Same here. My step dad was very abusive and he died alone in extreme emotional distress because of what he did to me and my family. I keep feeling like I'm wrong for never having forgiven him while he was alive so he could rest in peace
I dealt with trauma bonding most of 2019. You do everything to give the person the benefit of the doubt but they still find ways to make you feel like shit over, over and over again! I went through a lot of mental gymnastics, depression and anxiety with them until I finally, professionally, started to stand up for myself. If you sense that the person you been dealing with is starting to put you through emotional trauma don't hesitate to distance from them. Because the longer you stay, the longer they will soul suck you dry and it will effect other relationships around you. Know your worth and get out.
I've done a lot of research on this topic, and another reason it's so hard to leave an abuser is the victim becomes addicted to the abuse on a cellular level, just like a drug. There are physical and emotional withdrawals when you go no contact. I read it takes an average of 7 attempts to successfully leave an abusive/toxic relationship. At least from a romantic relationship, the abuse will love bomb and get you addicted to the attention and the flood of feel good chemicals that are released in the initial stage. And no matter how bad the abuse gets as long as there are little bits of kindness, the victim will stay, this is referred to as the "sweet, mean" cycle. There are childhood wounds that have gone unhealed, and until those are worked through, sadly the cycle will continue.
When surviving childhood abuse isolation abandonment and neglect any kind of affection or kindness or attention makes it hard to see the red flags of more abuse more walking on eggshells more fear more isolation etc. thank you for that insight it definitely rang an epiphany bell in my brain.
Wow yesterday was the first time in my life, that I was having withdrawal symptoms. My spirit said: Stockholm syndrome so I looked it up and it brought me here! Crazy how I said I’m not ever going back to my ex parents for there constant abuse, them I felt a bit empty yesterday and I received that I was going through withdrawals. Wow I never knew this was a thing! Deep.
So does this explain why I "loved" my pimp? He was so mean, and made me do horrible things, but would also pay my rent, get my hair and nails done, buy me things. Even to this day, I still feel like I miss him sometimes. It took a long time to leave (17 years) and I am still struggling. But I feel I relate to some of this video. #EndHumanTrafficking #ImNotCrazy
Yes that would definitely explain why you "loved" him. I am so sorry that that happened to you.. I am so proud of you for leaving and hope you are getting some professional and possibly group therapy support :) xoxo
@@Armyjayden33 sexually trafficked individuals are victims and what you just said is abusive and revictimizing. Leaving a situation like this is heroic and only the strongest people are able to do it. The fact that this person is 1 seeking further healing and 2 spreading awareness is profoundly brave and inspiring. If you believe in Karma you should delete your comment even if it's only out of self preservation. To the original commenter, I hope you are happy and enjoying your freedom because you earned it!!!
Thank you for your comment. I think it’s amazing how the mind allows us to survive anything. We all want to be loved and taken care of but you don’t have to receive love and appreciation at the sacrifice of your own well being.
I didn't even realize my parents were abusing me until I went into therapy for the first time when I was 20 years old! They gave me money, so how could they be abusive? :P But one year later, I have moved out of their house, and I am supporting myself financially. I don't need their "love", and it feels like the weight of the world has been lifted off my shoulders. If you are also walking on eggshells at home, being so careful to not upset your parents, I encourage you to see a therapist and talk about it in a safe environment!
2b honest if you're healthy and not feeling any bad about yourself, going to a therapist make mental issues come out of nowhere. Maybe you're a narcisst but you're just enjoying your life,now after a therapy u see yourself as something unnatural. I'd say don't care, unless it's hurting , saddening or haunting u in any ways ( physical ,mental, financial,etc.)
@@mousehead2000 how can u let ur parents treat u like that?when i was 7th grade i told my mom dont talk to me dont care about me because i dont need ur 'love' when every second i have to make sure i dont get u or dad mad
You just described my ex husband. I knew he was bad, but it would take me time to escape the abuse cycle. I have felt connected to every individual that was a source of trauma in my life.
💛 so important to talk about this! been there with my parents and an ex. at the time you really do 100% convince yourself they're doing nothing wrong/you deserve it/they're just hurting/the nice stuff makes it ok, and get angry at anyone who tries to intervene.. which just makes you completely isolated and the abuse worse. but then it's almost more confusing once you get out and recognise what happened because you're in a place of knowing logically what they did wasn't ok but still loving them/feeling sorry for them/not being able to blame them etc. You'd think everything would be simple once you're out of the situation and see it clearly but it's unfortunately nothing like that. it's the most confusing thing to love someone and be terrified of them simultaneously. xoxo
Thank you so much for sharing your thoughts and experiences. I know we have talked about this before.. but I am so sorry that this happened to you. I hope that my videos about it offer some support or at least another reminder that you are not alone, and that it can get better. xoxo
It makes me so sad to be 66 and getting out of another abusive relationship and now learning about what’s been going on. I was abused by my dad, first husband and second husband for 30 years. What you said speaks exactly what I have dealt with… I even just dropped charges to my ex for the last episode and still feel sorry for him. Yet he’s soooooo mean and abusive. Yet he gets soft and apologetic and confused my nervous system. I really need help with this.
Sorry dear, I can relate. Look up Elisabeth Ross's, Beautiful people. She wrote about You. ! You are soo special now, your abusers helped. Get out, they/he/whomever,,,,,is abusing you. Stop them. Get out. You cannot help them. You have to help yourself. Wish them well. Save/salvage your life. Make it BEAUTIFUL 😍
I'm so grateful for you making this video, it's been over a year now and I'm still trembling. Got into a relationship with a Russian girl who abused me. I couldn't lay my finger on it, she seemed so nice but and caring but in fact I was terrified of her. Every time we met up I could feel her energy grabbing a hold of me tightening it's grip. I had lost all control, my sanity, my friends, but my mom she knew and didn't give up on me. Now I'm terrified of people I can't seem to trust anyone or even myself. I was searching everyday what this terrible feeling was I couldn't shake off. I heard about the syndrome on a series I'm watching (money heist) now i know that I really need treatment for this traumatic experience. Thank you so much for helping me understand.
