You know what’s worse? when everyone is in family is attractive. Constantly in your face for not having met the beauty standards and to miss out on a wining generic lottery. You really see the difference between living life on a hard v easy mode.
My parents were attractive in their youth (and many people will still say they're attractive, even when they both are in their late 50s), while I was born average at best because of my grandparents genes. It's painful to know that my narcissistic mother will always have people who will be at her side, no matter what she does to me, just because she's "the pretty one", while the most of people won't believe me and won't support me because I'm "the ugly one". And what I've noticed is that all my friends are average or unattractive, while all my bullies were pretty, popular girls. My friends also grew up in destructive, instabile households, just like me, so we understand each other and emphasize each other.
High school is usually where ppl get the most ridicule about their looks. Once you graduate and become responsible for making your own decisions as an adult, looks aren't as important to most ppl as opposed to networking and work ethics.
I grew up ugly AND fat. And along with the issues at home, this made me a very anti social recluse who avoided everything and everyone. Now as an adult, I struggle to make connections with people. I missed out on a lot of typical mile stones growing up and im having to learn all those things most people learn in their youth and adolescence in my adult years. The past 7 months I really started working on myself and learning why I do what I do. Realizing that I basically screwed myself by not just embracing my weird awkward self and just going for “it”. Doing nothing is possibly one of the worse things to do. It only stunts you. I have also dabbled into Buddhism and one of the main reasons for unhappiness is because we’re never satisfied with what we have now. Just accept reality and focus on what you can change.
@@shanak09 Buddhism focuses more on changing the mindset and how you deal with problems within yourself and how you react to unfortunate circumstances. There’s no expectations, just going with the flow and connecting with yourself.
one of the worst feelings ever is realizing that you look worse than almost every single person you see online calling themselves ugly. you just end up realizing you’re worse than what society considers “worse”
Please don't run after beauty 😭😭😭. All my life I wanted to be pretty. I wanted to be the girl boys had crush on and stuff like that. When I was "desperate" for it it was HELL. I was always comparing myself to all the girls around me (friends, family or not). It made me so miserable. When I turned 16 and I cut my hair, I focused on building myself and it got better. I wasn't the prettiest off them all but I was comfortable with myself. Now I'm 24 and I'm still building my confidence. I don't look at all the beauty standards and stuff like that because it's always changing (look at how everybody wants to be thin). I work with what I have and I make me the beauty standard
"plase don't run after beauty" well i did, and it paid off going into highschool as a kid i was ugly and overweight but after 3 years of fixating on my appearance i'm so glad looking at old pictures i think about how i could still be HER if i followed what family wanted my family still holds that lonely, depressed, anxious, unhealthy version of me on a pedestal now i have many friends (used to feel lucky having 2 or 5) and some friendships started by them complimenting how pretty i am or finding my sense of style interesting. not that they are fake friends but beauty makes you more approachable and confident also i'm lesbian and girls have asked me out for the first time ever this is it, i'm finally living the teenage years i always dreamed of
@@roxas9121 you missed my point. I never say to not improve yourself. You became a better version of yourself great for you. I'm talking about not pursuing the beauty standard and only focusing on you
The avoiding part really hit too close to home 😞 As someone who hasn’t been able to look in the mirror without feeling sick to my stomach since being a teenager, this whole video is really spot on.
I'm 16, and I'm so sick of feeling like I have to look pretty or else I'm 'unlovable'. Look pretty? For who exactly? A random person down the street? I'll never see them again anyways. I'm sick of people telling me what I'm worth (or what a girl/woman is worth in general) over something as shallow and stupid as looks. You think I'm ugly? Congrats I guess. You don't pay for my food, clothes, or school. So why should I care? As long as I'm constantly improving my personality, intellect, and overall attitude towards myself, I'm fine.
I literally wash my face in the kitchen in the morning because I don’t wanna see myself in the mirror 😢 it’s bad bro…I need to fix ts. I’m afraid to open Snapchat too because I don’t wanna see how I look.
I've been bullied constantly my entire life for no reason. I hate going out because of how i look and I avoid people because of it. I don't think i can ever love mysself and i think no one deserves someone as gross as me
I feel you. But, let's rephrase that, shall we? Instead of 'I don't think I can ever love myself', most of us don't. Sometimes it's okay to just 'like' yourself. We live in a world where hating yourself is the norm, and accepting yourself is seen as rebellious or odd. Also, I'm 16, so girl I know how you feel. My chest is really small, and that insecurity takes over my thoughts every damn day. I have also seen myself as gross, or 'unlovable'. Like no boy on the face of the entire Earth would ever like me. And what if they don't? They can't handle all this sass anyways. Something that has really helped me so far is to not want to be stereotypically pretty, but instead look different and otherworldly, y'know? Who wants to look the same anyways? Listen, does anyone you see down the street pay for your food, rent, clothes, school? No. Anyone you might feel jealous of? Nope, they don't care for you either. So you don't need to give 3 flying fucks about what they think about you, because you don't owe them ANYTHING. If anyone can't see past your 'flaws' (which are only considered flaws because men tell us they are and they think they're all that), then bestie you clearly deserve better. Whether it be in romantic relationships or your friend group, if they don't appreciate you for who you are and not what you look like, they're shallow pieces of shit. Also I see you like Enhypen so you've clearly got taste🔥🔥🔥 Just know that you're not alone in this.
Wait, stop right there!!!! Who do you see, others voices smeared on your body? Where are you ? You are handsome, no lie! Let me tell you from hard knocks, real looks, attractiveness, magnetism is confidence, is uniqueness, individuality, strength. Look back at you haters, look them in the eye, and return all their venom to sender. Who ever convinced you these lies? The truth does not insult the soul! Truth does not destroy you, make you smaller than, limit you. Truth makes you fly, gives you wings, expands, fills your heart! You seem to of internalised taunts from cowards projections. What they say is actually who they are! Find your essence, seek you light, explore who you truly are, try hypnosis, rewire your brain. You can not be crushed by others, you are magnificent, rise!
Bro I'm litterally a hermit now cus every time I enter a new a new social setting thwy litterally ignore. Pretend they don't know my name but talks shit about me behind my back and they use any excuse under the book to hate me. But at the end of the sentence they always ALWAYS mention my looks. I was made fun of once for sitting on a chair.
you're not delusional for doing this, it's the bare minimum to do. Don't mind ppl who said that you're delulu when you just accept the way who you are. Mind you that they didn't accept themselves either lolll
The problem is that I want people to consider me extremely beautiful. I just want people to boost my ego by doing nothing, I guess. I don't care about eye/hair/skin colour, I want to have the features that take people's breath away lol But I also want it to be natural to me, I don't want any surgeries or makeup to achieve that. My face is average, wanting all mentioned is the same as wanting to be able to fly without using any tools or transport, except no one can do that, but there are people who have what I want, and that just doesn't let me be in peace with myself
But I also thought about if I had the perfect features for myself that looking in the mirror I would be extremely happy and would be grateful everyday, but everyone else in the world would think I'm ugly. Would that make me insecure? Would I want to be different even then?
this is a desire, a lot of us have especially young girls, the media and instagram makes us feel like admiration is what you want, but i imo appreciation matters more. admiration says 'wow she's so beautiful, i wish i looked like her' appreciation says 'wow she's an amazing person, i'm glad i get to know her'
I do wanna say though I’m going to sophomore year and I hope this helps: You can’t run on the validation of others because that only lasts for a little bit before it runs out and you’re going to be back in that mirror saying negative things about yourself and trying to change yourself for other people just because of someone’s opinion about you. The fact that some people literally take the time out of their day to say rude things just proves how jealous and rude they are and it explains just how a shallow heart and personality they have so always love urself no matter what because you are beautiful!!! ❤ I’ve gotten stuck in the cycle myself of changing myself for other people but if you continue to do that you’re not even going to remember who YOU ARE anymore. Thank you Christina for these amazing videos and your channel it’s made such an impact on me and I hope you have an amazing day. 🫶🏾🫶🏾
As someone with very unusual facial features I promise you it's better to be average/plain looking. People either find me very attractive or very unattractive no in between and I hate it
I'm definitely an 'earned attraction' person. I naturally had SUPER f'd up teeth, horrible cystic acne, and horrible vision so I had to wear big chunky glasses. When I was a senior in high school I got my braces off, got contacts and went on accutane. I also started working out and got a super fit body. The glow up was INSANE. I used to be the ugliest girl in my friend group and would cry when I looked in the mirror. Now I can say I am objectively on-par with the naturally prettiest girl in my friend group. I'm really glad I went through my ugly-duckling phase because it made me a more compassionate person. I treat all people the same regardless of attractiveness. If I could turn back time, I would still want to experience being "ugly" because it made me who I am.
I've been physically ugly my whole life, as I've got older I've started to care less and I don't let it stop me from doing as many things now, but it still hurts when people stare at me or are unfriendly and always have something negative to say about everything I do or don't do. I can't make friends easily and forget about having a relationship or even being able to get a date. I can't lie the most upsetting part is feeling incomplete and left behind because I haven't and never will experience the things that most people get to and it's purely because of the way I look 😢
Me too man I just tend to focus on the bright side of it though. All my close friends definitely like me for my personality & I have a lot of time & a good amount of money to play with which most married men can't say😂 Got a nice car a few years back & traveled Europe last year. Plan on traveling China, India, & Japan before I turn 30 Living a pretty comfortable & adventurous life, which is more than most people ever get so I stay positive about that I guess no women want to share that with me which sucks but I can't change that so I'll just have fun on my own & with the homies
I think is what is the most painful reality of being born unattractive, you completely miss out on alot of life experiences alot of fun memories and just a mutual connection it's a very cruel fate that is so painful and unbearable it's like watching life go by and you can't participate in it watching other people live your dream life it's very painful
you're so right about avoidance behaviors. I realize I never had birthday parties during my teenage years either because none of my (albeit toxic) friends would care or acknowledge me. So I wouldn't say anything. I'd also avoid eye contact with people, and when covid hit and I could wear a mask to cover my acne I was finally able to start making eye contact with people. Now I'm 21 and I can do all those things I didn't have as a teenager (acne scars still there tho!) Also I wear like 0 makeup to hide myself anymore because for me makeup was never about fun-- only about hiding myself-- so now I will only wear a bit of mascara/lipstick/blush to have some fun (and I do like how I look with it-- but I can also go places without makeup!) As a teenager I couldn't even step outside without a face full of makeup to hide acne. The only avoidance behavior I still have today unfortunately is only looking at myself in the bathroom mirror if the lights are off, but I'm slowly trying to improve on that. :)
I too was bullied at school and it was usually the girls who wore a lot of makeup who were the ones doing the bullying. To this day I am not comfortable around younger people who wear makeup and it is not something I like to wear myself. Makeup means mean in my experience.
You need carnivour diet, eat one meal a day and avoid carbs because refined carbs hurt you so badly and refined or non refined carbs are addictive so I recommend try eating foods like salmon fish which high vitamin D and anti inflammation, skin lose elasticity die to lack of vitamin D and we know how much vitamin D we lack, most people don't know but they don't even get 100 iu vitamin a day but minimum 600-800 IU on average is required, eat lamb meat, duck meat, fish and other sea food. If your hair is greying try Amla or gooseberries which are recovers dead cells and produces new blood in body and is high in vitamin c with so many antioxidants. Im in similar situation like you and would say even worse that you because I childhood due too much sport's I broke my leg bones multiple times which now I'm suffering more from
In my teens I was a skinny boy with acne, and a stutterer on top of that. That being said, my approach was the opposite, I spoke to as many people as possible, and wasn't particularly shy about it. The reactions were often negative, but it made me realize that I could get by, and I had enough friends to back me up. I developed a "thick skin" in the sense that I disregarded most people's opinions, and used those of my group of friends as a guide. The change came later in life, in my early 20s, the acne got better, I looked more masculine, and the stuttering subsided gradually. In retrospect both good and bad came out of this teenage period of my life. I became very resilient, but that resiliency came at a cost. It took me quite a while to let people in, value their thoughts, and become more social in general. I'm also glad my aggression didn't turn inward. I only needed to make a bully hurt enough, even if I didn't win the fight. They would find an easier target. I now have children of my own, and they are the "pretty people", which feels a little weird.
