For us women, being ugly can be even more devastating since this is the principal trait we are judged on, from ever since the beginning on time. I feel like learning to accept the unattractiveness is crucial. I also heard so many times how “not pretty” I was being a teen and there is no way a thousand people trying to say the contrary now, trying to be nice, will change reality.
I remember one time in class in middle school the teacher left the room. A really vile kid who was known for dealing drugs and bullying younger kids started calling this one girl ugly and other derogatory names. I too was bullied by this kid. Previously he found me playing cards with friends quietly in the library, grabbed a couple of cards and bent and tore one. "What are you gonna do about it?" he goaded. I told him tell the librarian and go on with my day. He put the cards down (it was well know his dad was beating him when he was in the home, usually over a phone call or letter from school or police) and quietly left. As me and the other kids listened to this loser spill vitriol to this innocent girl I promise you not one of us thought "oh shes ugly". We saw him for what he was - an ugly worthless nothing that would never do anything in this life except a long prison sentence. I wish I had been bigger and taller and fought him. Reading your words I realized that 8th grader may have believed this imbecile. I think too often our society tries to blend beauty and sexualization. I truly believe every kind person is beautiful and every person that regularly commits evil through enjoyment of hurting others is ugly.
For both men and women, *especially* women, there is very very rarely something genetically wrong with them. Many of the things that make them "ugly" are choices they make that actively make them ugly. Eating too much food, colouring their hair, blue, strange makeup practices or not using make up at all, wearing male clothing, having short hair. I don't think I've ever actually seen an ugly woman who didn't do that to herself by choice, unless she had a literal phsical disorder
@@theguy9067 Don’t you think there are unattractive traits? I see my face and I know if I was a man I would probably not find me attractive. Traits is something you cannot correct, you were just born with less pleasant features.
@@ChooseLoveToday316 That was a very beautiful comment. Thank you. Yes, maybe she believed it. I heard those comments so many times that I just ended up believing it and seeing it in the mirror everyday.
@@di3486 I was an "ugly duckling" as a kid. I had bucked teeth, big buddy holly glasses and was very very skinny and unhealthy looking. I learned to focus on what I can do something about. I got 4 teeth pulled, braces and contacts. I got into gym life and bodybuilding. My life is not perfect theres been a lot of trauma and depression. The biggest change in me is leaving behind Learned Helpless to instead embrace Learned Hopefulness and Learned Optimism. I have learned in life theres always bad stuff and good stuff going on. I do a lot of nature walks. I find if i'm worried about stepping in dog poop, animal scat, hornets, getting sunburned etc that can be the focus of the walk or it can be the birds and animals, the trees and plants and the blue sky and yellow sun.. the clouds going by in funny shapes (whatever your imagination can think of). There is a documentary that pops up if you tyoe "Buddha documentary" on yt. My family is Christian but I highly recommend it. It covers a lot of topics. One thing I would say is don't put much weight in the external. You decide your happiness and destiny by controlling your thoughts, feelings and actions. There are some truly raw deals in life like what happened to Christopher Reeves, Michael J Fox Jr or Stephen Hawking. They didn't let life beat them and I won't let life beat me. I love you and God (or whatever you believe) loves you.
"I learned not to love myself" .. that hits home.. my narc parents did everything they could to destroy my self-esteem and self-image.. to steer me away from my gifts & talents and turn me into a disempowered empty shell
I don’t like phrases like “Learned how to not love myself” because it confuses me. I don’t understand how someone can learn that. Like you couldn’t explain to me the skill of hating myself, so I don’t see how it helps explain things besides being a nice quote.
@@pod9363 imagine if the person closest to you supposed to protect you a Parent. yell at you everyday “I hate you” and other insults combined with physical abuse every so often. You’d probably develop or adopt an attitude of I hate myself as well
When I was in my 20's and 30's I was slim and attractive. And people were really nice to me. As I got older I put on weight and let my hair grow long because I've always wanted long hair. And people started to ignore me. I was the same me, I just got tired of starving myself to stay thin and and paying big bucks to get my hair done. I liked me this way, but some people didn't. I guess they just liked the young, pretty me. Too bad for them. It was hurtful at first, but I got over it. Lesson learned. Daniel, I think you look great with long hair, glasses and a beard !
Every time I come home to see my mom she has something negative to say about my appearance. I look gaunt, or malnourished, or my facial hair is too long, or I don’t have enough muscle. Can’t even remember that last time I heard something positive about my appearance. Happy to hear you are content with your appearance
HA, i used to get that too , but she moved up to ''because i have a drone with a camera i MUST be spying on women getting dressed' at that point something just switched off and i walked out and havent been back , and i changed my phone number to cement the message
Sounds familiar, both my parents criticized my looks all my life-including now. My father once said to me "If I had looked like you at your age, I would've killed myself". I was around 18 and like 30lbs above my ideal weight..I am even heavier now, and don't care. The irony is I was called pretty throughout my 20s and even now, at 33, get told am pretty all the time-but my parents constantly find something negative to comment on, with respect to my looks/how I dress etc.
Also lol you have a symmetrical face ! Youre conventionally good-looking. But that does not diminish your feelings or perspective which are really important and spot on.
My mother and sisters hated my father and all male appearance, growing up an only male child I felt ugly and rejecting of masculine features, did a lot of self harm to myself as a result.. Being almost 40 I now look at myself and feel so sad that I had to do that to “make myself better” when all I needed is normality
I really appreciate the insight, Daniel. It's been my goal to be able to dress what I want since I was 12 yo. Being in a extremist society, I was forced to wear the head scarf when I was in middle school and ever since I've dreamt of the day I leave my parents house and this country to be able to take it off and be my own "beautiful".
in the EXACT same situation, it's painful everytime I have to go out I have to dress according to my extremist parents and make sure not even a strand of my hair or inch of my skin shows, it's tormenting
@@ursafehaven7079 my apologies for the question I am about to ask. Hiding all your skin when in public ...demanding enough. However, is there any way for you to enjoy some sunshine on your skin ..in an area with tall fences, where only sun rays can "see" you? I can't live without a few weeks of sunshine on my skin each year.
@@oceanaoushn8803 yea I can soak in the sun within the premises of my own home but then also there's very limited skin that I can expose to it. I can understand you, it's natural and our body craves for the warmth of the sun. I hope I can be free one day as well
I remember a video where some guy was talking about a girl he started dating who wasn't that good looking, but as he grew to know her she started to look more and more attractive to him. Im not totally sure we can’t be attracted to “ugly” people if their personalities are healed and in-tact.
Oh yea im a girl and this happens to me. Im very much a personality person and I've numerous times had ugly or ok looking guys become attractive when i started to like their personalities. I dont only mean this in the sense that i see past the looks but in fact i start to like the looks more as well.
Well, there must be an initial physical attraction, but then the personality takes over. And let’s remember that chemistry that starts the process of attraction. I’ve met very beautiful people who lost their appeal completely if they were dull. Strangely, the mean and dangerous can still hold their appeal, but not the dull ones. Those mean and beautiful are the most toxic for vulnerable young people at the formative age and their influence could be devastating for a long time after. Especially if they are also gifted with charm. Most fascinating creatures. Lucky are those who never came or fell in love with them. All in all, kids should be raised with a sufficient confidence in their appearance. Nothing worse than to be wounded by the parents in this difficult journey through life.
My favorite video of you so far ❤ I'm getting rid of my 'chemically fixed' hair and I'm going to wear my afro and take care of my skin which I have been neglecting... I'm healing from a depression and learning to love myself again, I want to be in touch with my true self and attract the right people... 😊 greetings from the Caribbean 🌴
Yes, but in this case he wasn’t making any assumptions - his parents were chronically . and abusively overtly telling their own child he wasn’t good enough looking. These warped losers are 100% responsible for the DNA that create his looks. I sincerely want hard labor prison sentences for stupidity & cruelty like this.
I have long felt that way, too. For people to see me for my inner world and inner thoughts, not for the physical matter and things that satisfy the ambitious and greedy people and corporations. Because I have to participate in the worldly stuff, and make /earn money, which requires me to cater to other people's standards, I do make myself look presentable and I groom myself , but I wish I had friends like you, Daniel.
