"I came into focus only by being a supporting character" ...... ..... Ouch, what a callout. I'm in my 40s and the dearth of information regarding transmasculine possibilities in my life thus far has got me on an even later start than you had. You've nailed a lot of the denials and the points that I have gone through, though, so I wanted to thank you (And Jessie Gender for putting you on my radar) for the resonant help in my journey.
I just wanted to tell you that this video helped me immensely. It was like the final nail in my personal gaslighting coffin and helped me to really examine myself and stop hiding and shoving down my feelings and accept myself as a trans guy. I came out later that month, October of last year, and I am now medically transitioning at 41 and could not be in a better place. I have shared this video with some other guys who are in that same questioning space. Thanks for putting yourself out there. The world can be really shitty and mean but you can make a difference, even if it’s only one person at a time.
I can't even begin to tell you how much this means to me, thank you so much for coming back and opening up. And CONGRATS, brother! I'm so happy for you, trans thriving is everything. 💙
i felt that when you said "it would have been nice to not have taken 24 years to realize that feeling like a ghost is not actually a normal part of the day to day human experience" cause I'm about to be 24 and without videos like yours from small creators and blogs, I would not be realizing it all now. so yeah, your videos are really insightful to me and I've personally never seen content talking about these issues from this perspective before. im like addicted to the internet and use it way too much, but content like this hasnt benn readily available to me. at least not until it started popping up in my feed about a month ago. its just nice feeling like im not alone anymore.
You're definitely not alone. This sort of thing is a lot to process, so it means the world to me to know you've gotten something out of these videos. If you ever want to talk, please feel free to fire me a message, even if it's just to bounce thoughts and feelings off someone who's gone through something similar. Thanks for commenting.
I wish I saw this sooner, I would have gone over the phase of "reasons I'm not trans" thing, I was in denial about my identity for 1-2 years! My mental health wasn't going so well during that time and I didn't exactly know why until I said "what if I am trans", I've never felt more myself before. Thank you, I am now sure of my gender identity. :)
I spent 30 years as a ghost, had very similar thoughts around not wanting to admit I wasn't cis. I'd built up this artist persona under my deadname and made that work identity me and never knew how to turn it off. A lot of this is because when I first started looking into it, I didn't see many nonbinary transmasc experiences and I couldn't fully relate to the binary trans male experience so I figured I was "just bad at being a girl". Anyways, now I've been out as nonbinary transmasc for 2+ years and on T for almost 2 months and things are better.
So ive been sitting here for about 15 minutes after watching your vid. Ive never really been attached to the labels of boy or man, despite what my handle may suggest(im just poor at thinking of good handles online). 6-7 years ago, my girlfriend at the time(herself a trans woman) kinda turned to me, with no preamble, and asked me if i was a woman, and i did something i rarely do when asked a question, which is blurt out an answer without thinking about it. "No!" Is what i told her, and when she pressed further, i got a little bit defensive(also pretty out of character). She dropped the subject pretty quickly, though, but did it with a little smile that hasnt escaped my head since. As im writing this, i dont know if she fully clocked me right back then, but she could see something inside me that i hadnt been able to(or refused to) see in myself. I dont know who i am today, the only thing i can say for certain is that im not a man. When i hear lesbian and bi women speak about what and how they love their female partners, and how its so different from how men love women, it kind of feels like home in a sense. Im sort of rambling at this point, so i will leave it there for now, but thank you Finn, i have alot to think about. I hope that wherever on the gender spectrum i fall, when it reveals itself to me, i'll finally be able to feel at ease with myself and my body.
Thank you so much for sharing this with me, it really means the world, and I hope your journey is one of fulfillment and joy. Remember to give yourself all the time and space you need, and celebrate who you are in every step. 💙
Thank you for this video. I just turned 31 years old and after 2 years single and working on myself, I feel the more I heal the more my gender disphoria hits which makes me tell myself "something is wrong with you and it will pass" despite being a kid and wishing I was a boy and wanting to be called Geoff (yes, with a g, i was particular about that lol) I am incredibly terrified as I have already hid my pansexuality from my religious parents and this seems like another huge hurdle I want to just kick under a rug because of the doubt.
