Do you want more information on why narcissists pick fights with you? Join me in my free webinar where I offer tips and tricks. Reserve your seat here. icanslay.com
Your guardian angel knows you better than you know yourself, and they’ve been waiting patiently for the perfect time to assist you. Rebecca, No It's cooperate double dipping which companies will only pass onto the consumer and add on as additional cost Facebook isn't a banking service. They are copying banking service rules, what would banks make of this, what would the government make of this, are they gonna provide any laws regarding Facebook when Facebook " pretends to be a bank, or a government and when governments allow this to happen, something is wrong. Is it to the point whereby a person actually need a finger print neckless or eye print to know who someone is now a days? They make paw prints over dogs, and people when they die now, so do they care or not, or simply charge another fee. That's what they do. And then tell me I'm cynical and need therapy? Not taking the bait.
They're perpetually bored, and they do it for entertainment. And to get you to react. Once you react, they proved to themselves that they still control you.
Great, thank you 👍 Also, if I may add...narcs also pick fights because they want to make you literally crazy, also because they want to inflict emotional pain, they want to see you in emotional distress/pain and the fights they pick serve a purpose to groom you to submit to whatever they want at the moment or in the long haul. These people are pretty sadistic and only God Himself can save them....so stay far, far away 🙏
Mine picked fights by volunteering to do things I needed done and then repeatedly not doing it and then even lying and saying they did it when I clearly saw with my eyes they didn’t and still doubling down for weeks at a time! Things I Needed done and could have just done myself 😮.
My wife to the "T"!! I have always thought my soon to be ex was a narcissist. This video hits home really hard. After blaming myself, I now have the understanding of all the behaviors she possesses which screams narcissist. I feel so much better just in the few videos I have watched so far.
My narcissistic partner does everything I ask her not to do. Example: Smoking in our bedroom and leaving food in our bed while I must follow her rules.
Mine will even turn on a dime when I happen to agree with her on something just so she can have a fight. No more... conversations are pointless and shallow now but I'm going to grayrock until it's over. I'll find new people to have real conversations from here on out.
Mine will accuse me of looking at other men. This has thrown me so much as I know I’m not doing it. I’ve got angry, cried all reactions. Made excuses for him. He’s insecure blah blah . He has been telling everyone that I do that. Saying I’m disrespecting & embarrassing him. I’m finally walking away. So much of what you’ve said had rung true . Thank you
My partner just done that with me accused me of looking at other women accusing me of disrespect denied it called a liar if I acknowledged it I’m an ogler, also accused me of flirting in front of her and with the body language of them “ throwing themselves at me” apparently it’s convenient I don’t know body language and I’m not aware I have a problem I need to change.
Good for you, you were able to walk away from the madness and chaos. They act like those clingy children that get mad if their parent gives attention to someone else.
It’s almost as if they enjoy being in a state of perpetual chaos, arguments, pain, depression. They thrive and feel alive in theses above areas. When things are calm and chill and happy they want to ruin this. It just does not feel right to them they need excitement and that excitement will come at the cost of your pain. You can not win no matter what you say or do! You can make the most heat felt elegant speech and show actions of love or you can go the other way and rage at them! Either way you will loose! It’s like playing a game with a kid that constantly changes the rules so they can win! There is no winning here. Most people wanna resolve and correct things and make them better. If they are hurt they want there partner to fix what hurt them and in turn they fix things there partner wants win win! With the narc it was always be loose loose! You can do exactly as they say you will be wrong! You can be quiet you will be wrong, then you talk because you are wrong for being quiet now you should shut up your wrong for talking! Theses people are mixed up six ways from Sunday and they will have you being the clown in there circuits and you will feel absolutely crazy and feel like your the narc or the bad one! There is no conflict resolution with them! There is only there one sided agenda and most of the time you will never know what that agenda is! They completely suck at communication and I can go on and on! Look the only way it will work is if they can by a miracle change! So I just suggest you pray! They will change for a bit and fly off the handle at you for something 1 year ago or the fact that the clouds are not in the right shape and it’s your fault lol 😂 it’s funny but it’s not. Week friends and family and help and vent but don’t seek revenge or try to hurt this person back. They are already hurting themself and others more than they ever may realize in their life. I wonder of in there last moments will they ever see any of this! Non of us are perfect and when pushed to our limits we all do things we regret but narcs don’t regret, they just flat out don’t care there impulsive and dangerous to any longevity or sustainable loving relationship! It’s not you so god speed and find the one who loves you and when things get bad they still do love you. It’s hard out there but don’t ever give up! I’d rather die trying to have the best life possible than to give up! The only shot you miss is the one you don’t take!
NOT taking the bait! My narcissist picked a fight with me over the window being open, we had issues in the past where I yelled and he didn’t want others hearing it. Understandable. Well TODAY was different I left the window open to air out our stuffy room and he started a big fight saying he doesn’t want others in our business but I hadn’t even slightly raised my voice I was just cleaning. It’s like he wants full control and when I defend myself his response was “see black women are all the same”. It’s so exhausting. Here you are sticking up for yourself and you’re made out to be an issue for it. It’s like I have to watch how I respond constantly while he insults me and it’s sooooo tiring.
I'm seperated from my narc husband and over the last year he constantly accuses me of cheating on him. The last thing I want is another relationship. It's to the point where I just laugh at his accusations or start ignoring his crazy texts. Then he says, "Now I have proof because you are hiding from my texts, that means you are guilty of cheating!"
If you're separated aren't you allowed to be in another relationship? But I get not wanting to be. They'll accuse you of guilt no matter what you do. I left mine and he kept begging me to stay. Even without sex, even suggested an open relationship. None of those would solve the problems!!
