For those saying the Looks coefficient is too high, please watch the following two videos in order and share your thoughts: Susan Boyle’s singing audition: th-cam.com/video/RxPZh4AnWyk/w-d-xo.htmlsi=3wNBy51H1Ln0jT3x Comedian’s take (trigger warning very bad language): th-cam.com/video/RgXwc-Gy19E/w-d-xo.htmlsi=bt4gcLHMY_8WSWf7
@@kholofelolebepe9637I think most people know they behave like the crowd in the Susan Boyle audition, and they don’t want the mirror 🪞 put in their face.
I have to say the last part from Doug got me. Perhaps I didn't find Susan ugly because she looked like my grade 5 french teacher and just happened to hit menopause earlier. But you could see from Simon's face at the beginning that he was judging her right from the start and was already bored. Amanda on the other hand looked surprisingly open minded and was about to enjoy the show. Unfortunately, yes, it's all very transactional. That's why they say there's no greater love than a mother's love. If you hit on hard times, and I mean absolute bottom, a mother who loves their child will drag themselves to the bottom with you to the point they will sacrifice themselves for you. That pretty much breaks this stigma. So the question is, will there be someone who isn't your mother or father or related to you, didn't grow up with you, but someone you met for awhile and is willing to stick with you to the very end? At that point, it's not a transaction anymore. Marriage doesn't count because marriage is essentially a transaction. I know I opened a can of worms with that statement but the whole through sickness and health till death do us part was initially an agreement from 2 people willing to provide for each other in some mutual agreed capacity. That was the transaction. I'm talking someone who has no benefit / gain to be with you but still chooses to do so because they just want to. Is there someone like that? Yes, there is but very few. How do you know they're not just playing the long game? If you hit rock bottom, there's nothing for you to offer that person so you're gonna know! Down there, it is nothing but empathy and hopefully by sticking it out together, can you create a life for each other that is truly non-transactional. Very hard to achieve. I would say almost impossible. Lieutenant Dan did it! Time to throw away the legs and roll off a boat into the ocean.
Actually I just rewatched the clip and even the old lady was giving an uninspired look at Lieutenant Dan cause I guess he was in a wheel chair. Doesn't matter how old people get, an asshole is an asshole. Also, the scene before that when they were at the mercy of the storm, you could see he hit absolute rock bottom. His life didn't matter to him so the storm meant nothing to him as well. Gump hung around with him. Are there people like Gump in this world? You could say he was just being a bro. How about a female version of Gump that is willing to throw away their opportunity with other men to go down with the ship any minute with nutty Dan? That is for each person to find.
@@lazywurm while you’re right that marriage is also a transaction, the sacred act of marriage is intended to promote a girlfriend to a family member (wife). In this way, she now is expected to have the same unconditional love for you as your mother. Modern feminism, in their zeal to “liberate” women from all things, seems to have removed the shame associated with ending a marriage. If the vows aren’t meant to be taken literally “through sickness and health, till death do us part” what is even the point for men? However, when you have kids with a woman, regardless of how the marriage goes, she is now “family” by blood as your children share her dna. So an honorable woman would see you as someone they should feel an obligation to root for, even after a divorce, because you are her children’s biological father, and your children should have him in their life, and have him be in good spirits.
Man, I feel bad for this dude. He's smart as hell and he's absolutely correct that this phenomena exists and happens subconsciously all the time, but he is completely wrong in thinking this is the way ALL interactions unfold. The truth is that not everyone is hustlin' all the time. Maybe he's been in a place with his job and education and pursuit of women where he's been inundated with it; but it's just not necessary sometimes. Sometimes you really will just talk to someone because you find what they're saying interesting or value a different perspective. Especially if you don't want or need anything from them, you don't necessarily play these games all the time. The point is sound, but it needs a caveat that this is not all human interaction all the time. It's just not necessary to min/max every single minute for many people living far less competitive and aspiring lives.
I’m worried. You can logic your way pretty easily into these cynical views. It’s a trend in the past decade. It’s normal to experience hurt and rejection. I’m worried that people are talking themselves out of their chance at love.
there's a cultural sphere where he's right and a cultural sphere where he isn't. I think high paying workplaces **tend to spit people out who don't become this eventually
Even if he is correct that relationships are transactional according to his model - why is that bad? There is a fairness to it in that the rules are the same for everyone. Now we can play the game and have fun optimizing.
I say this with love, for your own sake please pull yourself out of your head with this relationship stuff. You’re describing something true about some relationships and certain types of people. The world is so much bigger than that. There’s this trend online where people are so cynical and one dimensional about relationships and about what men want or what women want. I feel so bad that I feel like so many people are talking themselves out of a chance of deep meaningful love. I experience a world outside of these descriptions in my own life and bubble. I don’t wish for anyone to miss out on deep meaningful relationships that’s full of love and joy. I really hope you find your way.
"deep meaningful love"??? That's a good one. In reality it's all just biology and the drive to reproduce. That's why men look for beauty (the things men are attracted in a woman, what we call "beauty", are all things that also point to being healthy and fit for reproduction). And that's why women look for beauty (=good genes from a physical point of view) and money and status (able to provide for when she is pregnant and could use help with provisioning). Try getting fat as a woman or going broke as a man and see how fast your relationships will turn to dust. He is absolutely on point with this analysis. I also say this with love, for your own sake please pull your head out of those delusional romantic clouths. Life is transactional. And people who don't get this will get used, abused and heartbroken until they do.
All relationships are transactional. Even your parental relationships. The only difference is that the transaction is unspoken and even subconscious, which creates the illusion of "unconditional." The reality is that everything is conditional. Just like you wouldn't love your parents if they never fed, clothed, or cared for you, or if you took everything your parents gave you for granted and treated them poorly in return.
I suppose the difference is the implied time frame and loyalty of the transaction. If I had a parent fall ill when I was 16, and I know they did everything to try to set me up for a good life, I’d take care of them for the next 40yrs or however long I need to. That’s a bad deal and a “poor transaction” but I have loyalty to someone that I believe had unconditional love for me and am okay with getting the worse end of the deal there. In marriage vows, they say “in sickness and in health” and they’re often crying while saying these vows, because of the weight of the promise they’re making to their partner. Yes, this is a transaction as well, but you are saying you are okay with getting the worse deal to be there for each other. What I don’t like about adult relationships is that they often feign a more sincere interest in something longer term, but their motivations are actually quite short term and shallow, and it’s a bait and switch. As an example, a friend of a friend knew I worked for a prestigious trading firm, and he just got laid off, so our mutual friend got him in touch with me. I told him I can’t just give him a strong internal reference because I don’t actually know him, but I’d still do the basic referral, and he spent the next week chatting me up and trying to befriend me so that by the end of the week I’d give him the “strong” internal friend referral. Then once the application was complete and he got the automated email, he ghosted me lol. I didn’t care that much as I’m a busy person and I didn’t really need another friend to have to keep up with, but him not even pretending to try slow weaning off from communication is an example of what I mean when I say adults are transactional. The guy literally doesn’t give a f about me, he’s just saying what he needs to say to get what he wants.
I think... your perspective might be skewed a bit because your background and net worth puts you at the top of this social competition game. Just as, if I'm a robber I'm going to target the rich folks who likely have what I want. If you're nowhere near the top and you don't have much to offer in the things or ways that these people are after (which is most of us, by definition), by that very fact the adult relationships should theoretically be less "transactional" and shallow...
@@jwyou81I have been at the bottom before too. I grew up poor. It has been my experience that most people are like this once you become an adult, but to each their own. Childhood bonds are stronger because there is often some trauma bonding there. You might have tried out for a sports team together or gotten into a physical fight together with other people, and you built loyalty over those tumultuous times, so there is a level of loyalty that transcends basic adult transactions.
the nomad solved my puzzle. I've been in academia for too long and forgot these dynamics. a big thank you! individuals could have coeffs variations; but thanks for giving a ref lv. also, shame on those who take so much but pay nothing in return.
No matter if I agree with you, I can't help but feel this is more a projection of your thoughts and emotions. If I meet a stranger there's some calculation but at the end I remember them for how they make me feel and their presence during the interaction, not what career they have.
Then perhaps your weightage for career [a.k.a money & status ] is low in what you consider as a "high-value" person to be around with. Personality is your main weightage based on what you typed here, because personality influences what feelings you will have which includes presence too.
@@UnkMangobut then why is this pricing of a person an issue? It's only superficial depending on the specific weightings for an interaction rather than the fact that you're weighting it.
This explanation fits perfectly into what developmental psychologists call "ego stages" - basically how our minds evolve in understanding the world. This guy is textbook "Expert stage" (4th of 9 stages), where people try to systematize everything and believe they can perfectly analyze the world through rational frameworks (hence the equations for human value). The limitation is that he's stuck in a purely analytical mindset, reducing complex human relationships to mathematical formulas and status games. While he's smart enough to see the patterns, he hasn't reached the later stages where people understand that human connection and worth can't be reduced to simple metrics.He senses something is wrong with "transactional" relationships, but his solution is to withdraw rather than develop a more nuanced understanding. He's caught between seeing the problem and still using the same type of thinking that creates it.
