How to Respond to Narcissists When They Disrespect You
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- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 2 พ.ค. 2023
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🎓Rebecca Zung is an attorney who has been recognized as one of the Top 1% of attorneys in the country having recognized as a Best Lawyer by U.S. News and is AV rated by Martindale Hubbell. She is also the bestselling author of 2 books, Negotiate Like You MATTER (foreword by Robert Shapiro) and Breaking Free: A Step by Step Divorce Guide.
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The commentary and opinions are for informational purposes only and not for the purpose of providing legal advice. You should contact an attorney in your state to obtain legal advice with respect to any particular issue or problem.
• How to Respond to Narc... - บันเทิง
I have found my narc husband silenced when I say, “You are entitled to think what you want”. Complete silence. Staying calm ALL the time is quite challenging.
Yes, i have gotten better but it is hard to stay calm around the demons.
It really is! I have to acknowledge and quell the indignation that arises in me when I see/endure the narc manipulation. It's a work in progress.
Proud of you! You got this ❤
I was unable to think of anything this one time recently when responding to an intense moment and it worked better than anything I could ever have imagined working....so I can say nothing got the job done...
In this one odd and peculiar moment..
For some reason the quoted sentence seems like what I thought is a narc comment.. correct me if I am wrong and why
Just realized that there are SO MANY narcissists out there
Its true in thousands
You’re right. It’s becoming increasingly difficult to avoid them because they are everywhere.
Right!!!! People enjoy these empty superficial people until they get to close that venom is nasty!
Sooooo many! And, if you’re a kind, empathetic person you “draw” them like Winnie the Pooh is drawn to honey 🍯- whether you want them or not!
Negotiating with a narrissts is like nogiatiting with a school of piranhas while swimming in water with them.
They rarely rage in the workplace. They are a master of the cool cucumber as they insult and blame shift.
how to respond with comebacks to narcissists when they disrespect you
1-i agree with you in that's what you think.
2-i can see that you are upset.
3-your approach is not working for me. you'll have to find a different one. you are the one who's upset.
4-ok. (don't take their bait)
5-if you want to engage in conversation, you will need to remain calm, factual and non-emotional
6-i know that you're upset, but that's not a valid reason to be disrespectful.
7-i'm choosing not to respond to that.
8-i'm going to have to ask you to respect my boundaries.
9-i hear you.
10-if we are going to communicate, i'm going to have to ask you to do so in a way that is respectful.
cheers from southern ontario, canada 🍁
You're Awesome Thanks for this.
"I'm not going to dignify that with a response."
*"I can see that you're upset, but that is no reason to disrespect me."*
OMG...best line ever!
I'll be using it Monday at a meeting I'm dreading with a psycho narcissist. ❤Thank you❤
I said that to my narcissistic ex and his response was “I can’t deal with you”. LoL 😂 Currently 18 months zero contact. I’d say that phrase worked like a charm!
Yes
Just repeat it over and over when they continue to disrespect you. Because they will continue after you say that.
Proud of you! You got this ❤
Good luck!
"Your approach is not working for me.". Even if I never communicate this thought to her, it relieves the stress, and I can laugh.
YES! Walk away and leave them having a tantrum on the floor.
Thank you! What part did you like the most?
@jessicaj9743 Nobody here is advocating "taking vengeance" on these wicked creatures as far as I can tell.
@@reesedaniel5835 I think it's more of a metaphor than anything.
They will drive you mentaly crazy.
Yes he sure did! Until I gave him a pink slip
I've said those exact things and fallen on deaf ears, so I removed myself from the situation.
I've actually seen the "okay" tactic used in another TH-camr's short vids: just saying "Okay" over and over until they ask why you're saying that, and then retorting with "I'm not agreeing with you; I just don't care." 😉
@11:02: "We are in Earth school as a Soul...if you don't learn this lesson the lesson will continue to present itself to you..." This is exactly it. We're being educated. I aim to learn it now with all its difficulty so I don't have to learn it again.
What is this verse from?
@wayneelliott1180 - I have come to really believe this.
Correct! In the beginning, heaven said, "Let us make man in your image. We are being educated through the fire of life.
Every soul is being enlightened...
When you’re trying to coparent with an abusive narc that alienates the children from the target parent and their family it just feels so hopeless to even try
I know you’re not supposed to take things personally but when it involves kids that you love so so much it just gets to you…
Been there, can't reason with them and any negative affects on the kids they try and turn on you, devil incarnates these people
My ex does the same shit.
Isn't fair to me or my babies.
But it's the only way she knows how to hurt me.
Cuz she is so .miserable, and hates me cuz I'm happy.
