You dont need skills. Just master this one thing: ask people questions about themselves. Theyll keep talking til the sun burns out then theyll like you for caring. Even if you dont. Works every time!
as far as i understand this video is not about the people who just “don’t feel like talking all the time.” but about the people who want to talk but don’t know how😀
I used to be SO good at conversation, I was witty and you couldn't shut me up. But then one summer I convinced myself that I was just annoying and that people don't like when you talk so much, and I thought I was talking about myself too much, so now I can't converse for shit.
Had the same thing happen to me, slowly disappeared in a few months of feeling down. Starting to finally try and convince myself otherwise. Hope you can pull yourself back up too it's possible!
You know she is actually good when she hype us in the beginning she was like if you a ppl pleaser and overthinker, overachiver and followed it up with like no you don't suck guys u just lack conversational skills, that was top ppl pleasing skills
I struggle with opening up to people, it makes me feel vulnerable, exposed even. The skill to talk to others is something I want to work on, I want to make friends too and not come across so awkwardly towards others. The feeling of being awkward supercedes the vulnerability in a way, just have to push myself over the hurdle of wanting to be likable by everyone
With all sincerity , I feel it's the world struggling to understand us . We just might be the 'it' they are trying to get . Our presence is beyond most people's spectrum of perception , embrace that power throughly & weild their ignorance gracefully 🤌
same. that's why I used to watch these kind of videos in middle school because I always thought everyone was taught conversational skills but me, that I just didn't know the rules. "how to appear more charismatic, what body language says about you..." I know it in theory, when I'm in front of people my mind goes blank.
i’m not autistic, but the problem might not be you. because i love talking and talk to people all the time, and those conversations sometimes don’t even qualify as conversations and it’s not my fault, but more the other person for being a bad conversationalist. i used to think i was the problem when this happened, but i learnt it’s not me, but the other person. others end up great because the other person is a good conversationalist. so don’t put too much pressure on yourself, because a lot of people can’t help a conversation very well.
I’m a senior in highschool and the absolute lack of authenticity and genuine interest the kids and teachers show is astounding. I understand because my junior year was the only year I haven’t been a people pleaser, but getting out of that mindset really exposes others. It’s extremely disappointing that we’re not taught social skills or how to have confidence, but instead, getting anxiety over test scores and fitting into groups that don’t care about you. Thank you so so much for this video 🫶🫶🫶
I have struggled all my life with feeling insecure, shy, quiet and anxious. It has taken a huge toll on my relationships in my 20s as I find it difficult to open up and be authentically myself. I'm scared that people won't like me if they know how boring I am, or stupid. Even if other people tell me otherwise (like family or the friends I do have), deep down I am stubborn to disagree with them. It's like I can't find it within myself to believe what others tell me. I solely base it off how I feel when I am interacting with people that I want to be friends with but get too shy, and ultimately just don't feel completely comfortable around. I am constantly thinking "what do I say?", or "I don't know how to insert my opinions in this conversation". Thank you for making this video, it has opened my eyes a little more on what I can do to help myself in new social situations. I look forward to watching your other videos.
those are all feelings i've felt, or thoughts i've had too. i know how it feels its so tough and all consuming. what's great if you have awareness that, and awareness always helps a lot when you are trying to change ✨ so glad this video helped🙏🏽
"I can only talk to her when there's other people in the room, because then her negativity is diluted" omg😂, just that experience right there inspires me to become more positive to myself so that I can then be more positive to others. Being so negative that your energy is draining is not the goal🙌
I also feel like movies, videos, and social media give us a different idea on how interactions in general are supposed to be, they are fluent, there is a topic to talk about, there´s always something to talk about. Silence is planned and also the talking parts.
This is so true, in movies there’s always a script but real life is not like that, conversations can still be good and friendly even if there are pauses here and there
Yeah and characters saying things in one try, sometimes i stress out a lot while talking when i start saying something but I can't get the idea across, or i just stumble pronouncing something, but that's natural, only in movies they say everything perfectly in the right timing, bc it's on the script!
as an introvert perspective, the main goal of eye contacting is that the other person aproach to you and then start the conversation, because you re not enough confident to do it first, thats why I lose a big part of my oportunities
You are so right about the "how are you?" thing. It's been a pet peeve of mine forever when people just say "i'm good" and leave it at that. Like, congratulations, the conversation is now dead in the water. Give me something to work with!
introvert with an extroverted personality, here, idk if it is related, but what im gonna say is i only talk to people im comfortable with, and when i do talk, i talk about topics that i want to know or what i want to share mainly about my interest and personal story, the problem is when the other person also did the same, i cant think of any response or answer that i should reply...
THIS. This. this. I’ve never felt more understood in my life about my social anxiety than this. Everything you said. I can’t believe you just put every little thought and insecurity that floods my mind so poignantly than how you described it in this video. I’m still recovering brb
the problem is that I always feel like I only serve to please others, I'm good at making conversation and I always give advice or ask them for hang out but in the end I always feel like they're not my real friends, like that type of friendship that you really care about and miss them, i don't have this with a single person
📌 stamps 0:00 - intro 1:32 how to approach people 6:42 there is no 'right or wrong' thing to talk about 10:42 stop deflecting 14:55 i DoN'T KnoW wHaT tO sAy 20:42 stop hiding your opinion 24:25 cut the BS and say how you actually feel 27:50 summary 28:47 outro
The worst thing is, I used to know how to chat and be with people without the anxiety that I have now, and it's a lot more annoying to have to relearn this all over again when I naturally felt the things you said during the video. But finding them pointed out and highlighted in this way really helped, so I will keep this video near, in case I need to remind myself that things are actually not that deep. You really reminded me of how good was to just talk and feel in the moment, so thank you
Taking so many notes, this is actually really helpful. "I was there throughout the conversation, not my representative." - Be present. Don't deflect. State your actual opinions, it's okay to disagree. - Do what it takes to get comfortable. - Lower the stakes, it doesn't have to go perfectly. If it's so stress-inducing in your head then that's the energy you're bringing to the conversation as well? - It's a back and forth, so only asking about others will not allow you to hide for very long.This has been my problem recently, and it really does bring the back-and-forth flow down if I can't manage to stay on myself for over half a minute without deflecting back to my other friends. A lot of it really is about shifting your mindset like you're saying, but having a better self esteem allows you to get out of your head so much too, and actually be present in the conversation instead of falling back on the nervousness about being likeable or doing/saying the right or wrong things, and it's so ironic because the better we'll get at conversation and being fully present, the better our self esteem will get through those experiences? So we literally just have to get started heh. Thank you, very helpful tips!