@scepticalsockpuppet9800 I believe that! I even said that to him and now he has turned it around and now even sais that I accuse him of cheating and that is a dead giveaway that I must be cheating LOL
@@1001Stars I live in a no fault state, so divorce is always just "irreconcilable differences". My lawyers said cheating doesn't matter. Unless I can prove that he's using community property funds to spend on these other women. Well it's difficult when he was just cashing his paychecks and there's no paper trail. If you had a prenup where cheating was a deal breaker that gives the victim some benefit maybe? Mine refused to discuss prenup. Wish I could do it over I had no idea what evil I was dealing with. I have some evidence he got a disease with no cure, glad I don't have it. But I never used that against him. Should have
Currently going through this with my in laws! 🙋🏻♀️😂 I didn’t even know there was an issue until 2 flying monkeys told us. According to the monkey, it’s because I didn’t say hi to them in a certain way. Obviously, it’s just an excuse over something else they’re really upset about. I think they can sense that I’ve emotionally detached. I will always be a good girl at heart but realized that my mental health/peace are more important. My health has gone down hill trying to be a good daughter in law but would hurt when it wasn’t appreciated or reciprocated. Now that I’m not under their thumb, they’re picking these fights that I am not aware of 😮😂
Question/comment: It is so weird how the actions, tactics, words, and reactions of those with this personality type can be so consistent. How do they all learn the same ways to control, etc.?
I told my ex narc ‘ you cause conflict deliberately because you enjoy it!’ He also would fly off the handle and devalue me whenever I questioned him on something he was trying to hide. So toxic.
Not taking the Bait....he just pick a fight last night. Watching a movie , and he begin to commune with me , and because my opinion or view wasn't in agreement with his, he start gaslighting , screaming , hollering, cursing and when i reacted , he instantly became the victim . And said I was disrespecting him in his house because my view was different. He begin to bully and accuse me of disrespect. Start claiming I was creating drama in his house. When I was simply sitting on the couch in peace , enjoying the movie , until he picked a fight. I think his other supply was upset because she was constantly calling , but he wouldn't answer his phone because I was there at the house. I think she was telling him off in text because he would not answer his phone. Smh, same games same patterns with him
When I was going through it all , well I journaled. Recorded conversations, then put conversations in journal, applied statistical process to dind and understand patterns. Anger control counseling was a plus in identifying issues ,,causes, solutions. I practiced grey rocking all the narssist , hoovers, flying monkeys. And i did not know the word narssist, hoover, monkey , grey rocking. But i had my own terms, just like expressing different levels of anger, not everyone uses same words for each level 1 to 10 . Ten being irrate which for me was crazy level boardering on insanity out of control. That does not happen any more, but i still keep my ears open .
Just had mediation. He was trying to get a rise out of me by saying “ and it’s all my money”. Believe me staying with a narc 24 yr going through his many yrs of addiction recovery. I worked also. I EARNED EVERY PENNY STAYING WITH THIS PERSON. He’s desperate , has charged up all kinds of stuff. We finished mediation today. I have my house back & a portion of investments. The narc has totally been abandoned.
Thank so much for this Rebecca, You're absolutely beautiful, I'm not taking the bait, Peace, love to you and everyone, Thank you universe 😊⚘️🥰💞😁🤍♾️🐈⬛👁🌌🧿💫🐺🐺🦄✨️😃💎🛸🧝♀️😊⚘️
Literally like a cycle. Can feel it coming. First comes antagonisms until they get you to react. Followed by no accountability or flat out denial it ever even happened. Concluded by sadness, confusion and exhaustion for the victim....ask me how I know these things. Lol
it's also projection, someone else needs to be the bad person, because their false self cannot possibly be bad, and so they pretend to be good while making you look bad.It is the old adage, a good defense is a strong offense. They trick you in to thinking you have so many flaws, while they have none. Of course, we all have flaws. I think it is important to not defend yourself verbally. I think it is better to admit you are not perfect to the narcissist, and to tell them you never will be perfect. This throws narcissists off balance, because they assume everyone else are narcissists, so when they hear a non narcissist tell them they are not perfect, they don't quite understand why someone would admit to that, as they assume everyone else is trying to protect their false perfect self, when most people have no interest in pretending to be perfect. Also, maintaining a stoic non caring demeanor to narcissist verbal attacks disarms them, they are not getting the emotional reactions they are expecting from you, making them feel ineffective in their verbal abuse. Lastly, they feel super entitled to say and do whatever they want to you, and since they see you as inferior to them, you do not have the same rights.. and they are highly competitive, meaning they must win and that means you have to lose. There is no equality. Don't play the game, they are much better at it, they have been doing it their entire lives, and they enjoy it.
So they've been picking fights with me for a while... the last time they picked a fight I instinctively said "lets focus on solutions"... This video made me so super proud of my growth. I focused on resolution and they blew up raisng their voice etc and then when they saw I was still calm they paused and made their excuses to get off the phone. Then began silent treatment. I ended it because I know my value and time is too precious.
Not taking the bait! Not doing it any more because, as my friend puts it, he gets off on making me upset. He loved to try to pick on me when I was tired after I worked a long day and he had slept until 2 pm.
I have experience going head to head with a maniacle narcissist. I play to win. If they think they are going to manipulate me, they got a whole other thing coming...
I moved out of his way ( which I thought he was going to yell at me for being in ) to get to his work crate and really he wanted a kiss.. in which I would not have known because he was giving me mostly silent treatment for a week and didn’t come near me kiss hug or touch me, and he picked a fight with me. 😮
My Ex Covert started a fight, total gas lighting, out of the blue, then asked for a “break” so that she could explore some new, Supply. As soon as I left her place, someone new walked in. So know that there are always reasons why they start fights, it is not by chance, and in the end, it is always all our fault. DO NOT FIGHT BACK! EVER! STAY CALM. DONT TAKE THE BAIT! THEN THE FIRST CHANCE YOU HAVE……RUN! GO DARK. NO CONTACT.
