Gender Roles in the Community // Honest Tea Talk | Season 1 Episode 9
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- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 28 ก.ย. 2024
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About Honest Tea Talk
with Aliyah, LaYinka & Sumayah
Inspired by Jada Pinkett-Smith's 'Red Table Talk', 3 Muslim women have set up a platform to speak openly and honestly, giving viewers an unedited insight into the minds and life of Muslim women. Honest Tea Talk brings deep and often unspoken topics to the table to lay down our masks and start much-needed discussions about matters related to Muslim women and the ummah at large.
© 2019
#honestteatalk #realtalk #gender
This statement “Make yourself small so that he’s okay about himself” is what some people have said to me at different points in my marriage. And as my marriage is about to end, I’m grateful to Allah for protecting me from caving in to this kind of pressure.
Brother Skutnu are you a scholar, a marriage counselor or a certified psychologist? If you are none of the above, your perspective doesn’t mean anything to me and most women that continue to be abused by sad and immature men 😊
Brother Skutnu read my comment again and let it sink in.
Alhamdulillah, hope you are well 💕
I think the intention behind the advice is good, but because of the wording, its taken the wrong way. Men need a boost sometimes to feel content. To feel like the provider. We shouldn't make ourselves small at all and never have a say, but show that we need him. Even if it's just a small thing we are able to find out ourselves, we show that we value his decision on the matter. A happy husband feels needed and appreciated for what he does.
The advice isn't bad but it's wording is put too simply. Especially if the marriage is at a weak spot already. Not making yourself heard, worsens the situation.
I pray you've found peace
@@Sunny-yl4rm I worded my opinion not for the purpose of gaining people’s acceptance. The notion of needing a man sounds problematic on so many levels and that is what is killing a lot of women’s psyche. It is alright to be in a marriage that enables a man and woman to be their true selves...help make space for each other to grow and flourish. It is never okay to diminish yourself in order to please a man. I feel it is insulting to my Creator, Allah, to make myself small for people. Making yourself small is not the same thing as being humble. With regards to your comment, that’s your opinion and you’re entitled to it. I express myself how I perceive life and I don’t make myself small to anyone except Allah. Alhamdulillah I got divorced to move away from a toxic marriage and I’m living well and healthy 😊.
@@samurai_rose I'm happy you've found peace 💕😊
My personal opinion is that unfortunately, women are taking on way more than possible for any one human to do without a negative consequence in return. Women are not only working outside the home, and taking care of the kids both physically and emotionally, and taking care of their husbands both physically and emotionally, they are also forced to take on the man's role of being the protector in every sense. Sometimes this is by choice... but alot of the times women are forced to take on this role bc men are not stepping up the way they should and we enable them further. Sadly alot of women end up emotionally broken or even physically ill and at the very least they end up with an unappreciative husband.
Yup agree masculinity is under attack. Men are becoming more femine and less mature in their male roles.
Suad Ali it is very well said
The feminization of men is not just a problem for muslims. It is a problem everywhere. Read the book estrogen nation. We are being poisoned by our products, by our food, by the water with synthetic estrogens that are destroying us. Men are becoming more like women, more people are becoming infertile. It's a big issue. I dont have anything against trans gender people but I honestly think the prevalence of it is because our children are not developing properly.
I agree!
Thank you
I'm glad Sumayah mentioned that many mothers have no choice, my mom is a single mother who took both roles, she cooked, cleaned, worked, took care and raised 5 of us, spend time with us, made time for her deen. She had no choice, she had to do what she had to do to keep a roof over our head and I am forever grateful for her, and Allah that had help us through everything. May Allah grant her the highest ranks in jannah for her efforts. Ameen.
ameen :)
This is so nice. I have no friends never mind Muslim friends. I am a Muslim of one. I am reverting and learning is going painfully slow. Thank you. A women perspective was so needed. 😊
We are here for you sister if you are looking for forging friendship with Muslims. Learning is slow and hard even for us born Muslim so be indulgent with yourself, be patient and trust on the path Allah has put you on.
@@thanimoinamkou8372 thank you so much. Learning about Islam has taught me a lot about God, myself, and people in general. I am very surprised how difficult it is to wear my hijab and how odd people react to it. I could do all sorts of sins and the people I used to go to church with, but wear a hijab and they look at me like I killed their best friend. My pastor wrote me how "I am going down a dark path." But my heart and mind feels the most calm it's ever felt.
Friends are overrated though. I had two friends and they both made me hate friends because both were so toxic. trust me somethings being friendless is a blessing.
Salam alaikum sister, I just came across your post.am ready to be your friend. May Allah increase our iman
@Romeo - wait wait wait 😭😭😭✋whites aren’t welcomed but u have a Michael Scofield pfp - I wonder if he came watching this u would have welcomed him.
Khadija RA was an amazing, strong, successful woman and was the Prophet’s most trusted and loved person. She is and should be the role model of all Muslim women and men
Exactly what I was thinking sister! Khadija (RA) had a successful business and the Prophet (SAW) worked FOR HER! So these notions that the panel is discussing are not in the deen/religion. I think that a lot of the changes in the gender roles came during the time that the Persian culture penetrated the religious culture of Islam hundreds of years ago. But I could be wrong. However, even Aisha (RA) taught the Sahabah and women played a major role in the deen/religion. So, the men nowadays are not playing a dominant role in their families, then that is the problem of the mothers spoiling their sons, yet teaching the daughters to be responsible. Isn't it. The girls are educating themselves and men are just hanging out with their buddies. Then, when they get married the woman is educated and has money. He does not. This is an issue of how we are raising our sons which in itself is a gender issue...
@@aprillpettigrew8468 Assalamualaikum wa Rahmatullahi wa barakatuh. It wasn't the Persian culture dear, a lot of these notions were injected or adopted by Jewish reverts. No offense to anyone.
@@aprillpettigrew8468 Nope. They don't get married like that. Majority of the women wouldn't even think of marrying a guy like that leave alone marrying. Go touch some grass.
Just found out about this channel Yesterday, and i ended up watching almost ten Videos and continuing one after the other😂
Bilan Naxar. Me too. I discovered it today.
It depends very much on the environment, culture and place you live in. But regardless of ones starting point, I believe we all need to take a step back and leave a bit of space.
Bcs as Soumayya mentioned the gender roles are shifting, so we have to try and work with that not against that. Which means there is no way around compromising. If you want your daughter to absolutely have a degree, then you shouldn't complain why her domestic skills are not as good as your late mothers or your aunties. Bcs certain things come at the cost of the other. Yes, some sisters may manage to get a degree have a running buisness and be on top of their game when it comes to cooking and domestic skills, but it's not fair to put that high standard on each and every woman.
I found it in my circle to be very frowned upon if you don't want to go to uni, have a degree or are not a career woman, but at the same time if you aren't married yet don't cook the best of meals and aren't able to entertain your relatives, than you're getting laughed at. Pressure and force is never good, no mattter from which direction.
As always I enyoyed your tea talk. BarakahAllahufeekum wa JazakumAllahukhairan 💕
Being an african woman and still living in Africa , i can assure u that most career women have domestic skills , bcuz as young girls we are already taught to compromise more that ours husbands and that's sad !
I don't know what a career woman looks like in western countries but most of the time in Africa when it comes to domestic skills there's no difference between a working woman and a housewife!
@@lymaabdoul BarakahAllahufeeki for sharing! That's interesting. So do you find that negative or positive? What would you want to change? I am curious.
@@cherryblossom6551 having domestic skills regardless your status is some great.
But the idea of a man not helping with chores just bcuz he's a man is something i totally desagree with...
yes i very much agree. living in the US i have experienced this too, where we were encouraged to go to school and get our degrees and be successful in this way but at the same time cooking & cleaning were expected to come naturally to us and that we were supposed to be in charge of our households. i can't do both at the same time, and it's so much pressure.
Mashallah Sisters, very good talks. However, i am married to a very strong lady and we are both very deep in our respective fields in our careers. Its all a give and take relationship. We both have shared roles to play with our two boys and keep our relationship healthy.
Masha Allah, brother. You are a gem. May Allah protect and bless you and your family. Salam alaikum.
I've seen some weird comments so what I'm about to paste is no reflection on you just want to get some uncomfortable truths out. I hope someone reads this, it's long...
Oh, and I was responding to a sister
"As an Alhamdulillah sis, I appreciate your position. However, some of us do not choose this path of 9-5 because of feminism but because of the manner we've seen our mothers/aunts/sisters/friends/grandmothers treated. I do not choose to work because I want to 'have it all' but because in my country (Nigeria) many men willingly discard their wife/wives and CHILDREN for outside tail (someone I know declared he'd divorce all four of his wives so that he can marry a younger woman. His first wife was 9 when they wed and he, 18 - she used to hide under the bed so no he didn't allow her to mature before engaging in intimacy and she cannot fend for herself because she was never given the opportunity to learn). Imagine being given N100 (one hundred naira) to eat (a meal for one person costs N200 on average) and do laundry (detergent costs N120 in bar form) whilst he has N2000 tucked away which he uses on himself as you and the children STARVE; this was an actual Shari'a court case here. Some of us choose this because other than Allah, who can be trusted? If one is tested with such a husband then one of the only recourse available to a woman, in this age, is her own finances. Her Protector is Allah alone and what of His rizq He gives her. In case anyone's thinking 'relatives can ...' etc. Remember that not all families can be relied upon. Since my mum passing, I could tell stories for days (it's been 8 years since). 😔
Then there are those men that do provide for their families but even Dajjal might be ashamed by the manner in which they behave. Just a few examples: forgoing school fees because he wants to add another wife; spending money on whoever he's committing adultery with; taking from his adult children (in excess) who are just starting out to appease a woman not their mother (or kind to them) even though those children are desperate to make enough to be of service to their parents and community; stunting the education (Islamic and otherwise) of his children in pursuit of his own dunya pleasure...