Im going this exact thing right now I’m only 19 but I can’t even process others peoples opinions anymore and it’s starting to push people away bc I take no advice I’ll rather find things out on my own rather than someone warn me
It took me a really long time to realize that no matter what I look like, I deserve love and friendship and happiness. Unlearning the thought cycle of "i'll be happy when i'm skinny" or "i'll be happy when I'm in a relationship" was the best thing to ever happen to me.
I’m cooking rn and when you said “don’t look for validation in the same place you lost that validation” I literally froze like why have I never considered that you literally just changed my life
I have felt this my entire life. From being emotionally neglected as a child to being constantly bullied up until adulthood, I never had a breathing moment to realize this. Now a week ago I turned 23, a couple years ago I made my first friends. Now besides the weight, skin etc I am afraid that I am getting too old to do certain things. Just meeting up with my friends is difficult since they are busy. Spending even more time with myself after everything is extremely painful but I am learning that I need to become my own friend as well. I don't want to be lonely. I don't want to be isolated. So thank you for this video, for your whole channel actually. It helps me so much in this journey 💜
I love that you went into race because when I tell you being black in a majority white school is super tough and annoying which is why I moved from a majority white private school to public school because the environment was absolutely terrible for me and I wish I found your channel sooner before I made the switch because now I’m more confident than ever because of you ❤❤
13:29 I can relate to this, Im Indian and I used to have self confidence and my race didn’t concern me. Then I got social media (esp instagram) and I was exposed to how people view Indians. “What race would you not date?” “Indians” “Indian girls are dark and hairy and smelly” All the attractive Indian girls had European features. I have shame when seeing my tan skin and two toned lips. I feel jealous when other races get so much more positive attention. East Asians and Latinas and Arabs and Europeans are fetishized and their features are sought after. I wish I could change my race and become light skinned and be perceived positively like almost every other race.
The problem isnt you, its the rest of the world. The number of dark skin girls of all shades that are so so pretty yet underrated used to shock me. Now dark skinned Indian girls with their healthy hair, their harmonious lips and gracefully shaped eyes? Ugly or unattractive in any way? Just madness!! I tell you its the rest of the world that is weirdly colorist We can change that, by letting dark skin girls, Indian women have their spotlight in movies, make up & hair product ads, shows and series etc. (I know a few series that showcase dark skin Indian women in all yueir beauty) More international representation, more public appreciation the eay they deserve. Then people at wide will finally understand they've been colorist idiots. (And the colorists should be rughtfully shamed) For now then, embrace beauty, embrace a few make up techniques that celebrate your features, colours that celebrate your skin tone, clothing that celebrate your body!! Embrace your beauty
this triggered the fuck outta me bc at first i was like dam i rly am ugly if the algorithm recommended this n i got flooded w all the things ppl have ever commented abt my body negatively family “friends” strangers boyfriends all the looks of disgust ppl have given parts of my body n i was overcome w a deep sense of shame n inferiority, i forced myself to sit thru it tho n hear u out n im glad i did. its crazy bc i grew up ugly n ive worked so hard on myself to where now ig im coded as pretty but its when ive least felt it, i get the most amount of attention from men n som ppl are so hard on me for seemingly no reason when they werent before but i feel the most miserable too. the pursuit of beauty is endless bc theres always some way to be more beautiful, theres no top to it. its exhausting. n the more i achieve beauty, the more beauty i feel i have left to achieve. there will always be a younger prettier hotter girl, n ive realized that defining my worth by this leads me to very dark places that smtms make me wanna unalive myself. my entire existence revolves arnd controlling n feeding my beauty routines n regimes n still i dont feel pretty enough. i still feel like im tryna prove myself to the ex who said i was “ugly” or my cousin who made fun of me for my leg shape or my other cousin who mocked how thin i was, i still feel like the loser kid in college who got ignored in front of a group of 15+ ppl when tryna join their conversation bc i wasnt hot or cool enough to “sit with them”, i still feel the humilitation of my ex preferring to stare at any other prettier girl than to have a one on one conversation with me, the shame i felt when my own father compared me to my therapist n said she was prettier n that thats why i didnt wanna keep on attending my sessions w her…. the way everyone around me w use me to talk abt how my sister or my friend was “so beautiful” but no one ever said anything abt me…. its no use, the more desperate i am for beauty, the less i feel i have it
You literally can’t control what you look like. No one can. Your bone structure was made just to suit your body and so you can function properly, remember your so beautiful hun💗
Looking back at my childhood pics, I was never ugly but believed my bullies🤦🏾♀️. Part of me still believes them to this day despite tons of compliments I get. Some of my bullies even apologized to how they treated me; I posted one apology on my channel. But I’m still negatively impacted. I think it was the added fact of always being the new girl in school and colorism plus having a nice body that caused me to be bullied by the boys and girls.
i think the part about what u want vs focusin on experience is hard if reality validates that feeling. i grew up a lil chubbier and kinda ugly, and i lost hella weight before my first semester at my first college. when i tell you people were flocking to me like never before. then i gained the weight back and ig got a lil uglier w that. went to a different college and it’s been the toughest struggle just making friends or having ppl want to be around me. like it feels like i have to overcompensate when i have more “unattractive” traits but when it’s the opposite i can just be myself and be accepted. Which is wild cuz I don’t think my mindset ever did a full 180 tbh…
No you’re entirely correct tbh your mindset has absolutely 0 to do with your new school and how your relationships were affected significantly then before. It’s hard for people to accept because it’s a depressing realisation that if your the undesirable to everyone around you, then telling yourself your attractive won’t change anyone else’s opinion if you still look the same. Unattractive people do exist, where people get confused is the grey area of average looking people and personality. A 5 can maybe bump up there attractiveness to a small percentage of extra people through personality that otherwise wouldn’t be interested, but that’s not going to work for a sub 5 the way it did for an average person, even so a 8 doesn’t need personality but with good personality maybe they can become a 9 lets say. Truth is everyone is born with a limit the second they exist, whether you reach that max potential is upto you but not everyone has the same ceiling or the same starting place as everyone else.
@@MonkeyLiggaScrumptiousNan I disagree that attractive people don’t need personalities, they have personalities, but I agree we’re all different in terms of attraction depending on the person.
@@Janet67498 it’s not a make or break for attractive people to get relationships or one night stands or any sort of intimacy from whatever way they swing is more what I mean, sure attractive + good personality means the world is basically your pick for intimacy, attractive without personality you’ll still have super high success rates with people you also find attractive/like. Ugly with personality though you’re options are sparse at best and nobody can deny that, sure Pete Davidson and a few others are exceptions to the rule but that’s the point, it’s not often that people like that bag way more attractive/lots of different partners 247 so people go crazy about because it’s not a common occurrence compared to, attractive person = attractive partner. Ugly person = ugly -average at best partner - no partner most likely if you are of the male category, that’s just how real life works. Even if you had 10/10 looks but no personality that’s something you can easily fix and your starting place is already well above average for success, if your 2 or 3 looks wise with the worlds best personality that’s ever existed you still won’t have much if any success at all and it’s not like you can go for a 2 to 6 looks wise let alone a 10, even if you throw millions upon millions and surgery after surgery it’s physically impossible to go from that ugly to the high end of the attractive person pool. End of the day looks are the most important element for romantic success while also being the hardest thing to improve with everyone having a genetic ceiling that they cap out at and it’s all pure luck what anyone gets which is why people have such a hard time accepting it.
Videos like this really make me disassociate. I'm definitely the ugly duckling in my family and have gone through the fear/disappointment and currently the avoidance. At this point, I just ride with it and deal with my feelings and reactions when I'm forced to confront an insecurity that I can't avoid. And while I very much appreciate the sentiment, being told 'you're not ugly' or having someone try to convince you that you're an 'amazing person' just sounds like someone telling a person that's having issues with being single that they'll find someone if they just do this or this. Or like when people say 'I don't see color' in reference to different skin colors. At the end, it sounds to me like they're avoiding a very real truth in society. Yes, looks are subjective but a universal truth is that conventionally attractive people exist and non conventionally attractive people exist. And there is a difference to how those people experience life. Just like black and brown people are amazing people doesn't take away from the reality of the fact that they're black or brown. It's just a truth. Beauty IS subjective which is a part of why us less conventionally attractive people do find relationships and can be very successful but it doesn't take away that we're STILL not conventionally attractive. At least for me, when I ever do decide to want to speak on those struggles and that person starts to tell me that I shouldn't feel like that because i'm such an amazing person or i'm actually not ugly feels like they're trying to avoid the issue. The reality is that there's nothing I can do about it but work on my outlook of said issue and how I react to situations.
As someone who used to be really ugly but has glown up over the last 2 years, especially the last year, people will always hate you for being ugly at any point in your life. People have seen old pictures of me and treated me differently afterwards.
13:38 I feel. I grew up hyper aware of being the only black kid at school and at every catholic function my mom signed me up for growing up. Seeing the prettier paler girls made me feel like that I wasn’t pretty because of my skin tone. I always thought if I were white, I’d be good enough. If I were white, I’d be pretty enough… I always thought being white would get rid of my depression and self hatred. I always envied the paler girls because guys would flirt with them more. Guys would talk to them more. I was totally bro zoned or just.. unseen.
as Alessia Cara says "Beauty is pain and there's beauty in everything What's a little bit of hunger? I can go a little while longer," she fades away She don't see her perfect, she don't understand she's worth it Or that beauty goes deeper than the surface, oh, oh So to all the girls that's hurting, let me be your mirror Help you see a little bit clearer the light that shines within
Feeling uncomfortable with myself resulted in missing out on a lot of core experiences, i never had any birthday parties, I gave myself back issues bc i was constantly slumping
Every family dynamic is unique. My family never put any aesthetic or "girly" standards on their girls and only encouraged us to do well academically (helped both grandmothers and mother were not into fashion and were tomboyish). Grandparents/parents would call us beautiful and cute even if we were little messy gremlins, I only grew up caring about the opinion of my loved ones and not giving a damn about what others would think..but then, getting into the real world and wondering why everyone avoids you or treats you differently..and then learning the truth behind that, its like suddenly waking up in a whole new dimenssion where you must learn the rules of the game from scratch!!
What I will say Dr. Aaliyah is that not only are you incredibly beautiful to me, you are also filled with profound, intelligent insights that so neatly articulate the things that I've experienced living a life of shame and low self-esteem. And it's just a wonderful reminder that this sort of timeless wisdom about the human condition will always be relevant. Talk about being the total package!
i never thought i was ugly, but people let me know it they're actions and words how disgusting I was to them, now that I have glown up SOOOO severely, I am a human male magnet but still just as hard to make genuine friends male or female. but people are far more respectful and I am actually treated like a person now.
