David Foster Wallace spoke a lot in his 2003 interview about how it's extremely hard for most people to be alone with themselves because it brings up an internal terror, and that most smart people he knows can't be alone or manage to read because a restlessness comes up. It's like it was this great mystery to him why, and you just lay it out here so simply. It's because trauma begins to resurface and attempts to grieve. Your work and people like you really has the capacity to change humanity.
Gosh, I am alone so often, and the scary part is, it doesn't bother me. I love my company. My own speed, whatever I want to do/see and no expectations from others.
Whenever you’re in a company of others, you’re also free to do things at your own pace. Does it mean you have been hanging around companies that repress your inner bring?
@@irinasolomina1800 I don't mind being around other people, but hard to find friends to be with. I also don't have a significant other in my life. If I did that would be great.
We're born alone and we die alone. Being able to enjoy alone-time is the most underrated skill in life. Because you are the only one you have for a lifetime. All other relationships end. When you are able to generate contentment and peace just by being with yourself... then that's just the greatest gift ever. Because this kind of feeling is something that nobody can take away from you, not even life itself. Because it comes from deep within. Great video! (it's funny because just before I saw this video I thought about being alone, not in a negative way... - so good timing!)
We're born into a world full of people and we leave a world full of people. We are social beings don't kid yourself. Look at what solitaire does to people in prison. It utterly destroys them!
@@Huelogy If you can’t stand your own company, you are screwed. If you always need to be around people or distracted in order to feel okay, something is wrong there. Yes being alone for extended periods of time isn’t healthy either but you need the ability to be alone without ever being lonely.
I loathed my own company for a long time. An awakening of sorts (to put it mildly) over the past year and half has left me completely at peace and never bored when I’m alone. I actually prefer it over the noise and compulsive conversations about mundane and vapid subjects that most of us humans engage in. People don’t like meditation because they are forced into a silence that exposes their neurosis.
I'm forever grateful for three individuals whose writings/videos I have access to: Daniel, Alice Miller and Alan Watts. Alice Miller, Polish by birth just like me, is my absolute heroin regardless of what her son has been writing/telling about her after her death (so she couldn't defend herself). When I came across her books more than 20 years ago I cried really hard. It was the first time I realized I was the scapegoat of my psychopathic mother and my brutal tyrant father. In the first 20 years of my life I was 100% convinced I was a complete failure and the reason why my mother is always angry, sad, aggressive, tired and miserable. She hated me with all her might and let him torture me as much as he wanted to. Perfect duo. The majority of people should be infertile. Nature should regulate such things based on people's emotional status.
So it's not okay for Alice's son to talk about his traumas suffered via his mother, because she's not here to defend herself? But it's cool for your to talk about what your parents did. Are your parents here to defend themselves?
@@Rose_Ou Her son has the right to write about his experiences, and no matter who gets upset, his experiences are real and nothing can change that. One must note that his writing does not affect Alice Miller's brilliant work: she may have had her problems, that affected her son, but her work is no less brilliant because of this.
@@neon75105 he surely has the right to say and write whatever he wants, I'm just saying it was very convenient for him to do that since she wasn't there anymore to tell her side of the story. Also, I have the right to express my opinion and you have the right to criticise mine 👍
@@Rose_Ou You are right on that, I also would have liked to hear Alice's side of the story. His son made an interview with Daniel. You can search it and find it in his channel. He explains why he waited until his mother's passing to write about it. I haven't read his book, but maybe reading it might answer the question, "why didn't you talk to her? She seems like an extremely reasonable person?" Alice Miller is also my hero, and it hurts to hear that she was unable to emotionally connect with her son. I wish she was still alive and that she could give an explanation for this, but we don't have her anymore. The thing that might explain her disconnection is the fact that she grew up in a war period. Her parents too, and that sure makes an impact on you and the way you relate to others. As she said, once you view your history and understand what lead you to take such actions, there is no shame or guilt, only compassion and understanding.
I am totally alone 90 to 95% of the time. Price I pay for getting old and falling apart. I exist in a big city. Hell of a price to pay. Am usually so busy just trying to survive. Wasn't like this growing up. My world pretty well crashed, back in 2014. Thankfully i am have in recovery long enough that I can stay clean and sober.
I love being alone......maybe a little bit too much. I have lived with people before but I have been living alone for the last 16 years and I absolutely love it. I know for me it cuts down the chances of being in and staying in abusive relationships because I know I enjoy and thrive being single. I will fight for a relationship that enhances my life but I will run as fast as possible from any relationship that becomes toxic. Every relationship ends because someone dies or someone ends it, no need in ending up broke or abused over something that is going to end anyway.
I am very comfortable being alone. That's not to say that I dont enjoy when all my grandchildren are here...I cherish that. But I also get the pleasure of having my nine yr old grandson call me after school. Just to say hi and tell me about his day. Life is good and I wouldn't feel like this if not for discovering Daniel and reading his essays years ago. I'm full of gratitude.
