Yep and even if you do have it, you're not in any obligation to help out, especially when their lack of money is due to their awful financial habits and lack of foresight.
I do feel like it depends on why the parents are needy. If they did their best but something bad happened and you do have the money, I think you should help your parents. I know I would help mine, but they would never ask unless they were in a dire situation.
It's sick take care of your parents why they had their whole life without you. Putting finical pressure on kids just because you gave birth to them disgusting. Robbing the person of finical life forever
Listen, it’s not your fault your parents didn’t save for their future. Don’t feel bad about that. Focus on your finances. Be strong, tell your bother not to call you for money. That’s it!
She reminds me of people my son served with. Their parents expect them to send them money every pay period. This behavior blows my mind! A parent is supposed to provide for their kids until the kids can provide for themselves.
@@rogers5622exactly , I am from India , I stay in my mother's house , I pay her 1/3 rd of my salary every month , Still she expects money for all other household stuff , Though she earns 3x more than me.
When asked for $ handout, my go-to is, "I am happy to sit with you and help you work out YOUR budget." It reveals where they are in the spend/save...right/wrong mentality.
One time I had a family member ask to borrow an insanely high amount of money from me. I responded by giving that person a fat stack of job applications. No need to pay me back; this is a gift
Remember Tony Soprano going off on Meadow’s BF for paying the restaurant bill? “This is MY FAMILY! I PAY, YOU EAT! When YOU have a family, YOU can pay!”
Hmm, yes this sounds like a very, very classic case of the Golden Child trying to force the "Dutiful Child" to do their predetermined "duty." Yes, it's an extremely toxic situation. It's actually one of several forms that parental abuse can take. I'd almost be willing to bet money that the parents are triangulating the brother against the daughter, because it's just so textbook in this situation sadly. But yes, she needs boundaries, and the timeout from family may have to be reinstated for her sake and sanity. Mine is permanent.
My parents have been asking me for money since my first job when I was 20 and already left home. I needed to get away from the toxic home environment. I have helped them so much over the years despite never getting this kind of support from them. I have learnt to set boundaries and recently gifted them my paid off car so that my dad could start Uber as he had been unemployed for years and I set the expectation with them that they cannot ask for more and this is enough to support them. He now makes more money than I do after only driving for 4 months. The last straw came today when he called saying he needs me to sign for a new car for him as my old car "is not cutting it" and he is not credit worthy yet and "can't wait 6 months" until he will be. I told him I am not comfortable with it even though he insists I won't pay anything. I feel so sad and disrespected. 😢
I am the middle child of 5, escaped a nightmare ex (murderer), and raised two sons without child support. Went to nursing school and worked my butt off with no assist from my siblings, even after our house burned down. Then years later my older brother wanted a loan because civilian workers on military bases had their hours cut. He has a wife that doesn't work, but visits friends all day, so I said no. Then, one of the times my older sister left her husband, she wanted to be independent and have a car in just her name. She was bent when I refused to co sign. I did help my younger brother because he had surgery and couldn't work. I have no problem with boundaries now.
I personally know some parents who are going to rely on their children to provide for their retirement. Think about it, the parents now spends on things they cannot afford, leasing expensive cars and buys designer clothes+shoes regularly. They assume immediately that their children will be providing for them. I can only see tears and poverty in the future....😢
@For Fish Sake - Those parents had better hope their plans don’t backfire. They have no guarantee their children will be able to support them. What if the children die and the insurance/inheritance goes to spouses and children? What if the child becomes permanently disabled? What if the child is lands in jail for a couple of decades? Relying on children to be your retirement plan is disgusting to begin with, and a bad plan as well.
And if they know where you live, move as soon as possible and don’t give ANYONE your new address. Not just those you’re cutting off; you don’t want to risk that information slipping out by someone you thought you could trust
@@summerdowlig - you can never say no to parents who are in destitute, of course. however, your obligation is to your own family first, whatever is left is for the parents, if any. it sounds selfish but will you see your own child go hungry or without heating, shelter so you can send money to your parents? i certainly will not, if my parents want money and i have none to give - they should come and live with me. if they don't or cannot do that, then whatever is left after my own family needs is what they get. pointing this out to the parents is a must and they should understand. if not then you should ask what kind of parents are they...?
