THIS is Gaslighting!
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- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 7 ต.ค. 2024
- I'm Kati Morton, a licensed therapist making Mental Health videos!
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Has this happened to you? Share your story in the comments.
Kati Morton great video, Kati. This is so important. Thank you for talking about it. It makes you feel like you're literally going insane and you can't even trust your own thoughts and perception. It destroys you from the inside out. What helped me most (as well as boundaries) was trying to learn how to listen to how I felt and what i want, because you lose your own internal compass and you need to get it back.
yes by my adoptive mother
Kati Morton yes, a lot - my parents have been abusive at different points, and my mum is borderline. They use it go make me feel crazy and say I make up things, and lots of other things. I heard about gaslighting through r/raisedbynarcissists, it's really helped knowing that I'm not crazy or making things up
I so needed this right after "mother's day". My mom was horribly physically, emotionally, and psychologically abusive to me most of my life. Eleven years ago this month, I left her. We barely speak and hardly see each other. Yesterday was so hard for me and always is because I've never trusted her. Although we've attempted to maintain a relationship, she hates boundaries and it somehow ends up with me being a mess every time. I don't have many answers, but what I can say is you don't deserve it. The shame belongs with your abusers, not you. The world needs you so please be brave and stay on the planet. Abuse doesn't last forever. GOD LOVES YOU. Leaving them is scary and one of the hardest things to do but your life only truly begins once you leave and are safe.
My mom had gaslighted me my entire life in regards to my father and her wrongdoings. She would do something, like get pissed off that i couldnt remember my left and right at age 9, and make me think my DAD did it instead, when in actuality my dad wanted to teach me them one at a time so i didn't get confused.
that's just one example, but she has done so much damage to me and my memories that i'm still having to be corrected about times where (i thought) my dad did something, And years later I mentioned it to him, but he says he didnt, he did the opposite, and it was actually my mom who did it.
It's gotten to the point where my memories are a blur and i dont have a single coherent memory from my childhood because of how much her constant gaslighting affected me. I'm so glad i've cut off contact with her and I havent seen her in years.
This past mothers day she tried to contact me and my siblings via twitter for us to apologize to HER because she didnt want all the arguing and hatred to continue, when she's the one who's perpetuated it.
She did the same thing last mother's day, and she still tries to talk to my uncle to get us roped back into her abuse again. But she can't even touch me now, and if she ever tries to physically get close to us again, we can get a restraining order.
(Also, great video kati. very informative!)
“we never hit you, if we did you were a bad child”
“we’ve never called you stupid stop making up stories!”
......thank you parents......
Adorable Nurse :3 I never knew that was gaslighting. That is crazy... 😞
Same
Adorable Nurse :3 I experienced the same things!
Omg that’s exactly the same as what I’ve gone through and worse/more!!!
I NEVER tell my children they are stupid, they disappoint me, etc. I will say that a decision or action they chose was not smart, and they are smart, and then ask them why daddy would say what they said or did wasn't a smart one. I want my child to do more of the talking, and listen closely to them. I remind them that they are smart, they are good kids and good people, and that they usually do make good choices, and talk about those. I also will only say that a decision they made, a choice to hit their brother or a choice to act selfish to their sister. I remind them that I have never viewed them as a disappointment, that I've never been disappointed in them, that the decision they made, the choice, disappointed me, and I'll ask them why. And they will tell me that it's because they are better than that choice, that they know better, and that their brother/sister deserves better from them. It's easy to tell your kids something horrible to punish them, bur it rarely has the desired effect, and always causes collateral damage. It's also easy to tell your kids you love them, and you're proud of them, and you're happy that they are your children. It's really easy to say those things when they believe you (because actions speak louder than words and you show them you mean it), and they do things that amaze you, and make you so proud of them, and they almost are rewarding you. Like an investment you make in them is paying dividends as the investments grow. I invest in my kids often. They're really great kids and actually good people who recognize when people, adults or kids, are being crappy to each other, and why it's a crappy choice.
Gaslighting has made me a perfectionist in paying attention and listening skills.
Same here. The only thing is though the goal post will move again. So even if you write this stuff now and remember it and listen 100% dead-on, the new issue will be that you are insane for having to record everything. OMG, I cant believe you did that! Everyone is right about you..
@@WallStreetWill86 I hear you. You are right. They will find fault with whatever means you try to protect yourself.
Both of my parents are abusive narcissists. Their favorite phrases are "that never happened", "you don't know what you are talking about", "I never said that".
big thanks to every therapist out there who puts out help for free! because not everyone can pay for therapy, and free content like this actually saves their lives.
This is my dad. I’m still living with my parents and it’s been horrific. Hoping to move out soon. Y’all aren’t alone. ❤️
Hope you got out.
My dad too and when you react you’re crazy
Books With Aly, you deserve better 🙏🙏🙏
We believe in you, you can leave!! Look into manifestation, it'll really help you, please just be patient tho, w ur parents ♡♡
Finally got out. My dad is trying to guilt me to come back. I refuse! I feel guilty leaving my sister and mom, but I need to protect myself too
"Just trust wifey."
She always said that. She always wanted me to go by what she told me.
"I love you."
But the actions didn't match. If you love me, why does it feel like you hate me? Why do I feel like nothing more than an accessory to your life, unworthy of having opinions unless they're shared by you already?
"I love you."
Why, then, are you constantly exposing me to things you know trigger me? Why do you refuse to talk to me about this life we 'share'?
I'm taking ownership of myself this year. Just 3 weeks away from her, and therapy is helping so much more. It's harder than ever, but I'm no longer uncertain about reality. No longer fighting ghosts. No longer trying to deal with your amateur extra diagnosis of my condition. I'll trust my therapist and doctor and my own eyes and ears from now on. I'm me, and I'm mine. No one else's.
Wow. Are you doing ok now? I'm glad you got help. You got this.
I’m in this right now
Ditch that bitch! She's worthless! Mine didn't change and I doubt yours will. Make police reports when she hits you. Build up your ammo for when you divorce her (because you might have to if she's really psycho and won't avoid court)
Thank you... you just described my married life...I can't walk away from it yet as I have kids to protect. But at least I'm not fighting ghosts anymore. Hope life worked out for you ✌️
I recognise all that you said..I have said all the same to him but his response was.
it’s my perception. That’s all... Good for you..I wish I had your strength to get out..but I will. The time will come.
I was gaslighted in every romantic relationship I’ve had with a man. 🧐 I’m finally making a fresh start to understand myself so my next one will be healthy for me and him🙃
SAMEEEE
Have you ever thought about perhaps them not being the problem, but you? Seems to me that either all of them were toxic, which shows you making the wrong decisions, or you're the toxic one. Hope you achieve what you want in life though
@@ZamoraksApprentice exactly that was what i was thinking about too thats not normal
You got this love! Proud of you!!!