Thank you so much for making this video. Literally cried earlier from the amount of stress i put on myself by trying to be likeable and not being able to socialize easily like others, where it comes so naturally. Had this problem since elementary
I love how your videos actually help me because I feel like the way you share your experiences as someone who also struggles with social skills makes me feel understood, which is something really rare to me.. I already improved a lot with your tips
Through years of working in retail/food industry/counseling world, I could talk to ANYONE!!! A lot of it is just practicing your listening, reading cues and asking certain questions.
this video made me emotional, i’ve struggled with my confidence and self esteem for a while now and you were so correct about so many things. i really like your content and i’m definitely subscribing
From childhood my opinions never mattered and it caused me to shut down and lack conversations skills. NOW when I’m talking my conversations be all over the place, I second guess myself, and feel dumb afterwards. It makes me feel so dumb , but starting now ! I’m working on me ! I can’t hide in this shell forever !
Thank you for the video❤. I actually get a lot of comments like "it's so easy to open up to you", but when I look closely at my conversations with those people they literally barely last a long time and the conversation would be surrounding a single area. I'm actually not sure if I'm a people pleaser or just very opinonated and firm on my opinions, but all i know is that i struggle to meet new people or when i do meet someone new i struggle to keep a conversation going with them. I don't have an ideal social life, but I'm definitely working on it and this video has helped me look at things in a different perspective.
22:08 good thoughts. A mistake I often see when implementing this is coming off as aggressive because youre trying to empower yourself by stating your criticism, but still nervous
This is so true and I also think there’s sometimes a misconception, where people think being nice is equal to being a peoples pleaser, so being scared of conflict or, disagreement, like it was mentioned in the video. I absolutely loved this video, hope to see more of that.
i think she meant, that generally you're not doing anything that's wrong or weird, you might just be overthinking how to approach people and then seem inauthentic or insecure. Which in itself isn't bad, but in high school atleast from m experience you get put into a box relatively quickly and it's hard to get out of
Honestly, it depends on who am with, after a failed friendship with a girl who is a bad listener, I just keep quiet but I notice a lot of other people say that I make conversation no matter what, so it's just about basic conversation, communication and sometimes mutual chemistry.😅
I feel so nerdy and embarrassed but i actually took extensive notes of this video in my little notebook, i mean don't feel responsible bc I'll probably watch other videos about this, but in this one you say all the "right things" (ironically for the video) and it kinda feels like an answer to take for now as i try to socialize without mentally shortcircuiting loll
the problem is: i am a very friendly person and absolutely LOVEEE getting to know new people. i start conversations, compliment them, have some laughs, and overall have good experiences with people i meet. however, i never am able to surpass that level!! it always stays at a talking stage and never becomes something more. i'm not blaming anyone for not being friends with me but i genuinely wish somebody would get the hints. and again, its not their fault yk they already have friends and cliques and whatnot. dont get me wrong tho i really enjoy alone time. its so calm and peaceful to just hangout w/ myself, and it isnt embarrassing. but company always makes it better, right? someone pls give me some tips lol, thanks for reading my whole spiel :)
I think having a good n friendly banter with people helps??? like you could have a go at each other in a funny friendly way :))) just my two cents tho!!!
I feel this so much because im a well liked person with many accquaintances and surface level friends but im not really close with any of them yk and I don't understand why i cant go past that surface level and build deep bonds or just have people who actually want to hangout and spend time together and don't just talk to me when their other friends are absent or only when its convenient
sometimes I struggle because ive made a habit of always trying to be funny and sometime I don't know how to be serious or what to say when it isnt something positive. Someone will say something jokingly to me and if I don't have a quick and witty response I feel like ive failed and I just pause and smile at them... which isnt that bad but then I feel like I'm not that super funny person I wanted to be as a child. idk lol. It's okay to not always have a joke ready, especially whenever I DO have a joke its a BANGER
Thank you soooo much for this video. I wish some one would have explained this to me earlier. You make conversations sound so easy without being condescending. And confidence really is the key.
I'm so glad I clicked on this video. I resonate so much with what is said. We often put so much pressure on ourselves to appear a certain way or be liked, that we just simply can't be ourselves. I struggle with social anxiety but have slowly gotten better over the years. This video gave me new perspectives and new ways of thinking. Thank youuuu so much. I really needed to hear this ❤
FACTS I appreciate this video, I'm healing from some stuff when I was younger, I didnt have a voice back then and now im rebuilding with Yah. This video's gonna help me power up
My self esteem is terrible when making friends so this video won't change me overnight, but it's still so good!! I'm only in the second section of the video and it's already so good and tackling all my worries
I lately gathered a meet-up with a few girls that went to the same tutoring with me all the time, because I found out that one of them is for good moving to another city. We knew each other for years but were never really that close, yet still had this close bond, like sisters. (Hopefully yall know what I mean.) For the past few years, I've been struggling with conversations, thinking that I'm boring based on others ignoring me or just not commenting on my stories, I told. When I met up with the girls from tutoring, for the first time I was so happy to know that there are people who share the same values and actually are interested in what I'm talking about. I just loosened up and talked about the most trivial and everyday stuff, and it was a really pleasant experience. I'm really surprised that I was brave enough to do that, because one year ago I was too socially anxious to do so, now we grew even closer. Now, I have more confidence about just going up to people and starting conversations. The worst thing that could happen is maybe rejection, but besides that, you have a chance to meet a lighthearted and simple conversation that eases the tension and desire for human communication!