This whole topic on the video reminds me of something I was looking up on google yesterday, since I knew a person well who fit the description. There is much more info I found about DPD, but I will just post a small portion of what I found: Dependent personality disorder: "Dependent personality disorder usually starts during childhood or by the age of 29. People with DPD have an overwhelming need to have others take care of them. Often, a person with DPD relies on people close to them for their emotional or physical needs. Others may describe them as needy or clingy."
Pull a reverse UNO before they ask and they will never ask again. It has worked with friends and family and seeing my savings pile up without them knowing is none of their business.
I love their advice towards this woman in regards to her family, I wish this woman healing and strength on setting boundaries !! For anyone who needs this... I've learned so much from both Lisa Romano and Dr. Ramani, both here on TH-cam!! Both Lisa and Dr. Ramani speak about "Narcissists, living and dealing with toxic Narcissistic relationships and also, your healing journey!!" Good luck everyone, life is possible after Narcissistic abuse!!❤️🙏🏼🙏🏼
If you’re family only texts you to trap you for social media stop responding. There is nothing that says you owe anything to your abusers, especially if they were supposed to be your protectors
It’s just in poor taste to share private communications. I keep texting to a minimum, and don’t have conversations of any importance, or about anyone, by text.
@genxx2724 I could understand why some people prefer certain important conversations to be over text, and those would be the ones that would potentially involve going to court. I’ve been in those situations before, but I have something else up my sleeve so I don’t have to use text to document. I live in a one party consent state. Therefore, I record all of my phone conversations and I don’t even let the other person know I’m recording since I’m not legally required to do so
Been right where you are right now Angela, my advice, time for a permanent sabbatical from those family members. Such a hard decision as I have gone through as well but, was the best decision I ever made to release myself and them of expectations and let myself heal(hopefully they have done the same 🤞) Absolutely all the best wishes for you in your life 💕
I moved out of my parents house at 19 years old, moved to North Dakota where rent is $900 a month and started working in the oil field with no experience. One of the best decisions of my life. Made over 10k a month, sure it was boring also middle of nowhere but if you are patient enough you will succeed. Also it’s parents faults that they decide to live in these expensive cities like, New York, Florida, Cali etc…. So I would say find a strong labor job, reason for that is so you can just start making lots of quick money. And then when your ready what you do with that money weather it’s empathy for your parents or anything else just use it wisely. Good luck!!!!
I'm 64 yo and my mother was surprised that I didn't know about melting down your used lipsticks to create full sticks. She and apparently many others did that in the '40's and '50's.🙂
And Angela, I'm all for melting down deodorant, I don't need to, and I never tried it, but I'm sure it works great. Especially if it is a brand that works well against your skin! Thank you for that.
The book "Boundaries" that they used to give our before "Dr J" came to the team would be very valuable for this lady. You don't need therapy and counselling, find a good group of grounded friends and lean on one another xx
I can’t believe that parents take money from their adult kids. It one thing to want rent, it’s another thing to demand money because of their stupid choices.
It can be difficult when family members ask for money, especially when you're struggling financially. It's important to set boundaries and prioritize your own financial well-being. Have an honest conversation with your parents about your current situation and try to come up with a solution that works for everyone.
I tried talking about it with my parents, it seems like they didnt beleive im struggling coz they still keep asking money after that. They also keep on borrowing money from other people and they call me to help pay for it. I love my parents but i think they are really abusing my kindness.
we can't choose our family we get what we get and you should just continue to stay away from them and don't text people hide behind their text. Sounds like that's what your brother does and I had an issue with my brother six months ago and I told my parents I'll never see him again, because of the way he treated me and you might have to do that and I'm happy with my decision and I hope you're well with you. Be happy with your decision.
I’ve heard people say that because they didn’t ask to be born, their parents have an obligation to provide for them for life. That’s a disgusting and entitled thing to say. But hear me out on my next statement Since you didn’t ask to be born, you don’t owe your parents anything. Therefore, anything you do to help should be of your own volition, not because of peer pressure even from other family members. And when your family expects you to cater to their entitled mindset, it’s time to set boundaries In this case, I’d consider renewing your sabbatical from your family. And I’d extend that period to be for the rest of your life. They don’t value you as a person, so they don’t deserve you
My parents always asking me for money so they can go play and shop. If i don't they start being negative and so on. Like i only just started working and it not a good paying job
Unfortunately, family is not always a safe refuge, at times they are your greatest oppressors. The parents are using their kids to solve their irresponsibility, the wealthy brother is harassing his dirt poor sister to help bail them out. Must have been HORRIBLE growing up around them. Just my opinion, cut ties again, all they are doing is using you. My best wishes on your future.
