Story 1: File a lawsuit, and cite the toxic workplace caused by your coworkers. They all need to be fired and held accountable as well, those enabling pieces of crap that they are. And leave that company. It sounds like an evil place to work at.
I was certain the story was in the USA. In the civilised world the mother goes into maternity leave when she gets into the 8th month of labour and the maternity leave lasts for at least a year, usually two.
Where I live (not in the US), I suspect she would also have a solid case for gender-based discrimination. I mean, there is virtually no chance that that manager ever made a man go to a meeting while he was in labour...
The update has been up for 2 weeks.. They paid her out as to not get lawyers involved and yes, he was fired... Had to edit, meant week, not month.. It's on Best Of but idk why I cannot put the link here.. It keeps getting deleted... How do you put it on here?? Thanks
Okay, this woman needs to quit being a doormat and call a lawyer *_yesterday!_* An employment lawyer would be absolutely *_drooling_* over a case like this! It’s not even a question! It’s an absolute slam dunk of a case!
EXACTLY. I feel so sad for people who think their work has to be their life and that they have to suck up to bullying and random drama. She should document the behavior, make a strategy with a lawyer and keep strong, they are trying to make her quit.
absolutely though to be a slam dunk she needs evidence. Obviously they have evidence on the first guy but HR took quick action on that. She needs evidence of all the crap that has gone down since. Hopefully she has one friend or something that can make a statement and/or testify but it sounds like the whole office is against her. I doubt these people are dumb enough to put it in writing in an email but who knows, maybe they are.
She was such a doormat that she ended up putting her own baby at risk to appease her asshole boss. Like seriously you should have just left the meeting regardless if your boss told you so, I’m a guy so I probably don’t fully understand how it works but I’m pretty sure forcing the baby to stay in during labor could cause many things to go wrong. I understand she has anxiety and struggle to stand up to herself but you seriously put your own baby at risk to appease people who don’t even give a shit about you, OP was an asshole in her own way because she was being incredibly selfish by doing that to her child. That is also why HR was appealed by your boss behavior, and if everyone is isolating you and insulting you because your prioritized your health over your soulless job then collect the evidence and file a fucking lawsuit or start looking for a new job for the shake your child and mental health, and I doubt her coworkers took full 180 before because if this like she claimed and were already incredibly shitty to her, she just didn’t notice it or saw it as a big deal.
@@StephaneTheard Women can't "force a baby to stay in", that's not how labour works. The body has involuntary reflexes to make it happen anyway, only certain medications can suppress labour [and is only used by doctors if it's *way* too premature]. Labour happens when it happens, as does giving birth. Regardless, I wouldn't be hard on OP here. It's a difficult situation, and if he's that hostile with her saying she needs to go to the hospital before this meeting and her coworkers are that hostile *after*, it's hard to say what else could be going on. It's not selfish, she was scared, and her financial stability could rely on her having her job. As in "I can't take care of my baby if I'm not also working" type of thing. OP in that post is dealing with some nasty sexism. She isn't an asshole nor is she selfish, she was mistreated by the company, with fear for her job that she needs to take care of her child. She was put in an extremely difficult situation, especially with rampant pregnancy and labour hormones, as well as the extreme pain of contractions.
yes. what helped me with this shyt is learning that doctors, employer, etc have INSURANCE to deal with this. don't feel guilty for getting justice for awful things ppl have done to you. they'll be fine. don't let them get away with it!! if you do, you're letting them do it to others like you in the future!
you want me to stay okay * first call an ambulance then ask the doctor If I can pop out the baby in the middle of the meeting because my ducchbag of a boss forces me to stay *
My friend's sister once delivered in the waiting room of the hospital, because she had only just started labor and no one believed the kid was coming that fast. Kiddo wasn't waiting around.
Sue the company as a whole, and all the individual people for harassment and hostile workplace. And OP seriously needs to stop being so timid. Are these people actually adults??
(Meeting in labor) Document everything. Secretly get another job. Two weeks before quitting, go to HR and (professionally) light up the entire department. As you watch everything metaphorically burn, gracefully quit with a smile that isn't a smile.
If they had a contract. Remember she did it as a “favor” and for less money. But I guess OP could at least sue for that money, as she and the “husband” committed fraud.
@@stevenandcarminabeedle9089 tbh I don't see a world where they aren't in constant legal battles through the court system over the course of months or years over this. You have to first prove that the baby isn't yours through the legal system, then give up parental rights, then prove that the husband cheated, then go through divorce proceedings, then sue the husband and surrogate to get some reimbursement for the money that was lost in all this fraud and cheating... that's a headache and a half, I feel bad for OP
I’m gonna say this now. The guy in the last story called it a warning. What comes after a warning? Something worse. He threatened abuse, beyond that simple snack on the face. He was ready and willing to hurt and he made that clear by warning you.
Exactly my thought. Even if he wanted to argue his case. Wth do you think a warning is? He literally threatened her with physical violence. And ... that isn't abuse? Nah fam. Good for her for seeing it for what it was immediately before he could go full term domestic V.
@@It-is-me...Melsie the only times you should scream or yell at someone is if 1) you can't hear each other by talking normally or 2) you are doing something that allows for screaming at each other like having a paintball match. the rest of the time, its just abusive.
*2nd Story:* Even if OP immediately went the adoption route instead of surrogacy after finding out she can't bear a child, there was a good chance that her husband still would've cheated (not necessarily with the surrogate) down the line. Also, how does a 30-something man still think pulling out is a good birth control method?
"he thought he was the problem". Despite multiple tests, medical conditions confirmed, and, AND a partial hysterectomy. But, " he thought he was the problem".
"how does a 30-something man still think pulling out is a good birth control method?" I mean he cheated on his wife with a good friend of hers and their surrogate. Clearly he is an idiot. Add to that the fact he's probably lying out of his teeth to excuse and rationalize his behavior..
Story 1: I honestly feel bad for OP because the only thing standing in her way is her. Old boss got fired because it would be an open and shut lawsuit, he deliberately ignored a medical emergency then insulted employee for needing to go to the hospital to everyone else. Not to mention the new lawsuit for workplace harassment due to this, including the new hire. OP need to gather all the evidence of the messages they sent her, a lawyer and let HR know you’re considering suing.
@@amyyaku5022 Because it is true. She is standing in her own way and refusing to protect herself. She isn't helpless, she isn't hopeless, she isn't a damsel in distress being held by a superior power/force against her will. She is CHOOSING to take all of this onto herself - and sit on her own hands.
@@amyyaku5022 because they think the OP (of story 1) should go scorched earth on their work place find a new work place and sue them all for all of they're worth without considering that you need money and stability to do all of that it seems she doesn't to have any of that, sadly
Story 4: He threatened to divorce her? Well, that sounds like a great idea! File for divorce, OP! And by all means, let someone important know what he did.
The way his first instinct was to worry about his own career/reputation rather than apologizing and being concerned over his wife eugh I’m so glad she has a family that backs her up
Yeah, that's not a threat, that's an opportunity. And staying away from him for a while is his "warning tap", which he clearly didn't understand because he continued with his abusive behavior (screaming and not taking accountability for his own actions) when she came to get her things. If her brother hadn't been with her, it would have been worse.
Ironic he thought she needed a "warning tap" because he didn't like the way she talked to him when he'd been screaming and yelling at her. The screaming and yelling and tantrum would be enough to have have me leave the house, and that's without the "warning tap"
"A warning tap" is so wild to me.. Like that is an actual threat to hit someone, it's very fair of OP to call it abuse. I also second what a diff comment said about his first instinct being to worry about his job, rather than being like "woah, oh no, i made my wife fear i'd hit her?!" If my partner was EVER afraid I'd hit them, I would feel absolutely broken lmao
Story 4: In his book Why Does He Do That?, Lundy Bancroft describes how abusers tend to fly into an immediate rage whenever anyone, not even necessarily the victim, uses the word “abuse.” Abusers hate being called out for what they are. He used force to control and intimidate her. That’s abuse. The end.
Yeah, especially calling it a "warning". A warning comes before the actual action, so even if it wasn't physical abuse yet, he was straight up announcing it
And the “tap” aside, he screams at her, blocks her from leaving a room, and harassed her while she’s likely naked all just to find his phone. Those are also elements of abuse.
@@lorilancaster5917 Yep, this is abuse even if he had never touched her at all. Funny that he's more concerned about his career than his marriage. She should call his bluff. Want to divorce? Great, do it. She should probably find that phone first though to get the evidence of cheating.
Good on her! That OP has a spine. She knew exactly what to do when abuse reared its ugly head- leave. And I hope she sticks with it. Don't let the twerp love bomb his way back into her good graces. That "tap" was indeed a warning just not in the way he thought. Now she knows who he is.
Story 1: NTA. I am so mad at the colleagues here. How is one suppose to suck it up and "tough it out" when you are literally in labor?? How is forcing a woman in labor to go to a 2 hour meeting considered "Just doing their job"? John ruin his career by not being just more accommodating. File a lawsuit towards the company, especially those toxic colleagues who defends and enables John's sorry a**. I seen toxic people, but people who enables toxic people boils my blood.
