It's funny because every woman with money immediately goes to I want to protect it for me but almost every man with money says I want to build my family up. Y'all want equality until it doesn't benefit you
Maybe I misheard 6:55 did she say "he just recently switched jobs, and it takes a while to build a business" "I'm also giving him extra cash I have". I pray to god she is not funding his business startup, that is a good way to destroy their marriage quickly...
Don’t marry him. My spender husband bankrupted me. They never change. After our divorce he bought a new truck with a $940 monthly payment. Also, if he’s had several toxic relationships it could mean he’s the toxic one. This guy sounds like an opportunist. Mine didn’t keep a job either but he could still spend. Run woman run!!!!
I think Ramsey and cohost missed the signs. This guy is unemployed. He didn’t switch jobs he quit a job. He has found A sugar mama. She was subconsciously begging them to tell her to cut and run. To give her permission to call it off. Hey lady, call it off. This is the man you and your future dependable and fun husband will laugh out someday.
The more she talked the less it seemed like a good idea for her to marry this guy. It’s one thing to not have savings, but to be 42 and not have an income….scary!
@@truckingmoney485 she mentioned he had left a previous job and hadn't built a book of business in his new venture yet, hence shes been paying for his rent and other living expenses recently.
Jane.. As a single woman who’s also never been married, I completely get the fact that your nest egg gives you security. You’ve depended on yourself with no help or safety net in the form of another’s income for years, worked hard for it and deserve that. It’s 100% ok and right for you to protect it. Your anxiety is your intuition screaming at you to get out of this relationship. Listen to it!!! He has you paying his bills right now and not only does he not care that he’s freeloading off you, but he doesn’t care that his way of living gives you anxiety. You may think he treats you well enough. But it is basic respect that you are missing. You need to raise your standards.
Okay, I can accept a broke person seeing the error of their ways and starting from nothing, but the fact he is content to let her support him while he is supposedly getting into a new business is the biggest red flag of them all. This marriage will not end well.
@Whit Wood It might be limited to my experience, but most stay at home moms were in fact the brains of the family. They dealt with everything from budgeting and getting getting the whole family ready and taken care of to repairing stuff, and being everybody's driver. They worked, it just wasn't financially compensated. They gave more than they took. Meanwhile, he just spends. It's just reckless.
People that want to start a business that have zero $$$ and are in their 40's, likely don't have the work ethic to get any kind of business off the ground. Agreed, this will not end well.
@@susiem.2068 it is indeed YOUR experience. Not every stay at home mom does all those things. But regardless, a couple should always be on the same page with everything. Gender wars make no sense in the grand scheme of things
@@susiem.2068 A lot of commenters on this channel seem to have a real problem with devaluing the work of a stay at home mother and homemaker... but then will jump through hoops to make excuses for a man financially exploiting their spouse. The work of a homemaker is valuable and in no way a free ride, some just cant imagine the concept. Dave, being a Christian man, often recognizes this and validates it. Its unfortunate. I can understand if these commenters are mostly concerned with student debt, but the stigma seems to go way beyond.
He is 42 years old and she is having to give him money?!?! That is a HUGE red flag. It's not going to get better. He will use her as a milk cow until she is dry. At 42, this guy should be well established, both career wise and financially. "Just changed jobs and I'm having to give him money" does not bode well. Run lady, before this leach cleans you out, both emotionally and financially. He is a man-child and will never grow up.
At 42, I still wasn’t fully established career wise - but I was able to fend for myself. Everyone gets their first permanent job at 18. And yes I’ve worked part time since I was 12.
Listen to your anxiety. I didn’t listen to mine. I came with money and a prenup and ended up having to bail us out of my husband’s entitlement spending so many times. I lost so much money being married to him. Lost my business and my home because of something he did behind my back. Run, Forrest, run!! A few months of being sad and uncomfortable is better than a lifetime of resentment and anxiety, anger and rage. It affects the kids. My husband’s financial indiscretions will ripple through generations. It is like a bomb has gone off in my life. I knew before the wedding because my anxiety was trying to tell me. Listen!
At 36, she's afraid that she won't be able to find another person compatible enough for her to marry. I'm wondering if her fiancee has an insurance policy on her. My advice to her is: run in the other direction FAST! If she already has anxiety, that's a red flag right there. RUN GIRL!
@@leadnsteel1428 I been mary for 30 years. The first 20 years of marriage, i was making most of the money. Right now, my wife is making twice what I'm making. It's not about who makes more in a marriage. What's in the bank is our money. It's about trust. What we have now, we build together.
And it will change very quickly once she would be married to him. It is stage 1- sugar coating show, stage 2- devolution , stage3- disposal and pocketing het money. That is the main goal- her money
"He's had a few toxic relationships." The best advice my dad ever gave me was to be weary of people that call all their ex's toxic or crazy. He's the common denominator. Get a prenup or don't get married. You don't need a certificate to say you love each other. Have a commitment ceremony if you want to celebrate.
She is willing to PAY him to marry her but she just doesn't want to admit that is happening. RUN!! Do not give him another dime and watch Mr. Lovey Dovey fly out the window!!
Words of advice, do not marry a broke person! I had a few female friends that this backfired on and it becomes a big mess if the relationship does not work out. She will basically have to buy herself out of the marriage that has a less then 50% chance of being successful.