One time my sister called me asking to add her as an authorized user on my credit card (yes, I still have one credit card, and I benefit from all the people who use one irresponsibly because I pay off the balance within 24 hours of each transaction). When she posed the request, I started laughing uncontrollably and hung up the phone I know Dave doesn’t care about someone’s credit score. But I’m sure even he would agree that if I have a good or great credit score, I’ll be damned if I let someone else destroy it. Bad credit is worse than no credit history
I'm late to the party on this but I'm glad i am not alone with this. I've been putting up boundaries and it sounds like to me i might need my own multi year sabbatical from my family too
I stopped giving money and stop being nice they dont talk to me after that lol but i never felt so free and happy after that and give no fucks lol after that able to save more for myself 😊
The CC is good advise. She sounded very muffled, almost like she was holding the phone against her chin, or within a collar. She mentioned muscular atrophy in her call. If she’s the one suffering from this condition, then she might have difficulty holding the phone in her hand.
My boyfriends family is like this. It’s so upsetting, I have a lot of empathy because mental illness plays a role though at what point does it become negligent? I don’t think parents should be asking children for money.
Family often uses children to manipulate. My MiL did this for years with us. It didn’t end until she was 18 and and adult. Little did we know that the money was going to gambling. The best option is to offer to take the child and care for them. I wish that we had do this from the beginning. My SiL grew up with zero parenting and need up doing meth and involved with criminals. She had a federal felony by age 19. Would have been way better off with us
I’m on the other side of the spectrum. I have been caring for my parents for 15 yrs with absolutely no help from my three siblings. I’m single and bought a house so my parents have a home to live in. I personally don’t need a house being single but I love my parents and want them to live the live they deserve because they are good people and parents. Unfortunately they made bad money decisions when they were younger and that is why they are in the situation they are in. I feel that my siblings should contribute to the care of our elderly parents and I shouldn’t solely be financially responsible. Especially, when they took advantage of our parents finances and kindness once upon a time. I have come to terms that I will receive my blessings from God!!!
Children are not retirement plans. Playing the martyr, or “martyr complex,” is when a person has an exaggerated sense of obligation to suffer or sacrifice for others in order to elicit sympathy, love, and admiration. It's also meant to evoke guilt. So playing the martyr is passive-aggressive behavior, and one of the hallmarks of covert narcissism.
You need Don Draper to step in. “They’re gonna live with me, and you’re gonna support them. And you’re gonna go out there and tell them it was your idea.”
I take care of my parents. For some it's cultural, some it's the facts that parents need help. Since 2016 till date, my parents are paid their salary every month of the year till date. God blessed me and brought me to US, since 2021, the least I give my parents monthly is $150. Why not, I work hard, make my money, I live comfortably in US. God has really blessed me. Now, it's my turn to make life meaningful for my parents. It's a privilege and an everlasting blessings for me. God has not forsaken me all through this period I started taking care of my parents. I encourage you all to bless your parents if a need arises. Shalom.
When someone spends many decades paying into Social Security as does their employer than that's NOT an entitlement as it's your own money coming back to you. I agree with you if I were given the option to opt out of paying into Social Security so I could manage that money as I see fit, but that's not the case. With that mentality of yours it's like putting your money into a savings account at the bank and then withdrawing that money and calling it an entitlement.
Social Security exists because most people don't manage their own savings. Without Social Security, there would be millions of broke elderly people begging and burdening their children and other relatives.
Wealthy people don't get it. My mother died and we inherited some money and it was handed out incorrectly. My sister wanted me to wait for months for my part. She got mad and hung up the phone on me when it didn't want to wait just because she was going to have to pay her account to ask a question
I don’t blame the brother. The parents are the problem here and the brother shouldn’t get stuck with all the bills just because he’s done well in life. Ideally they both tell the parents ‘no’.
Start asking them for stuff on a regular basis.Tell them that you need the same things they are asking for so ya'll are in the same boat! Tell them to do whatever they were doing the 15 years ya'll didn't speak😂
People just need to get a back bone & stop allowing people especially blood family to think they can just run around , think they own the place when you become a self serving adult. Nobody asks you for anything under the sun without some kind of mutual benefit from such a request. Do not be afraid to turn down people who are undeserving of such help ESPECIALLY BLOOD FAMILY 👆🏾✅.