Muslims need to stop asserting what motivates others to make certain choices. At best we can speculate (for only He knows the truth of EVERY heart) and if we are going to do so let's be balanced in our approach.
I saw what happened to my mum. I saw what happened to my step-mum (also deceased). I see what happens to women around me. I see how despite being 'provided for' they are riddled with health issues such as hypertension, ulcers and diabetes. I see how these women take out their frustrations on everyone other than the source...
I also see how Shaykhs who caution against the mistreatment of women in the ISLAMIC CONTEXT are mocked and dismissed as 'malaman mata' (women's Imams).
The western paradigm is GROTESQUE but so is the one I've just laid out now. In fact, the latter is worse because it justifies itself in the name of Allah (s.w.t.) which, in case you're wondering, fills me with rage for my only Love is Allah (I have no one else and I desire no one else). I am not a feminist but everytime I am told it's an all around bad thing I'm forced to wonder: why did so many turn to it in the first place? Might it have been because no one was listening?
As an aside, the phrase 'toxic masculinity' came not from feminists but from men who worried about how the feminization of masculinity would lead to two outcomes, hyper aggressive men or weak men (they didn't imagine both could happen simultaneously), and how to prevent this. Their noble goal was then weaponized by MRAs. While the phrase is now wantonly wielded by ignorant polemicists including some feminists... but this is a separate discussion.
I will be damned if I allow what happened to my mother and others (not saints by any stretch of the imagination 😏) happen to me. This is why I work because I know I, to the men of my place, have NO VALUE (other than sex satisfier/maid/baby factory, against Islam's assertion that we are COMPANIONS thus more than just these) and can easily be discarded. It is a Godless, utilitarian approach to another human being. If the man decides he's had enough, it will be hard but at least I am unlikely to end up destitute and unable to provide for the children's needs that don't seem to cross most men's minds. I have had to go without basic sanitary goods because of this so no one can tell me I'm imagining things. Eg two months without soap. To BATHE.
In case you think this might not be serious understand this. Many non-Muslim women convert to marry Muslim men here and after intense torment by their husbands and suspicion/judgement by in-laws and fellow Muslimahs, in the event of a divorce or death of spouse (sometimes before this) they leave the Deen. As one of my step-mums who converted when she married baba (he's never been physically abusive to any of us but sometimes it's better to be hit at least there'll be proof dunya-wise and physical pain to distract from the emotional) put it, 'they say Islam is a religion of peace. I have found none.' She left the Deen before their divorce so naturally he used this to justify the divorce (and character assassinate her) even though there was only constant quarrels between them for years beforehand.
I know we ought not to speak of anyone by name when making criticisms, and although I didn't, this post makes me uncomfortable. In order to keep it short, which it isn't, I could not speak in hypotheticals. Allah forgive me. I also didn't think anyone'd be inclined to believe this if it isn't straightforward. By the way, I expect no one to believe my account but I ask all who do read this (heros in my book 😅) to consider the possibility that I am being truthful.
Sorry for the wall of text. Peace to you and all of His Creation. Salam alaikum."
Masha ALLAH. I had no idea the sister was a Yoruba from Nigeria. I am as well. I agree with what she said about Nigerian woman. My mother, grandmothers, and great grandmothers on both sides all were businesswomen, yet they still raised their children and took care of their families.
Knowing the massive impacts of my mom, I always wish the best for my wife, daughter and all women. The family is an important aspect and a basic unit of every society and so we shouldn't adopt behaviors that destroys the family.
Majority of "successful" women complicate their marriage life. We are in transition from how couples lived several years ago while understanding and knowing their roles. The family roles are changing so fast and so must we understand and choose the appropriate way to coexist.
In a nutshell, it's a mutual duty to love, respect, support, care, and most importantly let look up to Islamic ways.
Thanks 😊 🙏
May Allah reward you greatly for such a wonderful education. U are solving one of our problem as ummah
alhamduallah thank you so much for having this discussion. i feel like i am starved for these conversations and i am thankful you are having them and that you are publishing them online so we can see.
I agree with the comment at 26:03 that we should do "what's right for us...and it doesn't matter if it's in line with what other people tell you it should be" BUT as long as we are sincere in keeping within the boundaries of our religion. Whether it's to do with how we're raising our children or whether we should continue with our studies or not, by living in non-Islamic environments, there are boundaries that we inevitably do end up crossing especially when it comes to segregation between the genders, hijab, and like someone else mentioned, student loans (interest etc.). These are genuine concerns raised by our religion. Alhamdulillah, many brothers and sisters do put their aakhira first so they either leave these things for the sake of Allah or strive to find halal alternative routes. Ultimately, even if we enjoy educational, monetary, job-satisfaction success etc., most likely we will lose blessings in other aspects of our lives by not giving up things that we love (for the sake of Allah), by not trying hard to find halal alternatives or having the patience and trust in Allah to wait as maybe He might find a way forward for us in the future that may be better for our worldly life and our after-life.
In Africa men take care of their families financially, but in UK its look like women are taking care of their families financially emotionally. And the children are in day care
That’s an over generalization sister . I’m African raised in Nigeria and at least where I’m from , that’s so not true. Some guys can be quite irresponsible not just in the Uk but everywhere
I guess the problem appears when there are two leaders in the hous! There is an Egyptian saying "A ship with two leaders sinks". If there is a conflict or different opinions on something, the last word should be to the man of the house, as long as it does not interfere with Allah's commands, and as long as he has earned it! as the aya says:
بمَا فَضَّلَ اللَّهُ بَعْضَهُمْ عَلَىٰ بَعْضٍ وَبِمَا أَنفَقُوا مِنْ أَمْوَالِهِمْ
"Men are in charge of women by [right of] what Allah has given one over the other, and what they spend [for maintenance] from their wealth."
these are the two factors of having قوامة
Are you married
@@s1827-w5w no you absolutely cannot. There is a reason why the above Aya was given. And it makes practical sense.
There can only be ONE leader in a realationship.
As salaamu alaikum, I would like to add my two cent. I believe that women can earn an income by starting their own businesses like Khadijah رضي الله عنه when I think of striving to be the best or strength, I look to the wives of the Prophet (ﷺ) and the Sahabiyat as role models. There’s a balance we cannot jeopardize the integrity of Islam for Western or cultural standards.
Please don't get me wrong or misunderstand me when I say this but when the sister spoke on how do we define success it's like she defined it from a worldly point of view when Allah specifically tells us in the Quran what success is for example,surah 3:105,surah 3:129,surah 3:132,surah 3:190,surah 5:35,surah 5:90,etc. so we have to be very careful with what society see as success and what Allah tell us what amounts to true success because on the day of judgment you will not be able to take worldly material things with you only your deeds, so be careful as to what you attribute to define success as. Alhumdulillah
Sumaya said exactly wats happenin to me, m not really sure if i want to get married... i would rather not, if marriage is like i see it on people... the negative stuff is bigger than wat u would actually enjoy in there.
Thank you sisters for sharing such an insightful conversation. The questions were thought-provoking and challenging, lovely topic. I pray for your continued success x
Keep going!! The is a really brilliant program , I-am a muslim male and I like this program
Agree with sister woman should impower themselves because in todays time not to take over the man power ,, but to be independent ❤️🤲🤲love your topices sisters from South Africa
fell in love with this podcast ❤️
yes, 26:11. Do what works work for you. Realising this is one of the most important tasks since our patriarchal system has taught that certain things are the 'normal' and anyone who deviates is to be shamed. The system as one that privileges men it is mostly women who are shamed for doing anything that that is not 'acceptable'. So for women, it is not so easy to just turn it over. The years of conditioning and the fear of being judged is very high.
Talks like yours, the discussions you bring forward will surely empower us and facilitate us in breaking free from these invisible chains.
This channel is beneficial, the somali sis really does drop gems.
yess I was nodding my head to every point she made, shes a clever woman mashallah.
Yes, her name is Sumaiya. I love how she just gives it straight. Mashallah, may Allah bless her and the rest of the panel❤️
Sister Layinka is ♥️.. May allah bless you all. You're initiating so many unspoken topics so honestly and in a balanced way. Allah Bless you all ☺️
these sisters spitting some facts out here 💯
Sister my AllAh bless you all I think you doing wonderful work please continue as it's very important bless 💗
Spot on a women who can speak and knows her preferences is a threat to certain men not all but men who are bought up backwards where every time a women working comes up Islam is thrown at them as it’s not permissible
@18:07. Even they admit it. Part-time work, being involved in community, writing, etc. Is possible.
But both parents working full-time is ridiculous... Not possible. Work-life balance as non muslims is easy because they don't have to worry about disciplining and educating the children.
Powerful talk MashaAllah keep going my Beloved SISTER'S. May Allah Reward your entire family.
Aselamualeykum sisters HTT,
I am hooked to your show and I am learning a lot. I appreciate every flavor you all ladies bring to the table in terms differnt opinions on the same subject matter.It's very impressive, MashaAllah. May Allah increase you in every way abundantly. I just watched this particular episode with my his and and it's funny he said, " I deal with a hard headed woman everyday and she likes to be taken care of. I wouldn't change a thing."