Start recording every conversation you have with the abuser. You know they lie and deceive and lie about what you say/ don’t say. Record it and if necessary play it back to those they are lying to. At least they’ll be caught in a lie. If you have domestic violence laws where you live what they are doing I bet would constitute acts against those domestic violence laws.
Understand this. My daughter and her husband are both narcissistic, and have sucked in my youngest as a flying monkey. They have discarded me and my sister, for the moment anyway until they need us again. Meanwhile I am prohibited from seeing or talking to my grandchildren and only God knows what kind of things they are telling my grandchildren about me.
@@diannaharmon8408 I am so so very sorry. I can’t even imagine having my own family or child treat me so cruelly. I hope you’re able to see your grandkids again soon. That has to hurt.
I'm tired of walking on eggshells around the narcissist.
I wish someone can save me from my narcissistic bully husband… I am giving up
Give up, run❤
You can save you. It won't be easy and it will take some planning and time. And you can do it.
Spoken from experience.
I'm with you, Shayma. It's hard. Life as a non-person is hard.
Only YOU can save yourself!!! Get the hell out of there or it’s on you!!!! I was willing to go homeless to finally free myself after a lifetime of being raised by my deplorable malignant covert narcissist mother! It saved my life and soul…walking out on her at a most propitious time….I truly thank God 💯%
Jesus, Almighty God 🙏 loves ❤ you more than you could possibly comprehend!
He died for your sins, my sins and the sins of the world.
Jesus stands with His arms opened wide, hoping and willing to heal, forgive, cleanse, strengthen and purify us. He is waiting to receive you with all love! He deeply desires a personal relationship with each and every one of us!
RELATIONSHIP NOT RELIGION!
Draw near to God and He will draw near to you, there is no repentance in the grave: There is no conversion after the last breath is drawn.
Now is the time to believe in Christ and to lay hold of eternal life (J C Ryle).
God has revealed Himself to us in the glory of creation, in the perfection of the written word and in personal experience of all who seek Him.
Prayer 🙏 is giving our attention to God in a two-way Spiritual relationship where we talk to God and also listen to Him, you can pray 🙏 to God, through Jesus in the privacy of your own home (pray from your heart).
God speaks to your heart because He loves you and wants to interact with you.
So often we don't wait for God to speak after we've finished laying down our requests. Sadly, we don't watch for God to act in our lives.
Did you know that God speaks to us through the Bible?
The Holy scriptures Old and New Testaments, are the written Word of God, given by divine inspiration through holy men of God who spoke and wrote as they were moved by the Holy Spirit.
The gift of the Holy Spirit is one of God's greatest gifts to us. Through the Holy Spirit we may know that God lives and that Jesus is the Christ!
Scripture is always the voice of God in the general sense that God inspired the words of Scripture (2 Tim 3:16).
God can also speak specifically to us through the Bible, by drawing a particular passage to our attention because the Word of God is living and active (Heb 4:12).
We can say that it is God's primary way of speaking to us. Any other communication must be based and tested by what is taught in Scripture.
The Holy Bible is God's guide for us, so we can reach Him, the only true living God and hear back from Him!
Jesus is returning in the not so distant future!
How about when they are trying to disrespect you in front of their flying monkeys at a meeting?
They love an audience
RUN🏃♀
Say "you guys are enjoying to make me feel bad" and smile.
That is tough. They catch you off guard. The best thing when you dont know how to respond is to act dumb and unbothered.
Document, document. Write down names of witnesses who were there. Let them know you’re documenting. You can thank me later.
I will not stand for "Triangulation" game's played by an Narcissist.
Louder!
What can you do about it though? It’s so frustrating and especially when you don’t even know they’ve been doing it and with whom until the other person starts acting differently toward you in a negative way?
Oh I agree, it's nasty
I remain quiet and I’ve filed violation charges of my injunction against him. Let him tell a judge!
Today Justice was served! His gf is in jail!
This might help - www.breakingfreefromdivorce.com/ ❤
I had a peace order granted in County Court.
He took it to State Court and had it dismissed.
He wasn't happy staying away or no contact.
I'm bewildered
One question about the first "agreement" is that this person doesn't treat everyone the same way. Sometimes entire groups won't. You may well see someone being singled out. The quiet guy, the nice guy who doesn't retaliate. They'll pile on. It becomes socially acceptable to have a target. That guy probably has a hard time thinking it's not personal. Quandary of the scapegoats, the person with lower social value. It's very toxic, cowardly, etc.
