It always pissed me off so much when I’d talk about familial trauma with strangers and they’d end up taking the sides of the actual people who traumatized me!
Happens to me when I talk with friends also. Most people understand abuse only in therms of the physical or the sexual, and completly disregard emotional abuse, exploitation, neglect. Plus, they have their own psychological defense systems in place, lest they have to face their own childhood trauma.
Yes, developing compassion for other lost souls is difficult but necessary. Also, trying to get confirmation for things can be an addiction. Find God's counsel for the truth and you won't be upset when others can't see things for what they are.
I'm so glad you made the video! Because you're RIGHT ON THE MONEY!!!! For 99% of people, the family is a cult. Consider yourself blessed if you get disillusioned.
We’re raised in a perpetual state of Stockholm Syndrome in order to ensure our survival in this Stanford Prison Experiment reality. I turned my PTSD upside down PTG Post Traumatic Growth. Hate, anger, resentment, hostility hold us hostage and keep us distracted from our personal growth.
Yup, been there too. It took me almost 40 years to see how dissociated I was and split off from reality and I can't help but be so overwhelmed with grief and pity for that poor girl that was me! Daniel, I'd hug you like a dear brother! Greetings from Bavaria 💙
I often wonder why more people dont talk about their child abuse, and this explains it. I have a lot of guilt, shame, and fear around publicly talking about it. Im expecting people to attack me for being ungrateful or disrespectful or a drama queen just for talking about what I was put through. An obligation to hide the dirty laundry, otherwise "everyone" will think Im an asshole.
I have debated the ethics of corporal punishment with many people over the years, and the vast majority had some form of stockholm syndrome, or trauma bonding. "I turned out fine", "They hit me because they loved me" etc.
The most difficult thing when you realize all what happened to you is being surrounded with people who either don't believe you, or finally getting them out of your life and ending up almost completely alone
I rather be alone, with my beautiful self, than with oppressors whom pretend to be loved ones. I choose authenticity (ME) over pretentiousness (Them). I rather feel loneliness than betrayal and abuse. 🧡
@@auroraborealis6398 They will but it will take some effort. Trusting others is hard after we've been hurt but when you've learned to create healthy boundaries (after unhealthy relationships) you will soon be able to recognize using your intuition those who are integrated (and respect boundaries) and those who are not. We have no choice in being born into our families, but with friendships and in romantic relationships we do have choice and that is why these types of relationships can be far more healthy and authentic than families of origin.
@@themetamorphosisofgipsy if you can help it always avoid abusers, but that being said do not let toxic behaviors cloud your capacity to connect with others. There are wonderful and healthful friendships to be had in this journey we call life.
This happens with narcissistic parents and their children when the child turns on the "normal" parent and sides with the narcissistic parent due to traumatization. Why do you think some people are able to see through the lie of the happy family and others are not? This also explains why many people are not able to go against authority and just go along like sheep.
What I experienced was in waves. Sometimes I saw the real truth and other times I went with the flow or the situation wasn't as bad in that interval. I knew by the time I was 4 that there was something really wrong with my mother. A mother who wants you to give her attention and not reciprocating is a real head trip. She had NPD.
Power does not want to be held accountable. People who want to control others and use them for their own needs, WILL NEVER accept responsibility. Resources are limited. Anger is great for setting boundaries.
When you described your father in this video and how he reacted to your feelings and memories etc... I totally 100% can relate to that... that's exactly how my dad is like... He just denies it and accuses me of making it all up.... everytime we try to have a conversation he is always right and there is no way of even making him question his own self.... there is absolutely no way... the only thing that exists in his mind is always ALWAYS proving others wrong and himself right... his mind just is incapable of even doubting itself at least once..... if it were for one to see my family environment they would understand why my older brother got crazy and got put into a mental hospital.... anyway.... thanks for your work Daniel
"if it were for one to see my family environment they would understand why my older brother got crazy and got put into a mental hospital". ouch, that hits close to home. it's kinda what may soon happen to me, largely for the same reason as your brother, ever since childhood.
Exact same as my father - I identify him with Narcissistic Personality Disorder. Look it up - you may be in for the shock of your life. A four year old in the body of an adult.
You know what scares me? Noticing how terrible my parent(s) behaved and how I picked up on their behavior. For example my dad left when I was young, showing neglect, now I find myself neglecting others myself. This honestly scares me quite a bit
In my twenties I would 100% say I was not abused as a kid. Then as an adult and with some experience and objectivity I saw first hand how my much younger sister was being raised. It was emotional hell and I started remembering I went through it too.
Goodness, Daniel, the resonance is uncanny. You know, there are a few people who I listen to regularly and highly respect their insight, but I always think to myself, Daniel is the person with whom I resonate the most, at least at this layer of consciousness. Thank you.
I witnessed my brother being abused my mother when he was a toddler. These days he can't get close enough to her, lives next door, is there every day, thinks the sun shines out of her arse. I also suffered from my mother and can't get far enough away from her. When I speak my truth no one wants to hear. Now a therapist has explained that my brother most likely has Stockholm
hostage... hmmm, countless times. I wish I was more aggressive back way when. I was too nice. Hope you are keeping safe in NY. Please take care, you are precious.
I have Stockholm Syndrome. I had entertaining, amusing, charming, cultured parents. My mother physically, mentally and emotionally abused me. It was a "secret" abuse my father knew about but chose to ignore because he never went against my mother. I actually admired this, and so "forgave" them for allowing my continued abuse. I still overtly support and feel for them (they are now passed on), while they did not actually support and feel for me. I had what might be called a "privileged" childhood, but I was in fear and anxiety every day about being abused, and was overly dependent on my father's love for me, which, when I think of it now, had to be limited, because if he had truly loved me, he would have stopped my mother's abuse. They protected each other from all outer criticism, so my "secret" was truly traumatic, pushed deep down. I protected them, too, from the truth, within their socially popular world.
You speak to my experience, and I share your understandings/beliefs. I deeply appreciate that you take the leap and share the truth. It is so comforting to hear another human speak the truth in a world where everyone seems to be in such denial.
This is one of your really good videos Daniel. This story is true - the difficulty to realise the toxic parts of our childhoods is very real. But even after you do, it’s still difficult to speak of it because most people don’t want to hear it. They are still locked into their own “good parent, good family” story, and if you try to share your own story more honestly, it rocks their boat too much. You hear from them again your own old excuses - “they were doing the best they could”.
You have so much insight, i too had this as a child and teenager it wasnt until last year that i woke up and saw the complete truth about my mother being a narcissist, thank you so much for discussing taboo topics. No one should be excused for abuse doesn't matter if they're a parent, that's not a pass.
You're spot on Daniel, thanks for calling it out as it is. You are the only person I know who talks about this and sees it so clearly. The truth needs to be out.
The problem is, we're living in a law of attraction society. People don't want to hear the truth. They want to be part of a group; whether it's a family, a religious one, or a professionnal one. As a survival mechanism, most people will always prefer stay silent in order to be accepted rather than telling the truth and being rejected by the group. Being rejected equals death threat in our limbic system. Doesn't mean that it can't change but it's going to take a long long time..
@@auroraborealis6398 - Socialism is all based in group think (collectivism). Going against established norms or new norms is frowned upon or censored. Any and all critical thinking that challenges these ideas is reduced to 'conspiracy theory'. So most will go along with the group think totally placing trust in the establishment.