@@infinitybeats6649 no I’m in the 10th out of 9 stages which is realizing that reducing complex human relationships into a simple equation makes for entertaining content and induces people like you to leave these sort of comments which boosts my engagement metrics.
@@LitNomad hey I'm all for boosting your engagement metrics, it benefits you and it doesn't hurt me in any way. Plus it brings me some kind of satisfaction to think that you might look more into a theory like the nine stages of ego development by susanne cook greuter and end up living an even more fulfilling life 😃
If you feel like this, it might be worth noting that maturation changed you as a person as well as those around you. If you spend all your time trying to price others and hang out with other people doing that, it's true that you weren't always like that. Being priced, when you are pricing others is what one should expect, and, indeed, it is not as fun as interacting with others to have fun. But all parties have changed, and you might actually be the biggest culprit. Spending all day learning about how to price things does change you, and if you let it seep into your social life it can make you less fun to be around.
@@peaque69 nice one. People often surround themselves with likeminded folks. If he hung out with some hippie danish folks, eventually he would consider their ways and maybe see the validity of a value system that isn’t so negatively transactional.
@@SurpriseMeJT Hippie danish folks with the same hedonistic and meaningless lives under the influence of drugs. No thanks, better a fair game of a transactional value and make something out of your life on this planet.
Work is where you see how things are super transactional. You quickly realize that most places/industries are far from meritocratic. People who are transactional usually succeed.
This is by far the best taboo philosophy ever and I shared it with some friends and they agree- both your philosophy and trading story content is exceptional!
One thing I've noticed since college is that people who are very attractive usually aren't funny at all or great conversationalists. That always made sense to me because when you are attractive, you dont have to spend time developing your personality or social skills in order to acquire new relationships as much someone else who isn't as attractive.
... Or attractive people don't want to humour/talk to you or relate less to you. Many people likely were unattractive but fixed it and have probably not traded up their personality to do things like lose a ton of weight and they just have that contrast but this point is a thing as well I guess.
I agree with you on the graduation pictures in terms of value, but they’re generally a good way to confirm that someone is roughly the age they claim, which can have legal implications if they lie about it and are way younger than they claim.
@@willgriner8965 High Value Men and High Value Women. In hindsight, the “high” isn’t necessary because the equation is just calculating the score and doesn’t guarantee that the result is high lol.
This is brutal gold to see society the way it is. It also aligns with Orion's content (psychacks) and his book (the value of others) digs more into this phenomenon.
I agree all of your position except for 25:11. Some high score men only hang out with lower score men so they can control them. Also not all hot girls hang out with hot girls. They got ugly friends to make them stand out more. I also noticed Low score men these days dont actually look to hang out with high score men because its gonna make them feel depressed. Just my opinion.
@@LitNomad Actually what he is saying is what I have experienced too. I don't want to hang out with a billionaire, heck even 100millionaire. I shall feel small and inadequate. I also left my job in tech to preserve my own sanity. I could not go up in corporate hierarchy and everyday felt remorse about lost chances and opportunities seeing others move ahead. This went on to an extent where I gave up my w2 income and retired, fortunately with a decent net worth to support my rest of life. But my real reason of leaving corporate gig was basically getting rid of the relationships that made me feel uncomfortable. So yes, what @money0436 says is correct. A low value person will not want anything to do with high value. It happens at every layer of the society.
@@iceddcoffeeedecaf ngl it’s going to be tough. Like being the new kid in school. You need to be accepted into a preexisting friend group and they don’t really have a reason to add someone new.
Every single relationship is "transactional" to varying degrees. If you see everything "transactional" as bad, then you will be very lonely. There is an enormous difference between "transactional" and "toxic." Avoid toxic, but don't get so hung up on transactional.
Not every single one …some of us do have special chemistry that is not ‘transactional’ or ‘toxic’ …it’s ’chemistry’ of the heart, hands, and head That chemistry can potentially last a lifetime but more often than not outside forces conspire to break the valences
@@SearchIndex By definition, every relationship IS transactional. Good chemistry doesn't change that. I get what you're saying though but even those relationships are transactional.
I’d say as women go from 20s to 30s, they shift their focus from looks to finding security in a partner (more money and status weights) because they’ve had more run ins and realize life is hard and may want to start a family with financial security.
@@brybryBillions totally. The equation is a bit of a rough estimate and the weights definitely evolve as women age, and is also different for different women. Thinking more on it, I think looks is more like 60% not 70%. Because money and status do go a long way.
Totally..older.women who are not secure financially etc avoid muscle alpha studs who are good looking as they have been used and dumped. They do not want to be asexual toy and know he can easily pick up another woman quickly. As long as the guy as in some regular type of shape slightly above average looks, even average can be fine, but has lots of assets, real estate and will spend on her.
Really interesting video. As a former portfolio manager, I can relate to a lot of what you’re saying. I grew up playing competitive sports, mostly martial arts, so I didn’t really start dating until my late 20s or early 30s. At one point, I started experimenting with how I introduced myself-using different job titles-to see how people reacted. Sometimes, it didn’t matter what I said; I’d still get positive responses and could connect regardless of how ‘low-status’ the job sounded. But honestly, most of the time, being ‘priced in’ on the better side of the normal curve definitely worked in my favor. It’s an interesting reflection on how transactional things can get in adult relationships.
Hi are you a women? If you are, just want to apologize to you and the other 3% of my subscribers that are women. This was a very male-centric take, and the biggest flaw in it is probably the HVW equation when viewed from the perspective of women scoring other women for friendship. I think the HVW equation is accurate for how men score women they want to date though. 1) the equations should be different between platonic and romantic 2) the equations should be different from men’s side and woman’s side. Men scoring other men vs women scoring men. Men scoring women vs women scoring women. Overall, I still stand by these equations as a very broad strokes way to capture the big picture though.
Im actually a dude too - thinking about man/man friendships and LTR with woman. Like… having bpd but being 10/10 would come out to a score of 70? 70/100 and basically guaranteed to make your life hell?? haha, no way
I'm a freshman in college, and for better or for worse, I've already experienced a lot of these "transactional" interactions. It's so true that most people in adulthood just want something out of you. But eventually, I hope I can find my people to do and create what excites!
Agree on the transactional aspect, I told my kids that they absolutely owe a debt to family BUT that debt will never be invoiced or even attempted to be collected
There's enough people weighing in along the lines of arguing that this is an overly blanketed cynical take-which I agree with-but I'd just like to add that thinking it so, actually makes it so; ie it's easy to think you're right when projecting intentionality in secret. Thing is, your 100% correct in that this happens at large, and in the manner you describe it. It should also be noteworthy how, equation applies to a person, insofar as they're someone in search of attaining some combination of wealth/power. Your average person who's just more or less content with their present lot, isn't looking to extract some from of money/status, and is actually just interested in relating to another person. So it might actually be indicative of something within yourself if it turns out that, a large percentage of the people you're oriented towards engaging with are the kinds consistently applying your equation 'worthiness.' Also, the weight on a4 & a5 necessarily increases in proportion to degree with which your personal endeavors overlap with them, be it business, marriage, casino heists, etc..
Here I am having all these thoughts and getting the impression that there must be something wrong with me, because most other people seem at odds with my thoughts and how I see the world. And then yesterday I discovered this channel and apparantly there's this rich Asian dude on the other side of the world, thinking exactly like me. Almost to a t, like you are reading my mind. Hope you keep sharing your thoughts, appreciate the videos. Cheers.
Whether we like it or not... we are constantly judging and calculating things in our heads as to what is this or that. The difference is some people take it as opportunistic and some don't care.
There is another way to look at this, you get to choose what benefits you can get from others, you lead the relationship. I know how to exploit this because I used to do startups
@@LitNomad learned the hard way, because it is very very ugly to see this play out on almost everything in startup worlds. People even admitting the dark things they do on the side if you get close enough to them. Kinda funny.
@@LitNomad mark is quite the norm in the world of startups he is just not caring enough to hide well and he isn’t even the worst. He is just like bill gates, having rich family and that’s it. Of course I am not close to him, just heard a lot of stuff from people in the space
I have many friends but only regards 2 people as my best friends that I can be comfortable and let my guard down around. Met in university and would gather on the weekend to cook with each other. It's sad now that we graduated and have places we have to be, but once a year, when we gather, it's as if we are still in our university days. It's definitely possible to have non transactional relationship, but it starts with you be genuine and honest. All while having a decent personality.
@@dontdoitbro5495 It's transactional in the sense that you found someone with different weights than normal, like a person who cares about personality more than looks. It's transactional but obviously much better.
@@raczyk Really? So you think people in America are somehow different from people in other places in the world? I'm not from America and I can tell you that where I live it's exactly the same as what he is describing in this video. Europeans are maybe less artificial when it comes to being social (we don't do all the exagerated "hi, how are YOU doing, SOooo glad to meet you!"), but a woman letting herself go and becoming fat or a man going broke, will have exactly the same consequences as in America. Relationships are artificial. Next social gathering instead of telling people your real profession, tell them that your job is collecting garbage and you make 30k a year (if you are a man) or when you are a woman stop shaving, using makeup or dressing up. The different treatment you will receive will make you realize how fake it all is. You are still the same person, but now people think you are a loser (= worthless man) or ugly (=worthless woman) and they will start treating you that way.