Oh my gosh I had hurt my back and was in excruciating pain, it hurt to the point of tears just to move. My fiancé had been staying with me to help me and I was beginning to improve some but still could barely fend for myself and this man who had told me he was in it for the long haul and that he would take care of me for the rest of my life suddenly decided I was not getting better fast enough and picked a fight with me saying that I had “failed to notice how hard it was for HIM being in a caretaker role”. I was like, excuse me?! Really? He kept on and on, how I had not thanked him for coming to be with me, etc so I told him if he didn’t want to be with me there’s the door, get out. I think that shocked him but I meant it. And I told him if he left I was ending our engagement and our relationship for good and he chose to leave. I would have not left a dog in the situation he left me in, barely able to care for myself, but I dodged a HUGE bullet there. This had been a three year relationship where he had picked fights and sabotaged our relationship on the average every 4-5 mos. I truly loved him so I would always go back to him but he finally destroyed my love forever. Later I found out he went straight home and hired a contractor to build a garage onto his property so he could buy the antique car he had always wanted. He was dating someone else within three months.
I did and she kicked me out. Days before it happened she kept saying to me, you wont be able to hold it, you better start getting ready to get out because i know you wont make it. My nerves couldn’t hold it and i did defend myself. I did it. I took the bait.
When i was out with my Histrionic ex she’d throw an extremely suggestive glance at a man then walk off leaving you with the man or if she felt safer she’d try to not involve you in the conversation so that she’d treat you like her kid brother. This disrespect became soo extreme that i had to just walk off and explain that the ‘relationship’ just wasn’t stable enough to be putting commitment to her. Her tantrum would put a three year old to shame she’d pick up objects but it would only be a matter of time and comfort before the projectile would be thrown at me. Any attempt at negotiation or reasonableness was out the window.
Also, it takes them longer to respond when you don’t follow their “script” when they’re being abusive. Stand your ground and stay strong. It’s just words that are completely meaningless. I can assure you it feels very empowering when you make them sweat.
I am a Bible scholar and my newly converted narc will randomly walk up on me and argue the polar opposite of what I believel. I just look at him and say, "what are you trying to do here?" and I shake my head and he walks away. NOT TAKING THE BAIT!
Wow, spot on Rebbecca. Everything you said was correct. I went through the same thing. I was critizesed and blamed. And tried to control me. So I pulled her up about it. And turfed her out. I told her to pak her belongings and in the morning you can leave and don't come back. She was playing me cause I found out she was having sex with others. And thought she could have one ove me. I lost it and told her we are done. Just go.
I'm hooked in the throat by my abusers. Stuck in a bucket with a lid and running out of air fast. My list is far too long for a comment. It's sad to say that I doubt that I'll live through it. I wish I had seen this twenty years ago.
Mine picked on me tonight. He is bored in his job, so he decided that he would be rude and antagonistic toward me.....its a form of entertainment for him. I was actually doing his ironing, but because I wasn't paying him any attention, he went up to bed in a sulk. I'm enjoying the temporary peace.
He picked a fight and I still don’t know why. I asked if he wanted to talk about it, he said he didn’t want to talk about it. He eventually ended up getting mad because I let it go. Stormed out of the house and slammed the door saying I didn’t want him here. Told me he wished me the best. I was confused. Then I decided to block all contact. I don’t need that kind of energy.
I understatement! I am not taking the bait. The narc picked fights with me over minor things AFTER I REFUSED TO BE CONTROLED ABOUT AN HOUR AGO! The narcistisch remmers when 6ou upset him and will get back on you EVERY TIME HE GETS A CHANCE!
Thank you I have learned a lot from your videos my brother is a Narcissist he has put me through hell but I learned a lot from all these videos I have cut all ties with him
My narc mother-in-law is always wonderful to other people but once we are alone she picks fights over everything. She also mistreats my son. She picks on him needlessly. I have learned to think about something else entirely when she talks to me. I tune her out and I either read or play on my phone. Occasionally I nod and look at her. This technique gives me a reprieve.
In my case I have numerous people illegally watching me in the privacy of my apartment. What they do is have tenants make stomping noises to first irritate me all day, and when I don't show frustration they start making noise in triggering ways like when Ive logged on to my social media the moment I'm logged in they'll start making noises. They use cars to make noise at triggering times. Basically they pick fights with me by making a bunch of noise to show I'm being illegally watched and that they want to always keep me in low vibrational state of mind. They use voice to skull to criticize me and respond to everything I'm doing all day. Unwanted communication all day is how they annoy and pick fights with me. Electronic harassment is another way they pick fights with me all day. Especially when I'm not engaging with them then they start messing with my phone to try and get my attention that way to pick a fight. To be specific about how they use noise to harass me, they'll wait until they feel I should be eating and will start making the fridge make these popping noises. If I don't eat when they feel I should the fridge will continue to make this noise at very annoying rate. You can tell this is being remotely done by these stalkers because when I do eat the fridge doesn't make that noise. It's taunting. Honestly if I go long time without showing any frustration to their constant agitation then they do darker things like turn my apartment lights off or use witchcraft to make me cough chronically, and if I still don't show frustration they make me vomit, and if that don't work they start the cycle all over again to pick fights with me. And you can tell it's being done purposely because when I'm showing any type of frustration the noise and the harassment tactics stop until I get back calm then they start back with harassment tactics. This picking fights with me happen all day and has been going on for years!!! View my instagram @tsktskteaser
Good Morning everyone!! Just wanted to say that the narc has tried to pick 3 totally different topic fights this glorious morning !! WOW!! This happens often.. BUT I've learned to snuff the flame by saying "I hate you feel that way" and "If that's what you believe". There's no reaction from me other than to keep singing and talking to the little maltipoo...AND one of the fight picking topics included how stupid my idea is to want to go for a hike/walk today.! That I have the DUMBEST ideas and ridiculous way of thinking ! See , Ive been on a healthy diet for over a month and have lost 11 lbs and I'm working out. He can't commit to doing the same eventho it would be beneficial to him. What a Butt (putting it nicely) he is most of the time !!! ✌🏼 hanging in there !!!!