@@freedomwarrior5087 Your theory about socialism are as old as Mid 70's Maccarthyism. Come back to the real world, there is much more problem now, like for example, climate change, not enough food for everyone, Plastic pollution everywhere
These are very astute observations, and there's even the possibility that Stockholm Syndrome may be an evolutionary survival mechanism in societies and organisms used to hierarchical structures where a dominant individual or figure is given authority over a population in which they establish some dominance over. Identifying with captors may be a way of ensuring the furtherance and survival of the group or individual. Identifying with the family regardless of their decency as a parent is the default perspective from a survival standpoint.
@@karimsonsafehold9233 Sure. And doors are suspended by magic and not hinges connecting them to the door frame. No worries though, if you observe the world closely enough, you'll figure out where evolution is headed. Might doesn't go far when it's abusive.
@@JuanIII You have no idea what I am writing about, I see. No worries though, you'll find out soon enough in the years to come. th-cam.com/video/MY8Nfzcn1qQ/w-d-xo.html
@@karimsonsafehold9233 I know what you're talking about. Also, that video regarding child abuse blaming the rich where in the comments people suggest dragging anyone with money out into the streets and shooting them is pretty grotesque though not as grotesque as child abuse, which I've already had to deal with being hurt as a child. It didn't take some rich oligarch for that to happen, (though those are still often bad) just having been in a daycare. So in short, all it takes for things like child abuse to exist is a society of uncaring persons with the philosophy might is right dragging each other out in the street and shooting each other.
I think you are onto something. People love being part of a tribe or small group in which they can fight against some larger authority figure. It's definitely something deeply rooted in human nature. For many this tribe is the family. Also think about tribes that have adulthood rituals where children are made to suffer in order to become a man or woman -- by sticking your hand into a glove filled with venomous ants or by sending the child out into the forest to survive for a week. Does this sort of practice make the child's loyalty to their group weaker or stronger? Stronger of course. In a way humans love to be abused as long as it gives them greater respect and acceptance.
Thank you sir for doing this and speaking for many of us others. I was hostage all my childhood and couldn't externalize the trauma to the exterior world, instead I bottled everything inside and developed bulimia when I was 18 yo, a trauma related disease that gripped me for over a decade. I don't have the eating disorder anymore, however I now struggle with Impostor Syndrome, which makes it very difficult for me to thrive and be financially stable, as if I didn't deserve abundance and success.. I believe it stems from knowing deep inside that I lied all my childhood, pretending to love my monster parents when in reality, I despised them.
I totally agree. That´s what I´ve been saying too. Thank you for your bravery for speaking up! I think what is also interesting is "gereralized" stockholm syndrom (you shortly alluded to it at the end I guess): If people were abused by their parents they will also start to generally defend parents no matter what they did or at higher degrees of traumatisation even abusers in general...
Thank you for sharing this! I too grew up in total fear. The trauma is made more difficult because everyone thinks you are making it up. I was so relieved when I found out other people were also trapped in horrible situations. I went thru talk therapy and found a lot of relief thru prayer and reading the Bible. Hang in there!
My first reply to my first therapist was... I had a happy childhood... Mmm.. Many years ltr after learning rape beatings verbal assault wrapped up in I loves you and presents wasn't very good... The denial that everyone one carried spun it's own life... I'm free from that web today tg.. I love my heartfelt freedom.. Thankyou darlin again wonderful identification... Blessings to all 💜
Wow, ZERO DOUBT in my mind that I was abused, and that all my siblings were abused, and that my older brother got the worst of it. Did I think my mom loved me? Not really. Actually, when I was super young, 3-4 years old, I thought she disliked me so much that I must be someone else's child, like maybe my oldest sister (14 year my senior and def NOT my real mom). There were moments when I was utterly shocked that I thought my mom was defending me, but decades later, I'd grow to realize that, as a narcissist, she was just defending her own ego. I think my mom disliked me very much, and tried to tolerate me, when I lived with her, but after I left, I thought that was when she came the closest to loving me she ever came (in her warped mind). I would not at all call it healthy love. It's more like I "own" you as a possession. She lost it when I went no contact back in 2004. Have never seen or spoken to her since. Lost all my other aunts, uncles, and cousins in the process, too. She tried to use everyone of them to deliver messages to me, manipulate me, so I had to even cut off my siblings and nieces and nephews. The entire family. I feel bad for what she went through as a child. It's really unfair that she and her older siblings were left in a house all alone as little children and left to fend for themselves. Totally abandoned...not metaphorically, but actually left with no adults in the house, little food, and little money (in a coffee can). I don't feel like I have Stockholm Syndrome at all. I have no addiction to her whatsoever. I feel like an orphan, but somewhat by choice. I've had true Stockholm Syndrome before, along with Narcissistic Abuse Syndrome and full-blown PTSD, and I would not wish it on my worst enemy. It ruined years of my life, but it all happened as an adult, and I had the good fortune to recognize what it was and it took years to work through it. To anyone who has had Stockholm Syndrome, I'm so very sorry. It's awful, and I wouldn't wish it on anyone.
Daniel, I've listened to some of your other videos, where you've given some indications of the trauma you survived. I am so sorry you endured and survived so much. However, I thank you, from the bottom of my heart, for you bringing all of these experiences of yours to this medium. Sometimes some of your videos sound as if you've read my journal entries. Please know you make a huge and very valuable difference. As a child, in order to survive, I chose to "normalize" the abnormal, the insane, the hideous, in order to survive. For years I'd thought I was the "crazy one," because how could I not see what a "wonderful mother" I'd had, who had made so many "sacrifices" and all the other things narcissistic parents tell their children, in order to guilt the children into becoming their caregivers once they get old. I'm glad you're in this world. Thank you, again. What a reality check your videos are!!!
@@dmackler58Here here! Your words touch those of us with shared experience deeply, and aid the ongoing healing. Grief work is tough but then there’s so much joy afterwards. Thanks again
Thank you for your bravery Daniel. You are a brave heart indeed. When you have another bad night because of anxiety..think of how much you help us to come out of denial. You help me to own that I was hurt
I think this concept also applies to abusive parents. They've stockholme syndrome'd themselves into believing that THEY were perfect parents and that they weren't abusive or terrible, in order to cope with and not deal with the repercussions and knowledge that they've mistreated their children and been terrible. I think that's a huge part of the denial that is found when abusive parents are called out by their children or others, they literally don't have the capacity to recognize or admit it because that would lead to so much pain and such a shattering of their identity that they just block it off completely.
Yes, I definitely think this is true. Which sucks because I really want my parents to take responsibility! But they won't because they are deep in that denial. Most people have kids at young ages, they have no idea what they're doing and what it takes to be a parent. They are in love and hormonal and doing what comes naturally. I think alot of parents are resentful of their children for taking their youth, time, money and energy. They feel the child owes them or the world owes them for having raised and taken care of the child. They feel robbed, bitter, unappreciated. I think this is alot of the reason why parents are terrible. They suffer too, we all suffer. Better not to have kids if you can help it! This world is not a good place to raise kids in.
It's so amazing of you to do this. Listening to your confession of your past and feeling somehow melts a lot of my past and feelings. Thank you so much~~
I am a 36 yo woman that was severely abused by my mother and is still being abused bc of my need to run to her for many things and bc of her need to control. I am fully aware of the abuse and that things are wrong but have never so far heard of family stockholm syndrome and trauma bonding and i majored psychology at University. I am glad that now i have a label to what is it that's keeping me trying to get her to love me and will do some serious work on it. I cried throughout the entire video. I was diagnosed with BPD at the age of 18 and i feel like i healed most of the symptoms and feel like i absolutely don't fit into that diagnosis anymore but there still is a lot of trauma.