I felt so called out when you started talking about avoidance behaviors LOL but its better to address it than continuing this self sabotage, as I have said no to invites to hangout with a group of acquaintances before just because i felt ugly. I felt like I’ve let appearance get to me, feeling like I HAVE to look good or else im invalid. It’s been a horrible hyperfixation I’ve had since i was in middle school, and since being told horrible comments as a kid, it just stuck. I am now a high schooler, and I still have this issue, but I’m working on overcoming it through small steps. Thank you Christina!! :)
10:00 this hit so close to home. I have cute outfits in my head that I’ll never have the confidence to wear because I don’t want to get attention and seem like an attention seeker, and I am one because my fears are either not getting compliments on my new hair/clothes or people talking negatively about it. So those clothes end up staying in my closet because I don’t want the potential attention of wearing it. It was so bad that I couldn’t even wear my hair down because the overwhelming negative thoughts of how people might react. Because of that, ever since middle school, I wore my hair in a low ponytail. And my outfits in school were basically leggings/jeans with a shirt and a hoodie or jacket.
As someone who always sticks out like a sore thumb bc of what I wear, don't let others rob you of the joy of looking how you want to. I don't think I'm pretty either, and confidence isn't a linear path, but here are some of the things I do that help me feel more comfortable dressing up: If you have suportive friends, go out with them and let them know about your outfit beforehand, pick a place you've been several times before and are familiar with, go out with something to cover up but, if you can, choose something that doesn't completely cover your outfit (jacket, coat, sweater), maybe change something in your ideal outfit for a piece that you feel more confortable with (think of it like a training wheels outfit), go out with headphones if you're not with friends, dressing up alone at home a few times before going out with your desired outfit. It could also help to talk to a therapist about your insecurities, really get into the root of the issue. I bet you'll look amazing regardless and I wish you the best of luck!
I understand that feeling of avoiding!! I’m 17 rn and since I was 6 I became hyper aware on my looks. The thing is that before that, I was a really confident child, so yes, I agree with the belief that insecurities are inserted into our minds from other people. I started to get bullied by my entireee school, they used to call me elephant and throw peanuts at me! At 6 years old… of course anyone would loose their “unbreakable” confidence. Thanks to that, I developed many eating disorders and years of hiding and stuttering when talking to new people, just because I thought I was the ugliest “elephant” around. Right now I feel much better, of course now I’m in high school with new people, I’ve lost the weight, I’ve changed. Still, none of that counts into feeling better if you don’t work out all that crap people put in your head…therapy helped me realize many things. Those people calling you names are never going to give you that validation you crave and that is okay! They aren’t important even if they are your own family (my family used to call me names as well) people are going through their own stuff and aren’t as aware of their words as you might be. We should not wait for them to be aware of their harm, we should not wait for them to accept us, we should stop chasing them. You deserve love, love you and the change that comes with the package. There is beauty in the change of adolescence or even adulthood or any stage, there are always changes and if you don’t like how you look like then do something to change it in a healthy way!!! Not looking like others is what makes you special, but changing into a version you love most is also okay. Emotionally or physically, the discipline of change is positive. Change the way you talk to yourself and change the way you act with your life path.
i've watched at least four of your videos in the last two days so im not sure if it came from this one, but the line "dont look for validation in the same place you lost your validation" hits so hard - i love it
I relate to this video. I remember being 12 and being so disappointed at the way i looked. I tried to compensate by being smart, but it never worked. I tried to be charismatic and a person people would want, but it never worked. I feel like the only thing i can do to be tolerable to people as an autistic woman is to try and be pretty. I've always envied how pretty women never need to give anything to anyone, they can just exist in the world with little issues despite being utterly dull or having little to offer. I feel like i can never shake this feeling because i am swarmed of constant reminders of how disgusting and worthless i am. It doesn't help that my siblings won the genetic lottery and people would always approach me telling me ways i could imrpove my appearance. I can't help but feel getting surgery is the only way i could be free from these feelings because i will never be able to develop my social skills to a point that is enough for normal people no matter how hard i try.
In my head I not only look bad and ugly but I’m also annoying and very stupid and a freak. I was bullied frequently so frequently for my looks and my race that I developed such deep insecurities at 10 years old I attempted my life over my looks and my mind..
Y’all people called me desperate for wanting a bf in hs and now I have one who is absolutely kind and loving towards me. It’s possible lol. But do they like black girls? Yes, and he accepts all other parts of who I am and will turn the world over for me to be happy unless I physically stop him.
Ty for this, in 9th grade every girl around me had a boyfriend or was talking with someone or had many relationships before (all of them were white or lighskin and some of the boys would not even believe they were black,even if they were), and i always tought that it was bcz of my looks and bcz im black (i still think about it a little bit) now im going to 10th grade and to a new school, but not with purpose of finding a boyfriend, im just going to be me, when its right it will come.
thank you so much for this like actually i can’t even describe how this opened my eyes. I was considered pretty my entire life up until middle school where i started dressing weird and got bad haircuts and stuff and i suddenly started getting called “ugly” n shit. Even after i worked on improving my appearance (and i could tell it worked bc the same people that bullied me were suddenly nice and i had more friends n stuff) the negative thoughts i had about myself were still there. To this day i’m still struggling with my self esteem, i’ll wake up feeling like i’m the ugliest person on earth… even though i never get told that (when someone comments on my appearance nowadays it’s usually the opposite…) it really doesn’t matter how physically attractive you actually are… the actual solution is just feeling valuable and comfortable kn your own skin
Bruh, this one guy at work confessed his feelings to me when covid was still around and we were all wearing masks and as soon as he saw me without a mask, he dipped 💀 I didn’t like him so good riddance but that has traumatized me forever now and I have been hyperfixated on my looks since then. I even have a list of plastic surgery procedures I want to do.
I felt like this most of my life to the point where I just avoid most social media, groups, social settings outside of work, etc... and I just started focusing on my hobbies instead, it's very freeing to not participate in such a shallow society.
The way you started this video and explained your own experiences honestly made me cry because I've felt the sam way for years since I was a young teen and this made me feel seen in some sort of way that I've never had before, so thank you a lot ❤
6:40 I find it interesting that the girl is talking about how she doesn’t like how society puts so much value on beauty and outer appearance and the people are only talking about her appearance in the comments (even if it’s in a good way)
I think that depends on your sexuality. As what a hetero man may find unattractive in a woman, and non hetero woman will find beautiful. What a hetero woman may find unattractive in a man, a non hetero man may find beautiful. So, you have to figure out who is most important to attract for you according to your sexuality.
As a dude, and knowing girls, there is definitely some objective level of physical looks that can make someone look ugly. You might mainly see personality, but I think a majority of people at least subconsciously treat and judge people based on how good looking they are at the surface
This was me during my kid and teen years. Severely bullied for my weight then i finally lost it and just wanted to be invisible to no get shamed. Developed an ED which robbed me of 7 years. Now i lift and eat well no longer purge, but people don't realize the damage words and bullying do
gonna admit some people are ugly and sometimes im hella ugly but that's cuz I didn't groom myself and felt so ugly that my confidence was in the trenches. yes u can be born not pretty but ur truly ugly if ur personality sucks and if u have no confidence. self care is important y'all
wow, this was rly validating and made me realised all my behaviours that were avoidant. thank u for the video. it also rly resonated w me on the whole becoming a doctor part.
paused at 10:15 time stamp to write this anyways i totally agree feeling ugly can come down to so much démodé than looks and. a lots of times comes down to how you feel about your self as a person and it’s so hard to change your own view point since you are either yourself all the time
So true. I grew up with body dysmorphia. But it all started in school. I was bullied by boys. Boys would tell me every day how ugly I was. Then they would beat me physically. I grew up with a dream to die. I didn't want to live. I felt so unsafe in school that I would skip classes. I grew up with a feeling that the reason I was physically attacked and humiliated was due to my ugliness. Then after I finished school, I became obsessed with looking the best: not only my best but looking better than everyone else by all means. I was too poor to afford plastic surgery. But I had a wish to change every millimeter of my face. I struggled with binge eating, over exercising, and over-staring in the mirror for hours just to make sure I looked more than perfect. Eventually I realized that it was not vanity. It was a sense of safety I was chasing after. I thought that if I looked like the most beautiful woman in the world, I'll be safe and guarded from public humiliation and possible physical attacks. So, feeling beautiful meant feeling safe. Because I was physically attacked in school and called ugly, my brain learned that being ugly in the eyes of others equates to being physically attacked(=life threat). So, it was more than just a desire to be accepted - it was a desire to be safe and free from worrying about losing my life or being ostracized and left out as an outcast. When I reached my 40's, I finally realized I was never ugly😢😢😢... I was just small, shy and timid in school - an easy target for bullies....and I realized that I don't owe anyone good looks in the first place. If any man out there thinks I am ugly - well, it is his own f**king problem. I am done trying to appease the eyes of others - that is not what I was created for. I learned to accept myself just the way that I am and I get compliments from men now all the time. But I don't care any more about who thinks what about my looks. I do appreciate the compliments (=always thank people for them) , but deep inside me I do not care any more if I appear sexy&attractive or ugly&scary to anyone. I stopped spending hours trying to fix my hair and makeup. I barely even do makeup. And I am much happier now. PS. Originally I am from Russia and I was bullied severely (emotionally and physically harassed and attacked) by Russian boys, who called me ugly guerilla, monkey, ape. Then I immigrated to the US and the last year of highschool I had to finish in the US black school, where I was the only white skinned person. To my surprise, nobody made fun of me or my accent, nobody bullied me for my looks either. On the contrary I was called "sexy" or "beautiful"😮...., which I did not believe because by then I already had a full-blown body dismorphia going on. ... For the first time when I finally felt beautiful in my own skin was when I reached 40 years old. Better late than never though.And I read a lot of research about the phenomenon of bullying. Bullying actually takes place everywhere in the world: in every country, every nationality. The targets of bullying all are perceived as weak because they are powerless to stand up for themselves: they have a defenseless attitude and are too scared to fight back. And that's the reason why they are made fun of. The visual traits that are picked on are just an excuse to attack (not a reason). Any visual difference (being of bigger weight/wearing glasses/having freckles/wearing braces/being shorter,taller,darker,lighter/etc.) will be used to humiliate their target. If there is no big visual difference, the bullies will make something up (even if it's not true) and will say it just to make fun. The actual reason for their attack is that bullies know they can get away with it and there'll be no punishment. They would NEVER attack a huge man with gigantic height and big muscles, EVEN if that man looked really ugly, because they would fear a physical repercussions of dealing with such a powerful target. That's all I wanted to share. Thank you for reading my comment.
Thank you so much for this video, really. I feel like many people talk about this in some way but never have I seen such a detailed video which made me so feel this understood - love your advices!!
Coming from someone who use to have severe genetic acne, until going on Isotretinoin (Accutane). I can really tell the difference on how people treated me before and after my skin cleared up. I noticed the same people I went to school with for years suddenly wanted to give me opportunities or be my friend after my skin cleared up. However, I am grateful because it has shown me which people are shallow (and to avoid those people) and which people are my true friends. It is very sad.
I agree so much that “ugly” is a personality thing. Like when someone has a lot of bad personality traits it changes the way you see them. To all the people who are like no that’s wrong beauty is objective, that yes I still think beauty is a thing, but the way you act completely overrules how you look.
The biggest thing about beauty is understanding that there are ugly and attractive people out there. You may be ugly but that doesn't mean you are worth less than someone else. There are some things you can do to improve your looks if you want to but understanding who you are and just accepting it can be a great first step to a better mindset. I personally don't feel attractive and I don't care. I do my best to look good for myself and that's all I can do, and in the end it makes me happier. Being ugly is a mindset for most people and is extremely difficult to get out of but if you can you will live a better life
My mom always told me that I have a big nose. I've accepted my appearance, but it took me about 5 years. I'm happy that I could overcome this. Now I see that my nose makes my face unique and attractive.