If you don’t take the bait they just get worse and worse until you take it. They will find some way to punish you or hurt you. You just cant get them to say ok let’s be better and do better and come to a mutual agreement. They don’t want that they want pain and suffrage and they most of all want to see you suffer. In the end they will also suffer. They don’t see they are leading themselves and there significant other to doom and gloom instead of trying to correct the issues and compromise and be a good person.
@@cymbolichuman433 😃 It takes a hell of a lot of practice to hold back an instant retort (usually thoughtless), get comfortable in the silence, and come back with something like this! 🤝
Not taking the bait! My narcissist didn't invite me to Thanksgiving as I had told her a negative comment someone made toward her the month before, I the comment. I needed to be punished as I heard the negative comment. My response was "what did I do wrong that I'm not invited to Thanksgiving?" Her reply was, your comment last month! I said, I ignored it. So I'm not invited???
Good afternoon when he starts to pick a fight I don't respond I take care of his mother so I have to be mother 79 and she doesn't trust anybody walk away
I just asked one question, it went south there. At this point it's been total silence treatment. Here someone I have been with for 30 years. I'm leaving 😂.
I am not taking the bait. I am not a fisherman. 😅 My narc picked fights with me over hair on the floor, I didn't have a certain tone, I didn't stop what I am doing to help them...etc.
NOT TAKING THE BAIT ANYMORE. My 42-year old narcissist husband picks fights when something goes wrong in his life like he did not get the work promotion he wanted or he lost money on something or he is burning out from being a caregiver to his covert narcissistic mother. I can no longer be his emotional punching bag. Fortunately, I was in a long-distance marriage and have never lived with him. I was too scared to move to his city to live with him after seeing his emotionally abusive ways from phone calls and visits. One day his cover narcissistic mother lashed out at me and he took her side. Now, we do not even speak so I am separated from him. We had one last argument and never spoke again. That was 8 months ago ago. We are still married on paper. I miss being in a relationship bc I always wanted to be married but I can not settle for the "crumbs from underneath the table". He has a pattern of being "good" for 2 weeks then picking a fight like clockwork. Then he'd accuse me of being controllling or a dictator when I stick up for myself. Pure gaslighting. I am running to save myself. Unfortunately, we did IVF and we have embryos together that I don't know what to do with because I don't want to be tied to him for the rest of my life but it's my last chance at being a biological mother. I guess if I had kids with him, I'd have to learn how not to take the bait and even enter arguments with him. If anyone has any thoughts about this, please let me know!
I know they will pick a fight to make him mad enough to leave so she could cheat and tell herself they were broken up at the time so it wasn't cheating. This person when showed evidence of cheating she claimed he was abusing her by his false accusations" so every time he caught her that became another instance of him abusing her. She even has her therapist crying when she hears of the abuse she is enduring.Playing the victim really convincingly.
Do you want more information on why narcissists pick fights with you? Join me in my free webinar where I offer tips and tricks. Reserve your seat here. icanslay.com
I'll see you all there!
Your guardian angel knows you better than you know yourself, and they’ve been waiting patiently for the perfect time to assist you. Rebecca, No It's cooperate double dipping which companies will only pass onto the consumer and add on as additional cost Facebook isn't a banking service. They are copying banking service rules, what would banks make of this, what would the government make of this, are they gonna provide any laws regarding Facebook when Facebook " pretends to be a bank, or a government and when governments allow this to happen, something is wrong. Is it to the point whereby a person actually need a finger print neckless or eye print to know who someone is now a days? They make paw prints over dogs, and people when they die now, so do they care or not, or simply charge another fee. That's what they do. And then tell me I'm cynical and need therapy? Not taking the bait.
they smile when they insult you and when u get angry
They get "calm" when you get angry. Just about everytime in my experience.
So true!!
Or when your not listening they try to scare you by using raised voices or outbursts.
They're perpetually bored, and they do it for entertainment. And to get you to react. Once you react, they proved to themselves that they still control you.
@@quantummechanicalengineeri7016 True
Yes, I've experienced that.
They target you because of your high value!!!
How are you doing now? Hope you're feeling well and getting your power back! 💪
This might help - slay.rebeccazung.com/
❤❤❤
Accusing me of being a liar, NO CONTACT
My narcissist picks fights when he’s guilty of something always
I’m starting to think they do this to distract you from the truth. Mine used to start a fight over me not being “happy enough” like huh
Thats so true
They're so predictable and don't even know they tell on themselves.
They want a reaction that simple
When you don't take the bait they get confused. They are not used to it, surprised, and a little disappointed.
Jekyll and Hyde..a different face to the outside world!
Whew the accuracy
House devil street angel
WOW!!!! My sister to a "T" !!!!!!!/
Great, thank you 👍
Also, if I may add...narcs also pick fights because they want to make you literally crazy, also because they want to inflict emotional pain, they want to see you in emotional distress/pain and the fights they pick serve a purpose to groom you to submit to whatever they want at the moment or in the long haul.
These people are pretty sadistic and only God Himself can save them....so stay far, far away 🙏
And why they want to make you crazy, so you support what they told everyone about you.
Mine picked fights by volunteering to do things I needed done and then repeatedly not doing it and then even lying and saying they did it when I clearly saw with my eyes they didn’t and still doubling down for weeks at a time! Things I Needed done and could have just done myself 😮.
My wife to the "T"!! I have always thought my soon to be ex was a narcissist. This video hits home really hard.
After blaming myself, I now have the understanding of all the behaviors she possesses which screams narcissist. I feel so much better just in the few videos I have watched so far.
Why would you ever marry her if you ALWYS knew she was a narc?
AFTER the marriage. How is your reply constructive??
They want to get you to react, a form of supply. They also want to get evidence against you, either by what you say or do in response. Zip it! 🤐
true!!!
Yes that's true, I know better to avoid the arguments but sometimes I can't help it and mother in law records me everytime I'm upset.