I love to be alone, in silence, in nature. I used to love it as a child. But society told me it was 'abnormal'. As an adult, I again/still enjoy silence and tranquility. And I am less influenced by other people's opinions. A quiet life without much drama: I love it. I still need people. But I am equally able to be alone by myself. By the way, if people cannot leave you alone or keep bothering you, that says a lot about their maturity level, methinks.
that's a pretty lame and whiny statement. What's stopping someone from being happy? geeze. If someone isn't happy and no one is physically stopping them from becoming happy than they are sniveling mentally weak cowards and I certainly wouldn't want to be around someone like that.
exactly right Nick . And havnt we all learnt what enforced aloneness feels like for the last 2 years !! . Being alone when its a natural phase ,,because we were nurtured SO well , that we developed a grounded sense of stable comunity and self ,, from which to wander off and explore at will is totally diferent from aloneness that we havnt "grown into " naturally . Or isolation thats used a tortcher. I know many many good ,lovely adults who cant yet be alone happily . I think this one reason for the "vision quest" right of passage to happen in our late teens .
So true. So many people remaining in a marriage or couple relationship out of fear of being on their own. As if they wouldn't feel they had an identity on their own. I feel you're right, that there is some element of disconnection from one's self, or disassociation or something, so that staying in the dysfunctional relationship allows some to continue living this life of distraction. I do agree that it's a sign of immaturity, of stunted personal growth. I think this pattern gets worse as people age and further fear being alone as older people.
It is a nice side-effect of doing the healing work, I used to be emotionally afraid of being alone and now I love it. Great talk, you describe things really well.
Finding a fine line between being alone and isolating oneself is important. Human relationship is absolutely built into us and isolating is a way to avoid pain and risking relationships too. So its good to be able to be alone but not as a defense mechanism that isolates from others to avoid the triggering pain that comes up from relationships (fear of abandonment, etc)
You are the first person I've heard talk about a need to be with people and that it's a type of addiction. This is me. I was thinking that it was no longer me because I don't seek out human company like I used to. But I also used to dissociate often with TV if I had no one to hang out with. And now, it's been replaced with the internet and mostly TH-cam. I got some work to do. Thanks Daniel.
I spend a lot of time alone, and don't feel lonely. I do, however, watch a lot of TH-cam videos on channels such as this. I'm not sure if that's a form of escapism, or is part of my healing process. Maybe a little of both. Note to self: turn off the computer sometimes and journal more.
Yeah. I'm the same way. I listen to longform TH-cam videos every night before bed. And when I was younger I would watch Conan O'Brien every night before bed. It would probably be better if I didn't need to rely on that stuff, but it's the only way I've been able to deal with my issues.
This video is an instant classic from your library that I will continue to revisit. I'm realizing I need to create a playlist of Daniel Mackler favorites like I do with music artists I follow.
I can really relate to this, and love hearing your perspective on things. I also feel so fortunate and grateful that I enjoy my own company so much. I am glad I was relatively old before I got into any romantic relationships because it meant I spent my early 20s focusing on me and becoming very independent. I am also glad I realised a long time ago that only true friends matter and not to care what anyone else thinks. Many people are worried about how many friends they have, and whether they have enough, whatever that means, and also jumping from one relationship to the next because they can't stand being alone, it's very sad
The older you become, the more you realize people around you one by one will leave you alone. The capabity to be alone and grief from the past trauma is a rare gift. And now, I'm mid 20s, i already set so many boundaries with people around me. I'm scared of hurting or being hurted by. I'm introvert of course, being creative and spending time with myself is the things i do everyday. Sometimes it scared me to death when people try to reach me out. Then i realize, the person who can heal myself is me. I discovered your channel a month ago. I don't feel alone anymore. Thankyou for creating this channel, Daniel. It means a lot and helping people out there who experienced the same problem or even greater problem than myself.
I hope while you are being creative, your mind gets the stillness and peace you need. Try not to overthink things - easier said than done, I know. Take care.
Thank you for the comment, it means a lot for me. Your word helps me ease the pains... and yes, my close relatives realized a minor detail i had, "the overthinker", i well aware of it, indeed. Stoicism is what i need to learn. Being creative is like breathing the fresh air from the oxygen tube while i'm diving. And hey, I hope you do your best and stay healthy there! 😇
@@nightingaledruid I have the same problem with overthinking! It's good to think things through but I find if I trust my instincts I'm better off. I hope this helps. Nothing wrong with thinking, just give yourself a chance to not cook your brain inside your skull! I have the same issue. There are a lot of nice people on this channel I noticed. People who feel the same kind of pressures it would seem. Much care here from Ireland, wherever you are.
It does helps! talking about you find many nice people in this channel, yes and it is you! You helped me, at least your words slapped me in the face not to do something stupid in the future. About your overthinking, I'm sorry for hearing that. I'll try not to burn my brain inside my skull, thanks for helping people, being kind and your advices! Truly ironic and soothing at once to share the same problem, stay alive and healthy. Warm hugs from Indonesia ʕง•ᴥ•ʔง
I think one feels comfortable alone if they have a secure support system. Otherwise you are afraid of being alone because you have no security. We are wired for connection. Also I have found being alone can make someone concentrate far too much on themselves and any mental disorder one may have becomes far worse by being alone. Also to be alone one needs a hobby, meaningful work or an an intellectual pursuit. Most people are not able to be alone.
