've been more open and as a result seem to blur and feel more connected. It's kinda amazing to me seeing the difference between desperately hiding and. Freedom.
YES, THIS IS EXACTLY HOW MINE WORKS. Perfectly articulated, i allocate them their own time in the day. Their own holidays based on what they like and since i treat them as equal importance they support each other and together they work flawlessly together.
Another take - Covert systems can be covert to themselves as well. My system hides from me (mostly) and uses influence to get what they want, or interacts with me without identifying who they are. I've been set up as the fronting identity, but don't have a lot of memory or anything else, that comes and goes with who rides with me. Covert is about danger. My system sees out there as a high danger and I have that danger as well because I'm out there. Yes ableism plays a part of how people react to us. But when it comes down to it - if it's dangerous to be identified then we will be covert. We were bullied and physically assaulted at school, so being invisible was built into us. Was that ableism? Well no - we were beaten up for being foreign, for being good, for being different (physical issues). We don't mask overtly- we mask covertly. The less we know, the more we can hide.
Yes I agree with you. My system hides from me as well, it’s like a big wall is in my head that I can’t break through to where they all are. I’m the host, but don’t usually have a choice when it comes to deciding as to who is going to front , and nobody around me can tell the difference between alters . I was diagnosed 4 months ago so im still in the process of working through everything and trying to work with my system, and my trauma is definitely the result of danger and that’s still how my system sees the world, danger at every turn . Anyway, Good luck to you ☺️💜
Indeed that's not ableism, but disableism - actively discriminating against non-typicals. (Jessica Kellgren-Fozard has a good new video of the difference, though from a different perspective.)
Absolutely agree with the Rings System - if it wasn't for rampant stigma against multiplicity, and hideous ableism in general, would more systems not feel safer in simply living with the neurodiversity without trying to hide it?
I know many of the alters in our system loved coming out and being present, wearing clothes they liked that the host didn't necessarily like, or even at times just relaxing into their natural voice and not trying to pretend they were the host. They wouldn't outright yell out they came out or anything, but they felt comfortable just not lying if asked. But after a bit, the friends we trusted with knowing about us would always act so awkward and ignore us or give us side eyes and weird looks, so most of them became too uncomfortable for even little differences and some refused to come out at all anymore
I understand what you're saying about how it isn't normal so we shouldn't say it is, but they way I took the comment was that people shouldn't treat us like monsters and murderers for having a disorder. Depression shouldn't be normalized, but most people don't act like people who are depressed are going to just randomly snap and kill someone all the time. Often, alters don't want to show themselves or allow themselves to be known because people do treat them like that, and that can get in the way of healing. We should treat it like a disorder that needs to be healed, that our brains are doing something that can affect our lives negatively so it shouldn't be made out to be fine, but we definitely need to start treating alters like they're just people with a disorder, not freaks. That's the stigma I think Little Acorns was talking about
@Elisa Castro Yes, this is true. All that tulpamancy and soulbonding stuff is straight BS. Our disorder shouldn't be normalized, but it shouldn't be stigmatized, either. We just don't want to be treated like murderers (or romanticized into oblivion). Yes it's a disorder, yes we need to heal, but having others treat us as lesser bc of our disorder is just going to make things worse.
We absolutely agree with Rings too. Both systems and neurodivergent people are forced to develop social masks to survive, the masks become unconscious even and can be hard to unmask even when you're aware of them We think masks are why it took us so long to realise we're autistic and a plural system too. We're a very chaotic polyfrag DID system, but we don't see our plurality itself as a disorder. Our disorder stems from C-PTSD mainly, and our plurality helps us to manage our trauma more than if we were singular. We don't think being plural itself is a disorder and more parallel to a neurodivergency. Members of systems are all people, and we don't think a person simply existing is ever wrong. And the goal of DID should aways be to heal and reduce disorder yes, but for some systems that means staying a team, so a non-disordered system.
@@WolfgangDoW YES! So many people (singlets esp) don't seem to understand that the system itself isn't the problem, it's the fact that the systems were made by trauma and that trauma has to be dealt with. Break down barriers, increase communication, learn to heal- we don't HAVE to all integrate and fuse, some of us will function best as, like you said, a non-disordered system. OSDD/DID stems from trauma- but people often forget that it's a coping mechanism, and we are immeasurably assisted by our systems. And once you deal with the "disorder" stuff, you're left with a single integrated identity or a system that is a well-oiled machine. Multiplicity stems from trauma. But the multiplicity itself is not inherently a bad thing.
I was diagnosed by Dr. Dell in 2013. Two years ago I started going to therapy again after being in denial. It's a slow, trusting process. Thank you for helping us not feel so alone and misunderstood.
I’d also like to mention that just because a system is covert without actively trying, it doesn’t necessarily mean their alters aren’t distinctive. There’s a lot of personality traits that don’t immediately come across in social interactions. My system’s alters are very distinct in my opinion, but when I’m fronting people usually don’t notice I’m not the host. We’re very different- i’m much more reserved, but we have the same voice and face, so the general assumption is just that the host must be tired. Most people don’t look into that sort of thing further.
Our host has a partner with alters too, and there have been many times that after just a text saying "yo" instead of "hi" or something super tiny would mean that the partner immediately asks who's out, and sometimes we don't even know how they know we're out... I just came out for orange juice the other day and they knew it was me...... I'm wondering if that means my host doesn't drink oj or something lol
@@faeviglietti6227 lol well I don't like orange juice and am not the host nor the comment writer :) the host does indeed like orange juice, but as far as I'm aware the comment writer gulps it down immediately so there is definitely a difference for that partner to catch on too - Alex
We have a little who can be bouncing around the room and singing to himself one second, being himself and the second my mom enters the room he acts like me (the host), he's so good at it that he needs a while to realize that we didn't switch, but that he's just "hiding" lol
Hi, if you don't mind me asking, how do you cope if your little is out when you're in a situation which requires an adult - eg if you're at work / school or something? Apologies if that question is insensitive or weirdly worded - I'm very new to the DID community and have no personal experience :) hope you're having a nice day :)
@@katie6384 honestly we never had that situation before :') usually an adult figure gets triggered to front again at moments like that. Tho some Littles can be damn good in situations like that! We have 1 little who has charisma for the whole system lmao
OH MY GOD. I can relate so much to this I'm crying. Oh my God. I don't have DID I don't think so. But this. It doesn't even have to be anyone entering the room properly, just hearing the steps in the hallway, or the stairs is enough. "We" are always alert. I say "we" all the time too, but I don't believe I really have this, I don't have amnesia, I guess it's just a way to cope, I like to pretend I'm more than one person, so when one of us is super depressed or useless the other one helps, but it's not REALLY different people right? What is to "be" "people" anyway.. *nervous laughter* no but seriously, it's great to think about it like that, it helps. We used to absolutely hate each other it was hell, now some parts still do, but some parts are together to help, and suddenly things were possible, it was possible to not be in the verge of suicide all the time. But this parent in the room thing. Oh my God. It's all bullshit right, we're just pretending to be a "we" but they would never understand and it's dangerous, so we stop the bullshit when they are here. Maybe it's best to not think about it, now I'm a nervous wreck. Shit. It's not real anyways, right.
Alternative System is my daughter's favorite. She's 14 and going through the diagnosis process which is scary as hell. The Valarie, Alternative and Bobo & co are closer to her age. I love Jess and the boys, Fragmented, Entropy. I find learning from them and how to help my daughter is honestly been a life saver. An Actual life saver, shes had some scary times with self harm. We're working as a team. I try to explain that I'm learning and understanding as much as I can. Thank you to all System's. You are all Amazing, VALID and Loved.
Thanks for being a great parent. Our body is her age (I, as host, am a little older) and my parents haven't given me the time of day. They think we're faking, and constantly assume we just want attention. Funny, cuz for the most part we're pretty covert. Anyways, thank you so much for trying to learn more and help your daughter and her system rather than shut her down. I hope you weren't the source of trauma in their life- even with this short paragraph, I don't think you are, because it takes an exceptional soul to be so accepting with such a stigmatized disorder. I wish it wasn't that way, but the mental health stigma is being broken down. Slowly. Thank you for being one of the good ones.
when you help your child who has a system, you are helping systems everywhere. thank you for being a good parent. thank you for believing them and for learning how to best support them.
@Rainshadow & Co. I’m glad you’ve finally gotten a diagnosis that fits! Our trust in therapists, psychiatrists, and our parents has been broken down over the last few years, so we can definitely relate. At this point we’re just biding time until we can move out. I’ve come to the realization that they love their idea of me, not me myself, and that hurts. Just recently they told me (indirectly of course, because they still think we’re faking) that they prefer another alter to me. But it’s okay, I don’t need them, I have my system. That’s the one good thing about this disorder, is you’ve always got people to rely on. Hope you’re doing better now ❤️
We're an OSDD system and we are definitely covert, but even between ourselves it can often be difficult to tell who is fronting. Sometimes it's because of blurring, sometimes it's because the alters fronting together are similar. We actually didn't know until the age of 27 because we all though we were the same single person, much like the Rings System. - Jamie
The main argument my mom gave me when we got into a fight over my DID experience is "ive never seen you switch", as if.. she expects us to be so overt. It's never been that way. I wish she could understand.
Oh that's horrible. I really hope you're doing okay. Maybe, just try to talk to her about how she's acting. I remember when I first found out I was suffering from PDSD, my mom would always put me down, tell me to get over myself, I got sick of it so, I decided to just talk to her about it, I told her I felt like she wasn't there for me, That I needed her to be there for me, And after two whole years of arguing, she finally realised that I needed her to be there for me, there was no use of denying it it anymore. Now, she's almost always there for me when I need her. It's extremely hard, I know. Just stay strong♡
I have the same disagreement with my mom, when we display non typical symptoms of our autism. We would often try to hide them to protect ourselves. When the diagnosis came, she was there in the room, and we explained how we would feel and may look. But clearly she wasn't listening, as usual. RANT ALERT We also tried to explain our system systems (before we knew about systems). They kept trying to explain it away, but it never fit so we give an example of an argument we had, about the night before over what should spend that time doing. They give us wierd look and changed the subject, like OK moving on, not even to touch that (or give any advice). Before they had believed we may have anxiety and should maybe talk to someone. Still haven't, and something that my mam seemed to have forgotten since when we mention being stressed or tired (due to neurodiversity and college, etc) her and the family just laugh; cause they all work and we constantly have to keep going back to bed (not sleep, on devices). I daydream sometimes about going freaky Friday with my sister and her meeting my system. It's things like that which make it really hard to advacate for ourselves, I tried to drop hits, and we watched a vlog of littles going to Disney world. This caused us to overtly front as a little girl, we even had height dysphoria, and we got yelled at for talking like one too; which really upset them 😢, 😡. I'm so sorry about this rant, is was very much unintentional 🧐🤫😳🤐😣, we've put a warning at the top 😅.