Not taking the bait! I didn't take the bait today with my narcissist, I just agreed with everything he was saying and he got upset 😂
How are you doing now? Hope you're feeling well and getting your power back! 💪
This might help - slay.rebeccazung.com/
Don't even reply to the narcissist
My narcissistic partner does everything I ask her not to do.
Example: Smoking in our bedroom and leaving food in our bed while I must follow her rules.
I texted mine “we still on for tonight?”
4 day fight over this.
ignoring you , pretending they ansewed you when they didnt, and raging when you point out you did not hear them ansew.
Mine will even turn on a dime when I happen to agree with her on something just so she can have a fight. No more... conversations are pointless and shallow now but I'm going to grayrock until it's over. I'll find new people to have real conversations from here on out.
I am the mother of a woman in a narcissist relationship trying to learn all I can to help. You have been so helpful. Thank you with all of my heart
Check out Dr. Ramani’s channel on TH-cam also. Her content will blow your mind.
I'm happy to help Georgette! Sending you light and virtual hugs.💗
@@RebeccaZungEsq g
When your attractive, intelligent, talented, they target you, f them up,like I do....
They leave out the precursor to the reaction when they tell their tales.
I tell my NAC all the time, you start the story at the end and leave off the catalyst
Mine will accuse me of looking at other men.
This has thrown me so much as I know I’m not doing it. I’ve got angry, cried all reactions. Made excuses for him. He’s insecure blah blah . He has been telling everyone that I do that. Saying I’m disrespecting & embarrassing him. I’m finally walking away. So much of what you’ve said had rung true . Thank you
My partner just done that with me accused me of looking at other women accusing me of disrespect denied it called a liar if I acknowledged it I’m an ogler, also accused me of flirting in front of her and with the body language of them “ throwing themselves at me” apparently it’s convenient I don’t know body language and I’m not aware I have a problem I need to change.
Good for you, you were able to walk away from the madness and chaos. They act like those clingy children that get mad if their parent gives attention to someone else.
It’s almost as if they enjoy being in a state of perpetual chaos, arguments, pain, depression. They thrive and feel alive in theses above areas. When things are calm and chill and happy they want to ruin this. It just does not feel right to them they need excitement and that excitement will come at the cost of your pain. You can not win no matter what you say or do! You can make the most heat felt elegant speech and show actions of love or you can go the other way and rage at them! Either way you will loose! It’s like playing a game with a kid that constantly changes the rules so they can win! There is no winning here. Most people wanna resolve and correct things and make them better. If they are hurt they want there partner to fix what hurt them and in turn they fix things there partner wants win win! With the narc it was always be loose loose! You can do exactly as they say you will be wrong! You can be quiet you will be wrong, then you talk because you are wrong for being quiet now you should shut up your wrong for talking! Theses people are mixed up six ways from Sunday and they will have you being the clown in there circuits and you will feel absolutely crazy and feel like your the narc or the bad one! There is no conflict resolution with them! There is only there one sided agenda and most of the time you will never know what that agenda is! They completely suck at communication and I can go on and on! Look the only way it will work is if they can by a miracle change! So I just suggest you pray! They will change for a bit and fly off the handle at you for something 1 year ago or the fact that the clouds are not in the right shape and it’s your fault lol 😂 it’s funny but it’s not. Week friends and family and help and vent but don’t seek revenge or try to hurt this person back. They are already hurting themself and others more than they ever may realize in their life. I wonder of in there last moments will they ever see any of this! Non of us are perfect and when pushed to our limits we all do things we regret but narcs don’t regret, they just flat out don’t care there impulsive and dangerous to any longevity or sustainable loving relationship! It’s not you so god speed and find the one who loves you and when things get bad they still do love you. It’s hard out there but don’t ever give up! I’d rather die trying to have the best life possible than to give up! The only shot you miss is the one you don’t take!
Not taking the bait! Thank you for all of your amazing advice. You've helped me have courage and change my life.
They often are trying to build a case to support their world, aah the source.
How are you doing now? Hope you're feeling well and getting your power back! 💪
This might help - slay.rebeccazung.com/
NOT taking the bait! My narcissist picked a fight with me over the window being open, we had issues in the past where I yelled and he didn’t want others hearing it. Understandable. Well TODAY was different I left the window open to air out our stuffy room and he started a big fight saying he doesn’t want others in our business but I hadn’t even slightly raised my voice I was just cleaning. It’s like he wants full control and when I defend myself his response was “see black women are all the same”. It’s so exhausting. Here you are sticking up for yourself and you’re made out to be an issue for it. It’s like I have to watch how I respond constantly while he insults me and it’s sooooo tiring.
Are you still with them?
My cousin was a professor at a junior college and a State College.
He has a way of belittling students
So they stole his car and burned.
I'm seperated from my narc husband and over the last year he constantly accuses me of cheating on him. The last thing I want is another relationship. It's to the point where I just laugh at his accusations or start ignoring his crazy texts. Then he says, "Now I have proof because you are hiding from my texts, that means you are guilty of cheating!"
Absolutely he is the one cheating!!!! Run fast!!!! They love to have unprotected sex!!!
If you're separated aren't you allowed to be in another relationship? But I get not wanting to be. They'll accuse you of guilt no matter what you do. I left mine and he kept begging me to stay. Even without sex, even suggested an open relationship. None of those would solve the problems!!