The insights you share with your viewers are nothing short of extraordinary. Throughout my life, I've been engaged in self-analysis, trying to figure out why things are the way they are, what happened in the past, why it happened, and what are the consequences. You continue to be an invaluable resource for that exploration. I can't thank you enough.
I can't tell you how much this made me feel like I am not the only one in the world. That in fact (or in Daniel's experience as a therapist) we are all alike in this way. The difference is that some of us, myself included, have seen this in our lives, experienced this, and did not go quietly into that good night. Thank you, Daniel.
I remembered something important in my past recently in a dream... and then promptly forgot. I hope it comes back. Should have written it down straight away, lol
Three years. That’s how old this video is at this moment. Its message is timeless. While I can relate, I am grateful for my good night’s rest. Thank you Daniel wherever you are in mind and spirit!
My father was the kidnapper of his own family. He brutally terrorized my mother and us kids. I ended up being with a partner who turned out to be just like my dad. After I started my journey to become healthy, I stopped empathizing with my abusive partner and was finally able to walk away.
What makes me scared is that even you haven't been able to heal all your traumas yet with all of your brilliance. What does that say about us? It's scary. Maybe you could make a video about some of the biggest turn-arounds and successful healings you've had in your practice? That would be so helpful.
I am deeply touched by your openness and backbone and commitment to be truthful. You shouldve never been gaslighted. Thank you so much for sharing. I have found it most helpful to directly engage with the part of us that is scared to be shut down, because its protecting us from the real consequence of being shut down that we already experienced, and this anxious part wont stop protecting us if we dont give it an alternative way of being safe.
I knew someone who shared with me what they experienced as a child and they only held their father to blame for it, but their mother was also abusive to them and they couldn’t/didn’t want to see it when I brought it to their attention. It was sad because hella obvious that both parents were abusive and it was definitely Stockholm. I notice this a lot when it comes to parents, some adult child know what they experienced are afraid to vocalize it and others are in denial of their childhood experiences. Lastly, are the ones who know and engage with their parents accordingly.
My husband was physically abused by his step mother and his father wouldn't do anything. His father believed his wife was too small to do alot of damage. Fast forward to my husband's 20's, his abusers were able to convince him to sign his daughter over to them voluntarily. Everyday I worry for my step daughter.
For me it was easy, i told my Mom that Mom now I'm the head of family I'm 30yo now. You are 55 and you can take rest. Thanks for giving me such a beautiful lifetime. And the power dynamics totally changed after this. My mom's anxiety was gone and I started being at equilibrium and feeling of fineness.
I want to thank you publicly for this great gift you give to us by sharing your truth. Also i want to make clear how much valuable, unique and pioneering is your work and your way of sharing and by this helping others. So many people, myself included, can identify with your experiences and your life trip so far. Thanks again and I fully support you and believe that one day your work will find the recognition that it deserves.
It's absolutely incredible how we split off the trauma caused by our parents. We will endure anxiety, depression and despair to unconsciously protect our parents.
The videos that tell you you can’t make it public are exactly what we’re looking for. I think we all need to be brutally honest with ourselves, the self lies are poisonous. Exposure of truth is making oneself naked to the world, what’s not terrifying about that? It needs to be done though, I need to do it to myself, it sometimes feels impossible but what’s the alternative? Stagnation and suffocation? I’m learning more every day, I just sometimes wished it would happen faster. The people that can push through the fear are the lucky ones, they are in pursuit of true freedom and are much more likely to find it in my opinion. Bless you all.
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this is amazing. I am the brutal truth teller of my family since my awakening started, and it started with me meeting my soul twin (you might not believe that but that's not the point in my comment here). we both had deep, intimate conversations and in time when I read so much on trauma and attachment issues, I realized that we both came from very traumatic childhood experiences all caused from our core families. and even though everything he shared proved this conclusion of me right, his response was that "he had absolutely no issue with his family and that I had to let go of it". we were in no contact for a few months but in our initial contact after that time, I realized that he actually saw the truth when it was finally pointed out to him to face and come to terms with it. our families brutally traumatize us, to the point some get diagnosed with BD or BPD yet we idiotically still defend them. until that one day where we are hit by the truth like a truck.
Hmm, I'm from Hungary, but never expected to hear about this concept on your channel. It's perfectly makes sense. Thank you for this intresting and helpful analysis!
I'm so glad you made this video. Thank you. I think there needs to be some new terms for narcissistic abuse. Even after you think you fully accepted your new understandings, cognitive dissonance can still sneak back in if you let your guard down too soon. When you have beatings disguised as spankings and all the rest isolation tactics and covert abuse, it goes unrecognized. Sometimes your other siblings will side even tighter to the abuser(s) if they're not the scapegoat. Welcome to the family cult.
7:55 HOLY SHITTTT! My father gave me the same callous and indifferent "I never did that!" When i tried to address him on the physical violence on my mother. She would have bruises left and right because of him and his drinking. But he reached a point where he wants to hold himself in high regard and deny and project anything and everything that would involve him admitting to flaws. So i walked away and continued my Gray Rock Method. PS. Correction on "reached a point". He was always like this.
I see 'Munchausen by proxy' all over. Many adults are obsessed getting their children strangulated with all kind of random diagnoses. It gives the parent (often the mother) all the attention she ever needed. And, even better, she can put all the guilt, shame and blame on the kid.
My two uncles were extremely bitter toward their parents and I never understood why. My mother never spoke negatively about my grandparents so it didn’t make sense..until I grew up. My mother was a middle child with an older and younger brother. I am a middle child with the same arrangement of siblings. As a girl, I was treated differently than the boys. My mother was as well as a child. That could be one reason for differences in sibling recall of childhood.
Thank you for sharing this video. You illustrate my own experience, and so many others. Thank you for speaking out, to let us know we are not alone, despite where we might be in this wide world and how isolated we might feel. Thank you 🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏
You have my unbounded admiration for your dedication and service to the truth, and to humanity in spite of the attendant anxiety that you experience. Your legacy will be one of the better left by any person. Love and blessings ✨️
Even when I was a child I started to visualize myself with a partner in the future who had to be growing up as an orphan. I hated the idea of having to deal with parents - those controling, manipulative and abusive adults - after a point in my life.. I hated the thought that I would end up with someone who grew up with such adults and would stand under their influence. That pressure in childhood of having a relationship at a specific age tho.. that's another story.
Yes, finally a Therapist that is honest. Thank you so much for sharing that with us. It is so hard to open up and be vulnerable about these things, especially as a man. This is the strongest Thing I have seen someone do in Years.
Hello, Daniel! Thank you for sharing your thoughts. I feel like I`ve been abused so terribly, that I don`t defend my parents at all anymore. I did it a year ago, but once my therapist asked me "How long are you going to bear this torturous relationship with your parents for? If you can, tell me the date when you stop putting up with it". And I answered, that I didn`t want to bear it anymore. I don`t communicate with my parents, I don`t try to justify their actions, but I still have a bunch of unresolved trauma. I`m not able to concentrate for long, I`m quite suicidal and I had to go for an academic leave because I`m physically and mentally not able to study - even though I`m motivated and I`ve been in therapy for 1.5 years and tried to work with 9 different psychotherapists (they`ve all been unprofessional - some suggested me to go Christian to heal my trauma, some forgot about our sessions and didn`t come, some told me that noone cares about my problems). But I feel like I don`t have any Stockholm Syndrome and I don`t identify with my parents anymore.