@@lazylama6 great comment. Just to play middle man, I do think Americans are more status/career obsessed than say Europeans, but yes, your point is definitely true that overall, everyone in the world is fake.
@@lazylama6 People are the same everythwere, but culture and how people go about it is slightly different. I don't think artificial is the correct word. Eastern europeans are less shallow than american counterpars and money is not everything to them and they still look a the values a man bings. As far as it being artificial, it's just choosing the best ods of your children to sruvive, don't see that's artificial about that. For examply a man selecting a healthy (i.e. bautiful woman) because beauty also signifies health. I.e. better changes of healthy kids. Don't see anything artificial about that, and it works both ways, i.e. man provides material security i.e. money. America just takes it to the next level, pure capitalism..
Bro wtf why are you speaking so much truth in these videos. It’s crazy how your brain works. Writing these equations and seeing graphs in things people don’t even think about. Really interesting
Dude holy shit same on the social circle thing and subverting it with dating. Social circles were also a way for men to be dominant in society and raise their own value by having others they could gatekeep out or lower their status through ridicule and bullying. Once I started to just date outside of the group and subvert the dynamic completely, many of the guys in my circles dropped me (as I dropped them). There was definitely a huge bruise to their ego that the person they had treated like fodder was showing value higher than what they had.
@@anthony7960 exactly. I love the recalibration process the efficient internet brings. For example, there was some Harvard douchebag who wanted to be some big life coach in my friend group, and he unfollowed me on IG at some point but kept me a follower (of course). I randomly make this YT account and just from the spillover to my IG alone, I have more followers than him now haha. I love that. I hope my videos randomly pop up in his feed while he continues to make his fancy scripted videos with his ring light and get no views.
I'm binge watching a lot of your videos. Logical approach to life YES!! I like how you explain it with the notebook. I can tell you're a smart guy! And funny :)
Strangely , when I meet people, I never ask them what they do for living, nor where they live, I could care less nor give a F I’m all about laughingc have fun when I engage with people I’m an unicorn 🤣😂 Also the friends of your friends are not necessarily your friends
I dont think so... Some of us just have this rude awakening that being shallow, oppourtunistic and objectifying women is actually adaptive. Maybe theres a good chunk of people who weigh looks 40-50 and add it to personality or it bears more weight over a short time while looks are immediately judged
I just tell people the truth about my work in intelligence. I don’t fit the James Bond narrative so everyone laughs and think I’m crazy. Funny thing is that I actually do work in intelligence.
@@theloniuspoon yeah it makes for some great content. I have an older channel I might revive where I do that: th-cam.com/video/Dex9GHh7abI/w-d-xo.htmlsi=vIYzjfhpmm4ccHeK
@@theloniuspoon yes I was trying to piggyback on that wave. It was really trending during that peak Tate era. I still wanted to make non dating content though. The cultural Marxism one is more about culture which I think you might enjoy.
This says a lot about your own social circles or perhaps the competitive nature of the people in your own environment, but it doesn't exactly hold true for everyone.
@@Hello-pl2qe I imagine really wealthy people also stop doing this, because after one or two generations of sustained wealth, what is another yacht? Weirdly the most evil/conniving people are probably in the upper middle class and just above poverty.
That's so true, bro. It's exhausting. But it is what it is. I just focus on myself and my family nowadays. I'm tired of playing Status games for most part. In some cases, I intentionally tank their perception of my Status - I lean into it and make them think I am super low status so I can find friends who really like me simply for who I am and not for what value they think they can extract from me.
yes but as a man with big dreams and knowing what the future will be in success and goals that I will reach along with what I have now and have already accomplished I like to show women my pair of 5's and see if they will still give me a chance before I let them know about the Ace's. I don't want a woman to show me respect merely off of comparing me with her previous men because I am not playing and have not been playing in the same arena therefore it's important they respect me for my character first.
Its interesting too I feel like as you get older even then you buy into the status game but the metrics are different. Instead of looks being one of the main metrics, legacy and impact becomes the metric people are judged by.
For acquisition it's really that low, for retention probably higher - we are talking here about normal / regular people not Dave Chappelle's personality and Elon money
No it isn't, because personality only comes into play AFTER looks have opened the door. You may have the best personality in the world but if you are a fat, balding, hunchback you won't even get to a stage were you get a chance to show off that incredible personality. Once you have passed the "looks barrier", then and only then personality becomes a factor. That's why personality is so low, having a very good personality won't change much for the dating success of a deformed person.
This video is so powerful and such a refreshing reminder of human interactions and not always being aware of whats happening and going through the motions. Thank you so much. From the Sunshine Coast, Australia.
Wouldn't that in a way when you are helping someone, you are expecting something in return? Aren't you then turning into the kind of person that is purely transactional?
Yeah when it comes to people, i want discussions that yield growth for the both of us. I like to dissect personal philosophy and i become very disinterested if they follow some form of dogma and refuse to think for themselves. Sadly 90% of people are like this, so my engagement is rare. But even on a peceptive level its purely transactional. The transaction isn’t monetary but educational. Very few individuals are interesting though, most people chase illusions all their life and walk blindfolded have absolutely no clue about anything. That goes for very wealthy billionares, politicians, and even scientists...
I think this maybe applies on first interactions or at parties/clubs but when you see someone on a continued basis this goes away. I have many friends that aren't doing anything for me or my career but I still enjoy spending time with them. None of us are perfect and we're all changing and growing.
@@davidsonpoole I think you have a wholesome group of friends, and based on your picture you seem young. This is why I say friendships in childhood are pure. To be clear, I include HS and college as the last remnants of that purity. Once you’re in the working adult work, I feel it’s mostly transactional. Everyone already has their core friend group defined, and any new “friend” is purely opportunistic.
Yep. That's what it is. I grew up very poor and I'm very very short (caused by genetics plus a single mother who didn't know how to look after a child). When I was younger I was also ugly too - lost a lot of hair by the time I was 21 and had moles and shit... plus I had a baby face... but I got a hair transplant, did some cosmetic surgery, started looking older (in a good way) and now I look better, maybe slightly better than average. While I'm not rich yet, people perceive me as middle class, while previously it was obvious that I was poor. I'm not even anywhere near the top of the social hierarchy, but as I gradually improved my looks and finances, people just started slowly slowly treating me better. I'm the same person I always was. I don't know whether to be grateful for this experience or not. If I had been born with looks and money I would have had an easier and happier life. I would think that people are genuinely good and treat each other with kindness. Is it better to know the truth?
Sorry to hear about your struggles and thank you for sharing your story. I personally believe it’s better to know the harsh truth, but it’s sort of like deciding between living in the matrix or not. Happy delusions or sad reality. I believe it’s better to know the truth because it helps you navigate through life. As adults, we need to have sharp judgement to understand the nature of people we do business with, and while it will make us cynical, when we understand the true nature of people, we can deterministically predict their actions, and have strategic plans set in place for it. If you float through life in happy delusion, you’re set up to be manipulated through a long con of some sort by a close friend or acquaintance.
I think you think to much. "A person who thinks all the time has nothing to think about except thoughts. So, he loses touch with reality, and lives in a world of illusions. By thoughts, I mean specifically, chatter in the skull. Perpetual and compulsive repetition of words, of reckoning and calculating. I’m not saying that thinking is bad. Like everything else, it’s useful in moderation. A good servant but a bad master. And all so-called civilized peoples have increasingly become crazy and self-destructive because, through excessive thinking, they have lost touch with reality. That’s to say, we confuse signs, words, numbers, symbols, and ideas with the real world...." - Alan Watts
you nailed it perfectly. This is also my observation of how people can be. I act like I'm not worth much when I meet people because I want to find out who is actually authentic. No bragging, just being yourself. Because you want to be around people that actually care and not care about your $ or what your status is. Usually takes about a year of relationships to determine if they are someone you can trust or not. Plenty of people out there that just want to take advantage, but that's actually normal. That's how people interacted for thousands of years. They are determing if you are someone worth considering in order to advance their own agendas. Those are the ones that will be first to turn their back on you when you fail. Not those that are actively trying to improve you and help you along the way. So its important to decide whom to trust.
Young men watching this guy's videos: He probably knows what he's talking about when it comes to trading, but this and a lot of his other life advice is mostly just bad. The world he's lived in is not reality for most people, not everyone sucks, real life is not the finance world and dating app culture. I'm not really qualified to give out advice either, but I'll offer you this: you should probably be getting advice from older people who have lived a life, who you know and who know you, and not fellow young guys on TH-cam who themselves are still figuring it out.
While this is mostly true. Some people are out there just looking to make friends, not necessarily of high status but perhaps someone they can relate to. Not everyone is about business or trying to insincerely benefit from being in your network.