@@music2012pink I know how you feel. If you look in the replys, I also put some if my personal experience, what might help. I think the first time I talked to my mom, I had no idea what to say, but over time I've learnt a lot. When yall feel the time is right, try asking her if you could talk to her about something, sit her down and, start off by saying that, you want to explain/talk about how you feel, tell her she should listen before interrupting, tell you you can't control how you guys feel, or who you guys are, and try to tell her that, You really get her to be there for you. If she trys to interrupt, stand your ground. Now you don't have to do this, this is just I did with my mother, she constantly tried to interrupt me, She even tried to say I was ungrateful, I stopped and said something like: "I need you to help me mentally, I'm grateful for everything you do, but I need you to understand that, I can't control how I feel, I can't help having panic attacks. I _need_ you to listen, don't interrupt me." She said okay, I finished telling her and, when I was done she said she'll try to be better. It took a few months before she stopped criticizing me, saying there was no need to feel how I felt. Now I have a great relationship with her. I know it might not work for everyone but, I really hope it works for you. I'm not AT ALL saying y'all should do this. Only do it if y'all feel it's the right thing to do. I hope you all are staying safe. Edit: Holy- I just looked at how long my comment was, I hope it's not too long lol.
@@euphoria7372 my comment was longer so don't worry about it 😅 (apologies for this comment, it might be even longer than the first. Like my brain took your comment about having a long comment as a challenge 🤣) All that seriousness sounds terrifying. If we talk about issues, it's either in a rant/ramble (which is not taking well by my family, so can be hard to get going when the subject is stressful); using humour (which is not usually taken seriously, if people do listen); or talking about it as an outsider, like how I did with DID. I'm a film student so I talked about making a movie about it (with the DID person as the protagonist) and the research I did for it (they listen more when it's about college). Might try to explain my situation like a movie, (then could say based on true events, my life 😅) Would be easier if she didn't keep singing her praises. Our presentation is a kind, friendly, laid-back daydreamer. Trying to go beyond that is usually not taking well, often due to them not understanding. Her mam (my Nana) had to raise her by herself after her dad voluntarily died, he was in the war and my Nana's carer; so my mam become her carer at about 10. She feels she didn't have a good upbringing, and so thinks she was great in comparison; even yelling at her that our presentation is due to her parenting (which people in our system beg to differ). When ever we complain about something she brings up an example from her life is worse. Like us getting a really bad sunburn and saying it's nothing compared to her being cut open for her second child 😣. So us having mental health issues and childhood trauma leading to a disorder would be difficult for her to get her head around. That why we are trying for the slow and steady response, drop seeds; show only stuff that we can control/explain to avoid arguments. We are known for being a bit wierd but the goal is to get to a level of weirdness that doesn't cause arguments but is a cause for concern so that we can go to therapy without argument. Also trying to use how I like to talk and how people with autism often go see some to talk to. When I went away for the weekend with my sister in law, brother and kids; I talked in a child voice once during breakfast. They didn't tell me off but at least she seems a little wierded out. She is trying to get my nephew diagnosised with ASD, so she seems more likely to try something out if I give her cause. But with everything going on I haven't went away with them in while. On the bright side, I have been using the lockdown as an excuse for issues, saying it's made me insane (or exposed current insanity); so hopefully that helps 😅 What were saying about long comments 🤣 I should really avoid getting too rambly in comments as I start getting personal to add context to the situation; and the amount of times the comment has been knocked off, after ages typing, before sending, is seriously ridiculous 🤬, I should really send it then edit it. But if you hadn't realised by now, I'm the kind of person that could talk about a subject for an hour without realising it😅; probably due to my autistic spectrum disorder 😅.
Being covert explains why it took till age 51 for our host to realize what was going on. It was never safe for us to be out as ourselves. -HyperGSystem
Hi, I have a question :) whenever I hear that sometimes people don't realise they have DID, I start to wonder: I'd assume there must be blackouts and time lost from an early age on which would hint at something going on, no?
@@jackyr2113 yes, but when that's your normal you don't always question it. I have maybe a dozen memories from childhoid, but I figured it was because of c-PTSD.
@Aspie Jedi ah okay, I see. Even later as an adult when you don’t remember what you were doing the whole day or for several hours? (I don’t have DID, but I’m super interested)
@@jackyr2113 our adult amnesia is much less. As an adult prior to dx I was out much of the time, but my headmates were pretty good about leaking just enough info to get by. I really just thought I was super forgetful. Also lived with tons of stress daily most of my life and lots of adult traumas, and that compounds it. I just chalked it up to dissociation due to ongoing c-PTSD.
When Jess said, “Jake broke the camera” I ended up laughing at myself - because my first thought was “I want to hear what Jake has to say” and my second was “and yet, the same body broke it” - just an example of how much this channel makes me think. I have a serious depressive disorder. I spend most of my time acting like I’m fine. So masking is a concept I can relate to very well.
I wrote this poem for all of you because I think you are such a lovely system and Gaz too! I hope it’s ok: I was a battered plaything The truth tied up with strings And I inside all Tangled up Forgot I once had wings I entered to the inner-world safe, yet never free - Where some protect- some persecute - And steal my memory I’m grateful for the lives, who reside inside my mind Who keep the body steady safe With anyone who drives And someday I may mend it Stitch the pieces back to one And still I will defend it - If the “then” may never come To honor every fragment, every little piece - This complicated puzzle is worthy of release From ignorance and judgement Or representations vile Get to Know us and you’ll love us - Stretch your mind that extra mile We are a thing of wonder The Enigmatic kind How awesome is to ponder The mechanisms of the mind Oh, how the world betrayed us! And our trusting little face - Though the system has delayed us, It No doubt has kept us safe.
My therapist diagnosed me with DID. Somewhere deep inside I suspected something like that. Never knew why. Before I went to the therapist my knowledge about DID came from Yutube channels like yours, which I watched as a curiosity, not tying it to myself at all (my subconscious was trying to tell me something, alter maybe?). And what's interesting, I have always been very skeptical about this disorder. Still am. But then I was diagnosed... I still sometimes have problem to believe my diagnosis. Why? After all, this disorder looks different on all TH-cam channels I watch. You have clear and distinctive personalities. You almost always have a clear lack of memory, rather clear switches. You switch accents, gestures, visual impairment, clothes. And with me? I do not notice such obvious symptoms. And I am still skeptical about my diagnosis because of that. Many things overlap, but when I read DID definitions - extreme cases are always given as examples. I think it's harmful to people like me. It is as if our disorder is less real because it is not so obvious. And by that we question and doubt ourselves all the time - do I really have DID? I'm sometimes very lost.
Sorry if I am offensive because I am ignorant to the topic but hope I can help. Can’t imagine having DID but like u I just watched the TH-cam videos out of curiosity and maybe you don’t notice it because your alter is very similar to you and also trying to figure out what is going on so the transition isn’t obvious. Happy if I can help and hope I didn’t say anything wrong as it is a delicate topic I could never hope to comprehend. Good luck 😉
This is where I am, and I used to watch DID you tubers as proof that I was wrong, and did not have it. Sometimes the( I guess connection) between me and the rest, is non existent. Then I go back to being in denial about having DID.
I as host speak to my psych about how I feel like I'm faking it; that it's not real. She is constantly reassuring me that firstly, it is real. You're not faking it. DID is supposed to be covert, as host you're not supposed to know about it. I feel lost and unsure all the time. I frequently forget I have DID when it's been a quiet day (or week haha). And that's okay. It doesn't make you or your diagnosis any less valid.
Honestly this whole covert and overt concept is very common in a lot of mental illnesses. It definitely is a thing with my personality too for example and I'm a covert type of it where most people can't tell I'm different even though I'm internally freaking the fuck out. It's interesting how we just learn to camouflage our issues to a point where that mask is almost too perfect sometimes and people can't tell your genuine feelings ever.
It seems that perhaps overt vs. covert is more of a sliding scale than a binary. A system could be more overt in one situation and more covert in another. Perhaps that 80% given by the researcher refers more to what is observably when a therapist has a conversation with a system, rather than from the system's point of view? (Just my completely unqualified wonderings 🙂)
Also many people, especially autistic people, develop social masks to cope with other people. These masks are unconscious too And system tends to evolve a singular persona mask too, for the same reasons And we agree, it is a scale, not binary. Rarely are things binary, plurality too is a spectrum
@@WolfgangDoW autistic here! I'm Pathological Demand avoidance with a fawn response which hides the demand avoidance. All neurodivergences can be hidden when it's not safe to show! Autism and DID/OSDD
@@WolfgangDoW demand avoidance is basically where you avoid demands. In this instance, it's part of the autism spectrum that can be seen as an anxiety based need to avoid demands or anxiety based need for control or where the brain goes into flight or fight when control is taken from the person. Or if flight and fight are not available, the brain goes into the trauma responses of freeze or fawn. Fawn is basically stockholm snyndrome or people pleasing to avoid pain or death. So a fawn response with Pathological sand avoidance is masking the demand avoidance because it's not safe enough to show how it effects you. I fawned my entire life, was the perfect child even with demand avoidance. Other kids mask or fawn at school and meltdown or fight or flight from demands at home.
I have to agree. Up until VERY recently, I kept my severe social anxiety private to the point where when I'd actually share it with a trusted source, they didn't believe me. What they didn't know was that during a social event, inside, I was panicking. I'd usually cry after forced social gathering.
@@maze6797 I would certainly never compare my situation with that. I wasn't even trying. I was merely stating I could understand why anyone with a mental health disorder would want to hide it from others by sharing my struggle. I've dealt with trauma myself. Obviously not to the point of causing DID but everyone's struggles are different. We're all here to support one another. I was just trying to empathize.
Maze, that's a bit mean. You cant compare peoples experiences full stop. All of them are valid and totally individual. I have major MH issues including DID and anxiety and hearing things like what you shared, honestly, really leaves us feeling invalidated.
@@starsystem7131 thank you for that. I'm so sorry for your struggles. Mental health problems are so terrible because you always feel you're fighting alone. That's why I turned to this channel. No, I don't understand DID but being here has helped me learn to cope with my own mental health disorders. Plus, with people like you standing up for others, I don't feel so alone in this. 😊
I had noticed that it seemed like the DID youtube channels that have had the most success tend to be of systems that have very obviously differentiated parts, which makes sense on multiple levels. There's the fact that it matches the stereotype most people have going into first watching the videos, but it also is just more visually engaging and I think it's easier for people to grasp the reality of the differentiation when it has that kind of external manifestation. Of course, the downside to that is there isn't as much representation for covert systems which makes it seem like the overt ones are the norm, not the exception. We really didn't know for a long time how common it was for people in the external world not to be able to tell who is fronting, or the system themselves not being fully sure who was fronting at a given moment. I wish there was more coverage about this because for us, figuring out who we are at a given moment is a challenging task and having more resources about tools to go about doing that would likely be helpful to many people.
Very true. Overt systems are more "interesting" to watch when you only get to see into their lives for a brief period. However, we are gradually breaking that stereotype. I mean, just look at Rings! They usually just have Silver on camera, and while they aren't as successful, they're still pretty well known. That entire second paragraph is just a mood. We're co-con/blurry most of the time with switches unnoticeable to even us, but then we have some alters who are like "HALLO LUV AHM BRETTISH" and it's just very jarring. And since others can't tell when we switch they think we're faking bc we don't "act different", and then they think we're faking when we do act different because it's SO different it seems like an act i guess? Idk but ableism fukin sucks
Right? I think the extreme overt examples work great for singlet audiences. But it's not as helpful to system audiences. So it's possible that most quality content and advice is less popular
@TheStoutProtagonist check out Dylan Groves. They're polyfragmented and document their journey, and their videos are super helpful to other systems. Check their descriptions for ample, thorough trigger warnings before the videos begin. Some are about coping, some are about trauma and I would hate for you to get hurt.