I was in a long term toxic relationship where my boyfriend was mostly rude and mean to me, and very demanding, but he was also sweet and supportive at times. I was too attached to leave him earlier even though he caused me excruciating emotional pain on daily basis. Now when we broke up, 4 months later I am still struggling to overcome my affection for him. It really feel as I am going through drug addiction withdrawal.
Wow great video. I am a male that was emotionally abused by my ex-gf and it has taken me a year and a half to realize that, although i had my issues to work on, that the negative aspects of that relationship was more about her than me. I mistook harsh criticism for tough love and in some ways could not see beyond her perspective of me. I got out due to a gut feeling telling me that this is something that is not positive. I struggle to acknowledge the relationship for what it was. Although I still catch myself self-blaming for it not working out, i'm seeing the light, through the perspectives of confidants and a good therapist, little by little.
I am so proud of you for getting out. I know how hard that can be! And hang in there.. it does get better, even if it feel like it's so slow.. it does get better!! And you are worth it! xoxo
Jesse F .....as a fellow male ,my therapist recommended I study this audiobook perhaps it will help you in some way,hope this helps. th-cam.com/video/xn6kubg1wMU/w-d-xo.html
Reading this is just like reading a story about me. Every word you said I feel it. It's been 2 and a half years since it ended for me and I'd say I'm still not absolutely over it but I'd say to recover from it took me something like 1 and a half years too
Very interesting stuff. I think you should do a video on "cabin fever" next. It seems like kinda the same thing only the abuser is your own mind. I think many people would benefit from it since winter is coming soon and lots people will be staying inside more.
Jessica McDonald I am also, living out on a farm, now kids grown. I believe so but remember your brain is like a computer even smarter, more powerful that you need remind yourself it’s all in your head. Stay in control. For some reason that really stuck when my mother told me that. Do take 3 vit.D especially in winter it’s been my cure. And many different words of wisdom
I lost a part of myself to my abuser. A piece of me stayed behind with him, a piece I now feel like I'm missing. And when anyone asks me why it took me so long to cut him off, I say, "If you lost something, where would you go look for it? The last place you remember having it? Me too".
This really helped me to understand a little about myself. I’m currently in the middle of this kind of relationship and have never felt such low self esteem, trapped, and isolated. But I still love him and I don’t know how to leave or how I would live without him. Is a scary feeling.
Hey Tracy I hope you are feeling okay, if you ever need to talk, to someone that's been through the same thing, I'm right here to listen if you ever need to, don't hesitate to contact me!
Well I just now realized that I have been dealing with Stockholm syndrome ....I thought I had escape a Narcissistic relationship.... and now since I know I felt each of these things and experienced everything you spoke of...😢😢😢😢😭😭 Thank you so much for helping me to understand this more deeply
This was so interesting! I lived this with my now recovering alcoholic husband. I actually divorced him and he got sober. He has been sober for 5 years now and I remarried him after 3 years of sobriety. Odd situation, I know. Things are much better and I have been in counseling for years. As you were speaking I could remember doing and feeling everything you were speaking about. Thank you for making this video. The more I learn the more I understand who I am. 😊
Daaamn that sounds like my ex-girlfriend. She made me feel awful about myself but then do something sweet to cover it up or take my attention away from that bad thing - I didn't know there was a name for it
I relate to this completely! And have lived through both this and cognitive dissonance. It's been really tough. I'd love to see a video on different spectrums of NPD and other cluster B personality disorders and the cycles of abuse within those relationships. I think its SO important to spread awareness of these types of relationships.
At my school they are finally talking about mental health to educate parents and teachers. It's next week but I wish it was you giving it. No one is more understanding like you.
Hi, Kati! Wow, that really put a few things in perspective for me. I was in an abusive situation for 5 years. I had tried to leave a few times but I couldn't because I had no money and nowhere to go so I always would go back. Then one day he hit our then 2 yeAr old daughter. And I said that enough was enough and I got my daughter and myself into a shelter. It was really scary at the time. But now I've been out of the relationship a little over 2 years. (And I believe that I still have a copy of the cycle of abuse wheel and a list of red flags as well.) now things are going a lot better. I'm in therapy and now I have a full time job and I'm a full time student (for medical billing and coding) I barely see my now 4 year old daughter but when I'm done it will only give us a better life.
Does this not also apply to childhood abuse in the home? Sounds exactly like that to me! Even after being out of the situation, I notice that people who've been through this can have such a hard time seeing "what was so bad about the abuse/abuser(s) a lot of the time. It makes you question your own experience and perspective so much!
This is great, Katie, but, I think it's also important to talk about abusive parent-child relationships and what to do if you find out that someone you know is being abused by their parents. A friend of mine from high school had to go to rehab because her mother beat her when she was bad and gave her drugs when she was good, or she just wanted her to be quiet.
As of late, I have finally come to accept that my dad was emotionally abusive to me and my sister, and what really hit me in this video is that when I would go to visit my dad, he would isolate us from his family that had "done him wrong". I have also been struggling a little bit with depression and my friend just shared your channel with me. I'm really glad I was able to check it out and subscribe :)
May the Almighty God bless you for explaining this so perfectly. No, I'm not actually religious but the media needs this to explain why I might support your views.
Loving those who hurt us so profoundly is both a beautiful and dreadful testament to our loyalty and Love. But sometimes we must Give Up on or Quit on certain people. Just like toxic substances.
Thanks, this and your narcisstic videos have really helped me make sense of things that happened in a houseshare and leading up to the toxic relationship I had afterwards with the same person. I do not understand why or how someone could be so kind and then so cruel and just switch and alternate in between
Thank you for this gift. I notice also how it operates on a macro level, in society and via societal harms and abuses, as well as in near relationships. Your comment on financial abuse in the context of domestic abuse and familial relationships prompted me to wonder: could it be that the original bank employees may have felt some affinity with their captors due to some shared perspectives regarding the bank? The robbers also clearly demonstrated self-awareness if they openly shared any history of childhood trauma, social/emotional poverty and deprivation so would that likely engender empathy and perhaps an affinity also? It underscores the importance of victim-led, restorative justice.