Traditional roles and getting a tradwife is the only way to go. I'm in 40s and met my wife ~10 years ag and spends all her time cooking and improving the house, planning our vacations, etc. I've gone from being a HS dropout to very high FAANG TC because of her support. The terms for for selecting a woman for marriage are: Bodycount is most important (affects pair bonding) Homemaking skills - e.g. if she can cook better than most restaurants Personality - anything thing like BPD is instant no go Looks - they will fade, but Asian has significant advantage here Family / upbringing - will she feel enough shame to prevent her from following h0e instincts I'll update later with the exact coefficients
Majority of my socialization doesn't look like this. I think it makes sense to socialize like this at times, but I also think there is an inherent shallowness to it which is gross when its obvious. I have a pretty stable set of individuals I socialize with and they're long lasting relationships which I value highly. I socialize more-so to balance out the side of my life that is independent engagement with the world personally. It is nice to let go of the effortful mentality needed to engage in my life's responsibilities and problems by engaging with others socially.
Very sad take on life. Does not match my experience or observation of the many older couples I know: friends, family, neighbors. -- Perhaps this is more common in the corporate world, high tech, dating apps and perhaps among the uber wealthy? -- Even among the dozens of FIRE couples I know, this is not the norm. -- Many seek partners who share their core values, and in many cases the top values are things like integrity, kindness, family, security, adventure, creativity, etc and NOT always necessarily wealth acquisition.
People keep overwriting observations backed by numbers with their own abstraction of "not everybody is like this" or "your thinking is the problem", obviously none of them can bring up a single variable or through what algorithm they derived such conclusion, but by trying to disprove the rule with exceptions, they, in turn, PROVE the rule, no matter how many studies with correlations are presented, or posing questions such as "If not everybody has looks as priority how would genetic mate selection (mainly determined by LOOKS) occur for millions of years across almost all species", they cannot physically comprehend that if this variable was completely detached from the system then the correlations should've been zero, but sure, go on and exercise your "personality", maybe you'll become a case study on a novel genetic selection method where mates of a species are selected through arbitrary abstraction that is the word "personality"
I forgot there was a chinese quote analyzing relationships in terms of false positives and false negatives, saying people are generally risk averse and go for the false positives. TLDR; set the bar high and don't look back, don't bend yourself.
2:53 and I feel like a lot of people really don't want you to be high on that scale... they would rather have you lower so that they can feel better about themselves. and even dressing too good can get you in trouble because everybody around you in public gets jealous. I find myself dressing lower status on purpose just so I don't attract too much attention
Subscribed after watching this video, i think this is something that were all conscious of, but its refreshing to see it explicitly laid out. My only two cents to that equation is that each attribute in the formula has a threshold to meet for the lower coef. attribute to even matter. For example if your looks are a 1, even girls who are into to smart guys will not care that you are a genius. But the ones you laid out are simpler and easier to communciate😂
This is mostly true for romantic relationships at the courtship stage exclusively. I would create different sets of regression equations with different sets of coefficients for men and women in different roles. In other words, value and its drivers are domain and context dependent. In reality, there really is no such thing as "high value men" or "high value women". There are high value sexual partners, high value fathers and mothers, high value employees, high value friends, high value insert specific human role in life. To compartamentilize all the different roles and agents men and women serve in life into a single regression equation for value is far too short sighted and simplistic. After all, its entirely possible for one human being to be high value in one position/role but low value in another. Sticking with relationships, its entirely possible for a man or woman to be a high value sexual partner but a low value husband/father/wife/mother. Philosophically, i would even go so far as to claim there is no such thing as objective human value or meaning. After all, what makes us better than any other mammal or living creature. We humans subjectively assign value to ourselves based on our own artifically created spheres of interaction amongst ourselves.
I think you need some interaction terms in that equation, or maybe even a non-linear model! But more seriously, yes relationships are transactional. Not always a bad thing. And can be fair if both sides are getting their side of the "contract" met. Not always shallow either, some people just want some companionship, hobby buddies or emotional support.
For hookups your analysis works. For more longterm relationships I'd argue... Looks is 0.4 Status is 0.2 Money is 0.3 Personality is 0.05 Ethics is 0.04 Intelligence is 0.001
Yes. Totally valid. I think I agree with you. My initial coefficients were more about first impressions (like with Bob) and whether they decide to swipe right or left on you in life.
I have applied math like this for over 30 years: This is great math! Math and Logic will make you wealthy one day: You will thrive in the financial markets!👍🏿🇮🇱👍🏻
Spot on, man. The explanatory power is undeniable. I hope you've read or listened to the audiobook "The Value of Others" by Orion Taraban. He goes into so much more depth on this. Brilliant 👏
Great idea and analysis but it all fell flat at the very end thinking that “childhood” friends somehow are not humans who are living in this day and age. I can’t wait for you to find out and then make another video about how messed up that can be as well! Good luck with life. Listening to your interesting talks!!
I think this depends on the company you keep, friendship or otherwise. Do you still spend time with a bunch of finance bros? Because that is what I'd expect from that. I'm financially set but my circle of close friends do not have the resources I have. Our conversations do not revolve around money. If anything, I'm more likely to bring up the financial aspect of whatever we are talking about. Nothing is more of a drag than a person who focuses on your diploma, career, achievements.... You're doing fine. I don't think about status at all. The only time it has come up for me is (personal issue) when I'm spending time with people who do not take care of their teeth. Have teeth missing, etc. That's when I feel like a snob. Otherwise, I am not impressed with people's cars, purses, labels, etc.
Yes, admittedly, having gone to an Ivy League school, then ending up within the social circles of those Ivy alum who also work at the same or similar finance firms, does filter for a more calculating and ambitious type of person. However, I think this phenomenon is universal and starts in High School. That’s why the scene Tina Fey wrote in Mean Girls where they’re showing the cafeteria cliques as “cool Asians” “nerdy Asians” “pretty girls” resonates with people so much. That’s what this expression is about: “high school never ends”
For those saying the Looks coefficient is too high, please watch the following two videos in order and share your thoughts:
Susan Boyle’s singing audition:
th-cam.com/video/RxPZh4AnWyk/w-d-xo.htmlsi=3wNBy51H1Ln0jT3x
Comedian’s take (trigger warning very bad language):
th-cam.com/video/RgXwc-Gy19E/w-d-xo.htmlsi=bt4gcLHMY_8WSWf7
People hate the truth 😂
@@kholofelolebepe9637I think most people know they behave like the crowd in the Susan Boyle audition, and they don’t want the mirror 🪞 put in their face.
I have to say the last part from Doug got me. Perhaps I didn't find Susan ugly because she looked like my grade 5 french teacher and just happened to hit menopause earlier. But you could see from Simon's face at the beginning that he was judging her right from the start and was already bored. Amanda on the other hand looked surprisingly open minded and was about to enjoy the show. Unfortunately, yes, it's all very transactional. That's why they say there's no greater love than a mother's love. If you hit on hard times, and I mean absolute bottom, a mother who loves their child will drag themselves to the bottom with you to the point they will sacrifice themselves for you. That pretty much breaks this stigma. So the question is, will there be someone who isn't your mother or father or related to you, didn't grow up with you, but someone you met for awhile and is willing to stick with you to the very end? At that point, it's not a transaction anymore. Marriage doesn't count because marriage is essentially a transaction. I know I opened a can of worms with that statement but the whole through sickness and health till death do us part was initially an agreement from 2 people willing to provide for each other in some mutual agreed capacity. That was the transaction. I'm talking someone who has no benefit / gain to be with you but still chooses to do so because they just want to. Is there someone like that? Yes, there is but very few. How do you know they're not just playing the long game? If you hit rock bottom, there's nothing for you to offer that person so you're gonna know! Down there, it is nothing but empathy and hopefully by sticking it out together, can you create a life for each other that is truly non-transactional. Very hard to achieve. I would say almost impossible. Lieutenant Dan did it! Time to throw away the legs and roll off a boat into the ocean.
Actually I just rewatched the clip and even the old lady was giving an uninspired look at Lieutenant Dan cause I guess he was in a wheel chair. Doesn't matter how old people get, an asshole is an asshole. Also, the scene before that when they were at the mercy of the storm, you could see he hit absolute rock bottom. His life didn't matter to him so the storm meant nothing to him as well. Gump hung around with him. Are there people like Gump in this world? You could say he was just being a bro. How about a female version of Gump that is willing to throw away their opportunity with other men to go down with the ship any minute with nutty Dan? That is for each person to find.
@@lazywurm while you’re right that marriage is also a transaction, the sacred act of marriage is intended to promote a girlfriend to a family member (wife). In this way, she now is expected to have the same unconditional love for you as your mother.
Modern feminism, in their zeal to “liberate” women from all things, seems to have removed the shame associated with ending a marriage. If the vows aren’t meant to be taken literally “through sickness and health, till death do us part” what is even the point for men?
However, when you have kids with a woman, regardless of how the marriage goes, she is now “family” by blood as your children share her dna. So an honorable woman would see you as someone they should feel an obligation to root for, even after a divorce, because you are her children’s biological father, and your children should have him in their life, and have him be in good spirits.
Man, I feel bad for this dude. He's smart as hell and he's absolutely correct that this phenomena exists and happens subconsciously all the time, but he is completely wrong in thinking this is the way ALL interactions unfold. The truth is that not everyone is hustlin' all the time. Maybe he's been in a place with his job and education and pursuit of women where he's been inundated with it; but it's just not necessary sometimes. Sometimes you really will just talk to someone because you find what they're saying interesting or value a different perspective. Especially if you don't want or need anything from them, you don't necessarily play these games all the time.