I am in no way a feminist but if you're a 36 year old woman with a million dollars what do you need to get married for? Is she wanting kids? Marrying a 42 year old broke guy with a toxic past sounds awful.
I thought it was strange that she never mentioned a desire/plan for children, and she was quite talkative! Only relationship she mentions in HER past is her financial assets, never mentions having even dating before this guy. Interesting she is already paying for their couples therapy but still felt the need to call Dr. Deloney & Mr. Ramsey to get more advice, putting her dirty laundry into public domain. Both of them need to break up and move along because this is a terrible mismatch that will result in a rocky marriage and acrimonious divorce. Caller is not in love, she is infatuated, she doesn't know the difference.
Sounds like cutting off the fun tickets now would be a good way to vet out his true intentions. If he pouts, storms off, and gives her grief, he's using her. If he humbly accepts her cutting off financial support and works harder to better himself to show her what he can bring to the table, he's a keeper.
She needed to find this out or have this conversation long ago before getting engaged. This will FAIL. 100% guarantee. She will eventually come to despise and hate him for not being a partner in her life.
She would have known his behavior before getting engaged and saying yes, she should of said no until he changed his ways or aligned. She should run, this is a 40+ guy without a job
If he's comfortable having you support him now, this will likely be your future after marriage. Remember, he's broke because he's not mature enough to have an emergency fund. Inexcusable at age 42!!!
This was totally fine up front, but as soon as it turned into she was paying his bills, there’s the problem. A spender and a saver can go perfectly fine together, but never someone who pays a boyfriend or girlfriend’s bills for them
Even with a prenup your spouse can clear you out with spending during the marriage. In addition prenups can be challenged in court and do not prevent major legal expenses (or emotional distress) associated with a divorce. For this caller I would've had one additional question. So how handsome is this guy? 😂
That's a fact marriage and a first world country is not advisable anymore many millionaires and billionaires are moving over to third and second world countries.
If you have anxiety abt marrying, it's only gonna get worse if not dealt with before. I think it's more so that she's realized that she's in a situation where she's quickly running out of options and this the closest she's gonna get. There's no problem prioritizing career over marriage but this is the flip side.
42 he has no net worth and you’re 36 and have $1M. This isn’t going to work. His voracious spending and lack of delayed gratification will come back to bite you. You WILL be paying for him down the road. Heck, you already are now! Red flags galore. You feel you’re running out of time with your age but this isn’t the answer.
“Trauma” and “he’s going to teach you how to go dancing.” This is considered advice to a woman in 2022? The man is 42 and has no money. He’s in the midst of “switching jobs and building up his book of business.” Please… the guys a certified loser. Here’s the advice: move on and find a real man. You shouldn’t have waited this long to get married in the first place lady, but don’t settle for a man-child just because you’re behind.
Because money is what makes a man "real"? Besides needing money for living, you realize money is not a value in itself? That NOWHERE in the Bible does it say, "Blessed are the moneymakers?" What is the greatest value, in your opinion? DO you realize money is not among any list of true values?
@@etme1000 I was just saying this guy is a loser is all. Overall, sounds like a lazy excuse-making child. But that’s just from her side. Maybe the reality is different
You are attending counselling BEFORE you have even married. She is supporting him BEFORE they are married. This dude's chief occupation after they marry will be "couch potato/leech/money sucker/nightmare" (pick one or all).
She is 36 and wants him to be financially independent so she doesn’t have to support him- that’s totally reasonable. If that’s a value of hers, then a dude who can’t make ends meet is wildly unattractive. I dated someone at 26 years old who couldn’t afford groceries because he had a car repair due. I was financially independent and had been for years, but that set off my insecurity alarms imagining myself in the future having to support someone who couldn’t support himself and potentially bring an income to the family.
@@sweetcaroline7107 you mean you’re dating someone who can’t support themselves or you are struggling to support yourself? (No judgment in my question)
This has nothing to do with saver and spender. Spenders aren't necessarily bad. There are spenders who have great self control and make tons of money. This guy is a bum and she won't admit it.
@@ricm96 i dont agree. I am a spender and i am a high earner so i support others in my family and i have a yearly budget and here i am listening to Dave for years.
That’s ridiculous 1/2 the people in the world are spenders. You can agree to have a plan together. If they respect you and love you they will adhere to the plan
If he’s in his 40’s and broke that’s all the information I need. This woman should run. Find a guy with a little more sense even if he’s a little older.
42 years old and having your 36 yo fiance pay your way is just sad. This dudes a master manipulator. She knows it but too scared to do anything about it because she waited so long to try and get married/have kids.
She probably brought her own engagement ring 🙄. He sounds like a user she should've never told him about her money...ppl really need to learn to keep things to themselves, talk too much🙄
This guy will not lead her to a better life. Assuming he's in good health, anybody "man" enough to bum money off their fiancee while being 42 and not working is not much of a man at all
The caller: how do I deal with...? My advice: You don't! If you have doubts about marrying someone, you should listen to your intuition. Made this mistake in the past. You can't change anyone. Either accept them as is or leave the relationship. You get into trouble when your banking on their “potential”.