The fact the women is in the weeks of possible labor WORKING AT A COMPANY and not using maternity leave... was a huge red flag for the story. I thought she had to attend a meeting via a call, but no.. SHE WAS PHYSICALLY THERE! I wouldnt' be surprised John pressured her to not take a maternity leave at all >_> John being let go was good. But I am afraid in the world of managers... there are too many evil ones... cause the good ones get fired from evil managers above who only think profit.
Wholeheartedly agree! What a wretched environment and absolute group of maggots! My Unit consisted of 9 men and myself, female. When my husband and I found out I was pregnant with our children, I was put on consult duty to tell help my guys navigate “situations” each time. First born was 33+ hours of labour that resulted in an emergency c-section. I tried to help my brothers while in the beginning stages of labour but they all told me ‘Good luck! We love you and we’ll be fine. Focus on our niece and yourself!’, then went complete radio silence. Bless them all! That was 28 years ago and while we’re all retired now, we still meet up often and attend each other’s milestones in life. They’ve been phenomenal “Uncles” to our children and like my husband more than me! 🤣🤣
story 1 : easiest workplace lawsuit i have seen. retaliation, medical records divulgence, toxic work place environment. they should pray op doesn't talk to a lawyer
And blast his actions and screenshots of any text correspondence. He’s already accusing her of trashing his reputation and since he can’t be reasoned with, might as well. Just like he couldn’t be reasoned when OP told him she didn’t take his phone.
Story 1: WHY IS A 8+ MONTHS PREGNANT WOMAN WOMAN WORKING AT ALL?!?! Seriously, what's wrong with the US?! Over here women are only allowed to work 6 weeks before their due date if they agree to it and are FORBIDDEN to work for at least 8 weeks after delivery.
The truth is people care more about money than their workers, like their workers should all be staminaless robots who never leave at all so that they don't lose work, they don't hear any complains and they get all their money 24/7 without any issues. I mean, why else are companies replacing their workers with AI?
@@hollytheanimalcrossingfan I'm from Germany, this sounds a lot like it's the US. Pretty much all "Suck it up, my wife was working while the doc pulled the baby out" kind of stories I have heared were from the US.
I was going overdue. My midwife wanted me to come in for induction "on Friday" if I hadn't had spontaneous labor by then. I worked a full day on Thursday (no labor) and went to the hospital on Friday to have my baby. This was in 2000, and I was in pretty good shape, so it didn't feel like a physical burden to me. It was a job that I really enjoyed at a college library, which kept me mentally occupied and not dwelling on the pregnancy. I would've been bored to not work and interact with the professors and students. I understand my case is probably not the usual but some women are fine (and want to) work till the end. ... labor though...definite NOPE at work 😔
@@Donnerwamp I also have the suspicion it's US. US is famed for it's work culture and crazy managers. I know those are in Europe too, but not as common as in the US. It's funny to me that US wants a growth in population, but expectant mothers and mothers are mistreated and quietly bullied into quitting. I have a suspicion op's coworkers are slowly pushing her to quit and she should stop being a workaholic doormat and find a lawyer who can help her with the case.
I cannot imagine not being able to conceive, then being told you’re finally getting a baby, then finally having your own child, just to discover it was all fake. It’d be difficult for her to even look at the child again 😢 and the worst part is she probably wonders if her husband was ever going to tell her or if they were just going to keep up the lie
2nd story: everyone is telling her “not to give up on the kid she fought so hard to have”? Except she didn’t fight to have this kid. She had literally nothing to do with this kid. It was completely the husband and mistress. If they hadn’t been going to a clinic, and her husband got the “friend” pregnant, would everyone still be telling her to raise the other woman’s child, simply because she’s married to a cheater? Na, they’d say leave the cheater and the mistress to handle that.
Yep, though I understand where everyone is coming from. Let me stress, I don't agree with them, just understand. It would be totally understandable if by this point she was attached to the child and wanted to keep him and I would totally support her if that is what she wanted but clearly she doesn't and that's a totally fair and valid point as well.
Yeah but that child will also end up with trauma due to their perceived abandonment by their mother. They aren't old enough to understand what is happening, so to them it's just their mom leaving em, therefore it's almost guaranteed that child will have mental health issues going into teenage years
@@wingracer1614 He might not remember but sometimes you can be affected by something that you can't remember, especially in the first couple formative years.
The sl*t of a friend is the mom so she can take care of the baby. The father and mother are known and need to take care of the baby. It isn't OPs responsibility to take care of the child that was never hers. Biology may not make a family, but neither do affairs.
And I hope OP informs the fertility clinic since the baby was conceived not by their agency so she can be reimbursed. OP can also sue her ex friend since she was likely paid, even if not full surrogate prices, and she didn’t keep her end of the bargain.
Story 1: Just wow... This could have gone terrible wrong! She literally could have died if anything went wrong and they give her the sideeye??? As others suggested, document everything, save all emails, get a new job in secret, and at the last they give them hell. They surely deserve it
annd trying to retain a baby can result in internal hemorragia, get hospitalized and in other worse case scenario get permanent damage done to her body, death is just one of the many horrible scenarios that she could have gone through... I would go further and make campaign to make sure everyone know the kind of hostile environment that workplace is
Story 2: What really got me about this story was when OP’s husband said, “I thought I was the reason we couldn’t conceive.” Like, WHAT??? Did OP’s fertility issues, her uterine growths, her surgeries, mean nothing to you??? Christ Almighty, some people are just too self absorbed to ever be married.
Shoutout to the thumbnail. *First OP:* Does no one at OP's job know how pregnancy and labor work? Sounds like they should all wear those sympathy pregnancy belly thingies, then they'd reconsider giving OP a hard time. OP is NTA. Is there a way for OP to report her other colleagues for creating a hostile work environment? *Second OP:* ... What did I just read? OP is NTA. If she knows she will not love and care for a child who isn't hers, she should leave him with the people who hopefully will. *Third OP:* Why should OP "be a man" and raise a kid who isn't his? OP is NTA. At least his dad has his back. *Fourth OP:* Nope, nope, nope. OP needs to gtfo. A "love tap" is a boop on the nose, not a pimp slap to the mouth, no matter how painful it is. OP is NTA. Her hopefully stbx threatened to divorce her if she said "abu5e" again? OP should take him up on that offer.
First story: That's the issue with corporations, it's not just pregnant women dealing with this garbage, all sorts of people like injuries or sickness are forced to work, because the companies care more about making money than caring for their employees. I mean, if we're capable of making advance human-like robots comercally right now, OP's company would've booted her out and replaced her with the robot and she would've been writing a different story about her being kicked out because they found a robot that can replace her rather than them forcing her to stay despite her labour, no doubt about that.
The last story: Even if everything he did (screaming, the tap, blocking her from leaving a room, yelling about his career rather than apologizing..) doesn't count as abuse, he still called it a "warning tap" specifically. Like.. Warning? He's admitting to the intention of actually hitting her. The brightest red flag of abuse you can think of..
Story 1: THIS is what "only in america" means. Not freedom. Not any other platitude americans use about their country. THIS! Only in america does this happen, that everyone is on board with such lunacy.
Story 1: Holy toxic work environment Batman. Op you are SOOOOO NTA here and imo you have a CLEAR cut lawsuit on your lawsuit here. Report EVERYTHING that’s happened and lawyer up.
Back when I was an ICE Investigator (Obama changed the designation to HSI) there was no maternity leave. I had to use my own annual, sick, or at worst FMLA leave. I took off three weeks for each of our children that were born to support my wife. Every time I came back to stand tall for ear spank about how the prosecutions and cases were what mattered, not my family. I am long since retired and my children are all adults.
It never ceased to amaze me at the American employer attitude towards employees and healthcare ("you're in labour, *but think of the company*") and how you have to sacrifice for the company. Drives me nuts. I'm glad HR did something, but i would sue in this case.
Story 2:Yo cheaters,Here's 3 easy steps to get your partners back and undo your actions Step 1:Lay on your bed. Step 2:Close your eyes. Step 3:Keep dreaming,You filthy bastards.
Story 2: I'm always baffled by people that try to push parenting like that. The resentment that can build up from being reminded daily of what was done to you, of being forced to stay in contact with the ones that did it to you, it's horrible! Why do they never think of what growing up in that situation would do to both OP and the child?!
I don’t really think the kid in story 3 is dumb, sometimes situations are so bizarre and the way everyone reacts to them makes you second guess yourself.
15:11 man practically threatened to hit her over a phone, if that’s not abuse I don’t know what is. And I think you might want to check what’s on that phone for him to be this aggressive over it
Story 1: Oh my god, this is a employment lawyer’s wet dream, clear case of misure of authority, hostile work environment, slander, I hope for the best with the OP’s situation
The young man going into the Marine Corps should absolutely not get married to anyone until he has been in for a couple of years. Just don't. Speaking as a veteran who has seen things and didn't even deploy overseas. Don't.