If they can't get a loan from a bank, don't give them money, because there is a reason why a bank won't loan to them. Stay away from toxic relationships. Adults need to take care of themselves. Don't be a door mat.
LifeProTip: If someone asks you for money and you ain’t got it, you’re supposed to say “sorry, I ain’t got it”
“No” also works pretty well, I’ve discovered.
You need a master degree to have common sense in the modern world.. smh
@@dmdproduction1328 I’ll take common sense over any degree any day…
Yep and even if you do have it, you're not in any obligation to help out, especially when their lack of money is due to their awful financial habits and lack of foresight.
Or what I do; "Oh man, I was just working up the nerve to ask you for a loan".
When people get upset when you put up boundaries, that's a good indicator that the boundary was needed.
Yep, their reaction speaks VOLUMES about what they think of you! Their reaction is about them, not about you x
👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽
Right they will definitely have to respect that boundary .
Yep and people like that are hella weird asf.
She needs to get another family.
If the only time family calls, they want money, it’s NO time for them.
Honey, if you took a 15 year sabbatical from your family, there is no reason you can't extend that sabbatical indefinitely.
Your parents chose to have children, you own them nothing more than your gratitude. This is nothing short of psychological and financial abuse.
Depends on the circs as to whether you even owe them gratitude.
I do feel like it depends on why the parents are needy. If they did their best but something bad happened and you do have the money, I think you should help your parents. I know I would help mine, but they would never ask unless they were in a dire situation.
Runaway from home if you dont want to pay them back
It's sick take care of your parents why they had their whole life without you.
Putting finical pressure on kids just because you gave birth to them disgusting. Robbing the person of finical life forever
Listen, it’s not your fault your parents didn’t save for their future. Don’t feel bad about that. Focus on your finances. Be strong, tell your bother not to call you for money. That’s it!
This comment is like the aunt giving advice to a 5 year old. 👍
Absolutely. I have a mother just like that . Spent all her money and think her kids should pay her bills .
@@rogers5622 my parents never charge me for anything. I saved so much all my life because of that.
🙏👪
Tell the brother, not in a text, "I was just thinking of asking you for money."
Bingo! Pull the reverse Uno card.
She reminds me of people my son served with. Their parents expect them to send them money every pay period. This behavior blows my mind! A parent is supposed to provide for their kids until the kids can provide for themselves.
@@Austenfan177 👍
You would be surprised how many of us share the same story. Some parents see their kids as income .
@@rogers5622 👍
@@rogers5622exactly , I am from India , I stay in my mother's house , I pay her 1/3 rd of my salary every month , Still she expects money for all other household stuff , Though she earns 3x more than me.
When asked for $ handout, my go-to is, "I am happy to sit with you and help you work out YOUR budget." It reveals where they are in the spend/save...right/wrong mentality.
One time I had a family member ask to borrow an insanely high amount of money from me. I responded by giving that person a fat stack of job applications. No need to pay me back; this is a gift
When it comes to money, don't lend it, just give it. If you can't afford to lend, then don't give.
That is what I do also. I never lend money. I only gift it. That way I am not disappointed or upset if it doesn't get paid back.
One of the most basic rules of life
Parents don’t borrow money from their
Children
Remember Tony Soprano going off on Meadow’s BF for paying the restaurant bill?
“This is MY FAMILY! I PAY, YOU EAT! When YOU have a family, YOU can pay!”
@@genxx2724 Tony was coming from an ego power trip, that's why he did that
I have no prob lending my parents money if I’m doin better than them
@@MrJimmy3459 Manly pride. We could use more of that.
@@reese85 true. But parents shouldn’t borrow
It’s a big difference
These two are really good about not interrupting eachother.
Sounds like a sweet woman with a big heart. ♥ 🙏
My time out from my family is going on 23 years now.
Run away from abuse and don't look back.
👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾
Hmm, yes this sounds like a very, very classic case of the Golden Child trying to force the "Dutiful Child" to do their predetermined "duty." Yes, it's an extremely toxic situation. It's actually one of several forms that parental abuse can take. I'd almost be willing to bet money that the parents are triangulating the brother against the daughter, because it's just so textbook in this situation sadly. But yes, she needs boundaries, and the timeout from family may have to be reinstated for her sake and sanity. Mine is permanent.