This really speaks to me Kati. I was in an abusive online relationship when I was 14, and I felt guilty for a while because I thought it was my fault. That it wasn't a "real" relationship. He isolated me from my family by telling me he could Skype in one more hour, then another hour, then another... He demanded our relationship be kept secret, so I couldn't get help from my mom or therapist when he verbally and emotionally abused me. I told my them after 6 months. By then I started to suggest breaking up, to which he responded by crying, threatening suicide, then dropping all communication with me for the next two hours. I can't tell you how many times that happened. Oh but I loved him so much. Every insult he threw at me didn't matter, because I made him mad, probably because I didn't do what he wanted. I loved him, he said I had to prove it, so I tried, but it was never enough. He wanted me to do things I didn't want to do. He'd say, "if you love me, you'd do this. If you don't do this, you don't love me."
Searched up Stockholm syndrome and came across this and I would like to say this is a great video and I love that you are putting this positive information out there, so on behalf of the planet I saw thank you😁
Our primal instinct is fight or flight. When escape is not a viable option it is our instinct to freeze & appease. We're hard wired to adapt, not to evolve backwards.
How do you heal from this and move on with future relationships? And not feel like you have to keep protecting and taking care of the abusive person (my mom)?
I knew nothing more about this topic than the name and I had heard about the original story and wanted to find out about the actual studies after. Thank you for the video. Helpful
This video would have been really helpful for me seven years ago. Luckily I had a long distance relationship with my abuser so he couldn´t isolate me that much. I still stayed for three years. Even after I had a break from him because I had someone else, in the end I got back to him because I felt guilty. I cut ties with him completely and he still tries to reconnect with me once a year, every year. This is seven years ago and I just recentely realized that I have been abused and my "love" was Stockholm Syndrome. I´m very thankfull for these videos! Even just by watching them it helps.
Wow! Was so hooked on what you were describing. I think you should tell stories like that more often because that was a really interesting thing to learn. You should really consider making story videos like this, just a random thought. Thank you for this! Do you have a chart for the abuse cycle? I know at my previous high school, like 3 years ago, we had people come in and give us charts. (I can probably find it and send you a pic on Twitter, if you want.) Maybe you should add that to your website? Again, super interesting topic! You always do such a great job for your videos(: Also on another note, I asked something on the website about Pharmacophobia, maybe check it out? Thank you Kati!!
Glad you liked it and found it interesting!! I don't have an abuse cycle chart.. but there are tons online. If you can find one that allows you to use to free of charge let me know! I will gladly put it on the website :) xoxo Oh and I will be on the website answering questions tomorrow :) xox
You did a very good jo b in explaining what Stockholm's Syndrome is and how it effects women in domestic VIOLENCE RELATIONSHIP, thank you!!! So many people criticize women who stay in a DOMESTIC VIOLENCE Relationship, they say ignorant and stupid things LIKE SHE must like it or she just loves seeking attention and wants people to feel sorry or pity her, but it's difficult to feel sorry and compassion and want to continue to want to help someone when they run right back to the abuser, not realizing the woman may attempt leaving several times befor SHE gets the streanth to stay gone for good,and then often if they had any support system at all they give up on helping her often turning thier backs on her completly, which is just what her abuser wants, each time she attempts to LEAVE SHE gets stronger and wiser,, I will quota my old COUNTRY AUNT who also survived a really bad abusive relationship, she would say when she finnaly gets a belly full of it she,ll finally know she has enough and she'll leave him for good,and that's what happen to me my dad said I was going to wear my clothes out packing and carring them back and forth after about the 8 or 9th time the last time I knew I was done with him and was never going back no matter what he did or said or promised me, I HAD GOT A BELLY FULL OF HIM AND HIS ABUSE ID LEFT HIM FOR THE LASTBTIME BUT IT DIDNT HAAPPEN OVER NIGHT IT TOOK ME YEARS OF ABUSE AND EMPTY PROMISSES TO CHANGE TO FINNALY LEAVE FOR GOOD.
This is a great video! October is Domestic Violence Awareness Month. Thank you for speaking so eloquently about this. My mom has worked in this field my whole life and this education about it is fantastic! Thank you!
Also I love this channel and I'm so glad I stumbled upon it. Funny enough you sound like the doppelgänger of a former coworker who I would talk about stuff like this with so it kinda trips me out sometimes
I just learned about this today, thank you for posting this video. After 20+ year I can now define what happened to me, I was kidnapped and raped and I could not explain to others why I could not escape. I had a classic case of stockholm syndrome.
This is great. A friend sent it to me. 1, 2 And 4 are very true. It was a bloody violent relationship at times and though he didn’t want me telling anyone about her private relationship details he did encourage me to have friends, I just didn’t because it was hard for me. So I was isolated but not because of him. And he didn’t “sprinkle in” niceness. The relationship is way more complicated.. he was nice, supportive, loving, generous, attentive, thoughtful, much of the time except for when he would shift and his trauma responses activate and he was violent, manipulative, threatening, and abusive in all forms. Emotionally abusive mainly but so was I… so..we don’t fit into any category. And I do love him but I did finally move out after my life was threatened but I believe in his healing and did have dinner with him last night
I've been denying this is the case with my abusive parents for years, it has messed up my attachment for years. I'm now on my third therapist and working on changing the attachment blueprint. Its such hard work....I'm only just starting to see the victim brainwashing and see how much it has caused me to have borderline traits, this love you hate you split has caused such fragmentation in my ego. I'm also working on ifs parts therapy at the moment. This video was good, thank you !
wow! what an interesting topic!!! I had heard about Stockholm syndrome from a psyc101 class. I only knew the gist of it and for a moment thought I had been through it, but this explanation along with the abuse cycle explanation really clarified where I stand. I will bring this up with my councelor even though I don't think I have/had it, but I figure this topic could help open up feelings about what I went through in my last relationship?