Alhamdulilah watching some topics with our spouses can make them see where we are coming from.
😍😍😍
This is GOLD! Real Talk! MashaAllah thank you ladies! I'd like to add also it would be great for the gents who feel threatened by strong women to remember our Prophet SAW married his boss!
Please can you do a spin-off episode from this examining women's expectations of other women that then feeds into men's attitudes towards gender roles? i.e. are Muslim women who are resentful for having little choice but to take on the 'housewife' role because of culture really resentful of new additions to the family (i.e. sister in laws) who are able to negotiate their role and put their foot down for things they weren't able to? is there some subconscious feeling that 'I had to suffer therefore so should you'? This is never expressed so directly but I have witnessed it in the way expectations are indirectly referred to.
Bibz8003 I agree with part of what you say, men should not feel threatened by strong women as we have a beautiful example in our prophet SAW and his wife. And yes, she was his boss, but I believe their dynamic would have been so different in their marital home. They would have spoke gently to each other and advising one another. Man and wife have their rights and certain freedoms, I resent all this trying to trump one another for power. Marriage is not about having the upper hand, its about coexisting in harmony and supporting one another and making decisions that works for both.
I do also believe that nowadays being a housewife is hugely looked down upon, and so our attitude towards it should be reassessed. There's nothing but honour in the role of a woman who looks after home and family, let's also remember the prophet's other wives who weren't business women.
And might I also add that it's culture that's made the woman oppressed. Islam does not encourage the tight-knit-every-one-knows-your-business lifestyle where the woman marries not only the man but his whole immediate and extended family. If this was taken care of, imagine how liberating it would be to be a housewife, in charge of your own home and children who's secrets don't leave the marital home.
So yh in essence, men have a lot to change, and if change happens then great but then we'd also have to change ourselves accordingly.
@@stupidintellect2474 I wasn't suggestion a power struggle within their marriage of any kind. But she was clearly a strong woman and he was not deterred by that. Strong men wouldn't be.
I was also not demeaning the role of women in the home whatsoever. I was referring to culture
@@bibz8003 no problem👍🏼 I agreed with you otherwise as what you said is universally known to be right. perhaps that part of your comment needed clarification.
Sumayah I could never say it better myself in ALL of these episodes!
The problem is that do we have that kind of women in the community? I mean strong, educated, faithful women. I was looking for that kind of woman for years, but couldn't find one. I wish if I can find a wife who can correct me when I make mistakes, gives me her opinion with confidence, or who can stop me when I take a wrong path in life.
Loving these talks MashaAllah. New subscriber 😍
Masha Allah😍 please can htt talk about the right and responsibilities of spouses so
Cultural practices doesn't supersede our religion🤗
Hmm didnt really relate to this talk
I admire that fact that youz are educated and all
And may Allah accept all that you do you are helping alot of sisters alhamdulila
But the message I got was that ladies who dropped their education and got married etc are not doing the right thing. I pursued that path. Now I am back to studying but for a while I think it was good for me time off and for some people it's good it helps u to focus on yourself more your deen connecting with family neighbors, time for extra salah duas to Allah, homemaking skills, the list goes on.
sis, towards the end of the talk, they covered this topic from a few angles e.g. how the housewife/mellow husband is also an asset to the marriage (and should be appreciated) and what is even the definition of strong.
Yes that is true
Lala Beluli I think Sumayah was talking about a certain phenomenon that she noticed when she came to England, compared to the US.
Assallumalakium As a Muslim man i agree that a real "Man/King" should not need his "Wife/Queen" to be quite or not be strong inorder for him to be, thays not a Queen either. Weak men not Kings need foot stools. I believe that you should have a balance on priorities and understand & agree of each others roles and respect at all times. And sometimes WE do have to stroke each others egos but in different ways which is part of a marriage
A husband is the head of the family and its guardian. He carries this
responsibility because his physical makeup makes him more fit to carry
the burdens of life and support his family. God the Almighty says: “Men
are protectors of women, because Allah has made some of them excel
others and because they spend their wealth on them…” [4: 34].
Muslim men from my understanding don't have a problem with women being educated or empowered,the problem I think is how the particular Woman being educated handles the responsibility of being in control,because from what I know marriage is actually a partnership where we should be sharing and helping each other to get better,but as we know women are emotional thinkers and sometimes gets carryd away so to say
I found the views shared in this video to be so refreshing! Honestly, I believe most Muslims consider working Muslim women to be "bad moms" and if they are not married or don't have kids then "something is wrong with them." I know so many scholars and Muslim men AND women who act like working is almost haram/prohibited for a married women, especially if she has kids, and it's a type of mandate for her to quit her job because now she is a mother and that title is all she will ever be, but Khadija RA was loved dearly by the Prophet, and she was the first Muslim, his confidant/comforter/advisor, she worked, had a very successful business, made more money than him and many men at the time, and also had children. Why then is the narrative "sister, build you afterlife and fear Allah [God] instead of chasing money/career because your family must be falling apart because you're chasing the Dunya [this world]."
*Every human being, including women, are different and capable of different tasks. Some women can handle balancing both career and home life, while others would struggle and only focus on their family, but everyone must self-evaluate to make their own decision regarding the type of life they want to have! We need to stop forcing all Muslim women to fit into one cookie-cutter image!*
.
I also found the comments of men who are intimidated by independent women because they themselves are insecure to be so spot on. As a community, we need to stop supporting, encouraging, and fetishizing the absolute dominant control of men over women and seeing any level of female independence as a dangerous threat. Having such a strict unhealthy power balance, especially in marriage between husband and wife, opens the doors for abuse - mental, physical, emotional, and spiritual! How often is Islam used literally as a weapon to keep people in check, almost like we want to hold people hostage at gun point if they go against our personal desires/views (obviously, figuratively, not literally). So much female oppression comes from abusing the name of Islam, abusing how prophetic hadith/teachings are cited, and purposefully manipulating/mixing toxic cultural practises into the religion, all for the sake of "keeping women in line." But women are not children and deserve to be heard, respected, make independent decisions, and be able to contribute to the community/society as adults, and the abuse of Islam to oppress women will only result in young women leaving the religion entirely.
lol brainwashed liberal
@@taym2720 Looool try harder, aint gunna change anyones opinion.
@@amalmohamed8357 Don't need to buddy, overwhelming majority of muslims are conservatives and reject these liberals which is exactly why this idealogy is never gaining any headway in any muslim society/country. I think you need to rethink on who needs to try harder... lol
@@taym2720 What is so liberal about what she said, women working (allowed in islam), stopping the absolute control of women leading to abuse, mental physical and emotional also spiritually (islam agrees) . or is the part she said to treat women with respect (advocated by islam) . Is that liberal. Sorry stop making this political into liberal vs conservative, no-one cares about western ideologies, is it excepted in islam thou??? I don't care about muslims views cuz they can be ignorant, I care about Islam. Allah doesn't like any forms of abuse whether you wanna rename it liberal or not.
@@amalmohamed8357 Liberal and conservative also exist in Islam, you would have to be living under a rock to not know that. You can say whatever you like, the truth is conservative Islam is here to stay and will not bow down infront of liberal islam.
Khadija (RA) had a successful business and the Prophet (SAW) worked FOR HER! So these notions that the panel is discussing are not in the deen/religion. I think that a lot of the changes in the gender roles came during the time that the Persian culture penetrated the religious culture of Islam hundreds of years ago. But I could be wrong. However, even Aisha (RA) taught the Sahabah and women played a major role in the deen/religion. So, the men nowadays are not playing a dominant role in their families, then that is the problem of the mothers spoiling their sons, yet teaching the daughters to be responsible. Isn't it. The girls are educating themselves and men are just hanging out with their buddies. Then, when they get married the woman is educated and has money. He does not. This is an issue of how we are raising our sons which in itself is a gender issue...
Enlightening conversations.. Just a comment on the “stepping down so he can step up”, I find this quite of a risky move. I have seen many women who have unwillingly taken up on both the roles of a woman and that of a man to fill in the gap and shortcoming of the husband. Some would not even seek to work and provide..It’s quite prevalent sadly. I’ve also heard people saying the women are at fault for taking up both roles and for not giving him the space to sort it out. I remember an example where a sheikh told a working women that she’s responsible for what happened to her child who got in an accident while the mother was out working. She was deemed responsible by the whole community, including her family who thought it was never her role to provide even if the husband made refused to look for work. But how could one blame or hold the women accountable women, especially a mother, for trying to fill in the gap and look out for her children. Would a strong woman be willing to sit back and wait for the husband to change and do something?I wonder how far and for how long should this be tolerated. I’m afraid we are placing too much pressure on the women to step up.. not too much, just enough so that the man is in the right level and space to do what he’s suppose to do, maybe.
i want to be part of the panel, this is beautiful
Didn’t your Mohammad marry a career woman? I’m sorry I can’t remember her name, Aliya I think, but she had her own business and helped Mohammad finance the spread of Islam. ?
He married Khadijah (may God be pleased with her)
I think women are underapprwcaiates massively because a man cannot be without his wife and someone to run the house.
People tend to value work outside the house, as an actual job, let a woman stop doing her "job" then let's see how the home stays afloat.
MashaAllah I love all your videos. I very much appreciative of watching it.
Thank you thank you thank you. Jazakum Allah khayr. However I do think that both a man and a woman in a marriage can both be ”out there” in the public sphere, doing their thing while having a happy marriage.
Khadidja Ra our Mother she was a successful business woman..