Sounds like it's time for mommy and daddy to downside into a small condo or apartment, since they clearly cannot afford the home they are in!
Time to take another 15 year sabbatical.
Disagree. Make it permanent
If they cannot afford to live where they are they need to move not expect their grown child who they abused to bail them out ,
You don't owe them money, so just say NO!
My parents have been asking me for money since my first job when I was 20 and already left home. I needed to get away from the toxic home environment. I have helped them so much over the years despite never getting this kind of support from them. I have learnt to set boundaries and recently gifted them my paid off car so that my dad could start Uber as he had been unemployed for years and I set the expectation with them that they cannot ask for more and this is enough to support them. He now makes more money than I do after only driving for 4 months. The last straw came today when he called saying he needs me to sign for a new car for him as my old car "is not cutting it" and he is not credit worthy yet and "can't wait 6 months" until he will be. I told him I am not comfortable with it even though he insists I won't pay anything. I feel so sad and disrespected. 😢
"No" is a complete sentence. Practice it.
Please don’t do it. Also, don’t tell them everything about your life. Especially, money.Protect yourself.
You are also being used.
@@isabellopes890 got it.😢
I am the middle child of 5, escaped a nightmare ex (murderer), and raised two sons without child support. Went to nursing school and worked my butt off with no assist from my siblings, even after our house burned down.
Then years later my older brother wanted a loan because civilian workers on military bases had their hours cut. He has a wife that doesn't work, but visits friends all day, so I said no. Then, one of the times my older sister left her husband, she wanted to be independent and have a car in just her name. She was bent when I refused to co sign.
I did help my younger brother because he had surgery and couldn't work.
I have no problem with boundaries now.
I personally know some parents who are going to rely on their children to provide for their retirement. Think about it, the parents now spends on things they cannot afford, leasing expensive cars and buys designer clothes+shoes regularly. They assume immediately that their children will be providing for them. I can only see tears and poverty in the future....😢
@For Fish Sake - Those parents had better hope their plans don’t backfire. They have no guarantee their children will be able to support them. What if the children die and the insurance/inheritance goes to spouses and children? What if the child becomes permanently disabled? What if the child is lands in jail for a couple of decades? Relying on children to be your retirement plan is disgusting to begin with, and a bad plan as well.
Yeah....time for another sabbatical. I would change my phone number or just don't answer the phone. What are they gonna do? Cut me off?
They can’t cut me off if I cut them off first 😂
@@tammya5403 exactly 😂😂
And if they know where you live, move as soon as possible and don’t give ANYONE your new address. Not just those you’re cutting off; you don’t want to risk that information slipping out by someone you thought you could trust
I found if you ask for money just as they ask you for money it shuts them down. Treat them like they treat you
I think a lot of people need to hear that "it not your responsibility & you own them nothing"- from someone outside of the situation.
Maybe because we know people in this situation....?
@@akosiamarillo I know a few people who can't say no out of obligation even when they don't have it they still can't say no.
@@summerdowlig - you can never say no to parents who are in destitute, of course. however, your obligation is to your own family first, whatever is left is for the parents, if any. it sounds selfish but will you see your own child go hungry or without heating, shelter so you can send money to your parents? i certainly will not, if my parents want money and i have none to give - they should come and live with me. if they don't or cannot do that, then whatever is left after my own family needs is what they get. pointing this out to the parents is a must and they should understand. if not then you should ask what kind of parents are they...?
This whole topic on the video reminds me of something I was looking up on google yesterday, since I knew a person well who fit the description. There is much more info I found about DPD, but I will just post a small portion of what I found:
Dependent personality disorder:
"Dependent personality disorder usually starts during childhood or by the age of 29. People with DPD have an overwhelming need to have others take care of them. Often, a person with DPD relies on people close to them for their emotional or physical needs. Others may describe them as needy or clingy."
Pull a reverse UNO before they ask and they will never ask again. It has worked with friends and family and seeing my savings pile up without them knowing is none of their business.
😅😅😅
Sounds like her 15 year sabbatical should have been longer...
never be afraid to move far, FAR, *FAR* away from toxic family members, and go low contact with them.
