This Type of Man Always Cheats! - Signs He Doesn't Love You (Even If You Think They Do) | Dr. Ramani
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- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 9 มิ.ย. 2024
- Check out my FREE 4-Part Confidence Workshop! bit.ly/3sx0wNn
Betrayal is never easy to swallow. But remember, your worth isn't defined by your partner's choices. In this episode, We’re diving into the complex world of infidelity with the help of my homie and friend of the show, world renowned psychologist, Dr. Ramani.
Together, we expose the red flags of cheating and explore why it's so hard to spot them beforehand. From the flirtatious gestures to the gaslighting games, Dr. Ramani is helping us peel back layers of complex lies and dig into the truth.
You may know Dr. Ramani for being one of the top narcissists experts, but in today’s episode she’s exposing why cheaters are willing to risk hurting you while never wanting to leave.
Falling in love and being in a relationship is risky business, is your dating game up to par?
If not, don’t worry, we’re going to break down 7 types of cheaters and help you heal, protect yourself, and find love and respect. Don't miss this mind-blowing conversation. I'm Lisa Bilyeu, your host, and this is Women of Impact.
This episode is packed with valuable information and perspectives that will empower you to heal and move forward. Remember, it was never a YOU problem. I'm Lisa Bilyeu, and this is Women of Impact. Get ready for Dr. Ramani and start your healing journey.
Chapter Markers:
[00:00] Men Who Cheat
[00:22] Girl! Don’t Be Blindsided 🙈
[12:09] Cheaters Are Not The Same 💔
[25:43] Calling Out That Two-Timer 🤬
[36:27] Work It Out Or Roll Out 🤔
[49:48] This Group Cheats More 🤯
[56:15] The Pain of Betrayal Is REAL 🤕
[1:13:01] What Counts As Cheating 🧐
[1:39:43] Why Men Cheat with Lewis Howes
****Bonus Episode: Why Men Cheat with Lewis Howes***
Lewis went from the cheating ladies man, emotionally closed off, and easily triggered insecure jealous partner-type to a man looking forward to marriage in a committed loving relationship that has healed his some serious past traumas and emotional triggers. In this round, Lewis reveals the truth behind his cheating and spoiler alert ladies, it starts with a totally broken past.
Ramani Mic Drops:
“If I had to pick only one word that describes a healthy relationship, it would be safe.”
“Am I supposed to just trust and get betrayed? Well your other option is to forever hold back and never get to experience the fullness of a relationship.”
“It’s the gentle acceptance that I’ve had many experiences that took me to the place of guardedness and that the guardedness is an attempt to take care of myself.”
“When betrayal enters a relationship it’s the thing we never think of.”
Follow Dr. Ramani:
Website: doctor-ramani.com/
TH-cam: / doctorramandurvasula
Instagram: / doctorramani
Follow Lewis Howes:
Website: lewishowes.com/
TH-cam: / @lewishowes
Instagram: / lewishowes
Follow Me Lisa Bilyeu:
Website: www.radicalconfidence.com/
Instagram: / lisabilyeu
Facebook: / lisabilyeu
Twitter: / lisabilyeu - บันเทิง
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When a man tells a woman he loves her but turns around and disrespects and betray her over and over again, thats not love, its a form of abuse
Just once. No one should be given a second chance after that first betrayal.
Yeah, so is women physically beating you, filing for divorce, abusing children, and random women engaging in physical, verbal, and sexual harassment at work, at school, at church, etc.
Piss off!@@vaska1999
That's because they are selfish and don't have the nerve to admit who they really are to themselves and to their partner.
Statistically speaking, women cheat way more often. They also initiate the majority of divorces. Reading all of these comments has been a trip.
-a woman, in case that matters to anyone.
Bottom line: if you see cheating behavior you leave. And if you can’t trust you leave. Healthy people don’t make you question your worth or sanity.
The thing is you wouldn’t know if they are cheating because they will behave as a normal person and you wouldn’t know.. some people are very good at it.. and they do it like nothing happened.. 😂and that is crazy..
@@Rozie32 That's true in some cases. I've heard of men living double lives and their wives had no clue. The wives even said their husbands had a schedule and was always present and always on time. They normally snuck the truth around during work hours or times when they went out for whatever reason. It happens.
@@saltycat662 yeah unfortunately that’s what they are doing
Yes, and the way to get over one, is to meet someone else. Someone that will respect and love you.
That's not true. Every relationship coach says don't get under someone to get over someone, because you'll just think about your ex
I think that women should support each other by refusing to be with another women’s husband.
Amen!!! Women can change this narrative! We need to stick together. If you know that a man is involved with someone, they’re off limits! Some lie about their attachments, but if you know or suspect it, walk away.
Been there done that since day 1. I’ve even had men be shocked that I rejected them and I simply had to explain to them that the human population is 7 Billion I am No where near that desperate and they are No where near Gods gift to women. For women like me it is an insult to my character and intelligence that a man would think I was so pathetic where I would want him rather than a single man in a highly populated world.
This.💛
@@elettramia6380 Beautifully said.
Thank you for that. Women do not need to be fighting over a man screw him and that's exactly what I did. I became friends with the woman he had the affair with she she told me she said you saved me and I told her I said no. I said I don't know what happened between you two but he's always been kind. This was the first time he ever hurt my heart and this kind of thing and she said she's crazy. But she kept talking to him. I found that out later. I'm done women that fight over a man that's just disgusting trash. Men that fight over a cheating woman is just as freaking bad. Read everything you can and I promise you, you will get better and your sadness and confusion will turn into by God. I got this s***!
I'm a man and I've never cheated...not all men have the urges of stray dogs!
This video is about a specific type of man. It wasn't a general statement about all men!!!!!
Are you single?🦹🏼
Good for you. Have you looked the other way or covered for other individuals who have cheated? The Bro Code is alive & well.
Which is why we should not settle, we KNOW you’re out there!!!
Well me and you both my husband left Xmas day his girlfriend bought my present leaving the receipt for me to find subsequently another girl he has on standby regularly meeting in car parks 25 years now I'm lost
I live with a narc/mfr cheater. I’m secretly planning to leave him for good.
Please, do it. There’s no point in trying to have a conversation. It won’t work. To the contrary, you will give him validation through your pain. Just show the evidence, leave, block him from everything.
So good for you! You've got it! I left mine two years ago and I am better than ever ❤️
Best wishes with your escape plan. I hope life improves for you very soon.
Good. The relationship was dead from the start with a narc
Good girl! I secretly escaped 9 months ago after an 11 years of unbelievable chaos and moved 200 miles away and although I grieved and am still learning to live with out the abuse, which is totally loving myself again, and to testify that it's doable. Hard but doable. I applaud you and attest to the victory within. 🎉
She’s sooooo right. If a man is being flirty with other women, even waitress and stuff in front of you that’s a big red flag. If it makes you uncomfortable, listen to that. You deserve more. ❤❤❤
It's a banner! This requires a conversation. Setting boundaries and consequences. If there's no behavioral change, leave. He's not trustworthy.