He has had toxic relationships in the past....maybe he was the toxic one? All we can do is wish you luck, honestly doesn't sound promising but at 36 she probably doesn't have a lot of options. How are you 42 and your girlfriend is paying your rent? I'm sorely tempted to just say run away.
And I'm tempted to say your advice to simply run away just might be the right advice here. I would not put a whole lot of money on this one working out if I were a gambling man. Past predicts future and that guy is just as lost at 42 as he was at 25.
he was the toxic one, that she openly stated, and suggested he'd matured some to the point she wants to spend her life with him. She just wants to know how to set it up to work while KNOWING that he's never going to be financially responsible. Blowing up the relationship is the extreme way and would obliterate the good along with the bad of their relationship.
Hmmm, a 42 year old man with no assets and no job. I don't know his back story but unless he's been in a coma or just recovered from a debilitating health issue, I'm pretty sure that you can do better than that.
These people need a YEAR of prenuptial counseling. Me, as a single woman, this woman is in a big mess. She's marrying someone who is NOT able to be a leader in the home. Period. And yes, a prenup is a big yes.
She needs to rethink her marriage plans.. Money is just a byproduct of being financially responsible. Her man is financially irresponsible.. They are not a match..
Don't marry him. Dude needs to make it on his own. A man wouldn't take handouts or favors instead he would prove himself. 36 and 42 is late in the game. Preenup is good. Cut the money off now! Go and do fun things and don't get taken advantage of! You called because you are uncomfortable with the fact of him taking half your hard earned money. Also note that being married to someone can bring alot of stress. This guy has to prove through the test of time his character and that includes making his own way. That he doesn't need you to hold his hand. He needs to hold his own. Keep his hands off your stash! He's 42 turning over a new leaf!
I’m shocked at Dave’s tepid advice on this one. I’m thinking RUN !!! ..or, boot the guy out and force him to get a job and set up his own household and maintain for at least five years… then start thinking about marriage…
Because Dave is from the generation that falls in love and cares less about a woman’s money. This is a different generation that only cares about money.
I wish I listened to my gut on my wedding day….. but every one was telling me it’s just wedding jitters, cold feet etc etc. Turned out he had secret gambling problem $150k🙄🙄 Trust your instincts ❤️❤️
She said he needs to build his book of business. I’m not sure what field he’s in, but there’s fields like sales or real estate where it takes a while for the money to start coming in. She even said he has the potential to make as much as her. That’s my guess.
I agree. Don't marry him. He should be in a better position before he marry anyone. It sounds like she is paying just to have a man in her life. It will be interesting to see how he reacts when the funds stop. She just might see why his previous relationships never worked out.
I hope she does not marry him. He is already exhibiting a lack of financial stability. He is already taking money from her and allowing her to support him. The anxiety she is feeling is real and she should listen to her gut. Otherwise, she is in for a very traumatic marriage and this man will bankrupt her.
Yknow… if I don’t work and just stay at home while spending your money, I would also treat you like a queen 🤣😂. Run girl, run as fast as you can. Don’t even look back. 42 with no saving and like to spend. Good bai.
This reminds me of all those horrendous men on dating apps that are like “if you’re after me because you’re looking for Jeff Bezos, look elsewhere”. What they really means I have absolutely no skills of being a self-sufficient adult and I don’t care about supporting a wife and child one day
Always, always, always go through deep, in-detail, pre-marriage counseling. These core, foundational issues will get hashed out during these counseling sessions where either they get resolved OR both parties move on. NOTE: The fact that they are already in pre-marriage counseling and things have not changed is NOT a good sign for their future.
I know we don't know who he is, but it sounds like he's a bum. Sorry to say it, but I can't imagine why she think she needs someone like this in her life. She needs a leader - not a leach.
She needs a leader? A leader implies superiority over another. Women are asking for equality in relationships, the work force, pay etc. You cannot have a leader and an equal at the same time.
Honestly, the thing that makes this really bad isn't that he's broke and doesn't have an income, it's that he is getting married and doesn't have the wisdom to understand at 42 how this would look to his future spouse who is already nervous about your financial situation. Discipline to apply your wisdom is basically all you need to get your money together in the end. If he was out there doing everything he could to support himself, then you could consider this, but the way it's structured now, well we all know.
I don’t think men should ever get married, that said this woman is in extreme risk. Do not marry this guy without a prenup and premarital counseling. You’re already paying for him to stay home and do nothing don’t get trapped lady. Good luck
Im a saver who married a spender. With communication and boundaries, our marriage is great. I'm the nerd who loves to create the budget with fun spreadsheets and he's the free spirit who plans fun spending adventures within our budget. ❤
I am a spender married to a saver but I learned to budget in my early 20's before I met my spouse, paid off my debt, saved an emergency fund and we live like that to this day. Sometimes I overspend, but it's in amounts like $10 or $20 so fairly easy to correct by being more careful next week. Just putting off purchases a couple weeks or months helps the budget stretch to cover what we need. Twenty years later, we own our house and cars with no debts and have retirement funds. It's not extravagant because our incomes were never very high (not multi-millionaires) but we will be in good shape to retire.
He's a spender without a job marrying a woman with a million dollar nest egg.
Gees. Can't make this up.
Yes, sounds like a tv drama - only we know the rest of the story.