Thank you for this. I start hrt tomorrow and as excited as I am I am ten times more frightened. My transition will ultimately be the end of my marriage but I am 37 years old and tired of hiding.
@@geekyariel good luck. I hope everything goes well for you and your family is understanding. My wife is trying to be understanding but doesn't want to be married to a woman. If I have to get a divorce to save the friendship then that's what will happen. In the mean time we have spoken and she is willing to give it time.
@@agleisberg1aaa I recently got divorced because my husband didn't want to be married to a man. Plus it just was a kind of toxic relationship. He was always pushing to make me more feminine, buying me makeup and clothing. So it was just best for me to leave the marriage. Hope things work out for you there. Relationships can get tough when you go through this. But I'm just going to be positive and hope things come out better on the other end. Yes it may be lonely but at least I don't have to hide behind a fake appearance. Hugs 💛
@@geekyariel sorry you were put in that situation. My wife has been great and I understand where she's coming from. We have decided that even if we divorce we will still live together. So it won't be a complete loss
I love you so much! You are articulate and courageous, and by finding your own voice you have given strength and permission to others to find theirs. From a very young age you ALWAYS looked out for the underdog, and I am happy that you are now looking out for YOU, even if it meant as your mother I had to adjust to a new normal. You are glowing, confident and healthy, and that makes me so happy. (Dad too) I am so very very proud of you! I am also incredibly proud of your best friend, he too has been amazing, and as your mother I am so grateful to him for all of his support, he has also been courageous in his transition from your boyfriend to your best friend. The world definitely needs more people like both of you!!
Ok...wow...Finn, why have I not watched your YT vids before?? Silly me. I thought about DM’ing you on Instagram but I decided it’s prob more helpful to comment openly because transgender journeys are so varied and worth sharing. So this comment is for you but I also hope it’s helpful to others :) So...{deep breath} I just turned 39 and only had my first realisation on being non-binary a year ago. Growing up I had no real understanding of what being transgender meant, and definitely not what it meant in regards to myself. I even specialised in the subject of sex and gender whilst studying fine art at uni but my identity at that point, outwardly identifying as a woman, was so attached to what others thought of me...sense of self entirely built around other people, oh my god yes! So I still didn’t look at myself within a trans context, at all 😳 And the feeling of it being an aggressive act, yes definitely, especially when it comes to my ex partners. I don’t want them to take it personally, as if my change of gender is some personal affront, and there are definitely some people that I shy away from discussing this with. Although I define myself as non-binary, I’ve really struggled thinking of myself as trans. When the penny dropped that being NB meant I was trans I felt like a fraud. I still have the fear that I’m being somehow disingenuous, even tho my life feels so full of integrity since I’ve come out. I’m still hideously awful at explaining myself. I was a subconscious people-pleaser; I didn’t want to please everyone but those I valued in my life I tried to please. And I hated myself without having a clue why. Tho I generally never hated how I looked because I think I just detached myself from those feelings. I could even say that I had quite a body-positive self image at times but it was one that was thoroughly linked to the people-pleasing, and sex, and gaining validity from others through sex. Looking back now I know that even though I did my best to avoid/ignore/be oblivious to my transness, my journey started way before this last year. I now also see the dysphoria more clearly that led to a very addictive sexual personality in order to try to push it deep down where I couldn’t see it. Watching your video today has helped me to process those realisations so thank you. You’re a beautiful human being and being able to listen to your experiences really helps people, it is definitely helping me x
You're not awful at explaining yourself at all! Thank you so much for sharing your story, so much of what you said really resonated with me. I'm sorry the process was challenging, but I'm so happy to hear you found comfort and a better understanding of yourself. Also, that hindsight realization pattern is too freakin' real. There's a lot of "How could I have not known?" and then remembering all the coping mechanisms and mental blocks in place to stop you from addressing your feelings. It means the world to know that talking about this stuff has a positive impact, even more so when I get to hear about people's own journeys and triumphs.