Aysha Ra from among greatest Scholars & Beyond..
Culture changes perception of many matters..
Nice Talk❣️
Yes they working in comfort of their home,
@@anonymousanonymous870 not only..
@@anonymousanonymous870 and its no Islamic society Protect widows and divorces either..
Of course it's perfect if you can work from home..
We need women Dr, s and teachers as well
I respect those women struggle making ends meet on their own.
Being alone or not..
No judgement from my side.
Taking parts of Islam Judging situations we don't know situations women are facing..
Also its a Gift being able to work in safety of home.
Not every one is able to doing that.
For this episode I think y’all should have incorporated a brothers voice... jus sayin’
I was watching crazy rich Asian and I realised they talked about a certain topic towards the end And I’m glad they presented this and this was women having more power than the man.
The man blamed his wife for destroying their relationship because she was richer than him and having more business then him. He cheated on her because she apparently made him feel inferior when she was literally an amazing person. This made me think some and even most men literally can not adapt to having a more successful wife?? Like my aunties first husband earned three times less then her ( she was a successful doctor -she earned a lot) anyways he kept on bringing this topic up it was so pathetic so we convinced her to leave him cause he wasn’t changing and one day he said ‘you should be under me’ and obviously we all heard and told him to get out. Anyways bye bye I have no idea what I was blabbering about 😭✋
Make him feel like a king!
That is exactly what i used to hear from sheikhs and everyone else 🤦🏾♀️
The issue is this, men are expected to be this certain way. We expected to be the strongest, the provider and such. It’s a pride thing. For a women, there is not pressure for that. That’s the problem. Now let me ask, would it be a problem to ask the women to tone it done a little, not saying come across as weak but maybe allow your man to be the man, to show his the man. I mean you can see your self as stronger and more capable but just allow the man to be tease things. Let him keep his pride. I would not say it’s stepping on someone per say.
They will never do that. Liberalism has brainwashed the modern muslim women. Modern conservative christian women are waking up to this now.
I like it i relate myself 😭
I honestly love the metaphors ♡
Through out history women have needed to work. At least for me it has been this way in my country. If I don't work I can't take care of myself. Unfortunately we need both of our parents working to pay the bills.
Your shows is wonderfully thoughtful , however it lacks translation to some people to get your opinion accurately .
I think there needs to be a point of view from a males perspective or the male pressures be brought up as well. As equality females have issues/pressures to talk about men do to. However mens issues are not spoken about at all.
All Muslim arenas are already completely dominated by men. I would be very sad to see a man on the panel. We have one tiny scholar, Yasmin Mogahed, who is much wanted by the sisters but, even beneath her videos several men complain about why she´s even giving lectures. Even though she´s simple, covers completely, doesn´t wear makeup and hardly even smiles. I feel like the ummah has turned into hating their own sisters...unknowingly. We like to tell non-Muslims about what Islam gives women, but we sure practise the complete opposite and show no respect to women. It is by Allah´s grace that sisters haven´t left the faith in hoardes. I feel like Muslim men (90%) are very very hostile and ungrateful to the struggle of the sisters. I would almost stop watching if one of them came on. I´m tired of seeing men talk about women´s issues. I´m really sorry if I offend anyone, it´s not my niyyah to. I have just lost all trust in men, right from childhood.
Well your clearly ungrateful to the struggle men face as you are not even willing to hear about them.
Men dominate the majority of Islamic talks. A panel of women won't talk about the problems of men, that's for the men to do.
I've had to learn to tone down my attitude/strong personality and that's for the sake of having a lasting relationship. It doesn't mean my husband is stepping on me to make himself taller. He's nicely taught me some of the things I needed to possess to be a wife and not a single lonely lady.
Love you sisters, and I am a brother. Keep it up
Power struggles, had that at the beginning of my marriage, my ex won! Lmfao.
But we're not together anymore, so I guess I have my power back! Lol. Lol lol.
Allot of women want higher standard of living, so demand extra from husband, then gets displeased with husband, then enters the workforce herself, gets two roles, gets warn out trying to save up for a bigger house even depressed and jealous seeing women who have it easy and are pleased with their husband.
But is what they wanted, what they really needed out of necessity? Are we just chasing the world and not appreciating our husbands who may still provide what we need but not give us always our dreams. Are we exhausting ourselves and being harsh with our husbands and degrading them when they cannot furfil our dreams. Is that just not ingratitude by wife rather then a male ego thing.
Its a need vs want issue
Rather then men having egos, have we ever wondered that we may have spiritual disease in our soul which we are not fixing, like love of this world and love of material possessions?
We are screwing our marriages and children up for bigger houses and a gucci purse....?
Should we not be encouraging our husband to spend time in the mosques and studying deen, rather then furfilling our dreams so we can compete with other women. I came to this conclusion a while back.
ASSALAAMU'ALAYAKUM
Why success is attached to money. Can it not be different for individuals. Success is within others defined as content, basic needs are taken care of and both adults are happy and satisfied
'that type of man is re??' 15:50 what did she say?
alot of this is dealt in the sunnah, but its nice to hear from others, seems like nothing pushing haram here. Marraiage is for optimization. Insha Allah. at 18,20 - who says a person can't play both roles at different times like the Prophet peace and blessings on him and Khadijah, relationships go through phases no?
signs of last day is that women have to help Husbands in businesses.
base tradition with male bread winner and woman teacher is usually optimum.
sadly some women are sinlge and do everything but don't want to be helped as they like the attention and have even disempowered their kids for that... Allah protect us. Amin!
so glad the sister mentioned the point at 24,45 - about some sisters not letting bros or sons step up, great points on no haram and respect and seeing that there are diffrent family dynamics!
@@abigailtrumbo178 exactly, Prophet peace & blessings on him worked with his wives in different ways so Sunna covers different type of relationships. Islam is better and more balanced then feminism and deviants bida groups. I am glad sisters covered certain flaws of both sexes, both sexes need to reflect & know how to deal with partners weaknesses and their own & how and waht to deal with. Its a 2 way street and as a team we are to empower and aid one another and grow together. theres the hadith you want for others what you want for yourself, as a team and even for your kids. So yea, there are ppl who have preferences but Islam has the solutions for every situation and if we follow the Sunnah Insha Allah things will get easy. Knowing how to disgaree healthily is also important among Muslims in general! The only issue now is Muslims need to learn their faith.
If you recall the hadith of Salman al Farisi and Abu Darda and Umm Darda you see how balanced and beautiful relationships within Islam are and can grow! May Allah guide us to the Sunnah and what is best from it for us.
Also May Allah bless your family & you in your ambitions and goals!
so if the woman is strong and outspoken and the man is the same, what's the solution? either one of them has to let down their ambitions or separate? is there a 3rd solution?
how? They can both pursue whatever they want.
Personally in my family, it never was a problem. All the girls including me are hot-headed and bold and independent and the guys they married to guys who have the same alpha character. So way there are lots of clashes, but in the end, one of them will say sorry and they go back to being lovey-dovey to each other. So far I think it all lies the type of spouse that we get. My brother in laws knows every well how to handle my sisters and vice versa. All I can hope is to find a guy as my brother-in-laws.
Aliyah seems to be off point when she says 2 strong ppl can't be together, is her idea of a strong opinionated woman a woman who fights... thats just weak actually, not saying she said that but it seemed off.
15:50 no sister, that type of man doesn’t exist. Period.
Jazaakunollahu khayro sisters, you guys are doing an amazing job but then I think you should emphasize what Islam says on this topic, so as not to mislead alot of people out dear, we need to strick a balance between our affairs. Having an education doesn't mean you have to be out there doing stuff and being at home doesn't mean you make any Impact. It all depends on what you are doing and what your situation is, I hope we have a time back where muslim women are at home doing lots of have amazing things, this doesn't diminish our strength, it doesn't mean we are less opinionated, I particularly love women with all the sauce and appreciate when I meet one, you guys are one but I don't think it necessarily has to be in a particular way. Personally I think real men love opinionated women, they feel proud of who their wives and daughters are so I don't see toning that down making him feel like a king, I think what the scholar really meant is respect him no when not to talk. Thank you once again, I love your channel, i hope you look into this and others and serve us an honest tea😘
2:04 is she an entrepreneur?
They have no idea how real men think
Alsalam 3alykom brothers and sisters. Please consider this as a point of view. For us Muslims, we need to follow Allah's decrees and the sunna of prophet Mohammad SAW. After all, our beloved prophet was an example to all mankind and for all time and generations. His example isn't limited to the period of time he lived in. So when you want to examine the true roles of women and men in our religion, you must go back to his example and his life. Prophet Mohammad SAW elevated women with Islam and gave them their rights and protections. Allah decreed that men have the qowama over women. The qowama is more responsibility than anything else and thus man will be asked during judgment day about it. Women have always been described in the Quran as the place of settlement, the home. She represents a huge pillar in the community and holds a big role and a privilege, after all, there is a saying that goes like this: behind every successful man, a great woman. Women in our community are institutions. After all their role in child rearing and teaching and raising the new generation is instrumental to mankind progression. Allah in his infinite wisdom created man with certain qualities and women with certain qualities and endowed them in different proportions. For example, Allah endowed the woman with mercy and kindness which are essential for child upbringing. While he endowed the man with strength for his role as the household protector and provider. These roles may rub some people the wrong way but in reality there is systematic prevesion that is ongoing in today's societies, communities, and countries that is trying to change Allah's ideals on earth in order to corrupt and poison the new generations. The woman is now forced to help with providing for the family which is depriving the children from their mother, the husband from his wife and just putting a stress on every part of the nuclear family unit that is the basis of society. Furthermore, bringing the woman out of the house and forcing her to work is reducing the job market for men by 50 percent. This is forcing many men to stay at home and forcing men and women to switch roles. This is putting extra strain on families and increasing divorce rates because now men cannot provide as they used to and women aren't available to provide support for the family and children are paying the price heavily. I am by no means saying that women cannot own wealth, afterall, prophet Mohammad SAW traded in Khadija's RA wealth and increased it for her and Khalija RA was his supporter, home and refuge.