In finally being content being alone but it also comes with my accomplishments/ successes under my belt. Like day to day if i complete what i set out to do, then im as happy as i can be.
I live in the sticks my friends like to say. And now that I am older I really do enjoy living alone and I am pretty isolated surrounded by nature and am very much at peace with myself more so than any other time in my life. But I know I would not have been content where I am now when I was in my 20’s or 30’s and I know it’s because I am so much more I touched with me and who I am. I do catch myself taking to myself sometimes. I asked myself why do I talk to myself once. and myself sed,because I’m the only one smart enough to know what the hell you’re saying.
Your amazing video reminds me why I so often enjoy travelling alone. I don’t even always have to leave the country. It may be that when travelling alone I feel free and in some ways most truly connected to myself. I also tend to experience the physical world around me more vividly - but at the same time more in connection to my true, inner self. None of the distractions and work and habits of home, TV, etc. and also less of the more conformist, judging vibe of where I live at home (in the UK) … it is probably no accident that I have been able to do this after quite a lot of therapy and self-therapy. Also, there is often a lot of judgment and shame even around being alone … including when travelling. If only they knew how thrilling and engaging it often was, and how happy I was (not always obviously, e.g. sometimes difficult things happen when travelling alone).
Sounds amazing, I'm really happy for you Daniel! How fortunate that you feel so connected with yourself and cope with loneliness in a mature, joyous way. I remember you attending the Sweden program about dealing with the loneliness of traveling. How wonderful of a success that you've come to this point in your life where you feel really well and enjoy being alone, while appreciating connection with others, as well. I'm working on myself and have a lot of way to go, still find it difficult to cope with loneliness, especially these days for some reason. I hope one day by having access thanks to you to a mature, healthy person, teaching the whys and hows to us all, I will learn some great ways to become these myself as best as I can, since it's difficult to find other mature, healthy people for setting an example in the world for me. Thanks you so much for sharing. Best, Aylin 💖🗺☀🌙
One of the best videos you've done. Of course, I like them all; however, some hit closer to home than others. I feel the same and have for quite some time. I enjoy my own company so very much. I have and still do practice escapism, but not nearly as often and not in the same unconscious way as years past. Most people I connect with - especially new people that I meet and/or simply talk with - have such a desperate desire to be heard. I can tell this because when I just shut my mouth and ask relevant questions to their statements/remarks...they come alive. They come alive in a way that screams 'I haven't been heard!'. I can hear it and sense it. Fortunately for me I prefer to listen to others, as opposed to telling them about myself and my thoughts and feelings. I do all of that with myself...always have. I love what you've done here. You're a unique and enthralling individual. I listen to "A seekers ballad" often. I play music too. I'd love to contact you personally on here, though i'm not sure how. Don't worry, i'm too introverted to be cumbersome to you. :)
Left my parents 10 years ago. Wish I had found your channel then. It seems like in life we only get what we want when we pass a certain level on our own. I may not have been ready to accept help back then because I had exhausted help in therapy (had undiagnosed CPTSD) and exhausted "spiritual" bullshit answers which are just lies. Love your channel. We came from different backgrounds but some similarities. You are very helpful and give much insight.
Thank you so much Daniel. I have seen this video before, but for some reason I felt the need to see it again. I couldn't stop crying. This painful crying that has been suppressed for so many years and now erupts like a volcano. I had my first outburst of this kind of cry a few months ago, before discovering you. Now I know it was grieving, for all my childhood and adulthood till now. In my marriage I was not allowed to express any negative emotions and they transformed to a sensation of a lump in my throat. I am now in the process of divorcing my husband and everything that was imposed to me. Thank you for validating this process. I am really really grateful.
Just discovered you a week and ago and am still binge watching, though not to escape from being alone! Thanks so much for your generous work here Daniel.
Love the video Daniel! As a man with high functioning Autism I always try to have a good relationship with myself as that's what will get me through the day.
@@sojournerkarunatruth4406 Not a problem. I've always tried to focus on technology. I have taken a focus on Transhumanism to try to stop the breeding madness of the human condition by using technology to transcend biology. I have seen a few of your other comments and I like what you are saying. Especially the "not your path" one (I saved that one). Break the cycle, rise above nature, focus on Transhumanism.
@@henrikhans467 yeah, I was about to say, I will further research Transhumanism so we can discuss about it, because idk shit about it now but I’ve got my plate full and I’m in the midst of restructuring my life; perhaps I’ll become further interested in Transhumanism after I research it 🔬 I can’t know. But keep refining your project in the meantime 🙌
Walking away from the people you love just to do what you need to do for your own abundance has happened twice to me now and I'm only 24 (three weeks til 25). The second time is just as painful and I probably won't be fully okay until I've moved to that place of abundance and settled in it for a while. I'm trying not to say I hate my life and just see that there's so many more opportunities, and even more painful experiences to bare within my lifetime. I will be alone with just my brother and our family nearby.
What does it mean to have a relationship with yourself?? I enjoy solitude, but at the same time i feel like my brain is never quiet. I can't maditate but I can find myself having full blown out discussions in my head and even laugh out loud at my on remarks, so for the most part i try to distract my brain on all the addictions you mentioned.