Same here 😭
my mom gaslights me.. she's done it for years and I never thought that it can be a way of control and making me rely on her. because I grew up needing to and it's made me lag behind in life :( this really opened my eyes to how harmful it is
i'm sorry to hear this is happening. i hope things get better for you, you deserve more autonomy and respect
Cayla Schellin thank you so much
alo - it doesn't mean that she doesn't love you. What it really means is that she doesn't have confidence in herself and she can't do it but don't let her way of thinking hinder or stop you! She doesn't believe in herself. Don't let her way of thinking put a lid on your life and attitude towards going after things. I have no doubt that if you succeed in anything you do, she will feel very proud of you. Go after what you want and don't feel guilty about it. Trust your gut! She might (or might not) get jealous but push through that. It's normal. Parents secretly want their kids to succeed, but also feel jealous when they have that beautiful, youthful confidence. Older people tend to be jealous of that, because when they were young they didn't have confidence to do what they really wanted and their time and opportunities may have passed them by. Every young person in this world is entitled to seizing their opportunities and following their dreams, so it's your turn! Live life!
Amajor Seven sorry I can't agree you. I have a narc mother. she gaslighted me all my life. and set me up so she could prove what she said about me is true to other's. Proud of me, she doesn't even know how to spell the word. she has always enjoyed watching me get hurt in my younger years. I'm no contact for years not. she is still doing it
( a cousin told me). I'm over 60)
So no she never loved me.
just my 2 cents worth
My mom was the same way. People generalize mothers and say they’re all good, and you should always obey them. That’s wrong, mothers are like anyone else, they can be very wrong and even sometimes worthy of being left alone. Unfortunately its sometimes required for your own personal state of mind.
I wad gaslit by multiple people. This forced me to figure out everything on my own, and now they don't understand why I want to be alone and figure everything out on my own...SMH
This was difficult when even family was involved (not by choice). But they certainly had no problem with it being done. However, I forgave her before it even happened. I have (unintentionally( manipulated her to put me needs first almost all my life.
TRUEEEE sameee
My mom basically forced me to get into dental school, then spent the last five years telling me that I was the one who wanted to get in.
GIRL SAAAAAAME
She's a real piece of work!
I grew up with two narcissist parents and still don’t trust my own memory. I could be telling a story and question myself in the middle, “Wait- did it really happen like that? Maybe I am remembering wrong.” It’s terrible.
Me too, and I'm the same way
My ex-boyfriend did this to me and I'm not sure he even realized he was doing it. I've always wondered whether he was a sociopath and a narcissist.
Same...
me too... im convinced he was and didn't even realize he does not feel or have empathy or is capable of love. I felt like a toy the whole time and i think that's what he believed normal partnership was...
Maybe he is/was both!
same uhg..
best advice I heard recently: whenever you find yourself in a relationship where you feel the need to record conversations so you can play them back for people who won't believe you otherwise: GET OUT!
This is something my mom always did when I was growing up and still tries to do to me til this day. She would always invalidate things like say, "I never said that." or "That never happened. You're crazy." when I brought up certain arguments or certain horrible things she had said.
August My wife does the same thing, I’ve made the decision to record all discussions/arguments.
I might be wrong but what I've noticed is most women do that,I watched a few videos and I swear they teach each other ,and cause guys are thirsty we put up with it,which makes women think it worked,and so the virus spreads...
My dad does this all of the time. Whenever he does something wrong he acts like it never happened and then if he's ever called out he'll turn it around and make you to be the bad person. My mom has been putting up with it still sadly because she knows he'll never change.
Jones Modjadji You are doing no different than what people do when they are gaslighting. I was friends with a guy who would blame women for everything and say we were the cause of mens problems, that is mentally abusive and draining and I’m sure a lot of women do this to men as well but Both genders do these type of things, it’s not a one gender mostly situation.
My mom does the same thing whenever I try to talk to her about anything that happened that really hurt me. A common theme is "you're a lier! That never happened! You're memories are wrong! You were so spoiled as a child.."..etc. All I've ever wanted from her was some loving support and validation for my experiences that were damaging. 😔
Just got out of an emotionally abusive/codependent relationship and this video literally made my jaw drop. I’ve been feeling all of these things, for MONTHS! I’m incredibly sad about the breakup but also very relieved it’s over. Him breaking up with me was the best thing to happen to me! I’m so excited that I can go out with friends without starting a fight or feeling guilty anymore. My confidence is already coming back and I really can’t wait to glow up this year, without him and his negativity!!
Gaslighting, from my experience, is when you try to communicate concerns and he says something along the lines of, "You're just being anxious. That's not real or rational. I know I didn't do that. What you think is your own fault." I literally developed a situational anxiety disorder (GAD) because of my last relationship. I made it out, and I'm thankful for what I've learned, but it was tough as hell.
I've met too many people like this like my ex. People take advantage of nice people. I'm glad I'm a free thinker. I'm done with these people though. Any sign of abuse and I am gone.
86thislove same, I’ve stopped being a doormt
Well said, yes people do take advantage of nice people who just try to be accommodating and humane which often bites us in the butt as these narcissists and sociopaths are from the devil. I truly believe they are being used by a dark power as I never came across people like this growing up and I'm not used to their tactics so I've become easy prey. And once you're in their trap, mental and emotional escape becomes impossible
Me too. No BS in my life now!
I agree. There is something wrong with them for sure. They are not us/human.
I have so much to learn, I can't say no to helping even though it's taking everything from me and literally destroying me and my belongings
that shirt is gold and white!
hahah!! This comment made me laugh to hard!! love it!
totally thought the same before i read the comments lol
i was gonna comment this omg
YEEEESSSSS
apekop34 noooooo
Someone I've been friends with for 13 years has done this to me since we were 6, and we are 20 now. I was sexually assaulted, and I told her about it, and she acknowledged that it happened. One day when we were together, the situation came up in conversation, and she asked me why I didn't make the guy who assaulted me use a condom. I confronted her about this later. I asked her how the hell I can force someone to use a condom while they're raping me, and she said that I never told her he raped me, which is a crazy fucking lie. She proceeded to say that I told her I had sex with him and then regretted it, and that sometimes people have sex and they regret it. I honestly never realized how messed up this was until I typed it out and read it just now.
Drop her, she is not your friend.
A person like that is not an accepting person to be around you. You dont need that
Ur friend is disgusting to do that.no contact
I'm so sorry that happened to you, you didn't deserve it and I hope you've cut this person from your life.
I hope you are having a good life. This was sad to read. Go and make your days as good as you can. You deserve it.
Mine use to gaslight me and when I started to stand up for myself I was told if I did not shut up he was going to call the police right now and have me put in a mental institution and locked up until he decided to let me out. I gave him the phone and said call. Always be true to you even if your scared, you will soon learn it’s not you
He is seriously controlling. So is mine. He blames me for his abusing me. He's pathetic! He still expects to control me; I am 60! Unreal!
@@jackilynpyzocha662 He has found out his controlling days are over.
This video is a blessing and you are a saint Kati. This world is full of gaslighters that have access to too much power. Take our power back as people!!!