@TheStoutProtagonist I think you should make vids. We're looking for good new DID systems with all the hell that broke loose in the community, I'd be nice to have some new perspectives and it could be therapeutic for you guys!
I was diagnosed a few years ago and it was really scary. I never really got over the denial phase but your videos have brought so much positivity and light to our system. Thank you for all you do for our community and our system. Stay safe and keep up the awesome work! You’ve helped so many people like us.
Aww, poor Jake must feel terrible for making that mistake. I remember when I was letting my toddler play in my bedroom while I was pregnant and needing to lay down and rest my back for a bit. He picked up his daddy's DSLR and I panicked and sternly told him no but he heard the panic in my voice and immediately dropped the camera instead of carefully putting it down. It was completely my fault for both allowing him near it and for startling him while telling him no and I felt HORRIBLE for that mistake. I couldn't apologize enough to make myself feel better until after the camera was repaired and in use again. I hope Jake is easier on himself than I was. Mistakes happen and accidents are 100% forgivable. Thanks for keeping the content coming on your phone. You're brilliant and loved no matter how you're recorded.
I've never thought of ableism as applying to psychology as well (as opposed to just physical health). As someone who struggles with mental health, that's so helpful to realize and be able to identify. I appreciate that perspective!
Really nice how you talked about different Systems having different Theories and needs👏🏼👏🏼 We, as a System, are only open (overt) on TH-cam, like you, we even show different Peronalities. But in front of real people, webare not even able (yet) to switch in front of very close people, not even our Therapist...😒 frustrating! So we describe us as covert, and highly functional. We fully support your take on this topic. 👍🏼
I was totally thinking of you @D.I.S.Ding when hearing about "covert DID", and that being more common, which.. duh. It'd make sense that, as far as disorders go, DID would present very subtly and produce high functioning people. Just kinda forgetful 😅. Though I was surprised to read that your alters are more comfortable switching on a camera and recording for TH-cam, than talking to a therapist. That's.. very Gen Z of you all. 🤣
I have found for us personally there were always difference between us but as we got into a safe place and I as host started to accept them, we have allowed each alter the room to express themselves more giving the appearance of being more overt. But when in situations that are not safe they are able to mask as a singular person.
Too much to comment on, but I really liked that you included clips and posts from other systems! This one almost felt more like a community video than just your individual video - both are great and I love the ones of just you guys. But since you’re trying to make this a channel that’s connected to the DID community, that’s a really great way of doing it!
Honestly our system is overt in some ways and covert in other ways. Like, quite a few of our alters have differing tastes in fashion. Erika likes leather, Alex like pink sweaters, Kyle likes baggy white Tshirts, etc. Erika’s voice is quite different (low and gravelly) and our littles can sometimes struggle to mask the childish affect they naturally have in their speech. But at the same time, most of the frequent fronters are really good at imitating me (the host) when it comes down to it. Also the average person just... doesn’t notice DID symptoms lol they just think you’re in a bad mood or maybe you had a coffee this morning or whatever.
we're definitely overt... faking pretending to be the host is so super uncomfortable, none of us can do it for very long because we get all icky feeling..! it feels like lying and most of us cant do that without getting sick... >~< but its funny cause everyone (including the hosts) just thought we were *super* moody and inconsistent, but didnt know why! now we know we're a system, and it explains... um... pretty much everything! it kiiind of is now even *less* comfy to have to answer to the hosts name than it was before we all knew our names... but the more we act like ourselves, the better we all feel and the less sad everyone is, so i think its alright..? probably, at least..!
This video means so much to us. As a covert system with some more naturally overt friends, it's been hard to understand and accept why we are like this and they aren't. It's very validating to hear that it's actually very common for systems to be more like us. Thank you
Thanks Jess for giving us more insight into DID. We appreciate your commitment to ending the stigma!! Be safe and healthy! From Cape Town, South Africa ;)
Fellow welsh person here. My best friend has DID and although I saw them switch before I never caught on. He’s autistic so any odd changes I put down to that, which is what others see too. I’m able to notice now I know due to the energy and attitude changes in each individual.
It's be interesting for you to do a collaboration with someone with Complex DID (polyfragmentation with cptsd). The DID experience is completely different (but it's still DID). I think it'd be good to have that representation.
I definitely relate more to those saying that not only are they unable to covertly disguise their systems, but that not doing so is a useful adaptation and might have influenced how or why their system formed. So much of the trauma and abuse we faced and continue to encounter hinges on subtle mental manipulation. I think in our "admin's" mind, the most straightforward way of cutting through the BS is to be unpredictable and fluid not only in our presentation but in our mental state and attitudes. It's hard to manipulate a moving target, in other words! However, that doesn't mean that's it's a comfy way of existing, and we're still struggling to find a balance between allowing everyone their own independence and authenticity (because damned if we're not one of the most blendy, switchy systems out there) and presenting an at least somewhat coherent image to the people we interact with on a daily basis.
This makes so much sense and resonates with us. We are overt when we are alone, in therapy or with a trusted person, but the rest of the time we are seriously covert. Each of us can easily act like the Host.
In therapy we didn’t go over whether I had covert or overt I thought there was only one type and that I was faking it...this made me feel so much better
Thats how we broke down our Amnesia walls too, we started video jounaling to eachother about 6 years ago, but we didn't know we were seperate until the pieces started to make sense.
We have a very covert system unless we choose to be open, we have one friendgroup that we are really open with and still some of us will automatically go into (what we call) host-mode, since it's the most comfortable. The only thing someone could pick up on is pitch change in the voice but it's very subtle whenever someone is not in the safe group of friends. Thank you for validating this, it is a really good thing! Much love! ~Lacey
Because of your content and educating all of us, I was able to email a psycology teacher at my school about D.I.D. and the negative stigma it has (using Split as an example) and making them more aware of it. I hope this helps the community in any way! And thank you so much for educating me and posting your overall content! 💖💖
this... actually made me feel a lot better about having shared interests amongst the system. im not sure how the others feel, but its always made me feel super paranoid and guilty. so thank you for hopefully helping me calm down on that in the future
Disclaimer: Currently undaignosed, but talked with a therapist that said that it could be a possibility I'm part of a DID system but need more testing/appoinmnets to verify and I'm low on money because I live in the US. I'm 22 and just NOW starting to question/process whether I'm part of a system. If this was a system, I would be the host. According to my friends, I'm somewhat "overt" in presentation (different personalities/attitudes in a given situation that are beyond 'code switching'). However, I personally wasn't aware of them because it seems like (if I have them), my alters seem to have decent communication with each other but not me (the host). Apparently they all learned how to mimic me and can at least imitate my voice and mannerisms with enough accuracy to fool my family, but with a bit of "something off" with my friends. There was actually a disagreement between two of them and they purposefully decided to make themselves overt when the body was in private by having an argument out-loud using my body using their natural voices in order for me to learn who they were so I as the host can give my two-cents on the situation. All it did was make me confused and uncomfortable and seek mental health help. I was already going to therapy, and my last therapist told me to find a trauma specialist before this happened, so I suspect she saw possible signs of DID too considering I apparently went for gender dysphoria but was recommended trauma therapy instead of transitioning.
this video really helped me in a way I don't think you all thought of. not something I am comfortable sharing publicly, but I have sent a DM on twitter on the specifics. (apologies if this is just me repeating myself)
My therapist has talked about my having osdd/did potentially and I denied denied denied cause I didn't have distinct parts. I have bits that are activated in situations. They don't have names, they are me, but versions of me I don't have access to normally. I'm not them when they are doing their thing. Rarely do I hear voices to indicate they are even there, their voices are usually just my voice but deeper, or younger, etc. I had to get involved in a community online to see that osdd/did isn't always distinct personalities with loves and likes different from yours and with appearances different or different voices. They might be just like you but different in some ways. That's valid too. You don't need to be completely different people to have did or osdd. Thank you so much for talking about this. I only hope someone out there that needs help is able to hear this and realize that just because they don't have complete identifiable personalities/people in their head with them doesn't mean they aren't a part of the community or that something is wrong with them. DID/OSDD presents differently, but all versions are valid and ok
And for the record, for those that feel the same as I did, the fact you don't have an identity is also common. If you're not completely distinct, it's hard to tell what's you and what's the other part of you. One day you love fish, the next day you can't stand the taste. Sometimes other parts bleed in. Doesn't mean you're devoid of personalit(ies/y) Just means your covert system is really good at hiding, if you know you're pretending to your abusers, you might give it away. Sometimes the system masks from you too to protect you.
Thank you for including the Alternative System! They're amazing and such kind, open, caring friends! 💜💜💜 This video is so appreciated, important & needed!
We have OSDD 1b. We are MAJOR hiders. That’s how we survived. Some people were so suppressed they were mute or took on the characteristics of other disabilities. I am STILL working on getting people out and more integrated into our daily life. Our folks are VERY distinct but they come from an early childhood of not being so distinct. It was very confusing at times since dissociation was still very present.
Thank you for the video! 😊 This is something we have thought about for a bit now. I also believe that time can change our presentations in that knowledge, understanding and communication can all allow us to be (or essentially feel that we can be) less covert and more overt. We have very specific parts whose whole job is keeping us seem as 'single' as possible (as well as blocking trauma). But since we have been in treatment and have really good relationships with our psychologist and CPN, that part has been able to rest and give way to the others who present in a much more overt way - and this actually reduces stress on our system. I find the whole topic really interesting, especially how, as you said, overt systems can 'act/appear' more covert at times... I believe this is where we fit. Sorry for the ramble 🙈 Great video, as always 😊
Thank you, I really appreciate this video.😩 We are not very overt at all, and that made me feel like a giant faker/dumb. It’s more like, I’m just living life and then I’m like “oh someone is feeling anxious/sad/etc.”
I feel like this was such an important video for me to watch. I have, ever since I began watching content made by systems, wished that I could be more open to the people I trust around me about what I experience. But a lot of the time, no one even notices when things are happening, and bringing it up out of nowhere makes me feel uncomfortable, so I barely even end up talking to people about it. And feeling invalid has been a pretty significant issue for me. I’m just trying hard now to not doubt myself so much, but it’s not easy for me. Ah well, I’m not sure what good this comment could do, other than express my gratitude for this video being made. This information should definitely help me moving forward.
Thank you Jess for bringing up crossovers. I am personally finding that my body holds a covert and overt type system. It has been making things hard with therapy because although we have been recognised with the disorder, I think the professional may be having trouble understanding us because of the way we are. As a result, the documented diagnosing part of the journey has been a bit difficult. Your videos have been nice and soothing to listen to and I hope you have a lovely day. Thanks and Smilies!