I assumed I enjoyed my own company, because I had video games, but, I've been suspecting that it was not me enjoying my company, but, hiding with escapism. When my internet goes down for maintence, I almost start to panic.
I am subscribed to your channel, but youtube does not recommend your videos when you upload a new video. Anyways lots of love to you...keep making these, you are helping so many.
Eu sei o que você quer dizer. Consegui isso e quando se tem filhos e esposa isso se torna algo fundamental para entender o quanto a dependência emocional, simbiose nas relações, está influenciando e mantendo as pessoas desconectadas de si mesmas.
The Ability to Be Alone - A Hallmark of Something like Autism. Offended? Oh, if so, it has been an offense against myself. I spend a lot of time alone. But, a human is a social animal. Even when alone, you imagine situations in which you aren't, recall situations in which you weren't, or you find a company in nature, which is just as much a society as direct involvement in a human society. Or you engage in art, making others charmed, but with a trade-off : your abilities to assess society or empathize with others diminish : many artists were cruel (Daniel devoted a whole video on that) or conformist about matters of justice . So, the true value is in a sense of balance, gained through introspection. None of us can get things not even nearly100% right, or act as freely as we'd wish, but the struggle through introspection: that's the core value I"d defend.
It doesn't reduce empathy, I do so much charity work for instance, because I genuinely care. Or if someone does end up sharing something, I really do feel for them. Just because being alone makes you or a few others cold, doesn't mean it makes the rest of us like that...
I tend to think each generation is a little more emotionally intelligent than the former. This kind of reflection is like another language to older generations. Some see deep relection as a kind of narrow focus on oneself- but these are the ones who live in denial and never get unstuck, keep repeating the same behaviors.
Hey guys so, this goes to anyone reading this really, I struggle immensely to be alone, I didn't used to, I grew up an only child in an empty household in a tiny village in a foreign country so more often than not I was my own company, But recently since I chose to give up drugs about 8 years ago, I've been progressively struggling year by year in worsening degrees to be alone with myself without needing to dissociate like Daniel describes in the video, I genuinely don't know what to do about this without a change in my social circumstances, which at this time are being dictated by outside forces, so really I'm waiting on a miracle and my question is, is it okay for me to dissociate if its all I have? Is it okay for me to crave social and familial contact if I'm so starved and deprived of it? I've always struggled with the idea that I'm doing something wrong when I exhibit trauma induced behaviours and I assume I have to stop doing them at whatever cost but that just seems to make things worse, Is it okay for me to feel lonely and in need of company if I am lonely and in need of company or am I supposed to push it away and drive in an unknown direction where I'm just autonomous and okay? Because I don't know how to be autonomous and okay without regular human contact
No. We are socially intelligent beings, we are not meant to be alone. Solace is one thing. But laying your head on your pillow at night all alone with no one to intamately connect to, it's utterly destroying.
I am able to eat 3 huge pizzas in a row at my dearest pizzeria Mirkec, but I don't do it, I am able to cheat my boss as I'm waiting tables, but I don't like it, I can imagine a dog is better than a boyfriend, but I don't choose to take comfort in such breadcrumbs thoughts or decisions, I am able to spend my whole life not sharing what I would be able to shhare, but... I am able to be alone and I piss on it, excuse my language
We are over stimulated. When we come from chaos...peace feels boring. That quoite stayed wth me.
David Foster Wallace spoke a lot in his 2003 interview about how it's extremely hard for most people to be alone with themselves because it brings up an internal terror, and that most smart people he knows can't be alone or manage to read because a restlessness comes up. It's like it was this great mystery to him why, and you just lay it out here so simply. It's because trauma begins to resurface and attempts to grieve. Your work and people like you really has the capacity to change humanity.
That was the biggest thing I got out of that DFW interview from 2003. I watch it alot. It's such a pity he's no longer with us.
bingo
Gosh, I am alone so often, and the scary part is, it doesn't bother me. I love my company. My own speed, whatever I want to do/see and no expectations from others.
Whenever you’re in a company of others, you’re also free to do things at your own pace. Does it mean you have been hanging around companies that repress your inner bring?
@@irinasolomina1800 I don't mind being around other people, but hard to find friends to be with. I also don't have a significant other in my life. If I did that would be great.
If you are lonely when you're alone, you are in bad company - possibly by Sartre.
Satre also said "Hell is other people".
@@karimaogden3875 it doesn't contradict his other words I quoted 👍
One stop closer to the danger zone
You have gotten to visit lots of far away places. That’s a real gift.
I like to be alone and quiet as an adult
Wonderful video...thanks Daniel, from Melbourne Oz
daniel, we are so lucky to have you - signed 'the world'
We're born alone and we die alone. Being able to enjoy alone-time is the most underrated skill in life. Because you are the only one you have for a lifetime. All other relationships end. When you are able to generate contentment and peace just by being with yourself... then that's just the greatest gift ever. Because this kind of feeling is something that nobody can take away from you, not even life itself. Because it comes from deep within.
Great video! (it's funny because just before I saw this video I thought about being alone, not in a negative way... - so good timing!)
Well observed Bastian.