I just finally broke away from a toxic ‘friend’ who was really a callous narcissist. She used to treat me like shit...later apologise then come out with excuses for it.. and it was only a matter of time before she did it again. I was in a vulnerable financial position and put up with way more than I should have. But I’ll never allow someone to have that kind of power and manipulation over me again...I would literally rather die in a gutter than have fake friends who are really just trash.
Escape can also seem impossible when you've been in the abusive relationship long enough that the emotional distress has worn you down. After the abuser isolates you from outside perspectives (friends and family), they could make you feel responsible for that. They make you feel like nobody is there for you because you are not a good person, because you are not worth their time. They tell you that you are lucky they [your partner] puts up with you and stays with you as long as they have. What happens is you begin to believe it, your feeling of self-worth is jeopardized and it makes escape seem impossible...because even if you manage to leave the relationship, who's to say anyone else outside of the relationship will want you, or morally support you in any way?
I was with a relationship with someone from the age of 12-18, the whole time I wanted to leave so bad but I seriously couldn’t leave i always thought the only way out was to kill my self, it was the worst feeling ever. One night I begged him to help me mentally because he was destroying me and him and his dad literally laughed in my face... I finally got the courage to leave a week later, he was out with his friends and I left. He texted me and told me I better “get home” and that I’m messed up for taking everything that was mine because it left him with nothing. Hardest decision of my life and I’m still trying to heal from it but I’m so much healthier now. I’m glad I left, I would’ve Lille’s myself if I didn’t.
I ended up losing friends and family because they were sick of me going back all the time of the 4 and a half years I was with my abuser. I feel like a few of my friends and family members made it harder for me to leave him because I felt there was no one there for me. He also covertly was talking to my brother behind my back trying to make me look bad for a long time. I had no idea so that when he was ready to leave me even my brother blamed me, despite the violence and blackmail. I was the bad one. Im getting help now and he's in prison. A program I'm doing has really helped me come to terms with what was happening. I I was in denial for so long and so co-dependent
My husband has done this I’m literally homeless and I still visit him and love him even though I don’t want to or even know why still. I have absolutely nothing for hope.
Yeah, governments and media are doing it to the population. Gaslighting, abuse, the whole narcissistic package. And the population just "loves" getting fucked over and over again. That's what you mean, right?
I had this syndrome with my childhood friends. When they did a big wrong. And I knew that. But still instead of condemning them, I defended them and condemned the innicent.
This goes back to a recent Dr. Phil episode with the young girl who's in an abusive relationship with her boyfriend. From the segments I've watched I can see the parents are scared for their daughter because she's refusing to leave him in fear of what he will do to her.
Thanks for clearing up what Stockholm Syndrome actually is... I've heard so many people say, "It's when you want to get kidnapped". I was always so confused and thought, "People actually want to get kidnapped?!!!" I realize that there may be people like that out there, but this makes way more sense.
Love your channel and the way you explain
It's hard to discern one from the other some situations some people really do love the person who is committing crimes or there are😅
My father was like this and sometimes I still feel guilty and like I was the issue... but in my heart, I know I wasn't in the wrong.
Nymphetamine im so sorry. I genuinely hope things will get better.:)
I can see from your profile pic
Nymphetamine I'm so sorry my mother was the same.
Same here. My step dad was very abusive and he died alone in extreme emotional distress because of what he did to me and my family. I keep feeling like I'm wrong for never having forgiven him while he was alive so he could rest in peace
yo, facts
Now i understand why I’m still attached to my abusive ex husband. You literally just described my marriage spot on.
Destinee McClellan I know I am replying 1 year later, but I hope you are doing better now!
Update: I’m no longer attached lol. Ive healed and moved on to a much happier mind state in life. Thank you all for caring and reaching out ❤️
@@pandababyz77 so great to hear that. Stay on this path. 😄💛
@@pandababyz77 help meee. How? I need help detaching
@
Destinee McClellan i love you my babe
I dealt with trauma bonding most of 2019. You do everything to give the person the benefit of the doubt but they still find ways to make you feel like shit over, over and over again! I went through a lot of mental gymnastics, depression and anxiety with them until I finally, professionally, started to stand up for myself. If you sense that the person you been dealing with is starting to put you through emotional trauma don't hesitate to distance from them. Because the longer you stay, the longer they will soul suck you dry and it will effect other relationships around you. Know your worth and get out.
I've done a lot of research on this topic, and another reason it's so hard to leave an abuser is the victim becomes addicted to the abuse on a cellular level, just like a drug. There are physical and emotional withdrawals when you go no contact. I read it takes an average of 7 attempts to successfully leave an abusive/toxic relationship. At least from a romantic relationship, the abuse will love bomb and get you addicted to the attention and the flood of feel good chemicals that are released in the initial stage. And no matter how bad the abuse gets as long as there are little bits of kindness, the victim will stay, this is referred to as the "sweet, mean" cycle. There are childhood wounds that have gone unhealed, and until those are worked through, sadly the cycle will continue.
you form an energetic/emotional connection/attachments through trauma
thanks for explaining. now I deeply understand it
When surviving childhood abuse isolation abandonment and neglect any kind of affection or kindness or attention makes it hard to see the red flags of more abuse more walking on eggshells more fear more isolation etc. thank you for that insight it definitely rang an epiphany bell in my brain.
Its always the damn childhood
Wow yesterday was the first time in my life, that I was having withdrawal symptoms. My spirit said: Stockholm syndrome so I looked it up and it brought me here! Crazy how I said I’m not ever going back to my ex parents for there constant abuse, them I felt a bit empty yesterday and I received that I was going through withdrawals. Wow I never knew this was a thing! Deep.
