You are correct. However if they have no quotes from her. When she was such a witch. when she said x and z and y and when she said this. and that really hurt my feelings. and she couldn't keep her mouth shut. she was so mean to your father. The alternative is having your own words fed back to you at some point and being misquoted for the next 42 years.
I respectfully don’t agree with you Edward. God is the only judge. we do not know what is in their hearts. Wait until you are a grandpa, you may see things differently.
It's a husband who failed to grow up and delegates his responsibility to his new wife by bowing out and detaching / gray rocking. She is better off divorcing. Sorry she discovered the real reason he married her in this manner, but it will only get worse if her husband doesn't step up .
They are different for good reasons. We all come to the different personalities depending what we are in the mood for. In the end they would all have the same advice but given differently.
@@emaksout In other countries it is normal to have multi-generational homes. American tradition is to become fully independent between 18-25 years old. There is nothing wrong with multi generational homes, so long as it is agreed upon by everyone involved who is contributing to the household. But I do agree that what these parents are doing is despicable. They are sabotaging this young couple's marriage.
About 45 years ago my husband (newly married to me) invited a friend to stay with us, just for "short time". The short time turned into months with no end in sight. I asked my husband to ask him to leave, and he refused, and put it on me to ask him, which I did. Needless to say, the marriage ended, for this and other reasons. Gutlessness in a man is not attractive at all.
That was pretty darn ingenious. I wish I could foresee a situation where I could use it I would, as it is I will store it away just in case. I'm sure glad I was surfing totally different videos and ended up here today.
I really want a follow up. That's what this show lacks -any connection at all to the callers. After they hang up, they don't exist anymore. WE WANT TO KNOW IF THEY WERE SUCCESSFUL
“Mom, dad, thank you for raising me; but it’s not my job to raise you. It’s my job to raise a family, and I can’t do that with you guys cohabiting here.”
I lived in this same situation where my mother-in-law was living with us three months after we bought our own place. I had compassion since we lived with her the first 9months of our marriage while we looked for a house. I gave her the same 9 months and when my wife was unable to convince her it was time to leave, I told her it was time. We have her 30 days and $300. She was upset at first, but months after she thanked me. For the first time in her life, someone told her no. Don't misunderstand, my mother-in-law is fantastic and helped us as we were teenagers when we got married and knew nothing about life. Now 21 years and 5 children later, God has blessed us with a wonderful family and a great mother-in-law. I hope all turned out well for you.
I've been here. My mother-in-law lived with my family for years because my husband and I didn't want the confrontation. Finally my husband and I had to have a serious discussion and he asked her to move out. It was rough for a while but it was SO worth it. Asking her to move out saved our marriage. I do have to disagree, however, with the daughter-in-law not saying anything. Yes, be quiet this time and let him tell them to leave.... but there may be times in the future when you have to speak up for yourself. My MIL brings my kids home from school since we work and there have been times when she has felt that it was ok to rearrange my furniture and change pictures on the wall because she liked them better the other way. At first I would have my husband tell her not to do that but she didn't take him seriously. Finally I had to speak up. Hasn't happened since.
I so much agree with you. Daughter in laws will always be some form of blame regardless.... I am a daughter in law for the past 30 years and trust me when I tell you that my name has definitely one up in many occasions in various situations that weren’t as bad as this poor girl... We don’t win.... 😁
But at least they won't be able to use anything she says against her. Davis right it's the best thing she can do at this point. It's his family, HE needs to deal with them!
The caller says that her in-laws don’t have a retirement plan. Oh, but they do! And living with you is the cornerstone of that plan. Hope you can get them out of there soon and remember the lesson learned from this misadventure.
Ultimately she is going to have to move back to her parents home until her husband handles his mess. Once her husband stop receiving some Na Na he will drive his parents to the nearest retirement home immediately.
This happened with my mom. Luckily it was time for us to move so I had somewhat of an easy out because it was "We love you but our family is growing and we need the space" but it was me that told her this, not my wife. And now my wife and mom still have a great relationship. Heed his advice!
Excuse for parents to leave, "we want to start a family but my wife refuses to have sex with my parents here. I want sex and children. You gotta go." Also, closet wife needs to get a job just to get away.
No money, no house, no income. They have no plan except to live off the kids. She never said if they had a sit down chat with them about all this. That is what needs to come first. What has happened here is that she 'assumed' they were coming for a short time then moving out. Then they got comfortable with the situation and "assumed' that the kids would be okay with them staying indefinitely. All the conversations were going on in their heads and none were out loud. Neither party are mind readers. First, she needs to talk to her husband and see if they are, in fact, wanting the same thing. And only then can they as a couple sit down with the parents. Ask them what their long term plans are and why do they think it's okay without discussing it? Or have they discussed it with HIM and he just "forgot' to tell her? I guarantee you that if you sat all these people down at the same table, everyone would have a different story to tell. I wish DR would do follow ups!!
A friend of mine who is in her late 50s fully expects to live with one of her kids after she retires. She told me this. I told that's good, 'cause she can't live with me!
She did say when her husbands talks to them nothing sticks and that the plan was for them to get a job but they haven't been applying. So it sounds like the parents are having these convos in their head.
I feel she shouldn't be in the room at all. I would be worried her sitting there silent in front of them would make the in-laws think she is silently pulling the strings to their eviction.
My mom was always ahead of this issue. She had a pretty decorative plate with gold trim hanging prominently on the wall with a gilded inscription: “Fish and houseguests begin to stink after 3 days.”
Right?! In really old age and you have the means, sure, but less than a year of marriage?! I’d have said no right off the bat. You do NOT put that burden on your children, not even 20yrs married. Who moves across the country without job prospects? Sound like parents that dont want to let their “baby boy” go.
I’m 25 currently living at home ..my dad doesn’t want me to work I left my job in August for the sake of my son and my family only for the fall ...but only for the fall I planned on going back to work as soon as it ended and applied for a seasonal job at Amazon until I find something better I need income to survive at this point anything helps I don’t want to keep dipping into my savings ...I know my dad is going to be upset and mad. I’d move out but because my son is still little at least he’s somewhat safe if I go to work and leave the house but I don’t know what to do
I’m conflicted because I’m living under his roof I want to respect his wishes as he pays the house bills but I need to work at the end of the day the only way I’m going to survive is it’s up to me and only me but I know my dad will not want me to work there he has an old school mindset where he wants me to work in an “office setting”
It would be different if you asked: "Hey, can I come live out my days with you?" Then maybe y'all move into a house that's set up for that. The problem is not supporting his parents, but the deception that it was just going to be temporary.