I remember when I was a teenager, I never thought of my self as beautiful. On the contrary I felt not enough. My mother was always telling me that I have to look feminine. Curl my hair, where a skirt and so on. I rebelled and thought that that was strangulating. And when I was in my early twenties I suddenly liked to get more in my to my femininity, I remember now that when my girlfriends and I prepared for going out or what ever. Putting on makeup and dressing up, my girlfriends always said; “ Why are you doing that? You look naturally beautiful “ That made me very sad and restrictive, and very conflicted. It made me very afraid of womanhood. Today at 56 I’ve incorporated a kind of androgynous look. But I like to put makeup on it sometimes. I’m still insecure. It has not left me, but I feel more love for my self. Because i have always valued the soul. I have always been interested in eyes and what is going on behind them. The expression in a persons eyes and the gestures that goes along with that has always fascinated me. I know now that what I always wanted and still do, is that deep soul connection. With others and myself. And I know that I am able to see beauty in many different forms. I have come to learn that emotions and deep feelings is what is beautiful. By the way, I’m trained a psychotherapist and I have encountered many people, but we all have the same insecurities. It’s so strange. When is it going to end. When can we start to love our selves so that we can just start to accept and love each other. Just a few words to many from me, maybe❤
What an interesting topic (as usual). I've been thinking about this lately and I've realised that it's so screwed up that strangers on the Internet feel the right to comment on someone else's body (either men's or women's, but mostly women's). And it doesn't matter whether it's a seemingly positive or negative comment. It should be no one's business how our bodies look, they're ours.
Never saw it this way before, excellent observation. We tend to believe that just because we're complimenting it's ok. Kind of explains why I find it irritating when my partner starts calling me beautiful too much, like I didn't ask for your opinion, keep it.
Actually, I think you're very handsome regardless of whether your face is shaved or not. I, on the other hand, have never been very pretty. My nose is big and ugly (yes, there are big noses that can be pretty) and when I cried and complained about it my mother would say "you'll have it fixed one day and the problem will be solved". I've never had a rhinoplasty but I haven't grown to accept my nose either.
4:14 this is my exact experience. I've been thinking a lot about being "ugly" for a while now because of this exact reason. I'm a woman, I just turned 20, but i don't fit into conventional beauty standards for women. I think a lot of women's clothes (especially those marketed to my age group) can encourage women to objectify themselves, and i think a lot of women do objectify themselves as a result of trauma, plus it's socially acceptable. So anyways, i wear men's or unisex clothes. I also just naturally look kind of androgynous. I cut my hair short too a few times over the past few years. The first time i cut my hair short, my friend told me "you should have kept it long, it looked so much better," and just the other day i heard my other friend say she felt bad for this girl who got a buzz cut. As if having short hair is such a bad thing? The assumption is that having short hair, or not fitting into any beauty standards makes you uglier or less desirable when you're a girl. I don't want any of these beauty standard expectations placed on me and i don't want to be objectified. I just want to be seen as human before anything else. As i am typing this i just realized i have a hole in the sleeve of my shirt that I've been walking around wearing all day. I'll continue wearing it like this, i don't care if it's not "proper." Anyways, this is a great video and your beard is awesome!
I know girls don't like to be "judged" just keep in mind judgement in itself is useful, "judgement is how we navigate the world". The soul is sadly self-centered because it's based on our experiences, but the spirit is always pointing up. Daniel shaved is the lesson here, you don't have to care what other people think, but that doesn't mean you shouldn't love yourself. That would help your experience. "The soul is a blank canvas that should be painted with the colors of christian virtues" just as a painter looks at his model with every brush stroke, we should reflect on what we do. Unholy ground is when it becomes all about us. Your image is a reflection of your soul, "the face reflects what's on the mind and the eyes reflect what's in the heart." Proverbs: "A glad heart lights up the face, but by mental anguish your spirit is broken." The spirit is literally your energy. The spirit and soul are two different things, "it's not a battle of flesh, but of spirits and principalities" this is referring to evil in the world but the point is "the spirit and flesh battle with each other, so that we may not do whatever we want." The spirit is old fashioned, maybe you just haven't found your style? Contrary to belief God doesn't want us to needlessly suffer, there's nothing wrong with clean nice clothes, Jesus wasn't against basic necessities, he warned not to become anxious to where we are slaves to them. "While the mind is caffeinated with thoughts, the soul is anxious, we are always in jeopardy of shipwreck." "The world is thy ship, and not thy home." Remember planning reflects intelligence. Do what you will, as long as it's really what you want. Never give-up on yourself, because your worth it.
Hi Gabby. It's cool to not care what people think of the way you look - just don't whine if you can't get the sex or job you want... that's the only time I think it's "wrong"... but other than that, hell yeah. Do your thing, girl! If you are happy, then you be you.
There is no point in trying to please people - just do what you feel is right and authentic to you (if it does not hurt anyone else) and that concerns looks as well. I am curvy, long-haired woman and when dressed up, I get attention for all the wrong reasons, I used to hate being seen just as a sexy object. I can also confirm that when I purposefully look “less conventionally pleasing” and dress in unisex, plain or baggy clothes, it has served me well in terms of human interactions. I always wanted to look androgynous and not as womanly woman (since I never felt as any specific gender - quite common amongst autistic people). So I envy you (in the best sense). Androgynous is just a different kind of beauty and I want you to know it has its serious admirers. I will be 40 next year and it took me most of my life to accept (and even appreciate) that my body has naturally a shape of a woman.
In my family of origin too. Always had to be put together no matter what. There wouldn't be food for me without wearing skinny jeans or a skirt with and a nice shirt, sitting straight at the table. Every month when menstruating (starting at 11) my dad wouldn't allow me to have food in my pyjamas because I was in too much pain to be presentable. Many many years later I had emergency surgery due to severe endometriosis and suddenly it was ok so I confronted him about it. He said he only allows it now because it was medically proven, but got angry with me when I argued it's always been obvious in how much pain I was. He didn't care about his daughter staying in bed for days, unable to go to school, passing out, vomiting etc. until a doctor said it was valid. You all can imagine he didn't like what I was saying, he even got physical with me and threw me out of the house. Obviously this issue isn't the only reason why I broke with my parents years ago but I still can't get how someone can be that cold and cruel to withhold food from a minor in severe pain for days just because they don't meet their beauty standard.
An ugly person will become beautiful if they have a good heart and character, but you will be ugly no matter what when you have a dark soul. So Daniel, you are beautiful from every standpoint.
Huge respect for putting that out. This issue is so intimate and brings about feelings of nakedness and shame and loneliness. So much so that people feel the need to contradict or correct your point of view. Very tough to talk about.
I've always thought of having a conventionally unappealing appearance as a good filter to weed out the vain and opportunistic. And then I think of the times where I've had a visceral disgust reaction to women I've thought as unappealing and come to the realization that I'm a hypocrite for thinking myself as morally superior to others who obsess over maximizing their looks. That has humbled me to resist passing moral judgment on them, even though I shame myself for having done it, for having visceral disgust responses, AND for behaving in ways to publicly display that "I'll talk to them anyway to show that I'm a good person."
@@di3486true women kind of never win. it’s more about not trying to look like “everyone else” and being unique in a way where people notice that you’re being yourself, that attracts more of the right people, not necessarily being “ugly”. people who are being themselves notice when other people are being themselves and not just trying to fit in. the insecurity is what attracts the wrong people. just my take!
@@XYZ-kb3mm I was in the polar opposite of trying to fit in. Being myself was never enough. At least things changed a bit and I have a decent bunch of true friends now and a husband who is as nerd as me 😝
Your comment should be printed on T shirts and posters and handed out free to all those poor young people drowning in cosmetic and plastic surgery ads. Psychologically battered into feeling inadequate so they buy more stuff. Huge respect to you for your comment.
@@marceldavis7306 Men say they prefer natural beauty but consistently find women who wear makeup more attractive. Men say they like 'natural beauty' but what they really want is a woman who somehow looks like a Victoria's Secret supermodel without ever putting on makeup, dieting, getting Botox, fillers or a nose job. They want a 'cool girl' who 'doesn't care about all that silly stuff' yet still looks amazing. That way, they can convince themselves they're not asking for much and they aren't shallow.
This is such an interesting thing. I was thinking how my dad would always shave. Even if it was just to go to the supermarket on a weekend. He would say I need to shave first. Thanks for sharing your thoughts. It is really nice to hear your thoughts.