We're born into a world full of people and we leave a world full of people. We are social beings don't kid yourself. Look at what solitaire does to people in prison. It utterly destroys them!
I agree❤
@@Huelogy If you can’t stand your own company, you are screwed. If you always need to be around people or distracted in order to feel okay, something is wrong there. Yes being alone for extended periods of time isn’t healthy either but you need the ability to be alone without ever being lonely.
I loathed my own company for a long time. An awakening of sorts (to put it mildly) over the past year and half has left me completely at peace and never bored when I’m alone. I actually prefer it over the noise and compulsive conversations about mundane and vapid subjects that most of us humans engage in. People don’t like meditation because they are forced into a silence that exposes their neurosis.
You are the person I can relate to the most, I appreciate you and everything you share with us ✨🦋
I’m on the autistic spectrum and my preference is to be alone. But you’re right! You’re not alone, especially when surrounded by nature.
I'm forever grateful for three individuals whose writings/videos I have access to: Daniel, Alice Miller and Alan Watts. Alice Miller, Polish by birth just like me, is my absolute heroin regardless of what her son has been writing/telling about her after her death (so she couldn't defend herself). When I came across her books more than 20 years ago I cried really hard. It was the first time I realized I was the scapegoat of my psychopathic mother and my brutal tyrant father. In the first 20 years of my life I was 100% convinced I was a complete failure and the reason why my mother is always angry, sad, aggressive, tired and miserable. She hated me with all her might and let him torture me as much as he wanted to. Perfect duo. The majority of people should be infertile. Nature should regulate such things based on people's emotional status.
So it's not okay for Alice's son to talk about his traumas suffered via his mother, because she's not here to defend herself? But it's cool for your to talk about what your parents did. Are your parents here to defend themselves?
@@wordivore I'm not writing books about them and they are not public figures.
@@Rose_Ou Her son has the right to write about his experiences, and no matter who gets upset, his experiences are real and nothing can change that.
One must note that his writing does not affect Alice Miller's brilliant work: she may have had her problems, that affected her son, but her work is no less brilliant because of this.
@@neon75105 he surely has the right to say and write whatever he wants, I'm just saying it was very convenient for him to do that since she wasn't there anymore to tell her side of the story. Also, I have the right to express my opinion and you have the right to criticise mine 👍
@@Rose_Ou You are right on that, I also would have liked to hear Alice's side of the story.
His son made an interview with Daniel. You can search it and find it in his channel. He explains why he waited until his mother's passing to write about it.
I haven't read his book, but maybe reading it might answer the question, "why didn't you talk to her? She seems like an extremely reasonable person?" Alice Miller is also my hero, and it hurts to hear that she was unable to emotionally connect with her son. I wish she was still alive and that she could give an explanation for this, but we don't have her anymore.
The thing that might explain her disconnection is the fact that she grew up in a war period. Her parents too, and that sure makes an impact on you and the way you relate to others.
As she said, once you view your history and understand what lead you to take such actions, there is no shame or guilt, only compassion and understanding.
I am totally alone 90 to 95% of the time. Price I pay for getting old and falling apart. I exist in a big city. Hell of a price to pay. Am usually so busy just trying to survive. Wasn't like this growing up. My world pretty well crashed, back in 2014. Thankfully i am have in recovery long enough that I can stay clean and sober.
How are you doing now, one year later Randy?
I love being alone......maybe a little bit too much. I have lived with people before but I have been living alone for the last 16 years and I absolutely love it. I know for me it cuts down the chances of being in and staying in abusive relationships because I know I enjoy and thrive being single. I will fight for a relationship that enhances my life but I will run as fast as possible from any relationship that becomes toxic. Every relationship ends because someone dies or someone ends it, no need in ending up broke or abused over something that is going to end anyway.
I am very comfortable being alone. That's not to say that I dont enjoy when all my grandchildren are here...I cherish that. But I also get the pleasure of having my nine yr old grandson call me after school. Just to say hi and tell me about his day. Life is good and I wouldn't feel like this if not for discovering Daniel and reading his essays years ago. I'm full of gratitude.
I love to be alone, in silence, in nature. I used to love it as a child. But society told me it was 'abnormal'. As an adult, I again/still enjoy silence and tranquility. And I am less influenced by other people's opinions. A quiet life without much drama: I love it. I still need people. But I am equally able to be alone by myself. By the way, if people cannot leave you alone or keep bothering you, that says a lot about their maturity level, methinks.
It's a little hard to be happy being alone when it's not a choice but because you haven't nurtured enough meaningful relationships.
that's a pretty lame and whiny statement. What's stopping someone from being happy? geeze. If someone isn't happy and no one is physically stopping them from becoming happy than they are sniveling mentally weak cowards and I certainly wouldn't want to be around someone like that.
Never too late to make friends. Hugs. :)
exactly right Nick . And havnt we all learnt what enforced aloneness feels like for the last 2 years !! . Being alone when its a natural phase ,,because we were nurtured SO well , that we developed a grounded sense of stable comunity and self ,, from which to wander off and explore at will is totally diferent from aloneness that we havnt "grown into " naturally . Or isolation thats used a tortcher. I know many many good ,lovely adults who cant yet be alone happily . I think this one reason for the "vision quest" right of passage to happen in our late teens .