I love when you said that you shouldn’t try to be your representative self, but just be yourself. But when you said that, I wondered where does it come from, that we’re trying to be more perfect and representative than our authentic selves
I switched schools and I’m HAVING THIS PROBLEM OMGG. Like I’m being very anti-social and I often think before I say to sound funny and stuff. Thank you for this video, I’m going to try everything that you’re stating and make some real friends 😭😭😂
That video helped me so much, because sometimes I felt like that too, like I don’t have subjects interesting enough, but I don’t need to think like that I need to start to think that I’m already interesting for being myself so thank y sm
I'm in last year of highschool and never made good memories. But this month i got the best math teacher who will include me in class and that's why now I'm actually talking with few people and laughing with them. If you are an person who talks with anyone easily please talk to a person who is lonely in place. Just tell them u are trustworthy so that the person can speak without any hesitation. ❤️
Most of my trauma comes from talking to people, cause I was too quirky, too sarcastic, too childish, too diplomatic, too emotional, too cold, too quiet, to open…there was always something wrong with me in people’s opinion, so one day I just isolated from everyone cause I was so tired of constantly not being enough to be liked
U see all those "wrong things" are different bcs it's all on their heads, nothing of that is really on you. People have an interpretation of you depending on their point of view and beliefs, so, if someone praises hard work as a main quality and they don't see that on you, they won't think you're worth talking to. On the other hand, if someone who thinks a quiet person is the ideal sees that on you, they'll find u perfect. The problem of not getting this is you'd probably try to change yourself to fit in those ppl standards, but that's not really who u are so you would do it poorly and/or be unhappy.
I always thought the reason I couldn't converse with other people is because I never did anything growing up. I lived a boring and emotionally neglectful childhood. But I also have a unique childhood and for some reason that was a recent realization for me. I live on a farm with almost any farm animal you can think of, I've birthed goat babies before, I make my own food, like gardening and raising my own meat. That's not something other people I've met got to do and they would be intrigued to learn more. I did not realize that for so long. I also talked really negatively about things, like how said gardening and goat birthing was stressful. I've learned to think more positively about it and it helped how I talk about it.
Christina genuinely saying I searched so much in TH-cam nobody literally understood my problem…You are the only one who shared the actual solution of my problem….Whenever I am in group I get anxious why people don’t value me why they ignore me
I frfrfr needed this. I have been struggling all my peak years trying to understand why do I feel this why and self sabotage all my relationships with good ass people but now I just found out I’ve always valued being interesting than being interested.sad but now I’ll practice not doing that anymore and actually pursue the magic of life.😍
This video could not have come to me at a more perfect time. I learned as a young child that making myself and my opinions as small and agreeable as possible was the way to make friends and feel appreciated. Now I'm working really hard to unlearn that and allow myself to be who I am and take up space regardless of how it may make other people feel. I love the idea of responding to conversation partners as a fake "representative" of who you think others want you to be, rather than as who you actually are - That's spot on for how I've conversed in the past. The idea of "trivial and often" vs. "rare and crucial" is so insightful, too - I never realized how much I was shooting myself in the foot by having that mindset!! Lastly, I love your editing and presentation style - it feels like I'm just hanging out with a friend who's giving me a pep talk :) Loved this video and can't wait to watch your other videos, too!!
i've already been working a lot on this part of me recently but your vid just reframed it in a whole new light. im so glad my feed recommended ur vid, thank you!! this is one ill likely watch a few times just so i can absorb everything
A good idea tp start a comversation is with coincidence "ohh, the vending machine is not working theres another one near, we could go" Its casual, and also friendly ANOTHER IDEA: similar to the idea Cris gave, if you talk yesterday with someone and you dont know how to open a talk again you could just smile and show that you are comfy to talk (smile, wave your hand, etc) and the you could go and say hi, example: Ohhh you are the girl from the spending machine hiiii (PST, i hope you understand me, im not native speaker of english)😊
how was your weekend, ask questions about whatever they tell you were doing in the weekend, how's your major, what's your favourite subjects and why (if they mention a food, a place they went to, ask in an excited interested way about how they FEEL about that food, is it their fav, about that place, did they feel good on that vacation, ect) i hope it helps
if you're even casually into movies i've seen people make a weird amount of success just asking "what's your favorite movie?" not like they immediately make a friend, but certainly get a little conversation flowing
I've been looking for your page !!!!!! Your content is what I desire. How to develop my personality. I wasn't raised to properly value my personality and I've always used I was borning. I just never felt confident in my self to express my real personality. THANK YOU
This person has a lot of valuable insights that have taken me years to realize (and am still realizing). This video is packed with tons of golden nuggets.
In the U.S. i feel like “how are you” is a formality, kind of like “hey how are you” in passing but is not actually an invitation for connection or conversation. It definitely depends on the setting though. If i’m in a social setting and someone sits next to me and asks “how are you” then that’s way different. I liked this video a lot very great food for thought and interesting (:
Really enjoyed this video! And I agree, silence is totally normal and something we have to get used to “life isn’t high school musical” 😂 My ex used to always tell me “you have nothing good to say” but I realized he was a judgmental ass
This helped me soooo much im constantly thinking the conversation is for them to walk away liking me and it is so draining , then i end up just not being myself and barely saying anything at all. This took so much pressure off man.
This feels so good finally hearing something I relate to so strongly that I basically never hear anywhere else. I can’t tell you how much anxiety I’d get in college as a music major whenever there’d be a seminar in the concert hall, Omg how much stress it was thinking about the simple dilemma of where to sit & who to sit with & if everyone else will recognize that I don’t have friends cuz I’m sitting alone🤦♀️🤦♀️🤦♀️ & I always feel like I must be boring cuz I don’t know what to say to start conversations or make them become interesting
OMG GIRL THANK YOU! I couldn't ever summarize these things in my head, but it all makes sense now! I'll go talk to my buddy in school about this video, our favourite colours, shoes types and movies LMAO Also the video itself is great, really love your speaking approach and background! ❤
ive seena few videos on topics like these but this one is really eye opening. i really dont think im shy or unavailable to talk or dont have a lot to say, but people probably run into walls trying to have the bare minimum with me. no wonder im confused why i cant make friends, i can have all the intentions in the world but im not playing ping pong😭😂 its a bit hard being mentally ill and very slow at times but i have a lot of self work to do! i feel inspired thank you.