This is my opinion, w Allah o Aa'lam.
Sisters are doing everything so they are extremely frustrated and tired.
Well that's what happened when the genders switch roles. may Allah guide us toward the right path and happiness
Can you guys talk about lgbtq in the Muslim community???
Hmmm. But how do you reconcile the hadith that a woman's wealth belong to herself alone to do as she pleases and The hadith saying that a man is responsible to feed and provide for his wife and children and the economic condition causing the woman to work because the family needs two incomes to survive. I think if the woman starts working to provide additional support for the family then the man shouldnt necessary expect the Authoritative dominant male model to work in this situation and on the flipside the woman need not see him as less of a man because his income alone can't support the family. I think the overall solution boils down to Taqwa. If it's about Allah and not the Nafs of the person this problems can be managed with sound nasiha. I see why the Prophet PBUH said marry for the religion and you will be successful. it boils down to values like Gratitude, Patience, Appreciation , Sincerity etc. We need to study our religion and do away with culturally determined roles because Modernity keeps shaking things up and only the Qur'an and the sunnah can be our refuge. JazaKAllahu bikhair.
14:33-15:50
The combination of a woman's Career and been submissive as a Muslim wife (its a little bit complex)
thats why traditionally sunnah was men work, before if women worked in labor, like when i worked with women who left the military, they were having arthritis, tendonitis, depress infertility etc and thats just from training. Even noe men's thinking is more for leadership when on Quran and Sunnah. bida groups take away thinking.
Men and women were created different. Men are meant to go out and earn a halal income for his family. The wife is meant to stay at home and look after domestic issues such as cooking, cleaning etc...
❤️
10:38 Strokes her non-existent beard. 😅
Good discussion tho
Hahahahah Subhanallah 11:34 there's no Hadeeth which says that..that's particular opinion
She didn't say it was a hadeeth, just an opinion of a shaykh.
But yh, makes you realise how much advice imaams and shaykhs give that is just opinion.
@j n ignorant fool. The wives of the prophet had big personalities. Are you calling them fake? And by big personality I don't mean loud and obscene. Also get off this platform, you troll.
@@stupidintellect2474 i am pretty sure the way men can put women down women in the west due ot man ahtred so the same, its ok to have an opnion but do it as a respectful wmpoering Muslims spouse, not in arrogant or hateful manner. many women like in 24, 45 point are controlling as stated and thats just the beginning! both spouses should be themelves and be good. and please don't name call others, maybe they didn't mean it like that!
I'm good with Aaliyah's point opinion, showing to your husband he's a king gonna make him feel more secure and comfortable with you and this attitude never drop you down, no matter how powerful woman you are in the earth you need to be under a man authority in order to be complete. learn the lesson in the history of Bilkiss and the Prophet Suleiman!!!
@@LaYinkaSanni These are my personal words, what interested me in her position is considering a man like a king even if a woman is most powerful. Maybe you misunderstood my comment
Sad😑 is that what you took from the video
That is weird brother. I know of women who treated their husband like a king to the extent where they let him beat her bloody. He also stole from her and took the government support that was meant for the kids. He almost killed her. Well, she held onto Allah swt and felt complete only when that monster left and remarried. She is and was only complete by having Allah as her authority. Bilquees was taught a lesson in the sense of winning land. Suleyman was never her authority. Allah is the ONLY authority over men, women, animals, Jinn and everything. Your thinking really disturbs me and makes me lose trust in our brothers even more, sadly. I firmly believe that any man or woman who has the need to feel like an authority will be taught the truth only by Allah swt.
@@Khwaab I understand what your saying and ultimately we are Slaves of Allah Alone. however the Husband does have a tremendous right over the wife and of course this shouldnt be abused so that he oppress her but it is something that can't be denied.
they spend (to support them) from their means. Therefore the righteous women are devoutly obedient (to Allah and to their husbands), and guard in the husband's absence what Allah orders them to guard (e.g. their chastity, their husband's property, etc.). As to those women on whose part you see ill-conduct, admonish them (first), (next), refuse to share their beds, (and last) beat them (lightly, if it is useful), but if they return to obedience, seek not against them means (of annoyance). Surely, Allah is Ever Most High, Most Great.
She wants a career and to be successful and money because she loves the dunya more than she gets happiness from Allah. Its pretty simple
No that's stupid. Both can be successful and want money which is fine as long as it doesn't turn into a terrible obsession. You're not Allah (swt) you can't look into the minds and intentions of every single woman on this planet. Women are allowed to be successful and earn money. What about the example of the the prophet's first wife? She was a business women, but does that mean she loves the dunya more than Allah? No. Your mindset it disgusting.
@@Compressedmocha Sending insulting words just shows how far away you from Allah. And you are emotional because it's the truth and it's painful for you to hear. Being successful is being a mum and serving in the cause of Allah, helping increase the Deen etc. Not having a pointless 'career'. I pray you get closer to Allah and find your ultimate purpose. Peace
@@nogratification766 It’s not insulting. It’s a fact. You have no right to assume why women want to earn money. Looks like you’re insecure about something. I pray you be respectful of the choices women make and better your deen. Ameen.
@@Compressedmocha it's not insulting. It was insulting
It's a fact. Just because you say it's a fact, is not a fact. You have no right...I have a right to analysis this society and the people within it. Anyway I'm going end this conversation, it doesn't seem you have a capability to think logically you seem young and have not fully gathered enough awareness of yourself or the world so I'll make an excuse for you
@@nogratification766 It's 'analyse' not analysis. You assuming that a woman wants a career and to be successful and have money because she loves the dunya more than she gets happiness from Allah is not thinking logically. That's not analysing. You have no idea why she is doing it. Please stop talking. Thanks.
I wish there was a show that aired an episode everyday. You don’t know how beneficial it is to watch this !! Mashallah
17:58-20:14
"Can you be a woman who is strong and still be looked after?" How come no one asks that about men? All strong men looove to be taken care of like a baby so why strong women shouldt?
in Islam yes, we have the Sunnah, but in the west they have man hating racist feminism, thats why. Women should make a point and some have to be fair to point ISlam gave women rights before feminism.
@False sects like shia are judeo ibn saba made
Feminism is not man hating nor has anything to do with race, it’s about equality. You don’t even know what you’re saying
@@Sara-sf7dn feminism is a separate religion from Islam
No human is perfect. Wven good men can let down their wives. I was left with three kids, two who are autistic, alone with no means at all. Than my husbands girl friend called child protective services on me because I had no food in the house. The kids and I lost our house, car, and most everything we owned. Never circle yourself on a perspn, even a husband. Trust fully in Allah and make sure you have a way to feed and shelter yourself and your kids. A good husband will respect this and not be insecure. Its a goid thing having a safety net if things fall apart. The kids and I are good now. My youngest still has issues but is ok. She would hide food in her room for years after my break up with her dad.
Gracy Jones May Allah give you ease and make you strong enough to take care of what you need to take care of
@@tayyabalatif7487 Ameen ameen
May Allah make us more trustworthy.
Did you revert to Islam, was this before or after?
your ex husband needs to read the Sunnah!
I think education is important, you never know how useful it can be for a woman, even if she ends up being a housewife in the end. If a Woman's husband falls ill and she has to be the breadwinner, or if the woman gets divorced and then she can at least earn and have her independence, taking care of herself and family and not feel like a burden on her parents (not saying that she is but some people feel this way). Unfortunately there are many things we do which are not in teaching of Islam. Like women travelling alone. My husband cannot drop me off to work and at work there would be a mix anyways unless you work in very limited areas where it is women workes only for example a shelter for woman. It isn't easy to find a place of work for either man or woman which will not be mixed in some way. Schools are mixed unless it is those Islamic Schools which have separate ones for girls and boys. Universities are mixed, I am not aware of any which are for men or for women only. You cannot go out without mixing in some way even if you go out with your husband or brother etc. You go out shopping, let's say you and your husband, a woman nor a man may serve you, you don't have a choice, whoever is available will do so. It isn't practical in current life not to mix in some way however hard you may try. You can try your best but how it works out isn't in your hand or favour. When I had my baby I did not get to choose that I needed a female Doctor, I got a male who was the one available. We may be able to choose for minor appointments but when it comes to emergencies you cannot and there is nothing wrong with that. Where you can avoid, you can try to avoid, and where you cannot, you simply cannot.
Omg so true i knoe a couple whos husband got layed off but his wife was working as a nurse and she was able to help out Alhamdulilah
I found this discussion to be interesting especially in regard to men being raised up to put the woman down and the statement you made about shayukh who tell women to "tone themselves down" so the man feels "he is the king". A man should not feel he has to or put his wife down instead he is there to build her up and support her and vice versa.