So does this explain why I "loved" my pimp? He was so mean, and made me do horrible things, but would also pay my rent, get my hair and nails done, buy me things. Even to this day, I still feel like I miss him sometimes. It took a long time to leave (17 years) and I am still struggling. But I feel I relate to some of this video. #EndHumanTrafficking #ImNotCrazy
Yes that would definitely explain why you "loved" him. I am so sorry that that happened to you.. I am so proud of you for leaving and hope you are getting some professional and possibly group therapy support :) xoxo
You are so brave
@@Armyjayden33 sexually trafficked individuals are victims and what you just said is abusive and revictimizing. Leaving a situation like this is heroic and only the strongest people are able to do it. The fact that this person is 1 seeking further healing and 2 spreading awareness is profoundly brave and inspiring. If you believe in Karma you should delete your comment even if it's only out of self preservation. To the original commenter, I hope you are happy and enjoying your freedom because you earned it!!!
Thank you for your comment. I think it’s amazing how the mind allows us to survive anything. We all want to be loved and taken care of but you don’t have to receive love and appreciation at the sacrifice of your own well being.
You are NOT crazy . Thank you for sharing
I didn't even realize my parents were abusing me until I went into therapy for the first time when I was 20 years old! They gave me money, so how could they be abusive? :P But one year later, I have moved out of their house, and I am supporting myself financially. I don't need their "love", and it feels like the weight of the world has been lifted off my shoulders. If you are also walking on eggshells at home, being so careful to not upset your parents, I encourage you to see a therapist and talk about it in a safe environment!
Thank you so much for sharing your experience Emma!!! I am glad you were able to see what was going on and get out of there! xoxo
Kati Morton thank you!! xoxo you rock :)
You’re lucky, I didn’t realise until my 40s.
2b honest if you're healthy and not feeling any bad about yourself, going to a therapist make mental issues come out of nowhere.
Maybe you're a narcisst but you're just enjoying your life,now after a therapy u see yourself as something unnatural.
I'd say don't care, unless it's hurting , saddening or haunting u in any ways ( physical ,mental, financial,etc.)
@@mousehead2000 how can u let ur parents treat u like that?when i was 7th grade i told my mom dont talk to me dont care about me because i dont need ur 'love' when every second i have to make sure i dont get u or dad mad
You just described my ex husband. I knew he was bad, but it would take me time to escape the abuse cycle. I have felt connected to every individual that was a source of trauma in my life.
💛 so important to talk about this!
been there with my parents and an ex.
at the time you really do 100% convince yourself they're doing nothing wrong/you deserve it/they're just hurting/the nice stuff makes it ok, and get angry at anyone who tries to intervene.. which just makes you completely isolated and the abuse worse. but then it's almost more confusing once you get out and recognise what happened because you're in a place of knowing logically what they did wasn't ok but still loving them/feeling sorry for them/not being able to blame them etc. You'd think everything would be simple once you're out of the situation and see it clearly but it's unfortunately nothing like that. it's the most confusing thing to love someone and be terrified of them simultaneously. xoxo
Thank you so much for sharing your thoughts and experiences. I know we have talked about this before.. but I am so sorry that this happened to you. I hope that my videos about it offer some support or at least another reminder that you are not alone, and that it can get better. xoxo
Can you tell me why you got mad at the ones that tried to intervene? My daughter does this when it comes to my son in law
It makes me so sad to be 66 and getting out of another abusive relationship and now learning about what’s been going on. I was abused by my dad, first husband and second husband for 30 years. What you said speaks exactly what I have dealt with… I even just dropped charges to my ex for the last episode and still feel sorry for him. Yet he’s soooooo mean and abusive. Yet he gets soft and apologetic and confused my nervous system. I really need help with this.
Sorry dear, I can relate.
Look up Elisabeth Ross's, Beautiful people.
She wrote about You. !
You are soo special now, your abusers helped.
Get out, they/he/whomever,,,,,is abusing you. Stop them. Get out. You cannot help them.
You have to help yourself. Wish them well.
Save/salvage your life.
Make it BEAUTIFUL 😍
I'm so grateful for you making this video, it's been over a year now and I'm still trembling. Got into a relationship with a Russian girl who abused me. I couldn't lay my finger on it, she seemed so nice but and caring but in fact I was terrified of her. Every time we met up I could feel her energy grabbing a hold of me tightening it's grip. I had lost all control, my sanity, my friends, but my mom she knew and didn't give up on me. Now I'm terrified of people I can't seem to trust anyone or even myself. I was searching everyday what this terrible feeling was I couldn't shake off. I heard about the syndrome on a series I'm watching (money heist) now i know that I really need treatment for this traumatic experience. Thank you so much for helping me understand.
Thank you , after being abused by therapists this video gave me hope about trying to talk to a better therapist again
You and me both.
I was in a long term toxic relationship where my boyfriend was mostly rude and mean to me, and very demanding, but he was also sweet and supportive at times. I was too attached to leave him earlier even though he caused me excruciating emotional pain on daily basis.
Now when we broke up, 4 months later I am still struggling to overcome my affection for him. It really feel as I am going through drug addiction withdrawal.
I can relay that totally.
Thank you, you're the only normal person who explains it and people actully understand what you're talking about. thank you.
Wow great video. I am a male that was emotionally abused by my ex-gf and it has taken me a year and a half to realize that, although i had my issues to work on, that the negative aspects of that relationship was more about her than me. I mistook harsh criticism for tough love and in some ways could not see beyond her perspective of me. I got out due to a gut feeling telling me that this is something that is not positive. I struggle to acknowledge the relationship for what it was. Although I still catch myself self-blaming for it not working out, i'm seeing the light, through the perspectives of confidants and a good therapist, little by little.
I am so proud of you for getting out. I know how hard that can be! And hang in there.. it does get better, even if it feel like it's so slow.. it does get better!! And you are worth it! xoxo
Jesse F .....as a fellow male ,my therapist recommended I study this audiobook perhaps it will help you in some way,hope this helps.
th-cam.com/video/xn6kubg1wMU/w-d-xo.html
Hello, I was wondering if I can interview you to get your story for a paper I am working on for my final?
How are you getting on? I just got out myself
Reading this is just like reading a story about me. Every word you said I feel it. It's been 2 and a half years since it ended for me and I'd say I'm still not absolutely over it but I'd say to recover from it took me something like 1 and a half years too
Very interesting stuff. I think you should do a video on "cabin fever" next. It seems like kinda the same thing only the abuser is your own mind. I think many people would benefit from it since winter is coming soon and lots people will be staying inside more.