I moved from Cal to Tx and got a job the first day. I’m a high school drop out. Paid my house cash. Doing great. Some people just don’t get basic common sense.
@@ND_Productions that’s what I did. Very scary. But I figured I had no choice. Calif is crazy. Now I live in a city of 4000. everyone here knows everyone. Except me, they just call me “California” Less taxes No rent No mortgage No car payment No credit card No student loan. Paid cash for my home. Got a full time job the first day. So I have my pension and a job And no debt. Gonna fly to California nov 20 to see My family. Texas is so 1960 compared to California.
@Atty. Johnny Sins Personal Finance Agreed with you because majority of them feel like their kids owe them something. They mix love into everything so if you don't do as they wish, you don't love them, etc. One way expectations.
@Atty. Johnny Sins Personal Finance Actually in Asians cultures, the kids benefit a lot more from their parents financially or any support kids may need. Whether helped out financially or simply offered free childcare. The parents tend to be financially ok, not sure about $500 you're talking about. That's not alot to live off at all. The only problem is in return the kids have to follow their parents wish or they'll be seen like they don't love their parents. Not much boundary and more expectations from the kids in that sense. That's why I said they mixed love into everything. Asians families often bonding well but there's up and down like any groups.
Sir We Are About to Die yes you would be wrong. It’s unbelievably inconsiderate and people need to have the right to live their own lives. If the in-laws can’t afford for themselves that’s their fault and their responsibility. If the kids were too expensive, then you shouldn’t have had kids. You gotta let them live their life and bite your own bullet, or you’re a selfish person
We have probably over saved for retirement because we are petrified of becoming a burden to our kids. My MiL has been draining first her son and then both of us for 30 years. It’s a terrible burden. Helping is one thing but people seem to think they have a right to not work and live off their kids. Not okay
Drow Jackson other cultures have enough pride to actually work as long as they are able. Here people feel that they can just sponge because they don’t want to work.
Sir We Are About to Die No one is against helping their parents, but when you have to make phone calls in the closet of your own house, that’s a problem. The newly weds can’t even enjoy their own space. Just imagine how quiet they have to be in the bedroom, due to the in-laws being in the next room. What happened when they have children, and the children need those rooms the in laws are inhabiting. It’s not fair.
My dad is like that. He actually took a lot of money from me when I was living with him. Then he wanted to get married. So I moved out and separated all of our accounts. He can't take money from me anymore
I am thankful. That's why I supported him for many years. I payed the mortgage and bills for many years. He didn't have to pay anything. Even then, he started taking money from me. Then he wanted to get married which is another mouth to feed on my dime. I am thankful but not thankful to feed my dad's wife, a complete stranger who I don't know at all.
@Sir We Are About to Die We love our parents but when they feel entitled it's wrong. No one asked him or her to unzip their pants. If he or she does then they get that 18 years to love and care for their child. Children are gift from God but don't used them to feel entitled.
@Sir We Are About to Die yes you respect your elders, but you also he smart. My dad is still healthy and able to work if he is in need. He needs to learn a tough lesson.
@Sir We Are About to Die people usually feel entitled no matter what their age. You are helping someone and they feel you should help them until they die. That's a bad mentality. Always be financially independent so you don't create a burden for others especially your children
I understand how hard this is. This exact thing happened to my husband and I 3 months into our marriage. His father came to live with us and it became one of the most stressful situations I’ve ever had to deal with.
Yikes! I feel for this poor girl! Dave is absolutely correct, her husband needs to talk to his parents. She needs to talk with her husband and get him to make it land with his parents.
Sadly, this is more common than most people know or admit. I know several people my age with parents or in-laws "temporarily" staying with them due to bad finances and never leaving. Most also blow their extra money on nonessential things, which then adds more resentment to the situation since they "can't afford to move" but can afford to finance new cars, go out to eat, etc.
This actually does surprise me. I have a son in his late twenties. If his Dad and I asked to move in with him, which we’d never do, he’d think we’d lost our minds. And if he offered, it would be an emphatic no. I just don’t understand this at all.
I won't even offer. We would pay for a couple months of rent in an apartment for our parents to help get them on their feet. But we have a rule that noone moves in. It's hard to bc our parents create messes. We try our best to stay out of it.
@@anitaknight3915 it's not easy. Both sides of parents work hard. We'll buy them food if they need it. But we've watched both sides enable other family members and waste their resources. Both said we were their retirement plan. We said no we're not. We put ourselves through school. I didn't even know what boundaries were until a couple years ago. I stopped everything and paid off debt they borrowed. It took years. We seem to have better relationships bc of boundaries.
@@sarrahconley3143 How did you get the courage to say no to them? I am in this situation right now with my mom. My family makes the same mistakes especially with money and all have bad credit. I left and got an apartment by myself and never felt so free and happy. 6 months in, my mom is here with me in a 1 br. Can't have privacy, independence or company. She doesn't pay a dime (didnt require her to) yet hasn't saved any money. I have never been so miserable. I'm thinking about giving up my apt and living on campus just to get away.
We have been in that situation but it was for the good as we were being abused financially and emotionally , my husband got fed up and gave his 4 family members a 48hour notice to leave our house!!!
Tell your husband he's got the power of "since you're under my roof" and "my house my rules" that the parents probably threw in his face every day before he had the house and wife.
Have them clean the house, mow the yard, do all your errands. Give them every job around the house you can think of. If they don't do them ground them!!
The “lovable slacker” part really hit home. They’ll smile in your face and soften their voice when they need something but the need for help never runs dry and any blessing to their situation is never “good enough”. I’m so done allowing anybody to move in with me- they ALWAYS overstay their welcome. Not a single time have I had anybody stay with me for only a month or 2 weeks or something. And they NEVER leave on their own. You always have to remind them of the agreement you guys talked about in the beginning and then most of the times, they’ll act like they don’t remember. No more for me. I’ve learned my lesson 1,000x over and blame no one but myself lol
Omg what he says about staying out of the room is so on point. I have a bad tendency to undermine serious conversations by coming in, cutting the tension etc.
