Did you guys know that the male penis is shaped like a mushroom because it’s optimized to scoop other men’s semen out (during out thrusts) since monogamy was so uncommon over the evolution of our species? - More reasons not to marry: Marriage is “until death do us part.” So if you die before your spouse, they can and do remarry. If you believe in the afterlife, they’ll likely reunite with the guy she remarried, not you. In the film Titanic, Rose’s husband excitedly enters heaven to reunite with his wife of 50yrs, only to find out that she’s back with a homeless degenerate gambler she had a fling with on a cruise ship when she was 17. There are some great memes about this. - Another great example of how infidelity is normalized in culture is the pina colada song: th-cam.com/video/TazHNpt6OTo/w-d-xo.htmlsi=idhGNlR8tKiSf0o4 “I was tired of my lady We'd been together too long Like a worn out recording Of a favorite song” These lyrics are actually profound. Marriage doesn’t work because you get tired of having your favorite dish every day.
You're treating everything like some math equation/formula. As corny as it sounds marriage and kids and love can't really be calculated. No homo but I really think you would be a great father, you definitely see the world differently than the common man and your kid would have a leg up. (I feel like you're good at seeing true human nature, definitely jaded though). Seeing him grow up to be successful would probably be the happiest moment of your life, it's just biological. But yes there's also the risk of a failing marriage, and it affecting your kid, but most of the greatest successes/wins in life come from luck which can't be calculated.
@@Bob1332s Totally dude. I talk about how I prioritize for “experiences” in this life, yet becoming a father would probably be one of the greatest experiences that I would never be able to unlock as a man. It is a tough decision to make, because I also think I would make a great father, and in a way, I make these videos to drop wisdom about life because I feel it’s wasted if I never have kids who would get to hear my ramblings at the dinner table lol. As I say in the video, I would be open to more modern paradigms of pair bonding. So I would probably be open to an open marriage of some sort with honorable ground rules that both sides follow. Then maybe if I have kids, they would be raised communally with a few other couples within my “tribe”.
I am wealthy and there are very few negatives about being rich. I was married and there were very few positives about being married. A wealthy man can easily pay someone to do anything for him. A married man especially in the U.S. is controlled by his wife, his sex life is totally controlled by her. I just learned to be happy single, it would take an amazing w-m-n for me to even bother having a GF in the U.S. I can rent the only thing modern w-m-n have to offer.
I know my wife since we were 18 years old, married at 28 years old, and two boys appeared later. Now at 55 years old and still married, there are always ups and downs, that's life. But I just can't imagine living by myself for the last 37 years or die alone. I guess it is a personal choice, but it should not be based purely on statistics. We complement each other in many areas, perhaps that is why it works out for us!
You married her 28 years ago. Do you not understand that things have changed since covid, let alone 28 years ago? Forget COVID, the past 2 years I'm seeing way more changes. COVID started this. Yet, here you are talking to us about something from pre-early 2000s.
I think the United States is at a pivotal point where men of all backgrounds are & will continue to go abroad and find traditional wives in other continents, from Latin America, to Asia, to Africa, to Europe.
Your are purely marrying someone based off not being alone is pretty sad 🤣🤣! All those couples on instagram portraying every photo like it's a dream are the ones really going through it ! It's just a front 💯
@@Anime1love it’s very hard for some people to have empathy and understand single life and the challenges of modern day mate selection if all they’ve ever know is marriage and kids.
The "50% divorce rate" statistic is incredibly misleading and nobody talks about this. Yes, 50% of marriages end in divorce. This is including the people who divorce several times, which skew the stat by >5% because people who divorce once are incredibly likely to do it many more times (60% divorce rate for second marriages, 70% for thirds, etc.). ‼Additionally, you can take the rate and break it down onto individuals and learn much more than that very broad statistic. For example, only 25.9% of marriages of people who had a college education ended in divorce. Women file 70% of divorces, so for example gay couples divorce less, lesbians more- if you aim for the right woman, it's more likely to succeed than a slightly worse male. Gen X divorces, proportionally, way more than millennials (and gen Z), but since they're older they make it appear more common. Republicans are more likely to get married and less likely to get divorced, according to research by W.B.Wilcox. Occupation can also tell a lot about identity and choices (research big-5 personality traits in psychology to learn more), and for example makes things like people in the physical sciences having a divorce rate of just 15%, while flight attendants have 51%. Even cultural things involved in race determine a lot, for example african americans divorce more than twice as much as white americans, and asian americans slightly less than white americans. TLDR: Being glum about the stat of "50% of marriages divorce" is like saying "average salary in the US is $63k so why try" when the reality is there are many ways to manipulate your personal statistic to lie in the high end of the broader statistical range. It is not that difficult to find ways to make the statistics fall in your favor if you know how to do it, so that your divorce rate is only 20% for example.
Your numbers are completely off. 50% of 1st marriages end in divorce. For 2nd and 3rd marriages, the rate goes up to 70 and 80% respectively. In addition, 50% of married men AND women have cheated on their spouses. Only 10% of long term married couples are happy. I could go on and on.
48 years old here, no children and never married. Never really had the desire for either. I keep waiting to feel that sense of loneliness and emptiness I was told would hit me, but it hasn’t. The fact that I witnessed my parents have a miserable marriage, and have watched 3 of my best friends get married, have kids….. and then get annihilated in family court may play a role though.
Great comment! I’m 49. I live a certain lifestyle . My gf is 27. And that’s all there will be to it! I’m so uninspired to marry based on my childhood experience seeing my father endure the brutal sentence. I talk about it on my channel. Glad to have found this page!
So what is the plan then? Born grow up and never start your own family live and eventually die. because people around you failed at their marriage? I mean if you have no desire you do you. But i think living a life without even trying to have your own offsprings is kindof you know...an experience in life that you will not be experiencing. Having your own family i think is an experience worth experiencing dispite the horrible stuff that could happen.
@@workeveryday8737 you’ll die faster if you take this route and pay for it with your health. Outside of my own father, like this vid states, NONE of my boys are happily married and wouldn’t do it again if they had a choice. IF ever the marriage laws change, yes, then the possibilities are more realistic. My peace & quiet at this age is 💰. I have no interest in “raising Gen-Z” kids … etc… This is a bit of a degenerate world now anyway…
@@5678plm one of the key differentiators between man and the animals is man’s ability to act against nature. Most of the evils man commits are natural and even game-theory optimal. But man can call higher impulses (like love, etc.) into the world instead of being governed by lower drives imposed by nature. Gamifying evolutionary drives leads to a shallow existence.
@@alexmack956 because they’re fooled by charlatans who mislead them with cherry picked data on how profitable a trading strategy could be. If the strategy were profitable, they would get backers and scale it up until they’re a billionaire, they wouldn’t sell courses and make a few thousand from it while their strategy gets saturated. When we have a winning strategy at work, there is a stern talk by desk heads to not even tell our wives or families about it, because we just found the holy grail and we’re going to extract a ton of cash, and if others discover it, it will get saturated and stop working as we have to split up the pie. All “courses” in “trading” outside of Wall Street are a scam. I realize that’s a hard pill to swallow. They’re actually worse than just lying to you where your odds of success are random, they’re funneling your money into the pockets of wall st people on the other side. If you were just trading a 0 EV strategy, you’d win about 45% of the time after fees, not 5% of the time. At 5%, it literally means if I hacked your trading software to reverse the buy and sell buttons, you’d be all disappointed after a month, then I’d be like “SURPRISE! you actually MADE the money you think you lost! Congrats! But stop trading now cuz you clearly suck at it.” This is why being a contrarian so often makes money in trading and why I always make contrarian bets when there is almost a full consensus formed that my bet is wrong. Ok. If it’s so obvious that I’m wrong, shouldn’t the market have already priced that in? The majority of people are on the same side of the canoe 🛶 when it tips over and I’m on my jetski waving at them. My next video will cover how financial news is rigged (insider knowledge). Stay tuned brothers!
@ not sure if you understood my point. The point is, some people win. You sound very defeatist wrt your love life. You can actually find a woman who will love you and who you can love. And love doesn’t have the diminishing returns that wealth does.
We are hardwired to believe that raising children is a wonderful experience. The happiest moment of my life was when I first saw my son. The rest of your analysis may be accurate, but that part makes it all worthwhile.
I totally agree. I feel this way about my nieces and they aren’t even my direct offspring. I do understand the counterpoints to my argument and some of them are very strong. I just happen to be on this side of the argument for now, so that’s the message I pushed.
Great video dude you're a real thinker. I'm the same way. By the way I'm 67 and never been married. Although I grew up in Southern California so I've been through many many women. After cooking through 40 or 50 in my twenties I became obsessed with financial Independence in my thirties after I lost a really beautiful woman to a guy wealthier than me. It was there that I realized wealth and status has a lot to do with your potential women. Fast forward I haven't lived with a woman for the past 20 years and I'm 67 years old now. Those last 20 years have been focused on my financial house in order though. I guess my message to you is stay focused on your money and the women will come naturally if you want them. But buyer beware.
@@riverat7558 haha you are a wise man. Yes we see the world in similar ways and I am sure we are net happier than most of our married peers. My married peers complain about their wives non stop and many of them are already divorced. I do not envy them at all.
@@riverat7558You actually want a women who is only attracted to your wealth? You will learn quickly how devastating that is. Because there is always someone richer than you, better looking than you, younger than you. You idealize the physical world.
I'm a single 40-year-old man by choice and share some similar thoughts with you. On the other hand, my older brother, who has been happily married with kids for over 10 years, says: "A long-term partner is someone you want to share experiences with, not just sex. Over time, the importance of sex decreases." He has a strong point there.
Fifteen years ago, being single was often stigmatized, seen as something to fix or outgrow, with heavy societal pressure to marry. Today, singlehood is more accepted and even celebrated as a time for personal growth, independence, and self-discovery, reflecting a shift in cultural values.
Im a big introvert and prefer to be alone most of the time. I tried marriage along time ago when I was young and thought that’s what’s you’re supposed to do. Luckily, we figured it out pretty quickly and went our separate ways. Im 49 now and sooooo happy living the life I want to live, without having the sacrifice or compromise for the needs of someone else. It sounds selfish but I think more people would be happy if they stayed true to themselves.
@@mohammadmiran8484 It's selfish because he is not bringing up at least two children, which is his duty as a fertile man. In other words, if everyone behaved like him, human civilization would collapse.
I am a divorce attorney and you're so spot on. I just started trading to get out of the field a year ago...Law is depressing....I found your channel looking for trading shit...Good luck on your journey...Cheers
Marriage fails many times because women don't marry their first choice. The best sex and roller coaster of feelz she experienced was on some dirty mattress on the floor of some college bros apartment she had a situationship with. Women typically marry their #2 or #3 choice who is the safer long term option. Now you might be thinking why you started getting more attention from them in their late 20's - 30's when you got rejected by these same women in your youth. Its because their priorities switch from short term fun to locking down the safe provider before she gets too old. If you haven't experienced genuine desire from girls when you had nothing its gonna hard to discern if they are with you because you make them hot or because of the lifestyle you provide. As a man I want a women to desire me and see me like a sex object. I'm not with anyone who only chooses me for what lifestyle I can provide.
I used to think this way too. But then I got so bored I didn’t care about going through all the potential outcomes of the future. It’s a part of life. Sign a prenup if you’re worried and control what you can. Life gets boring but I do sometimes miss all the freedom. But life is better when shared ultimately. I’d rather share it with her than with a bunch of random people on the internet. But to each their own. I also understand finding the right one now is extremely difficult. I got lucky
Exactly. Lotta Asians love the whole single life debate. Must be why Japan will be extinct in 200 years and China will have less people than America in a 100
@@darrenmayer9604 you can literally buy your way out of loneliness no jk...you can buy sex and company with money. You may argue its not "real love" but imo neither is a marriage...what are the chances your wife will stay with you if you lose your ability to make money for an extended amount of time?...its very high. Finances are the major reason for divorce...
My first job out of college this 50s dude was getting divorced; he kept reiterating that it takes 2 to get married but just 1 person to want to divorce to make it happen. Their marriage ended cuz his exwife just ‘wasn’t happy’ and wanted change. There’s also those memes about if Tom Brady can’t keep a woman what’s a normal dudes chances. Honestly the infidelity stuff aside I think a lot of divorce is no fault, the woman just want some chaos, consequences be dammed. Men can be that slave bear for a long time, for their kids etc while women feels unhappy and wants out now and oh take 50% of everything
You dont know what tom brady was or wasnt doing in his marriage though. He couldve easily just not been giving time to his wife and family and always been out training or something. Neglecting your family and letting her feel unloved can happen to anyone.
@@ykx777 well they are memes so i get your point. however this is another problem with the modern marriage, lets say he indeed was constantly on the road, training, earning money, etc, is that a reason for the woman to say 'hey hes not paying attention to me, but Jody is so its not my fault' really? why cant the woman find fulfillment through other means instead of infidelity and then turning it back to the man cuz hes too busy providing for the family? see this is another point I don't understand. traditionally man provides for the family and the women isn't upset he isnt home and now the modern woman says not only does he have to provide, he must be home as well. a friend of mine said it already, the modern women wants a man whos rich and has alot of free time. kind of messed up if you ask me, does money just fall out of the sky?
My husband and I had the same cadaver in med school at 22. Still happily together and monogamous at 33 with a baby now. Never got legally married. Yes everyone is different. We’re not intensely Christian but it has been a good scaffold for our lives thus far and having a ride or die has been invaluable
Thanks bro! Here’s my 2cents. Focus on yourself and becoming as successful as possible. The women will come later, and your selection will be better if you decide you do want to try marriage.
Hi Tyler, I suggest listening to the book "The Meaning of Marriage" by Timothy Keller during one of your upcoming drives. The book refutes a lot of the claims about marriage that come from popular culture. Marriage isn't always the right choice for everyone, but it serves a purpose for many that would like to sacrifice the self for others (maturity), and pursue the fullest potential in the legacy they leave behind.
hey man i'm enjoying your range of content, from economics, to dating all of this. you're a very logical person and hearing your perspectives on societal conventions in all areas is really insightful to hear cuz you're a highly analytical thinker on what's conventionally accepted
Haha thanks. I also see a lot of anger in these comments, and I hope people understand that I’m not as extreme as I seem. I know and understand the counterpoints to my arguments and some of them are strong. It just makes for better content to present the side of the argument I currently reside on.
Just discovered your channel this week; nice to hear contrarian points of view, even if it doesn’t align with my own life choices, you help provide a larger spectrum of ideas. Keep up the great work!