Yep! My husband of 22 years did this with my younger sister. I completely missed it because I allowed myself to feel too safe. Never again.
Flirty to everyone is a huge sign! So is secret pornography
yep! And you know what I was told? I was just insecure because I didn’t like either of those things. The ultimate gas lighting.
@@sarahalderman3126what!!! So sorry! ❤
My father was crying to my mom not to divorce him but guess what he cheats again and again, it never stops. Don't believe a cheater.
A narcissist always cheats then they gaslight their partner to justify their cheating .
ALWAYS!!!
hmm
Indeed.
Divorced one. Went through this and he had the nerve to hide it but TMH exposed it through my intuition, running into divine meetings with strangers who have run into my ex-husband at places he shouldn't be while I am at home or something or dreams. He couldn't get away with it. He's reaping bad karma due to it or been going through it for decades until he self destruct.
And putting your partner at risk for std’s is so disrespectful
If it's a girl in the relationship it's 100%
its abusive. should be a chargable offense
With hard evidence and proof of such a crime, a person could be legally punished/imprisoned. Getting someone sick intentionally is literally playing with their life. It's not just disrespectful - it is a serious crime.
@@user-ee5om8wy7unot as much anymore, since most things aren’t life threatening anymore which is cool
My ex accused me of cheating because I was finishing work late. I sent him a picture of myself at work. He accused me again and I answered how would I even cheat at work? He replied it’s so easy to cheat at work.
🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩
He cheated on me with a coworker.
Same. even though I even carpooled to and from work with a female co-worker! Guess what? He was the one that was cheating!!!
"Those who distrust most--should be trusted least".
This sounds like projection. It's like some men who say women will end up lonely and single when they're the ones who are actually single and lonely.
@@dragonfly9209 I didn't know that then but I do now!
Narcs love to project: they accuse others of what they are in fact doing.
Being cheated on is being used. You’re being used for your emotional energy, attention, your time, domestic work, cooking, as well as sex, money, status, or a place for them to live. Learn to live alone and learn to use your energy to make your world a better place instead.
Dr Ramani should seriously get a Nobel prize for the work she is doing. And saving lives.
I’ve been cheated on many times. I’ve learned the best way to keep myself open to love and trust (not shutting ourselves up like the analogy of the boarded up windows) is to trust, not others, but MYSELF. The idea that “if this person does betray me, I’ll be ok. I can handle it in a healthy way” 💪 so building self trust has been my saving grace.
The problem is they’re’s not yours. It’s their character flaw.
This is a powerful way of thinking! Thank you.
but who needs the emotional disruption?? One can trust oneself to be able to get over it, but I simply cannot afford to risk experiencing the chaos and upheaval that comes with cheating. The only way to be sure is to stay out of intimate relationships.😂
Amen
Well said, that was great
Love bombing does not equal a healthy relationship. The doctor is spot on. Showering someone with attention, compliments and gifts on its own does not equal healthy.
It's very hard to understand when your parents did the same thing. It consists of very huge high's and low's. What are the real values really.. how can we feel those properly, even with the theory in mind. The feeling is not in the healthy place. it's really complicated to figure all this out.
They do it because they know THEY WILL GET SEX IN RETURN ….
Literally every man I've known long term and personally has cheated on their partners. It's awful and I always try to help them find another way. Most seem to take pride in their flandering and said it's normal. I've been in a toxic marriage myself and am kicking myself for not taking the obvious red flags seriously.
I will heal myself, reject his control and rage, set intention and set my soul free.
@bigdeal1892 yet, according to alot of comments online that I come across from men write just how terrible women are because they all cheat. It's hilarious.
Infidelity is a deal-breaker.
Lovebombing and future faking is manipulation- coercion.
Dante labeled cheaters as among the lowest in Hell, and I definitely agree with that.
I'm not sure how he knew that without being a cheater himself. His wife was loyal and above reproach, even though he was exiled from her for most of their marriage. Just sayin'...
@@cherylmarcuri5506 he spoke of betrayal, which is not just cheating. He said that trust was the foundation of any loving relationship, and without it, everything falls apart. You can be betrayed in business, in friendship or by family, by an institution, as well as by your partner.
It was betrayers not adulterers
@@Abr022575 They're the same thing, bud. You're splitting hairs.
@@rainydayz7all cheating is betrayal but not all betrayals are cheating. Not splitting hairs, important distinction
This is EXACTLY what happened to me. I was gaslighted so bad and the cheating was minimized. I panicked to “save” our relationship. I ended up taking him on a vacation to get away. Basically rewarded him. So disgusted in hindsight. This happened in 2021. Got him out of my house a month ago. Only on day 5 no contact. This has been TORTURE. I am finally feeling better going no contact. The addiction feeling is passing.
Stay STRONG keep the door closed these people are EVIL
I too am going through this right now, I've had suspicions from almost day 1 but I didn't trust my intuition. Recently I found more identifiable signs and I couldn't ignore my gut instincts anymore. I've also just gone no contact but know he will try and hoover once his secret new source of supply becomes boring. My boundaries are high, but it hurts like hell inside.
I totally feel you. This connection or addiction breakup feels like a small death. Almost hard to breathe and you just pull through. It was like that for me in any breakup. Stay strong and know your not alone
Stay strong. ITS Worth it
... and it'll get better and better the more distance you get mentally and emotionally ❤ rainy days will come, but as you work through the pain, those days become memories, and eventually, peace with the situation. you got this. keep going ❤
If someone believes their relationship/marriage is over and they want to give up on that for whatever reason, they should just break up, cheating and then blaming the other person is so self-centered, immature and downright disgusting.
Agree, I haven't watched the video yet but most cheaters are selfish and self centered and they stay because they don't want to be alone and they want to have a back up before deciding to leave. It's pathetic but sadly it doesn't matter if the cheater believes the relationship is over, they only care about how they feel and it's what they want, they want. I hope people learn to heal and not hurt others. You can hurt but there's no need to put that on an innocent human being. Just cruel..
Amen to that !!! Exactly. If if "ain't working" talk about it. and if you can't talk about it and work it out then let's move on.
FACTS
18:10 sounds like Justin Bieber
That's not that easy. Our laws put the guy wanting to end a relationship in between a rock and hard place. Law favors the woman. Custody favors the woman. So they have a wife who is nothing more roommate. Ending isn't that easy. I think it should be easier for men and women to end a relationship. This death till us part just leads abusive relationships. I know a couple and they hate each other. They both cheat on each other. She know he does but he think she isn't and that he's pulled the wool over her eyes. They don't spit up because they can't afford to.
I think of cheaters as cowards. They want to maintain the status quo, so they just can’t come clean with the person they made a vow to. Tell the truth so the other person can move on with their life, too.
Yes. My husband will not admit to anything. Accepts no responsibility for all he has done. He's been cheating now for awhile. I'm old now, and he's into the young woman. I told him to go for it! I'll find someone else, and I will.
Just because your lover passionately denies cheating on you doesn’t mean she/he isn’t having an affair just because they feel insulted!