I was just watching your other videos and I was thinking, wow, if he was in my real life, I would like to date him. Then in this video you say that you are not good-looking. Well, I find you attractive as a twenty-seven-year-old girl
New favorite channel, your videos are saying what I’ve been thinking my whole life. The world is messed up. People are confusing and twisted. Most will try to take advantage and abuse. You give me hope. Thank you
This is not true. Women have it objectively easier dating. In every age group below like 70 there are more women in relationships than men. And you also have so much more options. The number 1 issue for women is that they don't find a partner who meets their expectation. The number 1 issue for men is dealing with the high expectations put on them.
Women don't have an easier time dating, just an easier time finding sex which most women don't want and it gets worse when you aren't considered pretty.
Dear Daniel, thank you so much for sharing this story and this topic with us. To be honest: As I first saw the thumbnail for this video, I was like: why does Daniel put this awesome good looking guy as thumbnail, really: the picture is great and the beard and the glasses you look beautiful and interesting; weird that you got such a harsh feedback from your father. The feedback from your environment was positiv: you got into more honest and deep relationships. I hope it's okay that I write this this way. It's just it's so far from my perception. I'm currently working on a presentation about trauma, shame, self hatred, self harm, bodily experience, Alessandra Lemma published a well written paper on it too: Being seen or being watched: a psychoanalytic perspective on body dysmorphia. I think it's a common defense mechanism that someone projects his inner traumas and inner self hatred on the outside, makes trauma and self hatred a bodily conflict. Thanks for not shaving and being so honest und true, as always. Best wishes!
When I hit my fifties I struggled with an autoimmune disease that made me looked bloated. I also lost some teeth and had no insurance to replace them. I stopped shaving everyday and wore sweats a lot. Thats when I started to notice the security guards at stores following me, and how some customer service people would assume that I was homeless and dangerous. Restaurants and bar workers would ignore me or ask me to leave. When I was younger and attractive these places would welcome me. It's also harder in the gay community to deal with aging and not looking attractive. It has given me more motivation to seek a spiritual understanding of what my beauty is and what beauty is in other people and not identify so much with the outer form but with how the person treats others, especially how they treat those who have less social clout than them. I now have a totally different understanding now of what beauty and attractiveness really is.
Thanks for this video Daniel. I think it has a very important message, especially given how much more and more attention is being paid to image, appearances, looks in our culture nowadays. I think it's also very meaningful in the sense you've talked about in so many of your videos, that is acting out trauma behind the veneer of supposed parental care.
You are not ugly. You easily fall within the "average looking" category (like two thirds of the population probably do if we assume a typical distribution of attractiveness as a trait). As long as you don't have any very appearant asymmetric features (that's what being perceived as "ugly" boils down to in most cases) you are well within the norm. Having a "lazy eye" condition myself I know very well what it's like to be outside that norm.
Yes, indeed. Not sure how anyone is helping by firmly telling someone they are “average” looking.This guy is fabulous looking. Obviously you are a thinking person who understands the point is not where he falls on the Looks Spectrum. He is not asking people to rate his looks . But since people are hopeless & throwing down on this -- scale of 1 - 10? He’s a 12.5. Factor in how intelligent he is I start sweating. I’m not kicking him out of bed for eating crackers.
I assume you didn’t even watch the video as ….that’s the only way your comment makes any sense 🙄🤷🏼♀️ He never called himself ugly….which he certainly isn’t……but yea…..I certainly don’t see anything ugly about a lazy eye ….but there could be worse things I’m very sure!
Thanks for reminding me what authenticity is. Got little sidetracked. I remember and cherish the time I use to wear cheap sneakers for couple of $, pair of jeans and pulower. It was comfortable and I didnt care what anybody thinks. I was vegan back then, had myself on the inside and my independence. I liked it. I need to go back to that state of mind and living. I had so little belongings then.
"im attracting better people now" Yeah this is bullshit when you attract nobody regardless of what you try or change about yourself. You even said it yourself that people only came to respect you because you grew taller. But you were honest about it and didn't act like it didn't help you in another video, so I respect that. I also experienced that weird phenomenon where when you say something its ignored or reviled but when someone else steals the joke everyone breaks out into laughter.
I want to love my body as it is, I don't always look good, sometimes I wake up in the morning with dark circles because I didn't sleep well, Sometimes I'm just stressed, My acne is part of my body, It's slowly going away but I don't care anymore if someone doesn't want to talk tome cuz of my acne then fine, I don't need that person just don't talk to me when my acne is gone. If I have to live all my life alone because people don't like my outer self then fine I accept it, but I thank God I have my friend Andrew and he doesn't care about my outer appearance we like each other because we share the same beliefs, ideas, And soon I'll visit him and we're gonna travel in a van to different places, I want to live my life, And when I die not regret all the decision I made, I wanna die knowing I lived and faced all my fears
you were a gorgeous child. I was pretty but I always felt so ugly inside. it is too bad. life is too short to have these terrible feelings. but looking nice is a sign of respect to OTHERS.
Coming from the family and societal environment where I was constantly told that I was ugly and fat especially by my parents, my perception of myself was extremely warped. I shifted my focus inward towards developing myself as a human being, having a rich inner world and became academically excellent. I came to the US and was absolutely shocked to discover how extremely attractive people perceived me to be, and how much a young lady with all her wisdom and brilliance can be summed up as just a hot chick, some say hashtag 23, you must be taking selfies all day, when in actuality I was working 3 jobs and building a business. I think as women we are not asking for much to be just viewed as human beings, to have someone love us for the person that we are, to grow, to heal and to help people around us grow and heal, have them value our opinions not for our age or gender, only for who we are within.
while really unimportant compared to the video's message and topic, i finally know the answer to the mystery of why you are always using the same shirt in videos. and yeah, in a way it slightly helps with consistency but practically i don' think anyone would mind if every video you had a different shirt (or beard length).
When I was younger, I had a terrible self-esteem. I believed that all women believed I was terribly ugly so I didn't approach any of them. I just sort of stared at them from afar, because in my mind no woman would ever want me. Unfortunately, this mindset led to a pretty devastating pornography addiction (thankfully I'm sober now), but I just want to say that this mindset of being "ugly" can lead to terribly self-harming behaviors and ideas for a person. I still don't think I'm the most attractive person ever but I try not to let that idea be so important to my being anymore. If I'm not attractive, it doesn't bother me as much as it used to anymore.
You're an attractive person inside and out. Live and and present yourself as comfortable and true. Then you will attract true people. Sounds like you've figured that most important lesson out.
I looked back at old school and family photos, and I realized that my clothes were all too small, wrinkled, my hair was cut boy short, then grew out without trims. I had buck teeth that stuck out when my mouth was closed (I am finishing braces at 57). I also had untreated cystic acne - and now have an orange skin face. She didn't want me, I was an ugly 😳 embarrassment. Never had beauty, never had a husband.
I went through a similar dynamic, going from an awkward, judged, rejected adolescent to an admired, complemented, sought after, encouraged young man (growing 7 inches and losing 20 lbs was a factor, and not an incignificant one). No accomplishment, no one else, nothing else can convince us of our worth. We alone have the possibility of meeting ourselves at the very core, with appreciation, acceptance and Love. How to pull that off is another question, :)
Bro, you were handsome in that photo you showed in the video. I don't understand why your father would tell you that you're ugly if it's objectively not true
I love that our imperfections can act as the perfect filter against those that we don’t belong with and don’t belong with us. My partner has a disfigured face from cancer, 6 mos after we began dating. People always do double takes of him and once a really drunk young guy came up to us and said, “You must be friends! There’s no way you could be together.” Since my divorce where the relationship was all based on ego and looks, I grew to love my changing feminine female body. Now, with both my imperfections and my partners we can love each other for the qualities that truly connect us. The boogers in his sagging eye that needs manual closing and my rolls are filters… I always attracted the wrong men… strangers too, once a guy walking by at the park slapping my ass. Now, we notice and love each other as the world looks on. It feels better.
Be grateful you are an attractive person, with or without beard. :) Also, I think people generally feel better when they look presentable, nothing wrong with that.