Bro what, I don’t see it at all, besides you’re adorable. My nose is my biggest insecurity as well since it’s a bit crooked. I always thought it was big, but it really isn’t, it’s a pretty proportional size, but I still can’t overcome the crookedness of it. I’m convinced I would look so much better if it was straight and less bumpy (it’s only a slight bump but still), and I fear it’s one of the first things people notice about me. It doesn’t help that when I take pictures at the right angle, I feel I look sooo much better since it can’t be seen. So every bad pic contrasted with a good pic essentially invalidates me. And I most definitely have a good side and a bad side because of my nose, I literally feel much more insecure when people see the left side of my face as opposed to even confident when they’re looking at my right side.
im not rlly insecure about my looks but about how introverted/shy i am. This part of me makes me believe that i am not good enough cuz i dont have rlly good looks good grades or even a hobby or skill im good at. Even sometimes i feel like my friends two to three dont rlly like me. i wanna build up self confidence so that i can just do better in life. better grades maybe even better friends. thankuu
I find beauty in everyone but myself I’m insecure about so many things bc of the media I find new insecurities to worry about every single day and tbh I’m not ugly I just have features that make my face imperfect like a big nose and thin lips but whenever I see someone with a big nose and thin lips I find them breathtaking I don’t know how to build confidence I just think about getting plastic surgery when I’m older
My big insecurities are my hair, (i have hair loss holes like grandmas) my acne and my hips… i just want to be prettier to have a relationship… god i’m 20 and i never even kissed someone ! And know everytime i have a crush, of course he’s already taken…
as a current highschooler, this feels like you're the little person on my shoulder telling me everything as an older version of myself would. it's both validating of my experiences and feelings, but gives stances on what can change for the better. action really is the crucial step, and the reinforcement from your videos pushes me to let go of the cycles and mindsets that are holding me back. AND OMG THERES A PODCAST VERSION?? I APPRECIATE YOU SO MUCH CHRISTINA 🤍
7:53 the thing is, once you've joined them it's really addictive and hard to cope without constantly thinking someone is attacking you so you have to fight back
Finally someone who talks about this, requieres A LOT of confidence to openly talk about a reality that society in general dismisses, congrats to you, i relate sadly to a lot of things you said
I feel like the people who don't understand a subject or topic in a multifaceted and multideciplinary way, compared to some who genuinely do understand it in such a way, show very different sides of people.
I know this video wasn’t directed towards me as I was never picked on for my looks. But, it was actually the opposite. I was constantly told I was so cute and so pretty all the time that it got to my head and whenever I was “ugly-looking” (imo), my confidence would drop and I couldn’t leave the house. I would constantly desire to be “pretty” or “prettier” even though I was never ugly. The way society puts beauty on the top of anything else really destroys so many peoples confidence and self worth, whether they are conventionally pretty or not.
It hurts when your mom is pretty but you ended up looking like your dad. Now I have a beautiful body , a man's face , good fashion sense and acne ... amazing , isn't it ?😅
Omg it resonated with me so much! Worse thing is when you were laughed at for something you cannot control, like skin color etc. For me, I was always short and mocked by my friends for it in high school. And when I'm starting to think about myself better I'm again reminded that I'm short and need to do more things to look good than a tall or average girl. It irritates me to the point when someone compliments it or says its a good thing (like I'm cute, easier to find a taller boyfriend, etc) I get irritated because they don't know what it means for me.
having this pop up in my recommend there definitely is a mental health crisis in todays youth. We shouldn’t care that much about our looks honestly, take care of yourself and try to look your best. I promise the problem is more in your head and you thinking you are ugly than actually being ugly.
As a woman, I was exclusively made fun of by boys for my "big nose." Nowadays, I actually like my Italian nose a lot! What I don't like about my face is how long it is (hairdressers, friends, and family confirming this) and how I can't close my mouth properly, so my teeth are always showing. I am actually going to request a consultation for jaw surgery in a few weeks at the dentist bc my orthodontist told me I would eventually need jaw surgery anyway. So it's an interesting level of insecurity when you KNOW you physically have something wrong. I genuinely need to get jaw surgery to fix issues I have with teeth grinding and TMJ and stuff, but it also reflects on the outside with having a longer face and a weak chin. It makes me feel like it's okay to be insecure because "it will be fixed soon," ya know? But then I remember I will have to get braces again in order to get jaw surgery, and I know that will make me insecure, too... Edit: And not to mention how photos somehow make my features look even WORSE... I only have 2 photos of myself that I have been okay with posting bc my face always looks weirdly flat and asymmetrical and my chin is weird
This happened TO ME 23:20 when I lost weight (became more attractive) I noticed I never got the chance to ask questions or be inquisitive because everyone was always asking me questions❤ kind of sad😢 Because they'll never know how curious i was about them. but that was something I noticed too
I personally got a less common cut of the ugly experience, where I was assumed to be the one that'd one day snap and hurt a bunch of people, due to a disconcerting height, inability to socialize, and being fat. Didn't help that I for the life of me couldn't quite figure out how to shut up about my niche interest that added to that stigma. Because I was presumed to be the future domestic terrorist, people were never openly cruel to me. I just could feel their eyes tracking me as I moved past groups of my peers. Girls would avoid me because I was so unsettling. I'd receive more subtle mockery than others from boys. My presence was never something anyone looked forward to, but they wouldn't usually complain about it either. That deep feeling of unwantedness is something you get accustomed to, but never stops hurting. I did manage to scrape together a few people that didn't dislike me, but the way I went about it was kind of financially self-sacrificial, I'd constantly be the one to provide food at get togethers and activities so that even if they didn't want me for me, they'd want me for my willingness to provide a free meal. Shit sucked, and I'm still dealing with it at 19. I've gotten a little better, but it's very much still present.
anyone who's been through ANY of this is secretly blessed in a way beauty products making people older then they seem or being too much for not understanding how contour works at the end of the day we grew up being ourselves in someway it's what the internet try's to make us feel like ( just enjoy life it may seem impossible but anyone can )
My sense of dread came from, people... if they liked me they treated me badly and if they hated me they also treated me badly... I have only felt accepted by a tiny number of people none of them were immediate family. Acceptance is strong. I don't need to be in a relationship if I have a great friend but it gets harder as I get older because people grow apart, families take the best friends away... it's natural but it sucks and you're left alone with nobody to do anything with or to talk with... acquaintances are best friends to someone but not me... I have never had a boyfriend who liked me for me, it's always something superficial not something that will be foundational to having a relationship... I'm just venting, because this video spoke to me 💯 I'm the ugly girl or duff that is always alone.
Thank you, today I decided I'm going to stop comparing myself to everyone else's looks, and I know it's going to be hard, but I'm going to try. I tend to validate myself based on how I look, and if I am not in a good mood, I take it out on myself by insulting myself wjtb the worst terms i can think of. I think that I'm ready to be okay with not having a relationship or the best looks, and I'm going to dedicate my time to things I enjoy doing, like my art, although I'm not the greatest, I can't be great at everything and I think I need to accept that about myself and stop seeking validation in unhealthy ways. Again, thank you I'm going to start the journey and I hope those of you who have watched this video are ready to start the journey too. It may be hard but we all need to love ourselves in the beautiful bodies that God has blessed us with. ❤ Good luck to everyone learning to love themselves❤
It's so hard being a teenage girl in this society if you're not conventionally attractive. It's not even friends or family that makes it the hardest in this case- it's the boys at my school. I'll be sitting in history and eavesdropping on the boy next to me talk to his friend about another girl, saying things about how she's "too big" and "she's just annoying because nobody will ever want her," even going to lengths to say that they don't even want to be associated with her at all, or seen remotely near her. Of course, this causes me to automatically start spiraling, thinking that these same boys must say the same thing about me behind my back, and the horrible thing is that they probably do. Mind you, they didn't even make an effort to get to know this girl at all, just jumping to conclusions about her solely based off her appearance. It starts to feel like your personality only matters (at least to 14 year old boys) if you are attractive. Only if you're pretty enough for them will they make an actual effort to get to know you before judging- let alone want a relationship with you.
What drives me nuts is gaining self-acceptance & confidence is like putting a target on your face. A lot of ppl take genuine offense to the confidence of ppl who aren't "perfect" like "eeewww, how dare you be happy with yourself?" It's truly annoying.
What a great video, shifting your perspective is something I can do for myself. You're right, I have control in this area. You've got a new subscriber x
Why does everyone around me look beautiful but I look - just less? Never chosen, never complimented, they don’t speak to me the same as they speak to the others It’s just soul crushing
You know what’s worse? when everyone is in family is attractive. Constantly in your face for not having met the beauty standards and to miss out on a wining generic lottery. You really see the difference between living life on a hard v easy mode.
My parents were attractive in their youth (and many people will still say they're attractive, even when they both are in their late 50s), while I was born average at best because of my grandparents genes.
It's painful to know that my narcissistic mother will always have people who will be at her side, no matter what she does to me, just because she's "the pretty one", while the most of people won't believe me and won't support me because I'm "the ugly one". And what I've noticed is that all my friends are average or unattractive, while all my bullies were pretty, popular girls. My friends also grew up in destructive, instabile households, just like me, so we understand each other and emphasize each other.
@@peachesandcream22 💚💚 I relate
When ppl look at your sister and say "wow she's so pretty!" And then they look at you and say "and you... have grown a lot" 💀
Hmm have you ever heard of the black pill?
Have a friend and that happened to her. She got away from that hell hole and is married to a sweet, funny guy and they have a baby. 😊
It is so horrible when society tells you you're ugly, but you really aren't. You're gorgeous Christina.
I know right it's what's on the inside that matters and counts the most
High school is usually where ppl get the most ridicule about their looks. Once you graduate and become responsible for making your own decisions as an adult, looks aren't as important to most ppl as opposed to networking and work ethics.
Im like 5'9 and i hate it im trying to convince myself its ok
She is fine asl
@@kimberlyjackson8343Yup that’s why incels exist 😂
Being ugly and awkward makes me feel completely hopeless
Yeah like I don’t even have a good personality so I rlly have nothing to offer
Try being a ugly short and awkward man...i would rather be a ugly woman
I grew up ugly AND fat. And along with the issues at home, this made me a very anti social recluse who avoided everything and everyone. Now as an adult, I struggle to make connections with people. I missed out on a lot of typical mile stones growing up and im having to learn all those things most people learn in their youth and adolescence in my adult years.
The past 7 months I really started working on myself and learning why I do what I do. Realizing that I basically screwed myself by not just embracing my weird awkward self and just going for “it”. Doing nothing is possibly one of the worse things to do. It only stunts you.
I have also dabbled into Buddhism and one of the main reasons for unhappiness is because we’re never satisfied with what we have now. Just accept reality and focus on what you can change.
That's interesting that you mention Buddhism! I'm starting to learn it right now
Im Buddhist myself theravada Buddhism
Why buddhism?
@@shanak09 Buddhism focuses more on changing the mindset and how you deal with problems within yourself and how you react to unfortunate circumstances. There’s no expectations, just going with the flow and connecting with yourself.