@recoveringsoul755 we aren't divorced yet and I think that he believes it will help him win more assets if he can claim I'm cheating to the judge
@scepticalsockpuppet9800 I believe that! I even said that to him and now he has turned it around and now even sais that I accuse him of cheating and that is a dead giveaway that I must be cheating LOL
@@1001Stars I live in a no fault state, so divorce is always just "irreconcilable differences". My lawyers said cheating doesn't matter. Unless I can prove that he's using community property funds to spend on these other women. Well it's difficult when he was just cashing his paychecks and there's no paper trail. If you had a prenup where cheating was a deal breaker that gives the victim some benefit maybe? Mine refused to discuss prenup. Wish I could do it over I had no idea what evil I was dealing with. I have some evidence he got a disease with no cure, glad I don't have it. But I never used that against him. Should have
Currently going through this with my in laws! 🙋🏻♀️😂 I didn’t even know there was an issue until 2 flying monkeys told us. According to the monkey, it’s because I didn’t say hi to them in a certain way. Obviously, it’s just an excuse over something else they’re really upset about. I think they can sense that I’ve emotionally detached. I will always be a good girl at heart but realized that my mental health/peace are more important. My health has gone down hill trying to be a good daughter in law but would hurt when it wasn’t appreciated or reciprocated. Now that I’m not under their thumb, they’re picking these fights that I am not aware of 😮😂
This just confirms what I've been doing for a while, I just remain calm when he's in a rage
Stay strong! ❤
Question/comment: It is so weird how the actions, tactics, words, and reactions of those with this personality type can be so consistent. How do they all learn the same ways to control, etc.?
It’s spiritual.
My mom....I never see her cry....she will just watch if you cry your 💓 out...no feeling...no emotion...just a stone...
I told my ex narc
‘ you cause conflict deliberately because you enjoy it!’
He also would fly off the handle and devalue me whenever I questioned him on something he was trying to hide. So toxic.
Not taking the Bait....he just pick a fight last night. Watching a movie , and he begin to commune with me , and because my opinion or view wasn't in agreement with his, he start gaslighting , screaming , hollering, cursing and when i reacted , he instantly became the victim . And said I was disrespecting him in his house because my view was different. He begin to bully and accuse me of disrespect. Start claiming I was creating drama in his house. When I was simply sitting on the couch in peace , enjoying the movie , until he picked a fight. I think his other supply was upset because she was constantly calling , but he wouldn't answer his phone because I was there at the house. I think she was telling him off in text because he would not answer his phone. Smh, same games same patterns with him
I am not taking the bait. OH LORD HELP ME I'M NOT TAKING THE BAIT!!!
Don't! Omg
When I was going through it all , well I journaled. Recorded conversations, then put conversations in journal, applied statistical process to dind and understand patterns.
Anger control counseling was a plus in identifying issues ,,causes, solutions.
I practiced grey rocking all the narssist , hoovers, flying monkeys.
And i did not know the word narssist, hoover, monkey , grey rocking.
But i had my own terms, just like expressing different levels of anger, not everyone uses same words for each level 1 to 10 . Ten being irrate which for me was crazy level boardering on insanity out of control.
That does not happen any more, but i still keep my ears open .
Mine finally gave up after I grey rock'd the hell out of her. She knows I'm back in control of my life now.
Awesome Chris! You got this! 💪
Just had mediation. He was trying to get a rise out of me by saying “ and it’s all my money”.
Believe me staying with a narc 24 yr going through his many yrs of addiction recovery. I worked also.
I EARNED EVERY PENNY STAYING WITH THIS PERSON. He’s desperate , has charged up all kinds of stuff.
We finished mediation today. I have my house back & a portion of investments.
The narc has totally been abandoned.
Thank you, I learn and follow!
Glad to be helping, stay strong! 💪
Hell NO!
Learning and moving on. He always told me I'd never find anyone better.
I hope you're now in a much better situation Melinda. Stay strong over there! 🙌
Thank so much for this Rebecca, You're absolutely beautiful, I'm not taking the bait, Peace, love to you and everyone, Thank you universe 😊⚘️🥰💞😁🤍♾️🐈⬛👁🌌🧿💫🐺🐺🦄✨️😃💎🛸🧝♀️😊⚘️
Literally like a cycle. Can feel it coming. First comes antagonisms until they get you to react. Followed by no accountability or flat out denial it ever even happened. Concluded by sadness, confusion and exhaustion for the victim....ask me how I know these things. Lol
Thank you for sharing. Helpful words.
💐🌹
You are so welcome! sending you love! ❤
it's also projection, someone else needs to be the bad person, because their false self cannot possibly be bad, and so they pretend to be good while making you look bad.It is the old adage, a good defense is a strong offense. They trick you in to thinking you have so many flaws, while they have none. Of course, we all have flaws. I think it is important to not defend yourself verbally. I think it is better to admit you are not perfect to the narcissist, and to tell them you never will be perfect. This throws narcissists off balance, because they assume everyone else are narcissists, so when they hear a non narcissist tell them they are not perfect, they don't quite understand why someone would admit to that, as they assume everyone else is trying to protect their false perfect self, when most people have no interest in pretending to be perfect. Also, maintaining a stoic non caring demeanor to narcissist verbal attacks disarms them, they are not getting the emotional reactions they are expecting from you, making them feel ineffective in their verbal abuse. Lastly, they feel super entitled to say and do whatever they want to you, and since they see you as inferior to them, you do not have the same rights.. and they are highly competitive, meaning they must win and that means you have to lose. There is no equality. Don't play the game, they are much better at it, they have been doing it their entire lives, and they enjoy it.
So they've been picking fights with me for a while... the last time they picked a fight I instinctively said "lets focus on solutions"...
This video made me so super proud of my growth. I focused on resolution and they blew up raisng their voice etc and then when they saw I was still calm they paused and made their excuses to get off the phone. Then began silent treatment. I ended it because I know my value and time is too precious.
It is and it's sad they are like this.
If this is the case. I believe that trying to negotiate a divorce will NOT work with a Narcissist only COURT!
Not taking the bait! Not doing it any more because, as my friend puts it, he gets off on making me upset. He loved to try to pick on me when I was tired after I worked a long day and he had slept until 2 pm.
I have experience going head to head with a maniacle narcissist. I play to win.
If they think they are going to manipulate me, they got a whole other thing coming...
the risk of some gaudy sadistic revenge just isnt worth it imho
Thanks for the captchas. Makes it easier for me to hide watching your content.
Not taking the bait!! Thank you for video.