When I would drop buy in a hurry in a middle of a working day, right out of the office in my consultant look, the shop workers would jump off and want to sell me, but I had no time really. And when I used to come on a weekend, looking comfy in my old ski jacket, ready to spend money, they would just ignore me. Same person, different looks, a totally different treatment!
I know that's not the point of the video but I think you look handsome no matter what! :) Nothing unattractive about not being clean shaven in my opinion.
Childhood trauma is important, but it's refreshing whenever you upload a video of a different topic. Danny boy, you're gorgeous. Do you have any Jewish in you? - Your biggest fan from Kuwait
I think your being subjectively hard on yourself. Your definitely not ugly. I think largely, like you said was coming from a place of lack of self love not actually and appearance deficit
Funny thing is, growing up all the negative comments about my look came only from my mother.. I was bullied at school, but I can't remember a single mock about how I look from other children... or anyone. And at home my mom was so so worried how I dress, how I look, especially as I got older and more mature, as my body changed and such. If I bought new clothes she always had to check them and give her verdict if they look good or if they look horrible. Every time she didn't like them my heart was broken a bit, because I liked that particular shirt or dress on me, I was so anxious for so long about how I look, feeling like I am never good enough.
Haha! I feel ya on the store detective bit. That happened to me the other day and I confronted the store detective, not in a rude way, just to let them know I was aware of their presence 🎉
Im a mid girl, i grew up ugly so i put all my time into developing my art skills. Now im glad i didnt grew up looking better cuz i take pleasure in the things i can do.
I still sometimes feel like an outsider to this day, I can appreciate at times, but there are others where Id like to have those uncounsious thoughts more in control. I got pointed at a lot when I had personal transitions, and the sensation of the memory are awful, but we are going well you know hehe 👍
I had to train myself to like myself and believe I was attractive. When I worked for the airlines I remember them telling me I was very pretty and that blew me away bc even when guys would tell me that I didn’t believe it. When a corporation told me that I was I actually believed them bc they were hiring me not trying to get sex from me. That helped me a lot to at least think I was attractive.
I have to totally disagree with you Daniel… I think you were adorable as a child and very good looking as a teen, for whatever that’s worth. I don’t think I’ve ever seen a picture of you that I didn’t like and to the contrary, thought you were pretty amazing looking. We see ourselves differently than others see us.
Interesting what you said about your father’s very smart dress and wardrobe, and his ignoring of yours. My mother had a big collection of clothes, all high quality. She really loved clothes so much. Yet between the ages of 15-17 at home I perhaps had two (cheap) outfits. I think I even bought them myself from my Saturday job. I didn’t even have a Winters coat. Decades later she was apoplectic that she had to buy me a basic school uniform once a year (this was the only thing she could come up with when I confronted her as to why she thought she was a great parent). There was also, obviously, zero guidance for me as a developing young woman going out in the world. Just nothing. In fact she chucked me out at age 17 for no reason. If I asked her now she would not be able to say why, I know, because there was no reason whatsoever. When you look back you can see the signs of neglect, lack of love and care. Weirdly from my 50s onwards, when I had a little bit more money, I got to take more pleasure in clothes and appearance!
Thats interesting...i had a similar experience where i felt like i didnt have access to be able to dress properly and would reframe that as "not being vain". But later on till now, it transpired into me spending more time and money on my apperance. Hope this isnt rude but do you think you could be using reaction formation or reframing it like i did? Thanks Daniel.
I stopped wearing makeup many years ago and my dad said to me . Why did u stop wearing make up now that u need it more than ever. It was an obvious slam.
The problem with women feeling they have to meet expectations of appearance is that women want to please and be liked. The want the rest of creation to like them. That is setting oneself up to be disempowered. Best not to care what others think of you. You can not dictate that the rest of the world accept you or like you or not judge you. That path leads to so much unhappiness. You can not make others like you. We have no power of that. What we can do is choose not to feel judged. That is the key to authenticity.
The light behind you like that is the least flattering lighting btw and you still look good. Lamp Light about 3metres in front of you about the most flattering.
Hmmm … you’re talking about grooming. I remember being a teenager and watching TV with my dad. A muscular handsome guy was on the tv and my dad turned to me and asked, “Why can’t you look like that?” It was a pivotal moment in my life. 45 years have passed. Other people confirmed that I am not attractive. My family has all passed, and I am alone. No relationships. Oh well, I am on the downside of life. Another ugly guy bites the dust.
You are right about the world being particularly judgmental of women who don't fit into conventional beauty standards. This is obviously true with the taboo about women having body hair. It is sort of OK for a man to have long (head) hair or a beard, and all his body hair. However women are supposed to remove all their body hair and look like plastic Barbie dolls or prepubescent girls. I am a heterosexual male and have had a physical attraction to body hair on women since being an adolescent. In particular I would say I am a "legs" man, and I like hairy legs on women. It has very often bothered me and seemed very unfair, and a crime really, that not only do women have to go through all kinds of pain and trouble to remove any and all body hair so as to meet our society's rather arbitrary standards of beauty, but MEN like myself (and women too) who actually like body hair on women are deprived of the chance to admire and marvel at the unique beauty and, yes, sex appeal, of women in their natural hairy state. Here is an article from several years ago about a female fitness trainer named Morgan Mikenas who decided to stop shaving her body hair, and with pictures of her with hairy armpits and hairy legs. I especially like and yes I am especially turned on by her hairy legs. www.boredpanda.com/girl-not-shaving-legs-morgan-mikenas/ Here are a couple of videos of a British woman with PCOS who is growing out and embracing her body hair. th-cam.com/video/5AZY-RN6y4o/w-d-xo.html th-cam.com/video/fFp3GjaCWks/w-d-xo.html There are a number of youtube videos with women showing and/or talking about their body hair.
I don't get it that you say you looked ugly/bad on that photo with a bit longer hair and a full beard. As a hitch-hiker maybe, psychologically. As I hitch-hiked when missed trains , people said they picked me up 1) because I was a woman,2) because I looked kind, 3) because I looked well-kept, orderly dressed or 4) because they had hitch-hiked before, knew how hard that can be, and wanted to help, give back..
Off topic, but I was once watching your video and paused when my mum came to the room to chat and she said "oh, what a handsome gentleman".
Ive always thought he was handsome/appealing
For us women, being ugly can be even more devastating since this is the principal trait we are judged on, from ever since the beginning on time. I feel like learning to accept the unattractiveness is crucial. I also heard so many times how “not pretty” I was being a teen and there is no way a thousand people trying to say the contrary now, trying to be nice, will change reality.
I remember one time in class in middle school the teacher left the room. A really vile kid who was known for dealing drugs and bullying younger kids started calling this one girl ugly and other derogatory names. I too was bullied by this kid. Previously he found me playing cards with friends quietly in the library, grabbed a couple of cards and bent and tore one. "What are you gonna do about it?" he goaded. I told him tell the librarian and go on with my day. He put the cards down (it was well know his dad was beating him when he was in the home, usually over a phone call or letter from school or police) and quietly left.
As me and the other kids listened to this loser spill vitriol to this innocent girl I promise you not one of us thought "oh shes ugly". We saw him for what he was - an ugly worthless nothing that would never do anything in this life except a long prison sentence. I wish I had been bigger and taller and fought him. Reading your words I realized that 8th grader may have believed this imbecile.
I think too often our society tries to blend beauty and sexualization. I truly believe every kind person is beautiful and every person that regularly commits evil through enjoyment of hurting others is ugly.
For both men and women, *especially* women, there is very very rarely something genetically wrong with them. Many of the things that make them "ugly" are choices they make that actively make them ugly. Eating too much food, colouring their hair, blue, strange makeup practices or not using make up at all, wearing male clothing, having short hair. I don't think I've ever actually seen an ugly woman who didn't do that to herself by choice, unless she had a literal phsical disorder
@@theguy9067 Don’t you think there are unattractive traits? I see my face and I know if I was a man I would probably not find me attractive. Traits is something you cannot correct, you were just born with less pleasant features.
@@ChooseLoveToday316 That was a very beautiful comment. Thank you. Yes, maybe she believed it. I heard those comments so many times that I just ended up believing it and seeing it in the mirror everyday.