It would be nice to get an update from this caller to see if she really usurped her own home back from the invaders or if they are still there ruling the castle three years later.
Hardest thing ever, but the marriage comes first, before all else. As hard as it is, I wouldn't have ever invited my parents to live with us unless we had separate space. I love my parents and have a good relationship with them but I wouldn't offer such a thing, especially if I was newly married
I love Dave’s advice on this. Some parents do take advantage of their kids. And especially in some cultures like middle eastern and Asian they have the idea that kids take care of their parents no matter what. It’s okay to help parents out but in America it’s your responsibility to take care of your own retirement and help yourself out. Not just 100% rely on your kids for everything and they can’t tell you no.
Ramsey is so right. Unfortunately when I ran into an in-law problem, my new husband did not have that backbone Ramsey speaks of. I said something. I was forever the evil wicked witch. For the 18 year marriage and after the divorce. They were never able to get past the idea that his new bride would politely ask them to let her know if they wanted company over in the newlywed's home. All "h" broke loose and they escalated it into a boundary violating, emotional bullying tour de force. Never again to let it go.
Even calling from the closet, so glad she called, has a plan she and her husband can put in action and hopefully will follow through. Dave's advice and action plan are the best. I've had a similar situation with my sister...do it now, don't wait like I did.
I may sound harsh, but why move halfway across the Country with NO PLAN. There is no reason the Newlyweds must pay the price for the In-law's lack of preparation.
No that is not harsh it is something a parent would say to their child so there fore should not be something a child say to the parent. Children should not parent their parents
This is why I believe it was their plan all along to live with them. They may think they “offered” a place for them to live but they were probably manipulated into thinking it was their idea. These parents are sly.
She needs to be in the room when her husband tells his parents if not her husband may say the caller wants them gone. As the saying goes the callers husband will throw her under the bus.
They will still think about it even if he had the biggest pair he could get, because they know that he would never come up with the idea, otherwise they wouldn't be there invading a new marriage. And if the husband gets the guts, at least they will know that he respects her and that they should respect her and their marriage, and that no matter what they believe they should keep quiet. But, YES... just hearing her looking for a miracle and SILENCES, i think he will throw her under the bus so as not to look bad with mom and dad.
If she can, she should have up a vacation fund and tell her husband she’s doing to stay with her relatives for a while until he can get this figured out.
Dave hit this head on and delivered firm advice. This is exactly what she needed to hear. I feel bad for her, I sure would not want to be in that situation.
If worse comes to worse evict them. This is putting a strain on your marriage and you both deserve your privacy and the time to enjoy your new life together. Put your foot down and deal with it
I’m fortunate enough where it was hate at first sight! My MIL was a mean girl since day one so it’s a lot easier to close any possible doors to this kind of bs.
My situation is worse than hers.. my mom lost her job and she came and moved in with me 6 years ago, just 2 months after I bought my 1300 sq foot condo. I was 25 years old then.. on top of that, my sister also moved in cause she doesn't really do anything with her life and she was being supported by my mom.. she is 24. My mom has been in and out of work the whole time and is currently unemployed. I should have never allowed them to move in in the first place.. I'm 31 now and they are still with me and unemployed. On top of that she has a drinking problem.. I'm so fed up with them and I've been way too nice for 6 years! I have to put my foot down and evict them.. it's tough to do to family but I feel like I've been taken advantage of.
It's hard for children when they have to be the parent to the parent. You shouldn't ever have to do what you need to do but it has to be done or you will still be in the same place in 10 years.
You were taken advantage of when this went past the first 6 months or a year. After that you were a volunteer. They don't view it as your place any longer they view it as their home. Good luck getting them out.
Soo true. I had a similar situation with my husband’s brother. My husband couldn’t talk to his brother so i had to do it. Since then, 26 years ago, till now, i am the bad and we are rejected by the rest of the family. But I also think that even if your husband does the talk, they will still blame you for it regardless. They will think you were the reason for pushing him to do the talking. If you care for maintaining a good relationship with them, then you both have to be diplomatic and give them choices instead of a deadline. Like ‘ Now that you are comfortable with the area, where would you like to look for an apartment?’ ‘ can we help you look for a home?’ ‘ We would really like it if you can find a place before Thanksgiving so we can have space to invite friends and other family members to celebrate holidays.’ Being firm is great but hurts our parents if handled harshly. They are your children’s grandparents that children need. Good luck. Always chose love even when you are firm. 🙏
Guilty 🙋🏾♂️ I did the same mistake open my mouth and speaking to my brother in law to move out.... 2 years later marriage was over and destroyed by her parents. Stay away from it.
I have been married to my wife for over 13 years. I loved my mother inlaw. She was a fantastic person. She didn't try to control us. She wasn't a backstabber or anything like that. She helped in anyway she could with no strings attached. Sadly she unexpectedly passed away at only 61 ☹️☹️☹️. She was always welcome in our house! Wow, she could cook and was interesting.
There is so much work in Arkansas, with retirement benefits, that pays well enough to rent a home on one decent income. It doesn't take much motivation at all. It's actually so easy to upload a resume on an job search website and wait for companies to contact you for an interview. I know this because we moved to Arkansas, my husband transferred with the company he was working for in California and stayed with them long enough to do the exact thing I described and had another job within a couple of weeks. After just over a year with the new company, he was laid off because they closed that part of the company and he found yet another job the same week. Her husband needs to grow some balls and tell his dad he has 2 weeks to find a job, give the paycheck to the son and daughter in law to save for him (he's obviously bad with money) and then after 2 months kick them out.
They will still blame her. Saying she's behind it
I wonder which cultural background these people are from. No judgement, I’m ethnic myself. But it looks a lot like something I know
It's happening to me right now. I'm the culprit, never my husband. I have a different culture from my in-laws.
Exactly!! They'll say she has brainwashed him, and talked their son into doing this to them... Sad, but true.
You are correct. However if they have no quotes from her. When she was such a witch. when she said x and z and y and when she said this. and that really hurt my feelings. and she couldn't keep her mouth shut. she was so mean to your father.