And she's just continuously trying to justify being with this loser.😂
😂
She's got her own laundry list of problems as well obviously
It's funny because every woman with money immediately goes to I want to protect it for me but almost every man with money says I want to build my family up. Y'all want equality until it doesn't benefit you
She sees her money as her security blanket Her fiance sees her money as HIS security blanket 😂😂😂 Major red flags here
It's funny because It's usually the opposite and women are incentivized to marry up financially but when it's the opposite the man is a dog.
This lady's alarm bells are going off and she should listen to them.
Maybe I misheard 6:55 did she say "he just recently switched jobs, and it takes a while to build a business" "I'm also giving him extra cash I have". I pray to god she is not funding his business startup, that is a good way to destroy their marriage quickly...
No kidding. Especially that giving him cash part. You got me messed up.
@@Aubatron Tell me about it....
But you know she won’t!
Facts facts facts
Don’t marry him. My spender husband bankrupted me. They never change. After our divorce he bought a new truck with a $940 monthly payment. Also, if he’s had several toxic relationships it could mean he’s the toxic one. This guy sounds like an opportunist. Mine didn’t keep a job either but he could still spend. Run woman run!!!!
Wow. That is so sad. I’m glad you got out of that relationship. Learning from the mistakes of others is the best way to learn.
Oh how I can relate
my thoughts exactly
City Boys up!
Baby girl, run for the hills.
I think Ramsey and cohost missed the signs. This guy is unemployed. He didn’t switch jobs he quit a job. He has found A sugar mama. She was subconsciously begging them to tell her to cut and run. To give her permission to call it off. Hey lady, call it off. This is the man you and your future dependable and fun husband will laugh out someday.
Yeah I feel like the cohost speaks before he thinks and kind of gets into a preachy mode before asking the right questions.
Yes, Jade is more reasoned and measured
@@gtf5392exactly
At 8:00 they warn her about marrying him
She';s 36 this is her last chance. Some things more important than money.
The more she talked the less it seemed like a good idea for her to marry this guy. It’s one thing to not have savings, but to be 42 and not have an income….scary!
yeah if he has no income and is just expecting to spend all her money, that is something she really needs to think about before marrying this dude.
She didn’t say anything about him not having a income
@@truckingmoney485 she mentioned he had left a previous job and hadn't built a book of business in his new venture yet, hence shes been paying for his rent and other living expenses recently.
they look for women to support them....many times a domineering manipulative mother in the wings.
@@truckingmoney485 7:16
Jane.. As a single woman who’s also never been married, I completely get the fact that your nest egg gives you security. You’ve depended on yourself with no help or safety net in the form of another’s income for years, worked hard for it and deserve that. It’s 100% ok and right for you to protect it.
Your anxiety is your intuition screaming at you to get out of this relationship. Listen to it!!!
He has you paying his bills right now and not only does he not care that he’s freeloading off you, but he doesn’t care that his way of living gives you anxiety. You may think he treats you well enough. But it is basic respect that you are missing. You need to raise your standards.
Okay, I can accept a broke person seeing the error of their ways and starting from nothing, but the fact he is content to let her support him while he is supposedly getting into a new business is the biggest red flag of them all. This marriage will not end well.
@Whit Wood It might be limited to my experience, but most stay at home moms were in fact the brains of the family. They dealt with everything from budgeting and getting getting the whole family ready and taken care of to repairing stuff, and being everybody's driver. They worked, it just wasn't financially compensated. They gave more than they took. Meanwhile, he just spends. It's just reckless.
@@susiem.2068 exactly. It depends on what he is giving to her, what he puts in the relationship. It needs more than money for a relationship to work.
People that want to start a business that have zero $$$ and are in their 40's, likely don't have the work ethic to get any kind of business off the ground. Agreed, this will not end well.
@@susiem.2068 it is indeed YOUR experience. Not every stay at home mom does all those things. But regardless, a couple should always be on the same page with everything. Gender wars make no sense in the grand scheme of things
@@susiem.2068 A lot of commenters on this channel seem to have a real problem with devaluing the work of a stay at home mother and homemaker... but then will jump through hoops to make excuses for a man financially exploiting their spouse. The work of a homemaker is valuable and in no way a free ride, some just cant imagine the concept. Dave, being a Christian man, often recognizes this and validates it. Its unfortunate. I can understand if these commenters are mostly concerned with student debt, but the stigma seems to go way beyond.
He is 42 years old and she is having to give him money?!?! That is a HUGE red flag. It's not going to get better. He will use her as a milk cow until she is dry.
At 42, this guy should be well established, both career wise and financially. "Just changed jobs and I'm having to give him money" does not bode well. Run lady, before this leach cleans you out, both emotionally and financially. He is a man-child and will never grow up.
My guess is that, dude is quite handsome and she wants a baby with good genetics.
You are exactly right. Even if you aren’t totally responsible with money at 42 you HAVE to be able to at a minimum support yourself.
@@hoangle2483 or she thought he would get smarter as he got older lol
@@hoangle2483 I bet you are right.
At 42, I still wasn’t fully established career wise - but I was able to fend for myself. Everyone gets their first permanent job at 18. And yes I’ve worked part time since I was 12.