@@di3486 I was an "ugly duckling" as a kid. I had bucked teeth, big buddy holly glasses and was very very skinny and unhealthy looking. I learned to focus on what I can do something about. I got 4 teeth pulled, braces and contacts. I got into gym life and bodybuilding. My life is not perfect theres been a lot of trauma and depression. The biggest change in me is leaving behind Learned Helpless to instead embrace Learned Hopefulness and Learned Optimism. I have learned in life theres always bad stuff and good stuff going on. I do a lot of nature walks. I find if i'm worried about stepping in dog poop, animal scat, hornets, getting sunburned etc that can be the focus of the walk or it can be the birds and animals, the trees and plants and the blue sky and yellow sun.. the clouds going by in funny shapes (whatever your imagination can think of). There is a documentary that pops up if you tyoe "Buddha documentary" on yt. My family is Christian but I highly recommend it. It covers a lot of topics. One thing I would say is don't put much weight in the external. You decide your happiness and destiny by controlling your thoughts, feelings and actions. There are some truly raw deals in life like what happened to Christopher Reeves, Michael J Fox Jr or Stephen Hawking. They didn't let life beat them and I won't let life beat me. I love you and God (or whatever you believe) loves you.
"I learned not to love myself" .. that hits home.. my narc parents did everything they could to destroy my self-esteem and self-image.. to steer me away from my gifts & talents and turn me into a disempowered empty shell
I don’t like phrases like “Learned how to not love myself” because it confuses me. I don’t understand how someone can learn that. Like you couldn’t explain to me the skill of hating myself, so I don’t see how it helps explain things besides being a nice quote.
@@pod9363 imagine if the person closest to you supposed to protect you a Parent. yell at you everyday “I hate you” and other insults combined with physical abuse every so often.
You’d probably develop or adopt an attitude of I hate myself as well
My parents too.
Same.
When I was in my 20's and 30's I was slim and attractive. And people were really nice to me. As I got older I put on weight and let my hair grow long because I've always wanted long hair. And people started to ignore me. I was the same me, I just got tired of starving myself to stay thin and and paying big bucks to get my hair done. I liked me this way, but some people didn't. I guess they just liked the young, pretty me. Too bad for them. It was hurtful at first, but I got over it. Lesson learned. Daniel, I think you look great with long hair, glasses and a beard !
Every time I come home to see my mom she has something negative to say about my appearance. I look gaunt, or malnourished, or my facial hair is too long, or I don’t have enough muscle. Can’t even remember that last time I heard something positive about my appearance. Happy to hear you are content with your appearance
Try: "Thank you, you look horrible too"
Well ok. Maybe not.
HA, i used to get that too , but she moved up to ''because i have a drone with a camera i MUST be spying on women getting dressed' at that point something just switched off and i walked out and havent been back , and i changed my phone number to cement the message
Sounds familiar, both my parents criticized my looks all my life-including now. My father once said to me "If I had looked like you at your age, I would've killed myself". I was around 18 and like 30lbs above my ideal weight..I am even heavier now, and don't care. The irony is I was called pretty throughout my 20s and even now, at 33, get told am pretty all the time-but my parents constantly find something negative to comment on, with respect to my looks/how I dress etc.
@@AstroMartine i think , they think that criticism is motivational , unfortunately it isn't ,in fact i think it does the opposite,
It’s about her, 😊not yo
You look handsome with a beard
Also lol you have a symmetrical face ! Youre conventionally good-looking. But that does not diminish your feelings or perspective which are really important and spot on.
OMG THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU FOR THIS TOPIC... HAVENT EVEN WATCHED THE WHOLE THING YET BUT I ARLEADY LOVE IT
You are a beautiful man in and out even now in your 50th. Your energy and your truth is beautiful
My mother and sisters hated my father and all male appearance, growing up an only male child I felt ugly and rejecting of masculine features, did a lot of self harm to myself as a result.. Being almost 40 I now look at myself and feel so sad that I had to do that to “make myself better” when all I needed is normality
We love you, Daniel!
I really appreciate the insight, Daniel. It's been my goal to be able to dress what I want since I was 12 yo. Being in a extremist society, I was forced to wear the head scarf when I was in middle school and ever since I've dreamt of the day I leave my parents house and this country to be able to take it off and be my own "beautiful".
Zineb bless it be you get your god given right to freedom of expression , blessings .
in the EXACT same situation, it's painful everytime I have to go out I have to dress according to my extremist parents and make sure not even a strand of my hair or inch of my skin shows, it's tormenting
Religion can do a lot of damage, and make people crazy, yes?
@@ursafehaven7079 my apologies for the question I am about to ask.
Hiding all your skin when in public ...demanding enough.
However, is there any way for you to enjoy some sunshine on your skin ..in an area with tall fences, where only sun rays can "see" you? I can't live without a few weeks of sunshine on my skin each year.
@@oceanaoushn8803 yea I can soak in the sun within the premises of my own home but then also there's very limited skin that I can expose to it. I can understand you, it's natural and our body craves for the warmth of the sun. I hope I can be free one day as well
You're beautiful inside and out.
I remember a video where some guy was talking about a girl he started dating who wasn't that good looking, but as he grew to know her she started to look more and more attractive to him.
Im not totally sure we can’t be attracted to “ugly” people if their personalities are healed and in-tact.
Oh yea im a girl and this happens to me. Im very much a personality person and I've numerous times had ugly or ok looking guys become attractive when i started to like their personalities. I dont only mean this in the sense that i see past the looks but in fact i start to like the looks more as well.
Well, there must be an initial physical attraction, but then the personality takes over. And let’s remember that chemistry that starts the process of attraction. I’ve met very beautiful people who lost their appeal completely if they were dull. Strangely, the mean and dangerous can still hold their appeal, but not the dull ones. Those mean and beautiful are the most toxic for vulnerable young people at the formative age and their influence could be devastating for a long time after. Especially if they are also gifted with charm. Most fascinating creatures. Lucky are those who never came or fell in love with them. All in all, kids should be raised with a sufficient confidence in their appearance. Nothing worse than to be wounded by the parents in this difficult journey through life.
You still look good, Daniel.
My favorite video of you so far ❤ I'm getting rid of my 'chemically fixed' hair and I'm going to wear my afro and take care of my skin which I have been neglecting... I'm healing from a depression and learning to love myself again, I want to be in touch with my true self and attract the right people... 😊 greetings from the Caribbean 🌴
I think when you try to be so good and do your best, and your parents still mistreat you,
you assume it must be your appearance.
What would make someone think that?
Yes, but in this case he wasn’t making any assumptions - his parents were chronically . and abusively overtly telling their own child he wasn’t good enough looking. These warped losers are 100% responsible for the DNA that create his looks. I sincerely want hard labor prison sentences for stupidity & cruelty like this.
I have long felt that way, too. For people to see me for my inner world and inner thoughts, not for the physical matter and things that satisfy the ambitious and greedy people and corporations. Because I have to participate in the worldly stuff, and make /earn money, which requires me to cater to other people's standards, I do make myself look presentable and I groom myself , but I wish I had friends like you, Daniel.
I remember when I was a teenager, I never thought of my self as beautiful. On the contrary I felt not enough. My mother was always telling me that I have to look feminine. Curl my hair, where a skirt and so on. I rebelled and thought that that was strangulating. And when I was in my early twenties I suddenly liked to get more in my to my femininity, I remember now that when my girlfriends and I prepared for going out or what ever. Putting on makeup and dressing up, my girlfriends always said; “ Why are you doing that? You look naturally beautiful “ That made me very sad and restrictive, and very conflicted. It made me very afraid of womanhood. Today at 56 I’ve incorporated a kind of androgynous look. But I like to put makeup on it sometimes. I’m still insecure. It has not left me, but I feel more love for my self. Because i have always valued the soul. I have always been interested in eyes and what is going on behind them. The expression in a persons eyes and the gestures that goes along with that has always fascinated me. I know now that what I always wanted and still do, is that deep soul connection. With others and myself. And I know that I am able to see beauty in many different forms. I have come to learn that emotions and deep feelings is what is beautiful. By the way, I’m trained a psychotherapist and I have encountered many people, but we all have the same insecurities. It’s so strange. When is it going to end. When can we start to love our selves so that we can just start to accept and love each other. Just a few words to many from me, maybe❤
What an interesting topic (as usual). I've been thinking about this lately and I've realised that it's so screwed up that strangers on the Internet feel the right to comment on someone else's body (either men's or women's, but mostly women's). And it doesn't matter whether it's a seemingly positive or negative comment. It should be no one's business how our bodies look, they're ours.