As active duty currently, I agree wholeheartedly! He's gonna have so many women after him and he needs to stay single and get a refresher on how to wear condoms properly
This. They know she and the baby would be provided for so they’re going for those benefits and security before he even has them! That whole family is garbage. Maybe OP in the second story can adopt that girl’s baby because it deserves a much better family than it’s about to be born into.
It's sad that they still call you ppl veterans when you never really did anything for this country. Just saying. You either deployed or sat on your arse pretending to help.
OP's husband is worried that his career would be ruined if she used the word "abuse" for what he did to her? Maybe he should have thought of that before he gave her the "warning tap". OP is NTA, the husband is definitely the AH.
I agree with Dabney that the Dad is doing a good job holding his son’s hand in this. The “don’t put your life on hold for this woman and kid” is the proper answer a father should give his son. It isn’t the kid is dumb as much as “wet behind the ears”. The world will use you if you let it.
@@RobDaCajun Agreed. Just a "green and young" situation. Some things that we as adults can clearly sort out as BS, kids and teens can not. And young adults are more teens than adults still in that sense. No shame in that. It's normal. So it makes sense he doesn't have the experience of life yet to be able to see this for what it is. Someone trying to f him over in the most shamelessly crude and obvious way. Glad he had his dad put reason into him.
The surrogate story: What do her parents mean by "..went through so many legal and medical hoops to have" The IVF treatments didn't result in a pregnancy. She didn't go through anything. Her husband went through her friend wtf 😭
Just my thought. He's starting with small things to see how far he can go and how quick he can progress the abuse. I read somewhere that abusive partners use the tactic of gradually including small doses of abuse in their partners life and covering it with gaslight to train their partner to think that it's normal behavior.
Story 2: i wonder if this can be considered a fraud. The husband cheated with the friend and that's reason enough to divorce, but i would assume that OP had a contract for the surrogacy discussing payment, medical stuff, potential risks and a clause that states "you will carry MY child" right? Since the friend violated the base of the entire contract she could be in fraudulent territory. Can OP ask for damages based on a breech of contract since she went through the entire process for the ivf and paid the friend to carry the baby? I'm really curious now 🤔
Last story: in case anyone has any doubts about if OP should get a divorce. Keep in mind his immediate reaction to the accusation of abuse wasn’t remorse or concern that that’s how his wife sees him. His immediate response was to guilt trip her into silence, being more worried about how this would affect his life instead of his marriage. Also, I don’t see the point in the warning tap Winnie already shoved OP to begin with. He’s an abusive idiot that only cares about himself, and he will abuse get rough with OP, get out now and don’t lie about the reason.
Pretty much what I was going to say! All he cared about was how an accusation like that would affect him. Not how his actions could've potentially harmed the woman who's supposed to be the love of his life.
So he blamed op for his inability to find his phone, uses physical force to 'correct' her attitude an threatens escalation if she doesn't comply. Sounds like abuse to me. Then when called out on it, all he cares about is how it will negatively impact him. No doubt in my mind. Get away from him now and be prepared to lawyer up. Because this is not going to end with the divorce.
I told my mom about the first story. She said it was illegal and OP should sue. The fact even HR was on OP's side and normally they aren't your friends. Oh, you know it's bad when even HR takes your side.
That second story, could OP sue the surrogate for fraud?? Like you pay money for surrogates, medical fees, etc. And this woman lied to her and let her pay for a kid that isn't hers... I feel like she should be able to sue her to recoup some of her loses??
If I were the marine corps guy, I would pro-actively go to the military's version of HR and let them know what has been happening. I would bring my phone and copies of all 'I know you're not the father but you should do this' texts, copies of the paperwork and RO, etc. I would also offer to do a paternity test. This way rather than being put into the defensive position, when the never-girlfriend and/or her friends and family show up at the base crying about OP being a deadbeat daddy, and demanding support, OP would already have a plan in place and the support and backing of his employer in dealing with the situation.
Imagine if OP were to give birth right then and there. John would have a LOT of explaining to do as to why isn't OP in the hospital, and how is he gonna defend himself? Huh? How are the colleagues gonna justify what he did?
@@dracko158 that's what I was afraid of. Thankfully it didn't but she was probably in a lot of pain. Agony even. For 2 hours... And then had to drive herself to the ER... She said she could barely stand and no one thought to call an ambulance for her...?
@@hollytheanimalcrossingfanright? Meanwhile her hubs was across town and couldn't do a thing. I have a feeling with ambulance rides being expensive? She decided against it to save the money.
@@hollytheanimalcrossingfan Judging by how the colleagues acted after she got John suspended, I don't think they gave two f*cks about OP, probably just gonna tell her to suck it up or drive there herself.
He's you a point. I smart man wouldn't have even considered it. The father calling him "not a real man" is not a real man. He raised a s**t and and is trying to manipulate another man into paying the price.
I agree, just because the op is young and dealing with something out of the ordinary doesn't mean he's dumb. I was pretty shocked at how rslash went on about it for as long as he did.
@chillzone44 nah, the fact that he even considered it to the point that he made the post is proof that he lacks common sense, self respect, or most likely both.
@@Dog_in_tree op is a teenager who is being pressured by not only the girl he likes but two adults who are using some pretty intense manipulation. He needed a little understanding instead of people telling him how dumb he is. It's natural to want to help people and sometimes that gets mixed up with being taken advantage of and that's where adults come in to outline the difference not be mocked for even asking.
Story 3, OP made a closing comment: "I have been able to go before a judge and get a real permanent restraining order against the girl and her parents. None of them even showed up (the court had to inform them so they could contest the order if they wished) probably bc they know how ridiculous they would look and knew they would be mocked and scolded. The judge has never even heard of a situation like this in his entire life (professional, personal, etc.) he was saying and he said he has seen A LOT of crazy things. He also said he is so sorry these people have a fixation with me taking care of her and her baby and that it is NOT my responsibility."
About the first story: OP, more than call a lawyer and sue the company, I think you should find another job, because, by the sound of that after the pregnancy, it sounds like that place is a very toxic enviroment working place.
Modern corporate world. Usually adults don't mature, many stay stuck in high school or even childhood. Usually corporate jobs or teaching held the most teenagers stuck in adult bodies.
Story 1: NTA - You need to lawyer up, OP. Story 2: NTA - Your husband is a cheater and your ex-friend is a traitor. You should not be the "parent" of a child that is not yours. They can shove their labels up their clacker. Story 3: NTA - Run OP, RUN! Do not get involved with this girl. Not your baby, not your problem. Her and her parents can go and get stuffed. Story 4: NTA - OP, GET A DIVORCE! Screw your husband's career.
That first story has to take place in Japan. That's the only place I could think of with such a company focused, good of the group work mentality that it could be twisted to such an abhorrent extreme and yeah, this is a disgusting, scary extreme for anywhere. I just can't even begin to imagine how a situation like this could even take root let alone hold ground for any significant amount of time in the first place.
@@stevenandcarminabeedle9089 surely someone would sue the heck out of that place before it got as bad as it was when the story happened? Idk I'm not American but that's the impression I've gotten, a workplace with that kinda mindset would be a quick payday for someone who's trigger happy with lawyer friends.
@@haleylampley1056 fair enough. I just thought a situation like this would go a different though similarly grim direction before a story like this could play out in the US work climate.
Story 2: NTA and it really isn't anyone's place to tell OP what she should and shouldn't do. Guilt is not a good reason to stay around for a child and will often lead to ignoring them or resenting them... Some people can swallow that pride and raise the child lovingly. Not everyone can though. It's better to back out and leave them in the hands of people who will care for them than suffering through it because people guilted you into it.
Last husband doesn't like being called abusive and proves he isn't by (checks notes)... screaming, manipulating, blackmailing threatening her and only thinking about himself.
Story 1: NTA file a lawsuit against John and the company since they consider you to be a “troublemaker” then they can pay for putting OP and her baby in danger for not letting her leave while she’s actively in labor. Also make sure to report it to the media and see how many people want to deal with a company and it’s workers who see nothing working with forcing a pregnant woman in labor to stay for a meeting.
I don't know why so many people try to force others to care of a child that isn't theirs. If you're willing to, you have more strength and patience than I do. The marine and surrogate stories are just 2 of countless stories I've heard on Reddit. There's going to be countless more.
MY first thought was “-warning tap?_ Warning her from what exactly?! Like as in what does he plan to do if she doesn't stop the behaviour? That in and of itself is abusive!
If Story 2 is the one I think it is, there was a ton of people familiar with IVF in the comments calling out OP for making up the story, because a lot of details didn’t line up. It was like someone did just enough research to throw out some things that made sense, but not enough to know that it doesn’t really work that way.
WTF? "You ruined John's career--" Yeah well he callously endangered the life of a woman AND her infant by forcing her to wait before she could go to the hospital. Sucks to suck, scrub.