Cheaters may ACT like they feel insulted - but they are likely just getting up on their hind legs & getting defensive because they feel threatened.
I heard one cheater say,
“I lie to get what I want.”
They use our trust to manipulate us.
We must question what they say & do and stop giving them blind trust because they are proven liars.
Giving a potential cheater the benefit of the doubt is a sure way we can shoot ourselves in the foot and end up hurting ourselves even MORE.
It’s hard to face the reality of our situation but living in the truth will help us in the end.
💕
In my last relationship, i was accused of cheating. I absolutely denied it. I didnt do anything... he was tho, the whole time. 😂
No matter how much they deny …. it’s still called LYING.
When I asked my now-ex if he was cheating, his answer was “I would never do that to you!” It was as though he was offended by the question, and yet he was indeed cheating on me at that time.
A lot of men will marry a maid and then go out to cheat with their dream girl. It's infuriating. So when he tells his maid 'I love you', he means it. He loves you as his maid (and mother of his children).
Yeah, it's the Madonna/Whore complex.
I was the "whore" role in my last relationship. Turns out he had a whole relationship already, that girl was the stereotype good girl, teacher, his maid, cleaner, servant etc., while I was his sextoy. As soon as I found out about his other relationship, I broke up. Then he started stalking me, I kept on ignoring it and he luckily gave up in the end.
Maid/person to take care of him
@@francinesanchez5402 yes he loves her services. Awful. Just there siphoning away your resources, energy, health and beauty for his own gain. Which makes it clear why, when a wife falls ill, shes 6x more likely to be abandoned by her husband
Yup!
I actually felt that way in my last relationship! It’s as if he wanted a mother instead of a lover cos he never initiated sex, never said words to me like gorgeous, beautiful, pretty etc but would look at all the younger women a lot and said young people’s bodies are better to look at. That was like a punch in the gut cos I’m old and definitely don’t have a young body!
I truly never even considered that my husband would be a cheater. I thought he was a totally honest and faithful person. Yet he cheated three times before I had had enough and divorced him after almost 30 years.
As a follow up, in further listening to this, I now remember both my personal physician (male) and my pastor (male) tried to tell me that my husband was having affairs. Yet, they were not totally "blunt" (or maybe they were and I just didn't want to accept it)so in my naivety I didn't fully "catch on" to what they were trying to delicately tell me. They were both correct, unfortunately. And yes, in the end, I was blamed by my husband's family that "well, if she had been doing what she should have at home, this wouldn't have happened"..... however, we were still having sex while he was having his affairs, he lied of course to his lady friends that we weren't - but we were. so there. Like Dr. Ramani said, I didn't want to see it because then I would have to do something about it.
Sounds similar to my story. Ours was 23 years before I left. After I left , found out he had cheated other times.
@jenne8180 - what did they say exactly to try to tell you your husband was cheating...how did they know?
That’s always crazy when you really trust him and give him the benefit of the doubt.
@@jenne8180I would like to add that another possible rwason you didn't " catch on" is because you were an honest person and simply did not think in a " get one over " or decietful way so it was not on your radar. Maybe it is being naive but I experienced something similar. I had never been exposed to the twisted decieful way some people think and did not catch on as quickly as I would now. I am glad you are free of that toxicity. Took courage to face such painful facts and leave. Kuddos!
Cheating is narcissistic.
So find a narcissist and you will find a cheater.
@@user-nv5wi8op8k The ONLY cheater who is not a narcissist is one that does it once and never does it again after seeing the devastation it brought to their partner. If someone is able to cheat again after seeing the damage that it does then you can rest assured they are a full blown narcissist.
@@user-nv5wi8op8k I agree that not everyone who cheats is a narcissist but don't be surprised if a narcissist DOES cheat.
@@user-nv5wi8op8kreally? If you can betray someone on that level you are narcissistic. That is not something normal people are capable of because they have a sense of right and wrong.
@@user-nv5wi8op8k …but it’s still narcissistic to cheat!
@@user-nv5wi8op8kNoone who cheats deserves a person who is loyal. Cheaters ( whether they are a narcissist or not) should be with cheaters. Cheating is a character flaw which never goes away. Staying with a cheater tells them you will accept it, so they know they can do it again- and often do.
She is spot on. Narcissists once confronted with proof of their cheating will actually become angry and blame the person they cheated on!
I would go farther and say cheating is happening in over 50% of relationships.
Yes especially with social media in the mix now.
Yeah and id say for young people it's probably closer to 75% which is why I just decided to give up completely
These ppl act like they know Everyone 😂 where did they get there numbers from ? The good ones don’t come out so they base it on the ones that come to therapy ?
I thought about cheating on my ex because I was mad at him. However, I communicated my frustration and we broke up a few months later. It made the rebound s3x so much better 😅
Oh man... the "energy shift" is real. Intuition is a wonderful thing, I just wish we were taught how to listen to it. That's exactly what happened to me - I didn't have the smoking gun, and was always gaslit - but for me, the night I had a though of driving by his work to see if he was having an affair, that in IN ITSELF was my sign. I then said "this isn't working for me anymore". I still loved him - 17 years and I walked away. I had suspicions of his "work wife" aka his boss - long story short, he was having an affair. Trust your gut ladies. The greatest gift you can give yourself is to do your inner work to the point where you trust yourself to make it through anything, no matter what. Once the pain of staying is greater than the fear of leaving /the unknown, take your lessons and go live your best life
😂
narcissist lee, unfortunately the romantic dreamer...period... its so true the 'relationship' words for sanity😂
Truth yet even your space is an opportunity home work etc....
Don’t do anything to your partner that you wouldn’t want being done to you.
The golden way "treat ppl how you wanna be treated", a rule I've always lived by, platonically as well as romantically.