The alternative is having your own words fed back to you at some point and being misquoted for the next 42 years.
@@g.s.632south Asian or East Asian. I just know it.
‘The problem is not your in-laws, it’s your husband’ ATOMIC TRUTH BOMB.
🎯
And the husband will never grow a pair and tell his parents to get out
This is right on 👍
I absolutely agree.
I could hear him start to say “pa… husband” maybe he held himself back from saying “pathetic husband” 😅
Geez newly married and having to hide from your in laws in your own house. This looks so bad
😂😂 I just can't understand people 🤣🤦♂️ both parties are at fault here
@@riverdaletales8457 true
I wish I had problems like this!
Well said. His parents should let them enjoy their time as newlyweds and are taking advantage.
I have serious doubts that this marriage is going to work out.
Her in-laws are living their retirement plan now.
😂😂 exactly
That part.
😂yup
You're right.
Whoa. You said it beautifully! Bottom line... Well stated!
I too, hide in a closet when my in-laws are over.
It's the place to be
Understandable...
Lol!!
I know what you mean. I'm fortunate that mine live on the west coast and only make it over a few times year.
My condolences.
Sad part is if this guy doesn’t man up against his parents then his marriage will definitely end with divorce!!
:(
Sounds like he didn't have a very good role model.
True. Sad but true.
Sounds like he hasn’t cleaved unto his wife..they’re guilt tripping him for sure
@@prometheuspredator7971 exactly!
They never intended to get a job and live on their own. They deceived y'all. Grow a spine, kick them out.
@James Zell Yeah Dave said let me not ruin this man's WHOLE career.
@James Zell Yeah... he did use the word "nuts" as in crazy (6:34"), so it was on his mind. 😉
That part
Absolutely. But she's only 24. I would have been that dumb too - allowing them to come in.
I respectfully don’t agree with you Edward. God is the only judge. we do not know what is in their hearts.
Wait until you are a grandpa, you may see things differently.
She's only 24...um this is too soon to be having in laws in their home. I would get it if they were older but like nahhhhh.
i was like 24???
Yea maybe like they have two weeks to live maybe . Not twenty or thirty years wth
Omg this couple are in their 20s and his parents are already loafing, that's sad
It's a husband who failed to grow up and delegates his responsibility to his new wife by bowing out and detaching / gray rocking. She is better off divorcing. Sorry she discovered the real reason he married her in this manner, but it will only get worse if her husband doesn't step up .
What? What’s wrong with living with in-laws, as long as they are nice.
This is why Dave is the GOAT. Dr John would've sugarcoated the whole thing, Dave is straight to the point and brutally honest. I loooooove itttttt.
not necessarily, they just have different styles
They are different for good reasons. We all come to the different personalities depending what we are in the mood for. In the end they would all have the same advice but given differently.
I've seen Dr. John come down pretty hard too. He just does it in a less direct way.
Dave is a legend
Dave it the GOAT for real!!!!!!! He tells it like no one else. I love it. No BS.
Dave, This was SOUND advice. Very common sense, emotionally intelligent, and assertive.
I’m a vegan....
@@firstlookpro7282 me too bro :)
So what do you think about Lego?
Only in America the kids throw the parents out... Embarrassing
@@emaksout In other countries it is normal to have multi-generational homes. American tradition is to become fully independent between 18-25 years old. There is nothing wrong with multi generational homes, so long as it is agreed upon by everyone involved who is contributing to the household.
But I do agree that what these parents are doing is despicable. They are sabotaging this young couple's marriage.
About 45 years ago my husband (newly married to me) invited a friend to stay with us, just for "short time". The short time turned into months with no end in sight. I asked my husband to ask him to leave, and he refused, and put it on me to ask him, which I did. Needless to say, the marriage ended, for this and other reasons. Gutlessness in a man is not attractive at all.
Sounds to me like you dodged a bullet! Any man that would choose a friend over his wife is not a man.
1:40 for people from shorts
lol thanks
The hero we needed
Bless you
Thank you lol 😂😂😂😂
We love you❤
"Travel agent for guilt trips", stealing this.
I was expecting the, "test pilot at a broom factory," line when describing how she'll be perceived for the next 42 years.
Lol same
That was pretty darn ingenious. I wish I could foresee a situation where I could use it I would, as it is I will store it away just in case. I'm sure glad I was surfing totally different videos and ended up here today.
Lol
😂👍
Three years on I wonder how this worked out. My guess is Hubby took his parents' side and this couple are divorced.
Was wondering the same thing.
Then the husband got married to the mother
@KaranShah731 Hahahaha your probably right
It’s time to come out of the closet.
😂😂😂
Daaaaaaad, Tom Cruise won't come out of the closet!
@@beeezeee1783 you can't just stay in the closet because the re-incarnation of Elron Hubbard doesn't like your acting Tom
Casey bout that life
Lol
I really want a follow up. That's what this show lacks -any connection at all to the callers. After they hang up, they don't exist anymore. WE WANT TO KNOW IF THEY WERE SUCCESSFUL
The successful ones are more likely to give an update, the ones who didn't act on Dave's advice are too ashamed.
PLEASE
I love how you states, “WE WANT TO KNOW…” cause it is so true lol
Check the Fayetteville newspapers. Husband doesn't deal with it, it won't end well.
@@vaneenusa1776 you're a fucking genius aren't ya
Oh she's literally hiding in a closet. I thought it was a metaphor 😂
Me too.
Haha no she really is!
Me too. Then I started listening and was like, oh, she is physically inside a closet. Well, this is actually a correct title.
🤣
Except shes hetero?
“Mom, dad, thank you for raising me; but it’s not my job to raise you. It’s my job to raise a family, and I can’t do that with you guys cohabiting here.”
Well said....
Wow...very well put.
My mom would literally make me feel guilty if I ever said that.
Plenty of cultures live in multigenerational households....but yes these parents are just irresponsible.
@@amandawithlov3908 No one can make you feel guilty if you’re strong minded.