I also found the definition of a "successful and strong woman" to be quite intriguing too. Say we raise our daughters to be strong and financially independent. Do we encourage them to after having gained the skills then to work in mixed environments that will compromise their deen? This can be problematic later on if they expect to marry a righteous husband who's gheerah would rightfully so come in to action if her desire was to continue to work in such an environment. This wouldn't come from a place of trying to put his wife down. This comes from the reality of working in corporate environments where there is little to no regard to given to having men and women work separately or from behind a screen with the guidelines that the prophets wives followed, including Khadija RA. These environments require that the wife who is now an employee must build relationships with the opposite gender and the problem is that those interactions have potential to dilute and degrade a marriage because the wife is now accessible to other men at the workplace on a consistent basis.
Then there is the other side where the men will have no gheerah or care and will force their wife to work in these environments for the sake of money.
If working in such environments has to happen it should come from a place of necessity and unique scenarios and circumstances. However I understand some sisters will feel why should it be a necessity and not just because I want to. I respect that but they will have to deal with the impact that may have on their marital life. This doesn't mean drop education. If women are truly very dedicated then they should be trying to create work environments that are suitable for them. Or finding alternate routes to exercising their intellectual capacity to the fullest.
So we must take the context of the times and working in the west into consideration when deciding how realistic it is that we can say that women who have bought into the idea of being financially successful and wish to do so in a corporate setting and not a business of their own are ultimately making compromises that aren't beneficial to the family except from financially. Are these men they work with believing men who are "lowering their gaze"... even some "muslim men" don't lower their gaze and righteous husbands who do lower their gaze would be suffering a great injustice if their wife is accessible to such men at the workplace. This isn't a healthy recipe for a loving relationship and as much as I'm all about willing to understand that couples will do what works for them. The majority and the men who have any sense of gheerah would feel uncomfortable with their wife working in such environments and that's not coming from a place of feeling inferior but a place of gheerah which is commendable and not coming from a bad place but a place of love.
That's why if women want to empower women and ensure they have a beautiful and loving family life and a true sense of belonging. They should be sharing this reality and encouraging their fellow sisters to set goals and aspirations that align with what Allah has guided us towards.
I think an emphasis should be placed on helping create pathways for muslim women to exercise those desires of achieving success in this dunya be it women only businesses etc so that they can if they wish to have it "all" be the breadwinner, mother and wife.
Having said that at what point will we concede that if all women decide to do this in a marriage and take away all the responsibility from a man's life surely that would make his life miserable because without responsibility any human will feel a growing sense of dissatisfaction and uselessness making their existence seemingly futile. This does seem to explain why suicide rates among men may be higher then ever as they aren't taught the importance of becoming men who are capable of being compassionate and most importantly capable of taking on responsibility and in that vacuum women have assumed the role of the man. This is problematic because it can truly make a man feel like he doesn't bring value to the marriage. So I very much agree with how you sisters said allow the man his space to be a man.
Moreover many women end up becoming exhausted from taking on the 9 to 5 responsibility whilst fulfilling the rights of her family and husband leading to resentment in the long run. So we should approach this with balance.
Allah knows best, he knows better than any "ism" when it comes to gender roles and how harmony is achieved. He created us to balance and complement each other. Women have a set of responsibilities which are honoured greatly such as motherhood and also gaining knowledge about the deen just like men. They are also encouraged and should seek knowledge and education and they are to be treated as the Queen of the home and are primarily responsible for nurturing their children and help raise and educate them with the help of their husband so thay they too can be good Muslims on the straight path.
These aren't simple and easy responsibilities, they require hard work to be successful. So having a righteous husband who fullfills your rights because he loves you, provides and is qawwam and a compassionate rajul is only there to create a harmonious family which ultimately helps improve the ummah and society as a whole because that is what societies are made from: families. What more of a public appearance would we want or need other than contributing actively together in creating prospering families that Allah would be pleased with.
Which leads me to the final point if women or men decide to start being completely individualistic in regards to matters of the dunya then the family structure will fall apart and then we are back with people not wanting to get married at all or broken families, single mothers/fathers making it far more difficult to provide what the children would require growing up and inevitably broken hearts all around.
May Allah(SWT) guide us all and make it easier for us and give us spouses and children who make this life and the next a blessing.
You are the only Muslim not feminist thinker here.
Beautiful reply. I am listening to the three sisters and MashAllah they have great points to add. However I really appreciate you pointing out the other side and matching realities with our deen.
As a man, I'm getting to learn alot from the videos and MashAllah well written comments like yours.
Women, we can have it all but not all at the same time. This is the fact that, like any other life stages, women, too, go through different stages of life and accessibility of resources.
Sumaya made a very important point. A strong woman outside but ordinary at home will bring a lot of benefits to the marriage. But some strong women outside want to take " the ism the ceo or boss" mentality to the husband, it will lead to break up of the marriage
some want to chill in the house, feminism and religiosu extremism are both bad!
I once stated I thought that there was a type of man who didn't feel masculine unless he had someone to step on and the Imam I was discussing with, a deeply conservative man who most around him call an extremist, replied, 'they're in the majority.' When I said this I wasn't merely referring to the genders but also the treatment of the poor which, in my country at least, is atrocious. It's either dismissive or excessively paltry... anyway, I posted the following in response to someone else in this video's comments section.
"Alhamdulillah sis, I appreciate your position. However, some of us do not choose this path of 9-5 because of feminism but because of the manner we've seen our mothers/aunts/sisters/friends/grandmothers treated. I do not choose to work because I want to 'have it all' but because in my country (Nigeria) many men willingly discard their wife/wives and CHILDREN for outside tail (someone I know declared he'd divorce all four of his wives so that he can marry a younger woman. His first wife was 9 when they wed and he, 18 - she used to hide under the bed so no he didn't allow her to mature before engaging in intimacy and she cannot fend for herself because she was never given the opportunity to learn). Imagine being given N100 (one hundred naira) to eat (a meal for one person costs N200 on average) and do laundry (detergent costs N120 in bar form) whilst he has N2000 tucked away which he uses on himself as you and the children STARVE; this was an actual Shari'a court case here. Some of us choose this because other than Allah, who can be trusted? If one is tested with such a husband then one of the only recourse available to a woman, in this age, is her own finances. Her Protector is Allah alone and what of His rizq He gives her. In case anyone's thinking 'relatives can ...' etc. Remember that not all families can be relied upon. Since my mum passing, I could tell stories for days (it's been 8 years since). 😔
Then there are those men that do provide for their families but even Dajjal might be ashamed by the manner in which they behave. Just a few examples: forgoing school fees because he wants to add another wife; spending money on whoever he's committing adultery with; taking from his adult children (in excess) who are just starting out to appease a woman not their mother (or kind to them) even though those children are desperate to make enough to be of service to their parents and community; stunting the education (Islamic and otherwise) of his children in pursuit of his own dunya pleasure...
Muslims need to stop asserting what motivates others to make certain choices. At best we can speculate (for only He knows the truth of EVERY heart) and if we are going to do so let's be balanced in our approach.
I saw what happened to my mum. I saw what happened to my step-mum (also deceased). I see what happens to women around me. I see how despite being 'provided for' they are riddled with health issues such as hypertension, ulcers and diabetes. I see how these women take out their frustrations on everyone other than the source...
I also see how Shaykhs who caution against the mistreatment of women in the ISLAMIC CONTEXT are mocked and dismissed as 'malaman mata' (women's Imams).
The western paradigm is GROTESQUE but so is the one I've just laid out now. In fact, the latter is worse because it justifies itself in the name of Allah (s.w.t.) which, in case you're wondering, fills me with rage for my only Love is Allah (I have no one else and I desire no one else). I am not a feminist but everytime I am told it's an all around bad thing I'm forced to wonder: why did so many turn to it in the first place? Might it have been because no one was listening?
As an aside, the phrase 'toxic masculinity' came not from feminists but from men who worried about how the feminization of masculinity would lead to two outcomes, hyper aggressive men or weak men (they didn't imagine both could happen simultaneously), and how to prevent this. Their noble goal was then weaponized by MRAs. While the phrase is now wantonly wielded by ignorant polemicists including some feminists... but this is a separate discussion.
I will be damned if I allow what happened to my mother and others (not saints by any stretch of the imagination 😏) happen to me. This is why I work because I know I, to the men of my place, have NO VALUE (other than sex satisfier/maid/baby factory, against Islam's assertion that we are COMPANIONS thus more than just these) and can easily be discarded. It is a Godless, utilitarian approach to another human being. If the man decides he's had enough, it will be hard but at least I am unlikely to end up destitute and unable to provide for the children's needs that don't seem to cross most men's minds. I have had to go without basic sanitary goods because of this so no one can tell me I'm imagining things. Eg two months without soap. To BATHE.
In case you think this might not be serious understand this. Many non-Muslim women convert to marry Muslim men here and after intense torment by their husbands and suspicion/judgement by in-laws and fellow Muslimahs, in the event of a divorce or death of spouse (sometimes before this) they leave the Deen. As one of my step-mums who converted when she married baba (he's never been physically abusive to any of us but sometimes it's better to be hit at least there'll be proof dunya-wise and physical pain to distract from the emotional) put it, 'they say Islam is a religion of peace. I have found none.' She left the Deen before their divorce so naturally he used this to justify the divorce (and character assassinate her) even though there was only constant quarrels between them for years beforehand.
I know we ought not to speak of anyone by name when making criticisms, and although I didn't, this post makes me uncomfortable. In order to keep it short, which it isn't, I could not speak in hypotheticals. Allah forgive me. I also didn't think anyone'd be inclined to believe this if it isn't straightforward. By the way, I expect no one to believe my account but I ask all who do read this (heros in my book 😅) to consider the possibility that I am being truthful.