***golden rule
That golden rule is a large part of the shock involved in getting involved with a narcissist or sociopath
Unfortunately, infidelity tends to go hand in hand with narcissism. Especially, somatic narcissism. Narcissists believe EVERYTHING they need is external, including self-worth, self-esteem, validation, etc. Those things are what make up our inner world and we are supposed to develop and cultivate them within/on our own. Narcissists DEPEND on people to supply those things for them. Because we cannot (nor, are we supposed to) supply every want/need of a partner, narcissists are always on the lookout for "better supply". They will always gravitate toward anyone they feel can meet the needs/wants their spouse isn't (and can't). Narcissists are unstable and they cannot soothe themselves. They cannot meet their own needs and their needs/wants are constantly changing. Narcissists are black holes. They are human abyss' of unmet needs/wants. Even if you gave them everything, they'd still want MORE... All while giving NOTHING in return. Narcissists are also pathologically bored. They do not experience boredom the way normal adults do. They're like children. Once they become bored, they tend to throw their toys (people) in a corner to collect dust. Then, they search for new ones... Untilllll, they realize that their newest toy isn't as fun. Or, it doesn't function as well as the old toy did. Then, they'll go digging in the corner to find that old toy (the reason their relationships tend to be off and on). People are objects meant to keep them occupied and entertained. The newer the toy, the better/more exciting it is. However, EVERYONE will inevitably lose their shine with the narcissist. You must accept their reality and realize that it's NOT ABOUT YOU and it never was. This is also the point when it becomes crucial to sit your ego on the curb. Your ego will want to fight to be seen. Your ego will want to fight to prove you're enough. Your ego will feel it's "worthy" of the narcissist and fight to "keep" them... But, again: IT'S NOT ABOUT YOU. Most narcissists are extremely irresponsible. Many of them marry to secure stability. Or, to have someone they can count on to help with bills to free up their resources. It also ensures they'll have somewhere safe to land when they fall - because they always f*** up... Do yourself a favor and pull that rug of security out from under them and save YOURSELF. Narcissists do not have a moral compass. They do not respect the union of marriage. It'll always be a one-sided arrangement with you being the giver that's making their life easier and them being the taker that's making your life harder. We deserve the same love, attention, support and understanding that we give our spouses. You will never get it from someone suffering with NPD. Moreover, if you feel sure that your husband might never cheat on you, you might have to rethink. Most wives in marriages are shocked when they find out their husband cheating, and it happens more with people who never thought they would cheat. This is why you have to take the tiniest suspicion carefully. If your husband is cheating on you, the best and probably the only guaranteed way to catch him is to spy on their phones. However, spying on a phone is not something you can do without any external help unless you have the James bond level of spy skills. In such case you will need an expert phone spyier Metaspyhub@gmail. com for the purpose,,,
This was so informative...the'black hole' reference is a perfect description!!!
I didn’t need to spy on his phone. I found a condom wrap in his pocket
Your comment gave me strength, thank you
FACTS, FACTS, FACTS!!!!!!
💯 ❤
Biggest thing behind cheating is the lies. If lies are happening in this area, it’s happening all over the place. How can someone trust a Liar? That’s why we don’t feel safe with these people.
And not given the choice of leaving .. just keep making you look dumb & crazy to family & friends , when they know the truth
11k views in 7 hours. A lot of us are trying to figure this out. May you all heal and find the love inside, that you truly deserve. Peace Love and Light
I got cheated on about 4 years into a serous relationship. It was awful and almost broke me. It was a very toxic relationship, but the betrayal was something I can’t describe. It was a total mind f$&@!
"Things weren't going well between us and I was bored" was the narcissist's excuse for cheating.
That is the explanation I got from all the women I met through dating apps when their husband/boyfriend got mentioned.
@@NowioARTwhat are you doing messing with women in relationships/ marriages?🤔 It tells me smth about you
I won't have anything to do with a man ever again. With those odds why bother?
I was cheated on multiple times by my ex-narc-husband. I struggle to not blame myself for being "submissive " during my marriage... thinking that would please him. I'm happily divorced and I am not a submissive person, I truly was following my mothers submissive behavior with my verbally abusive/controlling father.
Many women are trying to force themselves to be feminine and become submissive when it’s not who they are. Some women are more in touch with their masculine side and nothing is wrong with that.
You truly are not to blame at all. It’s a betrayal of the relationship you had. I am a survivor too and I love hearing all these others who also took the leap to get away.
I have the exact same story as you, I thought that being a loving person and submissive will keep him happy but I was cheated on.
Now I'm not submissive anymore.
To me, cheating is something that you have to hide, deny, or minimize to me. I feel if you are doing any of those things-youre cheating me out of REALLY knowing who I'm with so I can respond how I choose. When someone lies and tells me a false narrative-they are cheating me out of the option or ability to respond to what's happening.
Brilliant point!
Well...thats exactly why its called CHEATING.
What did you think it meant ?
One is cheating by not playing by agreed upon rules and the other doesn't know.
@@jenster29 Wow, you know everything, Megapint!!! No one else does!!!
This is so true. I felt the exact same way. I felt like he withheld information from me so I could make my own informed choice about continuing to be with him or not. He lied to keep me, but wasn’t doing the work or bring the person I deserved to earn me.
@@lizh1988 lol.. I've re-read their comment like 3 times trying to figure out how to reply but unfortunately I'm just left looking like the confused black girl meme
It's rejection, when you are cheated on, just how I feel ❤
Totally agree!
Weird and totally out of balance that you project your own feelings onto someone else--definitely more worthy of a diagnosis.
It's what he wanted all along, that's why all the manipulation, hostility, lovebombing etc. He wanted to do whatever he wanted to do, to have everyone else committed to him, no commitment for him to care for anyone else.
No real attachments. Easy life, but no rewards of any kind in the long run. I suspected he was messing around, but I think that's what all the unexpected hostility was from him. It was to keep me confused and distracted.
@@SomeGuy-up4yz this is how he made me feel, he made me feel as if I was not good enough, it's all part of the abuse, I never felt this way before I met him.
It really is.💔
If you want to cheat just leave if you don’t want to leave the relationship then do not cheat
No, they want to cheat and stay at the same time
Betrayal blindness worked as a survival mechanism for me. Gotta get up and take care of the kids and go to work... can't blow up my life on a Tuesday, kinda thing. Once I started gaining knowledge, thanks to Ramani, I couldn't look away again. Once you know you can't un-know.
How true. Knowing or being strongly convinced in your gut bc of so many "off" things and other dysfunctional aspects of the relationship is just the first step. In life, family, and responsibilities, the "how to move forward" can be pragmatically very difficult or nearly impossible depending on each person's scenario. That's on top of the emotional devastation of everything one faces in the steps of change after the devastation of the initial blow. After divorcing a narc from 14 yrs of marriage, being in court with him constantly for the next 6-7 yrs (so far) and now being married to another narc...it feels like a lose-lose situation. I'm damaged if I stay in and have to go through all the damage and trauma of leaving. What's even worse is knowing how either way affects the children. It, too, feels like a lose-lose scenario. I have four children from my 1st marriage and 1 from my 2nd. It breaks my heart to see the harm caused to them in their past and for their future. All things to consider when planning... to minimize harms. We cannot control a lot, but some things we can. Though it is exhausting, I still say it is better to leave once it's physically possible. Someone has got to be educated, live the difference, teach the difference, and break the cycles. I, too, relate to an overwhelming amount of what Dr. Ramani addressed...the accuracy breaks my heart and validates me at the same time. Praying for wisdom and strength in moving forward and for the next long haul. My prayers go out to everyone affected by these things.😢😪🙏
I have been gaslighted and micro cheated on for decades. I'm only coming to grips with it now. I have been ignoring it for so long it became a habit of just forgiving and moving on. Till the next time. It's a vicious cycle. And I'm stuck in it.
@@mardi7346 I just discovered my husband was cheating on me ( AGAIN) after 26 years of marriage. I forgave because we have a son, almost finishing HS, he was so very remorseful . So, I forgave him, it was so very hard for me, but I wanted to save our marriage, well, 5 yrs later, he’s done it again, I have the proof also. It hurts, and im angry, I can’t take him and the lies no longer.