I can relate. What’s helping me now is accepting that I’m usually slow and often miss social cues🥲 but I want people to like me with that and those who don’t, I also give them permission not to. I also have fear of being embarrassed /laughed at because of how different I I may behave and in accepting this I’m learning that I don’t have a problem with myself but I just have a problem with the fact that people will have a problem with me for being this way. Im choosing to be vulnerable - being myself at any cost
I honestly love your videos so much and how comfortable and reassured you make us feel❤ but you just have to know your arms are bloody amazing like do you lift or something they look so toned 😭😭😭
I love your vibes and i related so much. I am not shy just was in the background letting my representative take control of the conversations. I'll try out your way. Thanks!
It's like i have conversational skills and i want to talk but i cannot force myself to care about the topics ppl are speaking about and when im trying to converse about something i dont care about i start to zone out like small talk for example i cannot stay focussed on what the other person is saying and this usually happens with ppl i ddont know or when there are 3 or more ppl
girl you are beautiful, glasses suit you so well. thank you for the video! i feel like i'm always freaking out when i'm left 1-1 with people because i never know what to say
Nice to see a video that described my feelings to a T. Nice to see people in the comment section that are experiencing how I feel. Thank you for the good advice.
Hii! Thank you for the video, I am really happy to see this topic in your videos, since I been feeling cringed or like a bad bad at talking person in some (most) of conversations with new people around, , about the positive affirmations, you say it’s cringey but for real, that’s also what works! just simply admitting I am a good person, was so much of a game change for me)) thank you so much for sharing this experience ! ❤
Thank you for your work 🥰. I recently saw someone that i really really wanted to talk to, but i was scared, so i didn't. I think it's finally time for improvement of my conversation skills.
I struggle with 2 things: 1) Don't want to share things back after asking. At the moment I don't have anything going in my life but before that I was just so paranoid about people knowing too much, me sharing too much. 2) I don't know how or why, still working on it, but I somehow give off "weak" vibes, that encourage people to either try to take advantage or hurt you or belittle you etc... So I find myself just avoiding people in general and avoiding talking and just try to keep everyone at a distance
Girlie you have NO idea HOW MUCH I NEEDED THIS VIDEO 😭😭😭💕💕💕 And the way you are so polite and soft-spoken omg you calmed me down so much. Im an intj high school teen and ive had friends before but lost them and thrn just gave up on the idea of socializing. I went to school, never spoke to anyone literally and would sit in hidden corners of school during recess and read books. I just found conversation useless and boring and hurtful (cuz the more you talk and more people you talk to, more info. you give out about yourself and they can hurt you) also i wanted to be mysterious lol 😂 but now im in college and i REALLY wanna start talking to people. Atleast to get info about them and see whats going on in the real world. 😅
I think from childhood I also learnt to avoid disagreement. I'm learning now to value my own opinions more 🥰
I though, I am such a good friend I never argue
i still dont argue
@@katarinabrecevic8670 same, unironically never arguing damaged my friendships!!!
THIS ❤
Same! I’m so proud of you!
You dont need skills. Just master this one thing: ask people questions about themselves. Theyll keep talking til the sun burns out then theyll like you for caring. Even if you dont. Works every time!
LMAO REAL I always do this 😭
Interesting 😮
I would do that but then I feel like an interviewer 😅
Until it just feels like an interrogation you have to switch it up and not just ask questions all the time
@@ryukobestwaifu3319 fr, i think you just need to lisent to them and then you will have things to talk about
I don’t lack conversational skills. I just don’t feel like talking all the time.
This is the oneee
FACTS
No
as far as i understand this video is not about the people who just “don’t feel like talking all the time.” but about the people who want to talk but don’t know how😀
don't think that's any better
It’s surprising how people are only scratching the surface and don’t take the time to read Flirtosphere Seduction. Go out of the rabbit hole guys
I used to be SO good at conversation, I was witty and you couldn't shut me up. But then one summer I convinced myself that I was just annoying and that people don't like when you talk so much, and I thought I was talking about myself too much, so now I can't converse for shit.
Yeah it's so often not that you don't have something to say, it's that you don't think what you have to say would have a good effect on people. Sucks.
Had the same thing happen to me, slowly disappeared in a few months of feeling down. Starting to finally try and convince myself otherwise. Hope you can pull yourself back up too it's possible!
ME TOO
Fr
this literally is happening to me right now and i feel like a prisoner in my own head 😻😻
I’ve been avoiding this video because I’ve been too afraid to actually get the knowledge to put anything in practice
Me too, I think it’s the time we face our fears
@@Dreamerwithpiano its time to shine🎉
*shiver*
we got this pals 💪
Fighting✊
literally
You know she is actually good when she hype us in the beginning she was like if you a ppl pleaser and overthinker, overachiver and followed it up with like no you don't suck guys u just lack conversational skills, that was top ppl pleasing skills
😂
I struggle with opening up to people, it makes me feel vulnerable, exposed even. The skill to talk to others is something I want to work on, I want to make friends too and not come across so awkwardly towards others. The feeling of being awkward supercedes the vulnerability in a way, just have to push myself over the hurdle of wanting to be likable by everyone
Have the exact same feeling when I (try to) talk to someone. It's so weird, it's like talking to a SS officer in my head wtf.
well its also most of the time other ppl don't open up to me so idk whats wrong w me
Don't open up too much. Or else some people will use your secrets against you and spread romours so keep your secrets to a minimum.
You are not alone. When it comes to opening up and communicating about myself, the struggle is so real.
i’m autistic. i’ve spent my entire life observing/studying other people to try and “get it”. 26 years later and i still don’t understand
With all sincerity , I feel it's the world struggling to understand us . We just might be the 'it' they are trying to get . Our presence is beyond most people's spectrum of perception , embrace that power throughly & weild their ignorance gracefully 🤌
i'm not autistic, but i do that too
same. that's why I used to watch these kind of videos in middle school because I always thought everyone was taught conversational skills but me, that I just didn't know the rules. "how to appear more charismatic, what body language says about you..." I know it in theory, when I'm in front of people my mind goes blank.
i’m not autistic, but the problem might not be you. because i love talking and talk to people all the time, and those conversations sometimes don’t even qualify as conversations and it’s not my fault, but more the other person for being a bad conversationalist. i used to think i was the problem when this happened, but i learnt it’s not me, but the other person. others end up great because the other person is a good conversationalist. so don’t put too much pressure on yourself, because a lot of people can’t help a conversation very well.