I will definitely look into that! I don't know much about it.. but it could be very timely :) xox
Kati Morton could a stay at home mom get something like cabin fever?
the abuser....is your own mind? did I read that correctly??
Jessica McDonald I am also, living out on a farm, now kids grown. I believe so but remember your brain is like a computer even smarter, more powerful that you need remind yourself it’s all in your head. Stay in control.
For some reason that really stuck when my mother told me that.
Do take 3 vit.D especially in winter it’s been my cure. And many different words of wisdom
Winter is coming
I lost a part of myself to my abuser. A piece of me stayed behind with him, a piece I now feel like I'm missing. And when anyone asks me why it took me so long to cut him off, I say, "If you lost something, where would you go look for it? The last place you remember having it? Me too".
Noah Hines ministry
This really helped me to understand a little about myself. I’m currently in the middle of this kind of relationship and have never felt such low self esteem, trapped, and isolated. But I still love him and I don’t know how to leave or how I would live without him. Is a scary feeling.
Hey Tracy I hope you are feeling okay, if you ever need to talk, to someone that's been through the same thing, I'm right here to listen if you ever need to, don't hesitate to contact me!
Well I just now realized that I have been dealing with Stockholm syndrome ....I thought I had escape a Narcissistic relationship.... and now since I know I felt each of these things and experienced everything you spoke of...😢😢😢😢😭😭
Thank you so much for helping me to understand this more deeply
I feel ya
This was so interesting! I lived this with my now recovering alcoholic husband. I actually divorced him and he got sober. He has been sober for 5 years now and I remarried him after 3 years of sobriety. Odd situation, I know. Things are much better and I have been in counseling for years. As you were speaking I could remember doing and feeling everything you were speaking about. Thank you for making this video. The more I learn the more I understand who I am. 😊
Daaamn that sounds like my ex-girlfriend.
She made me feel awful about myself but then do something sweet to cover it up or take my attention away from that bad thing - I didn't know there was a name for it
I am so sorry you had to go through that!! But I am glad she is your ex now and you are able to see it for what it was :) xox
something sweet ... like ?
Eww
❤️
Your ex was a narcissist, and what she did was called love-bombing
I relate to this completely! And have lived through both this and cognitive dissonance. It's been really tough. I'd love to see a video on different spectrums of NPD and other cluster B personality disorders and the cycles of abuse within those relationships. I think its SO important to spread awareness of these types of relationships.
You’ve helped me realize so much but it hurts every time I visit your channel. Thank you. ❤️
I love listening to you. You're very crisp, clear and soothing.
At my school they are finally talking about mental health to educate parents and teachers. It's next week but I wish it was you giving it. No one is more understanding like you.
Hi, Kati!
Wow, that really put a few things in perspective for me. I was in an abusive situation for 5 years. I had tried to leave a few times but I couldn't because I had no money and nowhere to go so I always would go back. Then one day he hit our then 2 yeAr old daughter. And I said that enough was enough and I got my daughter and myself into a shelter. It was really scary at the time. But now I've been out of the relationship a little over 2 years. (And I believe that I still have a copy of the cycle of abuse wheel and a list of red flags as well.) now things are going a lot better. I'm in therapy and now I have a full time job and I'm a full time student (for medical billing and coding) I barely see my now 4 year old daughter but when I'm done it will only give us a better life.
This is SUCH an important topic. Thank you for speaking about this!!!
Kati, I'm taking AP psychology right now and your channel has been so helpful! Maybe you could do a series explaining psychology stuff?
raylo123 thats her entire channel.
Does this not also apply to childhood abuse in the home? Sounds exactly like that to me! Even after being out of the situation, I notice that people who've been through this can have such a hard time seeing "what was so bad about the abuse/abuser(s) a lot of the time. It makes you question your own experience and perspective so much!
Amy McRae absolutely!
Yep
Amy McRae true
Going through this mind-F-ery currently from childhood neglect and abuse… 😵💫
Fabulous breakdown. For those who have been through this, we are all saying “Yup yup yup yup.”
This is great, Katie, but, I think it's also important to talk about abusive parent-child relationships and what to do if you find out that someone you know is being abused by their parents. A friend of mine from high school had to go to rehab because her mother beat her when she was bad and gave her drugs when she was good, or she just wanted her to be quiet.
cellogirl11RW yes! I had the same thought
Are you serious?! Simple you contact the local authorities and not just sit around wondering what to do on TH-cam for advice!
😕😳😪😢
As of late, I have finally come to accept that my dad was emotionally abusive to me and my sister, and what really hit me in this video is that when I would go to visit my dad, he would isolate us from his family that had "done him wrong".
I have also been struggling a little bit with depression and my friend just shared your channel with me. I'm really glad I was able to check it out and subscribe :)
I finally left 3 days ago. Thank you for what you do!
Also would love for you to touch base on Trauma bonding.
Glitch Computer Stockholm syndrome is trauma bonding.
Your an AMAZING THERAPIST!! thank you for this
May the Almighty God bless you for explaining this so perfectly.
No, I'm not actually religious but the media needs this to explain why I might support your views.
Loving those who hurt us so profoundly is both a beautiful and dreadful testament to our loyalty and Love. But sometimes we must Give Up on or Quit on certain people. Just like toxic substances.
Thanks, this and your narcisstic videos have really helped me make sense of things that happened in a houseshare and leading up to the toxic relationship I had afterwards with the same person. I do not understand why or how someone could be so kind and then so cruel and just switch and alternate in between
Thank you for this gift. I notice also how it operates on a macro level, in society and via societal harms and abuses, as well as in near relationships. Your comment on financial abuse in the context of domestic abuse and familial relationships prompted me to wonder: could it be that the original bank employees may have felt some affinity with their captors due to some shared perspectives regarding the bank? The robbers also clearly demonstrated self-awareness if they openly shared any history of childhood trauma, social/emotional poverty and deprivation so would that likely engender empathy and perhaps an affinity also? It underscores the importance of victim-led, restorative justice.