I don't have DID myself and at some point, I doubted its validity, but as I continued to watch, I began to understand what it really is. It's one of those topics that I found incredibly interesting and I've even done some research myself. The mind is capable of so much and your videos have shown me that. I'm glad you went out of your way to teach many different people about subject matter that some may find taboo or may not have even been familiar with.
watching DID videos and dissociating every time because it starts to open up communication and then having to go back and watch the video again bc you missed it all.. 🙄
My system likes to refer to that personally as "The Peanut Gallery Effect" lol because for us it feels like when ur in a movie theatre and there's ppl in the rows behind you talking a bit too loud about what they think about everything lol
That part around minute 11 was soooo relatable about "I can't like x, x is what this other alter likes" and a good reasurance. Ty for addressing that for us!
"Eighty percent have windows of diagnosability when stressed or triggered by some significant event, interaction, situation or date." This is exactly what I needed to hear. I've started talking to my therapist about experiences I've had that made me think I had D.I.D but he said I'd be blacking out every day and not knowing how I got places. All of that has happened to me for months at a time when I got extremely stressed! Just say you have no idea what you're talking about instead of wasting my time!! (I'm just extremely frustrated after dealing with this for so many years...)
We can hide very, very easily from people (mainly our friends and family), but there are a couple people that we are open (or more open about) who we are about.
Very helpful video. We were researching this subject too. As an overt system, we can attest to the ability to camouflage in public. It’s something we’ve always (I assume) done instinctually. However, we have also suffered with jarring switches in public, which often has lead us to the nearest restroom to gather ourselves. People do notice, but they can’t pinpoint what they’re noticing, which leaves an opening for us to cover for our behavior. I think DID/OSDD, and it’s accompanying symptoms, are all on a spectrum. Sometimes, we’re able to be more covert than other times. Sometimes, we startle people with our changes. Regardless, it doesn’t make one system any more valid than another. It’s just the way our symptoms manifest. ❤️
Yup we 100% agree with what the Rings System said 👍👍👍 we only mask because the world says that being a Multiple is wrong. It’s not safe for us to be ourselves and masking takes a lot of work which is exhausting. It’s also really difficult to come to a place of self love and acceptance for who we are when the constant feedback is that it’s unsafe, shameful, wrong and needs to be fixed. When we are only around or interacting with people we really trust do the masks come down and we all get to come out and be ourselves which is such a sense of relief.
IDK what I have tbh. I have Dissociative Amnesia sure but there are times when I get those thoughts that aren't mine. Its scary. I don't have any continuous gabs of memory as if an alter would take over but I do develop mannerisms that aren't my own at times and I develop thought processes that are also not mine. At one time I will be cold, calculated, and apathetic. Then another time, I will be very loving, caring, sweet, and cheery. Then at the very rarest, I will be rash, aggressive, and have violent urges. I can't afford to go to a professional though and so Im stuck just in confusion of who I am and who I want to be.
Jess, THANK YOU, i needed to hear this. All of it made so much sense and was a great reminder that recovery and functionality as a human is the most important thing, and the ultimate goal, regardless of how a system expresses themselves.
Thank you so much. I feel like I get hate for being covert and you really validate me over and over every time I watch this video... we want to be more overt, because we’re sick of hiding. We want to be ourselves, but that’s scary for many reasons... I don’t know. It’s hard having DID when like most people are singlets and don’t get it...
I am mainly covert especially in public but have had a few overt experiences over the years. These ones occured when family triggers were present. Now I have diagnosis and more understanding and am conscioisly connecting and acknowledging the others, they are playing a bigger role in my life. This is all a new thing for me at the moment so thankyou for these videos because they are really helping me.
Thank you so much! I knew DID was "supposed" to be not obvious, because it is a defense mechanism, but I've never learned about the differences in presentation like that
We're overt and kind in-between being able and unable to hide. Our DID went unnoticed for most of our life but at the same time we were very "out there", "attention seeking" and "extreme", both in our childhood and teen years. But this way we got the care and help that we needed and wouldn't have gotten otherwise. If we were someone else, we would be completely incapable of pretending to be one because our voices, mannerism etc. are so distinctly different and we can hardly change them at all. However, because we were always so "over the top" and "all over the place", this does not stick out as much. People around us got used to us being "weird". This way, being overt kept us "safe" when we were kids and in turn, this overtness keeps us safe now because we can hide our multiplicity behind it.
We have a sort of rule. If someone can't hide their accent (happens a lot) and someone asks about it, we basically have a scripted response about how we do voice acting as a hobby and get stuck in accents. It works every time.
10:15 alternatively, as a covert system it can feel invalidating that a lot of systems presented in the media are more overt. I never knew covert systems were so common.
This is really helpful, I've found myself wondering lately whether I might be the host of a system. However I have felt very uncertain and scared of even bringing up the topic because not only do I not have memory loss that I know of if I am a system we are all similar enough or good enough at masking that no one else has seen any differences except my best friend. Knowing that we don't need to be entirely 100% unique to be valid as alters is very powerful. Whether or not it turns out to be true this information is very helpful.
Thank you for sharing how it can truly be for different people with DID and no one should be invalidated because they may be Overt. Really helps to build competency for those who do not fully understand DID.
I have OSSD1b and can remember (though not clearly) when the others (don't like the term "alters") front, so they tend to be covert so not even I am aware when they front. Of course, they occasionally mess up and insist on being called by their names, or do something completely out of character for me, like buying stuff that reflects their interests, or eat something I hate. That's how I eventually caught them in the act. When I "confronted" them, they all got quiet. Eventually they realized that I really did know and wasn't just guessing and giving up when I read the DMV diagnostic criteria for DID and started making themselves known to me. But you would STILL have to really know me and be paying attention to the details when I'm not fronting to know it's actually one of them.
Hello Jess, Gaz and boys from Sydney. I really love your channel. I’ve watched everything over the last month. I’m sorry sorry that I didn’t see you on the Sunday Night program. I really feel like I have got to know you guys. I have enjoyed your content and learned a lot. Thank you all for being so honest, generous and vulnerable. By the way, this last video had really good sound quality for me watching on my smart tv. The fancy camera sounds a lot more echo-y so you need never worry if you have to use your phone for content, it sounds great and looks fine.
Thank you a lot for your work. I am a singlet and your videos help me understand such a vast part of living with DID. I especially love that you care to say the way you're presenting is a minority and how the majority can present/react to yours. This is helpful.
Your descriptions and examples are excellent! I believe that DID systems are internally wired to protect. I like how the Rings System described covert and overt parts too. Our system has sub-parts that sometimes co-front with AMP who will switch between covert and overt expression.
Thank you for acknowledging that your videos and popularity are not divorced from how your system is what many singlets imagine for DID. I have had a lot of issues because I have more than 6ish alters. Love your videos!
We, as a system are a part of the 6%. We’re a very overt system with lots of accents, and different voices that carry through to the front. We have alters with Irish accents, English, and a few more. We have alters with deeper voices, higher voices, and more nasally voices. And everyone’s mannerisms are different as well. We’re all very different, and that makes it very hard for us to hide when someone else is fronting. Some have learned to hide their accents, but it’s almost physically impossible.
Yes I actually agree and it is important to help and accepting when I have had my system blown and it’s result to just negative things to say it nicely without a TW
Someone finally SAID the thing! Thank you. We've been fighting to feel different fer a WHILE. This like or that like, shared, feels weird, need to be different. And you got right tf up on that soap box and said it EXACTLY the way we've been struggling in the headspace with it for LIFE, buddy. You rock. Hardkore. Thank you!
I still don’t think I have DID, but if we do, then we are indistinguishable 90% of the time, I think. I don’t trust myself. I hope everyone is doing well! Great video! We learned a lot!
That's an AWESOME idea! Whenever a part wants to communicate just make a private video. Therapists say to write in a journal but with a video you could see the parts and learn from them!
I love this channel but I love how I was trying to dismiss my alarm but before I could click the play for this video popped up first causing me to show up here lol xD
That "expectation to be one person"... reminds me of a quote from Joker.
“The worst part about having a mental illness is people expect you to behave as if you don't.”
Expectation to be who you acted as when you were younger. Ima use his quote. Seems to fit my situation in a way. Being told to behave. Im 18. If me and my sister who is 9 gets into arguments their taking my game consoles away?
Im pissed. Idk how to fight agaisnt my grandparents with defending my own self. Like my opinions on the matter they see me as the bad kid. Wtf. She screams and runs out of the house thats what caused me to be more angry with her. She gets me into trouble. And i xant do anything to get them to stop treating me like that. Because i do nothing toher. Shell say that im hitting her when i am telling her to leave. Wtf am i supposed ro do with these shitty ass people who will not listen to me. They dont listen to me. They tell us both. Us both. Wtf. How do i regain my power back from my grandparentssssss. Im fucking pissed at them and wish they wiuld just listen.
Sorry for the rant. But for me to behave. Wtf wtf wtf wtf wtf
Sometimes society creates the bad guys and not the individual. That's what message I gather from the Joker.
I dissagree. I think the worst part about having a mental illness is that your chances of ever having a normal life are 1 out of 100.
We are a highly covert system, even our partners can't tell who's fronting if we don't want to show it. But through self realization and acceptance we have become more overt around selective trusted people and it has been like a huge boulder of our shoulders! :)
Most of us are very covert, we have a few alters who are very distinguished but most of the time be all blend/co-con and our switches are unnoticeable even to us. i'd like to be more overt but unfortunately it's not really safe for us atm. I'm glad you all are having a positive experience tho, it gives me hope.
Our partner is literally better at telling us apart than I am asdfghjkl
This just made me feel so much better. Thank you for the honesty. My partner still questions my diagnosis. It’s like only my therapist sees it. I feel like I’m insane, like I need to be locked in a ward and throw away the key.
@@thedestroyasystemahsjfin honestly i havent heard of a lot of other systems that have the same troubles with blending 24/7 with unsure switches. i hope u guys have gotten into a safer environment nd are able to feel more stable in ur identities these days! if not i can say that yes being in a safer environment nd around ppl who want to know you as individual alters does help you tell yourself from one another
According to Healing The Fragmented Selves of Trauma Survivors, oftentimes the person needs to differentiate more to be able to address the needs of the part and heal so that they can them come back together. I’ve found that true for myself. The more I let my alters be who they are and just fully accept them, the closer we go and the more we began to blend.
I love that! So very true! 👏🏻
I've found this to be the same for me! Ever since my partner really came into my life they don't let me deny and hide the system. So we've been more open and as a result seem to blur and feel more connected. It's kinda amazing to me seeing the difference between desperately hiding and. Freedom.
That’s so insightful and amazing, thank you
YES, THIS IS EXACTLY HOW MINE WORKS. Perfectly articulated, i allocate them their own time in the day. Their own holidays based on what they like and since i treat them as equal importance they support each other and together they work flawlessly together.
To all the singles and systems I hope you have a marvelous day or night ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️
You too!!
Thank you! I wish the same for you♡
Thanks, you/you guys too! 💖
I hope you are too!
Thanks!