Sorry for the wall of text. Peace to you and all of His Creation. Salam alaikum."
Oh and you"re right. No one should approach anyone with a superior attitude. The scenario you painted leads to marriage break up but if a man treats his wife not as his companion but as a thing then it leads to lack of trust and true intimacy making the marriage a living hell
Huh... A Much Awaited Video
And I Apologise In Advance Because This Comment Gonna Take Time To Read
First Of All Jaza Kallah Hu Khayran For Coming Together And Helping To Solve So Many Issues Related To Muslim Women.. I Really Appreciate That
And Now Coming To The Video
Let Me Talk About My Side Of Society
Well I Belong To India And Most Of The Muslim Conservative Family From My Society Have a Very Old School Thoughts About Us Women
Forget Being About Independent Women Here.. Thats The Whole Different Case... Like Sister Aliyah Said If A Women Have Strong Voice Or If She Is Opiniated And If She Is Aware Of The Role Of Women In Islam And She Dare Speaks About It... BOOM, She Is Khallass
Not Only She Will Be Tagged As A West Side Feminist But Even They Will Make sure That Her Voice Gets Shut....
Now Coming To The Second Point
Like Sister Aliya Said We Need To Appreciate The Person Behind our Success
Be It Women Or Men I Agree 100% About This....
That Person Took A Step Back Just To See You Being Succssful More Than Them So Its Important In A Relationship To Appreciate Eachother Efforts
And Now This Brings My Third Point
Talking About Single Mothers
Well I Have A Huge And A Very Great Amount Of Respect For Single Mothers.... Being Raised By A (Kind Of) Single Mother I Know The Hardships And Challenges One Has To Go Through.. And Its Not Easy
My Mother Never Ever Broke Into Tears In Front Of Us..Coz She Wanted To Make Sure That She Looks Fine And Strong In Front Of Us But Deep Down Inside She Was Broken... I Can Never Thank Enough To Allah Azzawajjal For Making Me Born Through Her Womb
. She Is One Of The Biggest Inspiration To Me.....
And My Last Point Is On Agreeing With All Three Sisters About Giving Space To Eachother.. Its Necessary To Step Back And just To Be There For Your Spouse.. Impulsive Behaviour Can Worsen The Situatuons Sometimes....I Really Loved This Episode...It Was Full Of Powerful Conversation And Wisdom..Learned Alottt From This...Jaza Kallah Hu Khayran....
May Allah Azzawajjal Bless you 3 Sisters For Doing Such Good Work
May Allah Azzawajjal Bless You With Good Health,Wealth,Contentment And Peace...
Aameen Sumameen
MashaAllah I really enjoyed this conversation. What I take away from this is we need to do a better job at raising our boys to be strong, confident men. I find that traditionally girls are raised to have lots of responsibilities and prepared for their role as a wife but boys are not as much except for the part where they have to provide for their familes. They end up putting theylir value as a man on that so when a woman is educated and fend for themselves it is threatening to the man. How about we learn to be well rounded individuals before marriage so we can come together be there for each other. The beauty of islam is that the gender roles are very open and actually gives us so much room to create the family dynamic that works for our individual families. And Allah knows best.
May Allah bless you in your endevours, thats why I love the point at 24,45 . women don't know how to act with their man or son due to man hatred feminism, they have to acknolwedge this similarly like men have to reject extremism and woman oppression in name of din. Islam is that beautiful balance, the Prophet peace and blessings on him had different types of relationships to show us different things are possible!
your point about being balanced individuals is what Islam teaches and there are different types of teamworks plus relaitonships may go through phases of growth. May Allah guide us. Amin!
@@falsesectslikeshiaarejudeo6543
I agree with you about the genders complementing each other.
Alhamdulillah, I appreciate your position. However, some of us do not choose this path of 9-5 because of feminism but because of the manner we've seen our mothers/aunts/sisters/friends/grandmothers treated. I do not choose to work because I want to 'have it all' but because in my country (Nigeria) many men willingly discard their wife/wives and CHILDREN for outside tail (someone I know declared he'd divorce all four of his wives so that he can marry a younger woman. His first wife was 9 when they wed and he, 18 - she used to hide under the bed so no he didn't allow her to mature before engaging in intimacy and she cannot fend for herself because she was never given the opportunity to learn). Imagine being given N100 (one hundred naira) to eat (a meal for one person costs N200 on average) and do laundry (detergent costs N120 in bar form) whilst he has N2000 tucked away which he uses on himself as you and the children STARVE; this was an actual Shari'a court case here. Some of us choose this because other than Allah, who can be trusted? If one is tested with such a husband then one of the only recourse available to a woman, in this age, is her own finances. Her Protector is Allah alone and what of His rizq He gives her. In case anyone's thinking 'relatives can ...' etc. Remember that not all families can be relied upon. Since my mum passing, I could tell stories for days (it's been 8 years since). 😔
Then there are those men that do provide for their families but even Dajjal might be ashamed by the manner in which they behave. Just a few examples: forgoing school fees because he wants to add another wife; spending money on whoever he's committing adultery with; taking from his adult children (in excess) who are just starting out to appease a woman not their mother (or kind to them) even though those children are desperate to make enough to be of service to their parents and community; stunting the education (Islamic and otherwise) of his children in pursuit of his own dunya pleasure...
Muslims need to stop asserting what motivates others to make certain choices. At best we can speculate (for only He knows the truth of EVERY heart) and if we are going to do so let's be balanced in our approach.
I saw what happened to my mum. I saw what happened to my step-mum (also deceased). I see what happens to women around me. I see how despite being 'provided for' they are riddled with health issues such as hypertension, ulcers and diabetes. I see how these women take out their frustrations on everyone other than the source...
I also see how Shaykhs who caution against the mistreatment of women in the ISLAMIC CONTEXT are mocked and dismissed as 'malaman mata' (women's Imams).
The western paradigm is GROTESQUE but so is the one I've just laid out now. In fact, the latter is worse because it justifies itself in the name of Allah (s.w.t.) which, in case you're wondering, fills me with rage for my only Love is Allah (I have no one else and I desire no one else). I am not a feminist but everytime I am told it's an all around bad thing I'm forced to wonder: why did so many turn to it in the first place? Might it have been because no one was listening?
As an aside, the phrase 'toxic masculinity' came not from feminists but from men who worried about how the feminization of masculinity would lead to two outcomes, hyper aggressive men or weak men (they didn't imagine both could happen simultaneously), and how to prevent this. Their noble goal was then weaponized by MRAs. While the phrase is now wantonly wielded by ignorant polemicists including some feminists... but this is a separate discussion.
I will be damned if I allow what happened to my mother and others (not saints by any stretch of the imagination 😏) happen to me. This is why I work because I know I, to the men of my place, have NO VALUE (other than sex satisfier/maid/baby factory, against Islam's assertion that we are COMPANIONS thus more than just these) and can easily be discarded. It is a Godless, utilitarian approach to another human being. If the man decides he's had enough, it will be hard but at least I am unlikely to end up destitute and unable to provide for the children's needs that don't seem to cross most men's minds. I have had to go without basic sanitary goods because of this so no one can tell me I'm imagining things. Eg two months without soap. To BATHE.
In case you think this might not be serious understand this. Many non-Muslim women convert to marry Muslim men here and after intense torment by their husbands and suspicion/judgement by in-laws and fellow Muslimahs, in the event of a divorce or death of spouse (sometimes before this) they leave the Deen. As one of my step-mums who converted when she married baba (he's never been physically abusive to any of us but sometimes it's better to be hit at least there'll be proof dunya-wise and physical pain to distract from the emotional) put it, 'they say Islam is a religion of peace. I have found none.' She left the Deen before their divorce so naturally he used this to justify the divorce (and character assassinate her) even though there was only constant quarrels between them for years beforehand.
I know we ought not to speak of anyone by name when making criticisms, and although I didn't, this post makes me uncomfortable. In order to keep it short, which it isn't, I could not speak in hypotheticals. Allah forgive me. I also didn't think anyone'd be inclined to believe this if it isn't straightforward. By the way, I expect no one to believe my account but I ask all who do read this (heros in my book 😅) to consider the possibility that I am being truthful.
Sorry for the wall of text. Peace to you and all of His Creation. Salam alaikum.
I feel like it'd be great to have a different guest on each episode just to change things up a bit
That's to come, inshaAllah, if we go ahead with Season 2.
In Shaa Allah!
May Allah bless you ladies .
Our first lady Khadijah may Allah be pleased with her she was a successful business woman stayed home and had men run her business because she was taking care of something much important then being successful and that is taking care of the family and the kids .may Allah guide us all to the right path and show us the path of happiness.
Well said, because some people make it seems like she was out there in the office sweating with men. They forget that she has men working for her.
Alhamdulillaah!! Yes a lot of women use her success as proof against the woman’s role.. Allah created us with the best role.. wife! And mother! She was the best example in all aspects... she gave her profits to the poor and needy and never dealt with men
I love my role as a Muslim woman
the amount of women who use her to justify them working outside in mixed places is alarming. They also tend to froget that after revelation, the prophet was the one who workded.
It doesn't matter of your mom is a successful career driven woman or a housewife. What really matters is the quality of time you she spends with her family not the quantity. If we'll be pointing out examples of families where the moms are absent, we should point out AS WELL example of families where the mom is there 24/7 but sadly is negligent, or isn't affectionate enough, etc.