This video was posted at the perfect time. I just made the decision less than a week ago that I am leaving my emotionally abusive significant other. He spent 3 1/2 years tearing down my self esteem, controlling who I saw/where I went, manipulating me with guilt and shame, telling me what a piece of shit I am, and to sum it all up--gaslighting me. I don't know why it sent me over the edge, but he started putting me down in front of someone he used to have sex with and he knows I have huge insecurities about. I was caught off guard and couldn't believe it was happening, but in that moment I snapped out of whatever spell I was under and I somehow got this little bit of strength and went to the store that day to buy moving boxes. I'll be leaving in two weeks to go back to my parents house and reevaluate my life and where I should go from here. To those who are suffering, I understand what you are going through and I understand how hard it is to leave and I don't judge you for staying because there were a million times I should have left. All I can say is I hope you find the strength to leave someday
Stay strong girl!
You go girls, dont let those hating comments get to you, you are better!!
Your post was from 2 years ago. Did you end up staying apart from him?
How did it go?
wow i forgot i ever wrote this till i got a notification of a reply. YOU GUYS! I lived with my parents for a year and a half and saved money, took care of my mental health, went back to the therapist i saw as a teen, now an adult (i'm 26 as i write this today, april 9, 2020) i tried medication for about a year, it was fine, but i've been off meds for over a year now and not depressed or anxious a day in my life anymore!) I really worked on my confidence, talked a lot about it in therapy. i started eating healthier again and exercising in fun ways and falling back in love with myself inside and out. seriously just click my username and watch one of my youtube videos if you want to see how my life is going now. I'm having fun. I've eliminated everyone from my life that isn't making me feel good, seems so obvious now. Why do we subject ourselves to hanging out with people who make us feel shitty about ourselves? I got over the pity party i was having for myself, i changed the narrative, decided how i wanted my story to go and what i deserved. If i have to be on planet earth i'm gonna be joyful. I think its all too common to hate ourselves these days, i don't even know anyone anymore that doesn't struggle with anxiety or depression. I truly believe i have healed. I wish I could tell you how to do it but its hard to describe. I think everyone's journey to healing is unique. As for me? After everything i have been through, i believe in the law of attraction. I believe what you focus on and pay attention to grows. I basically changed my entire life by changing my belief systems. Shifted my perspective of how i viewed myself, my worth, what beauty is, the truth of how the universe really works, etc everything with a fresh healed perspective. I wish I could describe it better, but its basically letting go of and "unlearning" all the lies that were taught to us growing up about being polite and "socially acceptable", what kind of treatment to accept, our place in the world, etc I just really wish emotional/spiritual healing to anyone reading this right now, i hope the message finds you 💖thanks everyone who inquired : )
In the last couple years I've come to understand that my mother's side of the family had been using a combination of Childhood Emotional Neglect and Gas-lighting my whole life. My mother and her two sisters would call each other every day to affirm how great they were and problems they faced were always people from outside the family being bad.
They always told me that family was the most important thing in the world. I did anything and everything that was asked of me for them as a child and young adult, because I thought that was required to be a good moral person.
After becoming a father myself, I finally was the one who needed help from my family. They basically said no at every opportunity. When I was beginning to unravel C.E.N. as an adult, understanding why I always was so critical of myself and felt deep shame, like I was never good enough, like I was different than other people, my mother's family would always tell me I was wrong about how I saw everything.
When I tried to set boundaries, they threw tantrums. When I asked them to apologize for accidentally hurting my feelings, they refused and told me my feelings were wrong.
Every family get together, which was at least a dozen times a year, they would talk each other up about how they were the best family around. They would often say that outsiders were so envious of the love and support they gave each other. Eventually I realized that they would never treat me as an adult, respect me or my decisions, and would ignore every boundary I tried to set for me and my son.
Eventually I had to cut them out of my life. They remind me every time they can about how sad I've made them all, and how I threw away decades of love because of "one" argument.
To this day I often finding myself second guessing, if I made up all this emotional trauma, and they never did anything wrong to me.
If it wasn't for the support of my friends, I would fall into the gas-lighting again. I'm comfortable and enjoy spending time with my life long friends in ways I never did with my mother's side of the family. My friends are a safe place where I can feel like myself and be accepted. My mother's family would shame me if I ever stepped out of line.
When the psychological abuse is so bad that you feel relieved to be in juvy at 13/14, you know something isn't right.
Totally know how you feel. The physical abuse stopped at about age 8, but the psychological abuse doubled down & got worse. Anytime away from parents was a relief, but was always on guard.
@williamallen7836 I never endured physical, since my parents were too smart to do that (so their hands were clean in the eye of the law). Our relationship is a lot better now, but the damage is done. I'm currently in college and when I visit for break (since my parents won't be around for forever) I get crippling anxiety when I visit. And when I say crippling - I mean I cannot breathe and this has caused me to develop chronic stress illnesses in the past which nearly ruined my life. And I'm one tough motherfucker. I'm not whining about just some little anxiety.
When your parents scheme to hire strangers to kidnap you when you're on vacation at age 13 it's an understatement to say I have "trust issues", lmao.
Yes, this happened to me growing up, my job and relationships. Until I went to therapy I didn't understand why I lived at a low place and had such low self esteem. I tried good self talk and tried saying no but gaslighters know when you try to have a voice so they really turn up the gaslighting. Thank God I found an amazing therapist! She has helped me tremendously!
I love how you use "us" and "we" when talking, really makes this feel more community oriented
This is very important too: sometimes it takes so long for one to leave these type of relationships because one simply won't accept that a person you love is gaslighting you, abusing, manipulating your mind. It is manipulation to that rate that makes you blind to the truth. It is very important to accept it, otherwise you will fall into the trap once and again.
Kati Morton said, "I can say NO!" so take that!!
thank you kati, you are the best!!
Exactly!! haha!! Love it :) So happy to help!! xox
I agree. I wish this channel was around way back when I went through my dark period. It’s a long story. But I had abusers who didn’t respect ANY boundaries whatsoever. I needed to say NO a lot more often.
I've lived with a sociopath for over 30 years and until I watched this I'd never heard of gaslighting but boy he does this to me all the time. Amazing.Thank you.
When you said the part about how therapists have to be careful not to gaslight, that gave me so much freedom and clarity. I have been feeling for months that my therapist is gaslighting me, cause I will write down things she says and then bring it up later when she contradicts herself and she will write it off as her trying to validate me in that moment or that I took it out of context....
My mom is a narcissist, so I question everything in my life...
I feel you
U can't talk to a narcissist and they cen never admit to being wrong and it's them not u and cen never say sorry my boyfriend is one I'm on the edge of kicking him out of my life I said I will give u one more chance he says to me he will give me one more chance hay it's him not me he's a narcissist not me so u can't talk to a narcissist and can't admit it's them not u
This also happens in co-dependent relationships
Mariella Lizworth no it's not
Richard Jones Yes, but that’s not why it happens. It’s not the victim’s fault. In fact, gaslighting tends to create co-dependent people. There’s research debunking your claim, as it is used to victim shame.
True in my 12 year relationship. Toxic af but just can't seem to break away. We were both vicitms and are now both perpetrators
ya, that sounds about right. i think i might be in one.
I really don’t like the term “co-dependent.” In my own experience, I feel like it blames the party that didn’t realize the abuse. I, for example, was a kid and my mom is a narc. So I get a title just for having been raised by her? I don’t want that title.