The fact that the husband didn't use the failed attempts at surrogacy as his excuse is wild to me. Not that it's a great one, but it's better than "I wasn't even cheating to make the baby, I never expected her to get pregnant"!
Last story: I went through something similar with my ex. I was asleep, dreaming, when a slap to the back woke me up. I jump up and the first thing he says is, " what the f*** are you dreaming about!?". I replied, " I was selling a house. Why would you hit me?" To which he responded, " stop f**** lying you were moaning in your sleep, what were you dreaming about? And I didn't hit you hard so stop complaining." I tell him I can't control what I'm doing while I'm sleeping and I can't show him a video of me dreaming about selling a house and that it didn't matter that he didn't hit me hard, it hurt my feelings that he put his hands on me. He could have tapped me, nudged me or even called my name but no, he just hit me because I made a noise while sleeping so he assumed I was dreaming of sleeping with someone.
Story 1: NTA. I have no idea whatsover in what world OP could mostbly be the one in the wrong at any stage. John deserved what came to him, and the co-workers and new manager are completely out of line. Story 2: NTA. OP was cheated on, so is completely justified in leaving. If the guy can leave when he finds out the child isn't his then it stands to reason that the woman can leave if she finds out the child isn't hers. Story 3: NTA. Not your kid, not your responsibility. OP has never been in a relationship with the girl, and I'm guessing they never slept together. Story 4: NTA. Abuse is abuse, and this was abuse. End of. If he didn't want to be called an abuser then he shouldn't have been an abuser. Let him divorce you if you don't want to start the proceedings yoursels.
The last story reminded me of the story where op was choked my her bf and Dabney mentioned that you're something like 600% more likely to be killed by your partner once thwy put hands on your throat What I really got out of that is as soon as a partner puts any sort of hands on you the relationship should end right there, even if "it didn't really hurt"
Scam alert:I've heard this one before, parents don't want to deal with their Daughter getting knocked up, so they are trying to find someone else to do it. It doesn't mention it here, but yeah they know, even the Dad that said that to OP, that while he's liked his Daughter, they have never been together and it ain't his.
And if he wants to demand someone to “be a man”, he should man up and look for the actual baby daddy instead of pawning the responsibility on someone else. While others comment that the gf hopes to be on OPs benefits, remember she expects OP to buy them a place and work locally.
Yeah, op seems like a soft guy and her father thinks he can scare op into submission. The real baby daddy is no doubt a bad guy with nerve attitude, that's why the father is chasing op because he knows the baby daddy will tell him to f*uck off. Also, op said he wants to go in the marine or army, which equals money and a nice enough status for their daughter and for them.
@@mushroommagic1697 Or I wouldn’t be surprised if the baby daddy is still in the picture, and those two are hoping to play happy family using OP’s money while he is deployed.
@@lorilancaster5917 If I remember right, I think the girl knows who the baby daddy is, but doesn't want to tell her parents cause he's older and not well off. She figured since OP had the crush on her, he would be a easy mark. I think she's going after him also because he broke it off. It's been awhile since I heard this one. But thankfully OP is being supported by his Dad and he's not going to fall for this and give up his own life because she got knocked up and is trying to get with him now because he's actually got a future.
op: says no to raising a kid that isn't his, manages to get a RO against the family and has a clear goal to join the marines Rslash: op you might be a bit dumb and need some handholding Sorry have to disagree with that opinion Rslash this isn't stupidity it's heart break and betrayal so i don't get this seemly baseless hatred of op, sounds like maybe you need another break imo
When OP went to the hospital, I hope she told the doctors why she waited so long to go. Because a strongly worded note from a doctor will probably carry a lot of weight, both with HR and in court. OP should also start audio recording what the temp boss is saying to her. Sadly, since she's reporting a 2nd boss, people WILL view her as a dramatic troublemaker, and possibly assume she's lying (I have personal experience with that)
Last story: Warning of what? Calling it a "warning" indicates an intention to escalate. His argument doesn't hold up even beyond the fact that he crossed a clear boundary by touching her in an unwanted manner. So, yes, it's abuse.
Story 1: File a lawsuit, and cite the toxic workplace caused by your coworkers. They all need to be fired and held accountable as well, those enabling pieces of crap that they are.
And leave that company. It sounds like an evil place to work at.
my girlfriend after she got raped pregnant
I was certain the story was in the USA. In the civilised world the mother goes into maternity leave when she gets into the 8th month of labour and the maternity leave lasts for at least a year, usually two.
I'd add back up any emails. Hell, even reach out to fellow employees to get their harassment on paper.
The update has been up for 2mths.. They paid her out as to not get lawyers involved and yes, he was fired...
Where I live (not in the US), I suspect she would also have a solid case for gender-based discrimination.
I mean, there is virtually no chance that that manager ever made a man go to a meeting while he was in labour...
Looks like HR has a whole list of employees who need a good review of their conduct.
my girlfriend after she got raped pregnant
The update has been up for 2 weeks.. They paid her out as to not get lawyers involved and yes, he was fired...
Had to edit, meant week, not month.. It's on Best Of but idk why I cannot put the link here.. It keeps getting deleted... How do you put it on here?? Thanks
Who was fired? John or the new manager?
@@Swnsasy I checked the post and there's no update. Unless she made an entirely different post.
@@Swnsasy It's a one month old post, there are no updates.
Story 1:I'm pretty sure some sort of crime has been committed by that boss refusing OP to go to the hospital,NTA
I’ve read this story on sites and people speculate this is a click bait story. I couldn’t find verification.
Hope he got FIRED for that.
my girlfriend after she got raped pregnant
No crime unless writing bad fake stories is a crime now.
@@samhainnc9416maybe it should be
Okay, this woman needs to quit being a doormat and call a lawyer *_yesterday!_*
An employment lawyer would be absolutely *_drooling_* over a case like this! It’s not even a question! It’s an absolute slam dunk of a case!
EXACTLY.
I feel so sad for people who think their work has to be their life and that they have to suck up to bullying and random drama.
She should document the behavior, make a strategy with a lawyer and keep strong, they are trying to make her quit.
absolutely though to be a slam dunk she needs evidence. Obviously they have evidence on the first guy but HR took quick action on that. She needs evidence of all the crap that has gone down since. Hopefully she has one friend or something that can make a statement and/or testify but it sounds like the whole office is against her. I doubt these people are dumb enough to put it in writing in an email but who knows, maybe they are.
She was such a doormat that she ended up putting her own baby at risk to appease her asshole boss.
Like seriously you should have just left the meeting regardless if your boss told you so,
I’m a guy so I probably don’t fully understand how it works but I’m pretty sure forcing the baby to stay in during labor could cause many things to go wrong.
I understand she has anxiety and struggle to stand up to herself but you seriously put your own baby at risk to appease people who don’t even give a shit about you,
OP was an asshole in her own way because she was being incredibly selfish by doing that to her child.
That is also why HR was appealed by your boss behavior, and
if everyone is isolating you and insulting you because your prioritized your health over your soulless job then collect the evidence and file a fucking lawsuit or start looking for a new job for the shake your child and mental health, and I doubt her coworkers took full 180 before because if this like she claimed and were already incredibly shitty to her, she just didn’t notice it or saw it as a big deal.
@@StephaneTheard Women can't "force a baby to stay in", that's not how labour works. The body has involuntary reflexes to make it happen anyway, only certain medications can suppress labour [and is only used by doctors if it's *way* too premature]. Labour happens when it happens, as does giving birth.
Regardless, I wouldn't be hard on OP here. It's a difficult situation, and if he's that hostile with her saying she needs to go to the hospital before this meeting and her coworkers are that hostile *after*, it's hard to say what else could be going on. It's not selfish, she was scared, and her financial stability could rely on her having her job. As in "I can't take care of my baby if I'm not also working" type of thing.
OP in that post is dealing with some nasty sexism. She isn't an asshole nor is she selfish, she was mistreated by the company, with fear for her job that she needs to take care of her child. She was put in an extremely difficult situation, especially with rampant pregnancy and labour hormones, as well as the extreme pain of contractions.
yes. what helped me with this shyt is learning that doctors, employer, etc have INSURANCE to deal with this. don't feel guilty for getting justice for awful things ppl have done to you. they'll be fine. don't let them get away with it!! if you do, you're letting them do it to others like you in the future!
“Schedule my labor around important meetings-“
xD Yeah, sure. Just hold the baby in. It’s not like it can pop out without your permission. NTA.
He sounds like hes one of those that also think you can hold in period blood.
@@90charmedndangerousProbably. It's insane how many people actually think that's how it works!
I'm glad I never met a guy like that before.
you want me to stay okay * first call an ambulance then ask the doctor If I can pop out the baby in the middle of the meeting because my ducchbag of a boss forces me to stay *
My friend's sister once delivered in the waiting room of the hospital, because she had only just started labor and no one believed the kid was coming that fast. Kiddo wasn't waiting around.
Sue the company as a whole, and all the individual people for harassment and hostile workplace. And OP seriously needs to stop being so timid.