A quantitative logical objection No anger no bias. I just think people should consider both sides. Here’s a massive thing that is overlooked relationships are not stochastic and are determined by you. Here's why you are mispricing the negative consequences of love: 1. As Iim x --> 65 (age vs utility function), utility of $$$ --> zero, and since $$$ simply implies the ability to purchase [pleasure], our primary mechanism for pleasure decreases, so what tf do we do? Well this makes the potential upsides of love, children and all the stuff way more good. Here's some primary arguments you have posited: A. Marriage is manufactured by monotheistic religions ---> if we are naturally wired to be polygamous? then why worry about infidelity, if you think its unnatural why do you want dislike the idea of your partner cheating, why not have a primary partner that you marry simply for sexual/personal purposes but still have multiple other partners, even in polygamous cultures there still does exist a 'primary spouse'. As you can quickly see polygamous relationships are sort of kinda bad, the thing is humans really like controlling things, it's the same reason why I don't let random people drive my car, the reason why humans were 'polygamous per say' is because it allows us to have more offspring yada yada regular ole darwinian biology. There's also a HUGE reason why polygamous relationships are bad SUPER resource inefficient, imagine if one man was impregnating 9 different women, huge disaster right. The thing you don't fully articulate is how polygamous societies don't really have a man/women binary that we do in regular societies, it's almost as if the whole village takes care of itself. Really different. B. Infidelity ---> Honestly, I haven't seen the data so I won't make any ad hom's about that, I just think you are overconflating the Negative EV of cheating. The thing is, in life, we have this awesome thing known as risk reduction, and we can DRASTICALLY reduce this negative outcome. As a quantitative trader I'm sure you know that we can incur risk, if in the long-run we have an edge. I'm sure you can EASILY reduce the risk of infidelity by picking the right women! the thing is your statistics is inherently biased because we have NO IDEA who the sample was, if it was everyone in the U.S. you and I can both easily understand you aren't the median Joe in the U.S.!!! Come on man, you aren't even CONSIDERING risk mitigation. C. People root for infidelity/infidelity is normalized ---> SUPER SUPER SUPER cherry picked mate. From where I'm from cheating is horribly stigmatized. D. Biologically programmed for infidelity ---> So, the research behind this is that SOME people genetically have influences towards infidelity, however, I think this is super easy to pick out. If you hear around town that a girl sleeps around would you marry her? No? It's like, it's super obvious to isolate the risk of cheating, and you are obviously mispricing the risks here. E. Divorce Rates Increasing ---> This is actually because people, actually now have the liberty to see if they love someone. Back in the past people used to be stuck in a relationship they hated. For example, arranged marriages which force two unhappy people to stay in a relationship but can't get out of it due to the stigmatization of a relationship. The thing is, I want to know the quantitative statistics behind the amount of TRULY happy people vs Relationships. There's a distinction between infatuaion, and love, people are young and dumb and make mistakes. This doesn't mean that every women is out to get you or take your money. Again mispriced. Remember in a earlier video where you mentioned that people misprice risk quite often, it seems like you are doing it. I feel like you are focusing too much on the airplane crashing than noticing the obvious risk of crashing your car (the implicit cost, which is the lack of marriage, a good anchor for love, and potentially a lack of children). F. I think your mindset is wrong, if you want I can debate on you this. I think you would be deeply benefited from considering the GOOD as well as the bad, why not include statistics on the happiness or ROI of marriage. Don't become one-dimensional and dogmatic. There exists only one evil in society. Dogma. Nothing else. Best wishes, a freshman in college.
I've never seen such terrible counter arguments disguised as intellectualism/logic. Life is going to knock you down a few pegs at some point, just like it did to me when I was 18. Instead of debating you, I'll respond to this comment when you are 28 and see if you still have the same perspective after 10 years experience with dating and relationships. And yes, I'm in a LTR but don't plan on getting married with the government.
@@EllaG-yr2us Then that person isn't the one, the thing is infidelity is typically lustful while I wouldn't say the same about love, which is built on trust, connection, and a range of non-sexual emotions.
@@Glowie34765 I don't understand, if i'm wrong please point out whats wrong, I'm open to criticism. And, to be quite clear my perspective may change but that doesn't mean I'm correct. I'm not sure what "getting married with the government" means to be quite frank, but I just want to make this clear, I'm not criticizing anyone but rather offering a different perspective, Switch Sides and be reflexive is all I want people to take away from my comment.
I think we also chose long term pair bonding as a civilization strategy. Cultures with monogomy seem to do better in the long run with less war, more cooperation, and more innovation. When the top men dont get all the women, it seems to create more peaceful societies. That being said, I do think your concerns are 100% true and valid. We need to figure out a way for people to have the relationships that work for them. I think we should normalize lots of different kinds and let society decide what stays and what goes. Lastly, I think the village helping to raise the children as a community also makes the most sense.
Agree that it has certainly served society well, hence it's pervalence. But serving the community doesn't mean serving the individual and there is a conflict here, and of course like most things that involve sacrificing for the great good, it is best that society creates norms that make people feel like they are doing it in their own best interest.
@@LitNomadtech lead also seems like an insufferable prick lol I know you’re joking but I think I have to say this cus people always throw numbers and stats around when talking about relationships or making crucial life decisions.. It’s not really about the math .. people are different, and you are not the average of all people in terms of relational skill and personality and the person you meet is not the average either (and we’re only talking about the people surveyed to get the “50% of all marriages end in divorce”) so what are we really talking about here.. Not to mention people are not on a linear scale of “not cut out for relationships to perfect for relationships”, it’s really more about who matches your personality.. so idk this whole “math” argument just doesn’t register for me
@@LitNomad if you watch him, it’s easy to see he is a selfish, narcissistic willing to defraud others for his own advantage (re: million token; algoexpert). Those traits don’t lead to a health marriage. So there are likely more one side here.
Haha I was just thinking the same. Even had to look up techlead’s latest videos and how he’s doing (somehow he’s not recommended to me much by YT anymore)
@@user239den he’s been saying tech is dead for years now and the Nasdaq keeps breaking all time highs. Coincidentally he keeps pushing crypto while owning tons of crypto.
Dude I have watched like two other videos of yours, both real, refreshing content from an intelligent guy, and this one does it for me as well. At 6:05 right now where you start a discussion of pair-bonding and why it rationally doesn't make sense to get married. I'm so bullish on your channel man. Keep making great content.
This video is actually amazing and has put so many of my thoughts into words, thank you for creating this. Loved the analogies and also gave me more to think about. I can't wait to become a successful yapper like you one day
@random-ed6kn haha being a yapper content creator is the best ROI. Just sit down and yap for 15min, do some light editing on your phone, then publish. Make $100+.
I don't get why non-religious get married anyway... its strictly a religious practice that's gradually transitioned into a cultural tradition. that's why divorce rates are high .. youre sold the dream by influencers, advertisers, etc. you buy into it thinking the happiness is instant, rather than because you believe in the principles of marriage
Love your videos bro; more and more and more please; Good topics and storytelling abilities and great scenery. Same here regarding this video subject; single, never married, no kids, 51 years old and about to have most money of my life to travel whenever I want and visit online dating
I’m married but I can sympathize with your situation. You’re a millionaire; I’m a thousandaire. If my wife splits, she walks away poor. But if your hypothetical wife were to divorce you, she would walk away a millionaire.
0:00-2:00 I read the '50% marriages end of divorce statistic' comes from a projection made in the 70s, during a time when divorce rates were increasing due to a change in laws (not based non actual rates). The prediction was based on the assumption if 2% marriages end in divorce each year, over time, this leads to half of all marriages dissolving. And it includes repeat divorces. It seems actual stats show rates are closer to 30-40% for first time marriages, and slightly higher for second/third marriages, (including repeat divorces). A recent case study of polygamy is Watanabe in Japan. He's 36, has 10 kids with 4 women, and is aiming to father the most kids in Japan's history (record is at 54). It seems the cost is $6k per month to manage 10 kids up where he is in Hokkaido, and he splits the cost with the 4 working women.
"People are miserable being stuck with the same person for that long" really! I think going from person to person to person is a more miserable way to live. Either with friends or partners. Personally I don't want friends and I would never get married again because my husband is SO FANTASTIC I cannot see anyone else measuring up. Yes we fight and then WE LAUGH at how stupid we are. Perfection.
This is awesome -- this is the most rational and unemotional take on why monogamy isn't ideal. Can I try and provide some counter argument? I think being single is not a bad way to live, it's likely better than 99% of relationships, but if you're able to find that ideal partner who compliments you, genuinely cares about you, shares the same goals and principles, who wants to raise a family and grow old with you, then the upside can be infinitely higher than being single. So the key is to be very discerning in mate selection, set a very high threshold for opting for marriage, and when you do find that person, go all in and take the risk of infidelity etc. My simple trick to never be tempted to cheat is that I simply date/marry someone that I like so much that no other girl, no matter how hot, even comes close to being worth a consideration for cheating.
Yes, exactly. It's hard to find the right business partner, but the right cofounder can take your company to new levels you wouldn't be able to yourself. And you are right about the second part. The real measure of fidelity is never about testing how loyal your partner is -- it's about whether you can talk to a hot woman (or man) outside, and still be happy to go home to your woman.
Hey thanks for the feedback. What I would say in response to that is people change. So even if you’re insanely compatible with someone, and you’re madly in love with each other, life is long, and they might become a different person in 10yrs. Not just weight gain or something, I mean mentally. I’m a different person from 10yrs ago, and different 10yrs before that. At each of those stages, if you asked me who I would be and how I would think, I would have guessed wrong. So with monogamy, you have to get lucky and hope that you change together in the same ways. Statistically, that is improbable. Like she might get really into weed while you get really into David Goggins and fitness. Things like that.
The question is not whether you'll get married, it's will you ever find someone worth being monogamous with? The odds are low, but what are you doing with your time? Aren't you retired? There are two things you must look for in the person you are considering to be your long term partner. 1. Do you trust them completely. 2. Is the person hardworking and persistent? Marriage is hills and valleys and often times you choose to stay married and you choose to communicate and you choose to forgive and you choose to love.
100% agree. Marigage is simply an insurance policy for women. I marry and divorced twice and started over every time. It cripples you financial and emotionally. Marriage is a failed institution.
For me it was about finding a girl that had a dream and the drive to go for it and I just wanted to be the one supporting her because it was a beautiful one.
Bn: 1984. Male. Single, Unmarried and childless. I LIKE THE WAY I AM. 1. The world is a trash fire. 2. My family history is a trash fire ( High divorce, alcoholism and domestic violence ). 3. I'm not obligated to compromise, provide and protect for a society that I'm invisible too. 4. I don't have to prove I'm good enough to a family and I'm not going to make their little girl cry. 5. I'm too mentally and physically ill-equipped to deal with family life. 6. I've seen a lot of deaths. ( Parents bury their children / schoolmates that have died ) 7. Fear of failing as a family man / divorce. 8. I live an fight for myself. MERC LIFE. 9. Life is a shit sandwich. 10. Such is life.
State run marriage licenses give all the leverage to a woman who expects more and offers less than our grandmothers. The risk/reward ratio from a financial, emotional, mental, physical, and spiritual standpoint just isn’t there for men who have an analytical mind.
Very interesting. All the logical musings is one thing, and powerful hormonal & spiritual reaction (love) to another person is quite another. When one meets one’s “pair,” I’ve noticed that one’s ambivalence on marriage goes out the window, and people suddenly wanna “lock it in” (myself included). 😊
“I used to think the worst thing in life is to end up all alone. It's not. The worst thing in life is to end up with people who make you feel all alone.” - Robin Williams (RIP)
@ These are true words. I can tell you as a married man I have been more alone and miserable than I ever was single. The single days were quite blissful.
Monogamy is probably not the most natural way, but it is about commitment. Having someone that is by your side when you are sick or in the ugly times and that you purposefully will support during their own hard times is a great safety, a huge comfort, but above all, the greatest form of friendshi and loyalty. If I could have the same in an open relationship, I would. But I'm not willing to lose my best possible over all companion for a few fleeting thrills or escapades. Monogamy is practical, avoids stds, ensures safety for offspring if any is desired, in general it gives peace of mind. If you don't get that from monogamy, it is not the right kind of partner, not a problem from monogamy per se.
I agree. Marriage is tough, but that doesn’t mean it can’t last, or that it’s for everyone. Some people are completely happy on their own, and would rather be.
Hey Tyler, I thought of 2 counter points that I would like your thoughts on and I used GPT LLM to help refined the quetions: 1) How does the "50% divorce rate" critique account for significant subgroup variations, such as the much lower rates among Asian Americans (18%) or college-educated couples (25%)? Could this generalized statistic be an example of Simpson's Paradox, where aggregate data obscures key differences, and how might this nuance affect the argument that monogamy is fundamentally flawed? 2) Monogamy became more widespread as a societal norm with the rise of organized civilizations and monotheistic religions, notably in the last 1,000-2,000 years. This period coincides with significant advancements in science, technology, and societal structures, with near-exponential growth in the past few centuries. Could monogamy's emphasis on stable family units and intergenerational knowledge transfer have played a causal role in fostering innovation and progress? If so, is it possible that dismissing monogamy could risk undermining this stability? How would alternative systems provide the same societal benefits?
@@BladeAurora 1) you’re right. When dissecting the numbers there are pockets where performance is higher. Asian households stigmatize divorce quite a bit, and as I mention in the video, they scratch their 7yr itch by cheating. Not trying to badmouth China, but every Chinese guy I know from finance has mistresses and his main girl knows and understands that this is the agreement. She gets money, and he gets to cheat. That isn’t really a pro monogamy argument though it looks good for divorce stats. That’s actually an arrangement I myself would happily consider. 50% is sort of arbitrary. I’m just saying considering how bad it looks to get divorced, any divorce rate in double digits seems high. 2) I don’t think I can tell you what I really think about this because it’s too politically incorrect, but I don’t think it’s monogamy that led to this advancement, I think it’s something else that these particular groups all have in common.
I am 19 and have never seen my parents together. A broken household is one of the worst things for youth to experience. My mother could have remarried but the child support system (which f**ing sucks) benefited her not to remarry.. there are too many things wrong with society today
@@LitNomad haha i know right. though anecdotal, there are several nice and intelligent middle aged married men telling/confirming that not getting married is good. once a female coworker asked me why i dont get in a relationship, another coworker in the same room: a middle aged electrical engineer and I said it simultaneously: "that's looking for suffering".
Considering all the bullshit I gave my parents over the last 20 years (and more if I count toddler and infancy) , there’s just no appeal to me for wanting that for myself
Well said - I am constantly amazed by how many otherwise very smart and well-educated people take norms as given instead of making important decisions (like marriage) from first principles. I view marriage as a functional equilibrium outcome of most modern socieites after iterations / evolutions, as it benefits things like social stability (bottom men can still get girls / family means you have more to lose if you deviate from societal expectations) and generational transtions. What benefits society doesn't necessarily help one live the best life possible.
I definitely think marriage is a scam. A friend and I were talking about this. Men don't need to be married. We can be perfectly happy without a relationship. Women depend on relationships for happiness.
The good ones are definitely a rarity in west these days. The word "relationship" needs a goal and purpose beyond the needs of the huband or wife. This is where the children come into the picture - the relationship needs to be about the family in order to survive, because it's not about you. I agree that marriage is a scam if you're thinking about it serving you. You get married for the family, not for you.