Listen to your anxiety. I didn’t listen to mine. I came with money and a prenup and ended up having to bail us out of my husband’s entitlement spending so many times. I lost so much money being married to him. Lost my business and my home because of something he did behind my back. Run, Forrest, run!! A few months of being sad and uncomfortable is better than a lifetime of resentment and anxiety, anger and rage. It affects the kids. My husband’s financial indiscretions will ripple through generations. It is like a bomb has gone off in my life. I knew before the wedding because my anxiety was trying to tell me. Listen!
This gives me anxiety and I'm not even in that relationship.
Me too!
Me, too!
Me three! Or four?
😂😂
Likewise.
I wouldn't marry someone who doesn't have a strong work ethic and doesn't have a job. Don't get taken.
Let me guess at age 36 she’s freaking out about not finding anyone and found this loser and is wanting to get married before it’s too late
His name is chad he is unemployed and really knows how to treat a woman if you get my drift
@@TheMechanicj RIP Kevin Samuels!
Better guess is another one brainwashed by Dave.
Yep
She's probably insecure and overweight too.
At 36, she's afraid that she won't be able to find another person compatible enough for her to marry. I'm wondering if her fiancee has an insurance policy on her. My advice to her is: run in the other direction FAST!
If she already has anxiety, that's a red flag right there. RUN GIRL!
Look up marriage stats for women over 35.
I wish these women would realize it's better to stay single than just to be with someone for the sake of being in a relationship.
Singleness is a higher calling than marriage according to the Bible and I’m Christian so I guess that this is my belief
There are wonderful men out there (my son) who are looking for this independent woman who wants to have a happy life. Why settle?
@@GUITARTIME2024 - what are they for men as it should compatible?
NEVER marry someone when your not on the same financial page... NEVER EVER! She's basically supporting him. Huge red flags.
Exactly! And her supporting him may not otherwise be a big deal except that it is causing her ANXIETY.
But if he was supporting her, no one would say anything. Figures.
Right now my sister makes more money than her husband.... usually it's supposed to be the other way qround
@@leadnsteel1428 My wife makes more than I do and has for 12 years. No problem here.
@@leadnsteel1428 I been mary for 30 years. The first 20 years of marriage, i was making most of the money. Right now, my wife is making twice what I'm making. It's not about who makes more in a marriage. What's in the bank is our money. It's about trust.
What we have now, we build together.
He treats her good cuz she is the sugarmomma
And it will change very quickly once she would be married to him. It is stage 1- sugar coating show, stage 2- devolution , stage3- disposal and pocketing het money. That is the main goal- her money
42 with only a car?
Run Jane run.
"He's had a few toxic relationships." The best advice my dad ever gave me was to be weary of people that call all their ex's toxic or crazy. He's the common denominator. Get a prenup or don't get married. You don't need a certificate to say you love each other. Have a commitment ceremony if you want to celebrate.
doesn't matter. common law marriage still applies.
💯
@@political-social Only in very few instances.
Lol”toxic”…. This lady should runnnnnnnn
@@political-socialcommon law marriages are rare
She is willing to PAY him to marry her but she just doesn't want to admit that is happening. RUN!! Do not give him another dime and watch Mr. Lovey Dovey fly out the window!!
Woman are so hypocritical
Sad
watch him become abusive AF
Once she stops giving the money all niceness will go....
No way, he's in his 40s and can't support himself but wants to marry?! Can't believe she agreed to marry before he becomes financially independent.
2 words “sugar mamma”
She doesnt need a provider.
Dave is always more gentle with callers when John is on with him. Lol
This is her intuition speaking and she should listen
Words of advice, do not marry a broke person! I had a few female friends that this backfired on and it becomes a big mess if the relationship does not work out. She will basically have to buy herself out of the marriage that has a less then 50% chance of being successful.
Glad you have a prenup. Guy is not stepping up to the plate. He is marrying up and he knows it.
Just married someone with a freaking job for Christ
@@cabayern9416 what gave you the idea the person you replied to has a prenup? Or is married?
@@superblump87 I suspect that this person meant to leave a general comment instead of a reply.
Yes
Its not because opposites attract it because users are always on the hunt for someone they can take from.
I am in no way a feminist but if you're a 36 year old woman with a million dollars what do you need to get married for? Is she wanting kids? Marrying a 42 year old broke guy with a toxic past sounds awful.
You make it sound like the only purpose for marriage is money or financial security
@@william2058 why else would a woman want to marry?
I thought it was strange that she never mentioned a desire/plan for children, and she was quite talkative! Only relationship she mentions in HER past is her financial assets, never mentions having even dating before this guy. Interesting she is already paying for their couples therapy but still felt the need to call Dr. Deloney & Mr. Ramsey to get more advice, putting her dirty laundry into public domain. Both of them need to break up and move along because this is a terrible mismatch that will result in a rocky marriage and acrimonious divorce. Caller is not in love, she is infatuated, she doesn't know the difference.
@@william2058 You make it sound like I didn't mention her wanting kids.
The only reason to formally wed another is because of your religious views or to raise children (by that I mean kids, not immature adults).
This marriage is going to fail. Without question.
Yep. I would bet on it.
I would sell leveraged shorts on this marriage so quick if I could
And hell get half hers in the divorce
I agree, l can bet on it failing.