Wow I cried so much watching this video. My mother has been doing this to me for years and I love her so much that I never wanted to accept that this is the kind of person she has been to me. My experience is valid, my feelings are valid. Thank you for posting this. It’s very healing and makes me feel a little bit of optimism in this challenging time.
Man, I can agree with everything you're saying. My mother gaslighted me when I was young. I told her about things that had happened to me, and then I tried to inquire about it a year later for more details. She yelled and said things like, "That never happened," "I don't know what you're talking about," and "Don't talk about it again." This lead me to doubt myself and talk less. I relied on her to make every decision for me. Also, most importantly, it caused gaps in my memory as well as faint, foggy recollections that are in bits and pieces. I have a somewhat excellent memory (now, that is), but there are some memories that I will NEVER be able to properly retrieve, and my timeline of the order in which things occurred is a bit messed up. There are some years of my childhood where I only remember one or two things, and there was a moment in the past when I blacked out and suppressed everything. Still, it isn't like I can go to her and say, "Hey mom, remember when ____?" She's just going to go off on a tangent and tell me how "wrong" I am. I don't like being gaslighted, so f*ck that. I'm slowly learning to trust myself again and clear the fog from some of my memories.
Back when she was yelling at me for bringing something to light, I had asked her about a time when we lived in a trailer with a man who liked giving body massages. I just wanted to know more about that time, such as who the man was and where the house was located. I clearly remember her saying that it never happened and to never talk about it again. My guess, at the time, was that she simply didn't want me to tell other people. Still, I didn't bring it up, and I doubted ever having the memory at all. A memory of a strange man rubbing my nude lower body. If you ask me... I think the man she's dating now, and is going to have a child with, is the man we stayed with all those years ago. The story adds up. They've known each other for over 10 years, she claimed to have dated him in the past (but it's the one boyfriend I was never officially introduced to, out of several), and he's always lived in a trailer in my home town. Who tf else would it be? The child is due in May... If he does ANYTHING to her, and if my mother tries to gaslight that girl, I'll go to someone else and tell them everything! I'll be f*cking livid if history repeats. If she f*cks with that girl's head like she did to mine.
Good for you protect the innocent! Your better than your mom
How is it going? Is your sister ok?
I’m married to one... then I woke up and started calling bs .... he still tries occasionally but I immediately remind him why it won’t work.
My ex boyfriend of almost 3 years is what I’ve found to be a covert narcissist and he gaslighted all the time. He kept me from my friends by making me believe that they were annoying and that I did not have good judgment with people and that I couldn’t pick my own friends and I am best friends with those people now but until we broke up I had no one.
Woah, my ex did this exact same thing to me. I just broke up with him two months ago and ever since then I've been struggling to remember the things he did to me because I've been trying so hard to comb through what happened and see where the points of abuse were. To get a grip on what was real.
I feel.
Same thing happened to me
me too for 37 years
@Bella Thank goodness I have moved on,but I too dated someone for 3 yrs and can identify. Thank goodness I went to therapy and have moved on,people don’t associate with such individual/s.😇
My ex husband did this to me too
If this person is your parent? How do you get out? As an adult, I find myself struggling to leave because of guilt and thinking maybe I am overreacting? And what if this person goes from two extremes of uplifting, motivating, and being your best friend, to emotional abuse?
SomethingReallyStrange then she's got you exactly where she wants you, questioning your own sanity.. or, perhaps she realises what she's done, and brushes it all under the carpet so you don't think badly of her? 😕 I'm a parent and sometimes we just have our own issues, I have a nut out at my daughter some times, then feel stupid (not saying she doesn't deserve it though😀)... ultimately you have to decide what you will put up with in life, or work out the best steps to change the situation /make your mother aware of how her actions make you feel.. make she is a victim of similar behavior?
Just cut them off and don't look back. Don't make yourself feel guilty about doing what is right for your health. Don't let your family try to make you feel guilty about it. Tell them you are doing what is best for your health. It is not selfish to do what is best for you, it is self care.
I haven't spoken to my mom in almost 4 years. Blocked her in my phone, blocked her emails, blocked her on Facebook. It is okay to walk away from people who aren't good for you even if it's family - even if it's a parent.
Think of it this way: If this was a person that you met out in public and thought you'd be friends with, hung out with a couple of times and found that their manipulation is toxic for you, you'd stop talking to them and stop hanging out with them. Some biological connection doesn't invalidate that healthy process of getting out of unhealthy relationships.
You can do it!
You move out and cut them off.
Yes, I'm starting to question everything.
Were we really poor? Because I always felt bad when my mom would buy something to me.
When she took me with her to visit my grandmother and told me she was nice for visiting my grandmother because often children don't go see their parents when they're old anymore, was it just because she wanted me to take care of her when she'll be old?
Watch her video on Toxic Parents
I had to stop contact with a lot of my family because of my sister who is a sociopath. Man it sucks. But Im much better living on my own now.
my dad is emotionally (sometimes physically) abusive and i have a feeling my sister is gaslighting me (or emotionally abusing) how did you know?
that is sad when people have to cut their own family loose but life is too short to live being controled by screwups.
Thank you for this great resource Kati! I just want to point out that someone doesn't have to be a narcissist or sociopath to gaslight. Anyone can do it. But it's more important to focus on ourselves and what we're feeling so we can get the healing that we need.
Ryan Liberty / Mental Healt
Ryan Liberty / Mental Healthcare
True
This is what my parents does to me. Especially my mom. They don't consider any emotional/mental abuse as real abuse. They brush it off and just say people are weak and sensitive for thinking that.
9:22 Saying ‘no’ might have been the most important tip my teacher gave me when I was seriously struggling a few years ago. It made me realise that I couldn’t (still can’t) please everyone and the only thing overcommitment does is ruin me emotionally. Thanks for including this, Kati :”)
Record them. Then play it back after theyve denied theyve said it. They lose their sh**.
Then the discussion about the recording will start? 😀
Yes,then you are accused of being a crazy control freak. Never make a list to keep track either. Seriously nobody should have to make lists or record someone who supposedly loves and cares about you!? But it happens and here we are. Sigh!
I confronted them (for the last time) over text so i literally have evidence of them gaslighting me
Yes. I reported to a boss who did this everyday, several times a day for six years. It didn't matter how many times I set limits or made requests.
Heidi Hackney oh my goodness I’m sorry :( I hope you work with better people now.
Most are in the work force and make it toxic to even work for. I just leave and move on. It's not worth it. Jobs shitty enough.
I would've left
I had a group of teachers who did this for months to me and they would never let me leave the class. I had to finally to get a recording to leave. My parents didn't do much other were flying monkeys I was stuck n hopeless
It happened to me at my previous workplace, I worked in company where boss and his wife would make fun of me or someone else and coworkers were kind of asslickers, so they just would laugh with them. Other day they could yell, be extremely rude. Our clients knew them as nice kind people cause they never would behave like that with other people. I felt so ashamed when i quitted that I let them abuse me for so long time. Now I'm unemployed for 4 months, I just don't want to get in situation like that again.