My favorite authentic TH-camr - Daniel the wildtruth wanderer - thank you 💜
So true. So many people remaining in a marriage or couple relationship out of fear of being on their own. As if they wouldn't feel they had an identity on their own. I feel you're right, that there is some element of disconnection from one's self, or disassociation or something, so that staying in the dysfunctional relationship allows some to continue living this life of distraction. I do agree that it's a sign of immaturity, of stunted personal growth. I think this pattern gets worse as people age and further fear being alone as older people.
It is a nice side-effect of doing the healing work, I used to be emotionally afraid of being alone and now I love it. Great talk, you describe things really well.
Me too. Being alone triggered abandonment issues. Very happy I am long past that.
Finding a fine line between being alone and isolating oneself is important. Human relationship is absolutely built into us and isolating is a way to avoid pain and risking relationships too. So its good to be able to be alone but not as a defense mechanism that isolates from others to avoid the triggering pain that comes up from relationships (fear of abandonment, etc)
You are the first person I've heard talk about a need to be with people and that it's a type of addiction. This is me. I was thinking that it was no longer me because I don't seek out human company like I used to. But I also used to dissociate often with TV if I had no one to hang out with. And now, it's been replaced with the internet and mostly TH-cam. I got some work to do.
Thanks Daniel.
I spend a lot of time alone, and don't feel lonely. I do, however, watch a lot of TH-cam videos on channels such as this. I'm not sure if that's a form of escapism, or is part of my healing process. Maybe a little of both. Note to self: turn off the computer sometimes and journal more.
Yeah. I'm the same way. I listen to longform TH-cam videos every night before bed. And when I was younger I would watch Conan O'Brien every night before bed. It would probably be better if I didn't need to rely on that stuff, but it's the only way I've been able to deal with my issues.
same here@@SuperLotus
This video is an instant classic from your library that I will continue to revisit. I'm realizing I need to create a playlist of Daniel Mackler favorites like I do with music artists I follow.
Thanks Earl :)
I can relate. I treasure my solitude and I have also acquired the healthy attribute of not caring what anyone thinks about that.
I can really relate to this, and love hearing your perspective on things. I also feel so fortunate and grateful that I enjoy my own company so much. I am glad I was relatively old before I got into any romantic relationships because it meant I spent my early 20s focusing on me and becoming very independent. I am also glad I realised a long time ago that only true friends matter and not to care what anyone else thinks. Many people are worried about how many friends they have, and whether they have enough, whatever that means, and also jumping from one relationship to the next because they can't stand being alone, it's very sad
The older you become, the more you realize people around you one by one will leave you alone. The capabity to be alone and grief from the past trauma is a rare gift.
And now, I'm mid 20s, i already set so many boundaries with people around me. I'm scared of hurting or being hurted by. I'm introvert of course, being creative and spending time with myself is the things i do everyday. Sometimes it scared me to death when people try to reach me out.
Then i realize, the person who can heal myself is me. I discovered your channel a month ago. I don't feel alone anymore. Thankyou for creating this channel, Daniel. It means a lot and helping people out there who experienced the same problem or even greater problem than myself.
I hope while you are being creative, your mind gets the stillness and peace you need.
Try not to overthink things - easier said than done, I know.
Take care.
Thank you for the comment, it means a lot for me. Your word helps me ease the pains... and yes, my close relatives realized a minor detail i had, "the overthinker", i well aware of it, indeed. Stoicism is what i need to learn. Being creative is like breathing the fresh air from the oxygen tube while i'm diving. And hey, I hope you do your best and stay healthy there! 😇
@@nightingaledruid I have the same problem with overthinking! It's good to think things through but I find if I trust my instincts I'm better off. I hope this helps. Nothing wrong with thinking, just give yourself a chance to not cook your brain inside your skull! I have the same issue.
There are a lot of nice people on this channel I noticed. People who feel the same kind of pressures it would seem. Much care here from Ireland, wherever you are.
It does helps! talking about you find many nice people in this channel, yes and it is you! You helped me, at least your words slapped me in the face not to do something stupid in the future. About your overthinking, I'm sorry for hearing that. I'll try not to burn my brain inside my skull, thanks for helping people, being kind and your advices! Truly ironic and soothing at once to share the same problem, stay alive and healthy. Warm hugs from Indonesia ʕง•ᴥ•ʔง
I think one feels comfortable alone if they have a secure support system. Otherwise you are afraid of being alone because you have no security. We are wired for connection.
Also I have found being alone can make someone concentrate far too much on themselves and any mental disorder one may have becomes far worse by being alone. Also to be alone one needs a hobby, meaningful work or an an intellectual pursuit. Most people are not able to be alone.
I don’t have to be a human « doing », I can also be a human « being », yes ALONE😉
In finally being content being alone but it also comes with my accomplishments/ successes under my belt. Like day to day if i complete what i set out to do, then im as happy as i can be.
I live in the sticks my friends like to say.
And now that I am older I really do enjoy living alone and I am pretty isolated surrounded by nature and am very much at peace with myself more so than any other time in my life. But I know I would not have been content where I am now when I was in my 20’s or 30’s and I know it’s because I am so much more I touched with me and who I am. I do catch myself taking to myself sometimes. I asked myself why do I talk to myself once. and myself sed,because I’m the only one smart enough to know what the hell you’re saying.