Comparison is the thief of joy. Something that will remain true, forever.
one of the worst feelings ever is realizing that you look worse than almost every single person you see online calling themselves ugly. you just end up realizing you’re worse than what society considers “worse”
Real
Please don't run after beauty 😭😭😭. All my life I wanted to be pretty. I wanted to be the girl boys had crush on and stuff like that. When I was "desperate" for it it was HELL. I was always comparing myself to all the girls around me (friends, family or not). It made me so miserable. When I turned 16 and I cut my hair, I focused on building myself and it got better. I wasn't the prettiest off them all but I was comfortable with myself. Now I'm 24 and I'm still building my confidence. I don't look at all the beauty standards and stuff like that because it's always changing (look at how everybody wants to be thin). I work with what I have and I make me the beauty standard
facts facts facts! this is the way! so proud of you and the progress you've made on your confidence 🥹
YESS 👏🏾 👏🏾 👏🏾
"plase don't run after beauty"
well i did, and it paid off going into highschool
as a kid i was ugly and overweight but after 3 years of fixating on my appearance i'm so glad
looking at old pictures i think about how i could still be HER if i followed what family wanted
my family still holds that lonely, depressed, anxious, unhealthy version of me on a pedestal
now i have many friends (used to feel lucky having 2 or 5)
and some friendships started by them complimenting how pretty i am or finding my sense of style interesting. not that they are fake friends but beauty makes you more approachable and confident
also i'm lesbian and girls have asked me out for the first time ever
this is it, i'm finally living the teenage years i always dreamed of
@@roxas9121 you missed my point. I never say to not improve yourself. You became a better version of yourself great for you. I'm talking about not pursuing the beauty standard and only focusing on you
The avoiding part really hit too close to home 😞 As someone who hasn’t been able to look in the mirror without feeling sick to my stomach since being a teenager, this whole video is really spot on.
i feel u
I'm 16, and I'm so sick of feeling like I have to look pretty or else I'm 'unlovable'. Look pretty? For who exactly? A random person down the street? I'll never see them again anyways. I'm sick of people telling me what I'm worth (or what a girl/woman is worth in general) over something as shallow and stupid as looks.
You think I'm ugly? Congrats I guess. You don't pay for my food, clothes, or school. So why should I care? As long as I'm constantly improving my personality, intellect, and overall attitude towards myself, I'm fine.
I literally wash my face in the kitchen in the morning because I don’t wanna see myself in the mirror 😢 it’s bad bro…I need to fix ts. I’m afraid to open Snapchat too because I don’t wanna see how I look.
@@caleb4851🥺❤️🩹🧸
I've been bullied constantly my entire life for no reason. I hate going out because of how i look and I avoid people because of it. I don't think i can ever love mysself and i think no one deserves someone as gross as me
I feel you. But, let's rephrase that, shall we? Instead of 'I don't think I can ever love myself', most of us don't. Sometimes it's okay to just 'like' yourself. We live in a world where hating yourself is the norm, and accepting yourself is seen as rebellious or odd. Also, I'm 16, so girl I know how you feel. My chest is really small, and that insecurity takes over my thoughts every damn day. I have also seen myself as gross, or 'unlovable'. Like no boy on the face of the entire Earth would ever like me. And what if they don't? They can't handle all this sass anyways. Something that has really helped me so far is to not want to be stereotypically pretty, but instead look different and otherworldly, y'know? Who wants to look the same anyways?
Listen, does anyone you see down the street pay for your food, rent, clothes, school? No. Anyone you might feel jealous of? Nope, they don't care for you either. So you don't need to give 3 flying fucks about what they think about you, because you don't owe them ANYTHING. If anyone can't see past your 'flaws' (which are only considered flaws because men tell us they are and they think they're all that), then bestie you clearly deserve better. Whether it be in romantic relationships or your friend group, if they don't appreciate you for who you are and not what you look like, they're shallow pieces of shit.
Also I see you like Enhypen so you've clearly got taste🔥🔥🔥
Just know that you're not alone in this.
@@idkheheMemeMasterstop i crew reading that 😢 so inspirational ily
@@idkheheMemeMaster this comment you wrote shows how aware you are and for a 16 year old ? it is so fascinating to me
Wait, stop right there!!!! Who do you see, others voices smeared on your body? Where are you ? You are handsome, no lie! Let me tell you from hard knocks, real looks, attractiveness, magnetism is confidence, is uniqueness, individuality, strength. Look back at you haters, look them in the eye, and return all their venom to sender. Who ever convinced you these lies? The truth does not insult the soul! Truth does not destroy you, make you smaller than, limit you. Truth makes you fly, gives you wings, expands, fills your heart! You seem to of internalised taunts from cowards projections. What they say is actually who they are!
Find your essence, seek you light, explore who you truly are, try hypnosis, rewire your brain. You can not be crushed by others, you are magnificent, rise!
Bro I'm litterally a hermit now cus every time I enter a new a new social setting thwy litterally ignore. Pretend they don't know my name but talks shit about me behind my back and they use any excuse under the book to hate me. But at the end of the sentence they always ALWAYS mention my looks. I was made fun of once for sitting on a chair.
I just fear being delusional if I validate myself
you're not delusional for doing this, it's the bare minimum to do. Don't mind ppl who said that you're delulu when you just accept the way who you are. Mind you that they didn't accept themselves either lolll
The problem is that I want people to consider me extremely beautiful. I just want people to boost my ego by doing nothing, I guess. I don't care about eye/hair/skin colour, I want to have the features that take people's breath away lol But I also want it to be natural to me, I don't want any surgeries or makeup to achieve that. My face is average, wanting all mentioned is the same as wanting to be able to fly without using any tools or transport, except no one can do that, but there are people who have what I want, and that just doesn't let me be in peace with myself
But I also thought about if I had the perfect features for myself that looking in the mirror I would be extremely happy and would be grateful everyday, but everyone else in the world would think I'm ugly. Would that make me insecure? Would I want to be different even then?
this is a desire, a lot of us have
especially young girls, the media and instagram makes us feel like admiration is what you want, but i imo appreciation matters more.
admiration says 'wow she's so beautiful, i wish i looked like her'
appreciation says 'wow she's an amazing person, i'm glad i get to know her'
I do wanna say though I’m going to sophomore year and I hope this helps:
You can’t run on the validation of others because that only lasts for a little bit before it runs out and you’re going to be back in that mirror saying negative things about yourself and trying to change yourself for other people just because of someone’s opinion about you.
The fact that some people literally take the time out of their day to say rude things just proves how jealous and rude they are and it explains just how a shallow heart and personality they have so always love urself no matter what because you are beautiful!!! ❤
I’ve gotten stuck in the cycle myself of changing myself for other people but if you continue to do that you’re not even going to remember who YOU ARE anymore. Thank you Christina for these amazing videos and your channel it’s made such an impact on me and I hope you have an amazing day. 🫶🏾🫶🏾
this describes me so much omg you’re so real
As someone with very unusual facial features I promise you it's better to be average/plain looking. People either find me very attractive or very unattractive no in between and I hate it
I always wanted to change my looks for acceptance
only you can validate you
worldly validation is cheap, your own validation is priceless
it's not all great. After you gain that acceptance, you realize just how shallow and exploitable people really are
I'm definitely an 'earned attraction' person. I naturally had SUPER f'd up teeth, horrible cystic acne, and horrible vision so I had to wear big chunky glasses. When I was a senior in high school I got my braces off, got contacts and went on accutane. I also started working out and got a super fit body. The glow up was INSANE. I used to be the ugliest girl in my friend group and would cry when I looked in the mirror. Now I can say I am objectively on-par with the naturally prettiest girl in my friend group. I'm really glad I went through my ugly-duckling phase because it made me a more compassionate person. I treat all people the same regardless of attractiveness. If I could turn back time, I would still want to experience being "ugly" because it made me who I am.
I've been physically ugly my whole life, as I've got older I've started to care less and I don't let it stop me from doing as many things now, but it still hurts when people stare at me or are unfriendly and always have something negative to say about everything I do or don't do. I can't make friends easily and forget about having a relationship or even being able to get a date. I can't lie the most upsetting part is feeling incomplete and left behind because I haven't and never will experience the things that most people get to and it's purely because of the way I look 😢
Me too man
I just tend to focus on the bright side of it though. All my close friends definitely like me for my personality & I have a lot of time & a good amount of money to play with which most married men can't say😂
Got a nice car a few years back & traveled Europe last year. Plan on traveling China, India, & Japan before I turn 30
Living a pretty comfortable & adventurous life, which is more than most people ever get so I stay positive about that
I guess no women want to share that with me which sucks but I can't change that so I'll just have fun on my own & with the homies
Same it's because of how we look nothing else
im so sorry, i know how it feels. in the modern world how you look is so much of how people perceive you.
I think is what is the most painful reality of being born unattractive, you completely miss out on alot of life experiences alot of fun memories and just a mutual connection it's a very cruel fate that is so painful and unbearable it's like watching life go by and you can't participate in it watching other people live your dream life it's very painful
@jointhefun4 sorry if your going through it too. I try not to dwell too much but when it affects every interaction and every part of life it is hard
you're so right about avoidance behaviors. I realize I never had birthday parties during my teenage years either because none of my (albeit toxic) friends would care or acknowledge me. So I wouldn't say anything. I'd also avoid eye contact with people, and when covid hit and I could wear a mask to cover my acne I was finally able to start making eye contact with people. Now I'm 21 and I can do all those things I didn't have as a teenager (acne scars still there tho!) Also I wear like 0 makeup to hide myself anymore because for me makeup was never about fun-- only about hiding myself-- so now I will only wear a bit of mascara/lipstick/blush to have some fun (and I do like how I look with it-- but I can also go places without makeup!) As a teenager I couldn't even step outside without a face full of makeup to hide acne. The only avoidance behavior I still have today unfortunately is only looking at myself in the bathroom mirror if the lights are off, but I'm slowly trying to improve on that. :)
so proud of your progress
@@ChristinaAaliyah thank you!
I too was bullied at school and it was usually the girls who wore a lot of makeup who were the ones doing the bullying. To this day I am not comfortable around younger people who wear makeup and it is not something I like to wear myself. Makeup means mean in my experience.
You need carnivour diet, eat one meal a day and avoid carbs because refined carbs hurt you so badly and refined or non refined carbs are addictive so I recommend try eating foods like salmon fish which high vitamin D and anti inflammation, skin lose elasticity die to lack of vitamin D and we know how much vitamin D we lack, most people don't know but they don't even get 100 iu vitamin a day but minimum 600-800 IU on average is required, eat lamb meat, duck meat, fish and other sea food. If your hair is greying try Amla or gooseberries which are recovers dead cells and produces new blood in body and is high in vitamin c with so many antioxidants. Im in similar situation like you and would say even worse that you because I childhood due too much sport's I broke my leg bones multiple times which now I'm suffering more from
In my teens I was a skinny boy with acne, and a stutterer on top of that. That being said, my approach was the opposite, I spoke to as many people as possible, and wasn't particularly shy about it. The reactions were often negative, but it made me realize that I could get by, and I had enough friends to back me up. I developed a "thick skin" in the sense that I disregarded most people's opinions, and used those of my group of friends as a guide.
The change came later in life, in my early 20s, the acne got better, I looked more masculine, and the stuttering subsided gradually. In retrospect both good and bad came out of this teenage period of my life. I became very resilient, but that resiliency came at a cost. It took me quite a while to let people in, value their thoughts, and become more social in general. I'm also glad my aggression didn't turn inward. I only needed to make a bully hurt enough, even if I didn't win the fight. They would find an easier target.
I now have children of my own, and they are the "pretty people", which feels a little weird.