Never saw it this way before, excellent observation. We tend to believe that just because we're complimenting it's ok. Kind of explains why I find it irritating when my partner starts calling me beautiful too much, like I didn't ask for your opinion, keep it.
Right!
wow 1 out of 5 like your videos. what value u give without marketing. props.
Actually, I think you're very handsome regardless of whether your face is shaved or not. I, on the other hand, have never been very pretty. My nose is big and ugly (yes, there are big noses that can be pretty) and when I cried and complained about it my mother would say "you'll have it fixed one day and the problem will be solved". I've never had a rhinoplasty but I haven't grown to accept my nose either.
4:14 this is my exact experience. I've been thinking a lot about being "ugly" for a while now because of this exact reason. I'm a woman, I just turned 20, but i don't fit into conventional beauty standards for women. I think a lot of women's clothes (especially those marketed to my age group) can encourage women to objectify themselves, and i think a lot of women do objectify themselves as a result of trauma, plus it's socially acceptable. So anyways, i wear men's or unisex clothes. I also just naturally look kind of androgynous. I cut my hair short too a few times over the past few years. The first time i cut my hair short, my friend told me "you should have kept it long, it looked so much better," and just the other day i heard my other friend say she felt bad for this girl who got a buzz cut. As if having short hair is such a bad thing? The assumption is that having short hair, or not fitting into any beauty standards makes you uglier or less desirable when you're a girl. I don't want any of these beauty standard expectations placed on me and i don't want to be objectified. I just want to be seen as human before anything else. As i am typing this i just realized i have a hole in the sleeve of my shirt that I've been walking around wearing all day. I'll continue wearing it like this, i don't care if it's not "proper." Anyways, this is a great video and your beard is awesome!
I know girls don't like to be "judged" just keep in mind judgement in itself is useful, "judgement is how we navigate the world". The soul is sadly self-centered because it's based on our experiences, but the spirit is always pointing up. Daniel shaved is the lesson here, you don't have to care what other people think, but that doesn't mean you shouldn't love yourself. That would help your experience. "The soul is a blank canvas that should be painted with the colors of christian virtues" just as a painter looks at his model with every brush stroke, we should reflect on what we do. Unholy ground is when it becomes all about us. Your image is a reflection of your soul, "the face reflects what's on the mind and the eyes reflect what's in the heart." Proverbs: "A glad heart lights up the face, but by mental anguish your spirit is broken." The spirit is literally your energy. The spirit and soul are two different things, "it's not a battle of flesh, but of spirits and principalities" this is referring to evil in the world but the point is "the spirit and flesh battle with each other, so that we may not do whatever we want." The spirit is old fashioned, maybe you just haven't found your style? Contrary to belief God doesn't want us to needlessly suffer, there's nothing wrong with clean nice clothes, Jesus wasn't against basic necessities, he warned not to become anxious to where we are slaves to them. "While the mind is caffeinated with thoughts, the soul is anxious, we are always in jeopardy of shipwreck." "The world is thy ship, and not thy home." Remember planning reflects intelligence. Do what you will, as long as it's really what you want. Never give-up on yourself, because your worth it.
I have long hair and curvy figure and I am still ugly so, don’t worry😂
Love this!
Hi Gabby. It's cool to not care what people think of the way you look - just don't whine if you can't get the sex or job you want... that's the only time I think it's "wrong"... but other than that, hell yeah. Do your thing, girl! If you are happy, then you be you.
There is no point in trying to please people - just do what you feel is right and authentic to you (if it does not hurt anyone else) and that concerns looks as well. I am curvy, long-haired woman and when dressed up, I get attention for all the wrong reasons, I used to hate being seen just as a sexy object. I can also confirm that when I purposefully look “less conventionally pleasing” and dress in unisex, plain or baggy clothes, it has served me well in terms of human interactions. I always wanted to look androgynous and not as womanly woman (since I never felt as any specific gender - quite common amongst autistic people). So I envy you (in the best sense). Androgynous is just a different kind of beauty and I want you to know it has its serious admirers. I will be 40 next year and it took me most of my life to accept (and even appreciate) that my body has naturally a shape of a woman.
In my family of origin too. Always had to be put together no matter what. There wouldn't be food for me without wearing skinny jeans or a skirt with and a nice shirt, sitting straight at the table. Every month when menstruating (starting at 11) my dad wouldn't allow me to have food in my pyjamas because I was in too much pain to be presentable. Many many years later I had emergency surgery due to severe endometriosis and suddenly it was ok so I confronted him about it. He said he only allows it now because it was medically proven, but got angry with me when I argued it's always been obvious in how much pain I was. He didn't care about his daughter staying in bed for days, unable to go to school, passing out, vomiting etc. until a doctor said it was valid. You all can imagine he didn't like what I was saying, he even got physical with me and threw me out of the house. Obviously this issue isn't the only reason why I broke with my parents years ago but I still can't get how someone can be that cold and cruel to withhold food from a minor in severe pain for days just because they don't meet their beauty standard.
That is really sad. I'm sorry that happened to you, Bug Bean.
Your father was/is a sadistic asshole.
Complete psychos :/
I'm sorry this happened to you. Chronic pain sucks and having unsupportive parents is a nightmare!
An ugly person will become beautiful if they have a good heart and character, but you will be ugly no matter what when you have a dark soul. So Daniel, you are beautiful from every standpoint.
100%
Op spreads harmful lies
Is it okay to have a grey soul? I think it’s the only upgrade lol
Thankyou Daniel.
IU think throwing away all Mirroes could be helpful and safe us a a lot of trouble.
Huge respect for putting that out. This issue is so intimate and brings about feelings of nakedness and shame and loneliness. So much so that people feel the need to contradict or correct your point of view. Very tough to talk about.
I've always thought of having a conventionally unappealing appearance as a good filter to weed out the vain and opportunistic. And then I think of the times where I've had a visceral disgust reaction to women I've thought as unappealing and come to the realization that I'm a hypocrite for thinking myself as morally superior to others who obsess over maximizing their looks. That has humbled me to resist passing moral judgment on them, even though I shame myself for having done it, for having visceral disgust responses, AND for behaving in ways to publicly display that "I'll talk to them anyway to show that I'm a good person."
Not at all. Ugly women attract opportunistic men a lot. I am an unattractive woman that had to deal with that for the first 30 years of her life.
@@di3486true women kind of never win. it’s more about not trying to look like “everyone else” and being unique in a way where people notice that you’re being yourself, that attracts more of the right people, not necessarily being “ugly”. people who are being themselves notice when other people are being themselves and not just trying to fit in. the insecurity is what attracts the wrong people. just my take!
@@XYZ-kb3mm I was in the polar opposite of trying to fit in. Being myself was never enough. At least things changed a bit and I have a decent bunch of true friends now and a husband who is as nerd as me 😝
I always thoyght the beard suits you well. It gives a look of wisdom in a sense. I love your videos Daniel, raw and honest.
From a women's perspective: i would rather shock people when i put makeup on than shock people when it's taken off
ha ha :)
dont put that crap on your face embrace natural beauty
I shock people without makeup
Your comment should be printed on T shirts and posters and handed out free to all those poor young people drowning in cosmetic and plastic surgery ads. Psychologically battered into feeling inadequate so they buy more stuff. Huge respect to you for your comment.
@@marceldavis7306 Men say they prefer natural beauty but consistently find women who wear makeup more attractive. Men say they like 'natural beauty' but what they really want is a woman who somehow looks like a Victoria's Secret supermodel without ever putting on makeup, dieting, getting Botox, fillers or a nose job. They want a 'cool girl' who 'doesn't care about all that silly stuff' yet still looks amazing. That way, they can convince themselves they're not asking for much and they aren't shallow.
This is such an interesting thing. I was thinking how my dad would always shave. Even if it was just to go to the supermarket on a weekend. He would say I need to shave first. Thanks for sharing your thoughts. It is really nice to hear your thoughts.
I think you look cool with a beard!
Thank you for shering!