Saame
The book Social Secrets Mastery is the ultimate guide to mastering social skills-it's crazy how few people know about it.
I am sorry I can’t find the book. Who wrote it?
I’m a senior in highschool and the absolute lack of authenticity and genuine interest the kids and teachers show is astounding. I understand because my junior year was the only year I haven’t been a people pleaser, but getting out of that mindset really exposes others. It’s extremely disappointing that we’re not taught social skills or how to have confidence, but instead, getting anxiety over test scores and fitting into groups that don’t care about you. Thank you so so much for this video 🫶🫶🫶
This the lack of authenticity and like expectations from others that you will follow social conventions and scripts turn me off so bad
I have struggled all my life with feeling insecure, shy, quiet and anxious. It has taken a huge toll on my relationships in my 20s as I find it difficult to open up and be authentically myself. I'm scared that people won't like me if they know how boring I am, or stupid. Even if other people tell me otherwise (like family or the friends I do have), deep down I am stubborn to disagree with them. It's like I can't find it within myself to believe what others tell me. I solely base it off how I feel when I am interacting with people that I want to be friends with but get too shy, and ultimately just don't feel completely comfortable around. I am constantly thinking "what do I say?", or "I don't know how to insert my opinions in this conversation". Thank you for making this video, it has opened my eyes a little more on what I can do to help myself in new social situations. I look forward to watching your other videos.
those are all feelings i've felt, or thoughts i've had too. i know how it feels its so tough and all consuming. what's great if you have awareness that, and awareness always helps a lot when you are trying to change ✨ so glad this video helped🙏🏽
This! So many of Us have felt alone in our struggles it's refreshing to see many go through the same things when learning how to be more Social.
"I can only talk to her when there's other people in the room, because then her negativity is diluted" omg😂, just that experience right there inspires me to become more positive to myself so that I can then be more positive to others. Being so negative that your energy is draining is not the goal🙌
I also feel like movies, videos, and social media give us a different idea on how interactions in general are supposed to be, they are fluent, there is a topic to talk about, there´s always something to talk about. Silence is planned and also the talking parts.
This is so true, in movies there’s always a script but real life is not like that, conversations can still be good and friendly even if there are pauses here and there
Yes, especially reality tv shares insights on how different actions or words can be perceived
Yeah and characters saying things in one try, sometimes i stress out a lot while talking when i start saying something but I can't get the idea across, or i just stumble pronouncing something, but that's natural, only in movies they say everything perfectly in the right timing, bc it's on the script!
I feel the same way, like how can I see people talking 1to1 if im not there
as an introvert perspective, the main goal of eye contacting is that the other person aproach to you and then start the conversation, because you re not enough confident to do it first, thats why I lose a big part of my oportunities
You are so right about the "how are you?" thing. It's been a pet peeve of mine forever when people just say "i'm good" and leave it at that. Like, congratulations, the conversation is now dead in the water. Give me something to work with!
introvert with an extroverted personality, here, idk if it is related, but what im gonna say is i only talk to people im comfortable with, and when i do talk, i talk about topics that i want to know or what i want to share mainly about my interest and personal story,
the problem is when the other person also did the same, i cant think of any response or answer that i should reply...
this is the first video where the creatore actually seems to understand my struggles❤️
I’ve been there ❤️🩹
This is my final year in the university and I still cannot communicate. Thank youuu ❤️
Me too:)) youre not alone.
truee same
Yes!!!!
Girl same
Same here😅😅
THIS. This. this.
I’ve never felt more understood in my life about my social anxiety than this. Everything you said.
I can’t believe you just put every little thought and insecurity that floods my mind so poignantly than how you described it in this video.
I’m still recovering brb
the problem is that I always feel like I only serve to please others, I'm good at making conversation and I always give advice or ask them for hang out but in the end I always feel like they're not my real friends, like that type of friendship that you really care about and miss them, i don't have this with a single person
Real👍🏽me too
Exactly
Same
📌 stamps
0:00 - intro
1:32 how to approach people
6:42 there is no 'right or wrong' thing to talk about
10:42 stop deflecting
14:55 i DoN'T KnoW wHaT tO sAy
20:42 stop hiding your opinion
24:25 cut the BS and say how you actually feel
27:50 summary
28:47 outro
You’re so real, ty for this
ily lets get married rn
The worst thing is, I used to know how to chat and be with people without the anxiety that I have now, and it's a lot more annoying to have to relearn this all over again when I naturally felt the things you said during the video. But finding them pointed out and highlighted in this way really helped, so I will keep this video near, in case I need to remind myself that things are actually not that deep. You really reminded me of how good was to just talk and feel in the moment, so thank you
Taking so many notes, this is actually really helpful.
"I was there throughout the conversation, not my representative."
- Be present. Don't deflect. State your actual opinions, it's okay to disagree.
- Do what it takes to get comfortable.
- Lower the stakes, it doesn't have to go perfectly. If it's so stress-inducing in your head then that's the energy you're bringing to the conversation as well?
- It's a back and forth, so only asking about others will not allow you to hide for very long.This has been my problem recently, and it really does bring the back-and-forth flow down if I can't manage to stay on myself for over half a minute without deflecting back to my other friends.
A lot of it really is about shifting your mindset like you're saying, but having a better self esteem allows you to get out of your head so much too, and actually be present in the conversation instead of falling back on the nervousness about being likeable or doing/saying the right or wrong things, and it's so ironic because the better we'll get at conversation and being fully present, the better our self esteem will get through those experiences? So we literally just have to get started heh. Thank you, very helpful tips!
yes this is spot on! i'm glad this helped
Thank you so much for making this video. Literally cried earlier from the amount of stress i put on myself by trying to be likeable and not being able to socialize easily like others, where it comes so naturally. Had this problem since elementary
Like are you reading my mind rn??