It sounds like you still have a lot of unresolved issues. I'm not going to say 'become Christian' but seeking God's guidance will help you because there is a God and He/She does love you dearly and wishes you to heal the trauma of your past
@@lt7587 , I can also be respectful when I say Truth does not change based on the whims of the individual. There is no "your truth" and "my truth." Only The Truth
@@theokirkley I feel that's a separate debate altogether... I can safely say that for me personally (for example) it's not the truth at all, but I do respect that different people have different beliefs and attitudes, philosophies - I think what I'm mainly saying (and aiming to do so as sensitively as possible) is that I feel strongly that beliefs and opinions aren't equal to facts necessarily (ie universal truth), yet I honour just how important they are. A very very personal thing.
@@lt7587 , I agree with you. Beliefs and opinions are not equal to facts. But your statements suggest that God is an unidentifiable, esoteric quantity which must be separated from serious discussion and relegated to the margins of religious inquiry when I maintain that understanding God is essential for your long-term health and livelihood and a gateway to deeper self-reflection. It is not a matter of opinion
I agree with everything you said. It’s important to emotionally, mentally, and physically support ourselves. I don’t think anyone is coming to save us or, possibly, even see us. I know I’m shocked any time someone else has “seen” any portion of me. Sadly, it doesn’t even help to be “seen” because I wonder when the other shoe is going to fall. We may be connected spiritually to everything and everyone but I am alone even though there are people who will help when I need it. Maybe we are connected through our aloneness.
Thank you so much for sharing your truth with the world. It’s really helped me to have understanding for myself. I wish you so much love and light. Thank you.
I feel that being in contact with the traumatizer, in my case my mother, is being re-traumatized over and over again. She has not changed, is emotionally unavailable and hurtful to a degree. I guess I had the syndrom as well as I called her nearly daily. I always felt anxious when speaking with her and visiting her is walking on egg-sheels. Yet I did it. I knew since a long time something is wrong but it took me years to really understand it. I am still coming to terms... No only I am limiting contact and don't share my private life anymore and get comments like 'if you don't have anything to tell, we can stop'. I guess she's was drawing her fuel from me. When I fell or had an operation a year ago, she didn't wish me luck for it or asked afterwards how it went. Still I visited her for Christmas. This has to stop. It's so hard but I wouldn't choose her as my friend. I also labelled her a friend when I was younger, she was not that not even how a mother should have been.
Trigger warning! Sexual abuse. This happened to my biological father who has been in prison for the last 17 years, who I just met only a couple years ago... I think he must have “identified with the aggressor”... he was molested at age 12 by a 35 year old man named Larry. The abuse was ongoing for about a year, sadly. He groomed him, bought him a skateboard, was super nice to him (unlike his extremely abusive stepfather). He really looked up to this guy... His molester Larry... Unfortunately, my bio dad, he ended up perpetuating the cycle of sexual abuse :( when he grew up he ended up molesting his own stepdaughter. I find that just So horrible and disgusting... one thing he had said to me, that I believe is clearly a delusional childhood way of thinking, was that he believed this guy still loved him, in a way... That he really did care about him.... um.... and do you think that he also loved all the other 100+ child victims whose naked pictures the police found at his house when they caught this Larry dude? I think not, dad... But it just goes to show how such an erroneous and faulty childhood distorted belief, that was held onto so tightly by the abused child (which he probably needed to believe this was true at the time in order to be less traumatized about what was going on) this misunderstanding of the situation, it may have contributed to his own twisted way of thinking down the road that allowed him to repeat the crime years later. His way of thinking seems to be quite askew, with many justifications, rationalizations, minimizations... he also told me once that this sort of thing happened to his aunt, his sister, himself, his cousins... in his highly toxic and pathological family of origin, child sexual abuse was the norm! To him, he thought it just happened to everybody! Lastly, around the time he committed this appalling act, he contemplated it beforehand and thought to himself “well, the same thing happened to me at that age and I turned out okay” .... well, clearly you are not okay if you are contemplating molesting a child! I am sorry if this story was too upsetting for anybody reading, but I wanted to share it because it demonstrates how much psychological damage can be caused by any Stockholm syndrome type phenomenon... Because my bio dad couldn’t accurately see the truth about Larry and what had really happened to him in his childhood, it set him up to be able to deceive himself in adulthood in regards to how harmful sexual abuse really was for him as a kid. He failed to accurately remember the horror of that past experience from his early life to how damaging that would be for any child he thought to victimize... I also strongly believe that it’s very important that we all heal from our past trauma so that we don’t end up unconsciously passing the shameful dysfunctional and abusive ways down to the next generation. It’s everyone’s responsibility to get help such as therapy so the cycle of abuse can be broken rather than passed down.
So Daniel as your sample population are people who’ve come in for therapy it’s unlikely that would leave you with knowledge of a healthy norm if it’s out there. I love your honesty and I identify with many elements of your experience. In your enthusiasm to share this authenticity I think it can be easy to overlook the unlikelihood of this being the norm across all or most families. We want to gaslight ourselves into feeling like what we got was less freakish and have been encouraged toward that by the discounting of our experience by others who have said things like “all families have dysfunction“. They don’t have it to the degree of pathological intergenerational abuse… which is why they can’t usually fathom what we describe. Agreed, truth is absolute… perspective on it is relative
It always pissed me off so much when I’d talk about familial trauma with strangers and they’d end up taking the sides of the actual people who traumatized me!
Happens to me when I talk with friends also. Most people understand abuse only in therms of the physical or the sexual, and completly disregard emotional abuse, exploitation, neglect. Plus, they have their own psychological defense systems in place, lest they have to face their own childhood trauma.
Yes, developing compassion for other lost souls is difficult but necessary. Also, trying to get confirmation for things can be an addiction. Find God's counsel for the truth and you won't be upset when others can't see things for what they are.
HAHAHA yes. But its worth to keep seeking. You will find someone ALWAYS
Our society automatically assumes the parents are right and takes their side.. but it’s slowly changing with the pandemic of narcissists
Ya ya ya the classics. They where not so bad...... they did their best ...... bla bla bla. So annoying.
I'm so glad you made the video! Because you're RIGHT ON THE MONEY!!!!
For 99% of people, the family is a cult. Consider yourself blessed if you get disillusioned.
Agreed. It doesn't always feel like a blessing though.
perhaps "identification with the aggressor" is a humanistic survival skill to minimize harmful conflict
Yes, a survival/coping mechanism. That would make sense.
We’re raised in a perpetual state of Stockholm Syndrome in order to ensure our survival in this Stanford Prison Experiment reality. I turned my PTSD upside down PTG Post Traumatic Growth. Hate, anger, resentment, hostility hold us hostage and keep us distracted from our personal growth.
Yup, been there too.
It took me almost 40 years to see how dissociated I was and split off from reality and I can't help but be so overwhelmed with grief and pity for that poor girl that was me!
Daniel, I'd hug you like a dear brother!
Greetings from Bavaria 💙
Is Bavaria a state like Texas or New York?
@@theokirkley Can also be Germany but usually people there wouldn't mention their state!
When the realization comes it is devastating. I haven't spoken to my mother for four years my father two. This trauma is so rampant.
I'm so proud of you ❤
Hope you're doing okay 🌟
I often wonder why more people dont talk about their child abuse, and this explains it. I have a lot of guilt, shame, and fear around publicly talking about it. Im expecting people to attack me for being ungrateful or disrespectful or a drama queen just for talking about what I was put through. An obligation to hide the dirty laundry, otherwise "everyone" will think Im an asshole.