Yes
@@debratyler7549 👺
I just follow and agree what they say save you from arguing and when they are gone do the complete opposite. 😄
I need to stop reacting ... I’ve got a man who says something and hits the emotional button and I react and then embarrass myself
Stay strong! ❤
They act like
There is no boundaries ,
Boundaries for them + you must respect them! Yours aren't even listened to, of course 🙄😅
God I pray you heal every lost soul that they be comforted and transformed under your wings the way you created us to be in Lord Jesus Christ mighty name God, God we thank you and we love you for who you are and for being our first love amen 🙏🏻
YES.
I just also came to the realisation that the 2 narcs in my life also use each other as flying monkeys. I notice the attempts for the narcs to disrespect me but they will always do it so underhandedly. These are all very useful phrases if I need to use them. The narcs I know are too underhanded for me to do anything except just do the most minimal words possible like ''Oh okay'' or ''I hear you''. Because I'm used to having blank expressions even if I am feeling emotions I have sought to use that to help me against narcs. Being Autistic as well I feel a more magnified vulnerability in some odd way to narcs disrespect.
I love your work in helping people deal with narcissists. For 25 years plus I've dealt with them but not until recent years I knew what the problem is so now I have something to work towards a solution.
What uses up Gb's on my cell?
It’s interesting that severe Narc’s avoid counseling or therapy like the plague. It usually takes an arrest where they a psych evaluation is mandated and they get this diagnosis. This happened with an adopted cousin and another time with a friend. Both had severe NPD.
Do you know if they made any progress what so ever afterwards?
I'm not going to give her the satisfaction for disrespectful me. So, I made my mind to leave.
This helped me so much! There was this one person who constantly disrespected me when I was alone with them and also when we were in group settings. I felt stuck when dealing with them because I refused to let that interaction change me for the worse. Now I have the tools to respond honestly without being malicious like them! Thank you for this!
My latest when I was being ranted at where the Narcissist said I was accusing them( I had asked at work if my stuff had been moved) I replied,I did not use those words, your interpretation is not my responsibility, that's on you! I'm not arguing I'm leaving and I walked away. Came back ,they still ranted,I said I'm not having this conversation. BOTH TIMES,they stood there stunned.
Rebecca, this may be my favorite video of yours to date. Especially the words and way you ended it. I needed those words and that encouragement. I have never felt more alone, ticked off, misunderstood and your words made me realize how I need to arm myself and how to battle, I CAN do this, even with The flying monkeys. What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger!! THANK YOU!!
I learned that just by nodding the head they think you're actually listening to their crap, lol
YES! Rebecca, thank you for this. Especially for the message at the end. I can do hard things and I need to learn these lessons!🙏
❣️❣️❣️🥰YES❣️❣️❣️❣️🙏✌️💥😇Theres something severely wrong with them. Know that. They purposely manipulated you into feeling sorry for them and played you. Cut the energy ties a d view them like the crazy malevolent being they are. Observing them as a detached uninvolved third party is the best head space. This is great advice. YES❣️❣️❣️
Thank you! What part did you like the most?
Yes! Thank you for this information.
He's making me feel like I'm going crazy!
Thank you! I needed to hear this. Love it❤
I've been married to one for over 40 yrs, it was so gradual I woke up one day and realized she was one. all that time I was being conditioned to think that my ideas about things were just a suggestion for her to sit on her throne and hand down her judgments yay or nay. I have great kids and grandkids now and just decided it was worth it to have them , maybe on judgment day it will count for something, and they have suffered as well to a lesser degree, they are adults with their own kids and just maybe they have learned what not to do by growing up in that atmosphere
Thanks Rebecca for these 10 ways / words to use. I’m writing them down! Love your free videos!
Yes!
I completely understand. Have grown up with a covert narcissistic father, I have used a number of the tactics you described. About 4 years ago, he did the discard but is still hoovering in various ways. All completely empty gestures.
Now complete no contact...my choice.
As with all victims of childhood narcissistic abuse, there is a Tonto work through.
Please remember...it was them, not you!
My support and love to all on this recovery road.❤
Such incredible advice - my interior design team and I have been trying to find solutions to navigate working with difficult clients. The solutions in this video are invaluable. Thank you so much!
You’re brilliant, so glad I stumbled across your channel!
Yes Rebecca 💕I have learned to remain calm and and observe it’s exhausting! 🙏❤️❤️❤️
Stay strong! ❤ Join me in my free webinar - www.rebeccazung.com/cert-workshop
YES!! THE WHOLE NINE YARDS 🤝🌹Thank you 💎
My husband was driving me and my two children crazy.Thanks to your practical advice,helps alot
Everything they say to you is a confession about them.🪞
The Four Agreements is awesome. And the size of the book makes it easy to tuck into a purse or day pack.