I was just watching your other videos and I was thinking, wow, if he was in my real life, I would like to date him. Then in this video you say that you are not good-looking. Well, I find you attractive as a twenty-seven-year-old girl
This is beautiful thank you Daniel 🥰
Man you are so beautiful! MUCH LOVE! And send the Chords/Lyrics of "Roll on Big Pharma" please ;)
yup, truth, thanks Daniel
New favorite channel, your videos are saying what I’ve been thinking my whole life. The world is messed up. People are confusing and twisted. Most will try to take advantage and abuse. You give me hope. Thank you
Women often allow men to be 2 things men would never for women; ugly and loved. It’s def not the same for women.
Men and women are different. Women will sell their souls for money and security. Men want someone pleasant in attitude and appearance.
This is not true. Women have it objectively easier dating. In every age group below like 70 there are more women in relationships than men. And you also have so much more options.
The number 1 issue for women is that they don't find a partner who meets their expectation. The number 1 issue for men is dealing with the high expectations put on them.
Women don't have an easier time dating, just an easier time finding sex which most women don't want and it gets worse when you aren't considered pretty.
Great topic!
content of character > physical presentation
Dear Daniel, thank you so much for sharing this story and this topic with us. To be honest: As I first saw the thumbnail for this video, I was like: why does Daniel put this awesome good looking guy as thumbnail, really: the picture is great and the beard and the glasses you look beautiful and interesting; weird that you got such a harsh feedback from your father. The feedback from your environment was positiv: you got into more honest and deep relationships. I hope it's okay that I write this this way. It's just it's so far from my perception. I'm currently working on a presentation about trauma, shame, self hatred, self harm, bodily experience, Alessandra Lemma published a well written paper on it too: Being seen or being watched: a psychoanalytic perspective on body dysmorphia. I think it's a common defense mechanism that someone projects his inner traumas and inner self hatred on the outside, makes trauma and self hatred a bodily conflict. Thanks for not shaving and being so honest und true, as always. Best wishes!
I love your ❤️🦉💪Your looks are just the added bonus!! ☮️💟💫🦋
When I hit my fifties I struggled with an autoimmune disease that made me looked bloated. I also lost some teeth and had no insurance to replace them. I stopped shaving everyday and wore sweats a lot. Thats when I started to notice the security guards at stores following me, and how some customer service people would assume that I was homeless and dangerous. Restaurants and bar workers would ignore me or ask me to leave. When I was younger and attractive these places would welcome me. It's also harder in the gay community to deal with aging and not looking attractive. It has given me more motivation to seek a spiritual understanding of what my beauty is and what beauty is in other people and not identify so much with the outer form but with how the person treats others, especially how they treat those who have less social clout than them. I now have a totally different understanding now of what beauty and attractiveness really is.
Thanks for this video Daniel. I think it has a very important message, especially given how much more and more attention is being paid to image, appearances, looks in our culture nowadays.
I think it's also very meaningful in the sense you've talked about in so many of your videos, that is acting out trauma behind the veneer of supposed parental care.
You are not ugly. You easily fall within the "average looking" category (like two thirds of the population probably do if we assume a typical distribution of attractiveness as a trait). As long as you don't have any very appearant asymmetric features (that's what being perceived as "ugly" boils down to in most cases) you are well within the norm. Having a "lazy eye" condition myself I know very well what it's like to be outside that norm.
I have a lazy eye too and I find myself trying to foster symmetry in every other way 😔
He's actually good looking, as you can see in the pictures
Yes, indeed. Not sure how anyone is helping by firmly telling someone they are “average” looking.This guy is fabulous looking. Obviously you are a thinking person who understands the point is not where he falls on the Looks Spectrum. He is not asking people to rate his looks . But since people are hopeless & throwing down on this -- scale of 1 - 10? He’s a 12.5. Factor in how intelligent he is I start sweating. I’m not kicking him out of bed for eating crackers.
I assume you didn’t even watch the video as ….that’s the only way your comment makes any sense 🙄🤷🏼♀️
He never called himself ugly….which he certainly isn’t……but yea…..I certainly don’t see anything ugly about a lazy eye ….but there could be worse things I’m very sure!
I have a lazy eye. I was doomed the moment I was born. Humans are awful.
Thanks for reminding me what authenticity is. Got little sidetracked.
I remember and cherish the time I use to wear cheap sneakers for couple of $, pair of jeans and pulower. It was comfortable and I didnt care what anybody thinks. I was vegan back then, had myself on the inside and my independence. I liked it. I need to go back to that state of mind and living. I had so little belongings then.
Fantastic video as always Daniel. I feel that our parents were pretty similar.
"im attracting better people now"
Yeah this is bullshit when you attract nobody regardless of what you try or change about yourself. You even said it yourself that people only came to respect you because you grew taller. But you were honest about it and didn't act like it didn't help you in another video, so I respect that. I also experienced that weird phenomenon where when you say something its ignored or reviled but when someone else steals the joke everyone breaks out into laughter.
I want to love my body as it is, I don't always look good, sometimes I wake up in the morning with dark circles because I didn't sleep well, Sometimes I'm just stressed, My acne is part of my body, It's slowly going away but I don't care anymore if someone doesn't want to talk tome cuz of my acne then fine, I don't need that person just don't talk to me when my acne is gone. If I have to live all my life alone because people don't like my outer self then fine I accept it, but I thank God I have my friend Andrew and he doesn't care about my outer appearance we like each other because we share the same beliefs, ideas, And soon I'll visit him and we're gonna travel in a van to different places, I want to live my life, And when I die not regret all the decision I made, I wanna die knowing I lived and faced all my fears
you were a gorgeous child. I was pretty but I always felt so ugly inside. it is too bad. life is too short to have these terrible feelings. but looking nice is a sign of respect to OTHERS.
Coming from the family and societal environment where I was constantly told that I was ugly and fat especially by my parents, my perception of myself was extremely warped. I shifted my focus inward towards developing myself as a human being, having a rich inner world and became academically excellent. I came to the US and was absolutely shocked to discover how extremely attractive people perceived me to be, and how much a young lady with all her wisdom and brilliance can be summed up as just a hot chick, some say hashtag 23, you must be taking selfies all day, when in actuality I was working 3 jobs and building a business. I think as women we are not asking for much to be just viewed as human beings, to have someone love us for the person that we are, to grow, to heal and to help people around us grow and heal, have them value our opinions not for our age or gender, only for who we are within.
I think I developed body dismorphia because I see myself the ugliest person in the world and there is no therapy that has helped at all.
while really unimportant compared to the video's message and topic, i finally know the answer to the mystery of why you are always using the same shirt in videos. and yeah, in a way it slightly helps with consistency but practically i don' think anyone would mind if every video you had a different shirt (or beard length).
I think you're really beautiful inside and outside,now and as a child.
When I was younger, I had a terrible self-esteem. I believed that all women believed I was terribly ugly so I didn't approach any of them. I just sort of stared at them from afar, because in my mind no woman would ever want me.
Unfortunately, this mindset led to a pretty devastating pornography addiction (thankfully I'm sober now), but I just want to say that this mindset of being "ugly" can lead to terribly self-harming behaviors and ideas for a person.
I still don't think I'm the most attractive person ever but I try not to let that idea be so important to my being anymore. If I'm not attractive, it doesn't bother me as much as it used to anymore.
I am female and feel the same way, Ive had much relief from negative attention now that Ive gained a lot of weight
to me you are super handsome
You're an attractive person inside and out. Live and and present yourself as comfortable and true. Then you will attract true people. Sounds like you've figured that most important lesson out.
I looked back at old school and family photos, and I realized that my clothes were all too small, wrinkled, my hair was cut boy short, then grew out without trims. I had buck teeth that stuck out when my mouth was closed (I am finishing braces at 57). I also had untreated cystic acne - and now have an orange skin face. She didn't want me, I was an ugly 😳 embarrassment. Never had beauty, never had a husband.
I went through a similar dynamic, going from an awkward, judged, rejected adolescent to an admired, complemented, sought after, encouraged young man (growing 7 inches and losing 20 lbs was a factor, and not an incignificant one). No accomplishment, no one else, nothing else can convince us of our worth. We alone have the possibility of meeting ourselves at the very core, with appreciation, acceptance and Love. How to pull that off is another question, :)
Bro, you were handsome in that photo you showed in the video. I don't understand why your father would tell you that you're ugly if it's objectively not true
My father, unfortunately, was far from objective...
as someone into beauty and fashion… you never looked ugly, and your clothing choices as a kid were cool in the pictures you showed!