When I need comforting, I come to your TH-cam page and watch your videos. It makes me feel better, every time. Thank you Kati
My sister does this to me. Makes me feel like my memory has gone to shit and some how I am to blame for everything.
Some of the most filthy, destructive, narcissistic gaslighters I've ever met were therapists that were meant to be helping me.
Yes Prof Sam Vaknin very droll about this
Recommend his work (TH-cam etc...)
Listen free at home while drawing/ dusting/dishes/ resting....
win win 👍🏻😁🍀
@@PortraitoftheArtistasanOldDog8, I used to dislike Vaknin very much because he seemed to mythologize the condition. But his new theory, the "dual mothership model", suddenly clarified many, many things to me. Grannon made a video about it.
@@PortraitoftheArtistasanOldDog8 which video talk about therapist and narc?
@@RandomPigeon-eg7pp i watched too many vaknin in a row so not sure but just google vaknin/ narcissism in medical professions & ep should come up?
SO TRUEEEE AFTER COVIDDDD ALL DOCTORS ARE ABUSING ME...BEFORE Covid they were treating me normal...😢
Most of us that have gone through this are kind and caring people. We are trusting, and find it hard to question someone we care about, but that is exactly what you should do. They try to keep us off balance. It is ok to stop them when they are using their powers of manipulation and say "Let me think about that!", or "I'm not sure it happened that way." It can be scary to confront them because they are masters at this, but it is important to try because once you become aware, there is no stopping you! I have come out the other side, it is possible to feel better!
tess2626 "off balance" is such a good description!!! And that is exactly how you feel when you've put up with someone's sh!t for such a long time... you come out of it feeling unbalanced...
This is something I've only recently started to realize happened two years after the relationship ended. It's very frightening to never be sure about your own memories from that time period because I was always told I was wrong, and I'd have blanks in my memory from my mental health at the time, which he'd fill in for me. Back in therapy again, and hoping for the best.
"women are crazy" the most used tactic
Aliisa Kalma your just not understanding
Men putting across very sexist statements and when women call them out on it, they claim it is just a joke and that the women have no sense of humour...very common form of gaslighting right there..
VeggiesForBrekky what a shitty joke
VeggiesForBrekky even saying that is a form of gaslighting because you’re making women doubt their feelings and instincts. If their instinct is to be offended by a shitty joke you can’t tell them that their instincts are wrong just so that they go along with it. As a man I’m starting to see just how manipulative and toxic men can be with other women and it’s crazy that it’s so normalized.
Aliisa Kalma yeah, I was friends with someone who was abusing me, I just cut contact yesterday, but he called me crazy when I opened my mouth at all and told me all his exes were crazy and it couldn’t be him because a woman can’t do better than him 😂 tf
Having been gaslighted by my dad for YEARS, actually helped me to go into psychology and graduate.
Thank you Dad! We gotta learn how to turn pain into comedy and laugh. Among all the different types of therapies that are out there, there is one called laughter therapy.
Thank you for talking about this without trying to scare us. Like, I'm already really scared because I don't feel safe in my own mind and then I feel like maybe i'm really hurting other people. But then, how is it that I hurt too?
It's so exhausting.
This is awesome that this randomly came up in my suggested. Thank you so much for finally giving me a word for what's been happening to me personally. My therapist had been trying to work with me on trying to convey my issues and describing emotions because I've become socially detached to the point I'm so anonymous both online and irl that people call me a ghost, all because of one person that has been attacking me through my life for the past 2 1/2 years. So thank you for giving me focus again ❤️
My mom did this to me a lot during my childhood. Took me several years to notice, when I pointed it out to her during one particularly heated discussion she stopped but continuos to gaslight my family. She applies this even to our extended family like my cousins and aunts. It's incredibly self serving and so annoying. She can never be wrong, at least in her mind. I eagerly await the day I can live out on my own and I wish others going through the same abuse good luck.
This can happen between parents and a child. I am still dealing with this and I just met with my therapist yesterday where we went over these exact issues. Being raised in a "Catholic Christian" family, we were taught that we had to obey our parents no matter what because they spoke for God. The intimidation factor was that if you broke the rules you should be punished so you wouldn't end up in hell. In the case of my mom and dad, their forty-seven year marriage was a complete disaster with neither of them being able to communicate on anything higher than a elementary school level and they were constantly trying to pit all six of us siblings against each other as we were manipulated like pawns on a chess board. I adored my mom too much as she was the most religious and she seemed to be the most happy. Dad always seemed tired and mean and he constantly said that he hated his job but the fact that he didn't graduate from college was because he was the one who screwed up and failed to pursue a college degree his parents were fully paying for. So, my dad meets my mom, who's a young single mother and she decides that she had to get married in the Catholic church becausd divorce isn't permitted. My dad shows up to his parents house two weeks before the wedding and his parents house is only four doors down from the church. The result was a lot of back talk by my dad's mother and sisters through gossip since my mom brought my eldest brother along with them, my grandmother tries to stop the wedding with the local pastor and that move is denied. Next she goes to the Cardinal Archbishop and he tells her everything was in order and she had no right to interfere but, from the day the wedding was held, Dad's mother never cut the apron stings, as many very controlling Mexican mother do. I was my mother's second child but the first for my dad biologically and from the get go, my dad's mom would often watch over me and spoil me rotten in an attempt ot control me. This led my mom to become mouthy, verbally and physically abusive towards me and I was beaten with a belt of I objected to any of the madness. From then on, I became the "good kid." I never got into trouble got good grades, and did just fine. The only thing was, I wasn't good in sports and ot my dad, who was all sports, this was a horrible situation. I was a disappointment to him since I loved to sing, act and perform on stage as an outlet. Later, especially in high school, I excelled in this but when I expressed the desire to study acting in college, both parents decided that it would be best for me to work for a year even though I had to pay my college tution all by myself. So, I did what they said, I worked a crummy job at a local K-Mart while fellow workers, who had seen me perform, asked why I wasn't pursuing and acting career. I save enough money for my own car, my own insurance and I save money to relocate in another state to get away from my mentally ill and really controlling parents. The day I was to leave, I go to get my bike early in the morning and there is a letter from my dad begging me to stay in that nuthouse I called "home." He wrote that if I chose to move, he'd get the entire family to disown me and that I'd be all alone. I made the mistake of falling for it, got another job, started college and got a better job at a bank. This is when my two next in line siblings, a brother and my only sister, became local sports stars in high school but they were also taking drugs to keep up with all of the demands my dad was pushing on them to succeed. Time and time again, I found my bank accounts had been robbed and this was before ATMs. It was just that my brother sort of looked like me and he forged my name to take all of the money out of my accounts. My parents only reacted after he and my sister, whom my brother mentored, wiped out thier accounts that they threw them both out only to have my mother blame my father for the mess while she continued to rent nearby cheap apartments for them and give them money. My only recourse was to join a Catholic seminary, since there was no way I was going to join the military and it was there, among really good examples of good men, that I saw the horror I was living in. Even there, life was not easy because I chose a strict place where seminarians ended up studying in Rome. Being seven thousand miles away from the mayhem was really good and being in Italy, where locals love to adopt you, was great as well. The problem was finally diagnosed in my dad just a little before he died of a stroke and that was manic depression. Same for mom but she died in complete denial. I've accepted it but it has taken a while to get the right meds and I'm still working on it as it affected my primative brain with the fight or flight reaction and my inability to handle the anger of others. Another thing, it's hard for me to trust any authority figure because of manipulation and my mom's constantly telling me I'm stupid when my college professors said I operated on the level of a genius, go figure. I'm just putting this out there for what it's worth and I bid everyone peace.