Sounds like cutting off the fun tickets now would be a good way to vet out his true intentions. If he pouts, storms off, and gives her grief, he's using her. If he humbly accepts her cutting off financial support and works harder to better himself to show her what he can bring to the table, he's a keeper.
Yes, he could be a master manipulator!
Ik someone who does this to stay at his gfs dead grandmas house
This woman needs to run.
You are being CATFISHED!! You are his CASH COW!!! RUN lady RUN!!!
This lady needs to run, very, very, VERY far away.
Why
As fast as she can.
Nvm i didnt hear the end of the video. She definitely needs to run
As fast as she can.
Never question why men run away from commitment and marriage then.
She needed to find this out or have this conversation long ago before getting engaged. This will FAIL. 100% guarantee. She will eventually come to despise and hate him for not being a partner in her life.
Lol at 42 years old and she’s giving him money. Divorce looms! He found a sucker of course he treats you well. You’re free money with low self esteem.
and you pay his bills. Girl, run, run, run as fast as you can!
@@maryfeigen7715 wonder if she pays his old alimony or child support!!!
This guy is living his best life 😂
I thought she said he was 32. He's more of a loser than I thought. I personally wouldn't want to marry anyone when I can't take care of myself.
She would have known his behavior before getting engaged and saying yes, she should of said no until he changed his ways or aligned. She should run, this is a 40+ guy without a job
40 yrs is spending habit. Nah. He will contribute spend and drive her insane. I wonder why when we see red flags , we don’t run?
If he's comfortable having you support him now, this will likely be your future after marriage. Remember, he's broke because he's not mature enough to have an emergency fund. Inexcusable at age 42!!!
Red flags all over this call 🤦🏻♀️
My husband is a spender, I am the saver- I just don’t let him buy anything that we both don’t agree to buy. Has worked for 29 years.
Does he at least have a job?
@@matthewgardner2144 Yes. 😂
This was totally fine up front, but as soon as it turned into she was paying his bills, there’s the problem. A spender and a saver can go perfectly fine together, but never someone who pays a boyfriend or girlfriend’s bills for them
My wife doesn't work, I pay her bills, she looks after the house. That's how families worked for hundreds of years.
@@conorturton that’s totally fine and good, the problem is when you are footing the bill for an entirely separate household when you aren’t married
@@tylersanders2388 They're obviously living together. But I'm sure she knows not to tell Dave that.
@@conorturtonthat is work.
She shouldn’t marry him. Listen to the warning signs!
Honey, he's using you! RUN!
Even with a prenup your spouse can clear you out with spending during the marriage. In addition prenups can be challenged in court and do not prevent major legal expenses (or emotional distress) associated with a divorce. For this caller I would've had one additional question. So how handsome is this guy? 😂
Bingo. Prenups are barely worth the paper they're printed on.
exactly! and if he is expected to pay back.. with what money... with what job lol
That's a fact marriage and a first world country is not advisable anymore many millionaires and billionaires are moving over to third and second world countries.
@@mysticaccy He won't pay her back...he's gonna say it's our money anyway because we are getting married..
@@racpatrice And he'd be right.
If you have anxiety abt marrying, it's only gonna get worse if not dealt with before. I think it's more so that she's realized that she's in a situation where she's quickly running out of options and this the closest she's gonna get. There's no problem prioritizing career over marriage but this is the flip side.
Agreed..
He is doing his best to get himself over the line. Once you are married, he going to drag you into the gutter.
42 he has no net worth and you’re 36 and have $1M.
This isn’t going to work. His voracious spending and lack of delayed gratification will come back to bite you. You WILL be paying for him down the road. Heck, you already are now! Red flags galore.
You feel you’re running out of time with your age but this isn’t the answer.
“Trauma” and “he’s going to teach you how to go dancing.” This is considered advice to a woman in 2022? The man is 42 and has no money. He’s in the midst of “switching jobs and building up his book of business.” Please… the guys a certified loser. Here’s the advice: move on and find a real man. You shouldn’t have waited this long to get married in the first place lady, but don’t settle for a man-child just because you’re behind.
AMEN to everything you said.
He’s a master manipulator with that “switching careers”, “hasn’t built up a book of business”, and “he can catch up” in this new job B.S.
@Whit Wood yeah true, I mean I don’t know the full context for sure. It’s kind of weird that she would call in about this honestly
Because money is what makes a man "real"? Besides needing money for living, you realize money is not a value in itself? That NOWHERE in the Bible does it say, "Blessed are the moneymakers?" What is the greatest value, in your opinion? DO you realize money is not among any list of true values?
@@etme1000 I was just saying this guy is a loser is all. Overall, sounds like a lazy excuse-making child. But that’s just from her side. Maybe the reality is different
Forget him. Keep your money all to yourself!
You are attending counselling BEFORE you have even married. She is supporting him BEFORE they are married. This dude's chief occupation after they marry will be "couch potato/leech/money sucker/nightmare" (pick one or all).
I have a million dollar nest egg and he’s got his car 😂
With only 67 EZ monthly payments left!
🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
😂😂😂😂😂😂
What if his car is a Bugatti? Then he got million dollar nest egg too.
He has his own car. That was impressive at age sixteen.