You got this! 🙌
I moved out of his way ( which I thought he was going to yell at me for being in ) to get to his work crate and really he wanted a kiss.. in which I would not have known because he was giving me mostly silent treatment for a week and didn’t come near me kiss hug or touch me, and he picked a fight with me. 😮
My Ex Covert started a fight, total gas lighting, out of the blue, then asked for a “break” so that she could explore some new, Supply. As soon as I left her place, someone new walked in. So know that there are always reasons why they start fights, it is not by chance, and in the end, it is always all our fault.
DO NOT FIGHT BACK! EVER! STAY CALM. DONT TAKE THE BAIT! THEN THE FIRST CHANCE YOU HAVE……RUN! GO DARK. NO CONTACT.
And my ex husband did all of that to me and my children. Sick 🤮 evil 🤢 BAD BAD BAD!!!!!!
GREAT VIDEO REBECCA !!!! THANK YOU SO MUCH I LEARNED SO MUCH.
Definitely not taking the bait
Louder Kathy! 👏
Oh my gosh I had hurt my back and was in excruciating pain, it hurt to the point of tears just to move. My fiancé had been staying with me to help me and I was beginning to improve some but still could barely fend for myself and this man who had told me he was in it for the long haul and that he would take care of me for the rest of my life suddenly decided I was not getting better fast enough and picked a fight with me saying that I had “failed to notice how hard it was for HIM being in a caretaker role”. I was like, excuse me?! Really? He kept on and on, how I had not thanked him for coming to be with me, etc so I told him if he didn’t want to be with me there’s the door, get out. I think that shocked him but I meant it. And I told him if he left I was ending our engagement and our relationship for good and he chose to leave. I would have not left a dog in the situation he left me in, barely able to care for myself, but I dodged a HUGE bullet there. This had been a three year relationship where he had picked fights and sabotaged our relationship on the average every 4-5 mos. I truly loved him so I would always go back to him but he finally destroyed my love forever. Later I found out he went straight home and hired a contractor to build a garage onto his property so he could buy the antique car he had always wanted. He was dating someone else within three months.
I did and she kicked me out. Days before it happened she kept saying to me, you wont be able to hold it, you better start getting ready to get out because i know you wont make it. My nerves couldn’t hold it and i did defend myself. I did it. I took the bait.
I am not taking the bait!!!
Totally agree!
When i was out with my Histrionic ex she’d throw an extremely suggestive glance at a man then walk off leaving you with the man or if she felt safer she’d try to not involve you in the conversation so that she’d treat you like her kid brother. This disrespect became soo extreme that i had to just walk off and explain that the ‘relationship’ just wasn’t stable enough to be putting commitment to her. Her tantrum would put a three year old to shame she’d pick up objects but it would only be a matter of time and comfort before the projectile would be thrown at me. Any attempt at negotiation or reasonableness was out the window.
Also, it takes them longer to respond when you don’t follow their “script” when they’re being abusive. Stand your ground and stay strong. It’s just words that are completely meaningless. I can assure you it feels very empowering when you make them sweat.
Not taking the bait! I'm learning to make myself leave the premises and walk away.
I am a Bible scholar and my newly converted narc will randomly walk up on me and argue the polar opposite of what I believel. I just look at him and say, "what are you trying to do here?" and I shake my head and he walks away. NOT TAKING THE BAIT!
Wow, spot on Rebbecca. Everything you said was correct. I went through the same thing. I was critizesed and blamed. And tried to control me. So I pulled her up about it. And turfed her out. I told her to pak her belongings and in the morning you can leave and don't come back. She was playing me cause I found out she was having sex with others. And thought she could have one ove me. I lost it and told her we are done. Just go.
Silence hurts them more. Not taking the bait! 😂
The only way to calm then down is to get more upset about whatever it is than they are.
It's psychotic really...a perfectly good day and it's like THAT pisses him off. So let's F. with someone...😓
NOT taking the bait! That’s why he got away! I wouldn’t bite.
I'm hooked in the throat by my abusers. Stuck in a bucket with a lid and running out of air fast. My list is far too long for a comment. It's sad to say that I doubt that I'll live through it. I wish I had seen this twenty years ago.
Mine picked on me tonight. He is bored in his job, so he decided that he would be rude and antagonistic toward me.....its a form of entertainment for him. I was actually doing his ironing, but because I wasn't paying him any attention, he went up to bed in a sulk. I'm enjoying the temporary peace.
He picked a fight and I still don’t know why. I asked if he wanted to talk about it, he said he didn’t want to talk about it. He eventually ended up getting mad because I let it go. Stormed out of the house and slammed the door saying I didn’t want him here. Told me he wished me the best. I was confused. Then I decided to block all contact. I don’t need that kind of energy.
I didn't take the bait... I gone grey rocking
The silent treatment…….is quite effective……about done 25yrs but two awesome sons.
"Are you still under their thumb?" Under My Thumb by The Rolling Stones. Ubiquitous ... just my take ... thanks Rebecca for your insight
I'm. Not taking the bait !
Mine loved to start conflict literally as I was walking out the door to work.
I understatement! I am not taking the bait. The narc picked fights with me over minor things AFTER I REFUSED TO BE CONTROLED ABOUT AN HOUR AGO! The narcistisch remmers when 6ou upset him and will get back on you EVERY TIME HE GETS A CHANCE!
Thank you I have learned a lot from your videos my brother is a Narcissist he has put me through hell but I learned a lot from all these videos I have cut all ties with him
I hope you're now in a much better situation. Sending you light!
Not taking the bait. For sure.
You got this! 💪
Once I started to cry in the argument my ex would say now I feel like you love me….😢
That is so sick omg 😷
Ughh! Exactly like that example Rebecca gave of a kid with a pin making the earthworm squirm! 😡
😨😵😡
My narc mother-in-law is always wonderful to other people but once we are alone she picks fights over everything. She also mistreats my son. She picks on him needlessly. I have learned to think about something else entirely when she talks to me. I tune her out and I either read or play on my phone. Occasionally I nod and look at her. This technique gives me a reprieve.