I'm just not a social person anymore because I've been around people long enough to know that their civilized and eloquent demeanor is simply a husk protecting the sensitive and visceral being inside.
Stop letting other people's failed marriages or inability to remain faithful from putting you off. A lot of people make bad choice of partner, they just go for someone who is hot, or someone who satisfies their insecurity. That doesn't have to apply to you. The 50% statistic does not apply to your marriage, in the same way that you are not an average person you don't need to apply averages to yourself. If you choose the right partner then you are happy, while other people's marriages will fail that doesn't affect you. You just sound like you are making excuses to not even try if I'm honest. I also find the diamond thing quite outrageous, but just get over it and buy your fiancee a diamond and move on, who cares
I’m new to the channel. I’ll tell you something different though. I’m in a similar financial situation like yours. There’s a lot of different topics and trains of thought you have. Thanks for providing your POV. I will provide 3 points cause it’s just difficult to type. 1. If you have kids, the day they’re born is priceless. Your worldview changes. Your life also turns upside down. If the person doesn’t adjust their behaviors (similar to weights and balances) to a changing environment, the algorithm becomes dysfunctional in its area of optimization. Having your own kids does not compare to nieces or nephews. The one thing is that I see a different version of me in my offspring. I call it refactoring which my offspring won’t be the same the original code. The original code will also have to change as well. 2. 50/50 odds on divorce and lawyers, I made the decision to get married because it’s truly a gamble. I too fear divorce and marriage issues. But you have to intrinsically value your relationship and extrapolate the possibly of disrupting key issues. Nothing is 100%. Ever since I had a son/daughter (not revealing what gender), my wife and they became my happiness. 3. Why am I creating a family? I am a human being. I will get old and I’d like to see my offspring advance in life. Have that lineage and connection to them and theirs. Point 1 & 3 are in relation to evolution. BONUS: Also a thought on being old because I am, go take a look at any gamblers in the day time at any casinos, they’re lonely. They most likely have money left but have nothing to spend or save it for. You will need other hobbies when you’re older to fulfill happiness. Hitting a jackpot is happiness but it’s only temporary. One thing I’d ask why you created a TH-cam channel after you’ve been retired. I think deep down, there’s some “connection” that could be what you’re looking for. All in all, I am genuinely trying to help provide perspective (trying to help a brotha out). I don’t leave many comments on videos but I will leave one because you’re a genuine person. I think you care about the human population and why you’re putting this out now is to provide any financial investor the understanding of “don’t be stupid.” AND you’re a part of the “hamster running in the wheel” if you don’t think differently. This video is a very intrinsic revelation of your thoughts. Thanks - I hope you see this comment.
@@jasonh5731 hey thanks for the thoughtful comment. I agree with a lot of your points. Ultimately I weighed the pros and cons and decided to stay single (for now). Also, we all have our own utility function and I don’t think having a family is as valuable as it might be for others. Especially considering how expensive of an undertaking it is. I enjoy travel and sexual novelty more than the average person. I made the channel for a few different reasons, but yes, one reason is that I had a lot to say, and I felt like others should at least consider my take on things to get a more balanced perspective before making a big life decision like marriage.
You know how its always said "you should challenge echo chamber", well I'm glad you are a stats guy and very pragmatic at that. That's what mainly informs your opinions and not just your emotions. Dope breakdown!
If divorce wasn't so expensive (say nothing needs to be divided and no lawyer needed to settle anything), pretty sure the div rate would shoot up to 80+%. There is a point of saturation for everything. Doesn't matter what it is - sex, eating chocolate, even drinking water. At some point, you get sick of doing whatever it is. This no doubt includes seeing your partner everyday. Add to the mix disagreements, heated arguments, differences of sex drives leading to infidelity and it's gonna be time to call quits. Doesn't need to happen right away. It could just be in the back of the person's mind - the subconscious and eventually lead to a boiling point. The only way it works is through compromise and even then it's a crapshoot because at some point, you'll be asking yourself "why the @#$% do I need to compromise when it's their issue?" The whole dating and then "leveling up" to marriage is stupid. When you're dating, you see each other maybe once or twice week? Both individuals look forward to that day because it's only that day of the week before boredom repeats. So both individuals do their best to put their best version on display for each other. Date for a few months, a year, doesn't matter cause it seldom reaches the point of saturation in that kind of interaction. So what happens next? They feel perfect for each other, get married and then bam! It's just way too much for each other after moving in, who should do the dishes, laundry, clean up, etc. Everyone needs space and some way to break the monotony with each other under the same roof. We haven't even talked about the skeletons that come out of the closet after moving in with each other. Those IMO take at least 3 years to really see what you're getting into and even then you probably haven't seen them all. There's a malelivingspaces subreddit which is basically guys showing how they live and sometimes it's just a picture of a bachelor unit with a couch, a tv and their dog because they were completely gutted from the divorce after getting screwed by the lawyer on like a stupid 25/75 split because he could no longer afford the 2+ yr attorney fees fighting over bullshit. But guess what, the guy with just a tv and his dog? (forget even the couch - just fuck it) the guy would still be happy sitting on the floor with his canine buddy beside him binge watching whatever and still be content enough to post about it. Why? because that's all he needs - his personal freedom and personal space.
@@pauloTxof course it is, because women want the whole shebang. House, car, kids, vacations, fancy things you name it whereas men basically just want sex and someone to cook and clean.
Hey homie!! I’ve been liking your videos… but here’s the point… the goal is to find a best friend a partner in life… through thick and thin.. humans are built for that.. companionship… and we change over the years.. and if you have a best best friend who you love… it just transcends a lot of the statistics you are talking about.. and it’s the people who look at life through the lens you are talking about it in this video frames the mindset for the people who are trapped in that mindset … you seem like a soul on a journey of self-discovery.. I will pray for you that you find a best best best friend to share your heart with… I made a comment about lease terms… that was a joke.. ur video keeps popping up every time I start my car lol.. so I thought some more… let your guard down .. a best best friend you share your heart with is one of the best parts of the human experience .. aloha and god bless 🙏
It’s fascinating to observe the contrast between the refinement associated with Ivy League education and the habitual use of filler words such as 'like.' Typically, individuals demonstrating advanced intellect and awareness communicate with clarity and minimize the reliance on such expressions. Your tendency to generalize information, often through a lens of negativity, suggests a mindset more attuned to scarcity and limitation. Your reflections, particularly on the 'truth' about wealth and rich individuals, reveal a predisposition toward a bearish outlook-an inclination to focus on volatility and disruption as primary forces. While periods of upheaval, such as 2008, are part of larger cycles, they are far from definitive. Choosing to prioritize high-volatility environments reflects a deeper attraction to instability, potentially mirroring an inner state. Your decision to adopt a nomadic lifestyle and move away from traditional structures like marriage may be interpreted as a symbolic withdrawal-an orientation toward what is lacking rather than what is possible. To be 'short' on life, as it were, reflects not just a worldview but a state of being that resists the creative and generative aspects of existence. By stepping away from traditional structures such as marriage and the foundational role it plays in raising a family, you are choosing to disconnect from one of humanity’s most essential purposes: the propagation and refinement of genetic legacy. Marriage is not merely a social institution; it serves as a vessel for transmitting values, knowledge, and genetics to future generations. To abandon this path is, in effect, to withdraw from a vital contribution to the evolutionary continuity of life itself. This decision reflects a mindset that appears more focused on avoiding life’s hardships than engaging with its possibilities. Your emphasis on high-volatility environments and a predominantly negative worldview perpetuates a narrative of limitation, which, when modeled publicly, risks inspiring others to adopt similar disempowering perspectives. A true role model embraces the responsibilities inherent in life, including the cultivation of resilience, the nurturing of family, and the conscious stewardship of future generations. To disengage from this process is to reject one’s higher potential-not only as an individual but as a contributor to the shared evolution of humanity. Such a retreat, rooted in a bearish view of life, underscores a mindset that prioritizes avoidance over growth, ultimately limiting the capacity to inspire meaningful, constructive change in others.
That 50% divorce rate is likely based on a lifetime statistic, thus likely spread over the average life span. i.e. 70 years etc... It's not like 50% get divorced by the age of 30 etc... Thus referencing that 50% could further distort the practical reality of the statistic. If you averaged it over a per year basis, that's a divorce rate of 0.7% per year on average. Thus not even 1 in 100 marriages end in divorce on a year on year basis. The widely cited "50% divorce rate" is often misunderstood or oversimplified.
Married 41yr old dude. 8 years. 2 kids. Of course its not easy, but I remember my single years. Marriage helps one grow as an individual. What helps the most is having the same foundation, which is Jesus Christ. He is the one that keeps us together no matter what. Hopefully one day you'll find Christ. Thanks for not being scammy like Techlead.
@christopherholden66 Fast and pray. It's possible. I remember all the single days wondering if God was listening. He is what the Bible says he is. Claim the promises from his word, spend time seeking his plan for your life and he will show you the way. Teach me your ways oh Lord, I will walk in your truth, unite my heart to fear your name. Palms.
You raise valid points about marriage's flaws and its outdated roots. However, dismissing it entirely overlooks its adaptability. Marriage works for many when redefined. The key isn't rejection but fostering diverse relationship models tailored to individual values and needs.
Dude I’ve been saying this for a while. Humans aren’t monogamous, it goes against our nature, you can force it but success is low. I used to have a random black dude as my pfp and people would always say, well of course you say that you are black (assuming because of pfp), your people blah blah no nuclear family blah blah, when in fact I am a white male with a Christian/catholic background. Andrew huberman recently was found out that he had 5 women and people were freaking out as if he was an unknown serial biller and shi. Society (most) wants you to have 1 partner probably so that there is more for the others lol. If there is winner takes it all then the genetics of the losers will not get passed on. That’s why if you are an attractive/tall dude you instantly get hate from other guys because deep down, instinctually they understand that you dominate and could take all the se ual partners for yourself. The harem leader, like the Alpha lion of the pack. We are not that much different from animals.
I'll be turning 50 this year, no wife, no children but it doesn't mean I wanted it to be like this. I've always wanted to start my own family, but women never gave me the time of day. And as time has gone by, I've seen women change for the worst. I have no chance with the standards and requirements of women today, and I wouldn't want to start a family with a woman like that anyway. All my friends are married but not one of them is happy; in those rare times I get to see them, I hear nothing but problems and complaining. The other day, a friend I hadn't seen in a few years, told me something that startled me a bit, he said "I love my children, but if I could go back in time and not get married, I would in a heartbeat". Wow. I guess I love the idea of finding a nice, caring and loving woman to start a family with, but that's the thing, finding and marrying a worthy woman would have the same odds of winning the lottery. All I can do and been doing is try to enjoy life on my own, I get sad sometimes to be honest, but it is what it is.
You have some good ideas but this logic literally makes no sense whatsoever. I'm disappointed. You are a quant aren't you. If we only gave in to our natural instincts then there wouldn't be a structured society or stock market that you can milk to fund your retirement. Of course monogamy is not in our nature all the time but neither is going to work, building foking rockets, etc. Pretty much all of modern civilization who discipline and hard work which was not optimal and did not default into instinct. We have to constantly go against our fundamental instinct to achieve higher things. Da fok you talking about
Right. We go against our natural instinct when it creates a positive outcome: like building roads and houses and not stealing from neighbors. My contention in the video is that there are alternative lifestyle choices that are equal or better for society, and don’t require us to control our animal instincts as much. Apples and oranges.
Just the fact that there's a high risk of failure makes me want to get married... I didn't get to where I am without pushing my luck, if it's only exposing myself to even more odds... I'm down for the ride. Life best give me a journey worth dying for. Else god might as well take me home early and send me to a more exciting life
Marriage has lost a lot of its purpose and use. Just imagine if marriage was a new concept in todays age. Most men wouldn’t go along with it. Marriage is more of an excuse for women to throw expensive parties to show off their rings on social media. Unless a woman was actually religious and went to church at least once a week every week. I’d say stay clear of marriage!
Exactly. It’s linked to religion. That’s why they usually hold the wedding in a church. Yet, the west declines in religiosity every year. It makes no sense, like the free floating dollar without the backing of gold.
i would like to provide a counter argument: rejecting monogamy as “sheep-like” because it’s a societal norm oversimplifies human behavior. blindly following instincts whether it’s polygamy, negativity bias, or our unconscious drive for cruelty or power is far more “sheep-like” than consciously choosing what transcends our primal wiring. what served us in hunter gathering societies may not serve us in the modern world and there is potential to evolve. for ex. negativity bias is a survival mechanism used to remember threats and avoid them in the future but in the modern world we’re not facing the same danger we did in the wilderness. we remember negative experiences more than joyful ones because of this even if those experiences don’t compare to the dangers that our ancestors faced. humans are not slaves to biology; we have the unique ability to reflect, reason, and create lives aligned with our deeper priorities. monogamy isn’t just a societal construct it offers stability, trust, and emotional depth for those who value long-term connections. true freedom lies not in indulging instinct or rebelling against norms, but in making intentional choices that reflect who we are and being committed to our values. solitude is not as hardwired as our drive for socialization yet we can make the personal choice to be in solitude for long periods. i don’t think following societal norms or our animal instincts is the answer but rather being aware of ourselves fully both psychologically and biologically to make more conscious choices. dismissing it as unnatural fails to account for the complexity of the human psyche and our capacity to be self aware. ultimately know urself, stay true to urself regardless of ur biological impulses or societal norms and if polygamy aligns with ur authentic self than that is the best choice for u. very interesting video todalooo !
Hey, I recently found your channel. Your struggle means that you're asking some good questions. I think that devotion to one partner is a higher concept. There are many examples in life, where limitation brings freedom and experiences which would otherwise remain locked. Choosing the right partner is definitely not straight forward..
@@alexflowr hey thanks. The problem is you can’t control another person. You can’t use your IQ to will them into a decision with logic. People change, and all you can do is hope that you change together in the same way, which is statistically improbable over longer timelines
Thanks! It’s one continuous take while it’s in color. The little cuts are to remove long “ummm”s and little rambles that I found unnecessary. The black and white part I added in like 5min after the long talk, cuz I realized it’s a really good story.
@@yang5843yeah it was a separate take. I have a loose outline of what I want to talk about and I just turn the camera on and start rambling. In this case I realized I forgot to tell that story, so I added it in later, and my energy is slightly different in it, so I didn’t want that to ruin the flow and continuity of the original video, so I made it B&W to sort of emphasize that it’s a flashback of sorts.
great video! Your pointing out all the clear flaws in American romantic life that need addressed. like you said, we weren't created to seek out one partner for life. Of course I'm not only here to praise... You spoke about men having hundreds of thousands of sperm while women only have few eggs so this naturally creates an environment where men seek out multiple mates while women play a more docile role, promoting polygamy. AKA anisogomy. But there's a more nuanced understanding I read about in this book "Bitch" - Lucy Cooke. Which boils down to viewing sex from a lot of different species and seeing how outdated ideas like that really are. Just thought I would plug this book because it was really fascinating.