The point is sound, but it needs a caveat that this is not all human interaction all the time. It's just not necessary to min/max every single minute for many people living far less competitive and aspiring lives.
I’m worried. You can logic your way pretty easily into these cynical views. It’s a trend in the past decade. It’s normal to experience hurt and rejection. I’m worried that people are talking themselves out of their chance at love.
yeah there are nuances to this sort of thing and its really negative to hold this sort of mindset socially
there's a cultural sphere where he's right and a cultural sphere where he isn't. I think high paying workplaces **tend to spit people out who don't become this eventually
Even if he is correct that relationships are transactional according to his model - why is that bad? There is a fairness to it in that the rules are the same for everyone. Now we can play the game and have fun optimizing.
@@ZZ-qy5mvwow this was really well put
I say this with love, for your own sake please pull yourself out of your head with this relationship stuff. You’re describing something true about some relationships and certain types of people. The world is so much bigger than that. There’s this trend online where people are so cynical and one dimensional about relationships and about what men want or what women want. I feel so bad that I feel like so many people are talking themselves out of a chance of deep meaningful love. I experience a world outside of these descriptions in my own life and bubble. I don’t wish for anyone to miss out on deep meaningful relationships that’s full of love and joy. I really hope you find your way.
Welcome to america, and the American dream.
"deep meaningful love"??? That's a good one. In reality it's all just biology and the drive to reproduce. That's why men look for beauty (the things men are attracted in a woman, what we call "beauty", are all things that also point to being healthy and fit for reproduction). And that's why women look for beauty (=good genes from a physical point of view) and money and status (able to provide for when she is pregnant and could use help with provisioning).
Try getting fat as a woman or going broke as a man and see how fast your relationships will turn to dust. He is absolutely on point with this analysis. I also say this with love, for your own sake please pull your head out of those delusional romantic clouths. Life is transactional. And people who don't get this will get used, abused and heartbroken until they do.
@@lazylama6 Gold!
If youre living in a big city, this is 100 percent true, dont act so judgmental
cope
All relationships are transactional. Even your parental relationships. The only difference is that the transaction is unspoken and even subconscious, which creates the illusion of "unconditional." The reality is that everything is conditional. Just like you wouldn't love your parents if they never fed, clothed, or cared for you, or if you took everything your parents gave you for granted and treated them poorly in return.
True, transaction has a negative connotation for most who assume it means something shallow or lacking love/connection
all relationships are transactional...
some are also transsexual LOL
I suppose the difference is the implied time frame and loyalty of the transaction.
If I had a parent fall ill when I was 16, and I know they did everything to try to set me up for a good life, I’d take care of them for the next 40yrs or however long I need to. That’s a bad deal and a “poor transaction” but I have loyalty to someone that I believe had unconditional love for me and am okay with getting the worse end of the deal there.
In marriage vows, they say “in sickness and in health” and they’re often crying while saying these vows, because of the weight of the promise they’re making to their partner. Yes, this is a transaction as well, but you are saying you are okay with getting the worse deal to be there for each other.
What I don’t like about adult relationships is that they often feign a more sincere interest in something longer term, but their motivations are actually quite short term and shallow, and it’s a bait and switch.
As an example, a friend of a friend knew I worked for a prestigious trading firm, and he just got laid off, so our mutual friend got him in touch with me. I told him I can’t just give him a strong internal reference because I don’t actually know him, but I’d still do the basic referral, and he spent the next week chatting me up and trying to befriend me so that by the end of the week I’d give him the “strong” internal friend referral. Then once the application was complete and he got the automated email, he ghosted me lol. I didn’t care that much as I’m a busy person and I didn’t really need another friend to have to keep up with, but him not even pretending to try slow weaning off from communication is an example of what I mean when I say adults are transactional. The guy literally doesn’t give a f about me, he’s just saying what he needs to say to get what he wants.
I think... your perspective might be skewed a bit because your background and net worth puts you at the top of this social competition game. Just as, if I'm a robber I'm going to target the rich folks who likely have what I want. If you're nowhere near the top and you don't have much to offer in the things or ways that these people are after (which is most of us, by definition), by that very fact the adult relationships should theoretically be less "transactional" and shallow...
@@jwyou81I have been at the bottom before too. I grew up poor. It has been my experience that most people are like this once you become an adult, but to each their own.
Childhood bonds are stronger because there is often some trauma bonding there. You might have tried out for a sports team together or gotten into a physical fight together with other people, and you built loyalty over those tumultuous times, so there is a level of loyalty that transcends basic adult transactions.
the nomad solved my puzzle. I've been in academia for too long and forgot these dynamics. a big thank you!
individuals could have coeffs variations; but thanks for giving a ref lv.
also, shame on those who take so much but pay nothing in return.
being frank lowers barriers. your bid-ask spead is sweet.
Omg thanks so much!
Bros edging the matrix
Wanted to like this but wanted to leave it at 69 likes
he's a real sigma imo
No matter if I agree with you, I can't help but feel this is more a projection of your thoughts and emotions. If I meet a stranger there's some calculation but at the end I remember them for how they make me feel and their presence during the interaction, not what career they have.
Then perhaps your weightage for career [a.k.a money & status ] is low in what you consider as a "high-value" person to be around with. Personality is your main weightage based on what you typed here, because personality influences what feelings you will have which includes presence too.
@@UnkMangobut then why is this pricing of a person an issue? It's only superficial depending on the specific weightings for an interaction rather than the fact that you're weighting it.
This explanation fits perfectly into what developmental psychologists call "ego stages" - basically how our minds evolve in understanding the world. This guy is textbook "Expert stage" (4th of 9 stages), where people try to systematize everything and believe they can perfectly analyze the world through rational frameworks (hence the equations for human value). The limitation is that he's stuck in a purely analytical mindset, reducing complex human relationships to mathematical formulas and status games. While he's smart enough to see the patterns, he hasn't reached the later stages where people understand that human connection and worth can't be reduced to simple metrics.He senses something is wrong with "transactional" relationships, but his solution is to withdraw rather than develop a more nuanced understanding. He's caught between seeing the problem and still using the same type of thinking that creates it.
@@infinitybeats6649 no I’m in the 10th out of 9 stages which is realizing that reducing complex human relationships into a simple equation makes for entertaining content and induces people like you to leave these sort of comments which boosts my engagement metrics.
@@LitNomad hey I'm all for boosting your engagement metrics, it benefits you and it doesn't hurt me in any way. Plus it brings me some kind of satisfaction to think that you might look more into a theory like the nine stages of ego development by susanne cook greuter and end up living an even more fulfilling life 😃
@@LitNomad we got a quant tech lead here !
When people ask you what you do, they are actively gauging your power level, just like they did in Dragon Ball Z with their Scouter glasses.
lol. Totally agree. “It’s over 9000!!!!!”
If you feel like this, it might be worth noting that maturation changed you as a person as well as those around you. If you spend all your time trying to price others and hang out with other people doing that, it's true that you weren't always like that. Being priced, when you are pricing others is what one should expect, and, indeed, it is not as fun as interacting with others to have fun. But all parties have changed, and you might actually be the biggest culprit. Spending all day learning about how to price things does change you, and if you let it seep into your social life it can make you less fun to be around.
@@peaque69 nice one. People often surround themselves with likeminded folks. If he hung out with some hippie danish folks, eventually he would consider their ways and maybe see the validity of a value system that isn’t so negatively transactional.
@@SurpriseMeJT Hippie danish folks with the same hedonistic and meaningless lives under the influence of drugs. No thanks, better a fair game of a transactional value and make something out of your life on this planet.
Dude, you're a genius. Best description of vapid, superficial interactions ever !
Work is where you see how things are super transactional. You quickly realize that most places/industries are far from meritocratic. People who are transactional usually succeed.
Your honesty is refreshing. Good to hear someone say things I’ve observed also.
Nobody is on your side unless it benefits their side. No exceptions to this.
The curse of being hyperanalytical
Bullshit. Stop trying to frame yourself as better. Look at the truth and accept who you are
This is by far the best taboo philosophy ever and I shared it with some friends and they agree- both your philosophy and trading story content is exceptional!
One thing I've noticed since college is that people who are very attractive usually aren't funny at all or great conversationalists. That always made sense to me because when you are attractive, you dont have to spend time developing your personality or social skills in order to acquire new relationships as much someone else who isn't as attractive.
Yup exactly.
... Or attractive people don't want to humour/talk to you or relate less to you. Many people likely were unattractive but fixed it and have probably not traded up their personality to do things like lose a ton of weight and they just have that contrast but this point is a thing as well I guess.
It’s more because they don’t have to be funny to make ppl laugh so they don’t get the feedback needed to learn
I agree with you on the graduation pictures in terms of value, but they’re generally a good way to confirm that someone is roughly the age they claim, which can have legal implications if they lie about it and are way younger than they claim.
“Graduation pictures”? Could you remind me what I said?
Excellent calculation and breakdown of HVM and HVW!
what do those stand for?
@@willgriner8965 High Value Men and High Value Women.
In hindsight, the “high” isn’t necessary because the equation is just calculating the score and doesn’t guarantee that the result is high lol.