This video was almost like watching my own thoughts 👀. I haven't started my transition though. Working on my journey. Really liked your video. Thank you for sharing this. 💛💛
4:09 I think was one of the topics that made me realize I'm trans. Like I thought "hey everyone questions or what it'd like to be the other gender, right?" But when I asked in school they said they never did
Super late to the party here (both in that you posted this over a year ago and that I'm already well on the road to transition) and am transfemme but honestly you've put things so well here, and I just wanted to say thank you
Thanks for this! Lockdown in March brought opportunity to think about stuff that I have managed to push down for 20+ years. Early stages yet, your articulate videos are really helpful.
It really means a lot hearing from people who get something out of them. I feel like a lot of us hid (or are still hiding) in the demands of day-to-day life, and it's not an easy thing to acknowledge and address. You should be really proud of yourself for getting there.
I’m surprised that I hadn’t watched this one before. I really liked it. I’m not really sure who my ideal self is, I guess I think I look more like my mom than my dad but do I want to look even more like my mom?
DUDE, I feel the "I like men so much I wanna be one" part SO MUCH IT HURTS
"I came into focus only by being a supporting character" ...... ..... Ouch, what a callout. I'm in my 40s and the dearth of information regarding transmasculine possibilities in my life thus far has got me on an even later start than you had. You've nailed a lot of the denials and the points that I have gone through, though, so I wanted to thank you (And Jessie Gender for putting you on my radar) for the resonant help in my journey.
I just wanted to tell you that this video helped me immensely. It was like the final nail in my personal gaslighting coffin and helped me to really examine myself and stop hiding and shoving down my feelings and accept myself as a trans guy. I came out later that month, October of last year, and I am now medically transitioning at 41 and could not be in a better place. I have shared this video with some other guys who are in that same questioning space. Thanks for putting yourself out there. The world can be really shitty and mean but you can make a difference, even if it’s only one person at a time.
I can't even begin to tell you how much this means to me, thank you so much for coming back and opening up. And CONGRATS, brother! I'm so happy for you, trans thriving is everything. 💙
i felt that when you said "it would have been nice to not have taken 24 years to realize that feeling like a ghost is not actually a normal part of the day to day human experience" cause I'm about to be 24 and without videos like yours from small creators and blogs, I would not be realizing it all now. so yeah, your videos are really insightful to me and I've personally never seen content talking about these issues from this perspective before. im like addicted to the internet and use it way too much, but content like this hasnt benn readily available to me. at least not until it started popping up in my feed about a month ago. its just nice feeling like im not alone anymore.
You're definitely not alone. This sort of thing is a lot to process, so it means the world to me to know you've gotten something out of these videos. If you ever want to talk, please feel free to fire me a message, even if it's just to bounce thoughts and feelings off someone who's gone through something similar. Thanks for commenting.
I wish I saw this sooner, I would have gone over the phase of "reasons I'm not trans" thing, I was in denial about my identity for 1-2 years! My mental health wasn't going so well during that time and I didn't exactly know why until I said "what if I am trans", I've never felt more myself before. Thank you, I am now sure of my gender identity. :)
I'm so, so glad to hear you're discovering who you are, I hope you're celebrating that person, too!
I spent 30 years as a ghost, had very similar thoughts around not wanting to admit I wasn't cis. I'd built up this artist persona under my deadname and made that work identity me and never knew how to turn it off. A lot of this is because when I first started looking into it, I didn't see many nonbinary transmasc experiences and I couldn't fully relate to the binary trans male experience so I figured I was "just bad at being a girl". Anyways, now I've been out as nonbinary transmasc for 2+ years and on T for almost 2 months and things are better.
"Where are the fears coming from"
Yep, this. Wish I asked this a lot sooner.