Same story, different gender
Im going this exact thing right now I’m only 19 but I can’t even process others peoples opinions anymore and it’s starting to push people away bc I take no advice I’ll rather find things out on my own rather than someone warn me
There are so many things in the world to worry about… existing is PAIN
I know right:(
It took me a really long time to realize that no matter what I look like, I deserve love and friendship and happiness. Unlearning the thought cycle of "i'll be happy when i'm skinny" or "i'll be happy when I'm in a relationship" was the best thing to ever happen to me.
I’m cooking rn and when you said “don’t look for validation in the same place you lost that validation” I literally froze like why have I never considered that you literally just changed my life
I have felt this my entire life. From being emotionally neglected as a child to being constantly bullied up until adulthood, I never had a breathing moment to realize this. Now a week ago I turned 23, a couple years ago I made my first friends. Now besides the weight, skin etc I am afraid that I am getting too old to do certain things. Just meeting up with my friends is difficult since they are busy. Spending even more time with myself after everything is extremely painful but I am learning that I need to become my own friend as well. I don't want to be lonely. I don't want to be isolated. So thank you for this video, for your whole channel actually. It helps me so much in this journey 💜
I love that you went into race because when I tell you being black in a majority white school is super tough and annoying which is why I moved from a majority white private school to public school because the environment was absolutely terrible for me and I wish I found your channel sooner before I made the switch because now I’m more confident than ever because of you ❤❤
The trauma that comes from that is insurmountable
@@SpiritVines yeah it left me with a lot of scars and some are still healing but I’m much better than I was 😊
still recovering from feeling ugly just for my hair type and skin color after being in majority white schools all my life 😢
Same for when your white in an all black school. Not one upping btw just from my experience
Pwi trauma is real ( im still going to a pwi lol)
13:29 I can relate to this, Im Indian and I used to have self confidence and my race didn’t concern me. Then I got social media (esp instagram) and I was exposed to how people view Indians. “What race would you not date?” “Indians” “Indian girls are dark and hairy and smelly” All the attractive Indian girls had European features. I have shame when seeing my tan skin and two toned lips. I feel jealous when other races get so much more positive attention. East Asians and Latinas and Arabs and Europeans are fetishized and their features are sought after. I wish I could change my race and become light skinned and be perceived positively like almost every other race.
Skin whitening creams
The problem isnt you, its the rest of the world.
The number of dark skin girls of all shades that are so so pretty yet underrated used to shock me.
Now dark skinned Indian girls with their healthy hair, their harmonious lips and gracefully shaped eyes?
Ugly or unattractive in any way? Just madness!!
I tell you its the rest of the world that is weirdly colorist
We can change that, by letting dark skin girls, Indian women have their spotlight in movies, make up & hair product ads, shows and series etc. (I know a few series that showcase dark skin Indian women in all yueir beauty)
More international representation, more public appreciation the eay they deserve.
Then people at wide will finally understand they've been colorist idiots. (And the colorists should be rughtfully shamed)
For now then, embrace beauty, embrace a few make up techniques that celebrate your features, colours that celebrate your skin tone, clothing that celebrate your body!! Embrace your beauty
I’m Bangladeshi and I feel the same way!
this triggered the fuck outta me bc at first i was like dam i rly am ugly if the algorithm recommended this n i got flooded w all the things ppl have ever commented abt my body negatively family “friends” strangers boyfriends all the looks of disgust ppl have given parts of my body n i was overcome w a deep sense of shame n inferiority, i forced myself to sit thru it tho n hear u out n im glad i did. its crazy bc i grew up ugly n ive worked so hard on myself to where now ig im coded as pretty but its when ive least felt it, i get the most amount of attention from men n som ppl are so hard on me for seemingly no reason when they werent before but i feel the most miserable too. the pursuit of beauty is endless bc theres always some way to be more beautiful, theres no top to it. its exhausting. n the more i achieve beauty, the more beauty i feel i have left to achieve. there will always be a younger prettier hotter girl, n ive realized that defining my worth by this leads me to very dark places that smtms make me wanna unalive myself. my entire existence revolves arnd controlling n feeding my beauty routines n regimes n still i dont feel pretty enough. i still feel like im tryna prove myself to the ex who said i was “ugly” or my cousin who made fun of me for my leg shape or my other cousin who mocked how thin i was, i still feel like the loser kid in college who got ignored in front of a group of 15+ ppl when tryna join their conversation bc i wasnt hot or cool enough to “sit with them”, i still feel the humilitation of my ex preferring to stare at any other prettier girl than to have a one on one conversation with me, the shame i felt when my own father compared me to my therapist n said she was prettier n that thats why i didnt wanna keep on attending my sessions w her…. the way everyone around me w use me to talk abt how my sister or my friend was “so beautiful” but no one ever said anything abt me…. its no use, the more desperate i am for beauty, the less i feel i have it
Body neutrality helped me, also tbh ppl talk about anyone these days, don't let it get to u
@diamondedevil You are def not ugly. You might have to do better at staying away from toxic ppl. Toxic ppl never have anything good to say usually.
You’re beautiful
Inside and out
I’m so so sorry that happened to you
Some people are so so evil
You literally can’t control what you look like. No one can. Your bone structure was made just to suit your body and so you can function properly, remember your so beautiful hun💗
Looking back at my childhood pics, I was never ugly but believed my bullies🤦🏾♀️. Part of me still believes them to this day despite tons of compliments I get. Some of my bullies even apologized to how they treated me; I posted one apology on my channel. But I’m still negatively impacted. I think it was the added fact of always being the new girl in school and colorism plus having a nice body that caused me to be bullied by the boys and girls.
i think the part about what u want vs focusin on experience is hard if reality validates that feeling. i grew up a lil chubbier and kinda ugly, and i lost hella weight before my first semester at my first college. when i tell you people were flocking to me like never before. then i gained the weight back and ig got a lil uglier w that. went to a different college and it’s been the toughest struggle just making friends or having ppl want to be around me. like it feels like i have to overcompensate when i have more “unattractive” traits but when it’s the opposite i can just be myself and be accepted. Which is wild cuz I don’t think my mindset ever did a full 180 tbh…
No you’re entirely correct tbh your mindset has absolutely 0 to do with your new school and how your relationships were affected significantly then before.
It’s hard for people to accept because it’s a depressing realisation that if your the undesirable to everyone around you, then telling yourself your attractive won’t change anyone else’s opinion if you still look the same.
Unattractive people do exist, where people get confused is the grey area of average looking people and personality. A 5 can maybe bump up there attractiveness to a small percentage of extra people through personality that otherwise wouldn’t be interested, but that’s not going to work for a sub 5 the way it did for an average person, even so a 8 doesn’t need personality but with good personality maybe they can become a 9 lets say.
Truth is everyone is born with a limit the second they exist, whether you reach that max potential is upto you but not everyone has the same ceiling or the same starting place as everyone else.
@@MonkeyLiggaScrumptiousNan I disagree that attractive people don’t need personalities, they have personalities, but I agree we’re all different in terms of attraction depending on the person.
@@Janet67498 it’s not a make or break for attractive people to get relationships or one night stands or any sort of intimacy from whatever way they swing is more what I mean, sure attractive + good personality means the world is basically your pick for intimacy, attractive without personality you’ll still have super high success rates with people you also find attractive/like.
Ugly with personality though you’re options are sparse at best and nobody can deny that, sure Pete Davidson and a few others are exceptions to the rule but that’s the point, it’s not often that people like that bag way more attractive/lots of different partners 247 so people go crazy about because it’s not a common occurrence compared to, attractive person = attractive partner. Ugly person = ugly -average at best partner - no partner most likely if you are of the male category, that’s just how real life works.
Even if you had 10/10 looks but no personality that’s something you can easily fix and your starting place is already well above average for success, if your 2 or 3 looks wise with the worlds best personality that’s ever existed you still won’t have much if any success at all and it’s not like you can go for a 2 to 6 looks wise let alone a 10, even if you throw millions upon millions and surgery after surgery it’s physically impossible to go from that ugly to the high end of the attractive person pool.
End of the day looks are the most important element for romantic success while also being the hardest thing to improve with everyone having a genetic ceiling that they cap out at and it’s all pure luck what anyone gets which is why people have such a hard time accepting it.
Videos like this really make me disassociate. I'm definitely the ugly duckling in my family and have gone through the fear/disappointment and currently the avoidance. At this point, I just ride with it and deal with my feelings and reactions when I'm forced to confront an insecurity that I can't avoid. And while I very much appreciate the sentiment, being told 'you're not ugly' or having someone try to convince you that you're an 'amazing person' just sounds like someone telling a person that's having issues with being single that they'll find someone if they just do this or this. Or like when people say 'I don't see color' in reference to different skin colors. At the end, it sounds to me like they're avoiding a very real truth in society. Yes, looks are subjective but a universal truth is that conventionally attractive people exist and non conventionally attractive people exist. And there is a difference to how those people experience life. Just like black and brown people are amazing people doesn't take away from the reality of the fact that they're black or brown. It's just a truth. Beauty IS subjective which is a part of why us less conventionally attractive people do find relationships and can be very successful but it doesn't take away that we're STILL not conventionally attractive. At least for me, when I ever do decide to want to speak on those struggles and that person starts to tell me that I shouldn't feel like that because i'm such an amazing person or i'm actually not ugly feels like they're trying to avoid the issue. The reality is that there's nothing I can do about it but work on my outlook of said issue and how I react to situations.
As someone who used to be really ugly but has glown up over the last 2 years, especially the last year, people will always hate you for being ugly at any point in your life. People have seen old pictures of me and treated me differently afterwards.
13:38 I feel. I grew up hyper aware of being the only black kid at school and at every catholic function my mom signed me up for growing up. Seeing the prettier paler girls made me feel like that I wasn’t pretty because of my skin tone. I always thought if I were white, I’d be good enough. If I were white, I’d be pretty enough… I always thought being white would get rid of my depression and self hatred. I always envied the paler girls because guys would flirt with them more. Guys would talk to them more. I was totally bro zoned or just.. unseen.
as Alessia Cara says
"Beauty is pain and there's beauty in everything
What's a little bit of hunger? I can go a little while longer," she fades away
She don't see her perfect, she don't understand she's worth it
Or that beauty goes deeper than the surface, oh, oh
So to all the girls that's hurting, let me be your mirror
Help you see a little bit clearer the light that shines within
Feeling uncomfortable with myself resulted in missing out on a lot of core experiences, i never had any birthday parties, I gave myself back issues bc i was constantly slumping
Every family dynamic is unique. My family never put any aesthetic or "girly" standards on their girls and only encouraged us to do well academically (helped both grandmothers and mother were not into fashion and were tomboyish). Grandparents/parents would call us beautiful and cute even if we were little messy gremlins, I only grew up caring about the opinion of my loved ones and not giving a damn about what others would think..but then, getting into the real world and wondering why everyone avoids you or treats you differently..and then learning the truth behind that, its like suddenly waking up in a whole new dimenssion where you must learn the rules of the game from scratch!!
Damn, if YOU’RE considered “ugly” then there’s no hope for me
She isn't
As a man she's like a 6.5 or 7/10 to me. Definitely someone I could date & marry if I met her & liked her as a person
I don’t exist then
Real
What I will say Dr. Aaliyah is that not only are you incredibly beautiful to me, you are also filled with profound, intelligent insights that so neatly articulate the things that I've experienced living a life of shame and low self-esteem. And it's just a wonderful reminder that this sort of timeless wisdom about the human condition will always be relevant. Talk about being the total package!
Why do so many people act like insecurities are moral failings?