-Aliza, Alli, Skye
Another take - Covert systems can be covert to themselves as well. My system hides from me (mostly) and uses influence to get what they want, or interacts with me without identifying who they are. I've been set up as the fronting identity, but don't have a lot of memory or anything else, that comes and goes with who rides with me. Covert is about danger. My system sees out there as a high danger and I have that danger as well because I'm out there. Yes ableism plays a part of how people react to us. But when it comes down to it - if it's dangerous to be identified then we will be covert. We were bullied and physically assaulted at school, so being invisible was built into us. Was that ableism? Well no - we were beaten up for being foreign, for being good, for being different (physical issues). We don't mask overtly- we mask covertly. The less we know, the more we can hide.
Yes I agree with you. My system hides from me as well, it’s like a big wall is in my head that I can’t break through to where they all are. I’m the host, but don’t usually have a choice when it comes to deciding as to who is going to front , and nobody around me can tell the difference between alters . I was diagnosed 4 months ago so im still in the process of working through everything and trying to work with my system, and my trauma is definitely the result of danger and that’s still how my system sees the world, danger at every turn . Anyway, Good luck to you ☺️💜
Indeed that's not ableism, but disableism - actively discriminating against non-typicals. (Jessica Kellgren-Fozard has a good new video of the difference, though from a different perspective.)
I hope you can feel safe in in the future. (I'm a single, but I know systems, one of them being a close friend.)
Absolutely agree with the Rings System - if it wasn't for rampant stigma against multiplicity, and hideous ableism in general, would more systems not feel safer in simply living with the neurodiversity without trying to hide it?
I know many of the alters in our system loved coming out and being present, wearing clothes they liked that the host didn't necessarily like, or even at times just relaxing into their natural voice and not trying to pretend they were the host. They wouldn't outright yell out they came out or anything, but they felt comfortable just not lying if asked. But after a bit, the friends we trusted with knowing about us would always act so awkward and ignore us or give us side eyes and weird looks, so most of them became too uncomfortable for even little differences and some refused to come out at all anymore
I understand what you're saying about how it isn't normal so we shouldn't say it is, but they way I took the comment was that people shouldn't treat us like monsters and murderers for having a disorder. Depression shouldn't be normalized, but most people don't act like people who are depressed are going to just randomly snap and kill someone all the time. Often, alters don't want to show themselves or allow themselves to be known because people do treat them like that, and that can get in the way of healing. We should treat it like a disorder that needs to be healed, that our brains are doing something that can affect our lives negatively so it shouldn't be made out to be fine, but we definitely need to start treating alters like they're just people with a disorder, not freaks. That's the stigma I think Little Acorns was talking about
@Elisa Castro Yes, this is true. All that tulpamancy and soulbonding stuff is straight BS. Our disorder shouldn't be normalized, but it shouldn't be stigmatized, either. We just don't want to be treated like murderers (or romanticized into oblivion). Yes it's a disorder, yes we need to heal, but having others treat us as lesser bc of our disorder is just going to make things worse.
We absolutely agree with Rings too. Both systems and neurodivergent people are forced to develop social masks to survive, the masks become unconscious even and can be hard to unmask even when you're aware of them
We think masks are why it took us so long to realise we're autistic and a plural system too. We're a very chaotic polyfrag DID system, but we don't see our plurality itself as a disorder. Our disorder stems from C-PTSD mainly, and our plurality helps us to manage our trauma more than if we were singular.
We don't think being plural itself is a disorder and more parallel to a neurodivergency. Members of systems are all people, and we don't think a person simply existing is ever wrong. And the goal of DID should aways be to heal and reduce disorder yes, but for some systems that means staying a team, so a non-disordered system.
@@WolfgangDoW YES! So many people (singlets esp) don't seem to understand that the system itself isn't the problem, it's the fact that the systems were made by trauma and that trauma has to be dealt with. Break down barriers, increase communication, learn to heal- we don't HAVE to all integrate and fuse, some of us will function best as, like you said, a non-disordered system. OSDD/DID stems from trauma- but people often forget that it's a coping mechanism, and we are immeasurably assisted by our systems. And once you deal with the "disorder" stuff, you're left with a single integrated identity or a system that is a well-oiled machine. Multiplicity stems from trauma. But the multiplicity itself is not inherently a bad thing.
I was diagnosed by Dr. Dell in 2013. Two years ago I started going to therapy again after being in denial. It's a slow, trusting process. Thank you for helping us not feel so alone and misunderstood.
Not feeling alone is SO important when first learning to adjust. Much love!
@@DIDHatchery Hi hatchery! We 100% agree!
I’d also like to mention that just because a system is covert without actively trying, it doesn’t necessarily mean their alters aren’t distinctive. There’s a lot of personality traits that don’t immediately come across in social interactions. My system’s alters are very distinct in my opinion, but when I’m fronting people usually don’t notice I’m not the host. We’re very different- i’m much more reserved, but we have the same voice and face, so the general assumption is just that the host must be tired. Most people don’t look into that sort of thing further.
Our host has a partner with alters too, and there have been many times that after just a text saying "yo" instead of "hi" or something super tiny would mean that the partner immediately asks who's out, and sometimes we don't even know how they know we're out... I just came out for orange juice the other day and they knew it was me...... I'm wondering if that means my host doesn't drink oj or something lol
Lori
We are similar !
I love this comment. Please update us on the oj preferences we are so invested now haha. -The Arcadians
@@faeviglietti6227 lol well I don't like orange juice and am not the host nor the comment writer :) the host does indeed like orange juice, but as far as I'm aware the comment writer gulps it down immediately so there is definitely a difference for that partner to catch on too - Alex
This shit is demonic
We have a little who can be bouncing around the room and singing to himself one second, being himself and the second my mom enters the room he acts like me (the host), he's so good at it that he needs a while to realize that we didn't switch, but that he's just "hiding" lol
Hi, if you don't mind me asking, how do you cope if your little is out when you're in a situation which requires an adult - eg if you're at work / school or something? Apologies if that question is insensitive or weirdly worded - I'm very new to the DID community and have no personal experience :) hope you're having a nice day :)
Does your mom not know you have DID or do you not want her to know?
@@katie6384 honestly we never had that situation before :') usually an adult figure gets triggered to front again at moments like that. Tho some Littles can be damn good in situations like that! We have 1 little who has charisma for the whole system lmao
@@juliusroman8616 I mean she's the main reason we have DID so uhhh, yeah no, not telling her lmao
OH MY GOD. I can relate so much to this I'm crying. Oh my God. I don't have DID I don't think so. But this. It doesn't even have to be anyone entering the room properly, just hearing the steps in the hallway, or the stairs is enough. "We" are always alert. I say "we" all the time too, but I don't believe I really have this, I don't have amnesia, I guess it's just a way to cope, I like to pretend I'm more than one person, so when one of us is super depressed or useless the other one helps, but it's not REALLY different people right? What is to "be" "people" anyway.. *nervous laughter* no but seriously, it's great to think about it like that, it helps. We used to absolutely hate each other it was hell, now some parts still do, but some parts are together to help, and suddenly things were possible, it was possible to not be in the verge of suicide all the time. But this parent in the room thing. Oh my God. It's all bullshit right, we're just pretending to be a "we" but they would never understand and it's dangerous, so we stop the bullshit when they are here. Maybe it's best to not think about it, now I'm a nervous wreck. Shit. It's not real anyways, right.
Alternative System is my daughter's favorite. She's 14 and going through the diagnosis process which is scary as hell. The Valarie, Alternative and Bobo & co are closer to her age. I love Jess and the boys, Fragmented, Entropy. I find learning from them and how to help my daughter is honestly been a life saver. An Actual life saver, shes had some scary times with self harm. We're working as a team. I try to explain that I'm learning and understanding as much as I can. Thank you to all System's. You are all Amazing, VALID and Loved.
Gosh, I just got something in my eye! Thank you for loving and helping your daughter. So many systems didn't get that.
Thanks for being a great parent. Our body is her age (I, as host, am a little older) and my parents haven't given me the time of day. They think we're faking, and constantly assume we just want attention. Funny, cuz for the most part we're pretty covert. Anyways, thank you so much for trying to learn more and help your daughter and her system rather than shut her down. I hope you weren't the source of trauma in their life- even with this short paragraph, I don't think you are, because it takes an exceptional soul to be so accepting with such a stigmatized disorder. I wish it wasn't that way, but the mental health stigma is being broken down. Slowly. Thank you for being one of the good ones.
when you help your child who has a system, you are helping systems everywhere. thank you for being a good parent. thank you for believing them and for learning how to best support them.
@Rainshadow & Co. I’m glad you’ve finally gotten a diagnosis that fits! Our trust in therapists, psychiatrists, and our parents has been broken down over the last few years, so we can definitely relate. At this point we’re just biding time until we can move out. I’ve come to the realization that they love their idea of me, not me myself, and that hurts. Just recently they told me (indirectly of course, because they still think we’re faking) that they prefer another alter to me. But it’s okay, I don’t need them, I have my system. That’s the one good thing about this disorder, is you’ve always got people to rely on. Hope you’re doing better now ❤️
Wow. A parent that cares about their child's mental health???? You are very rare sir. I thank you for doing this for her
We're an OSDD system and we are definitely covert, but even between ourselves it can often be difficult to tell who is fronting. Sometimes it's because of blurring, sometimes it's because the alters fronting together are similar. We actually didn't know until the age of 27 because we all though we were the same single person, much like the Rings System.
- Jamie
I need to know so much more about this.
The main argument my mom gave me when we got into a fight over my DID experience is "ive never seen you switch", as if.. she expects us to be so overt. It's never been that way. I wish she could understand.
Oh that's horrible. I really hope you're doing okay. Maybe, just try to talk to her about how she's acting. I remember when I first found out I was suffering from PDSD, my mom would always put me down, tell me to get over myself, I got sick of it so, I decided to just talk to her about it, I told her I felt like she wasn't there for me, That I needed her to be there for me, And after two whole years of arguing, she finally realised that I needed her to be there for me, there was no use of denying it it anymore. Now, she's almost always there for me when I need her.
It's extremely hard, I know.
Just stay strong♡
I have the same disagreement with my mom, when we display non typical symptoms of our autism. We would often try to hide them to protect ourselves. When the diagnosis came, she was there in the room, and we explained how we would feel and may look. But clearly she wasn't listening, as usual.
RANT ALERT
We also tried to explain our system systems (before we knew about systems). They kept trying to explain it away, but it never fit so we give an example of an argument we had, about the night before over what should spend that time doing. They give us wierd look and changed the subject, like OK moving on, not even to touch that (or give any advice).
Before they had believed we may have anxiety and should maybe talk to someone. Still haven't, and something that my mam seemed to have forgotten since when we mention being stressed or tired (due to neurodiversity and college, etc) her and the family just laugh; cause they all work and we constantly have to keep going back to bed (not sleep, on devices). I daydream sometimes about going freaky Friday with my sister and her meeting my system.
It's things like that which make it really hard to advacate for ourselves, I tried to drop hits, and we watched a vlog of littles going to Disney world. This caused us to overtly front as a little girl, we even had height dysphoria, and we got yelled at for talking like one too; which really upset them 😢, 😡.
I'm so sorry about this rant, is was very much unintentional 🧐🤫😳🤐😣, we've put a warning at the top 😅.