This really speaks to me Kati. I was in an abusive online relationship when I was 14, and I felt guilty for a while because I thought it was my fault. That it wasn't a "real" relationship.
He isolated me from my family by telling me he could Skype in one more hour, then another hour, then another... He demanded our relationship be kept secret, so I couldn't get help from my mom or therapist when he verbally and emotionally abused me. I told my them after 6 months.
By then I started to suggest breaking up, to which he responded by crying, threatening suicide, then dropping all communication with me for the next two hours. I can't tell you how many times that happened.
Oh but I loved him so much. Every insult he threw at me didn't matter, because I made him mad, probably because I didn't do what he wanted. I loved him, he said I had to prove it, so I tried, but it was never enough. He wanted me to do things I didn't want to do. He'd say, "if you love me, you'd do this. If you don't do this, you don't love me."
Searched up Stockholm syndrome and came across this and I would like to say this is a great video and I love that you are putting this positive information out there, so on behalf of the planet I saw thank you😁
Our primal instinct is fight or flight. When escape is not a viable option it is our instinct to freeze & appease. We're hard wired to adapt, not to evolve backwards.
This is my life and what I went through as a child. This video really help explain things more clearly! Thank you for everything that you do Kati! 💖
How do you heal from this and move on with future relationships? And not feel like you have to keep protecting and taking care of the abusive person (my mom)?
I knew nothing more about this topic than the name and I had heard about the original story and wanted to find out about the actual studies after. Thank you for the video. Helpful
This video would have been really helpful for me seven years ago. Luckily I had a long distance relationship with my abuser so he couldn´t isolate me that much. I still stayed for three years. Even after I had a break from him because I had someone else, in the end I got back to him because I felt guilty. I cut ties with him completely and he still tries to reconnect with me once a year, every year. This is seven years ago and I just recentely realized that I have been abused and my "love" was Stockholm Syndrome. I´m very thankfull for these videos! Even just by watching them it helps.
It's really helpful to understand abusive relationships better. Thank you for this video !
Wow! Was so hooked on what you were describing. I think you should tell stories like that more often because that was a really interesting thing to learn. You should really consider making story videos like this, just a random thought. Thank you for this! Do you have a chart for the abuse cycle? I know at my previous high school, like 3 years ago, we had people come in and give us charts. (I can probably find it and send you a pic on Twitter, if you want.) Maybe you should add that to your website?
Again, super interesting topic! You always do such a great job for your videos(:
Also on another note, I asked something on the website about Pharmacophobia, maybe check it out?
Thank you Kati!!
Glad you liked it and found it interesting!! I don't have an abuse cycle chart.. but there are tons online. If you can find one that allows you to use to free of charge let me know! I will gladly put it on the website :) xoxo Oh and I will be on the website answering questions tomorrow :) xox
This topic is so insightful.
It's too common. Specially the emotionally abuse part.
You did a very good jo b in explaining what Stockholm's Syndrome is and how it effects women in domestic VIOLENCE RELATIONSHIP, thank you!!!
So many people criticize women who stay in a DOMESTIC VIOLENCE Relationship, they say ignorant and stupid things LIKE SHE must like it or she just loves seeking attention and wants people to feel sorry or pity her, but it's difficult to feel sorry and compassion and want to continue to want to help someone when they run right back to the abuser, not realizing the woman may attempt leaving several times befor SHE gets the streanth to stay gone for good,and then often if they had any support system at all they give up on helping her often turning thier backs on her completly, which is just what her abuser wants, each time she attempts to LEAVE SHE gets stronger and wiser,, I will quota my old COUNTRY AUNT who also survived a really bad abusive relationship, she would say when she finnaly gets a belly full of it she,ll finally know she has enough and she'll leave him for good,and that's what happen to me my dad said I was going to wear my clothes out packing and carring them back and forth after about the 8 or 9th time the last time I knew I was done with him and was never going back no matter what he did or said or promised me, I HAD GOT A BELLY FULL OF HIM AND HIS ABUSE ID LEFT HIM FOR THE LASTBTIME BUT IT DIDNT HAAPPEN OVER NIGHT IT TOOK ME YEARS OF ABUSE AND EMPTY PROMISSES TO CHANGE TO FINNALY LEAVE FOR GOOD.
This is a great video! October is Domestic Violence Awareness Month. Thank you for speaking so eloquently about this. My mom has worked in this field my whole life and this education about it is fantastic! Thank you!
Thank you SO much!
Thank you Kati, didn't feel like reading about it right now.
What an excellent video. Thank you for creating and uploading. God bless you and be well.
Listening to videos like this helps tremendously. Thank you
Also I love this channel and I'm so glad I stumbled upon it. Funny enough you sound like the doppelgänger of a former coworker who I would talk about stuff like this with so it kinda trips me out sometimes
How funny!! Glad you are enjoying the videos :) xoxo
Very good too address this, for the victims and bystanders who dont understand whats going on and say: why dont you just go away.
i'm so glad i stumbled upon your channel! it's so helpful and interesting and i'm learning so much :)
Yay!! Glad you are here :) xox
I had this when I was a little boy. Now at 26 a part of me wants to have parents, even though I severed them both out of my life for obvious reasons.
I was "diagnosed" with this yesterday and your video really helped me understand it. Thank you!! ♥️
I just learned about this today, thank you for posting this video. After 20+ year I can now define what happened to me, I was kidnapped and raped and I could not explain to others why I could not escape. I had a classic case of stockholm syndrome.
*I didn’t know Kate Hudson was a psychologist now, that’s awesome!*
I'm currently working through my solutions
This is great. A friend sent it to me. 1, 2 And 4 are very true. It was a bloody violent relationship at times and though he didn’t want me telling anyone about her private relationship details he did encourage me to have friends, I just didn’t because it was hard for me. So I was isolated but not because of him. And he didn’t “sprinkle in” niceness. The relationship is way more complicated.. he was nice, supportive, loving, generous, attentive, thoughtful, much of the time except for when he would shift and his trauma responses activate and he was violent, manipulative, threatening, and abusive in all forms.