Are these people actually adults??
They are teenagers disguised as adults. Gathering around to rag on the pregnant woman
No.
@@LaMara-vv2wq No to suing no to being adults?
She has a super strong case too. This is flat out retaliation. She can destroy them in court.
The update has been up for 2mths.. They paid her out as to not get lawyers involved and yes, he was fired...
(Meeting in labor) Document everything. Secretly get another job. Two weeks before quitting, go to HR and (professionally) light up the entire department. As you watch everything metaphorically burn, gracefully quit with a smile that isn't a smile.
Story 2: OP should sue the surrogate for breach of contract. OP needs to get her money (and then some) back.
If they had a contract. Remember she did it as a “favor” and for less money. But I guess OP could at least sue for that money, as she and the “husband” committed fraud.
@@stevenandcarminabeedle9089 this
@@stevenandcarminabeedle9089 tbh I don't see a world where they aren't in constant legal battles through the court system over the course of months or years over this. You have to first prove that the baby isn't yours through the legal system, then give up parental rights, then prove that the husband cheated, then go through divorce proceedings, then sue the husband and surrogate to get some reimbursement for the money that was lost in all this fraud and cheating... that's a headache and a half, I feel bad for OP
I’m gonna say this now. The guy in the last story called it a warning. What comes after a warning? Something worse. He threatened abuse, beyond that simple snack on the face. He was ready and willing to hurt and he made that clear by warning you.
Yes he threatened abuse but what he was doing even before that is also abuse.
Exactly my thought. Even if he wanted to argue his case. Wth do you think a warning is? He literally threatened her with physical violence. And ... that isn't abuse? Nah fam. Good for her for seeing it for what it was immediately before he could go full term domestic V.
@@wingracer1614 Exactly! The thought of being screamed and yelled at is horrible enough.
@@It-is-me...Melsie the only times you should scream or yell at someone is if 1) you can't hear each other by talking normally or 2) you are doing something that allows for screaming at each other like having a paintball match. the rest of the time, its just abusive.
*2nd Story:* Even if OP immediately went the adoption route instead of surrogacy after finding out she can't bear a child, there was a good chance that her husband still would've cheated (not necessarily with the surrogate) down the line. Also, how does a 30-something man still think pulling out is a good birth control method?
"he thought he was the problem". Despite multiple tests, medical conditions confirmed, and, AND a partial hysterectomy. But, " he thought he was the problem".
You've made the grave error of assuming that with age, comes wisdom.
We have a word for men who use the pull-out method of birth control; we call them a "father".
"how does a 30-something man still think pulling out is a good birth control method?"
I mean he cheated on his wife with a good friend of hers and their surrogate. Clearly he is an idiot. Add to that the fact he's probably lying out of his teeth to excuse and rationalize his behavior..
By 'pulling out' OP's ex husband and ex friend were cheating for the sake of cheating. It makes it even worse.
Story 1: I honestly feel bad for OP because the only thing standing in her way is her. Old boss got fired because it would be an open and shut lawsuit, he deliberately ignored a medical emergency then insulted employee for needing to go to the hospital to everyone else. Not to mention the new lawsuit for workplace harassment due to this, including the new hire. OP need to gather all the evidence of the messages they sent her, a lawyer and let HR know you’re considering suing.
No need to let HR know, the lawyers will handle that.
I have a suspecting feeling that her job is filled with old mysoginistic men as employees
Why did you start off victim blaming her instead of just focusing on the toxic boss and employees?
@@amyyaku5022 Because it is true. She is standing in her own way and refusing to protect herself. She isn't helpless, she isn't hopeless, she isn't a damsel in distress being held by a superior power/force against her will. She is CHOOSING to take all of this onto herself - and sit on her own hands.
@@amyyaku5022 because they think the OP (of story 1) should go scorched earth on their work place find a new work place and sue them all for all of they're worth without considering that you need money and stability to do all of that it seems she doesn't to have any of that, sadly
Story 4: He threatened to divorce her?
Well, that sounds like a great idea! File for divorce, OP! And by all means, let someone important know what he did.
The way his first instinct was to worry about his own career/reputation rather than apologizing and being concerned over his wife eugh I’m so glad she has a family that backs her up
Yeah, that's not a threat, that's an opportunity. And staying away from him for a while is his "warning tap", which he clearly didn't understand because he continued with his abusive behavior (screaming and not taking accountability for his own actions) when she came to get her things. If her brother hadn't been with her, it would have been worse.
He didn't abuse her! And to prove it, he's going to Harass, Threaten, and Verbally abuse her, to show that it wasn't abuse! /S
Ironic he thought she needed a "warning tap" because he didn't like the way she talked to him when he'd been screaming and yelling at her.
The screaming and yelling and tantrum would be enough to have have me leave the house, and that's without the "warning tap"
"A warning tap" is so wild to me.. Like that is an actual threat to hit someone, it's very fair of OP to call it abuse.
I also second what a diff comment said about his first instinct being to worry about his job, rather than being like "woah, oh no, i made my wife fear i'd hit her?!"
If my partner was EVER afraid I'd hit them, I would feel absolutely broken lmao
Story 4: In his book Why Does He Do That?, Lundy Bancroft describes how abusers tend to fly into an immediate rage whenever anyone, not even necessarily the victim, uses the word “abuse.” Abusers hate being called out for what they are.
He used force to control and intimidate her. That’s abuse. The end.
Yeah, especially calling it a "warning". A warning comes before the actual action, so even if it wasn't physical abuse yet, he was straight up announcing it
That “Warning Tap” story. So he not only put his hands on his wife, twice. But he also threatened to give her a REAL hit. He’s guilty as hell.
For the last story, the word “warning” implies that he would have hit you harder if you didn’t comply to him. So yeah, definitely abuse
And the “tap” aside, he screams at her, blocks her from leaving a room, and harassed her while she’s likely naked all just to find his phone. Those are also elements of abuse.
THIS! EXACTLY THIS
And instead of being sorry for overreacting to crazily he’s worried about his job. Meaning he doesn’t care about her or what he did
@@lorilancaster5917 Yep, this is abuse even if he had never touched her at all. Funny that he's more concerned about his career than his marriage. She should call his bluff. Want to divorce? Great, do it. She should probably find that phone first though to get the evidence of cheating.
Good on her! That OP has a spine. She knew exactly what to do when abuse reared its ugly head- leave. And I hope she sticks with it. Don't let the twerp love bomb his way back into her good graces. That "tap" was indeed a warning just not in the way he thought. Now she knows who he is.
Story 1: NTA. I am so mad at the colleagues here. How is one suppose to suck it up and "tough it out" when you are literally in labor?? How is forcing a woman in labor to go to a 2 hour meeting considered "Just doing their job"? John ruin his career by not being just more accommodating. File a lawsuit towards the company, especially those toxic colleagues who defends and enables John's sorry a**. I seen toxic people, but people who enables toxic people boils my blood.
The fact the women is in the weeks of possible labor WORKING AT A COMPANY and not using maternity leave... was a huge red flag for the story.
I thought she had to attend a meeting via a call, but no.. SHE WAS PHYSICALLY THERE!
I wouldnt' be surprised John pressured her to not take a maternity leave at all >_> John being let go was good. But I am afraid in the world of managers... there are too many evil ones... cause the good ones get fired from evil managers above who only think profit.
The first story is fucking dystopian. That poor mother.
I hope she gets a lawyer and goes apocalyptic on that company
Wholeheartedly agree! What a wretched environment and absolute group of maggots! My Unit consisted of 9 men and myself, female. When my husband and I found out I was pregnant with our children, I was put on consult duty to tell help my guys navigate “situations” each time. First born was 33+ hours of labour that resulted in an emergency c-section. I tried to help my brothers while in the beginning stages of labour but they all told me ‘Good luck! We love you and we’ll be fine. Focus on our niece and yourself!’, then went complete radio silence. Bless them all! That was 28 years ago and while we’re all retired now, we still meet up often and attend each other’s milestones in life. They’ve been phenomenal “Uncles” to our children and like my husband more than me! 🤣🤣
story 1 : easiest workplace lawsuit i have seen. retaliation, medical records divulgence, toxic work place environment. they should pray op doesn't talk to a lawyer
Story 1: Company: "Why can't we find enough workers?" Boss: "By the way, don't inconvenience the company by having a kid."
Last story: Take the divorce invitation. It's not hard to avoid hitting someone you "love".
And blast his actions and screenshots of any text correspondence. He’s already accusing her of trashing his reputation and since he can’t be reasoned with, might as well. Just like he couldn’t be reasoned when OP told him she didn’t take his phone.
Story 1: WHY IS A 8+ MONTHS PREGNANT WOMAN WOMAN WORKING AT ALL?!?! Seriously, what's wrong with the US?! Over here women are only allowed to work 6 weeks before their due date if they agree to it and are FORBIDDEN to work for at least 8 weeks after delivery.