MAY THE. G O D S. BE WITH U
IF YOU MADE CHILDREN 👶
DON’T. MAKE THE SAME MISTAKES ! PLEASE!
“ THANKS TO YOU TUBE “
I ‘m FINALLY GETTING AN
EDUCATION !
THANKS 🙏 TO YOU TUBE!
I am sorry that they used God against they are truly wicked to play with Children that way I hope you heal soon and by kind to yourself
Kati I just want to say I’m grateful that I found your channel and this video about gaslighting resonates so much with me. At 30 I became physically disabled and one of the things about having a disability is that people interpret physical frailties as mental defects or weaknesses. I have had to put up with even systematized gas-lighting by police and doctors and social workers. Your videos are helping me recognize that I’m smarter and stronger than I knew. I have been able to prevent people crossing my boundaries and I kicked an entire toxic family out of my life after my divorce. I’m never putting up with emotional abuse again and every time I watch and listen to one of your videos I learn some new things to help.
Thanks so much for what you’re doing. It’s a huge help. Don’t get me wrong I love therapy but it’s very expensive and sometimes we get stuck with a bad therapist. I just fired one who was doing all the no-no’s you described in another video about how to recognize you have a bad therapist. This is all hugely valuable to me and others!
Please keep up the amazing work.
Cheers,
Sally in Thornhill Ontario
Sarah Shaw,your pretty smile ☺️ can make the news
"you're delusional, you've got issues, you're so unappreciative"- my family when all of my very necessary (I'm diagnosed with seborrheic dermatitis) skincare mysteriously went missing today
Gaslighting is a big thing in my household. It started with my mother. Who predominantly did it to me. I became so dependent on her growing up that even now, despite her being dead for the last 4 years I still can't make decisions for myself. I still have to have someone tell me what to do. And my life has stalled because I don't have her here telling me what I should be doing.
And my father and my younger sister learned to gaslight from my Mother. I'm often told that conversations I've had with them never happened. That what I heard or saw never happened. I'm told how I'm expected to spend my money and when. And I get yelled at if I spend my money on anything not approved of. And even more frustratingly when I do need/want a decision made for me, that's when I get "You're an adult, I'm not going to tell you what to do." from my dad.
You're one of my favourite youtubers. Thank you so much for supporting me through tough times :')
My ex best friend used to gaslight me into thinking that I couldn’t live without him. Like it got to a point where I was so codependent when he went on vacation for a week and I had panic attacks and I don’t suffer from anxiety.
Interesting that just knowing this vocabulary makes us aware . Gaslighting is a process which creeps up .. and is almost impossible to pinpoint . Once you’ve become dependent on an abusive person ; you experience an extreme swing in the spectrum of your self esteem . Saying NO is so difficult with a persistent person ... prolonged Gaslighting is damaging in the long term . But , having this concept in the forefront of our consciousness is the best way to be able to be aware for tell tale signs . If a partner is dominant ; it can be sexy and something you want to use as a cushion ; but , when the dominant trait starts to become a source of co-dependency ; it’s probably almost impossible to rid oneself of it ... Your most poignant message was “Say No!” AND MEAN IT !! Thank You 🙏🏻
You are a GOD SEND, you are the antidote to actively COUNTERING being surrounded by gaslighters telling you what to think and how to deal with the past
I've been in multiple emotionally abusive relationships, but the worst by far was with my last bf. We dated January 2015 to mid-march 2015 and I've been single ever since. I was on the wrong medication regimen and my psych doctors felt that, due to this, I experienced a manic episode (though Bipolar wasn't part of my diagnosis before). This left me especially vulnerable with him and I'm in EMDR right now working on getting past all of the trauma so that I can be in a relationship again. I'm just glad I recognized the warning signs and got out eventually. He's been with someone else now for more than a year and he dated another girl for three years before me. I can't even imagine what kind of ptsd and other fragile issues those girls are going through. 😔 I didn't even know gaslighting was a term until I was looking into my situation at the time. It's helped me to identify warning signs when even making a new friend. I second guess myself as is and don't need someone in my life who makes me feel even worse. I deserve better.. we all do.
I didn't even know that such a thing had a word.
I know. I've thought/felt that way about several concepts or conditions that at one time, I didn't know there was a word for. Depression, PTSD, & Trichotillomania to name a few...
Private Gouda Stuff It's a great movie too. If you watch it, you'll certainly see why using the word "gaslight" is apt.
Same.
One helpful clue: if a person is complaining about either men in general or women in general, the problem may not entirely be with the other person.
Ah, yep. The point here we didn't cause, can't cure and cannot carry. Get out and find out what you are gonna do with this "one precious life"
Robert E. Waters When a person projects ( responsibility ) their own problems on others that is a humongous red flag,...don’t walk away...run!
Wait so lets say a woman complains that eg. all men are bigger or a man saying women are smaller then that person is wrong cause they generalised?,I think its about context not every person complaining about women or men are wrong for complaining
@@JonesModjadji They're usually not complaining about known facts, but perceived facts: All men are sleezebags, all women are emotional wrecks, all kids do such and so etc.
Still, in case of your argument: there are going to be men that are shorter than the majority of women, rendering that statement indeed incorrectly overgeneralized and a perceived fact, as it's easily proven false.
@@JonesModjadji I think you're comparing apples and oranges, it is a biological fact that man are "bigger." But when one person, consistently has a problem with one gender or one specific group of people (authority figures for example) it suggests that the common thread is that ONE individual who is experiencing the problem, rather than the problem originating with all men or women, or with all authority figures.
I was married to someone who I’m certain is a narcissist and who gaslighted me daily. It’s so hard when you’re in it because you trust and love this person and you believe what you’re being told. It wasn’t until I had my daughter that I “woke up” and realized what had been happening. It has been three years since I got divorced and there are times I still struggle with overcoming what I’d been told and then what I began to believe. The best thing I could have done was to remove him from my life... but it was also the scariest due to the consistent emotional abuse. Sharing my story helps at times and I thank you, Kati for making these videos and sharing tips to help me to continue to learn and grow. ❤️
Thank you Kati for the 'positive self talk' portion of this video. When I managed to escape from the influence of my ex-brother-in-law and go no contact this is one of the tools that was extremely helpful to me to feel like I was healing. What made me realize that I was feeding myself all this negativity was actually a song by p!ink F******* perfect. Sorry for the expletive but that is the name of the song. The second verse starts out like this " You're so mean, when you talk, about yourself you are wrong. Change the voices, in your head, make them like you instead." I know it sounds simplistic, or like something that 'well of course I know that!' But I'll tell you, the first time I wrote and actually did an affirmation, my reaction, emotionally was fairly strong to be honest.