@@bethanyham5204, 26 years of marriage, and after one affair of forgiving, he’s done it again 4 years later, he’s definitely a narc and I’m gonna leave, but using my poker face until I let him know.
23 years of being devalued and cheated on. The trauma bond is deep and I’m seeing a therapist
My ex cheated then blamed me for it. He would flirt with women in front of me. Then told me I was paranoid & said I was crazy. Then after we split, he did a whole turn around then admitted cheating on me. Total narcissist. He would never take the blame for what he did. Till it was over, then he begged to have me back with him. I've been single for years. We're brain washed into believing we have to be with someone in life. The only person that is loyal & makes you happy is yourself. I'm more or less a hermit. Which I prefer, no stressful relationship along with the lies. While I watch people around me argue like mad. Thankfully I saved myself from all that. Folks will learn, eventually. Why live a life of unhappiness just to say your with someone.
I worked mostly with men at my old job. 11 of them. 6 had cheated. One of those six (the richest one)ALWAYS had some sort of a side chick. I also worked at a hotel for 2 years as a young girl and witnessed many affairs. Men should not be trusted. Be wise - buy a property, keep it even after you marry, get a prenup with cheating clause. A men’s most vulnerable place is his wallet, if he knows he loses his money if he steps aside, he might think twice.
Extremely true and valid !!! Great advice
Where was it fords,indicon corp?
I remember so clearly saying to my partner that he needs to call me and break it off before he cheats. That's all I ask. He mocked me and said there was no way that was going to happen. My ask was ridiculous. Narcissistic people are the absolute best at mind games!
@@snn2913 walked in on him with a woman old enough to be his mother. This was long after I asked him to break things off before cheating.
They can't be honest, we don't realize that. They *can't* be good.
In my experience, insecure men cheat. So, I always look for signs of ego, pride, vanity, etc.
Divorced one. I will now.
I think this is Dr Ramani's best video yet :) She even opened up about her own wounds. She is such a blessing for us all :)
She is realist without being jaded. Scars last a lifetime, but eventually stop actively bleeding.
Wholeheartedly agree x
I agree !!!
Cheating on your partner- a Very narcissistic act whether a person is a narcissist or not. Why do they think they are so special and entitled that they can do this. No doubt Every one of them would hate it if their partner did that to them. If there is an urge to cheat the person could talk to their partner to try and fix what’s wrong in their relationship or leave. To cheat is the most horrendous treatment and disrespect of their partners.
Cheating, whether Emotional and/or Physical, changes EVERYTHING.
Absolutely horrible betrayal to the other person.
Anything to crack or bust the Trust with your person is Cheating.
For the Cheater...Turn the tables around and think about how YOU would feel if your person did the very same thing to You. Maybe then you will truly understand what you did to your person.
There has to be boundaries with Ex's.
Valuable discussion - enjoy these two ladies. ❤
Although I agree with you with turning the table , most times these people have no soul.I rember asking my ex , to put his self in my shoes.He’s response was I can’t put myself in your shoes.
Narcissists won´t ever see what they have done do the other person they cheated on (sure multiple times)....
@@kyrianjoseph1403 Maybe he is a narcissist - they have no emotional empathy and therefore they can´t put themselves in your shoes. (Once you understand and accept that you will have the answer why...).
@@IsabellaPiesch You maybe right! Looking back at a lot of the things this guy did and I’m like, mmm.
Yeah for real!! I can't stand when a lot of people,mostly men,claim it isn't cheating if you haven't physically done anything yet, like WOW
At the 24:30 mark I just started bawlin because Dr. Ramani has described almost verbatim what happened to me with my narcissistic ex husband. That was 4 years ago and it still hurts. Everything this woman has said in this video is completely accurate and I'm so grateful that she makes videos to help us heal and to bring awareness to others about what is happening to them. Dr. Ramani is a Godsend. Thank you! 🙏🏽
25:35 got me!! he would stay out all night long come home we would fight and at the end of the fight I was begging him to stay! How messed up is that?? when she talks about having concrete evidence about something! Oh, my God it’s like she’s been living in my home!
@@user-uu9yi7hj9g Isn't it crazy how different people have similar experiences with narcissists? I'm just grateful for people like Dr. Ramani who validate what we've gone thru and also help us heal from it. Good luck to you on your healing journey. 🙏🏽
Betrayal is very hurtful after been married to a narcissist for 28 years I’ve been through everything. It was very hard for me to give it up but now I kick him out our home and filing divorce. He wants me to pay him out our homes so he can eat more fufu and get oils rub down . After everything is taken away from him I will not ever take him back . He’s gone for three years now and it still hurts but my peace is worth more . I’m in healing and the divorce will hit when i sign next year but I can’t have another woman in my marriage and still be the wife . He didn’t want the divorce but yet want to keep her also in hiding. He’s in the projects and hating it . I’m done ! Peace out !
I heard the saying, "Never cry for someone who wouldn't cry for you." To release the pain, you need to understand that it had nothing to do with you. Take on a mindset of "F*ck them," and move on.
Dr Ramani nails it over and over again…. She’s even been through it herself, twice… My question is this… where does the average person whose been broken to bits really locate a therapist able, educated enough, street smart enough, on and on… to come close to being able to know how to tap into the twisted pain, let alone have a clue as to what to do with that pain????
“Those who are looking for the excitement, the fantasy. There is some immaturity moments. Half the excitement is planning it and where we are going to meet”
And then, they cheat on their affair partner! The affair partner is such a fool.
56:50 Betrayal hurts, cheating is at the end of the day a personal choice and it's about the person who is cheating not the other person.
Healing from narcissistic abuse is about living for yourself not defining yourself through accommodating others at the expense of self. It's about being your true self and honouring that through acts of self love and self-respect and not self abandonment.
Omg take a shot everytime someone says narcissist in the comments 😂 be dead by the end of it. Yall overuse the sht out of that word
@@ichiban6004most of the people commenting here are Dr Ramani followers. She has a dedicated channel to talk about Narcissistic Personality Disorder. Hence so many people here mentioning their experience with narcissistic partners
I admire Dr. Ramani, she's intelligent and knows what she's talking about. I learned a lot from her.
I was terribly abused by a narcissist and now I’m grateful to open up about it and leave it. Thank you Lisa and Dr for helping people to get rid of their hells🙏
Good for you!! It takes strength and courage to change your life, but you are changing it so much to the better!!! Good luck in your new beautiful journey 🎉
I think a high majority of men are narcissistic.
Let alone getting cheated on and gaining an incurable disease. I truly had a dark night of the soul experience.
Yep, those women sleeping around and then bringing in STDs to their faithful husbands is horrible... men do not deserve such devils.
😢😢😢
I hate hearing that. I hope you get the support you need. Hugs.
You have to pay attention to the energy. Energy does not lie.
We walk around with blinkers on because we dont want to believe it
The dating pool is quite small if after eliminating toxic people, we then have to eliminate cheaters out of the not obviously toxic pool. 😬
If you're not toxic and not a cheater, then surely there are others like you out there..the pool doesn't have to be big, it just needs to be clean.