Wow, you are so wise for being so young. (I am 58, and just came out to my grown son this year. 2022)
I think I’ve been helped along an awful lot by all the conversations about trans identities over the past decade. I hope you have, as well. 💙
So ive been sitting here for about 15 minutes after watching your vid. Ive never really been attached to the labels of boy or man, despite what my handle may suggest(im just poor at thinking of good handles online). 6-7 years ago, my girlfriend at the time(herself a trans woman) kinda turned to me, with no preamble, and asked me if i was a woman, and i did something i rarely do when asked a question, which is blurt out an answer without thinking about it. "No!" Is what i told her, and when she pressed further, i got a little bit defensive(also pretty out of character). She dropped the subject pretty quickly, though, but did it with a little smile that hasnt escaped my head since. As im writing this, i dont know if she fully clocked me right back then, but she could see something inside me that i hadnt been able to(or refused to) see in myself. I dont know who i am today, the only thing i can say for certain is that im not a man. When i hear lesbian and bi women speak about what and how they love their female partners, and how its so different from how men love women, it kind of feels like home in a sense. Im sort of rambling at this point, so i will leave it there for now, but thank you Finn, i have alot to think about. I hope that wherever on the gender spectrum i fall, when it reveals itself to me, i'll finally be able to feel at ease with myself and my body.
Thank you so much for sharing this with me, it really means the world, and I hope your journey is one of fulfillment and joy. Remember to give yourself all the time and space you need, and celebrate who you are in every step. 💙
@@FinntasticMrFox thanks Finn, i appreciate you! I will do my best😊
Thank you for this video. I just turned 31 years old and after 2 years single and working on myself, I feel the more I heal the more my gender disphoria hits which makes me tell myself "something is wrong with you and it will pass" despite being a kid and wishing I was a boy and wanting to be called Geoff (yes, with a g, i was particular about that lol)
I am incredibly terrified as I have already hid my pansexuality from my religious parents and this seems like another huge hurdle I want to just kick under a rug because of the doubt.
Thank you for this. I start hrt tomorrow and as excited as I am I am ten times more frightened. My transition will ultimately be the end of my marriage but I am 37 years old and tired of hiding.
I'm so sorry you're going through that pain, but I commend you for living your truth. It's such an important thing to do.
Im 34 and I start in a couple weeks. So I'm right there with you.
@@geekyariel good luck. I hope everything goes well for you and your family is understanding. My wife is trying to be understanding but doesn't want to be married to a woman. If I have to get a divorce to save the friendship then that's what will happen. In the mean time we have spoken and she is willing to give it time.
@@agleisberg1aaa I recently got divorced because my husband didn't want to be married to a man. Plus it just was a kind of toxic relationship. He was always pushing to make me more feminine, buying me makeup and clothing. So it was just best for me to leave the marriage. Hope things work out for you there. Relationships can get tough when you go through this. But I'm just going to be positive and hope things come out better on the other end. Yes it may be lonely but at least I don't have to hide behind a fake appearance. Hugs 💛
@@geekyariel sorry you were put in that situation. My wife has been great and I understand where she's coming from. We have decided that even if we divorce we will still live together. So it won't be a complete loss
I love you so much! You are articulate and courageous, and by finding your own voice you have given strength and permission to others to find theirs. From a very young age you ALWAYS looked out for the underdog, and I am happy that you are now looking out for YOU, even if it meant as your mother I had to adjust to a new normal. You are glowing, confident and healthy, and that makes me so happy. (Dad too) I am so very very proud of you! I am also incredibly proud of your best friend, he too has been amazing, and as your mother I am so grateful to him for all of his support, he has also been courageous in his transition from your boyfriend to your best friend. The world definitely needs more people like both of you!!
I love you too! And thank you so much for saying all this. He's a pretty amazing guy, that one.
Ok...wow...Finn, why have I not watched your YT vids before?? Silly me. I thought about DM’ing you on Instagram but I decided it’s prob more helpful to comment openly because transgender journeys are so varied and worth sharing. So this comment is for you but I also hope it’s helpful to others :)
So...{deep breath} I just turned 39 and only had my first realisation on being non-binary a year ago. Growing up I had no real understanding of what being transgender meant, and definitely not what it meant in regards to myself. I even specialised in the subject of sex and gender whilst studying fine art at uni but my identity at that point, outwardly identifying as a woman, was so attached to what others thought of me...sense of self entirely built around other people, oh my god yes! So I still didn’t look at myself within a trans context, at all 😳 And the feeling of it being an aggressive act, yes definitely, especially when it comes to my ex partners. I don’t want them to take it personally, as if my change of gender is some personal affront, and there are definitely some people that I shy away from discussing this with.