“I’m ugly and I’m proud!” - SpongeBob SquarePants
i never thought i was ugly, but people let me know it they're actions and words how disgusting I was to them, now that I have glown up SOOOO severely, I am a human male magnet but still just as hard to make genuine friends male or female. but people are far more respectful and I am actually treated like a person now.
I felt so called out when you started talking about avoidance behaviors LOL but its better to address it than continuing this self sabotage, as I have said no to invites to hangout with a group of acquaintances before just because i felt ugly. I felt like I’ve let appearance get to me, feeling like I HAVE to look good or else im invalid. It’s been a horrible hyperfixation I’ve had since i was in middle school, and since being told horrible comments as a kid, it just stuck. I am now a high schooler, and I still have this issue, but I’m working on overcoming it through small steps. Thank you Christina!! :)
10:00 this hit so close to home. I have cute outfits in my head that I’ll never have the confidence to wear because I don’t want to get attention and seem like an attention seeker, and I am one because my fears are either not getting compliments on my new hair/clothes or people talking negatively about it. So those clothes end up staying in my closet because I don’t want the potential attention of wearing it. It was so bad that I couldn’t even wear my hair down because the overwhelming negative thoughts of how people might react. Because of that, ever since middle school, I wore my hair in a low ponytail. And my outfits in school were basically leggings/jeans with a shirt and a hoodie or jacket.
As someone who always sticks out like a sore thumb bc of what I wear, don't let others rob you of the joy of looking how you want to.
I don't think I'm pretty either, and confidence isn't a linear path, but here are some of the things I do that help me feel more comfortable dressing up: If you have suportive friends, go out with them and let them know about your outfit beforehand, pick a place you've been several times before and are familiar with, go out with something to cover up but, if you can, choose something that doesn't completely cover your outfit (jacket, coat, sweater), maybe change something in your ideal outfit for a piece that you feel more confortable with (think of it like a training wheels outfit), go out with headphones if you're not with friends, dressing up alone at home a few times before going out with your desired outfit.
It could also help to talk to a therapist about your insecurities, really get into the root of the issue. I bet you'll look amazing regardless and I wish you the best of luck!
I understand that feeling of avoiding!! I’m 17 rn and since I was 6 I became hyper aware on my looks. The thing is that before that, I was a really confident child, so yes, I agree with the belief that insecurities are inserted into our minds from other people. I started to get bullied by my entireee school, they used to call me elephant and throw peanuts at me! At 6 years old… of course anyone would loose their “unbreakable” confidence. Thanks to that, I developed many eating disorders and years of hiding and stuttering when talking to new people, just because I thought I was the ugliest “elephant” around. Right now I feel much better, of course now I’m in high school with new people, I’ve lost the weight, I’ve changed. Still, none of that counts into feeling better if you don’t work out all that crap people put in your head…therapy helped me realize many things. Those people calling you names are never going to give you that validation you crave and that is okay! They aren’t important even if they are your own family (my family used to call me names as well) people are going through their own stuff and aren’t as aware of their words as you might be. We should not wait for them to be aware of their harm, we should not wait for them to accept us, we should stop chasing them. You deserve love, love you and the change that comes with the package. There is beauty in the change of adolescence or even adulthood or any stage, there are always changes and if you don’t like how you look like then do something to change it in a healthy way!!! Not looking like others is what makes you special, but changing into a version you love most is also okay. Emotionally or physically, the discipline of change is positive. Change the way you talk to yourself and change the way you act with your life path.
i've watched at least four of your videos in the last two days so im not sure if it came from this one, but the line "dont look for validation in the same place you lost your validation" hits so hard - i love it
it is this video at 6:20 such fucking bars
I relate to this video. I remember being 12 and being so disappointed at the way i looked. I tried to compensate by being smart, but it never worked. I tried to be charismatic and a person people would want, but it never worked. I feel like the only thing i can do to be tolerable to people as an autistic woman is to try and be pretty. I've always envied how pretty women never need to give anything to anyone, they can just exist in the world with little issues despite being utterly dull or having little to offer. I feel like i can never shake this feeling because i am swarmed of constant reminders of how disgusting and worthless i am. It doesn't help that my siblings won the genetic lottery and people would always approach me telling me ways i could imrpove my appearance. I can't help but feel getting surgery is the only way i could be free from these feelings because i will never be able to develop my social skills to a point that is enough for normal people no matter how hard i try.
In my head I not only look bad and ugly but I’m also annoying and very stupid and a freak.
I was bullied frequently so frequently for my looks and my race that I developed such deep insecurities at 10 years old I attempted my life over my looks and my mind..
Y’all people called me desperate for wanting a bf in hs and now I have one who is absolutely kind and loving towards me. It’s possible lol. But do they like black girls? Yes, and he accepts all other parts of who I am and will turn the world over for me to be happy unless I physically stop him.
Ty for this, in 9th grade every girl around me had a boyfriend or was talking with someone or had many relationships before (all of them were white or lighskin and some of the boys would not even believe they were black,even if they were), and i always tought that it was bcz of my looks and bcz im black (i still think about it a little bit) now im going to 10th grade and to a new school, but not with purpose of finding a boyfriend, im just going to be me, when its right it will come.
(breaks up after 6 months bc he was too nice and wasn't exciting anymore)
why do women want to get into relationships bc their friends are? get into one when you're ready. don't break our hearts for selfish reasons.
thank you so much for this like actually i can’t even describe how this opened my eyes. I was considered pretty my entire life up until middle school where i started dressing weird and got bad haircuts and stuff and i suddenly started getting called “ugly” n shit. Even after i worked on improving my appearance (and i could tell it worked bc the same people that bullied me were suddenly nice and i had more friends n stuff) the negative thoughts i had about myself were still there. To this day i’m still struggling with my self esteem, i’ll wake up feeling like i’m the ugliest person on earth… even though i never get told that (when someone comments on my appearance nowadays it’s usually the opposite…) it really doesn’t matter how physically attractive you actually are… the actual solution is just feeling valuable and comfortable kn your own skin
holy shit that was a lot 😂
Bruh, this one guy at work confessed his feelings to me when covid was still around and we were all wearing masks and as soon as he saw me without a mask, he dipped 💀 I didn’t like him so good riddance but that has traumatized me forever now and I have been hyperfixated on my looks since then. I even have a list of plastic surgery procedures I want to do.
Feeling rejected by someone you were gonna reject anyways is kinda weird
That's kinda egotistical
What a bum
You shouldn't allow his behavior to affect you to the point of wanting to get a bunch of plastic surgery.
@@arcjessewomen do this to men too
@@badge5575 And? I don't care what gender you are, you can be a degenerate either way
you literally wrote how I feel, grabbed the words and slapped me with them. it was cool, keep up
I felt like this most of my life to the point where I just avoid most social media, groups, social settings outside of work, etc... and I just started focusing on my hobbies instead, it's very freeing to not participate in such a shallow society.
The way you started this video and explained your own experiences honestly made me cry because I've felt the sam way for years since I was a young teen and this made me feel seen in some sort of way that I've never had before, so thank you a lot ❤
6:40 I find it interesting that the girl is talking about how she doesn’t like how society puts so much value on beauty and outer appearance and the people are only talking about her appearance in the comments (even if it’s in a good way)
I think that depends on your sexuality. As what a hetero man may find unattractive in a woman, and non hetero woman will find beautiful. What a hetero woman may find unattractive in a man, a non hetero man may find beautiful.
So, you have to figure out who is most important to attract for you according to your sexuality.
As a dude, and knowing girls, there is definitely some objective level of physical looks that can make someone look ugly. You might mainly see personality, but I think a majority of people at least subconsciously treat and judge people based on how good looking they are at the surface
You are so real for this, I feel like you’ve unlocked a new path for me
i'm excited for you 🦋
This was me during my kid and teen years. Severely bullied for my weight then i finally lost it and just wanted to be invisible to no get shamed. Developed an ED which robbed me of 7 years. Now i lift and eat well no longer purge, but people don't realize the damage words and bullying do
gonna admit some people are ugly and sometimes im hella ugly but that's cuz I didn't groom myself and felt so ugly that my confidence was in the trenches. yes u can be born not pretty but ur truly ugly if ur personality sucks and if u have no confidence. self care is important y'all
wow, this was rly validating and made me realised all my behaviours that were avoidant. thank u for the video. it also rly resonated w me on the whole becoming a doctor part.
Some people have highlighted my broken parts my old me some of my old friends want to like live in my head rent free
Christina, you're an amazing person, I hope you know that
paused at 10:15 time stamp to write this anyways i totally agree feeling ugly can come down to so much démodé than looks and. a lots of times comes down to how you feel about your self as a person and it’s so hard to change your own view point since you are either yourself all the time
So true. I grew up with body dysmorphia. But it all started in school. I was bullied by boys. Boys would tell me every day how ugly I was. Then they would beat me physically. I grew up with a dream to die. I didn't want to live. I felt so unsafe in school that I would skip classes. I grew up with a feeling that the reason I was physically attacked and humiliated was due to my ugliness. Then after I finished school, I became obsessed with looking the best: not only my best but looking better than everyone else by all means. I was too poor to afford plastic surgery. But I had a wish to change every millimeter of my face. I struggled with binge eating, over exercising, and over-staring in the mirror for hours just to make sure I looked more than perfect. Eventually I realized that it was not vanity. It was a sense of safety I was chasing after. I thought that if I looked like the most beautiful woman in the world, I'll be safe and guarded from public humiliation and possible physical attacks. So, feeling beautiful meant feeling safe. Because I was physically attacked in school and called ugly, my brain learned that being ugly in the eyes of others equates to being physically attacked(=life threat). So, it was more than just a desire to be accepted - it was a desire to be safe and free from worrying about losing my life or being ostracized and left out as an outcast.
When I reached my 40's, I finally realized I was never ugly😢😢😢... I was just small, shy and timid in school - an easy target for bullies....and I realized that I don't owe anyone good looks in the first place. If any man out there thinks I am ugly - well, it is his own f**king problem. I am done trying to appease the eyes of others - that is not what I was created for. I learned to accept myself just the way that I am and I get compliments from men now all the time. But I don't care any more about who thinks what about my looks. I do appreciate the compliments (=always thank people for them) , but deep inside me I do not care any more if I appear sexy&attractive or ugly&scary to anyone. I stopped spending hours trying to fix my hair and makeup. I barely even do makeup. And I am much happier now.
PS. Originally I am from Russia and I was bullied severely (emotionally and physically harassed and attacked) by Russian boys, who called me ugly guerilla, monkey, ape. Then I immigrated to the US and the last year of highschool I had to finish in the US black school, where I was the only white skinned person. To my surprise, nobody made fun of me or my accent, nobody bullied me for my looks either. On the contrary I was called "sexy" or "beautiful"😮...., which I did not believe because by then I already had a full-blown body dismorphia going on. ...
For the first time when I finally felt beautiful in my own skin was when I reached 40 years old. Better late than never though.And I read a lot of research about the phenomenon of bullying. Bullying actually takes place everywhere in the world: in every country, every nationality. The targets of bullying all are perceived as weak because they are powerless to stand up for themselves: they have a defenseless attitude and are too scared to fight back. And that's the reason why they are made fun of. The visual traits that are picked on are just an excuse to attack (not a reason). Any visual difference (being of bigger weight/wearing glasses/having freckles/wearing braces/being shorter,taller,darker,lighter/etc.) will be used to humiliate their target. If there is no big visual difference, the bullies will make something up (even if it's not true) and will say it just to make fun. The actual reason for their attack is that bullies know they can get away with it and there'll be no punishment. They would NEVER attack a huge man with gigantic height and big muscles, EVEN if that man looked really ugly, because they would fear a physical repercussions of dealing with such a powerful target. That's all I wanted to share.