I lived in this same situation where my mother-in-law was living with us three months after we bought our own place. I had compassion since we lived with her the first 9months of our marriage while we looked for a house. I gave her the same 9 months and when my wife was unable to convince her it was time to leave, I told her it was time. We have her 30 days and $300. She was upset at first, but months after she thanked me. For the first time in her life, someone told her no. Don't misunderstand, my mother-in-law is fantastic and helped us as we were teenagers when we got married and knew nothing about life. Now 21 years and 5 children later, God has blessed us with a wonderful family and a great mother-in-law. I hope all turned out well for you.
Dave almost said your husband needs to grow a pair. Nice catch Dave!😅
That's what I would have said, a pair.
I’ll say it, “Grow a pair son!” Lol
I heard the pause also
Yup. Nice catch.
Lol! Yep...
I've been here. My mother-in-law lived with my family for years because my husband and I didn't want the confrontation. Finally my husband and I had to have a serious discussion and he asked her to move out. It was rough for a while but it was SO worth it. Asking her to move out saved our marriage.
I do have to disagree, however, with the daughter-in-law not saying anything. Yes, be quiet this time and let him tell them to leave.... but there may be times in the future when you have to speak up for yourself. My MIL brings my kids home from school since we work and there have been times when she has felt that it was ok to rearrange my furniture and change pictures on the wall because she liked them better the other way. At first I would have my husband tell her not to do that but she didn't take him seriously. Finally I had to speak up. Hasn't happened since.
I wish I'd had a MIL to pick up my kids...a few rearranged pictures in lieu of is a pretty sweet deal in my book!!!
@@pejisanah. You’ve never had a manipulative mother in law I see.
Unfortunately, simply her keeping quiet and letting her husband do the talking is not going to keep her in-laws from blaming her.
I so much agree with you. Daughter in laws will always be some form of blame regardless.... I am a daughter in law for the past 30 years and trust me when I tell you that my name has definitely one up in many occasions in various situations that weren’t as bad as this poor girl... We don’t win.... 😁
But at least they won't be able to use anything she says against her. Davis right it's the best thing she can do at this point. It's his family, HE needs to deal with them!
Absolutely. She’s in a bad spot.
Truth
Yep, the first words out of her their mouth will be “ is this ( wife) idea?
Dave said "Your mother-in-law is a travel agent for Guilt Trips" 🤣🤣🤣
🤣🤣😂😂
Genius phrasing
PRICELESS
I know right. I laughed so hard when I heard that. Legit.
🤣🤣🤣🤣
I wish she’d call and update us
in 26 to 28 days....
The discussion will never happen.
In the closet or out of the closet?
Update - nothing has happened.
Three year update - her family hates them, she's miserable. Nothing changed. Parents are still there.
Dave: Your husband needs to grow...
Me: A PAIR!
Dave: a backbone
Me: ohhh 😅 yes. That too.
What I yelled was a little more, uh... graphic.
Oh I'm sure Dave's thinking testicles but doesn't want to say that on the air.
lol he knows (and we know) what he was going to say! ha
A set
🤣😂🤣😂🤭🤭
The caller says that her in-laws don’t have a retirement plan. Oh, but they do! And living with you is the cornerstone of that plan. Hope you can get them out of there soon and remember the lesson learned from this misadventure.
🤣
😂🤣😁
Sad but true. A lot of boomers see their kids as their retirement.
And taking Social Security at 62 shows how inept they are financially.
Ultimately she is going to have to move back to her parents home until her husband handles his mess. Once her husband stop receiving some Na Na he will drive his parents to the nearest retirement home immediately.
This is a training ground for her husband going forward in their marriage. Will make a good marriage to learn to work with conflict.
This happened with my mom. Luckily it was time for us to move so I had somewhat of an easy out because it was "We love you but our family is growing and we need the space" but it was me that told her this, not my wife. And now my wife and mom still have a great relationship. Heed his advice!
If the husband won’t do this, I’d tell him either you get them out in 30 days, or I leave in 30 days. Your choice.
If she was to have to tell him that, hes probably the type to let her leave instead of his parents.
Excuse for parents to leave, "we want to start a family but my wife refuses to have sex with my parents here. I want sex and children. You gotta go." Also, closet wife needs to get a job just to get away.
@@Keira-oj1idThen why don’t he go marry his mother 😂
No money, no house, no income. They have no plan except to live off the kids. She never said if they had a sit down chat with them about all this. That is what needs to come first. What has happened here is that she 'assumed' they were coming for a short time then moving out. Then they got comfortable with the situation and "assumed' that the kids would be okay with them staying indefinitely. All the conversations were going on in their heads and none were out loud. Neither party are mind readers. First, she needs to talk to her husband and see if they are, in fact, wanting the same thing. And only then can they as a couple sit down with the parents. Ask them what their long term plans are and why do they think it's okay without discussing it? Or have they discussed it with HIM and he just "forgot' to tell her? I guarantee you that if you sat all these people down at the same table, everyone would have a different story to tell. I wish DR would do follow ups!!
Indeed. 4 diff stories.
A friend of mine who is in her late 50s fully expects to live with one of her kids after she retires. She told me this. I told that's good, 'cause she can't live with me!
She did say when her husbands talks to them nothing sticks and that the plan was for them to get a job but they haven't been applying. So it sounds like the parents are having these convos in their head.
@@AeternaQueen exactly what I was thinking
Agree, but I think the wife needs to stay out of it. They'll forgive him a lot sooner, and she may need them to babysit in a few years.
Dave absolutely nailed this... firm, clear, direct, calm.
Dave: sell the closet.
😂😂
🤣🤣
Literally LOLED 😂😂😂😂
Omg!! 😂😂😂😂😂😂
😂😂😂😂😂😂
I feel she shouldn't be in the room at all. I would be worried her sitting there silent in front of them would make the in-laws think she is silently pulling the strings to their eviction.
They will think that no matter what. Guaranteed.
I just met him but I love how direct his approach it, it’s almost comic but it also lightens the intensity of the conversation. Beautiful!
This is not a good situation 🤦🏽♂️🤦🏽♂️🤦🏽♂️
It’s unfortunate but they may have to evict them if they don’t go willingly.
Been there with my own parents. I literally had to kick them out. They saved literally $0 when they stayed with me for a year.
My mom was always ahead of this issue. She had a pretty decorative plate with gold trim hanging prominently on the wall with a gilded inscription: “Fish and houseguests begin to stink after 3 days.”