I personally have to disagree with polygamy, I don't think it's healthy for the mind. It can turn someone into a tyrant who's never satisfied. I think that love isn't designed to be dispersed in multiple directions. Loving someone who ticks all the boxes provides calmness and serenity and maintaining a loving, committed relationship with one person can offer a sense of peace and satisfaction. Attempting to love multiple spouses will provide confusion, excess, anxiety and pain. It is like a single person doing one night stands, either party may like it to continue, but it might not because odds are low and life really isn't that much of a utopia. Polygamy enables this soulless life of cheating even more, it's trying to put a positive label on having sex with others while in a relationship. Let's say you have multiple spouses, and you end up loving one of them deeply. Let's say she is also polygamous. The thought of her loving one of her other spouses more than you should make you sick.
@shin-ishikiri-no sure, but I don't think anybody can control people's sexuality. here where I live same-sex marriage was illegal, but that law is abolished now
Oh I thought about another point, why hasn't any polygamy civilization lasted throughout time now? Does that mean over time monogamous civilization can destroy polygamous ones? While humans may be biologically inclined toward polygamy or novelty in relationships, history shows that monogamous societies have often outcompeted polygamous ones, suggesting a societal advantage to suppressing these instincts. Could it be that monogamy, though counter to certain natural inclinations, provides a framework for stability and equity that outweighs the short-term benefits of indulging those instincts? If human nature favors polygamy, why have societies that emphasize monogamy historically thrived and dominated?
@@BladeAurora I gave this talk on a whim, so maybe polygamy isn’t the main system I’d promote. More like open marriages. Basically, exactly what everyone is doing now, except being honest about it. The end of this video was basically an open brainstorm session. I just think there has to be a better system than what we have now.
@@LitNomad Id like you to talk more about jealousy and how it pertains to open marriages, polygamy, ect. Also, how before marriage men at the top would get all the women (Kinda like tinder) and the rest of the plebs would be screwed but they would all die in wars... but there arent any wars and now we have an incel problem. Marriage does address this problem, does it not?
@@darrenmayer9604 yes, marriage doesn’t solve this problem anymore because of modern feminism. Women would rather stay single for life on their income and be part of chad’s free harem than marry someone who is her looks match. Religion attempted to save women from their own worst impulses, but religion is dying in the west.
@@darrenmayer9604 the primary root of the issue is cultural Marxism. In this case gender Marxism (aka feminism). Leftism pushes for equity in the workplace, so women were given affirmative action to get them into more high paying jobs. This created equity between the genders. However, in the world of hookups, women are sexual capitalists. They’re the top 1%. They sleep with whoever they want and have enormous power. Religion served as cultural socialism in enforcing equality between the genders and 1 to 1 pairings with looks matches but we’ve lost that. In summary, women want economic socialism and sexual capitalism. That isn’t fair and it’s hypocritical. If you believe in one of these, you have to apply them consistently, not pick and choose where it will benefit you. So either both should be socialist or both should be capitalist.
@@darrenmayer9604In today's social media and dating app driven society, the top men are hoarding all the women because those are the few guys the large majority of women are choosing to date and unknowingly share with other women. As a result, women and men aren't getting married anyway.
I feel like you left out the difficult math for love as part of the equation, and a relationship pivot. Relationships don't just trend down, they can trend up. Sometimes they can continue on an uptrend and rally for a really really long time. The best character ever invented in a video game ever is Cho'gall, a two headed ogre where Cho moves and gall casts magic, helps get both players out of trouble and scouts / pings. 2 players *must* play Cho'gall. Cho can never be without gall and gall can never be without Cho. By that measure they are forced to improve both individually and together. Cho'gall is kinda like marriage where each person sometimes takes the role of Cho or gall at times because both are trying to win the same game together. Just a different way to play the game. Maybe you just haven't met your gall yet.
@@getit8349 thanks so much! It feels great to read these comments and know that there are people rooting for me on this nomadic and unorthodox life path!
These perceived drawbacks, risks, and issues simply don't apply if you have matching values, responsible conflict resolution techniques, and loving devotion (which begets itself and allows for a new paired-soul that reifies itself). Stats pulled from an inappropriate distribution, even if that distribution represents the majority of humans. Focus on what you want to see more of!
You are dead wrong, just ask your grandparents or people of that age what marriage is and what it means. If they thought like you do, you wouldn't be here. Marriage is a civilized way of reproducing. We can't be like animals, we are social animals.
I hear and agree with what you are saying. I believe a lot of people have not figured out what love is for them and, as you say, they do things because of peer pressure and they think that is just what you do. I would also add that there are plenty of people who are happy because of a stable monogamous relationship. It is what makes it really special. Consider the odds of the universe being a thing. Consider the chances of our galaxy forming, our solar system falls into its delicate balance, Jupiter is in just the right place to catch a lot of stray asteroids from hitting us, one asteroid hits Earth and that gives us a moon, which is vital for our waves, and the chances of our planet being in just the right zone for water and for life. On top of that, all your ancestors had to survive long enough to breed so you could be here today. And by chance, after all the ups and downs, after all the hook-ups and break-ups, you just meet that one person that you truly bond with. Bond so deeply with you feel them in your bones. If they were to suddenly not be in your life it would be as if you amputated half your body. The fact that you found this special person despite all the odds of how unlikely you wouldn't is truly amazing and can form gratitude. Your genes may have a little want to spread but their smile and laugh means you know who with. The numbers are a warning. The feeling, when you get it, and I mean get it on a deeply intuitive level, is the truth. peace.
The divorce rate is closer to 80% of all marriages. Marriage is something I always dreamed about, but I guess I wasn't good enough. Marriage is for the young, not the middle-aged or seniors. Marriage has become a contract with the government that all your current and future assets will be shared with the woman. Yes, women only marry up, so you'll make more, and she'll spend more. And all the serious girl friends in my life cheated on me looking for someone with more money. I too am a multi-millionaire, so it makes no sense to me now to get married. If I lose my job tomorrow, I don't have to work again. And at 55 I can do what I want. And to be honest, I still hookup quite often and most of the girls are 25 to 35.
"Marriage has become a contract with the government". This seems an odd way to say "marriage is a contract between two people", coupled with a legal system that helps us to enforce a contract. Otherwise it wouldn't be much of a contract.
@@Graham_Wideman right, it's a contract where if the woman decides -- for any reason -- that she no longer wants to stay married, the government will take your stuff and give it to her. It's a rather one-sided contract.
divorce is not the end of the world. almost no divorced person regrets the kids they had from that failed marriage. don't miss out on having kids based on some nerd number bs
This is completely false. There is literally entire threads on Reddit of people who regret becoming parents. Plus no parent will outright say they regret having kids it makes them look like bad people.
@@shayach7983 Are you serious? Most people on reddit are not model citizens. They are obese, lazy, anti-social types with scarcity mindsets. It shouldn't surprise you to find such threads there. Meanwhile, celebrities get divorced all the time and its not this earth shattering event. Life continues on. It's all about how much you let fear and failure control your life, and Reddit is absolutely FULL of losers.
Miss out? Yeah, I wish I could have “missed out” on all the hell and financial loss. Children bring way more stress and problems to your life than happiness. We are all so emotionally needy that we feel the need to make little copies of ourselves in order to feel adjusted in life. Get a puppy, much easier and less costly.
If you look at marriage from a statistic perspective. Its a bad deal. Its like looking at a parachute with 50% chance or even 90% chance of opening. I am not jumping. But like all things in life, you don't always know how its going to end. But in order to becoming successful, people start up businesses. People take risk. All we can do is learn the game, and try to minimize your risk to reward. If you are successful enough, you can have multiple women. Just don't get married too early or you will want more women. But all of these small things and much more are part of learning the game and playing it right. Maybe the correct answer is not get married but you can still start a family.
"your person" = attachment. If I were you i would learn my attachment style (which I already have) and who that attachment style ATTRACTS. You'll be sad to learn, all you're doing is playing out your childhood lol your whole life. If you want companionship, make that clear, set the boundaries, live separately and be willing to walk away if expectations change. That's ADULTING.
not 'when', 'if'. relationships are like lotteries, some people do win, a few get big prizes, how many care about those who ended up empty handed or even in loss? And to scrape ticket to find out if you have won a prize, you have to go through all the dating, living together, invest with emotions, time, money, energy. you have to have luck before you even try to be a nice spouse and able to work through the hurdles in relationships. I am happy for those who win the prize. But it is not just worth the risk for me.
Overrationalizing your choice to zero out your genetics is quite a feminine stance. Even though the divorce rate is almost 40% nationally, divorce rates for Asian males is under 12%.
@@LitNomad But it's true nevertheless. Instead of looking at (faulty!) statistics and saying "okay guess I'm gonna die alone" the manly thing to do would be to go out there, give it your best shot and try. That is if you'd like to live life together with someone else. If you do, then don't let statistics hold you back, especially since they're much better than "divorce rate 50 hurr durr".
Marriage is probably also a seed of civilizations to create units that are stable and in turn create stability in the larger towns, cities and nations. Although i do wonder if that is still a necessary ingredient to a stable civilization, it could very well be necessary. Personally I do share your skepticism on modern marriage. But I would always leave the door open to it for the right person
dude get out of quant mode bro!! you know all the data that you talking about marriage and stuff, we are the ones who created them. That means we can change also; do not be a data point bro
@@valdefortis8512 haha I’m just having fun with these videos bro. I’m not as cynical as my last two videos make me seem. It just makes for better content 😅. Also, I’m not as weird as I probably seem in these videos haha. I just like walking the line right between serious and joking so it’s hard for people to evaluate me.
@@LitNomad dont listen to any critics...you clearly understand trends and probabilities...the rise of technology has reduced marriage stock to 0...and its getting delisted off the market.....if marriage was a stock, you would only scalp it, never make it a long term investment just like a pump and dump biotech stock....you can live a great life without signing any documents and tying in a third party into your finances aka the gov....you can get married without signing anything...just find a chick who has the ability to prove committment, live in separate places, and call yourself married/have a serious relationship...if she cheats, walk away clean like a bandit...you gained value from the transaction without losing resources.
You can always just date long-term. The other option is to marry late in life, as in your 50s or 60s. At that time, you're more likely to find the right person as you know yourself better and can also see other people more accurately for being genuine, or not. Also, the person you marry isn't going to be hot enough to get cheat offers.
This topic aligns with the happiness vs. time graph in another video of yours, where you mentioned how minimizing risk in life in worry of future/potential negatives, as opposed to embracing life's swings of ups and downs, is effectively equivalent to being dead (as your happiness value hovers close to 0). Your viewpoint on marriage here might sound like you are limiting the most you can get out of life (e.g., unlocking new emotions, the possibility of ascending to new heights if you hit the lottery on your marriage), but you could also argue the inverse, where most married men are likely bears in tuxedos; blindly getting married because it's the next step in our lives, thereby adhering to societal norms, can be seen as being risk adverse as well.
Yeah I guess it’s about which risks to choose. By sleeping around with local women across different countries I risk STDs and being drugged and having my kidneys stolen, and other things. But I prefer to ride that particular wave more than the wave of having heated arguments with my wife where I go into my parked car outside to scream.
Did you guys know that the male penis is shaped like a mushroom because it’s optimized to scoop other men’s semen out (during out thrusts) since monogamy was so uncommon over the evolution of our species?
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More reasons not to marry:
Marriage is “until death do us part.” So if you die before your spouse, they can and do remarry. If you believe in the afterlife, they’ll likely reunite with the guy she remarried, not you.
In the film Titanic, Rose’s husband excitedly enters heaven to reunite with his wife of 50yrs, only to find out that she’s back with a homeless degenerate gambler she had a fling with on a cruise ship when she was 17. There are some great memes about this.
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Another great example of how infidelity is normalized in culture is the pina colada song:
th-cam.com/video/TazHNpt6OTo/w-d-xo.htmlsi=idhGNlR8tKiSf0o4
“I was tired of my lady
We'd been together too long
Like a worn out recording
Of a favorite song”
These lyrics are actually profound. Marriage doesn’t work because you get tired of having your favorite dish every day.
W
You're treating everything like some math equation/formula. As corny as it sounds marriage and kids and love can't really be calculated. No homo but I really think you would be a great father, you definitely see the world differently than the common man and your kid would have a leg up. (I feel like you're good at seeing true human nature, definitely jaded though). Seeing him grow up to be successful would probably be the happiest moment of your life, it's just biological. But yes there's also the risk of a failing marriage, and it affecting your kid, but most of the greatest successes/wins in life come from luck which can't be calculated.
also you're a guy so it's not too late like actually, even Trump had a kid at a dinosaur age
Interesting.....are other animals, especially mammals mushrooms shaped as well?
@@Bob1332s Totally dude. I talk about how I prioritize for “experiences” in this life, yet becoming a father would probably be one of the greatest experiences that I would never be able to unlock as a man.
It is a tough decision to make, because I also think I would make a great father, and in a way, I make these videos to drop wisdom about life because I feel it’s wasted if I never have kids who would get to hear my ramblings at the dinner table lol.
As I say in the video, I would be open to more modern paradigms of pair bonding. So I would probably be open to an open marriage of some sort with honorable ground rules that both sides follow. Then maybe if I have kids, they would be raised communally with a few other couples within my “tribe”.
marriage is like being rich, everyone wants to have the perfect marriage. they DO exist. but it's like being rich. only very few are.
HE IS LITERALLY TOP 0.1% RICH
Married to someone that you really love if it's doesn't work out so what I mean nothing last forever.
@@Kingofthehill84 Not true
@I_007
Are you wanting to stay single until die alone like him??
I am wealthy and there are very few negatives about being rich. I was married and there were very few positives about being married. A wealthy man can easily pay someone to do anything for him. A married man especially in the U.S. is controlled by his wife, his sex life is totally controlled by her. I just learned to be happy single, it would take an amazing w-m-n for me to even bother having a GF in the U.S. I can rent the only thing modern w-m-n have to offer.
I know my wife since we were 18 years old, married at 28 years old, and two boys appeared later. Now at 55 years old and still married, there are always ups and downs, that's life. But I just can't imagine living by myself for the last 37 years or die alone. I guess it is a personal choice, but it should not be based purely on statistics. We complement each other in many areas, perhaps that is why it works out for us!
You married her 28 years ago. Do you not understand that things have changed since covid, let alone 28 years ago? Forget COVID, the past 2 years I'm seeing way more changes. COVID started this. Yet, here you are talking to us about something from pre-early 2000s.
I think the United States is at a pivotal point where men of all backgrounds are & will continue to go abroad and find traditional wives in other continents, from Latin America, to Asia, to Africa, to Europe.
Why does it have to be between being alone or monogamy? Why not an open marriage?