Although I define myself as non-binary, I’ve really struggled thinking of myself as trans. When the penny dropped that being NB meant I was trans I felt like a fraud. I still have the fear that I’m being somehow disingenuous, even tho my life feels so full of integrity since I’ve come out. I’m still hideously awful at explaining myself.
I was a subconscious people-pleaser; I didn’t want to please everyone but those I valued in my life I tried to please. And I hated myself without having a clue why. Tho I generally never hated how I looked because I think I just detached myself from those feelings. I could even say that I had quite a body-positive self image at times but it was one that was thoroughly linked to the people-pleasing, and sex, and gaining validity from others through sex.
Looking back now I know that even though I did my best to avoid/ignore/be oblivious to my transness, my journey started way before this last year. I now also see the dysphoria more clearly that led to a very addictive sexual personality in order to try to push it deep down where I couldn’t see it. Watching your video today has helped me to process those realisations so thank you.
You’re a beautiful human being and being able to listen to your experiences really helps people, it is definitely helping me x
You're not awful at explaining yourself at all! Thank you so much for sharing your story, so much of what you said really resonated with me. I'm sorry the process was challenging, but I'm so happy to hear you found comfort and a better understanding of yourself. Also, that hindsight realization pattern is too freakin' real. There's a lot of "How could I have not known?" and then remembering all the coping mechanisms and mental blocks in place to stop you from addressing your feelings.
It means the world to know that talking about this stuff has a positive impact, even more so when I get to hear about people's own journeys and triumphs.
😭 Thanks Finn. Social media has a lot to answer for in the world but it also gives space to people like us and I’m so grateful for that 💜
Thank You for not doing this in a DM. Reading this was like hearing from a spiritual sibling.
6:20 to 6:55
Holy fucking SHIT. You explained that so perfectly...
AHHHH I felt the exact same way for so long (I'm 28 now) and started testosterone 6 months ago :)) thank you for your thoughts and sharing!
Thanks so much, and congrats on starting T!
Much love. You popped into my recs. For which I'm very grateful. I want to hear from more trans men.
Because, hearing about masculinity from this perspective. Is fascinating.
Did you break into my brain, take my whole life experience, and tell it like it was your own story? Woulda been nice if you asked, brah
Woop, you're onto me!
I would say production qualities have improved😁
This video was almost like watching my own thoughts 👀. I haven't started my transition though. Working on my journey. Really liked your video. Thank you for sharing this. 💛💛
Thank you for watching! And take all the time you need, it's a process about you and your happiness.
4:09 I think was one of the topics that made me realize I'm trans. Like I thought "hey everyone questions or what it'd like to be the other gender, right?" But when I asked in school they said they never did
Super late to the party here (both in that you posted this over a year ago and that I'm already well on the road to transition) and am transfemme but honestly you've put things so well here, and I just wanted to say thank you
Thanks for this! Lockdown in March brought opportunity to think about stuff that I have managed to push down for 20+ years. Early stages yet, your articulate videos are really helpful.
It really means a lot hearing from people who get something out of them. I feel like a lot of us hid (or are still hiding) in the demands of day-to-day life, and it's not an easy thing to acknowledge and address. You should be really proud of yourself for getting there.
Amazingly articulate and a powerful insight. I can't wait to learn more. You are warm like the sun. Just keep shining ☀️❤👏
Thank you so much, friend. 💙💙
🥰 I'm glad to watch you tell your story/journey.
Thank you for sharing your experience! I found it very meaningful and helpful.
Thank you for watching! I'm so happy to hear that. :)
I agree - articulate, informative, and courageous.
I like your TH-cam handle, Finnjamin Fox!
Thanks, Mark! :D
Thank you so much Finn
I'm so, so glad you got something out of it. This is exactly why I wanted to get it out there.
A+
Aaahhh you look so cool on camera, feels like I know a hollywood celebrity! 🤩💕
Thank you
I’m surprised that I hadn’t watched this one before. I really liked it. I’m not really sure who my ideal self is, I guess I think I look more like my mom than my dad but do I want to look even more like my mom?
Love youuu
Love you too, frond
I know that face!
Oof, yeah