@@carolkami.671cheaters arent born...theyre made. So any one of you "non cheaters" can easily become one, under the right circumstances.
Right!? It's a jungle out there. No wonder us survivors walk with so much caution through the world.
@@carolkami.671 yes, this is definitely the best attitude to embrace. It just took me a long time to wake up to the idea that I had to protect myself from the bad ones. I didn’t see it, over and and over and over again. There should have been a set of things I was looking for to eliminate someone right away, but I didn’t. So m figuring that out... can’t just go it in to the world and expect that people have the same empathy, morals and conduct as myself... have to watch out for the wolf in sheep’s clothing.
@@cygnelle1232 I will be very VERY cautious in my next attempts with dating and meeting people. These videos where Dr. Ramani gives very practical advice about what questions to ask and what exactly to look out for are EXTREMELY helpful for someone like me (who was groomed from childhood to accept and accommodate bad behavior).
I dated a guy years ago who probably cheated on me. If he didn't cheat, he was going to. I realized this while breaking up with him and at that point I no longer cared. In retrospect, it should have been obvious. He was a liar and a thief, he was dismissive of my opinions and interests and he was selfish. He didn't respect me. I think the essence of infidelity is selfishness and disrespect.
Cheating is sneaky and some women live in complete denial. My girl friend swears her man is "a good man" because he does the bare minimum like, making her a coffee for her or massaging her shoulders, buying her flowers for her birthday. Yet this same man has flirted with women from his workplace and talks to them outside of work, a boundary that upset my girl friend which she has communicated to him it upsets her when he does this. He's talked to her many times now in 3 years to open up their relationship to become a poly relationship, and me watching her be upset and confused by this. She is happy just with him and no one else, meanwhile he wants a third woman in his relationship. The moment a monogamous relationship becomes open, and more people involved, that's when your relationship dies. Some women seriously live in denial and them don't see they can do better and deserve better.
Wonder how he would like it if she wished to have an additional male partner
@@camellia8625 she asked him that, and he said no. He did say yes to a trans woman or a feminine guy. 🤷🏼♀️
I could listen to Dr. Ramani all day the way she articulates her thoughts in a organized clear and meaningful manner❤️
I've always said that men who flirt with others are a ticking time bomb for cheating. Theres no such thing as "innocent" flirting or banter. Its him testing the waters. I also frequently see husbands walking behind their wives so she cant see who he's checking out or trying to make eye contact with. So many fake marriages and relationships out here where he's not with who he wants just with the one who'll have him lol
You are so right about the social media liking of pictures, people who flirt with waitresses, people who have to be the center of attention, that are always posting their life on the media, lying and trying to make people believe that they have a very successful life, making it look like if they’re 💯 financial stable when they have anything they advertise having.
This was my life recently with a Narcissist.
When the narcissist admits to betrayal at one point, and the next point they act like they never said that!
Betrayal betrayal betrayal!😌
One of my favourite things about Dr Ramani is that she brings the *nuance* like nobody's business... But never without the moral clarity, and never forgetting the survivors in a given scenario. I love how firmly she holds onto both.
I'm so glad the term "betrayal trauma" was coined, because it really does wreak havoc on a person's psyche. I've experienced both parental betrayal and romantic betrayal. Both were legitimately devastating, but in some very different ways. I wouldn't say one was worse than the other, just different.
When I was in the very acute stage of the romantic betrayal trauma, I saw a video by a life coach who essentially laid most of the blame on the person getting cheated on. I can't emphasise enough what a spiral that sent me down. I'm so glad Dr Ramani spoke out against that kind of rhetoric.
1 in 4 cheat and the other 3 are lying
First thing that raises red flags is behavior changes. You don't even have to look for it. You start to notice pattern changes, simply for the fact that something has changed. Also you will start to notice the over explaining of unusual absences. Then you will start notice new behavior patterns. Usually men are sloppy AF when they are trying to cover up their bullshit. For example, their excuse for being gone always changes, but it'll be the same time and days every week. When it gets to the point, to where you can predict the excuse before it he even gives it, you pretty much have your answer. My favorite way to get them to tell on themselves is by making an ambiguous statement that only a guilty person would take as an accusation. You never come out and accuse them of anything, but they will deny doing the exact thing you never actually accused them of. When they get all defensive, its like "dude, i was talking about something completely different, who said anything about cheating? Why did you even go there? I was refering to how you are always trying to get out of doing you chores before leaving the house.". An innocent person wouldn't even think you were talking about them.
Women are so much more stealthier. I think it's because we had to be in the past. Hyphen, but I know we can get away with it. The whole entire time usually. If the human male wasn't so damn naive , And a Half wit
To think that sex is only for him. He'd understand and know that cookies are missing from the cookie jar. Because she likes cookies too, dumb a**
Why same time and days?
With my ex wife…. She suddenly started staying late at work, and then started going into work early. On the weekend she was going to her bosses rodeo that he is part of - she always hated rodeos and thought it was animal abuse. Then she was trying to “go for a sleepover at her friends house”. I called out the behaviour and received the DARVO. She blamed me for being insecure, and then it was that I was controlling etc. Just walk away and live your best life…
They are! I was with one , where is pattern of cheating was the same.Im the type that don’t like having to do spy on people becasue I feel you don to have to do for me why so I do it for you.The only time I can do this is if I’m getting g paid for it.Thats why he got away with a lot.Fast forward into 2023 and he’s has a baby on the way.Six months into the relationship with rebound she got pregnant.
True. The behaviour changes was the first thing I noticed with my ex, also the continual and excess phone use. Smiling at the phone, texting. And when you confront them about it you are met with defensiveness
I am amazed: when Dr. Ramani showed how a narc would answer the question about 'what is love?' and the response to the confrontation about texts in the phone (gaslighting, attacking, etc.), those are EXACTLY my husband's reactions and words - vocabulary, body language, voice tone 😮
Same
You don’t have to wait until the other person gives you a show down in order to break up. If you don’t feel comfortable if you suspect they are cheating if you don’t not want to continue the relationship in general you don’t need a reason you end the relationship. Life can be whatever you make it.
Sometimes that is easier said than done :(
@@tundeterezespecially when children are involved, homes, pets, finances, jobs, school, extended family, friendships etc…
@@staceystrukel1917 Precisely.
@@tundeterez True, but it's still very well worth keeping in mind.
It is not that easy.
healthy relationships empathy, respect, balance, compassion, passion, equity in the relationship
"We're not just grieving that a relationship has ended; we're also grieving a future that we expected to come!" "We're grieving the innocence of a forever love story that we believed in!" That's why I say Disney lied. So many of us are raised on Disney movies, especially little girls and I feel like many of those are bad for the mental health of young children, because it puts an often unreachable expectation in their heads about life and if one grows up in a toxic household, especially with a narcissistic parent then when they grow up they have too high of expectations for life and become completely disappointed in life causing anxiety, depression, etc...