Your are purely marrying someone based off not being alone is pretty sad 🤣🤣! All those couples on instagram portraying every photo like it's a dream are the ones really going through it ! It's just a front 💯
@@Anime1love it’s very hard for some people to have empathy and understand single life and the challenges of modern day mate selection if all they’ve ever know is marriage and kids.
The "50% divorce rate" statistic is incredibly misleading and nobody talks about this. Yes, 50% of marriages end in divorce. This is including the people who divorce several times, which skew the stat by >5% because people who divorce once are incredibly likely to do it many more times (60% divorce rate for second marriages, 70% for thirds, etc.).
‼Additionally, you can take the rate and break it down onto individuals and learn much more than that very broad statistic. For example, only 25.9% of marriages of people who had a college education ended in divorce. Women file 70% of divorces, so for example gay couples divorce less, lesbians more- if you aim for the right woman, it's more likely to succeed than a slightly worse male. Gen X divorces, proportionally, way more than millennials (and gen Z), but since they're older they make it appear more common. Republicans are more likely to get married and less likely to get divorced, according to research by W.B.Wilcox. Occupation can also tell a lot about identity and choices (research big-5 personality traits in psychology to learn more), and for example makes things like people in the physical sciences having a divorce rate of just 15%, while flight attendants have 51%. Even cultural things involved in race determine a lot, for example african americans divorce more than twice as much as white americans, and asian americans slightly less than white americans.
TLDR: Being glum about the stat of "50% of marriages divorce" is like saying "average salary in the US is $63k so why try" when the reality is there are many ways to manipulate your personal statistic to lie in the high end of the broader statistical range. It is not that difficult to find ways to make the statistics fall in your favor if you know how to do it, so that your divorce rate is only 20% for example.
Best comment here
Your numbers are completely off. 50% of 1st marriages end in divorce. For 2nd and 3rd marriages, the rate goes up to 70 and 80% respectively.
In addition, 50% of married men AND women have cheated on their spouses. Only 10% of long term married couples are happy. I could go on and on.
The whole video isn't about ranting about the 50% divorce rate but your comment is
@@WHAT._ISPAT selective outrage is a thing
Came here looking for this comment...bro being a statistician but isn't applying conditional probability 😅
48 years old here, no children and never married. Never really had the desire for either. I keep waiting to feel that sense of loneliness and emptiness I was told would hit me, but it hasn’t. The fact that I witnessed my parents have a miserable marriage, and have watched 3 of my best friends get married, have kids….. and then get annihilated in family court may play a role though.
Ya think? Lol
Great comment! I’m 49. I live a certain lifestyle . My gf is 27. And that’s all there will be to it! I’m so uninspired to marry based on my childhood experience seeing my father endure the brutal sentence. I talk about it on my channel. Glad to have found this page!
So what is the plan then?
Born grow up and never start your own family live and eventually die.
because people around you failed at their marriage?
I mean if you have no desire you do you.
But i think living a life without even trying to have your own offsprings is kindof you know...an experience in life that you will not be experiencing.
Having your own family i think is an experience worth experiencing dispite the horrible stuff that could happen.
@@workeveryday8737 you’ll die faster if you take this route and pay for it with your health. Outside of my own father, like this vid states, NONE of my boys are happily married and wouldn’t do it again if they had a choice. IF ever the marriage laws change, yes, then the possibilities are more realistic. My peace & quiet at this age is 💰. I have no interest in “raising Gen-Z” kids … etc… This is a bit of a degenerate world now anyway…
same here my parents love was powerful but now its gone
Why would anyone trade when 95% of traders lose?
gambling instinct is natural to us
Good comment
@@5678plm one of the key differentiators between man and the animals is man’s ability to act against nature. Most of the evils man commits are natural and even game-theory optimal. But man can call higher impulses (like love, etc.) into the world instead of being governed by lower drives imposed by nature. Gamifying evolutionary drives leads to a shallow existence.
@@alexmack956 because they’re fooled by charlatans who mislead them with cherry picked data on how profitable a trading strategy could be. If the strategy were profitable, they would get backers and scale it up until they’re a billionaire, they wouldn’t sell courses and make a few thousand from it while their strategy gets saturated.
When we have a winning strategy at work, there is a stern talk by desk heads to not even tell our wives or families about it, because we just found the holy grail and we’re going to extract a ton of cash, and if others discover it, it will get saturated and stop working as we have to split up the pie.
All “courses” in “trading” outside of Wall Street are a scam. I realize that’s a hard pill to swallow.
They’re actually worse than just lying to you where your odds of success are random, they’re funneling your money into the pockets of wall st people on the other side. If you were just trading a 0 EV strategy, you’d win about 45% of the time after fees, not 5% of the time. At 5%, it literally means if I hacked your trading software to reverse the buy and sell buttons, you’d be all disappointed after a month, then I’d be like “SURPRISE! you actually MADE the money you think you lost! Congrats! But stop trading now cuz you clearly suck at it.”
This is why being a contrarian so often makes money in trading and why I always make contrarian bets when there is almost a full consensus formed that my bet is wrong. Ok. If it’s so obvious that I’m wrong, shouldn’t the market have already priced that in? The majority of people are on the same side of the canoe 🛶 when it tips over and I’m on my jetski waving at them.
My next video will cover how financial news is rigged (insider knowledge). Stay tuned brothers!
@ not sure if you understood my point. The point is, some people win. You sound very defeatist wrt your love life. You can actually find a woman who will love you and who you can love. And love doesn’t have the diminishing returns that wealth does.
We are hardwired to believe that raising children is a wonderful experience. The happiest moment of my life was when I first saw my son. The rest of your analysis may be accurate, but that part makes it all worthwhile.
I totally agree. I feel this way about my nieces and they aren’t even my direct offspring.
I do understand the counterpoints to my argument and some of them are very strong. I just happen to be on this side of the argument for now, so that’s the message I pushed.
Great video dude you're a real thinker. I'm the same way. By the way I'm 67 and never been married. Although I grew up in Southern California so I've been through many many women. After cooking through 40 or 50 in my twenties I became obsessed with financial Independence in my thirties after I lost a really beautiful woman to a guy wealthier than me. It was there that I realized wealth and status has a lot to do with your potential women. Fast forward I haven't lived with a woman for the past 20 years and I'm 67 years old now. Those last 20 years have been focused on my financial house in order though. I guess my message to you is stay focused on your money and the women will come naturally if you want them. But buyer beware.
@@riverat7558 haha you are a wise man. Yes we see the world in similar ways and I am sure we are net happier than most of our married peers.
My married peers complain about their wives non stop and many of them are already divorced. I do not envy them at all.
@@riverat7558You actually want a women who is only attracted to your wealth? You will learn quickly how devastating that is. Because there is always someone richer than you, better looking than you, younger than you. You idealize the physical world.
It’s a luxury
I'm a single 40-year-old man by choice and share some similar thoughts with you. On the other hand, my older brother, who has been happily married with kids for over 10 years, says: "A long-term partner is someone you want to share experiences with, not just sex. Over time, the importance of sex decreases." He has a strong point there.
@@badran6290 yes, as you get older, your sex drive goes down, so if I were to marry, I’d marry at a later age for this reason.
I hear you brother. Have you considered a realistic adult humanoid companion robot? There are really only benefits. Check this option out.
@@luxbotics7503 haha idk. I’m more into the mental conquest than the physical conquest.
Fifteen years ago, being single was often stigmatized, seen as something to fix or outgrow, with heavy societal pressure to marry. Today, singlehood is more accepted and even celebrated as a time for personal growth, independence, and self-discovery, reflecting a shift in cultural values.
Life isn’t one size fits all. Do what works for you
Im a big introvert and prefer to be alone most of the time. I tried marriage along time ago when I was young and thought that’s what’s you’re supposed to do. Luckily, we figured it out pretty quickly and went our separate ways. Im 49 now and sooooo happy living the life I want to live, without having the sacrifice or compromise for the needs of someone else. It sounds selfish but I think more people would be happy if they stayed true to themselves.
Thank you for the balanced perspective. I totally agree.
You missed out on your genetic evolution. Wash wahh
How is it selfish?
@@mohammadmiran8484 It's selfish because he is not bringing up at least two children, which is his duty as a fertile man. In other words, if everyone behaved like him, human civilization would collapse.
@@khj5582 makes sense
I am a divorce attorney and you're so spot on. I just started trading to get out of the field a year ago...Law is depressing....I found your channel looking for trading shit...Good luck on your journey...Cheers
Marriage fails many times because women don't marry their first choice. The best sex and roller coaster of feelz she experienced was on some dirty mattress on the floor of some college bros apartment she had a situationship with. Women typically marry their #2 or #3 choice who is the safer long term option. Now you might be thinking why you started getting more attention from them in their late 20's - 30's when you got rejected by these same women in your youth. Its because their priorities switch from short term fun to locking down the safe provider before she gets too old. If you haven't experienced genuine desire from girls when you had nothing its gonna hard to discern if they are with you because you make them hot or because of the lifestyle you provide.
As a man I want a women to desire me and see me like a sex object. I'm not with anyone who only chooses me for what lifestyle I can provide.
I used to think this way too. But then I got so bored I didn’t care about going through all the potential outcomes of the future. It’s a part of life. Sign a prenup if you’re worried and control what you can. Life gets boring but I do sometimes miss all the freedom. But life is better when shared ultimately. I’d rather share it with her than with a bunch of random people on the internet. But to each their own. I also understand finding the right one now is extremely difficult. I got lucky
Also, whats the point of being rich if you have no one to share it with?
Exactly. Lotta Asians love the whole single life debate. Must be why Japan will be extinct in 200 years and China will have less people than America in a 100
@@darrenmayer9604 you can literally buy your way out of loneliness no jk...you can buy sex and company with money. You may argue its not "real love" but imo neither is a marriage...what are the chances your wife will stay with you if you lose your ability to make money for an extended amount of time?...its very high. Finances are the major reason for divorce...
My first job out of college this 50s dude was getting divorced; he kept reiterating that it takes 2 to get married but just 1 person to want to divorce to make it happen. Their marriage ended cuz his exwife just ‘wasn’t happy’ and wanted change. There’s also those memes about if Tom Brady can’t keep a woman what’s a normal dudes chances. Honestly the infidelity stuff aside I think a lot of divorce is no fault, the woman just want some chaos, consequences be dammed. Men can be that slave bear for a long time, for their kids etc while women feels unhappy and wants out now and oh take 50% of everything
Totally dude. It’s an unequal contract.
You dont know what tom brady was or wasnt doing in his marriage though. He couldve easily just not been giving time to his wife and family and always been out training or something. Neglecting your family and letting her feel unloved can happen to anyone.
@@ykx777 well they are memes so i get your point. however this is another problem with the modern marriage, lets say he indeed was constantly on the road, training, earning money, etc, is that a reason for the woman to say 'hey hes not paying attention to me, but Jody is so its not my fault' really? why cant the woman find fulfillment through other means instead of infidelity and then turning it back to the man cuz hes too busy providing for the family? see this is another point I don't understand. traditionally man provides for the family and the women isn't upset he isnt home and now the modern woman says not only does he have to provide, he must be home as well. a friend of mine said it already, the modern women wants a man whos rich and has alot of free time. kind of messed up if you ask me, does money just fall out of the sky?
My husband and I had the same cadaver in med school at 22. Still happily together and monogamous at 33 with a baby now. Never got legally married. Yes everyone is different. We’re not intensely Christian but it has been a good scaffold for our lives thus far and having a ride or die has been invaluable
@@jmt2192 thank you for your perspective and sharing your story
I’m 18 and I’ve been thinking about this exact topic since I was 14. I’m glad I’m not alone in this thinking. Feels nice. I love the vids man!
Maximum your potential, don't attach a boat anchor
Thanks bro! Here’s my 2cents.
Focus on yourself and becoming as successful as possible. The women will come later, and your selection will be better if you decide you do want to try marriage.
Hi Tyler, I suggest listening to the book "The Meaning of Marriage" by Timothy Keller during one of your upcoming drives. The book refutes a lot of the claims about marriage that come from popular culture.
Marriage isn't always the right choice for everyone, but it serves a purpose for many that would like to sacrifice the self for others (maturity), and pursue the fullest potential in the legacy they leave behind.
Dude I didn’t expect to see you here lol
hey man i'm enjoying your range of content, from economics, to dating all of this. you're a very logical person and hearing your perspectives on societal conventions in all areas is really insightful to hear cuz you're a highly analytical thinker on what's conventionally accepted
Haha thanks. I also see a lot of anger in these comments, and I hope people understand that I’m not as extreme as I seem. I know and understand the counterpoints to my arguments and some of them are strong.
It just makes for better content to present the side of the argument I currently reside on.
Yes, highly analytical, but may not be totally correct.
@@leepl7183out of curiosity, which parts do you disagree with?
hey shoutout love ur talks, always watch you during my breaks. yea continue making people think!!!
@@ok-cx4qd thank you!
A friend of mine at work told me she and her husband are divorcing after 30-years of marriage the reason? They simply got tired of each other.
Just discovered your channel this week; nice to hear contrarian points of view, even if it doesn’t align with my own life choices, you help provide a larger spectrum of ideas. Keep up the great work!
A quantitative logical objection
No anger no bias. I just think people should consider both sides.
Here’s a massive thing that is overlooked relationships are not stochastic and are determined by you.
Here's why you are mispricing the negative consequences of love:
1. As Iim x --> 65 (age vs utility function), utility of $$$ --> zero, and since $$$ simply implies the ability to purchase [pleasure], our primary mechanism for pleasure decreases, so what tf do we do? Well this makes the potential upsides of love, children and all the stuff way more good.
Here's some primary arguments you have posited:
A. Marriage is manufactured by monotheistic religions ---> if we are naturally wired to be polygamous? then why worry about infidelity, if you think its unnatural why do you want dislike the idea of your partner cheating, why not have a primary partner that you marry simply for sexual/personal purposes but still have multiple other partners, even in polygamous cultures there still does exist a 'primary spouse'. As you can quickly see polygamous relationships are sort of kinda bad, the thing is humans really like controlling things, it's the same reason why I don't let random people drive my car, the reason why humans were 'polygamous per say' is because it allows us to have more offspring yada yada regular ole darwinian biology. There's also a HUGE reason why polygamous relationships are bad SUPER resource inefficient, imagine if one man was impregnating 9 different women, huge disaster right. The thing you don't fully articulate is how polygamous societies don't really have a man/women binary that we do in regular societies, it's almost as if the whole village takes care of itself. Really different.
B. Infidelity ---> Honestly, I haven't seen the data so I won't make any ad hom's about that, I just think you are overconflating the Negative EV of cheating. The thing is, in life, we have this awesome thing known as risk reduction, and we can DRASTICALLY reduce this negative outcome. As a quantitative trader I'm sure you know that we can incur risk, if in the long-run we have an edge. I'm sure you can EASILY reduce the risk of infidelity by picking the right women! the thing is your statistics is inherently biased because we have NO IDEA who the sample was, if it was everyone in the U.S. you and I can both easily understand you aren't the median Joe in the U.S.!!! Come on man, you aren't even CONSIDERING risk mitigation.