Yes! Thanks for sharing! Great responses. Using them today
Redefine the way you view challenges in high-conflict negotiations. Our training will show you how to turn trials into triumphs. Learn more www.rebeccazung.com/cert-workshop 💪 🚀
Yes! Great video. Thank you for sharing scripts which are strikingly similar to those parents and caregivers use with children.
Stay strong! ❤
Join me in my free webinar - icanslay.com
Yes! Thank you Rebecca, you are a gem.
Thank you! ❤ Care to share what you like the most?
@@RebeccaZungEsq Yes, when I got to the realization that I needed to set some boundaries, and did so, I was surprised how this was ignored. The pushback at not respecting the boundaries made the decision to walk away easier. I’m talking about decades of disrespect from a family member. Realizing that this was never going to change and I don’t have to do this, your channel helped me so much. I only wish I had realized and understood years ago. But for me it was like putting pieces of a puzzle together. Yes you never have to put up with disrespect , the gaslighting and arrogance. It will never change. Let go, move forward life is too short.
In the South, we stop a lot of nonsense with a kindly, "Bless your heart." Most people know that means "end of conversation," and those that don't know are still left speechless and confused.
Yes! I have court in 2 hrs for alimony from a 31 yr marriage. I’ve been up all night. He’s begging for another chance and I’m not doing it. I’ve been deathly ill for a decade, even bedridden on a piic line. I’m regaining my health and losing my marriage and can’t be happier 😊
What a clear speaking teacher :)
Yes I do understand and appreciate your support for us TQ soo much,🌹💖🎊
this might help you better as well slay.rebeccazung.com/home
I am here for this
Thank you! ❤
You always my hero!!
Slay the bullie... :) Thank you Rebecca
I believe you are the best lawyer in America good for you
Verbal Judo ❤
This takes everything some of us have learned to a whole next level.
Thank you! ❤ Care to share what you like the most?
Nailed it!!! 👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼
Check this out - www.rebeccazung.com/cert-workshop Keep slaying!
Almost any sentence that starts with “You”.
You are
You shoul
you always
You seem
You didn’t
Etc.
Thank you for being such a good human being 🤗
Check this out - www.rebeccazung.com/cert-workshop Keep slaying!
Thank you for this video.
You got this! ❤ Join me in my free webinar - www.rebeccazung.com/cert-workshop
Yes, I already use those and they work
Thanks for this information!
You got this! ❤ Join me in my free webinar - www.rebeccazung.com/cert-workshop
YES YES YES EXCELLENT RESPONSES; VERY EDUCATIONAL-THANK YOU!
Check this out - www.rebeccazung.com/cert-workshop Keep slaying!
Yes, I understand so far. It’s all about emotional self control, and NOT taking the bait. And, it’s how I shift the Power imbalance, and it’s also how I maintain credibility and integrity in the public eye. I refuse to be a part of the problem /conflict that she is deliberately baiting me into through the proven bait of disrespectful behavior.
Yes for 45 years. Only recently have I distanced myself.
Thank you! ❤ Care to share what you like the most?
Very helpful information. Thank-you for this :)
I'm glad to be helping! What is one point that you start using today?
@@RebeccaZungEsq Not to take on their threats!
Yep I understand 👍
Stay strong! ❤
Yes very helpful information
Check this out - www.rebeccazung.com/cert-workshop Keep slaying!
I’ll share a few. First, My best one that gets the very best result with my ex narc and other narcs in public;
“Ok, and what brings you to that conclusion “? 😎💀
“Sure I am, and you are entitled to your faulty beliefs”
“That’s fine, but I’ve made MY mind up”.
“I’m sorry, what was that ? “
“Uh huh, you’re right”. (Grey Rock)
Also, remember if you are aware and can help it, never ask a narcissist “why are you doing this to me”? They will NEVER pull back with empathy It gives them the ultimate rush.
I'm happy to have found you
Stay strong! ❤
Join me in my free webinar - icanslay.com
It’s was amazing how people trusted for what narcissis said.. or spread the words out to made someone is look bad, sometimes I wonder those people don’t have a brain to think or they just have attitude to that person then play along with them. 😊
❤Rebecca. I love you I share all 8 learn from you. To the world as we should. I hope I haven't disrespected you on these comments any way possible. If so. Not my intentions. Truly spending the joy. Truth and love. Of all of this
Love Miguel Ruiz...The Mastery of Love....
Got to see him in Los Angeles! !
YES! These are so good! Thank you for the excellent insight and tips! Stay strong you guys. You got this!