I have debated the ethics of corporal punishment with many people over the years, and the vast majority had some form of stockholm syndrome, or trauma bonding.
"I turned out fine", "They hit me because they loved me" etc.
The most difficult thing when you realize all what happened to you is being surrounded with people who either don't believe you, or finally getting them out of your life and ending up almost completely alone
Yeah, I know what that’s like, and it’s pretty dang rough. I hope some kind people come into your life soon. ❤️
@@paperfrost thank you that's lovely
I rather be alone, with my beautiful self, than with oppressors whom pretend to be loved ones.
I choose authenticity (ME) over pretentiousness (Them).
I rather feel loneliness than betrayal and abuse.
🧡
@@auroraborealis6398
They will but it will take some effort. Trusting others is hard after we've been hurt but when you've learned to create healthy boundaries (after unhealthy relationships) you will soon be able to recognize using your intuition those who are integrated (and respect boundaries) and those who are not.
We have no choice in being born into our families, but with friendships and in romantic relationships we do have choice and that is why these types of relationships can be far more healthy and authentic than families of origin.
@@themetamorphosisofgipsy
if you can help it always avoid abusers, but that being said do not let toxic behaviors cloud your capacity to connect with others. There are wonderful and healthful friendships to be had in this journey we call life.
This happens with narcissistic parents and their children when the child turns on the "normal" parent and sides with the narcissistic parent due to traumatization. Why do you think some people are able to see through the lie of the happy family and others are not? This also explains why many people are not able to go against authority and just go along like sheep.
What I experienced was in waves. Sometimes I saw the real truth and other times I went with the flow or the situation wasn't as bad in that interval. I knew by the time I was 4 that there was something really wrong with my mother. A mother who wants you to give her attention and not reciprocating is a real head trip. She had NPD.
Baaaa-aa-aa
No "normal" person would hitch up with a narcissist.
Power does not want to be held accountable. People who want to control others and use them for their own needs, WILL NEVER accept responsibility. Resources are limited. Anger is great for setting boundaries.
I hope you know how much this helps, thank you
When you described your father in this video and how he reacted to your feelings and memories etc... I totally 100% can relate to that... that's exactly how my dad is like... He just denies it and accuses me of making it all up.... everytime we try to have a conversation he is always right and there is no way of even making him question his own self.... there is absolutely no way... the only thing that exists in his mind is always ALWAYS proving others wrong and himself right... his mind just is incapable of even doubting itself at least once..... if it were for one to see my family environment they would understand why my older brother got crazy and got put into a mental hospital....
anyway....
thanks for your work Daniel
"if it were for one to see my family environment they would understand why my older brother got crazy and got put into a mental hospital".
ouch, that hits close to home. it's kinda what may soon happen to me, largely for the same reason as your brother, ever since childhood.
Exact same as my father - I identify him with Narcissistic Personality Disorder. Look it up - you may be in for the shock of your life. A four year old in the body of an adult.
True definition of Narcissistic Personality Disorder. My whole family is like that.
Yes, this is true.
You know what scares me? Noticing how terrible my parent(s) behaved and how I picked up on their behavior. For example my dad left when I was young, showing neglect, now I find myself neglecting others myself. This honestly scares me quite a bit
In my twenties I would 100% say I was not abused as a kid. Then as an adult and with some experience and objectivity I saw first hand how my much younger sister was being raised. It was emotional hell and I started remembering I went through it too.
Goodness, Daniel, the resonance is uncanny. You know, there are a few people who I listen to regularly and highly respect their insight, but I always think to myself, Daniel is the person with whom I resonate the most, at least at this layer of consciousness. Thank you.
Me too
I witnessed my brother being abused my mother when he was a toddler. These days he can't get close enough to her, lives next door, is there every day, thinks the sun shines out of her arse. I also suffered from my mother and can't get far enough away from her. When I speak my truth no one wants to hear. Now a therapist has explained that my brother most likely has Stockholm
hostage... hmmm, countless times. I wish I was more aggressive back way when. I was too nice. Hope you are keeping safe in NY. Please take care, you are precious.
I have Stockholm Syndrome. I had entertaining, amusing, charming, cultured parents. My mother physically, mentally and emotionally abused me. It was a "secret" abuse my father knew about but chose to ignore because he never went against my mother. I actually admired this, and so "forgave" them for allowing my continued abuse. I still overtly support and feel for them (they are now passed on), while they did not actually support and feel for me. I had what might be called a "privileged" childhood, but I was in fear and anxiety every day about being abused, and was overly dependent on my father's love for me, which, when I think of it now, had to be limited, because if he had truly loved me, he would have stopped my mother's abuse. They protected each other from all outer criticism, so my "secret" was truly traumatic, pushed deep down. I protected them, too, from the truth, within their socially popular world.
Spot on. I applaud your courage for publishing this
You speak to my experience, and I share your understandings/beliefs. I deeply appreciate that you take the leap and share the truth. It is so comforting to hear another human speak the truth in a world where everyone seems to be in such denial.
So true
This is one of your really good videos Daniel. This story is true - the difficulty to realise the toxic parts of our childhoods is very real. But even after you do, it’s still difficult to speak of it because most people don’t want to hear it. They are still locked into their own “good parent, good family” story, and if you try to share your own story more honestly, it rocks their boat too much. You hear from them again your own old excuses - “they were doing the best they could”.
You have so much insight, i too had this as a child and teenager it wasnt until last year that i woke up and saw the complete truth about my mother being a narcissist, thank you so much for discussing taboo topics. No one should be excused for abuse doesn't matter if they're a parent, that's not a pass.
Brutally honest video...
Thanks for the great analysis, mate! 🙏
You're spot on Daniel, thanks for calling it out as it is. You are the only person I know who talks about this and sees it so clearly. The truth needs to be out.
The problem is, we're living in a law of attraction society. People don't want to hear the truth. They want to be part of a group; whether it's a family, a religious one, or a professionnal one. As a survival mechanism, most people will always prefer stay silent in order to be accepted rather than telling the truth and being rejected by the group. Being rejected equals death threat in our limbic system. Doesn't mean that it can't change but it's going to take a long long time..
That's a very perceptive observation. We don't have real communities anymore. Everyone is frantically looking for a "community" to belong to.
I think this new/old spirituality being brought in is all part of the socialist subversion for NWO. Collectivism cult like brainwashing.
@@freedomwarrior5087 What does it have to do with socialism??
@@auroraborealis6398 - Socialism is all based in group think (collectivism). Going against established norms or new norms is frowned upon or censored. Any and all critical thinking that challenges these ideas is reduced to 'conspiracy theory'. So most will go along with the group think totally placing trust in the establishment.
@@freedomwarrior5087 Your theory about socialism are as old as Mid 70's Maccarthyism. Come back to the real world, there is much more problem now, like for example, climate change, not enough food for everyone, Plastic pollution everywhere
You should make you video audios into podcasts
I’d 110% tune in every week your videos are so insightful (as someone who’s doing psychology at uni)
These are very astute observations, and there's even the possibility that Stockholm Syndrome may be an evolutionary survival mechanism in societies and organisms used to hierarchical structures where a dominant individual or figure is given authority over a population in which they establish some dominance over. Identifying with captors may be a way of ensuring the furtherance and survival of the group or individual. Identifying with the family regardless of their decency as a parent is the default perspective from a survival standpoint.
The lower 3 chakras respond to "might makes right".