@@music2012pink I know how you feel. If you look in the replys, I also put some if my personal experience, what might help. I think the first time I talked to my mom, I had no idea what to say, but over time I've learnt a lot. When yall feel the time is right, try asking her if you could talk to her about something, sit her down and, start off by saying that, you want to explain/talk about how you feel, tell her she should listen before interrupting, tell you you can't control how you guys feel, or who you guys are, and try to tell her that, You really get her to be there for you. If she trys to interrupt, stand your ground. Now you don't have to do this, this is just I did with my mother, she constantly tried to interrupt me, She even tried to say I was ungrateful, I stopped and said something like: "I need you to help me mentally, I'm grateful for everything you do, but I need you to understand that, I can't control how I feel, I can't help having panic attacks. I _need_ you to listen, don't interrupt me."
She said okay, I finished telling her and, when I was done she said she'll try to be better. It took a few months before she stopped criticizing me, saying there was no need to feel how I felt. Now I have a great relationship with her. I know it might not work for everyone but, I really hope it works for you. I'm not AT ALL saying y'all should do this. Only do it if y'all feel it's the right thing to do.
I hope you all are staying safe.
Edit: Holy- I just looked at how long my comment was, I hope it's not too long lol.
@@euphoria7372 my comment was longer so don't worry about it 😅 (apologies for this comment, it might be even longer than the first. Like my brain took your comment about having a long comment as a challenge 🤣)
All that seriousness sounds terrifying. If we talk about issues, it's either in a rant/ramble (which is not taking well by my family, so can be hard to get going when the subject is stressful); using humour (which is not usually taken seriously, if people do listen); or talking about it as an outsider, like how I did with DID.
I'm a film student so I talked about making a movie about it (with the DID person as the protagonist) and the research I did for it (they listen more when it's about college). Might try to explain my situation like a movie, (then could say based on true events, my life 😅)
Would be easier if she didn't keep singing her praises. Our presentation is a kind, friendly, laid-back daydreamer. Trying to go beyond that is usually not taking well, often due to them not understanding.
Her mam (my Nana) had to raise her by herself after her dad voluntarily died, he was in the war and my Nana's carer; so my mam become her carer at about 10. She feels she didn't have a good upbringing, and so thinks she was great in comparison; even yelling at her that our presentation is due to her parenting (which people in our system beg to differ). When ever we complain about something she brings up an example from her life is worse. Like us getting a really bad sunburn and saying it's nothing compared to her being cut open for her second child 😣.
So us having mental health issues and childhood trauma leading to a disorder would be difficult for her to get her head around. That why we are trying for the slow and steady response, drop seeds; show only stuff that we can control/explain to avoid arguments.
We are known for being a bit wierd but the goal is to get to a level of weirdness that doesn't cause arguments but is a cause for concern so that we can go to therapy without argument. Also trying to use how I like to talk and how people with autism often go see some to talk to.
When I went away for the weekend with my sister in law, brother and kids; I talked in a child voice once during breakfast. They didn't tell me off but at least she seems a little wierded out. She is trying to get my nephew diagnosised with ASD, so she seems more likely to try something out if I give her cause. But with everything going on I haven't went away with them in while.
On the bright side, I have been using the lockdown as an excuse for issues, saying it's made me insane (or exposed current insanity); so hopefully that helps 😅
What were saying about long comments 🤣 I should really avoid getting too rambly in comments as I start getting personal to add context to the situation; and the amount of times the comment has been knocked off, after ages typing, before sending, is seriously ridiculous 🤬, I should really send it then edit it.
But if you hadn't realised by now, I'm the kind of person that could talk about a subject for an hour without realising it😅; probably due to my autistic spectrum disorder 😅.
Partner system's mom said that verbatim and they're the most overt system I know. Abusive/complicit parents will ignore anything.
I've just started the video and I'm cracking up at "puzzle-y, piece-y things".
Being covert explains why it took till age 51 for our host to realize what was going on. It was never safe for us to be out as ourselves.
-HyperGSystem
Hi, I have a question :) whenever I hear that sometimes people don't realise they have DID, I start to wonder: I'd assume there must be blackouts and time lost from an early age on which would hint at something going on, no?
@@jackyr2113 yes, but when that's your normal you don't always question it. I have maybe a dozen memories from childhoid, but I figured it was because of c-PTSD.
@Aspie Jedi ah okay, I see. Even later as an adult when you don’t remember what you were doing the whole day or for several hours? (I don’t have DID, but I’m super interested)
@@jackyr2113 our adult amnesia is much less. As an adult prior to dx I was out much of the time, but my headmates were pretty good about leaking just enough info to get by. I really just thought I was super forgetful. Also lived with tons of stress daily most of my life and lots of adult traumas, and that compounds it. I just chalked it up to dissociation due to ongoing c-PTSD.
@Aspie Jedi makes sense - thank you for explaining! Was it a relief after all to be diagnosed? I guess it’s so validating, especially for the alters?
I want to know the expression on Jake's face when he droped the camera
When Jess said, “Jake broke the camera” I ended up laughing at myself - because my first thought was “I want to hear what Jake has to say” and my second was “and yet, the same body broke it” - just an example of how much this channel makes me think.
I have a serious depressive disorder. I spend most of my time acting like I’m fine. So masking is a concept I can relate to very well.
I wrote this poem for all of you because I think you are such a lovely system and Gaz too! I hope it’s ok:
I was a battered plaything
The truth tied up with strings
And I inside all Tangled up
Forgot I once had wings
I entered to the inner-world
safe, yet never free -
Where some protect- some persecute -
And steal my memory
I’m grateful for the lives, who reside inside my mind
Who keep the body steady safe
With anyone who drives
And someday I may mend it
Stitch the pieces back to one
And still I will defend it -
If the “then” may never come
To honor every fragment, every little piece -
This complicated puzzle is worthy of release
From ignorance and judgement
Or representations vile
Get to Know us and you’ll love us -
Stretch your mind that extra mile
We are a thing of wonder
The Enigmatic kind
How awesome is to ponder
The mechanisms of the mind
Oh, how the world betrayed us!
And our trusting little face -
Though the system has delayed us,
It No doubt has kept us safe.
That was absolutely beautiful.
@@LisaRehmno u (also yes)
I love this ❤
My therapist diagnosed me with DID. Somewhere deep inside I suspected something like that. Never knew why. Before I went to the therapist my knowledge about DID came from Yutube channels like yours, which I watched as a curiosity, not tying it to myself at all (my subconscious was trying to tell me something, alter maybe?).
And what's interesting, I have always been very skeptical about this disorder. Still am.
But then I was diagnosed... I still sometimes have problem to believe my diagnosis. Why?
After all, this disorder looks different on all TH-cam channels I watch. You have clear and distinctive personalities. You almost always have a clear lack of memory, rather clear switches. You switch accents, gestures, visual impairment, clothes. And with me? I do not notice such obvious symptoms.
And I am still skeptical about my diagnosis because of that. Many things overlap, but when I read DID definitions - extreme cases are always given as examples. I think it's harmful to people like me.
It is as if our disorder is less real because it is not so obvious. And by that we question and doubt ourselves all the time - do I really have DID? I'm sometimes very lost.
Sorry if I am offensive because I am ignorant to the topic but hope I can help. Can’t imagine having DID but like u I just watched the TH-cam videos out of curiosity and maybe you don’t notice it because your alter is very similar to you and also trying to figure out what is going on so the transition isn’t obvious. Happy if I can help and hope I didn’t say anything wrong as it is a delicate topic I could never hope to comprehend. Good luck 😉
This is where I am, and I used to watch DID you tubers as proof that I was wrong, and did not have it. Sometimes the( I guess connection) between me and the rest, is non existent. Then I go back to being in denial about having DID.
I as host speak to my psych about how I feel like I'm faking it; that it's not real. She is constantly reassuring me that firstly, it is real. You're not faking it. DID is supposed to be covert, as host you're not supposed to know about it. I feel lost and unsure all the time. I frequently forget I have DID when it's been a quiet day (or week haha). And that's okay. It doesn't make you or your diagnosis any less valid.
Honestly this whole covert and overt concept is very common in a lot of mental illnesses. It definitely is a thing with my personality too for example and I'm a covert type of it where most people can't tell I'm different even though I'm internally freaking the fuck out.
It's interesting how we just learn to camouflage our issues to a point where that mask is almost too perfect sometimes and people can't tell your genuine feelings ever.
The quality without the camera is definitely good enough !
It seems that perhaps overt vs. covert is more of a sliding scale than a binary. A system could be more overt in one situation and more covert in another. Perhaps that 80% given by the researcher refers more to what is observably when a therapist has a conversation with a system, rather than from the system's point of view? (Just my completely unqualified wonderings 🙂)
Yeah, like some alters could be very overt while others are very covert, or it could depend on the situation. It has to be some sort of scale.
Also many people, especially autistic people, develop social masks to cope with other people. These masks are unconscious too
And system tends to evolve a singular persona mask too, for the same reasons
And we agree, it is a scale, not binary. Rarely are things binary, plurality too is a spectrum
@@WolfgangDoW autistic here! I'm Pathological Demand avoidance with a fawn response which hides the demand avoidance. All neurodivergences can be hidden when it's not safe to show! Autism and DID/OSDD
@@maba5082 What's demand avoidance with fawn response? Not heard of that before
@@WolfgangDoW demand avoidance is basically where you avoid demands. In this instance, it's part of the autism spectrum that can be seen as an anxiety based need to avoid demands or anxiety based need for control or where the brain goes into flight or fight when control is taken from the person. Or if flight and fight are not available, the brain goes into the trauma responses of freeze or fawn. Fawn is basically stockholm snyndrome or people pleasing to avoid pain or death. So a fawn response with Pathological sand avoidance is masking the demand avoidance because it's not safe enough to show how it effects you. I fawned my entire life, was the perfect child even with demand avoidance. Other kids mask or fawn at school and meltdown or fight or flight from demands at home.
I think that many people with a multitude of conditions mental and physical mask a lot just as a natural protection against others xx
I have to agree. Up until VERY recently, I kept my severe social anxiety private to the point where when I'd actually share it with a trusted source, they didn't believe me. What they didn't know was that during a social event, inside, I was panicking. I'd usually cry after forced social gathering.
@@katysmith3379 think that's more common than most people realise. Wishing you all the best katy xx
@@maze6797 I would certainly never compare my situation with that. I wasn't even trying. I was merely stating I could understand why anyone with a mental health disorder would want to hide it from others by sharing my struggle. I've dealt with trauma myself. Obviously not to the point of causing DID but everyone's struggles are different. We're all here to support one another. I was just trying to empathize.
Maze, that's a bit mean. You cant compare peoples experiences full stop. All of them are valid and totally individual. I have major MH issues including DID and anxiety and hearing things like what you shared, honestly, really leaves us feeling invalidated.
@@starsystem7131 thank you for that. I'm so sorry for your struggles. Mental health problems are so terrible because you always feel you're fighting alone. That's why I turned to this channel. No, I don't understand DID but being here has helped me learn to cope with my own mental health disorders. Plus, with people like you standing up for others, I don't feel so alone in this. 😊
I had noticed that it seemed like the DID youtube channels that have had the most success tend to be of systems that have very obviously differentiated parts, which makes sense on multiple levels. There's the fact that it matches the stereotype most people have going into first watching the videos, but it also is just more visually engaging and I think it's easier for people to grasp the reality of the differentiation when it has that kind of external manifestation.