I love their advice towards this woman in regards to her family, I wish this woman healing and strength on setting boundaries !! For anyone who needs this... I've learned so much from both Lisa Romano and Dr. Ramani, both here on TH-cam!! Both Lisa and Dr. Ramani speak about "Narcissists, living and dealing with toxic Narcissistic relationships and also, your healing journey!!" Good luck everyone, life is possible after Narcissistic abuse!!❤️🙏🏼🙏🏼
She needs to write off her toxic family for her own sake.
Not her responsibility to pay for nothing or to give nothing they need to figer it out!
If you’re family only texts you to trap you for social media stop responding. There is nothing that says you owe anything to your abusers, especially if they were supposed to be your protectors
It’s just in poor taste to share private communications. I keep texting to a minimum, and don’t have conversations of any importance, or about anyone, by text.
@genxx2724 I could understand why some people prefer certain important conversations to be over text, and those would be the ones that would potentially involve going to court. I’ve been in those situations before, but I have something else up my sleeve so I don’t have to use text to document. I live in a one party consent state. Therefore, I record all of my phone conversations and I don’t even let the other person know I’m recording since I’m not legally required to do so
Been right where you are right now Angela, my advice, time for a permanent sabbatical from those family members. Such a hard decision as I have gone through as well but, was the best decision I ever made to release myself and them of expectations and let myself heal(hopefully they have done the same 🤞) Absolutely all the best wishes for you in your life 💕
"Can I get $600 for rent." "Yeah I got you but can I barrow $6 for deodorant?"
This is a great video, i think a lot of people can relate. i know we can.
They need to have caller talk directly into her phone. Hard to understand.
Rachel was lost when they were talking about the deodorant 🤣
To be fair, this was a reference to the previous day's show when Rachel wasn't on.
Sometimes, you just gotta cut the ties.
There comes a time when you have to release yourself from others plight.
I moved out of my parents house at 19 years old, moved to North Dakota where rent is $900 a month and started working in the oil field with no experience. One of the best decisions of my life. Made over 10k a month, sure it was boring also middle of nowhere but if you are patient enough you will succeed. Also it’s parents faults that they decide to live in these expensive cities like, New York, Florida, Cali etc….
So I would say find a strong labor job, reason for that is so you can just start making lots of quick money. And then when your ready what you do with that money weather it’s empathy for your parents or anything else just use it wisely. Good luck!!!!
I'm 64 yo and my mother was surprised that I didn't know about melting down your used lipsticks to create full sticks. She and apparently many others did that in the '40's and '50's.🙂
And Angela, I'm all for melting down deodorant, I don't need to, and I never tried it, but I'm sure it works great. Especially if it is a brand that works well against your skin! Thank you for that.
You can say, I don't have any extra money this week, and next weak doesn't look good either.
Lesson learned. Never borrow money from friends or family ever.
The book "Boundaries" that they used to give our before "Dr J" came to the team would be very valuable for this lady. You don't need therapy and counselling, find a good group of grounded friends and lean on one another xx
Learn to say no. And change your story. I am poor to I am wealthy then do something to gain wealth.
Here’s a suggestion, ask your parents for money! When they say no we don’t have it, that’s your answer to them when they ask you!
I like how she said they have a TENDENCY to borrow money and not pay it back.
That’s the thing, the word ‘borrowed’ is not the right word. The only expectation to have is knowing the money is gone forever.
Family and friends are just great!
Mine are great. They don't ask for money. They saved and are working things out themselves.
I can’t believe that parents take money from their adult kids. It one thing to want rent, it’s another thing to demand money because of their stupid choices.
Filipino parents are notorious for this
My family must be Filipino!!
Pro tip: Don’t use speaker phone on a radio station call.
It can be difficult when family members ask for money, especially when you're struggling financially. It's important to set boundaries and prioritize your own financial well-being. Have an honest conversation with your parents about your current situation and try to come up with a solution that works for everyone.
I’ve heard some people say, if they ask you for money, to go ahead and say, I was just about to ask you for money!
I tried talking about it with my parents, it seems like they didnt beleive im struggling coz they still keep asking money after that. They also keep on borrowing money from other people and they call me to help pay for it. I love my parents but i think they are really abusing my kindness.
Video starts at 1:50.
Thank you
we can't choose our family we get what we get and you should just continue to stay away from them and don't text people hide behind their text. Sounds like that's what your brother does and I had an issue with my brother six months ago and I told my parents I'll never see him again, because of the way he treated me and you might have to do that and I'm happy with my decision and I hope you're well with you. Be happy with your decision.