I say I hear you. He then says so you have no response? You’re not going to talk to me? He’s not being nice and is digging for a fight. I walk away and hide in my room.
Then say no. I just don't care what you think.
No response is his/ their nightmare, no fuel for the narcissist .
Walk away.
YESSSSSSSSSSSSS❤. PLEASE AND THANK YOU
Stay strong! ❤
Join me in my free webinar - icanslay.com
Thank you.
Redefine the way you view challenges in high-conflict negotiations. Our training will show you how to turn trials into triumphs. Learn more www.rebeccazung.com/cert-workshop 💪 🚀
This is 100 percent fact! Spouse is narcissistic but the statements work well in shutting down that person
Yes, yes, yes 100%
Thank you! ❤ Care to share what you like the most?
Hi Rebecca I admire your work. I don't know if you are aware but of this but when in the UK divorcing a nasty exhusband and my own mother think that any sort of counselling or help from a GP etc is to them a sign of weakness and I must be at fault. I was married for 30 years and have now left them. Take care keep up the good work !
yes great help 😢😊
Redefine the way you view challenges in high-conflict negotiations. Our training will show you how to turn trials into triumphs. Learn more www.rebeccazung.com/cert-workshop 💪 🚀
Yes!
❤ Care to share what you like the most?
Thanks for the practice in staying calm while my blood is boiling haha just had a bad interaction and I was so anxious to get to the information, I had to purposely choose to calm myself.
Thank you so much, YES I do understand your advise. - Eventually you would have time to do a video about these hardcore-narcs, who actively slander around about someones's quality of work, neglecting even that work has been done at all,-- leading a dog to bark and charge against someone !!, -- destroying material things of someone or steal little things from someone - telling rightout lies, etc.... Bringing his "helper" in position (flying monkey do some people call these) , avoiding responsibility for narc's own actions, etc (the someone is me and my familymember) , doing exacltly opposite of what would be helpful, doing harm whenever possible . - My consequnce here is by now: I was cutting consequently all conversation with this narc, - and doing work under witness from 3.side, finally someone laid work down because narc "can now do it better" he will now financially benefit from his slander; -- Makes me feel "on flight" like a refugee - in my own neighborship, in my own house. Can we do better ?
The Toltec Wisdoms a beautiful life smoother
Because iv listened and learned years now
. Dear lady.
How do we thank you personally. I wish you did visits to the places. Where You have worked along side of God. saved from immense constant sadness. So .. idk. But.... 8v learned soo much. And I seen it Immediately . I just moved 8n I was still this happy. Inlove young looking 45 year old.
Not new in my faith by the way...
Anyhow. I'm thamkfull. And seeing this first hand . Only a year into this. It's been 7-8 years 😮
EXCELLENT EXCELLENT.
Here’s a good one that discombobulates them, and spoken with calmness in your voice:
“I am a respecter of persons, and we can see that you are not a respecter of persons, so get back into your cage.” Then excuse yourself from their presence even if it only means turning away towards someone you were talking with previously.
[The last part is for when they have gone over the top a bit more than usual and in the public setting.]
Sososososososo true thank you for you grate words
Stay strong! ❤
Join me in my free webinar - icanslay.com
The most painful thing is also when you are in a debate session, the narc attacks you in an open war and the bystanders don't take your side, don't engage, don't put the narc into his place, just watch the show cruelly. Not only is the narc humiliating me, but also changes the perception of the audience about me, like I am a loser, worthless, stupid, ridiculous person, invalidating me and sucking out my power, putting me on the defensive and the others believe the narc due to his despicable manipulation, so they are siding with me and against me.
❤ everysingle word this blessing in our lives. Is......😇 doing God's work...
You thi k you have lost all of your berian . Your soul. Your creativity. Your goodness. No.... try these words. . I knew these words all my life.. you can use this same sort of concept to control your DISRESPECT
❤❤ Respect myself ❤❤
Stay strong! ❤
Join me in my free webinar - icanslay.com
On one occasion when a narc was doing their best to insult me I'm an effort to get a reaction, I stood there smiling and let them go ahead. When finnished I said . 'OK cheers, I'll remember that'. Tbh I didnt get the reaction I expected. It just kinda stopped. 😅
“Best Attorney in America?” That is a very narcissistic statement to make 😅
If that was the case, Trump could have used her help.
She was voted this and she's trying to prove that she knows what shed talking about, that's bragging baby (well deserved) not Narcissism
Bragging is a form of narcissism
People often seem to treat me like wrap & it's suffocating.
YES!
Yes.
Yes
Louder!
YEAAAASSSSSSS!!!
Thank you! ❤ Care to share what you like the most?