In my case I have numerous people illegally watching me in the privacy of my apartment. What they do is have tenants make stomping noises to first irritate me all day, and when I don't show frustration they start making noise in triggering ways like when Ive logged on to my social media the moment I'm logged in they'll start making noises. They use cars to make noise at triggering times. Basically they pick fights with me by making a bunch of noise to show I'm being illegally watched and that they want to always keep me in low vibrational state of mind. They use voice to skull to criticize me and respond to everything I'm doing all day. Unwanted communication all day is how they annoy and pick fights with me. Electronic harassment is another way they pick fights with me all day. Especially when I'm not engaging with them then they start messing with my phone to try and get my attention that way to pick a fight. To be specific about how they use noise to harass me, they'll wait until they feel I should be eating and will start making the fridge make these popping noises. If I don't eat when they feel I should the fridge will continue to make this noise at very annoying rate. You can tell this is being remotely done by these stalkers because when I do eat the fridge doesn't make that noise. It's taunting. Honestly if I go long time without showing any frustration to their constant agitation then they do darker things like turn my apartment lights off or use witchcraft to make me cough chronically, and if I still don't show frustration they make me vomit, and if that don't work they start the cycle all over again to pick fights with me. And you can tell it's being done purposely because when I'm showing any type of frustration the noise and the harassment tactics stop until I get back calm then they start back with harassment tactics. This picking fights with me happen all day and has been going on for years!!! View my instagram @tsktskteaser
Love how there look to the world
Exactly the case. Thank you Rebecca ❤
Proud of you! You got this ❤
Good Morning everyone!! Just wanted to say that the narc has tried to pick 3 totally different topic fights this glorious morning !! WOW!! This happens often.. BUT I've learned to snuff the flame by saying "I hate you feel that way" and "If that's what you believe". There's no reaction from me other than to keep singing and talking to the little maltipoo...AND one of the fight picking topics included how stupid my idea is to want to go for a hike/walk today.! That I have the DUMBEST ideas and ridiculous way of thinking ! See , Ive been on a healthy diet for over a month and have lost 11 lbs and I'm working out. He can't commit to doing the same eventho it would be beneficial to him. What a Butt (putting it nicely) he is most of the time !!! ✌🏼 hanging in there !!!!
Every so often they like to check in to see if they can still over power you. So arguments are started to chip away at you.
And that's why u NEVER answer
If you don’t take the bait they just get worse and worse until you take it. They will find some way to punish you or hurt you. You just cant get them to say ok let’s be better and do better and come to a mutual agreement. They don’t want that they want pain and suffrage and they most of all want to see you suffer. In the end they will also suffer. They don’t see they are leading themselves and there significant other to doom and gloom instead of trying to correct the issues and compromise and be a good person.
Number 1 in my opinion.. to go off to the other supply
My sister would always ask me "do you have a clear conscience??" She was such a narsiccius.
I'd probably tell "oh hell no!" And I'd ask: "do I look like I care?"
@@cymbolichuman433 😃
It takes a hell of a lot of practice to hold back an instant retort (usually thoughtless), get comfortable in the silence, and come back with something like this! 🤝
The day of the Covert was put upon me -- flashes of the traits throughout ...... 🤐🤨
Not taking the bait! My narcissist didn't invite me to Thanksgiving as I had told her a negative comment someone made toward her the month before, I the comment. I needed to be punished as I heard the negative comment. My response was "what did I do wrong that I'm not invited to Thanksgiving?" Her reply was, your comment last month! I said, I ignored it. So I'm not invited???
Good afternoon when he starts to pick a fight I don't respond I take care of his mother so I have to be mother 79 and she doesn't trust anybody walk away
I just asked one question, it went south there. At this point it's been total silence treatment. Here someone I have been with for 30 years. I'm leaving 😂.
Not taking the bait!
You got this! 💪
I am not taking the bait. I am not a fisherman. 😅 My narc picked fights with me over hair on the floor, I didn't have a certain tone, I didn't stop what I am doing to help them...etc.
It's all about control. They aim to get YOU to lose your's. DISENGAGE, damnit! 😈👍
These evil narcs should never be parents!!!!!! Neer!!!!! What a horrific58 years I've survived!!!!lk
NOT TAKING THE BAIT ANYMORE.
My 42-year old narcissist husband picks fights when something goes wrong in his life like he did not get the work promotion he wanted or he lost money on something or he is burning out from being a caregiver to his covert narcissistic mother. I can no longer be his emotional punching bag.
Fortunately, I was in a long-distance marriage and have never lived with him. I was too scared to move to his city to live with him after seeing his emotionally abusive ways from phone calls and visits. One day his cover narcissistic mother lashed out at me and he took her side. Now, we do not even speak so I am separated from him. We had one last argument and never spoke again. That was 8 months ago ago. We are still married on paper. I miss being in a relationship bc I always wanted to be married but I can not settle for the "crumbs from underneath the table". He has a pattern of being "good" for 2 weeks then picking a fight like clockwork. Then he'd accuse me of being controllling or a dictator when I stick up for myself. Pure gaslighting. I am running to save myself.
Unfortunately, we did IVF and we have embryos together that I don't know what to do with because I don't want to be tied to him for the rest of my life but it's my last chance at being a biological mother. I guess if I had kids with him, I'd have to learn how not to take the bait and even enter arguments with him. If anyone has any thoughts about this, please let me know!
Not taking the bait!
I know they will pick a fight to make him mad enough to leave so she could cheat and tell herself they were broken up at the time so it wasn't cheating. This person when showed evidence of cheating she claimed he was abusing her by his false accusations" so every time he caught her that became another instance of him abusing her. She even has her therapist crying when she hears of the abuse she is enduring.Playing the victim really convincingly.
NOT taking the BAIT!!!
'Narcissist Negotiator?" That's a job?
Mine are all in my rear-view mirror.