I’ve heard people say that because they didn’t ask to be born, their parents have an obligation to provide for them for life. That’s a disgusting and entitled thing to say. But hear me out on my next statement
Since you didn’t ask to be born, you don’t owe your parents anything. Therefore, anything you do to help should be of your own volition, not because of peer pressure even from other family members. And when your family expects you to cater to their entitled mindset, it’s time to set boundaries
In this case, I’d consider renewing your sabbatical from your family. And I’d extend that period to be for the rest of your life. They don’t value you as a person, so they don’t deserve you
All I hear Dave saying in my head is "YOU'RE NOT A VICTIM!"
My parents always asking me for money so they can go play and shop. If i don't they start being negative and so on. Like i only just started working and it not a good paying job
Let them be negative.
Kristina is great.
I was impressed at her demeanor when the big guy isn’t there. The confidence was there like I’ve not seen before.
This caller’s telephone connection was ridiculously bad… so hard to understand
Unfortunately, family is not always a safe refuge, at times they are your greatest oppressors. The parents are using their kids to solve their irresponsibility, the wealthy brother is harassing his dirt poor sister to help bail them out. Must have been HORRIBLE growing up around them. Just my opinion, cut ties again, all they are doing is using you. My best wishes on your future.
If anyone ever asked me for money I would say simply “no”
Losers know who to ask. I have been too nice in the past and people take advantage of it. Congratulations for your ability to set firm boundaries.
One time my sister called me asking to add her as an authorized user on my credit card (yes, I still have one credit card, and I benefit from all the people who use one irresponsibly because I pay off the balance within 24 hours of each transaction). When she posed the request, I started laughing uncontrollably and hung up the phone
I know Dave doesn’t care about someone’s credit score. But I’m sure even he would agree that if I have a good or great credit score, I’ll be damned if I let someone else destroy it. Bad credit is worse than no credit history
You should cut them off. I am currently going through the same situation. Unfortunately I live with my parents and can't afford to move out right now
total honor parents and help like joyce meyer we are responsible for siblings if you have extra help sisters and brothers
Proverbs 13:22 says “A good man leaves an inheritance to his children's children.”
My husband & I are in the fortunate position to offer my sister financial support but she has never once asked us to give her money.
I'm late to the party on this but I'm glad i am not alone with this. I've been putting up boundaries and it sounds like to me i might need my own multi year sabbatical from my family too
Parents should be paying their kids money. They have worked and saved a lot longer than us. Thank god i have parents like that.
I stopped giving money and stop being nice they dont talk to me after that lol but i never felt so free and happy after that and give no fucks lol after that able to save more for myself 😊
callers voice is garbled. I cannot understand much of what she is saying.. so if you haven't watched this yet, turn on CC.
The CC is good advise. She sounded very muffled, almost like she was holding the phone against her chin, or within a collar. She mentioned muscular atrophy in her call. If she’s the one suffering from this condition, then she might have difficulty holding the phone in her hand.
Great call. Many deal with the same issue.
My boyfriends family is like this. It’s so upsetting, I have a lot of empathy because mental illness plays a role though at what point does it become negligent? I don’t think parents should be asking children for money.
This person asked my question
It's really sad the way they treat her. This was a call for John.
What is wrong with what was said to her?
The brother can and should support if he’s such a big shot and bullying his sister
Easy to say until they call and the baby is sick and they can't make the house payment!
Family often uses children to manipulate. My MiL did this for years with us. It didn’t end until she was 18 and and adult. Little did we know that the money was going to gambling. The best option is to offer to take the child and care for them. I wish that we had do this from the beginning. My SiL grew up with zero parenting and need up doing meth and involved with criminals. She had a federal felony by age 19. Would have been way better off with us
I love Kristina’s laugh
I can't hear the call
Shame on your brother!!!
Never loan to anyone.
Happy I left the USA in 2021 at 79 for a safer, less expensive, and cool weather in Queretaro.
Karma never loses an address.
From the sound of it, the sister should be more concerned with her relationship with her brother not her parents.