C. People root for infidelity/infidelity is normalized ---> SUPER SUPER SUPER cherry picked mate. From where I'm from cheating is horribly stigmatized.
D. Biologically programmed for infidelity ---> So, the research behind this is that SOME people genetically have influences towards infidelity, however, I think this is super easy to pick out. If you hear around town that a girl sleeps around would you marry her? No? It's like, it's super obvious to isolate the risk of cheating, and you are obviously mispricing the risks here.
E. Divorce Rates Increasing ---> This is actually because people, actually now have the liberty to see if they love someone. Back in the past people used to be stuck in a relationship they hated. For example, arranged marriages which force two unhappy people to stay in a relationship but can't get out of it due to the stigmatization of a relationship. The thing is, I want to know the quantitative statistics behind the amount of TRULY happy people vs Relationships. There's a distinction between infatuaion, and love, people are young and dumb and make mistakes. This doesn't mean that every women is out to get you or take your money. Again mispriced.
Remember in a earlier video where you mentioned that people misprice risk quite often, it seems like you are doing it. I feel like you are focusing too much on the airplane crashing than noticing the obvious risk of crashing your car (the implicit cost, which is the lack of marriage, a good anchor for love, and potentially a lack of children).
F. I think your mindset is wrong, if you want I can debate on you this. I think you would be deeply benefited from considering the GOOD as well as the bad, why not include statistics on the happiness or ROI of marriage. Don't become one-dimensional and dogmatic.
There exists only one evil in society. Dogma. Nothing else.
Best wishes, a freshman in college.
Some good points here. However for B (infidelity) I think he is saying he would get bored, and you can’t eliminate the risk of yourself :)
I've never seen such terrible counter arguments disguised as intellectualism/logic. Life is going to knock you down a few pegs at some point, just like it did to me when I was 18. Instead of debating you, I'll respond to this comment when you are 28 and see if you still have the same perspective after 10 years experience with dating and relationships. And yes, I'm in a LTR but don't plan on getting married with the government.
@@EllaG-yr2us Then that person isn't the one, the thing is infidelity is typically lustful while I wouldn't say the same about love, which is built on trust, connection, and a range of non-sexual emotions.
Also if we are being strictly quantitative here, infidelity is a complete disaster in terms of utility.
@@Glowie34765 I don't understand, if i'm wrong please point out whats wrong, I'm open to criticism. And, to be quite clear my perspective may change but that doesn't mean I'm correct. I'm not sure what "getting married with the government" means to be quite frank, but I just want to make this clear, I'm not criticizing anyone but rather offering a different perspective, Switch Sides and be reflexive is all I want people to take away from my comment.
I think we also chose long term pair bonding as a civilization strategy. Cultures with monogomy seem to do better in the long run with less war, more cooperation, and more innovation. When the top men dont get all the women, it seems to create more peaceful societies.
That being said, I do think your concerns are 100% true and valid. We need to figure out a way for people to have the relationships that work for them. I think we should normalize lots of different kinds and let society decide what stays and what goes.
Lastly, I think the village helping to raise the children as a community also makes the most sense.
Agree that it has certainly served society well, hence it's pervalence. But serving the community doesn't mean serving the individual and there is a conflict here, and of course like most things that involve sacrificing for the great good, it is best that society creates norms that make people feel like they are doing it in their own best interest.
man you're like a more rational version of the techlead lol
For real. Bro’s wife ran away with his kid and his money. He did not do the math 🧮
@@LitNomadtech lead also seems like an insufferable prick lol
I know you’re joking but I think I have to say this cus people always throw numbers and stats around when talking about relationships or making crucial life decisions..
It’s not really about the math .. people are different, and you are not the average of all people in terms of relational skill and personality and the person you meet is not the average either (and we’re only talking about the people surveyed to get the “50% of all marriages end in divorce”) so what are we really talking about here.. Not to mention people are not on a linear scale of “not cut out for relationships to perfect for relationships”, it’s really more about who matches your personality.. so idk this whole “math” argument just doesn’t register for me
@@LitNomad if you watch him, it’s easy to see he is a selfish, narcissistic willing to defraud others for his own advantage (re: million token; algoexpert). Those traits don’t lead to a health marriage. So there are likely more one side here.
Haha I was just thinking the same. Even had to look up techlead’s latest videos and how he’s doing (somehow he’s not recommended to me much by YT anymore)
@@user239den he’s been saying tech is dead for years now and the Nasdaq keeps breaking all time highs. Coincidentally he keeps pushing crypto while owning tons of crypto.
Dude I have watched like two other videos of yours, both real, refreshing content from an intelligent guy, and this one does it for me as well. At 6:05 right now where you start a discussion of pair-bonding and why it rationally doesn't make sense to get married. I'm so bullish on your channel man. Keep making great content.
Marriage is a failed societal experiment but was needed because we needed bodies to plough the fields in the old days.
Marriage isn’t the problem. Human nature is the problem.
😂😂😂😂
This video is actually amazing and has put so many of my thoughts into words, thank you for creating this. Loved the analogies and also gave me more to think about. I can't wait to become a successful yapper like you one day
@random-ed6kn haha being a yapper content creator is the best ROI. Just sit down and yap for 15min, do some light editing on your phone, then publish. Make $100+.
I don't get why non-religious get married anyway...
its strictly a religious practice that's gradually transitioned into a cultural tradition. that's why divorce rates are high .. youre sold the dream by influencers, advertisers, etc. you buy into it thinking the happiness is instant, rather than because you believe in the principles of marriage
Ownership. They want to own the other person
Love your videos bro; more and more and more please; Good topics and storytelling abilities and great scenery. Same here regarding this video subject; single, never married, no kids, 51 years old and about to have most money of my life to travel whenever I want and visit online dating
Yup exactly. It’s an awesome life bro.
I’m married but I can sympathize with your situation. You’re a millionaire; I’m a thousandaire. If my wife splits, she walks away poor. But if your hypothetical wife were to divorce you, she would walk away a millionaire.
0:00-2:00 I read the '50% marriages end of divorce statistic' comes from a projection made in the 70s, during a time when divorce rates were increasing due to a change in laws (not based non actual rates). The prediction was based on the assumption if 2% marriages end in divorce each year, over time, this leads to half of all marriages dissolving. And it includes repeat divorces. It seems actual stats show rates are closer to 30-40% for first time marriages, and slightly higher for second/third marriages, (including repeat divorces).
A recent case study of polygamy is Watanabe in Japan. He's 36, has 10 kids with 4 women, and is aiming to father the most kids in Japan's history (record is at 54). It seems the cost is $6k per month to manage 10 kids up where he is in Hokkaido, and he splits the cost with the 4 working women.
@@silentperson233 lol. Yeah it can be expensive to be polygamous for sure.
Best video about marriage on TH-cam! And I've watched a lot of them
Thank you!! 🙏
"People are miserable being stuck with the same person for that long" really! I think going from person to person to person is a more miserable way to live. Either with friends or partners. Personally I don't want friends and I would never get married again because my husband is SO FANTASTIC I cannot see anyone else measuring up. Yes we fight and then WE LAUGH at how stupid we are. Perfection.
This is awesome -- this is the most rational and unemotional take on why monogamy isn't ideal. Can I try and provide some counter argument?
I think being single is not a bad way to live, it's likely better than 99% of relationships, but if you're able to find that ideal partner who compliments you, genuinely cares about you, shares the same goals and principles, who wants to raise a family and grow old with you, then the upside can be infinitely higher than being single. So the key is to be very discerning in mate selection, set a very high threshold for opting for marriage, and when you do find that person, go all in and take the risk of infidelity etc. My simple trick to never be tempted to cheat is that I simply date/marry someone that I like so much that no other girl, no matter how hot, even comes close to being worth a consideration for cheating.
Yes, exactly. It's hard to find the right business partner, but the right cofounder can take your company to new levels you wouldn't be able to yourself.
And you are right about the second part. The real measure of fidelity is never about testing how loyal your partner is -- it's about whether you can talk to a hot woman (or man) outside, and still be happy to go home to your woman.
Hey thanks for the feedback.
What I would say in response to that is people change.
So even if you’re insanely compatible with someone, and you’re madly in love with each other, life is long, and they might become a different person in 10yrs. Not just weight gain or something, I mean mentally. I’m a different person from 10yrs ago, and different 10yrs before that. At each of those stages, if you asked me who I would be and how I would think, I would have guessed wrong.
So with monogamy, you have to get lucky and hope that you change together in the same ways. Statistically, that is improbable.
Like she might get really into weed while you get really into David Goggins and fitness. Things like that.
"find that ideal partner who compliments you" I'm assuming you mean "complements", though "compliments" probably helps too!
My colleagues are complaining about their wives and yet at the same time they are encouraging me to get married. How daft could they yet?
@@tlz8884 misery loves company
The question is not whether you'll get married, it's will you ever find someone worth being monogamous with? The odds are low, but what are you doing with your time? Aren't you retired?
There are two things you must look for in the person you are considering to be your long term partner.
1. Do you trust them completely.
2. Is the person hardworking and persistent? Marriage is hills and valleys and often times you choose to stay married and you choose to communicate and you choose to forgive and you choose to love.
100% agree. Marigage is simply an insurance policy for women. I marry and divorced twice and started over every time. It cripples you financial and emotionally. Marriage is a failed institution.
For me it was about finding a girl that had a dream and the drive to go for it and I just wanted to be the one supporting her because it was a beautiful one.
Bn: 1984. Male. Single, Unmarried and childless. I LIKE THE WAY I AM.
1. The world is a trash fire.
2. My family history is a trash fire ( High divorce, alcoholism and domestic violence ).
3. I'm not obligated to compromise, provide and protect for a society that I'm invisible too.
4. I don't have to prove I'm good enough to a family and I'm not going to make their little girl cry.
5. I'm too mentally and physically ill-equipped to deal with family life.
6. I've seen a lot of deaths. ( Parents bury their children / schoolmates that have died )
7. Fear of failing as a family man / divorce.
8. I live an fight for myself. MERC LIFE.
9. Life is a shit sandwich.
10. Such is life.
Sort of seems like three separate arguments: alone vs companionship, marriage vs cohabitation, kids/ no kids.
I may not agree with all your viewpoints, but I do like your logical and data-driven approach to things.
State run marriage licenses give all the leverage to a woman who expects more and offers less than our grandmothers.
The risk/reward ratio from a financial, emotional, mental, physical, and spiritual standpoint just isn’t there for men who have an analytical mind.
Very interesting. All the logical musings is one thing, and powerful hormonal & spiritual reaction (love) to another person is quite another. When one meets one’s “pair,” I’ve noticed that one’s ambivalence on marriage goes out the window, and people suddenly wanna “lock it in” (myself included). 😊
Better to live happy and die alone, then to marry and live in misery and still die alone.
“I used to think the worst thing in life is to end up all alone. It's not. The worst thing in life is to end up with people who make you feel all alone.”
- Robin Williams (RIP)
@ These are true words. I can tell you as a married man I have been more alone and miserable than I ever was single. The single days were quite blissful.
Indeed
You won't be die alone since your wife and her new boyfriend will be there for you
Please dont stop these videos , keep them coming , can learn a lot from you
Thanks 🙏. Will do!
Monogamy is probably not the most natural way, but it is about commitment. Having someone that is by your side when you are sick or in the ugly times and that you purposefully will support during their own hard times is a great safety, a huge comfort, but above all, the greatest form of friendshi and loyalty. If I could have the same in an open relationship, I would. But I'm not willing to lose my best possible over all companion for a few fleeting thrills or escapades. Monogamy is practical, avoids stds, ensures safety for offspring if any is desired, in general it gives peace of mind. If you don't get that from monogamy, it is not the right kind of partner, not a problem from monogamy per se.
Best comment here, exactly how I'd think about this topic.
I agree. Marriage is tough, but that doesn’t mean it can’t last, or that it’s for everyone. Some people are completely happy on their own, and would rather be.
Hey Tyler, I thought of 2 counter points that I would like your thoughts on and I used GPT LLM to help refined the quetions:
1) How does the "50% divorce rate" critique account for significant subgroup variations, such as the much lower rates among Asian Americans (18%) or college-educated couples (25%)? Could this generalized statistic be an example of Simpson's Paradox, where aggregate data obscures key differences, and how might this nuance affect the argument that monogamy is fundamentally flawed?
2) Monogamy became more widespread as a societal norm with the rise of organized civilizations and monotheistic religions, notably in the last 1,000-2,000 years. This period coincides with significant advancements in science, technology, and societal structures, with near-exponential growth in the past few centuries. Could monogamy's emphasis on stable family units and intergenerational knowledge transfer have played a causal role in fostering innovation and progress? If so, is it possible that dismissing monogamy could risk undermining this stability? How would alternative systems provide the same societal benefits?
Computers and the Internet solves for argument #2.
@@BladeAurora 1) you’re right. When dissecting the numbers there are pockets where performance is higher. Asian households stigmatize divorce quite a bit, and as I mention in the video, they scratch their 7yr itch by cheating. Not trying to badmouth China, but every Chinese guy I know from finance has mistresses and his main girl knows and understands that this is the agreement. She gets money, and he gets to cheat. That isn’t really a pro monogamy argument though it looks good for divorce stats. That’s actually an arrangement I myself would happily consider. 50% is sort of arbitrary. I’m just saying considering how bad it looks to get divorced, any divorce rate in double digits seems high.
2) I don’t think I can tell you what I really think about this because it’s too politically incorrect, but I don’t think it’s monogamy that led to this advancement, I think it’s something else that these particular groups all have in common.
@@LitNomad Slavery, war, conquest?
I am 19 and have never seen my parents together. A broken household is one of the worst things for youth to experience. My mother could have remarried but the child support system (which f**ing sucks) benefited her not to remarry.. there are too many things wrong with society today
Married dudes watching this will FOMO being single. I laughed so hard.
@@jasoneyes01 lol I think a lot of those married dudes are whining in the comments.
@@LitNomad haha i know right. though anecdotal, there are several nice and intelligent middle aged married men telling/confirming that not getting married is good.
once a female coworker asked me why i dont get in a relationship, another coworker in the same room: a middle aged electrical engineer and I said it simultaneously: "that's looking for suffering".
Not at all…
I appreciate your perspective, keep up the great videos.
Considering all the bullshit I gave my parents over the last 20 years (and more if I count toddler and infancy) , there’s just no appeal to me for wanting that for myself
Well said - I am constantly amazed by how many otherwise very smart and well-educated people take norms as given instead of making important decisions (like marriage) from first principles. I view marriage as a functional equilibrium outcome of most modern socieites after iterations / evolutions, as it benefits things like social stability (bottom men can still get girls / family means you have more to lose if you deviate from societal expectations) and generational transtions. What benefits society doesn't necessarily help one live the best life possible.
I definitely think marriage is a scam. A friend and I were talking about this. Men don't need to be married. We can be perfectly happy without a relationship. Women depend on relationships for happiness.