So the short of it is : Don't worry about it(in my personal case)
yuppp
I love how your videos actually help me because I feel like the way you share your experiences as someone who also struggles with social skills makes me feel understood, which is something really rare to me.. I already improved a lot with your tips
Through years of working in retail/food industry/counseling world, I could talk to ANYONE!!! A lot of it is just practicing your listening, reading cues and asking certain questions.
this video made me emotional, i’ve struggled with my confidence and self esteem for a while now and you were so correct about so many things. i really like your content and i’m definitely subscribing
welcome home
The section about deflecting was super eye-opening, Id never thought about it that way before. Thanks!
From childhood my opinions never mattered and it caused me to shut down and lack conversations skills. NOW when I’m talking my conversations be all over the place, I second guess myself, and feel dumb afterwards. It makes me feel so dumb , but starting now ! I’m working on me ! I can’t hide in this shell forever !
Thank you for the video❤.
I actually get a lot of comments like "it's so easy to open up to you", but when I look closely at my conversations with those people they literally barely last a long time and the conversation would be surrounding a single area. I'm actually not sure if I'm a people pleaser or just very opinonated and firm on my opinions, but all i know is that i struggle to meet new people or when i do meet someone new i struggle to keep a conversation going with them.
I don't have an ideal social life, but I'm definitely working on it and this video has helped me look at things in a different perspective.
I need YOU in a podcast omg
your videos are literally my life
they are so helpful!!
22:08 good thoughts. A mistake I often see when implementing this is coming off as aggressive because youre trying to empower yourself by stating your criticism, but still nervous
This is so true and I also think there’s sometimes a misconception, where people think being nice is equal to being a peoples pleaser, so being scared of conflict or, disagreement, like it was mentioned in the video.
I absolutely loved this video, hope to see more of that.
"You're not doing anything wrong, it's just your approach (you're doing it wrong)"
i think she meant, that generally you're not doing anything that's wrong or weird, you might just be overthinking how to approach people and then seem inauthentic or insecure.
Which in itself isn't bad, but in high school atleast from m experience you get put into a box relatively quickly and it's hard to get out of
Honestly, it depends on who am with, after a failed friendship with a girl who is a bad listener, I just keep quiet but I notice a lot of other people say that I make conversation no matter what, so it's just about basic conversation, communication and sometimes mutual chemistry.😅
I feel so nerdy and embarrassed but i actually took extensive notes of this video in my little notebook, i mean don't feel responsible bc I'll probably watch other videos about this, but in this one you say all the "right things" (ironically for the video) and it kinda feels like an answer to take for now as i try to socialize without mentally shortcircuiting loll
there's nothing to be embarrassed for in trying to better yourself, love
When I was younger, I used to have the biggest stutter at 15. I’m glad I got out of this. But now I can’t stop talking 😂
omg same, it held me back so much. the stutter creeps up from time to time but now I just don’t mind 😂
the problem is: i am a very friendly person and absolutely LOVEEE getting to know new people. i start conversations, compliment them, have some laughs, and overall have good experiences with people i meet. however, i never am able to surpass that level!! it always stays at a talking stage and never becomes something more. i'm not blaming anyone for not being friends with me but i genuinely wish somebody would get the hints. and again, its not their fault yk they already have friends and cliques and whatnot.
dont get me wrong tho i really enjoy alone time. its so calm and peaceful to just hangout w/ myself, and it isnt embarrassing. but company always makes it better, right? someone pls give me some tips lol, thanks for reading my whole spiel :)
I speak spanish but i can understand you
X2😢
I think having a good n friendly banter with people helps??? like you could have a go at each other in a funny friendly way :))) just my two cents tho!!!
I feel this so much because im a well liked person with many accquaintances and surface level friends but im not really close with any of them yk and I don't understand why i cant go past that surface level and build deep bonds or just have people who actually want to hangout and spend time together and don't just talk to me when their other friends are absent or only when its convenient
for context im an incoming college freshman so im watching this video because im a bit nervous and I want to have a good first year yk
@@Itac2006 u get me! it almost feels like i have people but not friends. i agree with the talking bc of abstinence & convenience a lot
sometimes I struggle because ive made a habit of always trying to be funny and sometime I don't know how to be serious or what to say when it isnt something positive. Someone will say something jokingly to me and if I don't have a quick and witty response I feel like ive failed and I just pause and smile at them... which isnt that bad but then I feel like I'm not that super funny person I wanted to be as a child. idk lol. It's okay to not always have a joke ready, especially whenever I DO have a joke its a BANGER
THIS IS SO ME i feel so cringe I have this exact same problem 😭
this is so spit on
UNUS ANNUS
Thank you soooo much for this video. I wish some one would have explained this to me earlier. You make conversations sound so easy without being condescending. And confidence really is the key.
I'm so glad I clicked on this video. I resonate so much with what is said. We often put so much pressure on ourselves to appear a certain way or be liked, that we just simply can't be ourselves. I struggle with social anxiety but have slowly gotten better over the years. This video gave me new perspectives and new ways of thinking. Thank youuuu so much. I really needed to hear this ❤
this helps so much !! my bff is rlly good at talking to people and me too but i dont do it like her, so this rlly helps !! thanks again
FACTS I appreciate this video, I'm healing from some stuff when I was younger, I didnt have a voice back then and now im rebuilding with Yah. This video's gonna help me power up
My self esteem is terrible when making friends so this video won't change me overnight, but it's still so good!! I'm only in the second section of the video and it's already so good and tackling all my worries
I lately gathered a meet-up with a few girls that went to the same tutoring with me all the time, because I found out that one of them is for good moving to another city.
We knew each other for years but were never really that close, yet still had this close bond, like sisters. (Hopefully yall know what I mean.)
For the past few years, I've been struggling with conversations, thinking that I'm boring based on others ignoring me or just not commenting on my stories, I told. When I met up with the girls from tutoring, for the first time I was so happy to know that there are people who share the same values and actually are interested in what I'm talking about. I just loosened up and talked about the most trivial and everyday stuff, and it was a really pleasant experience.