@@karimsonsafehold9233
Sure. And doors are suspended by magic and not hinges connecting them to the door frame. No worries though, if you observe the world closely enough, you'll figure out where evolution is headed. Might doesn't go far when it's abusive.
@@JuanIII You have no idea what I am writing about, I see. No worries though, you'll find out soon enough in the years to come. th-cam.com/video/MY8Nfzcn1qQ/w-d-xo.html
@@karimsonsafehold9233
I know what you're talking about. Also, that video regarding child abuse blaming the rich where in the comments people suggest dragging anyone with money out into the streets and shooting them is pretty grotesque though not as grotesque as child abuse, which I've already had to deal with being hurt as a child. It didn't take some rich oligarch for that to happen, (though those are still often bad) just having been in a daycare.
So in short, all it takes for things like child abuse to exist is a society of uncaring persons with the philosophy might is right dragging each other out in the street and shooting each other.
I think you are onto something. People love being part of a tribe or small group in which they can fight against some larger authority figure. It's definitely something deeply rooted in human nature. For many this tribe is the family. Also think about tribes that have adulthood rituals where children are made to suffer in order to become a man or woman -- by sticking your hand into a glove filled with venomous ants or by sending the child out into the forest to survive for a week. Does this sort of practice make the child's loyalty to their group weaker or stronger? Stronger of course. In a way humans love to be abused as long as it gives them greater respect and acceptance.
Thank you sir for doing this and speaking for many of us others. I was hostage all my childhood and couldn't externalize the trauma to the exterior world, instead I bottled everything inside and developed bulimia when I was 18 yo, a trauma related disease that gripped me for over a decade. I don't have the eating disorder anymore, however I now struggle with Impostor Syndrome, which makes it very difficult for me to thrive and be financially stable, as if I didn't deserve abundance and success.. I believe it stems from knowing deep inside that I lied all my childhood, pretending to love my monster parents when in reality, I despised them.
I totally agree. That´s what I´ve been saying too. Thank you for your bravery for speaking up! I think what is also interesting is "gereralized" stockholm syndrom (you shortly alluded to it at the end I guess): If people were abused by their parents they will also start to generally defend parents no matter what they did or at higher degrees of traumatisation even abusers in general...
Thank you for sharing this! I too grew up in total fear. The trauma is made more difficult because everyone thinks you are making it up. I was so relieved when I found out other people were also trapped in horrible situations. I went thru talk therapy and found a lot of relief thru prayer and reading the Bible. Hang in there!
Thank you, Daniel. Your voice is helping my voice.
My first reply to my first therapist was... I had a happy childhood... Mmm.. Many years ltr after learning rape beatings verbal assault wrapped up in I loves you and presents wasn't very good... The denial that everyone one carried spun it's own life... I'm free from that web today tg.. I love my heartfelt freedom.. Thankyou darlin again wonderful identification... Blessings to all 💜
Wow, ZERO DOUBT in my mind that I was abused, and that all my siblings were abused, and that my older brother got the worst of it. Did I think my mom loved me? Not really. Actually, when I was super young, 3-4 years old, I thought she disliked me so much that I must be someone else's child, like maybe my oldest sister (14 year my senior and def NOT my real mom).
There were moments when I was utterly shocked that I thought my mom was defending me, but decades later, I'd grow to realize that, as a narcissist, she was just defending her own ego.
I think my mom disliked me very much, and tried to tolerate me, when I lived with her, but after I left, I thought that was when she came the closest to loving me she ever came (in her warped mind). I would not at all call it healthy love. It's more like I "own" you as a possession.
She lost it when I went no contact back in 2004. Have never seen or spoken to her since. Lost all my other aunts, uncles, and cousins in the process, too. She tried to use everyone of them to deliver messages to me, manipulate me, so I had to even cut off my siblings and nieces and nephews. The entire family.
I feel bad for what she went through as a child. It's really unfair that she and her older siblings were left in a house all alone as little children and left to fend for themselves. Totally abandoned...not metaphorically, but actually left with no adults in the house, little food, and little money (in a coffee can).
I don't feel like I have Stockholm Syndrome at all. I have no addiction to her whatsoever. I feel like an orphan, but somewhat by choice.
I've had true Stockholm Syndrome before, along with Narcissistic Abuse Syndrome and full-blown PTSD, and I would not wish it on my worst enemy. It ruined years of my life, but it all happened as an adult, and I had the good fortune to recognize what it was and it took years to work through it.
To anyone who has had Stockholm Syndrome, I'm so very sorry. It's awful, and I wouldn't wish it on anyone.
Daniel, I've listened to some of your other videos, where you've given some indications of the trauma you survived. I am so sorry you endured and survived so much. However, I thank you, from the bottom of my heart, for you bringing all of these experiences of yours to this medium. Sometimes some of your videos sound as if you've read my journal entries. Please know you make a huge and very valuable difference. As a child, in order to survive, I chose to "normalize" the abnormal, the insane, the hideous, in order to survive. For years I'd thought I was the "crazy one," because how could I not see what a "wonderful mother" I'd had, who had made so many "sacrifices" and all the other things narcissistic parents tell their children, in order to guilt the children into becoming their caregivers once they get old.
I'm glad you're in this world. Thank you, again. What a reality check your videos are!!!
Thank you!
@@dmackler58Here here! Your words touch those of us with shared experience deeply, and aid the ongoing healing. Grief work is tough but then there’s so much joy afterwards. Thanks again
@@KatWoodlandthanks Kat!!
Thank you for your bravery Daniel. You are a brave heart indeed.
When you have another bad night because of anxiety..think of how much you help us to come out of denial. You help me to own that I was hurt
I think this concept also applies to abusive parents. They've stockholme syndrome'd themselves into believing that THEY were perfect parents and that they weren't abusive or terrible, in order to cope with and not deal with the repercussions and knowledge that they've mistreated their children and been terrible. I think that's a huge part of the denial that is found when abusive parents are called out by their children or others, they literally don't have the capacity to recognize or admit it because that would lead to so much pain and such a shattering of their identity that they just block it off completely.
Yes, I definitely think this is true. Which sucks because I really want my parents to take responsibility! But they won't because they are deep in that denial. Most people have kids at young ages, they have no idea what they're doing and what it takes to be a parent. They are in love and hormonal and doing what comes naturally. I think alot of parents are resentful of their children for taking their youth, time, money and energy. They feel the child owes them or the world owes them for having raised and taken care of the child. They feel robbed, bitter, unappreciated. I think this is alot of the reason why parents are terrible. They suffer too, we all suffer. Better not to have kids if you can help it! This world is not a good place to raise kids in.
It's so amazing of you to do this. Listening to your confession of your past and feeling somehow melts a lot of my past and feelings. Thank you so much~~
I am a 36 yo woman that was severely abused by my mother and is still being abused bc of my need to run to her for many things and bc of her need to control. I am fully aware of the abuse and that things are wrong but have never so far heard of family stockholm syndrome and trauma bonding and i majored psychology at University. I am glad that now i have a label to what is it that's keeping me trying to get her to love me and will do some serious work on it. I cried throughout the entire video.
I was diagnosed with BPD at the age of 18 and i feel like i healed most of the symptoms and feel like i absolutely don't fit into that diagnosis anymore but there still is a lot of trauma.
Thank you for speaking the truth, Mr. Mackler.
I can’t understate how much your videos have helped me, and this one is especially timely.
The insights you share with your viewers are nothing short of extraordinary. Throughout my life, I've been engaged in self-analysis, trying to figure out why things are the way they are, what happened in the past, why it happened, and what are the consequences. You continue to be an invaluable resource for that exploration. I can't thank you enough.