You should keep listening to your own inner voice! Jesus never fails when it comes to answering your questions, he’s miraculous at that.
Thank you again Daniel, I share much of your experience and reflections.
Your amazing video reminds me why I so often enjoy travelling alone. I don’t even always have to leave the country. It may be that when travelling alone I feel free and in some ways most truly connected to myself. I also tend to experience the physical world around me more vividly - but at the same time more in connection to my true, inner self. None of the distractions and work and habits of home, TV, etc. and also less of the more conformist, judging vibe of where I live at home (in the UK) … it is probably no accident that I have been able to do this after quite a lot of therapy and self-therapy.
Also, there is often a lot of judgment and shame even around being alone … including when travelling. If only they knew how thrilling and engaging it often was, and how happy I was (not always obviously, e.g. sometimes difficult things happen when travelling alone).
If you cannot be alone, then why should any one else want to be with you? When u don’t. Want to be with yourself.
Thanks for sharing, Daniel. You are a leader. Stunning photography by the way.
Sounds amazing, I'm really happy for you Daniel! How fortunate that you feel so connected with yourself and cope with loneliness in a mature, joyous way. I remember you attending the Sweden program about dealing with the loneliness of traveling. How wonderful of a success that you've come to this point in your life where you feel really well and enjoy being alone, while appreciating connection with others, as well. I'm working on myself and have a lot of way to go, still find it difficult to cope with loneliness, especially these days for some reason. I hope one day by having access thanks to you to a mature, healthy person, teaching the whys and hows to us all, I will learn some great ways to become these myself as best as I can, since it's difficult to find other mature, healthy people for setting an example in the world for me. Thanks you so much for sharing. Best, Aylin 💖🗺☀🌙
One of the best videos you've done. Of course, I like them all; however, some hit closer to home than others. I feel the same and have for quite some time. I enjoy my own company so very much. I have and still do practice escapism, but not nearly as often and not in the same unconscious way as years past. Most people I connect with - especially new people that I meet and/or simply talk with - have such a desperate desire to be heard. I can tell this because when I just shut my mouth and ask relevant questions to their statements/remarks...they come alive. They come alive in a way that screams 'I haven't been heard!'. I can hear it and sense it. Fortunately for me I prefer to listen to others, as opposed to telling them about myself and my thoughts and feelings. I do all of that with myself...always have. I love what you've done here. You're a unique and enthralling individual. I listen to "A seekers ballad" often. I play music too. I'd love to contact you personally on here, though i'm not sure how. Don't worry, i'm too introverted to be cumbersome to you. :)
this is my favorite channel right now, keep it up !
Thanks 🙏
Thank you Daniel, thank you so much.
5:00 👌👌👌
6:15 🤯🤯🤯
7:20 🤔
8:00 Maturity
yupp, i can relate, life is ok 👌🙏
Left my parents 10 years ago. Wish I had found your channel then. It seems like in life we only get what we want when we pass a certain level on our own. I may not have been ready to accept help back then because I had exhausted help in therapy (had undiagnosed CPTSD) and exhausted "spiritual" bullshit answers which are just lies. Love your channel. We came from different backgrounds but some similarities. You are very helpful and give much insight.
Thank you Daniel. I can relate. Have a great day ✨
Thank you Daniel for your channel
Thank you so much Daniel. I have seen this video before, but for some reason I felt the need to see it again. I couldn't stop crying. This painful crying that has been suppressed for so many years and now erupts like a volcano. I had my first outburst of this kind of cry a few months ago, before discovering you. Now I know it was grieving, for all my childhood and adulthood till now. In my marriage I was not allowed to express any negative emotions and they transformed to a sensation of a lump in my throat. I am now in the process of divorcing my husband and everything that was imposed to me. Thank you for validating this process. I am really really grateful.
Excellent. Thank you.
Just discovered you a week and ago and am still binge watching, though not to escape from being alone! Thanks so much for your generous work here Daniel.
Love the video Daniel! As a man with high functioning Autism I always try to have a good relationship with myself as that's what will get me through the day.
@@sojournerkarunatruth4406 Not a problem. I've always tried to focus on technology. I have taken a focus on Transhumanism to try to stop the breeding madness of the human condition by using technology to transcend biology. I have seen a few of your other comments and I like what you are saying. Especially the "not your path" one (I saved that one). Break the cycle, rise above nature, focus on Transhumanism.
@@henrikhans467 👀 wow that was fast 💨 transcending the handicap identification to your handicapablities ✊
I’ll follow you 🎉
@@sojournerkarunatruth4406 Thank you. Let's work together to beat biology.
@@henrikhans467 yeah, I was about to say, I will further research Transhumanism so we can discuss about it, because idk shit about it now but I’ve got my plate full and I’m in the midst of restructuring my life; perhaps I’ll become further interested in Transhumanism after I research it 🔬 I can’t know.
But keep refining your project in the meantime 🙌
@@sojournerkarunatruth4406 No problem. However I will say this, Transhumanism covers a wide array of things.