Of course, the downside to that is there isn't as much representation for covert systems which makes it seem like the overt ones are the norm, not the exception. We really didn't know for a long time how common it was for people in the external world not to be able to tell who is fronting, or the system themselves not being fully sure who was fronting at a given moment. I wish there was more coverage about this because for us, figuring out who we are at a given moment is a challenging task and having more resources about tools to go about doing that would likely be helpful to many people.
Very true. Overt systems are more "interesting" to watch when you only get to see into their lives for a brief period. However, we are gradually breaking that stereotype. I mean, just look at Rings! They usually just have Silver on camera, and while they aren't as successful, they're still pretty well known. That entire second paragraph is just a mood. We're co-con/blurry most of the time with switches unnoticeable to even us, but then we have some alters who are like "HALLO LUV AHM BRETTISH" and it's just very jarring. And since others can't tell when we switch they think we're faking bc we don't "act different", and then they think we're faking when we do act different because it's SO different it seems like an act i guess? Idk but ableism fukin sucks
@@thedestroyasystem very true! I love the Rings system. I have learned so much from them and really appreciate their style of presenting information.
Right? I think the extreme overt examples work great for singlet audiences. But it's not as helpful to system audiences. So it's possible that most quality content and advice is less popular
@TheStoutProtagonist check out Dylan Groves. They're polyfragmented and document their journey, and their videos are super helpful to other systems.
Check their descriptions for ample, thorough trigger warnings before the videos begin. Some are about coping, some are about trauma and I would hate for you to get hurt.
@TheStoutProtagonist I think you should make vids. We're looking for good new DID systems with all the hell that broke loose in the community, I'd be nice to have some new perspectives and it could be therapeutic for you guys!
I was diagnosed a few years ago and it was really scary. I never really got over the denial phase but your videos have brought so much positivity and light to our system. Thank you for all you do for our community and our system. Stay safe and keep up the awesome work! You’ve helped so many people like us.
Lol my brain was like “Jessica? Who’s Jessica?” for a second. Then I realized “OH! Jess!”
I’ve only heard the nickname until now so I’m sorry 🤣
Aww, poor Jake must feel terrible for making that mistake. I remember when I was letting my toddler play in my bedroom while I was pregnant and needing to lay down and rest my back for a bit. He picked up his daddy's DSLR and I panicked and sternly told him no but he heard the panic in my voice and immediately dropped the camera instead of carefully putting it down. It was completely my fault for both allowing him near it and for startling him while telling him no and I felt HORRIBLE for that mistake. I couldn't apologize enough to make myself feel better until after the camera was repaired and in use again. I hope Jake is easier on himself than I was. Mistakes happen and accidents are 100% forgivable. Thanks for keeping the content coming on your phone. You're brilliant and loved no matter how you're recorded.
And you are brilliant and loved regardless of what you do or don't do! ♡♡♡
I've never thought of ableism as applying to psychology as well (as opposed to just physical health). As someone who struggles with mental health, that's so helpful to realize and be able to identify. I appreciate that perspective!
Really nice how you talked about different Systems having different Theories and needs👏🏼👏🏼
We, as a System, are only open (overt) on TH-cam, like you, we even show different Peronalities.
But in front of real people, webare not even able (yet) to switch in front of very close people, not even our Therapist...😒 frustrating! So we describe us as covert, and highly functional.
We fully support your take on this topic.
👍🏼
I was totally thinking of you @D.I.S.Ding when hearing about "covert DID", and that being more common, which.. duh. It'd make sense that, as far as disorders go, DID would present very subtly and produce high functioning people. Just kinda forgetful 😅.
Though I was surprised to read that your alters are more comfortable switching on a camera and recording for TH-cam, than talking to a therapist. That's.. very Gen Z of you all. 🤣
I have found for us personally there were always difference between us but as we got into a safe place and I as host started to accept them, we have allowed each alter the room to express themselves more giving the appearance of being more overt. But when in situations that are not safe they are able to mask as a singular person.
Too much to comment on, but I really liked that you included clips and posts from other systems! This one almost felt more like a community video than just your individual video - both are great and I love the ones of just you guys. But since you’re trying to make this a channel that’s connected to the DID community, that’s a really great way of doing it!
Honestly our system is overt in some ways and covert in other ways.
Like, quite a few of our alters have differing tastes in fashion. Erika likes leather, Alex like pink sweaters, Kyle likes baggy white Tshirts, etc. Erika’s voice is quite different (low and gravelly) and our littles can sometimes struggle to mask the childish affect they naturally have in their speech.
But at the same time, most of the frequent fronters are really good at imitating me (the host) when it comes down to it. Also the average person just... doesn’t notice DID symptoms lol they just think you’re in a bad mood or maybe you had a coffee this morning or whatever.
Ok but why is the phone quality so good though
Probably Apple🤗
we're definitely overt... faking pretending to be the host is so super uncomfortable, none of us can do it for very long because we get all icky feeling..! it feels like lying and most of us cant do that without getting sick... >~<
but its funny cause everyone (including the hosts) just thought we were *super* moody and inconsistent, but didnt know why! now we know we're a system, and it explains... um... pretty much everything!
it kiiind of is now even *less* comfy to have to answer to the hosts name than it was before we all knew our names... but the more we act like ourselves, the better we all feel and the less sad everyone is, so i think its alright..? probably, at least..!
This is so interesting! Some of us can pretend to be the host and some of us cant. It is more like a half half situation.
This video means so much to us. As a covert system with some more naturally overt friends, it's been hard to understand and accept why we are like this and they aren't. It's very validating to hear that it's actually very common for systems to be more like us. Thank you
Thanks Jess for giving us more insight into DID. We appreciate your commitment to ending the stigma!! Be safe and healthy! From Cape Town, South Africa ;)
Fellow welsh person here. My best friend has DID and although I saw them switch before I never caught on. He’s autistic so any odd changes I put down to that, which is what others see too. I’m able to notice now I know due to the energy and attitude changes in each individual.
By the way, the phone footage is amazing.
It's be interesting for you to do a collaboration with someone with Complex DID (polyfragmentation with cptsd). The DID experience is completely different (but it's still DID). I think it'd be good to have that representation.
Check out Acrylic and Aether and the Stronghold System, two polyfragmented channels with great educational content
I definitely relate more to those saying that not only are they unable to covertly disguise their systems, but that not doing so is a useful adaptation and might have influenced how or why their system formed. So much of the trauma and abuse we faced and continue to encounter hinges on subtle mental manipulation. I think in our "admin's" mind, the most straightforward way of cutting through the BS is to be unpredictable and fluid not only in our presentation but in our mental state and attitudes. It's hard to manipulate a moving target, in other words!
However, that doesn't mean that's it's a comfy way of existing, and we're still struggling to find a balance between allowing everyone their own independence and authenticity (because damned if we're not one of the most blendy, switchy systems out there) and presenting an at least somewhat coherent image to the people we interact with on a daily basis.
I agree
This makes so much sense and resonates with us. We are overt when we are alone, in therapy or with a trusted person, but the rest of the time we are seriously covert. Each of us can easily act like the Host.
I love how supportive and understanding of other systems views you are. Thank you for sharing
The Rings System is so right, and this was amazingly helpful
In therapy we didn’t go over whether I had covert or overt I thought there was only one type and that I was faking it...this made me feel so much better
the majority of people we have told about our system have said they already knew 😭
Thats how we broke down our Amnesia walls too, we started video jounaling to eachother about 6 years ago, but we didn't know we were seperate until the pieces started to make sense.
We have a very covert system unless we choose to be open, we have one friendgroup that we are really open with and still some of us will automatically go into (what we call) host-mode, since it's the most comfortable.
The only thing someone could pick up on is pitch change in the voice but it's very subtle whenever someone is not in the safe group of friends.
Thank you for validating this, it is a really good thing!
Much love! ~Lacey
Because of your content and educating all of us, I was able to email a psycology teacher at my school about D.I.D. and the negative stigma it has (using Split as an example) and making them more aware of it. I hope this helps the community in any way! And thank you so much for educating me and posting your overall content! 💖💖
this... actually made me feel a lot better about having shared interests amongst the system. im not sure how the others feel, but its always made me feel super paranoid and guilty. so thank you for hopefully helping me calm down on that in the future
Disclaimer: Currently undaignosed, but talked with a therapist that said that it could be a possibility I'm part of a DID system but need more testing/appoinmnets to verify and I'm low on money because I live in the US.
I'm 22 and just NOW starting to question/process whether I'm part of a system. If this was a system, I would be the host. According to my friends, I'm somewhat "overt" in presentation (different personalities/attitudes in a given situation that are beyond 'code switching'). However, I personally wasn't aware of them because it seems like (if I have them), my alters seem to have decent communication with each other but not me (the host). Apparently they all learned how to mimic me and can at least imitate my voice and mannerisms with enough accuracy to fool my family, but with a bit of "something off" with my friends. There was actually a disagreement between two of them and they purposefully decided to make themselves overt when the body was in private by having an argument out-loud using my body using their natural voices in order for me to learn who they were so I as the host can give my two-cents on the situation. All it did was make me confused and uncomfortable and seek mental health help. I was already going to therapy, and my last therapist told me to find a trauma specialist before this happened, so I suspect she saw possible signs of DID too considering I apparently went for gender dysphoria but was recommended trauma therapy instead of transitioning.
I’m glad Jake is doing well and feeling better. he’s a special boi ❤️
this video really helped me in a way I don't think you all thought of. not something I am comfortable sharing publicly, but I have sent a DM on twitter on the specifics.
(apologies if this is just me repeating myself)
My therapist has talked about my having osdd/did potentially and I denied denied denied cause I didn't have distinct parts. I have bits that are activated in situations. They don't have names, they are me, but versions of me I don't have access to normally. I'm not them when they are doing their thing. Rarely do I hear voices to indicate they are even there, their voices are usually just my voice but deeper, or younger, etc. I had to get involved in a community online to see that osdd/did isn't always distinct personalities with loves and likes different from yours and with appearances different or different voices. They might be just like you but different in some ways. That's valid too. You don't need to be completely different people to have did or osdd.
Thank you so much for talking about this. I only hope someone out there that needs help is able to hear this and realize that just because they don't have complete identifiable personalities/people in their head with them doesn't mean they aren't a part of the community or that something is wrong with them. DID/OSDD presents differently, but all versions are valid and ok
And for the record, for those that feel the same as I did, the fact you don't have an identity is also common. If you're not completely distinct, it's hard to tell what's you and what's the other part of you. One day you love fish, the next day you can't stand the taste. Sometimes other parts bleed in. Doesn't mean you're devoid of personalit(ies/y) Just means your covert system is really good at hiding, if you know you're pretending to your abusers, you might give it away. Sometimes the system masks from you too to protect you.
@@kirsten2776 thissss
Thank you for including the Alternative System! They're amazing and such kind, open, caring friends! 💜💜💜 This video is so appreciated, important & needed!