I’m on the other side of the spectrum. I have been caring for my parents for 15 yrs with absolutely no help from my three siblings. I’m single and bought a house so my parents have a home to live in. I personally don’t need a house being single but I love my parents and want them to live the live they deserve because they are good people and parents. Unfortunately they made bad money decisions when they were younger and that is why they are in the situation they are in. I feel that my siblings should contribute to the care of our elderly parents and I shouldn’t solely be financially responsible. Especially, when they took advantage of our parents finances and kindness once upon a time. I have come to terms that I will receive my blessings from God!!!
Children are not retirement plans.
Playing the martyr, or “martyr complex,” is when a person has an exaggerated sense of obligation to suffer or sacrifice for others in order to elicit sympathy, love, and admiration. It's also meant to evoke guilt. So playing the martyr is passive-aggressive behavior, and one of the hallmarks of covert narcissism.
You need Don Draper to step in. “They’re gonna live with me, and you’re gonna support them. And you’re gonna go out there and tell them it was your idea.”
I take care of my parents. For some it's cultural, some it's the facts that parents need help.
Since 2016 till date, my parents are paid their salary every month of the year till date. God blessed me and brought me to US, since 2021, the least I give my parents monthly is $150. Why not, I work hard, make my money, I live comfortably in US. God has really blessed me. Now, it's my turn to make life meaningful for my parents. It's a privilege and an everlasting blessings for me. God has not forsaken me all through this period I started taking care of my parents. I encourage you all to bless your parents if a need arises.
Shalom.
Welcome to America. You sound like just the type of immigrant we need.
Cut out the cancer. Get some more help. Get plenty of sleep and stay hydrated. God bless
It's really hard to hear this woman. She needs to take the phone out of her mouth.
Maybe her brother is tired of being the only one helping. Has anyone ever questioned the whole story. What about the brother's feelings?
If that's the case then he should stop helping. She doesn't have to make the same choices her brother makes. He's responsible for his own life.
NEVER !! talk about stuff like this in text messaging
This is why we have to get rid of Social Security entitlements. People need the right to manage their own savings.
🤦🏻♂️
When someone spends many decades paying into Social Security as does their employer than that's NOT an entitlement as it's your own money coming back to you. I agree with you if I were given the option to opt out of paying into Social Security so I could manage that money as I see fit, but that's not the case. With that mentality of yours it's like putting your money into a savings account at the bank and then withdrawing that money and calling it an entitlement.
If only we had the option to opt out and handle it ourselves I would definitely earn more investing those social security deductions on my own.
@@michaelb.8953 👍
Social Security exists because most people don't manage their own savings. Without Social Security, there would be millions of broke elderly people begging and burdening their children and other relatives.
Wealthy people don't get it. My mother died and we inherited some money and it was handed out incorrectly. My sister wanted me to wait for months for my part. She got mad and hung up the phone on me when it didn't want to wait just because she was going to have to pay her account to ask a question
And I have cancer and can only work part-time and she knows it. I think that brother is very greedy
You're lucky all I got when my father died was a funeral bill
Have you ever executed an estate?
Saved three years of bottom of deodorants? For just to save six bucks?
More than youve saved
Please post the weird frugal hacks has a video.
Didn't they do that a couple of days ago?
You never have to explain why. If you don’t have it, you don’t have it. It’s simple.
That's an easy one, ask them for money first ; )
Christina should do a podcast. She has a soothing voice. I didn't listen to a lick she said
We all have to pay our parents back one day
I did but not with money. I gave my time to support my mom when she had health problem stage last ten years of life.
This phrase “ I don’t have that to share”
Rachel was born rich and never consolidated hygiene products. She's totally confused by tge deodorant convo.
I just tell people I'm not a bank or charity
I don’t blame the brother. The parents are the problem here and the brother shouldn’t get stuck with all the bills just because he’s done well in life. Ideally they both tell the parents ‘no’.
Start asking them for stuff on a regular basis.Tell them that you need the same things they are asking for so ya'll are in the same boat! Tell them to do whatever they were doing the 15 years ya'll didn't speak😂
People just need to get a back bone & stop allowing people especially blood family to think they can just run around , think they own the place when you become a self serving adult.
Nobody asks you for anything under the sun without some kind of mutual benefit from such a request.
Do not be afraid to turn down people who are undeserving of such help ESPECIALLY BLOOD FAMILY 👆🏾✅.
If they can't get a loan from a bank, don't give them money, because there is a reason why a bank won't loan to them. Stay away from toxic relationships. Adults need to take care of themselves. Don't be a door mat.