I'm really surprised that I was brave enough to do that, because one year ago I was too socially anxious to do so, now we grew even closer.
Now, I have more confidence about just going up to people and starting conversations. The worst thing that could happen is maybe rejection, but besides that, you have a chance to meet a lighthearted and simple conversation that eases the tension and desire for human communication!
I find it so hard to have a full conversation. I just literally cannot sometimes I try and people just don't answer me so I continue to shut my mouth
I love when you said that you shouldn’t try to be your representative self, but just be yourself. But when you said that, I wondered where does it come from, that we’re trying to be more perfect and representative than our authentic selves
I switched schools and I’m HAVING THIS PROBLEM OMGG. Like I’m being very anti-social and I often think before I say to sound funny and stuff. Thank you for this video, I’m going to try everything that you’re stating and make some real friends 😭😭😂
Hello, if you don’t mind me asking- how is it going for you? :)
That video helped me so much, because sometimes I felt like that too, like I don’t have subjects interesting enough, but I don’t need to think like that I need to start to think that I’m already interesting for being myself so thank y sm
Diversifying self esteem is such a great idea
I'm in last year of highschool and never made good memories. But this month i got the best math teacher who will include me in class and that's why now I'm actually talking with few people and laughing with them. If you are an person who talks with anyone easily please talk to a person who is lonely in place. Just tell them u are trustworthy so that the person can speak without any hesitation. ❤️
Most of my trauma comes from talking to people, cause I was too quirky, too sarcastic, too childish, too diplomatic, too emotional, too cold, too quiet, to open…there was always something wrong with me in people’s opinion, so one day I just isolated from everyone cause I was so tired of constantly not being enough to be liked
U see all those "wrong things" are different bcs it's all on their heads, nothing of that is really on you.
People have an interpretation of you depending on their point of view and beliefs, so, if someone praises hard work as a main quality and they don't see that on you, they won't think you're worth talking to. On the other hand, if someone who thinks a quiet person is the ideal sees that on you, they'll find u perfect.
The problem of not getting this is you'd probably try to change yourself to fit in those ppl standards, but that's not really who u are so you would do it poorly and/or be unhappy.
girl, you’re so underrated!! This is extremely helpful, thanks 💕
“It’s not that deep” is my mantra
me seeing that comment after mantra by jennie came out even "It's not that deep" is one of the lyrics omg
@@esma1091omg yes what a coincidence, it's crazy.. i was actually shocked someone noticed that too
@@stayblinkheart ikrr crazy... and of course i noticed!! i'm obsessed with it
@@esma1091 ooh me too me too
@@stayblinkheart 💞💞
I always thought the reason I couldn't converse with other people is because I never did anything growing up. I lived a boring and emotionally neglectful childhood. But I also have a unique childhood and for some reason that was a recent realization for me. I live on a farm with almost any farm animal you can think of, I've birthed goat babies before, I make my own food, like gardening and raising my own meat. That's not something other people I've met got to do and they would be intrigued to learn more. I did not realize that for so long.
I also talked really negatively about things, like how said gardening and goat birthing was stressful. I've learned to think more positively about it and it helped how I talk about it.
Christina genuinely saying I searched so much in TH-cam nobody literally understood my problem…You are the only one who shared the actual solution of my problem….Whenever I am in group I get anxious why people don’t value me why they ignore me
I frfrfr needed this. I have been struggling all my peak years trying to understand why do I feel this why and self sabotage all my relationships with good ass people but now I just found out I’ve always valued being interesting than being interested.sad but now I’ll practice not doing that anymore and actually pursue the magic of life.😍
it's kinda crazy how nobody's talking about the forbidden ebook called Mareska Manipulation on Vexoner
This was really an eye-opener for me, thank you
This video could not have come to me at a more perfect time. I learned as a young child that making myself and my opinions as small and agreeable as possible was the way to make friends and feel appreciated. Now I'm working really hard to unlearn that and allow myself to be who I am and take up space regardless of how it may make other people feel. I love the idea of responding to conversation partners as a fake "representative" of who you think others want you to be, rather than as who you actually are - That's spot on for how I've conversed in the past. The idea of "trivial and often" vs. "rare and crucial" is so insightful, too - I never realized how much I was shooting myself in the foot by having that mindset!! Lastly, I love your editing and presentation style - it feels like I'm just hanging out with a friend who's giving me a pep talk :) Loved this video and can't wait to watch your other videos, too!!
i've already been working a lot on this part of me recently but your vid just reframed it in a whole new light. im so glad my feed recommended ur vid, thank you!! this is one ill likely watch a few times just so i can absorb everything
real !!
The goal of a conversation is to BE YOURSELF 🙌👏👏
preach !!!
This is the best conversation skills video I´ve ever watched, I feel like you understand me☺
A good idea tp start a comversation is with coincidence "ohh, the vending machine is not working theres another one near, we could go" Its casual, and also friendly
ANOTHER IDEA: similar to the idea Cris gave, if you talk yesterday with someone and you dont know how to open a talk again you could just smile and show that you are comfy to talk (smile, wave your hand, etc) and the you could go and say hi, example: Ohhh you are the girl from the spending machine hiiii
(PST, i hope you understand me, im not native speaker of english)😊
Any smalltalk ideas? When i'm talking to someone my mind goes blank and i have no idea what to talk about, it gets awkward.
Same! I'm not even thinking "I don't know what to say". My mind just goes blank.
Omg same! Like even with my friends my mind just goes completely blank
Pet are great too, people’s love talking about pets
how was your weekend, ask questions about whatever they tell you were doing in the weekend, how's your major, what's your favourite subjects and why (if they mention a food, a place they went to, ask in an excited interested way about how they FEEL about that food, is it their fav, about that place, did they feel good on that vacation, ect) i hope it helps
if you're even casually into movies i've seen people make a weird amount of success just asking "what's your favorite movie?" not like they immediately make a friend, but certainly get a little conversation flowing
I've been looking for your page !!!!!! Your content is what I desire. How to develop my personality. I wasn't raised to properly value my personality and I've always used I was borning. I just never felt confident in my self to express my real personality. THANK YOU
This person has a lot of valuable insights that have taken me years to realize (and am still realizing). This video is packed with tons of golden nuggets.