If you find the right one a relationship will make you very very happy. You’re potentially missing out on a lot.
The good ones are definitely a rarity in west these days. The word "relationship" needs a goal and purpose beyond the needs of the huband or wife. This is where the children come into the picture - the relationship needs to be about the family in order to survive, because it's not about you. I agree that marriage is a scam if you're thinking about it serving you. You get married for the family, not for you.
That's very rich, you are basically acting like the feminists do, saying "I am a strong independent man, i don't need no woman!" hahahaha
@@concernedcitizen6676 no maintenance over here.
@@nakodares5982 But how on earth do you do that?
I'm just not a social person anymore because I've been around people long enough to know that their civilized and eloquent demeanor is simply a husk protecting the sensitive and visceral being inside.
Word
Stop letting other people's failed marriages or inability to remain faithful from putting you off. A lot of people make bad choice of partner, they just go for someone who is hot, or someone who satisfies their insecurity. That doesn't have to apply to you. The 50% statistic does not apply to your marriage, in the same way that you are not an average person you don't need to apply averages to yourself. If you choose the right partner then you are happy, while other people's marriages will fail that doesn't affect you. You just sound like you are making excuses to not even try if I'm honest. I also find the diamond thing quite outrageous, but just get over it and buy your fiancee a diamond and move on, who cares
@@AndyLowe-net pretty sure most people would rather be single than to be with someone who isnt hot
I’m new to the channel. I’ll tell you something different though. I’m in a similar financial situation like yours. There’s a lot of different topics and trains of thought you have. Thanks for providing your POV. I will provide 3 points cause it’s just difficult to type.
1. If you have kids, the day they’re born is priceless. Your worldview changes. Your life also turns upside down. If the person doesn’t adjust their behaviors (similar to weights and balances) to a changing environment, the algorithm becomes dysfunctional in its area of optimization. Having your own kids does not compare to nieces or nephews. The one thing is that I see a different version of me in my offspring. I call it refactoring which my offspring won’t be the same the original code. The original code will also have to change as well.
2. 50/50 odds on divorce and lawyers, I made the decision to get married because it’s truly a gamble. I too fear divorce and marriage issues. But you have to intrinsically value your relationship and extrapolate the possibly of disrupting key issues. Nothing is 100%. Ever since I had a son/daughter (not revealing what gender), my wife and they became my happiness.
3. Why am I creating a family? I am a human being. I will get old and I’d like to see my offspring advance in life. Have that lineage and connection to them and theirs. Point 1 & 3 are in relation to evolution.
BONUS: Also a thought on being old because I am, go take a look at any gamblers in the day time at any casinos, they’re lonely. They most likely have money left but have nothing to spend or save it for. You will need other hobbies when you’re older to fulfill happiness. Hitting a jackpot is happiness but it’s only temporary.
One thing I’d ask why you created a TH-cam channel after you’ve been retired. I think deep down, there’s some “connection” that could be what you’re looking for.
All in all, I am genuinely trying to help provide perspective (trying to help a brotha out). I don’t leave many comments on videos but I will leave one because you’re a genuine person. I think you care about the human population and why you’re putting this out now is to provide any financial investor the understanding of “don’t be stupid.” AND you’re a part of the “hamster running in the wheel” if you don’t think differently.
This video is a very intrinsic revelation of your thoughts. Thanks - I hope you see this comment.
@@jasonh5731 hey thanks for the thoughtful comment. I agree with a lot of your points. Ultimately I weighed the pros and cons and decided to stay single (for now).
Also, we all have our own utility function and I don’t think having a family is as valuable as it might be for others. Especially considering how expensive of an undertaking it is.
I enjoy travel and sexual novelty more than the average person.
I made the channel for a few different reasons, but yes, one reason is that I had a lot to say, and I felt like others should at least consider my take on things to get a more balanced perspective before making a big life decision like marriage.
The crazy thing is people getting married after one month and getting a divorce right after.
You know how its always said "you should challenge echo chamber", well I'm glad you are a stats guy and very pragmatic at that. That's what mainly informs your opinions and not just your emotions. Dope breakdown!
Thanks!
If divorce wasn't so expensive (say nothing needs to be divided and no lawyer needed to settle anything), pretty sure the div rate would shoot up to 80+%. There is a point of saturation for everything. Doesn't matter what it is - sex, eating chocolate, even drinking water. At some point, you get sick of doing whatever it is. This no doubt includes seeing your partner everyday. Add to the mix disagreements, heated arguments, differences of sex drives leading to infidelity and it's gonna be time to call quits. Doesn't need to happen right away. It could just be in the back of the person's mind - the subconscious and eventually lead to a boiling point. The only way it works is through compromise and even then it's a crapshoot because at some point, you'll be asking yourself "why the @#$% do I need to compromise when it's their issue?" The whole dating and then "leveling up" to marriage is stupid. When you're dating, you see each other maybe once or twice week? Both individuals look forward to that day because it's only that day of the week before boredom repeats. So both individuals do their best to put their best version on display for each other. Date for a few months, a year, doesn't matter cause it seldom reaches the point of saturation in that kind of interaction. So what happens next? They feel perfect for each other, get married and then bam! It's just way too much for each other after moving in, who should do the dishes, laundry, clean up, etc. Everyone needs space and some way to break the monotony with each other under the same roof. We haven't even talked about the skeletons that come out of the closet after moving in with each other. Those IMO take at least 3 years to really see what you're getting into and even then you probably haven't seen them all. There's a malelivingspaces subreddit which is basically guys showing how they live and sometimes it's just a picture of a bachelor unit with a couch, a tv and their dog because they were completely gutted from the divorce after getting screwed by the lawyer on like a stupid 25/75 split because he could no longer afford the 2+ yr attorney fees fighting over bullshit. But guess what, the guy with just a tv and his dog? (forget even the couch - just fuck it) the guy would still be happy sitting on the floor with his canine buddy beside him binge watching whatever and still be content enough to post about it. Why? because that's all he needs - his personal freedom and personal space.
I’ve heard the divorce rate for first marriages in the USA is 56% and for second and third marriages something like 70-80%!
Marriage for woman is much more beneficial than it is for man, is not equal
There are statistics that prove the opposite
Yet so many women choose to be single... the math ain't mathin
@@donaldtrump2252 This choice came from both, but i think man is the majority that choose not marriage.
@@pauloTxof course it is, because women want the whole shebang. House, car, kids, vacations, fancy things you name it whereas men basically just want sex and someone to cook and clean.
Hey homie!! I’ve been liking your videos… but here’s the point… the goal is to find a best friend a partner in life… through thick and thin.. humans are built for that.. companionship… and we change over the years.. and if you have a best best friend who you love… it just transcends a lot of the statistics you are talking about.. and it’s the people who look at life through the lens you are talking about it in this video frames the mindset for the people who are trapped in that mindset … you seem like a soul on a journey of self-discovery.. I will pray for you that you find a best best best friend to share your heart with… I made a comment about lease terms… that was a joke.. ur video keeps popping up every time I start my car lol.. so I thought some more… let your guard down .. a best best friend you share your heart with is one of the best parts of the human experience .. aloha and god bless 🙏
@@kevinsutavee4844 thanks for sharing your thoughts brotha!
It’s fascinating to observe the contrast between the refinement associated with Ivy League education and the habitual use of filler words such as 'like.' Typically, individuals demonstrating advanced intellect and awareness communicate with clarity and minimize the reliance on such expressions. Your tendency to generalize information, often through a lens of negativity, suggests a mindset more attuned to scarcity and limitation. Your reflections, particularly on the 'truth' about wealth and rich individuals, reveal a predisposition toward a bearish outlook-an inclination to focus on volatility and disruption as primary forces. While periods of upheaval, such as 2008, are part of larger cycles, they are far from definitive. Choosing to prioritize high-volatility environments reflects a deeper attraction to instability, potentially mirroring an inner state.
Your decision to adopt a nomadic lifestyle and move away from traditional structures like marriage may be interpreted as a symbolic withdrawal-an orientation toward what is lacking rather than what is possible. To be 'short' on life, as it were, reflects not just a worldview but a state of being that resists the creative and generative aspects of existence. By stepping away from traditional structures such as marriage and the foundational role it plays in raising a family, you are choosing to disconnect from one of humanity’s most essential purposes: the propagation and refinement of genetic legacy. Marriage is not merely a social institution; it serves as a vessel for transmitting values, knowledge, and genetics to future generations. To abandon this path is, in effect, to withdraw from a vital contribution to the evolutionary continuity of life itself.
This decision reflects a mindset that appears more focused on avoiding life’s hardships than engaging with its possibilities. Your emphasis on high-volatility environments and a predominantly negative worldview perpetuates a narrative of limitation, which, when modeled publicly, risks inspiring others to adopt similar disempowering perspectives. A true role model embraces the responsibilities inherent in life, including the cultivation of resilience, the nurturing of family, and the conscious stewardship of future generations.
To disengage from this process is to reject one’s higher potential-not only as an individual but as a contributor to the shared evolution of humanity. Such a retreat, rooted in a bearish view of life, underscores a mindset that prioritizes avoidance over growth, ultimately limiting the capacity to inspire meaningful, constructive change in others.
Man was racked when he wrote this. Got too deep in the 8 ball
Too repetitive, but he has a point.
Bro is autistic or used ChatGPT
What a loser
@@georgepintilie8647😂
That 50% divorce rate is likely based on a lifetime statistic, thus likely spread over the average life span. i.e. 70 years etc... It's not like 50% get divorced by the age of 30 etc... Thus referencing that 50% could further distort the practical reality of the statistic. If you averaged it over a per year basis, that's a divorce rate of 0.7% per year on average. Thus not even 1 in 100 marriages end in divorce on a year on year basis. The widely cited "50% divorce rate" is often misunderstood or oversimplified.
Married 41yr old dude. 8 years. 2 kids. Of course its not easy, but I remember my single years. Marriage helps one grow as an individual. What helps the most is having the same foundation, which is Jesus Christ. He is the one that keeps us together no matter what. Hopefully one day you'll find Christ. Thanks for not being scammy like Techlead.
I’m 25 and I will say find someone who believes in God is extremely hard these days
@christopherholden66 Fast and pray. It's possible. I remember all the single days wondering if God was listening. He is what the Bible says he is. Claim the promises from his word, spend time seeking his plan for your life and he will show you the way. Teach me your ways oh Lord, I will walk in your truth, unite my heart to fear your name. Palms.
Lmao cringe
You raise valid points about marriage's flaws and its outdated roots. However, dismissing it entirely overlooks its adaptability. Marriage works for many when redefined. The key isn't rejection but fostering diverse relationship models tailored to individual values and needs.
Dude I’ve been saying this for a while. Humans aren’t monogamous, it goes against our nature, you can force it but success is low.
I used to have a random black dude as my pfp and people would always say, well of course you say that you are black (assuming because of pfp), your people blah blah no nuclear family blah blah, when in fact I am a white male with a Christian/catholic background.
Andrew huberman recently was found out that he had 5 women and people were freaking out as if he was an unknown serial biller and shi. Society (most) wants you to have 1 partner probably so that there is more for the others lol. If there is winner takes it all then the genetics of the losers will not get passed on.
That’s why if you are an attractive/tall dude you instantly get hate from other guys because deep down, instinctually they understand that you dominate and could take all the se ual partners for yourself. The harem leader, like the Alpha lion of the pack.
We are not that much different from animals.
Exactly. You get it.
I'll be turning 50 this year, no wife, no children but it doesn't mean I wanted it to be like this. I've always wanted to start my own family, but women never gave me the time of day. And as time has gone by, I've seen women change for the worst. I have no chance with the standards and requirements of women today, and I wouldn't want to start a family with a woman like that anyway. All my friends are married but not one of them is happy; in those rare times I get to see them, I hear nothing but problems and complaining. The other day, a friend I hadn't seen in a few years, told me something that startled me a bit, he said "I love my children, but if I could go back in time and not get married, I would in a heartbeat". Wow. I guess I love the idea of finding a nice, caring and loving woman to start a family with, but that's the thing, finding and marrying a worthy woman would have the same odds of winning the lottery. All I can do and been doing is try to enjoy life on my own, I get sad sometimes to be honest, but it is what it is.
You have some good ideas but this logic literally makes no sense whatsoever. I'm disappointed. You are a quant aren't you. If we only gave in to our natural instincts then there wouldn't be a structured society or stock market that you can milk to fund your retirement. Of course monogamy is not in our nature all the time but neither is going to work, building foking rockets, etc. Pretty much all of modern civilization who discipline and hard work which was not optimal and did not default into instinct. We have to constantly go against our fundamental instinct to achieve higher things. Da fok you talking about
Right. We go against our natural instinct when it creates a positive outcome: like building roads and houses and not stealing from neighbors.
My contention in the video is that there are alternative lifestyle choices that are equal or better for society, and don’t require us to control our animal instincts as much.
Apples and oranges.
Just the fact that there's a high risk of failure makes me want to get married... I didn't get to where I am without pushing my luck, if it's only exposing myself to even more odds... I'm down for the ride. Life best give me a journey worth dying for. Else god might as well take me home early and send me to a more exciting life
Marriage has lost a lot of its purpose and use. Just imagine if marriage was a new concept in todays age. Most men wouldn’t go along with it. Marriage is more of an excuse for women to throw expensive parties to show off their rings on social media. Unless a woman was actually religious and went to church at least once a week every week. I’d say stay clear of marriage!
Exactly. It’s linked to religion. That’s why they usually hold the wedding in a church. Yet, the west declines in religiosity every year. It makes no sense, like the free floating dollar without the backing of gold.
I hear you brother. Many men should considered a realistic adult humanoid companion robots. There are many benefits.
i would like to provide a counter argument: rejecting monogamy as “sheep-like” because it’s a societal norm oversimplifies human behavior. blindly following instincts whether it’s polygamy, negativity bias, or our unconscious drive for cruelty or power is far more “sheep-like” than consciously choosing what transcends our primal wiring. what served us in hunter gathering societies may not serve us in the modern world and there is potential to evolve. for ex. negativity bias is a survival mechanism used to remember threats and avoid them in the future but in the modern world we’re not facing the same danger we did in the wilderness. we remember negative experiences more than joyful ones because of this even if those experiences don’t compare to the dangers that our ancestors faced. humans are not slaves to biology; we have the unique ability to reflect, reason, and create lives aligned with our deeper priorities. monogamy isn’t just a societal construct it offers stability, trust, and emotional depth for those who value long-term connections. true freedom lies not in indulging instinct or rebelling against norms, but in making intentional choices that reflect who we are and being committed to our values. solitude is not as hardwired as our drive for socialization yet we can make the personal choice to be in solitude for long periods. i don’t think following societal norms or our animal instincts is the answer but rather being aware of ourselves fully both psychologically and biologically to make more conscious choices. dismissing it as unnatural fails to account for the complexity of the human psyche and our capacity to be self aware. ultimately know urself, stay true to urself regardless of ur biological impulses or societal norms and if polygamy aligns with ur authentic self than that is the best choice for u. very interesting video todalooo !