Like others said, it could be a different country
The truth is people care more about money than their workers, like their workers should all be staminaless robots who never leave at all so that they don't lose work, they don't hear any complains and they get all their money 24/7 without any issues. I mean, why else are companies replacing their workers with AI?
@@hollytheanimalcrossingfan I'm from Germany, this sounds a lot like it's the US. Pretty much all "Suck it up, my wife was working while the doc pulled the baby out" kind of stories I have heared were from the US.
I was going overdue. My midwife wanted me to come in for induction "on Friday" if I hadn't had spontaneous labor by then. I worked a full day on Thursday (no labor) and went to the hospital on Friday to have my baby. This was in 2000, and I was in pretty good shape, so it didn't feel like a physical burden to me. It was a job that I really enjoyed at a college library, which kept me mentally occupied and not dwelling on the pregnancy. I would've been bored to not work and interact with the professors and students.
I understand my case is probably not the usual but some women are fine (and want to) work till the end.
... labor though...definite NOPE at work 😔
@@Donnerwamp I also have the suspicion it's US. US is famed for it's work culture and crazy managers. I know those are in Europe too, but not as common as in the US.
It's funny to me that US wants a growth in population, but expectant mothers and mothers are mistreated and quietly bullied into quitting.
I have a suspicion op's coworkers are slowly pushing her to quit and she should stop being a workaholic doormat and find a lawyer who can help her with the case.
I cannot imagine not being able to conceive, then being told you’re finally getting a baby, then finally having your own child, just to discover it was all fake. It’d be difficult for her to even look at the child again 😢 and the worst part is she probably wonders if her husband was ever going to tell her or if they were just going to keep up the lie
2nd story: everyone is telling her “not to give up on the kid she fought so hard to have”? Except she didn’t fight to have this kid. She had literally nothing to do with this kid. It was completely the husband and mistress. If they hadn’t been going to a clinic, and her husband got the “friend” pregnant, would everyone still be telling her to raise the other woman’s child, simply because she’s married to a cheater? Na, they’d say leave the cheater and the mistress to handle that.
Yep, though I understand where everyone is coming from. Let me stress, I don't agree with them, just understand. It would be totally understandable if by this point she was attached to the child and wanted to keep him and I would totally support her if that is what she wanted but clearly she doesn't and that's a totally fair and valid point as well.
Yeah but that child will also end up with trauma due to their perceived abandonment by their mother. They aren't old enough to understand what is happening, so to them it's just their mom leaving em, therefore it's almost guaranteed that child will have mental health issues going into teenage years
@@TheMajorLeagueGinger He's two. I doubt he will remember her at all in his teens and if he does, that's on his bio mom and dad.
@@wingracer1614 He might not remember but sometimes you can be affected by something that you can't remember, especially in the first couple formative years.
I say she should also sue the mistress.
The sl*t of a friend is the mom so she can take care of the baby. The father and mother are known and need to take care of the baby. It isn't OPs responsibility to take care of the child that was never hers. Biology may not make a family, but neither do affairs.
And I hope OP informs the fertility clinic since the baby was conceived not by their agency so she can be reimbursed. OP can also sue her ex friend since she was likely paid, even if not full surrogate prices, and she didn’t keep her end of the bargain.
They should have adopted from the beginning.
@@CP-ho2wj I'm glad they didn't. OP's husband would've probably cheated anyway.
@CP-ho2wj doesn't mean the husband wouldn't have cheated anyways down the line.
@@CP-ho2wj there is a lot of red tape to adopt which I can’t see the spouse passing the requirements.
Story 1: Just wow... This could have gone terrible wrong! She literally could have died if anything went wrong and they give her the sideeye??? As others suggested, document everything, save all emails, get a new job in secret, and at the last they give them hell. They surely deserve it
And it sounds like she might’ve gone into labor a little earlier than she should have. No doubt the HOSTILE work environment contributed to it.
annd trying to retain a baby can result in internal hemorragia, get hospitalized and in other worse case scenario get permanent damage done to her body, death is just one of the many horrible scenarios that she could have gone through...
I would go further and make campaign to make sure everyone know the kind of hostile environment that workplace is
You know what ends up costing a company? Retaliation once a report is made against someone.
Get a lawyer.
Story 2: What really got me about this story was when OP’s husband said, “I thought I was the reason we couldn’t conceive.”
Like, WHAT??? Did OP’s fertility issues, her uterine growths, her surgeries, mean nothing to you???
Christ Almighty, some people are just too self absorbed to ever be married.
How could the cheating husband think he was the one with the fertility problems…makes no sense.
And “pulling out” is the same as protection? Dude no! That’s as stupid as believing you can’t knock up someone if you do it while in water!
She’s the one that said that she’s had half her uterus taken out and low chances of pregnancy yet he thinks he’s the issue? JUST LYING FOR LYING SAKE
Shoutout to the thumbnail.
*First OP:* Does no one at OP's job know how pregnancy and labor work? Sounds like they should all wear those sympathy pregnancy belly thingies, then they'd reconsider giving OP a hard time. OP is NTA. Is there a way for OP to report her other colleagues for creating a hostile work environment?
*Second OP:* ... What did I just read? OP is NTA. If she knows she will not love and care for a child who isn't hers, she should leave him with the people who hopefully will.
*Third OP:* Why should OP "be a man" and raise a kid who isn't his? OP is NTA. At least his dad has his back.
*Fourth OP:* Nope, nope, nope. OP needs to gtfo. A "love tap" is a boop on the nose, not a pimp slap to the mouth, no matter how painful it is. OP is NTA. Her hopefully stbx threatened to divorce her if she said "abu5e" again? OP should take him up on that offer.
First story: That's the issue with corporations, it's not just pregnant women dealing with this garbage, all sorts of people like injuries or sickness are forced to work, because the companies care more about making money than caring for their employees. I mean, if we're capable of making advance human-like robots comercally right now, OP's company would've booted her out and replaced her with the robot and she would've been writing a different story about her being kicked out because they found a robot that can replace her rather than them forcing her to stay despite her labour, no doubt about that.
OP in the last story should also put down in the court documents the reason for divorce as abuse. Why? F him and his precious career.
The last story:
Even if everything he did (screaming, the tap, blocking her from leaving a room, yelling about his career rather than apologizing..) doesn't count as abuse, he still called it a "warning tap" specifically. Like.. Warning? He's admitting to the intention of actually hitting her. The brightest red flag of abuse you can think of..
Story 1: THIS is what "only in america" means. Not freedom. Not any other platitude americans use about their country. THIS! Only in america does this happen, that everyone is on board with such lunacy.
That's because the corporations write the laws. Like in Imperial Japan, the President is the emperor that defers to the corporate shoguns.
Story 1: Holy toxic work environment Batman.
Op you are SOOOOO NTA here and imo you have a CLEAR cut lawsuit on your lawsuit here.
Report EVERYTHING that’s happened and lawyer up.
That boss reported everything when he sent emails around defaming OP.
@@stevenandcarminabeedle9089 But she should also get evidence of the hostile work environment created by her coworkers.
Stiry 4 abuse - not only is that abuse the husband is definitely cheating.
Back when I was an ICE Investigator (Obama changed the designation to HSI) there was no maternity leave. I had to use my own annual, sick, or at worst FMLA leave. I took off three weeks for each of our children that were born to support my wife. Every time I came back to stand tall for ear spank about how the prosecutions and cases were what mattered, not my family. I am long since retired and my children are all adults.
Man that organsation keeps getting worst the more I hear about it. Sorry you had to go through that.
@@kotlolishseems like that USA overall, not just HSI (who still are awful)
@@kotlolishseems like that USA overall, not just HSI (who still are awful)❤
“You should schedule your labor around the meetings”
“Ok, let me talk to the literal fetus that’s inside of me, and see how long it wants to wait”
“Just got a reply. It says it’s coming out now just to smack your stupid face.”
2nd story: Not only give up the rights, but sue the friend for fraud and medical costs and all of it. Disgusting.
It never ceased to amaze me at the American employer attitude towards employees and healthcare ("you're in labour, *but think of the company*") and how you have to sacrifice for the company. Drives me nuts. I'm glad HR did something, but i would sue in this case.
story 1 is a literal textbook example of retaliation and making a hostile workplace. that person needs to sue
People when called out: HOW DARE YOU! You're the problem!
"It's everyone's fault but mine! REEEEEEEE!!!!"
it always sounds like "how dare you not let me get away with murdering you! you bitch!" to me when that happens.
Story 2:Yo cheaters,Here's 3 easy steps to get your partners back and undo your actions
Step 1:Lay on your bed.
Step 2:Close your eyes.
Step 3:Keep dreaming,You filthy bastards.
I love that you're always commenting that, and I will always give a like if I see it
@@Imezitasame here!
@@vanguardangel6912 ditto!
Hahaha this was funny
Story 2: The mistress can take care of the baby, she is the mom after all. Maybe don't cheat next time and this mess wouldn't have happened
3:00 foward every email to HR.