A Ben Franklin quote...
5@@marknewton6984
My mom use to say this.
It's crazy, how kids are expected to maintain their parents. I could never put that on my daughter.smh.
Everrr
Right?! In really old age and you have the means, sure, but less than a year of marriage?! I’d have said no right off the bat. You do NOT put that burden on your children, not even 20yrs married. Who moves across the country without job prospects? Sound like parents that dont want to let their “baby boy” go.
I’m 25 currently living at home ..my dad doesn’t want me to work I left my job in August for the sake of my son and my family only for the fall ...but only for the fall I planned on going back to work as soon as it ended and applied for a seasonal job at Amazon until I find something better I need income to survive at this point anything helps I don’t want to keep dipping into my savings ...I know my dad is going to be upset and mad. I’d move out but because my son is still little at least he’s somewhat safe if I go to work and leave the house but I don’t know what to do
I’m conflicted because I’m living under his roof I want to respect his wishes as he pays the house bills but I need to work at the end of the day the only way I’m going to survive is it’s up to me and only me but I know my dad will not want me to work there he has an old school mindset where he wants me to work in an “office setting”
It would be different if you asked: "Hey, can I come live out my days with you?" Then maybe y'all move into a house that's set up for that. The problem is not supporting his parents, but the deception that it was just going to be temporary.
Nailed it. If they say they will not leave, file for eviction. Great example of why boundaries are so important.
They go or she goes.
I can tell by the sound of her voice that nothing Dave suggested is going to happen.
My thought axactly
@@mamaroza22 It's her new room in the house
Her husband ain't gonna do nothing.
Difficult for a 24 year old newlywed.
She will live in closet then garage for life.
Dave: "Sell the husband, buy beans & rice".
Sell the inlaws, buy beans & rice😉
😂😂😂
I moved from Cal to Tx and got a job the first day. I’m a high school drop out. Paid my house cash. Doing great. Some people just don’t get basic common sense.
Atty. Johnny Sins Personal Finance very center of Texas
@@PInk77W1 San Angelo
cashmonyz 72 miles from SA
Mmmm, I’ve been thinking about doing the same, kinda nervous though. Do I leave everything I’ve ever known to move somewhere totally unfamiliar ...
@@ND_Productions that’s what I did.
Very scary. But I figured I had no choice.
Calif is crazy. Now I live in a city of
4000. everyone here knows everyone.
Except me, they just call me
“California”
Less taxes
No rent
No mortgage
No car payment
No credit card
No student loan.
Paid cash for my home.
Got a full time job the first day.
So I have my pension and a job
And no debt.
Gonna fly to California nov 20 to see
My family.
Texas is so 1960 compared to California.
Well said Papa Ramsey! Thank you for being the “dad adviser”to many in very difficult situations. We all can learn from other people experiences.
So refreshing to hear someone who calls it as it is in a country where passive aggressiveness reigns supreme. God bless your heart Dave!
This one had good advice. I can’t imagine moving in and living indefinitely with my daughter and her family.
1 year is not indefinitely and the parents were invited to live there by the kids.
@Atty. Johnny Sins Personal Finance Agreed with you because majority of them feel like their kids owe them something. They mix love into everything so if you don't do as they wish, you don't love them, etc. One way expectations.
Atty. Johnny Sins Personal Finance and if you have kids for that reason you are a bleep-hole
@Atty. Johnny Sins Personal Finance Actually in Asians cultures, the kids benefit a lot more from their parents financially or any support kids may need. Whether helped out financially or simply offered free childcare. The parents tend to be financially ok, not sure about $500 you're talking about. That's not alot to live off at all. The only problem is in return the kids have to follow their parents wish or they'll be seen like they don't love their parents. Not much boundary and more expectations from the kids in that sense. That's why I said they mixed love into everything. Asians families often bonding well but there's up and down like any groups.
What kind of parents think this is alright? I would never put my children in this situation.
Calls like this make me feel blessed for the in-laws I have!
Good point where he tells her not to say anything nice. It will undermine her husband as he's trying to grow that pair.
The in-laws are an issue but the problem with your husband who invited them so it’s his job to get rid of them
I would never do this to my kids! Ppl prepare for the future now
Sir We Are About to Die yes you would be wrong. It’s unbelievably inconsiderate and people need to have the right to live their own lives. If the in-laws can’t afford for themselves that’s their fault and their responsibility.
If the kids were too expensive, then you shouldn’t have had kids. You gotta let them live their life and bite your own bullet, or you’re a selfish person
We have probably over saved for retirement because we are petrified of becoming a burden to our kids. My MiL has been draining first her son and then both of us for 30 years. It’s a terrible burden. Helping is one thing but people seem to think they have a right to not work and live off their kids. Not okay
Drow Jackson other cultures have enough pride to actually work as long as they are able. Here people feel that they can just sponge because they don’t want to work.
Sir We Are About to Die No one is against helping their parents, but when you have to make phone calls in the closet of your own house, that’s a problem. The newly weds can’t even enjoy their own space. Just imagine how quiet they have to be in the bedroom, due to the in-laws being in the next room. What happened when they have children, and the children need those rooms the in laws are inhabiting. It’s not fair.
Sir We Are About to Die saying what?
I’ve lived this nightmare! My heart goes out to you.
My dad is like that. He actually took a lot of money from me when I was living with him. Then he wanted to get married. So I moved out and separated all of our accounts. He can't take money from me anymore
I am thankful. That's why I supported him for many years. I payed the mortgage and bills for many years. He didn't have to pay anything. Even then, he started taking money from me. Then he wanted to get married which is another mouth to feed on my dime. I am thankful but not thankful to feed my dad's wife, a complete stranger who I don't know at all.
@Sir We Are About to Die We love our parents but when they feel entitled it's wrong. No one asked him or her to unzip their pants. If he or she does then they get that 18 years to love and care for their child. Children are gift from God but don't used them to feel entitled.
@@tinateews9494 yes I agree
@Sir We Are About to Die yes you respect your elders, but you also he smart. My dad is still healthy and able to work if he is in need. He needs to learn a tough lesson.