@@ladyoflunacy thank you for the thoughtful comment.
there are more diamonds than gold, yet diamonds are more expensive.
Yep. De Beers Corporation.
Hey, I recently found your channel. Your struggle means that you're asking some good questions. I think that devotion to one partner is a higher concept. There are many examples in life, where limitation brings freedom and experiences which would otherwise remain locked. Choosing the right partner is definitely not straight forward..
@@alexflowr hey thanks. The problem is you can’t control another person. You can’t use your IQ to will them into a decision with logic. People change, and all you can do is hope that you change together in the same way, which is statistically improbable over longer timelines
@LitNomad True. You definitely want to choose a partner who has a similar IQ and family background to slightly improve the odds.
How many takes did you do here? You rounded your argument pretty well tying back using the standing bear analogy.
Thanks! It’s one continuous take while it’s in color. The little cuts are to remove long “ummm”s and little rambles that I found unnecessary.
The black and white part I added in like 5min after the long talk, cuz I realized it’s a really good story.
@@LitNomad ha the transition for the black and white part is so good, I didn't realize it was even added in
@@yang5843yeah it was a separate take. I have a loose outline of what I want to talk about and I just turn the camera on and start rambling. In this case I realized I forgot to tell that story, so I added it in later, and my energy is slightly different in it, so I didn’t want that to ruin the flow and continuity of the original video, so I made it B&W to sort of emphasize that it’s a flashback of sorts.
great video! Your pointing out all the clear flaws in American romantic life that need addressed. like you said, we weren't created to seek out one partner for life. Of course I'm not only here to praise... You spoke about men having hundreds of thousands of sperm while women only have few eggs so this naturally creates an environment where men seek out multiple mates while women play a more docile role, promoting polygamy. AKA anisogomy. But there's a more nuanced understanding I read about in this book "Bitch" - Lucy Cooke. Which boils down to viewing sex from a lot of different species and seeing how outdated ideas like that really are. Just thought I would plug this book because it was really fascinating.
I personally have to disagree with polygamy, I don't think it's healthy for the mind. It can turn someone into a tyrant who's never satisfied. I think that love isn't designed to be dispersed in multiple directions. Loving someone who ticks all the boxes provides calmness and serenity and maintaining a loving, committed relationship with one person can offer a sense of peace and satisfaction. Attempting to love multiple spouses will provide confusion, excess, anxiety and pain. It is like a single person doing one night stands, either party may like it to continue, but it might not because odds are low and life really isn't that much of a utopia. Polygamy enables this soulless life of cheating even more, it's trying to put a positive label on having sex with others while in a relationship. Let's say you have multiple spouses, and you end up loving one of them deeply. Let's say she is also polygamous. The thought of her loving one of her other spouses more than you should make you sick.
I would argue a "tyrant" is someone who tries to control other people's sexuality.
@shin-ishikiri-no sure, but I don't think anybody can control people's sexuality. here where I live same-sex marriage was illegal, but that law is abolished now
The boot of the state and dictator keeps the libidinal urges of the many from becoming too much a problem.
your calm and relaxing voice makes it so convincing :D
Haha thanks
Oh I thought about another point, why hasn't any polygamy civilization lasted throughout time now? Does that mean over time monogamous civilization can destroy polygamous ones?
While humans may be biologically inclined toward polygamy or novelty in relationships, history shows that monogamous societies have often outcompeted polygamous ones, suggesting a societal advantage to suppressing these instincts. Could it be that monogamy, though counter to certain natural inclinations, provides a framework for stability and equity that outweighs the short-term benefits of indulging those instincts? If human nature favors polygamy, why have societies that emphasize monogamy historically thrived and dominated?
@@BladeAurora I gave this talk on a whim, so maybe polygamy isn’t the main system I’d promote. More like open marriages. Basically, exactly what everyone is doing now, except being honest about it. The end of this video was basically an open brainstorm session. I just think there has to be a better system than what we have now.
@@LitNomad Id like you to talk more about jealousy and how it pertains to open marriages, polygamy, ect. Also, how before marriage men at the top would get all the women (Kinda like tinder) and the rest of the plebs would be screwed but they would all die in wars... but there arent any wars and now we have an incel problem. Marriage does address this problem, does it not?
@@darrenmayer9604 yes, marriage doesn’t solve this problem anymore because of modern feminism.
Women would rather stay single for life on their income and be part of chad’s free harem than marry someone who is her looks match.
Religion attempted to save women from their own worst impulses, but religion is dying in the west.
@@darrenmayer9604 the primary root of the issue is cultural Marxism. In this case gender Marxism (aka feminism).
Leftism pushes for equity in the workplace, so women were given affirmative action to get them into more high paying jobs. This created equity between the genders. However, in the world of hookups, women are sexual capitalists. They’re the top 1%. They sleep with whoever they want and have enormous power. Religion served as cultural socialism in enforcing equality between the genders and 1 to 1 pairings with looks matches but we’ve lost that.
In summary, women want economic socialism and sexual capitalism. That isn’t fair and it’s hypocritical. If you believe in one of these, you have to apply them consistently, not pick and choose where it will benefit you.
So either both should be socialist or both should be capitalist.
@@darrenmayer9604In today's social media and dating app driven society, the top men are hoarding all the women because those are the few guys the large majority of women are choosing to date and unknowingly share with other women. As a result, women and men aren't getting married anyway.
I feel like you left out the difficult math for love as part of the equation, and a relationship pivot. Relationships don't just trend down, they can trend up. Sometimes they can continue on an uptrend and rally for a really really long time.
The best character ever invented in a video game ever is Cho'gall, a two headed ogre where Cho moves and gall casts magic, helps get both players out of trouble and scouts / pings. 2 players *must* play Cho'gall. Cho can never be without gall and gall can never be without Cho. By that measure they are forced to improve both individually and together. Cho'gall is kinda like marriage where each person sometimes takes the role of Cho or gall at times because both are trying to win the same game together. Just a different way to play the game. Maybe you just haven't met your gall yet.
great comments and gave me a lot of things to talk about with my wife hahaha
Bro, YT Algo recommend on my feed “ Jim Simons, How a Mathematician became the greatest trader of all time”
I watched it, very interesting 🔥
Haha exactly bro. Simons is the quant role model.
u are very inspiring man keep doing this shit and keep posting we wanna see u be successful so you can show us how to do it
@@getit8349 thanks so much! It feels great to read these comments and know that there are people rooting for me on this nomadic and unorthodox life path!
These perceived drawbacks, risks, and issues simply don't apply if you have matching values, responsible conflict resolution techniques, and loving devotion (which begets itself and allows for a new paired-soul that reifies itself).
Stats pulled from an inappropriate distribution, even if that distribution represents the majority of humans.
Focus on what you want to see more of!
You are dead wrong, just ask your grandparents or people of that age what marriage is and what it means. If they thought like you do, you wouldn't be here. Marriage is a civilized way of reproducing. We can't be like animals, we are social animals.
Yeah this video is a tism mathematician trying to explain emotions
Yeah this video is a tism mathematician trying to explain emotions
I hear and agree with what you are saying.
I believe a lot of people have not figured out what love is for them and, as you say, they do things because of peer pressure and they think that is just what you do. I would also add that there are plenty of people who are happy because of a stable monogamous relationship.
It is what makes it really special. Consider the odds of the universe being a thing. Consider the chances of our galaxy forming, our solar system falls into its delicate balance, Jupiter is in just the right place to catch a lot of stray asteroids from hitting us, one asteroid hits Earth and that gives us a moon, which is vital for our waves, and the chances of our planet being in just the right zone for water and for life.
On top of that, all your ancestors had to survive long enough to breed so you could be here today. And by chance, after all the ups and downs, after all the hook-ups and break-ups, you just meet that one person that you truly bond with. Bond so deeply with you feel them in your bones. If they were to suddenly not be in your life it would be as if you amputated half your body.
The fact that you found this special person despite all the odds of how unlikely you wouldn't is truly amazing and can form gratitude. Your genes may have a little want to spread but their smile and laugh means you know who with.
The numbers are a warning. The feeling, when you get it, and I mean get it on a deeply intuitive level, is the truth.
peace.
The divorce rate is closer to 80% of all marriages. Marriage is something I always dreamed about, but I guess I wasn't good enough. Marriage is for the young, not the middle-aged or seniors. Marriage has become a contract with the government that all your current and future assets will be shared with the woman. Yes, women only marry up, so you'll make more, and she'll spend more. And all the serious girl friends in my life cheated on me looking for someone with more money. I too am a multi-millionaire, so it makes no sense to me now to get married. If I lose my job tomorrow, I don't have to work again. And at 55 I can do what I want. And to be honest, I still hookup quite often and most of the girls are 25 to 35.
@@tonyfoo9523 very relatable comment. Thanks for sharing.
"Marriage has become a contract with the government". This seems an odd way to say "marriage is a contract between two people", coupled with a legal system that helps us to enforce a contract. Otherwise it wouldn't be much of a contract.
@@Graham_Wideman right, it's a contract where if the woman decides -- for any reason -- that she no longer wants to stay married, the government will take your stuff and give it to her. It's a rather one-sided contract.
if everyone thought like this, what kind of a world would we have and would you want to live in it?
The world is already bad regardless.
You're smart bro, maybe too smart for your own good tbh.
i agree with this statementt 1000 % this is instinctually accurate - couple both feel trapped deep inside
divorce is not the end of the world. almost no divorced person regrets the kids they had from that failed marriage. don't miss out on having kids based on some nerd number bs
This is completely false. There is literally entire threads on Reddit of people who regret becoming parents. Plus no parent will outright say they regret having kids it makes them look like bad people.
@@shayach7983 Are you serious? Most people on reddit are not model citizens. They are obese, lazy, anti-social types with scarcity mindsets. It shouldn't surprise you to find such threads there. Meanwhile, celebrities get divorced all the time and its not this earth shattering event. Life continues on. It's all about how much you let fear and failure control your life, and Reddit is absolutely FULL of losers.
Miss out? Yeah, I wish I could have “missed out” on all the hell and financial loss. Children bring way more stress and problems to your life than happiness. We are all so emotionally needy that we feel the need to make little copies of ourselves in order to feel adjusted in life. Get a puppy, much easier and less costly.
If you look at marriage from a statistic perspective. Its a bad deal. Its like looking at a parachute with 50% chance or even 90% chance of opening. I am not jumping. But like all things in life, you don't always know how its going to end. But in order to becoming successful, people start up businesses. People take risk. All we can do is learn the game, and try to minimize your risk to reward. If you are successful enough, you can have multiple women. Just don't get married too early or you will want more women. But all of these small things and much more are part of learning the game and playing it right. Maybe the correct answer is not get married but you can still start a family.
Bro, When you meet your person, you might think differently 😂🤣
"your person" = attachment. If I were you i would learn my attachment style (which I already have) and who that attachment style ATTRACTS. You'll be sad to learn, all you're doing is playing out your childhood lol your whole life. If you want companionship, make that clear, set the boundaries, live separately and be willing to walk away if expectations change. That's ADULTING.
Bro when you meat 🤣😂
someone's been watching too much netflix romcoms
not 'when', 'if'.
relationships are like lotteries, some people do win, a few get big prizes, how many care about those who ended up empty handed or even in loss?
And to scrape ticket to find out if you have won a prize, you have to go through all the dating, living together, invest with emotions, time, money, energy.
you have to have luck before you even try to be a nice spouse and able to work through the hurdles in relationships.
I am happy for those who win the prize. But it is not just worth the risk for me.
You’re so smart. I agree with everything you say, also I’m a short term swing trader and long term investor as well
Overrationalizing your choice to zero out your genetics is quite a feminine stance. Even though the divorce rate is almost 40% nationally, divorce rates for Asian males is under 12%.
How is it a feminine stance?
Bro have you been divorced and gave half and paid alimony? Have that happen too you then come talk too me @warpig350
@@trawsoza2926yeah it’s a very weird take. He likely heard that said by some conservative pundit and just chose to parrot it.
@@LitNomad that's what I was thinking as well
@@LitNomad But it's true nevertheless.
Instead of looking at (faulty!) statistics and saying "okay guess I'm gonna die alone" the manly thing to do would be to go out there, give it your best shot and try.
That is if you'd like to live life together with someone else. If you do, then don't let statistics hold you back, especially since they're much better than "divorce rate 50 hurr durr".
Marriage is probably also a seed of civilizations to create units that are stable and in turn create stability in the larger towns, cities and nations. Although i do wonder if that is still a necessary ingredient to a stable civilization, it could very well be necessary. Personally I do share your skepticism on modern marriage. But I would always leave the door open to it for the right person
dude get out of quant mode bro!! you know all the data that you talking about marriage and stuff, we are the ones who created them. That means we can change also; do not be a data point bro
Said the cattle on its way to the slaughterhouse.
@@valdefortis8512 haha I’m just having fun with these videos bro. I’m not as cynical as my last two videos make me seem. It just makes for better content 😅. Also, I’m not as weird as I probably seem in these videos haha. I just like walking the line right between serious and joking so it’s hard for people to evaluate me.
@@LitNomad dont listen to any critics...you clearly understand trends and probabilities...the rise of technology has reduced marriage stock to 0...and its getting delisted off the market.....if marriage was a stock, you would only scalp it, never make it a long term investment just like a pump and dump biotech stock....you can live a great life without signing any documents and tying in a third party into your finances aka the gov....you can get married without signing anything...just find a chick who has the ability to prove committment, live in separate places, and call yourself married/have a serious relationship...if she cheats, walk away clean like a bandit...you gained value from the transaction without losing resources.
What do you think about in the context of antifragility and post-traumatic growth? Why don't those concepts apply here?
You can always just date long-term. The other option is to marry late in life, as in your 50s or 60s. At that time, you're more likely to find the right person as you know yourself better and can also see other people more accurately for being genuine, or not. Also, the person you marry isn't going to be hot enough to get cheat offers.
@@RajDeelish lol I like the point about cheat offers.
This topic aligns with the happiness vs. time graph in another video of yours, where you mentioned how minimizing risk in life in worry of future/potential negatives, as opposed to embracing life's swings of ups and downs, is effectively equivalent to being dead (as your happiness value hovers close to 0). Your viewpoint on marriage here might sound like you are limiting the most you can get out of life (e.g., unlocking new emotions, the possibility of ascending to new heights if you hit the lottery on your marriage), but you could also argue the inverse, where most married men are likely bears in tuxedos; blindly getting married because it's the next step in our lives, thereby adhering to societal norms, can be seen as being risk adverse as well.
Yeah I guess it’s about which risks to choose. By sleeping around with local women across different countries I risk STDs and being drugged and having my kidneys stolen, and other things.
But I prefer to ride that particular wave more than the wave of having heated arguments with my wife where I go into my parked car outside to scream.