I can't tell you how much this made me feel like I am not the only one in the world. That in fact (or in Daniel's experience as a therapist) we are all alike in this way. The difference is that some of us, myself included, have seen this in our lives, experienced this, and did not go quietly into that good night. Thank you, Daniel.
Your videos are awesome Daniel... Thank you for all your help... Please keep them coming
I remembered something important in my past recently in a dream... and then promptly forgot. I hope it comes back. Should have written it down straight away, lol
Three years. That’s how old this video is at this moment. Its message is timeless. While I can relate, I am grateful for my good night’s rest. Thank you Daniel wherever you are in mind and spirit!
15:17 YES! I STILL get into trauma situations! BUT its not as COMPRESSING anymore! Because I KNOW how to work it out. Thank you Sir.
My father was the kidnapper of his own family. He brutally terrorized my mother and us kids. I ended up being with a partner who turned out to be just like my dad. After I started my journey to become healthy, I stopped empathizing with my abusive partner and was finally able to walk away.
the same happened to me.... virtual hugs from Brooklyn!
the same happened to me.... virtual hugs from Brooklyn!
the same happened to me.... virtual hugs from Brooklyn!
Thank you for your bravery & for making this video public 😁 I concur 100%
Thank you Daniel! What a leap of faith instead of fear in making this video!❤
What makes me scared is that even you haven't been able to heal all your traumas yet with all of your brilliance. What does that say about us? It's scary. Maybe you could make a video about some of the biggest turn-arounds and successful healings you've had in your practice? That would be so helpful.
I get so much value from these videos. Thank you for making them Daniel.
I am deeply touched by your openness and backbone and commitment to be truthful. You shouldve never been gaslighted. Thank you so much for sharing. I have found it most helpful to directly engage with the part of us that is scared to be shut down, because its protecting us from the real consequence of being shut down that we already experienced, and this anxious part wont stop protecting us if we dont give it an alternative way of being safe.
Love how vulnerable you are In this, so relateable. Love you so much Daniel, your such an inspiration for me
Aww thanks!
I knew someone who shared with me what they experienced as a child and they only held their father to blame for it, but their mother was also abusive to them and they couldn’t/didn’t want to see it when I brought it to their attention. It was sad because hella obvious that both parents were abusive and it was definitely Stockholm. I notice this a lot when it comes to parents, some adult child know what they experienced are afraid to vocalize it and others are in denial of their childhood experiences. Lastly, are the ones who know and engage with their parents accordingly.
My husband was physically abused by his step mother and his father wouldn't do anything. His father believed his wife was too small to do alot of damage.
Fast forward to my husband's 20's, his abusers were able to convince him to sign his daughter over to them voluntarily.
Everyday I worry for my step daughter.
Bless you.. Just just this, bless you
For me it was easy, i told my Mom that Mom now I'm the head of family I'm 30yo now. You are 55 and you can take rest. Thanks for giving me such a beautiful lifetime.
And the power dynamics totally changed after this. My mom's anxiety was gone and I started being at equilibrium and feeling of fineness.
I want to thank you publicly for this great gift you give to us by sharing your truth. Also i want to make clear how much valuable, unique and pioneering is your work and your way of sharing and by this helping others. So many people, myself included, can identify with your experiences and your life trip so far. Thanks again and I fully support you and believe that one day your work will find the recognition that it deserves.
The amount of insight provided by this therapist is more than some who charge $300 a session.
Thankyou for sharing this to help others. Wishing you the best in your recovery.
Thank you for making this video. You are so appreciated
Thank you for sharing your analysis and personal experiences. I enjoyed your video.
Thank You so much for this video! Thank You for your courage.
Fearless, courageous, priceless content! Thank you, Daniel
It's absolutely incredible how we split off the trauma caused by our parents. We will endure anxiety, depression and despair to unconsciously protect our parents.
The videos that tell you you can’t make it public are exactly what we’re looking for. I think we all need to be brutally honest with ourselves, the self lies are poisonous. Exposure of truth is making oneself naked to the world, what’s not terrifying about that? It needs to be done though, I need to do it to myself, it sometimes feels impossible but what’s the alternative? Stagnation and suffocation? I’m learning more every day, I just sometimes wished it would happen faster. The people that can push through the fear are the lucky ones, they are in pursuit of true freedom and are much more likely to find it in my opinion. Bless you all.
this is amazing. I am the brutal truth teller of my family since my awakening started, and it started with me meeting my soul twin (you might not believe that but that's not the point in my comment here). we both had deep, intimate conversations and in time when I read so much on trauma and attachment issues, I realized that we both came from very traumatic childhood experiences all caused from our core families. and even though everything he shared proved this conclusion of me right, his response was that "he had absolutely no issue with his family and that I had to let go of it". we were in no contact for a few months but in our initial contact after that time, I realized that he actually saw the truth when it was finally pointed out to him to face and come to terms with it.
our families brutally traumatize us, to the point some get diagnosed with BD or BPD yet we idiotically still defend them. until that one day where we are hit by the truth like a truck.
I identify with this video so much
Hmm, I'm from Hungary, but never expected to hear about this concept on your channel. It's perfectly makes sense. Thank you for this intresting and helpful analysis!
I'm so glad you made this video. Thank you. I think there needs to be some new terms for narcissistic abuse. Even after you think you fully accepted your new understandings, cognitive dissonance can still sneak back in if you let your guard down too soon. When you have beatings disguised as spankings and all the rest isolation tactics and covert abuse, it goes unrecognized. Sometimes your other siblings will side even tighter to the abuser(s) if they're not the scapegoat. Welcome to the family cult.
7:55 HOLY SHITTTT! My father gave me the same callous and indifferent "I never did that!" When i tried to address him on the physical violence on my mother. She would have bruises left and right because of him and his drinking. But he reached a point where he wants to hold himself in high regard and deny and project anything and everything that would involve him admitting to flaws. So i walked away and continued my Gray Rock Method.
PS. Correction on "reached a point". He was always like this.
Thank you so much for your candor, authenticity, and depth. You have really helped me to heal and understand myself (and ultimately the world) more.
I see 'Munchausen by proxy' all over. Many adults are obsessed getting their children strangulated with all kind of random diagnoses. It gives the parent (often the mother) all the attention she ever needed. And, even better, she can put all the guilt, shame and blame on the kid.
My two uncles were extremely bitter toward their parents and I never understood why. My mother never spoke negatively about my grandparents so it didn’t make sense..until I grew up. My mother was a middle child with an older and younger brother. I am a middle child with the same arrangement of siblings. As a girl, I was treated differently than the boys. My mother was as well as a child. That could be one reason for differences in sibling recall of childhood.
I love your commitment to the grim truth. You inspire me to make my own videos
Thank you for sharing this video. You illustrate my own experience, and so many others. Thank you for speaking out, to let us know we are not alone, despite where we might be in this wide world and how isolated we might feel. Thank you 🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏
You have my unbounded admiration for your dedication and service to the truth, and to humanity in spite of the attendant anxiety that you experience. Your legacy will be one of the better left by any person. Love and blessings ✨️
oh my god:)))) i just wrote a comment and deleted it 4 times in a row... i can identify SO much! 10:38 me too; 12:02 i feel sorry for my dad yes.
Thank you 💖 for your courage to share your perspective
Even when I was a child I started to visualize myself with a partner in the future who had to be growing up as an orphan. I hated the idea of having to deal with parents - those controling, manipulative and abusive adults - after a point in my life.. I hated the thought that I would end up with someone who grew up with such adults and would stand under their influence. That pressure in childhood of having a relationship at a specific age tho.. that's another story.