This lady needs to find someone who is independent and doesn't think anything about her money but also is disciplined financially
She is 36 and wants him to be financially independent so she doesn’t have to support him- that’s totally reasonable. If that’s a value of hers, then a dude who can’t make ends meet is wildly unattractive. I dated someone at 26 years old who couldn’t afford groceries because he had a car repair due. I was financially independent and had been for years, but that set off my insecurity alarms imagining myself in the future having to support someone who couldn’t support himself and potentially bring an income to the family.
I’m in this situation right now at 23 and I don’t know what to do help
@@sweetcaroline7107 you mean you’re dating someone who can’t support themselves or you are struggling to support yourself? (No judgment in my question)
@@jill9606 dating someone
@@sweetcaroline7107 😕I’m sorry
He treats me so well! So I am going to support him financially the rest of my life. Run 🏃♂️ 🏃♀️!
You should never marry a spender, silly. It only gets worse after marriage.
This has nothing to do with saver and spender. Spenders aren't necessarily bad. There are spenders who have great self control and make tons of money. This guy is a bum and she won't admit it.
@@mikejohn3265 A spender with self control is not a "spender".
@@ricm96 i dont agree. I am a spender and i am a high earner so i support others in my family and i have a yearly budget and here i am listening to Dave for years.
@@whatsilviadid3993 Read the comments above yours.
That’s ridiculous 1/2 the people in the world are spenders. You can agree to have a plan together. If they respect you and love you they will adhere to the plan
If he’s in his 40’s and broke that’s all the information I need. This woman should run. Find a guy with a little more sense even if he’s a little older.
42 years old and having your 36 yo fiance pay your way is just sad. This dudes a master manipulator. She knows it but too scared to do anything about it because she waited so long to try and get married/have kids.
These kind of guys target these low self steam women.
She probably brought her own engagement ring 🙄. He sounds like a user she should've never told him about her money...ppl really need to learn to keep things to themselves, talk too much🙄
I have a single son exactly like you and in the same financial state my dear, you both can live happily ever after:))
Because lotsa money is the key to happiness?
Ahaha match maker! ❤
Your son is gay
...happily ever after on two different continents. 😅
This guy will not lead her to a better life. Assuming he's in good health, anybody "man" enough to bum money off their fiancee while being 42 and not working is not much of a man at all
The caller: how do I deal with...?
My advice: You don't!
If you have doubts about marrying someone, you should listen to your intuition. Made this mistake in the past. You can't change anyone. Either accept them as is or leave the relationship. You get into trouble when your banking on their “potential”.
Your right
"My spouse/partner is a spender" is basically like admitting "I am dating/married to a small child."
NOPE! Red alert, man! To be 42 and broke is a HUGE red flag! How does she know he's not just using her for her money?
She is a sugar mamma, im guessing he is very handsome and she is just using him for his looks.
He has had toxic relationships in the past....maybe he was the toxic one? All we can do is wish you luck, honestly doesn't sound promising but at 36 she probably doesn't have a lot of options. How are you 42 and your girlfriend is paying your rent? I'm sorely tempted to just say run away.
And I'm tempted to say your advice to simply run away just might be the right advice here. I would not put a whole lot of money on this one working out if I were a gambling man. Past predicts future and that guy is just as lost at 42 as he was at 25.
Run Run Run. This will not work out. Both have a lot of baggage that neither have addressed yet.
he was the toxic one, that she openly stated, and suggested he'd matured some to the point she wants to spend her life with him. She just wants to know how to set it up to work while KNOWING that he's never going to be financially responsible. Blowing up the relationship is the extreme way and would obliterate the good along with the bad of their relationship.
That's what I thought too. He's had nothing but toxic relationships, then 98% chance he's the toxic one.
At 36 she doesn’t have a lot of options? Wow. She could marry anyone 20-70. You’re stuck with who you’re married to.
If he's a liability now he'll be a liability 20 years from now
A grown man with no money? Big red flag! 🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩
Hmmm, a 42 year old man with no assets and no job. I don't know his back story but unless he's been in a coma or just recovered from a debilitating health issue, I'm pretty sure that you can do better than that.
Her fiance already makes me nervous.
She needs to move on from this man. 42 and no money and she’s supporting him. Don’t marry him. He’s a moocher.
Run lady. Run. Do not walk, Run!!!
This was a MUST needed listen and lesson for her.
For me to
Dam we need an update on this call as time goes by.
Past behavior predicts future behavior. Amen .
These people need a YEAR of prenuptial counseling. Me, as a single woman, this woman is in a big mess. She's marrying someone who is NOT able to be a leader in the home. Period. And yes, a prenup is a big yes.
She needs to rethink her marriage plans.. Money is just a byproduct of being financially responsible. Her man is financially irresponsible.. They are not a match..
She should not marry him, it would be nuts to go ahead with it
Don't marry him. Dude needs to make it on his own. A man wouldn't take handouts or favors instead he would prove himself. 36 and 42 is late in the game. Preenup is good. Cut the money off now! Go and do fun things and don't get taken advantage of! You called because you are uncomfortable with the fact of him taking half your hard earned money. Also note that being married to someone can bring alot of stress. This guy has to prove through the test of time his character and that includes making his own way. That he doesn't need you to hold his hand. He needs to hold his own. Keep his hands off your stash! He's 42 turning over a new leaf!