Story 4: As someone who experienced those “warnings taps” it really does escalate, it’s abuse. OP please get out of there while you can!
Story 2: I'm always baffled by people that try to push parenting like that. The resentment that can build up from being reminded daily of what was done to you, of being forced to stay in contact with the ones that did it to you, it's horrible! Why do they never think of what growing up in that situation would do to both OP and the child?!
Story 1: someone please get this lady a lawyer! Sue their asses and leave! I’m so happy her baby was okay!
9:20 “…to just give up on your son like that”
…but it’s not her son. It’s yours.
EXACTLY
Let his parents raise him.
It's not theirs either. Maybe I'm misremembering but it was her parents telling her this, not the bio parents
@@wingracer1614
They both said it.
My fault, I should’ve put the timestamp earlier.
I fear every day that my adopted parents will realize I’m not actually their kid
I smell a lawsuit!
I don’t really think the kid in story 3 is dumb, sometimes situations are so bizarre and the way everyone reacts to them makes you second guess yourself.
I agree, especially since he got a restraining order to boot. You can logically know it's bs but still feel bad for the kid.
100% this. He’s a 19 year old kid thrust into an odd situation, it dosent make him stupid
I was rather shocked by Dabney being so rude about it. The kid has barely any life experience, how is he dumb for asking for advice?
From a woman who has lived it. The ‘taps’ get harder every time he thinks you need them. Run girl!
16:00 he called it a warning tap cuz he’s warning you his abuse will eventually escalate
This. So much this. My exact thought.
15:11 man practically threatened to hit her over a phone, if that’s not abuse I don’t know what is. And I think you might want to check what’s on that phone for him to be this aggressive over it
Story 1: Oh my god, this is a employment lawyer’s wet dream, clear case of misure of authority, hostile work environment, slander, I hope for the best with the OP’s situation
RSlash has been getting ballsy with these thumbnails lol.
It's nothing out of the ordinary lmao. They get spicy every once in a while.
Lmfao
The young man going into the Marine Corps should absolutely not get married to anyone until he has been in for a couple of years. Just don't. Speaking as a veteran who has seen things and didn't even deploy overseas. Don't.
As active duty currently, I agree wholeheartedly! He's gonna have so many women after him and he needs to stay single and get a refresher on how to wear condoms properly
This. They know she and the baby would be provided for so they’re going for those benefits and security before he even has them! That whole family is garbage. Maybe OP in the second story can adopt that girl’s baby because it deserves a much better family than it’s about to be born into.
It's sad that they still call you ppl veterans when you never really did anything for this country. Just saying. You either deployed or sat on your arse pretending to help.
Story one forward all of the toxic emails to HR... every single one of them.
OP's husband is worried that his career would be ruined if she used the word "abuse" for what he did to her? Maybe he should have thought of that before he gave her the "warning tap". OP is NTA, the husband is definitely the AH.
Story 3:100% her fault for screwing around with the random loser,NTA at all
I’m glad OP got it resolved in the update. I was worried the pregnant brat would lie to OPs recruiter, keeping him from getting recruited.
I agree with Dabney that the Dad is doing a good job holding his son’s hand in this. The “don’t put your life on hold for this woman and kid” is the proper answer a father should give his son. It isn’t the kid is dumb as much as “wet behind the ears”. The world will use you if you let it.
@@RobDaCajun Agreed. Just a "green and young" situation. Some things that we as adults can clearly sort out as BS, kids and teens can not. And young adults are more teens than adults still in that sense. No shame in that. It's normal. So it makes sense he doesn't have the experience of life yet to be able to see this for what it is. Someone trying to f him over in the most shamelessly crude and obvious way. Glad he had his dad put reason into him.
Story 1: nta op I'd save all the emails and sue the entire company then quit make them really regret there toxic behaviour.
Yep, all who emailed her. They're stupid enough to leave written evidence that they are causing a toxic work environment.
The surrogate story: What do her parents mean by "..went through so many legal and medical hoops to have"
The IVF treatments didn't result in a pregnancy. She didn't go through anything. Her husband went through her friend wtf 😭
12:13 "you're not a real man!" Brother you are trying to dump your daughter and grandbaby on someone else. What does that make you?
That would make that girl's father a straight up pee-yuss-say.
Story 4:I bet this guy watches "alpha male" podcasts and brainrot,NTA
And I’m glad OP notices this and is getting out ASAP. He isn’t even trying to fake an apology so he will definitely do it again and worse.
Just my thought.
He's starting with small things to see how far he can go and how quick he can progress the abuse.
I read somewhere that abusive partners use the tactic of gradually including small doses of abuse in their partners life and covering it with gaslight to train their partner to think that it's normal behavior.
Said podcasts being a bunch of lies and propaganda. The origin of "alpha male" is based on false information.
Story 2: i wonder if this can be considered a fraud. The husband cheated with the friend and that's reason enough to divorce, but i would assume that OP had a contract for the surrogacy discussing payment, medical stuff, potential risks and a clause that states "you will carry MY child" right? Since the friend violated the base of the entire contract she could be in fraudulent territory. Can OP ask for damages based on a breech of contract since she went through the entire process for the ivf and paid the friend to carry the baby? I'm really curious now 🤔
Last story: in case anyone has any doubts about if OP should get a divorce. Keep in mind his immediate reaction to the accusation of abuse wasn’t remorse or concern that that’s how his wife sees him. His immediate response was to guilt trip her into silence, being more worried about how this would affect his life instead of his marriage.
Also, I don’t see the point in the warning tap Winnie already shoved OP to begin with. He’s an abusive idiot that only cares about himself, and he will abuse get rough with OP, get out now and don’t lie about the reason.
I’m guessing you use talk to text lol
Pretty much what I was going to say! All he cared about was how an accusation like that would affect him. Not how his actions could've potentially harmed the woman who's supposed to be the love of his life.
So he blamed op for his inability to find his phone, uses physical force to 'correct' her attitude an threatens escalation if she doesn't comply. Sounds like abuse to me.
Then when called out on it, all he cares about is how it will negatively impact him.
No doubt in my mind. Get away from him now and be prepared to lawyer up. Because this is not going to end with the divorce.
I told my mom about the first story. She said it was illegal and OP should sue. The fact even HR was on OP's side and normally they aren't your friends. Oh, you know it's bad when even HR takes your side.
That second story, could OP sue the surrogate for fraud?? Like you pay money for surrogates, medical fees, etc. And this woman lied to her and let her pay for a kid that isn't hers... I feel like she should be able to sue her to recoup some of her loses??
If I were the marine corps guy, I would pro-actively go to the military's version of HR and let them know what has been happening. I would bring my phone and copies of all 'I know you're not the father but you should do this' texts, copies of the paperwork and RO, etc. I would also offer to do a paternity test.
This way rather than being put into the defensive position, when the never-girlfriend and/or her friends and family show up at the base crying about OP being a deadbeat daddy, and demanding support, OP would already have a plan in place and the support and backing of his employer in dealing with the situation.
Bro I would've gone to the meeting and been groaning and heaving and making a whole production out of it.
And scream every three seconds, “the baby is coming! The baby is coming! Why did you make me come to the meeting since you know the baby is coming?!”
Imagine if OP were to give birth right then and there. John would have a LOT of explaining to do as to why isn't OP in the hospital, and how is he gonna defend himself? Huh? How are the colleagues gonna justify what he did?
@@dracko158 that's what I was afraid of. Thankfully it didn't but she was probably in a lot of pain. Agony even. For 2 hours... And then had to drive herself to the ER... She said she could barely stand and no one thought to call an ambulance for her...?
@@hollytheanimalcrossingfanright? Meanwhile her hubs was across town and couldn't do a thing. I have a feeling with ambulance rides being expensive? She decided against it to save the money.
@@hollytheanimalcrossingfan Judging by how the colleagues acted after she got John suspended, I don't think they gave two f*cks about OP, probably just gonna tell her to suck it up or drive there herself.
A "warning tap" says it all, it means the next time he'll break something.
13:21 that last part didn’t seem entirely necessary
He's you a point. I smart man wouldn't have even considered it. The father calling him "not a real man" is not a real man. He raised a s**t and and is trying to manipulate another man into paying the price.
The OP is just a bit too young and naive, as well as a bit too immature, but it doesn't mean that he is dumb
I agree, just because the op is young and dealing with something out of the ordinary doesn't mean he's dumb. I was pretty shocked at how rslash went on about it for as long as he did.
@chillzone44 nah, the fact that he even considered it to the point that he made the post is proof that he lacks common sense, self respect, or most likely both.
@@Dog_in_tree op is a teenager who is being pressured by not only the girl he likes but two adults who are using some pretty intense manipulation. He needed a little understanding instead of people telling him how dumb he is. It's natural to want to help people and sometimes that gets mixed up with being taken advantage of and that's where adults come in to outline the difference not be mocked for even asking.