Nature is simply the biggest component of my self therapy.
I relate i relate i relate with you so much especially your childhood experiences
What a great video, thank you for sharing.
Truly important video to me...if I'm to be whole I have to try to stay with myself...all of me.
Walking away from the people you love just to do what you need to do for your own abundance has happened twice to me now and I'm only 24 (three weeks til 25). The second time is just as painful and I probably won't be fully okay until I've moved to that place of abundance and settled in it for a while. I'm trying not to say I hate my life and just see that there's so many more opportunities, and even more painful experiences to bare within my lifetime. I will be alone with just my brother and our family nearby.
You are brilliant
What does it mean to have a relationship with yourself??
I enjoy solitude, but at the same time i feel like my brain is never quiet. I can't maditate but I can find myself having full blown out discussions in my head and even laugh out loud at my on remarks, so for the most part i try to distract my brain on all the addictions you mentioned.
Thanks
I wish to be at least 1% like you, i admire you a lot
Thanx David
Very interesting and reconforting
I've learned that I love to prefer to be alone, too. I can be me.
I assumed I enjoyed my own company, because I had video games, but, I've been suspecting that it was not me enjoying my company, but, hiding with escapism. When my internet goes down for maintence, I almost start to panic.
I am subscribed to your channel, but youtube does not recommend your videos when you upload a new video. Anyways lots of love to you...keep making these, you are helping so many.
Eu sei o que você quer dizer. Consegui isso e quando se tem filhos e esposa isso se torna algo fundamental para entender o quanto a dependência emocional, simbiose nas relações, está influenciando e mantendo as pessoas desconectadas de si mesmas.
The Ability to Be Alone - A Hallmark of Something like Autism. Offended? Oh, if so, it has been an offense against myself. I spend a lot of time alone. But, a human is a social animal. Even when alone, you imagine situations in which you aren't, recall situations in which you weren't, or you find a company in nature, which is just as much a society as direct involvement in a human society. Or you engage in art, making others charmed, but with a trade-off : your abilities to assess society or empathize with others diminish : many artists were cruel (Daniel devoted a whole video on that) or conformist about matters of justice . So, the true value is in a sense of balance, gained through introspection. None of us can get things not even nearly100% right, or act as freely as we'd wish, but the struggle through introspection: that's the core value I"d defend.
It doesn't reduce empathy, I do so much charity work for instance, because I genuinely care. Or if someone does end up sharing something, I really do feel for them. Just because being alone makes you or a few others cold, doesn't mean it makes the rest of us like that...
We love you Danny boy
Thanks Matthew :)
Easy for introverts to be alone. I like being alone.
I tend to think each generation is a little more emotionally intelligent than the former. This kind of reflection is like another language to older generations. Some see deep relection as a kind of narrow focus on oneself- but these are the ones who live in denial and never get unstuck, keep repeating the same behaviors.
That i believe how ýou find yourself... alone in nature...,.
You have to like you own company.
Hey guys so, this goes to anyone reading this really,
I struggle immensely to be alone, I didn't used to, I grew up an only child in an empty household in a tiny village in a foreign country so more often than not I was my own company,
But recently since I chose to give up drugs about 8 years ago, I've been progressively struggling year by year in worsening degrees to be alone with myself without needing to dissociate like Daniel describes in the video,
I genuinely don't know what to do about this without a change in my social circumstances, which at this time are being dictated by outside forces, so really I'm waiting on a miracle and my question is, is it okay for me to dissociate if its all I have? Is it okay for me to crave social and familial contact if I'm so starved and deprived of it?
I've always struggled with the idea that I'm doing something wrong when I exhibit trauma induced behaviours and I assume I have to stop doing them at whatever cost but that just seems to make things worse,
Is it okay for me to feel lonely and in need of company if I am lonely and in need of company or am I supposed to push it away and drive in an unknown direction where I'm just autonomous and okay? Because I don't know how to be autonomous and okay without regular human contact
I'm alone most of the time and I'm ok with it.
The moment I feel the loneliest is at family gatherings.
yeah.......some of us get better as we get older."growing up",closer to"god"or"godish"....lol
When I am alone and there is nothing to do, I say to myself, "Come on brain entertain me."
Nice! I like that.
There is a certain significance that this video about being alone is 11 mim 11 secs
No. We are socially intelligent beings, we are not meant to be alone. Solace is one thing. But laying your head on your pillow at night all alone with no one to intamately connect to, it's utterly destroying.
Even when you feel like you’re alone you’re never alone. How can you be alone when Jesus is always with you?
First
Dammit!
REEEEEEEE
You said " my father hated me " ....i am a Greek and if you say this nobody will believe u ....even if its true like my case as well
I am able to eat 3 huge pizzas in a row at my dearest pizzeria Mirkec, but I don't do it, I am able to cheat my boss as I'm waiting tables, but I don't like it, I can imagine a dog is better than a boyfriend, but I don't choose to take comfort in such breadcrumbs thoughts or decisions, I am able to spend my whole life not sharing what I would be able to shhare, but...
I am able to be alone and I piss on it, excuse my language
You travel a lot.
Dude has a whole youtube channel and talking about he likes being alone lol