@@LitNomadso more like value of man/woman
This is brutal gold to see society the way it is. It also aligns with Orion's content (psychacks) and his book (the value of others) digs more into this phenomenon.
I agree all of your position except for 25:11.
Some high score men only hang out with lower score men so they can control them.
Also not all hot girls hang out with hot girls. They got ugly friends to make them stand out more.
I also noticed Low score men these days dont actually look to hang out with high score men because its gonna make them feel depressed.
Just my opinion.
Yeah totally agree w you. There were a lot of broad generalizations made in this video with little coverage of edge cases of which there are many.
@@LitNomad Actually what he is saying is what I have experienced too. I don't want to hang out with a billionaire, heck even 100millionaire. I shall feel small and inadequate. I also left my job in tech to preserve my own sanity. I could not go up in corporate hierarchy and everyday felt remorse about lost chances and opportunities seeing others move ahead. This went on to an extent where I gave up my w2 income and retired, fortunately with a decent net worth to support my rest of life. But my real reason of leaving corporate gig was basically getting rid of the relationships that made me feel uncomfortable. So yes, what @money0436 says is correct. A low value person will not want anything to do with high value. It happens at every layer of the society.
after high school and maybe college, there is no such thing as real friends. Only personal and business relationships
@@weho_brian totally agree. Your inner circle of true friends has already solidified at that point.
@@LitNomad if that's the case, how could i make real friends after college, I didn't spend enough time developing relationships during hs/college
@@iceddcoffeeedecaf ngl it’s going to be tough. Like being the new kid in school. You need to be accepted into a preexisting friend group and they don’t really have a reason to add someone new.
@@iceddcoffeeedecaf Attend a church and be with some genuine loving people. Sure, they will be rats in some church members but majority are caring.
Every single relationship is "transactional" to varying degrees. If you see everything "transactional" as bad, then you will be very lonely. There is an enormous difference between "transactional" and "toxic." Avoid toxic, but don't get so hung up on transactional.
Not every single one …some of us do have special chemistry that is not ‘transactional’ or ‘toxic’ …it’s ’chemistry’ of the heart, hands, and head
That chemistry can potentially last a lifetime but more often than not outside forces conspire to break the valences
@@SearchIndex By definition, every relationship IS transactional. Good chemistry doesn't change that. I get what you're saying though but even those relationships are transactional.
I’d say as women go from 20s to 30s, they shift their focus from looks to finding security in a partner (more money and status weights) because they’ve had more run ins and realize life is hard and may want to start a family with financial security.
@@brybryBillions totally. The equation is a bit of a rough estimate and the weights definitely evolve as women age, and is also different for different women.
Thinking more on it, I think looks is more like 60% not 70%. Because money and status do go a long way.
@@LitNomadyeah, you need each weight as a function of time.
Yes old women with baggage and lots of ex's start looking for a man with money to use after banging a lot
Totally..older.women who are not secure financially etc avoid muscle alpha studs who are good looking as they have been used and dumped. They do not want to be asexual toy and know he can easily pick up another woman quickly. As long as the guy as in some regular type of shape slightly above average looks, even average can be fine, but has lots of assets, real estate and will spend on her.
The focus doesn't necessarily shift. I've been seeing an uptick of articles of women on Cosmo smashing dudes that are ten years their junior
Asking “what do you do” is terrible conversation for the reasons you listed what happened to asking “where are you from”
Really interesting video. As a former portfolio manager, I can relate to a lot of what you’re saying. I grew up playing competitive sports, mostly martial arts, so I didn’t really start dating until my late 20s or early 30s. At one point, I started experimenting with how I introduced myself-using different job titles-to see how people reacted. Sometimes, it didn’t matter what I said; I’d still get positive responses and could connect regardless of how ‘low-status’ the job sounded. But honestly, most of the time, being ‘priced in’ on the better side of the normal curve definitely worked in my favor. It’s an interesting reflection on how transactional things can get in adult relationships.
i think you severely underestimate how devastating being unlikeable is
although maybe you were strictly thinking about romantic relationships
also a woman with a bad personality will literally ruin your entire life. you HAVE to weigh personal way way way higher
Hi are you a women? If you are, just want to apologize to you and the other 3% of my subscribers that are women.
This was a very male-centric take, and the biggest flaw in it is probably the HVW equation when viewed from the perspective of women scoring other women for friendship.
I think the HVW equation is accurate for how men score women they want to date though.
1) the equations should be different between platonic and romantic
2) the equations should be different from men’s side and woman’s side. Men scoring other men vs women scoring men. Men scoring women vs women scoring women.
Overall, I still stand by these equations as a very broad strokes way to capture the big picture though.
Im actually a dude too - thinking about man/man friendships and LTR with woman.
Like… having bpd but being 10/10 would come out to a score of 70? 70/100 and basically guaranteed to make your life hell?? haha, no way
maybe an extra modifer for health is needed. like what if they were dying? maybe im being too nitpicky.
i think your general idea is right though :)
The book "The value of Others" is a great book that explores this topic in depth.
3:30 what you're describing is "preselection"
Ah thanks. I knew there was a more academic word for it, but forgot it.
I'm a freshman in college, and for better or for worse, I've already experienced a lot of these "transactional" interactions. It's so true that most people in adulthood just want something out of you. But eventually, I hope I can find my people to do and create what excites!
Just wait till you enter the game, the real game.
With college it’s more like what your internships are haha
Because you say _often_ shallow and transactional, this is another banger. Great work.
Agree on the transactional aspect, I told my kids that they absolutely owe a debt to family BUT that debt will never be invoiced or even attempted to be collected
There's enough people weighing in along the lines of arguing that this is an overly blanketed cynical take-which I agree with-but I'd just like to add that thinking it so, actually makes it so; ie it's easy to think you're right when projecting intentionality in secret. Thing is, your 100% correct in that this happens at large, and in the manner you describe it.
It should also be noteworthy how, equation applies to a person, insofar as they're someone in search of attaining some combination of wealth/power. Your average person who's just more or less content with their present lot, isn't looking to extract some from of money/status, and is actually just interested in relating to another person. So it might actually be indicative of something within yourself if it turns out that, a large percentage of the people you're oriented towards engaging with are the kinds consistently applying your equation 'worthiness.'
Also, the weight on a4 & a5 necessarily increases in proportion to degree with which your personal endeavors overlap with them, be it business, marriage, casino heists, etc..
“so this is the key to becoming a high value male… uh ignore my goku drawing here”
@@birdieboy02 🤣
The beginning is 🤣🤣
“Good times man”
I can hear the passion in that memory recall 🤣🤣
😇
Here I am having all these thoughts and getting the impression that there must be something wrong with me, because most other people seem at odds with my thoughts and how I see the world. And then yesterday I discovered this channel and apparantly there's this rich Asian dude on the other side of the world, thinking exactly like me. Almost to a t, like you are reading my mind. Hope you keep sharing your thoughts, appreciate the videos. Cheers.
Whether we like it or not... we are constantly judging and calculating things in our heads as to what is this or that. The difference is some people take it as opportunistic and some don't care.
Excatly some people are oppurtunist
Right there is issue with deciding whether you want to spend time with someone,it isn't inherently superficial and this take isn't all that edgy
There is another way to look at this, you get to choose what benefits you can get from others, you lead the relationship. I know how to exploit this because I used to do startups
@@pencilcheck makes sense. In the startup world, these relationships must have been on steroids lol.
@@LitNomad learned the hard way, because it is very very ugly to see this play out on almost everything in startup worlds. People even admitting the dark things they do on the side if you get close enough to them. Kinda funny.
@@pencilcheck yeah I picture the drama from The Social Network film where Zuck cuts out Saverin from the majority of his equity.
@@LitNomad mark is quite the norm in the world of startups he is just not caring enough to hide well and he isn’t even the worst. He is just like bill gates, having rich family and that’s it. Of course I am not close to him, just heard a lot of stuff from people in the space
I have many friends but only regards 2 people as my best friends that I can be comfortable and let my guard down around.
Met in university and would gather on the weekend to cook with each other. It's sad now that we graduated and have places we have to be, but once a year, when we gather, it's as if we are still in our university days.
It's definitely possible to have non transactional relationship, but it starts with you be genuine and honest. All while having a decent personality.
Nope even those are transactional. Transactional in the sense that you are giving each other a feeling of being non transactional. 😂😂😂😂
@@dontdoitbro5495
It's transactional in the sense that you found someone with different weights than normal, like a person who cares about personality more than looks. It's transactional but obviously much better.
This video is 100% accurate to my life experience as a man. The only people saying otherwise are afraid of the brutal truth.
@@wbay3848 yep. A lot of people are that guy “Bob” in my story and they don’t like being told they’re shallow and calculating.
This an American experience, that's why america is failing.
@@raczyk Really? So you think people in America are somehow different from people in other places in the world? I'm not from America and I can tell you that where I live it's exactly the same as what he is describing in this video. Europeans are maybe less artificial when it comes to being social (we don't do all the exagerated "hi, how are YOU doing, SOooo glad to meet you!"), but a woman letting herself go and becoming fat or a man going broke, will have exactly the same consequences as in America. Relationships are artificial.