It's how you spend your time together, what you teach them, how you love them, and the values you put in them. That's what matters.
And this goes both ways, for husband and wife both. just because you're providing for the family doesn't mean you're off the hoos from being emotionally present as well. My father works all day, but the few hours he spends with us, the few minutes of bonding we spend each day, He's THERE. And I'm closer to him more than i am with my mom who is a housewife.
I don’t agree.. being a woman who has experienced both worlds.. dependence and independence... id choose dependency over and over!! Working is a hardship.. and for me it changed how I viewed my husband as a man “feeling like I could survive without him” was sooo wrong for me.. there is no worldly pleasure no amount of money worth losing myself to be “a strong woman” I was stronger as a wife!
I apologize and I am sorry for what Muslim women are going through because of today’s Muslim men. This is one of the channels that can contribute to solving this problem.
The problem arises when a man feels threatened next to a strong woman, which can result in humiliating the woman, in order to feed his ego and regain his position of power, which he thinks he is entitled to.
There are also women who are breadwinner but still want a spouse who can give financial blanket. So they look down on their choice of spouses for their short coming, at times it’s deliberate humiliated their spouse in front friends and family. That is when I think it’s the only time that woman should be educated because they become intelligent and ignorant.
Taking care of the home is so much for a woman already, she could work before she is married or where there is good understanding btw her and her husband but if the husband is able to provide all that is needed and he is supportive to his wife then she doesn't need to work, it will be more beneficial for them all, the kids, the mother and father too if the balance is met. The major problem we are facing today is that the government has failed and made standard of living unbearable that women now have to go out to work to support the family. Every woman married should be entitled to a pay from the government, including widowe, single mum, divorcee with kids. Its also disappointing seeing some men becoming irresponsible towads their family responsibilities these days. May Allah guide us and bless our mothers. Aamin
"That type of a man is rare" oh yes!
I peronsally don't think the situaion our sister described there was optimum, i think we should of looked at it from the Prophet peace and blessings on him with Khadijah situaiton, that relationships can go through phases so it can be more commons but she brought up spouses sharing rewards so thats good too and can motivate for either side. plus in Islam theres teamwork, in feminism there is racism and man hatred and destruction of the family so women can pay taxes to banks so the background is different!
@False sects like shia are judeo ibn saba made
Feminism is not man hating nor does it have anything to do with race, it’s about equality. Don’t lie to prove a point
Don't agree with gender role reversal entirely.
In my opinion and from observation women who take on too much are dying of exhaustion mentally, emotionally, physically, it's too much, you can't have it all.
I think women in general are taking on too much nowadays due to false hood of feminism / its impacting on everything. As a woman I definitely want a provider /stay at home I'm fed up with 9 to 5 crap feminazi crap has exhausted me! Yes I work part time and yes you should educate yourself not to be dependant-yes but having a good husband to provide is a blessing! It saves me from the overwhelming pressure! How much can a woman take?? Unfortunately in my office in /work my environment I observe single mothers /working mothers are jealous of women who work part time- and who have a husband who provides! Yes husbands must equally help too avoid exhaustion!
Don't get me wrong I don't judge women who are single /women providing.... under they unique circumstances. Therefore no one should judge me if I decide to be a stay at home mum- and yes I've worked and am educated... but now I decide to stay at home be a mother while hubby provides and helps inshallah!
@Sadaf Ahmed
A woman working 9-5 is not crap or feminazi & feminism is about having the choice. Stop using buzzwords
Alhamdulillah sis, I appreciate your position. However, some of us do not choose this path of 9-5 because of feminism but because of the manner we've seen our mothers/aunts/sisters/friends/grandmothers treated. I do not choose to work because I want to 'have it all' but because in my country (Nigeria) many men willingly discard their wife/wives and CHILDREN for outside tail (someone I know declared he'd divorce all four of his wives so that he can marry a younger woman. His first wife was 9 when they wed and he, 18 - she used to hide under the bed so no he didn't allow her to mature before engaging in intimacy and she cannot fend for herself because she was never given the opportunity to learn). Imagine being given N100 (one hundred naira) to eat (a meal for one person costs N200 on average) and do laundry (detergent costs N120 in bar form) whilst he has N2000 tucked away which he uses on himself as you and the children STARVE; this was an actual Shari'a court case here. Some of us choose this because other than Allah, who can be trusted? If one is tested with such a husband then one of the only recourse available to a woman, in this age, is her own finances. Her Protector is Allah alone and what of His rizq He gives her. In case anyone's thinking 'relatives can ...' etc. Remember that not all families can be relied upon. Since my mum passing, I could tell stories for days (it's been 8 years since). 😔
Then there are those men that do provide for their families but even Dajjal might be ashamed by the manner in which they behave. Just a few examples: forgoing school fees because he wants to add another wife; spending money on whoever he's committing adultery with; taking from his adult children (in excess) who are just starting out to appease a woman not their mother (or kind to them) even though those children are desperate to make enough to be of service to their parents and community; stunting the education (Islamic and otherwise) of his children in pursuit of his own dunya pleasure...
Muslims need to stop asserting what motivates others to make certain choices. At best we can speculate (for only He knows the truth of EVERY heart) and if we are going to do so let's be balanced in our approach.
I saw what happened to my mum. I saw what happened to my step-mum (also deceased). I see what happens to women around me. I see how despite being 'provided for' they are riddled with health issues such as hypertension, ulcers and diabetes. I see how these women take out their frustrations on everyone other than the source...
I also see how Shaykhs who caution against the mistreatment of women in the ISLAMIC CONTEXT are mocked and dismissed as 'malaman mata' (women's Imams).
The western paradigm is GROTESQUE but so is the one I've just laid out now. In fact, the latter is worse because it justifies itself in the name of Allah (s.w.t.) which, in case you're wondering, fills me with rage for my only Love is Allah (I have no one else and I desire no one else). I am not a feminist but everytime I am told it's an all around bad thing I'm forced to wonder: why did so many turn to it in the first place? Might it have been because no one was listening?
As an aside, the phrase 'toxic masculinity' came not from feminists but from men who worried about how the feminization of masculinity would lead to two outcomes, hyper aggressive men or weak men (they didn't imagine both could happen simultaneously), and how to prevent this. Their noble goal was then weaponized by MRAs. While the phrase is now wantonly wielded by ignorant polemicists including some feminists... but this is a separate discussion.
I will be damned if I allow what happened to my mother and others (not saints by any stretch of the imagination 😏) happen to me. This is why I work because I know I, to the men of my place, have NO VALUE (other than sex satisfier/maid/baby factory, against Islam's assertion that we are COMPANIONS thus more than just these) and can easily be discarded. It is a Godless, utilitarian approach to another human being. If the man decides he's had enough, it will be hard but at least I am unlikely to end up destitute and unable to provide for the children's needs that don't seem to cross most men's minds. I have had to go without basic sanitary goods because of this so no one can tell me I'm imagining things. Eg two months without soap. To BATHE.
In case you think this might not be serious understand this. Many non-Muslim women convert to marry Muslim men here and after intense torment by their husbands and suspicion/judgement by in-laws and fellow Muslimahs, in the event of a divorce or death of spouse (sometimes before this) they leave the Deen. As one of my step-mums who converted when she married baba (he's never been physically abusive to any of us but sometimes it's better to be hit at least there'll be proof dunya-wise and physical pain to distract from the emotional) put it, 'they say Islam is a religion of peace. I have found none.' She left the Deen before their divorce so naturally he used this to justify the divorce (and character assassinate her) even though there was only constant quarrels between them for years beforehand.
I know we ought not to speak of anyone by name when making criticisms, and although I didn't, this post makes me uncomfortable. In order to keep it short, which it isn't, I could not speak in hypotheticals. Allah forgive me. I also didn't think anyone'd be inclined to believe this if it isn't straightforward. By the way, I expect no one to believe my account but I ask all who do read this (heros in my book 😅) to consider the possibility that I am being truthful.
Sorry for the wall of text. Peace to you and all of His Creation. Salam alaikum.
21:40 I deeply disagree with that, Allah is The Provider الرزاق, the man should be the one earning and spending on the family, and a women will not get less رزق if she stayed at home. Allah will provide the man with what his all family needs, it is not just "his" income, it's the whole family's income.
There are many proofs to that in Quran and sunnah, it's hard for me to gather it in English right now. What I want to say is if we truly believe in that, we should not have the mintality of needing the income of a women to help her man, unless he is not there and she does not have a ولي to take care of her, or he is not incabable of earning money for a physical disability.
Sorry if my English isn't that good, I hope what I want to say is clear.
@@creativeideas012 It does not matter where we are in the world, Allah is the same everywhere. If we really believe he is The Provider he will be.
عَنْ أَبِي هُرَيْرَةَ عَنْ رَسُولِ اللَّهِ صَلَّى اللَّهُ عَلَيْهِ وَسَلَّمَ أَنَّ اللَّهَ عَزَّ وَجَلَّ قَالَ: "أَنَا عِنْدَ ظَنِّ عَبْدِي بِي إِنْ ظَنَّ بِي خَيْرًا فَلَهُ وَإِنْ ظَنَّ شَرًّا فَلَهُ
"
Abu Huraira reported: The Messenger of Allah, peace and blessings be upon him, said, “Allah the Exalted says: I am as My servant excepts of Me, so if he thinks good of Me then he will have it, and if he thinks evil of Me then he will have it.”
Source: Musnad Ahmad 8833
Grade: Sahih (authentic) according to As-Suyuti