He should have figured it out like 10 years ago. He needs a stable career
100% prenups in every marriage, since it only affects them if they divorce, it's always good for happily married people and scares off gold diggers.
As Dr. John Delony would say, “Anxiety is a symptom, not an illness”. He’s the cause of your anxiety! Run!!
I really liked John's advice! That was meaninful!
I’m shocked at Dave’s tepid advice on this one. I’m thinking RUN !!! ..or, boot the guy out and force him to get a job and set up his own household and maintain for at least five years… then start thinking about marriage…
Because Dave is from the generation that falls in love and cares less about a woman’s money. This is a different generation that only cares about money.
I wish I listened to my gut on my wedding day….. but every one was telling me it’s just wedding jitters, cold feet etc etc. Turned out he had secret gambling problem $150k🙄🙄 Trust your instincts ❤️❤️
Oh my god I’m so sorry you went through that. Gambling is terrible addiction
she said "he CAN make money" which means he isn't making it now... what's stopping him?
She said he needs to build his book of business. I’m not sure what field he’s in, but there’s fields like sales or real estate where it takes a while for the money to start coming in. She even said he has the potential to make as much as her. That’s my guess.
Laziness.
@@nickm4662 “Yeah, right,” was my reaction to hearing her say that.
She’s one of them women that tells a story and it never ends. Just tangent after tangent 😂
I agree. Don't marry him. He should be in a better position before he marry anyone. It sounds like she is paying just to have a man in her life. It will be interesting to see how he reacts when the funds stop. She just might see why his previous relationships never worked out.
the fact that he accepts money from her tells the real story
I hope she does not marry him. He is already exhibiting a lack of financial stability. He is already taking money from her and allowing her to support him. The anxiety she is feeling is real and she should listen to her gut. Otherwise, she is in for a very traumatic marriage and this man will bankrupt her.
Yknow… if I don’t work and just stay at home while spending your money, I would also treat you like a queen 🤣😂.
Run girl, run as fast as you can. Don’t even look back. 42 with no saving and like to spend. Good bai.
Sounds like it's not just a money (save vs spend), but he sounds lazy.. which is even worse.
@@saulgoodman2018 well, his girlfriend is paying his rent.. if he was working 60 hrs a week, I doubt that would be happening.
Run girl! You don’t want to be his mommy!!
you need to leave honey!
Marriage is the biggest financial risk of a person’s life. When it ends, you will pay dearly
This reminds me of all those horrendous men on dating apps that are like “if you’re after me because you’re looking for Jeff Bezos, look elsewhere”. What they really means I have absolutely no skills of being a self-sufficient adult and I don’t care about supporting a wife and child one day
What kind of douschebag says that
Always, always, always go through deep, in-detail, pre-marriage counseling. These core, foundational issues will get hashed out during these counseling sessions where either they get resolved OR both parties move on.
NOTE: The fact that they are already in pre-marriage counseling and things have not changed is NOT a good sign for their future.
I know we don't know who he is, but it sounds like he's a bum. Sorry to say it, but I can't imagine why she think she needs someone like this in her life. She needs a leader - not a leach.
She needs a leader? A leader implies superiority over another. Women are asking for equality in relationships, the work force, pay etc. You cannot have a leader and an equal at the same time.
Honestly, the thing that makes this really bad isn't that he's broke and doesn't have an income, it's that he is getting married and doesn't have the wisdom to understand at 42 how this would look to his future spouse who is already nervous about your financial situation. Discipline to apply your wisdom is basically all you need to get your money together in the end. If he was out there doing everything he could to support himself, then you could consider this, but the way it's structured now, well we all know.
His money is her money. Her money is her money.
lol fastest way to divorce.
@@Quinu12 But Wendy has the Foundation!
Love these people who have a net worth over a million and still don’t feel secure or can’t spend money. Good problem 😂
A million isn’t what it used to be. Just buys an average house in my area sadly.
@@sheila3936 Yup that’s why I don’t see doctors as rich anymore and I am a nurse
I don’t think men should ever get married, that said this woman is in extreme risk. Do not marry this guy without a prenup and premarital counseling. You’re already paying for him to stay home and do nothing don’t get trapped lady. Good luck
Im a saver who married a spender. With communication and boundaries, our marriage is great. I'm the nerd who loves to create the budget with fun spreadsheets and he's the free spirit who plans fun spending adventures within our budget. ❤
He's spent all his money and he will spend all her money as well
I am a spender married to a saver but I learned to budget in my early 20's before I met my spouse, paid off my debt, saved an emergency fund and we live like that to this day. Sometimes I overspend, but it's in amounts like $10 or $20 so fairly easy to correct by being more careful next week. Just putting off purchases a couple weeks or months helps the budget stretch to cover what we need. Twenty years later, we own our house and cars with no debts and have retirement funds. It's not extravagant because our incomes were never very high (not multi-millionaires) but we will be in good shape to retire.
Outstanding advice from them both! Love this show.
This guy is taking advantage of her….
It doesn’t matter if he started a business or switched jobs, he needs to take care of himself AT THE LEAST!
He learned from toxic relationships. I'm betting that came from him