Next social gathering instead of telling people your real profession, tell them that your job is collecting garbage and you make 30k a year (if you are a man) or when you are a woman stop shaving, using makeup or dressing up. The different treatment you will receive will make you realize how fake it all is. You are still the same person, but now people think you are a loser (= worthless man) or ugly (=worthless woman) and they will start treating you that way.
@@lazylama6 great comment. Just to play middle man, I do think Americans are more status/career obsessed than say Europeans, but yes, your point is definitely true that overall, everyone in the world is fake.
@@lazylama6 People are the same everythwere, but culture and how people go about it is slightly different. I don't think artificial is the correct word. Eastern europeans are less shallow than american counterpars and money is not everything to them and they still look a the values a man bings.
As far as it being artificial, it's just choosing the best ods of your children to sruvive, don't see that's artificial about that. For examply a man selecting a healthy (i.e. bautiful woman) because beauty also signifies health. I.e. better changes of healthy kids. Don't see anything artificial about that, and it works both ways, i.e. man provides material security i.e. money. America just takes it to the next level, pure capitalism..
LOL "I'm a janitor there".
Yo! Congrats on 100k bro!
Bro wtf why are you speaking so much truth in these videos. It’s crazy how your brain works. Writing these equations and seeing graphs in things people don’t even think about. Really interesting
@@CraicDealerEire haha I’m a quant. I see numbers and graphs everywhere since childhood. Figured I might as well make content out of it.
Dude holy shit same on the social circle thing and subverting it with dating. Social circles were also a way for men to be dominant in society and raise their own value by having others they could gatekeep out or lower their status through ridicule and bullying. Once I started to just date outside of the group and subvert the dynamic completely, many of the guys in my circles dropped me (as I dropped them). There was definitely a huge bruise to their ego that the person they had treated like fodder was showing value higher than what they had.
@@anthony7960 exactly. I love the recalibration process the efficient internet brings.
For example, there was some Harvard douchebag who wanted to be some big life coach in my friend group, and he unfollowed me on IG at some point but kept me a follower (of course).
I randomly make this YT account and just from the spillover to my IG alone, I have more followers than him now haha.
I love that. I hope my videos randomly pop up in his feed while he continues to make his fancy scripted videos with his ring light and get no views.
That singing analogy on point for status points
Still following every vid man, i love them keep it up!
Exactly what I have been preaching to my girlfriend, and might also be the reason why I have no friends atm and no desire to have friends.
I'm binge watching a lot of your videos. Logical approach to life YES!! I like how you explain it with the notebook. I can tell you're a smart guy! And funny :)
Haha thanks! Glad you like them!
I just like the 'beeps' that were happening in people's minds while gauging others.
I dont know anyone that thinks or acts this way
Strangely , when I meet people, I never ask them what they do for living, nor where they live, I could care less nor give a F
I’m all about laughingc have fun when I engage with people
I’m an unicorn 🤣😂
Also the friends of your friends are not necessarily your friends
It's because you're not trying to date them.
I dont think so... Some of us just have this rude awakening that being shallow, oppourtunistic and objectifying women is actually adaptive. Maybe theres a good chunk of people who weigh looks 40-50 and add it to personality or it bears more weight over a short time while looks are immediately judged
A great example of the difference between intelligence and wisdom. Poor guy.
I just tell people the truth about my work in intelligence. I don’t fit the James Bond narrative so everyone laughs and think I’m crazy. Funny thing is that I actually do work in intelligence.
wanted to get into it but looks like i dont qualify.
dude i love your videos man, using quant thinking to evaluate all areas of lifestyle design is amazing analysis
@@theloniuspoon yeah it makes for some great content. I have an older channel I might revive where I do that:
th-cam.com/video/Dex9GHh7abI/w-d-xo.htmlsi=vIYzjfhpmm4ccHeK
@@LitNomad oh wow you have another channel? oh man im gonna watch all that content too. LOL this looks like redpill content hahaha
@@theloniuspoon yes I was trying to piggyback on that wave. It was really trending during that peak Tate era.
I still wanted to make non dating content though. The cultural Marxism one is more about culture which I think you might enjoy.
This says a lot about your own social circles or perhaps the competitive nature of the people in your own environment, but it doesn't exactly hold true for everyone.
Poor people tend to do this less, cuz they're poor.
@shin-ishikiri-no Yeah, that could definitely be a contributing factor. The spectrums wide.
@@Hello-pl2qe I imagine really wealthy people also stop doing this, because after one or two generations of sustained wealth, what is another yacht? Weirdly the most evil/conniving people are probably in the upper middle class and just above poverty.
@@shin-ishikiri-no emotional damage🤣
Never stop spewing your wisdom.
That's so true, bro. It's exhausting. But it is what it is. I just focus on myself and my family nowadays. I'm tired of playing Status games for most part. In some cases, I intentionally tank their perception of my Status - I lean into it and make them think I am super low status so I can find friends who really like me simply for who I am and not for what value they think they can extract from me.
True that when they ask you personal questions they calculating how much respect they should give you
Exactly.
yes but as a man with big dreams and knowing what the future will be in success and goals that I will reach along with what I have now and have already accomplished I like to show women my pair of 5's and see if they will still give me a chance before I let them know about the Ace's. I don't want a woman to show me respect merely off of comparing me with her previous men because I am not playing and have not been playing in the same arena therefore it's important they respect me for my character first.
Don't overthink it though. Shit sounds depressing LOL
Make them work for extracting from you, you're under no obligation to share anything haha
@pikiwiki simply reply to their questions with questions, but do it playfully. If you want someone to share/open up. They themselves must do so first
Its interesting too I feel like as you get older even then you buy into the status game but the metrics are different. Instead of looks being one of the main metrics, legacy and impact becomes the metric people are judged by.
personality being 4% is just horrendously wrong
Would you date a 295 pound woman if she was hilarious and had an amazing personality.
For acquisition it's really that low, for retention probably higher - we are talking here about normal / regular people not Dave Chappelle's personality and Elon money
Yeah, personality goes a lot farther. But looks are definitely number #1
No it isn't, because personality only comes into play AFTER looks have opened the door. You may have the best personality in the world but if you are a fat, balding, hunchback you won't even get to a stage were you get a chance to show off that incredible personality. Once you have passed the "looks barrier", then and only then personality becomes a factor. That's why personality is so low, having a very good personality won't change much for the dating success of a deformed person.
This video is so powerful and such a refreshing reminder of human interactions and not always being aware of whats happening and going through the motions. Thank you so much. From the Sunshine Coast, Australia.
@@Leo_S94 you’re welcome 👍
Be protective of your money, energy and time. Don’t spend it on people who don’t care if you live or die tomorrow.
Wouldn't that in a way when you are helping someone, you are expecting something in return? Aren't you then turning into the kind of person that is purely transactional?
@@Trust_but_Verify
No one cares.
Yeah when it comes to people, i want discussions that yield growth for the both of us. I like to dissect personal philosophy and i become very disinterested if they follow some form of dogma and refuse to think for themselves. Sadly 90% of people are like this, so my engagement is rare. But even on a peceptive level its purely transactional. The transaction isn’t monetary but educational. Very few individuals are interesting though, most people chase illusions all their life and walk blindfolded have absolutely no clue about anything. That goes for very wealthy billionares, politicians, and even scientists...
I think this maybe applies on first interactions or at parties/clubs but when you see someone on a continued basis this goes away. I have many friends that aren't doing anything for me or my career but I still enjoy spending time with them. None of us are perfect and we're all changing and growing.
@@davidsonpoole I think you have a wholesome group of friends, and based on your picture you seem young. This is why I say friendships in childhood are pure. To be clear, I include HS and college as the last remnants of that purity.
Once you’re in the working adult work, I feel it’s mostly transactional. Everyone already has their core friend group defined, and any new “friend” is purely opportunistic.
7:53 The equation kinda makes sense. A lot of fictional villains are popular despite doing questionable things. I bet people feel the same way irl.
Yep. That's what it is. I grew up very poor and I'm very very short (caused by genetics plus a single mother who didn't know how to look after a child). When I was younger I was also ugly too - lost a lot of hair by the time I was 21 and had moles and shit... plus I had a baby face... but I got a hair transplant, did some cosmetic surgery, started looking older (in a good way) and now I look better, maybe slightly better than average. While I'm not rich yet, people perceive me as middle class, while previously it was obvious that I was poor. I'm not even anywhere near the top of the social hierarchy, but as I gradually improved my looks and finances, people just started slowly slowly treating me better. I'm the same person I always was. I don't know whether to be grateful for this experience or not. If I had been born with looks and money I would have had an easier and happier life. I would think that people are genuinely good and treat each other with kindness. Is it better to know the truth?
Sorry to hear about your struggles and thank you for sharing your story.
I personally believe it’s better to know the harsh truth, but it’s sort of like deciding between living in the matrix or not.
Happy delusions or sad reality.
I believe it’s better to know the truth because it helps you navigate through life. As adults, we need to have sharp judgement to understand the nature of people we do business with, and while it will make us cynical, when we understand the true nature of people, we can deterministically predict their actions, and have strategic plans set in place for it.
If you float through life in happy delusion, you’re set up to be manipulated through a long con of some sort by a close friend or acquaintance.