I don't know if this was something that I once learned of it I simply realized it. But I saw that if I were going to do this that I should repeat the message in at least four different ways, now I've added a couple more (writing it out, then reading it back to also include both the tactile sense and the visual) but it didn't occur to me at the time. First I repeated it internally using the first person perspective, then I'd say the same thing out loud. And lastly I'd repeat the first two steps in the third person addressing myself by name. I also found that it was for me more helpful to also give a reason why. So for instance instead of just saying something like 'I like me" It was more like 'I like me because as an UBER driver working late nights I help make sure passengers who have been drinking have a safe and affordable way to get home.' It is something that always makes me feel good, and it lends the weight of reason to the statement making it much harder to simply dismiss out of hand.
Any ways, thanks again I really appreciate you putting this out there for your viewers!
My last relationship was absolutely like this. I knew that something was wrong a lot of the time, but he was so good at making me doubt myself and telling me I'm too sensitive or taking jabs at me for my mental health difficulties (depression). Funny thing is, my depression has been well controlled, it was being with him that exacerbated things. I used to feel incapable of making even the smallest decisions, I let him choose my food when we went out because making decisions for myself just felt too overwhelming. He berated and belittled me all the time, sometimes even in public, like I felt so humiliated. He would ask me to do things he knew I didn't feel confident doing or set me up with tasks but not give me enough information and not allow me to ask questions or clarify. It always ended up with me in situations where I was insanely anxious and fearful of his reaction if I couldn't deliver, which I often couldn't because the requests were totally unreasonable. If I contacted him because I needed to clarify on it he'd tell me I was wasting his time. He would tell me all the time that "if you can't do this, or you can't do it well, just tell me and i'll do it, i'd rather you tell me you can't do it then you try and totally mess it up". So eventually I just started telling him I couldn't do things a lot and then he'd get upset with me and tell me that he has to do everything and that he really would appreciate it if I tried harder. Like wtf?!? He used to use this term, "don't change the narrative" when i'd discuss him not treating me well. Like he would spin it like I was changing the way things actually happened to make people feel bad for me. When really I was being totally honest. By the time I had finally had enough of him making me feel terrible and like I can't do anything right ( he actually said to me one time " are you seriously this stupid that you can't figure this out? it's not that hard ... just think for one second" ) but it wasn't that I couldn't accomplish something, it was that it had to be done exactly the way he would do it, but I was not given an instruction manual to his brain. I'd start doing something and he'd be like "what are you doing?!" and freak out before I could do anything and then he'd dismiss me to go somewhere else while he did it on his own and then he'd come back and complain to me that I never helped him. By the time I figured out what was going on, and that there was no way that I would ever be able to make this guy happy or pleased with me even if I had an entire lifetime, I was so depressed I was having suicidal thoughts for the first time in ages. It was then that I realized that I don't need that kind of toxic person in my life. It was super hard to break up with him because he could turn on the sweet and loving very easily, but I had to do it for myself. Even after splitting he was trying to be "friends" with me and I thought if we weren't dating I could have a friendly conversation with him but less than 24 hours of being in contact with him and he was already trying to take control of my life and manipulate me into relying on him. When I called him on it, he started spinning his version of how our relationship went and stating how I never loved him and that I never cared about him, etc etc. I refused to give him the satisfaction of arguing about that. I told him goodbye and put my phone down for the night and he sent me like 50 texts while I slept with such a twisted version of the truth and verbal abuse and just an evolving ramble with not a single response from me. When he threatened to come to my house I had to threaten to get a restraining order in not so many words. People who use this to control their partners have serious issues.
My ex wife gaslighted me for 14 years. 7 years after the divorce seems like I still can't do anything right.
Keep it up bro you can make it! Believe in yourself
You got divorved and You're here. You're doing something right :)
@@ladylabyrinth6345 I mean that I don't get stuff done like I used to. The desire is there but the ambition isn't. It's really hard for me to describe it.
This is so true self Respect and boundaries. . ...
Thank you so much for posting this. I always have daily journal since gradeschool and it helped me alot since I do not have anyone to talk to. I am always misudnerstood by the people around me. A lot of them says I am going crazy just like my relatives. Sometimes I feel so helpless and cry at night. But I just pray to God to help me get through bad days. Those hurtful words peirced into my heart. I cannot erase it but it helped me to be strong. Now I have learned to say no and to avoid people which gives me a bad aura. I get along with them sometimes for professionalism only. But not too close. I have my own circle and it is enough for me.
Thank you for your videos. You are very easy to understand and listen to. I am not in a position to receive help because of financial issues, but with self reflection and inner dialogue I am able to get through some of your videos feeling like I have taken away some very useful tools.
I was for 18 years gashlighted by my NPD mother (along with other things). Although I knew that I was at a higher risk of getting into an abusive relationship because of my past when I found myself experiencing gaslighted a second time by a different individual, one who is a mental health worker , one who works in a church I never saw it coming . He learnt my secrets , he appeared caring and kind and safe nothing like my upbringing he had a strong faith , he has family values and then wanted sexual things. When I said no it wasn't enough and my fight wasnt enough and he did things i never wanted. He became controlling timing the amount of time i was online , turning up at my house uninvited , the memories of what he did wont leave. He know turns up where I am , he's turned up at my church , at my safe places and my work. I've told only a couple of people never mentioning his name and even then they don't believe me. I feel as if i am going insane and am so scared its never going to end. He's never going to leave me alone.
Matalida Lemon
Hi. Along with getting professional help from a therapist, I would suggest getting a restraining order if possible.
Matalida Lemon get a restraining order against him. You are important
i struggle with DID. and it can feel like I'm gaslighting myself. it csn be challenging.
k j People can gaslight themselves even without DID. That negative inner critic does it
Wow, this was completely new to me. Had never heard of it before. Realised I had a psychiatrist do that to me a few years back. He said (among lots of other things) I was impossible to treat I would never get better and he was the only person in the entire hospital that would have anything to do with me. I hated him still I had such a hard time "letting him down" (what he called it when I did suicide attempts or self harmed). I was stuck with him because I was om an involuntary hold for a few months. That's all over now luckily but I still find it really difficult to trust anyone in the health care system and I compleatly panic if they lock me up. Maybe I need to process this a bit more in theraphy..
Thanks for another helpful video!
wow! my daughter does this to me all the time. what a eye opener.
Tammy James,you deserve better 🙏🙏🙏
Thank you - useful information on the phenomena of gaslighting - I am super confident that I can overcome the gaslighting situation I am undergoing - having healed from major TBI and a over heartache of a former hubby who always accused me of telling him 'stories' - I am so much happier and resilient now.
"I never said that," or "don't put words in my mouth" are common phrases I heard growing up. My mother wouldalways accuse me of "blowing things out of proportion," or spreading misinformation about how events really happened to make herself look better in those scenarios, making others doubt me and take me less seriously.
Dark Vulcan I experienced a lot of these phrases growing up too.