Emotionally abusive mainly but so was I… so..we don’t fit into any category. And I do love him but I did finally move out after my life was threatened but I believe in his healing and did have dinner with him last night
I've been denying this is the case with my abusive parents for years, it has messed up my attachment for years. I'm now on my third therapist and working on changing the attachment blueprint. Its such hard work....I'm only just starting to see the victim brainwashing and see how much it has caused me to have borderline traits, this love you hate you split has caused such fragmentation in my ego. I'm also working on ifs parts therapy at the moment. This video was good, thank you !
Very informative
I experienced this for years…personally..
Thank you for your service to humanity
Much love namaste 🙏 💙💛💓🤍💚🧡💜
Needed to hear this one today. Thanks.
I just found you by your Limerence video and I'm loving your videos!❤
all I know that it's an 1D's song 😂
Vitta Nirmala Bahahah i just came from that song
Same here 😂
Molly Lou me too 😂😂
Hahahahaha same
As a Muse fan I find this comment outrageous
Most ppl feed off ppl who take a lot of crap from them. That's one of the reasons why i stay away from ppl. It's better to be alone.
Emma Frost humans are a social species...
A socially retarded species*
@@connorhughes4990 L
@@Eatthefat. okay
. . . . . . .
Pllllz don't take long to upload the next part I'm Damon excited that I can't wait
By the way that was an art piece goood jooob
wow! what an interesting topic!!! I had heard about Stockholm syndrome from a psyc101 class. I only knew the gist of it and for a moment thought I had been through it, but this explanation along with the abuse cycle explanation really clarified where I stand. I will bring this up with my councelor even though I don't think I have/had it, but I figure this topic could help open up feelings about what I went through in my last relationship?
This is excellent. You did great
I just finally broke away from a toxic ‘friend’ who was really a callous narcissist. She used to treat me like shit...later apologise then come out with excuses for it.. and it was only a matter of time before she did it again. I was in a vulnerable financial position and put up with way more than I should have. But I’ll never allow someone to have that kind of power and manipulation over me again...I would literally rather die in a gutter than have fake friends who are really just trash.
So sad. May people be healed who have been through this.
wonderfully explained. Thankyou💜. My X needs to see this
Beautifully done!! Mentioning some of the ramifications...excellent.
Thank you for making these videos 💚
This was so interesting! Thank you! 💜
You are very welcome :) Glad you liked it! xoxo
You are excellent teacher you help me get a great explanation of what this was. I had no idea.
Great video! Thanks for sharing.
Escape can also seem impossible when you've been in the abusive relationship long enough that the emotional distress has worn you down. After the abuser isolates you from outside perspectives (friends and family), they could make you feel responsible for that. They make you feel like nobody is there for you because you are not a good person, because you are not worth their time. They tell you that you are lucky they [your partner] puts up with you and stays with you as long as they have. What happens is you begin to believe it, your feeling of self-worth is jeopardized and it makes escape seem impossible...because even if you manage to leave the relationship, who's to say anyone else outside of the relationship will want you, or morally support you in any way?
Thanks Kati!!! X
Thanks sis
Great Video as always Kati, very interesting. Thank you. x
Oh good!! I am glad you enjoyed it :) xoxo
I was with a relationship with someone from the age of 12-18, the whole time I wanted to leave so bad but I seriously couldn’t leave i always thought the only way out was to kill my self, it was the worst feeling ever. One night I begged him to help me mentally because he was destroying me and him and his dad literally laughed in my face... I finally got the courage to leave a week later, he was out with his friends and I left. He texted me and told me I better “get home” and that I’m messed up for taking everything that was mine because it left him with nothing. Hardest decision of my life and I’m still trying to heal from it but I’m so much healthier now. I’m glad I left, I would’ve Lille’s myself if I didn’t.
*killed not Lillie’s, autocorrect...
Thank you for your best explanation
I ended up losing friends and family because they were sick of me going back all the time of the 4 and a half years I was with my abuser. I feel like a few of my friends and family members made it harder for me to leave him because I felt there was no one there for me. He also covertly was talking to my brother behind my back trying to make me look bad for a long time. I had no idea so that when he was ready to leave me even my brother blamed me, despite the violence and blackmail. I was the bad one. Im getting help now and he's in prison. A program I'm doing has really helped me come to terms with what was happening. I I was in denial for so long and so co-dependent
which program?
My husband has done this I’m literally homeless and I still visit him and love him even though I don’t want to or even know why still. I have absolutely nothing for hope.
This is a really good video. Well done, Kati! Interesting and informative and understandable.
Awe thanks! I am glad you enjoyed it :) xoxo
I think this topic goes WAY beyond relationships.......I see this on a way bigger stage. Great video!!!!
Yeah, governments and media are doing it to the population. Gaslighting, abuse, the whole narcissistic package. And the population just "loves" getting fucked over and over again. That's what you mean, right?
Great information! Thank you for sharing this
I had this syndrome with my childhood friends.
When they did a big wrong. And I knew that. But still instead of condemning them, I defended them and condemned the innicent.
Soooooo glad I found this. I ABSOLUTELY know my father is a victim from my brother. May I talk to you about it?
Thanks for your explanation of this.
This goes back to a recent Dr. Phil episode with the young girl who's in an abusive relationship with her boyfriend. From the segments I've watched I can see the parents are scared for their daughter because she's refusing to leave him in fear of what he will do to her.
Wow this just made me look at things differently thank you
Thanks for clearing up what Stockholm Syndrome actually is... I've heard so many people say, "It's when you want to get kidnapped". I was always so confused and thought, "People actually want to get kidnapped?!!!" I realize that there may be people like that out there, but this makes way more sense.
i can really relate with this kate....
I hope you found it helpful :) xoxo
This video just helped me so much. THANK YOU. I just filed a restraining order on my ex-boyfriend and I've dealt with all these things.