In the U.S. i feel like “how are you” is a formality, kind of like “hey how are you” in passing but is not actually an invitation for connection or conversation. It definitely depends on the setting though. If i’m in a social setting and someone sits next to me and asks “how are you” then that’s way different. I liked this video a lot very great food for thought and interesting (:
Really enjoyed this video! And I agree, silence is totally normal and something we have to get used to “life isn’t high school musical” 😂 My ex used to always tell me “you have nothing good to say” but I realized he was a judgmental ass
This helped me soooo much im constantly thinking the conversation is for them to walk away liking me and it is so draining , then i end up just not being myself and barely saying anything at all. This took so much pressure off man.
Value your opinion but handle disagreements accordingly
I’m so happy I came across this video!! I’m working on all of these points that you said.
Christina, the video was so entertaining and u are so friendly and amazing! Keep going, im sure the channel will grow in the best way!
thanks romina! this means so much
You explain things so beautifully, like you have the words for the things I could never articulate. I'm taking so many notes from you haha x
my worst part is my approach, I just am never able to do that part
Idk if it helps, but I always start by praising ppls clothing
It goes smt about: "Hey girl, this shirt looks so good on you, where did u get it from?"
This feels so good finally hearing something I relate to so strongly that I basically never hear anywhere else. I can’t tell you how much anxiety I’d get in college as a music major whenever there’d be a seminar in the concert hall, Omg how much stress it was thinking about the simple dilemma of where to sit & who to sit with & if everyone else will recognize that I don’t have friends cuz I’m sitting alone🤦♀️🤦♀️🤦♀️ & I always feel like I must be boring cuz I don’t know what to say to start conversations or make them become interesting
the way this spoke to my soul TYSM!
Thank you so much!
As a person aiming to be more social and outgoing, I surely could not ask for any better advices
watching this before going to have a walk with a girl I've only speaked to once. hope that will go well 🥹🤲
good luck !!
how did it go!!!
@hoshiwv it was really good! we both were nervous but had a really fun conversation and even some deep stuff was discussed
@@mnnnzz that sounds awesome!! good luckk😊😊😊
@@hoshiwv thankyuuu sm😭🤲
OMG GIRL THANK YOU! I couldn't ever summarize these things in my head, but it all makes sense now! I'll go talk to my buddy in school about this video, our favourite colours, shoes types and movies LMAO
Also the video itself is great, really love your speaking approach and background! ❤
Thank you so much, will be coming back to this often to remind myself 😊
ive seena few videos on topics like these but this one is really eye opening. i really dont think im shy or unavailable to talk or dont have a lot to say, but people probably run into walls trying to have the bare minimum with me. no wonder im confused why i cant make friends, i can have all the intentions in the world but im not playing ping pong😭😂 its a bit hard being mentally ill and very slow at times but i have a lot of self work to do! i feel inspired thank you.
I can relate. What’s helping me now is accepting that I’m usually slow and often miss social cues🥲 but I want people to like me with that and those who don’t, I also give them permission not to. I also have fear of being embarrassed
/laughed at because of how different I I may behave and in accepting this I’m learning that I don’t have a problem with myself but I just have a problem with the fact that people will have a problem with me for being this way. Im choosing to be vulnerable - being myself at any cost
I've always needed to hear this from someone but it never happened sadly, so I'm grateful this vid came up 💕
I needed this video my whole life
i'm glad it found u
This video feels like a degree in social skills, so precious, thank you!
I honestly love your videos so much and how comfortable and reassured you make us feel❤ but you just have to know your arms are bloody amazing like do you lift or something they look so toned 😭😭😭
I love your vibes and i related so much. I am not shy just was in the background letting my representative take control of the conversations. I'll try out your way. Thanks!
It's like i have conversational skills and i want to talk but i cannot force myself to care about the topics ppl are speaking about and when im trying to converse about something i dont care about i start to zone out like small talk for example i cannot stay focussed on what the other person is saying and this usually happens with ppl i ddont know or when there are 3 or more ppl
girl you are beautiful, glasses suit you so well. thank you for the video! i feel like i'm always freaking out when i'm left 1-1 with people because i never know what to say
Nice to see a video that described my feelings to a T. Nice to see people in the comment section that are experiencing how I feel. Thank you for the good advice.
you are amazing, best advice and literally just what i needed to hear!
thank you for this video, taking the time to shoot it and sharing your experiences!
learnt a lot just now, thank you!
Hii! Thank you for the video, I am really happy to see this topic in your videos, since I been feeling cringed or like a bad bad at talking person in some (most) of conversations with new people around, , about the positive affirmations, you say it’s cringey but for real, that’s also what works! just simply admitting I am a good person, was so much of a game change for me)) thank you so much for sharing this experience ! ❤
erm youre a genuis. Thank you for getting me out of my college slump. Cant wait to use these tips!!!
Thank you for your work 🥰. I recently saw someone that i really really wanted to talk to, but i was scared, so i didn't. I think it's finally time for improvement of my conversation skills.
I struggle with 2 things:
1) Don't want to share things back after asking. At the moment I don't have anything going in my life but before that I was just so paranoid about people knowing too much, me sharing too much.
2) I don't know how or why, still working on it, but I somehow give off "weak" vibes, that encourage people to either try to take advantage or hurt you or belittle you etc...
So I find myself just avoiding people in general and avoiding talking and just try to keep everyone at a distance
Girlie you have NO idea HOW MUCH I NEEDED THIS VIDEO 😭😭😭💕💕💕 And the way you are so polite and soft-spoken omg you calmed me down so much. Im an intj high school teen and ive had friends before but lost them and thrn just gave up on the idea of socializing. I went to school, never spoke to anyone literally and would sit in hidden corners of school during recess and read books. I just found conversation useless and boring and hurtful (cuz the more you talk and more people you talk to, more info. you give out about yourself and they can hurt you) also i wanted to be mysterious lol 😂 but now im in college and i REALLY wanna start talking to people. Atleast to get info about them and see whats going on in the real world. 😅