I went to live in a group home. I was the only one there who was voluntary. I thought my mom was my best friend but I felt suicidal when I lived with.
Absolutely
thank you for posting. thank you for fighting thru the toxic shame and sharing your story.
Yes, finally a Therapist that is honest. Thank you so much for sharing that with us. It is so hard to open up and be vulnerable about these things, especially as a man. This is the strongest Thing I have seen someone do in Years.
This is comforting, this thought that others have experienced similar.
Hello, Daniel! Thank you for sharing your thoughts.
I feel like I`ve been abused so terribly, that I don`t defend my parents at all anymore. I did it a year ago, but once my therapist asked me "How long are you going to bear this torturous relationship with your parents for? If you can, tell me the date when you stop putting up with it". And I answered, that I didn`t want to bear it anymore.
I don`t communicate with my parents, I don`t try to justify their actions, but I still have a bunch of unresolved trauma.
I`m not able to concentrate for long, I`m quite suicidal and I had to go for an academic leave because I`m physically and mentally not able to study - even though I`m motivated and I`ve been in therapy for 1.5 years and tried to work with 9 different psychotherapists (they`ve all been unprofessional - some suggested me to go Christian to heal my trauma, some forgot about our sessions and didn`t come, some told me that noone cares about my problems). But I feel like I don`t have any Stockholm Syndrome and I don`t identify with my parents anymore.
It sounds like you still have a lot of unresolved issues. I'm not going to say 'become Christian' but seeking God's guidance will help you because there is a God and He/She does love you dearly and wishes you to heal the trauma of your past
@@theokirkley with every respect, seeking guidance from a particular place like a religious figure, isn't everyone's truth. :)
@@lt7587 , I can also be respectful when I say Truth does not change based on the whims of the individual. There is no "your truth" and "my truth." Only The Truth
@@theokirkley I feel that's a separate debate altogether... I can safely say that for me personally (for example) it's not the truth at all, but I do respect that different people have different beliefs and attitudes, philosophies - I think what I'm mainly saying (and aiming to do so as sensitively as possible) is that I feel strongly that beliefs and opinions aren't equal to facts necessarily (ie universal truth), yet I honour just how important they are. A very very personal thing.
@@lt7587 , I agree with you. Beliefs and opinions are not equal to facts. But your statements suggest that God is an unidentifiable, esoteric quantity which must be separated from serious discussion and relegated to the margins of religious inquiry when I maintain that understanding God is essential for your long-term health and livelihood and a gateway to deeper self-reflection. It is not a matter of opinion
I agree with everything you said. It’s important to emotionally, mentally, and physically support ourselves. I don’t think anyone is coming to save us or, possibly, even see us. I know I’m shocked any time someone else has “seen” any portion of me. Sadly, it doesn’t even help to be “seen” because I wonder when the other shoe is going to fall.
We may be connected spiritually to everything and everyone but I am alone even though there are people who will help when I need it. Maybe we are connected through our aloneness.
Well explained. It’s difficult to view this as an adult child and as a mother.
“Gathering historical clues”- yes and photos.
Thank you so much for sharing your truth with the world. It’s really helped me to have understanding for myself. I wish you so much love and light. Thank you.
thank you for making this video public
I feel that being in contact with the traumatizer, in my case my mother, is being re-traumatized over and over again. She has not changed, is emotionally unavailable and hurtful to a degree. I guess I had the syndrom as well as I called her nearly daily. I always felt anxious when speaking with her and visiting her is walking on egg-sheels. Yet I did it. I knew since a long time something is wrong but it took me years to really understand it. I am still coming to terms... No only I am limiting contact and don't share my private life anymore and get comments like 'if you don't have anything to tell, we can stop'. I guess she's was drawing her fuel from me. When I fell or had an operation a year ago, she didn't wish me luck for it or asked afterwards how it went. Still I visited her for Christmas. This has to stop. It's so hard but I wouldn't choose her as my friend. I also labelled her a friend when I was younger, she was not that not even how a mother should have been.
10:40 God bless you for being able to admit it. Took a lot of courage.
Well said Daniel, right on point!
Thank for your sharing your expertise, insight and healing information. I cant see a therapist but you are helping me on my jounrey for healing.
WOW!!! I had the exact same thought last week! Thats so cool!!!
I so appreciate your bold sharing. Very raw and true. 🙏🏻
I think this happens at jobs too, because people need them for their survival!
Thank you..now I more understand myself and other abused people.
Trigger warning! Sexual abuse. This happened to my biological father who has been in prison for the last 17 years, who I just met only a couple years ago... I think he must have “identified with the aggressor”... he was molested at age 12 by a 35 year old man named Larry. The abuse was ongoing for about a year, sadly. He groomed him, bought him a skateboard, was super nice to him (unlike his extremely abusive stepfather). He really looked up to this guy... His molester Larry...
Unfortunately, my bio dad, he ended up perpetuating the cycle of sexual abuse
:( when he grew up he ended up molesting his own stepdaughter. I find that just So horrible and disgusting... one thing he had said to me, that I believe is clearly a delusional childhood way of thinking, was that he believed this guy still loved him, in a way... That he really did care about him.... um.... and do you think that he also loved all the other 100+ child victims whose naked pictures the police found at his house when they caught this Larry dude? I think not, dad... But it just goes to show how such an erroneous and faulty childhood distorted belief, that was held onto so tightly by the abused child (which he probably needed to believe this was true at the time in order to be less traumatized about what was going on) this misunderstanding of the situation, it may have contributed to his own twisted way of thinking down the road that allowed him to repeat the crime years later. His way of thinking seems to be quite askew, with many justifications, rationalizations, minimizations...
he also told me once that this sort of thing happened to his aunt, his sister, himself, his cousins... in his highly toxic and pathological family of origin, child sexual abuse was the norm! To him, he thought it just happened to everybody!
Lastly, around the time he committed this appalling act, he contemplated it beforehand and thought to himself “well, the same thing happened to me at that age and I turned out okay” .... well, clearly you are not okay if you are contemplating molesting a child!
I am sorry if this story was too upsetting for anybody reading, but I wanted to share it because it demonstrates how much psychological damage can be caused by any Stockholm syndrome type phenomenon... Because my bio dad couldn’t accurately see the truth about Larry and what had really happened to him in his childhood, it set him up to be able to deceive himself in adulthood in regards to how harmful sexual abuse really was for him as a kid. He failed to accurately remember the horror of that past experience from his early life to how damaging that would be for any child he thought to victimize...
I also strongly believe that it’s very important that we all heal from our past trauma so that we don’t end up unconsciously passing the shameful dysfunctional and abusive ways down to the next generation. It’s everyone’s responsibility to get help such as therapy so the cycle of abuse can be broken rather than passed down.
Thank you so much for sharing your wisdom with the world. I look forward to every video you make.
So Daniel as your sample population are people who’ve come in for therapy it’s unlikely that would leave you with knowledge of a healthy norm if it’s out there. I love your honesty and I identify with many elements of your experience. In your enthusiasm to share this authenticity I think it can be easy to overlook the unlikelihood of this being the norm across all or most families. We want to gaslight ourselves into feeling like what we got was less freakish and have been encouraged toward that by the discounting of our experience by others who have said things like “all families have dysfunction“. They don’t have it to the degree of pathological intergenerational abuse… which is why they can’t usually fathom what we describe. Agreed, truth is absolute… perspective on it is relative