Hi Daniel, I was born in Armenia and was pleasantly surprised to see your picture next to the sign pointing to the border of Armenia.♥
Hi Gregory -- I had a lovely time in Armenia :) --Daniel
You are unique, my man
Smiling...🙏🏿
So true, mate.
I love that our imperfections can act as the perfect filter against those that we don’t belong with and don’t belong with us. My partner has a disfigured face from cancer, 6 mos after we began dating. People always do double takes of him and once a really drunk young guy came up to us and said, “You must be friends! There’s no way you could be together.” Since my divorce where the relationship was all based on ego and looks, I grew to love my changing feminine female body. Now, with both my imperfections and my partners we can love each other for the qualities that truly connect us. The boogers in his sagging eye that needs manual closing and my rolls are filters… I always attracted the wrong men… strangers too, once a guy walking by at the park slapping my ass. Now, we notice and love each other as the world looks on. It feels better.
The insides are what matter.
I love the beard💛
I love it when someone is comfortable and themselves
I’d like to know Daniel’s opinion on incels and if he has any advice for them
emotional neglect
Be grateful you are an attractive person, with or without beard. :) Also, I think people generally feel better when they look presentable, nothing wrong with that.
When I would drop buy in a hurry in a middle of a working day, right out of the office in my consultant look, the shop workers would jump off and want to sell me, but I had no time really. And when I used to come on a weekend, looking comfy in my old ski jacket, ready to spend money, they would just ignore me. Same person, different looks, a totally different treatment!
I know that's not the point of the video but I think you look handsome no matter what! :) Nothing unattractive about not being clean shaven in my opinion.
Childhood trauma is important, but it's refreshing whenever you upload a video of a different topic. Danny boy, you're gorgeous. Do you have any Jewish in you? - Your biggest fan from Kuwait
Daniel makes a video about being "ugly" then comes on camera looking like a rugged mountain man from a romance novel.
haha exactly
I think your being subjectively hard on yourself. Your definitely not ugly. I think largely, like you said was coming from a place of lack of self love not actually and appearance deficit
100%
Funny thing is, growing up all the negative comments about my look came only from my mother.. I was bullied at school, but I can't remember a single mock about how I look from other children... or anyone. And at home my mom was so so worried how I dress, how I look, especially as I got older and more mature, as my body changed and such. If I bought new clothes she always had to check them and give her verdict if they look good or if they look horrible. Every time she didn't like them my heart was broken a bit, because I liked that particular shirt or dress on me, I was so anxious for so long about how I look, feeling like I am never good enough.
I think that "inner" and "outer" presentations should not reject each other. The best thing is to be both - beautiful and intelligent.
I find him with beard and glasses very attractive
Haha! I feel ya on the store detective bit. That happened to me the other day and I confronted the store detective, not in a rude way, just to let them know I was aware of their presence 🎉
Im a mid girl, i grew up ugly so i put all my time into developing my art skills.
Now im glad i didnt grew up looking better cuz i take pleasure in the things i can do.
I like the beard
I still sometimes feel like an outsider to this day, I can appreciate at times, but there are others where Id like to have those uncounsious thoughts more in control. I got pointed at a lot when I had personal transitions, and the sensation of the memory are awful, but we are going well you know hehe 👍
I had to train myself to like myself and believe I was attractive. When I worked for the airlines I remember them telling me I was very pretty and that blew me away bc even when guys would tell me that I didn’t believe it. When a corporation told me that I was I actually believed them bc they were hiring me not trying to get sex from me. That helped me a lot to at least think I was attractive.
I have to totally disagree with you Daniel… I think you were adorable as a child and very good looking as a teen, for whatever that’s worth. I don’t think I’ve ever seen a picture of you that I didn’t like and to the contrary, thought you were pretty amazing looking. We see ourselves differently than others see us.
Dude with the beard and glasses you had a solid Eric Clapton kinda look goin on its awesome 🤣
Interesting what you said about your father’s very smart dress and wardrobe, and his ignoring of yours.
My mother had a big collection of clothes, all high quality. She really loved clothes so much. Yet between the ages of 15-17 at home I perhaps had two (cheap) outfits. I think I even bought them myself from my Saturday job. I didn’t even have a Winters coat. Decades later she was apoplectic that she had to buy me a basic school uniform once a year (this was the only thing she could come up with when I confronted her as to why she thought she was a great parent). There was also, obviously, zero guidance for me as a developing young woman going out in the world. Just nothing. In fact she chucked me out at age 17 for no reason. If I asked her now she would not be able to say why, I know, because there was no reason whatsoever.
When you look back you can see the signs of neglect, lack of love and care.
Weirdly from my 50s onwards, when I had a little bit more money, I got to take more pleasure in clothes and appearance!
Thats interesting...i had a similar experience where i felt like i didnt have access to be able to dress properly and would reframe that as "not being vain". But later on till now, it transpired into me spending more time and money on my apperance.
Hope this isnt rude but do you think you could be using reaction formation or reframing it like i did? Thanks Daniel.
Wow the beard looked great in that picture Daniel. You should let the beard and ur hair grow out again. It’s sexy too. No offense.
Beards are great.
Nice beard ❤
I stopped wearing makeup many years ago and my dad said to me . Why did u stop wearing make up now that u need it more than ever. It was an obvious slam.
Don't wear it ever
The problem with women feeling they have to meet expectations of appearance is that women want to please and be liked. The want the rest of creation to like them. That is setting oneself up to be disempowered. Best not to care what others think of you. You can not dictate that the rest of the world accept you or like you or not judge you. That path leads to so much unhappiness. You can not make others like you. We have no power of that. What we can do is choose not to feel judged. That is the key to authenticity.
You looked like Terence mckenna
rings bells....
The light behind you like that is the least flattering lighting btw and you still look good. Lamp Light about 3metres in front of you about the most flattering.
Hmmm … you’re talking about grooming. I remember being a teenager and watching TV with my dad. A muscular handsome guy was on the tv and my dad turned to me and asked, “Why can’t you look like that?” It was a pivotal moment in my life. 45 years have passed. Other people confirmed that I am not attractive. My family has all passed, and I am alone. No relationships. Oh well, I am on the downside of life. Another ugly guy bites the dust.
I’ve always been more attracted to beards and longer hair on men. I’d be much more inclined to pick up scruffy self loving Daniel hitchhiker.
Only if the male is young and shaves all other ody parts 8n kuding legs. We women should never shave our legs
You are right about the world being particularly judgmental of women who don't fit into conventional beauty standards. This is obviously true with the taboo about women having body hair. It is sort of OK for a man to have long (head) hair or a beard, and all his body hair. However women are supposed to remove all their body hair and look like plastic Barbie dolls or prepubescent girls.
I am a heterosexual male and have had a physical attraction to body hair on women since being an adolescent. In particular I would say I am a "legs" man, and I like hairy legs on women.
It has very often bothered me and seemed very unfair, and a crime really, that not only do women have to go through all kinds of pain and trouble to remove any and all body hair so as to meet our society's rather arbitrary standards of beauty, but MEN like myself (and women too) who actually like body hair on women are deprived of the chance to admire and marvel at the unique beauty and, yes, sex appeal, of women in their natural hairy state.
Here is an article from several years ago about a female fitness trainer named Morgan Mikenas who decided to stop shaving her body hair, and with pictures of her with hairy armpits and hairy legs. I especially like and yes I am especially turned on by her hairy legs.
www.boredpanda.com/girl-not-shaving-legs-morgan-mikenas/
Here are a couple of videos of a British woman with PCOS who is growing out and embracing her body hair.
th-cam.com/video/5AZY-RN6y4o/w-d-xo.html
th-cam.com/video/fFp3GjaCWks/w-d-xo.html
There are a number of youtube videos with women showing and/or talking about their body hair.
I don't get it that you say you looked ugly/bad on that photo with a bit longer hair and a full beard. As a hitch-hiker maybe, psychologically. As I hitch-hiked when missed trains , people said they picked me up 1) because I was a woman,2) because I looked kind, 3) because I looked well-kept, orderly dressed or 4) because they had hitch-hiked before, knew how hard that can be, and wanted to help, give back..