We have OSDD 1b. We are MAJOR hiders. That’s how we survived. Some people were so suppressed they were mute or took on the characteristics of other disabilities. I am STILL working on getting people out and more integrated into our daily life. Our folks are VERY distinct but they come from an early childhood of not being so distinct. It was very confusing at times since dissociation was still very present.
Thank you for the video! 😊 This is something we have thought about for a bit now. I also believe that time can change our presentations in that knowledge, understanding and communication can all allow us to be (or essentially feel that we can be) less covert and more overt. We have very specific parts whose whole job is keeping us seem as 'single' as possible (as well as blocking trauma). But since we have been in treatment and have really good relationships with our psychologist and CPN, that part has been able to rest and give way to the others who present in a much more overt way - and this actually reduces stress on our system. I find the whole topic really interesting, especially how, as you said, overt systems can 'act/appear' more covert at times... I believe this is where we fit. Sorry for the ramble 🙈 Great video, as always 😊
Thank you, I really appreciate this video.😩 We are not very overt at all, and that made me feel like a giant faker/dumb. It’s more like, I’m just living life and then I’m like “oh someone is feeling anxious/sad/etc.”
I cant express enough how much I love Jess and her System 😩😭😍😍😍😍
I feel like this was such an important video for me to watch. I have, ever since I began watching content made by systems, wished that I could be more open to the people I trust around me about what I experience. But a lot of the time, no one even notices when things are happening, and bringing it up out of nowhere makes me feel uncomfortable, so I barely even end up talking to people about it. And feeling invalid has been a pretty significant issue for me. I’m just trying hard now to not doubt myself so much, but it’s not easy for me.
Ah well, I’m not sure what good this comment could do, other than express my gratitude for this video being made. This information should definitely help me moving forward.
Thank you Jess for bringing up crossovers. I am personally finding that my body holds a covert and overt type system. It has been making things hard with therapy because although we have been recognised with the disorder, I think the professional may be having trouble understanding us because of the way we are. As a result, the documented diagnosing part of the journey has been a bit difficult.
Your videos have been nice and soothing to listen to and I hope you have a lovely day. Thanks and Smilies!
I don't have DID myself and at some point, I doubted its validity, but as I continued to watch, I began to understand what it really is. It's one of those topics that I found incredibly interesting and I've even done some research myself. The mind is capable of so much and your videos have shown me that. I'm glad you went out of your way to teach many different people about subject matter that some may find taboo or may not have even been familiar with.
watching DID videos and dissociating every time because it starts to open up communication and then having to go back and watch the video again bc you missed it all.. 🙄
This is such a relatable feel honestly 😂
lol it happens every single time hehe 😂
My system likes to refer to that personally as "The Peanut Gallery Effect" lol because for us it feels like when ur in a movie theatre and there's ppl in the rows behind you talking a bit too loud about what they think about everything lol
You wish
That part around minute 11 was soooo relatable about "I can't like x, x is what this other alter likes" and a good reasurance. Ty for addressing that for us!
"Eighty percent have windows of diagnosability when stressed or triggered by some significant event, interaction, situation or date."
This is exactly what I needed to hear. I've started talking to my therapist about experiences I've had that made me think I had D.I.D but he said I'd be blacking out every day and not knowing how I got places. All of that has happened to me for months at a time when I got extremely stressed! Just say you have no idea what you're talking about instead of wasting my time!! (I'm just extremely frustrated after dealing with this for so many years...)
I’ve never clicked so fast
Yeah, same.
This says this comment was two hours ago, but this video came out an hour ago?
I was about to comment this lol
We can hide very, very easily from people (mainly our friends and family), but there are a couple people that we are open (or more open about) who we are about.
Very helpful video. We were researching this subject too. As an overt system, we can attest to the ability to camouflage in public. It’s something we’ve always (I assume) done instinctually. However, we have also suffered with jarring switches in public, which often has lead us to the nearest restroom to gather ourselves. People do notice, but they can’t pinpoint what they’re noticing, which leaves an opening for us to cover for our behavior. I think DID/OSDD, and it’s accompanying symptoms, are all on a spectrum. Sometimes, we’re able to be more covert than other times. Sometimes, we startle people with our changes. Regardless, it doesn’t make one system any more valid than another. It’s just the way our symptoms manifest. ❤️
Yup we 100% agree with what the Rings System said 👍👍👍 we only mask because the world says that being a Multiple is wrong. It’s not safe for us to be ourselves and masking takes a lot of work which is exhausting. It’s also really difficult to come to a place of self love and acceptance for who we are when the constant feedback is that it’s unsafe, shameful, wrong and needs to be fixed. When we are only around or interacting with people we really trust do the masks come down and we all get to come out and be ourselves which is such a sense of relief.
IDK what I have tbh. I have Dissociative Amnesia sure but there are times when I get those thoughts that aren't mine. Its scary. I don't have any continuous gabs of memory as if an alter would take over but I do develop mannerisms that aren't my own at times and I develop thought processes that are also not mine. At one time I will be cold, calculated, and apathetic. Then another time, I will be very loving, caring, sweet, and cheery. Then at the very rarest, I will be rash, aggressive, and have violent urges. I can't afford to go to a professional though and so Im stuck just in confusion of who I am and who I want to be.
Jess, THANK YOU, i needed to hear this. All of it made so much sense and was a great reminder that recovery and functionality as a human is the most important thing, and the ultimate goal, regardless of how a system expresses themselves.
OMG loved this! Please do a video with The Rings System!! They are so thorough just like you guys.
Thank you so much. I feel like I get hate for being covert and you really validate me over and over every time I watch this video... we want to be more overt, because we’re sick of hiding. We want to be ourselves, but that’s scary for many reasons... I don’t know. It’s hard having DID when like most people are singlets and don’t get it...
You really show how to use research properly, using respected sources and checking references, it's so good to see!
Oof, video quality seems fine, and we still love you, Jake!
I am mainly covert especially in public but have had a few overt experiences over the years. These ones occured when family triggers were present. Now I have diagnosis and more understanding and am conscioisly connecting and acknowledging the others, they are playing a bigger role in my life.
This is all a new thing for me at the moment so thankyou for these videos because they are really helping me.
Thank you for getting on the soapbox here ❤️ this was really truly validating
Thank you so much! I knew DID was "supposed" to be not obvious, because it is a defense mechanism, but I've never learned about the differences in presentation like that
We're overt and kind in-between being able and unable to hide.
Our DID went unnoticed for most of our life but at the same time we were very "out there", "attention seeking" and "extreme", both in our childhood and teen years. But this way we got the care and help that we needed and wouldn't have gotten otherwise.
If we were someone else, we would be completely incapable of pretending to be one because our voices, mannerism etc. are so distinctly different and we can hardly change them at all. However, because we were always so "over the top" and "all over the place", this does not stick out as much. People around us got used to us being "weird".
This way, being overt kept us "safe" when we were kids and in turn, this overtness keeps us safe now because we can hide our multiplicity behind it.
We have a sort of rule. If someone can't hide their accent (happens a lot) and someone asks about it, we basically have a scripted response about how we do voice acting as a hobby and get stuck in accents. It works every time.
So happy to see you, Jess, and thank you so much for providing wonderful resources to show how very different systems can be.
10:15 alternatively, as a covert system it can feel invalidating that a lot of systems presented in the media are more overt. I never knew covert systems were so common.
I love learning about this! Thank you for your content! Lots of love!
This is really helpful, I've found myself wondering lately whether I might be the host of a system. However I have felt very uncertain and scared of even bringing up the topic because not only do I not have memory loss that I know of if I am a system we are all similar enough or good enough at masking that no one else has seen any differences except my best friend. Knowing that we don't need to be entirely 100% unique to be valid as alters is very powerful. Whether or not it turns out to be true this information is very helpful.
Thank you for sharing how it can truly be for different people with DID and no one should be invalidated because they may be Overt. Really helps to build competency for those who do not fully understand DID.
I have OSSD1b and can remember (though not clearly) when the others (don't like the term "alters") front, so they tend to be covert so not even I am aware when they front. Of course, they occasionally mess up and insist on being called by their names, or do something completely out of character for me, like buying stuff that reflects their interests, or eat something I hate. That's how I eventually caught them in the act. When I "confronted" them, they all got quiet. Eventually they realized that I really did know and wasn't just guessing and giving up when I read the DMV diagnostic criteria for DID and started making themselves known to me. But you would STILL have to really know me and be paying attention to the details when I'm not fronting to know it's actually one of them.
Hello Jess, Gaz and boys from Sydney. I really love your channel. I’ve watched everything over the last month. I’m sorry sorry that I didn’t see you on the Sunday Night program. I really feel like I have got to know you guys. I have enjoyed your content and learned a lot. Thank you all for being so honest, generous and vulnerable. By the way, this last video had really good sound quality for me watching on my smart tv. The fancy camera sounds a lot more echo-y so you need never worry if you have to use your phone for content, it sounds great and looks fine.
Thank you a lot for your work. I am a singlet and your videos help me understand such a vast part of living with DID. I especially love that you care to say the way you're presenting is a minority and how the majority can present/react to yours. This is helpful.
It's a really pretty Eevee you have in the background. Compliments to the maker. :)
i thought you were talking about jess's baby and i was really confused
Your descriptions and examples are excellent!
I believe that DID systems are internally wired to protect. I like how the Rings System described covert and overt parts too. Our system has sub-parts that sometimes co-front with AMP who will switch between covert and overt expression.
Thank you for acknowledging that your videos and popularity are not divorced from how your system is what many singlets imagine for DID. I have had a lot of issues because I have more than 6ish alters. Love your videos!
We, as a system are a part of the 6%. We’re a very overt system with lots of accents, and different voices that carry through to the front. We have alters with Irish accents, English, and a few more. We have alters with deeper voices, higher voices, and more nasally voices. And everyone’s mannerisms are different as well. We’re all very different, and that makes it very hard for us to hide when someone else is fronting. Some have learned to hide their accents, but it’s almost physically impossible.
Thankyou so much for mentioning about the end aswell, I have been seeing a guy who is covert did. Saying this has really helped me understand more.
I’m so thankful for this video! I couldn’t explain this to other people because I couldn’t identify it. Thank you so much!
This was incredibly validating. Thank you, from a fairly newly discovered system. 💙
Yes I actually agree and it is important to help and accepting when I have had my system blown and it’s result to just negative things to say it nicely without a TW
Thank you for making this, it was rlly educational
Someone finally SAID the thing! Thank you. We've been fighting to feel different fer a WHILE. This like or that like, shared, feels weird, need to be different. And you got right tf up on that soap box and said it EXACTLY the way we've been struggling in the headspace with it for LIFE, buddy. You rock. Hardkore. Thank you!
I still don’t think I have DID, but if we do, then we are indistinguishable 90% of the time, I think. I don’t trust myself.
I hope everyone is doing well! Great video! We learned a lot!
I think your trust in yourself will grow. It doesn't get easier - but you do get stronger. 💜
That's an AWESOME idea! Whenever a part wants to communicate just make a private video. Therapists say to write in a journal but with a video you could see the parts and learn from them!
I love this channel but I love how I was trying to dismiss my alarm but before I could click the play for this video popped up first causing me to show up here lol xD