Oh, yes, this.. the future I expected when I married. Then 30 years in a marriage where I thought we would be having family dinners, holidays, rocking the grandbabies on the front porch etc. The third known) affair that ended that dream for me was beyond devastating.
@@jenne8180 if only TH-cam had the care emoji! It is devastating when your world comes crashing down, because due to what happened during your upbringing it led you to believe that life is supposed to pan out a certain way! The trauma from that alone is debilitating! Gentle hugs to you! 💕
Best comment
@@AdrienneJung.M thank you!
Disney and a lot of other kid movies seem to be about escaping reality, to a never-never land.
When I found out about his affair and confronted him with it - he said absolutely nothing! The crickets were louder than him. She sent me pics of their time together and all he had to say was "I can't believe she did "that". To this day he hasn't said anything about what he did.
😮
Everyone has the capacity to cheat, but what stops people from cheating is boundaries. The people committed to their relationship will avoid being alone with someone who could even potentially be a love interest. That includes a friend who is a girl who has been there through thick and thin. Who is "like" a sister, or the one you don't need to "worry" about. For guys, it's all about touch and proximity. That's why so many guys cheat with the nanny. Doesn't matter how ugly she is, just look at Arnold Schwarzenegger. Doesn't matter if you've been alone together a hundred times sometimes an inappropriate thought pops up or an urge, and your side eye body language can trigger the same though and urge in the other person. So just avoid it altogether. You can be friends with someone without having alone/private time with them.
They cheat because they are they are sociopaths with no conscience. There’s no other excuse to make that choice.
I don't agree here even though I was cheated on myself. But I do believe that like Dr. Ramani says there are different reasons why someone might cheat. but those with a conscience have a very heavy conscious about it.
@@jenne8180if they had a conscience they would have just broken up not cheated.
@@justines1919It's really that simple. It's about integrity.
@@irishouston4103yup it’s that simple. Normal healthy humans don’t cheat.
Never Forgive Infidelity - Sam Vaknin podcast
Cheating Triangulation In Sick Relationships ---Sam Vaknin podcast
So true. A cheater does it for them. No matter how good we can be. It is for them and about them that they cheat. Their lost 🤷🏼♀️
Cool video, My relationship of 5 years ended a month ago. The love of my life decided to leave me, I really love her so much I can’t stop thinking about her, I’ve tried my very best to get her back in my life, but to no avail, I’m frustrated, I don’t see my life with anyone else. I’ve done my best to get rid of the thoughts of her, but I can’t, I don’t know why I’m saying this here, I really miss her and just can’t stop thinking about her.
Amazing, how did you get a spiritual counsellor, and how do i reach her?
Thank you for this valuable information, i just looked her up now online. impressive.
Hmffff. I'm curious why she left you now 🤔
Pretty sure it’s going to take longer than a month to get over a 5 year relationship….
Five years is a long time with a long time. I was in my relationship for a little over five years. I have been out of that relationship for over a year and a half, I still think about that person everyday, but it wasn't a healthy relationship. I'm sure it's probably even harder for someone who didn't want the relationship to end. But just remember you don't want to try to make someone come back to you that doesn't want that. Take time to heal, find other things that bring happiness to your life, you will meet other people when you least expect it. Trust your instincts and use discernment.
Dr. Ramani I felt like you were remembering the pain you experienced in your past relationships. I felt you were remembering this pain ,I felt hurt for you. You have helped us so much getting thru Toxic Relationships. I want to wish you peace and happiness in your future. 😊😊
true. I noticed it
@@TabassumZee Thank you for noticing this, I knew I wasn't the only one. I am so grateful for Dr. Ramani.
I agree. It seemed like a very authentic Dr. Ramani presentation when she shared her story. Thx Dr. Ramani. Thanks for sharing all that you did.
Well said.💛😍
I love how Dr. Romani pointed out that ''I love you'' can mean a lot of different things to people.
It took me a really long time for me to tell my boyfriend that I love him. And when I said it I knew exactly what it meant when I said it. My boyfriend was a little hurt at the beginning because I didn't say it back, but eventually he understood why it took me so long because I wanted it to be from a deep place within my heart.
Sometimes it's the best feeling when you never have to say I love you because both people feel it so tremendously and mutually that it is needless to say and saying it almost minimizes the feeling because the words seem so disproportionate to the overwhelming feeling at the degree that the love is felt.
I definitely think ppl need to understand that ppl fall in love at different times. I’m more reserved with that, so I’m not looking to hear it quickly myself. I had an ex have a problem with how I moved, but later understood.
I very rarely tell my husband I love him. I show him by taking care of him, especially now that he is older and has many health issues.
I personally can't stand the L-word because people only say that kind of stuff to manipulate others. If they meant something real then they would say that. I've also noticed that women avoid real discussion and favor ephemeral "feelings" and no accountability for behavior.
@@SomeGuy-up4yz People even use that word to excuse behavior that is not loving.
This prompted me to have the “what is love to you?” Conversation.. and my goodness was it eye opening and productive. Thank you ☺️
I will add to that that woman can request whatever they want, but you have to be careful about pricing yourself out of a market and be realistic (so don't demand a lot when you can't give a lot). Most women don't want exclusivity for the same reason they don't have d*cks LOL. It's funny to me that a lot of women nowadays are so confused about what matters--that's the #1 problem nowadays in relationships. I would pay fair and square for what I want, but I have never in the whole world found one single woman that will actually mean what she says or do what she says. I don't think it exists. I think they deliberately sabotage relationships.
"When Men heal, the World changes."
Wow, profound!
#BlessedBeThee🐦
The best way to prevent a cheater is to NOT GET MARRIED. NO CO-HABITATE males in your bed. Get a group of girlfriends or a pet for companionship. If you must have a child, maintain a single parent household. Have no more than one child and focus on that one child. Multiple children does not automatically mean you're a better mum. You will be healthier, safer, and happier. One or no children without an in-home manbaby will cost you less in the long run. Especially if that manbaby is a cheater.
I think we all have to be "prepared" to be cheated on or to put an end to a relationship at some point even though it is the best relationship we have ever had.
We also need to prepare to be able to enjoy a relationship without forgetting that romantic relationships are not only romantic, it's also a business, it's also an investment, it's also a deal between two people...never forget that...and just like in business, always take care of your share.
Be prepared to feel and deal with anger, jelousy, sadness, frustration when it's time to say goodbye but enjoy the ride.
Women cheat just as much!
Thank you. That is the best comment ever.
Fantastic point of view, thank you.
Ha ha...are you a good Return of investment (ROI) for your parents....
Be a bit more civilized and human. Don't be a drop of poison in milk.
We human need love from our birth till our death. We all are thriving to achieve that in life...... So pls spread love and compassion......
A very rational approach, but I wonder how many people are psychologically equipped to apply it.
Relationship betrayal hurts a lot it’s the most memorable… it changes their relationship with themselves how they trust again. The reason why ppl cheat is not bc of you. But it deeply affects everyone no matter the length of the relationship married or not.