"The bad boy on his motorcycle that spits on homeless people" LMAO
maybe he was describing his youth days...
I think you think to much.
"A person who thinks all the time has nothing to think about except thoughts.
So, he loses touch with reality, and lives in a world of illusions. By thoughts, I mean specifically, chatter in the skull. Perpetual and compulsive repetition of words, of reckoning and calculating. I’m not saying that thinking is bad.
Like everything else, it’s useful in moderation. A good servant but a bad master. And all so-called civilized peoples have increasingly become crazy and self-destructive because, through excessive thinking, they have lost touch with reality. That’s to say, we confuse signs, words, numbers, symbols, and ideas with the real world...." - Alan Watts
Alan watts is a lame
Works in California and New York, everywhere else results may vary
I rather be rich than famous because not everyone famous is rich
you nailed it perfectly. This is also my observation of how people can be. I act like I'm not worth much when I meet people because I want to find out who is actually authentic. No bragging, just being yourself. Because you want to be around people that actually care and not care about your $ or what your status is. Usually takes about a year of relationships to determine if they are someone you can trust or not. Plenty of people out there that just want to take advantage, but that's actually normal. That's how people interacted for thousands of years. They are determing if you are someone worth considering in order to advance their own agendas. Those are the ones that will be first to turn their back on you when you fail. Not those that are actively trying to improve you and help you along the way. So its important to decide whom to trust.
right, it usually takes 6 months to a year to see s.o's true color, and that's why i give up on dating, it's really tired 😢
Young men watching this guy's videos: He probably knows what he's talking about when it comes to trading, but this and a lot of his other life advice is mostly just bad. The world he's lived in is not reality for most people, not everyone sucks, real life is not the finance world and dating app culture.
I'm not really qualified to give out advice either, but I'll offer you this: you should probably be getting advice from older people who have lived a life, who you know and who know you, and not fellow young guys on TH-cam who themselves are still figuring it out.
I enjoy your content. You are the living embodiment of a quant.
While this is mostly true. Some people are out there just looking to make friends, not necessarily of high status but perhaps someone they can relate to.
Not everyone is about business or trying to insincerely benefit from being in your network.
Sizing up. People do that all the time especially for networking/dating.
This equation seems to only talking about first impressions
" The bid /ask spread is tightening" made my day
Traditional roles and getting a tradwife is the only way to go.
I'm in 40s and met my wife ~10 years ag and spends all her time cooking and improving the house, planning our vacations, etc. I've gone from being a HS dropout to very high FAANG TC because of her support.
The terms for for selecting a woman for marriage are:
Bodycount is most important (affects pair bonding)
Homemaking skills - e.g. if she can cook better than most restaurants
Personality - anything thing like BPD is instant no go
Looks - they will fade, but Asian has significant advantage here
Family / upbringing - will she feel enough shame to prevent her from following h0e instincts
I'll update later with the exact coefficients
Majority of my socialization doesn't look like this.
I think it makes sense to socialize like this at times, but I also think there is an inherent shallowness to it which is gross when its obvious.
I have a pretty stable set of individuals I socialize with and they're long lasting relationships which I value highly. I socialize more-so to balance out the side of my life that is independent engagement with the world personally. It is nice to let go of the effortful mentality needed to engage in my life's responsibilities and problems by engaging with others socially.
Very sad take on life. Does not match my experience or observation of the many older couples I know: friends, family, neighbors.
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Perhaps this is more common in the corporate world, high tech, dating apps and perhaps among the uber wealthy?
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Even among the dozens of FIRE couples I know, this is not the norm.
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Many seek partners who share their core values, and in many cases the top values are things like integrity, kindness, family, security, adventure, creativity, etc and NOT always necessarily wealth acquisition.
Female opinion spotted. Your life experience is irrelevant to men’s.
@@wbay3848 women dont understand because men rate the average woman high on looks coefficient.
That is a good goku drawing, you got the proportions correct and the distinct details down
People keep overwriting observations backed by numbers with their own abstraction of "not everybody is like this" or "your thinking is the problem", obviously none of them can bring up a single variable or through what algorithm they derived such conclusion, but by trying to disprove the rule with exceptions, they, in turn, PROVE the rule, no matter how many studies with correlations are presented, or posing questions such as "If not everybody has looks as priority how would genetic mate selection (mainly determined by LOOKS) occur for millions of years across almost all species", they cannot physically comprehend that if this variable was completely detached from the system then the correlations should've been zero, but sure, go on and exercise your "personality", maybe you'll become a case study on a novel genetic selection method where mates of a species are selected through arbitrary abstraction that is the word "personality"
Just started following your vids a couple days back. Now you are Tacoma a couple blocks from my house. Bizarre. Love the content btw.
@@mattfagerness7152 thanks! That Puget Sound University was nice. Very grateful that they let homeless people like me use their library 📚.
I forgot there was a chinese quote analyzing relationships in terms of false positives and false negatives, saying people are generally risk averse and go for the false positives. TLDR; set the bar high and don't look back, don't bend yourself.
2:53 and I feel like a lot of people really don't want you to be high on that scale... they would rather have you lower so that they can feel better about themselves. and even dressing too good can get you in trouble because everybody around you in public gets jealous. I find myself dressing lower status on purpose just so I don't attract too much attention
I'm captivated by your videos. You have an interesting perspective on life.
Subscribed after watching this video, i think this is something that were all conscious of, but its refreshing to see it explicitly laid out. My only two cents to that equation is that each attribute in the formula has a threshold to meet for the lower coef. attribute to even matter. For example if your looks are a 1, even girls who are into to smart guys will not care that you are a genius. But the ones you laid out are simpler and easier to communciate😂
This is mostly true for romantic relationships at the courtship stage exclusively. I would create different sets of regression equations with different sets of coefficients for men and women in different roles.
In other words, value and its drivers are domain and context dependent. In reality, there really is no such thing as "high value men" or "high value women". There are high value sexual partners, high value fathers and mothers, high value employees, high value friends, high value insert specific human role in life. To compartamentilize all the different roles and agents men and women serve in life into a single regression equation for value is far too short sighted and simplistic.
After all, its entirely possible for one human being to be high value in one position/role but low value in another. Sticking with relationships, its entirely possible for a man or woman to be a high value sexual partner but a low value husband/father/wife/mother.
Philosophically, i would even go so far as to claim there is no such thing as objective human value or meaning. After all, what makes us better than any other mammal or living creature. We humans subjectively assign value to ourselves based on our own artifically created spheres of interaction amongst ourselves.
It is sad. He is brutally honest and true.
Status is if you can get away with not following the rules, I would say.
this channel is hella lit 🔥 have a blast bro
Thanks, you too!
my man calculating relationships.
I think you need some interaction terms in that equation, or maybe even a non-linear model! But more seriously, yes relationships are transactional. Not always a bad thing. And can be fair if both sides are getting their side of the "contract" met. Not always shallow either, some people just want some companionship, hobby buddies or emotional support.
This video is a must-watch for anyone seeking a deeper understanding of life. Thank you for sharing this wisdom brother. Just subscribed!
You’re welcome!
For hookups your analysis works. For more longterm relationships I'd argue...
Looks is 0.4
Status is 0.2
Money is 0.3
Personality is 0.05
Ethics is 0.04
Intelligence is 0.001
Yes. Totally valid. I think I agree with you. My initial coefficients were more about first impressions (like with Bob) and whether they decide to swipe right or left on you in life.
I have applied math like this for over 30 years: This is great math! Math and Logic will make you wealthy one day: You will thrive in the financial markets!👍🏿🇮🇱👍🏻
Precisely, couldn't have said it better.
Spot on, man. The explanatory power is undeniable. I hope you've read or listened to the audiobook "The Value of Others" by Orion Taraban. He goes into so much more depth on this. Brilliant 👏
How you see yourself is not the real you. How others see you is also not the real you. How you see others reveals who you truly are.
Great idea and analysis but it all fell flat at the very end thinking that “childhood” friends somehow are not humans who are living in this day and age. I can’t wait for you to find out and then make another video about how messed up that can be as well!
Good luck with life. Listening to your interesting talks!!
not the whole world is like this, but the environment you grew up in is.
I think this depends on the company you keep, friendship or otherwise. Do you still spend time with a bunch of finance bros? Because that is what I'd expect from that. I'm financially set but my circle of close friends do not have the resources I have. Our conversations do not revolve around money. If anything, I'm more likely to bring up the financial aspect of whatever we are talking about. Nothing is more of a drag than a person who focuses on your diploma, career, achievements.... You're doing fine. I don't think about status at all. The only time it has come up for me is (personal issue) when I'm spending time with people who do not take care of their teeth. Have teeth missing, etc. That's when I feel like a snob. Otherwise, I am not impressed with people's cars, purses, labels, etc.
Yes, admittedly, having gone to an Ivy League school, then ending up within the social circles of those Ivy alum who also work at the same or similar finance firms, does filter for a more calculating and ambitious type of person.
However, I think this phenomenon is universal and starts in High School. That’s why the scene Tina Fey wrote in Mean Girls where they’re showing the cafeteria cliques as “cool Asians” “nerdy Asians” “pretty girls” resonates with people so much.
That’s what this expression is about:
“high school never ends”