@@stephanieshahin I'm sorry to hear that. Like Katy has said, neglect isnt always obvious. I had a childhood most kids could (and often do) dream of! But when it came to emotional support my mom wanted nothing to do with it. She put me in therapy because I kept coming to her with my problems and then being angry, confused, crying when she refused to help or couldnt relate. My former foster parent is the same way. Boomers man. They're from a time when society didnt quite understand that mental health and physical health are very much intertwined, and one can (and often does) affect the other. I hope your life going forward is full of support as mine has been! :)
my narcissist used to put words in my mouth so I used to say this in return...but I did experience them saying the other phrase (“I never said that”) :( sorry you went through this
truly understand this as my mother and my ex are so manipulate me so much to try to do things I question myself. thanks, Kati for this video and enlighten me.
I had a past bf that used to do this all the time tell me "my memory was shit that he did not ever say that to me " 😑 🤪 this was a continuous arguments about me and I was ALWAYS wrong. For 5.5 years until last Nov. I left. And it's really like PTSD so traumatic. 😰
One thing that helped me as someone who has been gaslighted is to write a letter to the person who gaslighted you and explain how they made you feel. It helped me to realize on my own just how many signs there were that the person was abusing me with this and that I wasn't insane for feeling oppressed by them :) . Also, since I don't plan on seeing that person again and I have the power to stay away from them, it feels nice to write to them and never send it because it feels like I have more control over the situation/I have the last word.
If I did this;I would get a call or visit from the narcissist telling me how out of line I was for doing this, to apologize to him(dad) and recant it. I don't want more invalidation, which would happen; just my opinion/case. It's not worth the aggravation, to send it to the guilty party(narcissist)!
He would not apologize; it would be further humiliation to me, for standing up to him. He's immature!
I have been gaslighted. Luckily I am also a mental health professional and have not fallen for the tactics. It does wear one down to have the constant battle. I provided education regarding toxic relationships during my Mental Health Monday show. Thanks for what you do! I’m working on building my channel in order to reach more folks. So happy you are discussing the tough topics. Many Blessings! 💙💛🙏
Okay now I finally have a word to what is happening to me. I have been abused sience I was a baby and I have a lot of memories about those events. My family just says I have made those memories up and that things have never happened and I just like to get attention and be dramatic. It is funny because I have dissociation and ptsd and they just say it is not because of them. I think everyday that I am just crazy but at the same time I know those things have happened.
Most abusers refuse to take responsibility for their actions. Your suspicions are very correct. Get out and go no contract when you can IMHO
One of my ex was doing this with me. I have allot of trauma from the years I was with him. He ,ade me think I was unwell in the head and getting things wrong. I thought I'd consented to things when now I don't believe I did. It's scary how powerful people can be when they beat you down so much.
totally agree
Me too , quickest way to get over the trauma is to forgive them, never contact them again and know most people aren't going to treat you like that in the future.
My mom has made me believe that I NEEDED her 24/7. Making my lunch into college, laundry, saying that others would not be able to stand to live with me so I had to stay home. She was extremely angry when I suddenly decided to leave one day. I left and never went back!! Sooo soo happy I got out of that situation. I am 31 and finally feel I can live on my own.
I always defend my mom since she gets so freaking upset over everything. She makes me feel guilty about how I make her feel all the time. Also demanding she do things her way and only her way. Only one right way to do things and it’s her way or no way. I can’t do anything the right way.
I feel like sometimes I do this to my boyfriend now since I was around it so much growing up. This is great knowledge so I can change as well.
Very good! Thank you. I was bound for six years in an emotionally abusive relationship. There was gaslighting, the pity game, and much more. Your videos made me understand a lot of what happened. I felt pity for them even after their true character became clear. A very dark and destructive time in my life.
thanku so much. i feel desi families go through a lot of emotional and mental abuse. in laws can be very manipulative. thanku so much for raising awareness and ur tips.
I have a family member who constantly gaslights me and everyone else. He's super charming and friendly with other people, but he's actually super intense and dark. I often wonder if he's a psychopath or a narcissist. I can't discern his motives because he lies about everything.
Time to go no contact with this sicko.
That's how my dad is.
Dont try to discern anything just block him out
sounds like my first relationship.. very charming, very smart, social skills, read a lot literature..and then also manipulating, abusive, controlling and vicious
This was happening to me but I didn’t know about gaslighting, manipulation, or what an abusive relationship was. It’s so freeing once you get it. When you aren’t educated on what this is and you don’t really get it, then of course you get baited. It’s a HORRIBLE mind game because they are pretending that they’re coming from a loving place and they’re trying to make you feel like you’re crazy and wrong to get their way instead of actually caring about how you feel and what you need. It’s like those people who hunt rabbits by petting them so that the rabbit will be still and less difficult and won’t try to run away.
It’s so sad and scary to look back and think about how much my sister and mom have emotionally abused and manipulated me my whole life
Im so very lucky to have had a friend that noticed all the manipulation I was going through, and after The other day I stood up to my abuser, and he’s making my life hell right now but watching these videos is 100% helping me get through it. Thank you ❤️
This is what happens when you want to be a kind decent helpful productive human being and others go and decide they see an asset that would be of value to them and want to take advantage instead of just leaving you in peace or giving you practical help for your circumstances in return. They've lost who they are in the world they travel and don't give a damn about you losing yourself.
This is what happen when people DO THINGS OUT OF ORDER.
That's just my story.
donnajohnetta
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Same
Yup.
My brother and his wife always remember things differently, and now I wonder which one of them is gaslighting the other.
"Dad, it's almost as if whatever I decide to do with my life, you make it into _your personal goal_ for me to fulfill!"
"No Thomas I would never do that."
Katie, Just found this channel and must say you’re amazingly relatable. Never ever been to or watched a therapist of your knowledge or level that was so on point without being clinical and insulting. My second and last therapy appointment was with a woman that was apparently not of this planet and would speak down to patients in a very monotone manner.
Your pieces have been very educational, eye opening, light hearted at times and always comforting even validating several things that I need to work on personally as to myself and my relationships.
Thank you, thank you, thank you👍🏻🥳👍🏻
thank you ! I feel my sanity being vacuumed away every time I have a "conversation" with my narcissistic family member, even though 99% of the time it is on the phone. My strategy is ignore ignore ignore and disengage disengage disengage. She has answers for questions no one is asking. I feel like I need lawyers documenting every word I say, we speak different languages with the same words.
Hey Kati! Thank you for your videos! I have a question unrelated to this video. If you move and have to see a new therapist and start over where do you start? Like from childhood, whenever the issues started, or current issues? Or even like how you would like therapy to go and what has worked for you in the past or patterns you have in therapy? I feel like there is so much I could talk about that it overwhelms me to even look for a new therapist.
it was so bad for me i started having several mental breakdowns ....
Im dealing with this now and its very hard i feel alone and feel like i cant do anything right
Thank you 😊
Everything you said has happened to me. I believed I was a horrible person if I left him but the relationship he offered was unsafe and emotionally damaging. He succeeded in getting his needs met for many years. So congrats to him. Im still recovering. The worst thing is that the healing process starts with trying to understand where he comes from and showing empathy towards him.
You provided me with a clear and well rounded explanation of a concept that I had not even heard of before. Thank you for that.