The problem with discussing what is considered cheating with a potential partner is that a narcissist will LIE about everything and tell you what you want to hear. I made it abundantly clear what my views were on a certain subject, and he agreed at the time. Well, lets just say it took a while to come out, but he certainly did NOT agree. So, now im hurt because of what occurred but also because he lied.
Exactly. They pay no attention, agree to everything and continue doing whatever they like.
Same. We both agreed to terms of our relationship. He was difficult, I was accommodating by being empathetic. He made little changes, don't even think he realized and maybe he did. In the end the changes he made while saying he wasn't going to change is what keep me in the relationship and then he betrayed me by cheating. I can't even be his friend now.
Thank you . I'm so sick of hearing men say its the woman's fault. Any post or video I've seen on social media about relationships and cheating , there's always a woman asking why men cheat on good women . Then you see several men chiming in blaming women . Its that's mans issue not the woman. If a man has an issue in the relationship, talk to your woman about what the issue is. Tell her what you're feeling and why. Cheating isn't going to solve what's going on in a man's mind . It's only going to cause more problems
This.
Cheaters can come in various forms but it all boils down to one thing: IF the person who cheated valued what they built with their partner and valued their partner they would NEVER cheat! The cheating is all you need to know about how the person thinks about you and values you. For me I think it says everything about the cheater and nothing about the partner who stayed faithful other than obvious betrayal.And no..... I would never in a million years stay or take a cheater back. If a man lacks self respect, by me staying in his life and allowing him the space to learn how to cover up his next cheat better (cause that is what will happen)that just makes no sense and actually shows I have no respect for myself. Ultimately if someone cheats on you, the healthy response is to choose "you" cause they have just disqualified themselves of being worthy of your time, access and attention. No cheating man is ever worthy of having a woman take him back and give him a second chance because something breaks down in the sequence of the cheating. Self love and self respect should always trump trying to keep the supposed "love" of a man that has just spat on you emotionally!!!
Well said!
59:10 Thank you for saying this. I’m a 52 year old Psychotherapist and have been secretly beating myself up for years, for not being able to completely trust again, and seeing the potential of betrayal in everyone. I put it down to having a more realistic boundary about letting someone close to my heart. How sad the younger open hearted, honest, loving me, is now more controlled. It’s comforting to know you also feel this way Dr Ramani.
Best skills learn as an adult is when and how to break up with someone. It can saves years of person life
My ex cheating spouse’s mother was a serial cheater and was not discreet about it. Now I wonder in which ways my son has been impacted by his father’s cheating. Leaving his dad was the best thing I did, but the consequences remain.😢
My father’s cheating completely destroyed my brother’s heart. It hurt him worse than it did any of us,
My ex father is the same.Had no respect for his mother .The dad would invite the other women to the house if they were having any occasions.His dad had other kids outside the relationship.His mother even got use to it that she started speaking to these women like they were her friends.When my ex use to tell me about these things I couldn’t wrap my mind around,he was having a hard time understanding why I couldn’t understand it.I use to say to him there’s no way in hell! I would be so close to women that was cheating with my father ,my loyalty is for my mother.
Holy moly. That DARVO explanation felt like an exact argument I had with my ex - I didn’t go through his phone but I did approach him about texting in the bathroom and phone behaviours and disappearing at a work conference for an entire night and day … or staring at other girls.
This is exactly how the convo would go with him - deny, call me crazy, weird, not normal, and criticise me, say he paid for everything (he always insisted), always did everything etc.
He tried to get me to leave my job, sell my car, move in with him … I’m so glad I didn’t! But I think that was a sticking point for him in our relationship - he could never get that full control
So you basically admitted that you were not good or nice enough for him to pay any attention to you... Sure he may have been covardly to net be direct about the situation but you brought it on yourself, so dont whine about it.
@@NowioART what are you even talking about. That’s a weird assumption to make - sounds like you’re projecting. Spot the cheater lol
@@NowioART How is refusing to leave your job, sell your car and move in with someone who gaslights you admitting that you're not good or nice enough? This doesn't indicate low self-esteem or niceness; it indicates assertiveness.
My second husband accused me of cheating even though I had no inclination to cheat, and it was definitely projection because he was the one cheating.
Exactly.
What about porn? If they watch porn instead of going to their partner, is that cheating??
Because I think it is and he won’t stop!!!
For sure that is a type of betrayal and disrespect. Especially since you have made it clear how that is emotionally harming you. He is blatantly disregarding your feelings. I hope and pray you can get peace for yourself and safety away from that situation. 🙏
You cannot change an addict.
Safe People by Henry Cloud
The Gift Of Fear by Gavin De Becker
My guy couldnt give me 3 things he even liked about me, much less love about me. I much rather be liked than loved after this narcotic journey.
*exactly, you are not to blame if someone cheats*
Exactly. That's on them.
Cheating males
1. Handsome
2. Rich
3. Not used to beautiful women
4. Truckers
5. Fitness
6. Cops
7. Military
So basically anyone with XY CHROMOSOME.
True about fitness military and good looking
👎🤮
Lol
BS
Infidelity runs in families
Cultural influence can be another factor.
Never Forgive Infidelity - Sam Vaknin podcast
Cheating Triangulation In Sick Relationships ---Sam Vaknin podcast
I love seeing women having a conversation about something not talked about often in an authentic way.
This💛
narcissists feel entitled to more relationships.
I left mine in 2021 and am still not in my own home because during the divorce he would just stop paying a bills in my name and not tell me plus my attorney was worthless and didn’t get me spousal support during the divorce and dragged it out for over a year so my credit was destroyed…be very careful leaving the Narcissist because they will get payback
“They do love their partner they love their lives..but they go out to a convention they jump out of their roll. It’s more of a rebellious nature. “
The truth is we are so focused on will they cheat again? I finally left a relationship of 2 years where he cheated different ways many times. Even if he got better, I could never trust him and would feel cheated out of a true love relationship.
Being alone is better than staying with someone who cheats on you.
They will always blame you and play the victim.
A cheater know he is cheater a lier know he lies... but still keep on with all again and again...me 13years relationships 😢
I love Dr. Ramani! She is so honest from a scholarly standpoint.
It's very refreshing. 💛
I got blamed by my cheating boyfriend/fiancee for his cheating. He was a serial cheater. Never admit to cheating. I had to find out from his phone and a few people from the community
A cheater is one hundred percent responsible for their behavior.
Never doubt patterns AKA The Track Record
I will never understand why people who want to cheat dont just break up first. If your in a relationship or married surely its better to be respectful, and to think of their feelings. As you would have loved them or at least cared deeply for them at some point, so surely you would not want to hurt them. I have been cheated on in three of my last relationships and now I have trust issues. ( 1st relationship my sons dad cheated on me with my best friend). So I dont trust my new person and I constantly think hes cheating on me, even though hes not. Its like im just waiting for him to cheat on me. I never knew I had subconsciously put myself in the bunker
My ex was a narc/cheater/sex addict. And he was so good at twisting and manipulating things. I feel like a fool because he made me fall in love with him so hard and all the while, he was a serial killer.