@Sir We Are About to Die people usually feel entitled no matter what their age. You are helping someone and they feel you should help them until they die. That's a bad mentality. Always be financially independent so you don't create a burden for others especially your children
4:50 "Your husband is going to man-up and handle this mess he made." Never have I wanted a "where are they now" episode more than right now.
I understand how hard this is. This exact thing happened to my husband and I 3 months into our marriage. His father came to live with us and it became one of the most stressful situations I’ve ever had to deal with.
Yikes! I feel for this poor girl! Dave is absolutely correct, her husband needs to talk to his parents. She needs to talk with her husband and get him to make it land with his parents.
Dave: "Your husband needs to grow...."
Me: "Some BALLS!"
Dave: ... "a backbone!"
Me.."Ehhh Dave's too polite!".
HAHA!!! I shouted "a pair of balls!"
YESSS 🤣🤣🤣
That pause had to be Dave saying it in his head while his filter came up with the radio-appropriate phrase. lol
🤣
That's what I love about Dave. He's a straight shooter
Love Dave's straight talk. The problem is not your in-laws - the problem is your husband. "Lovable Slacker" parasites.
Facts
Sadly, this is more common than most people know or admit. I know several people my age with parents or in-laws "temporarily" staying with them due to bad finances and never leaving. Most also blow their extra money on nonessential things, which then adds more resentment to the situation since they "can't afford to move" but can afford to finance new cars, go out to eat, etc.
This actually does surprise me. I have a son in his late twenties. If his Dad and I asked to move in with him, which we’d never do, he’d think we’d lost our minds. And if he offered, it would be an emphatic no. I just don’t understand this at all.
I won't even offer. We would pay for a couple months of rent in an apartment for our parents to help get them on their feet. But we have a rule that noone moves in. It's hard to bc our parents create messes. We try our best to stay out of it.
@@sarrahconley3143 that's very wise and it's awesome you are both on the same page putting your marriage first.
@@anitaknight3915 it's not easy. Both sides of parents work hard. We'll buy them food if they need it. But we've watched both sides enable other family members and waste their resources. Both said we were their retirement plan. We said no we're not. We put ourselves through school. I didn't even know what boundaries were until a couple years ago. I stopped everything and paid off debt they borrowed. It took years. We seem to have better relationships bc of boundaries.
@@sarrahconley3143 How did you get the courage to say no to them? I am in this situation right now with my mom. My family makes the same mistakes especially with money and all have bad credit. I left and got an apartment by myself and never felt so free and happy. 6 months in, my mom is here with me in a 1 br. Can't have privacy, independence or company. She doesn't pay a dime (didnt require her to) yet hasn't saved any money. I have never been so miserable. I'm thinking about giving up my apt and living on campus just to get away.
We have been in that situation but it was for the good as we were being abused financially and emotionally , my husband got fed up and gave his 4 family members a 48hour notice to leave our house!!!
Sounds like a good husband!
Then what happened? Did they leave?
You really found out who your in-laws really are - the hard way.
Oooof
4 members!! Dang 48 hours !!! He wasn’t playing bet they found somewhere to go too. Smh.
5:40 It's been neàrly four years since this video was uploaded. I'm curious to know what eventually transpired by now.
9:23 "The absurdity of that picture illustrates how bad you need to deal with this."
Tell your husband he's got the power of "since you're under my roof" and "my house my rules" that the parents probably threw in his face every day before he had the house and wife.
This is genius.
Have them clean the house, mow the yard, do all your errands. Give them every job around the house you can think of. If they don't do them ground them!!
Good point.
@@peters.6343 And charge them rent equal to their income
🎯🎯🎯🎯🎯
I would love an update on her situation 30 days from now!
OMG! What disgusting parents.
These guys are married LESS THAN A YEAR and the parents just won’t move out. I can’t believe the hide of some people. 😕
The “lovable slacker” part really hit home. They’ll smile in your face and soften their voice when they need something but the need for help never runs dry and any blessing to their situation is never “good enough”. I’m so done allowing anybody to move in with me- they ALWAYS overstay their welcome. Not a single time have I had anybody stay with me for only a month or 2 weeks or something. And they NEVER leave on their own. You always have to remind them of the agreement you guys talked about in the beginning and then most of the times, they’ll act like they don’t remember. No more for me. I’ve learned my lesson 1,000x over and blame no one but myself lol
Omg what he says about staying out of the room is so on point. I have a bad tendency to undermine serious conversations by coming in, cutting the tension etc.
It would be nice to get an update from this caller to see if she really usurped her own home back from the invaders or if they are still there ruling the castle three years later.
Hardest thing ever, but the marriage comes first, before all else. As hard as it is, I wouldn't have ever invited my parents to live with us unless we had separate space. I love my parents and have a good relationship with them but I wouldn't offer such a thing, especially if I was newly married
I FEL FOR HER BECAUSE FOR HER TO HIDE IN THE CLOSET SHOWS HOW MUCH RESPECT SHE AS FOR HER IN-LAWS
I love Dave’s advice on this. Some parents do take advantage of their kids. And especially in some cultures like middle eastern and Asian they have the idea that kids take care of their parents no matter what. It’s okay to help parents out but in America it’s your responsibility to take care of your own retirement and help yourself out. Not just 100% rely on your kids for everything and they can’t tell you no.
African parents are the same
Historique Africaine yup I have had two roommates from Ghana. Yes they are.
Ramsey is so right. Unfortunately when I ran into an in-law problem, my new husband did not have that backbone Ramsey speaks of. I said something. I was forever the evil wicked witch. For the 18 year marriage and after the divorce. They were never able to get past the idea that his new bride would politely ask them to let her know if they wanted company over in the newlywed's home. All "h" broke loose and they escalated it into a boundary violating, emotional bullying tour de force. Never again to let it go.
I love how Dave incorporates marriage counseling into about 50 percent of his calls. Thank God for that!
Even calling from the closet, so glad she called, has a plan she and her husband can put in action and hopefully will follow through.
Dave's advice and action plan are the best. I've had a similar situation with my sister...do it now, don't wait like I did.
2:57 Dave dropping truth bombs 💣 I love it 🥰
I may sound harsh, but why move halfway across the Country with NO PLAN. There is no reason the Newlyweds must pay the price for the In-law's lack of preparation.