Thank you for reading my comment.
Thank you so much for this video, really. I feel like many people talk about this in some way but never have I seen such a detailed video which made me so feel this understood - love your advices!!
this means a lot, thank you sara
Coming from someone who use to have severe genetic acne, until going on Isotretinoin (Accutane). I can really tell the difference on how people treated me before and after my skin cleared up. I noticed the same people I went to school with for years suddenly wanted to give me opportunities or be my friend after my skin cleared up. However, I am grateful because it has shown me which people are shallow (and to avoid those people) and which people are my true friends. It is very sad.
12 and going through your struggle..😢
I agree so much that “ugly” is a personality thing. Like when someone has a lot of bad personality traits it changes the way you see them. To all the people who are like no that’s wrong beauty is objective, that yes I still think beauty is a thing, but the way you act completely overrules how you look.
The biggest thing about beauty is understanding that there are ugly and attractive people out there. You may be ugly but that doesn't mean you are worth less than someone else. There are some things you can do to improve your looks if you want to but understanding who you are and just accepting it can be a great first step to a better mindset. I personally don't feel attractive and I don't care. I do my best to look good for myself and that's all I can do, and in the end it makes me happier. Being ugly is a mindset for most people and is extremely difficult to get out of but if you can you will live a better life
My mom always told me that I have a big nose. I've accepted my appearance, but it took me about 5 years. I'm happy that I could overcome this. Now I see that my nose makes my face unique and attractive.
Your nose isn't big. People have told me I have a big nose. I don't. People just say dumb things. And, big noses are pretty!
@@aisnow5788 thanks 😊
Bro what, I don’t see it at all, besides you’re adorable. My nose is my biggest insecurity as well since it’s a bit crooked. I always thought it was big, but it really isn’t, it’s a pretty proportional size, but I still can’t overcome the crookedness of it. I’m convinced I would look so much better if it was straight and less bumpy (it’s only a slight bump but still), and I fear it’s one of the first things people notice about me. It doesn’t help that when I take pictures at the right angle, I feel I look sooo much better since it can’t be seen. So every bad pic contrasted with a good pic essentially invalidates me. And I most definitely have a good side and a bad side because of my nose, I literally feel much more insecure when people see the left side of my face as opposed to even confident when they’re looking at my right side.
im not rlly insecure about my looks but about how introverted/shy i am. This part of me makes me believe that i am not good enough cuz i dont have rlly good looks good grades or even a hobby or skill im good at. Even sometimes i feel like my friends two to three dont rlly like me. i wanna build up self confidence so that i can just do better in life. better grades maybe even better friends. thankuu
There's a certain freedom in being ugly. I am happy im not perfect. That's whats cute about me
I find beauty in everyone but myself I’m insecure about so many things bc of the media I find new insecurities to worry about every single day and tbh I’m not ugly I just have features that make my face imperfect like a big nose and thin lips but whenever I see someone with a big nose and thin lips I find them breathtaking I don’t know how to build confidence I just think about getting plastic surgery when I’m older
My big insecurities are my hair, (i have hair loss holes like grandmas) my acne and my hips… i just want to be prettier to have a relationship… god i’m 20 and i never even kissed someone ! And know everytime i have a crush, of course he’s already taken…
as a current highschooler, this feels like you're the little person on my shoulder telling me everything as an older version of myself would. it's both validating of my experiences and feelings, but gives stances on what can change for the better. action really is the crucial step, and the reinforcement from your videos pushes me to let go of the cycles and mindsets that are holding me back. AND OMG THERES A PODCAST VERSION?? I APPRECIATE YOU SO MUCH CHRISTINA 🤍
slay! always here 4 u
7:53 the thing is, once you've joined them it's really addictive and hard to cope without constantly thinking someone is attacking you so you have to fight back
best video i've watched in a while, so relatable
Finally someone who talks about this, requieres A LOT of confidence to openly talk about a reality that society in general dismisses, congrats to you, i relate sadly to a lot of things you said
I whole heartedly appreciate you speaking about people as more than a visual reduction
I feel like the people who don't understand a subject or topic in a multifaceted and multideciplinary way, compared to some who genuinely do understand it in such a way, show very different sides of people.
I know this video wasn’t directed towards me as I was never picked on for my looks. But, it was actually the opposite. I was constantly told I was so cute and so pretty all the time that it got to my head and whenever I was “ugly-looking” (imo), my confidence would drop and I couldn’t leave the house. I would constantly desire to be “pretty” or “prettier” even though I was never ugly. The way society puts beauty on the top of anything else really destroys so many peoples confidence and self worth, whether they are conventionally pretty or not.
i'm so sorry you went through this, i totally agree, societies obsession with beauty is so damaging
It hurts when your mom is pretty but you ended up looking like your dad. Now I have a beautiful body , a man's face , good fashion sense and acne ... amazing , isn't it ?😅
None of that makes you ugly
Brutal
RIGHT I MIGHT AS WELL TRANSITION.
@@vampkyky lol , sometimes I say I'm a trans womsn . Just so that people don't look at me like a failed science experiment 😂
Literally
Omg it resonated with me so much! Worse thing is when you were laughed at for something you cannot control, like skin color etc. For me, I was always short and mocked by my friends for it in high school. And when I'm starting to think about myself better I'm again reminded that I'm short and need to do more things to look good than a tall or average girl. It irritates me to the point when someone compliments it or says its a good thing (like I'm cute, easier to find a taller boyfriend, etc) I get irritated because they don't know what it means for me.
It's so crazy though, because you're really pretty. So many people are so broken, that they try to break others.
I really needed this video, tysm!!
always here
this video is so comforting, thank you so much for it
having this pop up in my recommend there definitely is a mental health crisis in todays youth. We shouldn’t care that much about our looks honestly, take care of yourself and try to look your best. I promise the problem is more in your head and you thinking you are ugly than actually being ugly.
Ahhh an authentic person! ❤ appreciate you for being real.
As a woman, I was exclusively made fun of by boys for my "big nose." Nowadays, I actually like my Italian nose a lot! What I don't like about my face is how long it is (hairdressers, friends, and family confirming this) and how I can't close my mouth properly, so my teeth are always showing. I am actually going to request a consultation for jaw surgery in a few weeks at the dentist bc my orthodontist told me I would eventually need jaw surgery anyway. So it's an interesting level of insecurity when you KNOW you physically have something wrong. I genuinely need to get jaw surgery to fix issues I have with teeth grinding and TMJ and stuff, but it also reflects on the outside with having a longer face and a weak chin. It makes me feel like it's okay to be insecure because "it will be fixed soon," ya know? But then I remember I will have to get braces again in order to get jaw surgery, and I know that will make me insecure, too...
Edit: And not to mention how photos somehow make my features look even WORSE... I only have 2 photos of myself that I have been okay with posting bc my face always looks weirdly flat and asymmetrical and my chin is weird
This happened TO ME 23:20 when I lost weight (became more attractive) I noticed I never got the chance to ask questions or be inquisitive because everyone was always asking me questions❤ kind of sad😢 Because they'll never know how curious i was about them. but that was something I noticed too
this was so helpful, keep up the good work!!
I personally got a less common cut of the ugly experience, where I was assumed to be the one that'd one day snap and hurt a bunch of people, due to a disconcerting height, inability to socialize, and being fat. Didn't help that I for the life of me couldn't quite figure out how to shut up about my niche interest that added to that stigma. Because I was presumed to be the future domestic terrorist, people were never openly cruel to me. I just could feel their eyes tracking me as I moved past groups of my peers. Girls would avoid me because I was so unsettling. I'd receive more subtle mockery than others from boys. My presence was never something anyone looked forward to, but they wouldn't usually complain about it either. That deep feeling of unwantedness is something you get accustomed to, but never stops hurting. I did manage to scrape together a few people that didn't dislike me, but the way I went about it was kind of financially self-sacrificial, I'd constantly be the one to provide food at get togethers and activities so that even if they didn't want me for me, they'd want me for my willingness to provide a free meal. Shit sucked, and I'm still dealing with it at 19. I've gotten a little better, but it's very much still present.
i really needed to hear this tysm for making this video even with the busy schedules of doctors :)
anyone who's been through ANY of this is secretly blessed in a way beauty products making people older then they seem or being too much for not understanding how contour works at the end of the day we grew up being ourselves in someway it's what the internet try's to make us feel like ( just enjoy life it may seem impossible but anyone can )
My sense of dread came from, people... if they liked me they treated me badly and if they hated me they also treated me badly... I have only felt accepted by a tiny number of people none of them were immediate family. Acceptance is strong. I don't need to be in a relationship if I have a great friend but it gets harder as I get older because people grow apart, families take the best friends away... it's natural but it sucks and you're left alone with nobody to do anything with or to talk with... acquaintances are best friends to someone but not me... I have never had a boyfriend who liked me for me, it's always something superficial not something that will be foundational to having a relationship... I'm just venting, because this video spoke to me 💯 I'm the ugly girl or duff that is always alone.
Thank you, today I decided I'm going to stop comparing myself to everyone else's looks, and I know it's going to be hard, but I'm going to try.
I tend to validate myself based on how I look, and if I am not in a good mood, I take it out on myself by insulting myself wjtb the worst terms i can think of. I think that I'm ready to be okay with not having a relationship or the best looks, and I'm going to dedicate my time to things I enjoy doing, like my art, although I'm not the greatest, I can't be great at everything and I think I need to accept that about myself and stop seeking validation in unhealthy ways.
Again, thank you
I'm going to start the journey and I hope those of you who have watched this video are ready to start the journey too. It may be hard but we all need to love ourselves in the beautiful bodies that God has blessed us with. ❤
Good luck to everyone learning to love themselves❤
9:41 STOOP THAT'S LITERALLY ME
i literally didn’t post myself on my birthday this year because I was afraid I didn’t look good enough 😅
@@mayadere I believe that one day you will be comfortable with posting yourself 👊
It's so hard being a teenage girl in this society if you're not conventionally attractive. It's not even friends or family that makes it the hardest in this case- it's the boys at my school. I'll be sitting in history and eavesdropping on the boy next to me talk to his friend about another girl, saying things about how she's "too big" and "she's just annoying because nobody will ever want her," even going to lengths to say that they don't even want to be associated with her at all, or seen remotely near her. Of course, this causes me to automatically start spiraling, thinking that these same boys must say the same thing about me behind my back, and the horrible thing is that they probably do. Mind you, they didn't even make an effort to get to know this girl at all, just jumping to conclusions about her solely based off her appearance. It starts to feel like your personality only matters (at least to 14 year old boys) if you are attractive. Only if you're pretty enough for them will they make an actual effort to get to know you before judging- let alone want a relationship with you.
Thanks!
What drives me nuts is gaining self-acceptance & confidence is like putting a target on your face. A lot of ppl take genuine offense to the confidence of ppl who aren't "perfect" like "eeewww, how dare you be happy with yourself?" It's truly annoying.
What a great video, shifting your perspective is something I can do for myself. You're right, I have control in this area. You've got a new subscriber x
the avoidance thing is so accurate
I really needed to hear this whole explanation video thank you i think im tearing up. What a life lesson
Why does everyone around me look beautiful but I look - just less?
Never chosen, never complimented, they don’t speak to me the same as they speak to the others
It’s just soul crushing
Thank you for trying to help other people, the video was very helpful❤
Alot of people think am ugly am very very beautiful
Yes you are!
UR GORG