Story 3, OP made a closing comment:
"I have been able to go before a judge and get a real permanent restraining order against the girl and her parents. None of them even showed up (the court had to inform them so they could contest the order if they wished) probably bc they know how ridiculous they would look and knew they would be mocked and scolded. The judge has never even heard of a situation like this in his entire life (professional, personal, etc.) he was saying and he said he has seen A LOT of crazy things. He also said he is so sorry these people have a fixation with me taking care of her and her baby and that it is NOT my responsibility."
About the first story: OP, more than call a lawyer and sue the company, I think you should find another job, because, by the sound of that after the pregnancy, it sounds like that place is a very toxic enviroment working place.
What in the WORLD is that first story?!?
A boss not giving a f about his employees and the boot lickers licking every inch of his 3 boots
Modern corporate world.
Usually adults don't mature, many stay stuck in high school or even childhood. Usually corporate jobs or teaching held the most teenagers stuck in adult bodies.
First story is such an easy work place retaliation lawsuit. Document all of this, your lawyer will love it
Story 1: NTA - You need to lawyer up, OP.
Story 2: NTA - Your husband is a cheater and your ex-friend is a traitor. You should not be the "parent" of a child that is not yours. They can shove their labels up their clacker.
Story 3: NTA - Run OP, RUN! Do not get involved with this girl. Not your baby, not your problem. Her and her parents can go and get stuffed.
Story 4: NTA - OP, GET A DIVORCE! Screw your husband's career.
That first story has to take place in Japan. That's the only place I could think of with such a company focused, good of the group work mentality that it could be twisted to such an abhorrent extreme and yeah, this is a disgusting, scary extreme for anywhere. I just can't even begin to imagine how a situation like this could even take root let alone hold ground for any significant amount of time in the first place.
I feel like it took place in the U.S. For sure.
@@stevenandcarminabeedle9089 surely someone would sue the heck out of that place before it got as bad as it was when the story happened? Idk I'm not American but that's the impression I've gotten, a workplace with that kinda mindset would be a quick payday for someone who's trigger happy with lawyer friends.
America would do this too. Our workplace situation, especially corporate, is hugely toxic.
@@haleylampley1056 fair enough. I just thought a situation like this would go a different though similarly grim direction before a story like this could play out in the US work climate.
story 1- i smell a lawsuit
Story 2: NTA and it really isn't anyone's place to tell OP what she should and shouldn't do. Guilt is not a good reason to stay around for a child and will often lead to ignoring them or resenting them... Some people can swallow that pride and raise the child lovingly. Not everyone can though. It's better to back out and leave them in the hands of people who will care for them than suffering through it because people guilted you into it.
Last husband doesn't like being called abusive and proves he isn't by (checks notes)... screaming, manipulating, blackmailing threatening her and only thinking about himself.
Story 1: NTA file a lawsuit against John and the company since they consider you to be a “troublemaker” then they can pay for putting OP and her baby in danger for not letting her leave while she’s actively in labor. Also make sure to report it to the media and see how many people want to deal with a company and it’s workers who see nothing working with forcing a pregnant woman in labor to stay for a meeting.
Story 2: xant she take the surrogate to small claims court for like lying and shit? She getting paid for a service shes not providing
"this is just a warning" is usually what people say when they are threatening you. yeah it IS abuse, OP just caught on early
I have a question regarding Story 2. Can’t OP sue the surrogate and her husband for the money back, the emotional damage, etc.?
I don't know why so many people try to force others to care of a child that isn't theirs. If you're willing to, you have more strength and patience than I do.
The marine and surrogate stories are just 2 of countless stories I've heard on Reddit. There's going to be countless more.
MY first thought was “-warning tap?_ Warning her from what exactly?! Like as in what does he plan to do if she doesn't stop the behaviour? That in and of itself is abusive!
That thumbnail is gold, silver, and bronze XD
Right? I even did a double take because I thought it was r/maliciouscompliance with that similar thumbnail
So is this comment! 🥇🥈🥉🏆
@@tiphhunter Gold, silver, bronze, AND participation!!!
And platinum
@@GetShwiftyInHere You deserve it ALL! 😂😂😂😂
If Story 2 is the one I think it is, there was a ton of people familiar with IVF in the comments calling out OP for making up the story, because a lot of details didn’t line up. It was like someone did just enough research to throw out some things that made sense, but not enough to know that it doesn’t really work that way.
WTF? "You ruined John's career--" Yeah well he callously endangered the life of a woman AND her infant by forcing her to wait before she could go to the hospital. Sucks to suck, scrub.
A lawyer would salivate over the lawsuit she can bring against the company in the first story.
The fact that the husband didn't use the failed attempts at surrogacy as his excuse is wild to me. Not that it's a great one, but it's better than "I wasn't even cheating to make the baby, I never expected her to get pregnant"!
Last story: I went through something similar with my ex. I was asleep, dreaming, when a slap to the back woke me up. I jump up and the first thing he says is, " what the f*** are you dreaming about!?". I replied, " I was selling a house. Why would you hit me?" To which he responded, " stop f**** lying you were moaning in your sleep, what were you dreaming about? And I didn't hit you hard so stop complaining."
I tell him I can't control what I'm doing while I'm sleeping and I can't show him a video of me dreaming about selling a house and that it didn't matter that he didn't hit me hard, it hurt my feelings that he put his hands on me. He could have tapped me, nudged me or even called my name but no, he just hit me because I made a noise while sleeping so he assumed I was dreaming of sleeping with someone.
Story 1: NTA. I have no idea whatsover in what world OP could mostbly be the one in the wrong at any stage. John deserved what came to him, and the co-workers and new manager are completely out of line.
Story 2: NTA. OP was cheated on, so is completely justified in leaving. If the guy can leave when he finds out the child isn't his then it stands to reason that the woman can leave if she finds out the child isn't hers.
Story 3: NTA. Not your kid, not your responsibility. OP has never been in a relationship with the girl, and I'm guessing they never slept together.
Story 4: NTA. Abuse is abuse, and this was abuse. End of. If he didn't want to be called an abuser then he shouldn't have been an abuser. Let him divorce you if you don't want to start the proceedings yoursels.
Last Story: "I am gonna divorce you if you use the word abuse again!". Nice of the trash to take itself out
The last story reminded me of the story where op was choked my her bf and Dabney mentioned that you're something like 600% more likely to be killed by your partner once thwy put hands on your throat
What I really got out of that is as soon as a partner puts any sort of hands on you the relationship should end right there, even if "it didn't really hurt"
Last story: no such thing as a 'warning tap'.. and shoving, yelling, backhanding, barricading, threats is abuse
Scam alert:I've heard this one before, parents don't want to deal with their Daughter getting knocked up, so they are trying to find someone else to do it. It doesn't mention it here, but yeah they know, even the Dad that said that to OP, that while he's liked his Daughter, they have never been together and it ain't his.
And if he wants to demand someone to “be a man”, he should man up and look for the actual baby daddy instead of pawning the responsibility on someone else. While others comment that the gf hopes to be on OPs benefits, remember she expects OP to buy them a place and work locally.
Yeah, op seems like a soft guy and her father thinks he can scare op into submission. The real baby daddy is no doubt a bad guy with nerve attitude, that's why the father is chasing op because he knows the baby daddy will tell him to f*uck off.
Also, op said he wants to go in the marine or army, which equals money and a nice enough status for their daughter and for them.
@@mushroommagic1697
Or I wouldn’t be surprised if the baby daddy is still in the picture,
and those two are hoping to play happy family using OP’s money while he is deployed.
@@lorilancaster5917 If I remember right, I think the girl knows who the baby daddy is, but doesn't want to tell her parents cause he's older and not well off. She figured since OP had the crush on her, he would be a easy mark. I think she's going after him also because he broke it off. It's been awhile since I heard this one. But thankfully OP is being supported by his Dad and he's not going to fall for this and give up his own life because she got knocked up and is trying to get with him now because he's actually got a future.
Don’t call what I did to you abuse, that will ruin my life if you call me abusive…. Don’t abuse your spouse if you don’t want it called abuse.
op: says no to raising a kid that isn't his, manages to get a RO against the family and has a clear goal to join the marines
Rslash: op you might be a bit dumb and need some handholding
Sorry have to disagree with that opinion Rslash this isn't stupidity it's heart break and betrayal so i don't get this seemly baseless hatred of op, sounds like maybe you need another break imo
When OP went to the hospital, I hope she told the doctors why she waited so long to go. Because a strongly worded note from a doctor will probably carry a lot of weight, both with HR and in court. OP should also start audio recording what the temp boss is saying to her. Sadly, since she's reporting a 2nd boss, people WILL view her as a dramatic troublemaker, and possibly assume she's lying (I have personal experience with that)
Last story: my brother in Christ if you don't want to be called an abuser then DON'T HIT YOUR WIFE.
And definitely don’t threaten to keep hitting them
Last story: Warning of what? Calling it a "warning" indicates an intention to escalate. His argument doesn't hold up even beyond the fact that he crossed a clear boundary by touching her in an unwanted manner. So, yes, it's abuse.