The in laws intention was to live on them until he collects his social security .
No that is not harsh it is something a parent would say to their child so there fore should not be something a child say to the parent. Children should not parent their parents
This is why I believe it was their plan all along to live with them. They may think they “offered” a place for them to live but they were probably manipulated into thinking it was their idea. These parents are sly.
How did this pan out? An update from the wife in the cupboard would be good.
I wish I have heard this call few years ago. I went through so much drama. Dave is right and handled this well
Sounds like both of the parents need jobs, not just the father in law. They are viewing this as an early ticket to retirement!!
Black how are you going back to the house and I don’t
She is so loving and caring, actually. But if they continue to interfere in her personal space, it can turn any sane person a devil .
That's not how "living and caring" looks like.
She needs to be in the room when her husband tells his parents if not her husband may say the caller wants them gone. As the saying goes the callers husband will throw her under the bus.
Yes...that's actually what I'm afraid of too.
They will still think about it even if he had the biggest pair he could get, because they know that he would never come up with the idea, otherwise they wouldn't be there invading a new marriage. And if the husband gets the guts, at least they will know that he respects her and that they should respect her and their marriage, and that no matter what they believe they should keep quiet. But, YES... just hearing her looking for a miracle and SILENCES, i think he will throw her under the bus so as not to look bad with mom and dad.
There's definitely a time and place for the phrase "man up" and it needs to be used more than ever before.
I love the way Dave says it he knows all the right words to say.
If she can, she should have up a vacation fund and tell her husband she’s doing to stay with her relatives for a while until he can get this figured out.
I like this idea. Voting with her feet let's it genuinely be his idea as to what HIS choice is.
She doesn't sound like she's THAT unhappy. She should continue to be firm and work things out before threatening her marriage!
Nope, doesn't go that way. In this case husband in laws will make him against her.
I would be walking out. Married under a year and his parents moved in immediately?! I would NEVER do that to any of my kids.
Uncle Dave you give the best advice you’re a genius
Dave hit this head on and delivered firm advice. This is exactly what she needed to hear. I feel bad for her, I sure would not want to be in that situation.
"She's a travel agent for guilt trips." 😂
I just want to say I love your profile pic
@@RaspberryRetrograde Thank you! 😊
If worse comes to worse evict them. This is putting a strain on your marriage and you both deserve your privacy and the time to enjoy your new life together. Put your foot down and deal with it
I was in that exact position as this lady nine years ago. Glad those days are behind me
Dave is amazing. He knows how to handle every situation perfectly.
I’m fortunate enough where it was hate at first sight! My MIL was a mean girl since day one so it’s a lot easier to close any possible doors to this kind of bs.
K
I had to do this..best thing I ever did for all of us!!!❤🙌👏...now we all have peace!🙏
My situation is worse than hers.. my mom lost her job and she came and moved in with me 6 years ago, just 2 months after I bought my 1300 sq foot condo. I was 25 years old then.. on top of that, my sister also moved in cause she doesn't really do anything with her life and she was being supported by my mom.. she is 24. My mom has been in and out of work the whole time and is currently unemployed. I should have never allowed them to move in in the first place.. I'm 31 now and they are still with me and unemployed. On top of that she has a drinking problem.. I'm so fed up with them and I've been way too nice for 6 years! I have to put my foot down and evict them.. it's tough to do to family but I feel like I've been taken advantage of.
It's hard for children when they have to be the parent to the parent. You shouldn't ever have to do what you need to do but it has to be done or you will still be in the same place in 10 years.
You’ve been WAY too nice. Please evict them!! In the end, you’ll be so much happier!!
You were taken advantage of when this went past the first 6 months or a year. After that you were a volunteer. They don't view it as your place any longer they view it as their home. Good luck getting them out.
@Johnny Five because if I kick them out, they will literally be on the street.. how would I sleep at night knowing that? What am I supposed to do??
Move and don’t tell them until right before the move. And don’t invite them.
I want an update if he ever did it . Did the spouse do it. ???
Wish I knew too
Soo true. I had a similar situation with my husband’s brother. My husband couldn’t talk to his brother so i had to do it. Since then, 26 years ago, till now, i am the bad and we are rejected by the rest of the family.
But I also think that even if your husband does the talk, they will still blame you for it regardless.
They will think you were the reason for pushing him to do the talking.
If you care for maintaining a good relationship with them, then you both have to be diplomatic and give them choices instead of a deadline.
Like ‘ Now that you are comfortable with the area, where would you like to look for an apartment?’ ‘ can we help you look for a home?’ ‘ We would really like it if you can find a place before Thanksgiving so we can have space to invite friends and other family members to celebrate holidays.’
Being firm is great but hurts our parents if handled harshly. They are your children’s grandparents that children need.
Good luck.
Always chose love even when you are firm.
🙏
Guilty 🙋🏾♂️ I did the same mistake open my mouth and speaking to my brother in law to move out.... 2 years later marriage was over and destroyed by her parents. Stay away from it.
I love that you said it should be "I love you and you're moving out" not "I love you but you're moving out"
I have been married to my wife for over 13 years. I loved my mother inlaw. She was a fantastic person.
She didn't try to control us. She wasn't a backstabber or anything like that. She helped in anyway she could with no strings attached.
Sadly she unexpectedly passed away at only 61 ☹️☹️☹️. She was always welcome in our house! Wow, she could cook and was interesting.
Too bad the good ones die young and the awful ones live forever to spite everyone 😏
@@Foxie770 seriously its annoying lol
Thats lovely. You sound like a good guy too. That's an ideal situation.
There is so much work in Arkansas, with retirement benefits, that pays well enough to rent a home on one decent income. It doesn't take much motivation at all. It's actually so easy to upload a resume on an job search website and wait for companies to contact you for an interview. I know this because we moved to Arkansas, my husband transferred with the company he was working for in California and stayed with them long enough to do the exact thing I described and had another job within a couple of weeks. After just over a year with the new company, he was laid off because they closed that part of the company and he found yet another job the same week.
Her husband needs to grow some balls and tell his dad he has 2 weeks to find a job, give the paycheck to the son and daughter in law to save for him (he's obviously bad with money) and then after 2 months kick them out.